#and while you’re there please read all of Mack’s amazing fics

[nocapesdahling]

I can resist everything except temptation.

Inspired by catalyst by the wonderful @clints-lucky-arrow

[ussjellyfish]

fic: hold to the now, the here pt 14 | philinda | AoS | mature

So this is the end, and I've been writing this for over two years, which is the longest I've ever written anything (though there was a huge break) I finished it, and it's an amazing feeling.

Many many thanks to @meanderings0ul, because without your nudge I wouldn't have met the podcast folks and they're so supportive and it's just...everything. I'm so happy in fandom again.

Summary: Daisy visits Coulson to help look after baby agent Iris while May’s in Europe with FitzSimmons.

Notes: set about one year after the wedding. (because one year laters, should be happy, show, and have hugging)

"Hi Daisy, thanks, here." Coulson deposits a slightly sticky toddler in her arms the moment she has her coat off. "Iris, say hi to Daisy."

The tiny little being in her arms stares for a long quiet moment. "Oh you look just like mommy now, with the face."

"Mama," Iris repeats and Daisy looks to Coulson.

"Everything okay?" 

He sounded kind of frazzled on the phone as he'd tried to give her directions from the nowhere airport Bobbi had dropped her off at to the nowhere town he and May were living in. GPS found it no problem because there wasn't anything to find but pine trees.

"Mama's okay," Coulson says, kissing Iris' head and meeting Daisy's eyes for a moment. "She'll be back later, I have to get some work done, can you amuse her for a while?"

"Yeah, I'll try."

"Thanks." Coulson touches the baby again then he disappears into his office and it's just Daisy and the kiddo. 

"No," Iris says, staring at the floor. "No."

"No means down or no means not down?" 

Kid could really squirm when she wanted to. 

"No!"

Daisy sets her down and that seemed to be what she wanted. Iris crawls over to a bookshelf and starts pulling all the books off one at a time, looking at them for a moment before making a little mountain. She seems happy enough so Daisy sits on the floor next to her, watching. 

Books with bright covers stack on top of each other. Daisy picks them up, looking at the dinosaurs and planes, then one is shoved into her hands. 

"This one?"

Iris doesn't nod. She stares, and it's disconcerting getting a May death glare from someone who only weighs twenty-five pounds. Can she say yes? Is yes harder than no?"

"No."

"No, I don't like this one or no- please read this to me?"

Iris squinches her chubby face then crawls into Daisy's lap. She makes an expectant noise and hits the book. 

"Okay, I got it."

The book seems to be about a pigeon who is a private eye, except it's full of puns that are actually really funny, but Iris turns the pages as soon as she gets bored of them, which is fast, so Daisy's not really sure what's going on. The pictures are nice. She can't really read it because the kid doesn't have the patience so she comments a few things. 

"Bird."

Iris looks back, waiting. 

"It's a bird, kid. I don't know what kind. Red."

"Bye."

"Bye is like bird."

"No."

"No?"

"Oh no." Iris turns the book to the beginning and waits. When Daisy doesn't start reading, she makes a noise. Iris makes a noise again, more insistent and hits the book. 

"Sorry kid," Daisy starts, "where were we? Right, the pigeon is sitting in his office, wearing a tie like daddy's because of course a detective would wear a tie."

Iris makes a delighted noise and hits one of the illustrations, a brightly coloured bird. She looks back at Daisy, almost hitting her in the nose with her dark little head. 

"Yeah? That's good?"

And then they're at the beginning again. Daisy's not sure how many times they read the book, but she's made up her own plot by the fifth time and decided there should be a sequel later. 

Bored of that, Iris shoves off Daisy's lap and skips the pile of books to start pulling down toys. No toddler needs this many toy airplanes, and yet, kid has quite a collection, also a really nice toy version of a Zephyr and two SHIELD badges that look a little chewed on. 

"Is she supposed to have your badges?" Daisy yells up towards the office. No response. Figures. Walking over she tries to listen for what Coulson's doing, but maybe he has headphones on. When she looks back, Iris is gone and Daisy's heart jumps into her throat.

Fuck. Where could she?

Daisy jogs into the kitchen and Baby Agent is sitting in front of the fridge, legs crossed, looking expectant. 

"Hey, sorry, I didn't know you were so fast."

Iris hits the fridge with her hand and makes the 'read my book' noise. Kind of like an excited puppy. 

"You need something?" What time is it? Should she feed her? Does she need a snack? What do kids eat? Daisy has to scoop her up to open the fridge and they stare into it together. It's healthy, of course, because it's Coulson and May's fridge, but she can't just hand the kid a carrot. 

Can she?

Iris pulls a bag of salad and an onion out of the drawer before Daisy can stop her. She takes a big bite of the onion and looks immediately offended.

"Okay, you want to bite something?"

"Abyye." Iris says, like Daisy speaks baby. 

"Apple?"

"Up-ah."

"Apple?" Daisy asks again, grabbing one from the counter. "This?" Holding it up gets two hands in the air, reaching for the fruit. "Okay, here."

She hands over the apple before it occurs to her that she can't just hand a kid a whole unwashed unpeeled apple...and it's too late because the kid has the apple in her mouth and she takes a huge bite, but Iris has tiny teeth and it's a little mouthful of apple skin she spits out before taking another bite. 

"Good?"

Iris smiles over the apple and keeps biting. She chews and spits out a lot of it, but at least she's entertained. Daisy grabs the kid and her apple and heads to the stairs. Lugging Iris up the steps with her, she pauses outside the door to the office. She shouldn't listen, but it sounds like Coulson's on the phone.  They should leave him to it, maybe it's May, or FitzSimmons, wasn't she going out there to help them with something? 

"Ap-uh," Iris repeats, holding up the partially gnawed apple. 

"Apple," Daisy echoes. "You'll get it."

Holding her apple up to Daisy, Iris grins. "Uh."

"Apple."

"Um," Iris says, holding up with more intention. "Um!"

"Yum?" Daisy tries, pretending to take a bite. 

"Um." Iris agrees, delighted. She mashes the apple into Daisy's face. "Um." 

"Thank you, no thank you."

"No, um." That seems to mean, yes, eat my sticky, slobbery, mangled apple.

So she does. What else can she do. Daisy takes a bite of the least sticky part and Iris laughs. 

"Glad you're happy. Come on, let's see what else we can do."

All the airplanes are sticky and on the floor after they've done that for five minutes. Pieces of apple cling to Daisy's hair, there's water and a squished cracker inside her bra somehow but Iris thinks it's the most hilarious thing if Daisy builds a tower and then quakes it down so they start stacking the blocks again.

Tower six has died for Iris' amusement when Coulson finally comes down the stairs. 

"No," Iris yells at him. "No, no."

"Yes, yes, daddy," Coulson teases her, scooping her up so she squeals. "What are you two doing?"

"Pulling everything down from everywhere."

"That happens."

"We shredded an apple."

"We have a good vacuum."

"But we found a good game, watch." Daisy indicates the blocks, then quakes down tower number seven. 

Iris laughs and squirms and immediately wants down so she can build tower eight for sacrifice. 

"How's it going?" Daisy asks while they watch Iris stack.

"Oh you know, May's stuck doing field work with FitzSimmons somewhere in Finland and Mack swears none of them are actually on this mission he just really needs trustworthy people. 

"Sounds great."

"Sure." Coulson takes a breath, then sits on the sofa, dropping his head in his hands. "I'm sorry, do you need anything?"

"Me?"

"Yeh, you came all this way and I don't have coffee or anything."

"I can make coffee."

"Right, you could do that."

"Sit, watch Agent Danger here and call me when she's ready for me to destroy her tower."

"You're sure?"

"I'll make coffee, I need it, you look like you need coffee injected." 

"If only that worked." Coulson shuts his eyes, leaning back. 

"How long are you stuck doing the single dad thing?"

"A few more days, she's trying to get back."

"She must miss Baby Agent terribly."

Coulson nods, smiling at Iris. "She does, they haven't been apart this long Iris' whole life, but FitzSimmons really needed her."

"Well, of course. She does everything." 

Daisy makes coffee, listening to Iris and Coulson's strange conversation. His side has words and sentences, Iris' side seems to consist of "No" and little screeches. She sets black coffee on the table next to the sofa and Coulson grins.

Coulson and Iris yell "Oh no," in union as Baby Agent knocks down the tower. This is what he does all day? Build and destroy, read the same book fifty-nine times?

"So she gets back when, Tuesday?" 

"Maybe Wednesday."

"Wow." Daisy sits next to him with her own coffee, shaking her head. "That's a lot."

"Free for the weekend? Iris and I would love to have you." 

"Yeah," Daisy agrees. She has plenty of leave saved up and she doesn't get to do domestic very often. Kiddo's pretty sweet too and it seems like Coulson needs the help. "Seems like you need some help with towers."

Iris crawls to Daisy and pulls herself up on her knees, bouncing a little as she babbles. 

"I think that means she wants you to stay."

"Okay. You've got me. Can't say no to baby May face."

