#and what's another $25 when i'm making So Much More Fucking Money?

[slippery-minghus]

oh gods. new paycheck starts soon which means i Have The Money to make impulsive purchases.

i'm sure it'll wear off once the novelty cools down and i can get back to my typical iron grip on myself buT.

fuck.

shiny things *grabby hands*

[stop-talking]

How do you think jhutch characters would handle a baby?

I'm not quite sure if you're asking "what would they do if you handed them a baby" or "what would they do if you told them you're pregnant" but I'm gonna assume you meant the latter. (feel free to send another request if I got it wrong)

Ranking Jhutch characters from worst to best fathers:

Billy

☆ Would play dumb when you hand him the pregnancy test.

☆ "What's this? Oh, you're pregnant? Can't be mine. My pull-out game is too strong." (literally has NO pull-out game, refuses to use condoms because he "can't feel" with them on)

☆ Basically ghosts you until the paternity test proves it's his. Then he actually ghosts you.

☆ Drops off the face of the fucking Earth for years. Doesn't pay a dime in child support.

☆ Maybe he comes back like 3 years later drunk and demanding to see "his" kid idk. Literally the worst.

Derek

☆ Honestly I headcannon he had a vasectomy at like 24-25.

☆ His mom hit him up once she heard about his prostitute scandals and chewed him out. Gave him "the talk" even though he's a grown ass man... finally got him to get snipped when she brought up the possibility of paying income-based child support for 18 years.

☆ Assuming he doesn't have one, though...

☆ He'd initially be mad and blame you. "I thought you were on the pill!!"

☆ Then he'd be like "Is it too late to... you know... get rid of it?" (and kind of dance around the subject because he's too much of a wimp to just say the word abortion)

☆ Wallace and his mom would both force him to get his shit together and apologize. Eventually he'd come to terms with the fact he's gonna be a dad.

☆ He'd be the kind of bastard to throw an over-the-top gender reveal party. The kind that burns down half of California or pollutes a major water channel.

☆ I think he'd be a really good girl dad. He'd let her paint his nails and stuff. Spoil her. <3

☆ He would treat a son completely differently. Teach him to "be a man" or whatever when he's still learning to walk. Force him into random ass sports.

☆ He'd have them mostly taken care of by a nanny. That's probably how he was raised, anyways. Derek Danforth is NOT changing a diaper.

Futturman

☆ Whether we're talking pre-show or post-show, he'd freak the fuck out if you handed him a positive pregnancy test. I'm talking full-on pass out.

☆ Pre-show Josh would be like "Babe we can NOT afford a baby I literally live at home with my parents and work as a janitor."

☆ His parents would be so crazy supportive though. They've been hinting that they want grandkids for YEARS.

☆ They literally clear out a room IMMIDEATELY after hearing the news and offer it to you to use as a nursery.

☆ His mom buys you more baby clothes than you could possibly need. His dad builds a crib from scratch.

☆ Overall Josh is stressed asf but he does his best to be there for you, and his parents are OVERWHELMIGLY supportive.

☆ Post-show Josh, on the other hand, doesn't have that support. But he's survived unspeakable horrors across multiple dimensions, how hard could a baby be?

☆ Extremely hard, apparently. One day he just loses it and makes a huge decision without asking you.

☆ "Josh WTF happened to our savings??"

☆ "TRUST ME BABE we need to invest in Apple!!"

☆ You're pissed but it pays off in a few years and you're both able to live comfortably.

☆ Then in 2015-ish he did the same thing again, pouring all your savings into bitcoin. This time you SWEAR you're going to leave him, but it all pays out in the end. He gets your kid through college with that money.

☆ Overall he's a really good father, too. He had great parents, and even if he's not experienced with kids, he's naturally a very caring and attentive person.

Mike

☆ Cries when he sees the pregnancy test. He's not even sure if it's happy or sad tears.

☆ Gets sick to his stomach overthinking about how he's going to be a terrible father. His dad walked out on him, so he has literally no idea how to act.

☆ Abby, on the other hand, is absolutely delighted. She's always wanted a "little sister". Mike has to remind her that technically it's her niece. Or nephew. There's no guarantee on the gender yet.

☆ Eventually he comes to terms with it all. He's taken care of Abby for ten years, he isn't completely clueless.

☆ Takes you to all of your Dr.'s appointments, checkups, etc. Holds your hand. Makes all of your weird pregnancy cravings and doesn't judge.

☆ After the birth, he lets you rest. Nearly works himself to death trying to take care of the baby all on his own because he wants you to recover.

☆ I'm talking getting up bleary-eyed at 2am every night to microwave some formula and feed the baby. After working a 10 hour shift.

☆ Pulls the "I have a baby on the way" card at work in an attempt to get a raise. It works, thankfully. (In the novel version of the movie; it says he gets a job as a contractor at the end. So hopefully he can afford a kid...)

----------♡----------

[Remember: these are just MY headcannons. If you think differently that's fine. I didn't include Clapton because he's literally in highschool... and we all know Peeta is an amazing father.]

[cursedvida]

SAD EYES, BROKEN SMILE p.II (Buggy x f!Reader)

HERE PART 1 // HERE PART III

Warnings: violence, swearing a lot, reader being a little tsunedere. Little age gap between the reader and Buggy, she's like 25/26.

A/N: i didn't plane this for having more than one chapter but here we go... Again sorry for the typos, English isn't my first language. I hope you enjoy this :D

You don't know much about seduction. In fact, you don't know anything. Throughout your life you've had very little interest in love affairs. You had a pretty rough teenage years, so you were too busy surviving to think about boys. Therefore, the whole thing with Buggy is something totally new to you. Not being in control of the situation gets on your nerves. It's irritating, nauseating. To think that right now you could have collected a nice reward and you could be quietly enjoying your money, but instead you're in that crew thinking about a clown all day is something your pride can't take. You often wonder how you could have stooped so low, but as soon as that red-nosed idiot pops into your head there is only room for daydreaming. 

Now your goal is no longer to kidnap him and hand him over to people who will probably kill him, but to try to make him notice you. But really you, as a possible love interest, and that's much harder than your first mission. It's like ten billion times more complicated. Killing people is a lot easier than attracting them. 

You were trained to kill people, so you're not a person who knows very well how to relate to others. Social skills aren't your strong suit and being nice for more than fifteen minutes isn't either. You've at least tried to be friendly with the rest of the crew, but by continuing to pretend you're a wimp you haven't had much chance to blend in either. 

Today the whole crew went to the nearest tavern for a drink. Buggy claims to have landed a deal that will bring in a lot of money, so he's in a good mood. At first the tavern keeper didn't seem too happy to welcome a gang of pirates to his place, but Buggy can be quite persuasive when he wants to be. 

Now they're all drunk. Buggy is the center of attention, as usual. He boasts of his great wit and everyone around him cheers him on. The alcohol causes all emotions to intensify. You watch him from the bar, this time you're drinking because it's the only way you don't feel ridiculous about being hopelessly attracted to that idiot. 

You have conflicting feelings all the time. You like him, but you think he's a dumbass. You're attracted to him, but at the same time you think he does terribly ridiculous things. You have no idea how to handle all those emotions, but you're also unable to take your eyes off him or ask yourself absurd questions, like how experienced he should be, or how he should look without makeup. You also often think about whether he'll like younger girls, because he's got more than a decade on you and you might not be his type. In fact, what his type is also comes to your mind all too often. 

Fuck, you're a mess. 

You order another mug of beer, turning away from staring at Buggy with an intensity that could break solid concrete. You've always had a good tolerance for alcohol so you're not drunk, just dizzy enough to make it all the same to you. The perfect state. 

"What's a girl like you doing surrounded by this bunch of weirdos?"

Suddenly you see a guy next to you, he doesn't belong to the crew. He's a big man, looking menacing. He must be one of the few people who have decided to stay in the bar despite the pirates. You decide to deliberately ignore him. 

"Hey gorgeous, I'm talking to you.”

You take another swig of beer, completely evading. You decide to turn around again, now Buggy is doing some sort of demonstration. He has detached his hand from the rest of his arm and swings his clenched fist at full speed. You don't know what he's talking about, but he sure has exaggerated the whole thing. You smile to yourself. 

"Who the fuck is that fucking clown?" asks the heavy one, still standing next to you. 

You don't even deign to look at him. 

"Shut the fuck up" You tell him in the coldest voice you can. 

"Don't tell me you're going with him and his whole gang of freaks" The guy lets out a huge laugh "Honey, a beauty like you is wasted among all those creeps."

"And the oxygen you use is also a waste considering it could be useful to someone who isn't useless to society."

"But what the fuck is wrong with you, does it bother you that much that I pick on that loser?"

"I told you before to shut the fuck up" You repeat calmly and without raising your voice. 

"Uh, you scare me" he laughs "almost as much as your big nosed captain". 

