#and why is he telling leah everything rn

[moncherriis]

the leah plot for daryl was the worst thing ever like i DONT care abt ur ginger hair shut uppppp

[itsthecline]

the greatest chapter one

it girl!reader x drew starkey smau

summary you finally get home and see the overwhelming amount of support you’ve been getting

next chapter

yourusername posted photos!

liked by leahkateb , daniela.orti , serenaapagee and others

yourusername coming home to all of you blowing up my phone was the biggest weight off of my chest and i’m so happy to have all of you supporting me through my time in the villa. my heart is so so full of love for each and every one of you , so as a thanks , here’s a few pictures i captured

view all comments

username my queen has come home!!!! my east coast queen babygirl lovebug honey boo boo!!!

username stop ROB😭😭😭

username firm believer in you and rob coulda made it out alive had he not been a pussy ass bitch

leahkateb MY HEART💋💋💋💋

↳ yourusername i already miss you with everything in my body

username u and rob could have won it ALLL

username production did you and leah so dirty! i literally only watched for u, jana, serena, and leah<3

username meet y’all’s newest it girl

username you never didnt have our support babe

username i miss our man iggy😖

serenaapagee love you more than life🥹

↳ yourusername pls leave kordell for me

↳ korde1ll cmon now🤨

↳ yourusername 🙈

username i didn’t want this season to end bc i needed to see u happy

↳ username no seriously she looked so sad for the rest of the season after her and rob broke up

username soooooo does that mean you’ve seen the edits⁉️

↳ yourusername i see everything🩷

janacraig_ love youuuuuu

↳ yourusername 💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗

username we needed more of ur face on our screens fr fr

robert_rausch i look good in the second one ngl

↳ yourusername the way you alr said that when i initially took the pic n showed u🙃

username ethan not being featured is SO real #teamleah

username you ate with telling rob to go choke queen!

yourusername tweeted!

since i’m all famous n shit now this is me shooting my shot with drew starkey: hi i love u pls marry me

20k replies | 9k retweets | 26k likes | 2k favorites

load replies

↳ username byeeeeeeee go get him girl

↳ username this is so real and feral of you

↳ username oh this was not on my 2024 bingo card

↳ madelyncline drewsephstarkey

↳ yourusername now why would you do THAT😭

↳ username if it’s not me im glad it’s u

↳ jdaviss28 drewsephstarkey

↳ yourusername fowl. absolutely fowl.

↳ username are my favorite universes colliding rn????

↳ username better than rob girl!

↳ drewsephstarkey hi

THIS TWEET HAS BEEN DELETED

an ahhhhh here we go

taglist @sabrina-carpenter-stan-account

[mistywitcher]

percy jackson and the olympians has done it. disney, has done it. rick riordan has DONE IT!

the show is so good. i honestly so far can’t fault it, there is nothing i didn’t enjoy. it’s almost perfectly book accurate, the vibe is just right and i absolutely love all the casting. i know there will be people who disagree with me, but i do not give a monkeys. i actually love it.

percy jackson is extremely special to me. it was the first proper full blown autistic special interest i have ever had. i picked up the books when i was 11 (i am now 22) and they have got me through some rough times (including rn with chronic illness) i have a literal trident tattoo on my arm ffs i’m a die hard fan forever.

so to have something i am so incredibly fond of, redeemed from the awful movies, and made into a visually stunning , well thought out, book accurate adaptation, is literally one of the highlights of my life.

so here are some of my more specific thoughts on the first two episodes:

•PERCY! let’s start here. my gods, walker is PERFECT! he has absolutely made this show for me. you can tell how much work he put into understanding percy and making him EVEN BETTER in my opinion than book percy (no shade to book percy, still love him) it’s the moments of vulnerability that he’s worked into it, the genuine anguish, the grief. but also he’s got the humour DOWN! the little comments and one liners were so well delivered, along with his expressions and the way we can see how percy is going to develop. i will never get over his little dancing, and stroking the gecko. that was top tier for me. absolute perfection.

•ANNABETH MY BABE MY LOVE MY WISE GIRL. oh my, leah absolutely EMBODIES her. it’s the little eyebrow quirks, the slightly harsh but kind intonation, it’s so so annabeth. there was so much unnecessary backlash over this casting (cough cough, you can guess why) and it’s total bull, because it doesn’t matter and leah knows that character inside out and it shows. we didn’t get lots of annabeth yet, but i am BEYOND excited to see more and see how percy and annabeths relationship develops!

•GROVER GROVER GROVER what an absolute cutie! absolutely loved his delivery, especially the “i’m 24” line like that ENDED ME. aryan has this in the bag, and i love how he’s kinda sheepish, but still brave, and brings a softness to the character. his comedic timing is everything.

•casting in general i love. Mr D was great, especially with the whole “son” thing. that was illegally funny. love chiron, love luke, and love clarisse. the vibes are all there.

•the writing felt good too! nothing felt too scripted to me, it felt like it flowed and they included a lot of book lines which i loved!

•the visuals were awesome! i loved the CGi, especially for the minotaur and chiron! it wasn’t jarring and you can tell they put the work in to not make it look tacky! i loved how the camp was designed, ESPECIALLY THE CABINS! i always struggled to picture the cabins, so i was actually so impressed with them!

you can tell rick and becky had such a big part in this, it’s really really beautiful and my heart is so full rn. i cannot wait for the rest of this season, i am overjoyed and i hope so much that we get more seasons because this deserves it.

[tenebrius-excellium]

For those who know that my worldview broke a couple years ago, sending me on a wild journey in my faith, I lowkey have a new worldview now and it's so Anti Paul actually

Like I don't doubt that he was a well-read, well-informed, intellectual and influential man loved and forgiven and called by God to serve the Church. And I do believe he did it well and there are sure some things he did that I could not do. HOWEVER

I say that the Protestant Church entirely values his input too highly nowadays and puts his letters on the same pedestal as Jesus' own words, and that I find increasingly alarming and outright dangerous for how we handle matters concerning real people's lives.

Paul is not God. Paul is not Jesus. Paul, a human, is writing letters to other people in his own words, and while everything in the Bible is God's word as in "the Holy Spirit wanted this to be recorded", not everything in it is God's word as in "God personally spoke this" or "this represents God's will". Even as I am typing these words, I am having a new revelation about the Apostle Paul's love for others and of God's love for him (God gently telling me that Paul's heart was pure and passionate), which is softening my criticism. Still, I want it to hold for the current moment:

Paul can sound like a self-righteous, insensitive asshole, which creates pressure and can pull us back from grace into the law when we believe that he is putting us down for our sins

Paul, while redeemed, remains a human and I do not want to put a man's word over the Lord's. The Lord's words are typically marked by phrases such as "thus sayeth the Lord" or "then Jesus said (colon:)". Paul's words are typically marked by the phrase "I, Paul".

Everything Paul said, Jesus already said somewhere else in the Gospels in a simpler way

Paul assumes teaching authority over topics such as marriage and women because he is filled with the Holy Spirit and thus can speak universal truth. While this is technically true, buddy was never married or had children. Respectfully, shut up, my guy.

Paul had falling outs with Peter, Mark, Barnabas, and likely many others. I repeat: Paul is human. As a human, Paul is capable of talking bullshit. I don't trust Paul any further than I can throw him. The modern Protestant Church is eager to take his teachings at face value though, which has been creating problems.

The Early Church is chaos. I say the Modern Church is still in chaos because we are looking more to the Book of Acts - aka the Early Church and the Apostle Paul - for the manual on How To Do Church instead of listening to Jesus' commission himself.

There was only one who was not flawed. Paul is flawed. Am I basing my theology on Moses? On Abraham? On Rachel and Leah? On Isaiah? On Peter? Then WHY would I base it on PAUL?????

I know I did not provide any supporting scripture for what I stated here. I got stuff in mind but was too lazy to type out the references. I'm not too happy about discussion rn, but if anyone would like a good faith clarification with proof, hit me up. My point stands that I believe that Paul is preached entirely too much in modern Churches.

JESUS is still the only one we're meant to listen to. Everybody else, even in the New Testament, is merely illustrative to him. Yep.

[akshstudios]

Aksh❤️

I hope youre doing well and been taking care of yourself. Im seriously hope the uni shit is sorted. I just read The Lily Of Bangtan and the only regret i have rn is not having read it sooner!

This is such a wonderful story, and for a Namjoon enchanted peasant like me, this is such a blessing. Namjoon has such a powerful and enigmatic kind of vibe in here ( you might say obviously he's the next in line to be the Don hes supposed to be that way, but i think the way youve portrayed him makes it soooooo mysterious yet so powerful did it for me)

I love Nari too, damn she's got such sass and i love the fact that she doesn't back down, and keeps Namjoon absolutely on his toes while she expresses her displeasure over his "You can have anything from me but love" wtf!!!!!!! I can't wait to see this man losing his heart to her (please tell me does)

I have one question though, Is there going to be a back story to why Namjoon didn't want to have love in his relationship with Nari? (I may sound dumb but i was curious)

The chemistry between them is a freaking hundred here, like dude they'd set fire around them with that sexual tension and the intensity ✨

I am in love with the Don and his wife, I mean where do you find Such in-laws?!? They're so amazing and I lost it when the Don had the entire elite dancing with Nari to prove her point! Smooth! Genius!

While we are it, Please tell me where I can find a best friend like Jangmi:)

I loved the story so far, Please add me to your taglist for everything. I want to be tagged for the entire series for all members.

Take care and have a good week ahead:)

Leah ♥️ Hello hello 👋 Life's finally being nice to me, so I'm doing well —great even 🤩 The university shit is kinda solving by itself at this point, so I'm absolutely ✨ thrilled ✨

Joon stories are blessings in itself and honestly, any story that lets us fantasize about his buff body, deep voice, dark eyes, sweet dimples and classy personality is just ✨ chef's kiss ✨

I truly hope that anyone who reads The Lily Of Bangtan thinks Namjoon is mysterious and powerful too because this man levels up and levels down at the same time as the story progresses 😅 All that mystery will probably melt down soon 😂

Namjoon's softer, lovable side is gonna come out and his mafia-ness will make loud, random appearances —and I fully intend to make Namjoon both stupid, frustrating in love and ruthless, powerful in love.