"Doesn't she look just like her?"

"Yeah, it's almost creepy."

It's a whirlwind of time with Coulson and Iris. There's constantly something they need to be doing, where is she, is the kiddo okay, what is she into? Does she need a diaper, where are her extra clothes, going to the grocery store is a full on mission and Daisy's not sure how much help she is, but he definitely needs back up. Even if she's just moral support. 

And it's nice to see him laughing while they try to get shampoo out of Iris' hair and how far the kid can throw noodles (definitely some Mamma May in there). So she and Coulson trade off making coffee and picking up take out and reading and it feels like she's been there forever by the time it's finally Wednesday. 

Coulson rocks and sings (Daisy did not know he sang) but Iris is out for a nap and Coulson's trying to get work done and Daisy sits and plays with her phone because it feels like she hasn't done that in hours.

Maybe hasn't, Iris is a lot. 

She doesn't remember falling asleep, but she did, sitting on the sofa in the warm sunlight. Coulson touches her arm, shaking her gently.

"Hey, sorry, could you go get May from the airport? She's going to be back and I don't want to wake up Iris or have her wake up while I'm gone and be all difficult for you."

"Good call."

"She's back?"

"About an hour. You have time to get coffee, it's a tiny airport." 

"Where's the coffee?"

"Down to the main road, turn left twice. It's a drive through with a moose."

"A moose?" Daisy shakes her head. "You do live in the middle of nowhere."

"It has perks."

"Never waiting in traffic?"

"No one notices the quinjets."

"See, I knew it was something." Daisy drags herself up as Coulson hands her keys to the really nice BMW SUV thing they got because carseats don't fit in Lola. "This one I'm allowed to drive?"

"It's May's."

"Great."

"You'll be fine, just don't spill coffee in her car." 

Daisy shakes her head and leaves him to finish lesson planning or whatever it is he's working on. The coffee shop with the moose is exactly where Coulson said it was, and she grabs a cup before driving to the nowhere airport by the lake. There's only one flight coming in that hour. It's a little connector flight from Chicago with only a handful of people on it. 

Coulson would probably get a May a tea or something so Daisy grabs a green tea from the little kiosk in the airport and holds it with her arms crossed over her chest, waiting for May to come off the plane. 

May's third from last off the flight, her bag over her shoulder. She looks across the handful of people, then smiles at Daisy. 

"I was wondering if he'd send you."

"Got you tea. Baby Agent was napping so you get me."

May hugs her, warm and strong, and then takes her tea. "It's nice to see you."

"How was Scotland?"

"Wet, and rainy, in Finland it snowed." Her smile fades a little and she touches her forehead. "It was good to see Fitz and Simmons. They're happy."

"Annoyingly so?"

"A little." 

Daisy takes the keys out of her coat pocket and hands them over. "Coulson let me drive your car."

May smiles and shakes her head. "You can drive."

Taking the keys back, Daisy tries to hide her surprise. "Okay..."

"I have a headache."

"You don't have to have a reason, you just always drive and I--"

May smiles at her. "You're a good driver." 

"You've let me drive literally once because you were pregnant and something-" she pauses, trying to remember, "-was it paint? Something set your stomach off."

"Wet paint."

"Were they painting the plane?" Daisy teases, leading May out of the airport towards the parking lot. 

"N, sometimes I get headaches."

"Like a normal person?" Daisy touches the door handle and it opens. May sets her bag in the back seat and climbs into the passenger seat. 

"I don't get to be a normal person?"

"You pulled a piece of pipe out of your leg and fought aliens, flew a plane when you couldn't stand up and were in labor for what, like half a day before you admitted it hurt?"

May laughs, leaning back in the seat. "Don't see why any of that means I can't have a headache." 

"I don't mind driving, it's just, weird."

"I'll let you drive more in the future."

"So I don't think it's weird and you're knocked up whenever it happens?"

"Is that really the only time I've let you drive?" 

"Yes, that's really the only time you've let me drive. I mean, Coulson let me drive Lola when he didn't have a hang so I'm used to it." 

May reaches over and pats her shoulder. "We're both just stuck in our ways, getting old and stubborn."

"You're both stubborn, but your're not old."

"Thanks." May takes a sip of her tea and shuts her eyes. 

"Do you have painkillers in the glove box or anything?"

"It's fine."

"You have a headache, normal people take things when they have a headache because they don't like suffering."

"Home is twenty minutes away." May holds her tea against her forehead, then sets it in the cupholder. 

"We can stop."

"You sound like Phil."

"I guess you need him to look after you."

"You do fine, Daisy." 

She can't win this argument, so distract May, tell her nice things. "So Iris made me read the same book a billion and seven times."

"Sounds like her."

"And then she destroyed an apple."

"Eating with teeth is hard."

"I guess so."

"And we made towers."

"Good." May sighs, keeping her eyes closed. "Thank you for coming, I bet Phil appreciated having you."

"Sure, Coulson sounded like he needed back up."

"He did, I dropped a lot in his lap to help FitzSimmons."

Daisy reaches over, squeezing her hand. May's hand is warm and damp against Daisy's fingers, and she squeezes back as if she were hugging her tight. "It was nice for me to help."

"I'm glad."

"Baby Agent's adorable, it's peaceful here. We took her for walks and watched the stars come out. When she's bigger, she can play in the woods and all you'll have to worry about is moose."

"There aren't actually moose here."

"What about the coffee shop?"

May opens her eyes again and smiles. "That one doesn't move." 

Chuckling, Daisy takes a breath and just enjoys this moment. She missed May too. Being with her is comfortable and familiar, and Daisy missed her over the last week. Being with Coulson and Baby Agent was great, but May was missing and now that she's back it just feels like coming home. 

"So any news from FitzSimmons you're allowed to say?"

"The published some new papers, remodelling a cottage."

"No playmates for Iris yet?"

"Not yet." May looks forward for a while, staring at the road, then turns to Daisy. "But soon though."

"Soon? Jemma's pregnant?"

"No, no." May stares straight ahead, but she smiles, Daisy can hear it in her voice. "I am."

"Wait, what?"

"Eyes on the road." 

"Yeah, I got it, not going to smash your car, but what?"

"We had another embryo frozen, from when we got pregnant with Iris.  We were near the clinic on the mission for Simmons, and I wanted to surprise Phil." 

Surprise? "I suppose that's the fun part of having medical help. You can surprise the dad when you end up pregnant." The world tastes like an alien concept, as weird as Kree or Asgard. "Shit, congrats, I mean."

"Thanks Daisy." May turns, leaning against the door so she can look at Daisy better. . 

"You okay, really?"

"I'm thrilled." 

Yeah, that's what thrilled looks like, kind of pale and really tired, except May is happy. She radiates it. "That's wonderful. Second kid, huh? Everyone's going to lose it."

"You think so?"

"I can just picture Jemma and Fitz, Mack and Elena settling some bet."

"Which side did you bet on?" .

"Should have bet yours." Fuck. two tiny little field agents destroying everything? They should unretire just to get some peace. Yet they're both so fucking happy, and they're good parents. Iris is great, and she's so smart, and this one. 

They sit in silence for a while, and if possible, May's even more pale when Daisy looks at her. "You okay? 

"I forgot how brutal the hormone shots are." May shuts her eyes again and Daisy remembers how much time they spent trying to keep her from throwing up when she was pregnant with Iris. She knew what this was going to be like and she did it anyway. 

"You're a really good mom." 

May opens her eyes, surprised. "Why do you say that?"

"Iris is the cutest little person and sure, she screams and throws things sometimes, but she's so content and trusting. I remember seeing kids who had bad parents in my foster homes and they were so broken already, even the little ones. I'm not used to happy toddlers."

"Daisy-"

"And you know how much it sucks to be pregnant and having a baby hurts-"

"-It's not that bad."

"And you can say that!" Daisy pulls into the driveway and stops, shaking her head as she turns off the engine. "You're a great mom."

May pauses, looks at her and doesn't say anything for a long time. She smiles, her eyes impossibly soft. "Thanks Daisy."

Daisy gets out of the car, grabbing May's bag as she comes around. May moves a little slower, holding the car for a moment, so the headache must be bad. 

Daisy touches her shoulder, then hugs her again. "Iris is lucky, the new baby agent is really lucky too." 

"We're lucky we have you." May's hands hold her tight and it's like that mom energy's rubbing off. She's loved, and it's so easy that Daisy just stands there in awe for a moment. She didn't have a family before SHIELD, and now she's loved. 

They walk in together, still holding hands because that's cool, that's something they do. Coulson's on the floor, playing with Iris, who looks up when the door opens with the biggest smile. 

"Mama!" 

"Come here, Li." Iris crawls over and May grabs her before she's gone a few feet. They spin around, May laughing as Iris pats her face, babbling happily about Mama, over and over. Coulson watches them with the softest expression she's ever seen and that's what love looks like, not that silly romance novel kind, but the exhausted, will do anything for you, this is everything kind of love. It's just his face, and Daisy touches his arm, then hugs him. 