"All right, you asked for it”

The guy can't even react, as soon as he wants to realize you've already stuck an ashtray in his mouth, wedging it in such a way that he can barely breathe. And, before the others can even realize what's happening, you grab one of the stools and hit him so hard in the stomach that the guy goes flying towards the other end of the bar, hitting the wall with such force that the ashtray comes out of his mouth. 

You calmly return to your seat, taking another sip of beer as if nothing had happened. But it's at that moment that you come back to reality to realize that Buggy is no longer the center of attention, but you, and that everyone is staring at you in disbelief, including your captain. 

Fucking shit, for fuck's sake. 

Now you've really fucked up. You're supposed to be a rookie with barely any physical skills, not a killing machine. Let's see how you get out of this now, though at least Buggy is paying attention to you. God, you have to be a moron to think something like that at a time like that, you're totally losing your mind. 

"What the hell was that?" Buggy ask to you.

You just answer simply, as if everything that just happened was not with you.

"He was bothering me"

Buggy approaches you, something that makes you nervous. Not because he might be angry, but to have him around. You almost killed a guy just two minutes ago but having the man you're obsessed with looking at you makes your legs tremble.

“You broke all his teeth, Y/N.”

You look at the man across the bar. It's true, you've left his mouth in a mess, all his clothes are stained by the blood that falls on him. But hey, he asked for it, you warned him.

"Why hadn't you said you knew how to fight like that?" He insists, and you don't know if right now he's thinking of killing you, kicking you out of the crew, or both. 

You can't tell him that you were hired to hunt him down and that you've abandoned that task because you have a huge crush on him. Especially the crush part, you would never admit that, so you must think of a good excuse as soon as possible. 

"My parents trained me" and that's not a lie "but they always said to only use my skills if necessary" that's a lie, and a big one at that. 

Buggy looks you up and down, which makes your stomach tingle. You are so close to him that you can almost feel his breath on your skin. So close that it would be very easy to get a couple of centimeters closer and see what red lips taste like. You wonder what his skin must feel like against yours, or how your hands must feel tangled in his hair. You look like the narrator of a romance novel, it's pitiful but you can't help it. 

"You've been swabbing the deck since you came in, how did it not occur to you to say you could be of more use to us?”

"I'm sorry, captain."

Buggy lets out a sigh, there is something paternalistic in his attitude, that condescension that is so typical of him. That makes you relax, he believed everything. Probably because he's drunk, but you don't care about that now.

Buggy puts his hands on your shoulders, making you jump. It's the most contact you've had since you've known him and it's not even real contact because he's wearing the fucking gloves.

"Y/N, look at me" And you obey, although the fact of having him so close to you, being able to smell his alcohol breath mixed with that smell of gunpowder that characterizes him makes you a little dazed. You feel more and more like kissing him. "You can't keep such important information to yourself. But don't worry, I'm going to look for a better position for you. With how good you are at fighting, we're going to do great things together, huh."

You nod without further ado. It's a shitty proposition, he's just telling you that he'll use you as a weapon, like he uses the strongest members of his crew. But you don't care, because Buggy is touching you and because from now on you will be able to talk to him a lot more.

Maybe you should go talk to that guy from earlier and thank him.

Oh, god. Yeah, you're definitely going from bad to worse.

[izartn]

On Blue Lock, Episode Nagi movie:

It was like one of those outsider pov fics from a secondary character pov but official. Given that's one of my fave genres of fic amd I knew that about the movie coming in I enjoyed the perspective it offered, and also the melodrama of NagiReo xD

Also why was the ost so much better than in the anime itself? Did I blitz too quickly through the episodes? It made the kinda recap this was, entertaining as it got, much better. Why XD I hope that ost is in season 2.

Liked how NagiReo were the last ones to cross that door and that Ego had to bait Ngi into it. Would have messed up his 300 teens plan for Blue Lock is these two refused lol though I think he was absolutely prepared for that. Funny how Nagi is the one who gets the Blue Lock mentality despite being the reluctant of the pair.

I loled at how little the other guys in V mattered though, and at the replay of the match against Z, Nagi getting more and more fixated in Isagi and football for himself, to Reo alarm and happiness respectively.

I am not the only one who thinks Nagi is/was depressed due to a lack of challenge and isolation in his life, right? That whole, leave me I don't want to even try, just want to stay in my comfort zone idling the days away....

Going to other matters....

Also. Why did that Isagi and Bachira separation at Stage 2 look 100% more gay than it was in the anime? I swear it was the typical Shonen friendship on the season. Ah I know. Because Nagi, BL character that he is, was there remembering himself and Reo in rosy flashbacks. Hilarious taking what happened just before between them. But then Nagi is confident on their friendship in a way that Reo just isn't.

The contrast between their mental states re:change are so fucking funny in a sad way too. Reo is so insecure, compared to Nagi, I guess it comes from his family reputation and money being all he was before he meet Nagi and so he's insecure about his own merits but really. He's coping about as well as my bestie in HS did to her situationship with another girl collapsing when she was 14, that's the level of gay ass failing were talking about. That Nagi just didn't voice aloud the emotional reassuring parts to Reo during the breakup was so teenage boy of him, he just thinks he's being clear enough and then, everybody else can see Reo is just. Not manging it well. Love that they just fucking went pass Nagi being brutal to Reo on the 3vs3, like. Yes this is Nagi PoV the movie no you don't get to see what the fuck was he thinking. I personally imagine he was trying to like, do a reverse psychology on Reo, but it didn't work(?) (except it kinda did) bc Nagi has a 0 in interpersonal communication. Who knows though. Maybe the manga?

Anyways I'm really happy about that post-credits and additional time! So season 2 is gonna start from the jump after the 50 days timeskip, huh? Not surprised at all by who I saw there as the starting 11 for the U-20 match, of course our protags and company are there.

That after all the movie they end up bringing it back to NagiReo kinda having maked up, and Reo having friends/rivals telling him to quit the sad face, they're gonna be the best is soooo funny. Yes Reo you have friends, you're there on the 25 of 300 even if you're on the sidelines right now, relax XD Happy for him he seems to get friends other than Nagi, he needs more than a (boy)cough(bestie) friend.

And that was it!!! Thanks to @ashen-sky for telling me to wait for the post credits! Very appreciated given almost my whole sala walked out.

[holocene-sims]

next // previous

august 25, 2021 8:00 p.m. the black pearl

[grant] well, i know it doesn’t fix the existential angst and you shouldn’t ever feel like it needs to go away instantly, but i guarantee you will be a good dad.

[grant] any kids you have will feel loved. they’ll be set up for the future no matter how everyone’s lives play out. i know you’ll do your best, and i know soobin will, too. you guys have worked so hard to have such a long and healthy and sincere relationship.

[grant] and the fact that you’re worried about any of this means you’re going to do a good job. shitty parents and shitty partners don’t ask if what they’re doing or about to do is wrong.

[grant] everyone is going to make mistakes sometimes but it’s about getting most of it right, and i believe you will. soobin doesn’t hold it over your head that for a while, your fear made you a little controlling. you improved and she forgave you. you’re smart, you’ll adapt, and most of all, you should know you’re loyal. at the end of the day, a parent who puts their kids first and never turns their back on them is the best parent in the world in my eyes.

[grant] mistakes can be forgiven if you put your kids first and treat them like a human being who matters.

[henry] thank you. i appreciate it. that means a lot coming from you.

[grant] and i understand your main fear in the first place. i've thought about it many times. i never worried about myself dying but others dying. elizabeth, uh...yeah. those big family losses seriously will ruin you forever in one way or another. the way you lost your father only makes it worse. it does strip away any feeling of invincibility you have.

[henry] you can say that again.

[henry] i'm glad someone understands.

[grant] you can never really know, i guess, what’s going to happen to you or to anyone you know, and it’s not helpful to say it’ll be fine because we all know crazy and terrible things happen. it's unfortunately mathematically true. but trust me, i'll kill you if you die!

[henry] you’ll kill me if i die? haha.

[henry] thanks for making me laugh, too.

[grant] yep. i will re-kill your ghost.

[henry] i'll kill you if you die.

[grant] thank you, buddy! you’re a real one.

[henry] dude, ugh, i googled life insurance policies a month ago. ew, adulthood.

[grant] life insurance is a good thing to have, though.

[henry] it is, it is. even if my hypothetical kids just buy a fucking pool with the money.

[grant] i mean, if it benefits them, right?

[henry] let me add a note to the policy saying you can either get an in-ground pool put in or free college tuition–one or the other.

[grant] does that include getting a sick ass waterfall feature installed on the pool or no?

[henry] by the way–

[henry] disclaimer that this is just an idea, not concrete at all, but soobin and i briefly mentioned moving back to korea as a way to make sure our kids have a good life.