No, love 🥺 You don't sound dumb at all and I completely understand your curiosity considering I haven't spoken much about his life and thoughts from his point of view 😅 and I hate to admit it but there isn't a backstory necessarily but more like reasons behind his hesitance to love if that makes sense —questionably valid reasons, which I will talk about over the course of the story. It's not one huge event, but more smaller events that snowballed into him denying love for his partner and himself.

He's seen things around him and decided that no, love is too much —it gives too much and takes too much and I don't want it 🙂

I absolutely adore mafiatan!nari too —i remember the first trait I wrote for her personality was fiery. It's something that I remember everytime I write her —fiery, sweet and hopeful.

A lot of things Namjoon says really doesn't please Nari in the beginning —it crushes her hopes for future, you know. She doesn't like that he was talking like he knows nothing will come out of the matrimony. She wants to hope for something good and he was just dampening her blossoming hope, on the day they were engaged no less 😂

Namjoon does lose his heart to Nari. It's not like he has a choice 🤪 I love Nari too much to put her through any unrequited affection bullshit, but it's an odd way Namjoon handles things 🙃

At this point in the story, Namjoon definitely respects her —maybe even cares for her as his duty towards her as the husband but the affection isn't quite there yet 🙂 but it happens and it happens fast for them 😉

After every scene of the two together, I pray that people can sense the ✨tension✨

It's the effect of them knowing for years that they are going to be together while running in the same circles, being so close to each other and yet not being able to acknowledge the other and their impending relationship 🙄

It is bound to do something to people 🥴 for these two, it got them fired up and ready to explore the other 🤪 they just need the green light and alone time now 😂

I'm trying to not give spoilers 🥴but I feel like I've already slipped something up somewhere 🤡

As for the Don and Madam 🤩 They are some of my favourite side characters in the series —at this point actually, only favourite side characters. I would love to have them as my in-laws ☺️ I've seen ✨toxic✨ in-laws and honestly, I'm just trying to manifest great in-laws for myself 🙄 they say writing it down works 😉 that's what's I'm truly trying to do 😂

The Don is a very action-oriented man —he doesn't talk as much but he's really good at making a point with his actions, which might I tell you is a family trait with the Kims.

And yeah, I loved the idea of the Elites dancing with Nari to prove a point to someone unimportant too! I mean, I kinda was proud of myself for coming up with that and I know many others have far more grand ideas but I loved this one ♥️ I wish I could've written it better though because I don't feel like I did the scene enough justice 😅 I mean in a movie, that could be an iconic scene or maybe not and I'm just this too far 🤡 I mean, imagine the music, the grand dresses, the handsome men taking turns to dance with you but yeah, I love the scene, but I don't like how I wrote it 🙃 and this is a running theme —one elite fucks up, the remaining six will be there to fix it 😂

Don't we all wish we have a bestfriend like Jangmi 😂 and yes, I have added you to the taglist 🤩 Your interest means a lot, bubs 🤧 especially considering your works, talent and your namjoon-loving ways 🥺 I'm honoured, truly 🥺

I know you are crazy busy these days but I hope you are taking care of yourself ♥️ stay hydrated, eat well and get enough rest 🥰 You need to be happy, healthy and hydrated this holiday season 🎄

I hope you are doing well, lots of love and take care, aksh 💕

[derekmorganscrocs]

Nancy Drew 2x6? Thoughts While Watching

Technically its the season 2 premiere but I have no idea what to number it

SPOILER WARNING!! SWEARING TOO.

A YATCH? OH GET IT BESS.

OH PLATANCHOR

ACE GOT A NOTE FROM HIS MOM AWWW. I want a picnic date on a mountain, no cap.

Nick and George teamwork is so cute. AW NICKS MOM! “Nice non pagan game night.” I’m sent.

I LOVE MORGUE GUY HES SO FUNNY

HAHAHA DETECTIVE TAMARA MAKING FUN OF NANCY IS GOLD. Nancy don’t make an enemy of another cop you already did that to McGinnis and that was kinda bad (until he switched on you). TELL NANCY WHAT SHE WANTS TO KNOW TAMARA. SHELL FIND OUT WITHOUT U HOE.

OH NO. WH-WHAT. THE BODY FRIDGE BOXES ARE SPEAKING TO U MISS NANCY.

OMG CARSON AND NANCY ACTUALLY HANGING OUT? Aw I kinda love that. The way he just knows exactly what she’s doing.

WHY SHE PUT THAT IN HER POCKET.

Ace nancy is about to die stop talking about food. I love you but read the room babe. DON’T HANG UP BITCH-

OMG ITS A BODY WHAT THE FUCK

Georges sister being a fish right activist. Omg me when I stand up to fast(that’s not supposed to be about the fish rights it’s about George just dying against a shelf)- I think Odette may have attached herself to George.

“Did you burn your knuckle hair again?”

“Game night Ace crushes.” Aw I love him.

Bess “did you kill someone” “oh it smells” STOP.

“Tamara already thinks we have a thing for dead bodies” Ace please never ever stop talking.

AH THIS WHOLE SCENE IS SENDING ME.

The way george goes EGH after she picks up the mouth thing.

Pls not us arguing over where in Nancy’s house to do an autopsy.

HAUNTED TREE-

Aw Carson still views her as a kid, I love. oh she’s so offended.

NOT THE KITCHEN TOOL AUTOPSY. Ace snapping the rubber glove made me snort omfg. He’s everything.

OK CORONER BESS. Nick is so grossed out and I love that he can’t say bug names. Detective crew 1000.

GEORGE IS HAUNTED. A MILLION PERCENT. Nick knows at least.

OH I DONT LIKE THAT WHAT THE FUCK WHY DID ACE OPEN THE BODY LIKE HE WAS PULLING OPEN ELEVATOR DOORS.

Nick is a genius, and nancy hyping him up is serving me bffs. Pls Hannah is serving angry hippie vibes.

I LOVE GEORGES TATTOOS SHES SO HOT.

OMG THE BOYS

“What like that time that she literally died?” Ok nick. OH COUPLE BOYFRIEND THERAPIES, YES BOYS TALK ABOUT UR GIRLS.

I HATE BUGS EW. OH ITS LEAKING. ITS LEAKING. AH NO

The sheer panic on their faces when someone knocks. Not morgue guy. Oh nancy gaslight him, periodt.

It blinked- (yeah I screamed this what about it.)

Is game night back on tho?

The way ace’s curls look so much better than mine, I’m so jealous. I want to play with his hair. Yes I am obsessed. What about it?

Morgue guy raging is funny. “Kidnapped cadaver”. Ahahha. NO NOT CHARLES’ ARM! It’s a voodoo doll or something- WHY IS THE CORPSE CRUNCH? OH NO HES GONE

The way bess says “come on,” is just perfect I love.

The house freaks me out a lil. Nick reassuring nancy, I really need a nick y’all.

THE KID’S CHARLES ACTION FIGURE OH NAH OH HELL NAH, WTF. WTF. HES ACTUALLY TALKING TO THE TOY NO.

George is freaking me out y’all. Ace platanchoring everyone. ACE AND GEORGE FRIENDSHIP 😭 I LOVE. ACE IS SO SWEET. NO GEORGE OPENING UP. She’s so scared, omg no. “What if I never feel normal again” broke me. Broke. I felt that so much.

Morgue guy going crazy. Babe stop repeating yourself, chill. It’s jus a ghost 🙄.

Ok come on Leo don’t be a pussy- sorry that was aggressive. Bess STOP I CANT HANDLE THIS, “BOXY”??? ACCENT NICK ACCENT NICK!

NOT GEORGES SISTERS. NO. Astronaut cat is so cool. OHNO OH NO OH NO.

RUN RUN- WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? No George begging them to hurry and the way her voice breaks. STOP STOP NO- Nick having to hold her back and the way her voice is just breaking and raspy, WOW. NO WAY, Ace is holding back the little sister. SO HE’s GOOD WITH KIDS? Amazing performance by Leah Lewis here, I love her. As an older sister, this is totally an accurate reaction and was excellently acted. just wow.

“Those ghost kids were awesome” thanks for saving me from tears Ace.

NICK IS A ROCK. HI I CANT HANDLE THIS RN BESTIE. Nick stop being such a good guy.

SHE CALLED HIM DAD. SHE CALLED HIM DAAAD. HI CARSON PLS STOP BEING ADORABLE U R ATTACKING MY EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENT ISSUES. Ooh lawyer investigator nancy? Aw she’s staying at the Claw too though. LUNCHES ARE INCLUDED! Sobbing.

SHE IS SPEAKING TO ODETTE. OOH ODETTE GOT A LIL SASS IN THAT “enchanté” ok maam.

Yo I deadass forgot morgue guy’s name-

SISTER’S THOUGHTS :

Ryan and Carson need to be an old married couple (I suggested arguing over nancy like a divorced couple)

“Lilith is that you??” @ the white eyes corpse

EW SHE PUT IT IN HER POCKET.

“I thought it was gonna be like a yeti, blow her hair- BODY”

Both mom and Alexis hiding and shrieking as nancy looks around her house for the banging.

Punky Brewster ad, she goes “paget Brewster??”

“Those aren’t human! They’re not supposed to be in there” @whatever the fuck was in that body, said cheerfully and stupidly. 5 seconds later “Bess and Ace were too prepared for that apotoposty. (Pause for thinking)... autopsy.”

Starts calling the bugs “mouthboards” (she actually was calling them that the whole time)

Repeats “blinked” for thirty five seconds before pronouncing the i in any other way she can think of.

Fails at sliding down the railing because she couldn’t run downstairs fast enough before the show came on. Proceeds to crabwalk gallop back to her chair.

“That was scary!” (Said like Dean Winchester in “yellow fever”)

It’s called a vessel. 🖐🙄

WHY DO THEY DO EVERYTHING AT NIGHT.

“Scotland” but she said it in an awful British accent that was supposed to be Scottish-

“Seriously? Do they just lose Ted once every season now, or?”

