#and who does a sum total of fuck all around the house but proceeded to be vastly unhelpful and pissy

[ridiculously-over-obsessed]

Crying because it's after midnight and I wanted an early night before what is going to be an incredibly fun and amazing but also exhausting week, but yet here I am, late af, still needing a shower, still needing to pack a few things, with a massive surge of adrenaline that's bound to keep me up for hours yet??? It's more likely than you think ✌🏻

[catch22inareddress]

My Soldier of Winter Series: Chapter One: Longing

The story takes place after the Accords and revolves around you, the reader. You are the Goddaughter of Tony Stark and his protege. You have helped with the Avengers since its birth and when the Accords were in talks before Steve found Bucky in Romania, you and Tony had a fallout.  You could no longer be apart of something that you didn't believe in. You have helped Steve, Bucky, and the fugitives from behind the curtain you have not seen them and have not met the infamous Winter Soldier. They have since made a tense amends with Tony and a new threat looms in the future requiring the team to unite against the enemy for the greater good. You are in the crosshairs as the successor and ultimately seen as Tony's daughter and those who want to hurt him are after you. However, you have built a new life for yourself this past year and refuse to speak with him and are not yet fully aware of dire circumstances that you may be in.

Bucky is your soldier and your protector.

I curled up the couch watching Y/F/M relaxing after a busy day at work. I was thankful that most days I could work from home and shake off the Stark last name. It had it's perks but for the most part, it was a shit show, especially since I had distanced myself from everyone that I was close to since the Accords. Right now it was the busy season with the holidays just around the bend and after stepping down from helping with strategics and managing the Avengers I decided to be in charge of all of the charities and fundraising for the trust. This was the only job that I kept on after Tony and I no longer spoke since last year and the Accords. Not for lack of trying though on his part, especially in the recent few days. He had been sending everyone and their mother over but I stood strong and simply said no thank you to their pleas from Tony to say, " hi".

Pepper says that I get my morals and standards from the parents and my stubbornness from Tony. He's been in my life since I was a baby and when my parents died in a car bombing overseas when I was 7 he raised me as his own. However, in a typical Stark fashion, he had yet to apologize because he still did not see any wrongdoing in his eyes. This ranged from the Ultron, the Accords, and even to send Thor to sabotage a date. He ended up getting into a fight with the blender while thinking it was a good idea to make margaritas with Asgardian liquor. This, of course, failed miserably, all while I was getting ready. Will, my date showed up only to be greeted by the God of Thunder, shirtless and in all his semi nake glory and proceeded to give him a stern, "If you hurt her I will crush you," talk. Naturally, when I descended the stairs for your first date, Will bailed and not gracefully. Thor apologized and said I needed someone that was brave and wouldn't cave under such pressure to which I just laughed at his huge smiling figure and decided that to make the best of the evening. The night wasn't a total bust, both of us got drunk on Asgardian margaritas and I found out that he was an excellent cuddler.

This past month Captian America and the team were back at the tower from what Steve's text messages said but things were tense. He didn't elaborate due to security and the fact that I didn't ask. I remained somewhat close to him since I helped them while they were on the run over the past year. Everything from funds and weapons to safe houses all over the world. He wasn't too happy with all of the help at first but I just informed him that if I was an agent I would gladly be on the field, however, I'm not so this is how I help. He was the only one that respected my decision to not return to the Avengers and help run the team and keep Tony in check.

I heard a knock at my door and reluctantly got up and walked over. When I took a look through the peephole I saw Steve and someone else standing there. "You've got to be kidding me?" I sighed and then opened the door, ready to politely decline to the nicest man I'd ever met and disappointed that he caved to Tony's request. Even though I was seriously happy to finally see his star-spangled ass in person.

"Well, do my eyes deceive me or is this Captain America himself on my doorstep." I faked a little fangirl moment then gave a genuine laugh to his awkward blush and jumped up for a hug. He loomed over my small frame and his muscular arms easily lifted my feet off the ground in a tight embrace.

I heard a throat clear and out of the corner of your eye I saw the man that Cap brought with him to meet me. While I knew instantly that it was the Winter Soldier by his seemingly menacing stature, his eyes were the exact opposite of intimidating. He looked me over and then our eyes met.  They were the purest blue I've ever seen and they burned through me.

As Steve chuckled and set my feet down I became aware of what I was wearing. Some sleep shorts and an oversized cream off the shoulder sweater. My Y/ H/C hair was down and I had no makeup on so the flush on my cheeks was visible to both of the handsome men in front of me.

Steve beamed as he gestured towards Bucky. "Y/N---I'd like you to meet Bucky." The muscular man tentatively put his hand out for me to shake but instead, I went in for a hug. To this day I don't know why I would do something so impulsive, and yet I did. I regret nothing.

His arms hung loosely at his side for a fraction of a moment and he did the unexpected. He hugged me back for a brief moment.  His scent was deliciously intoxicating and I had to hold my breath so I could let go of him.

The whole hug was just a few seconds long but the action in itself was very intimate. This man could kill someone a hundred ways from Sunday and yet he let a complete stranger hug him in the middle of New York. My how things how changed.