[grant] wow, really? it is worth thinking about! it is rational. most of your family is here and all of soobin’s family does live here, and you do have to consider what’s best for you and your family, current and future. before i did move back home, when i was with you know who, i thought about this, too, if we ever had kids that maybe we could or should move back to michigan so they'd have my whole family around.

[grant] and just so it’s on the record, you have my full support in any decision here.

[grant] are you interested in moving back?

[henry] i don’t know. i haven’t lived here since i was five years old. i've only visited, and then came back for one year to do the military service because i was wary of giving up my citizenship. but i almost did because truly, i did not want to go into the army. that shit sucked.

[grant] what does soobin think?

[henry] well, it was her idea. i'm very whatever about wherever i live. i feel no strong pull one way or another at the moment. but it’s different for her.

[henry] she lived here much longer than me. she cares much more and has a preference. i mean, she spent pretty much her entire life here except since college and during the school semesters between sixth and twelfth grades because her parents sent her to a fancy private school there.

[henry] i will say, soobin’s main point isn’t wrong, and it's the one you brought up. most of our family is here. it’s like you and michigan. that’s where your folks are. and that support is invaluable when you have kids, both for their social development and for financial reasons. plus, my mom actually wants to move back. she never talks about it, but i know she does.

[grant] i get that, too.

[henry] like i said, she’s just never been the same since my dad died. which i don't fault her for. she does her best to be happy, you know, but i think she feels very alone, even more now that i don’t live on the upper peninsula anymore. she was with him forever. they were soulmates. and her life drastically changed after he died.

[henry] this has been the first time she's had a job since, god, the 1980s. she loves being an art teacher for school kids, but that's a huge change in addition to the sudden loneliness.

[henry] and on the loneliness side, she has your family and they've been close for a long time.

[grant] she was literally over at my aunt bridie's house the other day making shampoo with her.

[henry] yeah, so she sees them pretty often and she also has her book club and some other friends, but she knows way more people here. seoul's where all her family and friends are.

[henry] i want my mom to be happy, you know? it’s my job as her son, and i'm the only child she ever had. she doesn’t need me to look after her every day, not really, but i want to and she deserves that. and truth be told, a part of me believes that if she comes back, i would feel not very good about being away from her.

[henry] i think that if i encourage her to come back or talk to her about it and she does go through with it, that would sway me more to soobin’s side. again, i want my mom to be happy, and i'm also scared of losing her. it doesn’t matter if it’s sudden or slow. i don’t want to lose her, and especially not if i feel like i've spent my whole adult life away from her, not prioritizing what time is left with her.

[henry] not to be morbid, but she’s almost 60. at some point you do ask yourself how much longer you have left with your older family members around. life is unfortunately very short.

[grant] of course. that’s totally understandable. she's a great mother, and you wouldn't want to miss out on that. and i'm sure you don’t want your kids to not have their grandma present in their lives.

[henry] but then i have to start over with my job and maybe i lose contact with my friends if i leave. i do have friends here–sorry, they weren’t able to come hang out this time, maybe next time–but my real two best friends are in michigan. it’s you and ben. i don't let anyone else get that close to me except for soobin because to me, my best friend slots are full. i don't want anyone else. no one else is worth it.

[henry] and i always said you’d be my kids’ godfather. i don’t want them to miss out on knowing you the way they should.

[grant] there’s facetime! and i'd come visit. and i'm so goddamn annoying, i will be texting you about everything i think about in the world for the rest of our lives. you're not going to lose me.

[henry] i try my best to believe i won't lose you.

[grant] also, don’t stress out too much about this yet. you do not have to make any of these decisions now, and when you do need to, the right answers will come to you.

[grant] and listen, one last thing and then i'll shut up. i don’t know how, i don’t know why–i don’t think there is an answer to this–but the people we lose are still with us, even if only in spirit. i am famously a skeptic, but i felt something this year that changed my mind. i know you miss your dad but he’s still with you. somehow he’ll see your kids grow up, and he’ll be there guiding you to make the right decisions.

[grant] your dad loved you, like, beyond what words can express. he loved your mom just as much. he would never willingly leave you. if there's something after this mortal existence, he's still with you.

[grant] oh, and we should probably eat this pizza before it's frigid.

[henry] fuck, i forgot about it. thanks for reminding me. yeah, let's demolish this pizza, and then i'll take you to that cool arcade i told you about. we'll make up for the awful arcade experience at your cousin's bachelor party.

[sinner-sunflower]

P.2 HH Lucifer-centric AU 6/?

STORY 1, PART 1, PART 2, PART 3, PART 4, PART 5, PART 7, PART 8, PART 9, PART 10, PART 11, PART 12, PART 13, PART 14, PART 14.5, PART 15, PART 16, PART 17, PART 18, PART 19, PART 20, PART 21, PART 22, PART 23, PART 24, PART 25, PART 26

Some other happenings while Lucifer was in Heaven.

Reminder: Read story 1 first before starting this series! It adds some context and of course, I think it's a pretty neat prequel

-----------------------------------------------

The demons in the hotel have dispersed just after their King left for Heaven. Most kept themselves busy despite being worried because, really, what can they do except wait?

Charlie said goodbye to the Sins whom were going back to their respective rings. As much as she wants to have them at the hotel with her until her dad comes back, she understands that they can't leave the other rings unattended for too long.

Beelzebub: I really wish I could stay, baby girl. But I'm just call away, okay?

Satan: All of us are, Charlie. If you want, I can have Damien visit and wait with you?

Charlie: That's okay, uncle. I wouldn't want to bother him for something like sitting around and waiting.

Satan: If you're sure, your majesty.

Charlie: I- I'm not- I'm just acting Queen.

Asmodeus: Charlie, you are no less of a Queen as your mother was just because it's not permanent yet. As long as Lucifer is not here, you are our Queen.

Mammon: Heck yeah! By the way, do you want queen shit merch? I bet we would make a ton of money with your face in every tshirt or coffee mug!

Charlie: Haha. No thank you...

Mammon: Your loss! If ya ever change your mind though-

An elbow to his gut cuts Mammon off his never-ending, and in Charlie's honest opinion, poor sales pitch.

Mammon: Fuckin bitch! No woman is as brute as you-

Another hit sends Mammon writhing on the ground that made Charlie channel all her self-control not to laugh in his face.

Belphegor: Do shut up, Mammon. You are embarrassing yourself. If you have any questions regarding your duties, you can ask any of us. Except Mammon.

The Princess (acting Queen!) of Hell is so touched by the support of her aunts and uncles that she almost teared up. If not for Vaggie's eyes that never left her, she would've ugly cried already. She tries not to let her Uncle Mammon's pained shouts of 'f-f-uck you, Bel!' ruin the moment for her.

Leviathan: Call us when your father comes back.

Charlie: Of course! Thank you all again for being here.

Leviathan bends down to give Charlie a bow.

Leviathan: Of course, our Queen.

Giving one last goodbye hugs to each of them, Charlie doesn't notice Alastor with his ears pulled back. Husk does though.

Husk: Boss?

Alastor: Yes, dear Husker?

Husk: Ya alright?

When Alastor doesn't answer, he follows the deer demon's stare in the direction of Charlie and the Sins. Husk knows that meddling with anything Alastor will just get him scolded like all the other times he tried to express concern.

He'll never admit it but he did come to care for the psycho even just a little bit. Is it Stockholm Syndrome? He's not sure.

Regardless, if something was bothering Alastor then he and Nifty would get dragged into it eventually. So tries to reach out, even if his boss don't like it. Egotistical prick.

..

Husk felt a chill ran down his spine when he catches the Sin of Envy looking directly at their direction. More specifically, at Alastor.

'What the hell?'

He hears Alastor click his tongue then disappear to fuck knows where. And when he turned back to where the Sins were, it looks like they had left.

And so did the Sin of Envy.

Angel: Huskie! I need that drink ya always make me!

Husk only hopes that whatever that was doesn't bite any of them in the ass.

Husk: Yeah yeah, I got it.

-----------------------------------------------

Alastor went straight into his room but someone was already there, sitting in his little dining set up by the bayou.

The static he lets out would've scared any other demon but this one just looked at him in exasperation like he isn't the one trespassing in someone's private bedroom- in his territory!

Alastor: Ľ̷̹͚͚͔͓̥̭͂̃̓̉ë̸̻̳́a̶̱̦̻̱̼̔̚v̶̥̗̜̎̽̈́̂̋͆̊̔e̷̤̝̰̖̞̳̗͒̌͊͜͝!̶͍̯̠̃̔͆̈́

He summons black tentacles to attack the intruder but they stop just a hairs breath away. Alastor wills them, commands them, to strike but they don't move.

Leviathan: Using my own gift to attack me? Come on, Alastor, you know better than that.

Alastor bites his lips so hard, he bleeds.

