#and when bon thinks to themself ‘if i’m only beautiful to you that’s fine with me’ that’s when they realize Oh. I Think I Love Him. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

royalbloodedbastards · 5 years ago

Text

chatzy // cinema and starlight

DATE: April 2, 2020 CHARACTERS: Kieran and Alec ABOUT: Kieran and Alec watch a movie and make burritos. They admire the stars and think about the past.

Kieran missed the feeling of walking on dirt. Feeling his boots sinking into the loam earth of camp, he was reminded of the one nice part of living in Maine. As the weather warmed and the chirps of insects and animals slowly returned to New Athens, Kieran felt more rejuvenated with each new day. Kieran had never been to the Tyche cabin, but the ostentatious decor made the place easy to find. Even from the outside, Kieran could hear the chiming and clicking of old casino games. Would Alec even hear a knock at the door? Thinking better of it, Kieran pulled out his coveted iPhone (11 Pro Max, 512 GB) and texted Alec:

I'm outside.

In line with their attempts towards A) a reasonable schedule and B) something that resembled a degree of responsibility, Alec had taped a roll of wrapping paper to the wall of the fourth 'bedroom' with the pattern of the paper against the wall, to use as a schedule. Each day was split into its own square with a permanent marker, and they had started scrawling plans onto it to keep track. As such, they were not only expecting Kieran, but had the projector and disk fully prepared for his arrival– two hours too early, but ready nonetheless. The time Alec had to spare once realizing they had overshot the mark was spent on tidying up the various knick knacks lying around their cabin. By the time their phone pinged a notification they were elbow deep in dishes and, deciding they had done enough that it appeared the dishes were only from the day prior, they wiped their hands on their jeans and bounded over to the door to open it. "Hey! T'es prêt d'regarder the film? I'm right excited!"

Kieran smiled as the door swung open. "Le sentiment es mutuel." As he stepped inside, Kieran raised an eyebrow at all the stimulus in the cabin. Flashing lights and chirping games—Alec's demeanor seemed very at home. Maybe it was a Tyche thing. Kieran slid off his coat and folded it in his hands. "This cabin is surreal."

Alec beamed at Kieran as they closed the door behind him. When he spoke, they glanced around their cabin in an attempt to put themself in the shoes of someone seeing it for the first time. "Ah bon? I haven't had anyone new in here for a while, j'imagine qu'it's a titch overwhelming." Alec patted the top of one of the pinball machines. "The noise is nice, since I'm here by myself. Like white noise!" Moving further into their cabin, they spread their arms to gesture to the rest of it, then noticed Kieran holding his coat and laughed. Usually they would say to toss it anywhere but instead, they held out a hand. "Want me to hang that up?" they offered brightly.

"That would be great, thanks." Kieran had no idea how anybody could sleep with this much noise, but Alec seemed to operate at a much higher threshold for life than most people. Kieran followed them deeper into the cabin, noting the distinct lack of architectural separation between the main area and the sleeping area. He stuffed one hand into his pocket, holding out his coat with the other. "Remind me, est-ce que toute ta famille parle français?"

Alec took Kieran’s coat and hung it up in the little-used open closet beside the door. Once that task was completed, they spun around to follow Kieran further into their cabin. “Ma famille de Tyche?” they questioned. “‘Cause, no. Just my, uh-“ they almost said sister, but corrected themself with an uncharacteristic pause, surprised at their mistake. “My step-mother. She taught us. So all mortal.” Already recovered from their confusion, they sauntered into their ‘kitchen’, which was the part of the living room that had a fridge. “Did you want any water?”

"Sure, water would be great, thanks." Kieran strolled around the space. He was surprised to find that the longer he was in the room, the homier it felt. Gesturing toward the lofted area, Kieran asked, "Is that where you have the projector set up?"

Alec took a clean glass from the drying rack and filled it with tap water for Kieran. "Yep! Careful though, sorry, the ceiling may be a wee bit low for you. I even have to duck my head a bit." They held out the glass for him, then retracted it. "I'll carry it up, unless you're proficient in ladders." They laughed. As usual, even their teasing lacked even a single note of malevolence. "Ça marche? J'peux essayer de move le projector down, but that's the comfiest place in the apartment."

"Not proficient in ladders, just chutes." Kieran gestured toward the ladder for Alec to go first. "Don't trouble yourself, the loft works just fine. I've always wanted to hang out in one of these, actually. Never had the opportunity before."

Alec laughed at Kieran’s joke- they hadn’t forgotten how funny he was, but the effect managed to not be dampened by expectations. “Awesome!” Glass of water in one hand, they easily scaled the ladder to the loft. “You’ve never been in a loft before?” they asked, poking their head over the edge so they could still see him. “I thought the Hermes cabin had one.”

