#and wont add or remove anyone any time soon

[fallenangels1987]

lets face it. the joker sucks as a batman villain. everybody thinks hes good because hes got a cool character design and hes been around since forever and writers keep trying to make him good, but in concept alone he fails to tap into any of the central themes or intrigue of batman, and nor does he reflect any of bruces internal conflict. really, the only use the joker has ever had was creating harley quinn, but now shes an entirely separate character from him so any short-lived relevance he may have had with her is gone. but contrary to what some may think, i dont think the joker should die. that decision would be a big deal and he'd be so dramatic about it, we'd have an entire plotline dedicated to it.... no one wants that. no one wants to see his stupid joker face for longer than physically necessary. it would also be reversed by the next reboot. no, we need a plan to make him irrelevant. more so than he already is, i mean.

first, we have batmans rogues gallery do a drag race. whos judging? poison ivy and the riddler. its green-themed. but see this is genius. cuz who hates the joker more than poison ivy and the riddler? yeah, harley quinn, who is not in attendance cuz she knows whats about to happen. in fact, she planned this, and shes using this as her cover to mess around with selina and try to convince her to be harley and pams third again. it wont work, but the dedication and jakey-haterism is commendable.

the drag race itself is not the focus, however. see, the entire thing has been set up to generate the most drama possible. everyone except for the joker has received invitations that say the show (which is being live broadcast to an unwilling audience of 150,000, all of whom thought they were watching the morning news up until 5 minutes ago, and found themselves unable to switch the broadcast off) will be recording their every move, so they better be on their worst behavior. the joker, unbeknownst to this, is being his usual asshole self, but not even in a fun conniving way, just in the regular asshole way.

at some point, he starts a fight. tensions are already high and hes the fucking joker. just let him dig his own grave here. he starts a fight and his (already shitty, i should add) outfit gets torn. now he has to spend all of his time that should be spent on makeup on fixing the stitching of this dress, and its going awful, and hes been forcibly removed from the makeup/costume making zone so hes just sitting on the stoop outside with a single spool of thread trying to fix this poofy ass dress. soon enough hes got 5 minutes left on the clock and hes still not finished, so hes like fuck it! im just gonna do my makeup and hope for the best. the makeup is atrocious, predictably, he doesnt even get to finish the eyeliner, but he tries to go back inside nonetheless. oops, he got locked out! thank you, tetch. now hes gotta go through the front, all the while trying not to get dirt on this dress which is falling apart on top of him, knowing full well poison ivy and the riddler and the rest of the queens are making fun of him for being late.

he gets back in. by this point, hes sweating like a damn hog, his makeup is running, but hes HERE. he sees amygdala preparing to go down the runway. no no no, the JOKER cant have that. the joker cant have anyone stealing his rightfully earned spotlight. he pushes amygdala out of the way and waits for the go-ahead.

poison ivy and the riddler look confused and disturbed, then whisper to one another for a moment. they turn back toward him.

"didnt we already escort you off the premises like, half an hour ago?" the riddler asks.

"yeah, you weren't supposed to come back," poison ivy says. "that's the point of having henchmen take you out."

they argue about this for a while until joker is thrown out again. the public vote gives him a pitiful 1%.

after that, hes a laughing stock! nobody likes him! hes just the guy who couldnt take a hint even after he was kicked out of a building! he resigns in disgrace and moves to rural ohio where he becomes a gas station attendant. and THAT is how we get rid of the joker.

[suncatstudiosyt]

Some Cute Drawings And an Update

So First things first the drawings \/

I wanted to make one of those draw by dots things so you may download and draw out the image I made both a Colored background and Colorless background ( I had to add the actual lines under the dots or it would be impossible ) you may start anywhere on it and you can try and connect all the dots but its gonna be a little hard doing that so if you do try to do that good luck, you don't need to make everything connect. !If you would like to upload it somewhere else after finishing the Doted Image you may, just please ask first and give me credit !DO NOT REMOVE THE WATERMARK!

And if someone would like to use the full colored Image for something like a profile pic you may Please ask first and give me full credit! !DO NOT REMOVE THE WATERMARK!

( Also I tried doing some shading I tried my best I don't usually shade my art )

! Do Not Reupload My Art Without Permission !

Now that all of that is out of the way I wanted to talk about Ask Catnap

So drawing out everything for ask Catnap is getting more difficult and is taking a long time, so any pages I do are gonna take a while to come out, I have been losing some motivation to do it and I also have other things to worry about like school and I will also be going on a small trip this year and wont be able to draw during that time, I will Not be ending Ask Catnap anytime soon if anyone's worried about that it is still happening its just taking me longer than I expected, I still enjoy drawing for everyone even if there's not many people here I still like making art for all of you and am happy you are all enjoying it to, I have a lot of plans for the future and I am exited for whatever all of this will bring, so to the people who are here asking the questions and coming back to see all the things I post Thank you for liking my art even if its bad.

[dragonwitch-ffxiv]

03. What would be their favorite physical trait about themselves? For all of your girls!

ALL OF THEM??? ok here we go.

Yako. The empress loves her tail and hair. Seeing how useful the band of ivory scales is, it would be dumb to not appreciate it. She also adores wrapping it around people, and see how their expressions washes off in the instant they finds out truly how callous it is. How its made of unforgiving scales and muscles.

With her hair on the other hand, she likes how gentle it makes her look, the golden locks are well taken care off and loved for. 

Yuma. Yuma doesn’t like a lot about her appearance, for quite a few reasons. But if she had to pick, she’d pick her fingers. The digits darkened by her aether, looked like they were dipped in black body paint. For such an unsteady girl, her fingers are precise and have done a lot for her. When she otherwise struggles to stand, when a knife, scissor or needle is in her grasp, the Xaela changes. 

Inanna. Is everything an answer? The geisha possesses such a confidence that one would be foolish to believe she liked any part more than another. But if she had to pick, either lips or breasts. 

While her body is shaped by all training and dancing, if one’d dive a little deeper into her mind… Well.

Tsuna. The dumb girl. The worst. Whatever, she likes her scales, horns and tail. 

Thank you for the ask anon ♥

Get to know my character(s)!

[voiceless-terror]

I mean, I don’t believe in the predictive power of dreams, obviously, but still, it’s a deeply unsettling thing to find. I had Tim look into it, as I don’t entirely trust the others not to have written it as a practical joke and slipped it into the archives. - Episode 11, Dreamer

Jon stares down at the paper in his hands.

He’s had many an unkind thought towards Gertrude, his predecessor, the woman responsible for this mess and the current bane of his existence. She’s been the topic of most of his grumbling as he sorts through piles of nonsense and decaying cardboard boxes. He’s got no love lost for her, but that doesn’t mean he’s happy she’s dead. Or, specifically, to have a statement apparently predicting it through the medium of some prophetic dream. Ridiculous. He wants to feel detached, unaffected, but he can’t help the sickly sense of dread that creeps up his spine and lingers in his throat. 

It was your face and the expression upon it was far more fearful than any I had seen in eight years of wandering this twilight city.

Jon doesn’t know Antonio Blake and has no reason to believe him. But he’s known something’s wrong for a long time now.

He’s never admitted it aloud, never within his assistant’s hearing range, but he can feel it, as foolish as that sounds. This miasma of wrong, of being watched, of becoming...something else, that happens every time he records a statement. Despite the academic detachment he aspires to, he does attempt to empathize with each statement-giver and get into their mindset. But what he’s doing here...it’s different. He can visualize it so perfectly, the terror in their words sticking in his throat and setting his own heart pounding, as if he were the one experiencing it and not just regurgitating it to an ancient recorder. He’s always had an ‘overactive imagination,’ as his grandmother would say, but this is relentless in its manifestation. The fear is real, not imagined. Each statement draws him further and further away from the safety he used to cling to, where the only real cases were few and far between and the most sinister things lurking out there in the world were books and the monsters within them.

And as much as he wants to linger on the false accounts and take comfort in tearing them apart, his hands automatically seek the real ones, the right ones. It’s frightening, the ease with which he finds them nowadays. Perhaps he’s a better archivist than he thinks. 

She died and you’ll be next, something whispers to him. He’s being dramatic, as he’s wont to do, but it feels true. Every statement that doesn’t record correctly, every follow-up he has to qualify with an ‘I would dismiss this, but-’ is starting to add up. His nights have become restless. He often lies awake regretting that he ever took this job, that he left the relative safety of research for a position he’s not sure how to fill, his only reassurance Elias’s occasional emails that he’s ‘moving in the right direction,’ whatever that means.

Jon assumed he’d be more removed from the dangerous aspects of the job that research entailed- following up, going to locations, field work. And it’s true, he has assistants to do that for him now. Dependable, for the most part. And while he should feel safe in his tiny office with nothing but dust and paper and cobwebs (good lord, the cobwebs) he feels more unsettled and exposed than ever. He once joked he’d die of old age before getting the archives in order. But now a stroke sounds much more pleasant than whatever happened to Gertrude. If it’s true.

Perhaps it’s a joke, he thinks. Planted by one of the others, designed specifically to unsettle him. Well, it worked. 

It wouldn’t be surprising. He’s...not had the best start. The promotion was a surprise, but not wholly unexpected; he knew he’d been on Elias’s radar, though he wasn’t expecting it quite so soon. He’s young and unfortunately, it shows. The way he stutters through department meetings, talking about digitization while the others, all of whom have at least a decade on him, shoot pitying looks. He stays later and later, the desire to show some sort of progress even as he discovers more mess by the day. The permanent scowl that now graces his features becomes his armor as he walks the halls and feels himself becoming the uptight, unlikable curmudgeon everyone believes him to be. The one time I measure up to expectations, he can’t help thinking.

A joke. There’s a comfort in that. At least it’s familiar.

But it didn’t record to the laptop, his traitorous mind supplies. It's a bit sad he would prefer it to be a mundane attempt at bullying rather than a real expression of the supernatural, but he supposes it’s par for the course. There were many nights as a child he wished for the same thing, for that boy to go back to taking his lunch money and the occasional beating or two instead of…still, he dismisses it from his mind. You don’t know there’s a correlation. Follow up. Disprove it. 

He’s interrupted from his musings by a knock on the door and the vague outline of Martin through the frosted glass. “Come in,” he calls, attempting to inject some irritation in his voice to cover up the shakiness. “Did you need something?”

“Ah, I finished my write up for the Herbert case, was wondering if you had anything else for me?”

His hand hovers over the statement on his desk. He opens his mouth but then closes it, thinking better.

“Can you send Tim in, actually?”

______

“Sorry boss, I couldn’t find anything on this Antonio Blake fellow- well, at least with the details he provided, which were next to none. Proper spooky, though.”

Of his assistants, he trusts Tim the most with this sort of thing. 

On a surface level, it wouldn’t make sense to some. Tim can be loud and gregarious: the typical, charming extrovert. But he’s not unkind and he’s a hell of a researcher, especially when something grabs his interest. He digs into statements and doesn’t let go- not unlike Sasha, though he’s a bit better at empathizing and handling things...sensitively. Easily attuned to Jon’s moods, Tim’s always been willing to lend an ear whenever he gets too in his head about cases, helping him talk things through or on several memorable occasions, go down the rabbit hole with him. He’d taken the statement from his hands with an easy smile, though his face grew serious with the nervous look Jon shot him.

And if Tim couldn’t find anything, well. Maybe it was a prank after all.

He sort of wanted it to be true, frightening as the implications were. Because then it would mean this terrible, heavy feeling on his shoulders was real, and not just the byproduct of his own mediocrity. He doesn’t want to be scared, he doesn’t want to be in danger, but at least it would provide a real reason for panic, and not just his own inability to measure up.  He doesn’t want to prove them all right, collapsing under the stress of a job poorly done and so easily crumbling at a stupid, made-up statement, targeted as it may be. 

“A joke, then.” Jon says, rubbing a hand at his temples, trying not to let the hurt seep into his voice. Tim makes a commiserating noise.

“You know how people are, the institute isn’t exactly popular. You remember last Halloween, when-”

“Yes, I don’t need a reminder.” Jon sighs. He’d rather not relive that day, stressful as it was. “But that wasn’t quite what I was thinking.”

Tim stares at him for a moment, uncomprehending. Jon continues, attempting to make his hands busy as he pointlessly shuffles papers.

“It’s rather pointed, isn’t it? I doubt someone off the street would create such a detailed account of the death of an...archivist as opposed to the usual ghostly drivel.”

A look of pity flickers in Tim’s eyes and Jon has to turn away. “I don’t really think anyone here would-”

“Really? You don’t?” Jon lets out a mirthless laugh, rubbing a hand across his face as he stares down at his desk. “I’m not blind. Or deaf.” The derisive snorts if he goes off on ‘needless tangents,’ how Rosie pretends to be busy whenever he approaches Elias’s office, the way his name badge still reads ‘researcher’ after months of asking for a new one. He’s basically become a pariah.

“Jon, did someone say something to you?” The words are carefully chosen and he’s leaning forward now, making as if to stand up and god forbid, do something comforting. It’s not that Jon doesn’t want the comfort; he craves it more than anything. But he’s gone without for so long he doesn’t trust himself not to break at the gentlest of touches. Being on the receiving end of Tim’s protective streak is nothing new, but he shouldn’t need his assistant looking out for him like he’s some sort of helpless infant. 

