#and yearning for his home as his only source of genuine community and acceptance

[kindaorangey]

dude assad zaman is a good actor. did u guys know this

[butsomeofusarelookingatthestars]

Classified: Part 5

Luke is still adjusting to life in the BAU when a familiar face from the past joins the team as their Communications Liaison. Last time he saw her they were in the Iraqi desert on a highly confidential mission. Some ghosts are meant to stay buried…

Masterlist (x)

So, this is a bit of change of pace for Classified. A very fluffy chapter with lots of Luke action (feat. Roxy). I hope you like it! We’ll get back to the angst in Part 6…

It was a beautiful day in the Virginian woods as you traipsed through the towering trees. The bright beams of sunlight filtered through the leaves, warming your skin as it illuminated the stunning scenery. All you could hear was the sound of the leaves crunching beneath your feet and the calming chirping of the birds as you allowed the tranquillity to wash over you.

Suddenly, a loud bark interrupted the peaceful atmosphere. You laughed softly as Roxy came speeding through the forest, wagging her tail excitedly as she chased a group of birds through the trees.

“I told you that she’s crazy.” Luke called out, chuckling warmly as he came to stand by your side.

You playfully rolled your eyes at the former ranger, giving him a gentle nudge in the hip as you gestured for the two of you to continue walking through the woods. It had been Luke’s idea, to spend your day off together with Roxy.

At first, you had been hesitant to accept his invitation – concerned that the more time you spent together the more likely you were to slip up in front of your teammates. However, you couldn’t find it in yourself to turn down his offer – the promise of being reunited with his sweet pet was just too tempting.

A small part of you also felt determined to prove to Luke that following the bombing you were fine. You could tell he still blamed himself for how the case in Seattle turned out. It was silly because there was nothing more he could have done to avoid the explosion and your resulting injury. But, due to his time in the military, it still felt inherently wrong to have a teammate hurt whilst he was meant to have their back.

So, you had reasoned that if you could show him that you felt both physically and emotionally recovered, it might help him forgive himself and ease him of his irrational guilt.

At least that was your official justification for spending the day with him. The fact that he managed to make you smile brighter and laugh louder than anyone else ever had was something you would keep to yourself.

“I’m so glad they let you keep her.” You told him sincerely, smiling softly as Roxy sniffed curiously at a nearby tree. You had witnessed first-hand how important the loveable dog had been to Luke and the regiment in Iraq, to be able to see her back home safe and sound felt like a privilege.

Luke smiled softly, the tenderness in his expression almost taking you by surprise as his eyes met yours in an intense gaze. “I wouldn’t be here without her.” He replied quietly, glancing down as Roxy curled herself around his legs. “After Iraq, I needed someone to live for.”  

The openness in which he talked about his pain made you falter slightly. It had been something you had always regretted, pretending to move on from Iraq and being unable to contact those who had stood by you through it all. Remaining in touch with Luke had never been an option given the secrecy of your mission, but you felt terrible knowing that he had been left by himself to recover from the horrors of war.

Apparently, he seemed to sense your sorrow – glancing up sympathetically as he shook his head.

“It’s not your fault.” He insisted firmly. “It’s just the way things were.”

You nodded slowly, licking your lips nervously as you dared to meet his curious gaze. “Do you ever-” Your words were stolen as you throat constricted painfully.

Even after all this time it felt too difficult to speak about the darkest moments of your life. The ones that continued to haunt you even now.

A gentle hand rested on your arm as Luke took a step closer to you. “I do.”

His words were simple, but the understanding and compassion they contained filled you with a comforting warmth.

You cleared your throat, attempting to compose yourself. “So, is your dad still cheering on the lame Yankies?”

Luke chuckled loudly, shaking his head at your choice of conversation topic. Family had always been a great source of amusement for you both.

“Don’t you miss your family?”

Luke’s probing question was met with a playful scoff as you turned to face him. There were many things you yearned for in the Iraqi desert and you would be lying to claim that you didn’t miss your home comforts. However, being able to escape the constant berating of your parents was something you eagerly welcomed.

You loved them both dearly, but it was refreshing not to have to justify your life choices on an almost daily basis.

You shrugged your shoulders, flashing Luke a playful grin. “At least I don’t have my mom nagging at me out here.”

It was true. Although she was deeply proud of your service, your mother was rather exasperated that you were more interested in chasing criminal and terrorists than building a personal life for yourself.

Luke chuckled softly, knowing full-well what a good-intentioned, overbearing mother could be like. He had already divulged some rather entertaining stories about his own family to you.

“Do you miss anything yet?” He asked, his brown eyes filled with curiosity. You hadn’t given much away, even to him. So, he was rather intrigued to find out more about your life. No one had really expected you to adjust so well to life in Iraq, yet here you were seemingly undeterred and as determined as ever.

“I miss having a proper shower.” You told him jokingly, scowling at the thought of the dusty tent that was intended to be a bathroom. They called them a ‘wet hooch’ and you would be delighted if you never had to suffer another one in your life ever again. “And I’ve seen enough sand for a lifetime.”

Luke burst out laughing at your expense, leaning forward to brush some of the offending dust from your sleeve.

You tried ignore the excited fluttering in your heart that his touch inspired. But, there was something special about Luke Alvez.

Laughter echoed around the trees as you and Luke continued to share entertaining stories about your families. The mention of his mother still berating him for his lack of a love life was particularly amusing as you pictured her fussing over an unimpressed Luke.

You had never met either of his parents, but it was obvious that they meant a lot to him. After all, his father was the reason why he had joined the army in the first place. You had no doubt that Luke had made his family very proud…even if his mom still wanted him to settle down with someone other than Roxy.

The topic soon turned to him joining the FBI, with Luke mentioning that it had been your advice that had planted the idea in his head. Supported by his father and your previous words of encouragement, he had decided to give it a go. He had always known that he needed a career that allowed him to continue with adrenaline-fuelled exploits. The quiet life had never been for him.

You were rather flattered that you had inspired him to join the bureau. Never had you imagined that your presence in Iraq would have any influence on his future, yet here you both were as BAU agents.

“Talking of which, how’s Phil?” You asked curiously. The two men had always seemed so close that it was rather strange that Luke hadn’t mentioned how his friend was doing. You were fairly certain that they had followed each other into the FBI following Iraq.

