#and when it's british I'm ready to sell my soul

[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Thirty-Seven

Table of Content or Part Thirty-Six

Read chapter here on wattpad

Word Count: 3.2K

Warning(s): Explicit language, Drug abuse, mentions of abuse

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"...I don't think that's necessary." I argue, stepping down the hallway with Ross and Tansy at my heels.

"Oh, c'mon, Viv, it's one shoot." Tansy tells me. "I think it would be nice."

"Of course you would, Tansy. You like stuff like that." I reply. "I have no business being in a magazine like that."

"It's Metal Edge." Ross interjects with this British accent in my ears. "All you need to do is be pretty and stand against a wall with Nikki for a couple of pictures." He explains and I glare back at him.

"Isn't it a rock magazine that covers musicians?" I ask.

"Yeah." He tells me.

"Hmm. I'm not a musician. I have no business being in it." I make my point.

"Your Nikki's wife. You've got a pretty face and banging body and the fans will appreciate that." He argues.

"Ah, so now I'm the little extra on the side so when the fans get done reading about their favorite band, they can rub one out imagining the bassist's pretty wife with a banging body, naked."

"I didn't mean it like that."

"Yeah, you did." I state as we walk towards Nikki, Vince, Tommy, and Mick.

"Can we hurry up and take this, man?" Nikki asks him.

"Tell your wife to take a picture for the damn magazine." Ross states to him.

"Wife, take a picture for the damn magazine." Nikki repeats with very little enthusiasm.

"No." I cross my arms, looking up at him.

"Vivian, they told me to get a couple of photographs with you and Nikki together." Ross continues to plead. "It's one picture. You're not selling your soul."

I look at Tansy as she's giving me a small, reassuring, smile.

"Fine." I give up, rolling my eyes.

Ross let's out a breath of relief being that we've been going back and forth for 45 minutes now.

"I'll go get ready while you guys do whatever." I tell him.

"Thank you!" He calls after me, as Tansy has my hand in hers, pulling me to the dressing room.

Ross Haflin was the band's photographer that documented every tour.

Everything from random, sweet, camaraderie filled candids of the band, to pictures from their shows that you can practically hear the music through, to even some full frontal nudity shots of someone in the band who will not be named. (Hint: It's definitely not Mick.)

I finish my makeup as Tansy finishes curling my hair, examining her work in the mirror.

Once I get changed into the tight black minidress and red heels Tansy tosses my way, we're meeting Ross and Nikki in the hall.

Nikki's face is lighting up like a lightbulb when he sees me, I don't know if it's because of coke in his system or if he's just glad to see me.

"You look great." He grins at me, his eyes looking me up and down before placing random kisses all over my face, causing me to smile like an idiot.

"10 minutes, guys." Doc says just as we're kissing, pulling the both of us back from each other to stand against the wall.

"Try to look like you love each other." Ross says sarcastically after Nikki pulls me closer beside him. "Alright, one, two..." Ross counts off. Just as he says "three" Nikki's fingers are tickling at my side, cause me to laugh and jerk a little, ruining the picture.

"Nikki." I complain, nudging at him a little.

After several more attempts to take a serious photo, one of them involving him pulling the bottom of my dress up, we finally get the winning picture: him with my crucifix between his bared teeth, looking directly at the camera, while my mouth is pulled into a smile as I laugh at his stupidity, my arms loosely around his waist.

After the show, Doc is pulling the guys back into the dressing room before they can entertain the idea of changing really quick and hitting the town.

"Something good has happened." Doc tells them, smiling, leaving us glancing at each other in confusion.

"What is it?" Tansy and I both ask at the same time, my heart racing despite him saying it's good news.

"As of today, Shout At The Devil and Theater of Pain have both been certified double-platinum." Doc informs us. 

I look at Nikki to gauge his reaction as Tansy let's out an excited shrill, engulfing Tommy and Vince both in a hug. She goes to do the same to Mick, but he looks at her blankly, only making her squeeze at his hand with a proud smile. 