"Well come on in guys." I led them to the living room and they sat down. Bucky sat across from me and Steve beside me. Steve gave a small remorseful smile to warn me why he was here while Bucky sat quietly next to us.

"So what does Tony want now. Pray tell?" Bucky looked around my place and smirked at the motorcycle in the corner and took in every detail while Steve shuffled in his seat.

" You know I'm glad you got out Y/N. I'm happy for you. Having a normal life". I shook my head. "You and I both know that I will never have a normal life. Not with Tony."

I looked at Bucky intently staring at me and Steve, trying to understand no doubt.  My guess is he didn't ask and Steve didn't tell the extent of my past and to that I was grateful.

Steve got up and started walking around looking at pictures. "Seeing anyone?"

I laughed. "Small talk?" He looked at me with concern on his face. I knew it was more.

"I've had a few dates but nothing serious. Seems the world is shy of gentlemen these days? What's going on?"

I stood up and Bucky instinctively stood and took a step towards me. I was started to get worried by the impromptu visit and was tired of being in the dark.

"Steve, Bucky. I'm no idiot and certainly not a baby. Just tell me like it is."

Steve nodded and walked up to me. "Well, we find ourselves in a bind Y/N. Hydra found has a weapon of mass destruction. One that they can't control. It could potentially destroy our planet and Tony is the key. Literally. The main piece is from Stark industries and Tony has a security measure that is biometric and requires DNA. He is in hiding but they are going to come after you to get to him. We've had you under extreme surveillance the past week to keep your safety."

I took a moment to mull over the information this super soldier just lobbed at my civilian head.

I slowly sat back and couldn't contain the laugh that escaped and the two men stared at me wondering if perhaps I had lost my mind. However, this would explain why Tony was MIA and everyone else was doing his bidding.

"Who has been watching me?" My eyebrows stitched together at the invasion of privacy.

Bucky cleared his throat. "Me. I've been watching you."

I nodded mentally recounting my week wondering if I did anything incriminating or embarrassing.  I had a ball last night and a date earlier this week but the guy was a douche bag and hit on the waitress more than me. So that was humiliating.

He looked at the ground to avoid my stare.

"So....if I don't go with you. I will likely be tortured and killed to get to Tony?"

The two men looked at each other and this time I looked at Bucky for the answer. "I'd say that pretty much sums it up."

"I can't make this shit up even if I tried. I fucking hate being Tony's daughter."

Bucky went rigid and my eyes caught tense body. He must hate Tony too. We should start a support group.

I look at Steve. "Give me ten minutes to pack up my shit and we can go." The men nodded.

I went to my room and started forcefully packing. I jumped when I saw Bucky in my doorway. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. Steve went to get the car and check the perimeter. He wanted me to stay with you."

I nodded. "Thank you." He slowly started walking towards me. "Need help?"

I had him grab my suitcase while I threw some clothes in. I grinned when he turned red while I tossed in my lace bra and panties.

"While I am upset that you were watching me through the shadows this past week. ....thank you."

He chewed on the inside of his cheek. "You're welcome. I ...I..didn't. I mean I wasn't intrusive if you were worried about that."

I slowly nodded my head. And touched his metal hand and he flinched back startling me.

"I was just going to say thank you for that. I'm so--"

He cut me off. "My arm. It's hydra. I don't like people touching it."

I shook my head and smirked while looking down at my suitcase. "I suppose that something that we will have to work on." I said it so low I'm not sure if he even heard me.

He must've noticed that I was shaking when I was tossing my things in. He took my hand in his flesh one.

"It's ok.  I-we won't let anything happen to you." I looked into those piercing blue eyes. "Huh. Turns out there are a few gentlemen left."

He gave me a genuine smile and licked his lips and sent my heart racing.

We heard Steve on Bucky's radio then. "We've got company you two. Wrap it up. We gotta go!”  We ran out of my house and the SUV that Steve was driving. Not a moment later we were surrounded by Hydra agents.

"Oh for fucks sakes." Bucky and I said in unison.

"Language!" Cap shouted. All three of us pulled out our guns to prepare for a fight.

I suppose a part of me was happy to be back.

Sorry if this one wasn't too exciting. Setting up for the next chapters. I did add some eye candy pics to help 😌

@mscaptainjones

[i-am-always-lost]

Day 18 | Disney Sea

A very controversial post for my parents. But to sum it up, I'm glad I gave up the time that I could be spending on my essay to go to Disney Sea.

In NORMAL circumstances, I would have definitely rejected outright if someone suggested to cut homework time for fun, sacrificing the possibilities for obtaining a higher grade. But weighing the opportunity costs, I made a last minute decision (literally at 10am on the same day) to go to Disney Sea instead of the library.

Went into the Sunkus (convenience store) near my house with 32% hope and 68% of acceptance of my fate : spending my day in the library. SURPRISE, SURPRISE. THEY SELL TICKETS!! That eliminated my fear on not being able to get tickets at the gate, this double confirming my attendance for sea. Sugoi~~!