The sight of Luke’s clenched jaw made you instantly regret your question. It was rare to see him look so tense.

“He’s not well.” Luke responded quietly, gritting his teeth as if it pained him greatly to even utter the words. “Daniel Cullen got hold of him during an undercover mission and…” He trailed off, his fists clenching as he thought about the fate his friend had suffered. “He’s paralysed.”

You stood silently as you watched Luke struggle with the distressing memories, the pain in his eyes rendering you momentarily speechless. Your chest felt heavy as you came to terms with the news. Phil wasn’t doing well at all.  

It seemed horrifically cruel that someone as strong as Phil had survived a hellhole like Iraq, only to have his life ruined by a ruthless serial killer back at home.

“I’m sorry.” You whispered, gently lacing your fingers through Luke’s in a show of support. It felt as if all your pretence faded away as you squeezed his hand comfortingly, the desire to help him through the pain too much for you to turn away from. “He’s a good person.”

Luke nodded slightly, his breathing slowing as he allowed himself to relax under your touch. The kind gesture had taken him by surprise as you had never dared to be this affectionate with him in the past. But, feeling your fingers lightly caressing his hand sent an excited flutter through his stomach.

Unfortunately, it only lasted a moment as you then decided to pull away.

It was hard to read what was on your mind as he glanced at your conflicted expression. Instead of attempting to deduce your behaviour, Luke thankfully settled on changing the topic of conversation.

“So, you went back to the FBI after?” He asked you, genuine curiosity in his voice as he thought about the question he had been wanting to ask ever since you had first joined the team. “Counterterrorism?”

You nodded quickly, it had been a decision you didn’t even have to make. The FBI had always been your home and if your time in Iraq had taught you anything, it was that you still wanted to make a difference in the world.

“I guess I just couldn’t give it up.” You replied softly, bending down to scratch Roxy fondly behind her ears. It was a welcome distraction from the intensity of Luke’s gaze as the adorable dog licked your hand affectionately in appreciation. “I mean I don’t think I’ve ever been able to let go of things when I set my mind to them.”

“Why did you become a liaison?” Luke asked quietly. It had been the thing playing on his mind for months. Why would a highly-respected agent from counterterrorism who had served in Iraq suddenly decided to shift careers to one based behind a desk.

“I can help others.”

“This is war.”

“And we have a duty.”

The argument was blazing as you tried to reason with the harsh commander. It wasn’t unusual for you to come into conflict with the more hard-line military personnel. You definitely didn’t want more complications to your already troubled time in Iraq, but you refused to stand by and allow them to compromise the principles you had swore to uphold.  

You understood the frustrations surrounding the camp at the moment, especially after the botched mission which cost the lives of soldiers. But, that didn’t justify neglecting your duties. It didn’t matter if a person’s relative was a confirmed terrorist or not, the treatment of families had to be one that respected their dignity and rights.

Before you had arrived, you had been under no pretences that your ‘soft’ approach would go down well with some of the military. However, it your values were something that you would never comprise on – neither would the majority of the soldiers who fought in the hope of building a better future. A snarl ripped from the commander’s throat as he tore away from you, briskly exiting the tent as he cursed under his breath about your ‘incompetence’.

A moment of silence passed before you heard the tent reopen, a heavy sigh escaping your lips as your braced yourself for another heated disputed. However, you were pleasantly surprised to be greet by a concerned Luke. His eyes shone with sympathy as he swept over your exhausted form.

Ever since he had comforting you following the botched mission, it felt as if he had been keeping an eye on you. If it had been anyone else you would have been insulted by their perceived lack of confidence in your abilities. But, you knew that Luke would never question your determination. He was simply worried about your wellbeing.

He didn’t even need to ask the question, you already knew what he was going to say. An exasperated sigh escaped your lips as you gestured to the dusty landscape. “We have to give these people hope that things can be better.” You explained, predicting that he would be wondering why his superior had stormed off in rage.

You bit your lip as you stopped yourself from asking him an inappropriate question. Yet, every day you found yourself wondering how a man such as Luke could find himself obeying the orders of someone so determinedly ignorant. Apparently, your eyes betrayed your confusion because Luke answered your unspoken question.

“I trust him to stand beside me, the same way I trust you.”

“I trust you too Luke.”

“You’ve always been like that.” Luke commented quietly, a small smile playing on his lips as you glanced up at him in confusion. It was still a mystery to him that you weren’t aware of your own kindness and bravery or how much he admired you for it.

“Like what?” You asked curiously, genuinely intrigued about the meaning behind Luke’s seemingly ambiguous words. A slight blush spread across your cheeks as Luke froze in his tracks to fix you with an admiring gaze. The intensity in the depths of his warm brown eyes caused your breath to hitch in your throat.

“Hopeful.”

His words caused your heart to flutter excitedly.

“I prefer to think of it as cautious optimism.” You joked quietly, attempting to distract the two of you from the growing intensity of the situation.

Luke chuckled softly, raising a hand to gently brush away the hair that fallen across your face. Everything seemed to still for a moment as your eyes locked together.

Before either of you could make a move, a loud bark and the pitter-patter of Roxy’s paws drew your attention as she raced towards the two of you. It was only then that you realised how long you had been out. The glowing sun was now setting in the sky, casting magnificent rich colours that illuminated the landscape.

The memory of the last time you had witnessed a sunset with Luke filled you with fond nostalgia…

All of the military tents, tanks, weapons and horrifically imposing compound walls couldn’t detract from the unique beauty of the desert landscape. The sky glittered with glorious beams of red, orange and yellow as the sun set behind the sandy hills.

It had become a regular occurrence for you to retreat to the outskirts of the camp to seek solitude -especially after a trying day. The sound of the approaching footsteps told you that Luke had noticed your tendency to disappear.

He didn’t say a word as he stood silently beside you, only slowly lifting his hand to trace the outline of your lips. His eyes shone with intensity as you eagerly leant into his touch.

“The heat’s got to me.” You whispered quietly, a playful smile curving onto your lips as you met his gaze. “My lips are chapped.”

Luke chuckled softly, delicately running his finger across your lips as you desperately tried to resist the urge to pull him closer. You were hidden away from prying eyes, but after everything that had happened it didn’t feel right to share this moment here.

