#and when you can put words to something/appreciate new facets of it............yeah the obsession gets worse.

[musical-chick-13]

Almost made myself cry imagining my ship hugging, guys, I am in so deep, it's really bad.

[carpetcat2]

Aw man I have so many thoughts on Drill and Scrap Knight. Copy n pasted pretty much word for word from a twitter thread bc I don’t want to resummarize them. Put under a readmore for dialogue spoilers up to Drill Knight’s boss fight.

I was fully prepared to be obsessed w any other Hexcavators, but Drill Knight was surprisingly delightful. You don't understand him like I do.

He has the vibe of someone who didn't really think of his life in the long-term but is also terrified of death.

He likes the infamy gained from his heists bc 1. He's an attention whore.

But like. On a deeper level I think he's desperate to not be forgotten. He genuinely is prepared for the possibility of dying young, but he doesn't want to be forgotten just as quickly.

It's said in camp NPC dialogue that, besides Scrap, the other Hexcavators were pretty new. It's not a group that was around for a long time.

And just based off of the other Hexcavator dialogues, it seems they see it as a temporary thing too, or at the very least don’t plan on staying long-term. (Taken from SK wiki bc I didn’t want to go through screenshots again.)

They just have to do this one heist and they're all set. So it's really neat to see Drill say this line. He cares about this seemingly temporary group and it is so interesting and sexy of him

Anyways. That’s the Mostly canon compliant stuff here’s the fanficcy stuff I wrote about Scrap and Drill based off of their apparent unique relationship.

I would’ve put this under another readmore, but apparently you can only have 1 on posts so now you have to deal with my insane rambling.

I think Scrap is like. Pretty old. Like. 58 or something while Drill's somewhere around his 30s. They're equals for the most part but the age is important.  

She’s in no way the epitome of an adult who should be responsible for a kid let alone a teen. She’s like a wine aunt who's kind of a bad influence, but she still has valuable insight on life that Drill very much values.

They met when Drill was like. Some weird scraggly little teen and they've been pestering each other since.

Do you get where I'm going yes yes you do

 DK: There's no thrill in a heist without danger ScK: Well, there's no thrill without skill, you little shit. Lemme show you how it's done before you keel over or something.

  So that day rolls around and she just wakes him up like ScK: Wakey wakey birthday boy! Or should I say... Birthday man ;D

And Drill is still trying to figure out whether it's a Tuesday or a Friday morning. 

ScK: We gotta do something big for your big day! Like... Or or like... Or maybe!!! Fuck it were doing all of the above. We're gonna have a busy day today so LETSGO And then they rob a couple sorcerers and one of Pridemoor's treasure vaults 

 And by the end of the day they're breathless. It's become dark by then and the only light they have besides the fleeting setting sun is the dim glow of the magical relics they stole refracted in the facets of gems they also stole. 

They're trying to keep their voices down, but the excitement is too much. It wasn't a big deal though. They were the best scavenger and the best thief! 

Their chatter finally slows down and they just sit there for a moment to appreciate the chilled air. "Oh shit wait. Gotta do this before I forget" scrap breaks the peace to go rummage through their loot and drill glances over, curiously.

ScK: Tada!!

She pulls out an expensive looking bottle of wine and a glass that somehow did not break while inside the bag. 

DK: Oh... Wow  DK: Let me guess. You plan on getting blackout drunk again?  ScK: What? No, this is the fancy shit. Obviously it's for you.  DK: Really now? ScK: Yeah, really! I know your standards are high and all so I made sure to get the best of the best for you! Why did you think I dragged you all the way to Pridemoor's vault? DK: The various magical relics? The ridiculous amount of gold? Really, I can't think of any other reason.😒 ScK: Those were also very compelling reasons, but this one's the big one!

And she holds out the bottle and glass for him to take.

DK: ... You do realize that the legal drinking age is 21, right? ScK: What?? Where's the guy who raided Pridemoor's vault with me just an hour ago? Here I was, thinking you didn't care about the law. DK: Obviously I don't. 

