#and while you're at it intercede on my behalf because it's all I have left at this point

[tragcdysewn]

"i never claimed you couldn't, i've simply rarely heard you have anything nice to say about anyone beyond xianle." jun wu replies with a long sigh. nianqing always seems to take issue with far more people than you'd expect from a priest of his standing. but the minute that jun wu disapproves of someone, it seems like the other feels obligated to come up with something decent to say about them, simply to be contrary. unsurprising, considering the man is, as a general rule, a contrary person, but he doesn't need to enjoy it when it's directed at him, apparently solely designed to further the argument they're currently having. "for people who cared about wuyong, they certainly ran quickly when things took a turn for the worse. i did what i could to save our people, and they only cared to save themselves! they were selfish, and even now they can not let go of their resentment!" even despite his best efforts to destroy every trace of wuyong, erase his greatest failure from the face of the earth and the memories of humankind and immortals alike, he can never manage to erase the taint on his own visage, the stain of his friends' final vengeance forever engraved into his very soul. "is it obvious, priest? it's obvious that you would mourn the man you fled for centuries, the man who wrapped his hands around your throat with the full intent of ending your life?" it didn't feel like anything about the two of them was obvious anymore, with two thousand years of betrayal and mistrust and madness between the versions of them that truly knew each other. and yet the other spoke as though nothing had changed between them, like he was still the naive prince who'd wanted nothing more than to save the world, despite them both knowing that couldn't be further from the truth. "then make me understand, priest. how would you speak about me, if xianle had struck a killing blow on me that day, if i died with all my sins laid bare before the entire world?" his expression is mocking, though it feels out of place with the genuine question behind the words. he can't imagine a universe where death absolves him, where anything would absolve him, he knows he's long since gone down a path that doesn't coincide with forgiveness. he's made his bed, and he'll lie in it, he'd done what he believed to be necessary, and if unforgivable sin was necessary to establish a peaceful world, then so be it. "then has it changed?" the words are left so vague that he truly can not place what exactly mei nianqing means by them. and while the opinion of one person shouldn't matter, not to the heavenly emperor, the god of gods, the first of the great calamities, and yet the distinction is suddenly incredibly important to him. "and i think you're naive if you think either of us have any hope at living a normal life after everything that's occurred." he didn’t want to think too deeply about nianqing's claims, because if he looked at it all too closely, he's certain that he'll need to face truths that he still isn't ready to hear, even after millennia of life.

he couldn't kill him. he couldn't kill him, even when the man stood before, eyes closed in acceptance of his own demise. the final remnant of the past that he'd so wanted to destroy, and he was incapable of striking that final blow. once again he'd failed, his mind whispers, the pain in his head exploding. he has no idea anymore if the mocking laughter if his own mind, or if his old friends are once again mocking his weakness, interceding on behalf of the remnant of wuyong they don't entirely despise. "you don't wish to be dead, and yet you allow me to put a blade to your throat as if it were nothing? do you value your life so little in comparison to my happiness?" his hands were still shaking, almost violently now, and some part of him wants to once again wrap them around mei nianqing's throat, but what would that do? what would it achieve, when he is clearly incapable of actually ending the other man's life? he's killed thousands, perhaps even millions, has razed armies and destroyed nations, but he can't make himself slice his blade across the throat of one fool traitor who had quite bluntly asked for death. instead, one hand goes to his own forehead, as if rubbing at his temples will relieve some of the pain, when even tearing their forms out of his flesh over and over with everything from a dagger to his own blunted nails hadn't achieved that goal. once again, the others words hit too close to home, and he turns from the other rather than face him head on. why is he determined to insist that mei nianqing hates him, wants to betray him in some way? it's not a question that he wants to think to hard on, he's sure the answer would be something absurd about him pushing people away before they can do the same towards him, but he doesn't want to hear that potential unpleasant truth about himself, especially not when the consequences of that are currently staring him in the face. "what does it matter what i want? all i've wanted has burned to the ground before my eyes twice now, for what purpose would i attempt to rebuild for a third time? even i am not that masochistic, nianqing."