"Pretty cute, huh?"

"Iris looks so much like Melinda, luckily."

"You're in there too, dad."

"I know, but the two of them, they're everything."

Daisy raises her eyebrows because fuck he's going to freak and she should like, give them space, but she'd also love to see what he's going to say. He's totally going to cry. 

"Did you have a good time with Daisy and daddy?"

"Aysee," Iris repeats, waving her arm towards Daisy. "Aysee."

"That's pretty close," May says, kissing Iris's head. "What a smart girl."

"She was great, they both were."

"I was telling Daisy in the car how much it meant to us that she came to help." 

"She let me drive and everything." 

"Oh?" Coulson tilts his head, and takes a moment to welcome May back, hugging her and Iris, then kissing her forehead. "You okay?"

"I can let Daisy drive without something being wrong."

"Uh-huh," Coulson teases, as unconvinced as Daisy was. "Jet lag?"

"Headdache."

"I'll make tea."

"I've got it," Daisy says. "You have to welcome her back and stuff."

May kisses Iris' cheek once more and sets her down when the toddler starts to squirm. "She means do the kissing while she's in the kitchen."

"Oh, I see, I can do that." Coulson leans in, kissing her deeply and yeah, it's a good time to make some tea. 

Iris babbles to herself in the living room, hitting her blocks together and making some kind of running commentary while her parents are totally making out. 

Daisy puts the kettle on and waits, watching the comforting blue light. There's a green ginger that's probably good. Coulson will need coffee. She's grinding beans and setting up the pot when Iris crawls into the kitchen, dragging a toy kangaroo. She holds it up, then flings her arms up to be picked up. 

"Hey kiddo."

"Aysee!"

"That's me I guess. Mom and dad okay?"

"Mama," Iris repeats, delighted. 

"Yeah, Mama's home."

"Iris is in here," Daisy calls, just in case they're worried. "We're just making coffee."

"Don't turn her to the dark side, Daisy," May calls from the living room and then she laughs, really laughs and Daisy's both curious and grateful that she's not in the living room, watching whatever's happening. 

They seem to be done by the time she's back, and they're just sitting on the couch, hands wrapped around each others, May's head on his shoulder. 

"Mama," Iris says again, reaching her arms out and Daisy hands her over. 

"I missed you."

"She missed you too."

"I swear she's bigger." 

"Not much taller, must get that from you."

May laughs and shakes her head. "Don't listen to daddy, he's silly."

Iris pats Coulson's face with her fingers, and just beams to be between both of them. It's cute, like painfully cute and Daisy brings drinks and sits on the floor next to them and just watches. 

"Aysee," Iris pleads, reaching for her. 

"Daisy, come up. We're not going down to the floor."

Daisy sits next to May and Iris crawls over her legs, peering at her coffee before deciding to crawl back to Coulson. 

"I think I've actually finished  Ulysses-- " Coulson starts to say, still toying with May's hair. 

"I'm pregnant."

"What?"

The house is completely quiet, even Iris stares, chewing on her toy kangaroo. 

"Really?"

"Simmons and I were near the clinic in Sweden and I thought--"

Coulson laughs, rubs his chin, and then kisses May hard enough that Daisy pulls Iris out of the way before she can interrupt them. 

"Surprise."

"I love surprises."

"I know."

"Not as much as I love you." He rests his hand on her belly and there's the tears. His eyes shine and dammit, Daisy's the last person who should be crying but it's just really nice. 

Kind of wonderful. 

"Good."

"Good?"

"Life without surprises would be dull, life without me would be-"

"Absolutely unbearable," Coulson interrupts, then kisses her. "Baby Agent the second. You're amazing."

May touches his cheek and smiles. "I know, you can show me later."

"You're going to be a big sister," Daisy tells Iris, who shakes her head because she's still much better at no than yes. "That's a big responsibility."

"She has a great role model," May says.

Fuck, that's not fair. Daisy was close to crying, but she wasn't, and she's not Iris' big sister, except, maybe she is, and maybe that's okay and maybe they all love her just as much as she loves them. 

It's all pretty fucking amazing. 

"We love you," Coulson whispers, patting her shoulder. Iris gets way too into the patting and it's basically swatting but she's little.  "We'll love you more if you can take some time off next summer, about eight months from now." 

May laughs and nods. "You'd be a big help."

"Yeah, yeah as long as you need."

May hugs her with one arm, and she curls in because May's warm and she's home. They all are. 

[mywholehistoryintheam]

Those Four Words

Here we go, my first fic, excuse my terrible English and my terrible writing.

Cyrus Goodman is the typical nerdy boy who loves writing short novels, fanfics, poems, etc, his inspiration is the complicated relationships of his friends, Andi Mack, and Buffy Driscoll. Cyrus loves writing but also he loves photography, he has a long collection of photos of the people he finds interesting, beautiful, intelligent and sometimes he takes pictures of guys with potential to be his crush, that never ends well. At some point being eighteen and never had a boyfriend before it's something that is always hunting his mind, just because of the fact that his friends already had more than two relationships and he just had one, with one girl before realized that he was gay, and he was thirteen, makes him feel a little uncomfortable.

By another part, TJ Kippen is a popular sporty boy who is one of the most history enthusiasts in the whole Shady Side, he is also a fan of doing sketches of everything, a dog, a tree, a bird or a person. As a sporty popular guy, he is always invited to a bunch of parties, he goes to basketball games with his best friend Amber, just a typical nineteen-year-old.

Things turn different after Tj decides to start reading the fanfic that has everyone excited, after loving every chapter of it he decides to send an anonymous ask to the writer via Tumblr. 

-Chapter one-

Cyrus POV

I'm on my way to Buffy's work, we are going to eat together and see Andi in The Spoon, I'm walking fast and hoping to get a connection to any wifi, I need to update my fanfic, I'm a day late and I'm really proud of this chapter, I have too many readers and they are so sweet with the comments. Anyways, I keep walking until I get to see Buffy with some people, customers, I assume, we both smile when we see each other. Buffy starts to talk about Marty, something I don't hear because I'm too busy in my mind, I was happy in my mind, I was looking for some ideas to add to the next chapter but something starts feeling like a storm. It was Buffy.

"Hey, Cyrus!" she yells "I'm talking to you, what happens?"

"Uhm what? Uhm nothing, nothing, I was uhm, nothing"

Someone touches my shoulder, it's Andi, who has a really big smile.

"Hey, guys!" she sings, it's pretty weird when she sings, so something important happened.

"What happened?" Buffy took the words from my mouth, that was exactly what I was going to say.

"What? Why you say that?"

" Uhm because you sang, you never do that" I give her that questioning look. She knows very well what look.

"I'm just happy" she smiles "Is that a crime?"

"No, of course not," says Buffy while she walks directly on The Spoon.

We go to our table, yeah, we have a table, The Spoon is our place. Andi and Buffy are talking about boys, but not about boys they find attractive, like new crushes for them, they talk about boys they find attractive for me. I just smile at them and check my phone, my mom sent me a couple of messages. Since I came out she was trying to be a cool mom, always asking me if there were any new guys. I just have one word for that: awkward.

It's not a secret that I'm gay but it gets pretty annoying when everybody starts looking me a boyfriend. Andi is always saying things about some of Walker's friends, she's like a younger version of my mother. Nothing good.

We don't stay too much time in The Spoon, we have more plans, so we just eat the baby taters and drink the milkshakes fast, what can I say? We just have fun. We leave the place and start walking, feeling the fresh air, the sun and hear the birds, there's nothing more magical, except for winter of course.

"So, Cyrus what plans you have for Friday night?" Says Buffy while we stop to see some craft stuff for Andi.

"Actually nothing" Yeah nothing, I'm just going to spend all weekend writing and taking pictures you know the usual.

"Wanna go to a party?"

"A party? What party?"

"Marty is throwing a party, I thought Buffy told you," says Andi before walking to another table with even more craft stuff. I swear this girl loves more crafts than she loves herself or puppies.

"That's what I was telling you and you ignored me"

"I didn't ignored you, I was just thinking"

"In a guy?"

"What? No!"

"Cyrus if there's a guy you can tell us" Andi touches my hair.

"Girls I'm serious, there is no one, ok? NO ONE"

"If you say so,"

"Uhm, about the party" Buffy changes the topic fast, she's always like that. I'm sure they have a plan or something, it's just the way they are acting. "You're coming, right?"

"Yeah I'll go"

A Friday night party at Marty's house, yeah I was totally in for that, I mean, he's cool and he's Buffy's something, no one knows if they're a couple or not.

We're on our way to the cinema, there's Grease playing, just one of my favorite movies ever, the T-Birds are always something great to see, you know what I'm saying. Do you ever feel that satisfaction of hearing Danny Zuko sing?, 'Greased Lighting' and 'You're The One That I Want' are everything I live for, but Kenickie it's pretty amazing too, like dude why don't you sing more?.

We actually had so much fun. And I totally forgot about update my fanfic, how that happened?