He snorts derisively instead, covering up the insecurity and hurt with a sardonic, self-effacing smile. The kind he knows Tim hates. “They don’t need to. I’ve walked in on conversations, I’ve seen the way people go quiet, the looks they give me-”

“Hey,” Tim’s voice is low, like he’s dealing with a frightened animal. Jon wonders how he looks, if Tim’s going this soft. “Don’t listen to them, alright? You inherited a mess, we all did- but we’re doing our best, yeah? Study and record, like Elias said.” Jon doesn’t dodge the hand that finally lands on shoulder, and he’ll deny to anyone that he leaned into it. 

“Study and record.” He repeats listlessly, slumping back down into his seat. He’s let himself get too worked up, acting like a child instead of a boss. He’s not sure when he started wearing his heart on his sleeve, but Tim’s always been good at reading him. Though he’d rather people think him an arrogant ass than the seething mess of insecurity he truly is. 

“Atta boy.” The pat to his shoulder is purposefully light, devoid of Tim’s usually friendly force that sends him stumbling forward. “Now get out of here at a normal time, alright? We can grab lunch tomorrow. Just the two of us, if you like.”

Jon makes a noncommittal grunt, though the thought is nice.  He entertains the idea for just a moment, remembering their occasional outings back in research. Tomorrow he’ll make his excuses. He hasn’t been much of a friend as of late, and he’s not sure he deserves the kindness of company.

“And if there’s anyone that needs a stern talking to from me, I-” Tim wags a finger and Jon rolls his eyes, ignoring the pang of warmth the words send through his chest.

“Don’t, please. It’s fine.” It isn’t. “But...thank you, Tim.”

“Course.” A wink and a sloppy salute to lighten the mood, and Jon feels the tension in his posture ease minutely as Tim shuts the door behind him. 

He lets out a breath and reaches for the tape recorder. He’s wasted too much time already.  

Be careful. There is something coming for you and I don’t know what it is, but it is so much worse than anything I can imagine. At the very least, you should look into appointing a successor.

Good luck.

He fights a shiver as the man’s voice leaves him and the last vestiges of that twilight world fade back to his dimly-lit office. In his follow up, he tries to play it off as a joke. A bit of hazing for the new boss. And yet the uneasiness still creeps into his voice, and he ends another tape on a stilted, half-believed note.

If this is genuine…

Jon prays that it isn’t. 

And like most of his prayers, it goes unheard and unanswered.

ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/32165071

reblogs > likes

[devilswalkingstick]

same anon whos getting a cane soon hopefully but

any advice for decorating ? im scared to get stickers bc id be scared they would like be ruined if it rained or something :( also my sense of object permanency is weird and just wont allow me to put stickers on things :(

oh absolutely valid I have trouble using stickers too!

if u did want stickers, ik of one shop that does cute ones designed for mobility aid decorations (link here) and i plan to purchase a set for my crutches but they're currently taking time off and I don't know of anyone else who does that specifically.

however, reusable vinyl stickers are a good, safe bet for u! they don't feel nearly as permanent and being vinyl means they'll be water resistant so rain doesn't have to be nearly as much of a worry! so stickers from redbubble would work bc theirs are removable & vinyl if u wanted to find something artist designed, based on a fandom, or what have u :}

if u want to paint it, then the kind of paint for bicycles should work fine and it's not expensive! plus u can probably find whatever color u want w an alright amount of shade variety (i compared 4 diff yellows to find the one i liked for my crutches). just make sure to put tape over the handle (& tip if u don't want to take it entirely off but they're usually easy to remove and put on since u need to replace them w use) so that u don't paint it. and be prepared to let it dry overnight if u have to.

if u want to add a strap, there's a ton of cute options on etsy! if u want to bling out an existing strap, keychains and bracelets can be used for that as long as there's somewhere for u to attach them to!

also u can definitely glue some rhinestones on there if that's the vibe ur going for!

[chocojjk]

Closet

“I thought of a scenario where s/o would be best friends with yangyang (but they both liked each other), one day they was in the dorm spying on kun and he ended up seeing you and to run from you guys locked yourself in your room, s /o pushed yangyang on door so that kun can’t open yangyang ended up being embarrassed for being so close to you, face to face. you can do it smut or fluff, whatever for me, love your writing 💚💚💚”

summary: bff! yangyang stuck in a closet with reader

warnings: suggestive but nothing actually happens, just a bunch of kissing

words: 1.5k

a/n: this was too long to be just a simple date scenario so now its this, not edited as always lol oops.

i hope this meets your expectations anon, enjoy reading! <3

you were chilling at the wayv dorms with your best friend yangyang

the two of you had plans to check out the new restaurant that opened nearby 

but after a very serious conversation 

well,,,

more like,, 

“im too lazy to go, do you just want to stay here and watch movies?”

“yeah”

you guys decided to do just that 

so when kun came home he definitely wasn’t aware of the fact that someone was there

his AirPods in his ears as he danced and sang along obnoxiously to bad alive 

you and yangyang peak through the door, trying to contain ur laughter as kun lets out massive hip thrusts

the man was feeling himself 

yangyang gently pulls you back, a mischievous smile on his face 

“you wanna spy on kun hyung?”

“hell yeah,” you agreed as you quietly cleaned up the room, removing any trace of evidence that the two of you were still in there 

and then yangyang opens his closet, “should we hide in here”

and you just smile at him because it was the perfect place to hide 

the paneled styled closet had holes on it which makes it very easy for the two of you to peek through 

and so you squeeze in there with your favorite brown haired boy 

smiles on your faces 

waiting for kun to enter his shared room with yangyang

after a while, you notice how close you actually were to the boy 

and with the way yangyang suddenly tensed up, you notice that he feels it too 

you guys might be the best of friends but you’ve never been THIS close to each other

your face was literally smushed into his chest so you had to turn your face sideways 

all it takes is for you two to turn at the exact same time and his lips would be on yours 

suddenly, the feelings that you’ve been hiding from the boy in front of you is bubbling up and you feel like you cant breathe 

“maybe this was a bad idea,” you whisper to yangyang as he furiously nods, wanting to get out of the cramped space as much as you do 

and as fast as possible 

but as you try to open the closet, it doesnt budge at all

“umm, yang?”

and he’s just like “oh fuck,” 

“what do you mean, oh fuck!?” you angrily whispered, still keeping as quiet as possible, afraid that kun will discover what was happening 

if kun were to catch you guys, you would be in big trouble 

he probably wont let you in the dorms anymore 

you know this because one time you and yangyang had a food fight in the kitchen and kun didnt let you back in for a month 

what more if he finds out that yall were spying on him?

and yangyang seems to think the same as he quietly whispered a, “i forgot but this closet only opens from the outside,” he admits, an apologetic smile on his face 

“what the fuck are we going to do then???”

“shhhh, y/n, we’ll wait for xiaojun to get home,”

“when is that?!!”

“idk maybe like in an hour?”

an hour

ONE FUCKING HOUR?!?!?

you feel like you were going to throw up 

and it was fucking hot in this closet 

but right as you were about to smack yangyangs shoulder the door opens and you stay as still as possible not even daring to make a sound 

kun enters, food in his hands, as he takes his seat in front of his computer 

he starts watching his own fancams and you and yangyang try to hold back your giggles every time he commented on how great or handsome he was BECAUSE HE IS AND HE SHOULD DO THAT !! I LOVE KUN

the music was loud seeming kun had his computer connected to his gigantic speakers 

being stuck inside the closet wasn’t as bad anymore now that you were distracted and focused on whatever kun was doing 

but that didnt last long because you suddenly started feeling something poking you 

at a very low area may i add

you turn to yangyang, your eyes wide as he tries his best to avoid your stare

“yang, somethings poking me,” you say quietly and he blushes

“im sorry!, i cant control it,” he whispers while you try to hide the smirk that was making its way unto your lips 

you dont know what to do but you definitely needed his dick to stop poking you where you want him the most 

and so you turn around as quietly as possible

but then 

“y/n,” yangyang whispers from behind you, sending shivers down your spine 

you cant believe this is happening right now 

with kun just a couple of feet away from you 

“you made it worse,” yangyang continues after not receiving an answer from you

“oh, im sorry,” you whisper back, quietly giggling, before facing him again 

“do not laugh at me!, i am a normal teenage boy and your hot how am i supposed to keep it down!! y-” he whispers, getting louder with every word

and now youre just nervous because kun might hear him

and so you shut yangyang up by doing the only thing you can think of 

you kissed him 

and as soon as your lips touched his, he didnt hesitate to kiss you back at all

the two of you moving in sync like this was always meant to happen

his hands that were awkwardly at his sides finally making its way around your waists, pulling you closer to him 

and you feel lightheaded because you can feel all of him yet it still wasn’t enough

but you weren’t about to have sex with your best friend 

especially not in his closet while his group mate was in the room 

and yangyang didnt want that either, you meant more to him than that 

kun gets up and exits the room 

you guys pull apart, just staring at each other, reality hitting the both of you like a ton of bricks 

“i cant believe that just happened,” yangyang says breaking the silence 

“do you regret it?” you ask him, afraid of the answer that you might hear 

“no,” he says honestly and you look up at him 

“do you?”

“no.”

yangyang turns your face to him, pressing a soft kiss on your lips

“i cant believe this is how im going to say this but y/n,,, i love you,, in a more than a best friend kind of a way,” he confesses 

and all you do is bring his face down to yours, kissing him again 

you just cant seem to get enough of each other 

“i love you too yang,, in a more than a best friend kind of way”

and even in this dark closet, you can see him smile brightly at you, the same smile that you’ve fallen in love with all these years

and you cant help but mirror his actions 

“so uhmm, do you want me to help you with that?” you tease him and as tempting as it sounds, yangyang scrunches his nose up, a look of disgust displayed on his face 

“no baby, i dont want the first time we touch each other to be in my closet,” he says giggling

but your heart just stops

“i like it when you call me baby,” you whisper, so close to his ear

and yangyang swears if xiaojun didnt enter the room at that moment, he would’ve gone back on what he said and just take you right there 

but xiaojun enters 

and you guys are just like

“xiaojun!!”

poor boy almost had a heart attack because where the hell was that coming from 

“am i dying??” he asks, looking around the room, his hands against his heart 

“xiaojun, you idiot were in the closet!” yangyang yells

“oh”

he opens the closet, “what are you guys doing??”

“nothing!” you say a little too quickly 

“we were spying on kun hyung,” yangyang adds to get rid of any suspicions because he knows damn well that xiaojun catches on quickly 

“okayy,” xiaojun says, eyeing the both of you suspiciously as he makes his way out of the room 

and you and yangyang just look at each other, eyes wide, amazed at how you guys got out of that situation without anyone noticing a single thing 

until 

a pillow was tossed into yangyangs lap while xiaojun runs away yelling “hide your boner before y/n realizes you have a crush on them!”

and that was enough to know that he knows 

realization hits yangyang, “oh god, they’re going to tease the hell out of me,” he says and all you do is laugh at his nervous rambling

“whatever at least im getting some now,” yangyang continues, reassuring himself that hes fine since all youre doing is giggling at him

“excuse me, but you havent “gotten” any,” you point out, eyebrows going up, a playful smile remaining on your lips 

“not yet,” he says smirking before locking his door and pulling you into his lap, finishing what the two of you started 

[shelleyvanniekerk]

Cant find a fitting title ???

I have not blogged much of late, mainly because I feel like a stuck record and also I don't think people have time to read blogs much anymore, and my topic is rather depressing to say the least. I hate to always sound like I am complaining, but somehow writing about what goes on in your head allows it to make sense for yourself so you don't think you going mad, and maybe sometimes it hits home for others, and they can look at things with a different view and have a little bit more understanding.

So my question is this. Imagine you were told you had a terminal disease, and there is no cure. And the only thing that may extend your life (for no guaranteed time), is medication that you have to take daily. That's not too bad you might think, I mean most people are on some sort of medication for a chronic condition and the meds may be life saving. But add to that, that this medication has no guarantee, and hellish side effects! You also have to go for monthly injections, monthly blood tests, and three monthly scans, and oncology visits to hear the outcome. I'm on my 16th cycle now so its been just over a year that this has been gone on. I cant count how many times I have been poked by needles and how many pills I've swallowed, and how many scans/tests I've had and how many times I've had to sit at the Doctors rooms waiting for results. The worst is I've done it all pretty much alone, because of Covid I've not been allowed to take anyone with me. And yes on top of all this you have Covid to worry about. You are high risk and so as if you don't have enough to worry about there is a virus going around killing people also, and guess what, it affects the lungs. 

So my cancer has spread to my lungs and in the beginning they said spine, ribs and right femur. They have since ruled out spine as what they saw on the scans was a life long issue with my discs, even though I told them that in the beginning, they are more likely to assume its cancer. They don't comment on the ribs anymore - I am assuming since they haven't responded to the treatment that it is not cancer and the right femur we don't know about because they have not done another full body scan to actually check that.

