#and yeah ok he didnt realize his dad was gay even at the gay bar. but ge also didnt realize itwas a gay bar.
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See the thing is King Richard should have kissed men.
#galavant#king richard galavant#king richard#and listen ilu isabella but richard and galahad.... chef's kiss#enemies to lovers#first season full of homoerotic obsession with each other justified by their devotion to the idea of Madalena#second season ROADTRIP HIJINKS#and in general i mean. Richard is the gayest gay to gay. episode 2 has gareth telling him to butch up#the general lack of commitment to Galavant's canonical queer appeal was also disappointing#but like. Richard. is right there. hes right there.#and yeah ok he didnt realize his dad was gay even at the gay bar. but ge also didnt realize itwas a gay bar.#bc hes stupid and sheltered#hes a meow meow#and hes GAY#gay gay homosexual gay#in my heart he's kissing all the men#and since i brought him up--Galavant is absolutely bi do not misunderstand me#his love for and of the women in his life is genuine#but its like. come on. also in the second episode jean ham called isabella his beard so clearly hes been around the neighborhood#my friend is rewatching galavant so i am too and i am once more annoyed abt this decision#why did that tag say galahad#kill me
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my chase! lore under the cut:
33-37, cis male (he him), gay (important to his character development), 6’1”
ah yes, chase. the community’s favorite quote-unquote sad dad. the protagonist of the canon jacksepticeye ego lore. and here he is, last but not least on my list. chase is probably the most complex out of all my versions of the egos. theres…a lot to this guy. i wont talk too extensively about him, but still, hang in there with me yall. major tw’s for like, abuse, suicide, addiction, age regression and trauma responses
so lets start off with backstory. its very upsetting, lets just say that, and im just straight up gonna say his life before the egos fucking sucks. he had a miserable, abusive childhood, he dropped out of school and ran away to live with his sister who then died of a drug overdose, he met stacy in college and just when he thought he had stability in his life, all the stuff he went through seemed to come crashing down on him and he became an alcoholic, depressed disaster. stacy couldnt take care of him anymore as he got worse and worse, refusing to see anyone for his issues, which led to a messy divorce and chase’s 5th suicide attempt. which is where we leave off when chase is brought into the world by jack.
now when an ego is created, they dont automatically have all their memories, and barely know who they are. so it takes a few weeks to get acclimated and “remember” their past life, if they had one. chase, well, he kept getting hit with traumatic memory after memory, especially at night, waking up the other egos with his literally terrified sobbing. even as the memories of his hard life kept seeping in, he was going back to old habits, getting blackout drunk behind jackie and henrik’s backs, getting in bar fights that henrik had to bail him out of jail for. there were panic attacks and screaming at the other egos, and he did this thing where he hid under his bed for hours that jackie and henrik began to realize was involuntary age regression. chase didnt want to deal with being alive anymore, if im being honest. jack wanted nothing to do with him, and jackie was scared jack was going to get rid of him like he did marvin.
and thats where jackie really shines in chase’s story. he was, in his mind, a fuckup that nobody wanted, and he assumed jackie and henrik would give up on him like everyone else. but the thing is, they didnt. jackie, despite his own issues and his own frustrations, never gave up on chase. even when chase kept drinking, even when he screamed in jackie’s face that he hated him, jackie stayed with chase, loving on him even in his worst moments. and really, it sounds cheesey, but all chase needed was someone to love him unconditionally. someone who wouldn’t leave him like everyone else. someone who gave him actual support through his ptsd and his addiction.
and yeah, it took time, but chase put down the bottle and started getting himself back in order. he started going to therapy for his issues (we’ll discuss that in a moment) and actually started putting in effort to be better, because he didnt want to keep hurting henrik or jackie, because he loved them, really he did. he started up a twitch channel, which gave him something to do at first, but eventually gave him a source of income. and he got a dog. very important. chase got an emotional support golden retriever named sunshine. and that dog brings him so much joy every day, just having something to care for and something to get out of the house to go on walks with. he loves that dog a lot.
but with the eventual improvement in chases life theres something else. his therapist. was anti. remember how i mentioned anti was a psychiatrist? yeah that really comes into play here. now ok, in some ways, dr. angus jackson quote unquote helped him. he talked about his trauma, he learned to understand his age regression, he was able to really work through his issues. but that doesn’t mean anti was messing with his head, or getting information about the other egos because he wanted to, or even forcing chase to cry about his past or age regress for antis own amusement, which is obviously very fucked up. chase eventually saw past anti’s manipulation and was able to recognize who he was, which was a terrifying revelation. and after anti…he had a hard time trusting a new therapist.
so in general, chase doesn’t have a lot to offer for the “plot” if you want to call it that to be honest. but i think hes still important, especially to the other egos. he’s constantly battling his mental illness throughout the story, but he has lots of support. he and jackie are best friends, and he loves his dog and his job.
personality wise for chase, hes a big ole softy. he used to be super mean and nasty when he was first born, but he was able to let down his walls and let himself be soft around the other egos. hes real sweet and chill. he likes hugs and is a guy you can hang out with and talk to.
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Do u have a post somewhere abt your ocs? Who are they what do they do!
HOO BOY sorry this took me so long to get to i havent had a lot of spoons
my ocs are all a part of my original story which i still… need to title lmao. or at least, my main 3 ocs are! valére, cosette, and theodore. i have a 4th in the making named apollo but i don’t have a lot down for him yet. and a 5th one will be revealed in the future
i can try to give a description of their original canon (it’s basically like a supernatural/horror/comedy) and then talk about each of Them specifically. i actually have a pinterest board i started making for the story the other night. and the 3 of them have their own individual boards too.
first thing’s first: the setting of the story is primarily in france.
basically in the world there’s a handful of individuals who are very, very sensitive to the supernatural. you can think something like mediums/psychics, but their sensitivity is far beyond those. it starts when they’re a child, seeing supernatural things such as ghosts/spirits etc on a regular basis. each person has different reactions to it of course, but many get so used to it that they don’t realize how Not Normal it really is.
there’s also these supernatural beings i’ve been calling ‘messengers’ for now until i come up with something better. they’re neither good nor evil, necessarily, but they’re generally tasked with fighting off monsters and at times, keeping a close eye on that handful of humans because, obviously, these humans would attract anything supernatural like a moth to a flame. it can put them in a lot of danger. but their main job is to fight off malevolent creatures from the world. the messengers tend to travel between the mortal world and others frequently, and often take the shape of animals or even people. with animals, most try to pick an animal that would easily blend in. so basically birds, cats, dogs, etc. some have one animal they stick with, others change depending on where they’re going.
a lot of the monsters can’t be seen by normal humans, but normal humans can still certainly be affected by them. the monsters that these messengers have to fight off range from imps to goblins right up to thinks that border on eldritch abominations. think a lot like, monsters you’d see in bloodborne or dark souls or w/e.
also messengers can be considered “symbiotic” while demons are “parasitic”. but that’s a whole other worldbuilding post for another time.