"Nikki?" I ask cautiously, seeing him wearing a neutral expression, my arm looping around his.

"Who the fuck are these people?" He questions suddenly, causing us to fall silent. "Who the fuck listens to us that much?" He adds and I rub my lips together. 

"People who really love you." Tansy states like it's known knowledge. 

I don't think Nikki knew he was capable of being loved as unconditionally as their fans loved them. 

Later that night, laying in the silent hotel room, hearing Vince have his nightly menage a trois as Tansy sleepily tosses beside me in our bed. 

Me and her have been left by Nikki and Sparkie, Tommy tagging along, to go out.

Tansy's been attempting sobriety...kind of?

"Ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh!" Short, high-pitched squeaks leaves one of the girls Vince is with and I cringe in disgust.

"Ew." I mumble, trying to cover my ears.

"It's so fucking big." The other girl comments in a wanton moan.

"It's not that big." Tansy comments tiredly, causing me to choke on my spit. "It's good, but he never had me—"

"Oh, fuck, I'm gonna cum!" The first girl nearly screams out, causing Vince to groan.

The next thing we hear through the thin walls is the sound of gushing liquid hitting the wall we're against as the girl gives out a cry.

"Okay, he's either upped his game or they're getting off on the fact they're simply fucking Vince Neil because I definitely did not do that when we dated." Tansy's interested now, sitting up and pressing her ear against the wall.

"Why on Earth would you want to hear that?!" I scold in a whisper. "You pervert." I add.

"My turn." The second girl pipes sultrily. "Did I mention I can lock my ankles behind my neck?" 

"Awe, Viv, you can do that." Tansy whispers, nudging my arm with her hand as if that makes me and the random woman kindred spirits.

"How do you know that?" I ask her with furrowed brows.

"Tape 2, four minute and forty-three second mark." She says casually, focusing on hearing the action next door.

"You've seen our sex tape?!" I keep my voice to a loud whisper.

"I've seen all of them." She replies. "You look hot in them, don't worry."

"I—"

"I'd like to see that." Vince tells the woman arrogantly, interrupting what I was about to say.

"Gross." I groan out, covering my head with my pillow to drown out the noises.

After a couple more minutes of trying not to vomit from hearing his sex, I'm snatching the covers off myself and stepping to the door.

"Where are you going?" Tansy asks me and I ignore her, going out in the hall and banging on Vince's door with the flat of my palm.

The door opens, and I'm face to face chest with Tommy...a naked Tommy.

I avoid looking down.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I ask him, seeing a naked woman wrap her arms around his waist, peeking at me from behind him. "You're suppose to be out with Nikki and Sparkie."

"We got back early." Tommy explains to me, pupils blown out.

"Where's Sparkie and Nikki?"

He steps to the side and motions to Sparkie, who's gang-banging another woman with Vince.

I feel sick to my stomach.

"Where's Nikki?"

Tommy's hand curls into a fist as his knuckles knock at the bathroom door beside him.

"Sixx?!" He asks, and I already know what Nikki being locked in the bathroom, avoiding a good time, means: he's high as shit.

The bathroom door, revealing Nikki as he slumps against the door frame, his eyes struggling to stay open as he looks at me.

"Uhh...you good, man?" Tommy asks him, cautiously.

"Yeah, dude." Nikki slurs, taking a step forward to me.

"I got him." I tell Tommy, helping Nikki out the door. "Enjoy the rest of your night." I tell Tommy, ignoring the moans and screams of the girl Sparkie and Vince are working on.

I leave before Tommy can reply, Nikki leaning against me as I knock on our room door.

After several attempts, and Tansy still hasn't come yet, I pull the other key out of Nikki's pants pocket and unlock the door.

A bitter, horrid smell invades my nose, and I see Tansy crouching in front of a hotplate, looking at me wide-eyed, pipe in hand as she eagerly awaits the base to cook up.