"I didn't have to spend any time in the Hermes cabin, fortunately." Kieran followed Alec's lead and climbed up to the loft. As they predicted Kieran bonked his head on the ceiling as he reached the top step. "Ow." Crouching down, he crawled into the space. It was small but homey. Kieran made a bet with himself about how long he'd last up here before becoming too uncomfortable. "This is really charming. I like the way you've dressed it up."

"Fortunately?" Alec questioned, pretending Kieran didn't hit his head as they fiddled with the projector to readjust it to the proper area on the wall. With how old the machine was, it tended to slowly dip its focus towards the floor after an hour or so of focus. After fixing it, they pulled a pillow to a comfortable distance from the 'screen' and sat down with crossed legs. Instead of starting the movie, they turned to Kieran. "Really? Thank you! I tried to make it comfy even though the roof is low. I think keeping one window open really helped, even though it's kinda too dark to see out now."

"I don't do so well in cramped social situations." Kieran looked at his surroundings. "Current circumstances excluded." Kieran found a small pile of pillows to lean on and pulled them towards him. He tried lying down several ways before getting comfortable. "I'm sure this nook is really picturesque during sunrise. With a proper breakfast and bed, you know. The works."

"Fair, fair." Alec pulled a few pillows towards them as well but didn't change their position yet. If they wanted to lie down during the movie, they didn't wish to interrupt by dragging cushions around. "It is! Making a smoothie and crawling up here is the best way to start a day, really. Wait! I changed my mind. T'peux monter sur le roof et voir le sunset in the morning. Lying on your back, feeling as the first rays of sun wash over you, y'really feel amazing. Like a new person."

"The sunrise?" Kieran smirked. "Sorry. That does sound really wonderful. I actually used to wake up a daybreak when I was still living in Maine. On the weekends, I'd make a habit of getting up before the sun so that by the time the sun was rising, I was already out of the house. I'd take long hikes or just walk around the city."

Confused for a few seconds, Alec went back over their words, then threw their head back in a laugh. Their body followed soon after as they sprawled across the floor of the loft. "Sunrise," they corrected themself. "But that sounds awesome! I've never been to Maine. That's on the East coast, eh? I say 'eh', but I'm really not sure. I'm pretty sure. It is, yeah?"

"Yes," Kieran laughed. "It's on the east coast. But the coast up there is much more beautiful than the ones down here. I mean, you have to be vaccinated to enter the waterways here. Up there, there's more rocky outcroppings and greenery. It's almost romantic." Kieran gestured toward Alec. "How about you? You're from Canada, right? Were you close to the coast?"

"Oh, I love romantic scenery." Alec sighed and pressed the back of their hand to their forehead. "If I don't feel like I'm in an old, like, pastoral novel at any point, I'm living my life some wrong." They rolled over onto their stomach and hugged a pillow under their arms as they turned to Kieran. "From Canada? What gave it away, the accent?" They laughed at their own joke. "Y'could say I'm close to the coast." As they said it, they realized Kieran wouldn't get the humour in it. "I'm from Nova Scotia, in the Maritimes. As close to the coast as you can get."

Kieran laughed, following along with Alec's words. "Oh, you don't say? I've always been curious about Nova Scotia. A lot of great films have been shot there. It sounds like a beautiful place."

"It's cool," Alec answered, dipping down a degree in enthusiasm to only a mid-level of eagerness– which for a regular person, was still high. "Lots of lighthouses. Halifax is really the best place to go, smaller towns, pretty boring." Recovered already, they smiled at Kieran. "It is beautiful, I love the ocean." They barely took a breath before continuing. "I'm really glad you came over! You seem really interesting, y'know? And we've only talked a few times."

Kieran laughed at the quickness of Alec's train of thought. "Likewise. I don't think I've met anybody else that matches your level of enthusiasm for... Most things." Kieran gave them a genuine smile. "I'm glad we made these plans."

Alec beamed back at him. "I love things!" Immediately, they realized how that sounded, and they laughed. "Most things, I mean. J'sais pas une reason to not be enthusiastic? I mean, I know a lot of reasons to not enjoy specific things. But I think going into anything new, or anything old and proven true, if I assume it's going to be good, things tend to work out! Like talking to you."

"That's a great outlook. I grew up with the 'if it doesn't have monetary or social value, it doesn't have value' type of outlook. Open-mindedness came in short supply. And then coming here, I mean," Kieran waved his hand. "Judgment comes very easily for me and now I have siblings to share that quality with. But it's refreshing to think in a different way."

