#and yeah im recognizing names and icons as i stare from my post to over there

[bulbabutt]

toooo be fucking honest. some people are performative as fuck. how were you in the notes of the 'fuck this fascist' post, and yet still in the likes on their blog ? at this point i feel like if i see christian in bio i just wanna block you. i dont trust you fucks at all, not after seeing that bigot post a 'god chose trump' video that got 30 fuckin likes

get the fuck outta here if you get blocked by your favorite creators its time to think about why that is

i know some people who believe are good or whatever but like. if youre proud enough of it to put it in your bio? im very suspicious. its all PRAISE GOD LORD BE WITH YOU!!! as you check in on literal fascists mental health, and theres no fucking sympathy for the communities being hurt

fuck you.

[im-a-meteorite]

i’ve been marathoning the harry potter movies since im in quarantine and i’ve been taking some notes. i’ll post them all bc why not 

sorcerer’s stone

harry knowing that there’s no post on sunday,, a genius

hedwig’s theme playing when harry looks out of the window and sees an owl flying by, very nice

hagrid doing magic at the house on the rock thing,, wouldnt the ministry be able to track that?? since there’s no wizard that lives there, they should be alerted?? or did they remove the trace from hagrid once he got expelled?? like does it work by the trace only or? bc if it doesn’t work by location then how would they know that a muggle witnessed the magic?? idk anymore

the kids staring at the nimbus 2000 and saying its the fastest model yet,, then the camera zooming on the handle w/ the background blurred -> the most straight forward foreshadowing

hagrid is actually the worst person to take harry on his tour situation,, like bro literally left him in the middle of a train station

the weasleys and harry going to the platform while theres a shit ton of ppl walking around,,, statute of secrecy where??

the great hall is on the first floor?? i thought it was on the ground floor

ew the hats

i wish the movies had dumbledore’s weird few words speeches

“theres not one witch or wizard that went bad that wasnt in slytherin” broooo

mcgonagall is so savage i love her

snape is an asshole

a crap ton of chessboards in the great hall study hall scene,, foreshadowing the challenges?

madam hooch really yeeted herself out of neville’s way

✨🥰 oliver wood 🥰✨✨

harry really wiped the troll buggers on his robe,, disgusting

snapes hair is lowkey on fleek tho,,

making most of the slytherins ugly bc they’re the “evil” house is just a disservice to all the inbreeding

hermione setting snape on fire is truly iconic and very extra tbh like sis why tf would u know a spell like that

seasonal transition wasnt that great tbh

overall the directing style is kinda basic

“not in the restricted section,,” rule breaking hermione is the best hermione

dumbledore’s handwriting is so extra and loopy like tf?? but it fits his character

the hedwig flying season transition was good

“immortal?” “it means you’ll never die.” “i know what it means!”

50 points each for being out of bed??? wtf is this point system

filtch saying there’s werewolves in the forbidden forest,,, thats illegal sir

hagrid calling the trio by their first names but draco by his last,, we love favoritism

harry’s thoughts r so ridiculous,, “snape doesnt want the stone for himself, he wants it for voldemort!” lmaoo wtf,, evidence pls sir,, u don’t even know he was a death eater. was it the bad vibes?? bc same

harry figuring out that the person who gave hagrid the dragon egg is voldy,, a genius

“kill us faster?? now i can relax!!” ron is so iconic i love him

“lucky we didnt panic!” “lucky hermione pays attention in herbology”

how is it that harry’s hand burned quirrel but not the skin on harry’s neck?? that shit makes no sense

yeah i really cant imagine this dumbledore fighting voldy in movie 5

hermione’s headband in the reunion scene is so cute i love it

chamber of secrets:

how is dobby even allowed to just jump on the bed?? like is it bc harry isnt his master that he can do smth like that

“dobby has heard about harry potter’s kindness” or whatever,, bro u work for the malfoys either the elves gossip or draco is waxing poetry about harry

aunt petunia saying “we have ice-cream” after that whole affair is just ridiculous

DIAGONALLY

this seems like the extended version bc i dont remember the borgin and bruks scene to be that long

the close ups with lucius and ginny’s books r insane lmao like chris columbus made it so obvious

also mr weasley’s acting is so funny like its so exaggerated

lucius malfoy is so dramatic and extra we love it

also lucius knowing hermione’s name and “draco’s told me all about you”??? bro whats with draco?? lmaoo

snape really got mad with the whole car business

mandrakes r fucking weird bro how did jkr come up with that

PERCY WALKING WITH PENELOPE CLEARWATER??? HOW DID I MISS THAT??

omg colin had so many lines?? wow

omg erol with the fucking howler,, iconic

ron’s facial expressions?? pure comedy, rupret is so good

LOCKHEART REALLY SAID “GOOD GIRL” THEN WINKED AT HERMIONE

“pesky piksy pescinomy” this bitch dumb

“why is it always me?” poor neville

omfg ✨🥰 oliver wood 🥰✨

ahh using the seeker position for fighting

ew draco used the m-word

the shit the basilisk is saying is so lame lmaoo

how does harry not recognize that he’s hearing a different language?? or does parsaltongue act weird

HOW IS THE WHOLE SCHOOL IN THE SAME CORRIDOR???

“i know the counter-curse that could’ve spared her” bitch the dirty looks he got?? omfg

the movies would’ve been 500% better if they had lee jordan’s iconic quidditch commentary

“scarhead” “TRAINING FOR THE BALLET, POTTER?”

“what did you expect?? pumpkin juice??” madam pomfery is a queen

dobby is dumb dumb

“who am i, hedwig? what am i?”

“reading? i didnt know you could read?”

“look at my face” “look at your tail!”

“you can’t cancel quidditch!”

“oh harry, if you die down there, you’re welcome to share my toilet”

lockheart: do you live here? ron: no *smacks him in the head with a rock*

“voldemort is my past, present and future” are all slytherins this dramatic??

the tension between hermione and ron in the last feast was insane

justin filtch fletchy is so ugly im so sorry i cant

prisoner of azkaban:

im sorry but harry doing underage illegal magic pisses me off every time

aunt marge 🤢

“do they use a cane boy?” “oh yeah, i’ve been beaten loads of times”

that whole scene is so chaotic

“you cant do magic outside of school!” “oh yeah? try me”

sirius really dumb for barking at harry like it makes no sense

the knight bus is probably one of the best things in this movie

“whatcha doing down there??” “i fell over” “whacha fell over for?” “i didnt do it on purpose!” “well come on then, lets not wait for the grass to grow”

harry leans over and looks for the grim, stan: “whatcha looking at?”

“yeah take it away ernie,, its gonna be a bumpy ride”

this whole thing is written and directed so perfectly

i hate how they replaced tom bc it really made no sense

all the bits of magic in the leaky caldron is so genius

fudge reminds me of trump but like dumber

the blue lighting and coloring is just great, it fits the colder vibe of the story (not like HBP with the hazy/blurry effect)

ugh the glass and mirror transitions are one of my favorite things,, alfonso curon really did that 

i love the weasleys,, also everyone looks great in this movie

omg the scene with arthur talking to harry about sirius with the sirius poster always being in sight?? amazing

contrast of light and darkness just echos the whole dementor vs patronus situation

i dont even understand why remus took the train other than for the nostalgia

the lights slowly turning off in the different carriages?? amazing

the visual representation of the dementors’ effect is great

REMUS!!!

i wish there was more emotion from remus when he’s talking about sirius,, like that was one of his only friends

snape clapping literally twice for remus,, ajhshsh

ahh the placement of the slytherin and gryffindor tables right beside each other to increase the tension and further the plot

oh yea the new dumbledore, also cool hat he has

omg the new fat lady painting

omg the candy scene?? so cute i love lads being lads. that scene just echo’s dumbledore’s light in the dark quote bc its storming outside at night and they’re creating a happy environment within the dark especially with the dementors

ah yes the clock references + following the bird to show us important parts of hogwarts and putting the whomping willow in the forefront

ron’s reading of harry’s tea leaves,, still on point tho. ron really has a knack for divination

buckbeak! omg drapple

draco is so hot especially with that ring also the slytherin pins??

“oh yeah, terribly funny, really witty. god, this place has gone to the dogs”

the kids look so messy i love it + harry’s uneven tie

HERMIONE CLINGING TO RONS ARM!!

