#and while im still figuring out how to Deal with my shit healthily

[29121996]

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[avasilvugh]

Superbabies: I wanna know about arguments in their household! What happens when Kara and Lena fight? What about if the kids fight with the parents? What about between the kids?

oh ho ho okay (i am quite literally rubbing my hands together bc ARGUMENTS R MY SHIT)

so like??  kara and lena dont ever rlly Fight, u know??  no big blow outs, particularly after the kids come along like they bicker sometimes and have deeper arguments but there’s no big blow up bc that’s not healthy and they know it, recognize it.  the few times they’ve had a Big Fight were p early in their relationship when lena was still sort of self-sabotaging and kara was sort of doing the same tbh but then they developed the ever helpful tool of ~healthy communication~ so when they argue, it’s usually p tame

that said, they DO fight sometimes and they dont like......go out of their way to hide it??  bc like its a reality of relationships, you argue sometimes, and they want their kids to see that it happens and that you still love each other at the end of them and they want them to see how to deal with relationship issues healthily??  that’s a big thing for lena tbh, bc she had to learn it all when she was an adult, never had any reference point for what a healthy long term relationship was supposed to look like until kara, rlly, so she rlly wants their kids to know what a solid, healthy, happy relationship looks like

so it usually goes down like this: whatever small disagreements they’ve been having (usually over the same subject or maybe a series of related topics) will kind of build up and then sometimes its kara that starts it by rolling her eyes when lena starts in on it or sometimes its lena snapping at kara but eventually it Starts and it will last for days at a time sometimes bc they both think they’re right or if they know they’re wrong, they’re not willing to admit it Right Then but anyway it will last for a while (their record is three weeks, it happened right after they found out lena was pregnant with finn, it was A Mess), but like??  they still love each other??  kara still makes lena’s coffee in the mornings and lena still picks up a pint of kara’s favorite ice cream bc she saw they were out the other day and like??  tbh thats what the kids take away from it most

but yeah, so they argue in front of the kids sometimes but they never let it get ugly, always know when to say we need to step away from this and come back later, so they will and they’ll cool off and they’ll resolve whatever it is they’re dealing with

and it’s mostly just background noise for the kiddos??  like they barely notice it bc their moms dont rlly act any different when they’re in the middle of a fight, like yeah maybe they’re not as gross as usually, maybe the kiddos dont walk in on their moms making out in the kitchen, but thats like??  it??

one of maia’s friend’s parents fight a lot, like loud screaming matches, and one time maia’s staying over when they get into it and she’s so shocked?? ?  like holy shit why are they yelling at each other

uh they’re fighting??  you said your moms fight sometimes

um yeah sort of

she goes home the next day and just hugs her moms like holy shit she never realized how good she and finn and stella have it, like she can’t imagine living with screaming matches every other day

catch the rest of this under the cut bc i just realized its super long, sorry @ mobile users

NOW WHEN THE KIDDOS FIGHT WITH THEIR MOMS??  strap in friend

so each kid has their own style of arguing with their moms??  and it varies between kara and lena too like maia fights with kara one way but lena another ANYWAY

so finn isnt v loud when he’s upset??  he rlly isnt and he shies away from the term fighting even, prefers disagreement instead, so like when (on v v few occasions) he gets into an argument with his moms, its always p quiet??  and usually resolved by the end of the day tbh like he’s one of those ppl that Cannot go to bed with shit left unresolved, he has a thing abt starting every day with a clean slate (this occasionally means some long nights)

like the biggest things he ever argues with kara abt are like his willingness to cover up whatever maia’s gotten up to and the fact that he is complicit in a lot of kind of shady stuff his sisters get up to when they kind of become vigilantes and he’s had a total of maybe two arguments with lena and both of them were during and about his one rebellious phase where he broke curfew a few times and gave his moms some scares by letting his phone die bc he was feeling ~reckless~