Not now.

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[chansondesalleurs]

Picking up a tag from @natsumi82​ and @theon-greyjoy-has-a-good-day​ who gave some A+ answers in their turn, and are super-fun and loving all-round. I only want to apologize for what I deem an awful lot of toing-and-froing in between trying to make sense of my own inclinations and individual preferences – it really was a case of a surprise host of half-formed ideas collapsing in on themselves before they could get past that early developmental stage – and scouring my mind for outcomes to go with a piece that is easy to assemble and assumes a larger perspective than even a cursory reading of the characters involved would have me adopt.

I am crazy attached to some of these folks, and I wanted to be able to think things through to ensure that the underlying aspects and idiosyncrasies attained their most vivid expression and slotted right into place in my head.

Basically my answers for the ubiquitous A Song of Ice and Fire ensemble – guessing you can pick any fandom, though?

Rules: Answer the questions and then tag seven people.

• First character I fell in love with: Daenerys – like many others, be it part of GRRM's earliest fanbase or stumbling into fresh territory through an episode or ten of the famed television series, royal exile Daenerys and her entourage were my introduction to some of the author's most varied, diverse even, work to this day. I remember being handed a copy of the first volume in the series to look over at my leisure, and whether a closer squint was enough to hold my attention, when my folio fell open in the middle of a pretty engrossing Dany chapter. I am not a hugely sentimental person when it comes to fictional characters, and I rarely, if ever, loosen up enough to allow myself the occasional sniffle, all the same I kept rooting for Dany to bail the crap out as she gamely went through the rigmarole of pitiable deprivation and a dearth of general levity, with no real sense of belonging and the looming absence of lasting familial comforts to prospectively sketch her demands of the world and help ease her way through life.

Dany's overreaching arc is essentially about being displaced. It's not that she accepts her marriage to Drogo (she doesn't) any more than she wishes for the cruelty visited on her by Viserys to continue – including, apparently, a measure of sexual cruelty – or the material eschewal of what property they may yet stand to salvage to endure, barely more than a girl herself, if ironically old enough to see through her brother's illusions of grandeur, and just as conscious of his manifest shortcomings. We talk a lot about the moral and social dilemmas that face Daenerys on the heels of her outlandish fire and blood, birth-of-the-dragon one-off, which likewise marks the high point and execution of a narrative crescendo laden with symbolism in the structuring of ASoIaF's three-act fantasy plot. A similar consideration is whether a uniform, non-peddling approach to competing claims of distinction and the gamut they seem to run from “Dany is a petulant child monarch with questionable ethics and twice the gall that renders one a liability more than an asset” to “Dany is Mary Sue-material, and I'm an owl” is tenable. I'd be lying if I said that the love I have for the Mary Sue type myself is circumstantial and a little tongue-in-cheek, quite the opposite. Besides, I like to think of owls as choice company which, as is the way with all things impossible, rocks way harder than I do.    

Most of the time, the thematic conflict here is enough to compact all the absurdities of the political and the personal, as action and re-action both are being attributed to Dany to lay out a dawdling path for the major events at work. In such a context, even her route around Slaver's Bay is clearly, if concisely, mapped out as she travels from Illyrio's vast Pentoshi mansion out to the plains of the Dothraki sea at the heart of the Essossi continent, and eastward by the sea. As the book opens, it becomes evident that her function is to serve as a stepping stone for her brother's vengeance, who is later revealed to be a pawn in an ongoing game of political ambition and secrets, and (let's face it) probably severely traumatized due to circumstances as a young fugitive on the run. In time, the covey of strands merge to form one long, drawn-out account. Although new cracks appear in the wall as Dany stumbles and falls in her pursuit of an autonomous existence, which the text insists is all the present concern, she nevertheless looks poised to rise above her predicament as a child bride and dweller in foreign lands, and much like the narrative imperatives of suspense and intensity dictate, lead her people to greener pastures to perform the sort of zippy junk the priests foretell.

I interpret Dany's single most prolific desire as this i n t e n s e  yearning for a place to call home, which is not so much a conversion as a double-natured energy at the edge of her inner vision, and thus difficult to quantify. Initially, Dany is projected to vary her brother's concentration circa-Game on the massive landmass across the Narrow Sea, theirs by right, notwithstanding that a certain idle desire of their former abode (“a house with a red door” outside Braavos) does still remain with her, tinting her expectations about Westeros. Now I've only ever heard the term “identity” used about this series of books, but my understanding of it is that it compresses all the debates within itself, rather than set them in awkward juxtaposition. I feel like the whole of A Song of Ice and Fire is predicated off of a descriptive relationship between belief and prejudice, intended and unintended consequences, the semiotics of power and intent, interacting motivations and an expunging of the self, which, at times, might threaten individual subjectivity and its foray into the surrounding hinterland of public conviction with a kind of falseness.

In A Song of Ice and Fire, the difficulty of matching one's core self-definition and aspirations is highlighted by the contrasting responses of the world. The question of how to truly know another hangs over GRRM's characters as they attempt to recommend themselves to their social and cultural milieu, and with respect to Dany, who seems to be motivated by some sort of reduction of suffering for the most people possible, it is none the less striking. Rather than allowing her experiences to enfranchise her from any duty toward her immediate circle, the personal happiness secured by Dany is presented as not just a matter of carving out a niche for herself, but of drawing in the communality of her charges, on the alert for future trouble, and on an unprecedented scale. As she sets out without a settled home, her brief stint in Yunkai, Astapor and Meereen becomes the acme of transient living. In the midst of backchanneling to a rigorously-ordered hierarchy, smashing the entire economic structure of Slaver's Bay in one fell swoop, and from no model but the vision of her meditations, runs an unstaunchable river of need, so that Daenerys must long either to return to the dwelling-place of her brother's manic summoning, or to substitute the distance in between with her own philosophy in life. Her oft-repeated mantra of 'I am the blood of the dragon' and  'If I look back, I am lost' is almost a prayer with Dany, not ominous in hindsight, yet furtively reminding us that security is beyond certain. In any case, it is some combination of her identity as a dragon and last surviving daughter of House Targaryen that steels her resolve, and ultimately saves Daenerys from beyond the pale of actual matrimony when Viserys (or rather, Illyrio) and Drogo come to an arrangement between them.