“its killed me! your gonna regret this, you and your bloody chicken”

omg the boggart lesson

“riddikulus!” “this class is ridiculous”

fuck snape!

draco really pushed someone with his bandaged arm

remus is such an amazing professor i love him and i just miss him so much

ugh harry in this hoodie?? amazing

remus and harry’s conversation with the music :(( lily :((

wtf is that eye painting??

percy screaming about being head boy,, bro stfu

sirius is such a dramatic little bitch i love it

seasonal changes marked by the wimping willow

“turn to page 394”

what a fucking rude ass bitch,, i hate snape

harry really be seeing the grim everywhere

i wish they had “wheres wood?” “trying to drown himself in the shower”

winter transition with hedwig! + clock tower

“come and join the big boys”

i just adore this scene of the twins giving harry the map (bro i really want a series about the marauders)

whos that skinny bitch with draco???

harry’s way too rash tbh

also mcgonagall being also too nonchalant about the whole marauder’s situation?? like those werent your students

remus is a soft boy dark academia icon

if only dumbledore wasnt a dumbass,, remus could have been uncle moony raising harry with sirius

ron’s nightmare scene?? iconic

“my dad didnt strut. nor do i” umm james potter was also a drama queen sooo probably strutting

“you, YOU FOUL LOATHSOME EVIL LITTLE COCKROACH” “hermione no, he’s not worth it”

sirius’ dog form really looks like a rabid dog omfg

the part where hermione grabs harry while she’s on the wimping willow omfg

“only one will die tonight” YOU DRAMATIC BITCH UR NOT MAKING THIS BETTER

“finally the flesh reflects the madness within” “well you’d know all about the madness within, wouldn’t you remus?”

why the fuck is the shreaking shack is swaying in the wind??

QUARRELING LIKE AN OLD MARRIED COUPLE

why the fuck didnt they knock peter out?? like tf?? they’re actually dumb dumb there were so many ways for this to go right

this man really sent 2 13-year-olds on this dumbass mission

buckbeak really beat up remus,, “professor lupin’s having a really tough night”

harry’s a fucking psycho with this patronus bullshit,, i cant

can they stop screaming while flying on buckbeak?? someone might hear them

im still mad sirius didnt get his name cleared,, so much would’ve changed

“we did it” “did what? goodnight” i fucking hate dumbledore and his mindlessness omfg sometimes i wanna punch him in the face

fuck snape for outing remus as a werewolf,,, but also he really didnt have to resign. like istg wheres the marauder energy when it comes to defying everyone??

i wish the movies had went into the marauders’ history :(( its one of my favorite aspects of the series

[craniumcarrus]

Like and Subscribe - Closed starter for @milquetoastboy​

Ryuji stared at the message icon on one Akira Kurusu’s Twitter.

It seemed a little... Ridiculous, looking at the situation now. 

Package number ‘god who knows.’ It was smaller than a number of them, much to Ryuji’s relief. “Alright, so let’s see what we have here...” He cut into the box, trying to be as careful as he could considering his exhaustion from how many hours he had already spent opening these damn boxes. Having the bot buy something every 15 minutes from his fan’s tweets... Might have been horribly calculated. He never claimed to be GOOD at math, even if he had become mediocre at coding. From the bubble wrapping he pulled- a small plastic container, about twice the size of his hand. “Wait what is- oh, Makeup?! I’ve seen a, uh, palette before, that’s what this is called right?” He laughed a bit, surprised more than he should be after some of the other things he had opened already. He was at, what, three random sex toys? Hell he was WEARING a collar someone had decided he needed to buy. Someone was getting something out of this video he was sure. Somehow he had still been more prepared for those than this. 

Glitter sat embedded across the entire matte black case, holo lettering etched neatly over the lid. “Holy shit this thing is fancy. This one’s gotta be expensive. That’s all I know, that makeup is expensive.” He turned it over in his hand, taking a minute to hold it out to the camera in front of him to give future viewers a better look. “I guess someone think’s I’d look good in, uh what does this say... Eye shadow? Guess I never thought of it before. Who’s this from?” He pulled the box the palette had came in from the side where he had set it, snagging the packing slip from within before knocking the cardboard box to the floor. “Hmm... Okay okay, uh Akira Kurusu? Wait... Wait how do I know that name?” He wracked his brain for a few minutes, staring at the ceiling as he ran through any reason he would possibly recognize this certain someone. “OH!” He met the camera with a surprised grin “That’s a Youtuber, right? Like a beauty blogger I think. Yeah I guess that makes sense. Shit, well, thanks!” He laughed as he returned to the new item in his hands, fumbling to break the plastic seal. “Sorry to say, but I don’t know shit about makeup...” Opening it mostly confirmed his thoughts- this thing cost a pretty penny. The colors were... Well he didn’t know much color theory, but they looked nice, well thought-out for the theme. “S’ pretty though. Heh, Akira if you’re watching,” He winked at the camera, “maybe you’ll just have to show me how to use this thing. And thanks a ton for bein’ a fan!”

So now, just days after posting his video, he had decided that that collaboration might just be a brilliant idea after all. He had spent that morning watching through a number of Akira’s videos, finding he actually enjoyed his content way more than he had expected to considering he had never had interest in makeup in his life. Ryuji then followed Akira on Twitter, happy to see the other had already been following him. But he was a bit nervous. He was going to feel a little bit awkward if he wasn’t actually interested in doing a video with him... Okay a lot awkward.

But he wasn’t going to know if he didn’t reach out. He clicked the IM icon, and typed out a quick message.

From Ryuji Sakamoto: Hey! How’s it goin Akira? Not sure if you’ve seen it but I recently got your gift from my Twitter thread, was wonderin if you’d be interested in showing me what to do with it. 😎

[i-write-shakespeare-not-disney]

Fragile Hearts Ch.11- To Have Been Where We Have Been

Click the OP  (Original post) if the READ MORE link does not show!

THANK YOU TO @bluejayb1rd FOR COMMISSIONING!!! IM SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG T.T also, Tumblr doesn’t transfer italics from copy paste, so.... yeah, I suggest the ao3 link, but it shouldn’t be too bad. 

Click Here for Chapter 1

Click Here for Chapter 10

Fragile Hearts Playlist here

AO3 Links: 

Chapter: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11928798/chapters/44004358 Full Story: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11928798

It felt like with a single blink, a month and a half had gone by. From spring break to graduation, it felt like the days had passed all too quickly.

Pidge stared at herself in the mirror, her fingers grazing over her new haircut. Accompanying Sam to get her hair dyed and styled a week ago resulted in a free haircut because her own had grown out so strangely, the hairdresser had quite literally begged her to let him fix it. Now it fell in a clean diagonal cut, voluminous by the natural waves of her hair.

Samantha and Ana had helped with her makeup. The dress she wore showed some of her old battle scars, but her graduation gown would cover those for a decent amount of time.

“Nervous?” Pidge looked from her reflection to the reflection of her friend in the mirror.

“A little,” she admitted softly. “But… I also want to get it over with.”

Sam stood next to her and wrapped an arm around her. “Well, your guys are ransacking our pantry waiting for you, so you might wanna head out there so they can see you.” Pidge laughed and shook her head. “Come on. Before I get all emotional when we haven’t even said our goodbyes yet.”

Pidge nodded and started for the door, self-conscious with the clack of her heels. She was so unused to them, they were already hurting her feet.

Sure enough when she walked out into her living room, she could hear Lance, Hunk, and Matt moving around the kitchen and the crunch of chips and the crinkling of wrappers along with their voices talking over each other.

She stood in the entrance to watch as they argued over some game until Hunk’s eyes fell on her and immediately made her blush a thousand shades of crimson. When his words stopped short, Matt and Lance looked over too.

“Pidge! You look amazing!” Lance said. He walked over to her and took her hand to twirl her around as Leon barked and pawed at her legs. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in a dress.”

Matt came up to her and tucked her hair behind her ear. “Oh, Katie.” He hugged her so tightly, she felt the air leave her lungs. “Mom and Dad would’ve been so proud,” he whispered. Pidge felt a knot build in her throat. He kissed her cheek before he let go of her.

Then Hunk went up to her. She looked up at him and felt her heart hammer against her chest with the gentle way he looked at her. His eyes full of undeniable love as he touched her cheek gently. “Exquisite,” he whispered with a smile. He leaned in to kiss her chastely on her lips. He never liked to do more than that in front of Matt.

“Okay, we gotta get going, Katie. It’s gonna be a crowded mess trying to get everyone together,” Samantha said as she hooked another earring into her earlobe. “Wanna ride with me?”

“Yeah, we can meet you there after the ceremony is done. Then we get to stuff our faces with food!” Lance said. He shook her by the shoulders. “Ready to be an official graduate?”

“God yes,” she said with an exhausted sigh.

The three of them hugged her and Sam before they left the house. Sam had a pre-grad and post-grad playlist. They sang along to it and stuck with each other up until they were sitting in lined up chairs. Pidge balanced her feet on her heels, trying to calm all the nervous energy she had pent up in her body. Her graduation gown was a little rough, but she was relieved wearing it.

All that time, and she was finally sitting there, her degree within reach. She wasn’t sure what all she would do with it in Vegas yet. After so much time in war and dealing with therapy and then stressing over classes, she just wanted to breathe. She wanted to be normal for a while, with a normal job where she could just relax for a bit. But for now, she wanted to walk across that stage, get her degree, and enjoy being with the people she loved and cherished.

She might have dozed off in the ceremony if it hadn’t been for how anxious she was about walking across the stage with her heels. The closer they got to saying her name, the more restless she became.

“Katharina Holt.”