And then he takes the items from her. but like. listen. listen.

"I didn't think I'd live past 18" 

And he's now at that middle point and that fact is just sinking in.

Y'know that feeling when you're overwhelmed w emotion or whatever but you're in denial about it / trying to push it down bc it's stupid?

You're in conflict with what's going on bc by all means it shouldn't be happening, and you're trying to keep it together to not dour the mood bc it's supposed to be fun/happy.

He's like. frozen in place for a moment because everything's just setting in. 

"Holy shit. I'm an adult." And he's reluctant at first to actually try it bc he couldn't really fathom the possibility.

ScK: Aww, come on! Don't tell me you're chickening out on me! ScK: Hey.. earth to Drill? Yoohoo! ScK: .......Are you alright?

He then (tries) to chug the whole bottle to deflect the question, which is something you absolutely should not do if you want to be correct about drinking wine.

She knows something is up but just isn't sure how to handle it. She doesn't really bring it up but still tries to lighten the mood. 

And she's not exactly equipped to handle something like that bc she's very much someone who pushes down issues too.

Far from an amazing influence.

Recognizes an issue, but doesn't personally address it. “He's a tough guy.. He's not gonna want to talk about it with me and that's fine. He can handle it himself.”

Note: He doesn't, and now Scrap has to reconcile with the fact that she actually has to act responsibly because she does in fact care about this loser and doesn't want him hurt.

It's not going to be as easy as just repressing it and laughing it off later, because the weight doesn't solely fall on her shoulders this time.

Something something she acts mean and pushes people away because she doesn't want that responsibility over another person in that way again. She's fucked up in that position more times than she wished she did and doesn't really trust herself to be in that position ever again.

The convo is important for the both of them bc Scrap has to confront that shared mindset of not thinking about anything longterm and find reasons that would comfort someone about it + acknowledge that amount of responsibility she has over her friend and take that seriously.

And like. I talked about Drill's deal. Actually looking forward for the future. Starting to delve more into the long-term.

DK: The highest quality wine from Pridemoor's vaults... Honestly, I have no idea how I'll top that when I actually reach drinking age. ScK: Well, that'd be a problem for when you get to 21! We could rob Pridemoor’s Castle itself! DK: ....Yeah. Yeah, that sounds cool.

[mikaze-discord]

OG Heavens: Love letters

For these Heavens posts, I had reached out to a few people who just never ended up responding. With projects like these, please at least hear them out, you don't have to do it because I know its a huge project but at least tell them you won't be doing it instead of ghosting them. But apart from that little road block, this project was really fun!!

Please enjoy under the cut!!!!

EIICHI OTORI

From @milkmateartist:

I have always leaned towards megane characters and Eiichi is no exception. However, it's not often you see idols wearing glasses, and that is something I appreciate about Eiichi's design. His color palette also intrigues me since I love deep shades of blue. His royal blue jacket is very attractive, and the way he pops the collar also makes me go "kya!".  His voice is also very sexy as well and is pleasing to the ear uwu. I love how egoistic he is too. Being incredibly ambitious he has been able to reach amazing heights that surpass other idols. The one thing that seems to make him unique though is that he really gets zealous and overly passionate when it comes to the power of music, so much that it makes him physically tremble. You could get high off that shit literally. His entire being is centered around being an idol, and all the components of him go above and beyond the requirements. It's not just a job for him or something that simply makes an earning or brings satisfaction. It's pretty much everything to him. For that reason he has made it to the top. There is also the component where he's lonely and isolated emotionally that interests me. Despite being a beloved idol, he clearly didn't get the love he needed growing up. Even though he had Eiji I feel as though his nature was more to protect Eiji and shield him from whatever terrors would arise. I admire his ability to come through all of that and pay attention to the things he really cared about. Eiichi can be himself, his strange, sexy self, but also he acknowledges the lonesome darkness within too. I think that component makes him incredibly powerful.