his arguments with kara tend to last p long??  like days/weeks sometimes bc they are rlly a lot alike but in different ways??  like finn has a slightly narrowed moral compass i guess, where he can excuse what his sisters do bc theyre his sisters and they’re doing whatever it is for good reason but kara’s like??  no it’s still dangerous and not well planned and also illegal but neither of them ever yell (quite honestly kara and lena have like never yelled at their kiddos except when they’re in imminent danger??) but they dont rlly raise their voices so there’s just a lot of stony silence until someone (usually stella) sort of shoves finn’s shoulder and says you dont have to defend us, what we did was fucked up or approaches kara and is like hey, dont be angry with him

and then when he goes to apologize or she comes to him they both end up crying.  listen, they’re a soft ass family ok tears happen A Lot

the two times finn has argued with lena were both v short, happened v late at night bc she stayed up until he came home and both included the phrase (from finn) i get to be a kid too, you know and both times that final phrase made lena stop dead and just.  give up??  like god, he’s right, he’s taken on a lot of responsibility in their family, so lena just sort of gathers him up and hugs him rlly tight and is like we’ll talk about extending your curfew but please don’t ever scare your mother and i like that ever again and finn is like ???  ok???  

for sure figured he was getting grounded for weeks but instead he ended up with an extended curfew and like........one weekend of being grounded 

MAIA OH MY GOD maia fights with kara a lot when she’s older, bc she has like??  a v different moral code i guess like do no harm but take no shit kind of goes out the window, like maia’s taken this stance that the second u threaten her ppl, she’s well within her rights to beat your ass and she with lena she argues a lot during this one earlier period in her life where she gets into some bad situations and lena’s like ???  sweetheart what are you doing and maia’s sort of like GOD I CAN MAKE MY OWN CHOICES IM MATURE and lena’s trying v hard not to let it turn into a fight but, well, maia is trying v hard to turn it into a fight

so like her arguing with kara tends to happen more as maia’s an adult tbh and it sometimes escalates to full yelling bc at a certain point she becomes kara’s colleague at the deo and when she does stupid shit, she’s endangering a lot of ppl, including her siblings and her moms and herself 

meanwhile she fights with lena a lot as a teenager over stupid shit rlly like it’s not always abt deep shit but when it is it gets rlly uncomfortable bc lena hates arguing with her kids, she does, and maia’s not like finn, won’t ever get to the heart of why she’s angry at lena so it’s just??  it’s messy and bad and lena makes sure that maia’s left the house before she starts crying and maia makes sure she’s well out of the city before she starts crying and finn and stella and kara usually run damage control for them bc otherwise they’d be in this holding pattern of just sort of being like we’re okay.......for NOW and then having more and more arguments bc they never get to the heart of the matter and yeah, maia feels rlly guilty when she’s older abt how she treated lena as a teenager

and there have been times where she fights with both her moms at the same time, like there’s this period in her life (like around her sophomore/junior year of high school??) where she gets into a p bad situation that she refuses to let her moms know abt so they only see her cutting class and her grades falling and her like yelling at her siblings so they sit her down abt it and it results in several Big Arguments that end p badly and damage everyone’s trust for a little while bc now kara and lena are like??  holy shit what is she into???  and maia feels like her moms dont ~understand~ even though they legitimately would if she would just tell them whats going on and she feels like she can’t tell them so it’s a Mess for a while

stella refuses to argue with her moms.  she just Wont do it.  she rlly kind of refuses to fight with anyone she cares abt bc she can feel what they feel and that fucks with how she feels and idk it’s weird, sometimes other ppls emotions influence her or sometimes her emotions influence others.  bc of that, she tries to avoid it if she can but obviously it happens sometimes