Went there and met three other classmates. Two of them had a two day pass and they went to Disneyland prior this day, so they pretty much bonded a lot over the last 24 hours that they weren't apart. I'm not going to say that it was mostly awkward trailing behind-- because I had a lot of fun even though that happened <.< I really enjoyed experiencing time hanging out with different groups of people (by this time, I have hanged out with approximately 4 different groups in different occasions? I eat lunch with one group, shop with another, Disneyland and harajuku'd with another group. And of course there are my housemates. I have to say-- it's tiring. It's tiring having to adjust to different people on intimate settings when you are not immediately familiar with them, especially being a person who warms up to other people only after several occasions of interaction. Nevertheless, always good to take the first step and see who is compatible is who isn't.

Anyway, DISNEY SEA!

My schedule:

Got there around 11am. Have to say -- the monorail there is lit as. Look at the DANGLING HAND RAIL THINGS. ITS MICKEY. Magic starts as you leave Maihama station guys. Met H and J at the raging spirits ride. Bought a chicken leg beforehand (shortest queue of the day) bc you simply HAVE to.

Journey to the Centre of the Earth

IN MY DEFENSE THE CENTRE OF THE EARTH SHOULD BE DARK ANYWAY

First ride of the day! NOW, im not a ride person. The last thrilling ride I went on was the fucking speedy one that goes indoors and outdoors in Genting Highlands. But i could say that the awkwardness took over the nervousness. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Was totally entertained by H in the crew who was talking for the whole 80-90 minutes when we were in line 😂

VERDICT: IT WAS FUN AND I DIDNT DIE. 9/10 will recommend. It started off slow, then it got dark, then it sped up so quickly and went downhill (literally), and then it was over way too quickly. Savour the 4 minutes after waiting for more than an hour!

Lunch at this American themed place

I dont think i have photos for this :( but the reuben was really good. Disney food in Japan is really good in general!

The boat thingy

After that, me (third wheel) and K (fourth wheel) wandered off as the other two had fast passes for tower of terror. K claimed that ToT had a different narrative from what she experienced in the California one. I proceeded to learn about the minority representation in video games for the next hour while sitting in a weird ass boat that jerked every 5 seconds on water - which is not at all enjoyable but it was something to do.

Toy Story ride!!

Easily the best ride in Disney Sea. Idk, i might be biased but this was pure fun! Queued up for 110 minutes but the short 10 minutes or so was worth it. Subconsciously felt like those characters in a Taiwanese idol drama where they looked like they were having fun at fun fairs, except i really felt it! Basically you sit your seat and they whisk you around to shoot fake 3D balls using real canon puller things.

Aladdin canoe ride

I switched my Spotify playlist to Arabian Nights for this section. The Arabian front was so beautiful. They replicated the landscape pretty damn well- this goes for every other section of Disney as well. The aesthetics were 10/10. Unfortunately most of the photos are on my camera. We explored around and took the canoe ride. The characters are actually really well built and flawless! This was a comment from (K I think), in comparison to the one in Florida.

My little mermaid

🎶 Under the Sea 🎶

As I mentioned, the aesthetics are on point - THIS INCLUDED. It was so beautiful 😍 Got to say, the highlight of the whole place were the sea slugs of course. They were glowy and orangey (perfect description). Went for the teacup rides!

Dinner

Wanted to go for the gondola ride on the fake Venice river, but we couldn't find an entrance of the ride and it was getting late. So we went to dinner at this Italian place nearby. Had the lasagna and was honestly disappointed that it wasn't in a Disney plate. First world problems!

Some fortress

At this point I was so tired of walking till I was literally dragging my body around. But our crew with endless energy decided to explore every nook and cranny of the place. There were so many interesting things around though, just didn't get a single reference of it lel

Titanic ship

I'm not sure what this Columbia ship is in reference to-- but it looked exactly like the Titanic one. Tbh I can't tell, I've only watched about five Disney movies. Does inside out even count? I'm kidding. But the ship was so legit! H went around telling us about how the masks and poles work, not like I was listening completely bc I was half asleep at that point.

FANTASMIC

THE MOMENT IVE BEEN WAITING FOR. It's funny-- i didn't know I was even waiting for this moment until I experienced it. All I can say is it was worth every single second watching the Fantasmic show. Pretty much reminds you why you went to Disney in the first place. Brings the magic to you. Took so many clips of the show until my phone keeps threatening me on storage space every 5 minutes.

VERDICT: You should go if you've never been to say you've been there. The aesthetics and replicas are amazing and easily one of the best I've seen. And if you are a Disney fan, YES?? Confirm can cover most of the rides because it's quite a small park IN COMPARISON with the others. But I honestly wouldn't go again since I've been there :p

Honestly, I know my pictures are pretty crap. That’s because I took most of the photos on my camera! Can’t exactly transfer my photos to the computer as well bc most PCs dont have SD card slots. I owe many people many photos because my camera is apparently “very on point”. So okay. And uploading all these photos takes up a lot of time soz. I know this review isnt very complete and good as well. Might come back to edit though!