BUT ANYWAY ONTO THE CHARACTERS THEMSELVES please be prepared for a shitton of Words and rambling
ok starting with valére. here’s his pinterest board
and here’s a drawing of him a friend of mine did a while back
so valére is kinda like the Main Protag of the story. he’s the one that’s most fleshed out currently. he’s a 39 year old dude of french peruvian descent that was born in marseilles, france. his father’s side of the family were peruvian immigrants and have been in france for a few generations. his mother is french/polish, so val is mixed, but takes a lot more after his father’s side.
he’s a 6′5″ brick wall of muscle and appears intimidating at first, the scars don’t help, but he’s a giant teddybear. he’s very friendly, smiles a lot, laughs a lot, but can be a little odd with his behavior and people can think he’s a little weird because of it.
he grew up in marseilles and had a pretty cozy life. his parents weren’t Rich but were definitely upper class, so they never struggled much. the visions of spirits and whatnot were always present thru his childhood and he never thought much of them, they were just a normal occurrence in his mind. so it was easy for him to ignore them and vice versa, and it was hard for anything malevolent to feed off of him.
he did have some trouble making friends growing up though, mostly because a lot of other kids thought he was a weirdo and he sort of was but without meaning to be. just, when you grow up constantly surrounded by spirits and shit, then it’ gonna kinda shape you in a way. but he’s always been open and kind to others, and hates conflict and will do what he can to avoid it or break it up.
and he was the kind of kid that got hurt a LOT cus he had – and still has – the tendency to be rather reckless. his pain tolerance has always been crazy high. like, by the time he was 6 he had already broken an arm and a leg. he broke his leg on the playground but got back up and tried to play again as if nothing happened and his parents were like WHAT the fuck.
but anyway when he was like 9 he was walking back home from school and he found this giantass pure black owl injured in the gutter and he was like ??? because it was the middle of the city, what’s this fuckin owl doing out here, and why is it hurt? basically it’s hurt really really bad and it could very well die but he hauls this giant bleeding bird up in his arms and it doesnt even try to attack him and he carries it back home and spends hours that day taking care of it with the help of his mom and manages to keep it from dying. then the next few days he takes care of it and feeds it and after they finally released it valére swore for years it thanked him and said it would repay him some day
after that the spooky shit kinda got more intense but he never really thought much of it and just carried on and it seemed like he was the only one that could see any of it anyway. but otherwise things were relatively calm for a while
when he was 20 he was visiting some cousins out in paris. he was leaving a bar at like 3am and he was followed out by some guys. and at this point valére is already a huge dude so basically it takes 4 of these guys to properly get him down and then another slit his mouth which left him with nasty scars. there wasn’t much of a reason for it outside they were assholes and also took all of his money he had on him at the time. right after they left tho, even tho he was bleeding everywhere he got up and basically started walking toward the nearest hospital but not even halfway there someone spotted him and stopped him and called an ambulance LOL but even after that whole ordeal it really didnt put a damper on his overall positive attitude
things were quiet again for a bit but he started finding feathers around his apartment every so often and he’s like ???????
when he’s 22 things go to shit fast and he’s involved in a nasty traffic accident where a truck crashed head-on into his car, and it lands him in the hospital with gashes all over his body, spine broken in multiple places and many other broken bones, and his chance of living was very slim. if he did live, he’d be paralyzed and in a wheelchair for the rest of his life. turns out that owl he saved like 13 years before was this sort of like… spiritual/paranormal agent thing carrying out a mission disguised in that form and it got attacked by a malevolent being the day valére found it. and true to its word it repays him by basically saving his life by transferring its power/essence into him. and of course the doctors and his family things its a miracle etc etc ANYWAy
what mr owl failed to mention was that now that valére had these powers he’s pretty much kinda thrown into The Job as a messenger himself and basically has a duty of hunting down and killing the big scary evil monster demon stupid assholes so hes like cool i guess
he’s just all in all a pretty friendly well-meaning guy even if he looks kind of imposing with his scars and being a 6’5” brick wall of muscle (hes got some squish around his belly tho). and he says weird shit still sometimes and he laughs a lot. and it’s rare to catch him in a bad mood and he tends to avoid people if he is in one. he is very emotional tho and cries really easy. but even tho hes super friendly and welcoming he doesnt get close to people due to the danger of his job and he doesnt wanna wrap anyone else up in it, but even when hes asked why he dodges the question. but after now 17 years of doing that kinda work hes kind of really traumatized from everything hes seen (and also the accident and almost Dying in the hospital) but he hides it very well.
he’s the Dad Friend™
his abilities are: he’s capable of sprouting four black owl wings for flight, invisibility (but he can do selective invisibility, meaning he can make a certain person/people able to see him if he wants), he’s got cool swords he can summon at will that has a lot of powers of its own, and he can also do spatial/time manipulation but it takes a pretty big toll on his body so its kind of only for desperate measures. he can manipulate/control fire. also he can teleport i guess. but if he uses too much of his powers at once he can lose control and basically turn into a freaky monster (i keep imagining the glasgow smile scars tearing open and his teeth r sharp and theres like this black sludge coming out of his mouth… woo) and go on a rampage and then later will be back to normal but it has only happened once when he was still getting used to it and he swears Never Again (lol)
he likes bandannas (he has like 58967659 different ones and is always wearing one around his neck) and sweaters (like the bandanas he has like 58967659) and cream puffs (any pastry really but those r his favs) and cats and small dogs and classic literature and sappy romance movies. also hes gay and works at a flower shop during his free time
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ONTO THE NEXT: cosette! her pinterest board is here
i don’t have a good reference pic of her yet… besides this thing i did a few weeks back
along with a big wip i’ll post eventually.
but yeah so she’s a 19 year old girl of romani descent, but she’s been kind of separated from the culture for a long time, since her parents died when she was young and she was put into foster care before finally being fully adopted by 11.
she’s got a lot of attitude and likes to cause trouble, because her adoptive parents are kind of strict and it caused her to have a very rebellious streak. at one point she uses their money to buy a motorcycle lmao so that’s her main mode of transportation and it’s sick as fuck. the helmet she wears while riding it has lil cat ears on it.
but she is well-meaning despite the rebelliousness and sharp tongue. she likes to crack jokes and tease the people she cares about, but will go to the ends of the earth for them.
she hasn’t had her powers as long as valére has, obviously. val has had his ever since she was still just a baby. she got her powers when she was 17, so she’s still getting used to them. she saved a cat from being attacked by stray dogs and surprise! the cat is just like the owl that val saved once. and one day when cosette gets hit by a car, the messenger offers her some of its life force. and now it sticks around with her as a cat and she calls her gigi even tho that’s not her real name
basically considering how gigi takes the form of a cat, some of cosette’s abilities are based off that, not unlike how since the messenger that val saved and vice versa was an owl so he has the power of flight and whatnot, she’s incredibly resilient, has heightened reflexes, can do Sick Parkour, always lands on her feet, and she has lil fangs that grow when she uses her powers and her eyes do Cat Things too. and her nails can turn into claws lmao. she also has powers similar to val’s like the invisibility, spatial/time manipulation, etc, but considering she’s still kinda new to it all she’s not As Powerful as val can be yet
but she meets val literally just bc they pass each other on the street one day, she senses val is The Same, and follows him back to his place DSBFHDBDFHFGF and decides she’s going to stay there and val is just like ???????? ok cool
she’s a huge lesbian btw
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theodore is the next oc (pin board here) and the one whose fc is louis garrel. here:
he’s 34. the youngest of 5 kids. his siblings were extremely mean to him throughout his childhood lmao cus they thought he was a freak. like for the first 5 years of his life he legit never spoke and was petrified by the visions of spirits and stuff he’d see. his parents didn’t know what was going on, they’d take him to a therapist and of course the therapist had no clue
so he grew up as kind of a cold and distant guy. hes very well meaning deep down but he just didnt have a happy childhood. the one relative he has a good, loving relationship with is his father. he excelled in school and was popular at first bc hes Handsome but considering his disposition it was hard to get close to him at all
and the case with him and his messenger is strange because. until he gains his powers he and the messenger had never met before whatsoever. the messenger is named vadim and takes the form of a giant black wolf. im still working out Why vadim even bothered saving him but basically, theo gets shot by his eldest brother and left to die. vadim drags theo off somewhere secluded, saves him, etc.