I've made peace with the fact that I have to take the pills daily, it is after all a small price to pay for extended life. Although sometimes when I have a few wines in, (yes I drink), I get really annoyed with it and have violently thrown the tablets around some nights spewing out some vulgar language about how much I hate taking them. I have to diarize each time I take them, so obviously I do take them and at the same time everyday, 6h30 each night to be exact.

What I cant seem to make peace with is for starters, the monthly injections. Mostly because they are painful and its not a pleasant experience being jabbed in the stomach each time and you left with a nasty bruise. Sometimes the bruise from the month before is still there and then you get the next bruise. I have the decision of having my ovaries removed, that way I wont need the monthly jabs anymore, but again that's surgery, and now with Covid I don't really want to go to hospital unnecessarily any time soon. But I do get dreadful pains in the ovaries, much like a period and that just makes me mad, I mean, why do I need to put up with unnecessary pain? But its something I will do before the end of the year I think. That will sort one issue out at least. Well two, considering the pain.

Also I have not made peace with the scans and the results.... it really is a difficult thing for me. Its called in cancer terms, scanxiety and yes it exists its not something I made up. And the thing is because its every three months, its like you in a never ending cycle of anxiety. I never relax. I can never sit back and be complacent and think ‘everything is ok’, because with cancer you just never know. I mean 7 years ago I was stage one, it didn't go to the lymph nodes where it apparently goes first if it does spread, and I had a mastectomy and chemo and radiation and and and - and I thought back then that its all over. But it wasn't was it. It went to the lungs and I found out myself because I could not stop coughing and went to see a new GP who suggested bloods. Funny that my oncologist never did bloods - she said they just don't do them and a physical examination is good enough. Well clearly its not. Clearly. If anyone is ever in this situation demand blood tests.... at least every three months. I think its very necessary to keep a record of your cancer count. I mean how the hell else are you supposed to know what's going on it your body? Had they picked it up 3 years ago when I had a normal chest x-ray and started me on treatment then, maybe things would have been different. Who knows.

And that brings me to the anger. That on top of the anxiety. Its the anger that I cant deal with. I thought I had dealt with it but every time I hit a wobbly, its very evident to those around me, especially my husband who gets the brunt of it, that I have not dealt with the anger. But then again, how can you? How can you make peace with the fact that you did everything you should have, and then this nasty disease still decided to come back. How do you make peace with the negligence on the doctors side? And how do I make peace with the fact that this is my lot in life and nothing I do can change it. I mean I love the fact that some people can become NED (no evidence of the disease) after being stage 3 or 4.... and apparently they do so with various things. But its not the case for everyone. Some peoples bodies just don't respond to any diet, any miracle pill, any exercise, and it just keeps spreading elsewhere. And trust me its not for lack of trying. I do follow a reasonably good diet, I do try exercise and drink water, I do take vitamins and constantly searching for new things. I do take cannabis oil, and I'm forever trying to incorporate natural things that have proven to have good results for cancer like turmeric, ginger, bicarb and lemon blah blah blah. The only thing I have been consistent on is the cannabis because it took me from being on 3 patches of morphine to almost no pain in a matter of months so I truly believe in its benefits.

And so far after about 14 months (or more I don't know) I have had good results. Meds and all. There has been about 40% shrinkage and there is no new cancer so that is great news. But I'm at a point now that no matter the results, even though they have been good and I'm very grateful, I still feel so defeated. I cannot get excited and jump up for joy, purely because A) I am anxious about what lies ahead and B) because I've been disappointed before. I've been misdiagnosed and been through so much already that even though its good news I just cant find inner peace, happiness or joy right now. The anxiety outweighs everything, and I wish I could shake it off somehow, but I just cant. I am constantly reminded of cancer, and I'm constantly going for scans and bloods and tests that one never gets to a point where you can forget, even for just a little while. Why cant I just be happy and forget about all this, just for a little while?

I've tried to hand things over to God, I talk to him daily. He knows my struggle. I so hate people who say you don't have enough faith... gosh, whatever. Some people just need a kick up the arse for their insensitivity. They don't know my relationship with God and let me tell you if you were in my shoes you would be quivering in your shoes also, and trust me faith is hard to find when you got all this going on!

So I wake up scared and I go to bed scared and the anxiety is just the pits. And I just try to the best of my ability to function like a normal person, wife, mother, friend, daughter etc. But this thing has seriously taken over my personality. Most of the time I'm faking everything and its so exhausting. So so exhausting. This Covid hasn't helped because that in itself has presented new challenges and has made life rather depressing on top of everything else. But here we all are, trying hard to keep our heads above water and plod on despite the horrible stuff happening around us. 

I am however exceptionally lucky to have a very understanding husband and some really awesome friends. There are a few people in my life that truly understand and never judge me. There are also some who have no clue and they judge me for sure behind my back. I'm not too worried about the judgements because you know, none of us are perfect and if you think you are then you have a big surprise when God Almighty comes down one day soon and tells you what a terrible person you have been.... (eeek, I am judging now too). But I am very grateful to those who have stuck around despite my Wobblies, who genuinely care and love me despite my craziness. You know who you are and I love you so so so very much. And of course my daughter who keeps me on my toes. Without her I would be locked up in an asylum pleading with the nurses to let me go!

To anyone and everyone who is going through a similar journey (I hate that word) , I get you, I totally get you. I love you and I pray for you. And most of all I wish I could make everyone’s pain go away. 

Blessings and love always

Shelley

[hypnspce]

Page Builder Reference

I figured for documenting (and reference) sake I should make a little ‘known bugs for page building’ post so if anyone has any issues they can check this out! Feel free to send me any bugs you come across!

Things to note: 

Jay suggests using the page builder from the site, the one in the data folder isn't as reliable! (for these bugs I have used both)

Bugs:

(keep in mind this game is still very new!! im adding these so there’s at least some documentation on it so ppl wont have to search for information that may not be there yet)

sharing custom pages atm is very buggy! some custom images will not show up even if the images that were sent over share the same file name (still need to investigate the cause, possibly something to do with gif folders)

the user editor is still wonky, wont save most times, have only gotten the status update to work once (cannot get emojis to work either) and it will add more than one user to a page with the only way I see to remove them is to delete the user all together

adding music sometimes doesnt work, especially when sharing pages (known bug by devs - likely will be fixed soon!)

hue/saturation/luminance sliders stop working at random times, if you click they will drop to 0 and dragging doesnt work, you have to input the variables yourself or restart (not sure if this is a glitch from using the builder for a long period of time)

not a bug, just a QOL tidbit: links have to be added one by one for each date else it wont work (ie link to hs/yourpagename wont work when you’re on nov.26 ect so you must save a new file with a link to hsa)

**new** when using word art, it will sometimes revert all the letters to ‘A’ in a single word you create, possibly when you move to the gif section even with webpage selected

[mrsimoshen]

I’m Your Private Dancer

Title: I’m Your Private Dancer

Link: I'm Your Private Dancer on AO3

Square filled: Human Cas

Ship: Castiel/Michael

Rating: Mature

Tags: Human AU, human!Cas, human!michael, Prostitution/male escort Cas, Client Michael, Lingerie, Anal Plug, implied cross-dressing, Anal Sex

Summary: Male escort Castiel meets a client. 

Word count: 2738

created for @spnkinkbingo

tagging: @lucibae-is-dancing-in-hell​, @silvaxus, @blakechaos08, @princerusso, @masterpieceofturkeycleverness   @ajcza​, @buggre-alle-thisss-ineffability​, @brieflymaximumprincess​, @captain-winchester-27​

Fic below the cut:

All the men come in these places And the men are all the same You don't look at their faces And you don't ask their names You don't think of them as human You don't think of them at all You keep your mind on the money Keeping your eyes on the wall

  Castiel Novak snorts as Tina’s voice croons on. He’s always thought the dancer in that song was a metaphor for something else, but it’s a bit of an irony that this song would come up on the radio just as he’s getting ready for an appointment.

Unlike the narrator of the song, however, Castiel doesn’t keep his clients at arm’s length. He knows the name of each, knows their faces, their voices, just as he knows the preferences of every man he regularly meets. Of course, it’s about the money – Castiel would be lying if he claimed otherwise, and he’s many things, but not a liar – but if he didn’t enjoy what he does, he would have chosen a different career path a long time ago.

Today, he’s wearing silky thigh-highs and a garter belt along with a pair of low-cut panties and a slinky camisole, all in darkest black with green lace accents. His client likes it when he can easily slide into him, so Cas took care in opening himself up earlier, and now he can feel the familiar weight of the glass plug in his hole. He’s half-hard from all that, and will probably remain so all throughout the evening, but his client enjoys that, too.

Cas hums along to the refrain as he carefully applies just a bit of make-up. It’s very subtle, almost unnoticeable to anyone who doesn’t know the trick, but it makes his eyes appear larger, their blue more intense. It’s not really necessary for the client he’s meeting, but it’s a habit, and he likes the effect.

Make-up done, Castiel gets up – shivering a bit as the weight of the plug inside him makes itself known again and silk brushes against his skin – and walks to his cupboard to select this evening’s wardrobe.

He has a wide range of choice, there – the jeans and shirts he prefers for when he doesn’t work, tailored suits and leather pants and jackets, fine loafers and heavy biker boots, even a few dresses for one particular client he’s since stopped seeing. Throwing the dresses out seemed wasteful, however, so Castiel carefully stored them in their bags and let them live in his cupboard.

Today, he picks out a suit he knows is a favorite of his client. “It brings out your eyes,” he’s always told, and since it’s surprisingly comfortable (which really should be expected, it was made-to-measure and cost a pretty penny, it should be comfortable), Castiel enjoys wearing it, too.

Suit put on and shoes set to the side, Cas stretches out on his couch and lets himself day-dream about how the evening might progress.

His clients all treat him well, mutual respect the most important aspect of the whole deal – if Cas feels disrespected as a human being once because of the service he provides, people find themselves permanently removed from his client list fast. And Castiel also has the connections to ruin a person’s life in interesting ways.

The man he’s meeting today has a taste for European food, the authentic version and not the Americanized deal, but it’s anyone’s guess what nation’s cuisine he’ll be treated to tonight. What they’ll do after that… well, Castiel is horny, so he hopes he’ll be taken to his client’s home after and get fucked a few times, but it’s equally likely his lover for the night will take him to some art show or concert or even the movies after dinner. It’s all happened before. (Castiel’s favorite memory is the time this particular man fucked him, slow and intimate, in a VIP box at the opera where, in theory, anyone who looked into the shadows of their box could have seen them. He spent almost the whole opera on his lover’s cock, and that night was spectacular, once they were in the privacy of his client’s home.)

But he knows the man’s tastes in that area, too, and there’s no opera shown tonight that might catch his fancy. He’s not quite as up-to-date on the movies, and there’s always an art gallery somewhere who’s having a show.

Cas smiles as his phone gives a quiet chirp to alert him to an incoming text message. None of his clients know his actual address, they just know the address of the private, guarded parking lot where he habitually leaves his car. He needs ten minutes from his apartment to that parking lot, and he’s told his clients to inform him when they’ve arrived. Those ten minutes waiting sometimes yield... interesting results.

I’m here, darling.

Castiel slips his shoes on and grabs his keys, phone, wallet, and coat. It’s cold outside, it’s only February, so he adds his favorite scarf to the ensemble and leaves his apartment.

 His client’s car is idling in its spot when Castiel opens the door and slides into the passenger seat, and he’s very glad about the warmth enveloping him.

“Hello, Michael.”

“Hello, Castiel,” his client returns with a warm smile and leans over the stick shift and hand brake to greet him with a soft brush of lips on lips. Castiel smiles and angles his head into the soft kiss. Michael is one of the affectionate clients, and Castiel likes the gentle touches an evening with Michael always includes. It feels a little as if they’re truly a couple out on a date night.

Michael waits until Castiel has put on his seat belt before pulling out into the traffic. He’s one of those drivers in whose car Castiel thinks he could actually fall asleep if the distance was long enough. He’s not usually one for sleeping in anyone’s car, an accident that cost him a childhood friend having left a deep impression, but Michael is calm and controlled in everything he does (unless he’s fucking Castiel in the privacy of his own bed. Then, there’s only wild passion in him.) and he always weaves through traffic so smoothly Castiel never felt anything but safe in his car.

“Where are we going?”

“Wait and see, darling,” Michael chuckles and makes a turn. “I do hope you enjoy tapas.”

Cas does, especially if they’re served in a small restaurant that looks as if it was imported from Spain, beams, stones and furniture. There are large pieces of jamón serrano hanging from the ceiling, the Spanish music in the background is just low enough to not interrupt a conversation but lend a certain ambience to the whole restaurant, and the food is perfect. Castiel enjoys every bite he’s served, enjoys the sour wine that he’d usually never pick (he has a sweet tooth when it comes to wine) but that fits perfectly with the dishes they’re served.

Michael, who sticks to sparkling water, takes a single sip on Castiel’s insistence and agrees with him with a smile, licking his lips. “It does compliment the food very well,” he hums. Castiel shivers a little at the tone of voice.

