#and when i went through The Crisis he sent me this beautiful long paragraph but it made me sob for days and i think it hurt me more
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#i just#there’s this friend that i’ve known since i was 16 i think ?? and we grew up together and we were SO close#we had our ups and down#downs#we never really dated but we sorta did but not really#and it was so exhausting#at the moment i never realized how unhealthy it was cause i genuinely loved and cared for him#and i miss him!!! but he also sent me to some really dark unhealthy places#both of these things can and are true#but i just#you know sometimes i just miss him cause he was fun to talk to and hang out with he really ~understood~ me in a way no one has#he was like a big deal for me but#he would just hold my hand and drag me to the deepest ends of his mental illness and for some reason i had to be the one to pick up the#pieces#but then again i would also do that to him but not really cause i never really let him in enough#and we would drift apart and then come back again and so on and so forth#and each time he came back i would just be a mess and my friends (who didn’t know him) were so pissed at him always for making me that way#and like a year ago or so i decided i had enough i had to put an end to it#and when i went through The Crisis he sent me this beautiful long paragraph but it made me sob for days and i think it hurt me more#and weve had zero to none contact since then but i still miss him from time to time#as miss taylor would say and i never think of him except on midnights like these#idk where im going with this i just feel very weird about it#x
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