Alastor: Y̷̥͐͑͝ó̸̗̇̾ṷ̴̧̟̺̀̅̕ ̴̧̡͕̈͜ṁ̷̱̰̞̰a̴̟̟͔͋̊͌ͅy̶̠͝ ̷̘̤̬̼͛̿̊̉ǒ̵̩̉̅w̴̩̍͑̕n̴̨̪͇̿̕ͅ ̸̧̤͈̀͋͠m̵̨͑ͅy̴̦̻͔̐͒͐̉ ̵͍̱̩̐s̷̯͂̄͂ò̴̖̺̩u̵͍̣̱̯̾̂͛l̶̻̭͖̾̾̊ ̸͖̱̍͝b̷͚̳͗̔̄͝u̸͖͊̒t̶̩͑̈́̊ ̸͖͋t̴̙̔͂h̷̬̻̫̮̓͗a̵̘̋͂̏͘ẗ̴͉̍̇͜ͅ ̸͍͒͑d̸͚̥̬̣̋̉̊o̸̭̖̯̳͌e̶̻̗͍͉̓̔͑s̴̨̥̙̈́͂ ̷̧̓n̴̢̘͓͉͂̆o̵̰͕͚͌ͅt̵͍̘̄́ ̵̧̪͔̋̓͂͐g̷̹̻̹͊̀í̵̧̨̝v̵̛̛͓̞̮̿̊ͅé̸͇͇̑͒ ̴̭̱̝̞̿ẏ̴̠͚̐̐o̵̧̓͑ų̴̻̾͆ ̶̻͍̲̃t̸͕̗͖͛̌͠h̷̩͈̗̀ẻ̷͇̈́͘͘ ̵̮̝͍͆͑̚ŗ̷͇̻̖̓̂i̵̱̦̻̩͋͛g̷̻͛̃͂͘h̶̛̼̤͙̘̒̏̕t̶͓͔̮̔̊͛͛ ̶͙̑t̵̼̣͚̐̒̅ͅǒ̴̾͘͠ͅ ̴̞̏̓̊͝d̸̡̈́͜ó̸̢͎͓̉ ̴̗̥̮̳̈́̆ằ̵̲̖̜͑̇ṩ̸̡̇͠ ̴̦̮͔͊̑̋͑y̶̤̳̹̔o̶̺̍͋u̸͎̎̅͒͘ ̶͓̫͖̪̎̓͐͝p̵̥͑̓̌͑͜l̵͓͔̻̇̑e̴̺̐͋̂̃a̴̫͇̭̥̔̔š̶̞̝ḛ̸̃̊͂͘.̷̥̰̮̆͑́͝

Leviathan merely rolls his eyes and barely even flinches from the ear-piercing sounds the radio demon is emmitting.

Leviathan: Relax. I'm not here to make you do anything. But I won't stand this disrepect.

Alastor: H̸̭͈͕̾̌ơ̸̮̖̫͉̐͒̏ẇ̷̛̱̙͌̕ͅ ̶̖͕̲͖̏͌̓d̵̛͉̭̈́́̊a̵̬͇͎̽̅̐r̷̪̣͗̐͑e̶͚̯̠͇̋̎̑͝ ̷͍̫͎̒y̵̹͆̀̅̐ô̷̡̭̣̥̎̍ú̷͔̂́ ̵̡̺̯̓t̷̞̾ą̷̮̻̔̈l̴͇̲̅͌̎͛ḱ̵̡̭̜ ̷͉͂͝ơ̶̞͓͕͗͋͜f̸̮̮̻̰̂͝ ̸̡̭̏͐͆͠d̷͇̟͙̖̈̊ī̷͚̩s̸͚̰̙̝̍̔̀r̵̰̐̉e̵̲̳̜̿͐s̷̯̳̦͈̏͐̚͘p̵̜̆e̴̡͖͕̅̈́c̷̼͓͒t̴͇́̈́ ̴̮̳̗͗͛w̷̨̟͙̳̍͒h̷̡̡̗̼̏͋̄e̷̗̓̈̽n̵͔̥͛ͅ ̶̤̉̋̆y̸̪̤̬͙̿͐͝ǫ̶͓̊͝u̷͚̭̳͎̔̓͑-̶̛̗̀̌̕

The aquatic demon snaps his fingers and suddenly, Alastor feels his power leave him. He has not felt tis weak since he was human.

Leviathan: I think I'm a pretty lenient master, Alastor. I gifted you a fraction of my power and let you kill your way up. I don't even meddle in your affairs and yet you still disrespect me? I asked of you one thing since the day you came crawling to me for power: protect the Morningstars. And frankly, right now you're not doing a good enough job.

Alastor: I do not know what you expected from a mere sinner. Plus, I don't seem to recall you doing much better on that front, your Sinfulness.

Leviathan had to let out a laugh. He could admit, the demon says some pretty hilarious things sometimes. It's even cuter when he know Alastor means it.

Leviathan: Ha! You really are a cocky demon. Talking to a Sin like that? Did your darling mother not teach you anything about respecting those who are clearly above you?

Alastor: Only those who deserve it. Like Lucifer.

Alastor still can't get any semblance of strength to pull himself off the ground. He really hates having these rare meet-ups with his master.

The embodiment of Envy stands and the next second, Alastor is being pulled up by his hair, making him look directly at the Sin. He had been averting his eyes for as soon as he felt a shift in the air but the sudden contact forces him come face-to-face with the real eldritch horror.

Leviathan: Let's get one thing straight, deer. I don't care about you, but somehow you made Lucifer do. And I would do anything for Lucifer and his happiness.

The radio demon can feel the tentacles caressing his face and he wants to recoil in disgust.

Leviathan: So, the moment I find out you're just using him for your personal gain, I won't hesitate to eat you over and over and over again. You'll never know a day without pain.

Despite the threat, he can't help the words that comes out of his mouth.

Alastor: But I am.

And if he dies today, he hopes Lucifer won't be too sad.

Leviathan: What did you just say?

Rosie always did say he had a mouth that can rival Susan. Honestly, Alastor has never felt so offended.

Alastor: Did you not hear me, master? I am using him for my personal gain. But not in the way one might think. I'm using him for my happiness and... I hope one day he will come to use me for his.

His answer must have been enough because he's suddenly let go and he can feel his powers flowing back into inside him.

'Right where they belong.'

He brushes himself off like nothing happened. Looking around, it appears that nothing was damaged after the Sin's power-play.

Leviathan: I expect you to report back to me regarding any happenings with the Morningstars and the hotel.

Opening a portal to a purple sky and raging waters, Leviathan gives Alastor one last warning.

Leviathan: Don't disappoint me.

Tsk. He really hates politics.

-----------------------------------------------

Sorry for the little Alastor dialogue! But!!! Leviathan??

Color me surprised.

I am not calling him Frederick even tho I know officially, he's called Frederick von eldritch.

You telling me that youre one of the most powerful demons in Hell and you name yourself Frederick??

[smuttyassholes]

Happy Belated Valentine's Day from the Assholes (Asshole #6 Writes)

~~The First Time~~ Your first time. Did you think of it often? Yes. Maybe. Or maybe not. At least that's what you tell your friends. Lie to them that you don't care. That "if it happens it happens". Doesn't matter with whom or where. If it's when you were 18 or 25. It was funny when you were 19. Then 24. Not so much when you are in your early 30s and you have barely been kissed. Let alone asked on a date.

And you push it out of your mind. You ''carry on". You get a new bank account, a job. It's just bussing tables, making coffees, minimum wage. You don't care, it's money in your pocket. You get a hole in the wall flat. Your parents try calling, you don't pick up. Ever. And you still don't think about getting laid. Being kissed, being held. Someone bending you over the nearest surface, tasting your skin, biting, licking.Hot breath on your neck spreading you open with hands, fingers, tongue. Then a cock. You don't think about it.

And life goes on. Drones on more like. Some color, some music. Some moments that are worth it. And still don't think about it. One of those endless days though that you spend "not thinking about it", you meet him. You don't know his name at first, his voice even. He is bent over the coffee menu, platinum blond hair falling over his face, long fingers tracing the words. He looks puzzled then disgusted almost. You aren't surprised, the coffee shop was small and the selections were too poor even for your standards. Then you hear a grumble for the first time. "How can there be no espresso for fuck's sake...." Then his face lifts, scanning for a server you presume.

His eyes make you think dragon. Dressed all in black, lips pursed, he could pass as one with the designer expensive watch you notice on his wrist and the most likely expensive thick frames on his face. They draw even more attention to his dragon like eyes and you make your way to him, thinking that, if anything, this will be an interesting encounter to look back on. You stop at his table, notepad and pen at the ready, asking politely. "What can I get you?"