She heard an immediate response to her name. Cheers that three people alone should not have been able to make, and yet they managed it. When Pidge looked over at the sound as she walked to get her degree, she noticed a giant banner with her name and a familiar icon- the very one she’d programmed into her computer when she was fifteen. And of course, Lance had a megaphone. And Matt had noise makers. And Hunk had the lungs of a fucking opera singer.

Pidge couldn’t help but laugh and blush the entire way back to her seat.

Once all the names were called, all the families had cheered, the tassels were moved, and a final announcement was made for the graduates of 2019, a final deafening cheer gave way to the chatter of families and the clicks of cameras. Samantha, Ana, and even Sophie found her and huddled with her for selfies.

Once Matt, Hunk, and Lance found her, they also started taking photos. She got one with each of them, and a few selfies.

Then they heard someone ask, “Would you guys want one as a group?”

Pidge looked over and almost immediately recognized the Garrison uniform and the one-eyed man smiling. “I-Iverson?” He smiled wider, and his eyes nearly shut with how the corners wrinkled. “What are you doing here?” she asked through surprised laughter as she accepted his hug.

“I’m 26 and I have this internal instinct to stand at attention right now,” Lance muttered with a groan.

Iverson laughed at him and once he greeted the rest of his former students, he gave them a smile. “We get notified when a former Garrison student graduates from elsewhere. We also gave you a scholarship, so we kept track by default. But when I saw your name on the list of this year’s graduates, I had to come.” He looked past them for a second before putting a hand on Lance’s shoulder, laughing when Lance immediately tensed. “And maybe this can help you feel a little more at ease, cadet.”

“What do you-?”

“Miss Katharina Holt?”

Pidge turned and screamed, “Oh my God!” so loudly that the groups taking pictures all around them were startled.

“No fucking way…,” Lance breathed out.

Hunk was covering his face, having been speechless the entire time.

“Shiro?” Matt said softly.

Sure enough, it was Shiro. In a Garrison uniform, with his tuft of white hair and well kept stubble framing his face, pale scar still visible across his nose, and holding a large bouquet of flowers in his arms. “In the flesh. Mostly, of course,” he answered. Pidge leaned against Matt for support and Lance sat himself on the floor to handle the shock. Hunk was the first to move, engulfing Shiro in a hug. “Hey, Hunk. It’s good to see you,” Shiro said with a gentle smile.

“Oh my God, it’s Shiro. Oh my God. Oh my God, it’s fucking Shiro.” Lance seemed to have short-circuited, repeating the same over and over.

Pidge could feel herself shaking, even as she took the bouquet and hugged him tightly. “How did you even get here?” she asked, her voice unable to go above a whisper all of a sudden.

She pulled back, reaching out to touch his face and his hair as if to be sure he was real. Shiro chuckled and let her as he explained. “Well, Iverson told me you were graduating, so I came back to the Garrison for a while. I wasn’t sure if we should approach you, but when we saw these guys here with you, we figured… why not? I hope that was okay?”

“Yes! Yes, absolutely!” Shiro smiled wider and switched to greet Matt. Pidge moved closer to Hunk who was wiping at his eyes and sniffing. “Thank you so much for coming. That means so much to me,” she told Iverson.

Iverson looked at her, his gaze full of mirth. “Katie, you snuck into my office and returned with fake documents as a boy and became a paladin who saved the world. This is honestly the least I could ever possibly do.” Pidge laughed and felt herself blush. She felt Hunk’s hand slide into hers as Shiro knelt down to coax Lance off the ground where he seemed to be shaking. “And I don’t know if it’s something you might want, but you should know that if you ever need it, a job will always be available for you with the Garrison.” He smiled, and Pidge thanked him again.

“We should get someplace without so many spectators,” Pidge suggested when she saw that people kept glancing over at the uniformed men and the person sitting on the grass in a suit. “Love, you should help Shiro get Lance up.”

Hunk nodded and moved to heft Lance up. He was unsteady in his steps, but he leaned against Hunk for support. “Well, I think a celebration is now doubly called for,” Hunk said, absentmindedly soothing Lance. “We’re heading to Pidge’s to finish packing up for the move before partying. You’re coming right?” he asked Shiro.

“If you don’t mind extra people there,” Shiro said with a smile.

“Of course I don’t mind! This is insane!” Pidge hooked her arm into her brother’s. “This is a better surprise than I ever could have dreamt up, Shiro. I wouldn’t want you to go so quickly.”

Shiro looked at Iverson. “What do you say? Lay down some higher duties for a fun night of catching up?” Iverson laughed and agreed. “We’ll meet you there, just give me the address.”

--

It was easier to finish packing with two extra hands. Pidge hardly had to do much more than tell them which boxes to get and where to arrange them in the U-haul. They were done just in time for her roomates who returned from celebratory dinners.

They were dumbstruck at the sight of Shiro in uniform, and Pidge couldn’t help but laugh to herself. Of course, Sam knew who he was right away.

“Oh wow, it’s an honor to meet you,” she said, wide-eyed as she incessantly shook his hand. “My brother loves you so much-”

“W-what?” Shiro asked with a nervous laugh.

“You haven’t heard of Lance’s best-selling series? It’s all the hype in the YA genre,” Matt said, nudging Lance playfully.  

“I had to pull a lot of strings to get the Garrison to turn a blind eye to that,” Iverson said with a huff. “But I’m proud to see how far along you’ve come too. All of you.” Pidge, Matt, Hunk, and Lance looked at each other and smiled. It was so strange to think that they’d all been in his class at some point, reprimanded and muttering under their breath. Before they knew anything about anything.

But the comment also made something cold sprout in Pidge’s heart because she couldn’t help but notice how much more prominent it was that they were still missing a teammate. And based on the look on Hunk and Lance’s faces, they felt it too.

Shiro was getting an over-excited run down of the books he hadn’t known he was part of from Sam, and once she managed to catch him up to the best of her knowledge which came from her brother, he went over to Lance.

As Iverson continued talking to Matt, Pidge stayed off to the side with Hunk. He wrapped his arms around her and swayed her gently as she watched the scene. The people from her past life catching up with nostalgia in their laughter and the people in her new life dancing and singing along to music that played on a speaker, celebrating a milestone. It felt surreal seeing them both in one place, but at the same time it seemed normal. With Sam asking Matt and Iverson questions about the Garrison, and Ana trying to offer them food, Sophie flirting obnoxiously with Lance and Shiro simultaneously, and Leon running around and getting pet by everyone.

“You okay?” Hunk whispered in her ear.

She hummed and nodded. “It’s overwhelming. But also relaxing,” she said. She turned to him and mess with the collar of his shirt. “It feels like I could’ve been doing this all along, you know?”

“Honeybee… You can’t keep berating yourself over the past. Besides it was a choice we all made.” She nodded and wrapped her arms around him. “Come on. You’re a graduate now. How does that feel?”

“Ugh, like I can finally breathe!” she said with a laugh. She looked up at him and smiled. “I missed you so much.”

“Well now you’ll be a quick drive away. No more long distance. We did it.” She smiled wider and sighed as he leaned in to kiss her.

They heard someone clear their throat and broke apart to see Shiro looking at them with a smile that made crow’s feet appear in the corner of his eyes. “So when did this start?” he asked. “You two were always a good pair, and I guess this was bound to happen.”

Hunk laughed and started playing with her hair. “It’s only been a handful of months. But yeah, it feels like longer sometimes. We gotta thank Lance and the blatant lack of secrecy in his books.” Pidge laughed and nodded, recalling the night they first kissed. “How have you been, Shiro? What’s the universe like without us?”

“Oh, you know. They miss us. They still sell figurines and they have ‘vintage’ photos of the days we visited. But everyone’s safe and happy. Allura and Coran are out there helping the planets prosper. They work with me in keeping relations with Earth and all that.” Shiro looked over his shoulder and Pidge saw Lance with Iverson, blushing at something. Based on the way Sam was laughing, Iverson must have been embarrassing him. Shiro looked back at them. “Lance said you guys found him at a book signing.”

“Yeah. My roommate told me about his books and then I found his books and Hunk found a book tour and…. Yeah.”

“You guys… haven’t heard from Keith, have you?”

Hunk and Pidge shared a look. “No. Lance found a photography portfolio he has online, but….”

“I… found his location around that time. It might have changed, but I never told Lance. I offered to find him, but Lance never got back to me,” Pidge said.

Shiro frowned, looking at Pidge then Hunk. “You did something illegal, didn’t you?” Pidge winced and smiled innocently. “Some things just don’t change,” he said with a smile.

“Wait, so… Keith hasn’t even been in contact with you?” Hunk asked.

Shiro shook his head. “Lance asked too, but…. No. I haven’t heard from him, and I don’t get a lot of news when I’m off in a different galaxy.” He sighed and chugged what was left of his beer. “Do you mind sending that portfolio my way?”

“Yeah, of course,” Pidge said.

“So, Pidge. What’s next for you? Moving in with Matt in Vegas and what?”