Andi and Buffy are talking about the party, about what to wear, who's coming and all those things, useless things if you asked me.

"Cyrus" Andi grabs my phone "What are you doing?" she checks my phone. OH.MY.GOD.MY.TUMBLR.

TJ POV

Amber is talking with Lester, Reed and some other guys that I never have seen in my life, everyone is talking about a huge party on Friday. I started reading a really cool fanfic that Lester recommend me a few weeks ago, we are big fans of that fanfic and actually, I think the writer it's so talented. I was reading the newest chapter, or well the last week's chapter, it was supposed to be updated today. Sometimes I think to send some messages to the writer, maybe I can do it someday.

"What are you reading Teej?" I feel how Amber puts her head in my shoulder.

"Uhm nothing, I was just searching something" THE.FANFIC.JESUS.

"You're not searching video games, right?"

"No Amber"

"Well, you're coming to the party with me and the guys, right?

"Maybe I could stay at home listening to Lauren Jauregui"

"Are you serious? Listen to 'Expectations' all night?"

"Ok Amber, I love that song"

"Well, you could listen to my future wife or..."

"Or go to the party with you and the guys"

"It's your decision"

"I'll go"

"It's going to be fun, I promise"

Amber starts walking and I follow her, Lester and Reed are a few meters ahead, we're on our way to eat some ice cream, maybe we forgot where my car was, If I'm honest that happens a lot.

We just keep walking, and talking, Reed is trying to tell jokes but god he's so bad at it, we just laugh for not making him feel bad. Lester starts to talk about how much he loves ice cream and being with us, we're a typical group of four friends who most of the time don't know what are they doing.

Reed is hugging Amber and Lester is playing with her hair, tomorrow is her birthday so she's getting a lot of attention right now, that's what she deserves. What I'm doing? Well, I'm reading the fanfic, that amazing fanfic.

"TJ Kippen for the love of God, can you block your phone for at least two minutes?" says Reed right to my face, it's like he was about to kiss me. DUDE.JUST.STAY.AWAY.FROM.ME.

"First of all Reed, go away from my face, and in the second place it's all Lester's fault"

"Now is my fault? What?"

"Yeah you send me this, and now I'm kind of obsessed"

"Man please" Lester is starting to laugh "What happens? Do you love the writer or the story? Do you want to kiss the writer or something like that?"

"Don't be ridiculous" I roll my eyes. Well, maybe. Finally, I'm in my room, making all these stories about meeting this writer, I can't believe what I'm about to do, I'm just going to send the writer an anonymous ask, is that a great idea?

Cyrus POV

We're at Buffy's house for a sleepover, yeah, we still do that.

I finally update my fanfic and, surprise!, I have an ask on my Tumblr, yeah that's not as usual as I want but I'm happy every time I see some of those bad guys.

'Hey! I just wanted to say that I'm loving every chapter, and I recently started to read your poems and GOD THEY'RE SO GOOD, sorry for yelling, is it weird if I say that I might have a little crush on you? Love, Your secret admirer'

What does that mean? Someone has a crush on me, well, a little crush on me, but that's still a crush, I hope that it's not a girl. But that's not what I need to be thinking right now, I mean, what I'm going to answer?. This person is waiting for an answer, and I don't have any idea of what I'm going to say, how many times someone just writes something like that? Expressing feelings, well, this person didn't express a lot of feelings in the ask, but it's still a kind of confession. OH.GOD.THIS.IS.SO.DIFFICULT.

I see Buffy and Andi eating some cookies and laughing, they look so cute and happy, they are talking about some funny things that happened to Walker yesterday. The point here is that Andi likes him, they're really similar, how two people can be like them? I mean Andi is so artsy and Walker too, but If I'm honest crafts are not my thing.

Now about my 'secret admirer', what I'm going to answer?. I have some ideas.

"Cyrus, are you going to eat with us? You're just looking"

"Yeah, I'm sorry, I was just listening to all those things Walker did" I laugh and smile at them.

"He's so uhm..."

"Stupid sometimes," says Buffy

We all laugh, having them in my life it's so good, it always feels like even if they don't know what's happening, they give me the answer.

TJ POV

I already sent the ask, and I feel like a truck is follow my steps, my heart is beating so fast, calm down TJ, act cool, I don't even know the name of this person and I already have a crush on this person? Maybe the writer is scared? I mean how many times someone anonymous sends you an ask telling you that they might have a little crush on you? Poor guy, he must be scared, well if he is a guy, maybe is a girl, which it's not that great, everyone, for everyone I mean my friends, knows that I'm gay. How many possibilities are that the writer is a guy? Something inside me says 'TJ the writer is a guy', you know like a gay radar or instinct.

I check my phone, again, nothing, I just have some messages of Reed asking me if I know where is Marty's house. Marty is known for throwing the best parties, all the people I know call him 'Marty from the party' or 'Mr. The Party', I don't know if they actually like calling him like that or if no one knows his last name. He is a nice person, he's the 'something' of a girl I know, I actually don't know her name but everyone knows her, she's always doing funny stuff with her friends and Marty at the parties, while my group of friends is just the 'popular group' at the parties, everyone talks to us, dance with us, everyone knows us. But Marty is the coolest person we know, and he's so nice, and no, I don't like him in that way.

What I was talking before? Oh yeah, I still have no answer and I feel a little disappointed but I'm not losing hope.

I block my phone and close my eyes while Lauren Jauregui, Amber's future wife, sings in my earphones, just the kind of night I was expecting to have, did I mention that I love 'Expectations' so much?. I was about to fall in sleep but my music stops, Reed is calling me.

"What happened?"

"Dude you didn't reply to my message"

"I was going to reply"

"Why I don't believe you TJ?"

"Reed ask Amber about Marty's house" I sit in my bed "Actually I don't know why you ask if Marty is our kind of friend"

"It's for a girl who wants to go to the party, you know that I'm pretty bad with directions"

"You win, I'm gonna send you the stupid direction, now let me hear something beautiful and not your voice"

I hang up the phone and send the direction to Reed, I check again my Tumblr and... still nothing.

Cyrus POV

"Well, Cyrus, now your turn, truth or dare?"

"I don't want to play that"

"Cyrus please!" says Andi while she was laying on the floor.

"Truth"

"Have you went on any dates recently?" asks Buffy with a suspicious smile.

"You have to be kidding, of course not, I don't know too many guys"

"Horrible"

"Awful," says Andi, she's drinking water now.

"Yeah I think so"

"Yeah"

"Ok I can't with this anymore" Andi stands up. "Cyrus, we have options for you" she smiles.

"No, no, no, no, I already had this conversation with my two moms, I don't want any dates ok? At least not in that way"

They both don't touch the topic again. I lay in the floor thinking what to answer to this person. Andi is making some craft stuff for us, Buffy is reading a sports magazine and I'm writing on my phone, yeah I finally know what to answer, but I don't know if it's right.

We have our good hair crew t-shirts, we're listening to music and dancing, they love to dance by another part I'm not the biggest fan of dancing. Once I was in a dance class, It was a nightmare, and it was painful, very painful. I still hear the voice of the teacher 'Come on Cyrus!' 'You can Cyrus!' 'Not in that direction Cyrus!' 'Cyrus!' 'Cyrus!' 'Cyrus!'.

"Cyrus!"

"Cyrus!"

Oh, wait the last part was actually Andi and Buffy.

"What? What? What? What happened?"

Now I get it, I was sleeping.

"What time is it?" I ask, my eyes are still closed.

"Three a.m." whispers Andi.

"What the..." I open my eyes "Are you two crazy?"

"We heard something" Buffy whispers this time.

"And?" I close my eyes again.

"Come on let's go to investigate"

"Uhm I don't think so" I open my eyes again. "Maybe it's your mom, Buffy"

"Yeah, because my mom loves to make noises at three a.m."

"I can't believe what you girls make me do at three a.m." I stand up and grab my phone, Buffy and Andi are behind me holding hands, we're walking downstairs and there's again a noise, I wish I could say that I'm not scared but man scared is a really short word. We keep walking until Andi mentions that we should go back and pretend to be sleeping, Buffy tells her that we are already here and that we are not cowards, I just stay in silent, Andi and I share worried looks but keep walking, Buffy takes the lead now, nothing new she's the bravest person I know, now I'm holding Andi's hand, we're following Buffy and she has that determined look. We're finally close to the noise, but for our luck, it's just a cat.

"A cat? Are you serious?" says Buffy putting her hands in her face.

"I told you that we should go back" Andi sits in the grass.

"Maybe it's missing" I hold the cat.

"Look, here says who's the owner of the cat" Andi grabs something from the grass. "Who's TJ Kippen? Is a neighbor of yours Buffy?"

"I actually don't know, what's the name's of the cat?"

"Simon"

"Who names their cat 'Simon'?" I say confused.

"TJ Kippen"

"What we do now? Is there a phone number or direction?" asks Buffy.