Black eyes. Hazel so dark that it's black surveys you. He hums, then whispers. "Please tell me my eyes deceive me and you actually do offer plain espresso instead of those sugary concoctions from hell." You chuckle under your breath in spite of yourself as you nod then reply (it isn't polite to nod after all). "Yes we do. What will it be?" He sighs in apparent relief as he says "An americano. No water extra ice. To go." "Right away sir. Will that be all?" He nods and you jot down the order, disappearing. You don't generally trouble yourself with making coffees but today you make every single effort not only to make his coffee, but for it to be excellent. You are nervous as hell as you bring the carry out coffee as instructed to the table.

The man has risen, black pea coat pulled back on and buttoned, you catch a glimpse of a tight black turtleneck and then his voice, ice cold like the coffee you were carrying. "Double or nothing. I'm a professional and I don't make mistakes. I get results. My services come with this price tag because of it. You are wasting my time. Either you wire me the difference or I go back home to enjoy this lovely Saturday morning you are ruining for me. Now what's it going to be?"

He turns, taking the iced coffee from your fingers and swirls it slowly, long fingers tapping as he waits for the answer on the other line. He then wraps his (ridiculously full and pouty you suddenly notice) lips around the straw taking a long drag of a drink and humming in approval, following it up with "Language Mister Price. Swiss bank account, as previously discussed. Good day." He hung up and it seemed like his entire demeanor changed if only for a moment. His mouth lifted as he took another long drink and whispered as he set money on the table. "Coffee worthy enough of double the price. Keep the change rosebud."

Then he left.Long black coat billowing behind him, the only color on him his platinum blond hair. That was the day that I started thinking again of what it would be like. The first time. And the face I saw in the dead of night,in my fevered imaginings, in my broken moans,was his.

Author's Note: And with this Namjoon drabble I start introducing my writing in this blog. I have some ideas for this, so if it is liked, please let me know by reblogging and leaving some notes.

More to come!

~ Asshole 6

[astoundingbeyondbelief]

Kaiju Week in Review (February 19-25, 2023)

Those of you who've been around here for a while may recall the Kickstarter campaign for a documentary called Kaiju Gaiden, which aimed to interview directors of underseen independent kaiju films. I stress the campaign because despite clearing its $25,000 funding goal, the documentary was never completed. Director David Hall apparently took the money and ran, and while producer Mark Jaramillo vowed to finish the film, his last update was in 2018. Jaramillo also stopped posting on his personal Facebook page the same year. Myself and pretty much everyone else who gave the project a backwards glance figured he had simply given up and withdrawn from fandom to avoid further embarrassment. Or perhaps something had happened in his personal life that was more pressing than chronicling the adventures of a wolfman and some funny lizards. Kaiju Gaiden entered the (alarmingly voluminous) annals of kaiju vaporware, alongside the likes of Godzilla Zero Hour and Colossal Kaiju Combat.

Well, something did happen in his personal life. Fucking hell, did it happen. As Jules L. Carrozza revealed last Saturday, Jaramillo was in prison until recently for distributing child pornography online. I've been in touch with someone who's looked into this horrid story beyond what's available through Google (i.e. PACER), and they've confirmed that this is no case of mistaken identity. They also shared excerpts from the sentencing report. I will spare you the vile details. Suffice to say the man is a monster of the kind I wish only existed in the movies. He had started posted on Facebook again in October like nothing had happened, and I'm extremely grateful Carrozza came forward before he could stage some triumphant return at G-Fest or another con.

I aim to have Wikizilla's Kaiju Gaiden page updated by early next week; I feel bad for taking so long, but I want our citations to be unquestionable and can't search PACER myself until Monday. I also regret not including all this in the last week in review, since it did fall under its scope, if only just. Truth be told, I didn't know how the hell to present it alongside more routine kaiju news, Godziban especially.

I also wanted to give good old @kaijusaurus time to complete his Edward Snowden act. Back at G-Fest XXIII in 2016, Jaramillo transferred to him a bunch of indie tokusatsu obscurities and asked him to keep them to himself. Well, suffice to say that promise is off, and he's deposited the lot on archive.org and (when possible) YouTube. Give them a watch and let their lo-fi simplicity remind you why you fell in love with this stuff.

I'm glad they can be out in the world. Kaiju Gaiden ultimately made many of them less visible than they could have been until now. If you couldn't make it to G-Fest, you were shit out of luck. For those of us who could, those memories are thoroughly tainted. Mark Jaramillo didn't make any of them, and they don't deserve to be associated with him. His most enduring contribution to the kaiju genre will be playing a CIA agent in the excruciating God Raiga vs. King Ohga: War of the Monsters... alongside David Hall. Good fucking riddance.

[luigiblood]

Game Ownership

In sort of a response to the Ubisoft director of subscriptions where he said that we need to get more confortable not owning games...

Well, reading that interview from GamesIndustry.biz, turns out he never really said that. It's more of an observation of the gaming subscription services, and comparing different views. It's actually a pretty interesting read.

But the negative response to the more clickbait part where the gamers went very much against this from the get go was something that particularly striked me as how I really just didn't feel like I was part of those who responded like this.

I do not care about owning games that much. I may be a owner of retro consoles, games, and about 50 Switch physical games, but the reasons ranges from passion to just practical and economical.

Taking the example of the Switch, what currently makes me attached to physical games are more of how it's usually cheaper in my country (like, first party games day one tend to be 25% off brand new), and the practicality when you live in a household with 2 Switch systems, it's just easier to share the games that way with your family. If I could just buy digitally with the same advantages, I'd just do that.

This view on game ownership has mostly to do with my past of a guy who pirated games and movies like crazy before we got a little more comfortable paying for stuff. But this past also comes with a deeper importance on the presence of data locally. Cloud gaming is something I hate on passionately if the industry keeps going on that as a means to play games exclusively. It would be the kind of thing that would make my heart broken about modern gaming as a whole, but thankfully we're not even close to there, and I suspect we'll never be.

But I could also not need to pay for the games, I don't really see a lack of ownership as a problem on its own. The only thing that matters is if it's practical or not, and that's the part that feels like it tends to be skipped when explained. That's how it went about movies and music.

That practicality is critical, and that is the part that's the most in danger. The big reason why is how companies can decide on a whim what is accessible to suit their needs. That WILL be completely in the process of enshittification due to how companies have to keep growing until it makes no more sense. You don't even need to look very far to understand this, video streaming services are already very good at doing absolutely this, but I also dare say the Game Pass and PlayStation Plus are on a similar boat to a different extent, though.

One of the recent examples of how bad shit is HBO Max's removal of a huge amount of content just for a massive tax write down. There is financial incentive to fuck us all, and I consider the future to do absolutely that in the long term for gaming.

That kind of thing SUCKS. That is what we're actually scared of as a consumer. I hate seeing art being considered as a throwaway product.

I even saw a french article that was so complacent with this and kept saying complete bullshit things like "oh if they remove that game from the service, just take it as an opportunity to play another one" just, fuck off. That's not how I see this kind of service.

I love Nintendo Switch Online, despite a lot of its flaws, and hate on Virtual Console's overall legacy personally. I'm all for ways to allow discoverability and pick the curiosity of people. That's the kind of shit that I love in having some ease of access to catalogs, despite not owning them.

Wasn't it the dream to just access to everything with less money though? Don't tell me otherwise because I wouldn't believe you. I do think there's something nice in this kind of service, but we also need to figure how to keep companies from the inevitable enshittification that will ensue on the constant need for growth beyond any reasonable sense.

[sleepis4theweak]

...I would like to hear the lorax and sewage treatment rants. pls? And the presentation on your favorite turtles and the science/philosophy puns

*insert puppy dog or kitty cat eyes here*

~😺

Oh you sweet sweet anon... you have no idea what you just got yourself into...

WELL I MEAN IF YOU INSIST-

Whatever length you're expecting it to be, its longer SO:

Okay SO- The Lorax:

There are two different Lorax movies. One is from 1972, the other is from 2012. The one from 1972 is only 25 minutes long! And you can watch it here.

The 1972 Lorax is much much darker than the 2012 one. And the main difference between the two is the Once-ler. The Once-ler is supposed to represent companies, and company greed. In the 1972 one, the Once-ler is faceless. He is simply two arms (and sometimes two legs) with green gloves. He's not supposed to be any one person, he's supposed to represent the company. In the 2012 one, the Once-ler does have a face. In fact, he has a whole backstory and everything! This was supposedly so that kids could connect to the Once-ler. They were supposed to see the Once-ler as a real person, and therefore a real threat instead of some boogy man shrouded in the dark. However, 2012 ended up messing up the Once-ler, and therefore the original message of the Lorax.