*cryptic smooth beatbox dancing to end credit music?* update: she says it’s interpretive dancing...

She wants to know where Ryan is. “Why was he just MIA this whole time?”

[edwardsvirginity]

And now... I introduce my best friend to Eclipse! 

--0000000--

[riley’s first appearance]

Friend: who's that

mike?

(the rest of the commentary for the movie is under the readmore!)

--0000000--

[bella reciting the opening monologue: some say the world will end in fire…]

Friend: wow…drama queen

--0000000--

[Edward and bella in the meadow]

Friend: is this real or is this more of her crazy headspace

--0000000--

Edward: marry me

Bella: I have an English final

Friend: wow……. Rude

--0000000--

[Charlie grounding bella]

Friend: charlie…. is the only sane character tbh lmfao

he knows an abusive relationship when he sees one

--0000000--

[Edward sabatoges bella’s truck]

Friend:  Y I K E S

A B U S I V E

this is not romantic lol

--0000000--

Renee: I just want to make sure ur making the right choices for you

Friend: she's NOT

--0000000--

[renee gives bella the quilt from all their trips]

Friend: awwww

except she's selling out her fam for bloodsuckers

--0000000--

[all the cullens wait for Victoria in the forest]

Friend: is it whatshername

the redheaded bitch

--0000000--

Friend: i'm just gonna say….alice and carlisle are the only valid vampires

Me: whyso?

Friend: idk anything about jasper and emmett, edward is weird, who else even is there

--0000000--

Me: [pauses movie because a spider has appeared by my head and I’m freaking out]

[it lands on my laptop and I scream and close it]

Ok… we can resume

Friend: what happened?

Me: [explains]

Him: ? ? ? why didn't you kill it?!

Me: killing it requires getting close enough to touch it, and that's Too Close

i don't kill spiders

anyway

Him: what?!? lmfao

you don't kill spiders

Me: killing them is too scary

Him: i'd rather kill it and know it's dead than wonder where it is

wow

me: i just scream until someone else comes to do it for me

him: that's a lot to take in

--0000000--

[jake confronting Edward about being on their territory]

Edward: I was trying to protect u by not telling u abt Victoria

Friend: mmmm yikes

bella just needs to move tf back to florida

this is….Too Much

--0000000--

[bella goes to lapush]

Friend: tbh i like his pack

--0000000--

Leah: if ur here to torture jake some more u can leave

Friend: oooooh

burn

--0000000--

[movie introduces imprinting]

Friend: tbh i think that whole concept is insane™ and i dont get it

bc it like absolves you of your own…actions

& removes the other person's choice

it's really fucking creepy

--0000000--

Friend: also it would be soooo weird to be able to read people's thoughts

Me: i know it would freak me out

i would hate being able to hear everything my packmates thought

Friend: i don't need anyone else to know how horny i am

--0000000--

[Jacob arguing with bella about the cullens]

Jacob: theyre not even alive

Friend: "they're not even alive" y i k e s

--0000000--

[riley creeping in bella’s house]

Friend: man i'd be sleepin with a shotgun lmfao

& like 12 dogs

--0000000--

[Edward yelling at bella abt bella disappearing with jake]

Me: he’s so overprotective

Friend: she needs it tho

Me: because she's such a danger magnet?

Friend: um….yeah

& she is a fucking damsel in distress

she has no power of her own :((

--0000000--

Friend: he's so…ugly

me: Edward?

Friend: yeah ……….

--0000000--

[Jake appears shirtless]

Edward: doesn’t he own a shirt

Friend: “doesn't he own a shirt"

LMFAO edward voicing my thoughts

--0000000--

[Edward kissing bella before passing her off to jake, who immediately hugs her]

Friend: the way they …. fight with each other by using her body :|

--0000000--

Friend: what do native americans think of this?

Me: [explains]

Friend: so what is the redeeming quality of these movies exactly lmfao

Me: they’re… fun?

Friend: i guess

like indiana jones

racist trash, but fun(?)

--0000000--

Me: I hate his sideburns in this movie

Friend: don't think they're that bad

his whole face tho is not great

especially pale af

--0000000--

[nonconsensual kiss scene]

Jake: ill fight until ur heart stops beating

Bella: u wont have to wait for long

Friend: YIKES

--0000000--

[Edward and Jake fighting post-punch]

Jake: she’s not sure what she wants

Friend: Y I K E S

--0000000--

[Carlisle bandaging bella]

Friend: carlisle is so hot

i wanna marry dr. carlisle

the way he medicines everyone up…

wow

 [..]

edward is useless

seduce Carlisle

 [..]

edward's been alive 100 years and hasn't become a doctor??? c'mon

--0000000--

[Rosalie killing her rapists]

Friend: LM FAO

love that

W O W

that's a more interesting story than bella's LMFAO

--0000000--

[Rosalie trying to convince bella to stay human]

Rose: there’s one thing you’ll want more than Edward… one thing you’ll kill for… blood

Friend: ohhh….

SHE REAL

--0000000--

Friend: & also bella's assumption that Edward is That Great

she's 18….. she hasn't even TRIED college boys

 [..]

has she even had sex with anyone, ever?

--0000000--

Friend: Evil Dakota Fanning is ….. scary af

--0000000--

Friend: i'll say what i want about stephanie meyer being a fucked up mormon…. but her music taste is p good

Me: she didn’t do the soundtracks

Friend: ummm…i remember stephanie meyer specifically thanking Muse in her books

in the "acknolwedgements" section

 or did you, the twilight princess, not read that part

--0000000--

[graduation party]

Friend: I feel like there should be a twilight spoof..

where a high school girl has to choose between dating a furry and a goth

bc that's what this feels like to me

--0000000--

Friend: he freaks me out

the beefy one

--0000000--

[training scene]

Friend: jasper's kinda sexy too

well, everyone looks good next to robert :|

--0000000--

[jasper’s backstory]

Friend: jasper was a confederate soldier?!?!??!

what?? lmfao

confederate vampires? thanks i hate it

--0000000--

Friend: didn't he have like a life and morals before becoming a vampire or

i mean i guess he's a confederate so maybe not but

--0000000--

[jasper’s backstory]

Friend: he just listens to her lmfao

his Evil Mexican Bruja

--0000000--

[about Victoria]

Friend: she should just make someone sexy a vampire and fuck them tho

she has the power here

--0000000--

[about Jacob]

Friend: is there a REASON he never wears a shirt?

--0000000--

[Jake trying to convince bella she has feelings for him]

Jake: you can love more than one person… like sam, Emily, and leah

Friend: thruple!

that's the only resolution here

jacob & edward need to fuck each other and get over it

there's too much tension between them

--0000000--

Alice: you and Edward will have the house to yourself tonight

Friend: oooooo

Alice: you’re welcome

Friend: LMFAO

alice is a bro

--0000000--

Bella [immediately after the scene with Alice]: hey dad, I was wondering

Friend: hey dad… i was wondering. do you have any condoms

--0000000--

Bella: dad I’m a virgin

Friend: not for long….

--0000000--

Friend: but like honestly it's all so deeply unclear to me

he has like no blood, right?

HOW does he get hard

Me: he’s always hard

Friend: i don't think that's how that works

--0000000--

[Edward and bella in edward’s room]

Bella: I wanna ask u something

Friend: "can we fuck"

--0000000--

Friend: i feel like "becoming a vampire" is just a metaphor for "losing virginity"

--0000000--

[Bella tried to jump Edward]

Edward: bella…no

Friend: ???????????

they already kiss and stuff?????????

Me: yeah

i think he's worried he'd like. fuck her to death

idk… her vulva is delicate i guess

 Friend: they could do some Other Stuff

Me: yeah i know

edward is just…. too old school to understand anything but piv

Friend: fuck her to death…with his flaccid vampire dick

 [..]

this is so………Weird

?????????? sex is not a sin

--0000000--

[Edward talking abt how he would have courted bella in 1918]

Friend: ???????????? i dont believe that at all

people fucked in the 1800s

edward is a fucking weirdo

[Edward starts his grand speech]

Friend: Ew

this is…. a Lot

tbh it's Not Sexy that he can't adapt to a more feminist era

[Edward proposes]

Friend: this is…… a Lot

he Keeps Asking

[bella accepts]

Friend: she's only saying yes because she's horny!!!!

--0000000--

Friend: also….tbh it's sad that these vampires have to deny their instincts and have no control over themselves

like ….maybe they should just be euthanized

 Me: :O

Friend: is it fair to deny them their nature???

we don't force tigers to be vegetarians

what is the difference

Me: because… they're sentient and intellectual and can decide for themselves not to eat humans

Friend: i'm not sure i buy that

Me: you think they're not smart enough to make their own decision not to eat humans?

Friend: it seems like they have to be rehabilitated to deny a very natural instinct that they have no control over

are the cullens themselves a metaphor for mormonism?

 Me: yeah but carlisle CHOSE a vegetarial lifestyle… no one forced it on him

Friend: i guess

but at what cost

lmao

--0000000--

[tent scene]

Jacob: I am hotter than u

Friend: LMFAO

--0000000--

Friend: why didn't they bring more blankets?????

how fucking cold is it

Dumbasses

--0000000--

[Edward and jake arguing over bella]

Friend: idk bella….

i'd rather fuck a hot wolf than a freezing rock hard PussyDestroying Vampire

those wolves are HUGE…. huge dicks im sure

--0000000--

[Edward talking about how he doesn’t want bella to be a vamp to jake]

 Friend: i feel like they're Bonding

over their inability to control this woman lmfao

--0000000--

[jake and Edward fighting over bella]

Friend: bella is not that interesting? ? ? ?