"Uhm no"

"Well, tomorrow we ask your mom Buffy, now we need to sleep seriously," I start walking with the cat in my arms, we walk upstairs on our way to Buffy's room, and in less than two minutes I'm sleeping again. I'm so grateful for that.

TJ POV

It's six a.m., and my mom wakes me up to tell me that Simon is not in the house, that cat can be cute and all you want but damn, it can just disappear for days and come back like it was just five minutes. My mom starts to ask the neighbors if they saw our cat, I get in my car and drive just some blocks ahead to ask someone about Simon if there's someone out at six a.m., I see a couple, I get out of my car and walk directly to them.

"Hey!" I wave my hands "Hey, good morning"

"Good morning young man," says the woman, her husband just smiles.

"I was just passing by, wondering if you have seen my cat"

"A cat? Maybe that was the noise last night my dear" he touches the shoulder of his wife.

"Maybe it was"

"It was here? I seriously need Simon to be back"

"Simon?" she asks.

"Yeah, that's my cat's name"

Three persons interrupt us, two girls and a guy, wait a minute I know one of the girls, she's the something of Marty.

"Mom we need to talk"

"Buffy I'm in the middle of something right now"

Well, now she has a name, hello Buffy.

"It's important, last night..."

"Actually it was three a.m.," says the girl with short hair.

"Yeah, thanks Andi" she dedicates her a look. Also, hello Andi. "The point is that a cat was in the backyard and..."

"A cat! How wonderful!" says Buffy's mom. "Maybe is your cat"

"I hope so" I smile at her. "Where's the cat?" I say to Buffy this time.

"Cyrus!" she says to the guy next to Andi. Hello Cyrus, nice name. "Go get the cat"

Cyrus leaves and returns with the cat, and yes, that's my cat, that's Simon.

"Thank you so much, my mom was really worried" I smile at Cyrus when he gives me Simon, he smiles me back, everyone looks happy that Simon is with me, but I think that they're happy because they don't have to take care of my cat.

I walk right to my car with Simon in my arms, we both get in the car, now I'm in my way back to my house, my mom screams of happiness when she sees Simon with me, I left them in the living room, I walk to my room and sit in my bed, I check my phone, I have a couple messages of my friends, I check my Tumblr and... finally what I was waiting for, the writer answered my anonymous ask.

'Thank you anon, I don't know if is that normal but it's ok, at least someone likes me! Love, Bylerspotter.'

Should I send another ask? I don't know, the only thing that I'm pretty sure is that I'm the happiest right now.

Cyrus POV

We are having breakfast, Buffy's mom is telling us that we made a huge mistake when we went to see what the noise was, we just stay quiet, we don't have too much to say. We leave to Buffy's room, Andi takes a polaroid from where I slept.

"Cyrus are you serious?"

"What?" I say confused. I pass a lot of the time confused.

"You took a picture of the cat?" Andi makes that expression. I called it 'The Andi Mack expression'.

"Wait, what?" says Buffy trying not to laugh.

"It was a cute cat" I raise my eyebrows "You know that I love taking pictures, I have a collection!"

Andi and Buffy laugh, we start playing truth or dare again, I seriously don't understand these two. Andi chooses dare and now she's going to call Marty just to tell him something 'funny' because Buffy doesn't see the funny in it, I don't know if Andi is happy or scared but now Buffy has a date with Marty on Saturday, who goes on a date the day after a party? All I can imagine is Buffy and Marty looking like crap. Oh no Cyrus don't laugh, it's a dangerous moment. Buffy follows Andi, who is running like her life depend on it and actually, her life depends on it because Buffy keeps yelling "I'm gonna kill you, Andi Mack". Buffy and Andi end talking about the date with Marty, they make a cute couple, they're both attractive, yeah I just say that Marty is attractive but I don't like him in that way. Andi gives us the stuff she was making for us last night, I hug her, she's the cutest, she's always making us beautiful things and all I do is use their relationships to write fanfics, oh my god I'm a terrible friend or am I not? I actually write some cute stuff, a lot of cute stuff, I made their relationships more cute with my writing, and if I'm honest I don't have a lot of readers, so, I'm a good friend right?.

Buffy starts talking about Marty and Andi about Walker, I'm just listening to them, I don't have anyone to talk about, and my recent 'secret admirer' it's not an option. For one hour I have to listen about how cool, funny and amazing is Marty and his hair, thanks Buffy, by another part I have to listen for the same hour about how kind, friendly and beautiful is Walker and his art. When they finally stop I check my Tumblr to see what's new, I have another ask, yes, it's from my 'secret admirer’.

[londone-fog]

Heart Songs- Reddie Genderbent AU

AO3 Link

In which Ellie is really confused, Ruth throws a party, Bea reads some stuff, Billie does some cool skateboard tricks, Steph is secretly cool, Beau is an amazing human, and Mack just wants to have a good time.

Also prom, sort of.

Notes: Hey guys, I'm back. I really hope you like this, because I've been working on this for a while now. If you have any questions about the AU or just in general, you can find me on tumblr at either cacti-cool (main account) or londone-fog (writing account). Have fun! Edit: I changed a few things. First off, the rating is now mature as there is a masturbation scene and some non-explicit sexual content in later chapters. Second, I changed the name of the fic, as well as the chapter names. Every chapter is named after a different Weezer song, as well as the fic name. I recommend you listen to the title song as you read the chapters! Thank you for understanding!

Part One- Rosanna

Ellie Kaspbrak was what you might refer to as “aggressively ordinary.”

She was an ordinary girl, from a little ordinary town, in the ordinary state of Maine. She lived in a small house with her dad. He had a boyfriend of sorts.

She thought of that one Monday morning, staring at her reflection in her vanity mirror. Her brown hair framed her tired face, eyes gaunt from lack of sleep. She fiddled with her hands, picking at the dry skin around her knuckles before looking around her room. Her light grey walls were decorated with a few sparse photos. Her furniture was wood, with a white floral bedspread pulled loosely over the twin mattress in the corner.

Ellie’s eyes stopped to look at the clock on the bedside table with a sort of anxious anticipation. It was 7:33. Her boyfriend would be picking her up at 7:45, like he did everyday.

Ellie’s boyfriend was a strange staple in her life. His name was Mason. He was a football player from the high school team, and therefore very large. If not for the constant workouts he underwent with the rest of the team in anticipation for the next season, he might have been obese. Ellie liked him well enough. He wasn’t particularly interesting; if Ellie herself was ordinary, then Mason was downright bland.

Suddenly, Ellie’s phone buzzed in her pocket. She held her breath, but was pleasantly surprised to see it was Ruth texting her.

Garbage Human: prey tell, my swellest el, is my contact name still garbage human in your phone

Ellie: Depends on why you’re asking.

Garbage Human: well i might not be so garbage anymore ;)

The text was then followed by a picture of Ruth standing next to a car. Well, car might have been too glamorous a word. It was a bright orange monstrocity on wheels, the paint sunbleached and peeling in places. One of the wheels was missing a hubcap. There was a long crack running across the length of the windshield. And finally, squatting near the front tire, was Ruth. Her curly, bobbed hair was pulled away from her face, large wire-framed glasses sitting on the end of her upturned nose. Her mouth was pulled into a mock-serious line; dangling from her fingers were the keys.

Ellie: Please tell me that isn’t a car.

Garbage Human: el you wound me

Garbage Human: yes that is my car her name is bessie

Ellie couldn’t help but nearly roll her eyes to the back of her head. Ruth was an interesting person. She was loud, with wild dark hair and even wilder eyes. Her mouth never seemed to close, even when she wasn’t talking (which was rare). She only seemed to wear clothes that had a pattern in some way, with cigarette smell clinging to every fibre. Her knees, elbows and palms were always riddled in scrapes and bruises from countless tumbles with her longboard. Yes, Ruth was very interesting.

It was anyone’s guess as to why they were each other’s best friends.

Garbage Human: i could start giving you rides now if you want

Ellie could practically hear the secret pleading in Ruth’s voice. The truth was, Ellie hadn’t seen her friends nearly as much as she used to. Since Mason and her started dating a few months back, it seemed like more and more of her time went to humoring her boyfriend; going to games and practices and movie dates. She missed their group of seven and the time they used to spend together. Especially when it came to Ruth. That was why she barely hesitated to type out her response.

Ellie: I guess. Just promise me I won’t end up dying in that thing

Garbage Human: you have my complete honor as a cub scout

Ellie smiled to herself; a small secret thing she’d never admit to. A sudden, loud honk from outside surprised her out of her moment, her spine straightening harshly. She looked out the window to see Mason sitting in his car, the same as every morning. Ellie sighed, gathering up her supplies and racing down the stairs.

Her father sat in his chair, the television nattering on in the background. He saw her, and motioned for her to come over.

Ellie and her father had a somewhat odd relationship. This was largely in part to Ellie’s mother dying when she was young, making her father somewhat… overprotective. Their relationship had become somewhat strained the older and more independent Ellie got. He didn’t like her being around boys, but he especially didn’t like her being around Ruth. He still to that day had no idea that she even spoke to Beau Marsh.