(MAJOR SPOILERS IM DESCRIBING THE WHOLE MOVIE WHOOPS)

The 1972 Once-ler appeared in the world quickly, and immediately set up shop. He started producing thneeds quickly, and made sales immediately. When the Lorax challenged him, he replied, "It's only one tree." He called in his family so he could have more manpower and make more Thneeds. He began mass producing Thneeds, and more and more trees were cut down. You can see how trash begins to accumulate and the air gets darker and darker, there are more and more stumps littering the area. He orders roads to be paved and the town grows. He expands his empire and starts selling Once-ler cones and burgers. He was making a lot of money. The environment got worse and worse until finally the Lorax (who had been pleading with him to stop this entire time) said that he would have to send the Brown Bar-ba-loots away because they were starving without the fruits from the Truffula trees. You can actually see two of the Bar-ba-loots carry another between them because they are so hungry. THIS is when the Once-ler first shows any signs of empathy. He wonders if he is bad, if he should stop. He has a literal conversation with himself, before reasoning it away and yoinking down a blind decorated to look like a blue sky over the window showing a destroyed environment. He keeps going, until the Lorax appears to tell him that he must send the Swomee Swans away because the now toxic air was making them very very sick. The Once-ler reasons away concerns again. Finally the Lorax appears to tell the Once-ler that he is sending away the Humming Fish, because they water is too toxic for them. Finally the Once-ler is like... maybe I should stop. He agrees to stop only for someone to call and say, "Hey! Sales are up!" And he's immediately like "FUCK THE ENVIRONMENT, FUCK THE LORAX AND FUCK THE TRUFFULA TREES LETS GOOOOOOO" (I'm paraphrasing). Only then the last tree is cut down and production stops. The Lorax is disappointed and leaves, leaving only the "Unless" circle. Blah blah blah time passes. You see that the city is absolutely destroyed. Everything is wrecked. Some kid comes along and the Once-ler gives him a seed and is like... "maybe ur the unless. Since I majorly suck u know?" THE END! :)

THE 2012 LORAX HOWEVER- THAT SHIT IS DIFFERENT.

In the 2012 Lorax the Once-ler appears and is like!!! Omg!! Nature! Hello bears!!! :) Have marshmallows!!!!!!! He chops down a tree. The Lorax appears and is like, "Don't do thaaaaat :((" and long story short he agrees to not chop down the trees. Then his family swoops in and is like haha ITS US >:) WE R GONNA EMOTIONALLY ABUSE U NOW UNTIL U CUT DOWN TREES YOU IDIOT >:)))))))

...

So he does. And then his company grows and grows and grows. He has the whole "How bad can I be?" song (which absolutely fucking slaps by the way). In which, he basically sings about how he has no idea what he's doing. It's somewhat similar to the 1972 Once-ler's little self talks, but instead of knowing what he's doing is bad and then choosing money over it, 2012 Once-ler doesn't fully realize that he's doing harm. He's being pushed by his family, he is just very swept up in the gaining money bit. He also doesn't look back at the damage he's caused. He comes off as a naive lil entrepreneur who didn't realize the harm he was causing until it was too late, and the last tree had been chopped down.

Overall, instead of the "Corporates do not have the public's best interest at heart and we need to regulate them" message that the 1972's Lorax had, the 2012 Lorax had the message, "Corporates aren't baaadd.... they just... they don't realize they are doing harm :("

AND THEN (yes there's more)- YOU HAVE THE LEGEND HIMSELF- O'HARE!!!!!! He's tiny. He's evil. He is absolutely unrealistic. O'Hare ALSO represents the corporate. But in the wroooong way. O'Hare is unrealistic, and so I don't associate companies with him in the same way I do the 1972 Once-ler. He takes the attention away from the 2012 Once-ler as well. And he's just a strange dude.

Also in 2012 there is no reason for saving the earth. When I watch the 1972 Lorax I leave thinking, "Hey! Corporates need to be regulated and if we don't we are gonna be in real trouble. Very sick and with terrible air quality and toxic water. In 2012 the people live there just fine. Sure, there's smog, (and I do actually like how O'Hare mentions actively making the environment worse to increase demand for his air) but the people there are healthy and happy. They just decide to save the earth because uhhhhh well... who knows! Because they look pretty? Because they dislike O'Hare? Because they wanted to get a tree for their crush?

I'll stop there... but ITS VERY INTERESTING OKAY A LOT OF THE MESSAGES GOT DILUTED IN THE 2012 MOVIE.

--------

Now as for sewage plants heh heh heh hehhhhh

THERE ARE 4 STAGES!!! (AND SOMETIMES MORE BUT I WON'T GO INTO THAT)

They are: preliminary, primary, secondary and tertiary!

I won't discuss them all because this post is already so so soooo long... BUT I WILL DISCUSS MY FAV MWAHHAHAHA

Primary treatment!!! <3

So you get that raw sewage and you screen it, you get out all the big stuff in there like baby wipes, and large pieces of plastic. The post-screening sewage then moves into a comminutor. It slices up that raw sewage and sends it off to the grit chamber. The grit chamber sloooows down that sewage and then lets grit and such settle and get removed/funneled out.

Finally that sewage goes to the primary clarifier (my love <3) its basically a large tank, and the sewage just... sits there. All the heavy stuff sinks to the ground, and some stuff can rise to the top. They scrape all the stuff off the top and take the stuff out the bottom. That sewage sludge (poop and such) goes to treatment and disposal. What's left is (mostly) water and it is cleaned further in the other stages!

Sometimes when I am in a car I pass by the big primary clarifiers and I'm like!!! LOOK!!! PRIMARY TREATMENT!!!! ... and people think I'm insane... (tho people who know me are used to it lol).

I also used to go to a middle school where they was a sewage plant right next to us and they did Primary treatment and lemme tell you- it smelled AWFUL. SO BAD. I did get to see the primary clarifiers tho!!! Because my school did a tour there... for some reason... I didn't appreciate it at the time haha. But now I think its cool!!! :)

This ask is getting too long... so I'll stop now but I mean... feel free to send me another ask about my fav turtles or pun t shirts hehe <3

[the-light-finds-its-way]

Mom got out of ICU today, and put into a normal hospital room. My family went to go see her, and as for myself and my siblings, it was basically the first time in 3 weeks that we'd seen her.

She was covered in giant tender bruises from head to toe. Thankfully, only 2 IVs were in versus the original 7, and she was down to one pole that held the bags, while the rest were hooked to the bed. The blood clot in her leg has grown, and is breaking up at last, or so we assume. But mom can't walk because it hurts so bad. She has mesh in her lungs now to prevent the clots from reaching them again, which will kill her if they do. Additionally, she's on oxygen for the time being. And, there's a chance when she comes home, that she'll have to remain on oxygen tanks, and if that's the case then nobody is sure how long. But I've got this awful gut feeling telling me mom will be on the tanks for the rest of her life... I don't know, and have no way of knowing, but that's just what my stupid gut is saying to me. It'll be minimally 3-5 more days before she's released to go home. It could be more, and something inside also tells me it's going to be longer. But mom says she's doing the best she has been since the first surgery 3 weeks ago. Her nurses are really nice, super sweet, and they playfully poked (hehe) at my needle weenie self who had to turn away when they drew blood from her.

My anxiety didn't help when a $86 bill went through on my bank account that's already overdrawn by Gods only know how much... I'll be damned lucky if I make $150 for this paycheck. And an artist I commissioned back in March last year for a November finishing time on a piece, was late and is now almost finished in January. I'll have to pay him the other $175 soon, and I don't know when, and if I'll even have a single dollar to spare by then... There's another draft I have coming, on the 16th, for the retirement fund my father forces me to pay into unless I want to give him $100 for literally no reason, minimally once a month but possibly more, instead of the $75 for the fund once a month. So I go for the fund. And then, I have to somehow pay for my therapy appointment in another 10 days as well. I'm really not sure if I can do all this. I ditched college to work more, and as soon as I did, they cut me down to one day a week for the next 4 weeks, and there are no people I can cover because everyone is scrambling with trying to get more than 25 hours per week. Fuckers. Try living off 8 a week, when you just told the boss you're free all day every day at any time, and they won't even schedule you for 1/3 of what everyone else is working part time, let alone full time.

I'm so scared, so lost... I was hoping to get a ticket to go see Blind Guardian in May, but they're selling fast and I'm not sure when I'll ever have the money, if I will have the money, to get one in time... Not like I've waited 9 years to go see them live for the first time ever... I somehow have to save $32 for a train ticket as well by mid February, to go to the city for something I'd planned 7 months ago. And then, I planned a trip with friends which I may not be able to do if this keeps going downhill with my money... I already have to pay for a con we are going to as well in September. And I'm just... Fucking distraught. I planned my entire year around the fact that I'd be working full time and get more money. And work kicked my ass with a giant fuck you immediately upon me making those plans.

Fuck my life. Give me my healthy mom back, and $1000. Please... I'm fucking desperate and broken...

[adultswim2021]

Yappy Broads #2 | February 25, 2010 (online) | Pilot

I remembered enjoying Yappy Broads back in 2010 when it originally debuted, and was slightly puzzled by it when I rewatched the first installment for this blog. I’m happy to report that this episode is MUCH better. It’s focused mostly on one segment, where the girls all take a look at small pets. This one is less-disjointed and there’s zero Corey Feldman, which is a real treat. 