--0000000--

Edward: if you weren’t trying to steal bella I might actually like u

Friend: wow

THIS is where they should fuck

t h r u p l e

look deep into each other's eyes

--0000000--

Friend: she'd warm up if they were having sex

--0000000--

[post tent scene]

Friend: she's not even wearing a hat rn

bella…what the fuck

--0000000--

[Edward and bella talking about being engaged, jake overhears]

Bella: it’s the 21st century

Friend: yeah, it is the 21st century…. marry them both

--0000000--

[bella asks jake to kiss her]

Friend: what the FUCK is happening

--0000000--

[bella and jake making out]

Friend: she's not even wearing anything warm

--0000000--

[battle]

Friend: carlisle…. kung fu master

Me: renaissance man

Friend: only breaks the hippocratic oath when absolutely necessary

--0000000--

[confrontation with riley and Victoria, Edward trying to convince riley to turn on Victoria]

Edward: think about it riley.. .you’re from forks… you know the area

Friend: "you're from forks… who would want that"

--0000000--

[Carlisle healing jake]

Friend: god…..my sexy, classy dad

… so smart….. so kind

--0000000--

Bella: I’m not normal

Friend: bella….you are SO normal

the reason every middle school girl read these books and thought they were like bella is bc you are just THAT normal

--0000000--

Edward: I guess we should start planning the wedding

Bella: no… something more difficult first… more dangerous

Friend: is she still talking about her virginity

[decent0distraction]

I need to talk about this cause I have no friends and my roommates are mean.

Here's context: https://decent0distraction.tumblr.com/post/615899981117800448/okay-so-im-not-saying-that-i-scrapped-my

Here's some details I just wanna talk about:

- Edward is written as depressed and suicidal, but in the way that he just doesn't want to live, but isn't necessarily trying to die. We cover this in the first two chapters.

- Speaking of the first two chapters, romance doesn't come in for a while. I didn't like how fast everything was in canon; we go from girl sees vampire, vampire obsesses over girl, girl meets vampire, girl and vampire are immediately together.

- The beginning of the story focuses on Edward dealing with thoughts of how he's nothing but a monster and that he sees himself as dead, or should have died. Sad boi hours ™

- And he proceeds to ignore his thirst and pretty much stops hunting altogether. Carlisle doesn't push, but he does try to subtly put Edward in situations where he has to hunt (telling him he needs to go with Jasper after school to avoid any issue/calling him out of school for an hour so he has an excuse/no option but to go)

- Edward's deterioration in health is purely my stupid imagined way a vampire might slowly start to "die" from starvation

- His vision will blur and he'll get dizzy if he moves too fast or pushes himself too far

- He's easily tired

- At one point, he can't read minds without getting headaches

- In the first chapter, instead of hunting like Carlisle intended for him to do, Edward just plans to sit in the woods for an hour and just vibe

- But he hears, never actually sees, a wolf; reads it's mind and it thinks about killing him

- And of course, the iron deficiency equivalent of vampire starvation gets the worse of him and he almost passes out, the 'wolf' disappearing

- The wolf is supposed to hint towards Edward meeting Jacob and the pack, and a later issue, but for now it's just for Edward to suffer and question his sanity

- Edward almost passes out in front of Jasper and our angsty boi goes all big brother on our sad boi

- He literally carries Edward downstairs, catches him a rabbit, and gets him to take it

- Wholesome content = Jasper looking out for Edward and keeping him alive

- In the first chapter, Jasper convinces Edward to go with him when he goes to buy a new motorcycle, which was hand built by our wolf boi

- And in the second chapter, Jasper and Edward walk through the woods to the reservation

- Edward is still weak and as a result clumsy from not eating, so it's a lot of Jasper helping him over roots and stuff and so wholesome ✨

- Edward is cold, cause his vampire defenses are weak af rn, and idk just go with it. Jasper gives him his jacket and it's big on him cause Edward's a bottom in this story (you can NOT change my mind)

- Jasper is low-key pissed about what Edward is doing to himself and they talk about and Jasper kind of yells at our sad boi and Edward realizes he's starving himself because he knows it's slowly killing him

- Jasper and Edward forgive each other and they make it to the reservation

- They meet Jacob, who stares at Edward

- Edward thinks it's because he looks strange; skin hanging off bone and Jasper's jacket pulled around his pale af body

- Yeah, no, sweetie. It's because he thinks you're beautiful and all that poetic shit

- "Here's where (s)he meets prince charming. But (s)he won't discover that it's him till chapter 3." (Maybe)

- I low-key hint that Sam was the wolf in the woods, but I might plot twist that shit. Idk

- (Insert explanation about Edward's body rejecting the rabbit blood here)

- Jasper calls Carlisle, takes our sad boi home

- And I wrote this stupid scene where Carlisle is really cold towards Edward and asks Jasper instead of Edward if he ate that day. He then proceeds to give Edward an IV of nutrients mixed with venom, to start to get Edward healthy again, idk

- I just really wanted a scene where Carlisle goes all doctor on his son and they become his hospital, because so far, Edward has been sort of closed off and cold towards the Cullen family and I felt like I was making them too estranged

- Edward isn't magically not depressed or suicidal anymore, but he does start to try again and this time, he has his family to help him

- Jacob has already shifted in this. So have Leah and Seth

- This means he's all muscle and short hair, and also I have this scene I really like where Edward sees a photo of Jacob with his long hair and he calls him cute and Jacob gets flustered, I'm FINE

- Jacob is told to keep an eye on the Cullens, so he befriends Edward

- But he high key likes the "weird Cullen boy"

- It's cute, ok?

- Edward slowly lets Jacob in, not understanding why Carlisle keeps warning him to stay away from Black and that reservation

- The wolves get restless and dangers arise, Jacob trying to keep Edward away from the war that's been going on between their kinds for centuries

- Edward is kinda naive to that kind of thing, until Jacob transform in front of him and I can't decide if they fight about lies and stuff

That's what I got so far that I can reveal without spoiling too much 😊

Tell me what you guys think???

[baseballbitch116]

Alpha’s Imprint

Pairing: Sam Uley x reader

Word Count: 1813

Warnings: Angst

Request: “Could you do a fic w/ Sam uley and reader when he is still dating Leah and you and her are friends and after he shifts you see him and he imprints. And it can be angsty as he breaks up with Leah and you both feel bad but he tells you that you’re it for him and then be like fluff because you have secretly liked him. Sorry I’m just really into the pack rn and there is like no Sam Fics anywhere. If you don’t, that’s okay! Thanks! Love your writing, have a good day ❤️❤️”

Masterlist

Prompt List | Submit A Request

Over the past few months you had begun to grow closer to the tribe, after accidentally witnessing Paul shift during a temper tantrum. That was how you discovered that you friend Leah was a werewolf, and in turn, you began to see her pack more often than not. She had introduced you to everyone by this point, but you certainly wouldn’t say that you were friends with all of them.

You typically hang around Leah, Seth, Embry and Jake when you are on the Reserve. You have met her boyfriend, Sam, the Alpha of the pack, a handful of times, but he didn’t seem all that fond of you. He was nice and polite, but he didn’t really speak to you. Then again, he didn’t speak much to anyone, as far as you saw. 

It started off as just a regular day. You hung out with Leah and her brother on the beach, the boys eventually joining for a game of soccer. You guys went cliff diving, which Sam actually participated in. He even spoke to you too. “You sure you wanna risk this, Y/N? You could get hurt.” He warned as you stripped off your t-shirt. You gave him a look and jumped off the side without another word. 

At the end of the night, Paul had started picking a fight once again, brewing a fight between himself and Jacob. Leah warned you to stay by Billy’s house as the two wolves fought viciously in the field. But it ended up getting a little out of hand, so much so that Sam actually shifted and had to break it up, making Paul cower and bow to him, surely going to regret forcing Sam’s hand later. You watched as the two wolves headed off to shift back in the woods, and you stepped down from your spot on the balcony, approaching the group again.

Sam was still in his wolf form though, and when he made eye contact with you - the weirdest and most unexpected thing ever happened. You saw his big wolf eyes get wide and him whimper. You got startled, thinking he got hurt, but he didn’t. He stared at you for a few moments, and then you heard “You have GOT TO be KIDDING me?!” Your head shot to Leah, who got so angry that she shifted, fairly close to you. She startled you and you fell on your behind, much too close to the angry wolf. You heard a loud growl and the big black wolf version of Sam came to your side, growling at Leah.

You had never been so confused in your life. Jacob jogged over to you, helping you to your feet and moving you far away from where Leah was growling and snarling at her Alpha/boyfriend. “What the hell is happening?!” You exclaim. 

“I can’t believe he did that.” Embry mutters.

“He can’t control it.” Quil says.

“He is dating Leah!” Seth exclaims.

“What the hell am I missing?!” You holler at the boys, and all eyes turn to you.

“Sam just imprinted...” Jacob responds. You feel your heart twist a little, jealousy stinging at your heart. You had formed a bit of a crush on your friend’s boyfriend, as horrible as it sounded. You ignored it the best that you possibly could, and you had been doing good. It sucked to hear that he imprinted on Leah, though.

“Wait, then why are they fighting?” You question, completely lost.

Jacob gives you a confused look, looking at you as though it was so obvious.

“He imprinted on you, Y/N.” Paul scoffs, crossing his arms and rolling his eyes.

It feels like your heart just dropped right out of your chest as your gaze immediately falls on Sam and Leah, who are now facing you, still in their wolf forms. You watch with a heavy heart as Leah whimpers sadly and starts running off into the woods. “Leah!” You holler, but she doesn’t stop. Sam watches you for a few moments, then heads off behind the house, probably to shift again.

“Wha-...He...But... How?” You mutter, at a loss for words. How could he imprint on you?! He’s dating Leah, he loves Leah. How could he?

“It just happens. It’s not his fault.” Jacob explains, but you just don’t understand it.

“But he loves her.” You say. You see him heading over in your direction and gulp nervously. If he wasn’t one of your close friend’s lover’s, you would be ecstatic. You like Sam, you’d love to date him - but not like this. You feel horrible for Leah. You can’t even imagine how she must be feeling.

“Yeah, but imprinting is different than that.” Quil mutters, taking a step back, averting his eyes from Sam.

“Y/N...” He mumbles, clearly not sure what to say.

“I- I don’t even know what to say.” You mutter, shaking your head as you look at him sadly.

“Let us have some privacy.” Sam instructs, dismissing the other guys. Half of you almost wants to tell them not to go, you feel so guilty - even though you haven’t done anything wrong.

They jog off, clearly not wanting to be there any longer anyway - who could blame them, this was awkward.