“I’m not sure yet. I kind of want to take time to calm down. Maybe travel a bit or something? Settle in to Vegas. I do want a job doing what I love with computational skills, but… I’ve done that for so long now, I just want a break.” She felt Hunk massaging her shoulders languidly. “Maybe try to convince Lance to move there too. So he’s not so far away.”

In the kitchen, Ana had taken out a few bottles of liquor and was already setting up for mixers, shots, and whatever else people wanted to have. “Everybody get a drink so we can make a toast!” she called out. Everyone lined up to get something, sipping idly until they were ready for a toast. Ana cleared her throat and raised her glass. “Katie, you’ve been a wonderful roommate and an amazing friend. You’re possibly the smartest person I have ever met and I know I’ll see your name in scientific journals that future college students will have to read and use for research.” Pidge laughed and shook her head. “It’s hard to believe that you’ll be moving away. We’re gonna miss you so much, and we better be invited to your wedding because we absolutely love Hunk!”

“Oh my God,” Pidge said, blushing as she hid her face in Hunk’s arm.

“The four of us graduated today,” Sam said, stepping next to Ana. “But Katie, it’s no secret that you’ve come the farthest. So it’s not just a grad party, but a going away party, and a much needed celebratory party to thank you for everything you’ve done. For us and everyone around you.” Sam managed to keep it vague enough, for the other girls, but Pidge and her former teammates knew what she meant. And they knew that gratitude extended to them. “So a toast to making it through the biggest obstacles and finally reaching the finish line. I’m so happy to have been a part of it with you for the last four years.”

“To Katie!” Sophie said with a wide smile. “And to the class of 2019!”

“To the class of 2019!” they all responded before drinking.

The music was turned up again. They ordered more food to spread on the table. They danced and talked and said goodbyes and reminisced- either about school years or veteran years. Before long Sophie and Ana were drunk, singing along to the karaoke as Pidge suffered the second-hand embarrassment and gave Iverson an apologetic smile.

Iverson only shook his head and continued to drink his whiskey and spent the time talking with his former students or Sam who said her brother would be interested in being part of the program. Sam was the one who bounced about rambling about everything, practically bursting with the awe and feeling starstruck. She asked Lance about signing a copy of a book for her brother and then listened to Shiro describe what the galaxies were like now, and she rambled to Hunk about how he was her brother’s favorite character and how he resonated with him most, then asked Matt what Vegas was like.

Somewhere among the chaos, Hunk took her hand and pulled her aside. They slipped into her room, which was now mostly bare except for Sam’s side.

“I was hoping to steal you away for a dance,” he said, using his phone to scroll through music.

“How sweet,” she said a giddy laugh. She’d had enough to drink to feel light, but not enough to make a fool of herself in front of Iverson or her brother. She felt warm and happy and floaty.

The strum of a guitar filled the room, louder than the muffled noise on the other side of the door. She slipped her hand into Hunk’s as he pulled her near and started stepping side to side, the two of the twirling in a circle.

“This is our first dance as a couple,” she realized as Hunk spun her around gently before pulling her back into him.

“That’s true. But it’ll be hard to surpass dancing in a living room with the furniture pushed aside and fireworks outside the window.” She laughed and pulled her hand away to wrap her arms around his neck instead. “You look happy.”

“I am. I’m with you.” Hunk smiled and nudged his nose against hers gently. “Teach me to say it.” He hummed in confusion. “How to say I love you in Samoan.” Hunk said the phrase, then said it slowly, with Pidge repeating each word after him. The words felt funny on her tongue, but she was determined to learn it. She wanted to tell him she loved him in every language she could. “Okay. Oute a-alofa… ia te… oe.” Hunk nodded, the smile on his face serene and adoring and wonderful. “Oute alofa ia te oe.”

Hunk cupped her face and kissed her, letting the music play around them. The warmth in her body magnified, and she felt dizzy with all of Hunk encompassing her. He pulled away and ran his thumb over her cheek lightly. “I love you so much,” he whispered.

“Will you stay with me tonight?” she whispered. “I know you have a hotel, but….” She shrugged and he tucked her hair behind her ear.

“Of course.” He kissed her forehead, and Pidge sighed as she let herself melt against him. “We should get back to the party,” he whispered.

“Mm. Yeah.” She pulled away and took his hand. “I can’t believe Shiro found us.”

“Well, it’s thanks to Iverson. He contacted him for your graduation.” Hunk opened the door for her and they managed to catch the end of a drunk rendition of Hollaback Girl from Ana and Sam. “You know, we were always so terrified of Iverson as students. Who knew all it took was two drunk college girls to scare him?”

Pidge turned and saw Iverson staring at the karaoke with wide eyes and a confused look. She laughed to herself and walked over to sit with him. “Hardened war vet scared of a couple of twenty-year olds?” she teased.

He scoffed and puffed out his chest. “Of course not!” Pidge arched an eyebrow. He deflated and clinked the ice in his glass. “It’s the singing.” That made Pidge laugh even more.

Shiro came up to them, chewing on some nachos. “We’ll head out as soon as I finish this, okay?” Iverson waved a hand dismissively. “As for you two- I’m gonna hear from you more now right?”

“Absolutely,” Pidge promised. She wrapped her arms around him and leaned into him. “I’m really glad you came. It really was the best gift I could have gotten today.”

“I always knew you’d do great things, Pidge,” he said, ruffling her hair.

At that moment, Leon trotted up to them, leash in his maw as he pawed at Hunk’s leg and whined. “Hey buddy, you gotta go outside?” Hunk glanced around and frowned. “Where’s Lance?”

“Uh, I’m not sure, maybe in the bathroom. Here, I can take him,” Pidge offered. She clipped his leash onto his collar and tugged gently. “Come on boy.” She opened the door and froze before she could even fully step out.

Leon barked causing Lance and Sophie to split apart. “Um. Hey, Pidge,” Lance said weakly.

“What the fuck…?” Pidge muttered. Having stayed at the doorway, the others inside came to peer out. Lance was trying to get the lipstick smudges off his mouth and chin, and Sophie was blushing furiously.

“What are you doing out here?” Sophie asked, her words slurring together.

Pidge looked at Lance and held out the leash. “Leon wanted to go outside. Um. Sorry to interrupt?” She turned around and ushered everyone back inside and shut the door. “So that’s a good note to end the party on, right?”

“She was flirting with him all night,” Hunk said. “Guess that was bound to happen.”

Pidge laughed it off, but she couldn’t help the unease in her chest. She knew Lance still had Keith on his mind, and frankly who he made out with was none of her business, but Sophie? Sure they weren’t exactly enemies, but she was definitely her least liked roommate.

“Some things just don’t change,” Shiro echoed. “Okay, yeah, we’re going to head out. I have a number for my office in the Garrison. Keep me up to date, okay? I’ll get in touch when I come back down again, and maybe you guys can give me a tour of Vegas. I’ve only been once.”

“If you see Coran and Allura, tell them we miss them,” Pidge said.

“Oh! Actually, hold on.” Hunk pulled out his wallet and pulled out a folded polaroid photo. “I I took this of all of us the last time they they visited. Give it to them.” It was a photo of Pidge, Lance, Hunk, and Matt sprawled out on the couch, laughing. It was slightly blurry and tilted because taking a selfie with a polaroid was hard, but it was a good photo. “And see if you can get one of them to bring back for us.”

Shiro smiled and tucked the photo in his uniform pocket. “I will. It was really great seeing you guys again. Safe travels and good luck.” He hugged them each and Pidge had to consciously remind herself to let go. “I promise we’ll stay in touch this time.”

Pidge nodded then turned to Iverson to hug him too. Then she and Hunk followed them out to the car. They said goodbye to Lance when they saw him outside, but Lance still looked embarrassed.

They waited for their headlights to disappear down the street before heading back inside. Lance was leaning against the wall with Leon, and Pidge figured Sophie must have gone back inside.

“Go ahead, let me hear it,” he muttered, kicking at the ground.

“Hear what?” Hunk asked. Lance gave him a deadpan look. Hunk sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “Dude, you’re an adult. We’re not teenagers anymore, and you can do what you want.”

“Then why can I feel your judgement from here?” Pidge and Hunk shared a look and Lance scoffed. “No, no, no don’t do that! Don’t do the thing. You know, the thing where couples have a whole conversation with a look. Just talk to me.”

“Lance, I’m more upset because you decided to swap spit with Sophie. Of all my roommates.”

Hunk sighed. “And it’s not fair to her. You’re not into her, Lance, and we all know it. You’re still hung up on Keith-”

“Yeah, and what do I do about that?” he snapped. “It’s not like you and Pidge. You guys got lucky. You guys met again and you were still in love with her and it worked out. Keith left me. He’s disappeared off the face of the Earth and the probability of seeing him again are slim, and even if I did, it’s not like we can just pick up where we left off. And I can’t spend another five years getting over it.” He rubbed his face tiredly and then scratched his head, stuffing his other hand into his jeans pocket. “I’m sorry I kissed her, Pidge. She was pushing, and I was lonely and tipsy and I figured it wouldn’t hurt. I didn’t mean to ruin your fun.”

