#and where I used to gladly waffle about “yeah no I'm not actually sure it wasnt both! it felt bad enough to be both!”

[spoonstrek]

A weird thing people do pretty regularly is that they'll fight me when I say I had the flu in March of 2020. They're always certain I had covid or I had covid AND the flu. I tested positive for influenza B at the time, I know I was exposed 2 days earlier and the person I got it from got sick a couple hours before me, there was no covid in my county for me to have been exposed to at the time, the course of the illness was very typical of the flu and extremely irregular of covid, when I was tested for covid antibodies when that became available in May I tested negative, and now that I've definitely had covid I can say it felt nothing like covid. There was just ALSO a really bad flu strain that winter

And most importantly, it doesn't fucking matter to anyone but me if it was the flu or covid. I generally talk about it to lead into the story about a dude trying to make fun of me for wearing a mask when I had a highly infectious respiratory illness or to talk about the time I coughed up blood. It does not matter in 2024 if either of those were caused by covid or the flu, let me just tell my fucking story.

[bizarrewritings-blog]

Knock Hard Life / Pt. 3

Bucky Barnes x reader

Being the new one is always problematic. Being the new one while thirsting over a new companion is even more problematic, especially when he shows no interest at all towards you.

Warnings: Angst, mentions of death

Pt. 1 | Pt. 2 | Pt. 3 | Pt. 4 | Pt. 5

The next morning you stumbled into the kitchen, again after not sleeping nearly as long as you'd like to, to make yourself some coffee. But what you found there wasn't what you were expecting. Bucky sat on top of the small counter, a bowl of cereal in his hands. Your eyes wantered over his body. He was shirtless, the scars visible where his metal arm connected to his flesh. His black sweatpants sat dangerously low on his hips and his beautiful brown mane was tied in a lazy man bun. You gulped hard.

With a deep breath you put yourself together, Bucky only noticing you as soon as continued to make your way over to him. He stopped breathing for a second, his eyes raking over your body just like yours did over his. You were only wearing a red tank top with some black shorts. It was summer, after all.

As soon as he realized he was staring, he turned his attention back to his cereal, slowly continuing to eat with his eyes fixed on the tiled floor. "Morning." You smiled as you prepared the coffee mashine on the counter next to Bucky. He shifted a bit before grumbling. You supressed a sigh. At least he stayed.

While you waited for your coffee to brew you leaned against the small island behind you and took your phone out. Bucky wasn't going to talk to you, so why even try?

That's when you felt his eyes on you again. Trying to stay serious you looked up, his eyes immediately darting away. "Is anything wrong?" You tilted your head, eyebrows furrowed together. He just shook his head. Now you couldn't supress your sigh. "Then why aren't you talking to me?" You could see the redness burning his face and neck, his gaze still avoiding you. He opened his mouth but didn't say anything, probably searching for the right words. Until he sighed as well and murmered "M' nervous." You let out a small laugh. "Nervous?" He shifted a little, making his figure even smaller. "Don't laugh at me." You took a side step, now standing between him and the island behind you. His gaze went to his right, still avoiding to look at you. "You don't have to be nervous, okay? Steve told me that you're careful with new people, but..." "You talked with Steve about me?" He interrupted you, his eyes finally meeting yours. His crystal blue eyes left you covered in goosebumps. God he was beautiful.

"Yeah I-" He interrupted you again with a growl, placing his bowl of now soggy cereal next to him to run his hands through his hair. "But why? What did he say?" He asked, lightly panicking, causing a confused expression on your face. "I just wanted to know how I can get you to talk. I don't want anyone here to not trust me, cause that's how a team works. He helped me when I felt bad because you kept avoiding me all the time. I was worried I did something wrong." He smiled a little at your honesty, making you sigh in relief. "You didn't do anything wrong." He admitted, gaze at his feet again. "Then why did you avoid me? Why did you dart out yesterday, as soon as the movie ended? Before that I actually thought I finally gained your trust with those blueberry waffles." He smiled for a second before sighing again. "I didn't want you to be scared." You snickered softly. "You know I used to be a spy right? There has to be something more than..." You stopped your sentence, deliberating what you should be scared of. You spoke your thoughts, watching his face fall while you waited for an answer. "I've hurt a lot of people in the past. I've murdered people." His face flinched as 'murdered' left his lips. "People try to tell me that this wasn't me. But I remember those people. I remember every single time I put a bullet through someones head. I remember every single face. Every single life that ended. Because of me." He got quieter to the end, his voice quivering. You couldn't help but smile a little bit. He finally trusted you enough to talk about his fears.

