#and yeah i do feel kinda sorry for her. she's probably shed some tears about it in her private jet

[pinktinselmonstrosity]

"I can't believe people are making me feel bad for Taylor swift" LITERALLY SO TRUE I'm a hater above almost anything but these people are so insane and have no boundaries. Leave her alone!! Stop being weird!!

could not give less of a shit about this woman or her 'art' but these fans are WILD!!!! imagine the person you claim to look up to and love telling you explicitly to please stop harassing her and you seeing that as an attack??? it's crazy to me that these people can seriously consider themselves fans of someone when they seemingly have no respect for them at all. at that point, what are you even a fan of? the imaginary version of this person you've made up in your head?

[1moremilgram-enjoyer]

Muu T1 Cover - Otome Dissection

More cover connections! This time, we have our favorite queen bee herself, Muu, and her cover, Otome Dissection! Honestly, this is probably my favorite cover so far, Muu's voice is so good for this song! I really recommend you listen to it if you haven't.

That said, what, and I cannot stress this enough, the fuck, is happening in this song?

CW Suicide and death, bullying

Otome Dissection is about a girl in a relationship, who loves her partner and is scared by the idea of them leaving.

Good evening, is now a good time? I didn't really have anything specific I wanted to say, but Now there's this and that, and an "it's alright" comes to mind Without you, none of that matters Both of us with our masks on, we flirted

Sorry for calling you so early I must've woken you up, huh? Are you up to chat right now? I had a dream where you fell in love with somebody else Please tell me it's not true. C'mon, love me please?

(Translation)

Got that? Good, because that's about the only thing I could gather the first time I read the lyrics.

The girl does not feel very happy with her life outside of the relationship, but struggles to communicate their pain to their lover. She really does want them to understand there's a problem, but she ends up framing her issues as only boredom.

It's in pieces, without spelling out "love" It's a penalty shoot-out, Feelings vs. Boredom Yeah, there's a kid there, lost in anything and everything, Shedding tears, meowing "SOS" with their eyes only halfway open This disease, the whole package, I'll send it to you as an attachment I don't wanna go so far as to share all the things that cause me pain I just wanna run away from this love...

(... Okay I'm gonna be honest. Different translations have very different lyrics, to the point where a lot of this might not be applicable to all translations. I hope you understand I'm struggling and accept that I have to pick one and run with it)

As you can see, she wants to share the "disease" with her lover, tell them what she's struggling with, but can't get herself to share all the things she's in pain about. No, I have no idea what the "wanna run away from this love" line means, it sorta contradicts literally the entire rest of the song, so... under the rug it goes!

The "kid meowing SOS" is actually the protagonist, because if you look at the video, while that lyric plays, the girl has a cat tail, and you know, "meowing."

DECO*27 try not to relate your characters to cats challenge level impossible.

The point is that she's dismissing her tears, like "yeah there's a kid there, they're kinda lost in the mess, don't worry about them." It comes off as somewhat nonchalant imo. Again, struggles to share her pain.

Let's play [Otome] Dissection! Calling each other by our real names "I don't wanna live" was what I should've said Will I ever find peace?

(Note: The translation I'm using translates 'otome', but since the title doesn't, I don't want to do it here. Don't ask how my brain works, I don't know myself)

She should say she's suicidal, to get her lover to understand her issues before they go too far, but she can't get herself to do so. And because she's hurting so much, she attempts suicide, and her lover saves her. And she finds that... exciting? She finds it's the only way she can get him to pay attention to her struggles.

Let's play [Otome] Dissection! Don't we all want some excitement to get our hearts pumping? I've wanted to feel shame ever since that night when I realized it's good as long as it hurts

Let's play [Otome] Dissection! Pulling burning passion out of each other Feels stupid already, I can't stand you telling me "no!" Will we ever clear up this misunderstanding? Let's play [Otome] Dissection! Smearing drool on top of the "baguette" Let's see if our climax had been a letdown Ever since that night

It's not immediately obvious from the lyrics, but the video makes it much clearer.

... It makes it a bit clearer.

That's what "Otome Dissection" is. Otome means 'maiden', but with the wording of 'playing Otome Dissection' it may also be a reference to 'otome games', a genre of visual novels which are basically dating sims with girl leads. And I assume you know dissection is a process done on dead things. With that in mind, "playing Otome Dissection" would imply "playing at killing the maiden to date the lover", aka attempting suicide and getting her lover to save her. I know it sounds odd, but that is what's happening. You see her 'dancing with death' in most of the choruses.

The singer claims she does it because it's exciting, that nothing else makes her feel as good as it. Again, I believe it's more so that it feels good to have her lover concern themselves with her safety, but she just doesn't know how to express she wants them to do that without "playing Otome Dissection."

Let's play [Otome] Dissection! Don't we all want some excitement to get our hearts pumping?

Let's play [Otome] Dissection! Smearing drool on top of the "baguette" Let's see if our climax had been a letdown Ever since that night

"Smearing drool on the baguette" is vaguely sexual imagery depicting pleasure, though I'm not sure why we're bringing bread into it. Unless... baguette -> French -> Muu? My job is so unbelievably easy sometimes.

She does understand this isn't exactly good, but she can't help the way she feels when she does it.

I've wanted to feel shame ever since that night when I realized it's good as long as it hurts

(Note this all started in 'that night', when she came to a realization. 'That night' likely refers to the first time she attempted suicide, and thus, it seems she didn't know she'd enjoy it the first time. If you follow, that means she had other reasons for attempting suicide, which heavily implies those other struggles she's not mentioning do in fact exist and I'm not going insane. I clarify because the lyrics are very confusing so I gotta properly explain my interpretation)

Her lover also clearly isn't very happy with it, but she wants him to understand it really does make her feel good.

Let's play [Otome] Dissection! Pulling burning passion out of each other Feels stupid already, I can't stand you telling me "no!" Will we ever clear up this misunderstanding?

But there's a big problem. You might have seen it at the start, the lover starts to grow distant towards the end of the second verse.

I had a dream where you fell in love with somebody else Please tell me it's not true. C'mon, love me please? Two times a day, morning and night, I'll sprinkle spices on you The insanity of wrong assumptions has no effect Listen, you've been pretty cold lately

Uh... "sprinkling spices" probably means "making the relationship more exciting", which as we've established is what she feels she's doing by "playing [Otome] Dissection." The "wrong assumption" is probably that the lover is growing more distant and might even be interested in someone else, but the girl denies the idea, calls it "insane." She's in denial over her relationship breaking down.

Which is why she doesn't notice when the lover drifts away so much, the next time she "plays Otome Dissection", they don't end up saving her. She goes too far, and ends up dying.

Yeah, the song's pretty sad.

This was all already only slightly less complicated than the average Milgram MV, and what's even funnier is that now I have to find a way to connect all this to Muu! How the fuck- Yeah this one'sdifficult.

Okay, so there's two ways I think this can work. The first is what I think is more likely; the "lover" is actually Muu's group of old 'friends', and 'Otome Dissection' is bullying other classmates.

[It's Not my Fault] Sorry, sorry, that must’ve hurt. I didn’t mean to though. You got on my nerves just a teensy tiny bit, that’s all. So let’s say this makes us even.

(Using the fan translation here)

Since that lyric seems to be directed at her bullied classmates in the context of the MV, Muu is claiming she bullies them for small reasons ("you got on my nerves just a teensy tiny bit"), though it's very likely she's hiding the real reasons. As you may know, bullies are generally hiding some of their own insecurities by making fun of others', and considering the way Muu speaks of herself in After Pain, it certainly feels like that may have been the case.

[After Pain] If I was gone, If I had just disappeared I overheard, I found out How much I’m not needed There’s no special meaning, I got the short end of the stick I overheard, I found out How much I’m not needed

Plus there's the fact many people have pointed out that in It's Not my Fault, Muu is still represented in her own mind as a monster. Though everyone else in that mind space thing is also an insect, so maybe she just doesn't really think anyone in her school was all that great. Well, except Rei. The lesbian interpretation grows stronger by the day.

So, the same way Otome Dissection's protagonist was hurting in other ways yet claimed she only attempted suicide because it was exciting (and I guess she just expects us to ignore why she attempted suicide the first time), Muu bullied others to feel better about herself, but claimed she did it for more superficial reasons. In fact, the official translation even claims she did it "because of being bored", the exact same reason Otome Dissection girl gives. Admittedly I'm pulling this more from the cover itself than the base Milgram content, and a very specific reading of the song too, which is not always recommended, but still.

This means the end of the song, with the lover growing more distant and possibly taking interest in someone else, is paralleled in the way Muu's friends abandoned her for Rei. While Otome Dissection girl goes too far and ends up dying without receiving help, Muu bullies the wrong person or something, Rei "turns the hourglass" and she's abandoned to suffer for her actions. Get it? I think it makes some sense.

(I will ignore the fact most of this interpretation comes from It's Not my Fault when this cover was released with After Pain, and there's nothing you can do about it)

The second way to read this is... way less charitable, to both Muu and Otome Dissection girl. Basically, you could argue Otome Dissection girl was only attempting suicide to get pity from her partner, and connect that to Muu's desire to be pitied.

[It's Not my Fault] It’s not my fault after all, after all. Everyone wants me to be innocent. What a relief. Can’t be helped. I’m always meant to be pitied!

In this interpretation, Muu "playing Otome Dissection" doesn't refer to a specific action she does, but rather to the way she used to present herself in Trial 1, when she was trying to get pity from Es/the others. However, that doesn't explain what the ending of the song would imply for Muu. Although you could argue Otome Dissection girl's death isn't really referenced in the lyrics, so it wouldn't apply to Muu, maybe?

Alternatively, you could speculate Muu was getting pity from her old 'friends', and that's what Otome Dissection was for her. That way the ending could still parallel Muu being abandoned for Rei. However, I don't think that works too well, since it's never really implied otherwise that the others hung out with Muu out of pity, and in this case "playing Otome Dissection" didn't directly lead to her "death", unlike the song.

Because of all of that, I personally consider the first interpretation I gave the most accurate. Where Muu "playing Otome Dissection" refers to bullying others to get attention from her 'friends' and to hide her pain, and ends up being abandoned for bullying someone in front of Rei. All interpretations are valid, though!

Well, that took longer than usual. Hope you enjoyed anyways! Take care!

[facks-stories]

I started thinking of a alternate universe of the milans

Anyway this au isn’t canon at all

Run down: ‘fake’ milan, Sombra, Capa, and Tocada/Tocado are in the real world now, [the other 3 are still invisible to everyone but milan]

To not seem suspicious the milan’s say they are twins [real Milan is private so the lie is believed by everyone else] but obviously real Milan’s brother finds out

Eventually stupid shit starts to happen and they have to get the four back into the book

Anyway I wrote some scenes and drew drawings where the proportions and shit and the hair is very wrong

Color key:

Real milan

Fake milan [fake name len]

Milans gf [no name yet, fake name quin]

Adrian [milan’s brother]

Sombra

Capa

Tocada/Tocado

“Hey can I talk to you?”

*imitating milan* “yeah sure,”

They walk into a empty classroom, once the door is closed quin trys kissing len, to which len pulls away from her before she does

“I think you are mixing me up with milan”

“No, I know you’re len, I wanna kiss you”

‘What’s wrong with this bitch?’ “Sorry, i’ll think about it later”

Len holds quins shoulder while moving around her, she leaves and gets in the car and stops imitating milan

“What took you so long?”

“Milan’s girlfriend tried kissing me”

She said casually while pulling the seal belt on, both milan and Adrian said “what?!” but after a few seconds adrian started driving and said:

“Hmm.. shit I’m honestly surprised she did try with me”

“Jesus- she likes you too?”

“No offense but if people didn’t have decency quin would be a slut”

“Adrian?!”

“Why not break up with her?”

“Milan?! Len?! Fuck I don’t even know what to call you, and you know why I don’t”

“And she likes you?”

“Yeahhhh…”

“She didn’t try kissing me but she tried flirting,”

Flash back i guess?

“You know alot, i’m sure you know how to be a good kisser too”

“I AM A 21 YEAR OLD MAN AND YOU ARE A CHILD THAT DATES MY SISTER- NO?!?”

End of flash back

“I told her the answer to a math problem-”

The car goes silent and the milans share a concerned glance 

“I should tell her not to do that..”

“Good to know you’re not a pedo or a asshole, but why did you reject her?”

Milan said to len, who didn’t get the opportunity to reply before Adrian did

“Wait I thought you guys were the same, are you not gay?”

“I don’t feel love, or any emotion really, because of milan”

“I’m sorry I forgot to think past your abilities, because your love life is more important”

“Jesus, wait til we get home to explain this too me and stop staring knives at eachother-“

[a little time skip to the house and the milans are auguring]

*yelling at each-other in the shed*

“DAMN IT JUST BREAK UP WITH HER, THERE ISN’T A USE” *starts crying*

Both freeze, len touches the tears and stares at her hand, adrian walks in and they look at him

“What happened I could hear you from the house, and why are you crying?”

…

“Oh shit, thats not supposed to happen is it?”

“Well, kinda no,”

“What?”

“I accidentally thought about you crying, not now or anything but what if you did have more emotion, I didn’t think it would effect you”

“I didn’t think she could cry,”

Milan just stares at him in shock, before len cried she couldn’t see those 3 but now she could

“Uh.”

Len notices she’s looking at them but Adrian is confused still

“What?

“Milan stop fucking things up and undo this,”

“Fine, fine..”

The tears go away and they all sit on the floor

“Did I make you insecure?”

“No I’d rather you not subconsciously give me emotions, then give me love,”

…

“What the fuck is going on??”

“Len is a character I made with no emotions just power, and apparently I can change that character just by thinking,”

“So you thought of her having more emotion?”

“Yes, and if she accidentally makes me fall in love with someone or worse with her girlfriend I’d kill her”

“I wish that was a joke but it probably isn’t-”

“So what happened at school?”

“She asked to talk to me, we went into a room and she tried kissing me and I told her I’d think about it”

“Why did you say you’d think about it?”

“I was imitating you, I’m going to tell her no but if a said it right then she would have interrogated me,”

“Yeah she was asking a shit ton a questions after I told her no, I think your girlfriend doesn’t like you”

“Wow I feel great after you said that”

“My bad, but you do need a new girlfriend”

End

The end because I’m tired 😔

In conclusion, milan needs a new gf 

Also as all my storys are written, I’m sleep deprived 😎

[spnae]

Chapter 42 Cabin Fever

Faith brushed dirt from her hands and sat down in front of Guinevere’s fresh grave. Callum threw down the shovel Faith had pilfered from the B&B’s garden shed and sat down next to her. “You alright?”

She shrugged, “She was a Slayer and I killed her.”

Callum straightened his back, “Self defense against a crazy woman thought to have been dead long ago, who just stabbed someone you care about. You didn’t know Buffy was going to pull through.”

“That’s just it, I’m not sorry… Not for that anyway.”

“But you feel sorry for her.”

“Yeah, I guess I kinda do. I mean this whole thing was seriously messed up from the beginning. Who’s bright idea was it to lock her inside a freaking cave anyway? That thing about it being for her protection was a crock of bull.”

He looked around at the seemingly idyllic forest landscape surrounding the cottage. It looked like something out of a Disney film. “Agreed. This place screams gilded cage.”

“Probably some Watcher’s Council BS, or maybe she was already going nuts or something. Who knows.” She said plucking a blade of grass and tearing it into little pieces.

“Are you going to be alright?”

“Always am.”

He wrapped an arm around her. “Babe, it’s me. Couples therapy, remember?”

“So much more fun when you’re naked.”

Callum chuckled, “Come on, beautiful, you wanted to check out the cottage some more, might find some answers.”

She sighed and pulled herself up. “Yeah, better see if there are any more bombshells waiting for us.”

*****

Buffy pushed herself up out of bed unsteadily. She was healing well but her chest and back seared with pain at every movement. She watched Spike sleeping for a moment as she gingerly shrugged on her robe before creeping out of the room. The bathroom door at the end of the hall was open and Buffy shuffled towards it. She was feeling fairly weak after everything and wouldn’t have gotten up at all if she didn't have to use the bathroom so badly.

She stood at the sink washing her hands and examining her reflection in the mirror. She was pale and looked exhausted. There were circles under her eyes like she hadn’t slept in a week. Her breathing was still a little off but at least she was ambulatory. Barely. This was definitely worse than the wound she had suffered at the Hellmouth.

The corner of the shower curtain caught her eye in the mirror.

Mmm… hot water sounds really good— I should probably get cleaned up and check out the damage for myself…

She sighed as she shrugged off her robe and the oversized shirt she had slept in. Then turned to look at herself in the mirror. She peeled off the bandage a few inches right of her sternum. It was a testament to how much the ordeal had upset Spike since he had yet to make a joke about her being stabbed in the boob. The slash was crusted over with blood. It looked like it was a few days old and had started to heal. She proceeded to contort her arm around to pull off the bandage at her back. Using the mirror she was able to see that side was healing just as well. The hilt of the sword had left a nasty bruise.

There were two baskets on the countertop filled with tiny bottles of shampoo and conditioner. A third basket was filled with what looked like little seashell shaped homemade soaps. Buffy grabbed one of each along with a fresh washcloth and proceeded to the shower. It was just as glorious as she had hoped it would be. The wounds were raw and burned under the water but it felt so good to get clean. She washed gingerly, watching trace amounts of blood and dirt run down the drain.

Could be worse, at least it doesn’t look like the shower scene in ‘Psycho’— She thought.

By the time she got back to their room she felt like she had just finished an extensive training session with the girls. She took the towel off of her wet hair and pulled her robe tighter around herself. Then collapsed back onto the bed as smoothly as possible and let out a hiss of pain as she eased against the pillows. The wound at her back stung dully and felt like one large bruise.

Because it is one big bruise.

She shifted awkwardly as she tried to get comfortable and swore under her breath. Spike lifted his head towards her groggily, “Alright, Pet?”

“I’m fine. Just doing the healing thing.”

He turned, propped himself up on one elbow with his head in his hand, “You smell nice. Shower help?”

“Yeah. I’m feeling better. Still hurts but you know how that goes—“ she cut off with a wince of pain.

“What do you feel like doing? Do you want to head home early or take a few more days here?”

“I hadn’t really thought about it. We should probably check out the cottage again.” She said pulling the blanket back over herself.

“Faith and Callum went this morning, been gone all day as far as I know.”

She nodded, “Alright. What about phone calls? Did you call Willow?”

Spike frowned and cleared his throat, “Not yet, I thought it might be better if you talked to her.”

Buffy looked towards the clock, “Almost dinner time. I’ll call later.”

“You should definitely eat something.”

“I look like death.”

“Nonsense. I look like death and no one bats an eye.”

“You look like you should be a male pinup in some dirty magazine.”

“You say the sweetest things,” he chuckled, “but seriously, you need to eat. Sure you’re a bit peaky but just as beautiful as ever, nothing a little makeup can’t fix if you’re all that worried.”

“Gee thanks,” her voice dripped with sarcasm.

“Come on, you know I’m right.”

“Fine. can you hand me some clean clothes?”

“You need fresh bandages.”

She glanced over at the clock again, “Yeah, that’s probably a good idea. They are looking better but I really don’t need them popping open if I have another coughing fit or something. Dinner actually sounds like a pretty great idea right now.”

Spike rolled out of bed and grabbed a clean pair of jeans and a shirt for himself. His own wound looked significantly better than hers but he was still moving rather stiffly.

“How are you feeling?” She asked.