Pidge smiled and hooked her arm with his. “You didn’t. I just don’t like her. Besides she’s a really messy drunk, and she’ll probably forget this by tomorrow. And I told you- if you want me to find him, I can. Just say the word.”

“What if you can’t?” he whispered.

Pidge looked at Hunk. He nodded. “I already did once.” Lance’s head snapped up. “He was in some tiny island in the middle of nowhere. You still weren’t sure if you wanted to look for him, so I didn’t tell you. But if you want to find him now, I can help.”

Lance stared at her, wide-eyed for a moment. Pidge was already itching to get her hands on her laptop. Then he shook his head. “No. No, if he… if he doesn’t want to be found, then…. I want to respect that. He hasn’t even contacted Shiro. He doesn’t want us finding him. I just gotta move on. Thank you though, Pidge.”

She nodded and wrapped an arm around him. “We love you, Loverboy.”

“Oh my God,” Lance groaned.

Hunk laughed and opened the door for them to head back inside. Sophie was already half asleep on the couch and Matt was making himself another hot dog. Ana and Sam were crying about something and talking over each other in high pitched voices and hugging.

Pidge helped get Sophie to her bed. Ana and Sam decided to share Ana’s so Lance could sleep in Sam’s. Matt would sleep on the couch. Hunk, of course, would sleep with Pidge.

They cleaned up a bit, mostly getting trash into bags and dishes loaded into the dishwasher, before they split up for some much needed rest before they caught their plane the next day. Lance was in charge of making sure everything on the U-Haul made it to Vegas, but he wouldn’t be going with them to Vegas. Then Pidge would settle in at Matt’s and start her normal adult life.

But in that moment, with everyone settled into their sleeping arrangement, it felt like their old sleepovers. Pidge, Lance, and Hunk stayed up a little later, laughing and whispering in the dark. It wasn’t until their voices became heavy with a need for sleep that they let the conversation die out and each succumbed to sleep.

---

Within the next day, Pidge had moved across the country. She didn’t have a lot of her stuff yet other than the luggage she managed to load on the plane. It would be another handful of days before her stuff arrived. The jetlag was so bad, Pidge immediately fell asleep even though it was only seven thirty when she arrived. Hunk stayed because he was pretty exhausted too, and Matt didn’t even make it to the bed- he just turned on the TV and immediately knocked out on the couch.

Even so, Pidge didn’t fully wake up until a little past noon the following day. Hunk was scrolling through his phone when she opened her eyes, one hand idly stroking her hair.

“Hey,” she mumbled, burrowing her face into his chest. “What are you doing?”

“Reading up on news,” he answered. “How’d you sleep?”

“I slept to the point where I’m exhausted, and my body hurts,” she said with a light laugh. “I’m starving.”

“I can make food.” Hunk kissed her forehead lightly and got out of bed. Pidge watched him go and smiled to herself. She couldn’t believe she’d get to have more mornings like this.

She pulled herself out of bed and cleaned herself up a bit before heading out to the kitchen. By the time Hunk finished cooking, even Matt had been lured out of his room.

It was nice to eat with them without the constant reminder that she’d have to leave soon. She was home now. For good.

---

By the next weekend she was home, her stuff had arrived and Hunk helped her decorate and arrange her room. To celebrate the official end of moving in, Hunk arranged a date night at his place.

When they arrived at his apartment, Hunk covered her eyes before unlocking the door. “Has your place been set up all day?” Pidge asked, biting back her smile.

“Honeybee, I've had this planned since you booked your flight home.” Pidge laughed and let him lead her inside. “Okay, ready?” She nodded and Hunk uncovered her eyes. “Open.”

She opened her eyes and felt her heartbeat stutter at the sight of flower petals leading to the living room where the furniture had been pushed away to make way for a blanket. The lamps were on their lowest setting, filling the place with a soft light. By the time she turned to face Hunk, he'd gotten a hold of a basket that looked like it had been plucked right out of a movie.

“Oh my God….”

Hunk smiled and shrugged. “You always said you wanted a date like in the movies. It's no park, but I figured-”

“It's perfect. I love it,” she said with a laugh that bubbled up from her chest and pushed her to wrap her arms around Hunk. “I love you.”

Hunk smiled in a way that made her heart melt. In a way that made her feel like the most important person in the universe.

He took her hand and led her to the living room. They sat down and Hunk pulled out the food he'd prepared. Pidge couldn't help but laugh when he pulled out her favorite picnic food- peanut butter banana sandwiches with the crust cut off. He pulled out Capri-Suns and pudding cups. Pidge had to hide her face because she was blushing and smiling so much.

It really was perfect.

Hunk played music on a speaker. Soft love songs that faded into the background as they talked and ate, but Pidge noticed a couple of songs that she had mentioned she loved in passing.

“Stay still, you have pudding on your face,” Pidge said, reaching forward to wipe at Hunk's cheek.

Hunk grabbed her hand and tilted his face against it. He pressed a kiss to her palm and pulled her closer.

“You're breathtaking, you know that?” Pidge felt herself blush to the tips of her ears and Hunk chuckled. “I could spend every day of forever counting every freckle on your face and every speck of green in your eyes.”

Pidge bit her lip and touched his face with her free hand. “You know… if you really think about it… that would be very creepy.”

Hunk's bellowing laughter filled the room. Then he cupped her face and kissed her through his smile “Pidge, my sweet honeysuckle, you are the epitome of romance.”

She shrugged and smirked at him. “What can I say? I'm a natural.”

Hunk brushed his nose against hers in a slow eskimo kiss. “So how have you enjoyed your first week as an official Vegas resident?”

Pidge took a breath and let it out with a hum. “Let's see. I spent the first day mostly cuddling with you. I haven't had any tests or homework to worry about. I've binged TV with Matt and spent the night with you.” She nodded. “Yeah. Pretty awesome first week.” Hunk laughed and brushed her hair back. “Kiss me.”

He didn't have to be told twice. He cupped her face with his wide hands, keeping her safe and loved between them. His mouth was soft and moved slowly against hers until Pidge had fully relaxed against him.

She shifted to sit in his lap, her legs bent on either side of him. She felt his thumb slide along her cheek, then along her jawline, then down the side of her throat. She hummed against his lips and took a sharp breath when he pulled away from her in favor of tilting her head and kissing her neck.

He froze and rubbed soothing circles into her hip. “Is this okay?”

“Yeah,” she breathed.

Hunk's lips pressed against her skin and Pidge let her mouth fall open at the sensation of heat that bolted through her. This was so new, it was so new.

She'd been with Hunk for months now, had spent the night with him several times, but the most that had come of it were heavy makeout sessions that they both had to feel back from. Whether it was because they both had a level of apprehension for anything more or because neither of them wanted to do much more if Pidge would be leaving, or if it was something else entirely, she wasn't sure.

She just knew that this was a new side of Hunk she didn't know. Though not entirely. Because even as his hands roamed her body, they stayed at her back, or along her waist, or down the side of her leg. Even with her breaths turning shallow, and the small whimpers of surprise she let out in his ear, he stayed on safe areas of her body.

Then she felt the way he sucked against her skin, the way her skin sparked when his teeth grazed it, and she gasped. She shoved her hands into his hair, keeping him in place, her hips moving of their own accord against him.

He moaned and pulled back, his forehead resting on her shoulder as their breaths tried to even out.

“I'm sorry,” she whispered.

He shook his head. “No, it's okay, love. I just… just don't want to get too carried away.”

“Is that for yourself or for me?”

Hunk brushed his nose against hers. “You. I know… I know you said you haven't done anything. And you went through some shitty people….” He touched her face lightly and twirled a strand of hair that fell forward around his finger. “It's not something I want to trigger or rush or-”

Pidge leaned in to kiss him and wrapped her arms around his neck. She pulled back and buried her face in the crook of his neck. “I trust you. I feel safe with you.” She pulled away to look him in the eyes. “Ever since I got back on Earth, I haven't felt safe around any guys. Especially after what happened in my friend's dorm…. But with Lance and Matt, I feel okay. And with you?” She grabbed his hands and intertwined them with hers. “I feel so safe with you. I don't feel afraid of anything when I'm with you.” She kissed his hands and rested her cheek against one. “I know you'd never hurt me.”

Hunk smiled at her and kissed her again. “Well if it's alright with you… I don't really want to do this on my living room floor.” Pidge laughed and nodded in agreement.

She stood up so he could stand too. Then he scooped her up in his arms, making her shriek and laugh as she clung to him.

He carried her to the bedroom and laid her slowly on the bed. Pidge's heart was pounding with what the night had decided to surprise her with. She didn't believe in the whole concept of her worth laying in her virginity. She'd never been religious enough to identify with that. But that didn't mean it wasn't important.

Sex was something intimate and vulnerable to her. She wanted her first time to matter and of course she wanted it to be special. She was still nervous, though. Hunk was her best friend. She loved him with all her heart. He knew her better than anyone. But everything would still be new, and not knowing what to expect… that scared her.