Extra Details:

While appearing to be a bad guy in the anime (at least), Eiichi seemed to be that typical bad boy idol that would steal away Haruka from the main group. The time when he approached Haruka and took her by the chin is a perfect example. How dare this new guy just think he can have his way with our protagonist!  To be honest I liked that aspect about him a bit. While I can't remember my first impression of Eiichi aside from not knowing how to feel about that, he slowly grew on me. He had the appearance of just another selfish idol, demonstrated by swiping the mic away from the announcer at one of his concerts and immediately declaring their foreseen victory. So far that looked rather bland to me, and I was still cheering for STARISH. They really made him out to look like some bad guy who would not play fair and do whatever he could to take the throne (and the girl).  It's not surprising his glasses shine adds to his 'freaky antagonist' vibe that the show seemed to try to give off, but however for me I love the glasses beam, thus having the opposite effect.

And then there is the Next Door episode. Now here's where we got to see more of Eiichi aside from when the HEAVENS Dragon demolished the entire stadium. Aside from kya-ing over the EiichiOtoya content (especially where he goes behind otoya and covers his eyes), I got to see more of him here. It surprised me that someone so cocky and confident was actually the same depressed, lonely person that Otoya was. But it was also evident to me as well that he did care about the effect it had on Otoya as well after he sort-of-well mind broke him. I like how he is ambitious but also still caring, as compared to an antagonist that would stop at nothing to achieve their goal regardless of how much pain they cause.

I also enjoy Eiichi because I feel like I can roleplay him well. Usually for me, roleplay has to achieve some kind of goal since I tend to be business oriented. I think to some degree I'm able to practice being a eboy idol through Eiichi, as I do enjoy charming the fans. It also helps that I can naturally play characters with an inflated ego who enjoy charming people.

From @/egoisticCEO on twt:

July 2019. When Eiichi was first introduced to me via his voice, I hated him from the very beginning. His singing, his appearance, his personality – everything about him made me despise him. It’s funny looking back and seeing how quickly my attitude changed towards him, realising I’d been biased against him because of a friend. Finding more about him, hate turned to interest. It seemed like his life hadn’t been the best. Maybe that was why he acted in such a way? Interest turned to liking him more. Maybe I’d misunderstood him. I’d made the mistake of taking him at surface level.

December 2019. Like was slowly turning to love. More and more, I found myself looking at him instead of my current favourites. I found myself wanting him to actually be a part of Egoistic. Once I started devouring HEAVENS Radio and unveiling his true character, it was shocking how quickly I fell. He truly acted like a father to everyone in his band. Giving them what he never received. Everything was for them to thrive.

2020. With how much I was at home, it only made sense I grew more obsessed. I found Life with Thanks’ translation. “We’re irreplaceable to him,” he tells us, and that made me certain that his heart wasn’t as evil as some people liked to believe. He’s a caretaker, someone who wants everyone to feel like they matter. Even at his own expense. Instead of selfish, he’s selfless.

I related to him more than I have to any character – it was comforting. Seeing someone have no choice but to put on a brave face, even when his confidence was at an all time low. 2020 got a lot harder for me, but when I recovered, Eiichi was like a home to go back to. Time and time again, I’d have to break away, but I’d always be invited back in by that stupid smirk and overexaggerated ego and the warmest heart you could ever find. Every scene I watched with him would make me smile. I’d tease him to myself. I still do.

2021. That brings us to now. I can’t see my love for this one of a kind man dying any time soon. I don’t want it to, either. Just looking at him makes me happy! He’s the type of character with so many facets to his personality that you can keep digging and never reach the end. So, in conclusion, I hope I never stop finding new things out about this wonderful idiot. More than anything, he deserves all the love he gives to others, and I’d love to provide it tenfold.