“I’m alright, Pet. Bit tender, but then I don’t have to breathe so there’s that,” he said as he pulled his shirt on gingerly and went to get Buffy’s clothes out of her bag. He tossed them onto the bed next to her before grabbing the first aid kit.

Buffy slipped her robe off of her shoulders and Spike raised his eyebrows when he saw the wounds.

“Well, at least it’s starting to close a little.”

“Yeah, it’s not as bad as yesterday, still hurts like a bitch.”

“I hear you on that one.”

Spike moved around to her back laying a cool hand on her shoulder as he applied a fresh bandage. When he finished he ran his fingers down her arms, kissing her neck.

Buffy inhaled sharply at his tender caress and started to cough a little. “Sorry, Love,” he murmured as he moved back around to her front. He shook his head as he secured the bandage, “Likely to leave a scar.”

“Guess it’s a good thing my boyfriend thinks my scars are sexy.” She smirked.

“Bloody well right they are,” he crooned and leaned in to kiss her.

Buffy slowly pulled back from the kiss, “Humm, yeah, better not start anything we can’t finish.”

He pushed her clothes towards her, “Better put these on then.”

“Any idea what they are serving for dinner tonight?” She asked as she started to dress herself.

He sniffed the air, “Hard to tell over your soap but I’m thinking it smells a bit like a curry,” he answered as he helped her with her shirt.

“Sounds good.”

*****

Faith had spent the past couple of hours going through the cabin and more specifically the things in Guinevere’s bedroom. Her room was the most orderly place on the entire second level. It was also the only room they had found so far that didn’t have any drawings on the walls. The only thing that really stuck out was the enormous bookcase along one wall that was completely filled with journals and sketchbooks. They were stacked on top of the bookcase until they reached the ceiling. There were no other books. Not one.

This is a job for the brains… I can’t do this shit…

Faith thought as she flipped through one of the journals.

She scoffed and went back out into the hall behind Callum who had brought his camera along and was now taking pictures of the drawings covering the walls in the upstairs hallway. The drawings looked like they were done in charcoal from the fireplace. It looked as though Guinevere had tried to wash them down a few times but had started over again. Most of the drawings were of things that happened years before she and Buffy were called but a few looked familiar. One such drawing looked remarkably like Angelus and it made Faith shudder.

Another drawing showed a depiction of what was clearly mayor Wilkins turning into a giant snake. She had been in a coma at the time and had only heard about the events after. Although, surprisingly, it wasn’t half as bad as seeing the Beast she had faced in LA just after she broke out of prison; when Angel had lost his soul.

There was even a scene depicting Angelus feeding off of her. She had nearly died from the substance she had injected into herself in order to knock him out. It had ended up being an odd bonding experience for them in the end. It was strange and more than a little unnerving to see it on the wall like that.

Faith sat down on the floor staring at the drawings.

Callum lowered his camera and looked down at her, “You alright, darling?”

She didn’t respond immediately, “All of this is just seriously freaking weird. Like scenes from my life and it’s just really nuts-o-plenty.”

“I can imagine. I don’t know how I’d feel if it were me.” He shrugged, “Did you see the one in the bedroom at the end? There’s one with a guy collapsed over a cross, I swear it looks like Spike from the back. Got the hair anyway. It’s really freaky.”

“Yeah it really does. What did you think of the ice monster one?”

Callum shrugged, “Bit over the top aesthetically, speaking. Looks like a giant icicle thing with claws and teeth.”

Faith had to laugh, “Yeah pretty much. Got to say I’m kind of glad I haven’t had to fight that one. Not really a fan of the whole snow and ice-mountain cave-dweller scene. And what’s with the Yeti looking thing with the box?”

“You’re the expert here.”

“Right—“ she gave him a skeptic look and shrugged it off.

“What do you make of that one?” He asked, pointing to his left. Most of the drawings there were so corrupted by intersecting lines, neither of them could figure out what they were supposed to be.

“Not a clue, most of this looks like complete garbage. Make sure you get pictures of everything though.”

“On it, Lass.”

“Did you have a chance to check out those last two rooms?”

“Ahh, I got the one on the left you already checked out . Not much in there, in the way of artwork. You already saw the two sets of bunk beds without mattresses. Kinda looks like she just piled stuff up in there that reminded her of her family,” His shoulders dropped a little, “This place is bloody depressing.”

She crossed her arms over her chest as she scanned her eyes over the walls. “Giles would blow his intellectual wad in here. Probably wouldn’t be able to get him to shut up about the place.”

“Trust me, if it weren’t for the creep-factor I’d probably be right along with him.”

“Yeah well I’m going to check out that last room.”

Faith padded down the hallway a little. The door opened a crack and she gasped when the sight of a woman met her; before she realized it was yet another drawing. The room had been completely cleared out. Every reachable surface had been drawn on. Black lines of charcoal covered nearly every inch.

The drawing of the woman that had first caught her attention, took up about half of one wall. She was thin, dark haired and wore a white empire waist gown with blood dripping down the front of her. She was surrounded by children of various ages, and fire.

A wall of blood red fire stood behind the figures in the drawing. It was one of the only drawings that had any color added and Faith realized with a jolt that it was probably blood. Maybe from one of the animals Guinevere had killed.

Faith pulled herself away from the intense stare of the two dimensional woman to examine the rest of the drawings. Demons in all shapes and sizes dotted the walls. A flayed man bound between two trees. Another man arched in pain as light shot out of his eyes and mouth obscuring his features. A woman with blonde hair that looked like it could be Buffy, punching her fist into a demonic Frankenstein’s monster. There was an odd image of a woman floating, dressed in all black with black hair and eyes and unnerving black veins running across her exposed skin.

Faith had no way of knowing if most of these drawings were from the past, present, or future. She had heard stories about Willow going dark and wondered if the last drawing could possibly be her.

Callum walked in, disrupting her thoughts, “Bloody hell—“ he breathed, “Glad I brought extra film.”

“You’re not kidding.”

He pointed towards the picture that had originally caught Faith’s eye, “Who do we think that is?”

Faith frowned, “That would be Spike’s ex.”

*****

Buffy and Spike had just gone into the great room after dinner when Faith and Callum returned to the Inn. Buffy was starting to feel significantly better after getting some food in her stomach. Spike had been right to insist she eat.

Faith plopped down on the couch next to Buffy, jostling the cushions and making Buffy wince.

She turned to glare at her, “Easy, bouncing Betty.”

“Sorry about that B, kind of a rough day.”

“How so? What did you guys find?”

Callum sat in a wingback chair next to the spot Spike had taken up on its twin in front of the unlit fireplace.

Faith sighed and shifted further into the cushions, “Well, we took care of Guinevere and checked out her graffiti. It’s really extensive, there is so much crap to go through there.”

Spike leaned forward, resting his elbows on his thighs. “Anything of note?”

“Lots. Some of it was stuff I know already happened. Like she was having Slayer dreams about us. I really don’t believe she didn’t know Slayers were still around. I really think she was playing us from the get-go.”

Buffy hugged a throw pillow to her chest, “I wondered when you first told us about the drawings. It’s really wiggy.”

“She had to have known.”

“Maybe it sort of added to driving her round the bend.” Callum suggested, “Don’t forget bout the journals and the sketchbooks we found too.”

“Ohh yeah, thanks babe. Yeah she had like hundreds of these things on a big bookshelf in her bedroom. I only flipped through a couple of them but she was definitely losing it for a while.”

“It doesn’t surprise me,” Buffy frowned.

Faith turned back to Buffy, “I had Callum get pictures of all of it. And we grabbed a few of the journals for Giles but there are too many of them to even think about taking with us.”

“At least we have the sword and we can get back in. I’m sure Giles is going to want to check it out.”

“Probably. But one thing at a time. We’re going to have to get the film developed when we get back. I can tell you one thing though,” she rolled her head towards Spike, “there’s one hell of a portrait of your ex in there.”

Spike shifted forward a little more, “Dru?”

“Oh yeah. Looking real creepy with a bunch of kids around her and all this blood dripping down. It’s freaky.”

“Well that tracks. She always did have a thing for kids.” His tone was matter of fact, he wasn’t surprised in the slightest.

“Not helping the creep factor here,” Faith groused.

“Anything else?”

Faith adjusted herself on the couch, “Not a clue really. You figure some of those drawings could be almost as old as the cabin. I only know the ones that I either lived through or heard stories about. Like this one that looks like it could be Willow when she went all dark-side, but I couldn’t tell you if that already happened or if she’s going to go dark again.”

Buffy frowned at that, “Will has been doing really well with the magic stuff but this thing with Kennedy—“

“Yeah what’s going on with that bitch anyway?” Faith asked.

“As long as she’s still in Australia and far far away from Willow and my sister, I don’t really care.”

“You better be careful she doesn’t come back round. My sister-in-law had that problem with her ex before my brother. Sort of how they met, actually.”

“I know Giles has connections in Australia; they are supposed to be keeping tabs on her.”

Callum raised his eyebrows and glanced over at Spike, “Probably for the best I take it?”

“Any more trouble out of her and I’ll happily rip her throat out.”

“Never did get that third notch did you?” Faith said.

He smirked, “Oh I got my notch alright. Brought the house down.”

Buffy blushed, “Oh my word, do you have to bring that up?”

“Don’t care what you say, Pet. You don’t forget your first time, especially when we started out on the ground floor and ended up in the basement. God, that was a fun night.”

Callum bit back a laugh, “Now I understand why you laughed at me for breaking the bed.”

“Wow, B, didn’t know you had it in you.”

“How’bout all the furniture I had to replace in my old crypt?” He wiggled his eyebrows at her.

Buffy glared at Spike, “You are—“ Doing this on purpose.

You bet I am, Slayer. Know it’s gonna be a bit before you’re up to anything, got to keep things interesting.

She rolled her eyes at his smirk, “Anyway… enough about our sex-life; what are you two up to tonight?”

“I could definitely use a drink or twelve,” Faith answered.

“Absolutely,” Callum stood, extending his hand towards her, “can I buy you a drink, beautiful?”

She let him pull her up, “You know it.”

Buffy let out a tired sigh, “I have some serious phone calls to make, I guess.”

Faith turned toward her as Callum wrapped an arm around her waist, “You still haven’t checked in with Giles and Willow?”

“No, not yet.”

Faith snorted, “Good luck with that.”

“Gee, thanks.” Buffy pouted a little.

“Giles can wait a bit can’t he?” Spike asked.

She sighed, “Yeah, I won’t be able to get him off the phone if I mention Queenie. I definitely need to call Will and Dawn though. Get her filled in and make sure everything is alright there. Go on, you three go get your drink on, I’ll be phone-call girl.”

Spike leaned forward taking her hand, “Doesn’t seem fair.”

Buffy shrugged a shoulder, “I’m not really feeling the drinks tonight. I’m actually thinking more sleep.”

“Probably do you some good, Love.”

*****

The inn had a small bar at the back of the dining room. The three of them sidled up to the bar, Faith sitting between the two men.

“How is B doing, I mean really?” Faith asked abruptly.

“She’s alright. Don’t think it’s all sunk in just yet.”

Callum raised a finger in the air to get the bartender’s attention, “Could we get a bottle of whiskey and three glasses here?”

“Straight to the point. Can see why you like this one, Doe-eyes,” Spike said as the bartender set down the glasses and retrieved a bottle of whiskey.

“It’s not the only reason but it’s definitely a perk.”

“I bet,” Spike gave a weak chuckle and shook his head, “this little trip has gone a bit sideways, hasn't it?” he added as the bartender set the bottle down in front of them and started to pour.

Callum chuckled darkly and took his glass, “Never a dull moment with you lot, I’ll say that.”

“I’ll drink to that. Cheers, mate.”

“Cheers,” Callum and Faith echoed.

The three of them shot back their drinks and clunked them down onto the bar before Spike refilled them.

“So what now?” Callum asked.

“Probably just finish out our long weekend here and head home. Don’t think Buffy is too keen to head back early and should be just about healed by then.”

“Brilliant. It’ll give me a chance to paint the view.”

Spike snorted into his shot glass.

Callum grabbed the bottle and refilled Spike’s glass, “What’s that? You going to write us a sonnet?”

“Piss off,” he muttered, biting back a grin. He had to admit, it was nice having another guy around he could call a friend.

“Do I need to leave you two creative types alone?” Faith smirked, downing another drink.

“Oh is that what you think?” Callum laughed as he wrapped an arm around her waist, “Cheeky one, you are,” he pulled her into a kiss, delving deep and leaving her breathless.

“Wow,” Faith sounded dazed when she spoke.

Spike downed another shot, “Maybe it’s me that should leave the two of you alone.”

“You’re good. Promise to save it for the bedroom, mate,” he squeezed her to him, “Right darlin’?”

“Might be time for us to turn in.”

“I probably shouldn’t make a night of it anyway. No telling how things are gonna go if Buffy gets into things with Dawn. Bit’s libel to take it badly.” He paused looking at his glass and filled it again, drinking it quickly.

He was more than a little apprehensive about what this all meant for their relationship. On one hand he was overjoyed with the prospect of having her by his side indefinitely but at the same time he worried about how she would handle watching her loved ones grow old and die. He had never really had that problem but he was sure she would.

“Girl can be savage when she wants to be.” Faith commented.

“Got that right,” he downed another shot and slid from his stool slapping some money down, “I’m going to see how she’s faring.”

*****

When Spike got up to their room, Buffy was in her pajamas and sitting up on the bed with her phone in her hand. She glanced up at him when he came in and he immediately noticed her yes were slightly red at the corners.

“Alright, Slayer? You get through to Roam?”

Buffy cleared her throat, “I talked to Willow.”

He strode over to sit with her, watching her intently. “What is it?”

Buffy shook her head, “I hum, I sort of chickened out.”

“You didn’t call?”

Her voice was rough, “I did. I talked to Willow, checked in on the Rome situation with Kennedy being gone. Violet has sort of taken over, who would have thought huh?”

It was clear she was stalling. “Timid little ginger right?”

“Yeah. Turns out she’s kind of a natural leader, just needed a confidence boost.”

Spike nodded, it was always good to have an update but he couldn’t let her change the subject either. “Good for her but what about Red? What’s going on there?”

She twisted her hands together around her phone, still clutching it, “Oh I got her all filled in no problem. Told her everything we know so far and then— I asked to talk to Dawn. Spike, I completely froze. I don’t even know why. I was doing fine and then when I heard her voice—- I just couldn’t tell her what happened. I started babbling about the B&B; what a nice room we have. I sort of tried to push past the freak-out and started to tell her about the cave but then I just made it sound like we went sightseeing or whatever. It was so stupid.”

Spike pulled her into him, letting her rest her head in the crook of his neck. “This hasn’t exactly been a lovely seaside holiday, Pet. Point of fact I’m not surprised in the least. You’ve been through a lot, we all have. You’re so used to just gettin’ right back up no matter what knocks you down like some sodding punch-clown. You’re still human, sweetheart.”

“Am I?” It was almost a whisper.

He had half expected her to say something like this but it still struck him like a kick to the stomach. “Course you are, Love. You’re just a little something extra. Like a hot fudge sundae with whipped cream and a cherry on top.”

Buffy snorted a tiny laugh, “You’re such an idiot.”

“Yeah but you love me so what’s that say about you?”

“As long as we get to be idiots together.”

“Always.”

[sphericalbee]

bro if either of my irls see this i will look crazy pahtetic idk maybe ill delete iti should probably just leaves this ini the drafts

im pretty pathetic irl anyway i think lol wo who carse

im thinking ab my middle school best friend and i miss her so much it isnt even funny

idk if i was her best friend but i always loved her so much and i think about her almost every day even 2 years later

ik she wasnt doing well and she didnt come from a good home and was awful at managing her emotions and didnt talk to anyone and she would sh (i only know ab bc of some complicated secret poetry thing but she never knew i had seen that but i think she meant me to) and i think she cared about me? i kinda hope not bc i want her to be happy

but i would genuinely give anything to go back in time and talk to her again for just a few hours

i want to text her and tell her everything but idk its too weird after 2 years

i think she deserves to know how much i care about her,, right?

i had to pause twice writing this bc i was crying too hard i worry about her so much

its good im godo at crying silently lol no one can even tell so sneaky

i saw a girl with the same hair as her last week and i teared up in the middle of the hallway because it hit me how much i dont know what shes doing or if shes even alive bc i KNOW hse wasnt fucknig donig well

my cat was trying to comfort me but i think he got bored and left he's so cute lmfoa my brain made it into a very angsty analogy b4 i had the chance to stop it 💀

im this close to cracking and spam texting her

i googled her just now and found her linkedin profile of fucking course shes on linkedin thats so inc harecetr where she says she wants to go to medical school and she uses fucking stupid old words like candor and idk i hope she gets into her dream college

im sure she can she was always so smart i thknk shell do rly well and maybe one day shell perform open heart surgery on me lol that would be baller

"I believe in honesty because it creates an environment that permits integrity. Allowing for candor leads to an honorable work space. Integrity is an essential value to have as it holds all to a high ethical standard. Integrity adds trust, which is necessary for professionalism. I plan to enroll in a four-year college for a master's degree to study biochemistry. I then intend to go to medical school and earn a doctorate."

she fucking talked like that even at 13 yeah and she liked running and read all the time and she loved gamed of thrones and i still own one of her shitty books and we met when she was challenging classmates to race and she was so tall and had pretty hair

sophia im sorry for crying i think it would make her uncomfortable haha

i have fucking snot on my face now shed forsure be uncomfortable lmfaoo

ill go watch some tv show and try not to burst into tears again in 10 minutes ugh maybe it would be better if i had stayed depressed having this many feelings is driving me crazy why r u here bro : /

i should make a secret vent account LMFAO my followers r here for ohshc and mq not sob stories sorry sorry

[weather-story]

I started thinking of a alternate universe of the milans

Anyway this au isn’t canon at all

Run down: ‘fake’ milan, Sombra, Capa, and Tocada/Tocado are in the real world now, [the other 3 are still invisible to everyone but milan]

To not seem suspicious the milan’s say they are twins [real Milan is private so the lie is believed by everyone else] but obviously real Milan’s brother finds out

Eventually stupid shit starts to happen and they have to get the four back into the book

Anyway I wrote some scenes and drew drawings where the proportions and shit and the hair is very wrong

Color key:

Real milan

Fake milan [fake name len]

Milans gf [no name yet, fake name quin]

Adrian [milan’s brother]

Sombra

Capa

Tocada/Tocado

“Hey can I talk to you?”

*imitating milan* “yeah sure,”

They walk into a empty classroom, once the door is closed quin trys kissing len, to which len pulls away from her before she does

“I think you are mixing me up with milan”

“No, I know you’re len, I wanna kiss you”

‘What’s wrong with this bitch?’ “Sorry, i’ll think about it later”

Len holds quins shoulder while moving around her, she leaves and gets in the car and stops imitating milan

“What took you so long?”

“Milan’s girlfriend tried kissing me”

She said casually while pulling the seal belt on, both milan and Adrian said “what?!” but after a few seconds adrian started driving and said:

“Hmm.. shit I’m honestly surprised she did try with me”

“Jesus- she likes you too?”

“No offense but if people didn’t have decency quin would be a slut”

“Adrian?!”

“Why not break up with her?”

“Milan?! Len?! Fuck I don’t even know what to call you, and you know why I don’t”

“And she likes you?”

“Yeahhhh…”

“She didn’t try kissing me but she tried flirting,”

Flash back i guess?

“You know alot, i’m sure you know how to be a good kisser too”

“I AM A 21 YEAR OLD MAN AND YOU ARE A CHILD THAT DATES MY SISTER- NO?!?”