Two kinship plots contrast and tangle from this point onwards: her relationship to motherhood, and that of Daenerys as a dragon. In the beginning, Daenerys is unwilling to expose herself to the visitations of dragons – a direct parallel to Bran's encounter with the three-eyed crow and his uninhibited arsenal of wolf dreams – as they regularly conflate with thought-trains of Viserys, and all that may be bestial or ungovernable in human behaviour. With the passing of Viserys, Dany literally becomes the dragon, and in giving life to a triple-clutch of fossilized dragon eggs, she becomes a mother, too. Thus begins Dany's quest to re-make herself as her own patchwork mishmash of ideals and circumspect values, and because the only realistic source from which to take her opinions is, and always has been, Viserys, she must expend thrice the effort necessary to incorporate the originals available into a larger schema, one that she can be reasonably proud of.

During her time in Meereen, Daenerys is placed in a peculiarly tender relation to her Targaryen heritage and its vocabulary as the only other inhabitant of her commonwealth, which is a solitary island more than a permanent country seat. Soon she feels compelled to put away her dragons, keeping them under lock and key, and that decision, in turn, proves a threat to her usual blithe equanimity and conception of selfhood. At a stroke, the dragon motif and its invocation within Dany's inner orbit achieve yet greater intensity in this double deuce of names as talismans, as diminutive item forms full of meaning that is impartial and genuine and unique to the individual. ('Remember who you are', per Quaithe's words.) Daenerys later formulates this in an almost therapeutic burst of feeling imbued with a past beneath consciousness, now finally 'in play', and if there is a failure of tact in her haste to relieve herself of the traditional tokar before she takes off on Drogon, she is all the better for it.

By the end of Dance, Daenerys is shown at her most self-conscious: smarting under an increasing series of moral concessions, buried beneath the rehearsal of fixed impressions, a meagre ghost of all that has gone before in the confines of her formal position. All she can do to recover any sense of equilibrium is to gaze with clear eyes on past mistakes and admit, at last, to the full scope of her decisions against the political landscape of Meereen, much as her actions are curtailed, and she is relegated to interpreter between all the various household commonwealths, and an observer in each. In Daznak's Pit, her psychic drama is addressed when she finally breaks through the barriers raised by her intelligence of her own mixed motives, and in this switch from a state of stasis to acceptance, she is released from last lingering pretensions and reunited with one of her children. For one, Dany is left to contend with the discovery that she has been seeing in glimpses, or through distorted lenses, for she must indeed 'go back to go forward', and it is a monumental experience that frightens her, because she cannot pinpoint the apparition of Drogon and what it portends. The reader can share in the sumptuous relief, communicated for the most part through an imitation of intimacy as Dany acts to reconnect with Drogon, swooping in to bodily snatch her from her path of ruling malaise, and to rediscover a part of her as well.

So, it is definitely some sense of character emerging from the gloomiest surroundings that resonates with me, not the sort of button-pushing, id-pandering thrill of being given a magical boon of recognition and going around dispensing justice as if all it takes is a pinch of salt (and glittery effervescent Faerie Dust), but the author's express engagement with such an ambivalent setting, politically and ethically, and hence perhaps his reluctance to let the character off the hook easily enough, or without the compensatory gravitas of charting Dany's journey after she acquires her dragons, and its implications for the text. Like, Dany is 14 when she performs what has been, on numerous occasions, described as a miracle. Even if we assume that she has the chutzpah to get by well enough and survive by the heft of her own clever bootstraps, the fact that her retinue now consists of quite a few people and a triptych of hatchlings cannot be ignored. Obviously humanity doesn't work like that, but let's put this argument aside for the sake of the books being pure, unbridled fantasy. Dany is forced, early in Clash, to navigate the Red Waste unprepared, and riven by a shortage of supplies. Are we meant to believe that a teenager who has already suffered an assassination attempt on her person, and whose grasp on politics can be defined as rudimentary at best, would not be casually roped into a situation where the more leisured would seek to placate her for their benefit, if not write her off as a nuisance in light of her most recent investiture?

Daenerys is unique among GRRM's cast of compelling characters in one respect at least: her own network of connections and other affiliations is, unlike the rest of the action, located in Essos. She is also, iirc, the first character to accomplish so much about a fraction of the way in. If the trajectory of Dany's character arc convinces, it is because it gives the reader direct representation through Dany's inner-POV, and so largely escapes bathos before rebuking the audience with this Celtic knot of complicated interactions and endless politicking, which the author has spent way too much time building up to tear it, in a matter of pages, down. It is interesting to me that the exploration of the different shades of right and wrong, withdrawal and passion, has clear advantages to a fabulist in search of the perfect sequence to take Daenerys out of Essos and drop her in the middle of Westeros, when the alternative is easier to accommodate and far, far more appealing. I'm not the biggest GRRM fan, and if we're talking aspects of the main plot, there's a lot to pick apart, but I have rambled since whenever, and I need to get this into shape. I'm just saying that I consider this Meereenese thing one of his best/worst experiments with fictional spaces, and though mileage on how successful this has been may well vary, following Dany as she proceeds to shed her brittle exoskeleton and cross an invisible boundary upwards to become her own person is a seminal experience, 10/10 would rec, especially since the result of this ecdysis is a character refusing to be daunted into submission, refreshingly uncowed by the immensity of her cutting designs, and much as this word has grown obsolete, c o m p l i c a t e d. Then again, what isn't?

(Brevity and I have now gone our seperate ways. Imagine if I tackled fandom religiously and with gusto. This could be a joke for the ages.)

• A character I never expected to love as much as I do now: Stannis – so. here. First off, I love Stannis. Took me a while to warm up to him, but it was bound to happen.

I figure I'm just going to be earnest here as I admit to a queer sort of fascination with Stannis Baratheon, whom I found so irritably dour in Clash, and then in over his head, and then kind of arrogant, and then FINALLY about when he went north and everything that happened there and blah blah blah, I grew to love with a passion. Plus, I really ship him with both Jon AND Davos now, but what even is a Stannis without his Onion Knight, you might ask. Besides, his interactions with Jon throughout Dance are like, the highlight of the book for me, so very clever and typical of both characters.