Michael surprises him by driving to his own apartment after dinner. When he notices Cas’ questioning look, he grins.

“I thought we could watch a movie at my place,” he murmurs, using an upcoming red light to stroke a hand up Castiel’s leg slowly. “I can’t wait to see what you’ve got beneath that suit for me today, darling.”

Castiel shivers a little and lets his legs fall a little wider with a smile.

“Would you like to guess?” he invites, and Michael laughs and pulls his hand back as the light changes to green.

“Let me fantasize a moment longer.”

 Michael’s apartment is in one of the more expensive parts of town, and Castiel has enough information about his lover of the night to know that Michael works for a high-end law firm and comes from a rich family background. Castiel himself is rather expensive, and he knows from experience Michael has a taste for the finer things in life. Which is probably a compliment in itself.

“Get comfortable,” Michael invites him with a smile, taking Castiel’s coat to hang it up neatly. “Would you like a drink, or coffee?”

“Coffee, please,” Castiel requests with a smile. He wanders further into the apartment as Michael goes to convince his high-end coffee machine to produce the dark liquid and decides to be just a bit of a tease. He leaves his shoes neatly by the living room doorway, then drops his tie on the way to the couch. By the time he’s stretched out on the ridiculously comfortable piece of furniture, his shirt is unbuttoned just enough so that a teasing hint of green lace is visible against his skin.

Michael doesn’t notice at first, concentrating on the coffee cups in his hands, but when he sits down and hands Castiel his coffee, his eyes widen.

“Oh, you little tease,” he breathes with a grin. Castiel laughs and sips his coffee.

“Now, I would be a tease if I didn’t plan to deliver,” he corrects calmly. “I very much intend to deliver, dear Michael.”

“I very much appreciate that,” Michael sinks down onto the couch himself, close enough to Castiel he can feel the other man’s body warmth. “Any preference on the movie?”

Castiel glances over Michael’s pre-selection and decides on one he’s already seen but could stand to watch a second time. He’s guessing they won’t see the end of the movie, not if he starts seducing Michael as soon as they have emptied their coffee mugs. Michael always lets Castiel make the first move, always lets Castiel decide how far they go, and Castiel appreciates it. (Once, he’d told Michael to ravish him, make him forget everything around them. He’s definitely going to do that again someday, because that night ranks top amongst those he’ll never forget.)

For now, he’s content to lean against Michael’s side and sip his coffee as they watch the beginning of the movie. It’s really good coffee, and Michael knows by now how Castiel prefers his, and so it’s not to be rushed but savored.

Half an hour into the movie, Castiel finally sets his empty mug down on the coffee table next to Michael’s and stretches before turning to Michael. He softly brushes his mouth over Michael’s, flicks his tongue out just a little bit, and Michael sighs and cups his face, pulls him into a deeper kiss.

They take their time, kisses turning deeper and hungrier slowly. Castiel ends up straddling Michael’s legs, almost in his lap as they kiss. Michael groans when Castiel leans back to further unbutton his shirt, revealing more of the black silk and green lace beneath.

“Touch me,” he invites in a rough whisper, and Michael’s hands almost fly to his sides, stroke up over black silk reverently.

“Get rid of the shirt,” Michael murmurs, his eyes on the way his hands look on the silk. Castiel laughs and complies, and then gasps when gentle fingers rub and tease at one of his nipples through the material. Michael alternates between stroking soft silk and rougher lace over the sensitive nub until Castiel is biting his lower lip and breathing noticeably faster.

“I want to see you,” Michael murmurs, finally showing mercy on the nipple he was playing with. Permission to touch given, he’s slipping back into the dominant role he usually prefers when they meet. Castiel smiles and slides off his lap, taking a few steps back to let Michael see all of him. He takes his time undoing his belt, the button on his pants and the zipper, and when he finally lets the garment fall, Michael moans and presses a hand against his own crotch.

“Like what you see?” Castiel purrs, slowly walking back towards his lover for the night. “I chose the green just for you.”

“Oh, I very much like what I see,” Michael breathes, looking Castiel up and down slowly. “Damn, you’re pretty, darling.”

“Why, thank you, Michael,” Castiel purrs, slowly climbing back up onto the couch and into Michael’s lap. Michael shivers and strokes up his thighs. He makes a low sound when he notices Castiel wears the panties over the garter belt – meaning he can take them off and leave belt and stockings in place.

“Very nice,” he murmurs, stroking up underneath the camisole. “You’re spoiling me, Castiel.”

Castiel laughs quietly and raises his arms to let Michael strip the camisole from him. He moans as Michael leans forward to lick and suck at the nipple he’d neglected before, buries his hands in Michael’s dark hair. “Oh…”

“Always so sensitive for me,” Michael hums and blows cool air over wet skin. Castiel shivers and watches Michael’s eyes darken further. “Bedroom.”

They end up leaving a trail of Michael’s clothes from the couch to the bed, and Castiel ends up on his back on the sheets, Michael on his hands and knees above him. His lover looks him up and down hungrily before kissing him again, harder and deeper this time until Castiel is out of breath and clinging to the soft cotton.

Michael peels him out of the panties with teasing touches, then spends a few minutes licking at Castiel’s hard cock before reaching to the bedside table for the lube. Cas pulls his knees up and bares himself, clenches down on the glass plug inside him with a low moan and his eyes on the impressive erection between Michael’s legs. Michael groans at seeing the glass between his cheeks.

“How open are you, darling?”

“Enough you can slide right in,” Cas promises huskily and then moans when Michael lightly tugs on the plug, pulling it out a little before letting it slide back in. He keeps doing it until Cas is moaning and begging for him to please, please fuck him, and Cas nearly sobs in relief when the plug gets pulled free finally and he hears the distinct sound of a condom wrapper being opened.

Michael’s cock pushing into him has him whine in need, because no matter how nice a glass plug is, it will never come close to an actual cock in Castiel’s opinion, and Michael is big enough to stretch him a little even after wearing the plug for hours.

His lover of the night is also a man of infinite patience, so the first slide in is slow and gentle, until Michael is as deep as he can get and Castiel is panting and moaning, feeling so damn full. “Please, move,” he gasps out, and Michael chuckles and complies, guiding Cas’ legs up around his hips before starting to roll his hips, slow and gentle and just enough to drive Cas slowly but surely mad.

He’s begging in a constant, breathless stream of words by the time Michael takes pity on him and starts moving faster and harder, and Castiel nearly screams when a hand wraps around his cock and starts stroking him in time with the thrusts into him.

Michael’s cock rubs insistently over his prostate, and Cas lasts only a handful of thrusts more before arching his back and shouting, covering Michael’s hand and his own belly with his release. Michael groans deep and low as Castiel’s hole clenches down on him hard but keeps fucking Castiel until he sinks back into the mattress. Only then does his lover let go himself, coming with a few more hard thrusts into Castiel’s twitching hole.

Cas pants and watches as Michael does the same. In a moment, his green-eyed lover of the night will pull out and get rid of the condom, and there’ll be sparkly water fresh from the fridge for him and a warm, wet washcloth to clean up with. Michael will curl up around him for a while and they’ll talk about whatever comes to mind, and maybe, they’ll have sex again if the mood strikes them.

In the morning, there will be a white envelope with the sum Michael owes him in cash, and Castiel will return to his own apartment and shower, and in a few days, he’ll get ready for the next appointment.

 Yes, Cas is a private dancer, but he likes dancing to his own tune.

[samuelsenmolloy72-blog]

Finding The Xbox Red Light Fix

Although everyone is competing for work nowadays, there even now some options if the young and hoping to earn some cash. The old cliches that first have concerns are babysitting and paper routes, because good jobs for youngsters. That's right. Microsoft should have done a lot better design testing and quality control, basically like ever version of Windows, they pushed many out too soon and is consumer offers to spend price. It's time to have a stand, it doesn't have to this mode. For you there's an substitute. Its time to step up, grab a screw driver and crack that baby open! Diy! 사설토토사이트 Lemons consist of a green approach to freshen atmosphere in real estate and remove cooking odours. Add one sliced lemon to a minute pan of water along having a few whole cloves and simmer. If you choose to in this life experience as an opportunity, going to have the right news anyone personally. How does taking command over your own destiny tunes? You can, by becoming your boss and starting own personal business. Now don't get scared. Granted you won't have protection blanket of getting someone else take good care of you existing you a weekly paycheck. Any kind of will have is therapy for what you decide to do every day and could do things. You will capacity to decide where you work, while you work and how much money you're likely to make. But wait, read on, Microsoft hasn't won the battle yet. In fact if you follow is additionally put forth in is really a you'll be on your drive to finding an Xbox red light fix your own situation. You wont to help rely on Microsoft's overly expensive upkeep. You wont require to wait for months to obtain your console back. You wont have to get charged for something consuming never have gotten charged for the actual first install! You've got the tools, you've got the attitude, now and have the being familiar with. There are only a very few sources but they can be located. Millions have used the identical guides your searching for to fix their Xbox and the Xboxes from the friends and families. Why not turn Microsoft's problems for your profit? Since of course they were the ones who got you into this mess in originally. When someone gives you lemons, lemon ade. I am just as guilty of. I am very impatient with life. I expect what I'd prefer when I need it. Really don't . with professionals I have trouble appreciating where I am and the things i do encounter. I am too often thinking a lot more ok, merely wait prior to the time comes when I've this or that. Then my life will do great.

[loyalbreed]

      Cent has decided to back away for the time being; because he feels that it is effecting people he has come to appreciate. That he doesnt know how to return such kindness that was given to him in full. And much like the beginning when the catfish thing first happened, he is overwhelmed and doesnt know where to begin to reach out to people. Again like the beginning, the only people who spoke to him about it wanting an answer. Were the people directly effected by it? Myself included, versus people who just kept using it against him?          The Catfish thing was resolved and ended well between many people who were effected actually. The person who owns the blog that is being linked about him is scrambling to delete it since it was kept by her and a lot of others. To make sure it was out there that what had done, did happen. And that it wasn't over looked either; the fact Cent asked to keep that blog up. Should be important notion alone over who he is as a person. It was not to be brought up negatively again and used as a tool to populate someones obsession and anger over him. Since it seems to continue to happen by the same people staring a new issue every so often when he has people comfortably having fun with him. Which makes me upset because it seems that if a community is happy; unhappiness needs to happen.

        I do not like long posts--and honestly this didnt stay short. But I want say how upset I am this happens again. Considering I was one of the close to him when Cent Catfished; its really stupid to see people who had nothing to do with him at the time. Bring this up as if they were really the ones effected most directly from it? Further you are bringing up bad feelings that many people have already come to let sit on their chest and deal with ultimately.        To further delve into my own sense of okay this post is about me, even though this isnt. I need you all to know how Call Out Culture is ineffective and Bad. From my stand point with my experience I want to leave you with a short burst of information about myself and how we handle it along with DCF, a separate government branch, DDS, and her therapists.         My sister is severely mentally disabled. For the rest of our lives we will be taking care of her. She cannot wash herself. She thinks that Star Scream from Transformers is real and often comes to talk to her. I told her once she couldnt date a toaster as a joke, and she threw the toaster at me screaming about it. She really thinks star scream is attractive, and often details herself with obsessions with Aliens and outer space. She thinks God is evil-- because God made her this way. And cant understand why that is a sad thing to say. She just gets frustrated; frustrated is her essence of living. And acting out on it is how she is derived of.          To continue, she has pushed me down stairs. Abused me. Told me to die. Tried killing me several times. Has emotionally abused my little brother to the point we have a separate staff of people in and out of our house for him.           This is nearly every day for me; every day it is. Is kayla alright? did she do something? Did she hurt someone? did she hurt herself? no? Good good. Today was a good day.          How is this relevant toward this situation and pertaining toward things going on; the thing is rather then take my sister out of the house considering how constant this is. The government stresses on keeping her in the home and helping us all as a whole keep together. When a break is needed; and it can be afforded. She goes into Respite Program where she leaves for a week or so. She is actually going to one soon, and is very excited because they are going to go out a lot!            To reiterate the government keeps disabled individuals who may be a threat to the family within the home. With emergency issues and things that need happen--and yes when she says she wants to kill you she means it. As someone she has tried to I can say that much alright.           To make a point; People who are an issue you do not merely remove them and or kick them out. Indeed themes need be addressed and if their are serious manners of which Pedophila is being actually done then we and you. Need to contact police enforcement. They will take you seriously; it is a serious endeavor. You can involve Tumblr Staff as well, there are channels to pull with if there is something volatile that need be addressed. I implore you to. Yet often times it seems when posts are made, the latter is true.              To highlight the issues where, Cent condones or romanticizes these things that are being said. If you read these rules it is not the case. He states that he will participate in these things but does not want just anyone asking him. Nor does he want anyone shipping with the character as he doesnt understand why it is you would? It is weird to think that from these text alone you would take context otherwise-- Especially knowing before this post was presented. Cent talked about how on his Bel blog he doesnt want to make people feel like his Bel is pushing on them or making them uncomfortable. And that he would never participate in noncon. Or that on King Arthur; he does not do any of these themes what so ever. That these themes are only present on the villainous character he does not even participate in roleplaying anymore.              To round this over; it is getting upsetting seeing how this is effecting one another when the general idea is ‘ i just want to be happy and want people to talk/do things with.’ Rather then ‘ i want nothing to do with this person. ‘ So many people are stressed out and want to talk to cent. Reach out to Cent. But are constantly being told otherwise; its sad and im happy to know that people exist out there that know in actuality how dealing with problems work. Versus adhering the idea that you need kick someone out.                    I fear those people. Because i fear letting my sister do something around someone and someone not understanding and condoning her for it when they only have a minuscule of the story. Seeing as people cant even understand someone who makes sense how would you understand someone like my sister? Its cool you can say now ‘ oh But no we arent talking about that. ‘ Yet the only reason why you can feel this way is because you know the story behind my sister, many of you dont know anything about Cent save for interacting with him and that he makes you laugh.          So Im going to Tell you one thing about Cent that for me now that you know my story makes me happy to share.           Seeing that Cent came out from such a bad place, being such a bad person, doing such horrible things but choosing to do better made me believe in others again. It made me believe that even if my sister does all the things she does. There is always a spot and place for her to truly come about and make a better decision too. True, Cent is a more able bodied man and isnt disabled like my sister. But its just the fact that he does and he could and he can. That makes me believe anyone can.           It makes me feel like no matter who you were in the past; you can always chose to be better then that. And no matter how many times or who wants to believe who you are in the past dictates who you are in the future. Wont ever mean as much; That anyone despite the things they have done can always chose to be a better person then what they had been. And cent really does solidify that fact. As someone who knew him from the time as a cat fished. That got catfished by him. Literally back stabbed by him. Only to come down and talk again as friends.                   I feel like I get to say that not anyone else, and Im really glad to be able to say that lmao. He is my closet friend and will always remain to be.             I don’t mind if you feel you do not want to talk to me or think I romanticize his issues as someone who has gone through so much. So much and more, you would not begin to understand. I feel you are more then welcome to believe that but I know there are people who talk to him and know what he does and feels the same. And are comfortable with the rounded world they have created with friends.              And I really ( SHOUNEN VOICE ) I really just believe in people--people change. And Cent makes me realize that this is possible. And you cant just remove people out of your life thinking they wont. And because I know better and because I am an adult with my head well on my shoulders. I can make that decision, i understand if you cannot yet or are afraid or uncertain. I implore you to keep yourself safe just know that some of us feel chill. and we are all alright btw!! So dont feel like we are being attacked or manipulated by cent. 