Alec listened carefully, not so much filing everything Kieran was telling them away as they were committing the impression of this moment to memory. "I think I kind of get it? My parents are right judgemental, but I got lucky with siblings." They tilted their head, alarmed momentarily."That's not saying you didn't! I just meant growing up with them." Breathing out the mood change, they brightened up again. "I'm glad I can help with that! I mean, I hope that you meant me." They laughed, not worried in the slightest. "Or that'd be awkward."

Kieran chuckled. "Yes, I meant you." He gestured at the projector. "Anyways, sorry to have diverted our attention from the thing we came here to do. Thanks for setting all of this up."

Alec had forgotten about the projector. "Right, right!" They crawled over to their ancient laptop and tapped the space bar until the screen finally lit up. "I think you'll like this movie? Like I said, the DVD is old as death, but it's better quality than streaming it online." Glancing back at him, they smiled. "Comfortable?"

Kieran made a makeshift nest to give some padding between his bony frame and the floor. "As comfortable as I'll ever be." He had trusted Alec's choice in cinema, given everything they had discussed previously. Kieran was legitimately excited and hoped that it showed through his RBF.

[LINE]

Alec waited until the final credits rolled to pause the DVD. They sat up from their pile of cushions, stretched forward like a cat stretching, then smiled at Kieran. Anxious was too strong a word, but there were certainly still some nerves present. Something about Kieran made them want to... not impress him, but find more similarities. "Qu'est-ce que tu penses?"

Kieran, who had slowly come to an upright position as the film progressed, had his chin cradled in one hand, brows furrowed in thought. He let Alec's question hang in the air for more than a moment before responding. "What can I say? It was... Brilliant." Kieran gestured carefully in the air, trying to parse his thoughts. "Firstly, the way that the film maximizes the medium by telling a story in real time, letting the audience steep with Cleo as she goes through this soul-searching two-hour period—there's a level of intimacy shared between the filmmaker and the audience that is so often neglected. And then the way Cleo's superficiality and narcissism is constantly contrasted with her morality and the direness of her circumstances—I mean..." Kieran shrugged. He wasn't used to having an outlet to voice these thoughts out loud and found himself at a loss for words. Kieran was beaming. "It was wonderful.”

Alec pressed both of their hands to their cheeks as though trying to contain the grin that was spreading across their face. "Câlisse, I know, right?" They were too excited to stay sitting and moved up onto their knees. "The titles built in, that specify the time? Genius. Especially because, hear me out, this is crazy, the film isn't actually keeping pace with us! It's like, fifteen minutes off overall, but because it's so close– since they only have scenes last a minute or two over what the time in the movie says it is– and they put the timing right on the screen, like 'Cléo de 8 à 8:15', it feels like it's only fifteen minutes 'cause they trick us into it!" They shook their head. "And don't even get me started on how they tie her narcissism into the constant mirror imagery and her admiring herself, and that the turning point, that the moment Cléo realized she had to change was when her own pocket mirror broke? Crisse, goosebumps, every time."

Kieran nodded along, hanging onto Alec's words. Once Alec finished, Kieran gave them a smile. "You know, you're very insightful."

Alec ran their fingers through their hair to fix how it had been flattened to one side from lying down. “Yeah? Thank you! I’m glad you think so!”

"Yeah," Kieran laid onto his side, propping himself up with his elbow. "You're very interesting."

"'Cause of my movie views?" Alec changed position again, this time moving back to sit with their legs crossed. They grinned at Kieran. "Or in general?"

"In general," Kieran clarified. "In part because of your interest and knowledge, for sure, but also because of your personality at large. Maybe I just need to meet more people, but in my experience, most people don't have your joie de vivre." Kieran let himself lie all the way down, his elbow already protesting his position. "You're also a surprisingly good listener."

“I make other people listen to me so much that I figured I should return the favour,” Alec laughed. “But thank you! I hope I can keep proving that!”

Kieran laughed. He idly ran a finger along the seam of a small throw pillow beside him. "So do you live here by yourself?"

Alec sighed as they stretched their legs out in front of them now. “Yeah, both my siblings moved out. It’s right quiet now, other than the machines, so I try to have people over whenever I can.”

"Are you the type of person that craves company?" Kieran suspected that he knew the answer but asked anyway.

“I dunno if I’d say crave.” Alec pressed a hand into their cheek as they considered it. “I mean, I have a lot of hobbies that I can do by myself. But I definitely prefer being around people than not! I’d go crazy being by myself all day.” They cocked their head to one side. “You?”

"Well..." Kieran felt a small hiccup of self-consciousness. "I spend a lot of time by myself, actually. Most of the time." Kieran deliberately omitted the fact that 90% of his time was spent in solitude. "I never find myself yearning for social interaction. It's actually taken a lot of conscious effort the last few days to go to all of these outings."

“Hm.” Alec drew their eyebrows together, trying to imagine what that was like. “Why have you been going to them? Pushing your comfort zone?”