Hunk had returned to kissing her. A kiss not unlike all their other kisses when they were alone. Slow. Gentle. Soothing.

One hand held him up, the other rubbed soothing circles against her side, over her shirt.

Pidge took his hand and led him under her shirt, letting his hand splay across her stomach. He traced his fingertips there, not quite tickling, but still lightly enough to give her goosebumps. His breaths turned shallow.

He kissed her neck again and this time Pidge arched up into him. Heat pooled in her stomach, between her legs, and she felt her heart pound louder in her ears. His hand trailed up just under her bra and he hesitated.

“Okay?” he asked with a shaky voice. She nodded and his finger traced the top edges of the cup. Skin she had never let anyone touch. She shivered, her breaths trembling as her toes curled.

Her shirt was hiked up as far as it could go, but oddly enough she didn't feel as self-conscious as she thought she would. Her skin was pale, with obvious tan lines with the recent spring and summer sun. Freckles everywhere. Her stomach wasn't flat no matter how often she told herself she'd start working out again. And then the scars. Long, white, jagged lines that had faded only slightly over time.

Hunk's knee nudged her legs apart and she gasped when he settled himself between them. He was breathing heavily a sound that was loud over the hammering of her heart in the quiet room. Pidge was grateful for the slowness of it all. He pulled his hand away to settle on the mattress and burrowed his face against her shoulder. His beard tickled, but before Pidge could comment, he scooped his arms around her and she realized he was shaking.

She stilled and moved her hands to his face, insisting on getting him to look at her.

“Hey, what is it?”

“Nothing,” he whispered. But she recognized that look in his eyes. That distant look like he wasn't fully there, the furrow of his eyebrows. His lower lip trembled and his breaths hadn't slowed down. “I'm okay.”

“Hunk. We can stop. You can tell me if you want to stop.”

He sighed and settled over her, his arms around her, holding her between himself and the bed. He rested his head on her chest and she settled for running her fingers through his hair.

She could still feel the slight tremors of his body. His voice was small when he spoke. “But it's you. I love you, and-”

“And we don't need to do this for me to believe that. I know you love me. And you always make me feel loved. But you've had your own bad history with this, and I understand if you want to wait more. Besides, I was kind of nervous too.” She ran her fingers along his tattooed arm and smiled. “We've got time. We're not in a war that's gonna put us in danger. I'm not on the other side of the country anymore.”

He turned to bury his face in her chest. She was flat enough that it was still a chaste gesture, and for once, she didn't feel so self-conscious about small boobs. He didn’t speak again until he’d stopped hyperventilating.

“I love you,” he said, muffled by her bunched up shirt. “But… I think I do need to stop.”

“Okay,” she said. “I love you too.” She followed the swirl of black ink in his skin. “Can you tell me about your tattoos again?”

Hunk shifted to lay beside her. She took the chance to pull her shirt back down and rolled onto her side to face him as his arm pulled her closer.

Hunk began to tell her the stories behind the tattoo sleeve he had. The swirl of flames, ocean waves, tumultuous clouds, earthly rocks, and leafy vines. The lion paw. The arrows, the intricate lines of patterns that derived from Samoan designs. He told her about going into the shop for several sessions, slowly piecing the puzzle together. How he hoped to fill his whole arm one day, maybe his back too, so it could tell his life story.

“You wanna be your own body quilt?” she asked, slightly amused.

“Why not? I could add how we came back to each other. Finding Lance. Seeing Shiro again.” He shrugged and leaned in to kiss the top of her head. “I always said that if I ever had kids, I’d add their handprints or something. Document the milestones.”

“Don’t they hurt?”

Hunk smirked. “You want one?” Pidge winced and smiled. “It depends. These didn’t hurt much. Felt like a pinch or a scrape. I mean, honestly, compared to some stuff we went through with Voltron? Not too bad.” He traced a finger over Pidge’s arm, connecting the freckles with his finger. “You already have art on your body.”

“My freckles?” she asked with a disbelieving laugh. “I mean… I don’t hate them, but they’re not art.”

“They’re like stars. You’ve got constellations all over you. You’re a galaxy, honeybee.” Her ran a finger over one of her scars which ran from her elbow to the back of her forearm. “Complete with shooting stars and meteors.”

She chuckled and poked the top of his nose. “I think you’re the only one who sees it that way, love.”

He shrugged. “More for me to admire then. I’ve traveled the universe, but I’ve got a whole other universe right here in you.” Pidge felt her heart swell and her cheeks burned. It was so easy to believe him when he looked at her that way.

“I love you,” she whispered, putting all of her adoration and love and fascination into those three syllables.

The smile that spread on his face was slow and sleepy, but warm and full of joy. “My heart is yours,” he answered. Pidge’s lips parted in surprise. Her heartbeat fluttered and every part of her relaxed further to curl into him.

Their breaths slowed as they started to fall asleep. Pidge had a fleeting thought of how lucky she was to have fallen in love with someone who love her without inhibitions and did everything to make sure she never forgot or doubted it. Hunk loved her for who she was, and he had since they were young. Pidge never had to hide anything from him, never had to shy away or cover her body or quell her quirks. Hunk knew all of it. Loved all of her.

It was more than she ever dreamed of experiencing.

[tomhsparker]

new rules - tom holland imagine #5

about : tom hates your ex boyfriend. like really hates your ex boyfriend. 

warning : very cheesy dialogue, angry/sad tom, a lotta swearing!

notes : so dua lipa’s new song, new rules, really got me feeling like i miss an ex i never had. hence, i decided to write this. it’s really cheesy and im not v proud of it, but im gonna post it anyways. enjoy!

----

“Talkin' in my sleep at night, makin' myself crazy.”

You gasped, sitting up in your bed. Sweat rolled down your forehead, your back, everywhere. Images of your dream came running through your mind and your heart dropped.

It had been about five weeks since your breakup with your ex boyfriend. Back then, he seemed like the perfect man to you. He was charming and funny. His chocolate brown eyes and his radiant smile practically drew you in. If someone told you six months ago that he would break your heart, you would’ve refused to believe them. In your mind, he was a perfect angel.

An angel just for you, and not anyone else.

Or so you thought.

On the day of your six months anniversary, you had planned a wonderful home-made dinner at home. A bowl of spaghetti sat on your dinner table, which eventually grew colder as the hours passed. You told Eric to come over at 7, but it was already nearing midnight and he was nowhere to be seen.

Exasperated, you poured the remainder of the red wine bottle in your cup and downed it in ten seconds. You couldn’t believe it. He wasn’t going to come. Tossing your phone aside, you gave up on texting and calling him. It wasn’t like he was going to reply anyways. You stood up from the dinner table and grabbed the spaghetti bowl. Stomping over towards your trashcan, you threw it into the bin furiously. Your head was at a disarray and anger bubbled in your heart.

You were livid. What was he doing that was more important than you?

Grabbing your smartphone and a coat, you walked out of your tiny apartment and into your car. If he wasn’t going to come to you, you were going to him. This wasn’t the first time he had ditched either, so you were even more pissed off by the fact that he did this to you.

You reached his house in a matter of minutes, but what you saw made your heart shatter into a trillion pieces.

There he was, standing outside his apartment building, with a beautiful blonde girl in his arms. His lips were hungrily attacking hers, along with his hands intertwined in her hair. You soon recognized the girl as your best mate, Alice.

You weren’t sure what you were feeling, but you knew you had to get out of there as quick as possible. Reversing, you sped away from the heart-wrenching scene.

Somehow, you weren’t very surprised by the sight. You knew deep down, he was going to find someone new.

“My love, he makes me feel like nobody else, nobody else

But my love, he doesn't love me, so I tell myself, I tell myself.”

After that night, you broke off all ties with Eric. Although you knew better, a small part of you still missed him. And it seemed like Eric did too, since he kept trying to call and text you. You almost caved in several times, but you were grateful that you had someone to always stop you from doing so.

Picking up your phone from the nightstand, you unlocked it and scrolled through your contacts. You put the phone against your ear after clicking the ‘call’ icon.

“Hello?” A groggy voice came after three rings.

“Tom, can I come over? I don’t think I can sleep,” you asked, slipping out of your bed.

“Y/N? Yeah sure, come over. But you do realise it’s literally 3 am in the morning?” Tom groaned, some shuffling from his own duvet filled your ears.

“I know, I’m sorry. But I need a nice Holland hug right now,” you chuckled.

Tom merely hummed and told you to stay safe before you hung up. Throwing on a hoodie, you wore your trainers and in a few minutes, you were out the door. The cold London air made the hair on your arms stand even though you were wearing a hoodie. Jogging over to your car, you unlocked it quickly and drove off.

One, don't pick up the phone

You know he's only calling 'cause he's drunk and alone

When Tom opened the door, the first thing he did was envelop you in a hug. The cold winter weather made you shiver, so the Holland hug was super helpful. You melted into his arms, sighing in relief. Wrapping your arms around his waist, you snuggled your head into his chest. His head rested on top of yours and the both of you stood outside his house, in complete but comfortable silence.