“Leah...” Is all you can mutter. “I feel so bad. I need to find her.” You mutter, unable to look at Sam.

“Y/N.” He says, grabbing your arm as you try to walk away. You look between him and his hand, and he removes it, sighing. Everything has changed now.

“She is my best friend. You are her boyfriend.” You say sternly.

“She is angry. You have to wait for her to calm down.” He says, and you know he is right. So you start to walk over toward where your jeep is parked, leaning against it with a huff.

“This is so unfair.” You mutter to yourself. You can hear Sam approaching you again and wish he would just go after Leah instead of bothering you. Yes, you would love to date him. Yes, you are inwardly swooning over the fact that he imprinted on you. But you can’t stand the fact that it means that he just broke your friend’s heart - and you are the reason why.

“You haven’t done anything wrong.” He says, standing in front of you as you lean on your truck. You scoff and cross your arms.

“So what does this mean? You’re gonna dump her and try to get me to go out with you? I can’t do that to her.” You say. You feel bad for being a bit harsh with him, it isn’t really his fault. But you can’t help it, either.

“I don’t expect you to.” He mutters. You look up and see him rubbing the back of his neck, seemingly distressed. He looks upset, you feel guiltier now.

“I’m sorry. I know you can’t control it...” You mutter, reaching out and touching his bicep. He looks at your hand, then at you, and you quickly remove it. “It’s not like I don’t want to...” You continue with a sigh, looking down at his shoes. “But I can’t hurt her like that. She’s been good to me, she introduced us. It’s so wrong.” You say.

“Yeah, it is.” You hear, and you snap your head over to see Leah standing there, a very unpleasant look on her face.

“Leah, I’m so sorry.” You call out, heading over toward her. She puts up a hand and glares evilly at Sam.

“What are you apologizing for?” She asks, giving you a look. You stop in place and open your mouth to speak, but quite honestly, you don’t know what you are saying you’re sorry for.

“Well, uh, I don’t really know. But you know I would never come between you two. Just tell me what I can do to make this right? Do you want me to leave? Just tell me.” You plead. Leah softens just a little, understanding that you care for her and that you haven’t done anything wrong. And she even knows that Sam hasn’t either, but she can’t admit that right now.

“No. I just... Need time. I’m gonna go...” She mutters, starting toward the house.

“No, Leah, please.” You call out, going after her.

“I need to get away. Are you forgetting I can hear everything he is thinking? I know it isn’t his or your fault. But you belong together. That’s the point of an imprint. There’s nothing I or you can do about it. You’re gonna replace me no matter what, so why make things harder than they’re already going to be.” She rambles, not making eye contact with you. And before you can comprehend what she said, she starts running off and shifts again, letting out a long howl as she disappears back into the woods.

You feel a tear slip from your eye as you stare at where she ran off. You probably just lost your best friend... You feel a hand on your shoulder, and you don’t push it away. “I’m sorry.” He mumbles gruffly behind you. You nod, blinking away the tears, holding in the sob threatening to come out. You are feeling so many different emotions, your body can’t take it.

“Is that true? Is it that set in stone? Even if I’m just a human?” You question, not facing him, your voice quiet and raspy. He removes his hand and you hear him shuffle his feet a little.

“Basically, yeah. I know you’re going to need time... I’m not forcing you to do anything. I’ll do or be whatever you need me to be.” He says. You finally turn around and look at him, and it makes it all the harder not to cry. He looks so sad, you feel so sad, it’s just a horrible combination. 

“Sam,” You mutter, looking at him through your blurry vision. He sees a tear fall down your cheek and it breaks his heart. He opens his arms and you throw yourself into them, allowing him to envelope you in a tight hug.

“Shh, everything is going to work out. She’ll be okay, we all will.” He comforts, rubbing your back and holding you against his warm, hard body. Something about him is very comforting and you can feel your heart speeding up again. Sam imprinted on you... That basically means you’re his soulmate... Sam’s...

“I don’t know how this is supposed to work...” You mumble into his chest after a few minutes. He strokes your hair gently and nods against the top of your head.

“We’ll figure it out.” He assures you. And in your own weird human way, you could believe that he was your soulmate. Something had changed between the two of you, and as devastated you felt for Leah, you felt happy for yourself.

---

Let me know if you would like to be added to my Twilight taglist AND if you guys would be interested in reading a continuation of this request <3

@comphersjost @fangirlsarah16 @emogril @tmntnerd2016 @seokmin97 @lookinsidemyhead @gryffindorshadowhunter @hopegallifreyasong @mistyrosemimi @bbooks-and-teas @lukes-legs-are-life @dizzydest1206 @limbozqueen @porter1204 @mayakblack @mcscuse-my-french-bitch @katpatrova17 @awesome-monica @proud-slytherin-ghost @elisha-chloe @alligator-person @kawaiislimetoadfarm @taylorswiftloverforever13 @loki-thehobbit @animeislife518 @icantstopreblogging @fancyxfangirl @gold-raven-123 @a-dorky-book-keeper @theandroid-sent-by-cyberlife @chaindeyes @mixedmoony @classyasssuperbitch @bribribrianna678 @honeysam2002 @shycupcakealissa @wolfbloodlovers 

[captainillogical]

Devil’s Ballroom Ch.7

A year after the events from the earth’s final attack, Little Homeworld is finally complete, and there’s a new jazz bar where gems and humans mingle and drink. - As you’re typing back a reply, someone pulls the stool out next to you and takes a seat. You see a sliver of pink out of the corner of your eye as you try not to actually Look. Oh god. It’s her. God can’t help us now.

Spinel/Reader

collab with my lovely wife @firstofficertightpants​

ya’ll im sorry lmao

You spend the rest of your evening doing exactly none of the errands that you needed to deal with today. Instead, you're laying on your couch and texting your friends.

         Y/N: I'm so tornnnn.

     Y/N: Do I say something about the cheek smooch?

     Y/N: Should I leave it be?

     Y/N: Because she's texting like nothing happened.

     Y/N: What if I'm reading too much into it??

     Y/N: What if that's just how she shows friendship affection???

     Y/N: I might make it so fucking awkward if I assume something!

     Y/N: This entire ordeal is mortifying!!!

     Y/N: I want nothing more than to dig a big hole and lie in it forever.

     Y/N: I might be low-key having a panic attack about this rn but what's new.

     Harper: Y/N. chill. you're way overreacting to this.

     Harper: even if it meant nothing, she still likes you as a friend right?

     Harper: i think it would take a lot for her to like.. not wanna stay friends lol.

     Alex: im just saying you could probably kiss her and she'd be ok with it

     Alex: cheek kisses are pretty forward

     Harper: don't listen to him. all of his relationships ended in failure.

     Alex: wow

     Alex: im seriously hurt

     Harper: am I wrong?

     Alex: no..

     Harper: my point exactly.

     Harper: i’m not saying you have nothing to lose or anything.

     Harper: because i myself had to tread very carefully with leah..

     Harper: but i think you should just see where it goes and not like

     Harper: put too much emphasis on this incase it was nothing.

     Y/N: Yeah see now you have me worried it WAS nothing!!

     Alex: oh my goooooooddddddddddddddd

     Alex: the both of you approach women so.. pathetically

     Alex: take a risk

     Alex: live a little

     Alex: what is seriously the worst that could happen

     Alex: she kills you??

     Alex: lmao

     Alex: its funny cuz of.. you know

     Harper: i can’t wait to be home and smothering him with a pillow instead of affection.

     Y/N: You and me both.

     Y/N: Try being the only one available to play games with him.

     Alex: both of you fucking love me okay

     Alex: alsooooooo i get to be home the day after tomorrow

     Alex: the alex is back, babieeeeee

     Y/N: Harper please come home I’m BEGGING you.

     Harper: sorry you gotta deal with him alone for another month lmao.

     Y/N: Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

     Alex: can i get a fucking crumb of love here please

         You swipe over to the couple of messages Spinel has left you in the past couple of minutes while you were talking to your friends.

         Spinel: It’s another stupid ball, I just found out.

     Spinel: I told her that I���m sitting this one out this time.

     Spinel: She has so many others that would absolutely love to help her, and yet, still absolutely insists that I must be there.

     Spinel: I don’t want to go back to homeworld right now, and not for this.

     Y/N: And you put your foot down? Hell yeah, dude.

     Y/N: Planning a ball for a bunch of gems sounds like a chore anyway.

     Spinel: oh, it is, believe me.

     Spinel: And they need everything to be PERFECT.

     Spinel: Which isn’t realistic anymore now that they don’t expect any of the gems to stay in line with their gem class nowadays.

     Spinel: The last ball they threw almost 4 months ago was utterly chaotic.

     Y/N: For thousands of years y'all as a race never pushed to deviate from the norm, and now that you guys are allowed to? I’d go batshit with it too.

     Y/N: Being stifled in everyday life, and finally you’re free?

     Y/N: Fuck, I’d go around fusing with anyone!

     Spinel: That is precisely what too many of them did.

     Y/N: Lmao. I wish I could’ve seen that.

         You tab back over to your group chat for a moment to see what they’re talking about.

         Harper: see? they’re everywhere.

     Harper: i wasn’t expecting the campsite to have so many.

     Alex: you could have built an army and instead you took pictures

     Alex: do you know how easy it is to lure chipmunks?

     Alex: oh that lil guy on the bottom right is so fucking chunky i love him

     Harper: that’s the one that got the closest when i fed them. :3

     Alex: oh i fuckin BET

     Alex: you dont get that chubby in the wild without takin a few risks

     Alex: if u know what i mean ;)

     Harper: i hate whatever you just implied.

     Y/N: It’s not a conversation with Alex unless you roll your eyes at least 3 times.

     Alex: hey i thought it was 4 times

     Alex: dont insult me

     Alex: anyway, y/n

     Alex: are you workin the day i come back

     Y/N: Yeah I’m actually scheduled a double.

     Alex: scheduled

     Y/N: Yes.

     Alex: a double

     Y/N: Yes.

     Alex: he can’t SCHEDULE you a DOUBLE

     Y/N: He can if he asks me ahead of time as a favor.

