#and while it's true duncan does live a better life than benji

[cowboy-anon]

Whumpmas in July - Day 21

Prompt - Secret

This is super short and a little late, but whatever! Not super whumpy. Just some Benji content and a sneak peek at the guilt they’re harboring from their time alone with Clay. Well, not so alone...

CW: Mentioned crying, food, past neglect, scars, starvation, Stockholm Syndrome

Tagging: @getyourwhumphere (I don’t know why your tag isn’t working?), @milk-carton-whump, @unicornscotty, @sideblogformindtrash, @a-series-of-whumpy-events, @whumpinggrounds, @happy-whumper, @whumperfulart, @starnight-whump, @whumpmasinjuly​

Benji’s Secret

Benji doesn’t tell them about the pet Master Clay replaced them with.

They don’t tell them when their limp, malnourished form is carried crying from Master Clay’s house to the car. They don’t tell them when they drag themself out of bed the next day. They don’t tell them, not the next day or the next day or the next, because if they don’t ask, Benji won’t tell.

Only the first time Benji is asked, a year later and still unable to stand the sight of their scars, they don’t tell the truth--well, not the whole truth anyway. “Master Clay got tired of me,” they say curtly across the dinner table. And then they shovel the rest of their dinner into their mouth, stand up with the scrape of their chair, and promptly rush into their shared room and shut the door.

Benji drops onto their bed with a groan. After everything that’s happened, they still can’t even stand to utter his name.

Duncan, the little blond-haired pet that settled into their place so easily.

Benji knows they have no right to hate him. How could the pet have known when he was adopted that he would be wearing Benji’s clothes and be sitting on their side of the bed and be receiving the love that was once theirs? He couldn’t have.

And yet Benji can’t bring themself to tell Jimmy and Apple about him. They know it’s jealousy just as much as it is deep-seated trauma.

A part of them knows without a shadow of a doubt that Duncan needs them. He’s cute and obedient and he’ll never escape, won’t even try after seeing what Clay can do to pets like them.

Benji could save him.

But... they’re afraid. They’re afraid of what might happen if they do. If they save him, Jimmy will no doubt take him in, and then where will that leave them? Sharing affection with not one but two other pets. They’re already second to Apple, they can tell by how the two of them touch and talk and smile. The thought of being an afterthought in yet another household, neglected and unloved--

Benji gets up and turns off the light.

They know it’s selfish. They do, and it hurts to think this is what they’ve become. Thinking about it earlier, they were bitter. Now they’re just... disgusted. Because a part of them well and truly hates him.

Benji hates how easy it was for Clay to replace them. They hate how Duncan could even stomach the food he was offered when not five feet away, Benji was starving. They hate how just a year earlier they were in that same position.

Benji hates him and yet they wish him well. Hence their bitterness. Hence their disgust. They could save them. They won’t.

But... that other pet, Duncan, he’ll be okay. He knows what happens if he disobeys, and he’s more than just a pretty face. He’s smart.

Duncan can shut up and be pretty.

That’s the only thing that makes it bearable, knowing that Duncan has the potential to live a better life than they ever did, one full of pretty clothes and soft touches and love, sick and twisted but real enough.

Benji tucks themself into bed, flips on the lava lamp on their nightstand, and wills themself to believe that the life Duncan lives will be a good one.

Even though they know Master Clay will eventually replace him, too.