except vadim isn’t exactly a messenger but also isn’t a demon either. he Used to be a messenger. soemthing happened that made him Not so he kind of toes the line between them. messengers are kinda like angels in a way but on a much lower tier i guess. demons are just… demons
and this is where the symbiotic/parasitic thing comes in
bc messengers are very serious about repaying debts. it’s why val and cosette survived at all, because they had saved the lives of messengers before so said messengers saved them. and, for example, gigi pretty much lives with cosette now and cosette offers her protection and vice versa. it’s mutually beneficialmeanwhile like
if youre possessed by a demon you dont really get much out of it yourself. you’re pretty much just. a host to a parasite
and vadim is like… he isnt possessing theo but hes still feeding off of his energy despite saving him and giving him power. i havent really decided a lot on theo’s power but. he’s really strong. which is one reason vadim bothered saving him. bc he could see the fuckton of untapped potential
and a lot of it is due to his bottled up anger and hurt and whatever
also he and val kiss
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the 4th i’m working on is named apollo and his pin board is here
he’s Sort Of an antagonist but not exactly im still working on his info but he looks like this
he’s a successful businessman but unlike the other characters he Actually Died before he was saved except. he was brought back by a demon that posed as a messenger. and basically bc it was kinda like a deal with a devil sort of thing. now he has to do whatever it wants and is lowkey possessed but also is kind of getting a kick out of bad shit but also not? he’s full of a ton of Conflict. but also the demons messenger counterpart comes into play at some point to help save apollo it’s good
the demon is a white snake and the messenger is a black one
no step on snek
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Southern Charm Recap: Flamingo-ing Crazy
Evening, party people. Smiling faces, beautiful places, welcome back to another week of . Lets see what bat shit craziness this week has in store.
Cameran solidifies her role as the unofficial protagonist of the show, narrating the opening sequence (and even saying the word bitch. Well, I do declare!) My familys about to make fun of me for debasing myself by watching this show for yet another week. Suck it, dad, this shits entertaining and makes me feel like a very accomplished adult in comparison to these 35-year-old train wrecks. On a side note, Im kind of getting into this theme song. As an extra side note, my TV is broken and everything is green tinted, which is fitting, I feel.
We open with Thomas on the phone with JD, the former bitching about Kathryn (what else is new?). He rolls up to JDs house and cant even say yes to a cup of coffee without breaking out the French. Ugh, I thought that was a one-episode thing. Thomas apparently told Kathryn he wasnt cosigning her lease (after the whole polo fiasco, if you’ll recall) and she went so nuts that she ended up IN THE HOSPITAL AND MAY HAVE GONE INTO LABOR PREMATURELY. Jesus fucking Christ. So now, what does Thomas do? He agrees to cosign.
JD is like, wait, so you call Kathryn and tell her youre not cosigning, she gets upset, and now youre cosigning anyway because you feel bad for her
JD: I upset my wife plenty of times when she was pregnant but she didnt end up in the hospital over it.
Thomas is like, Wow, everybody was righthomegirl really does know how to manipulate.
Apparently Jennifer is the ultimate shadester, she used to date Thomas and screenshotted everything and sent it to Kathryn just to stir shit up. Taking it a bit far, don’t you think?
Thomas: If I can handle prison for six months, I can handle this bullshit for two more months.
Hold up, like actual prison or just being with Kathryn? Maybe that random Facebook commenter was right and I do need to go back and watch the show from season 1.
Cameran is one of those white people who answers the phone with, Yello! and we promptly learn she was up all night with diarrhea. Gross. Shep goes to watch Craig turn in his application for the bar exam because hes so full of shit that nobody believes him unless they see it with their own eyes. Thats gotta hurt, Craig.
Shep rolls up to good ol Gentry HQ and asks Craig how business is doing. Craig starts talking about some BS I zoned out pretty quick listening to, something about a bourbon side and a hotel side of something.Damn, and youre not gonna let Landon get in on this bourbon business? Thats cold, Craig.
Craig has one more step to nail before he can take the bar, and if he doesnt complete it in time he wont be able to take the test. I feel a setup coming on
These guys are literally arguing over which type of adhesive Craig should use to affix his passport photos to his application.
Cameran meets up with Danni, the roast thief from the earlier episode, and another friend for lunch. One of their friends orders a sweet tea instead of wine and they all jump on her immediately to ask if shes pregnant. Like…a girl can’t order a damn sweet tea in the middle of the day without everyone assuming she’s got a bun in the oven? Cameron is SO OBVIOUSLY not ready to be a mother and these bitches wont leave her the fuck alone about it. Newsflash: This is 2016! Women can aspire to more nowadays than just being a mother. Leave Cameran alone!
Cameran has anxiety too, she reveals, and this show is becoming one giant therapy advertisement. Just goes to show you, money cant solve all your problems. Spinoff idea: What if they all go to the same therapist? Also, Cam’s friend is like, because thats totally a cure for a legitimate mental illness. WTF is wrong with you. What decade do these people live in.
Only 15 minutes in and my fingers are already tired from all this ranting. Gonna be a long episode. Also, wtf happened to Whitney? Is he still alive?
Its finally (almost) time for the flamingo party. Yay! Patricia will be photographing this party for her entertainment book whcih, Im sorry, Im definitely buying. They’re going to have a ros tower and idk what that is, but I know I want one. Patricia is explaining those champagne tower things where you pour the champagne in the top of the pyramid and it spills into all the ones at the bottom and is like, No its not. Its basically 3D beer pong without the balls. Just chill.
Wait ok the Gentry is a hotel?? I feel like an idiot but if they wouldve just explained this shit at the beginning we wouldnt be here. Anyway, Landon and Craig are prepping for the party and going to a spa.
Landon: Part of being a Southern belle is being well-kept, which makes you a good person.
Yeah, maybe on the outside. Im not convinced any of you except Cameran are good people on the inside. And maybeee Craig. He seems pretty earnest.
Craig is aiming for Gatsby-ish pink in terms of outfit color and Landon is like, Im sorry, bitch what? Don’t be over there acting like your Southern asses did not fucking invent salmon pink shorts as a menswear item. Yeah, you THOUGHT you could insult us Yankees.
Jennifer called Craig to let him know Kathryn literally made herself sick and is in the hospital, and he of course feels super bad for her. Meanwhile, Landon does not give one shit!
Landon: Ugh here we go with the drama. People go to the hospital every day. Calm the fuck down.
Okay, people also die everyday, does that make dying any less shitty?
Landon: Did she really almost die? Doubt it. TTYL, DGAF, going to the spa.
Jennifer tells Craig that Thomas didn’t visit Kathryn in the hospital. This detail is important later, so keep it in mind.
Landon: Im tired of Kathryn controlling and manipulating everyone with this child, Im not gonna be manipulated by this psychopath.
Landon literally thinks Kathryn got a slight headache and rushed to the ER. Not sure if this is warranted or not but I’m semi impressed by the fact that she can’t even pretend to be mildly concerned.
We see Kathryn and she explains she basically gave herself such high blood pressure that it affected the baby. IDK how you can personally know what your own blood pressure feels like unless youre constantly taking it, but ok.
Kathryn: All this baby and I need is a stable place to live in a not-stressful environment and if Thomas wont help me get a huge-ass house he doesnt deserve to be in my babys life as far as Im concerned.
Bonus round: Kathryn manipulates Thomas into helping her move, too.
Kathryn: Cosigning on this house is the least he could do for me at this point. YOU MEAN ASIDE FROM THE LIKE $2500 YOU GET A MONTH? YEAH, I REMEMBER THAT FROM LAST EPISODE, IM NOT A FUCKING IDIOT.
Back at Patricias house where shes still setting up for the flamingo party. God damn, they are milking it.
Patricia: I grew up in the 50s. Mothers wore dresses and high heels and had their hair and makeup done. Ive always maintained you have to put on the dog and try to ge as glamorous as you can.