     Alex: that fuckin bastard

     Alex: always ruining my plans

     Harper: you’re still mad at him for firing you last summer, huh.

     Alex: OF COURSE I AM

     Y/N: Bro you stole like $300 of cotton candy sugar that summer.

     Y/N: It’s only fair.

     Y/N: Besides, I’m only doing this because he said he’d give me a long weekend for it.

     Alex: kay well

     Alex: i guess i’ll just go bug you at work and wait for you to get off that day :'(

     Y/N: Get me written up again, I swear to god.

         Your phone chimes several times, and you swipe down to see messages from both Spinel and Steven. You check Spinel's first.

         Spinel: Do me a favor and ignore any messages Steven has sent you.

     Y/N: What are you, my boss?

     Spinel: I MEAN IT

         You quickly switch over to Steven's texts.

         Steven: I was going to ask you if your date with Spinel went okay, but I'm assuming it went fine considering she hasn't really stopped talking about you.

         Ohhhh my god, this is wild. You reply to him.

         Y/N: It wasn't a date as far as I know.

     Y/N: I had fun.

     Y/N: She's telling me to not read your messages, lmao.

     Y/N: Also what do you mean she hasn't stopped talking about me??

     Steven: She’s been lying on my floor for the last hour basically gushing about you.

     Steven: But you didn’t hear that from me!

     Steven: :D

     Y/N: Haha thanks, kid.

         You switch back over to text Spinel, and get up off the couch to make yourself some tea. Pulling out your kettle, you turn the stove on and grab some raspberry flavored abomination tea bag that your dad loves more than any of the other good tea flavors.

         Y/N: Sooooo.

     Spinel: You talked to him, didn’t you.

     Y/N: Hahaha noooo. :)

     Spinel: The fuck did he say?

     Y/N: Absolutely nothing.

     Spinel: Seriously? I was sure he’d reveal something embarrassing.

     Y/N: Nope! You should probably get off his floor eventually, though.

         Your kettle goes off and you grab a clean mug, and pour the boiling water into it along with the tea packet. You look down at your phone, and grin.

         Spinel: goddammit.

         You let the bag steep for a little bit, and add in a small amount of sugar. Walking up to your bedroom you take a snap of Jellybean half lounging, half falling off the stairs and send it to Spinel. She replies with a couple heart emojis, and you wonder if Steven was the one to show her the proper use of them. You set your cup of tea down on your desk, and turn your computer on. It’s evening now, and it’s much too late to do anything left with the rest of your day productivity-wise, so you settle in on playing more minecraft. Your thoughts wander quite a bit, and you find yourself stuck on thinking about Spinel. Naturally. You wonder about a lot of things she’s learned while staying on earth, from things like - does she pay rent? Does she have a job? Does she know what taxes are? Does she know what a relationship with a human looks like? She said she watched a movie, but didn’t exactly elaborate. You don’t know what human-norms she’s been exposed to. You can’t even concentrate enough to mine any of this redstone for Alex, and you nearly die in-game when the thought of ‘does she know what sex is?’ pops into your mind. You grab your phone and shoot Spinel another message.

         Y/N: Quick question.

     Y/N: If you don’t mind me asking.

         It takes her a few minutes to reply.

         Spinel: Sure?

     Y/N: Do you know how humans are made?

     Spinel: w

     Spinel: Yes?

     Spinel: Steven told me about it a few weeks ago actually.

     Spinel: Why are you asking?

     Y/N: No reason! Just curious is all.

     Spinel: Hm.

         Yeah you’re not too confident that she actually knows, and you’re too chickenshit to elaborate right now. You’ll enlighten her later. You spend the rest of the night browsing memes on your phone, and texting your friends and Spinel on occasion. Before you know it, your eyes drift close with your phone in hand.

     You wake up when your alarm goes off for your morning shift, and curse at yourself for not charging it last night. It’s at a solid 32%, which isn’t really enough to go about your day, but you’ll have to make do. You get ready for a hopefully not shitty day, lock up the house, and head in to work.

     It’s a complete shitshow when you come in, and you turn your phone off to save battery and concentrate on dealing with more than an average amount of tourists. You find Mr. Smiley sleeping in the breakroom/office/supply closet, and have half a mind to lock him in there from the outside for the rest of your shift. It’s pretty busy, and messy, and it isn’t until you’re there for several exhausting hours that you finally have enough time for a break. You turn your phone on, and instantly you’re flooded with messages from several different people. Ugh.

           A couple from your dad - just checking in, really. Group chat too as usual, but none of it seems overly important. One from Spinel, and several from Steven. You open up Spinel’s message first.

         Spinel: Do you think we could talk about a couple of things later?

         Vague, and a little concerning. You text back an apology for getting back to her so late, and open the messages from Steven.

         Steven: Hey are you busy?

     Steven: I’m dealing with a bit of a situation right now, and could use your help.

     Steven: Spinel locked herself in my bathroom, and she won’t come out.

     Steven: She refuses to answer to anyone, and several of us have tried.

     Steven: I’m just really worried about her, and you guys seemed to bond, so I was hoping..

     Steven: That maybe you could come over?

     Steven: Thanks regardless.

         You check the timestamp, and that was over an hour ago. Jesus christ.

         Y/N: Steven I’m so sorry, my phone was off and I’m at work, give me a few and I’ll be right over, okay?

     Y/N: I’ll be quick.

         He replies almost immediately with a “please” and you pocket your phone. You try not to worry too hard about Spinel as you rush over to grab your things, and knock on Mr. Smiley’s office/broom closet door. He opens it groggily, clearly just waking up.

     “Yeah?” he slowly blinks at you.

     “I gotta leave early. Emergency.” You stare at him, trying to not be pissed at his lack of work ethic.

     “Are you for real? You’ve got another 3 hours left.” He says and crosses his arms, and you glare at him.

     “I’ve been working my ass off while you’ve been sleeping this whole time, AND I’m covering your ass tomorrow so you can go meet your old friend! So the LEAST you can do is let me go early when I have an emergency!!!” You almost yell out at him, and he holds his hands up in defense.

     “Okay, okay! Fine. Only because you’re a good worker.” He says, and has the gall to look at least a little ashamed of himself.

     “Damn right I am.” You spin around and head out of the building, practically running.

     You almost trip and bite it several times on the way over to Steven’s place, but you’re more worried about Spinel. You’ve only been to his place twice, but once you’re there you run up the stairs and open the door without knocking. You’re greeted by the only two people in the living room, Pearl, and Steven.

         “Oh, she’s here!” Pearl says and nudges Steven, who looks up from typing on his phone.

     “Y/N! Thank god you’re here.” He says with furrowed eyebrows.

     “What happened?” You say and shut the door, and cross the room over to him.

     “I’m not sure! We were just working on something together for Amethyst, and she got a call from Blue and Yellow. She’s been ignoring them lately, and they’ve been bothering me in turn because of that, so I asked her to take the call just see what they want.” He runs his hand through his brown curls, and just for a moment, you see that 12 year old him in again. The obvious stress masks just how young he really is, and you feel bad that he can’t live life like a normal kid. “She went outside to take the call, and was out there for quite a while. I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop, but I did hear some yelling. And just when I was going over to make sure they were alright, she comes back in tears, eyes spiraling like months ago, and nearly knocks Pearl over rushing into the bathroom.”

     “And nothing since?” You inquire, fidgeting with your hands.

     “No,” He says, frustratedly. “I’ve been trying to reach the diamonds to see what this is all about, but I’ve only been getting the pearls. I don’t know what to do. She hasn’t been like this in months. What were they talking about to make her this upset?”

     “Maybe I can find out. You said she’s in your bathroom?” You raise an eyebrow at him.

     “Yeah, the one right over here.” He says and points to it.

     “Is it locked?” You ask.

     “No,” Pearl glances towards the bathroom door and crosses her arms. “The lock has been broken on it for a while, since Peridot joined us actually. Both Garnet and I tried opening it, but I think once Spinel hears someone trying to come in she blocks the door.”

     Hm.

     “I’m gonna try something, but you guys are gonna wanna stay away.” You say to the two of them. “I don’t want to overwhelm her with more than one person.”

     “Let us know if we can do anything?” Steven makes to pass by you and gives your arm a light squeeze. “And thanks for coming to help.”

     “Anytime, dude.” You give him a half smile, and walk over to his bathroom. You turn to take a look back at the other two, and they’re already in the kitchen discussing something in soft tones. You move to knock at the door, make two light taps against the frame, and wait for an answer.

     A couple seconds pass, and nothing. Not even any movement. Nervously, you knock again, a little louder this time, and wait for a good ten seconds.

     Still nothing.

     You take a deep breath, reach out to grab the door handle, and very slowly and quietly open the bathroom door. You see nothing but absolute darkness, and step in. You feel around the wall to your right and flip a switch just as you close the door behind you with an audible click. The room instantly floods with the dark red light of the heat lamp, and before you can even think about finding another light source, you find yourself slammed up against the wall and let out a surprised yelp. You open your eyes to see Spinel’s face inches from yours, pupils wild, her hands splayed against your shoulders.

     “U-um,” Your voice cracks a little. “Hey.”

     You watch her eyes take a second to find yours, and almost instantly, she lets you go, arms trembling.

     “W.. what are YOU DOING HERE!?” She cries, large tears pouring down her face, eyebrows raised in confusion, mouth trembling. Her hair is in loose pigtails, strands untamed around her face, cheeks stained with tear tracks. She looks like a mess, and your heart breaks, just a little. “I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt y-”

     “I’m fine.” You cut her off. “I should have said who it was outside the door, I’m sorry. And um.. Steven texted me while I was at work, and told me what was going on so I rushed over..” You trail off as you watch Spinel’s entire body shake, and she covers her face with both of her hands.

     “I can’t believe I just did that.” You hear her wavering voice, muffled behind her fists, and she lets out a choked sob. “Maybe they were right. M-maybe I’m not meant to-” She quickly moves her hands down to look at the floor with wide, vulnerable eyes, and struggles to form the rest of her words. You hear her breathing pick up pace, and you’re starting to realize she’s hyperventilating.