"i'm perfectly capable of critiquing someone without completely hating them." sure, nianqing had had critiques, and a lack of trust for some of them specifically, but he wouldn't say he disliked feng xin and mu qing necessarily. he had had his doubts, about their ability to properly support the crown prince, but to an extent he may have felt that way about anyone. and again, he still didn't understand why his opinions about all of these other people mattered. if jun wu's expectation was for nianqing to dislike everyone he disliked it was a standard the priest would never be able to meet. "we all cared! even if we disagreed with your methods that doesn't meant you were the only one to care about our home!" and maybe that stung in particular because not a day went by when nianqing couldn't help but feel at least a little homesick, didn't wish there was some better way to preserve wuyong and keep as much of it as possible. "so now we're asking obvious questions? of course i would mourn you." though his tone was still angry and baffled that didn't make the statement any less true. if anything nianqing felt like he was mourning jun wu even now, despite having the man alive in front of him. he mourned for the friend he once had, who was killed by circumstances and pressure and his own decisions, and even then he didn't want to lose the fragment of what he had left. "as if you could possibility understand how i'd speak about you." nianqing huffed. he had done what he could to preserve their home, their stories, and all the best of the lives they had lived. though he couldn't imagine why he'd still be alive after jun wu had passed, if that was the case he would obviously treat the emperor with the same respect and love he did everything he had lost. "you were always the best of the gods, to me at least." nianqing replied softly. "that doesn't change easily." still, that didn't mean he'd just let jun wu say whatever he wanted without giving his honest response."i think you refuse to even try. i think you back down from even attempting mortality because you don't want to try for something and fail yet again." nianqing replied stiffly. he didn't really know for sure if normality was possible, but it seemed blatantly clear that without a mountain to bury him under jun wu would rather not make an attempt. was it because he couldn't bear another failure? was it the paranoia? or was he really just too far gone for that to be a possibility? he really couldn't be sure.

he tensed up, the minute the blade was next to his throat. of course he did. even if nianqing had told jun wu to do it, he considered himself a relatively normal man, and no one wanted to have a blade ready to end their life in a single move. still, he let out a slightly shuddered breath and held his ground. he mostly meant it. if this would bring the emperor and sense of peace he should do it. he tried not to ruminate on the fact that he didn't think it would actually help jun wu. it was clear the man wasn't very interested in listening to what nianqing thought might help him. nianqing instead evened out his breathing and closed his eyes, waiting for the blow to come, wincing when the blade just nicked him and he was hit with a small bout of panic. was jun wu messing with him? did he intend to do this slowly? to make sure it hurt? after a second however he felt the blade move before hearing it hit the floor, and his eyes were quick to fly open. it took him a moment to answer, only centuries of patience keeping him from outright gaping at jun wu, and the ridiculous nonsense he was spouting. "not everything is some sort of trick or scheme! if i'm happy you didn't kill me it's simply because i don't wish to be dead." what he wanted to see? what nianqing wanted was to settle this one way or another. to end this fight in the only way he could figure out how, and now he was being accused of some sort of manipulation tactic. all he really wanted was for jun wu to be okay, and to stop hurting others, though every day he had to wonder if those two things could happen at the same time. "why are you so determined to fight with my every move? i am trying to stay with you, to be here in the way that i haven't in the past, and yet you act like you want me to hate you, to secretly be against you in another betrayal. you ask what i wanted to see yet i have no idea what you want at all, let alone at this very moment. what is it that you want with your life your highness?"

[mathlann]

I haven't played Kingmaker all day but I am on the other side of Troll Trouble, so, Thoughts!