End of flash back

“I told her the answer to a math problem-”

The car goes silent and the milans share a concerned glance

“I should tell her not to do that..”

“Good to know you’re not a pedo or a asshole, but why did you reject her?”

Milan said to len, who didn’t get the opportunity to reply before Adrian did

“Wait I thought you guys were the same, are you not gay?”

“I don’t feel love, or any emotion really, because of milan”

“I’m sorry I forgot to think past your abilities, because your love life is more important”

“Jesus, wait til we get home to explain this too me and stop staring knives at eachother-“

[a little time skip to the house and the milans are auguring]

*yelling at each-other in the shed*

“DAMN IT JUST BREAK UP WITH HER, THERE ISN’T A USE” *starts crying*

Both freeze, len touches the tears and stares at her hand, adrian walks in and they look at him

“What happened I could hear you from the house, and why are you crying?”

…

“Oh shit, thats not supposed to happen is it?”

“Well, kinda no,”

“What?”

“I accidentally thought about you crying, not now or anything but what if you did have more emotion, I didn’t think it would effect you”

“I didn’t think she could cry,”

Milan just stares at him in shock, before len cried she couldn’t see those 3 but now she could

“Uh.”

Len notices she’s looking at them but Adrian is confused still

“What?

“Milan stop fucking things up and undo this,”

“Fine, fine..”

The tears go away and they all sit on the floor

“Did I make you insecure?”

“No I’d rather you not subconsciously give me emotions, then give me love,”

…

“What the fuck is going on??”

“Len is a character I made with no emotions just power, and apparently I can change that character just by thinking,”

“So you thought of her having more emotion?”

“Yes, and if she accidentally makes me fall in love with someone or worse with her girlfriend I’d kill her”

“I wish that was a joke but it probably isn’t-”

“So what happened at school?”

“She asked to talk to me, we went into a room and she tried kissing me and I told her I’d think about it”

“Why did you say you’d think about it?”

“I was imitating you, I’m going to tell her no but if a said it right then she would have interrogated me,”

“Yeah she was asking a shit ton a questions after I told her no, I think your girlfriend doesn’t like you”

“Wow I feel great after you said that”

“My bad, but you do need a new girlfriend”

End

The end because I’m tired 😔

In conclusion, milan needs a new gf

Also as all my storys are written, I’m sleep deprived 😎

[andilovetowrite]

The Spidey Suit

Peter Parker x reader

Summary: Everyone has wanted to try on the iconic suit of Queens’ superhero, but when you have an opportunity to actually do it, you land yourself in a bit of a sticky situation…

Warnings: Suggestiveness, but nothing too bad. A couple of bad words and a ton of flustered Peter.

Word Count: 1.2k

Here is my Masterlist, as well as the request it is based on! Thanks for reading this, and I hope you enjoy it :)

“Hey Ms Parker”, you exclaimed, walking into Peter’s apartment. May smiled, quickly hugging you as she ruffled your hair.

“It’s May, Y/N. Ms Parker makes me feel old!” she says jokingly as you laugh.

“Well, can’t have that”, you say, laughing along with her. “How are you?”

May shrugs, her eyes getting a far-off look. “Oh, it’s fine...with Peter having Spider duties in the night and work starting late, I have a ton of time on my hand.”

You smile coyly, remembering what Peter told you before he came to pick you up on a date last week. “Oh, so you have enough time for a relationship? With a certain jolly man? Or was it Happy?”

You giggle, watching May’s face turn red, as she waved you off. “Oh shush! It’s nothing. Who told you?”

“Peter did. You should’ve seen his face!”

“Oh no!” May says, groaning. “Happy and I are not in any way dating!”

Sure”, you say, extending the word as you take off your jacket. “Also, speaking of Peter, where is he? Still out?”

May nodded, gesturing to his room. “Yeah, he is, but you can stay as long as you want...he should be back in about 30 minutes anyway.”

You smile, nodding. “Thanks, May. Any plans for the evening?” you ask, looking over your shoulder.

“A dat- Uh, nothing. Just-uh hanging out with friends. Yeah, yep, that's what I’m going to be doing”, she says, and you understand where Peter gets his nervous stuttering from. You stifle a laugh as you nod at her, heading into Peter’s room.

Opening the door, you jumped into his bed, marvelling at how the room was so much more cleaner tonight. After getting the superhero gig with the Avengers, Peter had a ton of new gizmos and tech. Not only was his room always littered with new tech toys from the tower, but it was just usually messy. With college and his Spider-Man duties, there wasn’t a ton of time to pick up dirty clothes from the floor. At least, that’s what he says.

So it was a pleasant surprise when everything was spick and span, well...except for his closet. It was an utter mess, with the door overflowing with jumbled up pieces of clothing. Scrunching your eyebrows, you walked over, eyes widening when a mountain of shirts and jumpers fell out.

“What the hell?”, you muttered, noticing how they were just thrown in. Peter must’ve been in a hurry to find something, but what would it be in his closet-? “Aha”, you said, seeing something hanging off his bed.

The old Spiderman suit. Well...wasn’t really a suit, more like a hoodie made by Peter months ago. You picked up the red hoodie, smiling at the hastily drawn spider logo in the middle. You knew Peter was Spiderman soon after he had started fighting crime...being his best friend and all. But you only saw him when he had the “Mr Stark suit”, so you had never seen Peter in action with his old one.

But looking at it now, you felt a magnetic pull to it. Walking over, you hesitantly picked it up, fingers smoothening over the soft fabric, the tears and cuts, the stains still leftover from fights. Biting your lip, you look around, staring out the window as you brought up the suit to your body, wanting to see how it would look on you.

Having a superhero boyfriend was great since he saved people and all...but it was even better when you saw him in action wearing a skin-tight suit. You weren’t half as strong as Peter, but you desperately wanted to try it on, just to get a feel of what it would be like. Plus, it looked sooooo comfortable, despite the wear and tear of it.

Quickly looking around, and closing the door, you shed your shirt and shorts, pulling on the red and blue garment. “Holy shit”, you whispered, peering at yourself in the mirror. “This is awesome” Turning sideways, you pulled your wrist up, trying to figure out what was pressing into your skin, but as your fingers brushed against a small button, thick white liquid shot out of the compartment.

You gasped as you were pulled through air, landing smack in the middle of Peter’s bed. “Oh no”, you whispered, trying to pull yourself free but failing in doing so. The web. You didn’t realize it was still in there, but now you were in a sticky position. Literally.

May could easily walk through the door and see you in Peter’s old suit, which would thoroughly embarrass you. Or even worse, Peter comes in and sees you fidgeting with his belongings. Although he was the sweetest, most caring person on the planet, he had a strict rule about not letting his personal life interfere with his superhero life. And you might have just bent that rule a little… The best thing was that you just waited it out. This was probably the old web, which dissolves in an hour or so, which would be an awful lot of time, but it was better than anything else.

Sadly, the universe didn’t want to agree with you tonight, because, in less than 20 minutes, you heard the familiar THWAP of the web as Peter came swinging in through the window.

“Karen, I am so exhausted toda- What?”, Peter said, looking shocked at you sprawled across his bed, a familiar blue and red suit loosely covering you.

“Hey Peter”, you said weakly, “I’m really sorry about the sui-”

“You look so hot”, he whispered out loud, blushing bright red at his statement. “I-I mean-um...uh hi Y/N”

All your worries melted away as you saw Peter’s face, your heart squeezing as you stared at his stuttering, pink face. Ridiculously handsome face. “H-hey Pete. I just came in a while back and saw th-this and I just wanted to try it….”, you said, trying to gauge his reaction before continuing. “So I might have worn it, and mistakenly shoot out a web that was still in there, which is a terrible idea by the way!”

Peter laughed as his eyes roamed your body, walking over to get some dissolvent, but stopping halfway. “So, in conclusion, I might have gotten a teensy tiny bit stuck”, you said, smirking lightly. “Care to unravel me?”

Peter scoffed, walking over to you. “First you touch my stuff, and then get yourself in a sticky situation on my bed...and now you expect me to just let you out love?” He came closer to you, whispering hotly in your ear, “I think not Ms Spider, in fact, I’m going to let you be there for the next two hours as it dissolves”

You looked up at him, challenging him. “Two hours huh? Didn’t think it would take that long...I would think Spiderman’s web would come off much quicker”

Peter simply chuckled, “Oh sweetheart, Spiderman’s web won’t come off for a long time...might as well get ready for a long night”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Wow, got kinda spicy at the end...but yeah. This took so long to write, purely because of my lack of motivation, but I hope you enjoyed this! Hopefully, I’ll have another ff out in the next couple of days :) Please send me a message or comment on this post if you want to be added to the taglist.

Taglist: @idkatee @eternalscribblesforthesoul @loudbluepancake @poisondevotion @scram1326 @t-hollanderr @305weasley @starknik22 @marvelfansworld @lou-la-lou @lomlparker @marvelfansworld @wowitsel @vanteguccir @fullcheesecakeengineer @ladykxxx08 @allegras-sunflower @ifyouknewhowmiserylovedme @a–1–1–3 @hayhays

[dizzydancingdreamer]

Idiot | Tony Stark

Hey lovelies— I wrote some flangst even though I have a billion other things that needed to be written. I really woke up and said “comfort character? I think you mean: Tony Stark” and then wrote a fic with no plot. It’s just sappy and sad and cuddly and kinda’ elusive as to the relationship. Might expand on this or might let it sit in the void like I am :) Enjoy

Description: Literally like zero plot, this was literally written today this morning because I am a heartbroken mess and I fucking hate real life men right now and I hate the military and I hate guys who tell you that you’re special when they don’t fucking mean it and I really need a Best Friend/Maybe More!Tony Stark cuddle

Pairing: Best Friend / Maybe More!Tony Stark x Female!Reader

Warnings: Like nothing, kinda angsty

Word count: 2.7k

Tags: Fluff, Angst, breakups LOL

She wakes up screaming again. This is the ninth night in a row and she’s starting to think that the others are going to request to soundproof her room. She wouldn’t blame them. She would almost prefer they do that because at least then she won’t have to stop screaming when she wakes up. She can just keep going and finally run out of voice and then maybe— maybe— she won’t be able to say his name anymore.

She flips over, her hair plastered to the back of her neck, her stomach tossing like she’s on a roller coaster. She can’t tell if she wants to cry or throw up— she wants to scream at both choices. She wants to rip her hair out too but then she would be sad and bald and she can only do one of those things right now. She’s not deep enough in the spiral to chop it off yet— that’s a day twelve activity.

She settles on crying— like she even has a choice— and soon her room is filled with the sound of her heaving against a pillow that still smells too much like him. She tosses it— she whips it across the damn room and doesn’t flinch when she hears something shatter. It was nothing important, she knows that for a fact. She hopes it’s the picture of them.

She pulls her knees up, tucking them under her torso, praying the pressure will alleviate the bubbling in her stomach. It won’t— she’s only fooling herself. He’s not a cramp— it’s not food poisoning; it’s rage. It’s brain melting sadness. It’s every ‘Good morning beautiful’ and ‘I miss you’ and ‘I love—

No. Nope— not that one. She can’t think about that one. If she does then she might never stop— she might take a match to everything in this room, every piece of clothing in her closet, every mug in the kitchen that he ever touched. Where would she be then— stuff-less, clothes-less, and with every Avenger looking for a coffee mug pissed at her?

Yeah no— better to just not think about it. Better to just scream.

She squeezes her eyes closed— not like it matters, the room is pitch black anyway— and slams her fist against the mattress, letting the sting that rips up her arm ring louder than his name in her head. It only works for a moment before it’s back— louder and angrier than ever. Louder and angrier than her. His name in her head is a separate entity, haunting her skull like it’s a dilapidated mansion, trying to evict her from the endless halls of her own mind.

She bunches the blanket up, shoving it against her mouth and praying that it muffles the crazed roar that sheds from her lungs— like an animal being ripped apart, she can’t tell if she’s screaming for help or for something so much worse.

There’s a knock on the door and she freezes, her blood running ice cold. A few seconds tick by, her limbs and jaw glued into a tight position, tongue heavy and aching in her mouth. Her heart pounds hard in her chest— the entity knocking back to whoever’s at the door— there’s just no way.

“Would you open the door if I told you there are macaroons in my hand?” A collected, slightly sarcastic, familiar voice breaks through the wood barrier of her door.

Her shoulders drop, her throat closing slightly— it’s just Tony.

“I— erm—” she jumps off her bed quickly, stumbling in the dark until she finds the lamp on her desk, turning it on the the sight of her blasphemous pillow and the shattered remains of a purple mug— damn she overshot the pillow by an inch— “gimme’ a minute, ‘k?”

“You get five seconds — these walls are thick but Friday alerted me to the— and I quote— distressed wailing.”

Oh god of course she did— how could she forget about the damn AI? She presses her palms against her eyes, wicking away as much moisture as possible. She’s so tired— her bones feel like cement, her neck barely keeping her head screwed on let alone straight. She’s a mess and all she can do is chuck her pillow back on her bed and ignore the purple shards peeking out from behind her dresser. One thing at a time.

She pushes her lead bones to the door, trying not to wince as the light pours into her dim room. She blinks a few times, her eyelashes sticky and cheeks stiff, taking in the man in grey sweatpants and a worn MIT hoodie in front of her. She glances down and sure enough he has a mug of pistachio macaroons. A mug. How ironic.

She flicks her gaze to his face, blinking back another wave of tears when she sees the concern mingling with his coffee eyes. “Hey doll.”

She swallows, trying to clear her stinging throat. It doesn’t work, her voice still sounds like she’s been chain smoking since the ripe age of five years old. “Hey Tony.”

He raises a dark brow, eyes drawing down her front, and she shifts on her feet, wishing the hallway light would flicker out. She just knows her eyes are puffy and her hair a mess. Her t-shirt is definitely crumpled, hiding what she can only hope is shorts and not just a pair of panties, and she only has one sock on— she can feel it now, the hardwood like ice against her toes. Her face flushes with heat, fingers clasping awkwardly in front of her— she may as well have a sign flashing above her head. Heartbroken idiot.

For a moment they just stand there, eyes locked, daring the other to move or speak or do anything at all first. Finally Tony sighs, holding his arms out, shaking his head. “Are you waiting for an invitation? Get your butt over her— now.”

That’s all it takes for her to practically jump into his arms, throwing her weight against the man like a drowning woman would a life preserver. That’s kind of what he is. Her best friend— her life line. Any other time she would have been the one knocking on his door— kicking his door down is more like it— but he told her— he told her that he was no good and she didn’t listen. She wraps her arms around his neck, biting her lip hard enough to keep the tears from dripping down her face again. She missed him— she’s been missing him for months.

“He’s an idiot, doll.” Tony mumbles against her hair, arms circling her back and pressing her to him so tight that it feels like he’s trying to fuse their bodies together.

He smells like motor oil and coffee and her chest shakes from the contrast of the fire in her veins and the cool relief of finally going home. It feels like longer than months— it feels like years. She’s been walking on eggshells around him since she introduced her— now ex— boyfriend. They don’t fight— at least, they didn’t before. They’ve never had a reason to.

Not until him.

Warmth seeps from him, curling around her limbs. She presses her face into his shoulder, breathing in the scent ingrained in his hoodie. He’s been wearing it for a few days, she can tell. If things were normal she would be tugging at the pocket, slipping her hands in and tangling them with his, tracing his knuckles with her thumbs. She’ll settle for this though— she’ll take anything.

“I’m the idiot.” She mutters dejectedly, fingers tugging on his hood, trying desperately to distract herself from how much she wants to scream again. “I thought, Tony— I— god I’m so stupid.”

Tony stiffens, chest like marble and pressing against hers so hard she can feel his heart beating against her practically bare skin— deadly calm but beginning to pick up.

“Don’t you dare.” His voice is gravelly, grinding his words against her ear.

His hold on her loosens and she panics, her own heartbeat spiking rapidly in her chest— what is he doing? Is he leaving? No, no, no he can’t leave! She locks her arms around his shoulders as he bends down, shaking her head, the tears finally spilling over her cheeks, hot and angry and desperate. “No please— don’t go I’m sorry— I’m— please don’t leave me.”

She’s incoherent, not even sure that the words coming out of her mouth make any sense at all but she has to at least try. He can’t leave— not now. She can take a broken heart, she can take one stupid man, she can take having a sockless foot and a head that feels like its caving in— she can’t take her best friend walking away and leaving her in this obscenely bright hallway to fend the light off by herself. If she loses her home she’s done for. “Tony no you can’t— you can’t go.”

She’s sobbing, chest heaving, and she just barely registers the soft clink of the mug settling against the floor before one of his arms is slipping under her thighs, hauling her toes off the floor. His other arm remains anchored around her back, fingers digging into her side to keep her from falling. The sudden motion makes her gasp— a watery, broken noise— her legs pushing around his hips and clinging for dear life.

“Hey—” his jaw rubs against her temple, her cheek pressed against his shoulder, stubble scratchy enough to regain her attention— “I’m here, doll. Right here— you honestly might be an idiot if you think I’m leaving you.”

She chokes out a laugh. It sounds more like a whimper— like she’s scrounging for the last drops of happiness in her for his sake. Probably because she is. She tightens her legs around his waist, socked ankle crossing over bare ankle, sucking in a deep breath as his thumb rubs circles on her ribcage.

“I wouldn’t blame you if you did.” She sighs and his hand stills. “You were right.”

“Trust me— I wish I wasn’t.” His fingers crawl up her back, curling around the back of her neck, pushing the hair from her clammy skin.

The warmth of his skin on hers is like heaven and she tries to ignore the fact that he’s touching her while she’s a complete wreck. “You should hate me.”

His hand clamps harder around her skin, the sharp inhale he takes making his chest rise and push against hers. His fingers slip into her hair and he tugs gently, coaxing her to lift her head from shoulder. When she does she meets his determined, narrowed stare and his minute frown. Her heart clenches when she takes in the rest of his face, her gaze landing on the off purple bruises under his eyes, the tell tale sign that her best friend hasn’t been sleeping. It’s her fault— she knows it is.

He shakes his head, his brown hair ruffling slightly. “God, baby, you really are an idiot, aren’t you?”

Her lip trembles, her stomach squeezing— baby. “Tony—”

His forehead drops, his damp skin meeting her own, nose bumping against hers, drawing up the bridge and then back down— she can’t breathe. “You’re an idiot if you think for a second that I could hate you. For anything let alone something so damn ridiculous.”

He laughs a breathy, frenzied sound, nose drawing along her cheekbone. She must be dreaming. That's the only explanation as to the sudden lack of oxygen in the hallway— the only explanation to the way her veins are thrumming like guitar strings being plucked. This can’t be real. She feels like she’s going to wake up any minute now, throat raw and chest aching twice as much.

She opens mouth— she has to say something— but he keeps going. “An idiot if you think I wouldn’t follow you to the other end of the earth. Of the galaxy. Here you are thinking I hate you because you dated a moron? Because, what, I told you not to? Big deal— you tell me not to do things all the time. That’s what we do, baby. We tell eachother not to do stupid things and then we don’t listen.”

He pulls back enough to take in her face, eyes drawing over the curve of her nose and the slope of her cheeks before landing back on hers. His stare is intense— demanding, like him— she wouldn’t be able to look away if she wanted to. That’s impossible though; she could stare at this man all day and not get bored. She thinks back to all those days in his workshop, watching him fiddle with his suits. What she wouldn’t give to be there now, legs curled under her and his MIT hoodie— the same one on him now— pulled over her, singing along to their playlist and passing him screwdrivers. Her chest squeezes at the thought— she can’t remember the last time she did that.