     “Spinel, look at me.” Her eyes shoot up to yours, lips trembling. “I need you to breathe.” You do what your friends have always done with you, and gently grab both of her hands and hold them with yours, thumbs stroking her palms in slow circles. She freezes up instantly, and you’re about to panic, because while a familiar touch helps ground you, you register that maybe it’ll make it worse for her. But before you can pull your hands away, her hands relax ever so slightly, and she lets out a shaky breath. “Good. Just like that.” You motion for her to follow your breathing inverals, and she copies you, hands still shaking in yours.

     It’s been a while since you’ve had to deal with something like this, but you’re thankful for having similar life experiences. After a solid minute or two of this her breathing is back to a normal pace, but she’s still crying, and now not meeting your eyes. Almost like she’s avoiding them.

     “Look, I.. I don’t know what happened with you and the diamonds, but you can talk to me about it if you’d like. No pressure, though.” You give her hands a small squeeze, and she whimpers, looking up to meet your gaze. Tears are still actively streaming down her face, and you have no idea how to make any of this better. It physically hurts you to see her like this.

     “C-can I not talk about it? I don’t think I’m ready..” She pulls a hand from yours, and wipes at her face. She just kind of smeared half of her face with wetness, and she looks miserable.

     “You don’t have to talk about anything, Spinel.” You look at her, making sure she sees it in your eyes. You slowly let go of her other hand, and hold your arms out in a silent question instead. Her mouth opens slightly, the red glow of the light around her making her look extremely vulnerable and soft, and she looks at your open arms with a blank face for a moment before understanding. Almost instantaneously, she throws herself against you and wraps her arms around your shoulders, shoving her face into the cradle of your neck. You envelop your arms around her tightly, giving her sides a squeeze, and you feel her start to shake again.

     She lets out an unsteady sigh, and hiccups out another small sob. You pull her to lean fully against you as you stand there, bracing your back against the bathroom door. She lets you maneuver her, and you rest the side of your face against her temple while she cries. You resign yourself to letting her cry on you until she’s done, if she needs to.

       You feel her sniffle against your neck, and try not to mind that she’s getting your shirt soaked. You give her back a few gentle rubs, feeling her body quiver against yours as she’s trying to control her choked breathing. You’re not really counting the minutes, as right now you’re currently having way too many rampant thoughts about what the fuck the diamonds could’ve said to her. You’re mad as hell, honestly, and if you could say shit to them, you would in a heartbeat. You don’t want to make anything worse for her though, as much as you want to steal her phone and video call them to curse them out. It takes a few more minutes, but eventually her crying dies down, and you feel her breathing even out. Slowly, she dislodges her arms from twisting around you two, and you feel a sigh, her breath hot against your neck. You do your best to school your facial expression as you’re realize just how close you are to her, and she pulls her face from its resting position to look at you. She looks awful.

       “U-um,” She lifts up her hand to attempt to wipe her face, failing to rub half the tears away. “I don’t really want to go out there yet..”

       “You don’t have to.” You say, quietly. “I can leave if you’d like some quiet to yourself.” Her face looks panicked for a second, and she grabs your wrist.

       “Please don’t leave me.” She says, voice wavering again. You try not to let your heart shatter at her tone.

     “I won’t if you want me here.” You say, and sigh softly. “Here, hold on a second.”

     She lets your wrist go as you move slightly over to the sink, turn the hot water on, and grab a clean hand towel from the counter. You soak it in water, and squeeze out all the excess. Towel in hand, you turn back to her, and she’s looking at you cautiously. You lift the towel slightly, motioning to her face.

     “May I?” You ask, and she nods slightly.

     Tenderly, you brush a couple strands of hair away from her face, grasp her chin with your left hand and pull her forward, gently pressing the towel to her cheek. She closes her eyes, and her shoulders sag a little as she lets you dab at her face, cleaning her of any tear stain marks. She sighs into your touch, and it strikes you that it would be so easy to just.. lean in and kiss her.

       Your brain almost short circuits and you snap your thoughts back to reality. There’s a time and place for everything. This is not the time, nor the place.

       Once you’re satisfied that she looks a lot better than before, you pull your hands away to toss the rag in the sink, and Spinel, for a brief moment, looks disappointed that you had stopped. Which.. kind of gives you an idea.

       “Can I try something? Harper used to do this thing with me when I.. had similar breakdowns.” You ask her. She raises her eyebrow in response, clearly exhausted from crying so much. “Here.” You say, and take her hand and lead her over to the rim of the bathtub. You sit down on the edge, and motion for her to sit in front of you on the floor. She takes a seat in front of you, still confused, but obeys nonetheless. “Can I touch you?” You ask her, watching her face to make sure she’s alright.

       She looks up at you, the red light in the room flooding the entirety of her face, making her hair darker, and the whites of her eyes a bit more dramatic.

     “Yeah.” She says in reply, voice tired.

     You reach out to her hair, and stop for a moment.

     “Can I have you face the other direction, actually? Come over here.” You move to open your knees, making enough room for Spinel to turn around and lean against the bathtub. She’s close to you again.

     “What are you..” She trails off as you start to take the hair ties out of her pigtails, one after the other. It takes a second, as it’s a bit tangled, but you manage to get both out, and let her hair fall down. You comb out her hair with your fingers, gently, and she sighs audibly while leaning into your touch. You run your short nails along her scalp, scratching and massaging as you smooth out her hair, attempting to pull all the tangles out.

     “Touch used to calm me down, and Harper was really good at it, honestly.” You say while pulling out a particularly difficult tangle without hurting her. Her hair is long like this, and you like it. You wish you could grow your hair this long, but it’s kind of a pain to deal with, and the longest you’ve ever had yours wasn’t even to your mid back, you think to yourself. “Sometimes she’d give me shoulder and neck massages, but I preferred that she’d just play with my hair. There’s just something different about another person touching your hair.”

     “I kind of get what you mean.” She says, tiredly.

     “Can I braid your hair?” You lean closer to look at her face.

     “Do what you want.” She says, looking fairly relaxed.

     “Cool. Anyway, while Harper was good at that, Alex, on the other hand, was just terrible at any kind of physical comfort. He’s genuine, and he tries, but he’s an idiot. He’s a lot better at distractions, for the most part.” You run your fingers through her hair one more time, before starting to separate her hair into three parts for a french braid. “He’s funny, and comes from a large family, so he always has stories and jokes. Whenever I’d have a panic attack, those two were always so good about being there for me. I don’t know what I’d do without them.”

     You notice that Spinel‘s shoulders have lost most of the tension in them, and you’re secretly relieved. You keep talking to fill the quietness around you two, because you’ve always hated the quiet during moments like these. Your friends aren’t here, so it’s up to you to make up for it.

     “It was kind of hard, at first though,” You say, and start looping the chunks of hair around your fingers, starting at the top of her head. “Because for a while there, back when I was 16 and dealing with the worst of my abandonment issues, I clung onto Harper like a baby koala. I had this super weird crush on her even though we had been friends since we were practically babies. I think I idolized her because she was just.. good to me.” You accidentally tug a little too hard on a strand of hair, wince and utter an apology while massaging the spot on her scalp. “I’m glad that didn’t ruin our friendship, but for a while there I really pushed my feelings onto her, which was kinda fucked up on my part.”

     “Hm..” Spinel mumbles. “I kind of had a thing for Pink, I think. Which ended up screwing with me even more after what she did.” You stare at the back of her head and pause your hands for a second. Huh. Yeah, you had a hunch.

     “If she were still alive, I’d punch her in the face for you, I hope you know.” You state, in full seriousness. This gets the first chuckle that you’ve heard from her today, and you’re secretly overjoyed.

     “I’d pay to watch that.” She says, and you laugh out loud. You see her smile, just barely.

     “So,” You continue, with both your hands and conversation. “A week or so after my 17th birthday, right after Harper talked to me about this guy at school that she liked, I confess to her. And not like a, ‘oh hey, you’re my best friend and I really like you’ kind of way, either. It was more like a, ‘have a mental breakdown over your best friend liking someone else and make them feel like shit about it on your walk home from school’ kind of confession.” Your hands reach the nape of her neck now, braid mostly done on her head, but you’ve got around another 20 inches of length before being finished.

     “Harper avoided me for nearly a week after that. I was absolutely pathetic, and inconsolable. Alex was fed up with my shit after a few days, and nearly slapped me over it. He would’ve been in the right, doing so, honestly. I was a selfish asshole who only thought about her own feelings, and not about her best friends.” Your eyes drift to Spinel’s face, and her eyes are closed, eyebrows unfurrowed.

     “Anyway,” You’re nearly done with the entire braid now. “She did end up forgiving me. Thankfully. I don’t know what I’d do if it were my fault that I’d split up our friend group.” You pick up the discarded hair tie from earlier, and tie it around the end of the braid.

     “I’m all done, by the way.” You say to her. She opens her eyes tentatively, and she looks sleepy. You stand up, and stretch your back. She also gets up on wobbly legs, and turns to look at you.

     “Um.” She’s avoiding your eyes. “Thank you. For this.” She’s twisting her hands together, nervously. You lean your face closer to get at eye-level with her.

     “Anytime.. and for the record, you look really cute in a braid.” You say and smile, giving her a cheeky wink. You watch her entire face from the neck up turn bright red, and think that you could probably do this forever, and never get tired. She gives you a noncommittal grunt, halfheartedly smacks your arm and you grin at her.

     You hear a quiet knock at the door, and look over to Spinel. She shrugs, so I guess it’s okay now.

     “You can come in!” You say to the door. It opens slowly, and you see Steven peek his head in.

     “Um.. are we okay?” He asks, clearly very worried about her.

     “I’ll be okay.” She says, and you think that maybe she should lay down and sleep. You verbalize this immediately.

     “Spinel. I think you should go take a nap.” You look at her, and she blinks at you. “I’m serious.”

     “She’s kind of right.” Steven says in agreement with you. Spinel gives the both of you a shrug, and even that seems like it’s taking a lot out of her.

     “Okay.” She says, and turns to walk out of the bathroom. Steven opens the door wider, and you can see Pearl in the kitchen leaning against the counter, trying to not seem like she’s intently watching all of you.