“Do you have your inhaler?”

“Yes, dad.”

Ellie didn’t actually need an inhaler. She’d known for a long time, since she was thirteen years old. Her father didn’t know that she knew, because Ellie had never brought it up to him. It didn’t just stop at the inhaler. He’d been trying to get her to take other bullshit medicine since she was small. Now that she knew better, she’d developed a complicated series of lies and sleight of hand to avoid taking the pills.

“You took your pills too, right?”

“Yup.” She’d taken them, alright. They sat heavy in the front pocket of her overalls, like a collection of riverstones. She could safely say that her father knew next to nothing about who she really was; his “little girl” was a facade created to keep her sane.

“Alright, sweetheart. Have a good day at school.” He leaned his cheek out, and she pressed a quick peck to the stubbled skin there.

Ellie didn’t breathe until she slammed the door of Mason’s car behind her.

“Jesus, you’ll break a window doing that, Ellie. What’s got your goat this morning?” Mason said, voice riding the line between scolding and whining.

“It’s just my dad. He’s been pestering me.”

Mason sighed, a patronizing little thing.

“You’re cute when you’re annoyed. He’s just trying to protect you.” He leaned over and placed a kiss to her cheek. Ellie resisted the urge to lean away.

They’d had the fight before; Mason believed that Ellie needed to be protected. She was small, she was skinny, she was feminine. Ellie knew that none of that was true.

“Mason, I need to ask something,” Ellie said quietly, car rumbling to life and pulling away from the house.

“Hmm.”

“I, uh…” She traced the outline of her phone through her pocket. “... well, my friend just got a car. And she lives closer to my house than you do-”

“Just spit it out, already.”

“Ruth is going to start giving me rides to school. It’s just… it’s more convenient, and I don’t get to see her as much as I used to.”

The car became deathly silent.

“So I’m taking up too much of your time? Is that it?”

Ellie’s fist clenched where is lay on her leg.

“I never said that. I just said that it’s more convenient for Ruth to pick me up in the mornings.”

“Why do you even want to spend so much time with her, anyway?”

Ellie looked away from the dashboard to her whitening knuckles, where a simple band of gold lay wrapped around her little finger. It was a ring that Ruth had given her on her sixteenth birthday, to replace the plastic cereal box ring that Ellie used to wear in childhood. It was the only jewelry that she wore everyday.

“Because she’s my best friend, Mason, and she lives closer to me than you do. Nothing more.”

The outline of the high school was rapidly approaching, and Ellie felt a little tension leak out of her body. Mason rubbed a thick hand over his face, letting out a long tired sigh.

“You know what, fine. Fine. On one condition.”

Ellie unclenched her hand slowly, quietly syphoning the air out of her body.

“What’s that?”

Mason quickly jerked the car into the parking lot, the sound of old soda cans clattering around the back seat as they pulled to a somewhat jarring stop. He pulled up the parking brake and rounded on Ellie with all the surprise of a tiger leaping from the bushes. He placed a meaty hand on her shoulder as if to keep her there, pinned, with no option but to listen to him.

“Go to prom with me.”

“What?”

“I don’t care who the hell gets you to school, as long as you say you’ll go with me.”

Ellie stared into Mason’s eyes, a nearly clear blue. Basically colorless, like looking through window and seeing absolutely nothing on the other side. Devoid of any personality or interest. She could feel her throat closing and her eyes sting, and she wondered briefly if she was going into anaphylaxis.

She wanted so badly to say no. She wanted to run out of this car and never come back. Maybe she’d just suffocate from anxiety right then.

“Sure, sounds great Mason.”

What the fuck am I saying? What is wrong with me? she thought as Mason leaned in and kissed her; it was sloppy and hit the corner of her mouth more than her actual lips. She quickly pulled away, muttering some sort of farewell as her feet hit the asphalt.

The parking lot was filled to the brim with students and shitty cars. Ellie kept her eyes to the ground, white knuckling the straps of her backpack as strangers hollered all around her. She only looked up when she heard the characteristic bark of her best friend’s laugh.

The loser’s club, as it had been known for years, consisted of the most ragtag group of teens that Derry, Maine had to offer. They all stood around Ruth’s new car, which was even more horrible in person. Billie Denbrough, their unofficial leader, was making a valiant effort to let loose with a would-be impressive string of cuss word from her place on the ground. Closer inspection showed a new hole torn in the knee of her jeans, with blood weakly dripping from the wound. Her trusty skateboard lay upended a few feet away. Ruth, as opposed to helping their friend, was laughing so hard she was nearly bent in half, black hair falling over her face. The other losers stood around in a sort of shell shocked state, not sure whether to help Billie or laugh along with Ruth.      

They all seemed to make up their minds the closer that Ellie got.

Bea rushed to check Billie’s knee, Mackenzie following with chuckle. Beau held out a hand, which Billie used to hoist herself to her feet. Steph stayed firmly in place, arms crossed with a stern look and secret smile in her eye. Ruth was practically on the ground herself at that point, Ellie’s shadow reaching across her as she approached.

“Ruth, you fucking idiot, what did you do this time?” Ellie asked, already rummaging through her bag for a band aid.

“Our darling Billie Jean can’t even do a kickflip without busting her ass,” Ruth said once she caught her breath.

“I c-c-can t-t-too, you a-a-a-fuck. I d-did this m-morning.”

Ellie shook her head, leaning down to press a bandage over the wound. If she’d been home, she would have dowsed it in hydrogen peroxide and used real gauze and bandage, but this would have to do. It was probably best, considering how dry and cracked her hands were these days.

“Thanks E-ellie,” Billie finally said.

And, at that, the bell for first period rang out, abruptly ending all shenanigans. Ellie slung her bag back over her shoulder, trying to ignore the itch under her skin from being so close to another person’s blood. Luckily, the thought was knocked out of her head by the slap of a hand against her shoulder.

“So, you seem tense. Did you have to flush yourself down the toilet to even get out of the house this morning?”

“Shut the hell up Ruth, I’m not in the mood for jokes.”

She didn’t have to look to know that Ruth’s permanent smile had faltered. Her hand went from a heavy weight to a soft comfort in a matter of seconds. In a rare moment of genuity, Ruth dropped her voice so only Ellie could hear.

“You okay, El? Is it your dad or…?”

“No, no, not really. Just kinda stressed out. And for the last time, stop calling me that. That’s a kid nickname.”

“Yeah, not happening. I know you secretly love it. You’ll thank me someday.”

She paused a moment to chew on her bottom lips, allowing a scarce ray of anxiety to shine through.

“You know what’ll make you feel better? I’m driving the losers to the quarry today, break in Bessie and all that. I know you’re probably busy with your boy toy, but you’re more than welcome to come.”

Ellie’s stomach dropped. She wanted so badly to see her friends, but she felt obligated to see Mason after everything that happened that morning. But one look at her friend’s face, and she knew where she should really be.

“I’ll see what I can do.”

Ruth’s eyes lit up, and her mouth cracked open in a wide grin.

“Oh, Ellie-Belly, you won’t regret it. I knew you wouldn’t miss the chance to see my blinding white thighs.”

Ellie rolled her eyes, but allowed Ruth to throw an arm around her shoulders as they walked to class.

---

Ellie had never been a fan of spit.

She distinctly remembered the first time she’d had a panic attack. She had been about seven years old, and some boy in her class had decided it was the perfect time to let loose with a spit glob worthy of the gods. Unfortunately, Ellie had been standing near enough to be in the splash zone. It somehow was so much different than playing loogie at the quarry with with Billie and Ruth. This time, there was a wet splatter across the skirt of her jumper, and she lost it. Some combination her fathers instilled fear of germs and her own anxious tendencies brought about a cascade of tears and snot. It took a trip the restroom with both Ruth and Billie to get her to calm down enough to go back to recess.

Ellie thought of this as she sat in Mason’s car after school, his tongue making a valiant attempt to fight her tonsils.

This was an activity that took up much of her time after school. She’d never admit it to herself, but it was probably one of her least favorite parts of the day. Ellie genuinely struggled with physical contact; she’d gotten used to the losers touching her, but anyone else made her uncomfortable. Kissing Mason fell under the umbrella of uncomfortable.

Mason, on the other hand, was having a great time. Ellie was pushed further and further into the seat as he grew more and more eager. His hand was wrapped loosely around her thigh.

Ellie’s eyes opened, trying to look at the time on the clock and pretend she was interested in kissing. It was 3:24. School had ended nearly thirty minutes ago. The losers had all surely left to go to the quarry by then.

Suddenly, as if her mind had been read, she felt her phone buzz in her pocket. She slowly, carefully, reached her hand into her pocket to pull the phone out and held it behind Mason. The message was from Steph, saying that she needed to get to the quarry ASAP. Apparently Ruth wouldn’t stop complaining that Ellie had abandoned them.

Ellie’s mind was quickly snatched from the message when she the hand on her thigh move to cup her breast. She pulled away quickly, smacking Mason’s hand away.