IDK what putting on the dog means but thats gonna be my next getting ready Instagram caption.
Sligthly disappointed there are no real flamingos at this flamingo party. I was definitely holding out for some exotic birds to be present.
Thomas saying yeah, pop that is the most uncomfortable Ive been all evening, even if they are referring to a bottle of wine.
Thomas is setting Landon up with some dude with a ponytail who I feel like is probably her kryptonite since he seem like the type of dude whod call himself an artist, too. Landon also greets everyone with bonsoir. Can we fucking stop pretending we’re European?
Patricia has a fortune teller at her party. What a rager. I am very sad I did not get an invite. Patricia, if youre reading this, I can clean up really well and I wont get belligerent drunk, which is more than I can say of at least half your guests. Hook a girl up.
This is the first/most weve seen of Whitney in like, two weeks. Some girl said hi to Shep and called him babe and I can see the smoke coming out of Landons ears. OMG JUST HIT ON HIM ALREADY, THIS IS SO PATHETIC TO WATCH.
Craig got Patricia this gaudy flamingo-decorated martini glass and Patricia just HAS to drop that she has 18th-century porcelain. Calm down, Patricia, nobody doubts that you have class. You don’t need to be so ostentatious.
Whitney: Trying to watch Thomas flirt with girls is like trying to watch your horny drunk uncle.
YES. SPOT ON. Somebody give Whitney more screen time!
Cameran shows up poss wasted and with a huge flamingo hat. Cameran is me in college, committing to the theme so hard she doesn’t care if she looks ridiculous.
Five seconds into the party, and Shep is already naked and in the pool. Don’t you know this is a classy affair??
Craig confronts Thomas about Kathryns hospital visit and asks if he saw her. Thomas is likeand Craig is like *sips wine*
Shit-starting Jen may or may not be lying about Thomas not going to visit Kathryn. It’s about to get real.
Craig: One of the reasons Thomas hates Jen so much is because she was supposed to be the fun mistress and wasnt supposed to stick around and meddle in his affairs.
THE PLOT THICKENS. Who can we trust? Nobody, really. Everybodys conniving af. Except Cameran. Im really liking her. Can you tell?
Some girl Bailey asked Landon if she and Shep have ever fucked, or even kissed.
Landon: I’m not gonna lie, theres sometimes I wonder if Shep and I could be in a relationship but I dont wanna risk getting hurt.
Landon. OMG. You are more transparent than every Kardashian PR stunt ever. You clearly wonder ALL THE TIME if you and Shep could be in a relationship, why youre not, when hes going to wake up and realize youre the one for him
Shep gets his fortune told and the fortune teller is like and Sheps like and everyones like Shep is just making a bunch of thats what she said jokes like the mature gentleman he is. Landon, you picked a real winner.
The gay dude who visited Kathryn earlier in the first episode (idk his name, go cross-reference my other recap if you really care that much) pulls Patricia aside to be like
Patricia: I think its very unattractive that hes friends with Kathryn Dennis. Its very low-rent to me. (Yes, she actually used the words “low-rent.”)
Dude whose name I 100% forgot: Its very clear what Patricia sees in Kathryn that she doesnt like: she sees herself.
Patricia calls this dude a knockoff Truman Capote. I gotta say, the South has got their shit-talking on point.
Jen shows up and we already know its going to be good. Thomas is not pleased and calls her a piece of trash. HERE WE GO.
Thomas: Tell this chick Im going to throw her in the pool. JD: You dont need another assault charge, homie.
One things for sure: some type of confrontation is about to go down.
JD is talking about doing another polo match. Jen is likeaka,
Thomas is watching Jen talk to Elizabeth and JD and hes just seething over there. FWIW, Elizabeth seems like a very nice woman. Jen does not, really. Thomas pulls Jen aside.
Thomas: Craig told me you told him I didn’t see Kathryn in the hospital Jen: I meant you didnt stay overnight
Cut to: Jen definitely in plain English saying that Thomas wasnt there at all.
Then Jen criticizes Thomas for only being there for two hours. Like, splitting hairs much? Youre just looking for a reason to shit on him.
Jen: If Thomas is criticizing me for putting Kathryns health at risk, he needs to take a long hard look in the mirror and then go play in traffic.
Thomas: A blind person could see through these lies.
They have a lie vs. misunderstanding argument for like 30 seconds before Thomas tells Jennifer to fuck off.
Jennifer: Im the only friend Kathryn trusts. It would be nice if the father of her kids was the other one.
Thomas thinks its Jens mission in life to wreck his life and make him out to be the enemy.
Jen: Im torn between completely cussing him out and telling him how I really feel, or just feeling sorry for him because hes truly delusional.
AKA how I feel watching this show.
Jens like, and Thomas is like And I’m like:
Patricia is not going to like this argument. Very not luxe.
Just when you think punches are about to fly, they both walk away from the argument. Phew, dodged a bullet. Or like, an assault charge.
JD: Thomas and Kathryn have enough problems, Jennifer doesnt need to add to them. This dams gonna break.
Exciting news tidbit: Thomas pronounces water like wooder.
Whats the first thing Jennifer does after being accused of starting drama? She fucking calls Kathryn from the porch of Patricias house! Whitney is like because his mom has to fight his battles. Everybodys gathered to watch while acting like theyre too classy to watch. Jennifer leaves on her own accord, fuck this show for being anticlimactic AF. I wanted an eviction!
Jennifer: I know what Kathryns going through because now I’m the one nobody likes.
Thomas: I can take a lot. Imprisonment, false political allegations, but do not mess with my family. It’s only okay when I treat Kathryn like shit.
Jennifer leaves yelling and once again this show is so fucking anticlimactic! You built up this party for three fucking episodes and what did we get? A heated argument from which both adults walk away on their own accord, and not even one person gets thrown out? Give me some damn drama, give me a fucking cliffhanger! Come on, Bravo! Do better.
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Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/05/27/southern-charm-recap-flamingo-ing-crazy/
from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/05/27/southern-charm-recap-flamingo-ing-crazy/
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Southern Charm Recap: Flamingo-ing Crazy
Evening, party people. Smiling faces, beautiful places, welcome back to another week of . Lets see what bat shit craziness this week has in store.
Cameran solidifies her role as the unofficial protagonist of the show, narrating the opening sequence (and even saying the word bitch. Well, I do declare!) My familys about to make fun of me for debasing myself by watching this show for yet another week. Suck it, dad, this shits entertaining and makes me feel like a very accomplished adult in comparison to these 35-year-old train wrecks. On a side note, Im kind of getting into this theme song. As an extra side note, my TV is broken and everything is green tinted, which is fitting, I feel.
We open with Thomas on the phone with JD, the former bitching about Kathryn (what else is new?). He rolls up to JDs house and cant even say yes to a cup of coffee without breaking out the French. Ugh, I thought that was a one-episode thing. Thomas apparently told Kathryn he wasnt cosigning her lease (after the whole polo fiasco, if you’ll recall) and she went so nuts that she ended up IN THE HOSPITAL AND MAY HAVE GONE INTO LABOR PREMATURELY. Jesus fucking Christ. So now, what does Thomas do? He agrees to cosign.
JD is like, wait, so you call Kathryn and tell her youre not cosigning, she gets upset, and now youre cosigning anyway because you feel bad for her
JD: I upset my wife plenty of times when she was pregnant but she didnt end up in the hospital over it.
Thomas is like, Wow, everybody was righthomegirl really does know how to manipulate.
Apparently Jennifer is the ultimate shadester, she used to date Thomas and screenshotted everything and sent it to Kathryn just to stir shit up. Taking it a bit far, don’t you think?
Thomas: If I can handle prison for six months, I can handle this bullshit for two more months.