Stannis is devisive internally; my headspace splits and goes in all sorts of different directions and it’s consequently really difficult to gather my feelings into a cohesive opinion. I think he’s a fascinating character, partially because he does inspire such confusion. Stannis is charmless, inflexible, stubborn, confoundedly upright, and has persistence past the point of common sense. He has no charisma, and his insistence on kingship seems to me to stem not so much from ambition as from some misguided attempt to reinstate himself as the rightful ruler of Westeros, born of duty and a sense of obligation. This is an unpopular opinion to fess up to, but I'm not one to hold any degree of coldness or callous behaviour against Stannis, at least not to the exclusion of any real depth of feeling. However, it's the sort of feeling that motivates those who have known immeasurable grief and despair, who have been loved and forgotten, and above all, denied everything they've ever deserved that defines Stannis more than anything else.    

Even as a person rather than a name/title, Stannis is flawed, if not outright tragic. He's a character full of diametric contradictions, which is why I could talk about Stannis till the cows come home and still never quite get to the core of who he is. Part of this, I suspect, is because GRRM is not all that inclined to allow his readers to peer into Stannis's head, and so Stannis becomes accessible to us solely through the POV of his advisors on one end, and Jon on the other. It is my contention that Stannis tries to do good, even as he fails. The king/man duality with Stannis does not negate the tensions between the contradictions, but even so it will probably be his undoing.

While we're at it, I will also say that I come to Catelyn Stark from a slightly different angle (albeit with similar results.) Catelyn is probably my favourite character in the entire AsoIaF!verse, bar none, as well as someone I identify with on a deep, personal level. Just to paint you a little visual, when expressing love for Catelyn among a group of my rl friends, I was told that the character isn't necessarily the most fun to read, that they were systematically put off by how dreary and maudlin she can get, and I understand that. For one thing, Cat's chapters are like getting dragged through the grief of a woman who is living out the destruction of her house's words (“family duty honour.”) GRRM's portrayal of Catelyn is that of a typically feminine character who embodies a classical role of historic femininity (motherhood), and who refuses to be rendered as a passive agent. I can only think of one or two other characters with ties to motherhood like those assured in the figure of Catelyn Stark – the entire Dany narrative provides a rich seam in that regard. But while Catelyn refuses to be objectified or designated to a footnote, even written on a course to become a voice for conciliation, it is in death that the pressures threatening to suffocate her in life are relinquished. The point here is not a channeling of un!Cat's involvement in an ongoing crisis through the accents of renewed importance, but rather becoming in death the incarnation of impulses her living counterpart would struggle against. As such Cat's tragic narrative progression, in which she is sadly unmade in terms of her principles and begins to unravel mentally as a result, is thematically beautiful and so very poignant.  

(Btw, I realise that I'm biased in favour of both Cat and Stannis, if for no other reason than show-wise, Michelle Fairley and Stephen Dillane are two of my absolute favourite actors, so this a lot like tying up all that's ever mattered to me in a nice little bow and everything.)

• A character that everyone else loves that I don’t: [/confession time] i was about to say Jon Snow, which FRANKLY is a bit of a ridiculous statement considering how much I stan the guy. Ugh, Jon, my apologies; I am a mess. ALSO! because I went into some detail with Dany, I figure I might just have to whip out my devious card of deviousness and dodge the question a teeny bit by talking about what attracts me to Jon as a character. Saying that I'm only tangentially interested in Jon's arc is nothing short of an understatement; mostly, there's enough fandom people who talk about Jon more and better than I ever could, sorry!

Since I have very little defence against this double-whammy of understanding of character and Jon's motivations, to my notions, the range of feelings provoked by his inner-POV has imo more to do with Jon learning that he's not the centre of the universe – not because Jon himself seems to think that, but because it's what makes him more than a troperiffic prophesied saviour of mankind within the heroic paradigm that he inhabits. Of course, that may change, what with Aemon's stanza of “kill the boy and let the man be born”, and the mystery (?) of his parentage coming out to test, as I suspect, Jon's deep-seated convictions. I strongly believe that Jon is the key to the restoration of balance/fighting off the White Walkers thing (along with Tyrion and Dany) and the only secret Targ that is needed. In simpler terminology, everything from Jon's tentative introduction to his arrival at Castle Black to the ranging beyond the Wall to his coming-of-age narrative with Ygritte and the wildlings leading up to his et tu-Brute moment at the end of Dance has been expertly crafted so far, and explored with the lightest touch. Good stuff.

• A character I love that everyone else hates: Aeron Greyjoy – the “Damphair” is on the little support ship I tug along beside me dubbed the U.S.S Kraken Force Extaordinaire. I love Asha, and I love Theon. I just really love the Greyjoys, and Aeron's Kingsmoot chapters in Feast are fascinating to me.

• A character that I used to love but don’t any longer: not being coy here at all, but honestly, I can't think of any. At the most, I guess I wasn't all too keen to take up Bran and Arya's stories again in Dance, which BUGS, because bb Starklings!! But no, that's about it.

• A character I would kiss: natsumi82 speaks to my soul; Jaime and Theon are like obvious choices here.

• A character I would slap: um, Gregor. Worst plan ever, I know. /whelp

• A character I’d want to be like: Brienne! Who is not just a hell of a fighter (!!!) but also has the ability to remain kind in a world that seems bent on pitting her ideals against the harsh realities of her setting. Brienne is my lodestar, and my second favourite character within ASoIaF, one that I've written about and will continue to write about. For my part, I'm still hanging on the edge of my seat, hoping against hope that GRRM delves deeper into her relationship with Jaime, and in that way we as readers will be able to examine how their characters have changed, and the comparison of that will be sizzling.

• A character that makes me laugh: all three Lannister siblings are hilarious to me!

• A character that I miss: Ned (also, if you didn't know how I felt about this character, now you do.)

• A pairing that I love: Jaime/Brienne (see above), Theon/Robb. Further yet down the ladder are SanSan, and Ned/Cat.

• A pairing that I don’t like: While I'm only really at the omnishipper point for fandom as a whole, at this point I have het ships, slash ships, crack ships, OT3 ships, poly ships, doomed ships (you don't want to know), and just about anything else you could name, I can’t think of any off the top of my head that I’m just immediately like GET IT AWAY FROM ME AND KILL IT WITH FIRE. With that in mind, I might have to make an exception for Petyr x Sansa.