His hand in her hair tugs again and she forces herself to stay in the moment, watching his lips form the words first and then letting her ears catch up. “He was a tool and you’re too good for that, alright? That has nothing to do with us. Point blank, whatever, he has no effect on us. Okay?”

She nods, her nose bumping against his again, and for the first time all night— all week— it feels like she can breathe. “Okay.”

His chest sags under her, the tension in his shoulders releasing under her fingers. “Good. Don’t say stupid things. That’s my job.”

“You’re right.” She cracks a smile, one that feels too foreign but entirely familiar. “You can have it back.”

Tony’s brows push together, head pulling back, his own smile beginning to carve over his lips. “Have what back?”

“The title of world’s biggest idiot.”

Just like that she’s giggling, throwing her head back and letting the laughter pour out of her. It’s cathartic— it’s natural. Like a dam breaking, it’s fast and dangerous and exhilarating. Before she knows it he’s laughing too, his forehead pressing against her shoulder, chest shaking, and she’s digging her fingers into his hoodie to keep herself steady. They’re definitely waking up everyone else in the compound but she doesn’t care. She only throws herself closer to him, hugging him so tight that she’s practically falling over his back, legs locked high around his stomach.

He turns his face against her neck, mumbling his words into her skin. “Missed you, doll.”

Her fingers slip into his hair, toying with the soft strands and sighing. “Missed you more.”

Groaning, he straightens, re-securing his arm around her. He passes her another smile, this one softer, more in control. She pulls at his hair in return, earning a half-hearted eye roll and the reward of him sinking his head against her hands. She scratches at his scalp lightly, scrunching her nose and trying not to giggle again. Now that she’s started she can’t stop— that’s his real super power; leaving her in stitches.

“You think you’re ready to sleep again?”

She sobers at his question, shrugging. She already knows she’s not. The thought of going back to her room and having to sleep without a pillow again, alone, makes her blanche. She would rather not sleep at all then do that. She may as well go make a pot of coffee if that’s her option. The answer bubbles in her mouth— no.

No she is not ready— but she has to be. She has to be a big girl. Even if it means sleeping with the window open so that she can’t smell her sheets, even if it means freezing because the windows are open and she can’t use her blankets, even if she would rather be tucked under the covers of Tony’s bed like the old days when things were normal and she was happy.

But she can’t say that— can she?

“I guess— you gotta’ put me down though,” is what she finally settles on, trying to keep the disappointment from her words. It definitely doesn’t work but for the sake of her sanity she pretends it does.

He frowns— fully this time— blinking at her like she’s grown another head. “Uh no I don’t.”

He says it sarcastically— like she’s crazy for even suggesting such a thing— his face incredulous. It makes her heart spike, adrenaline pumping through her veins. She’s missing something.

“Tony, what are you talking—“

And then he turns, starting down the hall, starting towards his room, and she shuts her mouth. She’s not going to protest— she’s not risking her chance.

She’s not an idiot.

[plsimsuchasimp]

i’m sorry (ft: sugawara).

by request: “Hi!!!! Okay im so glad your requests are open - could I please request some angst with Sugawara? Where the reader is his best friend and secretly loves him but he doesn’t know? Then maybe the reader and Suga fight and then reader gets hurt or something (maybe a car accident) and when the Karasuno team finds out, Suga is devastated and goes to the hospital and tell the reader that he loves them?? Thank you!! ❤️” -anon

yes anon i’m happy to do this- i kinda changed up the prompt a lil bit so i’m sorry about that but i hope this measures up to your standards! (i’m ridiculously soft for suga so this makes sense)

genre: sadness (literal tears were shed in the process of making this)

ft: sugawara koushi x reader

warnings: car crash, fighting, cursing, hospitalization, death

wc: 2k

“Y/n, why are you so upset? I get that you’re concerned, and I’m grateful for that, but she’s genuinely a good person and I’m serious about her!” Suga walks away from you, his back turned, shoulders raised slightly in his sweater. You can sense his frustration, his confusion, but you don’t care. His face is pouty, lip sticking out ever so slightly, and you know you can’t look at him or you won’t be able to keep yourself from kissing him right then and there.

The thing is, you know she’s a good person. And that’s what hurts. See, you’ve been in love with Sugawara Koushi since the day you met him at the bus stop five years ago, on a hot summer day with a butterfly in his hair.

You can’t stop him from getting a new girlfriend, and you know it’s selfish of you to hope he likes you the way you like him, to hold on to him for all these years.

Sometimes when it’s late, you let yourself drift into your memories. The spring days when he would take you hiking, out into the mountains to show you his favorite spots, the times when your stomachs hurt from laughing at the dirty jokes he found off of random places on the internet, the rainy moments and baking cookies when it just seemed calm. With Suga, you felt at home like nowhere else. 

Now, your eyes sting unfairly, and you turn away from him as he glares towards you, brow furrowed. Struggling to keep your voice even, you say, “I know, okay Kou? I just- I don’t know, she gives me bad vibes.”

You know he doesn’t mean to be rude, but when he scoffs, your heart squeezes just a bit and tears prick your eyes. “You’re telling me to call off a whole relationship because she gives you bad vibes? You did this with all of my exes, too!” Suga sighs, hands on his hips. “You know you’re my best friend, but honestly, y/n, this has to stop. You can’t control my life!” 

He’s right. You know he’s right, and that’s the harsh thing about it. You want him all to yourself- everything about him is entrancing, intoxicating, familiar. Jealousy is a bitch.

“Don’t tell me what to do.”

At this point, his jaw drops open at the sheer audacity of your remark. “I can’t do this with you today.” He throws up his hands and sits on the bed, making it clear he doesn’t really want to talk anymore.

Suga never really fights with you. He teases endlessly, but he always stops himself before he really hurts you, and the fights between the two of you are always calmer on his side. He’s usually the first to apologize, but it seems this is a sticking point for the two of you.

“Well? Go!” As soon as the words are out of his mouth, he regrets it. You flinch backwards at his words, and he doesn’t miss the unmistakable glint of tears in your eyes as you walk out of the room.

“Fine, I guess I will!” As soon as you’re outside, you cover your mouth with your hand, your vision blurred from large drops threatening to spill from your eyelashes. You muffle your sobs with the sleeve of a sweatshirt Suga lent you, and it just makes you cry harder when you breathe in his slight cologne. 

He wasn’t going to let her go this time. You missed your chance.

You’re running, but where to? As soon as your thoughts stop spinning, your feet freeze, and you glance around you. Shaky breaths escape you as you duck your head and attempt to cross the street, questioning looks from passerby making your cheeks heat up. 

All of a sudden, you hear a car horn and freeze to see a car speeding towards you, out of control. The last thing you see before everything goes black is a child pointing at you, and you almost laugh at the incredulity of the situation. Then you black out on impact.

Back at Suga’s home, he sits in his bed, running his fingers through his silky hair. He curses under his breath, already hating the feeling. 

He hates when the only person he’s ever truly loved is mad at him. 

Honestly, Koushi can’t fathom why he keeps getting other people to date him, momentary distractions from his everlasting affection for you. You, the only person who’s there for him when he’s hurting, the only real friend to stay near him through everything, the only person he fell in love with on first sight. He wanted to be with you, but he didn’t want to ruin this was. 

Better to be certain friends with you and never get what he truly wanted than to try and lose you completely.

Suga picks up the phone to text you when he receives a call from an unfamiliar number, marked as the hospital of your district.

“Hello?"

“Is this Sugawara Koushi?” The female voice on the other end of the line asks.

“Yes, is everything okay?” He responds, curious as to why the hospital is calling him in the middle of the day.

“Well, we have Y/N L/N here, and you’re listed as one of their emergency contacts. Would you mind coming to the hospital to fill out some paperwork?”

Immediately, his world freezes. “W-what did you say?”

“I said, Y/N L/N is in the hospital and we need you to come in and see them.” She’s patient with him, voice even and calm, clearly used to people in shock from news of their loved ones. “They were involved in a car accident.”

He nods, momentarily forgetting she can’t see him. “Yeah, I’m on my way.” 

The line clicks, and he sits there for only a minute before hurrying down to his car, grabbing the keys and starting the car. He seems to forget basic movements, mind consumed only with thoughts of you. 

“Shit, shit, shit,” he muttered, edging above the speed limit on the road. He was tempted to honk at someone, but refrains from it, knowing it won’t help with the turmoil of emotions he was feeling.

Then, it hit him. This was his fault. He almost stopped the car in the middle of the road, throat closing as guilt washed over him. Koushi didn’t know you’d take it so hard, didn’t mean for it to come off that harshly.

He arrived at the hospital, and as he walked in, the receptionist looked up at him.

“Sugawara Koushi?” 

“Yes,” he said, and watched the smile slowly fade from her face. He noticed she tried to hide it, ducking her head, but it was too late. “Are they- are they going to be okay?” he gulped as she didn’t respond.

“Room 208,” she said curtly, “You should probably go in.”

The lights seemed to blur into each other as Suga practically ran to your room. Every footstep seemed to take forever, travel only a few centimeters forward. He couldn’t get there fast enough, accidentally bumping into the wall and muttering a hushed “sorry” to it.

He arrived. The door was almost too heavy, or maybe it was just the fear making his limbs heavy as lead.

There you lay, and it was worse than he thought.  Tubes of all sorts trailed from your body to things around the bed, crowding and seeming to close you in. Scratches ran down your cheek and there was dried blood on your hairline, streaking down your face. The breath fell from his throat and he stood in the doorway, paralyzed. 

This could not be happening. 

One look and he could tell you weren’t going to be okay. An IV drip led into your left arm, and you were unconscious, so fragile, so angelic. It looked as if you were only sleeping, like the countless times you’d snuggled into Suga’s shoulder in the warm summer nights, staring at the blanket of glittering stars far above. The ones in your eyes, though, outshone them all. 

When you slept, you always seemed so peaceful, so comforted, but now your brow was slightly furrowed, your lips drained of color and slightly parted. Even in this state, you were still the most beautiful person he’d ever seen.

Shakily, he made his way to the chair and sat down in it. He tried to swallow, but his throat was dry, and tears were dripping down his face before he could wipe them away. A choked sob escaped him as he reached out his hand, hovering over your limp one. 

He took your hand, and he hunched over to feel how cold it was. Your hands were always colder than his, which made him a perfect match for you. Never before, though, had he felt this ice. 

Suga’s shoulders began to shake, and he clutched your hand, silently begging you not to leave, please please please don’t leave me, i don’t know if i can survive without you. Of course, there was no response but the steady beep of the heart monitor, the only thing reassuring him that you were still there. 

Shaking, he brought your hand to his lips, barely brushing them against your knuckles. 

“Y/n, I’m so sorry.” Whispered words fell gently from his lips, trying to stay composed for you. “Please stay with me. Please don’t leave.” His tone rises, voice breaking in desperation. “P-please.” 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” He rocked back and forth, holding your hand as if it was the only thing tying him down. “I-I love you.”

There. He said it, those three words he’d wanted to say since the day he saw you smile for the first time. Hopelessly, madly, endlessly in love with you, only you. 

When you didn’t respond, he let himself sob, let the pain overtake him. Hot, salty tears spilled onto your hand, and he silently wished for a sign, a movement, anything to show that you weren’t gone just yet.

In that moment, he whispered everything he wanted to say to you, a thousand words choking him and clogging his throat to the point where he couldn’t breathe anymore.

The doctor came in, shutting the door silently behind him. “Sugawara-”

“Call me Suga.” His voice was quiet, reserved, threatening to break.

“I’m afraid y/n isn’t going to make it.” The doctor sighed, mercifully pretending not to notice Suga’s muffled cry. “I’m so sorry for your loss.”

“You’re joking, right?” Suga raised his head, puffy, red eyes desperate. “Please- tell me you’re joking.” The silence from the doctor told him otherwise, and Suga felt his heart shatter in that instant.

He squeezed your hand, and just as he did, the heart monitor stopped beeping, a flat tone emitting from it. He couldn’t stop the heartbroken cry from spilling from his mouth, his breath stolen by the endless constriction of guilt and grief in his chest. 

He stayed there for another two hours, crying over your hand limp in his grasp. When Daichi arrived at the hospital to drive him home, he didn’t want to leave. 

Suga stared out of the car window, numb. It was impossible- the world couldn’t be this cruel. 

It’s your fault, your fault, your fault, the voice in his head whispered. The broken sobs that spilled out of him hurt, stabbed at his breathing, but he didn’t care. It was his fault that you were gone, forever. 

The rest of the day passed in a haze, the sun setting with flared colors that you would have loved. The stars were brilliant, but Suga couldn’t look at them. His pillow smelled like you, and everywhere he looked had some imprint, some memory of you. You were the only person he’d ever love, and you had been stolen from the world in an instant.

In the months afterwards, nothing was the same. He saw you everywhere, expecting to see your texts pop up on his phone, accidentally ordered your drink at the boba place you would always go to. 

At the funeral, his stiff black suit seemed awkward, but you always said he looked handsome in one. That was the last time he got to see your face besides pictures, the fading memory of the person who loved him for who he was.

the person who he would love for the rest of his life.

you’re an angel in my eyes.

a/n: tbh this is probably one of the most painful things i’ve written so far suga im so sorry also THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH FOR 50 FOLLOWERS ITS CRAZY i finished this at 2am i’m going to be so sad if it flops <\3

[dadgonedeku]

Bnha boys reacting to their s/o wanting to be held!

💖~Characters: Deku, Bakugou, Kirishima, Todoroki, Kaminari, & Sero

💖~Warnings: Cursing, Fluff

💖~SFW & Gender Neutral!Reader

💖~Happy reading!!

Izuku Midoriya🥦

🥦~ Mmmmmmsoft babie

🥦~ When you ask him he nearly cries ON SIGHT-

🥦~ He thinks you’re so adorable and if it’ll make you happy then he’ll do it anywhere anytime! 🥺

🥦~ “Of course I will s/o!”

🥦~ You just curl up into his hold and bury your head in his chest and he SHEDS TEARS-

🥦~ Strong and scarred arms wrap around your lower back and shoulders and you just feel so comfy and s a f e-

🥦~ He’ll even carry you around if you want him too, he will literally do ANYTHING you ask of him!🥺

🥦~ He likes it when you sit on his lap or lay in between his legs. DOUBLE likes it whenever you wrap your legs around his waist and he can walk around with you clinging to him! He’s a stronk boi so it boosts his confidence-

🥦~ If you ever tell him how safe and comfortable he makes you feel whenever he holds you...please just dig his grave, he’s dead on sight-

🥦~ He’s so jacked but so...soft at the same time? Also surprisingly warm? It’s kind of a mystery tbh...

🥦~ Whenever he can hold you he relishes in the familiar comforting feeling you give him, he’ll nuzzle his head in your neck and gush about how much he loves you. ❤️

Katsuki Bakugou💥

💥~ Tbh he’s kinda baffled at first...

💥~ Like it fr takes him a second to process what you want him to do hA-

💥~ “The hell? What do you mean you want me to hold you?” He’s SUCH a tsundere-

💥~ Blows you off at first, but then later regrets his decision and either randomly pulls you into his hold or just says something along the lines of “C’mere” or if you’re in private “Let me hold you dumbass”

💥~ It’s honestly adorable watching him begrudgingly do what you ask him because you know he secretly loves having you in his arms SQUEEE-

💥~ At first its kinda weird because he doesn’t know how to cuddle properly and his arms are so s t i f f-

💥~ After a while though it gets better and you and him both long for each other’s embrace. He’s naturally really warm though so unless you’re okay with sweating your ASS off I’d suggest you put at least a little space between the two of you-

💥~ He’ll NEVER admit it but having you with him makes him feel so calm and relieved and just knowing you’re safe and comfy with him is h e a v e n-

💥~ Now whenever you ask him he just kinda smirks at you and then either hugs you or walks to somewhere private and expects you to follow him. he’s kinda bad at communicating okay let him be-

💥~ Side note: Mans has BEEFY ASS ARMS so you already know he’s gonna smother you in MUSCLE! 🥰

Eijirou Kirishima🥊

🥊~ He’s honestly really excited when you ask him!! MmmmmBABY-

🥊~ “Really? Let’s do it then babe!”

🥊~ Cuddles? Got it. Naps? Sure. You wanna lay in his lap? Of course the fuck you can. You want him to just carry you around? He can do that too. This man will do whatever you want him to.

🥊~ He really likes it when you lay on top of his chest though, either that or when you two are sitting or laying down and you’re resting between his legs. He’s such a baby he’s so excited whenever he can do this with you-

🥊~ I’m not joking he will literally drop whatever he’s doing to hold or cuddle you. Just being in your embrace makes him feel so loved and safe.

🥊~ He kisses your forehead all the time and plays with your hands or fingers, also nuzzles your nose from time to time.

🥊~ There is no possible way for you to get rid of the smile on his face. Kiri will smile the entire time you two are together he can’t help it you make him sooo happy! 🥺❤️

🥊~ Play with his hair play with his hair play with his hair play with his hair- PLEASE play with his hair kssjahssnwwhsb he’ll DIE-

🥊~ Mans also has beefy arms, like have you SEEN HIS ARMS SHEESH HE COULD CRUSH YOU IF HE WANTED TO-

🥊~ Obviously he won’t but he’s still really buff so just IMAGINE being held between them!! It’d be soooo safe and comfy omg-

🥊~ If you ever tell him how comfortable he makes you feel when he holds you he’ll probably cry-

🥊~ MANLY TEARS THOUGH 😌🤚, we only cry MANLY tears in this household-

Shouto Todoroki❄️🔥

❄️~ PDA? Who’s she? Never heard of hER hUh? He’s kind of a noob he’s never really experienced love before so please help him out. 🥺

🔥~ He tries his best okay? He’s trying-

❄️~ “Can you hold me Sho?”

🔥~ “What? What do you mean?”

❄️~ He’s such an oblivious baby you’ll have to walk him through what you want him to do-

🔥~ Soon enough he somewhat catches on, he awkwardly wraps his arm around your shoulders and pulls you to him.

❄️~ It’s a little uncomfortable but listen he’s trYING give him a break- 😭

🔥~ After the first few times he gets a hang of it and it becomes second nature whenever you want him to hold you. He either pulls you into a really soft and warm hug or he wants you to lay next to him/on his chest.

❄️~ Eventually he’ll start asking YOU to hold HIM- oh how the tables have turned- please hold him he’s baby-

🔥~ He thinks it’s really cute if you ever switch sides to feel either warmer or cooler. 🥺

❄️~ He tells you how safe you make him feel and he really hopes he’s doing a good job at making you feel the same way.

🔥~ He smiles almost the whole time GOD HIS SMILE-

❄️~ Unintentionally falls asleep the first few times...🥺

Denki Kaminari⚡️

⚡️~ He gets really playful and honestly kinda smug- 😭

⚡️~ “oH you want me to hold you huh? What are you a baby?“

⚡️~ Teases you a lot nO not nasty get that outta here- but yes he will most definitely do it!

⚡️~ “Pff- okay I’m sorry of course I’ll hold you come here-“

⚡️~ He gets pretty nervous the first couple times, he just wants to make sure you’re comfortable and that he’s doing a decent job.

⚡️~ I think he’d be the type to have you in his lap or hugging his chest or his waist. He lives for whenever he can make you feel safe so he’s pretty much good with whatever you want him to do.