Hold up, like actual prison or just being with Kathryn? Maybe that random Facebook commenter was right and I do need to go back and watch the show from season 1.
Cameran is one of those white people who answers the phone with, Yello! and we promptly learn she was up all night with diarrhea. Gross. Shep goes to watch Craig turn in his application for the bar exam because hes so full of shit that nobody believes him unless they see it with their own eyes. Thats gotta hurt, Craig.
Shep rolls up to good ol Gentry HQ and asks Craig how business is doing. Craig starts talking about some BS I zoned out pretty quick listening to, something about a bourbon side and a hotel side of something.Damn, and youre not gonna let Landon get in on this bourbon business? Thats cold, Craig.
Craig has one more step to nail before he can take the bar, and if he doesnt complete it in time he wont be able to take the test. I feel a setup coming on
These guys are literally arguing over which type of adhesive Craig should use to affix his passport photos to his application.
Cameran meets up with Danni, the roast thief from the earlier episode, and another friend for lunch. One of their friends orders a sweet tea instead of wine and they all jump on her immediately to ask if shes pregnant. Like…a girl can’t order a damn sweet tea in the middle of the day without everyone assuming she’s got a bun in the oven? Cameron is SO OBVIOUSLY not ready to be a mother and these bitches wont leave her the fuck alone about it. Newsflash: This is 2016! Women can aspire to more nowadays than just being a mother. Leave Cameran alone!
Cameran has anxiety too, she reveals, and this show is becoming one giant therapy advertisement. Just goes to show you, money cant solve all your problems. Spinoff idea: What if they all go to the same therapist? Also, Cam’s friend is like, because thats totally a cure for a legitimate mental illness. WTF is wrong with you. What decade do these people live in.
Only 15 minutes in and my fingers are already tired from all this ranting. Gonna be a long episode. Also, wtf happened to Whitney? Is he still alive?
Its finally (almost) time for the flamingo party. Yay! Patricia will be photographing this party for her entertainment book whcih, Im sorry, Im definitely buying. They’re going to have a ros tower and idk what that is, but I know I want one. Patricia is explaining those champagne tower things where you pour the champagne in the top of the pyramid and it spills into all the ones at the bottom and is like, No its not. Its basically 3D beer pong without the balls. Just chill.
Wait ok the Gentry is a hotel?? I feel like an idiot but if they wouldve just explained this shit at the beginning we wouldnt be here. Anyway, Landon and Craig are prepping for the party and going to a spa.
Landon: Part of being a Southern belle is being well-kept, which makes you a good person.
Yeah, maybe on the outside. Im not convinced any of you except Cameran are good people on the inside. And maybeee Craig. He seems pretty earnest.
Craig is aiming for Gatsby-ish pink in terms of outfit color and Landon is like, Im sorry, bitch what? Don’t be over there acting like your Southern asses did not fucking invent salmon pink shorts as a menswear item. Yeah, you THOUGHT you could insult us Yankees.
Jennifer called Craig to let him know Kathryn literally made herself sick and is in the hospital, and he of course feels super bad for her. Meanwhile, Landon does not give one shit!
Landon: Ugh here we go with the drama. People go to the hospital every day. Calm the fuck down.
Okay, people also die everyday, does that make dying any less shitty?
Landon: Did she really almost die? Doubt it. TTYL, DGAF, going to the spa.
Jennifer tells Craig that Thomas didn’t visit Kathryn in the hospital. This detail is important later, so keep it in mind.
Landon: Im tired of Kathryn controlling and manipulating everyone with this child, Im not gonna be manipulated by this psychopath.
Landon literally thinks Kathryn got a slight headache and rushed to the ER. Not sure if this is warranted or not but I’m semi impressed by the fact that she can’t even pretend to be mildly concerned.
We see Kathryn and she explains she basically gave herself such high blood pressure that it affected the baby. IDK how you can personally know what your own blood pressure feels like unless youre constantly taking it, but ok.
Kathryn: All this baby and I need is a stable place to live in a not-stressful environment and if Thomas wont help me get a huge-ass house he doesnt deserve to be in my babys life as far as Im concerned.
Bonus round: Kathryn manipulates Thomas into helping her move, too.
Kathryn: Cosigning on this house is the least he could do for me at this point. YOU MEAN ASIDE FROM THE LIKE $2500 YOU GET A MONTH? YEAH, I REMEMBER THAT FROM LAST EPISODE, IM NOT A FUCKING IDIOT.
Back at Patricias house where shes still setting up for the flamingo party. God damn, they are milking it.
Patricia: I grew up in the 50s. Mothers wore dresses and high heels and had their hair and makeup done. Ive always maintained you have to put on the dog and try to ge as glamorous as you can.
IDK what putting on the dog means but thats gonna be my next getting ready Instagram caption.
Sligthly disappointed there are no real flamingos at this flamingo party. I was definitely holding out for some exotic birds to be present.
Thomas saying yeah, pop that is the most uncomfortable Ive been all evening, even if they are referring to a bottle of wine.
Thomas is setting Landon up with some dude with a ponytail who I feel like is probably her kryptonite since he seem like the type of dude whod call himself an artist, too. Landon also greets everyone with bonsoir. Can we fucking stop pretending we’re European?
Patricia has a fortune teller at her party. What a rager. I am very sad I did not get an invite. Patricia, if youre reading this, I can clean up really well and I wont get belligerent drunk, which is more than I can say of at least half your guests. Hook a girl up.
This is the first/most weve seen of Whitney in like, two weeks. Some girl said hi to Shep and called him babe and I can see the smoke coming out of Landons ears. OMG JUST HIT ON HIM ALREADY, THIS IS SO PATHETIC TO WATCH.
Craig got Patricia this gaudy flamingo-decorated martini glass and Patricia just HAS to drop that she has 18th-century porcelain. Calm down, Patricia, nobody doubts that you have class. You don’t need to be so ostentatious.
Whitney: Trying to watch Thomas flirt with girls is like trying to watch your horny drunk uncle.
YES. SPOT ON. Somebody give Whitney more screen time!
Cameran shows up poss wasted and with a huge flamingo hat. Cameran is me in college, committing to the theme so hard she doesn’t care if she looks ridiculous.
Five seconds into the party, and Shep is already naked and in the pool. Don’t you know this is a classy affair??
Craig confronts Thomas about Kathryns hospital visit and asks if he saw her. Thomas is likeand Craig is like *sips wine*
Shit-starting Jen may or may not be lying about Thomas not going to visit Kathryn. It’s about to get real.
Craig: One of the reasons Thomas hates Jen so much is because she was supposed to be the fun mistress and wasnt supposed to stick around and meddle in his affairs.
THE PLOT THICKENS. Who can we trust? Nobody, really. Everybodys conniving af. Except Cameran. Im really liking her. Can you tell?
Some girl Bailey asked Landon if she and Shep have ever fucked, or even kissed.
Landon: I’m not gonna lie, theres sometimes I wonder if Shep and I could be in a relationship but I dont wanna risk getting hurt.
Landon. OMG. You are more transparent than every Kardashian PR stunt ever. You clearly wonder ALL THE TIME if you and Shep could be in a relationship, why youre not, when hes going to wake up and realize youre the one for him
Shep gets his fortune told and the fortune teller is like and Sheps like and everyones like Shep is just making a bunch of thats what she said jokes like the mature gentleman he is. Landon, you picked a real winner.
The gay dude who visited Kathryn earlier in the first episode (idk his name, go cross-reference my other recap if you really care that much) pulls Patricia aside to be like
Patricia: I think its very unattractive that hes friends with Kathryn Dennis. Its very low-rent to me. (Yes, she actually used the words “low-rent.”)
Dude whose name I 100% forgot: Its very clear what Patricia sees in Kathryn that she doesnt like: she sees herself.