this is her MO; she never lets it turn into a real argument, she’ll just like.....walk into room with whichever mom she’s irritated with or both if that’s the situation and just be v blunt like im angry that you wouldnt let me go out with ari last night and then she retreats before they can say anything else.  then, probably a couple hours later, she comes back and says another thing like it wasn’t fair because you let finn do the same thing and i feel like you treat me differently than him or maia and then retreats.  and then FINALLY  she’s kind of gotten a hold on her own emotions and feels like she’ll actually be able to speak with her moms without losing control and then its not even an argument so much as a debate rlly

like the weird stop start pattern is how she has to go about it so she knows that no one’s emotions are influencing anyone else’s???  like that way she knows she’s not making kara or lena angrier and she knows that they’re not making her any angrier, that whatever they bring to the table is their own

her moms thinks its rlly cute and also theyre rlly sad that she has to like.....live like this??  like she’s so terrified of ever taking away someone’s free will that she’ll just drag out a highly uncomfortable experience (stella Hates confrontation and, if given the opportunity, would probably just get it all done and over with in one go but sadly that is not an option for her) just to make sure she’s not doing anything wrong irt other ppl

she tends to argue with kara more??  bc thats who, in general, does actually treat her a bit differently bc she’s the one that’s like painfully aware that stella’s not kryptonian.  like and that’s not a problem obviously!!  kara loves her just the same as she loves finn and maia but it’s just scary for kara bc there’s a certain level of comfort in knowing finn and maia are stronger and faster and virtually invulnerable, and it’s terrifying that her youngest, tiniest child isnt.  like even just physically??  stella is so much smaller than her siblings and that’s just like a visual representation of their differences and its scares kara so so much every time stella walks out the door.  so she’s the one that generally is like hey maybe wear flats, you dont want to break your ankle or you cant go out in this weather, you’ll catch your death and stella’s like ???  you dont treat maia and finn like theyre babies and she gets rlly angry abt stuff like that bc she knows she’s different??  but she doesnt like getting reminded 

her arguments with lena arent even arguments like they rlly are essentially debates over rlly small insignificant stuff, like it rarely gets heated, feelings are never hurt.  that said, she’s had like one Major argument with lena and thats like when stella starts doing her own vigilante shit, like learns jiu jitsu and krav maga and gets maia’s best friend beth (a tech genius interning at l-corp) to help her with the gadgetry and lena’s the first to find out and she’s like No, no you’re not doing this, this isn’t safe and stella’s like technically i am an adult so yeah i am doing this and its more a battle of wills??  like there’s no out and out confrontation but it’s a weird few months until there is

NOW WHEN THE KIDDOS FIGHT

they rlly dont fight that much but usually its between finn and maia, with stella and their moms playing peace maker/referee.  like.....thats their dynamic, their built in system.  finn and maia’s inherent morality go against each other like at nearly every turn bc finn is such a pacifist and maia rlly rlly isnt, like even from when they were little that was like the main source of conflict for them

like finn always feels like he needs to go along with whatever maia’s up to just to minimize damage??  keep collateral damage low, u know??  and maia’s fine with that, likes having her brother with her as back up, likes not feeling so alone in her rage, but he’s kind of useless help, always standing behind her and telling her to leave it, walk away, it’s not worth it but like it fucking is??  to her???  

they do get into screaming matches sometimes.  like......they’ll fly up out of sight of the city and just rip into each other and whenever they come back home, they just will not look at each other for a while.  and stella’s left adrift bc they’re some of her favorite ppl and holy shit, what if this is the fight that rlly breaks them all apart??  so she runs between them, trying for damage control, but she’s not v good at it bc she’s way too invested, soaks up all their emotions like a sponge and comes away from it worse for wear

and like kara and lena are always on top of the situation, u know??  like they may not always know what their kiddos are fighting abt bc their arguments tend to wander to different things so what they may hear abt may not be what started it, but they always know when they’re fighting and usually they’ll each take on one of them to talk to, exchange notes, make a plan, help them figure out a compromise