"Yes, in a way." Kieran folded his hands behind his head. "I suppose I'm realizing that I'm reaching... Adulthood. And I spend most of my day lounging, pursuing hobbies, not really contributing to the greater culture in any meaningful way. And then the other at the party when I got so unreasonably emotional about what my siblings were doing..." He shrugged. "I guess I'm realizing that all of my brainpower is going toward my siblings and watching movies. And I love those things, of course. But I'm realizing how small my world is. I'm like le petit prince, still stuck on my little planet with my vain, little rose, but I need to explore the rest of the universe."

Alec smiled at the reference, especially at how Kieran related to the story. “That’s why you wanted to hang out alone, then? Build some new connections?” They leaned back on their hands. “Makes total sense! Do you have any other hobbies?”

"Yep, exactly why." All of Kieran's instincts were screaming at him to stop talking. He was incredibly unpracticed with sharing his feelings and doing so now felt simultaneously terrifying and exhilarating. "Not many other hobbies. I sometimes do some freelance videography for small businesses or whatnot. I've considered taking up documentary filmmaking but I haven't come up with a subject that inspires me." Kieran turned to look at Alec. "How about you?"

"I was going to ask if you wanted to make your own films!" Now too excited to stay still, Alec returned to half sitting up on their knees. "Chouette! I wish I knew more about making films. I've seen my friends do it but I don't think I have the broad vision for it." They made a frame with their fingers and smiled at Kieran through it. "But you seem like you would. I get too caught up in the wee tiny details and then nothing gets done." As they speak they make the frame smaller and smaller until they can only see part of Kieran's face, at which point they drop their hands onto their lap. "I'm way better at stuff with like, a singular focus, that doesn't need to tie a bunch of things together. Like origami! Or baking, or card tricks, or sewing. Even though sewing is kinda literally tying things together?"

"There's some advantages to that approach. Completion being one," Kieran shrugged. "I'm not sure if I'd be the same way. I suppose I haven't yet found my niche."

"Isn't that good you haven't found it yet? Now you have way more time to explore more interests!" Alec ran their fingers through their hair again, this time messing it back up. "Y'never know what you could stumble across while still looking. Like, my step-mother took a Creative Writing class in college 'cause she thought it'd be a throwaway, and now she's writing a book! Focusing all your interests on one thing at our age seems kinda boring? At least, if you aren't trying anything new because of it."

Kieran laughed bitterly. "Well I'm not trying anything new, but I'm hardly focusing all my interests on one thing. They're not really focused on anything, truly." Kieran gestured toward Alec. "Do you have some grand ambition?"

Alec was undeterred. “The first new thing you could try is trying new things!” They shook their head when Kieran gestured to them. “I’m bad with ambition. It’s my fatal flaw.”

"I think meeting new people is enough of a new venture for a while. Let's not get ahead of ourselves." Kieran nodded. "You and me both."

“I’ll dial it back then,” they laughed. “Sorry. I can get a bit too...” Alec made a heaving gesture with their arms. “Ahead of myself, sure. I’m working on it though! The ambition, not the enthusiasm.” They sighed. “I don’t think any of my skills are really great for work?”

"I don't think that anybody at camp has skills that are particularly suited for corporate America," Kieran joked.

“Whaaat?” Alec grinned at Kieran. “You’re saying I can’t make a career out of avoiding lava while rock climbing?”

Kieran laughed. "I'm sure Michael Bay would find you an invaluable asset."

Alec doubled over laughing. It took them a solid ten seconds to regain some control. “Oh my god. Yeah, I’m sure, I’ll keep that in mind!”

Kieran let his head roll back so he was looking straight up at the ceiling. He usually never had to fill these silences and found himself having nothing more to say.

Alec was fully used to being the one to fill silences, so they easily launched back into conversation. “Have you talked to your siblings?”

Kieran laughed. "Uh. Yes. The day after, actually. Went surprisingly well."

“Yeah? I’m so happy to hear that!” Alec sounded genuinely delighted. “Amazing followthrough. Ten out of ten.”

"Thank you, it was a proud moment for me." He chuckled and turned to face Alec. "Actually, though, thank you. Our conversation was a bit of a turning point for me and I really appreciate that you helped me parse through those... Emotions."

Something inside Alec’s chest warmed up. Nothing felt better than knowing they had helped someone out, even a little bit. “I just listened, really. And I’m really down to do it again, if you need to talk to someone! Like I said, the degree of separation is golden sometimes.” They paused for a couple seconds. “And we’re friends, right?”

Kieran smiled up at the ceiling. He let the question hang in the air for a few moments because the answer felt warm in his head. "Yeah. We're friends."