“What? I thought you liked that.” he whined.

She didn’t like it. There was never a time where she said she did. Ellie tried to quickly think of an excuse.

“I, uh…”

“Come on, don’t be nervous.” Mason reached over and fiddled with one of the buckles on her overalls, trying to subtly unhook the button from the catch. An idea suddenly appeared in Ellie’s mind, and she pushed his hand away again.

“Uh, I’m wearing overalls.”

Indeed she was. They were her favorite pair, with the floral appliques on the legs that Steph had ironed on for her.

“What does that have to do with anything.”

“Well, uh, that would violate my rule.”

Ellie had the forethought when her and Mason started dating to put a rule in place: He was not allowed to touch her underneath her clothes, specifically when it came to pants.

“How’s that?”

“Overalls are like a shirt/pants combo. That breaks the rule.”

She could tell that it was a half-baked excuse, and Mason knew it too. His eyebrow was raised in confusion, but he relented and moved away. Ellie breathed a sigh of relief.

“You’ve been acting strange today.”

“No I haven’t”

Silence. Mason sighed, scrubbed at his face with his hand.

“Look, I have to do some conditioning today. You can either walk home or stay and watch. It’s up to you.”

Ellie resisted the urge to pump her fist in victory.

“I’d like to stay, but I have a lot of homework. Maybe tomorrow?”

Mason nodded, but Ellie was already out of the car.

She didn’t start running until she was sure he couldn’t see her anymore.

A genuine smile burst across her face as she pumped her legs. The air was beginning to warm, spring chill giving way to summer heat. The end of junior year was rapidly approaching, and the feeling of true freedom spurred Ellie on as she raced toward the quarry.

[ruinsrebuilt]

What I’m Reading - Week 8

sorry this is like two weeks late guys! the trouble with my ears had completely unmotivated me, but I finally said ENOUGH. at least I've been reading fics here and there so this week’s post is a bit longer (yay for fic recs!) 

An Honest Man by @warriorgays

author summary: "Ask him to dance, doc."

word count: 2,435

my thoughts: Roe/Toye is one of my all time favorite rare pairs, so to see it written so beautifully is an absolute GIFT. post-canon / canon compliant, and very true to the characters, I adore this fic. 

hello (i’m here, i’m waiting) by @mjolll

author summary: “Go on,” Gene finds himself saying, ducking his head, “we got this, trooper.”

“At least let me help you get this back to the med tent, Doc.”

Spina shrugs, “suit yourself, Chuck.”

word count: 559

my thoughts: ANOTHER ONE OF MY FAV RAREPAIRS. I may be one of the only ones on this ship, but I will go down with, I swear. this is one of those drabbles that I wish I could have abut 50,000 more words of. 

I need you though by @gendryw4ters

author summary: "I’m… I’m going, George.” Luz doesn’t look up from his cereal. He’d known this day was coming, had known it since they’d first- well, not since they’d first met, but since they’d first gotten together, at least. The fact that he’d even convinced Ron Speirs to move in with him in the first place had been a minor miracle in itself.

word count: 943

my thoughts: this rare pair isn't one thats blatantly obvious but you know what? it’s golden. as proven by my lovely mind twin, with this brilliant drabble. starts out sad but trust me, the ending is worth it. 

With Naps Like These by @aces-low

author summary: Luz and Joe become napping buddies. It's surprisingly more complicated than it oughta be.

word count: 8,335

my thoughts: napping and fluff and luztoye. can you say heaven?? I adore this so much, especially the ending. there is a little bit of angst but you know what? worth it. 

Not Asked But Answered by Perpetual Motion 

author summary: Lip asks for nothing but does everything, and George is a little in love.

word count: 1,221

my thoughts: this fic is achingly sweet, just like this pairing. the whole thing beautifully written - I love how George is reflecting on how dedicated and caring Lip is. he deserves to be recognized. my heart is full :’) 

Way With Words by @donsmalarkey

author summary: Four times Luz flirts with Lip and one time Lip flirts back.

word count: 5,588

my thoughts: THIS IS SO SOFT AND CUTE AND ADORABLE AND FLIRTY AND GODDAMNIT MY FEELS. I’m so glad this fic exists, and if you even vaguely like this pairing, ya gotta read this. 

Everything’s Alright, Yes, Everything’s Fine by @ralphspina

author summary: "And we want you to sleep well tonight, let the world turn without you tonight," or: Carwood finally takes a damn nap in a damn bed.

word count: 475

my thoughts: I was begging for luz/lip content and guess who came down from the heavens to hand me this perfection?? MADDIE. IT WAS MADDIE AND I LOVE IT. 

Counting backwards by @jim-bones-spock

author summary: "He was now almost arrived. If George wanted, he could walk three steps and grab at Lipton’s coat, could pull him to safety. But Lip had ordered him not to move. George was still on his knees, shaking and breathing hard, counting the second still, just like he was keeping record to the most sadistic and stressful run ever. It was killing him."

word count: 1,227

my thoughts: another result of my pitiful begging for luz/lip content and you know what? I REGRET NOTHING BECAUSE THIS IS FRIGGEN AWESOME. such a tender moment, I swear to god, I just wanna hugs them both. 

A Close Call by luluren

author summary: Nixon always seems to find him. 

word count: 11,607

my thoughts: I was introduced to Nix/Roe a while back, but only just now have I really started to explore them, and boy I gotta tell ya, this fic is so well written that even though I went into it unsure, I walked out completely sold. 

Here By Myself (A New Color to Paint the World) by @ralphspina

author summary: When the class clown and the emotional caretaker of Easy Company take stock after Bois Jacques, it's surprisingly easy for them to smile thanks to the good company.

word count: 1,202

my thoughts: you guys have no idea how long I have waited for the convent scene told from the perspective of luz/lip. and you have no idea how loud I screamed when Maddie wrote it. and you definitely have no idea how amazing it is, but trust me. it is perfection. 

Heat Jump by @alyseofwonderland

author summary: The Army has the following rules about having a sexual relationship while deployed: 1. Please, pretty please with sprinkles on top, don’t. 2. If you find that you cannot follow the first instructions then: Do not have sex in zero G. Don’t do it. You will get written up if you even suggest it as an idea to a recruit. 3. If you have a sexual relationship with a member of your unit, please make it not your direct superior officer for the love of all that is holy. 4. If you find that you HAVE to have a sexual relationship with your direct superior officer you will be forced to fill out five times the paper work.

word count: 19,048

my thoughts: A SPEIRS/ROE SPACE AU. IDK WHY YOU’RE STILL READING THIS POST, YOU SHOULD BE READING THIS FIC. 

Operation Get Julian Laid by LT_Aldo_Raine 

author summary: Its Julian's 21st birthday, and he's still a virgin. So, his best buddies Bill and Babe take it upon themselves to get him laid before the big    2-1. Only, things don't go exactly according to plan. OR: “Shit, Julian, I gotta fuckin' spell it out for you? Do you wanna fuck me or not?”

word count: 4,879

my thoughts: I’m always a slut for Babe/Julian. Always. and this is no exception. poor Julian doesn’t wanna get laid with just anyone. he wants his best friend. sweet babies. :’) 

and the stars look very different today by @r-catsby 

author summary: Chuck gives up. “Fuck it.” He rolls his eyes, slips from the counter to pad out of the kitchen and down the hall to what was once his bedroom. It no longer feels right to claim it solely as his own considering it’s Ron’s sheets that cover the bed, his dirty clothes heaped by the door and his books mixed with Chuck’s own on the nightstand. Chuck’s not entirely sure where he ends and Ron begins, hasn’t been for the past three years. They just kind of fell together and never looked back.

word count: 3,388

my thoughts: this is so cute and domestic-y and sexy and GAH I LOVE IT. the characterization/dynamic is pitch-perfect too. I smiled the entire time. 

five kisses that nearly killed george luz, for various reasons by @renelemaires

author summary: "Holy shit," is the first thing George says, because he really can't think of anything better. His mind is drawing blank, no matter how eager his tongue feels to leap out of his mouth. Everyone has heard about Speirs -- and everyone knows that kissing another guy, even by accident, is a thing that you don't do. In the army, that could get you kicked out in a heartbeat. In civilian life, you could be tossed in prison for it. And George just accidentally macked one on Killer Captain Speirs. He's a dead man.

word count: 5,140

my thoughts: LOOK. LOOK. LIP/LUZ/SPEIRS IS SUCH A GOOD OT3. I ADORE THEM. AND TO HAVE A FIC THIS WONDERFUL FOR THEM IS OUT OF THIS WORLD. 

[theclaravoyant]

Hey! I'm loving your trans!Fitz series. Could you write a like, more FS centered piece within it? Like, how they got together, their first time sleeping together, anything like that? Thank you for such amazing works with such good representation

AN ~ Thank you so much! I’m glad you’ve been loving Leopold!

This is basically “first date” fluff - though I would also be up for writing their first time etc. if that’s still a point of interest for people? Perhaps a more AU version?