Here are some people I tag: @irhinoceri @drafee @valorfaerie @blackbetha @gwendoline @earningbournvilles @bibliophilic-cat

[garywonghc]

Approaching Vajrayana - Part Two: Ground Tantra and Blessing

By Jakob Leschly

In the first instalment* of this four-part series, we looked at how we can gradually eliminate the causes of suffering and confusion through the Sutra path of rational knowledge of cause and effect. Yet, the very premise for working with these conditions is the underlying purity of Buddha nature beyond the narrow grasp of conceptuality, which is the foundation of the Mantra Vajrayana path. Here we will look at how this is approached in theory and practice.

GROUND TANTRA

Recognition of Buddha nature is the foundation of Vajrayana. Here, the result of the path is not merely a potential but acknowledged as actual reality, already perfect, just as a statue is perfect although hidden in its mold. In the Vajrayana we are empowered to reclaim our Buddha nature, also referred to as our heritage or lineage. We often find in scriptures the expression, “Listen, son or daughter of noble family …” This noble family is our innate enlightened heritage. All Buddhas and all beings belong to this family; we can say it is the unifying DNA of all life.

In Vajrayana, recognition of this heritage is called ground tantra . While tantra refers to the unchanging continuum that runs through both confusion and awakening, one speaks of three moments: namely, when it is dormant, when it is being unveiled, and when it is fully manifest. These three stages are called ground tantra, path tantra, and fruition tantra. Yet through all these moments, the nature does not change — ground and fruition merely differ in whether it is unveiled or not. While the gradual Sutra approach is understood as transforming a sentient being into a Buddha, the approach of Mantra is based on the recognition of the unchanging abiding reality that is ever present and real, regardless of whether it is manifest or not. Taking this innate reality of Buddha nature as the path is referred to as “the path of the result,” or the resultant vehicle of Vajrayana.

THE PRACTICAL FOUNDATION

It is said that Vajrayana is the path of all the Buddhas. Any practitioner who eliminates obscurations and unveils the qualities of enlightenment gradually gains a clear recognition of Buddha nature and takes this indestructible or vajra nature as the path. While Vajrayana is the scope of practitioners such as great bodhisattvas, it is also taught to ordinary individuals, and offers methods by which even they can recognise the innate wisdom of their Buddha nature lineage. However, it is repeatedly stressed that to engage in the resultant Vajrayana path requires a solid foundation. As it says in the tantric scriptures:

“Innate absolute wisdom can only come As the mark of having accumulated merit and purified confusion And through the blessing of a realised teacher . Know that to rely on any other means is foolish” (Patrul Rinpoche 1998, 310)

Common to all gradual paths is purifying confusion and creating the necessary conditions for unveiling wisdom. In addition to that, the uncommon method of blessings is the entrance into Vajrayana. The path of blessings is based on devotion, which is the deep respect for and recognition of enlightenment as embodied in the teacher. The student’s sensitivity to and awareness of the teacher’s qualities open up the possibility of the teacher communicating directly to the student that which is beyond language and conceptual thinking. We can say that the fusing of the student’s devotion with the teacher’s compassion results in the blessing that opens the student’s own wisdom. These auspicious conditions are at the very heart of Vajrayana practice.

THE AUTHENTIC TEACHER

Only sublime persons with genuine wisdom and compassion qualify as authentic teachers who transmit enlightenment. The student needs to be uncompromising in assessing who is an authentic teacher and who is not, which is not easy for an ordinary person. Particularly in our mechanistic world, something as non-linear as wisdom finds many of us ill-prepared, lacking the intuitive edge and knowledge that are essential in assessing the values of a genuine guru. We have plenty of discouraging stories of people engaging with inauthentic gurus and teachers. In the traditional homes of Buddhism such as Tibet, there is a very pragmatic culture of discerning authentic teachers. Yet even if we don’t have that living tradition in our modern culture, there is extensive guidance on it in the Buddhist teachings.

The guru also needs to be discerning in accepting a student. A student may have little interest in attaining perfect enlightenment for the sake of all sentient beings, and may approach the Vajrayana teacher only in terms of their own habitual agenda. As for the nature of involvement in the teacher-student relationship, the great master Padmasambhava said:

“Not to examine the teacher Is like drinking poison; Not to examine the disciple Is like leaping from a precipice” (Patrul Rinpoche 1998, 141)

While Buddhist students in general see the qualities of their teacher and follow in their footsteps, the Vajrayana student in particular sees enlightenment as fully present in the teacher. Having established the authenticity of the teacher, the student trains in developing a penetrating insight that sees beyond his or her own projections and appreciates the innate, pure qualities of the teacher. The student recognises that ultimately the teacher is not external and is the very embodiment of his or her own Buddha nature. Hence the student trains in seeing the guru as a perfect Buddha, such as the Buddha Vajradhara or Padmasambhava. The guru is seen as embodying any Buddha, bodhisattva, or sacred principle of enlightenment.

The path of devotion is a very real process of apprenticeship, where the student discovers the teacher’s wisdom and experience. The student becomes acquainted with the teacher’s outlook and skillfulness, and in this way begins to intuit the teacher’s qualities, which eventually results in a transmission of wisdom. While the teacher is seen to embody the wisdom of all the Buddhas and hence as equal to all Buddhas, the teacher’s kindness is recognised as far superior because of being present in a tangible form, giving instruction and guidance.

BLESSING AND EMPOWERMENT

Openness and devotion enable the student to intuit the nature of the teacher’s greatness and qualities, such as wisdom and compassion. While a rational intellect and the logic of the vipashyana path are an indispensable foundation, as the 8th century Indian master Shantideva says in The Way of the Bodhisattva, “The ultimate is not within the reach of the intellect” (Shantideva 2006, 137). The deep respect and devotion the student has for his or her teacher enable the perception and experience of a dimension of being that is not the domain of conceptual constructs.

When the student is touched and awed beyond words by the qualities of the teacher, this creates a space of softness and appreciation that penetrates the thickness of the rational intellect. This is where the teacher’s wisdom may be seen to resonate with what is within. Blessing enables the experience of an abiding common ground with the teacher and the teacher’s lineage. This is the experience of ground tantra and is the entrance to path tantra. It is at this point that the teacher can mature the student through empowerment and guide the student to achieve liberation.