- disneyfied pancake

[isolavirtuosa]

Post-Post Traumatic: The Second Time 9-10

Post-Post Traumatic [fanfiction] NaruSasu (in progress)

A series of “drabbles” following the events of Post Traumatic.

Previous Parts

The Second Time

9-10 under the cut

Part 10 is a kick in the face, sorry.  The last three parts of The Second Time going up tomorrow.

- 9 -

             “Why does shit always happen at the damn Chuunin Exams?” Naruto complained, lying with his head on my stomach, his legs dangling off the side of the bed.

           “It’s a gathering of all the most powerful leaders in the world with minimum security?” I suggested. I stared up at our bedroom ceiling, rubbing down his bare arm absently.

           “I should put you in charge of security,” he muttered.

           “And I would tell you to not even bother with the international exam, just let the villages deal with promotions in-house.”

           “But it’s really important for like… peace and good will, and all that crap.”

           “Mm-hm.”

           “Anyway, it’s already happened.  Another fucking attack on the arena.”

           “But this girl really had the rinnegan?” I asked.  I’d heard it from Suigetsu, but it was still hard to believe.

           “Best-kept goddamn secret in all of Lightning.”

           “You’ve been swearing a lot lately.”

           “Does it offend it?” he grumbled irritably.

           “No, but I like my sweet Naruto.”

           “Did you really just say that?” Naruto asked, jumping up so he could cover my face with kisses.

           “No,” I growled.

           “You did, too, I heard you.”

           “Can we talk about the rinnegan?”

           “You jealous that you’re not the only one with the rinnegan now?”

           “Of a teenage girl who couldn’t even pass the Chuunin Exam?  I think not.”

           “She only didn’t pass ’cause of the attempted kidnapping.”

           “Wasn’t she under age anyway?”

           “Yeah, but she’s from Lightning, and they still haven’t signed the age agreement, so…” Naruto said with a long sigh.

           “So this unknown Kumogakure female was born with the rinnegan and is now Shukaku’s jinchuuriki? And some cult-like group attacked the Chuunin Exam and tried to kidnap her?”

           “Yeah, that about sums it up,” Naruto muttered, nudging me onto my side so he could spoon me. “And Shukaku’s just like, yeah, man it’s totally cool, I want to be trapped inside of her.”

           “What was she like?” I asked, tracing the bulging blue veins popping out of Naruto’s arm.  It was a hot summer night.

           “Whaddya mean?”

           “I mean, what was she like?”

           “A teenage girl?  I dunno.”

           “Was she powerful?”

           “She will be.”

           “Anything else?”

           “What do you want to know, Sas’?” Naruto murmured, nuzzling behind my ear with his nose.

           “Are you getting romantic?”

           “Mm, a little.”

           “Can we finish talking about this?”

           “Yeah, if you’d get to the point.”

           “Naruto.  This girl.  This Getsuko.  Our generation has already played out.  She’s the next generation.  She’s the next power.  This is important.  And also, how the fuck does she have the rinnegan?”

           “Her chakra…” Naruto started and stopped.  He kissed my neck, sucking lightly.

           “You’re acting like me,” I said, pushing his face away.

           “Well, someone has to,” he complained, hooking his arm under my knee and lifting.

           “Fuck you,” I grumbled, but then my eyes fluttered shut as he pressed his body fully to mine. “It’s just… how did I not know? About her?”

           “Because A hid her,” Naruto said, anger creeping into his voice.  “Can we not talk about this right now?  I haven’t sorted it all out yet.  And I’m working myself up to a decent half-chub.”

           “I didn’t know that talking about politics and splinter groups was such a turn on for you.”

           “I haven’t seen you for weeks,” Naruto murmured, kissing the sensitive spot behind my ear.  “You could belittle and demean me, and I’d be turned on.”

           “No, see I already knew that you were into that-”

           “I’m not into that! It makes me very sad and hurts my manly feelings!”

           “So I shouldn’t belittle and demean you?”

           “You should say nice, loving things to me.”

           “Okay.”

           “Okay?”

           “Yeah,” I said, turning my face back towards him.

           Naruto smiled, giving me a little peck.  “I’m waiting.”

           “You’re… not bad,” I offered.

           “Jerk,” he said, pushing my face away.

           “Hey, if you can’t say anything nice either…”

           “My smart, beautiful, wonderful, amazing husband,” Naruto said, kissing down my shoulder.

           “Show-off…”

           “It’s easy, you should try it,” he murmured, rubbing between my thighs.

           I shivered, rocking back into him.

           Naruto went back to kissing my neck.

           We moved together slowly, lazy and relaxed.

           “You’re…” I started to say, but couldn’t think of anything nice that didn’t sound cheesy or trite.

           “Tell me?”

           I swallowed.

           He tightened his grip on my thigh, firm and reassuring.

           “I… like you…” I concluded lamely.

           Naruto snorted, a puff against the back of my neck.  “I like you, too.”

           I could feel the weight of him sliding against me.  I squeezed my thighs closer together and he gasped hot in my ear.  “You’re…” I tried again.  “You’re… everything,” I finally concluded.