⚡️~ He surprisingly stays with you for however long you need or want him to! You make him feel so relaxed and soft and he loves it. Any time he can spend this kind of time with you he instantly takes it!

⚡️~ He likes feeling like he can protect you! It boosts his confidence and it reassures him that you’re safe!

⚡️~ He thinks you’re SUPER cute whenever you’re all cuddly and soft with him. His heart is practically racing the entire time!

⚡️~ If you’ll let him he’ll play with your hair or nuzzle your nose!

⚡️~ He also falls asleep the first couple of times and he’s honestly really cute sleeping! I mean he’s cute all the time but ya know-

Hanta Sero🧃

🧃~ This one will hold you anytime anywhere-

🧃~ He’s all for whatever you wanna do, you want him to cuddle? Yep. Hugs? On it. He’s such a chill and laid back person he’ll literally do ANYTHING-

🧃~ He loves being in your company so when you ask him to hold you he immediately pulls you to his chest!! 🥺

🧃~ “Yeah sure s/o! Wanna watch a movie too? I can get some snacks really quick if you want.”

🧃~ MMMMMMMBABIE-

🧃~ Also the type to drop whatever he’s doing to hold you too! And he’ll even carry you around for fun!

🧃~ He holds you either next to him or on top of him. He likes to feel your breathing and match his to it, it helps him relax and makes him feel calm!!

🧃~ He’ll just smile and play with your fingers while pressing kisses to your forehead!

🧃~ He thinks you’re sooo adorable whenever he’s holding or cuddling you and he definitely lets you know it!!

🧃~ Some way some how the two of you always end up either taking a nap or just sleeping through the night. Whoops-

[pizzaboat]

I kinda wrote a mom eda fic, cause I wanted to try writing. This is like the first fic I've ever writen so keep in mind it's not gonna be perfect.. but I'm happy how it turned out.. so here!

Some honesty before breakfast

To say Eda had noticed something off with her apprentice, would be an understatement. 

Luz's cheery attitude had all but disappeared for the past two days, and instead had been replaced with a quite sadness that followed the girl wherever she went in the house. Her smiles seemed forced, never quite reaching her eye's, lacking the warmth and joy they usually had.

Eda knew she should have seen this coming, the slow change in luz's demeanour. The portal had been destroyed a month ago, but she'd been too caught up in mourning the loss of her magic, processing the cluster fuck that had been the last few months and adjusting to her older sister taking up residency in her shed, she hadn't noticed.

She should have acted sooner.

Because Eda now watched Luz half heartedly engage in her and King's infamous and dreaded "comedy hour" with all the enthusiasm of Lilith on hooty's cleaning day. 

"Luz, you're not paying attention!" King whined, "my food puns are genius, and not even a smirk!

"Come on, this is some of my best material!" The tiny demon added, dropping what was left of his toast onto his plate.

"Sorry king, I was paying attention" Luz assured pushing her untouched breakfast away "I was just thinking as well, that's all.."

"Sounds like not paying attention to me" He grumbled.

Sounds like a terrible cover up.

Eda finished the last of her Appleblood, pushed away from the counter she was leaning on and picked King up earning a "nyee" from him as she placed him on the floor.

"why don't you go play with your army of dolls or something?" Eda told him.

"They're my army of darkness!" He corrected "and its not playing, it's scheming. machinating if you will"

"Whatever, go do that. I need to talk to Luz" She sighed.

Luz shifted in her seat, and went to leave.

"Actually,  I have a ton of homework so-"

"Nope" Eda cut the girl off "you stay, king go" she ordered 

King muttered something about world domination as he scurried off, and Luz and Eda were left alone of the kitchen.

"So.. is this about potions delivery's?" Luz asked "because I know I haven't been doing the deliveries alot lately and-"

"Kid, what?-no, that isn't what this is about"

Luz fidgeted with the string of her hoody "then, what is this about?" 

"You tell me, you've been acting weird lately- well weirder than usual" Eda said, taking Kings seat at the table and pushing his leftovers aside.

"Its not that big a deal, really" Luz said, but the waver in her voice betrayed her.

Titan help her.

Eda sighed and rubbed her eyes "Look, I'm not an idiot kid, I know somethings up, and I know the past month has been rough. For everyone"

And here comes the emotional mush..

"I know it can't be easy" Eda continued, trying to choose her next words carefully.

"Living under the same roof as Lilith after what's happened, or adjusting to all this crap,  the portal door being destroyed.."

Titan she had no clue what she was doing. How do you comfort people?

"But I want you to know that whatever the problem is, I'm here to help. it matters if it upsets you" Eda told her "and I'll be hexed if I'll let my kid suffer in silence"

"So what's bothering you?"

They sat there for a moment. Eda wasn't sure if her lackluster attempt at reassurance had helped the girl, she searched Luz's face for any signs of what she might be thinking.

Finally, Luz let out in a shakey breath "I miss my mom"

Ah, shit. Of course, the poor kid missed her mother. She really should have guessed that.

"I destroyed the door, to stop belos and- and to save you" Luz's voice cracked " but I miss her.. y'know? .. when things would go wrong back home, she was always there, she knew what to do..." Tears started well in her eyes and spill out onto her cheeks.

Luz sucked in a breath of air " I don't know what to do..the doors gone, and it's my fault and she's probably really worried about me, and its MY fault.

"Im scared I'll never see her again. Eda, I miss my home. I miss my mom"

Of course. None of this was Luz's fault though. Not really. It was Eda's. She was the adult and should have sent her home that first day. But she was selfish and now Luz was paying the price.

"I don't regret saving you though" She continued,  and Eda blinked in surprise.

"Leaving you guys behind was never an option. being here with you and King.. its kinda like home here too" Another shakey breath.

"I know I shouldn't complain 'cause I did this to my self but-" Luz's voice cut off and gave way to sobbing.

Eda didn't know how it happened but she found herself at the other side of the table, wrapping Luz up in one of those "parallel arm" things.

She scooped the girl up easily and sat her on her lap, holding her close as Luz continued to cry. This poor kid, who'd brought so much light into Eda's life, Changed it for the better, magic be damned, was suffering and there was no way in hell Eda was going to stand back and watch her blame herself.

Luz had given up everything. 

In one of the few times where Eda felt compeled to do the right thing, Eda vowed to herself she'd make this right.

"Luz" The witch said with a softness that surprised herself "None of this is your fault, it's OK to be upset"

"it's my fault not yours, I want- no. need you to know that. I'm gonna fix this. I'll find a way to get you back home, and you'll be able to see your mom again" she said, stroking her hair.

"I promise"

Luz looked up from where she had her head buried in Eda's sweater, her eyes were red rimmed and puffey. Luz rubbed at her eyes, and sniffed.

"You promise?" Luz asked, voice horse.

Eda nodded, brushing some of luz's hair back, fixing it.

"I promise, and that's a promise from the most powerful witch on the boiling Isles, kiddo. it's a big deal, infact you should feel kinda honoured"

Luz laughed. And there it was. That smile that had been missing for so long. Eda wasn't going to let anything happen to it again.

"I kind of ruined your sweater" Luz said apologetically as she pulled away.

Eda looked down at her sweater. yep. Human snot. Gross as all hell.

"Don't worry about it, I didn't like the sweater anyway"

Yes she did.

Luz jumped off of Eda's lap "how do you feel now?" Eda asked

"better" Luz smiled, rubbing her eyes still.

"Good, I can't have my apprentice's in emotional distress" eda smirked "it'd be bad for business"

"I'm your only apprentice" Luz shot back grinning.

"details" Eda waved her hand dismissively.

Eda looked at her now. She wasn't crying anymore, which was good. Eda could still see residual tears, but Luz was smiling, no matter how small it was, she was actually smiling again, and that was what mattered.

A loud definitive gurgle sounded through out the room.

"I never ate breakfast" Luz whispered sheepishly.

Luz turned back to her breakfast cereal to see it had long since turned to disgusting mush in the bowl.

"i'll eat something else.." She decided heading towards the cupboards.

Eda had an idea.

"We could make something"

Luz perked up.

"Really?!" 

"I mean, yeah why not?" Eda shrugged " I haven't eaten yet and-"

"Can we make pancakes?!" The girl asked with barely contained excitement "I can dress King up in a little chefs outfit, and we could have pancakes!"

"Um.."

"I have so much prep work to do!" Luz exclaimed as she dashed out the door.

"Kid!" Eda called

"Yeah?" Luz popped her head back in the door.

"Don't forget that if your ever worried about anything at all, you can talk to me. I meant what I said, I'm here to help"

"I know, thanks Eda. I love you" and she was gone.

Eda blinked.

"I love you too, Luz"

[honey-dewey]

Pepper Spray

Pairing: Jack ‘Whiskey’ Daniels/Reader

Word Count: 2,181

Warnings: None

The Statesman parking lot was the only thing you hated about your job. Mostly because it was dark as the night and terrifying even when you were clutching a weapon. Of course, when the time comes to use said weapon, you may or may not have accidentally used it on the wrong person. Oops.

 You loved your job. A well paying and not too hard job at the Statesman distillery and apparently, secrecy agent service. You mostly worked with the papers, filing and sorting and re-reading. It was hell on the feet and worse on the eyes, but you knew every inch of that building and all it’s goings on. It was truly an ideal job. 

However, the one and only thing you hated about your job was the parking lot. 

It was far away from the building, shrouded in darkness that the lights never touched. You’d put pepper spray on your keychain after a month of working at Statesman, and had hesitantly asked Ginger to make you a discreet weapon after you’d used your pepper spray once on a creep at a bar. She’d given you brass knuckles that you’d thankfully never had to use, but just knowing you could protect yourself was comfort enough. Even if you weren’t on Statesman property, the feeling of being protected was one you loved. 

Fridays were, of course, always hectic. Weekly mission reports were due on Friday, and between the fact checking and the grammar checks and the sorting away, you’d spent an hour extra at work. It wasn’t a bad thing though, as you got paid overtime and the bulk of the work was sorting away the new reports. However, your late night work antics meant that by the time you left the office, the parking lot was dead dark, and you clutched your pepper spray as you made your way to your car. 

Humming to yourself, just some annoying song one of your coworkers had been playing all day, you walked past the security booth leading into the parking lot. 

A noise behind you made you spin around, heart beating overly fast. The noise sounded distinctly like the security booth door opening. Your finger itched on the pepper spray trigger, getting ready. 

You continued towards your car, now on high alert. With the security Statesman had, you were fairly certain whoever was around wasn’t a huge threat to your safety, but you had to be certain. More than likely, it was just Tom, the security guard who usually sat in the booth. He left sometimes, to grab food or take a bathroom break. You took a breath, trying desperately to convince yourself it was just Tom. 

When you finally had your car in sight, you heard footsteps behind you, falling in line with yours. They were heavy, heavier than Tom’s, and they were regular, masked slightly by the sound of your own. Whoever was behind you was trying to hide their steps. Squaring your shoulders, heart beating loudly in your ears, you whirled around and immediately sprayed your pepper spray. There was no time to assess the threat, you just prayed your aim was true. 

It, thankfully, was. Your target, however, was not who you expected. 

“Whiskey?” 

Agent Whiskey, or Jack as he preferred around the office, was standing in front of you, his face and shirt bright orange as he attempted to process the fact that you’d just pepper sprayed him. 

“Oh my god!” You said, panicking as you realized what you’d just done. “I am so sorry!” 

Jack made a pained noise as the spray took its effect, and you immediately jumped into action. “C’mon,” you said, putting an arm around him. “I am so sorry,” you added again.

He didn’t respond. You sighed, slightly worried that this could be the end of your career. After all, you’d just pepper sprayed one of Statesman’s best agents. A mistake like that was pretty damn big. 

By the time you had him back in the building, Jack’s eyes were swollen shut and his face was soaking wet from the tears he was involuntarily crying. He couldn’t talk, so you simply busied yourself with setting him in a medical exam room and searching for what you needed. 

You’d gone through the paperwork on these rooms and their set up so many times that you knew every square inch of the space. And all the receipts for medical purchases went through you as well, meaning you also knew exactly what was stocked. 

Thankfully, Statesman had what you needed within reach, and it took you almost no time at all to find the nondescript bottle of saline solution and put it on the countertop. Along with that, you put on gloves, just to protect your hands. 

You carefully, while describing your actions so as not to send Jack into a panic, took his hat and jacket off and led him to the tiled corner of the room with the eye wash station. 

“I’m going to spray your face with this saline solution,” you said, uncapping the bottle. “It’s cold, but not super cold. It should help for when we flush the spray off your face with water.” As you explained, Jack shuffled on his feet, clearly eager to make the pain subside. 

“Three,” you said warningly, rolling the bottle back and forth in your hands, hoping you could warm the liquid a bit. 

“Two.” Jack tensed, although whether it was out of pain or anticipation, you had no idea. You could only hope it was anticipation. 

“One.” You sprayed the liquid all across Jack’s face, although it was more like splashing him with water from a cup. The saline solution dripped down his face and onto his shirt, mixing with the tears he’d shed. You put the bottle down, expertly guiding Jack over the eye wash station and turning it on. 

“Fifteen minutes,” you said, taking your gloves off and dumping them into the trash. “At least. After that, we’ll wait for your eyes to open and give you a rest period to let the burn subside, which could take a while, but should resolve itself in an hour or so.” 

Jack ended up needing a break around the eight minute mark, leaning back and taking multiple deep breaths, his eyes still shut and his throat still pretty much unusable. He rasped out a few words about his stained shirt, and you took the break in eye rinsing to help him take his shirt off and have him wash his hands. Once that was done, he went right back to the eye wash station to complete his time. 

Once Jack’s fifteen minutes were up, you helped him sit down and dry off, his eyes still swollen shut. Thankfully, his throat was starting to clear, and he was able to talk to you. 

“How in the hell?” He rasped. “I didn’t know you worked here in medical.” 

“I don’t.” You put the mostly empty saline bottle away, making a note on the whiteboard near the door that the room needed more. “I do the paperwork. I just happened to have to pull papers on an accident involving pepper spray today, and had to Google how to relieve the burn to fact check the papers. This room is familiar because I keep track of all the supplies and blueprints. Really, I just know a lot about everything that goes on in this building.” 

Jack took a breath. “Fuck.” 

You laughed. “Sure. Fuck.” 

Grabbing a few tissues, you carefully wiped away the residual tears and water off Jack’s face. His eyes blinked open, still red and swollen, but not too bad anymore. 

“Hey,” you said happily, glad to see his eyes open. “How’re you feeling?” 

“Like shit,” Jack muttered, raising a hand to rub his face, but you caught his wrist before he could. 

“Don’t rub,” you warned. “That’ll make it worse.” 

Jack nodded. “How long before the burn stops?” 

You shrugged, thinking back to the pepper spray paperwork. “An hour. But you probably won’t be fully recovered until tomorrow.” 

Sighing, Jack leaned back. “I guess we’re gonna be stuck here a while.” 

Eventually, you grabbed a washcloth and soaked it in cool water, laying it across Jack’s eyes. The swelling was, thankfully, going down, as was the redness. His eyes had finally stopped watering as well, meaning he was mostly able to see again. 

As Jack’s face got better, you two talked. Not about anything important, just simple things that could distract Jack. You learned he had a ranch, and he eagerly told you about his cow. 

“Her name is Bella,” he said, showing you a photo on his phone. You smiled. Bella was absolutely beautiful, with soft looking tan fur and big brown eyes. “She’s a highland cow, which is why she’s so fluffy.” 

“I didn’t know you had pets,” you said, sitting back and checking your watch. “Bella’s adorable.” 

Jack shrugged, putting his phone back into his pocket. “I inherited most of it from my brother,” he explained. “He died a while back, right as I joined Statesman. Mom always expected to get the ranch, but my brother said she didn’t have the heart for it. So he left it to me.” 

“Huh.” You stood, dusting yourself off. “Does your mother suck?” 

“Nah,” Jack responded. “She’s just not very motherly.” 

You laughed. “Well that explains it. We should probably get going, by the way. It’s getting late.” 

So you and Jack walked out to the parking lot, you silently fiddling with your keys. 

“Can I drive you home?” You blurted, watching Jack head off towards where the Bronco was parked. 

He stopped, turning back to you. “Pardon?” 

“I’m just worried your eyes aren’t up to scratch yet,” you elaborated, nervousness making you shuffle your feet. “And I’d feel better if I got to drive you home.” 

Jack shrugged. “Yeah. Sure.” 

As he got into your car, he looked around, impressed. “What kinda car is this?” 

“A mustang. Shelby Cobra to be specific.” 

Jack raised an eyebrow. “Is it a ‘67?” 

“Yep.” You busied yourself with backing out, the old mechanics of the car a familiar comfort to you. 

“Huh.” Jack leaned back. “Impressive.” 

You smiled, waving to Tom, who was in the security booth. “Thank you. It was my dad’s, but he gave it to me because I helped him repair it when I was young. Where’s your house?” 

Jack put his address into his phone, putting it on the dash and maxing the volume so you could hear the directions. 

“So why’d you pepper spray me?” He asked eventually, breaking the silence. 

You snorted. “Why were you sneaking up on me in the middle of the night?” 

“I had a question.” 

“Mhm,” you hummed, making a turn. “What question?” 

Jack fiddled with his jacket zipper, seemingly nervous. “Just wanted to ask about my paperwork. Ginge needed to know when my last eye exam was, and she told me to find you.” 

You laughed. “It couldn’t have waited until tomorrow?” You asked. “Also, it was three years ago.” 

“How in the fuck?” 

“Champ needed your file yesterday so he could compare your sharpshooting record to one of the other agent’s scores,” you explained. “And on my way back down to the records room, I read it over. It’s a long walk and I needed some entertainment.”

Jack shook his head in disbelief, a small smile on his lips. “You are unbelievable.” 

You grinned, turning and pulling into Jack’s ranch. “I’m fairly certain being unbelievable is my job,” you pointed out, putting the car in park. 

As Jack opened the car door, you heard excited mooing and saw a dark figure racing over. 

“Bella!” Jack said eagerly, petting the cow the same way one would pet a dog. “Hey darlin’. How’s the ranch?” 

Bella mooed again, headbutting your car. 

You got out, coming around to scratch Bella’s ears. She butted into you too, sending you back a couple of steps. 

“Be nice,” Jack scolded playfully, shaking a finger at Bella. “This is a guest!” 

Bella mooed yet again and trotted off. 

“I’m sorry about her,” Jack said, turning to you. “She’s a people cow.” 

You merely shook your head, laughing. “It’s fine. By the way, is there any way I can make tonight up to you? I did kinda pepper spray you. Can I make that right somehow?” 

Jack chuckled, leaning on a fence post. “Come ‘round here again tomorrow at six. Wear something nice.” 

“Are you asking me out?” Of all the things you expected, this was not it. 

“Yeah,” Jack said. “What’d you say? Please keep in mind I was pepper sprayed an hour ago.” 

You snorted, getting back into your car and putting the window down. “It’s a date.” 

As you backed out of Jack’s ranch, he waved at you, and you waved back. 

Once you reached your own house, you fell onto your couch and eagerly texted Ginger, telling her about your upcoming date. Within seconds, she was calling you. 

“What?” You asked, giggling and heading into your kitchen for a glass of water. 

Ginger took a deep breath. “Did you just score a date with Jack goddamn Daniels?” 

“Yeah?” You said, leaning against your counter. “I mean, I kinda pepper sprayed him first, but yeah, I got a date!” 

There was a pause. And then, 

“I’m sorry, did you say you pepper sprayed him!?”