This actually contained the one bit I remembered sorta well, which was Dino saying pervily that they like to look at Shandi, and then slightly switching to his “in-character” tone and saying “you’re the prettiest girl here!” Later he’d lampoon her by pretending to confuse her with the pet expert, another pretty blonde woman. This could also be seen as a retaliatory gesture for Shandi’s slightly-racist attempt at humor by getting Earthquake to clear up if his name is “Earthquake” Or “Erphquake”. Or, Dino was negging her PUA style. Do you think they fucked? Dino was probably working on it, no? I have to imagine he’s pretty good at fucking, because he fucks dudes sometimes. 

This is available on Adult Swim’s website, but for some reason the description listed describes the other pilot episode. I'm trying to figure out how to get my money back.

This one didn’t completely bowl me over, but it was fairly wonderful. It felt very organic and it lived up to its premise. I’m not sure what the story is with why there’s two of these, and I’m not sure if they meant to “replace” the original pilot with this one (the repeated promo for “tomorrow”’s show and the same closing credits footage make this one feel more like a re-do than a second installment), but it definitely deserves to be remembered over the other one. So much so that I’m CHANGING MY RANKING: 

Neon Knome > Snake ‘n’ Bacon > Yappy Broads > Totally 4 Teens > Duckworth > Southies > Cheyenne Cinnamon > Soul Quest Overdrive

[mermaidsirennikita]

I'm having a rough time with uni and getting a job so I need a bit of cheering. Could you please recommend me some of your favourites HR books? Something to calm me down. Thank you so much ❤️

Aww, dude, I'm sorry. I've been there. It's such a tough transitional time, and I'm actually helping my little sister in a similar spot. I'm confident y'all will get to where you need to be, but it's a struggle for a little while and I want to validate your feelings there.

I also am so so down to offer some comfort reads!

What I Did for a Duke by Julie Anne Long. JAL is a really good comfort read author to me because her books are funny and a bit light, while at the same time offering a lot of passion. This one has a hero who's around 39/40 and a heroine who's 20, and he's out there to get revenge on her brother (who cucked him) by deflowering her. But she's fully aware of his plan and is actually kind of using his attentions to try to make this guy she's into jealous. It's got some angst, but it's sexy and very romantic.

After Dark with the Duke by Julie Anne Long. My other favorite JAL! Another age gap book, 42-year-old stern duke is staying at the same boarding house as this 25-year-old scandalous opera singer. He hurts her feelings so to make it up to her he offers to teach her Italian, and then.... shit gets oN.

Fifth Avenue Rebels series by Joanna Shupe. Best read in order, imo, because the first three books are all good to great and lead up to this intense crescendo with the final book.

The Heiress Hunt--House party, childhood friends reunite and he's super jealous because she's about to get engaged to a hot duke.

The Lady Gets Lucky--Shy heroine, rake hero, she asks him to help her with sex lessons so that she's less of a wallflower. He's trying to prove that he's a Business Bitch. It's very hot and fun.

The Bride Goes Rogue--Hero and heroine were betrothed by their fathers and she realizes he has no intention of following through, and they sort of break up? But directly after that they hook up at a masquerade sex part, and they enter into this love/hate thing.

The Duke Gets Even--Hero and heroine are in a long-term enemies to lovers deal (he's the aforementioned hot duke) and start hooking up on the low, but he needs to marry for money and she's a scandalous lady rogue who refuses to settle down. All time favorite!

A Rogue by Any Other Name by Sarah MacLean. My favorite MacLean, childhood friends who were separated reunite when he (now a Bad Man) forces the heroine to marry him so he can get his inheritance back. One Good Earl Deserves A Lover follows this and is one of the best dirty talk books ever, with a nerdy heroine and a hero she asks to corrupt her--and he's like ONLY VERBALLY.

Of course, Dreaming of You is my favorite Kleypas, and a total classic--intrepid writer heroine saves the life of a rough gambling club owner and forces him to let her shadow him as she researches her next book. It's got a lot of angst, but it's also so funny and romantic.

Grace Callaway writes a funny, hot historical, though I will say they have mystery subplots which can get a bit dark. I would recommend trying her Charlie's Angels retelling series, starting with Olivia and the Masked Duke (young heroine realizes she wants to get with her older man friend who sees her as a little sister after she spies on him spanking a woman).

Alexis Hall writes gorgeous, funny queer historical romances that hit deep themes but are so fucking funny. If you're in the mood for less angst, ready Something Wonderful (m/m roadtrip romance) and Something Spectacular (nonbinary/nobinary like... historical celebrity romance?). If you're down for more angst, try A Lady for a Duke (friends to lovers with a trans heroine).

Vivienne Lorret writes comforting, funny, emotional historicals--I'd recommend The Wrong Marquess (light enemies to lovers with the hero falling for his little sister's friend; there's a scene where he is so obsessed with her that after she stops eating a bowl of ice cream he finishes it and has to hold back from licking the bowl, I die), How to Steal A Scoundrel's Heart (heroine agrees to be a rogue's mistress for four months, he's all "I'll feel nothing" and feels everything), and Never Seduce a Duke (fucking WILD, nerdy hero becomes obsessed with this heroine because he thinks she's trying to steal from him, he chases her over like three countries and then they separate.... but after they reunite a couple years later, it looks like he left something behind without realizing itttt).

If you're down for some old school medievals (these have some light dubcon and dated references to the Ottoman Empire that aren't super heavy, but are present) I'd recommend Elizabeth Lowell's Untamed (hero and heroine in an arranged marriage, he wants a son real bad but women of her line shall only bear sons if they are in love, it's insane) and Forbidden (direct follow up, the sub-villain of the previous book shows up in another land with amnesia and the heroine charged with caring for him feels pain if she touches anyone but himmmm). They're fucking wild but they totally transport you to another state of mind, trust me. I did like the last book, Enchanted, as well--but rape is a heavy part of the plot and the heroine is very traumatized by that (she was not raped by the hero, but she and the hero are in an arranged marriage and she refuses to tell him why she abhors his touch).

The Dragon and The Pearl by Jeannie Lin is an amazing enemies to lovers villain as hero book with a warlord who takes the former emperor's concubine hostage in order to get information out of her... and falls in love.

Lorraine Heath, I'll always recommend--some of her books can be a bit heavier, but if you want something zany that will take your mind away from everything, there's always Gorilla Twins, aka The Earl Takes All, the one where the hero pretends to be his dead identical twin so that the heroine (his dead brother's pregnant wife) doesn't miscarry. Waking Up with the Duke is my absolute favorite of hers, the one where the hero's best friend asks him to get the heroine pregnant because the best friend is impotent (hero's fault).

Maiden Lane can be a bit intense, but I think Thief of Shadows is an angsty if ultimately uplifting book--the one where Winter Makepeace runs around like Zorro fighting crime and saving kids and falls in love with a widow. He's a virgin, she is NOT. Does deal with infertility.

Of course, Tessa Dare's books are so funny and sexy. Spindle Cove is a total comfort series for me, especially A Week to Be Wicked.

The Secret Lives of Country Gentlemen by KJ Charles is a lovely m/m historical that has an amazing setting, some found family vibes, and great funny, heartfelt dynamic between the heroes.

Indigo is my favorite Beverly Jenkins book so far--it does deal heavily with themes of slavery, as the heroine was enslaved as a child and works with the Underground Railroad now. But it's a super well-written, emotional, "rake falls hard and CANNOT get up" romance.

Hotel of Secrets by Diana Biller is a historical set in Vienna that's funny, hot, emotional, and has a good little mystery subplot. Heroine is running a hotel, hero is a virgin spy, he saves her life a ton while some mysterious person tries to kill her.

[anerdyfeminist]

Very long and self-centered work rant incoming.

I know I've referenced a few things about what a hard and weird time it is at work and honestly I've only said about 5% of the truth of what all I'm carrying and that is going on. The ambiguity around what happens w/ my role, in particular, is killing me. I'm not at risk of losing my job, but a major leadership transition is looming and it's all very confusing. The cut to the chase is that I don't know what my role actually is in the new FY, which starts in 3 weeks now. It's a total shit show and in the process, I've discovered that I could be making almost twice what I make now at different nonprofits in fundraising, in positions that carry about 1/3 the responsibility and weight of other people's roles/livelihoods, etc. (It really is true when you are someone who STAYS you get penalized financially.)

I've loved this mission and this team for nearly 14 years now but IDK how much longer I can wait through all this bullshit. Someone I know from the Austin nonprofit world reached out to me to offer me free career coaching bc she's getting her certification and needs guinea pigs and I don't mind being one because I just need HELP and some outside perspective on what I actually want to do as I am 18 years into my nonprofit career at this point.