I will say between getting into Lancer and maybe too being more familiar with WotR, but I am being braver in experimenting with non-box standard builds. So, due to lack of Bloodrager, my baroness is a Strength and Fearl Mutuagen-based vivisectionist. I miss my debuffs but the fantasy of go big and start ripping things apart bare-handed is intact.

My baroness is named Nadira and she's a beastbrood tiefling from Jalmeray. Unfortunately I did settle on Beastbrood and then saw the Pathfinder remaster changed the Rakshasa so...I am annoyed but we stumble ahead and adjust as more info comes out. Anyways I liked the lore that Beastbrood don't manifest their heritage physically until adolescence and the signs are still subtle so detecting them is more a "vibe" than something you can outright spot if they're in disguise. And since Rakshasa aren't as much a thing in Avistan, I hc she has a lot easier time there because her more hedonistic tendencies are just her being kinda a dick, and her physical traits get explained away by extensive mutagen use.

On that, I am missing WotR's backgrounds because as much as the Baron/ess is written to be anyone, there's still a very clear bias on what kind of anyone you're expected to be. Which is maybe more noticeable because reactivity as a whole is pretty low. I can ask Kanerah what it's like to be a tiefling and she'll answer as though I am not also one lol. I can point out Ekundayo doesn't fit around here as though my character isn't also potentially black. Etc etc. I backstory around it tho.

On that note, loved getting to hit Tristian with the "if you're from Kelesh, why are you white?" question.

I definitely love the lower-scale feel of this game in comparison to WotR. Weirdly enough it makes me feel more free in being mean? Like yes Oleg Leveton you will hand over your goddamn taxes, Nadira is a bandit with a legal badge, but you're going to come crawling up here for help on a quest in a few months anyways so pay up and fuck off.

Main party is Regongar and Octavia, Harrim, Jaethal, Kanerah, with Amiri occasionally swapping in. I will use Tristian for something eventually but he's kind of our token niceys so he doesn't vibe with the rest outside maybe Octavia.

Nadira is romancing Regongar and Octavia, with a side-fling with Kanerah, which won't last because she's Lawful Evil. Nadira is the CN middle to her main throuple, being mostly open to negotiation with people not an immediate threat but insults to herself or her loved ones can and will be retaliated against. She does favor Octavia a little bit more in decision-making and usually Octavia gets wife-veto privileges in that her opinion gets weighed first and in her favor in most matters related to diplomacy. Regongar gets privilege in matters of revenge and when Octavia's method fails.

The writing of this game is very colonial in ways that are often...eek, so I'm trying to build a kingdom of as many gremlin creatures as possible. First up being the Kobolds are now our downstairs neighbors. Which, while Octavia did intercede on Tartuk's behalf, apparently granting the Kobolds their own space earned the side-eye. Which is double strange because the things people say about Kobolds also get said about Orcs and Tieflings and yet she'd be upset if someone said something about them probably. (Not a knock on Octavia, she's my problematic wife. Its a writing quibble). And while normally the Tartuk issue would be Regongar's domain especially since Kanerah was backing him up, Nadira decided to be nice on it also because "people making your life miserable for the crime of being something you just kind of are" is the main reason she left Jalmeray so, she understands. And honestly getting the monsterling folk on her side is a huge boost in "not having kobolds attacking you all the time" so, it's pragmatic as well. So long as they pay their taxes.

I loved loved loved the little mystery story of the village with the Witch's hut. Reminded me of something out of the Witcher 3. Gave the coins to the old man and honestly that witch was out of line because idgaf how sad that guy was about his fiance leaving him... doesn't excuse that curse. He deserved that shit.

So Kingmaker is unique in that I find I am a lot more free with getting rid of/not recruiting companions in this game.

Valerie— told to scram after she escaped the kobolds (Linzi refused to take the hint, but im ignoring her)

Jubilost—He disrespected my wife, so he lost his life 😤

Ekundayo— abandoned the party because Octavia pulled a wife veto on killing Tartuk so we recruited him.