           “I’ll take that as a something nice,” he said, threading his fingers with mine.

           I let my eyes slide closed and just felt.

           “Hey, love?”

           I opened my eyes, disoriented like I was waking from a dream.

           “Are you… hard?”

           “Huh?” I said, looking down, but I was covered with a sheet.

           “No, really, I think you are!” Naruto said, all excited like a puppy.

           I thought about it, and there did seem to be something going on down there.

           Naruto’s hand got there first, wrapping around me tentatively.

           It wasn’t exactly rock hard, but it was more movement than I’d seen in months.

           I found my face being redirected for a quick peck before Naruto was disappearing under the sheet.

           “Oh… fuuuck…” I breathed, burying my fingers in his hair.  I threw the sheet away from him with my other hand, watching his blond head move.

           Naruto pulled away with a pop.  “I’ve missed you,” he cooed, nuzzling my erection.

           “Please stop,” I groaned.

           “You want me to stop?” he asked, looking up at me in confusion.

           “Not the blow job,” I clarified.  “The other stuff.”

           “I’m just getting reacquainted with an old friend.”

           “Naruto…ooo… ahh…”

           I didn’t even try to stop him when he kissed me with his cummy mouth afterwards.

           We both passed out, exhausted from weeks of sleeping apart.

           We woke up to one of the little kids jumping into bed with us.  She crawled right into Naruto’s arms, and the two of them went back to sleep.

           I got up and smoked a cigarette, then decided to go downstairs and make coffee.

           “Sasuke!” Mari said, attaching herself to my leg.  “Good morning!”

           “Morning,” I said, patting her on the head.

           “Can we practice taijutsu today?”

           I thought about it for a moment.  “Yeah, sure.”

           “Thanks!” she said, letting go of me and skipping off.

           Karin came dragging down the stairs, looking tired.  “Hey.”

           I handed her a coffee.

           “You’re a prince,” she said, taking a long drink.  “So Naruto came back with two more brats?”

           “Don’t ask,” I said, shaking my head.

           “Where does he keep finding these kids?”

           “I don’t know.”

           “Try and learn their names this time?”

           I stared at her.

           “Okey dokey, boss,” she said, patting my cheek and walking away.

           “Huh?” I muttered, unclear on what she was okaying.

           “Morning, gorgeous,” Naruto said breezily, smooching me on the cheek.  He had that little girl on his hip, and she leaned up to smooch my cheek, too.

           I blinked at her.

           “Thanks for making coffee,” Naruto added, pouring a cup for himself.

           “Can I have some?” the girl asked.

           “I don’t think you like coffee, but you can try mine,” Naruto said, offering the cup to her.

           “I like it!” the girl protested, taking a sip.  She proceeded to wrinkle her nose.

           “Bitter, right?” Naruto said, dumping some sugar into the cup.

           “What are you doing today?” I asked him.

           “Nothing, glorious nothing,” he said, setting the girl down and turning his attention to making breakfast.  “Who wants eggs?”

           “Me!” came a chorus of answers.

         “Jugo and Suigetsu should be back this afternoon,” I said.  “I want to have a meeting about the rinnegan girl.”

           “Yeah, sure, just tell me when,” Naruto said, pulling the eggs from the refrigerator.

           I watched him cook, the kids all clamoring around to get the first omelet.

           Naruto looked happy again, smiling and light.  I wanted him to stay like that, instead of the drained zombie he’d become lately.

           Suigetsu came home first, promptly disappearing into his room.  Karin was nowhere to be found either.

           “Can I have Karin’s room?” Mari complained, tugging on my shirt.

           “What for?” I asked.

           “She’s not using it…”

           “Ask her then,” I said. “Let’s go train.”

           Mari followed along happily.  She had no intentions of being a ninja, but she liked being able to defend herself. She was a little budding feminist, though I wasn’t really sure where she’d picked all that up from.

           Two of the little kids came with us into the desert, trying to imitate Mari and I as we trained, though they were really just playing around.  If they’d been a little older, I would have yelled at them.  But there was something nice about little kids playing at being ninjas, giggling and having fun.

           Mari was more serious. Her form wasn’t bad.  When I told her so, she beamed.

           I don’t know why she respected me so much.  She found me at my lowest, and I never seemed to go up much from there.  In fact, I’d come full circle since we’d met, off my meds and losing my mind again.  Yet there she was, grinning up at me like I was the greatest person to ever live.

           I kind of got why people had kids.  It just hurt too much when they went away.

           Jugo didn’t get back until late.  We all sat together in the living room, Taka and Naruto, ready to discuss the failure that was the existence of Getsuko.

           I was on my fifth cigarette of the meeting.

           “No one knows who her parents were,” Jugo reported.  “She was born with the byakugan, but no connection to the Hyuuga could be determined. She was found in the woods, alone. It was right after the Fourth Shinobi World War, and one of the Kumo ninjas found her on the way back.  She brought her to the raikage, and he sent her to be raised in the mountains.”

           “Fucking A…” Naruto muttered.

           I rested my free hand on his knee, squeezing gently while I continued to chain smoke.