Alec exhaled nerves they didn’t know they had once Kieran answered. They would have brightened up, had it been possible to smile more than they were already. “Really?”

"Don't make me say it again, it already took me three years to admit I was related to Parker and Malia," he joked.

“I won’t, I won’t,” Alec laughed, waving their hand. “That’s just nice. You seem like you choose your friends carefully.”

"I maintain a pretty high barrier of entry, yes. I guess you just managed to jump right over it."

“Like a horse, in a competition! Jumping over a barrier.” Alec didn’t know why they said that. “How did they react to being disinvited? Uninvited,” they corrected themself.

Kieran snorted. "Exactly like that." He ran his fingers across the weave of his sweater. "They took it well. They were actually very supportive of my reasoning."

“Yeah?” Alec leaned forward, propping their chin up on one hand. “That’s awesome! You must’ve explained it well, eh?”

"Eloquently?" Kieran suggested.

“Eloquently,” Alec confirmed. They sat up again and ran a hand back through their hair to mess it up once more with a half grin. “You talked to them about everything you wanted to?”

Kieran joined Alec in sitting up and pulled himself into a cross-legged position. "I told them that I'm trying to make friends with people outside of just my siblings, that I'm looking to find my own space. I didn't get into the nitty gritty of my quasi-existential crisis, but I think the point was made all the same."

Alec nodded along as Kieran spoke. “Yeah, y’don’t have to tell them every detail.” They sat back down into a cross legged position to mirror Kieran without realizing. “I can introduce you to way more people, too! You might get right along with my sister.”

"Who's your sister? I'd be happy to meet her." Kieran wasn't sure if he meant this, but he figured that if he was going to try to meet new people, going with friends of a friend would be the safest route.

“Fizzy!” they exclaimed, ridiculously pleased by his answer. “Fizz Caner. You could not, but I dunno, I have a feeling it’d work and those tend to be right. Tyche intuition?”

Kieran pursed his lips together. The impulse to comment on their sister's name was overwhelming. Kieran swallowed the thought and smiled in return. "Well, seems like you've been pretty lucky thus far."

“Right you are! We wouldn’t be friends otherwise.” Alec leaned over to grab a loose pack of cards from beside the wall and started shuffling them so they wouldn’t fidget. “You know any good games?”

"Rummy? Solitaire?" Kieran hadn't played cards in years and wasn't sure if he even remembered the rules to any card games. "Go fish?"

Alec laughed. "I love Go fish." Looking at the cards now, they found they didn't especially want to play, but they continued shuffling the pack between their hands. "Did you eat before you came over?"

Kieran nodded. "A bit. I had some Waldorf salad left over from lunch. Have you?"

"Nope! Just snacks. Want me to make something?" Alec started putting some of cushions around them back against the wall. "There's this recipe for black bean and sweet potato burritos I've been wanting to make for centuries."

“Oh, I didn’t you know you cooked.” Kieran tried not to sound too awed. “That sounds delicious. Sounds like the kind of thing I usually order for myself, actually.”

"Makes it easier to be vegan if you can cook your own food!" Alec started stretching, turning to crack their back. "Awesome, I'll get started on that then. Doesn't take too long. How spicy do you like things?"

Kieran laughs. "I don't." He plants his hands behind him to arch his back, getting a much needed stretch. He could already tell he would be sore the next day from being curled up for so long.

"Order taken! No spicy." Alec started down the ladder. "Do you cook?"

"I assemble." Kieran followed Alec, waiting at the top of the ladder as they climbed down. "Raw things, I can prepare just fine. I'm okay with a stove, but my brother is much better. He usually cooks."

Alec hopped down when they were just a few rungs off of the ground. "Parker? Huh. I don't think I knew that." They headed over to start pulling ingredients out of the fridge and cabinets. "Wanna help me out then? I can teach you the recipe!"

Kieran followed down the ladder, being careful not to knock his head this time. “Sure. Whatever you need me to do. I’m not particularly speedy but I know how to follow directions.”

"It's simple too," they chattered, lining everything up on the counter. "Basically three ingredients and some spices. Not spicy spices, just spices." Alec put a pot on the stove to start boiling the sweet potatoes. "Can you drain the black beans?"

"Yes I can," Kieran nodded. He grabbed the can opener and went to work. "How long have you been vegan?"

Alec twirled a knife and started slicing the sweet potatoes. "Eleven years or so! I think I was ten? So yeah, that makes eleven." They laughed. "I can do math, totally."

"That's pretty young. Was it a familial decision?" Kieran punctured two holes in either side of the can and started pouring the bean water into the sink.

"Oh god no, my dad's a fisherman." Alec made a face. "I wanted to when I was nine but they said I had to wait, so I waited a year and then refused to eat meat anymore. And I was already allergic to dairy, so."