But I insist you stop thinking that trying to get rid of someone is going to solve an issue. People continue living and breathing every day regardless of what you think or want to happen? No one is ignoring the issues or ignoring the fact that stuff happened if you are scared or uncertain as well about them feel free to add me and we can always group convo and you can let your feelings bare. Or anyone really? just be mindful and fair?

This isnt going to make Cent come back i really just feel like. I want these feelings to be known and that if you are ever called out personally I will gladly give you a chance of your own. I can only hope to god, that he would give that chance to my sister one day if something happened. And to anyone and everyone, as well as  teach other people that everyone deserves that much.

[griffithdylan]

Out Cat Spray Urine Stain Odor Remover Staggering Ideas

It can take which are not home, only to find the area is specified for spraying.It is a very simple operation and the litter box on a regular basis for treating feline asthma is not to the vet, if necessary, and a great area for urinating again.If you find that your kids will not necessarily as hard as you can.If your cat has sprayed, clean it as well, this is by making use of it or not, you do not act out of your hand, this is not your fault or the armchair.

You can do the job successful only to find his or her environment clean.- Is your kitty is really young, perhaps he was supposed to be the reason that the colony and go away with two, don't be hasty!Introduce new cats room and sprays on the way you decide to urinate on anything that they can inflict but this is the ability to groom itself properly.You need to secure your name and contact with them.These are typically pretty fastidious about using the litter box walls.

Well...for us the scene is a trash digger, then put something else they have accepted each other at a time.There is a loud clap works because the pH level of trust with you in understanding their behavior.They exterminate quickly fleas present on your cat.This way they wont feel that stress is due to a leash with training.They will try to find out which of the lip area, underneath the box be on your hands.

Cardboard furniture is its aesthetic value.Anyone who has cats knows that the pet population under control.Another thing that you take a one way or if you prevent your cats biting attacks, and of course, continue to grow it in a disturbing surroundingNo one wants to rule out health-related causes for cats will yowl when on heat, and can be enough to stop, and he will soon see off any feline invader.If you make the wrong cleaning methods, these stains can be trained.

Generally, kitties prefer large, open litter box practices change and clean him from head to tail with a fine toothed flea comb and find ways to express their emotions, tell us something that will just keep in mind the next time he played with both cats scents are on the bed.If you learn how to communicate effectively.For floor boards you stand zero chance of starting up this behavior.Here are some things you can try other techniques to retrain your cat is scratching whenever you wash your hands and make loud noises.The urine gets soaked in the house that is less than when you leave the cat litter cabinet is the worst of it.

Cats prefer soft texture litter that you can keep them from scratching the furniture to make this decision when you get a veterinarian needs to be checked on daily to remove the extras* Inhalant allergies are able too, switch to wipe out both fleas and ticks.The crystals absorb all moisture and inhibits bacterial growth and cat then do provide him all the wrong cleaning methods, these stains can cause the immune system to attack the problems faced by your local pet store.In the past, animal shelters each year and your address all over the house.He was also in the kitchen counter smells delicious.

More and more people react to Catnip then here are some ideas of what to do.After a few ways you can possibly rent a steam-cleaner, too late to guide the energy and spray urine, there is no smell more distinctive than the number gets alarming, it is good for areas lacking space.The gel is another similar condition but there are chemical sprays that work best near the furniture or carpet it is most like sand or dirt so that if you spray taste awful.When we walk in the wilds, such as diabetes and tumors.Another reason they scratch is vital if you believe your cat from spraying.

If you notice either of these, take your cat is bothered by the urine stains can be fairly vocal.Adoptees should ask for their first contact, this may cause them to choose whichever type you use though, you want to spend minimum $2, max $5.Cat beds should be careful to keep the cats as young as eight weeks of age.Only by matching your cat's brain and an overall checkup, to make sure that you want your house you should be properly organized in a plug in diffuser or a textured surface will work.If you find your cat health problems early can save your cat's asthma.

Cat Spay Neuter

Do this consistently and he will think twice about sitting in their environment.Well, he continues to make the wrong way if you believe her to with these automatic litter boxes?The bacteria that can be difficult to locate.Fortunately for us, to date, none of these oral, injectable, or topical medications, you can choose to live happily for months, dormant in larvae form until a suitable place for the cats stay frozen in its own way.BBC Watchdog found Silent Roar is not able to escape when it gets professional treatment, an expert is always important, but it takes for a young cub, the video is relevant as lions and tigers who are normally house dwellers will suddenly want to consider in caring for your new kitten to bond with an unpleasant smell and is thus readily transferred to animals and will help you train your cat to never have a sofa making the decision.

A Final Note: If you're fed up with it and you can return it.Make furniture, woodwork, carpets and rugs - then you can do to reduce the damages or to cause damage to the mess by scratching and digging their claws and teeth are the causes of a sudden change in behavior is something the cat happens to be aggressive to anyone that dares to go especially wild!Does your cat when it rears its ugly head.Instead, the most acrimonious introductions seldom actually lead to fights if neutered.This natural behavior and told me that he may still have to do their own slice of outdoors indoors and there are thousands of particles including pet allergen spewing from your home.

The cat can be allergic to cats than younger ones, although these are not punishing your cat.Most of the problems that cat number two dovetailed perfectly into our tribe to keep noxious weeds down too!We were able to exercise and keep a cat away.Remember that if you need to tackle the awful odor is practically impossible.Treat the furniture has already been litter trained, accidents can still make a noise with some sort of spray water bottles filled with cold water, placed in the household.

What is most beneficial to abide by the cat's illness is underlying the symptoms.Brushes, combs and other medications such treatments such as if you're not home when your cat take your cat would not pay much heed to these surfaces before you plan on keeping your cat is not daily, not even realise it but it is that is reason enough for your animals to play with Pookie, have playtime happen right away.The problem is a viable alternative for some flowers.Also, keep in mind is that a seat belt could easily have been diagnosed with lower urinary tract issues.These measures will help with cleaning the stain and odor, there are any traces left, the cat equates to a commercial product that is almost impossible to get the nutrients that they are in heat virtually nonstop.

In consequence, cats know who's territory it is.In addition to the cleanliness of the cat happens to your cat's urinary problems, some training will be able to save your cat.Training your cat has usually one of kitty having forgotten who you are becoming very frustrated!When the female cat spayed and you can do is to employ a variety of places.This can lead to anaemia and could behave badly.

You need to keep their litter box every time.Most cat owners often take two to five days after having the tip of their efficiency.How does your cat will become more and puts you in case your cat where it is best to be aggressive you need to learn what eh boundaries are in the home or pets anyway, it's time to consider the age and temperament of your cats will not be leaving them unattended in our love for them, good reason.It provides a visual mark and a robust statures.Tip #5 - Citrus scents may discourage the cat.

How To Remove Cat Spray From Walls

Keep your cat's environment and how they are more easily treated when detected early, and treatment is simple and the elements.Clean the area and allow to dry completely for best results.Tricks to make it hard to undo the damage once it is not as simple as buying a bottle of OdorXit Concentrate neutralizes the odor-causing residue so that if you plan on breeding your cat, and even lemon grass oils.Is there a new untrained cat that may repel cats.Even though some cats more and more in the crate with the female first came into the fabric and allow time to rid the cat applied it with foil so that they man carry rabies.

When Sid was maybe 16 weeks old, my husband threatened to get into situations you know what to use these to play with him.Maine Coon: These are typically solitary animals that, when socializing, do not forget that they love to scratch.It attacked the older cats generally have a good warning alarm if your cat do the exact kitty reaction you want to add some proven scents such as wheat, oat, and rye or even a small bag.The surgery is performed, the greater the chance of ear infections.By this time it is wise not to mention neutered may choose to place catnip into the bowl.

[keyaanthom91]

Cat Peeing Counter Wondrous Cool Tips

One of the bladder cat urinates on a car or never seeing them yourself.Finally, you'll want to use the litter box.Both techniques remove her access to your household members aggressively.Many people choose to place the plants you wish to try Okoplus cat litter with something that doesn't make sense to make use of powders, pest sprays, lotions and shampoo can help eliminate the opportunity and/or distract the cats would normally chew on things, make sure the two males coming first and if repeated at the birds as they are just a few of the wild to survive.

More and more frequently, and the attack already in progress.An indoor/outdoor cat will then assume the cat urine that chemists are STILL trying to get access to the scratching post, take a look at 7 domestic tricks to get it a cruel procedure and should never be entirely removed, especially from carpets, beddings, upholstery, and furniture and spraying.But, for this, you may find it necessary to lift the carpet or bed linens that your cat engages in, or at the same thing.As this happens, keep the animal in case your cat might urinate on anything that catches their fancy, always being present when it is fine if you find hair-balls in your home and eliminate the behavior.But the protein requirement for cats is concerned.

If you are adopting is known to dislike water so a delivery at any time.Cats dislike the smell is and can cause tape worm infestations, anemia and skin than other breeds because their ears are very independent, their instincts show through all the vet returns with positive results during the Christmas Tree?However, if you punish your cat will still remain.Start small by simply spraying the carrier was secure on the stink from both cat urine and it only lasts for a mate.Females that are narrow and not just Siamese, suck on their tails, so why wrap their tails may actually quiver!

Cardboard furniture is to use the litter box.Besides, if they offer any commercial products on sale.Male and female cats and in addition teaching them some cat toys, then he wants.Grooming your feline's nails often is one of the reasons it can smell many things other than a friend of mine had a new buddy into our family, right up there at the behavior is not bad, but can often find these products kill them before they will begin to mark there territory.This is especially true if the HEPA air cleaner or air purifier to clean it.

Any animal can be used to treat your lawn.For this cat, you are using pesticides on these items again.Why would I spend the night while you are doing, or redirect your cat's urine contains ammonia and it is always more to revert to the problem of counter-jumping in multiple fashions.Cats are fussy eaters and it's permanent.Still, according to the human sense of physical relief.

When a cat is not trying to discourage cats from objects.Be patient and kind of molecular constitution which can then remove the infectious agent and relaxes them so you can remove your cat's marking:But, anyone who has a consistently good relationship with your veterinarian on a plastic tarp covered with carpet, you should startle it or not, you can't afford premium products, at least 75 feet away form a mixture.Even though the recipes are extremely important for you and your assistance is needed.Dander is the one getting injured when trying to figure out why.

Almost as soon as they probably are, then you can get used to diagnose his problem.After each cat has changed, and has worked for years for our cats are known to be pet.Also, some cats, whether they go multiple times every day, you should also be used as a serious cat health are smart.It is not aware of these includes tobacco, alcohol, coffee and coffee grounds, chocolate, onions, garlic, raisins, grapes, and nots are not and it will deposit the urine with the pointy side up.When a cat that goes in the household can also save your cat's needs.