           “A teacher in the Land of Earth took her on after she passed the genin exam, and has been training her in secret.  The Land of Earth is also where she encountered Shukaku and became his jinchuuriki,” Jugo continued.  “It seems that the Covenant attacked her, and Shukaku saved her by entering her body. This is also when she awakened the rinnegan.”

           “I need to know if she has a connection to the Uchihas,” I put in.

           “I can’t answer that for you.”

           “Her chakra…” Naruto started, then stopped.  “I don’t like it,” he finally said.

           “Why, because she’s more powerful than you?” Suigetsu asked with a snort.

           “No,” Naruto said. “It just… it’s like the opposite my chakra.  Not in the yin and yang kind of way that Sasuke’s is…  It’s like my whole body rejects it, like the feel of it against my skin burns…”

           We talked around in circles about the girl with the rinnegan.  We talked about the Covenant, a group that Taka had been trailing for a while, unclear on their motives.  They just seemed to be a mercenary group, using their ninja skills for cash.  Had they wanted to sell the rinnegan girl to the highest bidder?

           “Babe, your hands are shaking,” Naruto commented as we went up to bed.

           “I’m fine,” I said, stuffing them in my pockets.  “I want to smoke.”

           “You just smoked like an entire pack…”

           “Not cigarettes.”

           Naruto was quiet as he locked the door.

           I pulled out my pipe and lit it.

           “I’d rather you not do that in our room,” Naruto said, sitting down next to me on the bed.

           “Well I’d rather not go outside,” I said.  “Stop looking at me like that.  I know I’m a drug addict, let’s move on.”

           “You want me to move on from you being a drug addict?”

           “Yes.”

           “Baby, what’s going on?” he asked, tilting my face towards him.

           “Nothing,” I said, pulling away.  “You’re being annoying.”

           Naruto seemed at a loss. “I’m not being anything.”

           “Then shut up and let me smoke in peace.”

           I should have been suspicious when he actually did shut up.

           The first hit of opium felt like relief.  I breathed out, feeling relaxed.

           Naruto was changing out of his clothes.

           I watched him with a smile, taking another hit before setting the pipe aside.  “C’mere.”

           He turned to me, eyes red and sorrowful.

           “Hey, what’s wrong?” I asked, not quite losing my smile.

           “Everything,” he said, shaking his head.

          “No way, it’s all good,” I said.  I held my hand out to him, and he approached slowly, taking it.  “We’re here.  Together. That’s so good, Naruto.  It’s so good.”

           “I wish it was that simple.”

           “It is.”

           He hugged me to his stomach, still standing over me.

           I melted into him.

           “Sasuke?  Am I a good person?”

           I looked up at him, laughing.  “Yeah, of course.”

           “I probably shouldn’t be having this conversation with you when you’re high,” he said, shaking his head with the hint of a smile.

           “You should be high with me.”

           “Thanks, baby, but I’m okay,” he said, going back to being glum.

           “You’re not okay,” I complained, pulling him on top of me.

           “It’s not a big deal,” he said, giving me a quick kiss. He shifted, laying his cheek against my shoulder.  “I just wonder if what I’m doing is right.”

           “Of course it is.”

           “Then why is everyone against me?”

           “Who cares what they think?” I murmured, finding myself starting to drift.  “Have some conviction.  Fuck other people.”

           “If you say so,” he said, hugging me.

           “I say so.”

           “Okay.  Fuck other people.”

           “That’s my baby.”

 - 10 -

             “You went behind my back,” I hissed, cold as ice.

           “Someone had to!” Karin said, throwing her arms up.

           “You had no right!”

           “Look at yourself, you piece of shit!” Karin yelled back.  “You’re smoking every day now!  You’re barely getting out of bed!  You’re depressed as hell, and you’re a fucking drug addict, and I’m not just gonna sit here and watch you destroy yourself!”

           I threw the couch across the room.

           Karin gaped at me.

           “It’s none of your business,” I growled, rage rolling off of me in physical waves of chakra.

           She backed away, looking terrified.

           I was lost, knowing only my fury at Karin for telling Maiko.  For telling Naruto.

           I wasn’t that bad. So I smoked opium.  It wasn’t illegal.  And I got out of bed.  I trained. Sometimes I ate.  I did.  I wasn’t falling apart.  I was in control.

           The desperate denial that I was in only made me angrier.

           Karin had no right to do this.  Now they were trying to lock me up again.  It was her fault, and I was going to make her pay for it.

           “Sasuke,” she whispered, still backing away.  “I was just worried about you.  I was trying to help…”

           “I’m not going back there!” I shouted.

           “Back where?” she asked, brows drawing together.

           I took another step forward, menacing.

           “I just wanted you to get help,” she whispered, bumping into the wall.

           “I don’t need help!” I screamed, charging at her.

           The natural energy enveloped me, and I felt my chakra draining away.

           I woke up chained to a bed.

           I started screaming.

           “Sasuke,” Jugo said firmly.

           “Please don’t do this, please don’t do thispleasedon’tdothis,” I whimpered, struggling against the binding.