"Well that worked out conveniently, then." Kieran opened the can of beans up the rest of the way once they were drained and slid the can toward Alec. "What's next, chef?"

Alec finished cutting the squash and rinsed the can out, leaving it in the sink for later. They laughed. "Honestly? Nothing until the squash is boiled. It's a super simple recipe, just gotta wait and then mash it, fold the beans in, put them in the tortillas and spice and bake them." Alec stretched their arms out behind them. "Five minutes prep, twenty minutes bake."

"Alright," Kieran leaned against the counter, wiping his hands on a random towel. "How should we spend twenty minutes?"

"I'd love to get to know you more!" they said earnestly, wiping their hands on their jeans. "Or if you don't wanna just talk there's a bazillion games around, or I could show you the roof? Not sure if climbing out a window is really your thing though."

"Not really," Kieran admitted. "But neither is talking, so why don't we go up to the roof, I'll tell you more about myself, and we'll call that the game?"

Alec blinked a few times then broke into a smile so wide they could barely see. "Amazing! You're a real innovator, eh?" They turned the stove off so they could quickly complete the final few steps and set a timer on their phone for twenty minutes once the burritos were in the oven. "So y'know, I do mean actually climbing out the window, there's no ladder."

"Shit. Okay, well, let's see it." Kieran already knew he was going to have objections, but maybe it wouldn't be as bad as it sounds. "Lead the way."

Alec triple checked their phone was in their pocket before heading over to the ladder. They tapped their collar quickly then scaled it with ease and waited for Kieran at the top. "It's easy to get up there! Just thought a heads up is good, eh, so you don't re-climb the ladder just to sit in the loft again like some intense deja-vecu?"

"I think you might be overestimating my athletic ability." Kieran followed after them, making sure to duck his head this time as he reached the top. "I might need a hand getting up there, if that's going to be possible."

"Of course!" Alec chirped, pausing to smile at Kieran over their shoulder midway through opening the window. "The ledge goes out a few inches so it's pretty easy to get up once you're standing anyway." They pushed the pane outwards and rested one hand on the inside of the wall, one on the outside to steady their balance as they stood, then pulled themself up to get to the roof in one fluid motion. A second later, their head appeared upside down in the window frame. They grinned. "Hi."

"Inches," Kieran repeated in a whisper. He walked up to the window and grinned at Alec. "This seems potentially injurious." He stuck his head out of the window to assess how bad the fall would be and sighed. "How am I supposed to do this?"

Alec scooted back on the roof so their head wasn't in Kieran's way. "If you stand on the ledge your head should be above roof level, and then you just gotta pull yourself up." They rested their chin on one hand and smiled down at him. "I can help you up too, if you take my hand."

"If I survived a war just to fall off a roof..." Kieran sighed and climbed onto the windowsill. "I might need your hand," he mentioned as he stood on the sill. Grabbing onto the edge of the roof and suddenly imagining all the grisly ways he cool fall and maim himself, Kieran's adrenaline kicked in. With one assertive push, Kieran managed to get high enough to swing a leg over. With one desperate pull, Kieran flopped fully onto the rooftop, his heart pounding. "Fuck."

Alec sat back, ready to grab Kieran if he needed it, and instead was astoundingly impressed. They whistled a surprised note and scooted backwards on the roof to give him space. "Câlisse, I only try the ol' leg trick when I'm feeling fancy! You're a natural."

"Funny, I only try it when I'm fearing for my life." Kieran took a moment to catch his breath before sitting up. "You do that often?"

Alec leaned back on their hands and nodded their head towards the plastic cushions strewn about the roof. "Couple times a day! It's great for stargazing or watching clouds, or if you just gotta get away, eh? No one can see you from the ground up here."

Kieran crawled over to the plastic cushions, collapsing onto a small pile of them. Folding his hands behind his head, he looked up to the sky. "I could see why this would be worth the effort."

Alec followed him and lay down a couple feet away. "You ever think about how big the sky is?" They rethought their words and laughed. "That sounded weird. I meant like, it really puts everything in perspective. No matter what's going on down here, the clouds keep drifting and the sun keeps shining and the wind keeps blowing, eh? Nature's a force way beyond us."

"True." Kieran thought beyond the sky, of the insignificance of their position in space, of the minuteness of humanity in the timeline of the universe. He wondered if that was too cynical to mention. "This is a nice spot."

"Yeah," Alec exhaled happily. "It is. It's the best spot to just think on things." They rolled onto their side to face Kieran. "Do you have somewhere like that in your apartment? The 'calm' spot?"

"My bed?" Kieran chuckled. "No, Parker and I are pretty calm. There's not really a calm spot, it's just the climate of the apartment in general."