At our last session she asked me if I ever think about what's best for me instead of constantly focusing in on what's best for this organization and like I knew that's a problem for me but I didn't KNOW-know it until she said it. It's sitting really heavy for me.

I don't mean to sound arrogant, but I'm going to for a second. I'm really good at my job. Like REALLY REALLY GOOD. Like award winning in my industry good. Like has a reputation as one of the few very healthy mangers/team leads of nonprofit fundraising in Austin good. (All 3 of my current direct reports at different times have told me they'll also plan their exits when I go, and I've successfully retained all of them for 5-10 years depending on when they joined.) Like have been attempted headhunted many times but haven't ever wanted to leave this mission before good. Like I wanted to see what's out there that may want me, and I've gotten 3 interviews w/in 2-3 days of contacting some recruiters or putting my resume out there good.

And it's all just making me so fucking sad because I don't WANT to leave, but I DO want to feel appreciated and seen and make the kind of money my peers are, for doing FAR FAR less work....or to at least feel as recognized by my current employer as I do these prospective new ones for how obviously awesome and valuable I am.

I've always been an authority-pleaser (ugh abuse baggage.) I've damaged myself tenaciously reaching goals that were too much, too hard, etc. I've been working now for 25 years in some form or another and I'm consistently told I'm a top performer...so why don't I feel like it here and now??? I started working as a babysitter and tutor when I was like 13, and I began pulling down "real" paychecks when I turned 16. Across the dozens of jobs I've had, I've never had a single corrective action taken against me...I've never been written up or fired. I barely have any listed areas of "needs improvement" on any of my reviews across ALL TIME. I don't say all of this because it's how i believe employees should act, but because I just want to paint a picture for you as to what a dream I am to have on a team because my sense of self-worth has been toxicly linked to what I do/produce and if I can get an A, and if the teacher/boss/lead loves me, since Day 1.

And HEY KIDS, GUESS WHAT??? It hasn't been worth it!!!!!

Thankfully, I do get to take care of myself fairly well in my current organization's culture and I do take time off and I don't have to pull crazy hours. But I also carry and "produce" and take care of way more than anyone else in my side of the org. Way more than anyone SHOULD. It's been admitted to me several times by leadership that I am "the agency's most precious human resource" (even if they don't make me feel that way by how I'm compensated or treated when it comes to this ambiguity.) But carrying this much means I've probably had 2-3 true incidents of burnout w/ my org in the pushing 14 years I've been with them, but I always somehow found a way to recover and get back to happiness or at least contentment.

I'm not sure if that's possible for me now, and it's largely due to the fact that our board doesn't know what they're doing and they are torturing someone who they really really depend on for the agency to stay afloat w/ unnecessary ambiguity. I'm drowning in the ambiguity.

[cumbunnywitch]

It made me cry kind of recently so I'm gonna post it on tumblr now that I've had some time to process it (for the umpteenth time).

When I was young, around 14 or so, I was just kind of figuring out my life. Finding out I was trans, or even egged, or even kinky, was going to be another few years away (btw shoutout to @adamwitt for your help there, fucking nerd.)

Well, I decided a few things about my bodily autonomy and started growing my hair out, grooming myself a bit better, just generally trying to feel good about my body. I was developing some other stuff, and the way I looked didn't fit the way I wanted to look, and I wasn't really quite sure why. I did know, however, that I wanted longer hair. Nothing extreme, should length was fine enough for me.

Well, my dad made fun of me for it. A lot. Not just like "oh lookin' shaggy there kiddo" but full on "You're starting to look like a fag, get your hair cut or I'll shave it off." kind of shit. It was intense. This went on for a few months at first, and then I joined the swim team in high school.

As a 14 year old boy in high school, I got bullied a bit, as I'm sure we all did. But my hair really wasn't much of a concern for anyone. The worst I got was being called Eric Foreman (from That 70's Show). No one called me a fag or queer or a homo because of my hair.

Not until my dad did. At a swimming meet. In front of my team. After I won. His congratulations turned sour immediately after he said "well now that you're winning, you gonna cut some time by shaving your head? I'm telling you, it makes you look like a sissy."

This was not the end. Now my team was doing it. They'd bring in their dad's clippers and offer to shave my head, or they'd make comments in the showers, and it was pretty terrible. I eventually quit the team when it didn't stop in the middle of my second season.

That first year though, right before some big tournament, my dad picked me up from school. This didn't happen very often, and he said we were going to McDonald's or Coldstone or some such place, as a treat. We weren't. We went to one of those sports-themed barbershops, the ones where they hire attractive women like they were the hooters of hair cuttery.

Luckily for me, the lady who ended up cutting my hair either knew what was up when she saw my sobbing quietly in her chair, or had read the FUCKING GENEVA CONVENTION (seriously, cutting the hair of prisoners is an actual war crime, look it up), and decided to help me pull one over on my old man.

She asked if she could even out my hair, make it look a bit more presentable, and even help me figure out how to style it a bit better. Now this is mid-aughties money, but it was still like a $30 wash, trim, style. Then, just to add a pickle on top of his shit sundae of a comeback, she convinced my dad to buy me some nice Tea Tree oil shampoo and conditioner. The really nice shit, I think it was Paul Mitchell brand? Shit was like $25 per bottle, and she suckered his ass into one each because it would help get rid of the chlorine from all the pool water.

This lady was my hero for an hour. I was still sad, still unhappy with what my dad tried to do to me. Maybe it's not as bad as getting beaten or having him pull out the clippers and hold me down, but it was still a betrayal of trust, not 2 years after my parents had divorced and sent me and my sister down diverging paths of emotional hell and mental anguish.

He doesn't remember anymore. Maybe he remembers that he tried and we pulled one over on him, but he doesn't remember how angry he was when we got in the car. He doesn't remember how hurt I was when he dragged me in. He doesn't remember trying to bribe the hair stylist with $40 to make sure I walked out with a "respectable hair cut." But it's been 15 or 16 years now. He's old.

He's softer too now. He treats me like a daughter. Sometimes the meds he's on make him seem not all there and he forgets, but I've seen him shake the fog away and remind himself, and call me Ashley like I want. We still talk about cars and planes and guns and the cool shit I liked back then that I still like now.

I haven't asked him to apologize about how he acted back then. He did that by being less of a piece of shit in his old age. But at the same time, I won't forgive him his past, because it was a defining traumatic moment in my life. I'll never forget it. And when he finally kicks the bucket, I'll let that memory fade into obscurity, remembered only by me as something that hurt and shaped me into who I am today. It's weird to say it made me a better person, but it did.

So I guess.. Thanks dad, you fucking asshole. I still love you.

[lichmopp]

I find myself mourning who i have become.

I'm shut in, too anxious and afraid to leave whatever house i live in.

I don't interact with my friends outside of my girlfriend making sure i do and find myself worried if i even have any at times, even if i absolutely do.

The only thing i really ever do is play video games, sometimes out of enjoyment but usually only to fill time.

The only reason I'm still alive is because of my sheer spite at the world, they want another dead queer person and i at least have the will to refuse to give them that.

I've been in survival mode for nearly 10 years and I'm 25 this year, telling myself I'll figure it out eventually. Life becomes easier at 30 so I'm told.

I mourn the younger me who died to make way for the me of now, the younger me with asparations, who simply wanted to make video games, create art. Who had dreams of putting their creative spin on the world. I don't have dreams anymore. Not any that fit the current world order anyway.

I want to be different to the way i am, desperately.

I want to just wish away the cloud over my head that refuses to let me be the me i want to be.

I wish to kill my ego — my cage — violently.

I should have patience with myself, growth and healing is not linear yada-fucking-yada. Truth is i did that, told myself i was healing, that i was doing what i could with a shit situation, except I've been this way my entire adult life.

When does it end?

All that's changed is my politics. Yay I'm an anarchist punk now, i want to burn it all! Their money, their rules and their entitlement!

Fat load of fucking good i am given I never do anything with myself. May as well call myself a fucking poser.

I've been stuck in this cycle for my entire adult life and I want out.

I don't know how though.

Where do i start? Do i cry for help?

Should i cry for help? Shouldn't i take responsibility for my own well being? but if i really did that wouldn't i have fixed this by now?

I've cut off so much from my day to day. facebook a couple years ago, twitter and reddit recently, stopped playing Destiny entirely for the first time in forever.

I haven't done anything to try and replace these things I've lost though. These things that were both habit and addiction. That gave me some connections to the world.

You know despite this I've never done drugs, never tried to use them as distractions. Weed, acid, none of it. Don't even drink any more either.

But I've been depressed half my life.

Depression feels like a drug in a way. Addicted to feeling empty.

Maybe you're thinking this if you've read this far but I don't want to see a therapist. I don't really think they could give me any thing that would help. Can't really diagnose "worn down by capitalism".

All this being said i get a free pass to be melodramatic sometimes, as a treat. So I won't be apologising.

Please ~~don't~~ help me.