Patricia calls this dude a knockoff Truman Capote. I gotta say, the South has got their shit-talking on point.
Jen shows up and we already know its going to be good. Thomas is not pleased and calls her a piece of trash. HERE WE GO.
Thomas: Tell this chick Im going to throw her in the pool. JD: You dont need another assault charge, homie.
One things for sure: some type of confrontation is about to go down.
JD is talking about doing another polo match. Jen is likeaka,
Thomas is watching Jen talk to Elizabeth and JD and hes just seething over there. FWIW, Elizabeth seems like a very nice woman. Jen does not, really. Thomas pulls Jen aside.
Thomas: Craig told me you told him I didn’t see Kathryn in the hospital Jen: I meant you didnt stay overnight
Cut to: Jen definitely in plain English saying that Thomas wasnt there at all.
Then Jen criticizes Thomas for only being there for two hours. Like, splitting hairs much? Youre just looking for a reason to shit on him.
Jen: If Thomas is criticizing me for putting Kathryns health at risk, he needs to take a long hard look in the mirror and then go play in traffic.
Thomas: A blind person could see through these lies.
They have a lie vs. misunderstanding argument for like 30 seconds before Thomas tells Jennifer to fuck off.
Jennifer: Im the only friend Kathryn trusts. It would be nice if the father of her kids was the other one.
Thomas thinks its Jens mission in life to wreck his life and make him out to be the enemy.
Jen: Im torn between completely cussing him out and telling him how I really feel, or just feeling sorry for him because hes truly delusional.
AKA how I feel watching this show.
Jens like, and Thomas is like And I’m like:
Patricia is not going to like this argument. Very not luxe.
Just when you think punches are about to fly, they both walk away from the argument. Phew, dodged a bullet. Or like, an assault charge.
JD: Thomas and Kathryn have enough problems, Jennifer doesnt need to add to them. This dams gonna break.
Exciting news tidbit: Thomas pronounces water like wooder.
Whats the first thing Jennifer does after being accused of starting drama? She fucking calls Kathryn from the porch of Patricias house! Whitney is like because his mom has to fight his battles. Everybodys gathered to watch while acting like theyre too classy to watch. Jennifer leaves on her own accord, fuck this show for being anticlimactic AF. I wanted an eviction!
Jennifer: I know what Kathryns going through because now I’m the one nobody likes.
Thomas: I can take a lot. Imprisonment, false political allegations, but do not mess with my family. It’s only okay when I treat Kathryn like shit.
Jennifer leaves yelling and once again this show is so fucking anticlimactic! You built up this party for three fucking episodes and what did we get? A heated argument from which both adults walk away on their own accord, and not even one person gets thrown out? Give me some damn drama, give me a fucking cliffhanger! Come on, Bravo! Do better.
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from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/05/27/southern-charm-recap-flamingo-ing-crazy/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/161120493767
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Southern Charm Recap: Flamingo-ing Crazy
Evening, party people. Smiling faces, beautiful places, welcome back to another week of . Lets see what bat shit craziness this week has in store.
Cameran solidifies her role as the unofficial protagonist of the show, narrating the opening sequence (and even saying the word bitch. Well, I do declare!) My familys about to make fun of me for debasing myself by watching this show for yet another week. Suck it, dad, this shits entertaining and makes me feel like a very accomplished adult in comparison to these 35-year-old train wrecks. On a side note, Im kind of getting into this theme song. As an extra side note, my TV is broken and everything is green tinted, which is fitting, I feel.
We open with Thomas on the phone with JD, the former bitching about Kathryn (what else is new?). He rolls up to JDs house and cant even say yes to a cup of coffee without breaking out the French. Ugh, I thought that was a one-episode thing. Thomas apparently told Kathryn he wasnt cosigning her lease (after the whole polo fiasco, if you’ll recall) and she went so nuts that she ended up IN THE HOSPITAL AND MAY HAVE GONE INTO LABOR PREMATURELY. Jesus fucking Christ. So now, what does Thomas do? He agrees to cosign.
JD is like, wait, so you call Kathryn and tell her youre not cosigning, she gets upset, and now youre cosigning anyway because you feel bad for her
JD: I upset my wife plenty of times when she was pregnant but she didnt end up in the hospital over it.
Thomas is like, Wow, everybody was righthomegirl really does know how to manipulate.
Apparently Jennifer is the ultimate shadester, she used to date Thomas and screenshotted everything and sent it to Kathryn just to stir shit up. Taking it a bit far, don’t you think?
Thomas: If I can handle prison for six months, I can handle this bullshit for two more months.
Hold up, like actual prison or just being with Kathryn? Maybe that random Facebook commenter was right and I do need to go back and watch the show from season 1.
Cameran is one of those white people who answers the phone with, Yello! and we promptly learn she was up all night with diarrhea. Gross. Shep goes to watch Craig turn in his application for the bar exam because hes so full of shit that nobody believes him unless they see it with their own eyes. Thats gotta hurt, Craig.
Shep rolls up to good ol Gentry HQ and asks Craig how business is doing. Craig starts talking about some BS I zoned out pretty quick listening to, something about a bourbon side and a hotel side of something.Damn, and youre not gonna let Landon get in on this bourbon business? Thats cold, Craig.
Craig has one more step to nail before he can take the bar, and if he doesnt complete it in time he wont be able to take the test. I feel a setup coming on
These guys are literally arguing over which type of adhesive Craig should use to affix his passport photos to his application.
Cameran meets up with Danni, the roast thief from the earlier episode, and another friend for lunch. One of their friends orders a sweet tea instead of wine and they all jump on her immediately to ask if shes pregnant. Like…a girl can’t order a damn sweet tea in the middle of the day without everyone assuming she’s got a bun in the oven? Cameron is SO OBVIOUSLY not ready to be a mother and these bitches wont leave her the fuck alone about it. Newsflash: This is 2016! Women can aspire to more nowadays than just being a mother. Leave Cameran alone!
Cameran has anxiety too, she reveals, and this show is becoming one giant therapy advertisement. Just goes to show you, money cant solve all your problems. Spinoff idea: What if they all go to the same therapist? Also, Cam’s friend is like, because thats totally a cure for a legitimate mental illness. WTF is wrong with you. What decade do these people live in.
Only 15 minutes in and my fingers are already tired from all this ranting. Gonna be a long episode. Also, wtf happened to Whitney? Is he still alive?
Its finally (almost) time for the flamingo party. Yay! Patricia will be photographing this party for her entertainment book whcih, Im sorry, Im definitely buying. They’re going to have a ros tower and idk what that is, but I know I want one. Patricia is explaining those champagne tower things where you pour the champagne in the top of the pyramid and it spills into all the ones at the bottom and is like, No its not. Its basically 3D beer pong without the balls. Just chill.
Wait ok the Gentry is a hotel?? I feel like an idiot but if they wouldve just explained this shit at the beginning we wouldnt be here. Anyway, Landon and Craig are prepping for the party and going to a spa.
Landon: Part of being a Southern belle is being well-kept, which makes you a good person.
Yeah, maybe on the outside. Im not convinced any of you except Cameran are good people on the inside. And maybeee Craig. He seems pretty earnest.
Craig is aiming for Gatsby-ish pink in terms of outfit color and Landon is like, Im sorry, bitch what? Don’t be over there acting like your Southern asses did not fucking invent salmon pink shorts as a menswear item. Yeah, you THOUGHT you could insult us Yankees.
Jennifer called Craig to let him know Kathryn literally made herself sick and is in the hospital, and he of course feels super bad for her. Meanwhile, Landon does not give one shit!
Landon: Ugh here we go with the drama. People go to the hospital every day. Calm the fuck down.