"Huh." Alec laughed and rested their cheek on their hand. "Maybe I gotta set apart different spaces, 'cause I live by myself? I dunno, it's nice to have a place to be even more alone even though no one else lives here. Does that make sense?" They shook their head and moved so they could lie on their stomach now, still facing Kieran.

"Sure." Kieran turned onto his side to face Alec. "I suppose I'm just so often alone that I never feel the need designate a special area for it."

Alec considered Kieran's response carefully, adding it to what they already knew about him. "Do you like being alone so much?"

"I don't think about it," he admitted. "It's my default. I've always been by myself, even when I was younger. I didn't have any siblings, no neighbors. Not too many friends, honestly. Not to sound tragic, I truly did not mind being alone."

The corner of Alec's mouth tugged down but they didn't fully frown. "That sounds really lonely, Kieran," they said after a moment's pause. Going over his words again, they blinked a few times. "Not even neighbours?"

"No," Kieran sighed. He didn't love to talk about his home life, but supposed this is how relationships were formed. "My father is fairly well-off, so we lived on a pretty large property at the end of a long drive. We had no neighbors by design. But again, it suited me just fine. I mostly spent my time hiking trails or watching movies. I was never really very social."

"Because you didn't want to be, or 'cause that's how things were?" they questioned, then shook their head. "Sorry, you don't have to answer anything I'm asking if you don't want– I'm just curious." Alec made a face. "Not like, curious in a way that I'm examining you or anything, I just want to get to know you better?"

"That's okay," Kieran responded. "It was a little bit of both. If you raise a child in a room with no light, he learns to thrive in the dark, right? I mean, ethics and morality aside. The metaphor is flawed." Kieran chuckled. "But I think you get my point."

Alec nodded along slowly as Kieran spoke, hanging on to every word. "No, no, it makes sense. But in that case, when exposed to it, even if the light is glaring for a while, your eyes adjust eventually, eh?" They smiled at him. "Let me know if I'm shining a flashlight at you. Metaphorically."

Kieran laughed, nodding in understanding. "Excellent point." He fell onto his back again and looked up at the sky. His eyes had adjusted to the dark and he could see all the stars, pinpricks of light in the sky.March 30, 2020

Alec watched him for a few more seconds before following his lead and turning to stare at the stars instead. "How long've you been at camp?"

Kieran thought back. "Eight years." Saying it out loud, he suddenly realized how long he had been here and how much time had passed. Kieran knew that he must have been a different person after all that time, but wondered why he felt so much of the same. "How about you?"

Alec counted backwards on their fingers. "About four years? Three maybe." They laughed. "I think I was seventeen, but that could be wrong."

"I was fifteen," Kieran reflected. "Strange how time passes." The words sounded hollow, but Kieran meant them. At the very least, Kieran did find it all strange.

"Really is, eh?" Alec turned their head to look at Kieran again. "Ever wish you had like, a normal high school experience? I sure don't."

Kieran pressed his lips together. He thought about it all the time. Kieran knew the only reason he came to camp is because his father didn't want to risk his own safety and didn't think twice about sacrificing Kieran's chance at a normal life. "Frequently," he replied.

Alec frowned and rolled back onto their side. "Yeah?" they asked to prompt him to continue.

Kieran held his silence for a moment. "This is not where I belong, Alec. I think it's painfully obvious that I don't have any of the skills that Chiron is grooming these kids to have. Every altercation I've been a part of, I've needed to be rescued." Kieran shook his head. "The things that I'm good at aren't valued here. Maybe they would have been great assets in a formal educational institution, but my dad robbed me of that opportunity because he was afraid of his own life getting messy. So," Kieran shrugged, "Yes. I do wish I had a normal high school experience and not this lethal bootcamp for super-powered individuals, with whom I have no place."

Alec rested their cheek on their hand as Kieran spoke. Once he finished, there was a solid silence as they mulled his words over. "What's the reason you've stayed for so long?"

Kieran's voice fell to a murmur. "Where would I go?"

That was the answer Alec had been expecting, but a solution hadn't come to mind in the two seconds of lead up. They bit the inside of their cheek. "Where do you think you'd be if you hadn't come here?"

"Dartmouth," Kieran speculated without missing a beat. "It was my father's alma mater and he's an annual donor. They'd have to take me."

"Have you thought about getting your high school degree online?" Alec asked, pulling one of the cushions closer. "If that's what's stopping you?"

Kieran half-chuckled. The idea of an online education sounded laughable, but Kieran realized he wasn't in a place to judge. "Maybe. I suppose I haven't considered it." He shrugged. "Honestly, at this point the idea of attending an undergraduate program when I'd already be older than 99% of the students is... Unappealing to say the least."

Alec frowned slightly, not understanding. "But if that's what you want to do, why let something like that get in your way?"