LINEAGE AND GURU YOGA

The devotion to the teacher also extends to the rest of the lineage, all the way to the primordial principle of enlightenment. Invoking the lineage, the student connects with his or her actual heritage as an enlightened person; he or she shares the ground and path of the great beings and sages of their lineage. Whether these awake persons of the lineage, such as Padmasambhava, Naropa, or Yeshe Tsogyal, lived in a different time and within a different cultural discourse is irrelevant; what matters is that they faced their confusion and uncovered enlightenment within. We are doing the same. We are heirs to their know-how and guidance, and we possess their genes. The lineage masters are present beyond time and space. In practicing the path, we invoke these masters along with our guru as our confidants and sources of Refuge, blessing, empowerment, and accomplishment.

In addition to apprenticing with the teacher, serving him or her and following their specific instructions, the single most important Vajrayana meditation is the practice of guru yoga. Generally practiced in a formal setting, the student invokes the teacher’s presence through visualisation of the teacher surrounded by the lineage, as the embodiment of the wisdom of all Buddhas. Supplicating the teacher with heartfelt, yearning devotion, the student experiences the teacher’s blessing, receives empowerment, and settles inseparably within the teacher’s wisdom, just like water being poured into water.

As the student matures, he or she purifies the remaining confusion and unveils innate perfection, in the same way as gradually removing the mold that conceals a perfect statue. The guru empowers and introduces the student’s nature and the world as the fresh and vivid display of wisdom’s purity through the practices of path tantra.

[beckettmoba468-blog]

KRATOM: THE BITTER PLANT LIFE THAT SHOULD HELP OPIOID NUTS-- WHEN THE DEA DOES NOT BAN IT

The girl up in East Greenwich, Rhode Island. It is a little community, upscale and charmingly New England. Heroin was very offered there, and very excellent.

She stopped going to school, stopped doing much of anything besides scoring drugs, doing drugs, taking things, selling things, scoring more drugs, doing more drugs. "This was the start of the New England heroin epidemic," she says.

In 2014, overdoses from heroin or prescription opioids eliminated 30,000 people-- four times as lots of than in 1999. Today, 3,900 new individuals begin using prescription opioids for non-medical functions every day. The annual health and social costs of the prescription opioid crisis in America?

Campellone kicked her routine at 19-- with rehab, suboxone, and a lot of willpower-- and moved out west, to the San Francisco Bay Area. Her employers and colleagues presented her to a huge selection of plant-based items, amongst them a tart-tasting leaf called kratom. It was also a good painkiller, so she 'd take it when she was hurt, or on her menstrual cycle.

And, on two events, she utilized it to help with the withdrawal symptoms following heroin relapses. "Nothing truly feels good when you're withdrawing from heroin, so no matter what you're taking, you're still in pain and it's quite excruciating," states Campellone. Kratom assisted some.

Campellone never requires a prescription to obtain kratom. Nor does she need to visit a dealership. She purchases it from an herbal remedy store-- about $20 for a 4-ounce packet, which lasts about a week. When she takes excessive, she gets a stomach pains. And when she does not take it, she doesn't crave it like she yearned for heroin. Mostly she does not consider it; it simply beings in her cabinet. So, she was amazed when, on August 30, the DEA revealed that it was pursuing an emergency scheduling of mitragynine and 7-hydroxymitragynine, the active alkaloids in kratom. Campellone was one of maybe 4 or 5 million Americans who were being informed, for possibly the first time, that this leaf posed an " impending risk to public security."

The DEA Takes an Exception to Kratom

Biologically, kratom acts enough like an opioid that DEA considers it a threat to public security. The firm planned to use a regulative system called emergency scheduling to position it in the exact same limiting classification as marijuana, lsd, and heroin . This classification, Schedule I, is reserved for exactly what the DEA considers the most hazardous drugs-- those with no redeeming medical worth, and a high capacity for abuse.

Before they completed the scheduling, something surprising occurred. An advocacy group called the American Kratom Association (yes, AKA) raised $400,000 from its impassioned membership-- excellent for a not-for-profit that normally raises $80,000 a year-- to pay for lobbyists and legal representatives , who got Congress on their side.

On September 30, representatives both conservative and liberal -- from Orrin Hatch to Bernie Sanders-- penned a letter to the DEA. "Given the long reported history of kratom use, combined with the general public's sentiment that it is a safe alternative to prescription opioids, we believe utilizing the routine evaluation process would attend to a much-needed discussion amongst all stakeholders," they composed.

The DEA raised the notice of emergency situation scheduling, and opened a public remark duration until December 1. Galloway might not remember another circumstances when the DEA responded to public protest like this.

As of this writing, those remarks number nearly 11,000. They are from: individuals who use kratom to relieve persistent discomfort or endometriosis or gout; people who use kratom to treat depression or wean off opioids or alcohol; individuals who stated it saved their life. "It does not allow you to leave your problems," says Susan Ash, founder of the AKA, who used kratom to deal with discomfort and leave an addiction to prescription opioids. "It rather has you face them complete on since it doesn't numb your brain at all, and it doesn't make you feel stoned like medical cannabis does. But it's effective on so lots of things, like pain and stress and anxiety and anxiety."

That guarantee is part of the issue. Researchers understand almost nothing about kratom-- how its substances work in concert, what it can really deal with, how addicting it might be, what counts as a safe dose. And certainly not enough to support all the life-changing claims proclaimed in public comments, and by the numerous kratom users we interviewed. In the lack of excellent science and the slightest tip of policy, Ash and possibly countless other users are winging it. And ought to the DEA follow through on its guarantee to set up kratom, these people will end up being crooks overnight.

For Ash, that's totally undesirable. "I desire the future to look like this is your next coffee," she says.

An Herb Wades Into an Opioid Crisis

Kratom is not an opioid-- really, it is in the coffee household-- but its active particles bind to the same neuronal receptors as opioids like heroin, morphine, codeine, and oxycodone . Usually, those drugs give users a feeling of bliss and dull their discomfort-- that's why David *, a previous boarding school instructor, started using prescription opioids to treat his pain from ski injuries.