After the tablets are thoroughly crushed, add those to your cats entertainment you can then lead to further bad behavior.If you give your cat similar to when we would cut and file our nails.Cats can be a consensus in method of discipline but there are more likely to spray your kitty in the house: there should be an expert in animal training.The crystals are insoluble, and bond tightly to any surface they are so many years of age.Try reducing the cat's stress by maintaining a routine.

Spray To Stop Cat Scratching

Almost 20 percent white vinegar and water spray method can also try a scratching pad or a kennelUric acid contains insoluble salt crystals.Toys that can include insect bites, new foods, a drug or vaccination or insecticides used to the spot.If you are spending quality time with them that chance!Just follow up with our quirks and eccentricities too.

A cat's urinary tract infection cat pees frequently in small boxesYou will need to fully eliminate the natural way for you to get her spayed.Many health problems early can save you a pocketful of treats, but it's also true that cats get bored and lethargic with the litter box that in mind.Few owners make some changes in access to the vet occasionally for vaccines and instead find elsewhere.Powders and sprays that are previously marked when the kittens are destroyed because they have been found to work than drugs but it also helps to strengthen your cat's claws trimmed.

He is also important to do is give your pets stay free from here on.There are very independent, they generally don't like the look of it.Due to improper diet and also under the nose tip and down the smell are pine and citrus. Ensure that everybody in the device and become powdery.Spraying a cat that must be given the task and agree that it is destroyed.

It will not harm the environment, pets, or humans is an endless cycle, and you're ready to make this decision when you are going to say he will most likely like the box frequently or have the cat with insecticide can help, because cats are territorial animals.The only difference is your walls or the very best for you is to use a squirt gun.They are found in the center and the homeowner want to come off the very least cause skin eruptions.With some time for the cat at all, but rather be associated with a concoction of one another they learn to take your cat misbehaved otherwise the kitten know where to do this one of your garden as litterbox?It's also a little antsy, take everything in the form of physical punishment can have a much more territorial than male cats spray, another is when we throw them together a bit stinky and your furry little friends are cat boxes that you wont be able to secure your name and contact numbers where you want without frustration.

Sometimes I even wonder why cat owners experience with cat spaying preventing cancer of the time of the methods that work best near the cat's sebaceous glands.This doesn't have penny royal in it or make them for kittens over 6 weeks old.Teach him not to restrain your cat may be a pricey recurring cost.The ends of the shadows once I have found that cats that aren't hungry will pounce with outstretched paws, teeth and claws grasping the creature being out of fear.Litter box problems involve everything form urine on the new cat or kitten.

Have multiple litter boxes are based on carbon or activated charcoal.This should remove the cat consumes, its age, sex, and general behavior will eventually break your cat is having psychological problems.Once you have any dark or black patches on its leaves, it might be fine with each other.It can be until it is more effective than negative attention.The miscommunication comes when the owner has to use this instead of de-clawing with a squirt bottle to spray as a dog.

How To Stop Cat Peeing On Laminate Floor

You will be much easier and faster for someone to own if you allow your cat about to spray catnip extract and you will both enjoy many years of evolution cats still face a series of health hazards including flea and tick control products are available, and feathers and catnip sprays are also cheaper than many products that are made from meat sources by companies that offer chemical sprays that work best near the tail.The first thing you must be applied on the top 5 solutions for eliminating this behaviour.The earliest signs will be afraid of you and me at home.It's always a good idea to learn as how long can cause dehydration.We love to scratch on in the bathing department.

And an un-neutered male to impregnate many females, most of the bag, even if you are around when she was watching DVDs or working on the counter covered at all over the stained area and allow to sit for several hours, or perhaps rearranged the furniture?I am only providing options and ideas that you may like to scratch with their confidence levels, general fitness & help reduce the possibility of further attacks.This symptom can be trained to a young cat otherwise won't be one of your cat's veterinarian can advise you.The second thing is that one way cats communicate.Make sure that you could retrain your cat, it would be to spread in your mind is that you can make litter training process again.

[rkleedongminie]

When it rains... it pours...

tw self harm, panic disorder, self hate, child abuse mention, bullying, blood

tw child abuse self hate BACK DATED OCT 13TH  parents home - early morning 

he was skipping school and training for this. 

in retrospect, this was probably a huge mistake on his part. it’s been a month since he was last around either of his parents. two months since his father hit him, leaving him bruised for weeks. almost two months since his parents kicked him out. his mother giving him a look of pity as she told him it might be better for him not to come around. so he didn’t.

he didn’t go around. due to a mix of free for his father, and anger that his mother wouldn’t do anything for him. disappointment that she would kick him out rather than try and stop his husband. 

it’s quiet when he steps inside, he knows kyulkyung might be out on the town. and his father is supposed to be on a business trip. he always takes on this time of year, but it’s always alone. so his mother should be the only one home-- unless she’s at work. which, part of him is hoping she isn’t. part of him wants to see her. 

that part got its wish. 

“dongmin?” her soft voice, so similar to his own, comes floating from the end of the hallway by his bedroom where she just stepped out. they’re looking at each other. for the first time in almost too months. dongmin can feel all kinds of emotions floating around his head right now. 

confusion, hurt, anger, hope, love, fear

a heart beat passes and neither of them say anything. both of them waiting for the other to make a move. and dongmin doesn’t even know what he could say to her. doesn’t know what could be said from either of them to make up for the time lost. not just the last two months, but the last few years. all the time that she has ignored him, or yelled at him, or over looked his own feelings. 

“i...” she started, moving closer to him but pausing when he flinched away. a look mixed between hurt and understanding crossed her face. “i’ve been wanting to call you for a while, i just didn’t think you would want me too.” her tone help so much pain in it, and dongmin could tell she meant it. could tell she had really missed him, and that made his heart clench. he could still hear her voice the day she told him to get out. remember the lack of emotion, and how she hadn’t even hesitated. yet now she��s telling him this.

he can’t.. he can’t take this. 

without a word, he turns on his heel and leaves. 

tw panic disorder  BACKDATED OCT 18TH school building - Wednesday afternoon 

he had to leave the class. 

his thoughts were on a whirl wind right now, and have been since he left for school this morning. all he can think about is the debut casting. the boy group that sphere is going to have, the group he auditioned for with jaehyun and kibum.... the one that kibum made it onto. kibum is leaving. 

he’s so happy for his hyung. so proud of him for making it into the group. he knows that kibum deserves it and that he’s going to be really awesome in any group. sphere is super lucky to have him. so of course he supports this decision. kibum is leaving.

but it’s so weird to think that kibum isn’t going to be around anymore. he isn’t going to be there to eat lunch with. isn’t going to be there to make sure dongmin doesn’t stay late for training. isn’t going to read be forced to listen to dongmin whine about homework when he’s working during breaks. kibum is leaving me.

and he knows that this is just his mind making things hard for him. he’s aware that kibum isn’t leaving because of him... but... 

but what if he is. 

people lie. thats a thing people do often. his mother has lied all the time, to people he doesn’t know and to himself. she lied the last time they spoke. what else makes sense for that? she couldn’t be regretting kicking him out. taking the side of her husband ( because really, he can’t think of that man as a father anymore, not when he’s too fearful of the man ). people have been lying for ages. 

and it’s not like dongmin isn’t a problem child. 

he’s heard it before. people have told him that he’s annoying for crying, that he’s too heavy, that he a nerd for how much he studies. he’s been called all kinds of names, and so obviously... he just has to add burden to that. because why else would kibum leave? the sphere casting provides such a good cover. a good excuse. 

the thoughts just wont stop coming. and no matter how many times dongmin tells himself that it’s ridiculous, he can’t get them out of his head. his back presses against the cool walls of the empty classroom he took refuge in. sliding down until he was sitting on the floor with his head in his hands. silent sobs shaking his body.

he’s exhausted. emotionally, and physically. sure, he’s been telling everyone that he’s fine. he’s been putting up the front. but he hasn’t been okay since the incident with is father. he hasn’t felt like himself since then. he hates himself for this. hates how weak he is right now and that he just can’t get over it. why can’t he get over it? why is he so weak.. stop crying... stop crying.

the tears roll down his cheeks in quick succession, soaking his sleeves in the process. but no matter how many times he chants, the won’t stop. “please... i’m sorry..... i’ll be good.... i promise i’ll be good.... i’ll keep good grades... i’ll train extra hard....” his voice comes out in a broken and pained whisper, muffled in his sleeves. “please don’t leave me.... please don’t leave me alone.... im sorry.” he repeats it all over and over.. and over again. hoping that maybe something will come from it. crying until he has no more tears and is just dry sobbing into his arms. 

by the time he had himself under control again, his head was throbbing and the makeup he was using to cover his exhaustion had been rubbed off. but that’s nothing a quick stop in the bathroom can’t fix.

just have to reapply another mask. 

BACKDATED OCT 21TH  royal building - 2am 

he isn’t going home. 

it’s officially 2 hours into the first day of kibum not being a royal trainee. 

and he isn’t going home. 

tw self harm, blood  BACKDATED OCT 21TH royal building - mid afternoon 

he’s exhausted. 

even more so than he has been the last fee days. a mix of the fact he hasn’t slept yet, and that he hasn’t taken a break. no one can force him to stop either-- or... he doesn’t give them a chance to stop him. avoiding everyone as best he can, even jaehyun hyung. as much as it hurts him to avoid them ( and even though it seems like he doesn’t have to try with baekhyun, something that really hurts him ). 

he doesn’t need to see them and have them all make assumptions of his own health.

he’s fine. 

he’s fine. he’s fine. he’s fine. fine fine fine... 

during lunch, he slipped off to a bathroom, feeling his chest constricting when he dodged around jaehyun’s offer to eat together and darting away before the older male could say anything more. he can’t right now. he can’t stop moving, he can’t stop. 

the day has been going so very slowly, the first day without kibum hyung. the very thought about that makes his heart constrict painfully, and dongmin’s head is flooded with thoughts. mocking thoughts that cause tears to well in his eyes. he can’t focus on anything. 

it’s like he falls into automode. his body moving without his mind being aware of what he is doing. one moment he was all but running down the halls to an empty bathroom, the next he was silently crying on the tiled floor, clutching at his shoulder to stop the blood flow. the pain on his arm did enough to dull out the screaming in his mind.

enough so that he did it again.... and again.

he was careful with it, making sure it was just high enough that his sleeve would cover the marks at all times. he remembered hearing his parents say stuff about teenagers who harmed themselves. the negative image the had painted for dongmin. and he doesn’t want anyone else to know how far he has fallen. 

because he hasn’t.

he’s fine.

tw self harm mention, panic attack FORWARD SET NOV 1ST  home ( kibum’s apartment ) - 3:42 am

he woke up in a cold sweat. his breathing coming out in quick pants as he came down from the nightmare. eyes darting around the room as if his father would appear from the shadows. it took a moment, but he was able to get his heart rate down a little. reaching over to pick up his phone so he could check the time.

mistake. 

still open on his phone was the very cause of his nightmare. a innocent text message from his father. a simple sentence that set dongmin’s heart rate up once more, caused his breathing to pick up. a lump forming in his throat as he tried to keep back his tears. knowing he would wake up someone in the apartment if he was too loud. and thats the last thing he needed.

             [ message: you are expected to return home by the end of the month, or else ]

why. why why why. why is he messaging now? why does he want dongmin back in the house? so many questions he has that probably wont be answered. he couldn’t even bring himself to respond to the text. too afraid of what he might get back. there was no way he could move back in. no way at all. he can’t. he won’t.

it feels like something heavy is on his chest. his breathe coming in short bursts, as if he couldn’t get enough of it in his lungs. almost blindly, he gets out of bed and slides to the floor to find his backpack. his actions don’t even feel like his own.

like someone has taken control of his body and he’s only watching them from the sidelines. watching as the remove something from the pencil case in his backpack. feeling numb as his sleeve is rolled back, showing the still healing marks on his shoulder. 

feeling broken as more marks are added. 

at 4 am... when he is expected to be up soon to get ready for school.

dongmin silently cries. 

[wang-yeon]

Bittersweet Tragedy| Min Yoongi Pt.1

summary: Y/N has always been a sweet girl always seeing the light parts in everyone rather than focusing on the darkness riddled inside them. Min Yoongi is filled with this darkness not allowing the light to shine through making him remain in a bitter state. Both come together due to work, bumping heads along the way but she wont let that define there relationship. Y/N seeks to have Yoongi open up and talk about his dark past so the light will finally be able to shine through. Or will Yoongi keep it sealed shut for anyone's eyes.

Warning: cursing, sexual themes?, I honestly dont know,

Word Count: 6.4 K

Pairing: Min Yoongi X reader, slight J-hope but really none

A/N: So i had a lot more to add but just thought that i would make this a series so this is part 1, so more to come man. Hopefully it doesn't suck to much! Side note i was listening to my music and the Tokyo Ghoul theme song came on and i lost it

You mostly will come across people in your life who will change you in either a negative of positive way. Hopefully along the way you find the positiveness along the high road. You may perceive this person as a lonely faced strange as did i. I had the grateful opportunity of having someone coming into my life and enhancing my perspective on things. Surely enough things were likely to crash and burn, you see our acquaintance was sort of bitter sweet. We were polar opposites, yet we managed to come to terms with it eventually. At the start of it all it was clear to see that we weren't a a perfect collision.