Anyway, without further ado, enjoy!

Read on AO3 (~1700wd)

Spearmint

“Why don’t you ever come swimming?” Jemma wondered, bringing her ponytail around to the side so that she could sponge it dry a little before moving onto the rest of her body. A bikini decorated in bright orange and pink floral print contrasted her pale flesh, but Fitz couldn’t help but blush a little as he tried not to look too hard. She was his best friend, but he was only a man.

“I- I don’t know,” he explained. “I guess I still don’t like taking my top off.”

“Why?” Her eyes darted down to his chest. “Do you have scars?”

Fitz crossed his arms.

“I’d rather not talk about it. Just… hurry up and put a shirt on, please.”

Jemma rolled her eyes and tugged a loose shirt over her shoulders. Then, wrapping the towel around her hips, she gestured for Fitz to lead the way from the pool area.

“You know, there are bathing suits that wouldn’t require you to wear a top. And plenty of the guys swim in tanks.”

She gestured to a group of them, as one leapt almost out of the water to spike a volleyball into the opposing side. Fitz fixed her with a sardonic glare.

“Oh yeah because I can do that.”

“You could if you wanted to.”

“Have you seen me?” Fitz gestured to himself. “I’m made of spaghetti! I was not built for physical prowess, Jemma, I am a massive nerd and I have accepted my place.”

Jemma laughed, a snorting, nose crinkling laugh.

“You do know we attend a school full of certified Massive Nerds, right?” she reminded him. “It’s not like we’re the only prodigies in the world.”

“I’m the youngest guy here by almost three years,” Fitz pointed out, holding the gate open for Jemma. “Do you know how much puberty you can go through in three years? It’s a lot.”

“You’re not the youngest person here, though,” Jemma insisted. “You can’t tell me some of the girls haven’t been looking. Come on.”

She grinned, and looked him up and down a little mockingly. He was fully dressed in shorts, a tank, and a half-open button-up tee, but he still felt tempted to cover himself further, squirming under her gaze. Realising he was uncomfortable, Jemma sobered up a little.

“Nobody?” she wondered. “Well, have you asked anybody?”

“A few people,” Fitz admitted, “but we never get past a first date.”

Jemma baulked and glanced back over her shoulder, feeling her blood begin to boil in indignant defensive rage.

“Not because of that,” Fitz assured her, and urged her to walk on before they could make a scene. “That’s not first date material. It’s just… me. I can’t flirt to save my life, I find forced conversation boring, and I’m too insecure. If I’m attractive it’s because of my brain, but once they realise the brain comes with this grouchy, gangly… mess… it’s all over.”

He shook his head and Jemma puffed her chest, still indignant, though not as enraged this time.

“You converse with me all the time!” she insisted.

“You’re not forced!” Fitz explained. “Or boring. And for some reason, you like this gangly insecure mess. If you could tell your friends why, I’d be much obliged.”

Jemma laughed a little, but this time, it died out as Fitz stopped them by the corner of the rec centre’s café and began to dig in his pocket for some cash. How was she supposed to tell him it was because of lines like that? It was because he was sweet and funny, as well as smart, that she liked him. But, it seemed, he did not like her back, or he – genius that he was – would have surely thought to ask out the girl, apparently the only girl, that he enjoyed having conversations with.

“I was just going to get a candy bar,” Fitz prompted, “but I’ve got time before Calc. Want to stop for a milkshake? I’m buying.”

“A milkshake?” Jemma raised her eyebrows. “In this weather?”

“Swimming?” Fitz gestured to her shirt, which was beginning to soak in places she had not finished drying off. “In this weather?”

Touché. Jemma’s incredulity turned into a smug smile and she slipped into a nearby seat as her reply.

“Spearmint, please,” she specified.

“Naturally.”

-

“A burger joint?” Jemma mused, looking around as Fitz held the door open and she stepped through. “You should have warned me. I would have worn my full skirt.”  

“And that’s, what, a half-skirt?”

Fitz gestured to the rich ruby-red dress she wore.

“No, I just like syncing my outfit with the mood of the evening, that’s all.”

“Well, I didn’t have a 50’s suit lying around, so fair’s fair,” Fitz explained. Jemma smiled appreciatively at his tux. They were probably overdressed for this place, but it was one of the classier themed restaurants she had been too – and frankly, they had been through too much to give a damn anyway.

“I wanted to take you somewhere swanky,” Fitz continued, “but given the, uh, heaviness of our last first date I thought I’d keep things a bit lighter this time around. And I know you like burgers, and curly fries, and you hardly ever let yourself eat them.”

“I have a reputation to maintain,” Jemma explained, but her eyes glinted with mischief as the waiter brought a basket of curly fries over to the table. She plucked one out the instant it was set down, and bit into it hungrily.

“This was a brilliant idea, Fitz!” she exclaimed. “And not just because I’d like to eat my weight in these fries and never look at garlic bread again. Good food, a fun theme, it was really clever of you to think of it. I love it. Even if I do have a skirt with literal poodles on it that I never get to wear anymore.”

“Didn’t you buy that as a costume for Daisy’s birthday?”

“I fell in love with it, okay?!”

Fitz refrained his laughter as another waiter came around with two milkshakes – chocolate for him, spearmint for her – and set them down on the table, and left again. Jemma blinked as she watched them leave, and looked around. Leaning across the table, she whispered:

“Fitz? Did you book out this whole place again?”

“You said it was sweet.”

“And expensive!” Jemma gasped. “You don’t have to do that anymore, you know I’m okay now, right?”

“Jemma.” For a moment, Fitz’s eyes were solemn as he lay his hand over hers. They were so far from okay that even thinking about the distance was too much, really, and Jemma’s expression softened.

“It is sweet, though,” she acknowledged. “It’s just… also sweet to know we can afford to eat for the next month.”

“Oh, Coulson’s paying. For the venue, I mean. Everything else is on me but he insisted on contributing to your ‘mental health fund’. Which he’s put me in charge of, because he knows you’ll never touch a penny if you can help it.”

Jemma rolled her eyes.

“That’s sweet too, damn it.” Blinking, she found herself tearing up. “No, this was supposed to be fun! Fun!”

“Hey, happy crying’s alright,” Fitz assured her. “We don’t do much of that these days. Have some milkshake. Uh - you still like spearmint, right? I don’t think we’ve had it since… you know.”

Jemma took a deep breath, creeping apprehension filling her gut. Part of her wished he’d never brought it up, but now that she thought about it, if she took a big gulp and hated it she’d never drink spearmint again. Squeezing his hand where he still held hers, Jemma took a slow, hesitant sip…

And then she drank deep, and sighed in satisfaction. Her memory filled with long days at the Academy where Fitz had shouted her more than a few of these shakes. Of swimming with her friends even when it was cold. Of beachside holidays with her family, and car trips through the crisp morning air. Of Fitz and Daisy sword-fighting with tongue-sharpened candy-canes, and Fitz bringing her breakfast in bed, and of the snow and the sun, and back here.

Fitz was smiling. She could see the curiosity in his eyes, wondering where she had gone, but he kept the question to himself.

“Still good?” he asked instead.

“Still good.”

-

“I’ll have the bran berry forest yoghurt, please,” Jemma requested. “And he will have…”

Jemma nudged Fitz with her foot under the bench. The diner was a lot more contemporary-road-house than 1950s-milkshake-bar, and the all-but-soldiers that had traipsed in that morning were far from the goofy teenagers or overdressed second-first-date-goers that had gone before them, but they were not immune to hunger. Or to sentiment. Maybe, Jemma thought, just maybe, sharing bacon and eggs, hashbrowns and pancakes with his dearest friends might help lift Fitz out of this funk, at least for a while.

“Fitz?” she pressed. “Would you like me to order for you?”

For a moment longer, she contemplated dragging him outside or out the back for a scolding and a speech insisting that she was not going to let him stave out of this misery. But then, he smiled uncertainly at the waitress.

“The English Breakfast, please,” he requested softly. “And, uh. Two milkshakes, please? One chocolate, one spearmint.”

“Sure thing, sir.” The waitress nodded. “Can I take your menu?”

“Hey, can I get in on that milkshake thing?” Daisy wondered. “What’s the best one? Chocolate? That’s always a safe bet, right?”

“Sounds good for you, but I’ll take a vanilla,” May said. “We do have a chocolate-banana if you’d prefer it?” the waitress offered. “Or choc-mint or choc-peanut.”

“Damn, I’m allergic to peanut,” Coulson muttered, “but I’ll take the choc-banana. Daisy? Choc-banana? Mack? Elena?”

The rest of the table erupted into a rousing debate on milkshake flavours that was both intriguing and entertaining given the waitress’ expression. At the end of the table, Fitz and Jemma let it fade into noise.

“Thank you,” Jemma murmured, taking a sip of her shake. Fitz smiled a little, and she felt her heart settle in equal measure, as he showed her that despite his fears and doubts, he still saw some place with her.

“It’s no problem,” he assured her.

She reached for his hand, and he let her take it.