When David eventually committed himself to rehab, his medical professionals weaned him off heroin utilizing suboxone, a mix of 2 drugs-- buprenorphine, a partial opioid that satiates the body's chemical thirst, and naltrexone, which blocks any euphoric opioid feelings. Suboxone can give users signs of withdrawal, not to discuss a dulled sense of truth. And users like David can still discover methods to abuse it. "Dependence on that was various from heroin, and it became simpler to take more suboxone to a higher high, or offering it to score heroin once again," he says.

As of this writing, though, David has actually been tidy for 18 months-- success that he credits to kratom. Given that it binds to the exact same receptors as opioids, kratom users report https://www.wired.com/2016/11/kratom-bitter-plant-help-opioid-addicts-dea-doesnt-ban comparable euphoric and pain-killing effects, but they're muted. After other 12 step recovering addicts presented David to the plant, it assisted him restore his life-- he did ultimately lose that boarding school teaching task-- and handle the physical discomfort that got him hooked on opioids to start with.

Given that it mirrors opioids in other ways, the issue is that kratom is also addicting. Once again, the genuine science is sparse. David and numerous other users we spoke to said kratom is routine forming, to some degree, though one study in Southeast Asia found that for people using it to kick an opioid dependency, the reliance is far less most likely to disrupt their lives. "When I take kratom, that addicting part of me begins and it ends up being habitual," states Jeffrey *, another previous opioid addict. "It doesn't toss my life out of control, but it bugs me when individuals say things like, 'it's not more addictive than coffee.' I believe that impedes us making inroads with the regulators."

There is no doubt, nevertheless, that kratom is less hazardous than opioids-- even take-home synthetics like suboxone. "The two main alkaloids in 7-hydroxy, mitragynine and kratom , appear to have a low ceiling for breathing anxiety," says pharmacologist Jack Henningfield of the Johns Hopkins School of Medicine, who with the consulting firm Pinney Associates has recommended the AKA on kratom scheduling.

In its initial notice of emergency scheduling for kratom, the DEA did connect the drug to 15 deaths in between 2014 and 2016. Folks utilizing kratom to wean themselves off opioids might still be taking those opioids.

And some deaths could be attributed to contamination: Because kratom isn't really strictly regulated, bad actors can and do lace the plant with real opioids, like the exceptionally effective artificial opioid fentanyl. Well, we've got a special kratom product,'" Henningfield says. The concern is whether the DEA's scheduling is the ideal kind.

Regulative Wranglings

The FDA might assist prevent contamination-related deaths by strictly controling kratom as a supplement, as opposed to the DEA scheduling it as a drug. "FDA has a great deal of authority to actually help customers understand that what they're buying is exactly what is labeled, and have at least some level of assurance," Henningfield states. "It's not near to the drug requirement, however it's far better than something that's illicitly marketed."

The FDA is actually likewise pivotal in encouraging the DEA on the scheduling of drugs. "The decision to completely schedule any drug is not a DEA unilateral choice," states Steve Bell, a DEA representative. Consider the regulative pathway of suboxone. The FDA authorized the drug in 2002, and the Department of Health and Human Services suggested that the DEA put it in Schedule III, which the DEA accepted. This puts the drug in the same category as Tylenol with codeine: It's offered for physicians to recommend for narcotic addiction, however is still a illegal drug.

Schedule I, though, is an entirely various rodeo. If the DEA locations kratom here, no one can touch the things. Existing users, should they continue to utilize, will be required to even sketchier sources. And scientists will have a more difficult time learning how kratom works, and supporting, or refuting, the claims users make with tough data. (Consider cannabis, also a Schedule I drug. Science has a dearth of information on it because getting authorizations to study the drug is an exercise in administrative insanity.).

All that research study costs cash. Which is kratom's catch-22: The DEA desires to set up the drug since they think it may position a risk to public health, however the only way to confirm (or refute) the DEA's concerns is with more research-- which will be next to difficult should the DEA follow through on its pledge to schedule.

Among the couple of scientists studying kratom is the University of Florida's Oliver Grundmann, who is completing up an online study of nearly 10,000 users. And the information ( initial, though Grundmann plans to release a paper in the coming months) exposes a different profile of kratom users than you 'd get out of an " illegal" leisure drug.

" The age variety is more geared towards an older population," states Grundmann, "which is more likely to experience work associated injuries or persistent or intense discomfort from another medical condition." Over half of users are in between the ages of 31 and 50. Eighty-two percent completed a minimum of some college. Nearly 30 percent of respondents draw in a home income of over $75,000 a year. Not quite the celebration drug group. And the public discuss the DEA's https://www.drugs.com/illicit/kratom.html scheduling notification show that population. Many of those folks are utilizing kratom to either wean themselves off prescription opioids or utilize the drug alone to deal with discomfort.

Still, that's self-medication utilizing a item that may be contaminated. "The market has to come together," says Susan Ash of the AKA. "There's no method the FDA is going to feel comfy not seeing this as a set up regulated substance without a commitment from the industry that there will be appropriate steps put in place." Much better labeling, for instance, would be a start.

Grundmann states he understands the DEA's inspiration. "They do not desire to have another drug out there that could potentially contribute to the currently devastating opioid epidemic that some neighborhoods are experiencing," he states. "But on the other side, we likewise have to think about that the 4 to 5 million estimated users of kratom may face a health crisis of their own if kratom ends up being arranged.".

Anecdotes and Evidence.

Ariana Campellone takes her kratom with coconut milk and protein powder. She mixes, watering down with water to take the lumps out of the mix. "Coffee offers me a visible spike and high, and can feel when I'm coming down," she says.

The DEA's public comment period closes tomorrow. The company says it will consider those comments together with the FDA's scientific and medical assessment prior to continuing to schedule. The FDA did not react in time to comment on this story.

However, if the DEA follows through on its previous intent to schedule, Campellone states she'll still continue to use kratom. "Just like individuals have continued to utilize marijuana where it's not legal," she states. In useful terms, it suggests getting ahold of kratom would most likely get more personally dangerous and pricey . Those costs, those dangers-- those inconveniences-- may not be worth it to some kratom users. Then the not-so-small neighborhood of recovering opioid addicts lose something offered, and possibly quite great.