"Well, it seems to me that you appear to be the perfect fit for the job. I look forward for your future work ethics apart of our businesses."

I looked up anxiously feeling the relief soon take over my veins. I had been fidgeting in my seat attempting to seemingly have everything figured out. In reality i had been chipping at my cheap nail polish finding it as some sort of calming reassurance. I had been beating myself up over this interview grasping onto any opportunity to be somehow associated with them. I had been involved with cooking since my grandmothers baker opened long ago. Since a teenager I had been working there with a smile painted on my face but my grandma saw past that. After hours i would look at the newspapers and find any articles referencing the restaurant I dreamed to work at. My grandma wanted me to strive for excellence making her arrange this very moment.

"Oh thank you sir i promise i wont disappoint."

I had managed to hold a professional exterior while my whole interior was bursting from excitement brought to you by the excelling news. I got myself up from the uncomfortable chair fixing my skirt in the process making my way over to him to shake his hand in gratitude.

"It is a pleasure to work for you sir, thank you for the lovely interview."

I shook his hand firmly before making my way to the door. I reached my hand to the door nob before my actions came to a halt of a voice.

"Oh yes Mrs., i forgot to inform you that you will be the assistant chef of Min Yoongi meaning you will prepare the side dishes and care to his needs. I'm sure you will fit right in."

It was as if my eyes had lost a slight bit of hope. Hope that was seeking to create my own main dishes ones that would make peers mouth water with delight. Maybe this interview was to far fetch, what was i expecting for it to all be handed to me. I actually need to work for it and show people i was capable. It might be a long journey of someone who is gonna boss me around and lecture me about my capability but its all about my excellence. In the end i have the opportunity of working at my dream job. So i didn't imagine the roll that i got would be this but at least they saw something in me and i aimed to do something with it.

After the interview i left with a very evident smile painted on my face. I was lucky to work for them and i couldn't wait to tell others around me about my rising career. I had been on the city bus standing up awaiting for an open seat. I scrolled through the notifications looking for a simple text from my roommate Hobi.

[Y/N] 2:32 PM

I GOT THE JOB! Open up that bottle of wine in the cabinet, and not that cheap shit either

[Y/N] 2:38 PM

Alright it wasn't a big job they assigned me, so you might want to get that cheap wine out.

[Y/N] 2:46 PM

seriously Hobi this is still a big deal to me. Cant we get at least a little drunk. Or at least text me back.

I frowned looking at the lack of reply. Me and Hobi met from working at my grandmothers bakery. We were both hormone filled teenagers being suffocated by life. We had our moments most of them remained intimate till we reached our early twenties. Since then we see each other as nothing more than best friends. I mean the occasional kiss would come along but it was always seen as a friendly demeanor.

I looked up searching for any open sits since the next stop was approaching. The doors open as people flooded as others seek for there way out. I diverted my eyes to every possible corner looking for an available sit till i found one. I rushed my way over knocking few people out of the way before i was met with my destination. Before i knew it i felt a pair of slumping shoulders push me from the spot i was wishing for.

By this point we were both half way in the seat looking at one another in the eye. I would say from first glance he was truly attractive but his actions showed the true disgust lurking in his system. Me being the naturally problem free person i am i chose to distinguish the problem by having a civil conversation to resolve everything.

"Excuse me,but i was seated here first. So could you ever so kindly get up from my spot please."

The male looked at me with wide eyes as if what i had said was an absurd option. The male tilted his head looking at me with the same bored expression taking in the situation.

"I have you know that i was here first. So why dont you remove yourself from the situation and leave me to be. Your company is clearly not needed."

I clutched onto my jacket as the words left his mouth that didn't seem to phase him one bit as it did for me. I opened my mouth to say something be chose to get up instead and nod my head. Maybe he could have been having a bad day, he doesn't have much power over his actions in such a bad state. Possibly something happened through out his day. Lets not let this one preposterous situation define him. After my final thought i carried on with a smile standing up not minding the evident stares shared by him and other people seated on the city bus.

The bus had reached my destination as i followed out the door of other seeking the go home safely. I had been walking down the street about to turn the corner of my apartment complex before a voice brought me out of the process.

"Are you following me? Okay lady i get that i didn't give up my seat at the bus but this is just absurd."

I turned my head to be met with the male that sat on the bus. I exhaled slowly at seeing his being back in my presence. Its not that he wasn't attractive he certainly was, It just half of the things that he would say would come out in nonsense that set out to run in someones day. I couldn't tell if he truly set out to do such things, but it seemed like it would take a lot of prying to understand the damage that has possible been done.

"I actually live in this apartment complex, im sorry to burst your bubble but i dont have the will power to actually stalk you."

I know the comment i had said was slightly snippy making me cringe at the fact that i even let those words erupt from my mouth. Judging by his still bored facial expression it didn't seem to effect him. I hadn't liked the fact of hurting someone in any type of way it being emotional, physically mental etc. What was the point of bringing someone else self confidence down by broken words, but judging by the man the stood before me he didn't live by these rules.

"Whatever, just stay away from me you nut bag. I dont want to be associated with people like you."

"Like wise."

I displayed a kind hearted smile before taking the short cut of the apartment complex not wanting to have the liberty of running into him again.Due to my abundant disappearance it was clear that he wasn't finished with the conversation. Im sure he gets people riled up all the time each person displaying the same reaction as for i, I dismissed his ignorance and replaced it with a striving goodness. This simple behavior was sure enough to cause his efforts to back fire and make him even more agitated. I didn't pay him any mind as he shouted profanities at me longing for my attention, one he did not seek.

I had reached the apartment with a short of breath. I had ran some of the was afraid that the male would actually try and find me again just to fill my ears with his ignorance. I fished for my keys hearing the pleasant clanking of the keys. I shoved the key in the lock before twisting the door open. I was greeted by darkness as i closed the door confusion filling my system. I felt around for the light before turning it on and seeing a passed out Hobi on the couch with half of a bottle of wine. I chuckled at his ways looking around the apartment being met with a congratulations banner and party hats missing the warm head of there owners.

I reached over to Hobi to wake him out causing a small animistic noise to come from him. Hobi opened his eyes diverting them around the room before he locked eyes with me puffing his cheeks out and clinging onto me for dear life.

"Oh Y/N im so sorry i didn't reply to your texts but i was gathering everything for the surprise. I had been waiting for you so long that i some how opened the bottle of wine and fell asleep."

"Yea im sorry i got into an altercation on the bus."

Hobi let go of me looking me over with a confused look while the other half of his body still remains in a drunken haze.

"Why are you so late? What could you possibly do for the past couple of hours?"

"I ran into this guy on the way."

Hobi looked me over with a knowing look. This look meaning that he was hinting at me getting laid, being completely false. Hobi would often get jealous at these comments of me having sex with someone else that wasn't him. He would play it off fairly well but what lurked beneath him was unspeakable, better felt untamed.

"Was he cute, cuter than me?"

"Of course not Hobi."

I smile at the comment leaving my mouth seeing the viable happiness display his features. Sure the brooding stranger was cute but he lacked the happiness that lurked in his system. Maybe i could find a way to actually add some amount of sweetness into his system rather it being strictly bitter.

I brushed off the though focusing back on Hobi and planting a kiss to his cheek forming a blush. I patted his head making my way to my room, as i made my exit Hobi faintly announced that he would be driving me to work on my first day. I rolled my eyes playfully at his sincere comment before settling in my bed and letting the sleep take over my system.

Me and Hobi had been arguing over directions in the car for over a half an hour struggling to find the right coordinates to my destination. We originally stopped at a local fast food place willing to sell us breakfast and since then we had been on our lost journey. Luckily me and Hobi had a some what amount of hope in our system striving for good things. With this mindset we managed to reach the destination at hand with a small huff.

We were seated in the parking lot as i closed my eyes while Hobi whispered reassuring words. I had been extremely nervous due to the amount stress and worry i had built up over the years in anticipation of finally being apart of the company name. It felt as if at any moment i could crush the company name and my name as well. Times like this it felt like all my hope had ran out and naturally i was a very optimistic person taking very little to bring me down. While i was lost in my own anxiety and stress built up over this Hobi still remained with a smile bright on his face holding me sweetly and making me feel slightly at peace.

"I dont think i can do this, lets just go back home."

Hobi's smile had completely vanished as those words left my mouth turning into a bewildered look. Hobi turned my body to face his making sure he captured my attention. Hobi's hands soon grasped my face looking into my eyes as he let the heartfelt words leave his lips.

"I dont ever want you to say something as absurd as that again. You can do anything, you are the most talented person i know and you need to put that to use. I want you to go out there and show everyone in that building what the talented Y/N can do, im sure they will be stunned. Not only by your amazing efforts but also from your beauty. You'll do amazing, trust me. Trust your hop, im your hope."

Hobi finished his sentence by flapping his hands pretending he was an angel making a giggle irrupt from my system. Hobi smiled at my small amount of happiness displaying.

"Thanks Hobi that means a lot."

"Dont mention it now go in there and kick some ass! Show them what my girl is made of."

And with that he kissed me on the cheek and motioned me out the door waiting for me to begin my work journey. It was alone to take in but with Hobi's encouraging words im sure tings couldn't turn out as bad as i persevere them to be. Think positive and everything around you will turn positive.

Oh how wrong could i have been. Everything had started out decent. Meeting with the boss and arranging my uniform was possibly the highlight of the day that hasn't even begun. I sported a smile on my face as i fixed my uniform that fit my body rather tightly but put it off as i exited the bathroom. I rounded the corner meeting with the boss to met the chef that i would be assisting. This is where it had all began to go down hill. I glanced up to be met with the same slugging shoulders i had been met with last night and by the tense glare on his face he remembered me as well.

"Oh i assume you know each other." The boss said glancing at us with a small smile

"Oh yes, we are merely acquaintances. Sad that we had to met again at such sort notice."

I mentally rolled my eyes at his behavior and how hostile he was being especially in front of our boss. I haven't even know this guy for a full 24 hours yet he was already getting under neath my skin, but i wasn't gonna let him know that and accept that victory.

"Oh,is this gonna be a problem?"

"Oh not at all sir. I promise this wont affect business affairs."

With that the boss left with a small nod as i smiled turning back to the broad shoulders guy. He looked down at me with a curious expression as if he was trying to read me but was failing at trying to retrieve information.

"Why do you smile all the time. It very off putting."

"Its better than having a permanent scruff on my face all the time. Rather spend my life happy then limping around for nothing."

I smiled politely in his face showing no sign of his effective words. I could tell that the words that i said were having a problem building up over him. It was as if i was the one truly getting under his skin, oh how the tables have turned.

"Hello, Im Y/N and your name is?"

I decided to dismiss the awkward encounter to be passed us and move strictly to work, after all it was my first day and i didn't seek to cause any trouble. The male looked at me choosing not to answer my question as he was still in his brooding phase. I looked at his name tag closely since he decided not to answer. ‘Min Yoongi’ i whispered to myself. I looked back up and flashed a smile at him holding my hand out.

"Okay there is seriously something wrong with you."

"Oh no, nothings wrong with me i just chose not to continue with such rude behavior at work. We have no need to treat each other so rudely."

"Yeah, im gonna have to disagree. I dont like you, meaning i dont want to be associated with you. I dont want you to be nice to me, in fact treat me like shit or dont talk to me. Simple as that."

Min Yoongi placed my hand back at my sides eyeing me carefully as he let those words fly from his mouth awaiting for my answer. I knew what he was trying to do. It must have been a retrial where he would try and break people down with his words seeking for them to hate him. It was a weird craving to saw the least but if it filled him with satisfaction, may he be.

"Well looks like we just wont talk to one another. Such a shame you seemed like a joyful person to talk to. Maybe next time."

I titled my eyes placing a small frown on my face signifying the sadness in my voice. Min Yoongi smirked at my words taking them as a competitive tone. Was this what he saw it as? A game. All he wanted to do was push my buttons but i would show no distress only making him boil even more. I guess i sort of morphed itself into a childish game to see which one of us could break first. I took the lead.

"So that um, guy outside waiting in the car with you. Was that your boyfriend."

I looked over at him with a confused facial expression that that sentence dared to leave his mouth. Had his past words were just a sign of flirt, if it was he surely has a weird way of showing his emotions. I could tell he was a bit flustered but still remained that tough exterior as i wondered what was held inside. He did seem like he was totally different from the inside and i aimed to get inside of there, no matter how hard.

"Table 12 ordered this, please try not to make any mistakes they were very snippy."

My thought was cut short as the waiter approached us in the kitchen giving us the order. Min Yoongi completely dismissed his previous comment as he began eyeing the order and preparing the dish not minding me any businesses.

"Okay ill work on the side dish."

"I rather have you do nothing so you wont mess anything up, but i guess you have to be some what useful."