[kareofbears]

plainly in truth, chapter 3/5

"Without you around, it's sorta like stuff is just kinda...bleh."

—

Or: hiding, confiding, and misguiding.

read on ao3 or below the cut :)

Ryuji grips the letter like it was silver and he was a werewolf in the full moon.

He picks it up, skims over the first line before putting it down beside him, feeling worse every time he does it, only able to read the fine-printed lettering from the flickering lamp post above him. The constant change in light would normally bug him, but he doesn’t really care about it now; it’s not like the words would change in his hand, and he’s long since needed to actually read it to know what it reads.

His feet dangle over the canal, enjoying the way a rush of adrenaline would go through him when he looks down into the deep waters. It’s late enough in the night that even with the city lights around him, he can’t gauge how deep it goes.

Soseikawa Park was only a five minute walk from Odori Park, but with the narrow river and steeped hills, Ryuji found it secluded enough to let himself sit. Breathe. Not exist, even for just a few minutes. It’s like having his own bedroom, except it smells faintly like a sewer and there’s an intersection about ten meters above where he sat underneath the overpass. If he can ignore the never-ending rumble of cars and trucks driving above him, it can almost be considered peaceful.

He lets himself fall back, the grass tickling the back of his neck and his spine screaming in relief. They’re heading out again in two days, which means more days of being in an inescapable RV surrounded by his best friends who are keeping an eye on him because they’re good people who don’t know how to mind their own fucking business.

Idly, he lets his hands pull and brings it to his face—blades of grass. He lets it get taken by the wind. After brief consideration, he shoves the letter back into his pocket before he can do the same thing to it.

He is so tired.

Blindly, he hits the vague area of where his pocket is and fishes out his phone, hitting the first speed dial before he can talk himself out of it. As two rings go by, he stupidly hopes that she doesn’t pick up, as if she hasn’t ever missed a phone call from him even when she’s at work.

The third ring gets cut off halfway through. “Ryu!”

Despite himself, he grins. “Hey, ma. Checking in for the weekly call.”

“I was just thinking about you,” she says, and he can hear the laundry machine run in the background. “I was wondering if you had eaten today.”

“Ma, you ain’t gotta worry about that kinda thing anymore. I’m a big boy now.”

“You’re breaking my heart!” He can almost see her, phone tucked in the crook of her neck, work-worn hands folding her laundry as fast as she can so as to not hold up the next person in line. “It doesn’t matter how big you are, you’re my boy. How can I not think about whether my boy is eating or not?”

“All I’ve done on this trip is eat, ma.”

“Oh, and Akira! How’s that handsome boy doing? Still taking the world by storm?”

That pulls a genuine laugh from him—he never needs to hold back when it comes to talking about Akira, at least. “You know it. He’s the only guy in the world who can stand toe-to-toe with me in chowing down. I swear, he’s slipping some of it under the table ‘cause he’s so damn fast. Forty seconds! Forty seconds to inhale an extra large beef bowl! Blows my mind, seriously.”

“Could never do anything in halves, can he?” she chuckles, before the quality of her voice shifts. “And are you enjoying yourself?”

He hesitates. “Yeah, of course. It’s a roadtrip across Japan, how can I not?”

“Good.” There’s some crackling over the receiver, and he guesses she’s probably adjusting the basket full of clothes on her hip. “That’s all I want to hear. As long as you’re happy, Ryu, I’m a happy old woman.”

Ryuji opens his mouth, ready to console her.

I’m always happy!

You worry too much, ma.

There’s nothing to worry about.

“Sorry, but,” he swallows thickly. “I think they’re calling for me? So—”

“Alright,” she says, and he might be imagining the disappointed tinge to it. “Call back when you can, okay sweetheart? I miss you.”

“I miss you too,” he clears his throat. “I love you, ma.”

“I love you too, Ryu.”

He hangs up, letting the phone slip out of his fingers. It lands hard on the flat grass

For a long moment, he just lays there, listening to the gentle lapping waves and cars honking with impatience of people who have somewhere to be. He tries to meditate for half a minute, with all the information he had learned from a couple of YouTube videos, and gives up, because of course he does. Squeezing his eyes shut, he can’t do anything about the creeping dread that’s in his stomach getting stronger, squeezing and squeezing until he feels sick. It’s like his insecurities are having this huge fight against each other, feeding off of one another until it gets too big for him to handle and all he can do is breathe and try to do something about it.

And he’s fucking sick of it—breathing. He’s sick of the stupid breathing techniques, sick of counting down from ten and waiting for his own heart to chill out because his brain won’t stop reminding him of everything he did wrong, of shit he’s still doing wrong because at least this way, nobody knows what he did was wrong. It’s just him that can point and laugh at himself, and that’s way better than having the world do it for him.

He doesn’t cry, because he’s not a crier. He’s the type of guy to throw a fist through drywood before shedding a tear, and he hates that about himself. Rather than do something that will actually help, Ryuji lays there, perfectly still. Listening. Waiting for a meteor to fall on him, or for the overpass to crash its entire weight on top of him.

Instead, he hears footsteps.

His heart rate slows by a fraction, and opens his eyes to meet gray ones. “Hey.”

“Hi,” Akira says, a smile in his voice. “How did you know it was me?”

Ryuji almost feels offended. He would know Akira by sound alone, the way his heels would click in the Metaverse. The way the balls of his feet would strike the earth, hardly muffled by grass or cheap sneakers or anything else as trivial. Ryuji would know he was there; no matter how blind he was with hatred for himself, his love for Akira would always guide him back to where he needs to be.

“Lucky guess.”

“One hell of a guess.” He plops down onto the grass and Ryuji lifts his head, allowing Akira to wiggle until he could use his lap as a pillow. “Your turn,” Akira says.

“My turn to what?”

“To ask me how I knew where you were.”

“Oh.” He lets his eyes slide shut again. “I kinda just assumed you could do that.”

“You assume too much of me sometimes.”

“I assume the right amount.” Ryuji refuses to shiver when he feels long fingers start to card through his hair. “You’re giving me goosebumps,” he sighs.

“That’s a good thing, I think.” The fingers pull away and he’s about to complain when he feels something gets thrown over his torso. “Here. You always end up forgetting to wear an extra layer when you go out like this.”

Ryuji rearranges Akira’s jacket over himself. “Sap.”

“You know it.” He resumes combing through his hair, and Ryuji lets himself relax, just a little. It’s strange—it’s hard as hell being around other people nowadays, and even though Akira can make him feel that sometimes, mostly it helps the eternal twisting of his stomach to settle.

“You’re good at that,” Ryuji mutters.

“Thank you. I’ve had plenty of practice with Morgana.” And just to make it worse, he uses a little bit of nail on his nape, sending electricity running down all the way to his fingertips.

His mouth twists unhappily. “Don’t do shit like that while talking about the cat, for the love of god.”

Akira does it again, like the little shit he is. “You still have that weird thing with your neck?”

“Quit it!” Ryuji slaps his thigh and he can’t muster much anger when he can feel Akira’s shoulders shake from silent laughter. “You’re not as funny as you think you are.”

“You’re right.” Gently, softly, like the world’s lightest feather, he feels lips brush his temple. “I’m funnier.”

His eyes open, and his entire vision is obscured by curly black hair and tender eyes. “You’re right,” he breathes. “You’re funnier.”

Akira bends down again, and Ryuji catches his lips, overflowing with something soft but unafraid, and it’s so good that Ryuji reaches for his cheek just to make it last a little bit longer.

When they break off, Akira kisses his temple again, this time on the left side. “Do you know what day it is?”

“Uh,” he scratches his head, brain a little fuzzy. “Tuesday?”

“It’s Wednesday, and I meant the date. It’s August tenth.”

“Okay?”

Akira thumbs at his collarbone. “I know this might be a little lame that I know it by heart, but I left Tokyo on March 19th. That would mean it’s been—”

“One hundred forty-four days since you moved away,” he finishes. “I know.”

Akira blinks, and then laughs, and Ryuji knows it’s an especially good one because sound actually comes out this time. “Yes,” he says, elated. “Exactly what I was thinking.”

“I told you dude, we’re really on that telepathy shit.”

“We really are.” A pause. “I miss you.”

He’s about to joke—I’m right here, you big dummy—but find that he just can’t. “I miss you too.”

They can’t say what they mean: I will miss you. Summer vacation doesn’t last forever, and two months will always be a hell of a lot shorter than the rest of the ten months that they’ll be apart. Somehow, he dreads seeing Akira gone, and he’ll dread seeing Akira back in Tokyo because it would mean that he’d actually have to see what Ryuji’s really like. Actively pushing away his best friend just so he doesn’t have to see his failures; doesn’t that just make him the worst piece of shit in the world?

There’s a gap, though. A little loophole. A crack in the timeline. A place where maybe he’s allowed to be a hollowed out version of happy; the now.

“Tomorrow’s our last day in Sapporo?”

“Yeah?” Akira replies, surprised at the change in tone.

“Which means Jail stuff is done, right? All your grocery shopping and Sophia Prime’s been ordered and packed up?”

“Yes,” he says, a lilt in his voice. “It’s all done.”

Ryuji sits up and faces him, reaching for his wrists, relishing in the heartbeat thumping against his palms. “Let’s do something. I don’t care what, but let’s do something. Eat at a diner, go to a museum, rob a bank, whatever.” He runs his thumb along the veins there, long since those bumps have been ingrained in his brain. “Let’s do something, just you and me.”

“Are you asking me out on a date, Sakamoto?” He has a cocky look in his eye, and Ryuji’s half-tempted to kiss him again just to wipe it clean off his face. “You know I’d follow you anywhere.”

He knows. That’s the scary part. Would Akira still follow someone he doesn’t know as well as he thinks he does? “I’ll get us lost,” he jokes.

Akira doesn’t laugh. “I’d rather be lost with you than learn to lose you.”

It’s been ages since he’s been flustered at anything Akira does, but he feels a rush of heat crawl up his neck. “I’ll—” Ryuji shakes his head, willing his embarrassment to go away. “Shit, uh—”

“I’ll pick where to go,” he interrupts, a little too smug for his liking. “I’d say I’ll pick you up at your place, but…”

“Yeah, yeah, you’re a comedian,” Ryuji rolls his eyes. “I’ll be ready whenever.”

“Fantastic.” Akira checks his phone, wincing. “It’s late.”

He grips his wrist tightly. “I know.”

Thankfully, he’s never needed to explain much to Akira. “Okay,” he says softly. “Ten more minutes?”

“Yeah.” He lets his eyes slide shut once more, letting out a breath. The world will keep spinning. His stomach will keep twisting. Time will keep marching on, but at least he has this. “Ten minutes sounds good.”

—

The first words that Futaba says as she enters the RV was: “Oh, hell.”

“Hello Futaba-chan, Yusuke-kun,” Haru greets cheerfully from the booth. “How was your shopping trip?”

“...Fine,” she replies, stepping aside to let him in, lugging a four-foot tall canvas in his arms that accidentally hits the ceiling. “Got a new Featherman action figure.”

“I got a canvas,” Yusuke answers from behind the wall of white. “Though I assume you can see that.”

“I can.” Her smile doesn’t falter, and it’s making the hair on Futaba’s nape rise like a nervous animal. “Quick question, since you both are here…”

Haru pulls a tote bag from underneath the table, and it’s so heavy that when she throws it on the table, her teacup nearly topples over. “Would you like to take a guess of what’s in this bag?”

A billion jokes pop into Futaba’s head, but both of them stay silent, terrified and confused. They both knew this was coming, but they didn’t expect her to be so forward about it.

“I suppose that’s a pretty strange question, I’m sorry. Let me try again.” She reaches in and pulls out thick, heavy textbooks, all brightly coloured and consist of beaming, diverse students on the front cover. “Care to tell me why you were both looking at cram books while we’re on our fun roadtrip?”

Yusuke pushes Futaba aside, eyes on the books and wide with shock. “You bought them?!” he exclaims.

“Wait—” Futaba hops repeatedly, trying to catch a glimpse from over his shoulder. “You bought all of them?”

“Of course.”

“But why?”

She thinks about it for a moment. “Hmm, think about it this way. If Akira’s in charge of the group as a whole, and Makoto’s in charge of the more analytical aspect of things, think of me as a somewhat stern yet loving parent who doesn’t quite know how to mind their own business.”

“I thought that was Ann’s job,” Futaba mutters, heart hammering in her chest.

“Now,” Haru leans forward, and as if to prove her role, speaks in a gentle tone. “I’m not mad at you. That would be ridiculous. But I saw you two looking at these books, and I know how expensive they can be, so I’ll give them to you.”

She blinks. “You would?”

“Absolutely!” Haru smiles wide. “On the condition that you tell me why you need them.”

Futaba and Yusuke exchange a glance, before Futaba makes a T with her hands. “Timeout!” she yells, dragging Yusuke by the collar out of the RV.

“What do we do?” he whispers once the door is shut. “It’s not as if we can tell her.”

“I don’t know, maybe we should?” she pushes up her glasses. “Damn, the things money can buy you. Our vow of silence is getting thrown out the window for two handfuls of yen.”

He looks her dead in the eyes. “I would tell the world my deepest secrets if it meant having lifetime access to a grocery store.”

“Don’t say that, you sellout!”

“I’m not selling out. My art already reveals the deepest portion of my soul, it’s not my fault that the common observers cannot pick up what I’m putting down.” He squints against the setting sun. “She’s waiting. What do we do?”

“Okay, okay, okay, just let me—” her mind whirrs rapidly, and for a second she really feels like Sophia. “Give me a second.”

“I have a suggestion,” he points at her. “If we’re not averse to lying, let’s tell them that you need them for school. You’re struggling with academics, you need a bit of outside help, so we took a look at the textbooks.”

“Good idea! Wait.” She frowns. “They’ll never buy it. Let’s say that you need them.”

“I’m at the top of my class!”

“But they don’t know that!” She balls her fists together, determined. “Okay, let’s do this.”

“I didn’t say yes to this.”

Futaba kicks the door open, making Haru pause wiping her spilt drink mid-stroke. “Inari’s struggling with his classes!”

“I—�� Yusuke stammers. “Yes,” he confirms. “I’m struggling with my classes. They’re mighty indeed, and even I find them difficult. I am...struggling.”

Haru looks at them doubtfully. “Yusuke is?”

“I am,” he answers as Futaba says, “He is.”

“Yusuke,” she repeats, gesturing to the neatly-stacked pile of textbooks on the table. “Is struggling with precalculus?”

They stare at her. “Yes,” Yusuke says, slowly. “I am struggling with previous calculus.”

“Out of curiosity, Yusuke,” Haru scratches her cheek. “Do you know what a parabola is?”

“Of course I do,” he replies with the wisdom of a thousand monks. “It’s a self-contradictory statement.”

“That’s a paradox,” Makoto corrects from the steering wheel.

“What the heck?” Futaba jumps a foot in the air. “Why are you here? Why were you hiding?”

“I like to sit here a few hours before we start another road trip,” she says, before glaring at them. “You two. Does this have to do with Ryuji?”

“T-timeout!”

Futaba makes a beeline to the door again, but Haru’s faster. She slips past them, standing in their way, perfect smile still in place. Sometimes Futaba forgets how strong she is in negotiations; her and Yusuke were probably tutorial levels compared to the upper management of Okumura Foods. “Answer her question, please.”

Yusuke sighs, tired. “You know what you’re asking for, don’t you? If we tell you what’s happening here, it would be breaking the trust of one of our teammates.”

“Yusuke!” Futaba hisses. “Are you really thinking about telling them? It’s not even our secret to tell.”

“No, it isn’t.” He makes eye contact with Makoto. “But she made a point. What would make us better friends: if we kept a secret to the grave while letting him suffer, or tell someone who can help even if it means being some sort of tattletale?”

“But…” she trails off, resolve crumbling. “Dude. It’s going to suck so much.”

“I know.” He pats her head, before moving to Ryuji’s backpack once more. “Don’t worry, I’m willing to take his anger if need be.” Yusuke gestures to the booth. “Everyone, take a seat. It’s about time this finally gets cleared up.”

Smoothing out the envelope in his hand, even more crumpled than when they had it last, he clears his throat, takes one last glance at Futaba to make sure. At her tentative nod, he begins to read its contents in a loud, clear voice.

When he finishes, they sit there, staring at the thick paper in silence.

“Oh my god,” Makoto breathes. “I knew it was bad, but—”

Haru shakes her head. “Not this bad. And he talked about it so much, but we didn’t even…” she glances down at the textbooks, idly rubbing its spine. “I didn’t think much of it.”

“None of us did,” Yusuke says. “But does that make it any better?”

They fall in silence again, but Futaba can hear the answer loud and clear. Hell no.

The door opens forcefully, pulling them out of their stupor.

“What’s up, my beloved friends!” Ann calls, shopping bags in tow. “God, I’m gonna miss Sapporo. Things here are so cheap compared to Tokyo, sheesh!” She sets them down, laughing when nobody says anything. “Jeez, what’s going on? Did I miss something?”

“Ann-chan,” Haru says carefully, all sense of cheer, for intimidation or otherwise, gone. “Take a seat. There’s something you should know.”

—

The Ferris wheel looms over them, blocking out most of the sunset behind it. “Nice,” Ryuji grins appreciatively. “I should’ve seen this one coming.”

“You should’ve,” Akira agrees, tugging him into the open carriage. He goes in willingly. “It was staring at you the whole time we’re in Sapporo. And besides, every romantic movie has a Ferris wheel scene, doesn’t it?”

“Oh yeah? Name one.”

“Death note.”

Ryuji makes a face, and Akira laughs. “Yeah, I know. Bad example.”

It’s a tight squeeze but they sit next to each other, ignoring the bench in front of them. The seats are hot, and even though it’s nearly evening, the heat barely eases up on them. Still, he finds himself pressing himself against Akira. He runs cold, much colder than Ryuji; narrow wrists are ice, prominent collarbones frost.

The two of them lean over the window, pointing out random scenery as if it were the first time they were seeing them. Restaurants, statues. Weird looking cars and flower beds. Decorated high rises and insects that fly by. It’s like they were tourists, or a retired couple who just want to travel the world. He’s never wanted to be old before, but Akira always has a way of making him change his mind.

Like clockwork—Ryuji makes a joke. Akira laughs. His heart feels lighter.

When he finds himself leaning against him, feet up on the bench, Akira wraps his arms around his shoulders unhesitatingly. Ryuji wonders if he can hear the way his heart thuds inside his bones. He wonders if he knows it's for him. The Ferris wheel stops, right at the very top, gently swaying like it were a giant cradle. They’re not very high up, but it’s far enough that he feels like he’s left the entire world behind.

Ryuji presses his lips against those wrists, relishing in the way he can feel the heartbeat increase. “You nervous?”

He can feel his head shake behind him. “I’m happy, I think,” Akira says in a hushed voice, like it was a secret, like it was a sin.

A breeze flows through, and Ryuji closes his eyes when lips press against just below his ear.

Would it be worth it to have a Palace? A Jail? Would it be worth it to lose himself, just to be in this moment for the rest of time?

Carefully, he flips himself sideways, just so he can press more of himself against Akira. The carriage rocks gently, and the metal bench underneath them is sharp and uncomfortable. Arms tighten around him. Chest to back, knee to knee, they couldn’t be closer, but Ryuji leans back, wanting nothing more than to bottle the rhythm of his breathing and the smell of his soap.

I’m happy, too, I think, he wants to say. If we stayed like this for the rest of our lives, until our skin is permanently tattooed into the hot steel and our bones are the only thing they take out of this bench because the rest of us had already rotted, then I’d be pretty damn happy.