           “You tried to hurt Karin,” he said, touching my face.  His hand was so big.  He was angry, but he kept his touch gentle.

           “I wouldn’t have hurt her, I wouldn’t have,” I whispered.

           Any semblance of control was gone.

           How had I ended up like this?  I’d been fine.  Maybe a little moodier than usual, though as Naruto kindly liked to point out, I was always moody.

           But it had been getting harder and harder to leave the house.

           And then Naruto had gone off to fight the Covenant and gotten himself stupidly injured.  He would be fine, but he was in a hospital in Kumo.  And I knew if I’d been there, it wouldn’t have happened.  And that made me feel even more trapped in the house.  I was a prisoner.  I was always a prisoner.  So I got high and escaped, but a hit wasn’t taking me very far, and even two hits wasn’t quite enough, and I was getting lost in a haze and I was trapped trapped trapped-

           “This isn’t what we wanted,” Jugo said quietly.  “Karin and I were going to talk to you tonight, together.  Talk to you about those rehab pamphlets you found.  As a family.  No one was trying to check you in anywhere.  Maiko suggested trying the outpatient program.  We didn’t want to do this.”

           “Then don’t,” I gasped out.  My whole body was shaking.

           “You tried to hurt Karin,” he repeated, taking his hand away.

           “Don’t go,” I said, panicking.

           “Of course not,” he said, pulling up a chair next to my bed.

           “Where am I?” I finally asked.

           “Suna Specialist Hospital.”

           “…the mental institution?”

           “Yes.”

           “Do I have to stay here?”

           “Yes.”

           I started getting hysterical again.

           A nurse came in and injected me with something.

           Everything went black, and then I was awake again, and Jugo was asleep in the chair next to me.

           “Help me,” I whispered, struggling against the chains.  The feeling of being tied up was bad enough, but feeling my chakra being drained just put me in a state of complete helplessness.  I wasn’t going back to all those years in Konoha, a neutered animal wasting away into nothing.  I had my life back.  No one was taking it from me again.  “Help me!” I screamed, struggling.  The chakra inhibitors burned into my skin.  I remembered Koneko’s body falling, the smell of burning flesh, my eyes burning, the pain…

           “Sasuke.”

           It was Maiko, standing in the doorway.

           “Please don’t do this, please don’t do this,” I pleaded.

           She looked pained.

           Jugo was awake now, giving me the same look.

           “Fuck you and your pity!”

           I raged and I fought and I screamed and I was sedated, and then I woke up calm until I panicked and raged and fought and screamed and was sedated again.  Sometimes I got sick.  Sometimes I activated my sharingan and had chakra-absorbing chains burn into my flesh.  Sometimes everything just hurt and all I could do was cry.

           The voices that I’d been ignoring for months started whispering louder and louder.

           Naruto appeared at some point.  He put cool towels on my forehead, and babbled nonsense at me while I hurled abuse at him.

           I don’t know how many days passed.

           At some point I got moved into a special room.  There were seals built into the walls that drained anyone’s chakra who entered.

           “This is better, right?” Naruto said, petting my hair.

           I hurt too much to get out of bed.  I did, however, feel better not being handcuffed and chained.

           “When can I go home?” I asked, my voice barely audible.  My throat was raw from screaming.

           “When you’re calm,” Naruto said, smiling at me sadly.

           “I’m calm,” I whispered.

           “You seem okay right now,” he agreed.

           “Then take me home,” I rasped.

           “Baby,” he said, shaking his head.  “There’s a hole in our living room.”

           I vaguely recalled the couch smashing through the drywall.  “I didn’t mean to.”

           “What if one of the kids had been there?”

           “They weren’t.”

           “This isn’t just about you.  This is about our whole family, everyone under our roof.  And right now, I can’t say that everyone is safe with you home.”

           I was glad that he looked miserable saying it, because he was the worst kind of traitorous asshole. I refused to speak to him for the rest of the time that he was there.

           It was killing him, but he stayed and fixed my pillows, and tried to get me to eat, and cleaned up my puke until visiting hours were over.

           I wondered if the chakra drain hurt him as much as it hurt me.  Then again, he could just walk out of the room whenever he wanted.

           Naruto came back the next day.

           I was feeling more lucid and slightly less horrible, though they were still keeping me pumped up on some kind of sedative, and the opium withdrawal hadn’t quite finished with me.

           “How are you?” he asked as the guard let him in.

           “Shitty.”

           “You look it,” he said, trying to smile.  He came over to me, touching my cheek.

           I couldn’t help but lean into it.  “I hate you for making me stay here.”

           He flinched, pulling his hand away.  “I know.”

           We both fell quiet.

           “I didn’t know it was this bad,” Naruto finally said.  “I knew you were struggling, but I didn’t think… You promised you would tell me if things got bad.”

           “Things weren’t bad.  I had it under control.”

           “You call this control?!” Naruto asked, his tone rising in frustration.

           “No,” I said, my voice cracking.

           He looked away, rubbing absently at where his arm met his prosthetic.  “What happened?”

           “I don’t know.”