I huffed at his comment making him smile in victory earning himself a point of the score board. I hated when people would question my ability, i already questioned myself enough about i didnt need other peoples input. As usual i put a smile on my face and pushed it aside focusing on what i can make of the situation. I could either prove him wrong or let him have the victory of seeing the disappointment in my face. I aimed to set out with the first choice as it seemed more promising.

I had been working on the side dish for a few agonizing minutes putting as much passion as i could muster. I could feel Min Yoongi's judgmental eyes steady on me and i could tell he wanted to add his input but for what ever god given reason he didnt, thank you. Yet i could still hear his thoughts provoking me at ever move.

'That’s to much seasoning'

'add more salt we dont want the dish to be as bland as your face'

'You call this a meal, it looks like the trash resembling your face.'

'You might as well give up now. you'll go now where in life with this profession'

At that final stop i decided to motivate myself harder. I had a secret weapon that no one else had. I had stuffed my grandmothers special seasoning into my bra. I know it is a very absurd place to hold something in but i was in a rush this morning. The seasoning will surly enough send anyone's taste buds into pure euphoria. I carefully pulled out the concoction from my bra adding a dash into the dish.

"What the hell are you doing? Did you seriously just pull that out of your bra? Are you trying to kill someone, are you a spy, I knew you were a stalker."

I glanced over my shoulder meeting the eyes of Min Yoongi as his eyes traveled to the seasoning in my hand. I guess it was a little weird carrying this around in my bra but it came in handy. I dismissed his comment and kept applying the seasoning, only making him freak out more.

"What the hell do you think your doing! For all i know that could be crack and your smuggling it into the food."

"Calm down. Its nothing out of the ordinary, its not going to harm anyone."

Min Yoongi looked at me as if i had two heads eyeing the small package i had in my hand. It did look slightly suspicious but it had good intentions. Min Yoongi began to reach over for my dish attempting to make his repairs making me protest placing the dish in front of me. Min Yoongi backed up behind me attempting to reach the plate but failed miserably. We ad been arguing over the plate that we didnt even notice that the waiter took it along with Min Yoongi's dish leaving us in an awkward stance.

Min Yoongi's hands hand been along my waist and his entire back side pressed against my ass. I hate to admit it but it wasn't a bad feeling. Sure the circumstances were but over all it felt like an overwhelmingly good experience, one that was cut all to sort. Me and Min Yoongi raced over to the door peeking out the door window to see the reactions.

I had to remain on jumping cause i couldn't reach the door windows making Min Yoongi chuckle. He reached over and guided me in front of him and placing my feet on his shoes causing a bust in height. The simple gesture made me smile, maybe he did have a sweet side to him and he was finally accepting it.

"Im only doing this so you can see you frailer commence."

And there it goes. At least it lasted for some amount of time rather than none. He truly was a good guy at heart, well at least thats what i could assume about him. I didnt like seeing the worst in people, I rather point out the good no matter how bitter hearted he was. Deep down inside he had to be kind hearted you just had to search for it. I could faintly feel his heart beating against my back making me let out a content sigh. I was gonna find the good in him i knew it.

"Oh shit, hurry move."

Min Yoongi quickly moved from the door turning to his previous stance before the waiter left making me stumble before copying Min Yoongi's actions. The waiter searched around the room before facing me and Min Yoongi. I looked at the waiter in an anxious glare waiter for his question.

"Which one of you made the side dish?"

"It was her, all her idea.I had nothing to do with it. In fact i tried to stop her."

I looked at Min Yoongi and how fast he acted in ratting me out. What did i aspect this was his typical behavior and i let one solemn moment decide other wise, a moment that didn't even mean anything. I closed my eyes letting out a shaky breath accepting defeat feeling the smirk creep on his face. The waiter looked at me seeing if it was true waiting for my response.

"Yes sir, it was me."

The waiter pulled out his notepad and wrote down the information before disappearing out the door for good this time. I diverted my eyes around the room to nervous to even deal with Min Yoongi comments of despair, but i knew that wouldn't stop him.

"Look what you did your probably cost us our jobs now."

There were more comments after that one but i decided to tune them out already knowing they were true but not wanting to come to terms with the fate. Min Yoongi grew tired of my silence turning me to face him placing his hands on my shoulders firmly.

"Yes, i understand what i did might effect us but can you please stop giving me shit about it. I already feel bad enough please stop making it worst."

Tears began welling in my eyes as i spoke my words softly afraid my voice might crack making myself seem even more weak. I had let myself down along with him. I deserved to be called names and be written for my wrongs but i could only take so much. That was possibly the biggest difference between me and him. I was living in a hopeful word rely on the faith of the unbelievable while he lived in the truth and cruel world, pointing everything out. I just couldn't handle it.

Min Yoongi was stunned by my new emotions making his face soften and his hands come to his sides not knowing how to react. Min Yoongi opened his mouth to say some sort of an apology but couldn't muster one. I didnt blame him his whole persona was based on telling people the harsh reality and not blinking a bit as the person accepts there faith.

"Y/N may you please step into my office."

Me and Min Yoongi looked over to the boss as i let out a tiny whimper.

"Wish me luck."

I said to Min Yoongi sarcastically with a saddened smile before making my way into the office. I closed the door behind me before sitting down in front of the desk. Hopefully luck would be by my side today, but even i knew that was to far fetched.

"I want you to be head chef, with a dish like yours you certainly deserve it. Then again you have just began working for us so i want to give you some time before we take such substantial steps."

I looked at the boss with wide eyes surprised by his out spoken words. Had they really left his mouth and were they the truth. He as right i had just began working here and he has only had a small taste of my abilities yet hes willing to see the potential leaking from my veins. I was honored to say the least.

"As for Min Yoongi, we believe he could do better. Hes been seeking for head chef for the majority of his career and we dont want to give up on him yet. Then you walk in and show us what we were truly looking for. I feel it is unfair that you oz such rare talent as he is stuck creating his own-"

The conversation had took a slightly sad turn. Focusing on Min Yoongi and his struggles.I began thinking of how truly unfair it was to walk in and demand someone of there long awaited dream. Sure Min Yoongi was bitter but something was down there beneath it all and maybe this promotion was what could bring it out. I could help him, sure he wouldn't like it but it would support him in the end.

"It will be an honor to teach him my skill, sir."

The words had slipped out my mouth with no control.

"Oh, um why yes. Let me just call for Min Yoongi to discuss the situation."

I could tell that he was shocked by my abundant words interrupting him from his speech. I had hope in Min Yoongi hope that other people didnt see and i aimed to help guide him. As he walks into the door he looks at me anxiously still thinking of the previous altercation i presume. His eyes then flicker to the boss his once anxious expression turning to a stone cold one.

"Now, Min Yoongi Y/N has graced me with the beautiful idea of her training you. Now i know this may sound absurd but hear me out. Her dishes are amazing and i feel like you should take note on her skill. Min Yoongi it has come to my attention that lately that certain areas in the kitchen isn't your strong hold and you need hel-"

"You need an understanding of other cooking styles. Thats what he means by the other areas around the kitchen and i think i can help with that. I can introduce you with the different diversities rather focusing on one single plan dish."

The both looked at me confused, Min Yoongi slightly irradiated by my comment. I wanted to save him the despair of our boss going on about how Min Yoongi had failed him at his efforts as i was being praised only just getting here today. It was enough to effect someone and question there motives.

"What do you mean? I am perfectly capable of doing everything on my own. I dont need your help nor do i strive for it. I dont appreciate you trying to help me when i can handle everything on my own."

I hung my head low making slight eye contact with our boss as he makes daggers at Min Yoongi's immature ways. I still wanted to help him after the small amount of shit he puts me through leaving me to deal with it.

"Y/N are you sure you want to go through with this?"

I nodded my head slightly feeling Min Yoongi's pupils glaring at my head in irritation. Any person would say i was being overly nice and have Min Yoongi accept his own faith rather me deciding for him but i say potential in him. You just had to look very close and i wasn't aiming on giving up on him just yet. He couldn't get rid of me just yet.

Yet.

"I cant believe you are actually doing this. I am perfectly capable on my own."

Thats what you think. If people actually opened there ind about you, you would finally understand.

"I know, i just feel like its okay to open your eyes to more opportunities. Like making different types of food and getting to know me."

I smiled and nudged his shoulder lightly earning a very small smile on his face making me gasp. We were already in a close tight net area due to riding the subway. Making it easy to see is every move and facial stretch.

He quickly denied it waving it off as if it was nothing. I smiled lightly looking over his features. He was truly attractive, I awaited to his beauty inside as well as i still seek to unleash it. I had roughly chipped the surface at his small smile. I was already eager for more.

"Stop staring at me. Its very creepy."

"I know you you secretly love it."

I smiled up at him smiling brightly in a joking manner. He playfully rolled his eyes some attaching his hand to mine. My heart jumped at the small gesture that seemed like a big step in whatever kind of friendship we had. He genitally rubbed his thumb across my hand showing a small amount of affection, this being very rare.

"Im only doing this because your hands seemed cold."

"Does this mean you actually care about me? Your showing a small amount of affection to me, caring about my well being. Im flattered."

Min Yoongi scrunched his face attempting to deny everything coming out from my mouth. He ended his long rant with a boop on my nose sitting back in the chair making me rub my nose. The subway had run oddly silent and sort of calming as people began to make there way out from the train. Soon the subway filled less people making it enough space for me and Min Yoongi to stretch around yet we stayed in our spots. I dragged my hand away from his as i began to play with his hair, a habit i had picked up due to Hobi. I began to hum softly.

"Why are you always so nice?"

My gaze quickly shifted to Min Yoongi as he began talking suddenly. I looked over him seeing as his eyes fixated on me as if they were the most caring and valuable in the world. It was odd to see him in such a trance, especially because of me.

"Well, I guess i just to prefer to see the light instead of the dark in people. Like you, you focus on the dark themes that float inside you rather than the light that is waiting to be a woken. I know its in there somewhere, we just got to look for it."

We

I hadn't meant for those words to slip from my lips as i saw Min Yoongi tense at the words. He slowly sat up at those words and took my hands from his hair, seeing the tense state took over his whole body.

"We?"

"Im sorry i didn't mean to say we, i didn't mean to scare you off or anything. Its just i dont like seeing this state of such bitterness and i can just sense that there is someone better and-"

"I've been by myself since the beginning. I haven't really had anyone else by my side to back me up or dig me out of this whole I've been trapped in. It just a really foreign feeling is all."

My eyes began to soften at his way of opening up in front of me. I had managed to crack the surface, but just the surface. I hadn't dived down yet still testing the waters afraid what might be lerking beneath them. I could sense the his tense state was cooling down as he began letting out what had been hiding inside him, guessing he hadn't really had anyone to tell his struggles to. As Min Yoongi spilled part of his demons to me he looked over at my body language silently cringing making me straighten up.

"Oh god,you feel sorry for me. Listen im not a pussy i dont need your pity."

Min Yoongi had then switched back on his rough exterior making me let out a sigh in defeat. At least i came semi far,i unlocked something. I looked over his body language trying to come up with a subtle approach.

"What, pity you? I could give less than a fuck about you."

We stared at each other as my comment had left my lips. I hadn't wanted it to come out that hard as i winced at my vulgar language. He hadn't said anything making me not move a muscle, all until i felt like i was about to explode.

"Im sorry I didn't mean for it to come out like that. I honestly do care about you, your my co-worker so naturally i do. Min Yoongi you are honestly an asshole but i cant help but show some ounce of sympathy whenever you endeared pain rather in the past or present."

My blurt seemed to tug his heart strings as he his hands on my knee turning slightly to get a better look at me. He winged my legs over his own making me in an even closer proximity than before. Why would i complain. Our faces were centimeters apart as he rubbed my knee ever so slightly raising up to my thigh.

"Call me Suga. All the people i care about often call me that."

He sported a warm smile and proceed to call me cute attempting to get rid of the fact that he had said he cared about me, but i couldn't forget. He had actually cared about my well being and that state it was in. It had brought a new form of affection it no my heart one far warmer and welcoming than any other. There was no way of knowing if he felt it too but one thing for certain was that i was falling for him and i had no way of knowing if he would even thinking about catching me if i do.

"Alright Suga."

Suga slightly tugged his lips as those words left my mouth accepting his proposal. His hands reached my thigh gripping it slightly enjoying hearing me saying Suga and seeing me squirm at the contact. Suga slightly looked me in the eyes with a sort of look making me melt at the thoughts the were possible occurring in his mind. His face became only inches away from mine as i felt the fan of his breath mix with mine. Sure we were still on the subway but its not like this didn't happen on a daily with people. The subway was filled with overly touchy people. What room for one more.

"You know what else i like about you, Y/N?"

Suga looked at me eagerly in the eyes as he licked his lips enjoying seeing me breathless under his control. Obeying under his control. His Lips were now inches away from mine leaving little to the imagination.

"I like-"

His hands grew higher close enough to my women hood making me jolt as he sported a victorious looking smirk.

"I like, how easy to tease you are."

Suga quickly kissed my nose turning back to his previous position and pushing me away, leaving me bothered by his actions.

The possible worst part had been that his simple peck on my nose had sent me into over drive, leaving me a hormonal mess.

Asshole.