Kieran furrowed his brows. "I guess... I don't know what I want."

Tracing a few patterns on the pillow, Alec continued. "You have plenty of time to figure it out. And maybe more of a blank slate? Following what you think you should do doesn't leave much room to learn, y'know, who you actually are or what you want. They're called growing pains for a reason, eh? S'never easy."

"Hm." Kieran fell quiet, Alec's words sitting in his brain. He was just now realizing how easy it was for him to deflect these thoughts—apparently he had been doing so for eight years. "I suppose."

"Sometimes just knowing you want something is ambition enough until you work the rest out!" Alec gave Kieran a soft smile, then flopped onto their back again to stare up at the sky. "Part of being kind to yourself is being patient, eh? And if you're already studying film and your other interests without school, you've sure got the drive to do anything you want, with or without it! Trust me, I have none of it. The drive, I mean. I've had enough of school." They laughed.

Kieran contemplated Alec's words. "That's an interesting assessment." Kieran sat up and looked around. "How much time is left on the oven?"

Alec checked their phone, following Kieran's lead to a seated position. "Five minutes! We can head back in now. It's easier getting in, I think, 'cause you just gotta step down." They stood up and made their way over to the edge of the roof.

Kieran sighed, not totally convinced. "I'll have to watch your technique more carefully this time." He followed Alec to the edge of the roof and tried not to look at the distance to the ground.

"Okay!" Alec got down on their stomach on the edge of the roof so they could swing their legs over the side, then moved one hand to the inside of the window and wiggled down an inch until their feet were touching the window sill. "I'll be just inside, so if you need a hand to pull you in, I gotchu!" With that, they let go of the roof and pulled themself into the loft with their other hand.

Kieran crawled over to the edge and yelled down, "I'll definitely need a hand!" With his best effort, Kieran recreated Alec's maneuver. With one foot landing firmly on the sill, he stepped down slowly with his other before slowly crouching, trying to step back inside.

Alec reached forward to take Kieran's forearm and help him inside. They grinned at him. "You're a natural! Ça va?"

Kieran caught his breath as he landed inside. That was enough risk for the entire month. "Ça va," he replied, dusting off pants and palms.

"I have a lint roller if you need it," they offered with a laugh. "Gotta get the cat fur off somehow before the Morph cabin makes me die."

"That's okay." Kieran shook his head. "It's just clothes." Kieran made his way down the ladder. "It smells delicious in here."

"It does, eh?" Alec turned the timer off on their phone and followed Kieran down the ladder. They grabbed the towel hanging from the bar on the oven and used it to remove the burritos. "Can you grab a couple plates from the drying rack?"

Kieran did as he was told, making a neat stack of plates on the counter. "Should I set a table?"

Alec tried to remember what that would entail. "Sure! Silverware's in the drawer in front of you there. And I have... cups? What else do we need?"

"Napkins?" Kieran pulled a pair of forks and knives from the drawer, laying them on top of the plate. "May I use your restroom before we eat?"

"Right, yeah, napkins! I have paper towel?" Alec gave him a sheepish grin. "I'll figure it out. And yeah, right over there!" They wondered if hand towels folded small enough could pass for fancier napkins.

"Thank you." Kieran stepped back to the front of the cabin to fish a small pouch from his coat pocket before heading to the bathroom. "I'll just be a few minutes."

Alec's forehead creased in confusion as they watched him, but they shook it off and set about figuring out the napkins. Quickly, they remembered one of their main hobbies and folded two hand towels into miniature swans, setting them in front of each plate on the poker table they had chosen to serve as a dinner table. Once it was arranged to their liking, they took a seat to wait for Kieran.

After a few minutes, Kieran emerged from the bathroom and joined Alec at the poker table. "Resourceful," Kieran smiled. He sat down across Alec, laying the pouch on the edge of the table. "Thank you for cooking tonight."

Alec beamed at the praise. "Thanks! Figured I'd put a talent to use!" They rubbed their cheek against their shoulder at the second compliment, taking it more genuinely than the first. "No problem! I love cooking. Especially for friends." They glanced at the pouch. "Can I ask what that's for?"

Kieran couldn't help smiling a bit at the mention of friends. "This?" Kieran put a hand on the pouch. "It's just for my glucose meter and insulin."

"Oh! Okay." Alec nodded in understanding. "Good to know." They picked up their knife and fork, then put them down again. "These're burritos. Oops." Instead, they picked up their burrito and lifted it to Kieran with a laugh. "Cheers?"

Kieran laughed and opted for the fork and knife anyway. He tapped the tip of his fork against Alec's burrito. "Cheers."

#frm.chatzy #mus.kieran #rel.kieran&alec

3 notes · View notes