Okay, people also die everyday, does that make dying any less shitty?
Landon: Did she really almost die? Doubt it. TTYL, DGAF, going to the spa.
Jennifer tells Craig that Thomas didn’t visit Kathryn in the hospital. This detail is important later, so keep it in mind.
Landon: Im tired of Kathryn controlling and manipulating everyone with this child, Im not gonna be manipulated by this psychopath.
Landon literally thinks Kathryn got a slight headache and rushed to the ER. Not sure if this is warranted or not but I’m semi impressed by the fact that she can’t even pretend to be mildly concerned.
We see Kathryn and she explains she basically gave herself such high blood pressure that it affected the baby. IDK how you can personally know what your own blood pressure feels like unless youre constantly taking it, but ok.
Kathryn: All this baby and I need is a stable place to live in a not-stressful environment and if Thomas wont help me get a huge-ass house he doesnt deserve to be in my babys life as far as Im concerned.
Bonus round: Kathryn manipulates Thomas into helping her move, too.
Kathryn: Cosigning on this house is the least he could do for me at this point. YOU MEAN ASIDE FROM THE LIKE $2500 YOU GET A MONTH? YEAH, I REMEMBER THAT FROM LAST EPISODE, IM NOT A FUCKING IDIOT.
Back at Patricias house where shes still setting up for the flamingo party. God damn, they are milking it.
Patricia: I grew up in the 50s. Mothers wore dresses and high heels and had their hair and makeup done. Ive always maintained you have to put on the dog and try to ge as glamorous as you can.
IDK what putting on the dog means but thats gonna be my next getting ready Instagram caption.
Sligthly disappointed there are no real flamingos at this flamingo party. I was definitely holding out for some exotic birds to be present.
Thomas saying yeah, pop that is the most uncomfortable Ive been all evening, even if they are referring to a bottle of wine.
Thomas is setting Landon up with some dude with a ponytail who I feel like is probably her kryptonite since he seem like the type of dude whod call himself an artist, too. Landon also greets everyone with bonsoir. Can we fucking stop pretending we’re European?
Patricia has a fortune teller at her party. What a rager. I am very sad I did not get an invite. Patricia, if youre reading this, I can clean up really well and I wont get belligerent drunk, which is more than I can say of at least half your guests. Hook a girl up.
This is the first/most weve seen of Whitney in like, two weeks. Some girl said hi to Shep and called him babe and I can see the smoke coming out of Landons ears. OMG JUST HIT ON HIM ALREADY, THIS IS SO PATHETIC TO WATCH.
Craig got Patricia this gaudy flamingo-decorated martini glass and Patricia just HAS to drop that she has 18th-century porcelain. Calm down, Patricia, nobody doubts that you have class. You don’t need to be so ostentatious.
Whitney: Trying to watch Thomas flirt with girls is like trying to watch your horny drunk uncle.
YES. SPOT ON. Somebody give Whitney more screen time!
Cameran shows up poss wasted and with a huge flamingo hat. Cameran is me in college, committing to the theme so hard she doesn’t care if she looks ridiculous.
Five seconds into the party, and Shep is already naked and in the pool. Don’t you know this is a classy affair??
Craig confronts Thomas about Kathryns hospital visit and asks if he saw her. Thomas is likeand Craig is like *sips wine*
Shit-starting Jen may or may not be lying about Thomas not going to visit Kathryn. It’s about to get real.
Craig: One of the reasons Thomas hates Jen so much is because she was supposed to be the fun mistress and wasnt supposed to stick around and meddle in his affairs.
THE PLOT THICKENS. Who can we trust? Nobody, really. Everybodys conniving af. Except Cameran. Im really liking her. Can you tell?
Some girl Bailey asked Landon if she and Shep have ever fucked, or even kissed.
Landon: I’m not gonna lie, theres sometimes I wonder if Shep and I could be in a relationship but I dont wanna risk getting hurt.
Landon. OMG. You are more transparent than every Kardashian PR stunt ever. You clearly wonder ALL THE TIME if you and Shep could be in a relationship, why youre not, when hes going to wake up and realize youre the one for him
Shep gets his fortune told and the fortune teller is like and Sheps like and everyones like Shep is just making a bunch of thats what she said jokes like the mature gentleman he is. Landon, you picked a real winner.
The gay dude who visited Kathryn earlier in the first episode (idk his name, go cross-reference my other recap if you really care that much) pulls Patricia aside to be like
Patricia: I think its very unattractive that hes friends with Kathryn Dennis. Its very low-rent to me. (Yes, she actually used the words “low-rent.”)
Dude whose name I 100% forgot: Its very clear what Patricia sees in Kathryn that she doesnt like: she sees herself.
Patricia calls this dude a knockoff Truman Capote. I gotta say, the South has got their shit-talking on point.
Jen shows up and we already know its going to be good. Thomas is not pleased and calls her a piece of trash. HERE WE GO.
Thomas: Tell this chick Im going to throw her in the pool. JD: You dont need another assault charge, homie.
One things for sure: some type of confrontation is about to go down.
JD is talking about doing another polo match. Jen is likeaka,
Thomas is watching Jen talk to Elizabeth and JD and hes just seething over there. FWIW, Elizabeth seems like a very nice woman. Jen does not, really. Thomas pulls Jen aside.
Thomas: Craig told me you told him I didn’t see Kathryn in the hospital Jen: I meant you didnt stay overnight
Cut to: Jen definitely in plain English saying that Thomas wasnt there at all.
Then Jen criticizes Thomas for only being there for two hours. Like, splitting hairs much? Youre just looking for a reason to shit on him.
Jen: If Thomas is criticizing me for putting Kathryns health at risk, he needs to take a long hard look in the mirror and then go play in traffic.
Thomas: A blind person could see through these lies.
They have a lie vs. misunderstanding argument for like 30 seconds before Thomas tells Jennifer to fuck off.
Jennifer: Im the only friend Kathryn trusts. It would be nice if the father of her kids was the other one.
Thomas thinks its Jens mission in life to wreck his life and make him out to be the enemy.
Jen: Im torn between completely cussing him out and telling him how I really feel, or just feeling sorry for him because hes truly delusional.
AKA how I feel watching this show.
Jens like, and Thomas is like And I’m like:
Patricia is not going to like this argument. Very not luxe.
Just when you think punches are about to fly, they both walk away from the argument. Phew, dodged a bullet. Or like, an assault charge.
JD: Thomas and Kathryn have enough problems, Jennifer doesnt need to add to them. This dams gonna break.
Exciting news tidbit: Thomas pronounces water like wooder.
Whats the first thing Jennifer does after being accused of starting drama? She fucking calls Kathryn from the porch of Patricias house! Whitney is like because his mom has to fight his battles. Everybodys gathered to watch while acting like theyre too classy to watch. Jennifer leaves on her own accord, fuck this show for being anticlimactic AF. I wanted an eviction!
Jennifer: I know what Kathryns going through because now I’m the one nobody likes.
Thomas: I can take a lot. Imprisonment, false political allegations, but do not mess with my family. It’s only okay when I treat Kathryn like shit.
Jennifer leaves yelling and once again this show is so fucking anticlimactic! You built up this party for three fucking episodes and what did we get? A heated argument from which both adults walk away on their own accord, and not even one person gets thrown out? Give me some damn drama, give me a fucking cliffhanger! Come on, Bravo! Do better.