"That's why i avoided you. The people here, they knew me before. They know that I'm not the person that took all those lifes. But new people i meet tend to think somewhere, inside me, still lingers this person." His voice broke again, making your heart ache. "Sometimes not even I am sure if there isn't anything of Hydra left inside of me." You followed your instinct, throwing your arms around his waist, pressing your body against his. He was still sitting on the counter, making him taller as he already was and the hug slightly inconvenient, but you didn't care. Even if he didn't want this hug, you felt too bad for him not to do so.

You felt his body stiffen for a couple seconds, you already regretting for going in for the hug until you felt his arms around your shoulders, awkwardly hugging you back. The contrast between his two arms felt great on your almost bare shoulders. You could've stayed like this forever.

"Now look who's finally getting along!" A female voice called, making both of you jump, you taking a step back from Bucky. Natascha entered the kitchen, closely followed by Steve, both grinning widely. "I just wanted to get coffee." You stammered, grabbing you long forgotten mug with now cold black coffee, wich the two intruders obviously noticed. "Don't worry, it's good you're finally nice to each other. I feared Tony would kick one of you out if it stayed that way." laughed Nat, opening the fridge to make herself breakfast. Steve came to your side, grinning down at you. You pinched him in the side. Could he be even more obvious?

His gaze then fell to Bucky who semmed to be completely irritated by your actions. "Since when do you even walk around shirtless?" Steve asked, earning a shrug from his best friend. "It's warm. I also didn't expext anyone. I'm usually the only one up so early." He turned to you, giving you a small smile which you gladly returned. "Okay Lovebirds, great that you like each other and everything but you need to get out of here right now. I need space." Nat probably referred to Bucky who was still sitting on the counter. You squeezed your way out out the small kitchen space before making your way to the elevator, accidentally drinking a gulp from your still cold, black coffe, your nose scrunching up in disgust. You poured it down the drain before actually leaving for your room.

As soon as you closed the door behind, a heavy breath escaped your lungs. You had finally talked to him. And he actually didn't have anything against you. You grinned widely. Maybe the next weeks wouldn't be as bad as you thought.

Later that you decided to ditch the gym and go for the towers pool instead to swim a couple laps. You put on your purple bikini, throwing just a shirt and shorts over it because you didn't want to walk through the whole Tower in your Bikini. With a towel over your shoulder you made your way out of your room to the elevator and to the basement where the pools were. Halfway down the elevator stopped, Steve joining you, his destination perhaps the gym with the clothes he was wearing. "Going for a little swim?" He asked, with this devilish smirk suddenly back on his face. "Yeah?" You questioned, feeling slightly scared what his smirk could mean. The elevator stopped again, opening to the basement. You stepped out, turning around, looking confused at Steve who hasn't moved. "Didn't you want to go the Gym?" He faked considered a moment before answering. "I just changed my plan." And with that the elevator closed again, leaving you still confused in the room. Whatever Steve had in mind, it wouldn't be good with this grin.

You made your way to the pool, stepping out of your clothes before diving into the water. "Friday?" You called. "Yes, Miss Y/L/N?" "Please play the Sport Playlist i set up." "'Sport Playlist' now playing." The music was a little muffled but you didn't care. You thanked the AI before continuing your laps. That's when you suddenly heard voices in the distance. "Seriously, why did you suddenly wanted to go swimming Steve? You know i I like punching stuff." You immediately recognized Buckys voice and froze, your back to the entrance. So this was Steves Plan. Asshole. "Come on Buck. Swimming is important too." "But you know how much i hate these pants. Yes, they're more comfortable than what we had in the 40s but-" You guessed he cut the sentence off because he saw you were there as well. "Oh man, Y/N! Didn't knew you were here too!" You pressed eyes and lips together at Steves words. You turned around and stood up. Since you currently passed the area where the floor was higher, the water stood just underneath your ripcage. You were being greeted with two half naked, bearded guys and you just really wanted to disappear. Having a crush on one of them was making this whole thing only even harder. "I didn't know you wanted to come here. I can leave if you want." You tried to keep your gaze on Steves face instead of Buckys whole Body. "No, no it's alright. Isn't it Buck?" He turned to his left, hitting Buckys arm lightly but the guy was in some kind of trance. His eyes were fixated on your body, his eyes seemingly following every water droplet that made it's way down your skin. You actually liked his reaction to your half naked form, it gave you confidence to see that he didn't hate what was in front of him. "Buck?" Steve hit him again, waking him up. "Huh? No yeah it's fine." He stammered. You and Steve exchanged knowing smiles before the two men joined you in the water. You swam with them for a little while, splashing water in each others faces from time to time, laughing at Buckys pout when you did so.

Half an hour later you got tired, the muscles in your legs starting to burn. You announced your leave, making your way to the edge of the pool. Knowing Bucky would watch your every move, you set both palms on the tiles outside the pool, pushing your body out of the water and onto the ceramic floor. You grabbed your Towel before smiling and waving at the boys, heating out of the room. Behind you you could hear Bucky murmuring something to Steve. "I hate you so much."