and best yet, they know when sometimes they just need to step back and let them work it out for themselves???  like they know when to back away and when to pull stella away bc, bless her, she’s still desperately trying to fix everything bc its wildly uncomfortable for her whenever there’s tension in the house, so sometimes the best thing is just to distract her with other stuff and let finn and maia work whatever it is out between themselves (and they always do like, at the end of the day, they love each other a lot and rlly arent ever abt to let anything come between them)

on the occasions that stella’s ever fighting with someone, it’s usually maia and its usually that theyre both kind of jealous of the other??  like maia is everything stella wishes she was, all tall and gorgeous and smart and kryptonian but stella isnt angry all the time, doesnt have this rage eating away at her, can live her life without wanting to put holes in walls every day and so they get jealous of the other and the get irritated and they get fucking angry and maia’s so angry, stella can’t help but absorb some of that, even if she’s being careful

they mostly fight during high school??  like thats when its just the two of them in the house, after finn’s off at college, that’s when there’s no buffer between them and that’s when stella so desperately wants to be like her big sister, that’s when maia doesnt want to have to take over for finn as stella’s protector, wants to live her own life for once goddammit

and like???  it’s kind of out of nowhere.  like kara and lena dont see it coming but one day kara hears maia screaming and is like fuck and flies home and is like ????  when its just her and stella, red faced and breathing hard and stella looks like she’s on the verge of tears and maia looks as if she wants nothing more than to just leave and she tries to play peace maker but it only seems to make it worse bc both girls feel like she’s taking the other’s side and they both storm off and kara’s still just sort of ??????  what the actual fuck ???

they dont fight often, but they do actually play dirty bc they both know where to poke and prod and press to hurt the most and they rlly dont ever Truly work through it until they’re like full grown adults, like stella’s in college and maia’s grown and living in opal city and stella calls her when she’s like real fucking wasted and is like hoooooly shit we’re fucked up maia, we’re real shitty to each other??  but we shouldnt be because i love you, i love you so much and i miss you and did you know jungle juice is really strong???  its so strong maia.  maia did i tell you i love you because i do a lot

maia’s sort of freaked out by the confession/apology and she’s freaked out by the way stella’s slurring her words and she almost just calls kara to go get her but this is her baby sister and she called her??  she called maia, not finn, not kara, not lena, she called maia, so maia grabs a comfy sweater and hauls ass to stella’s university and just bundles her baby sister up and gives her a lot of water to drink and stays with her that night and helps her with her hangover the next day and stella’s sort of shocked she came (stella also doesnt rlly remember her phone call but u know, semantics) but then maia hangs around until stella’s like a little less hungover and she makes them dinner and is like so, we should talk and then they do !!  and they actually finally are truthful with one another, finally say what they mean and its rlly good and stella’s so so happy bc she has her big sister back and maia’s over the fucking moon like she missed stella so much, remembers when they were little and she would braid stella’s hair and show her how to balance on a skateboard 

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4/26/2017

im super stoned so this aint gonna be pretty but hey at least im writing. i slept through all of my alarms and so i missed my first class. then when i got to school i realized i was late for the poetry thing i was in. i read my revisited version of my punk kids poem and halfway thru i realized i suck at poetry. whatever i got a free cog zine out of it. then i finished classes and started getting all of yugioh subbed and im working on merging the .ass sub files into the .avis its very tedious but happening. and i kind of had an epiphany that letting myself like my old interests and not burying my anger has helped me be happier as a person. i still have to figure out how to healthily deal with anger towards myself but in general im kind of,,,, being better. which is cool. a bunch of friends and i walked to Honey Berry to get boba tea. during the whole escapade i realized how much ive really fallen for clara... i went with clara and haley to take care of bunnies before we all went to fluffy's place to meet up with a bunch of friends. during the drives we listened to old favorites like ke$ha and 3oh!3, and the baby bunnies from before are growing up! at fluffy's we all played games and i gave everyone massages because it's finals. back at the apartment, we watched rick and morty for a while. now im just chilling alone with comet and im tired. im just gonna work on shit until i fall asleep

[29121996]

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