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from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/05/27/southern-charm-recap-flamingo-ing-crazy/
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martin/adaline
i kind of have this headcanon that like, basically martin has been spending every moment past last summer trying to help adaline? because he knows there’s nothing that can bring their child back, but he wants to support her in any way he can. like idk, you know i’m a total sucker for the people who have been best friends for all eternity tbh, so i kind of imagined they’d at least been friends since the beginning of high school for her? like okay idk if they do this at your school, but in america some schools assign like an older student to show you around campus when you get there, and i had this headcanon that martin was assigned to adaline, and they kind of hit it off really quickly? like he’s super friendly and kind, so he invited her to a party that night (and ended up kissing her by the end of the night, what a champ :*) and then he took her on a proper date soon after, whiiiich led to them dating for forever now.
and like, they’ve been through everything together, really. and they’re incredibly supportive of each other, and the thing that’s absolutely killing martin, is that this is something he can’t fix :( like, he knows it’s going to take time and he wants to help kshdksah so i don’t think he’s pressured her for anything sexually, and he brings her tea in the mornings because she prefers that and he always is there supporting her at her dancing things. basically, they’re distant but they’re starting to get better, because while they’re both CLEARLY still grieving, she’s starting to get interested in more than just dancing again and they’re having their familiar banter and are kissing :$ and they’ve started fooling around again, and it’s better? like not 100% again but getting there
edmund/malena
so, i sort of think edmund and malena grew up together? like they both come from the same city and things, and like. they were sort of the couple that everyone looked at and was like “fuck, they’ll end up together” sort of like nate & blair you know, except i think that edmund (UNLIKE NATE WHO IS A FUCKBOY) never really questioned it? like, she was as much his best friend as he is hers, so it was like ‘well, if i end up with malena, i’ll be happy’ because he will be and he knows that kshakdh
and i don’t think like, edmund’s a serial cheater or anything or that it was even like a ‘wow i really like eliana’ thing? like, i don’t want them to be a sideship so i think like.. it was something that didn’t really mean anything? like it obviously meant something bc friendsies but it was mostly probably just like malena had left for the summer and they’d been weird and he was drunk and lonely at some society thing and they ended up fucking because eliana is frisky always and he was hot and she might as well try it once ya know :o but afterwards, i think they both felt pretty shitty about it because like, they were all friends and they’d done this super shitty thing to malena who was in like france for the summer??
so i think edmund told malena when she came back from france, and obviously she was super mad and hurt :c and didn’t really trust him again for a while >:( but she forgave him because they were so close before??? and he’s her first love and i think he was kind of really sweet and didn’t get annoyed when she got jealous and there’s still some issues but these assholes are working it out
august/brooke
mm, so my idea for august and brooke is kind of hard to explain because i don’t have it 100% worked out?? but basically, august used to be the boy who experimented with everything?? drugs, sex, etc. and i think like, he tends to get addicted to things.. like not like drug addictions bc he wont let himself!! but like, hes’ incredibly addicted to brooke because he always wants to be around her, but i also think he’s guarded bc his mom cheated on his dad when he was younger, so he doesn’t trust women really? which probably lead to him being a bit of a womanizer before he ended up with brooke??
i think like, lowkey he was always attracted to brooke? because she’s hot and he’s known her forever, and i think he was always teasing her, trying to hit on her and convince her to get high w/ him and end up riding his cock ;) bc let’s face it, he likes high sex a loooooooot and she was always saying no, but last summer, i think like, she finally was like omg fine and they ended up hooking up at some party? and like he was totally like nah one time thing but then it happened and he realized how hot she really was and how good she was, so he made it a two time thing and then a three.. and then somehow he realized there were feelings??
and people obviously were like omg date you idiots but i think brooke probably didn’t think august really would want that??? bc obviously august didnt think that so she was always like lol no we’re just fucking!! but then he finally was like fuck and asked her on a date bc he realized you don’t keep a girl like brooke without putting in some fucking effort, but every once in a while this boy is an idiot and just disappears emotionally and i think it frustrates brooke a bit bc like, she has a lot of feelings for him and she knows he does too, but neither of them will fucking talk about it because theyRE STUPID AS FUCK even tho they’ve definitely said i love you, they just don’t say it all the time
eliana/matthias
basically, i have this idea that like eliana and matthias are both kind of dumb and don’t talk about their feelings?? like, they both fuck around with npcs a lot, and obviously eliana fucked edmund last summer and matthias definitely knows and gave her a lot of shit about it :c bc he’s rude even tho he’s probabyl a hypocrite bc he’s probably screwed someone who was taken
the biggest thing about both of them is that more or less, they both like to have control? especially eliana, because she’s obsessed with perfection and keeping up the perfect appearance wHICH MATTHIAS IS A LITTLE SHIT AND LIKES TO FUCK UP!! like, eliana has an eating disorder bc she’s so focused on being perfect at any cost and he knows that, and i think he does try to be supportive bc friendsies first :$ but in a lot of ways, he does want to kind of unravel her world a little bit c:
the one thing i am 100% certain about is like, i want them to have each other’s virginities?? because like, that’s both of their excuses for why they always end up back in the other’s bed when they don’t do repeats with anyone else? at least it’s eliana’s tbh?? bc i think like, when they were in high school, matthias more or less seduced eliana bc she was this perfect little princess who ran around in skirts and was always teasing everyone and he wanted a taste whoops and she went with it bc bad boy who was hot and like.. they had lil crushes that they wouldn’t admit to and still rly dont bc dUMB
everyone!!
so basically, the idea i was thinking of is that maybe perhaps we do move where this academy is located, and make it in manhattan?? because i do like the idea of them just being able to roam the city, and most of them are rich kids who are probably from the city - and the one exception (so far, unless you protest) is martin because i want the majority of them to have known each other for forever, really. like having grown up in similar social circles and ya know
out of the girls, i believe that eliana & adaline are the closest?? because i think like, one of the girls (maybe eliana) had their mom leave when they were pretty young, and the other had a dad who left too?? so their parents sort of ended up together, and it was when the girls were maybe four or five, so it was still to the point where they genuinely did grow up together? and i think like, when they have a secret, the other girl is the first one they turn to and talk to about it, because for them, they are truly sisters :$ so i think like, eliana knows about adaline’s miscarriage when basically no one else does and she’s really there for her with all of it, and the same goes for adaline knowing about eliana’s eating disorder :( like, it’s something she does her best to help because she’s talked to eliana about it enough to understand why she does it kshdkh
i sort of have the idea that brooke and malena are relatively close too? like i know that malena gravitates more towards brooke esp because of what happened with edmund/eliana because she doesn’t want to make adaline pick sides and i’m pretty sure that like she wants to punch eliana in the nose really because fuck her!! but i do think she gets along well with adaline, she’s just closer to brooke because they have more in common and ya know martin not liking edmund puts a damper on that bc no cute double dates rip
i don’t think martin particularly likes edmund? like, it’s sort of a early nate’s attitude towards dan scenario, where its just like who the fuck are u because here’s some guy who wasn’t a part of their circle growing up who’s somehow ended up in all of it and it’s just like k bye go away esp bc martin is very… moral and tends to get annoyed when the others do shit to people and like within the group it’s not rly a secret that edmund cheated on malena lIKE A FUCKBOY even tho i love edmund ill sit
obviously martin’s best friend is matthias? because in a way, they have very opposite temparaments and things?? like they’re very different, because martin is the responsible adult and matthias is a bit more ‘let’s go out and get drunk at a bar’ and having fun sort of guy, and martin is the one who more or less keeps him in check? like it’s very much the dynamic where they balance each other out, but at the end of the day, i think that they would do anything for each other??
i think august likes edmund?? like they’re probably pretty close out of all of the boys :) because like, yeah august doesn’t always agree with every decision edmund makes but he sort of is a bit of devil’s advocate and has defended him on enough occasions where it’s like ok i like u :* except not kissing bc they arent gay but u know!! like, i sort of envisioned august as being the sort to get into fights frequently because he’s a smartass and like edmund is a really good friend (in my mind pls) and he’s always there to kind of have his back and fight people off for him!!
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