KIRA SUMERAGI

From Anon: 

Many have their reasons to love their favorite characters. As for me, why Kira Sumeragi is my favorite character is because there are several things about him that I can relate myself to and there are a few qualities he has that I like about him. If many do not know about Kira that much, they’d look at who he is. He may look intimidating at first and may not talk much, when in actuality, Kira is a considerate, dependable, and mindful guy. Mainly, he is the type of guy that lets his actions do the explaining. He is a hard worker, as an idol, he looks after his bandmates, HEAVENS, like family. It’s like what Eiichi said in HEAVENS Radio about Kira, “he is HEAVENS’ pride!” Although he may not say much, Kira is very observant of his surroundings and never hesitates in his decisions. The members of HEAVENS understand and acknowledge Kira, knowing that he means well.

You can even tell in his solo music! Although there are only two solo songs for Kira, if you read the lyrics carefully, Kira’s thoughts and feelings are shown. Kira always knew that if he cannot explain his feelings through words, then he’ll let his songs and his actions do it for him for you to see.  Although the anime doesn’t show much of Kira, the only way to get to know him more is through HEAVENS Radio, also drama CDs like Paradise Lost, and other media like LINE Messenger Japan. There’s still much that I’d want to know about him, but as a start, these things are what makes Kira my favorite character for HEAVENS.

From Anon: 

Aside from my huge bias towards OnoD the first thing that drew my attention to Kira was his design. Dark haired anime boys with bright eyes have such a vibe and I loved how mysterious he was set up to be in season 2. But the thing that really hooked me a lot was the found family that Heavens became over the progression of the anime.

Particularly since people in the fandom have a bunch of funky headcanons about Kira being the mom friend in the group, which is incredibly wholesome. Kira’s very quiet and reserved but clearly holds a deep caring for his group members and does what he can when needed which is one of the reasons why he became so loveable for me.

NAGI MIKADO

From @/_PXRFECTIONIST on twt: 

If I managed to stan Nagi, so will you.

Greetings. I present to you, once more, a story of how I came to love a character that I wished I threw hands with.

So.

Nagi Mikado.

The possible only utapri character that Shinomiya oshis despise. Thanks to what happened in the anime.

Truth be told, I too was one of them. Until I came to love Both Shinomiya and Nagi. Reason?

Research.

Ya see, it is universally agreed upon that the way Nagi was pushing and pulling at Shinomiya's trauma and DID was… Not okay. So I said "yeah okay what an obnoxious kid i dont think ill ever like him lol" especially since I never come to really warm up to people younger than me.

Boy was I wrong.

My heart really sways easily when I go deep into characters, and why they act the way they are. And also because I chose to roleplay as him, but let's not. Speak of that.

(its actually the main reason i like him in the first place who am i fooling)

Nagi is… Indeed obnoxious, and really has bad manners that are covered up by his cute looks and fame, especially since he's one of the original HEAVENS members, but once you get to really know him.. It makes sense why he's being such a brat. And that is sort of endearing. And knowing how his group is like family to him too, it becomes harder and harder to completely dislike him.

….

He really is a boss man.

He knows what he wants, and how to get it. He knows how to get people to like him without handing over the tiniest sliver of his weaknesses. He acts in his own way that shapes his personality to suit him, yet still manages to be caring and helpful, even if it's hard to see tenderness and good will through his aggression.

Reading his solo lyrics, listening to the drama CDs, even thinking of headcanons due to lack of lore, it all slowly comes together like a lovely parfait to suddenly make you realize..

'Wow…'

'I really do like that rat.

[adlinteractive]

Designer Divergence

Oh why, oh why can’t I ever finish a single thought?! I have a couple theories.

1. Every idea is golden

This is a straight up fallacy that a lot of people share. Especially the creative and artistic type. New ideas come through every minute. I can easily switch between reading about literal rocket science to how beer is made, then find some odd pattern somewhere, then get an idea to design an trick taking game where astronauts take tricks from 99 bottles of beer in a rocket ascending into space. There! New awesome idea. Yeah... No. The feeling that an idea is unique and fresh is the illusion that it’s golden. Like everything else it starts out unpolished. Time and effort and energy need to be put in to buff that bitch to a high gloss shine. And even then you may buff out the surface before getting that sweet smooth finish. I say every idea is like an egg. Incubate and foster it and it may grow up to be that golden goose you’ve been looking for.