That moment I found out Tansy was dabbling in crack.

She did a complete nose dive into it a couple months later, and once Vanity taught Nikki how to properly cook it up, smoke it, and get the biggest high of it, he, Vanity and Tansy would just lay around our house and smoke crack together.

I didn't mention it to Tansy the next day because I had other things on my mind...such as Sparkie having a death wish.

You can hear a pin drop in here. Even the flight attendants are holding their breath.

It seems Tommy, Nikki, and Mick have sobered up on the spot the second Sparkie says, "well, I didn't have any cash on me, and your purse was on the bus so I just made a trade. I didn't think you would need them anymore. You seem pretty happy to me, lately" once I'm digging around in my purse, asking the guys if they've seen my Nardil anywhere because it's time for me to take it.

I'm still trying to figure out if I heard him right.

Fred's getting antsy, I see him from the corner of my eye as he slowly stands from his spot, waiting for me to attack with my teeth going for the bastard's neck.

Vince just has this little smirk on his face because he knows Sparkie is about to meet his maker.

"W-what?" Tansy squeaks at her boyfriend, confused as to why her sweet, innocent, precious little Sparkler would do such a thing to her best friend.

"Where are my pills?" I ask Sparkie just to clarify.

He looks at me with raised brows.

"I told you, Vivian, I didn't have any money. I needed some blow. I remembered you keep them in your purse, which was on the bus, which was unlocked. I got your pills out and made a trade." He repeats to me like I was too stupid to understand him the first time.

"You heard him, right, Doc?" I ask.

"I--yeah?" Doc replies, uneasy at my calmness.

"Good. Because a jury will need to hear a witness and know I had justification for finally killing this motherfucker!" I lunge over the seat in front of me to grab fistfuls of Sparkie's greasy hair, Tansy screaming as she stumbles out of her seat beside him.

"Vivian!" Doc's yelling as he reaches his hand out, trying to pry me off of Sparkie.

I turn and kick him in the chest with my heel, still leaned over the seats, my arm around Sparkie's neck, hopefully crushing his throat as he fights against me, sputtering and gasping for air as Tansy's crying and pleading with me, but I don't hear a word she says.

Tommy and Nikki come to Doc's aid, the both of them grabbing at me, only causing me to kick at them and swing my free hand.

"You fucking kick me, I'm laying your ass out, Viv!" Nikki threatens me sharply.

I look at him, directly in the eye, and kick him as hard as I can in the arm.

His eyes go wild, an ugly sneer pulls at his lips to expose grinding teeth, and he grabs me by my hair, causing me to whimper out as tears prick my eyes from the pain, and forces me off the seats to the floor.

Because I've always been glutton for punishment when I'm angry, him nearly scalping me wasn't enough.

My foot collides with Nikki's crotch so hard he doubles over and falls to the floor, completely disregarding me, and giving me time to reach up beside me and grab the Jack Daniels bottle sitting in the seat Tommy just got up from.

Sparkie's trying to recover, taking long, heavy breaths, as the whiskey flies from the Jack bottle as it hits him square in the head.

Fred snatches me off the floor, manhandling me like he would do one of the guys, and throws me into the small bathroom, locking me inside for the remainder of the flight, only yanking me out and making me sit next to him and buckle up to land.

Sparkie was taken to the nearest hospital to make sure he wasn't suffering from a concussion, and I was getting the chewing out of a lifetime.

"You just can't start trying to kill people left and right, Vivian." Fred snaps as we step to the car that's taking us to the hotel. "You're gonna fuck around and get sued and no offense, Nikki, but you can't afford that." He adds and Nikki scoffs.

"None fucking taken." He mumbles back.

"He traded my antidepressant for blow!" I argue.

"I think she did a great thing." Vince tells them. "The little bitch deserved it."

"Thank you, Vince." I say to him and Nikki scoffs out bitterly, causing me to turn to look at him.