Craning his neck backwards, Akira is already staring.

Then he’s kissing him—once, twice, again and again, and Ryuji realizes that something’s different. This wasn’t the kind of kiss he was used to. There was a desperate air to it, an urgent edge from both of them that neither was ready for. Stealing each other’s breath and giving it back; the cycle continues, the clock keeps ticking.

Ryuji pulls himself up, not breaking the kiss, cupping his cheek and soaking him in like a flower to the sun; an endless yearning, like he’d shrivel up and suffocate if it vanished. The sun framed Akira, and for a split second, he feels like he understands what Yusuke sees on a canvas.

When they part, foreheads leaning against each other, Ryuji lifts a trembling hand to wipe the tear that rolled down Akira’s cheek.

“What’s up?” he asks softly. “Is something wrong?”

“I feel like you’re a miracle, Ryuji.”

How do you respond to that? When the person who said it feels like they’re the one who’s magic, who’s too good to be true?

“Fuck miracles,” he says, pulling Akira in again.

—

The circuit felt like it ended too soon, but it’s night when they finally stepped off, holding hands and faces flushed. He hopes the ride operator doesn’t hate them, but he’s in too good of a mood to really complain.

Ryuji stops in his tracks when he sees who’s in front of them.

“Ann?” Akira questions, taken aback. Eyes dark and brows pulled close together, clutching her purse like a weapon of war—she looks like she’d just seen someone set an orphanage on fire.

Her voice is shockingly deep, gaze fixed on Ryuji. “I’m borrowing him for a second.”

Before either of them can say anything, Ann takes him by the bicep, and he can only glance at Akira before he’s dragged back into the Ferris wheel.

“Did you even pay—?”

“Don’t start,” she hisses, pushing him on the bench, hard. “Don’t you dare start, you damn liar.”

His blood runs cold. “What?”

No. That’s impossible.

“Don’t play dumb with me.” She shoves her hand in her bag and throws something rubber at him. “Do you know how long it took me to find a good one here? I spent my entire day in the shopping district—not looking for clothes, or shoes, or whatever the hell I thought would be fun. No, I spent our last day in Sapporo looking for that.”

Ryuji looks down at the hot compress in his hands, a lump in his throat.

“Because you weren’t doing anything to your knee,” she continues, jaw tight. “Despite me trying my best to help you get better. I thought that you must’ve been really fan-freaking-tastic at hiding the pain that you told me about. That I trusted was the truth because you’re one of my best friends and I trust you. I trust you with my life, my secrets—” Ann grits her teeth. “What the hell?”

“How did you find out?” he asks hoarsely.

She knows. If she knows, they could know. If they could know—

“Damn you, it doesn’t matter how I found out!” she throws her hands in the air, voice so hurt that it twists his insides impossibly tighter. “You think I would care? You think that this is important enough to lie to me about? Dammit, I don’t care that you—”

“Don’t say it,” he begs. “Please.”

“I don’t give a single shit that you failed second-year, Sakamoto!”

Her words ring against the steel walls, deafening.

Bile crawls up his esophagus, and he readies himself for another attack. But for some strange reason, his vision doesn’t blur. Instead, anger kicks in like it always does.

“You don’t care?” he asks, incredulous. “This doesn’t even have anything to do with you!”

“It does when you lie to me about it!” she yells back. “Do you not care about me? About your friends who would go to hell and back for you?”

“How dare you—!”

“You lied to me, you hid it from everyone else, you ignored our advice because it doesn’t mean shit to you.” She points a finger at him. “And look where that got you.”

“Shut up.”

“We all noticed, you know! Each and every one of us noticed that something was up, even the literal robot—”

“Shut the hell up, Ann.”

“And for what? All you accomplished was hurt our feelings, hold in yours, and keep it from the love of your life—”

Ryuji stands up, rocking the carriage and nearly toppling Ann off her feet.

“It’s because I fucking hate myself!”

She grips the barred window, eyes wide. They stare each other down for a few long moments, before the ride comes to an abrupt end. The door swings open, allowing a cheery greeting from the oblivious employee.

And then Ann sighs, shoulders deflating. “Come on,” she jerks her head to the door, before stepping out herself. “Let’s go.”

“What?” he asks, puzzled. “Where?”

“If we’re going to delve into the psyche of Sakamoto Ryuji, we might as well do it with some food in front of us.”

—

The cafe Ann takes him to is bright, filled with pastries and crowded with people—stools are pastel blue, baristas are wearing cute bowties, and each cup of coffee comes with an alarming amount of whipped cream on top. Sojiro would have a heart attack if he walked three kilometers of this place, but Ryuji’s glad that the resemblance is far and away than that of Leblanc.

The booth is pressed into the corner of it all; up against the window and far enough from the main bustle that they’d have to really put their all into it if they wanted to take their order. On one side sat Futaba, nervously tracing shapes on the window while Haru sits beside her. The opposite end has Yusuke and Makoto.

They all look up when they hear the bell chime, and Ryuji almost laughs. “It’s been a long ass time since I’ve seen you guys look so serious,” he remarks, sliding next to Makoto while Ann sits next to Haru. “Where’s the food at? Come on guys, food’s good for you.”

He raises a hand. “Excuse me! We’re ready!”

“Ryuji,” Futaba’s voice is brittle. “I—”

“Hold on shorty,” he reaches to pat her head, voice coming out soft. “We’ll get to that. I promise.”

A waiter comes, takes their drink order, and leaves. When he does, Yusuke places a heavy hand on the table. “I was the one who told everyone.”

“That’s not true!” Futaba cries out, and everyone jerks back in shock. “That’s bull! I’m the one who told him to go through your stuff ‘cause he was worried about you, but I’m the one who actually—”

“No, I’m the one at fault here,” Haru casts her gaze downwards. “It was really none of my business, but I forced these two to tell everyone here. I’m so sorry—”

Ryuji sighs. “Guys, it’s fine.” He’s met with an incredulous look. “Okay, it isn’t, but none of this is your fault, you know? I’m not mad.” His gaze shifts to Ann. “But you’re allowed to be mad at me. I know I shouldn’t have hidden it.”

She gives him a weighted look. “Then why did you do it?”

“Ann,” Makoto warns.

“No, I’m not budging on this.” She leans forward. “He lied to me. Lying doesn’t get you anywhere good. That was really stupid of you.”

“Ann!” Futaba cuts in, horrified.

“You’ve seen what happened with Shiho.” Ryuji flinches back like he’s been hit. He knows. Ann knows he knows. But she keeps going anyway. “She lied to me about what was happening, and I lied to her back. It kept going and going, and—” she snaps her fingers. “She’s gone from my life. For how long? I don’t know, maybe until we graduate. Maybe until her rehab ends. Maybe longer. Who knows? All I know is if we had just—talked, or—” Ann shakes her head, frustrated. “From the start. Tell us what happened. And afterwards, let us help you, or I swear to god I’m going to cry, and I know you can’t stand it when people cry.”

The silence is deafening, even with the clamor of people and voices around them.

Ryuji lets out a breath. “Yeah, alright.”

She raises an eyebrow. “You will?”

“I will,” he repeats, idly checking his pulse. Heart rate is a little quick, but in no danger of having another breakdown. “I’ll tell you everything.”

The waiter chooses that time to drop off their drinks; all cold except Haru, nursing a hot cup of tea. They definitely didn’t buy enough to justify the god-knows-how-long they’re going to spend here, but they’re just gonna have to suck it up.

“Alright,” he starts when they’re alone again. “We going from the start?”

“The very beginning,” Ann confirms.

With one last glance at his friends, he sighs, sits up straight, and flashes them the biggest grin he can muster:

“Hi,” he greets. “I’m Sakamoto Ryuji, and I failed my second-year of high school.”

No one’s expression shifts, not even an inch. He can’t help but be a little impressed. “You guys know that I’ve never been the greatest with books. Shit, screw greatest—I’ve ranked bottom five ever since I started middle school. Didn’t help that my leg got fucked to high heaven and everyone started hating me. Nearly dropped out a couple times. Had no one, really. Worst time in my life, hands down.

“So imagine this dumb little kid, middle of April, running into this guy.” Without meaning to, the grin shifts into something more genuine. “Good-looking dude, super smart, real charmer but you wouldn’t be able to tell just by lookin’ at him. And that guy saved my life. Ten, twenty, thirty times over. He was so great that the dumb kid obviously fell in love with him. But what’s even crazier is that the guy fell in love with the dumb little kid, too.

“Crazy, right? Sounds made up, but I promise it’s true.” He catches Futaba’s expression shift to exasperation. “I know, I can’t believe it either.”

“That’s not what I meant, you sap,” she says.

“Yeah, but that dumb little kid,” he explains. “Couldn’t believe it. Literally couldn’t believe it. Thinks that he struck the lottery, struck by damn lightning. I mean—” Ryuji laughs a little. “How can someone so amazing and cool be in love with such a moron? What made it worse…”

He gestures at all of them. “Was that the guy had so many people in his life who was also amazing. His social circle was made up of, and correct me if I’m wrong: a successful journalist, a politician, some dude from the mob, a random child who breaks gaming records on the daily, and I’m not even counting people from this goddamn table. So dumb little kid knows, he fucking knows that somehow, someway, he tricked the cool guy into falling in love with him. The kid sucked, no, sucks,” he corrects. “At everything. Can’t do anything worthwhile.”

“Ryuji…” Haru whispers.

“Almost done, I know it’s running on kinda long,” he promises. “So the dumb little kid became kinda obsessed with the group’s ‘activities’, and it’s obvious why he would, right? If he knows he’s not good enough for the guy he’s in love with, then he can at least try to be. But since he already sucked at school to begin with, dummy over here completely bailed on school and ended up flunking so bad that he failed an entire year.”

An entire year. An entire year.

It’s becoming harder and harder to breathe, but he’d rather get hit by a truck than lose it in front of so many people. Gritting his teeth, he does what he knows is bad, what every google search and YouTube video says you should not do—he pushes his feelings, far and hard away from himself, so far that it’s like it doesn’t even exist.

It works surprisingly well.

“And, uh—” Ryuji clears his throat. “He hid it. Because you know the one, single thing that’s worse than realizing you’re not good enough for the other person?”

No one answers. “Waiting for the day that they realize that you’re not good enough for them.”

“And that’s pretty much the bulk of it.” Reaching for his mug, he takes a sip of his lukewarm lemonade. Damn, he really did talk for a while. “I didn’t want to tell the rest of you because one, it’s really fucking embarrassing that I failed, and two—”

“Akira can’t know,” they all say in unison.

“Exactly, you guys get the point by now.” He drums his fingers against the table, trying to ignore the blatant gloom cast on all of their faces. “Question time starts now, if anyone wants to ask anything.”

Makoto opens her mouth, but he beats her to it. “If anyone even thinks about feeling pity, or be all ‘no, you’re smart actually!’, I am walking out of this cafe and I am not looking back.”

“What about summer school?” Makoto asks immediately. “If you didn’t want us to know, then you could’ve taken that without even telling us.”

“Summer school was never an option.”

“And why not?” she slaps her hand against the table. “It would’ve solved this entire situation!”

“Because Akira was coming home for the summer,” he says simply. “And I wanted to enjoy my time with him without this hanging over my head.”

Her jaw drops open. “But...that’s…”

“Stupid?” he offers. “Idiotic? Really dumb? Potentially throwing away my entire future? Yeah, I gotcha. Another part of it was that the thought of staying at Shujin for another minute makes me want to jump into traffic, if that helps make me look a little better in your mind, miss prez.”

Makoto’s expression of confusion freezes, taken aback by the harshness of his words. Ryuji cringes at himself. “Sorry.”

“No,” she says finally. “The fault is mine. I have no right to judge your actions, or to pretend I know what kind of stress is burdening you.” Hesitating, she asks, “May I request another question?”

“Shoot.”

“What were you going to do when we eventually go back to Tokyo?”

As expected of someone who went head-to-head against the ace detective in front of the entire school; her questions are brutal. “I don’t know, honestly. I was planning on ignoring the problem for now and just sort of,” he gestures vaguely. “Enjoy the summertime sun?”

“A moment,” Haru goes through her bag. “It’s a long story, but I have these—”

The second the books peek out of her tote, he recognizes the cover immediately. “Cram books? You bought some?”

“Yes!” she answers, mistaking his reaction for eagerness. “It’s a very small gesture, but I’d love for you to have them.”

“I—” he leans away from them, breath catching in his throat. “No.”

“No?” she blinks.

“Not now, senpai.” Trying out his new trick again, he forces his heart to slow down, forces his breathing to regulate again without any of the techniques, and forces himself not to feel any of the fear that he’d normally have to go through. It works, but barely. “I’m not—I don’t think I’m ready to deal with that yet.”

“That’s fine.” Haru puts them away, and as hard as he tries, he can still see how dejected she was. “I’ll hold on to them for you.”

“Thank you.” He glances around. “Any last takers? Q&A is almost up.”

“I have one,” Yusuke pipes up.

“Go for it.”

“How are you?” he asks genuinely.

Ryuji can’t help it—a laugh gets pulled out of him. “How am I?” he repeats.

“Yes. How are you?”

“Uh,” he laughs again. “Not good, man. Not good.”

Everyone startles when Ryuji stands abruptly. He slams down the rest of his lemonade, relieved at how it helps his parched throat. “Alrighty, that took a lot out of me! Let’s get out of here, I’m sick of being surrounded by fake coffee and poser cafe fanatics.”

“I’ll take care of the bill,” Haru says, following his lead and scooting out from the booth.

“What? No, come on. I don’t care how rich you are, at least let me pay half.”

“Ryuji.” She looks him dead in the eye. “I’ll take care of the bill.”

“...Yes ma’am.”

Slowly, they all start filing out, some exiting the cafe while Makoto goes to the till with Haru. Ryuji reaches for Ann’s elbow before she can leave. “Hey.”

Turning her head, it’s as if her lips were permanently stitched downwards. “Yeah?”

“I’m really sorry I lied to you,” he says, somber. “That was shitty, and it doesn’t matter what I’m going through—you can’t deal with lies. I get that. I won’t put you through that again.”

Ann kisses her palm before slapping it against his forehead. “You better not,” her voice drips in affection. “You said not to console you—”

“I did, and I meant it.”

“But I’m here for you,” she rubs his skin harder, and he winces at the chafing. “You know that, right? No matter how crazy the shit inside your head gets, I want you to talk to me.”

“I know it,” he says, not just because he wants the friction to ease up. “I know it now, for sure.”

“Good.” Ann releases him, and goes to join Haru and Makoto up front. “You might want to head out. Someone’s starting to make a fuss.”

“What?” he turns around, making direct eye contact with Futaba, nursing a blank expression on her face. “I see.”

The bell chimes once more when he steps out, relieved at the cool summer air that hits him. “Shorty,” he says in lieu of a greeting. “What’s good?”

“Here.” Ryuji glances down at her, who’s holding a familiar, now very-crumpled envelope between her fingers. It’s weird seeing her hold the letter announcing his failure like a bomb, but he understands the sentiment. “I had to show Ann because she wouldn’t believe me until I got some proof.”

“Thank you,” he says, shoving it in his pocket. “I’m not mad at you, you know.”

“I know you’re not.” She swallows and stares down at her shoes. Her laces were covered in little beads and stars, something he had bought for her during a weekend hangout once. “This isn’t me pitying you, or showering you with some kind of boohoo potion.”

She swallows again. “I failed my first year of high school. It was for a completely different reason—guilt for who I thought I killed rather than wanting to be something else. But I know. I know so much about what you’re going through.”

Futaba looks up, and his heart wrenches when he sees the tears in her eyes. “I’m so, so sorry if I made you sad, or that I kept calling you stupid back then,” she sobs. “I don’t mean it, and I’m so mean to you all of the time but I don’t mean any of it. I told everyone your secret because I wanted to—” she hiccups, and she pushes her glasses to the top of her head. “I wanted to give you your own version of what the Phantom Thieves did for me, but I reached out to you guys back then. No one forced me to do anything, but I took that choice away from you.”

He pulls her in his arms, and her tears are hot even through his shirt. “I know, Futaba,” he says, patting her head. “Thank you for taking care of me.”

She hits his chest weakly. “Me taking care of you?” she sniffs. “I’m literally the one crying right now.”

“Just for now though,” he shrugs. “Next time I cry, you’ll be the one handing me tissues, I swear.”

They stand there, the two of them standing in the middle of Sapporo while people give them weird looks—Futaba, unable to stop the tears from flowing down her cheeks, and Ryuji, refusing to ever let his emotions make things worse for everyone else again.

—

When they get back to the RV, each of them emotionally exhausted, Ryuji goes to kiss the top of Akira’s head. “Hi.”

“Hey,” Akira looks up from his card game with Morgana and Sophia. “You look like you had a wild night. Ann take you all somewhere fun?”

“Totally,” he says, sliding the letter back in his backpack. “Best night ever.”

“Take me next time. Sophia’s kicking our ass.”

“She is not!” Morgana denies, tail swishing. “Just a little,” he relents.

“I’m gonna get ready for bed,” Ryuji announces, hiking his backpack on his shoulders and heading out, before running into Ann outside.

“Oh my god,” she says, disturbed. “He really, really doesn’t know.”

“Yup,” he moves past her. “And we’re keeping it that way.”

[wokestraightpuffy]

Hallo, i hope you are alright and that my ask aren’t annoying but I wanted to ask do you have any c!puffy headcannons? —🤡

YOURE NOT ANNOYING AT ALL !!! NEVER THINK THAT ILU VERY MUCH. MUAH /p

as for c!puffy headcanons, i am not the best person to ever organize their thoughts properly but ill try my best >:’D

ahaha. this got. super complex and way too long and more of like an introspective study to puffy now instead of harmless fun headcanons so, uh. under read more <3 (also reminder this is all /rp and /dsmp)

* i like to think that she has a hero complex, but its a bit different since she never really sees herself as an ‘important’ part of the story, not the main character but a support one, hence ‘im fine with being the side character’ or how she’s said she doesnt care what happens to her and would gladly sacrifice(?) herself if there werent other people she had to protect. girl u need therapy urself <3

* though very open with how she feels and never afraid to say when someone/something is upsetting her, ‘opening up’ is still a whole mountain climb for her, apparently. like, she’d rant about the egg, get mad at the eggpire, let off some steam by committing arson or exploding stuff, she’ll rarely ever talk about how much the stuff that upset her actually HURT her. does that make sense? LIKE, she’ll lash out, she’ll get mad, she’ll take NO SHIT thrown at her face, but to show the kinda vulnerability of dealing with that? to cry about it talk about those feelings with someone? I think she’d rather eat her own foot lol

* adding onto the thing above, she doesnt necessarily actually realize this about herself. less of actively doing it and rather growing... used to the ‘cycle of violence’ in the smp as they call it. and the fact that rarely have people really asked, that no one’s actually available for that, w her losing her closest friends, bad and ant, sam being busy w the warden stuff... and niki. yeah. there’s foolish, but i doubt she’d ever see venting to someone she considers her son appealing

* also. puffy is just sometimes... really bad at conveying sadness. i think she’s a rare crier. id go as far to say that shes even more emotionally constipated than dream, lol (but maybe not while the guy’s in his prison arc) and that she’d be the type of person to tell you its okay to cry but beat herself up over something if she let a tear slip in a heated moment

* speaking of sadness. she’ll only ever actually Be Sad if she’s alone or with someone she doesnt necessarily care the opinions of. yknow how she mourned for tommy and blamed herself? those dialogue bits? yeah, those are only times shed actually be vulnerable

* puffy’s go to response to the egg and how its fucked up her relationship w her friends is pure fury. but, going off of her line about ‘failing bad and ant’ i like to think that she probably hates herself the most about it. THAT IS A STRONG WORD LOL BUT YEAH. she yells and curses and gets mad, but sometimes i wonder if the words she had spat before were more directed to herself

* THIS GIRL HAS SELF-IDENTITY PROBLEMS. CAN WE GET A HELL YEAH FOR THAT CHAT? outside of having no goddamn clue about where she came from, how she got here and who she even is, scrounging up a role for herself in a server with a war on the background and traumatized kids got her resignedly coerced into thinking that she is only a Parent. Only good enough when she’s actually doing something Useful for people. SO. when she finds that ship? of having a crew and having a curse? OF FINDING OUT SHE MIGHT HAVE/ HAVE HAD A MOM THATS WAITING FOR HER?  the sense of control she has on herself is absolutely crushed. shattered, and she’s left to pick up the pieces w no one to talk abt it with <3

* adding onto the above, it’s why the line ‘I’m supposed to be mama puffy. me.’ hurts me so much! so yes! please cry with me :D

* also to add more on the fact that she thinks she’s only worth something when she’s being useful, puffy literally contemplated leaving the server, thinking that it wouldnt matter leaving since no one really needs her anyway, since she’s failed so many people. bad and ant, tommy, dream. shes said how foolish can take care of himself on how tubbo and ranboo have each other, how she and niki have drifted so far away from each that it might as well be a break up.