You broke out of the hug first, enjoying the welcoming yet tiring smile on his face. Tom took your arm and led you into the house, letting you walk in first before locking the door. You slipped off your shoes, making sure to be extremely quiet. The Holland household was so eerily silent since everyone was asleep.

“Want a cup of tea?” Tom sleepily asked, rubbing his eyes.

“Nah, I’m good. Let’s just go to bed,” you said, already walking towards Tom’s room.

“G-go to bed?” Tom stuttered, jogging after you.

Turning the knob to his door, you nodded.

“I can’t sleep so I wanted to sleep with you.”

You froze and cringed, realising how awkward that sounded. Turning around slowly, you were greeted by a blushing Tom.

“T-That’s not what I meant. I meant,” now you were stumbling on your words too. Tom hid his face behind his hands and you could feel your own cheeks turn pink. You started to feel dumb as you entered his room, falling face first onto  his bed.

A soft giggle sounded beside you and you groaned, using Tom’s pillow to cover the back of your head. Soon, the both of you were laughing a bit too hardly and too long for a joke like that. The bed sunk in beside you as you simmered down, finally stopping your laughter. You were about to ask him to scoot over when you felt the phone in your pocket vibrate. Flipping over, you took the phone out from your pocket and looked at the screen. The smile on your face instantly vanished and you could feel your heart palpitating.

“What’s wrong, Y/N?”

You showed him your phone and a glare replaced Tom’s worried look. Snatching your phone from your hands, he pressed the decline button. Almost a few seconds after Tom hung up, Eric’s name flashed through the screen again.

“Tom, I’ll just - “ you were trying to take back your phone but Tom held his other arm out, blocking you from taking it back. He stood up and pressed the answer function. You gasped and hobbled over the bed, whispering for Tom to hang up.

‘Hey, asshole. Listen to me, you piece of shit. I’m saying this once and once only. Call Y/N one more time and I promise, you’ll never see daylight ever again. You didn’t deserve her, and you never will. So stop calling,” Tom spat, his voice dripping with venom. He didn’t even give a chance for Eric to answer as he hung up.

For a moment, Tom stood beside his bed with the phone clutched tightly in his hand. His chest heaved with heavy breaths and his jaw was clenched. The muscles on his arms protruded and you could see the veins on his neck popping. He was pissed.

You kept quiet, not knowing what to say. Without thinking, you spoke softly.

“You didn’t have to do that. I was handling him well enough.”

Tom laughed humorously, “what did you even see in him?”

Staring at your hands, you shrugged.

“He was nice,” you answered pathetically, refusing to look at Tom. You could feel his stare piercing through your skin.

“So was I.”

“Two, don't let him in

You'll have to kick him out again.”

“What does that mean?” you questioned, finally looking up.

Tom let out another humourless laugh, putting down your phone on his desk while pacing up and down his room.

“How do you not know? God, I dropped so many hints,” Tom said, his voice quivering slightly, “and you don’t have a clue.”

You watched him walk about in his room, feeling your heart thumping in your chest.

“I don’t understand,” you mumbled.

Tom stopped and let his hands fall onto his sides, a defeated look on his face.

“I’m fucking in love with you, Y/N. Always have been. And it hurt watching you fall in love with someone who clearly didn’t love you back. Do you know how it feels to see you cry over some dick that never loved you? When all along it was me who loved you?”

By this time, he was panting. His soft brown eyes that you had grown to love were filled with unshed tears, threatening to spill. You stayed silent, completely stunned.

“Do you have any idea how much it fucking hurt to hear you talk about Eric and how much you want him back even though you knew you shouldn’t? Every day I have to tell you that you deserve better than him and it stings. I have to control myself whenever I’m around you, because I know you will never love me back.  I can’t,” he stopped and wiped a tear rolling down his cheek, “I can’t believe that even after three years of knowing you, I’m still in love with you. When you clearly don’t feel the same.”

“And it doesn’t matter anymore because you love Eric. I don’t even - I don’t even know why I try. I guess I’m just not good enough for you.”

You rose from the bed, walking over towards Tom. His eyes were trained on the ground as he cried silently, more and more tears falling. Your heart was sinking at the sight of the usually bubbly and happy boy crying. Holding his face, you whispered for him to look up.

When you looked into his eyes, it finally hit you like a tidal wave.

It made sense now.

The hugs that would last too long, the ditzy smiles, the frequent flowers he got you, the lingering stares and the constant compliments.

You always thought he did it because he was your best friend. It was his duty to love you. You didn’t know he loved you like that.

And you were fucking glad for that. You always felt the same way.

You hid your feelings for Tom because you knew you weren’t good enough for him. Tom was an actor, on his way to becoming a well-known celebrity. Thousands of girls were also in pursuit for his love, so you tried to get over your feelings for him by going out with Eric. You were so scared of loving Tom, in fear of rejection.

He needed someone who was as successful as him, so he won’t be dragged down. He needed someone as beautiful as he was, inside and out.

You were none of that.

But after hearing his own confession, a weight finally lifted off your shoulders.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” you asked, your voice above a whisper.

Tom smiled sadly, “because I couldn’t. You loved someone else.”

“Tom,” you breathed out, “it was always you.”

He frowned, looking at you through his eyelashes.

“What?”

“Why do you think I dated Eric? Look at him. He looks like you. I only went out with him because I was trying to get over you,” you admitted, “I thought I was only a friend to you. So I started dating Eric to get you off my mind.”

“And for some reason, you still popped up in my head everyday. It’s you, Tom.”

You wiped a tear with your thumb, slowly caressing his cheek. He leaned into your hand, shutting his eyes. Closing your eyes, you leaned in and collided his lips with yours. Tom made a noise but quickly recovered, holding your neck gently as he kissed back.

This kiss felt different from any other kiss you ever had. It was sweet, gentle yet full of passion and love. All of your repressed feelings were flowing, making the kiss more meaningful.

Tom pulled away, his hand still on your neck. He opened his eyes slowly and peered at you with his doe-like eyes.

“This isn’t some rebound thing, right?”

Shaking your head, you smiled sweetly and pecked him on his lips.

His lips tasted salty, probably from the tears that he cried. Yet they were extremely soft and you knew you were gonna get addicted to kissing him.

“I’ve been waiting years to do that,” Tom grinned, his smile widening by the second.

“Ditto, Holland.”

He let his lips touch your forehead and kissed it, before leading you over to his bed. The both of you laid down as Tom tossed the duvet over the both of you. You cuddled into his larger figure, letting him wrap his arms around you.

“I’m sorry I made you wait three years,” you joked, feeling his chest rumble from his laughter.

“For you, I would’ve waited more.”

You couldn’t help but snort at his reply, “that was cheesy.”

He rolled his eyes, “you love it.”  

“As much as I hate to admit it, I do.”

[zoemurph]

blistering feet, ch2: warm up

on ao3  1

yup i dont know anymore. hope youre having a good week, im suffering and college is horrific

tw: panic attack. a lot is the same as that first day of school scene through waving through a window, so keep that in mind

Evan knows his mother means well, but he’s also pretty sure she’s somehow out to kill him.

Which isn’t true! She’s trying her best and works long hours and pays for all his classes and therapy and medication and he’s just a burden that— that’s a huge expense. Which is why Evan can’t understand why over the summer she brought up moving dance studios to a more expensive one (even if it’s a little closer). He also can’t understand why she wants him to compete.

Competition is terrifying. And the idea of it makes him want to throw up. His hands start getting sweaty and his breathing gets shallow and everything gets bad.

His mom had said something about putting himself out there in his last year of high school. Doing things he fears and going outside his comfort zone.

Evan doesn’t know how to tell her that everything is outside his comfort zone.

Which is why instead of thinking about the fact that he has his first class at the new studio in two days or writing a letter like Doctor Sherman always wants him to, he’s laying in bed scrolling through some dance forum Jared signed him up for a while back.

Most of the posts and threads don’t get much of a reaction from him— some people are very open about where they dance and use the forum to discuss classes and teachers and (if bribed correctly) studio secrets, but Evan tries to remain as anonymous as possible. He doesn’t have a name on his profile, his username has no indication of who he is, his icon is the silhouette of a dancer doing an arabesque against a tree, and the most anyone can tell about his location is his timezone. The only one who knows who he is is Jared.

Jared, who created an account for Evan, which Evan immediately deleted because he couldn’t figure out how to change the username and he could not have a username like that. Surprisingly and thankfully, Evan’s online persona is one of the few secrets Jared has managed to keep.

Evan rolls his eyes when he comes across of Jared’s posts.

(5:32 pm) yalikejazz: FUCK ballet ↳ (5:47 pm) checkyourattitude: Fuck you

After posting his response, Evan goes back to scrolling. The posts kind of blur together into a mess of advice, complaining, and screaming about song choices that no one can share without studio heads get angry. He’s squinting at a really long rant about fake eyelashes from someone with the username ‘fondueforfrogs’ when he gets a text from Jared.