"What?" I ask him, not finding anything wrong with what I said.

"You would agree with him." He replies as we get into the limo.

"What's that suppose to mean?" I snap back at him.

He just shakes his head a little and looks straight ahead as Vince and Fred get into the seats across from us.

I almost ask where Tommy and Mick are, then I remember Tommy went with Tansy, Sparkie and Doc, to the hospital and planned to drop Mick off at the hotel on the way there.

"No need to be threatened just because  she slept in the bed with me." Vince tells him, reasonably. "You know that, right?"

Nikki's laughing it off as if he could never be threatened by Vince Neil...although it's so obvious he is.

"Well, Nikki, if it bothers you that much, maybe don't stay out all night." I suggest calmly. "I'm always gonna go find one of my friends and stay with them for the night because I don't like sleeping by myself. That doesn't mean I'm having sex with them or want to. I just get lonely."

"Well, when I get lonely, I don't crawl into bed with other people." He says it harshly and I roll my jaw.

"No, of course you don't. You just warm up to a needle and strip your veins." I argue in the same tone, seeing a brief glance of Satan in his hazel eyes before his hand, harshly, hits my thigh hard enough to leave a stinging, firey hot, dark red print that's welting up in the shape of his hand.

I didn't say a damn thing else to him until we got back to L.A. a couple days later for a a week-long break. All I could think about while avoiding my own husband, were Ross' words, "pretend you love each other" echoing in my brain.

People who really love each other don't kick, hit or talk to each other the way Nikki and I did.

Ross would always say, "alright, you love each other" or "look like you want to be together" before taking our picture.

At first it was light-hearted, but over the course of two years, it began being said with less light, and more of a command, which after after finding out what I did from his drug buddy/mistress, any commands about a picture made by Ross would be followed by me saying, "I don't wanna touch that doped up bastard-fuck" and Nikki saying, "I'm not getting anywhere near that rabid fucking bitch."

We would, of course, suck it up and take the pictures for the sake of the fans and our public image, but the second he said he was done, we were darting away from each other like we would die if we touched each other more than five minutes.

We could barely stand to be in the same room after Vanity dropped the bombshell which really wouldn't have blindsided me had I been paying more attention to all the screaming red flags the both of them were practically throwing at me. And if you've been in that situation, the signs are oh so clear in hindsight once you're taking a break between crying, to put the pieces you hadn't given a second thought before, together.

A huge one, possibly the most painful, was the giant roman numeral "V" Nikki had gotten tattooed on his arm months prior to the revealed betrayal. I hadn't thought anything of it at the time when I first saw it after he got back from getting it, other than "what significance does the number "five" have to him?" 

It was a roman numeral, but was also a "V."

For "Vanity." 

Once I came to that realization in the bathroom of the hotel we were staying at, that I had barricaded myself in, it hurt even worse than just seeing the woman I had practically given a house key to, joke about becoming "Vanity 6" once again after taking my husband's last name, while waving my wedding ring around. 

He didn't even have anything related to me tattooed on him and I was his wife. But he had no issue slapping a big-ass "V" on his arm and playing it off like a number. If "five" had a significant meaning to him at the time, it was because it was the number of times he bought heroin in a day.

All sanity left in me was tossed aside and it was fucking war from then on and I mean war.

After that, it seemed like every time Nikki and I were in a room together, everyone tensed up and prepared to either hit the floor to avoid being caught in the collateral in case Nikki or I started throwing shit at each other, or eyed their exits to escape being a witness to some fucked up things being said between me and him. 

Shortly after the Vanity incident, I figured since we were tattooing the initial of the people we told each other not to worry about on ourselves, Nikki wouldn't have minded seeing a perfectly sharp"D" on my upper hip—and Duff and I weren't even messing around yet at that time.

It was small, only about the size of a quarter, but it packed one hell of a punch when Nikki first laid eyes on it and I sarcastically, innocently, spat out, "but...it's just the roman numeral for 500."