     Spinel makes her way over to the couch and takes a seat, sitting up rigidly. You walk over to her to make sure she’s okay before you leave for home.

     “You know you can text me, right? And if you need me, I’ll be available. I’ll leave my volume turned on.” She gives you a nod. “Oh, and.. take this,” You say, and pull off the pullover hoodie you’re wearing right now, and hand it over to her. “Alex used to let me wear his oversized sweaters, and they used to help me sleep, so..”

     She tentatively reaches out, and takes it from your hands.

     “Thanks.” She says, and gives you a small smile. With her hair pulled back like this she almost looks human, for a fleeting moment. You sometimes forget she’s a gem. You return the smile back at her, and turn around to leave.

     After grabbing your bag that you set down earlier from beside the couch, you head over to the front door and open it. Shouldering the bag, you start to shut the door and see Steven behind you. He closes the door behind him, his face searching yours for something you don’t quite know.

     “I don’t know what you did, but thank you.” He says, completely genuine.

     “You don’t have to thank me. I’d do it for you, too, you know.” You say to him, and he smiles.

     “That’s why I like you, Y/N. You’re sweet.”

     “Yeahhhh, don’t tell anyone, though. You’ll ruin my reputation.” You smirk, giving him the side-eye. He laughs and pats your back.

     “Ohhhhhh no! Whatever will you do!?” He rolls his eyes in jest. “Get home safe, okay?”

     “No promises.” You reply, and jump down his steps, two at a time.  

     It doesn’t take you long to get home, and you’re pretty tired yourself. You make yourself busy by preparing dinner, cleaning the kitchen a little, and calling your dad for another check-in. Before you know it, it’s nearly 11, and you need to sleep for your double shift tomorrow that you almost forgot about. You’re laying in bed browsing social media before drifting off, and you receive a text from Spinel. You swipe down and open the message.

         Spinel: Thanks again for today.

     Spinel: I baked some new cookies with Steven, and would like to give you some tomorrow if that’s okay?

         You smile to yourself. Ughhhhhhhh, you’re catching the feelings disease, and you swat the air around you like it somehow physically manifested around you.

         Y/N: I work literally all day, but feel free to stop by and give them to me.

     Y/N: Then I get to see a pretty familiar face to break up all the lame tourists.

     Y/N: Cuz that sounds super nice. ;)

     Spinel: I’ll see you tomorrow, then.

         She didn’t react to your obvious teasing, but you won’t let that discourage you. You fall asleep thinking of the many different ways you can poke fun at her, and this time, you charge your phone.

     You wake up the next morning feeling well-rested for once, and get ready for work. Alex has sent you a couple texts about when his flight will arrive, and when he’ll roughly come to meet you. Sometime around 4pm, apparently. You shoot Spinel a good morning text, and she replies almost instantly with the same, which makes you smile.

     You head to work, texting your group chat about what happened yesterday with Spinel, and give them basically all the details. Alex makes fun of you for a bit, so you curse him out and pocket your phone as you clock in. Today’s going to suck, but you’ve got a few things to look forward to.

     You make it a couple hours into your shift before you finally get a break, and Spinel texts you that she’ll drop by sometime in the afternoon once she’s done helping Bismuth with something. God you hope it’s not when Alex gets here, because you are so not fucking ready for that interaction. You eat your lunch and pray to any god out there that you could have one more day of peace.

     You’re outside the main building repairing a couple parts on the carousel, ignoring the bulk of the tourists to focus on work. You don’t realize that quite a while has passed by, because someone walks up to you as you’ve got your head in a small door, and kicks you slightly on your ass. You jolt and bump your head against the opening, and you hear Alex burst out into laughter as you groan in pain.

     God fucking dammit, this guy. You pull your head out to glare at him, screwdriver pointing at him threateningly.

     “Do you want this up your ass? Because I can do that.” You say to him, and he laughs even harder. You roll your eyes at him.

     “Don’t promise me with a good time, Y/N.” He says, and you stand up to smack him.

     “I don’t think the pointy end would be a good time, idiot.” You deadpan stare at him. He grins.

     “You don’t know what I’m into.” He shrugs, and flips his hair dramatically. You hate that he’s stupid and charming, and you love him so much.

     “I know I haven’t seen you in 2 months, but like, I feel like you’ve grown taller?” You stare at him, a little mournfully. You’re the shortest one out of your friends, and you’re of average height. He also seems.. handsomer. You think he definitely got a lot more tan. He’s definitely grown into his looks, his dark curly hair and recently shaved face making him look older than you’re used to.

     “I don’t think I did, but I think you’ve grown shorter.” He laughs obnoxiously, and you smack his arm again, which makes him laugh harder.

     “You’re so mean to me, like all the time. Why do I love you?” You cross your arms and pout, because you know it gets a rise out of him.

     “Youuuuuuu knowww, because I’m just so loveable and gorgeous and the smartest one in the group??” He flutters his eyelashes at you like he thinks he’s cute.

     “Wow, you are none of these things.” You reply, smirking at him. He puts his hand over his heart in mock offense.

     “Y/N, I’m offended. I’ve been here for like, five minutes, and I’ve received absolutely no affection from you. If I don’t get love, I will wilt and die. Do you want to be responsible for my death?” He opens his arms wide, and you roll your eyes dramatically, and stand there.

     “We’re not doing this in public.” You say, standing your ground.

     “Ohhh, YES we are, Y/N.” He wiggles his eyebrows. “Prepare yourself for the onslaught.”

     You take a couple steps back, prepared to run. He grabs your arms, wraps his around your torso, and picks you up, swinging you around.

     “Nooooooooooooooooo!!” You cry. “Put me down you oaf!”

     “No! I want love!” He all but shouts, and spins you around. He grabs your cheek with one hand and starts giving you big ‘ol smooches all over your face, and you’re giggling and trying to push him away, when you hear something drop and spill on the pavement a good twenty feet from you. You look up.

     It’s Spinel.

       Her face is twisted with heartbreak, and before you can even speak up, she bolts.

       You look down, and see the cookies she made you scattered on the ground.

[tuesdayscanons]

Tuesday's Stardew Valley Canon Pairings Hot Takes

* (This includes the actual married couples and psuedo-couples that are implied to be canon if the player didn't intervene)

I'll start with Maru and Harvey because I've already given my opinion on them, but I'll go into a little more depth. Harvey looks like he's mid 30s or early 40s while Maru is apparently young enough for Demetrius to get protective of her when the player is basically just getting friendly at that point. Is Harvey different because he's a doctor? I feel like Demetrius would notice how unprofessional it is for an employer to date an employee, but what do I know? This isn't Maru's fault, though the vague information from canon makes me uneasy.

Speaking of Demetrius, I want to say that Robin and Demetrius are the best couple in the game. I love the way they dance together at the saloon on Fridays, you can tell they're still very much in love. They have disagreements, but they ultimately care about each other.

Sebastian and Abigail feels kinda one-sided? Like it's implied Seb has a crush on Abi, but he doesn't consider her a friend even though she comes to visit him. It's always "Sam is the only friend I have" or something along those lines. Not that I really ship Seb with Sam (Sam feels too immature to be in a relationship rn) but I feel like Seb and Abi are just paired together because they're both alt.

Sam and Penny just feels chaotic on all ends. Sam can't even have the player over at night without panicking about his Mommy—does Penny really need that energy in her life? She's already kinda caring for the only two children in the valley, she doesn't need to have a third child on her hands. This feels like the couple that used to be high school sweethearts only to grow to resent each other as time passes on.

Jodi and Kent is hard for me to read into fairly. I mean, Kent isn't even there for the first year and when he does come home, he seems emotionally detached to everything. I don't remember a time where Kent really talks about his role as a father or husband. Not Kent's fault, he literally has PTSD, it's just that Kent and Jodi don't really feel happy together.

Leah and Elliott, on the other hand, just make sense with each other. They look like they were literally made for one another. Part of me feels bad whenever I try to split them up because I don't think I could make them as happy as they make each other.

Alex and Haley bring out the worst in each other. There's a reason they don't talk to each other as much once they start their character development. Alex likes Haley because she's pretty, Haley likes Alex because he's handsome. Nothing more to say.

Evelyn and George are sweet. It can lean a little into "boomer wife humor" territory at times, but some of it makes sense if you consider that George has internalized ableism and he doesn't like having lack of agency (I mean, would you want to be dragged into the freezing snow against your will in a metal wheelchair, regardless of whether it was the festival you met your spouse at?). Evelyn cares about George a lot though and it's sweet how she tries to get him to see people still care about him. I feel like she's why George has the motivation to wake up each morning (that, and taking care of his grandson). I don't want to make this too long, but they're a sweet elderly couple and I like their dynamic.

Pierre and Caroline are meh. Part of that is because I see Pierre as "smug seed dispenser" and Caroline as "the woman who is probably into essential oils and is anti-vax" erm, "the tea lady who doesn't have much of an identity outside her family and her tea room". Other people have made better observe about them, though I don't know if they really love each other. Doesn't really help that Pierre is usually selling stuff during festivals instead of spending time with his family.

Emily and Clint is a HUGE "hell no" for me. Clint has incel vibes and it's confirmed when he completely ghosts her after she gets into a relationship...and Emily still wanted to be his friend! Clint shouldn't even be getting mad when he can't even talk to Emily without the player threatening to never upgrade their tools again.

Emily and Shane only really exists as a pairing because the two of them weren't designed to be suitors at first, but I like them a lot more than Clint and Emily. Shane is always around the bar, so they'd interact quite a bit. They both care about animals deeply (look at me and tell me Emily wouldn't be thrilled about the Blu chickens!). I can see them working as a couple.

Not going to lie, I nearly forgot about Lewis and Marnie. They're the tabloid gossip couple and no one would be thinking that if Lewis wasn't too pathetic to be open about his relationship with Marnie. You've been misusing the budget to make a golden statue of yourself, Lewis, dating Marnie is the least of your problems. Stop making out in bushes and just be honest ffs. It's not like Lewis has any competition if he's been mayor for over 20 years...