HOOOOOOOOOO OBOY . anon youve really given me the perfect chance to ramble huh? sorry for the rather incomprehensible brainrot, here’s more lighthearted headcanons about puffy asdhfkd

* she cannot stand still sometimes. she always has to be doing something extra, walking when the prime path is right there? shed rather go through tedious little holes or hop and balance onto fences to get where shes going. she’ll mindlessly fix up the path when there are holes or mismatched wood, and one time went on a long, long LONG journey cleaning up the paths tommy purposely DESTROYED near lmanburg and even added cobblestone sidings which werent there before

* puffys a bit of a sentimental person. writing in her log to clear her thoughts sometimes and cared enough to try and preserve lmanburg with the glass sheet and trying to find possible surviving artifacts of history to respect it, even though she’s never been a part of it. its also why, when doomsday happened and lmanburg got permanently poofed, she began to appreciate the buildings that are still standing and began taking more pics 

* she’s not used to being... what do you call it, um, cared for? she’d deflect compliments sometimes, when shes having a particular bad day, like, she’d laugh nervously and change the subject, sometimes she’d outright deny it, most days she’d jokingly say ‘staphhh it’ and add a very genuine thanks. my point being is, do something for puffy that is mildly nice and she’d keep that moment in her heart forever. 

* also funny story regarding the above. u know how karl is notorious for stealing her materials? and how puffy was contemplating doing something in retaliation for them? karl says hi for once when she joins the server and she goes ‘alright fine youre safe for saying hi’ LOL THIS WAS PROBABLY A BIT META WISE but something about this implying that the bare minimum or LESS is enough to make puffy forgive someone is very sad and funny at the same time for me. girl really said ‘oh you said hi to me? thats nice all the crimes youve ever done towards me is now forgiven. <3’ (this is a bit of an exaggeration on my part, ofc, i just think its funny LMAO) 

* ironically, despite being the ‘captain’, whenever riding a boat with someone, she prefers being on the backseat and letting them drive. ig shes just there for the ride i suppose, her and her uber drivers :3

 * she either has a rather unhealthy obsession with baked potatoes or she just doesnt wanna waste eret’s massive potato farm

* idc what cc!puffy says is c!puffy will always and forever be 5′2″ in my HEART. u are the shortest member, u cannot change this <3

* shes really fond of animals/ neutral mobs. she often baby talks to them and they help boost her mood a lot when shes having a bad day :D

* up to this day, the little secret rooms she’s created around the server have all been yet to be discovered, unless the one under bad’s house has been found. she rarely ever really keeps tabs on them, and more often than not they are just collecting dust. she still visits sometimes and cleans them up ofc

* she still genuinely thinks dream can change. cc!puffy’s line about that, ‘i’m his last hope.’ really makes me think about this a lot. 

* ive seen people talk abt it a bit but the headcanon that puffy acts as the server mom to fill the ‘void’ of her missing her mom makes me cry at night /hj

* she really likes her rainbow onesie! i headcanon that eret gave her that along w the sunglasses, but she started wearing that less when she found her old captains uniform. shes never really said why, though, and nobody ever really bothered to ask

* god bless this woman but sometimes the server members get on her nerves sometimes so she goes out of her way to traverse along far away from the main community to maybe commit a few crimes. let off some steam. these take a few days but she always returns

i probably have a lot more hcs but i cant remember them >_> THIS IS A LOT ANYWAY. HOPE U ENJOYED MY BRAIN VOMIT. IF U READ THIS FAR ILU THANK U

if there are mistakes it is bc i am crying and cannot see my keyboard and also i am sleep deprived /hj

[glenncoco4]

You Can Count On Me

A/N: Chapter 5

••••

She steps off the dirt path and onto the small dock. Her presence doesn’t even effect him, which is concerning. “I thought I’d find you here.”

He doesn’t have the energy to respond, his thoughts are swirling and the anxiety he’s been having about this situation is bubbling to the surface more and more each day, especially because of her. His cerulean blues stay focused on the ripples of the water surrounding his feet.

Kicking off her flip-flop, the brunette takes a seat next to him on the old dock, putting her bare feet in the cool pond water right along side his. She turns to look at him, wondering what’s going on inside his head and for a moment as the sun illuminates is silhouette, something inside her heart shifts. “Why’d you run off like that?” 

“I guess I just got a little bit overwhelmed by it all.”

“All of what?”

“The thought of going off to college and making something of myself.”

She huffs a laugh, shaking her head in disbelief.

Marty quickly whips his head around, affronted by his best friend’s reaction. “I’m glad you’re enjoying my misery.”

She scoots closer to him, encircling his forearm with her own arms. “No, Marty its not...I’m laughing because you obviously haven’t been paying attention to what I’ve been saying for the past 7 years.”

“Enlighten me.”

“Don’t you realize what you mean to your mom, to my parents...to me? Marty, you’ve already made something of yourself. You are the kindest, funniest and best person I know. You changed my life; you’ve changed so many people’s lives.”

“Really?”

A soft smile crosses her features at the childlike hope in his cerulean blues. “Hey, have I ever lied to you before?”

“No.”

“Exactly. And I never will.” She states matter of factly before leaning her head against his shoulder, soaking in the beautiful glow of the setting sun cascading across the water with the person who makes her feel so safe it’s kinda ridiculous. 

The tension in his body slowly ebbs away at his best friend’s words as the scent of lavender beautifully assaults his nose. Taking a deep calming breath, he leans his head against hers, knowing that whatever life throws at him, she’ll be there. He can count on that. “I know.”

••••

Stepping of the dirt trail and onto the old dock like she’s done so many times before, the brunette takes in the picture before her. There he is, clothes tattered, scars across his beautiful face, but he’s alive and that’s all that matters. 

He turns around already feeling her presence ease the tension away from his battered body. His sorrowful blue eyes meet those of sweetly intense brown and the shine that glistens in them. Shaking his head in defeat, he realizes how close he had come to never seeing her again. 

Kensi doesn’t give him a chance to say anything before she’s closing the distance between them, throwing her arms around him, she’s able to relax for the first time in four months. “You’re safe.”

His body clings to hers, hands grasping at her shirt feeling as though they can’t get close enough. That lavender scent that is so uniquely her fills his nostrils, immediately bringing him a sense of self. She’s here. He’s here. They’re here together and that’s all that matters. “Yeah, for now.”

“I thought you were dead.”

“Not yet. Maybe tomorrow.”

She pulls back, a cross between anger and hurt written across her features. “Don’t.”

“Sorry.” The blonde apologizes, regretting his words the moment they left his lips. 

Without thinking, her finger finds the red scrape on his cheek. “Are you okay?”

The feel of her skin against his brings back memories of that night a few months ago. He wants that again so bad. So bad he can almost taste it, but there’s something he has to take care of before he can even think about moving forward with her. “I’ll be better when I catch Lazik.”

“Woah. Woah. Woah. What do you mean when you catch Lazik?”

“I have to finish this, Kens.”

Seeing the determination set in his soulful blue eyes she knows there’s no stopping him, but she’ll be damned if he thinks she’s going to stand idly by. “No, we have to finish this.”

“I suppose I could use some backup.” He smirks, earning a playful nudge from his partner. 

••••

A resounding gasp fills the agents ears as the tech operator discovers who the third vehicle belongs to. “Car’s registered to Dale John Sully.”

Kensi tilts her head back against the head rest in exasperation when Eric confirms that her best friend’s undercover persona is indeed inside the warehouse, putting his life in even more danger than before. “Callen, that’s Marty’s alias.”

The team leader shakes is head wondering why he’s so surprised that the detective is indeed in another sticky situation. “Your boy just loves trouble, doesn’t he.”

She stares at the roof of the car for a minute, thinking about Callen’s words. “It’s funny, cuz when we were growing up, it was always the other way around.”

“Kens, I’m not so sure this is a good idea.” Marty looks around the backyard nervously as his best friend pulls out the power saw from her dad’s tool shed. 

“What are you talking about? It’s just a little tree house.”

“Yeah, but what’s your dad gonna say when he catches us with his power tools?”

The brunette begins to pull out the sawhorse before turning around to meet the 13 year old’s worried eyes.“He’s not gonna catch us and you’re not gonna tell him either.”

He feels a unfamiliar thud in his heart when the challenging spark in her mismatched orbs meet his.“Has anyone ever told you how cute you are when you’re homicidally angry?”

“In fact they have and he was never seen again.” 

Taking a deep breath, Kensi focuses on the here and now. Rescuing Marty’s ass, just so she can kill him herself for going in alone. “So what’s the plan?”

••••

The bald man turns to meet Dale’s eyes, a dark smirk playing at the corner of his lips. “You are surprised I have a wife?”

A shiver runs down his spine. “Everybody’s gotta have somebody, right?” The blonde answers as a sense of warmth and dread swarm through his body at the thought of his person, his somebody, his Kensi and how close they are to having at what he hopes will be forever. 

••••

Callen watches as the shaggy blonde, presses the muzzle of the gun forcefully against the dirty cops jaw. “Deeks, look, he’s not worth it.”

Marty ignores the team leader’s statement as his anger continues to take control of his body. “Ask me again. Ask it again!”

Kensi watches on as a side of her best friend that she’s never seen before takes over. Thinking of how he would deal with this situation if their roles reverse, she does the only thing that would certainly bring her out of her rage. “Marty. Marty, put it down.”

As soon as his name leaves her lips a calmness washes over him and it suddenly hits him that she was there to witness what just happened. He empty’s the camber of the gun handing it off to the guys before looking for the nearest way out. 

Seeing the frantic look of turmoil in her best friend’s eyes, Kensi places her hand against his chest, trying to bring him some sort of relief. 

He shakes his head, trying to school his features as much as he can and does the one thing that never seems to work when it comes to her, not that he would want it to. He walks away from her without a word. 

Finding a clear spot against the ally wall, Marty leans against the brick, sliding down until his ass his the hard concrete. He brings his knees up to his chest, burrowing his head into them as he finally lets his tears fall. The anger he’s been holding onto for so long, the pure shit that was this case and the most beautiful moment he’s ever experienced in his life all swimming around in his head. 

He’s not sure how long it is before the familiar sound of her footfalls hit his ears. He doesn’t look up, doesn’t acknowledge her presence.

“Hey, are you okay?” She chastises herself for asking such a stupid question. Of course he’s not okay. She’s seen him come out of some pretty deep covers, but this one seems to be affecting him more than any other. Kneeling down in front of him, her hands find his, trying to once again comfort him the way she always has. 

“I’d be better if everyone just left me alone.”

The bite in his voice tells her one thing, his walls are up and considering the emotional state he’s in right now, they won’t be coming down any time soon...even for her. She stands back up, shaking her head in frustration. “Understood.”

The sound of her footfalls getting further and further away finally draw him out of his “cage,” realizing that she’s not going to fight him right now even though she knows its what he needs. He can feel the strain in his throat as her silhouette gets smaller and smaller. “Kens...” He sighs in defeat as she quickly turns the corner. 

This day keeps getting shittier and shittier. 

••••

He brings his fist up to tap on the piece of wood once more, but just as he does it’s pulled open. A set of mesmerizingly mysterious eyes are suddenly staring back at him, leaving him at a loss for words. “I-“

“I thought you wanted to be alone.”

“I did, but...”

“But what?”

She’s upset, actually upset doesn’t seem to be the right word for what he sees staring back at him. Ever since they were kids he’s imagined this moment in so many different ways, this wasn’t really one of them. “I-I wanted to tell you that after that night we had...I never meant for it to happen.”

Kensi can feel her heart split into two at his words. The thought of this...them..of what they could be, it’s all suddenly gone. All the fight she thought was inside her has dissipated. She won’t let herself cry. She won’t. “O-oh, yeah, right. I-I understand.”

“You do?”

“Yeah, you were probably just in the heat of the moment and didn’t want to hurt my-“

Before she can finish her sentence, his lips are on hers, cutting her off. His hands come up, cradling her face, kissing her with such passion and reverence that it would put a Nicholas Sparks movie to shame. 

Their tongues duel as if its their last moments on earth and this is goodbye. It’s a few minutes later when they have to pull back, both panting as the rise and fall of their chests brush against each other. “What was that?” 

“It seems as though I’m not so good with the words, so I had to resort to other tactics.”

“Not that I didn’t enjoy those tactics, but you know you can tell me anything, Marty.”

“I know. I know. It’s just, laying it all there and saying the words out loud...to you, I-“

“Deeks, what is it?”

At the sound of his last name leaving her lips, he knows he better get to the point and stop being circuitous. It’s now or never. Chips on the table. All in. Taking one last calming breath, his hand finds itself back on her jaw, the feel of her skin against his sends a shock wave through his body. Conveying everything he possibly can in his eyes, he says what’s been sitting on the tip of his tongue and in some part of his head for 20 years now. “I’ve always wanted this one specific thing in life and I didn’t realize until recently what it was. I want you, Kens. I want you and me...I want us. You’re so much more than my best friend. You’re everything to me, Kensi and I’m so far past being in love with you.”

As his confession washes over her, everything stands still as her broken heart slowly mends itself together. This is so not what she was expecting tonight. “You-you love me?”

“I do.” His lips rise into a small smile. “I think the night we made love made me realize it even more.”

He watches as an unreadable look crosses her face as if she’s trying to size him up before turning around and walking further into her apartment. Seeing as though she doesn’t slam the door in his face, he follows her in, quickly shutting the door and becomes confused when he doesn’t see her sitting on the couch. 

The brunette follows his movements as he walks further into the living room before she makes her next move. Coming up behind him, she spins his body around and pushes him onto the couch. Straddling his lap, she presses her heat against his. His arms immediately wrapping around her waist loving the feel of her body against his as her movements quickly bringing his member to life. 

Slowly moving in, a soft blissful smile spreads to her face as her intense mismatched orbs dance with passion. “I’m in love with you, too.”

[greatteachergojou]

JJK chapter 148 thoughts

kinda forgot about this review draft i made for ch.148 (also cuz i’m really busy with uni) so i’m getting this out here now before i read ch. 149 (review for ch. 149 will be posted later today. or so i hope.)

Look at this absolute misogynistic asshole questioning and demanding answers from her like she’s some item that belongs to him. It’s none of your friggin business, Naoya.

I should be more prepared to become infuriated any time he opens his mouths but damn, it pisses me off so much yet again. Thanks for that panel showing him bullying Maki, Gege. Really helps with my mood and all (i’m not even over the last chapter yet, dammit).

Maki didn’t let this environment break her but I can see why Touji became the way he was. Not everyone comes out of this shithole unscathed. And not everyone can muster the strength to fight against this.

Again, love their bond. Megumi is a kind kid. They have each others back. LOVE THAT.

As expected, Megumi has zero interest in getting involved with the Zenin clan. He’s a Fushiguro. And he doesn’t care about the position of power as the clan head. He just wants to save the people he wants to save.

And I love how rational Maki goes about this. She wants to become clan head by earning the title rightfully and getting acknowledged (although I kinda doubt the folks in the clan would ever truly acknowledge her because they’ve got their heads too far up their own asses).

She wants real change, not only for her but also for Mai. And I can’t believe I never recognized that she left the clan not only for herself but also for Mai’s sake. Dammit, why can’t you two sit down and talk to each other properly. They’re acting all hard and stubborn on the outside but actually care so much about each other.

Damn, that hurt a lot. Even if you’d think she doesn’t have any feelings left for her family (exept Mai), we can see by her expression that it still hurts. It’s one of the most hurtful feelings for a child to be told by their parents that they regret giving birth to them (and they don’t have any right to say that. your child didn’t ask to be born into this shit family.)

The Zenin clan somehow manages to surprise me again by how disgusting they are. I made the mistake of expecting some sorts of caring words (yeah i feel stupid) coming from her mother because I somehow thought 'at least there should be someone in that family who has a heart, right?’ (I mean, look at Kamo’s mom. She was kind.) - But haha, nope, not happening with the Zenins. They’re the worst of the worst.

Hahaha, I’ll take all the Naoya slander, even if it’s coming from the Zenins. Naoya is too full of himself.

(Pretty sure Gojo and him have crossed path before since they’re important clan members. I’d like to see that. Knowing Gojo, he’d roast him so hard. And just roast the Zenins geezers in general whenever he can. Plz gimme that, Gege.)

Little do they know that the king of curses also has a very good, although on-sided, relationship with Megumi. (Speaking of which, I’d say Kamo Noritoshi’s relationship is also one-sided xD)

There’s already everything wrong with them actually believing that ones trustworthiness and reputation has anything to do with their child’s power. Leave it to the Zenins to place all the blame on their child instead of acknowledging that it is indeed themself who suck.

Are the other Zenin’s even allowed to acces the storage without the head’s permission? I guess it just goes to proof again that they don’t really care about Megumi legally being the head of their clan. They just won’t abide by that. Megumi is the head but it probably doesn’t mean that much if the other leaders in the clan don’t want to acknowledge that.

He had everything planned out and set up, waiting for her in the storage room, with no weapons to use for Maki, knowing fully well that she has great mastery in handling weapons - such absolute and relentless murderous intend. And also, leaving Mai alive only because she could be used as a bargaining chip? Are you fucking serious? I have to ask again, just how can a parent be so damn cruel? They are really just competing about who’s the worst scum, huh?

That old fart really shed a tear - not because he mortally wounded his own daugthers but because he’s feeling oh so sorry for his sorry pathetic self. And of course it’s never his fault but it’s all his daugthers fault.

Wow, I don’t think I’ve ever been so angry after reading a chapter, or sweared as much (and i’ve been holding back actually...). I can’t with the Zenins. What the fuck is this family.

Anyways, I’m not that worried? Maki just survived Jogo so there’s no way she’ll die here. Part of me is hoping for Yuta (or Inumaki?) to back her up but I really want it to be her who ends up beating the shit out of all of them. It should be her own triumph over the clan. Hoping for Maki and Mai combo (somehow, maybe? i don’t care how. just make it happen Gege)