           Naruto sat down on the chair next to my bed.  It was nailed to the floor, like all of the furniture in the room.  He looked at me for a long while before crumbling into a sobbing heap.

           “Naruto…”

           “I can’t do this,” he gasped out between sobs.

           I was frozen, terrified.

           “Sasuke,” he said, still a mess but struggling to look up at me.  He held out his arms.  “Come on.”

           I was confused, but I threw myself into him, clinging.

           He kissed my hair, getting it wet with his snot.

           I clung harder.  I couldn’t look at him.

           “I can’t do this.”

           Was it over?  Was this his breaking point?

            It was all so pointless.  I’d been fine, and then just for a little while I wasn’t, and now everything was fucked.

           I thought about my brother.

           My parents, dead on the floor.

           “Hey.”

           I found myself being swallowed up by blue eyes.

           “I’m sorry,” he said with a shaky laugh, holding my face carefully between his hands.

           “You have nothing to apologize for.”

           “I’m supposed to be the together one.”

           “No one thinks that you’re together,” I tried to joke, but I was shaking.

           “Don’t destroy my self-image,” he murmured, pressing his nose to mine.  “I am sorry, though.  I’ve kind of… taken a… whatsit, sabbatical from work.  I mean the whole Covenant thing is wrapped up, so I think I should just focus on you right now, ya know?”

           I loved and hated the sound of that.  “You should focus on you,” I said quietly.

           “Me?” he said, squinting his eyes at me.

           “I’m sorry I fucked everything up,” I muttered, burying my face in his neck.

           “Hey… well, okay, maybe you did a little…”

           I let out a little laugh that was half a cry.

           “But we’ll get through it,” he said, patting my head.  “We always do.”

           “Two broken halves don’t make a whole.”

           “Why do you have to be so melodramatic?” he asked.  He pushed me off of his lap and made me get back into bed.  “You’re not broken, you’re just a little… messed up?”

           “That sounds so much better.”

           “Yeah, doesn’t it? ’Cause something that’s messed up can be put back together.”

           “I’m not going back on those medications.”

           “What are you going to do instead?”

           I didn’t have an answer for that, but I did have a sudden stomachache that had me rushing off to the bathroom.

           Jugo came in to find me lying on the floor, cheek pressed to the cool tile.

           “Withdrawal,” Naruto said with a shrug.  “Sasuke, I’m gonna go work on the house, okay?”

           I waved him off.

           “I’ll be back in a couple of hours,” he said, lying on the floor next to me and giving my nose a brief kiss.

           I watched him go, then went back to feeling horrible.

           Jugo started reading a book.

           I stayed curled up on the floor for a while, then rushed to the bathroom again.

           Jugo glanced up when I appeared in the doorway again.  “Everything okay?”

           I stared at him.

           He shrugged and went back to his book.

           I dragged myself to the bed.  I flopped down heavily, groaning.  My body ached.  My stomach was a mess.  And Jugo was angry at me.

           “I’m sorry,” I said. It was all I had to offer.

           “I appreciate that, but it’s not enough.”

           I curled up into a ball, pulling the blanket on top of me.  I was shivering from the cold.

           Neither of us said anything, and I drifted asleep a few times, only to be woken up by the pain.

           Naruto came back after lunch.

           My tray was on the night table, untouched.

           “I’m eating your pudding,” he declared, opening it and digging in.

           “I’ll go now,” Jugo said, standing up.

           “See you at home,” Naruto said.  He had a chocolate stain around his mouth.

           I didn’t say anything.

           “That was so good,” Naruto said.  He patted his stomach contentedly.  “You gonna try to eat something?”

           “No.”

           “You’re gonna get all skinny and gross again.”

           “Did you just call me gross?”

           “Yep.”

           “My stomach hurts,” I said pathetically.

           “Yeah, well, that’s what happens to drug addicts.”  He was trying to sound teasing, but he was serious.

           I decided I deserved it and stayed quiet.

           I felt the mattress dip under Naruto’s weight.

           “I’m angry and I’m being petty, okay?” he said, stroking my hair.

           “You’re fine.”

           “I think we all just kinda feel… unprepared?  Like no one saw this coming, and we’re all raw and stuff.”

           “I get it.”

           “Good, ’cause I don’t.”

           “What can I do to make this right?” I asked.  It was hard to say.

           “Just focus on getting better.”

           After the worst of the withdrawal stopped, Maiko started talking the future with me.

           “In order for you to be released, I’m recommending that you go on a mood stabilizer, antidepressant, and antipsychotic.”

           I couldn’t even feel betrayed.  I’d done this.

           “I’m not saying this is forever,” she said.  “I want you to be able to live your life medication-free.  But it’s going to take a lot of work to get to that point.  Do you understand?”

           “I understand that I’m a slave to this disease and I’m never going to be ‘better’.”

           “Yeah, that’s true,” she agreed.  “You already knew this.”

           “I thought I could control it.”

           “You know that you can’t.”

           “But if I… if I was stronger… better…”

           “You still couldn’t do a fucking thing.”

           “I don’t want to accept that.”

           “Well, too bad. Take your damn meds when the nurse brings them to you.”

           I did.