From: here comes that boi To: fake friend      i know your username evan fuck you too

From: fake friend To: here comes that boi       I know you d o

From: here comes that boi To: fake friend       ha ha very funny       i had tech today so fuck off

Evan rolls off his bed. He hasn’t stretched in a few days and being in pain during warm up doesn’t sound like a great way to start at a new studio. If he can minimize the things he has to worry about, that’d be great.

From: fake friend To: here comes that boi       Id rather  be in tech than in a ocmpetition class

Evan is perfectly content spending the rest of his days privately practicing solos in the studio. One recital a year was bad. At least one competition a month during the season is too much.

From: here comes that boi To: fake friend       yeah but youre fucking weir d

Evan rolls his eyes and leans down and touches his toes. He lays the phone on the floor in front of him so he can still see Jared’s messages as he stretches. He turns his feet out into first position and does a slow demi plié, stretching out his back as much as possible. Something in his back pops and with a sigh, Evan stretches a little further.

From: here comes that boi To: fake friend       comps are great you get to spend an entire weekend wiht me

Evan ignores Jared’s text until he’s sitting on the floor stretching out his hamstrings.

From: fake friend To: here comes that boi       Yeah that sound s like a lot of fun       I sitll blame you and  your moms for thi s

Jared’s moms always go on and on about how great competitive dance has been for Jared. Whenever they talk about it, Jared rolls his eyes and calls them dramatic, but Evan knows better. Jared always seems happier after he’s spent long periods of times with dance friends. A group that Evan is now awkwardly edging in on.

Him and Jared aren’t actual friends, they’re just family friends.

From: here comes that boi To: fake friend       fuck off im super fun       dude i t might suck but youll get over it       its really not that bad       plus itll make your mom happy

Evan leaves the texts on read and works on his oversplits.

 Walking to the studio kind of sucks, but the shorter walk actually makes it worse. Now, Evan can get to the studio faster. And everything can go horribly wrong faster.

When he opens the studio door, he’s welcomed by a waiting room filled with loud elementary schoolers and their parents.

All classes start today, that includes non competitive classes.

Evan weaves his way through the yelling children to the front desk. “H-hi I’m um— I’m a competitive da-dancer? And...new so I’m just wondering where I—” He squeezes the strap of his bag and tries to stop himself from rambling.

The woman at the desk smiles. “Welcome to Elite, then, sweetheart. I’m Alyssa and I’m here most days if you ever need anything. I teach some of the babies.” She gestures to the kids running around the waiting room. “Most of the competition classes are in the extension of the studio.” She leans forward to point toward a set of stairs. “If you go up the stairs, there’s a room of cubbies where all the comp kids leave their things. Then if you go down the hall and to the left, you should see all the competition studios. They’re all labeled and there’s a schedule up in the cubby room that should tell you what studio to go to for what class. If you need any help, all the dancers are very nice and would be happy to show you where to go. Have a good class!”

Alyssa turns back to her computer and Evan has to take a moment to try and process all that information without freaking out.

Stairs. He can do stairs.

There’s no door on the entrance of the storage room. A few people are sitting on the floor, one stretching and the others scrolling on their phones while laughing about something Evan is not privy to.

He left early because he was anxious about being late, but now he’s anxious about being early. Perfect.

Evan takes out his ballet flats and puts his bag in a cubby by the door and sits down as far away from the other people in the room as possible. Not that it helps.

“Are you new?” the girl who’s stretching asks suddenly.

Evan looks up with a jolt, noticing that she is a lot closer now than she was before. “W-what?”

“New,” she repeats. “Are you new? I don’t recognize you.”

“I— yeah, yeah. I’m…new.” Evan ducks his head and hopes the conversation will end. He recognizes her from school — it’d be impossible not to considering she does everything — but it’s not surprising she doesn’t remember him. Evan isn’t sure if that’s a good or bad thing.

“I’m Alana.”

“Evan,” he mutters.

“What happened to your arm?” Alana asks.

Evan winces. “I uh— I broke it. I was climbing a tree…”

“Oh really? My grandma broke her hip getting into the bathtub in July.” Evan’s eyes widen. “That was the beginning of the end, the doctors said. Because then she died.”

Evan stares at her.

Is he supposed to respond to that? What’s the socially accepted way to react to someone you’ve just met telling you that?

Alana stands suddenly. “I have to go. Have a good class!” She steps around Evan and is gone.

Evan stares at the spot she was sitting in for a second before he pulls on his other ballet flat.

A bag is dropped onto the floor next to him and his heart almost leaps out of his chest.

“Hey nerd,” Jared says, tossing shoes into a cubby.

Evan takes a shallow breath. “H-hey.”

“Can’t believe you made it without getting hit by a car.”

Evan picks at his cast. “You’re— that’s not helping, Jared.”

“Yeah, yeah I get it.” Jared grabs Evan’s good arm and yanks him to his feet. Jared pats Evan’s cast. “How you doing, acorn?”

Evan furrows his eyebrows. “Can we, like, not call me that?”

Jared shrugs. “Think you can survive a few classes?”

“No.”

Jared snorts. “Brutal. If you can survive a class with Oana, you can survive anything.”

Evan thinks otherwise.

Jared pulls them away from the doorway and further into the storage room to let the other girls in the room out. “Seriously, get over it. We all suffer for our parents.”

“Ha, yeah but—”

Evan cuts himself off as someone stalks into the storage room, dumping his bag into a cubby without giving Evan or Jared a second glance.

Until Jared decides to open his mouth.

“Hey, Connor. Haven’t seen the hair down in a while and I’m loving the length. Very school shooter chic.”

Evan wants to die. More than usual.

Very slowly, Connor turns around. He stares at Jared with scary and almost empty looking eyes and Evan realizes he knows this Connor. Because this Connor is Connor Murphy, who’s been in Evan’s grade for years but Evan has avoiding for almost as long because Evan avoids everyone.

“I was kidding,” Jared says. “It was a joke.”

Evan can literally feel the floor opening up beneath him.

“Yeah, no, it was funny. I’m laughing.” Connor leans forward. “Can’t you tell? Am I not laughing hard enough for you, Kleinman?” he hisses.

Jared laughs awkwardly. “You’re such a freak.” He darts around Connor and skids out the door.

Oh no.

Evan coughs. Laughs. Makes…some sort of noise. Because he’s panicking and doesn’t know what to do and his body is freaking out and everything is uncomfortable and awful and he doesn’t know how this day could go so bad so fast.

Connor’s eyes snap to him. “What the fuck are you laughing at?”

Evan freezes. “What?”

“Stop fucking laughing at me!” Connor snaps.

“I’m not—”

“You think I’m a freak?!”

“I wasn’t—”

“You’re the fucking freak!” Connor shouts. He shoves Evan back toward the wall. “Get the fuck to class.” Connor snatches his bag from the cubby and storms out of the room.

Evan stumbles backward until his back hits the wall. His knees give out and he crumples to the ground and his nails scratch at the plaster of his cast as he tries to figure out how breathing works again and he has class he has class he has class he has— 

“Are you okay?”

Evan’s eyes snap up and there’s Zoe Murphy. She’s frowning down at him with her hair tied up in a near perfect ballet bun and is offering a hand to him.

“I- I’m just—” Evan takes her hand and lets her help him up.

“Did something happen with my brother?” she asks, slipping a bag off her shoulder. “I just saw him storm out of here and— he can be awful. It’s probably best just to ignore him when he’s in a mood.”

“Oh.”

“Evan, right?” Zoe asks. “Jared mentioned you. I think I’ve seen you around at school.”

“Yeah. Evan. It’s Evan.” Evan rocks back on his heels.

“I’m Zoe.” She shoots him an awkward smile.

“I know,” he says quickly. “I-I mean I’ve— I went to a jazz band concert? I like jazz— I love jazz. Jazz band, not all jazz but jazz band. That’s so weird, I’m sorry.” Evan can hear Jared laughing at him in his mind.

Zoe gives him a sort of confused look as she puts away her bags and pulls out a waterbottle and her flats and pointe shoes. “Uh, okay? Are you…going to ballet with Oana?”

Evan nods.

“Same. Most of the senior comp kids are in it. The ballet classes are the biggest ones, since they aren’t competitive, they’re just required.” She gestures with her pointe shoes. “Do you know where the studio is?”

“N-no,” Evan admits, trying not to cringe.

Zoe smiles at him again and it’s a little like an angel is saving him. “Follow me.” 

—«·»—

After Oana’s class — it’s really not that bad, Evan has no idea what Jared’s problem with it is — Evan pulls out a notebook and rips out a piece of paper and scribbles out the beginnings of a letter before he can forget what he wants to say. Whenever Doctor Sherman asks “how did you feel this week?” Evan feels his mind blank, so despite the fact that he trashes most of his letters, they do help him sort of place his emotions throughout the week.

It doesn’t take too long for Zoe to show up in his words.