2. Nothing’s ever good enough

The evil twin of the first point, ‘nothing is ever good enough’ may come from a lack of confidence in oneself. Or maybe just a lack of persistence to see something through to the end. Early adopters of ideas have a difficult situation. Move from flower to flower as each new opportunity blooms, or stay on something until something better comes along. Well, that latter part is the persistence issue I’m talking about. In my younger days I was that guy. Doing the new cool thing until I found something “newer” and “cooler”, apparently. Never staying on one thing long enough to see it through. And when I did, I had too many things on my plate. Now I’m in my late 30s and STILL doing the same shit. Lucky for me life filled in a lot of the gaps so I only have limited space for the things I love. I now have a huge appreciate for those that play the long game to better hone their skills and deepen their interests.

3. Time is on your side

Oh, the creator and destroyer of everything. Managing time is key as one gets older. Life, as I’ve mentioned, fills in a lot of slots leaving the bare minimum of free choice - for the lot of us who don’t have exorbitant amounts of money - and it’s necessary to get your act together or you’ll be spinning wheels for a long time. And when you’re in your late 40s you look back and realise SOOOO much time had been wasted. I’ve learned to slow down and “make” time to do the things I like at no cost to my obligations. Family, friends, work, food, sleep, commuting (for some). These things munch up a lot of the 18 waking hours we have on the average week day. As I say to my 6 yr old son all the time, “sometimes you gotta do the things you don’t want to do to get to the things you do want to do. So eat your dinner. I don’t care if you don’t like it!” My parents channeling though me, I suppose.

4. Blast from the past

Ever had an idea for something you have been fiddling or fumbling with for some time, but then left it alone? Yeah. I’m like that ALL the time. More so with my creative story writing and board game designs. That hurdle you just can’t get past. Can’t seem to see the forest through the trees. It’s hard to realise something when you’re too close to recognise its use. Jumping from game idea to game idea works well for me because I’ve done it so naturally with a lot of other things in my life. Sleeping on it sometimes help. Refocus by no focusing at all also works. Sometimes those treasures lie in another box you haven’t opened yet. Moving around helps keep things moving, keeps the gears lubricated. I’ll usually burn hard and deep on an idea until I feel myself reaching and manipulating answers just to fill in gaps. Best to stop there. If it’s not intuitively or mathematically apparent then you might be bogging up a good idea. Why be convoluted when you can be clear and concluded.

5. Leggo my Eggo, I mean Ego

That big balloon of gas we all call ego. Speaking to some I’ve heard that ego is ultimately a bad thing and not necessary for people to better themselves. I look at it as a supplement. Not like drugs or anything, but I guess you can relate it to that. A self esteem enhancer so to speak. A steroid. I understand the ego’s plight and we can all agree there is a fine line. The key is to stay humble whole being close enough to the line you can dabble in its head swelling greatness. ‘Everything is good’ so it’s on to the next pasture, even though it’s sometimes clear to everyone else this effort is half-assed at best. Toiling and tinkering away is not the egoists. Though one of the many facets of egoism is obsession. Well, that’s when good ole OCD comes out to play, but we’re not talking about that. Lack of ego puts you back on point #2. Too much ego groups you with point #1. How does one balance the scales? Self reflection, honest feedback and accepting failure is a start. Failure is a catalyst to greater things, and a little humble pie does the body good.

------------------------------------

I started this blog a month ago with a title and the first line. I had so much running through my head I wasn’t able to get it all out in words. As of this posting I sat for 20 mins and just dumped it all out in one go. No re-read, no skim and edit, no restructure. I wanted it to be a reflection of some of the things I’m sharing about myself and how I view my work ethic and creative process. A lecture based on self reflection. Excuse the grammatical hiccups I’m sure this post is laden with.

Hopefully some of you might find a nugget or two of truth here and realise you’re not alone. Stop. Breathe. Play a video game. Hug someone you love. Eat, sleep, take a long hot shower. Then sit down at your place of creative expression and just let it all out. Feels good, doesn’t it?

Cheers.