#and what if Liu Qingge didn't mind a little pain

[magabet]

What if I sketched vampire LiuCheng. what then.

[scribblestatic]

So, like, if you've read SVSSS far enough, you know about the Bingmei vs Bingge part. And there's all sorts of stories with Bingge (basically a PIDW Binghe, not SVSSS Binghe) finding his own shizun in various ways.

Well, what about if he manages to summon a Shen Yuan, but his soul is in Shen Jiu's body? Which, like, wouldn't really be a problem, except he's already been torturing Shen Jiu for a good while now and he's down an eye and all of his limbs are mostly stubs at this point. Thankfully he still has his tongue and penis, which, after so often demanding Shen Jiu be castrated, he's pretty jazzed that didn't happen.

Shen Yuan, being the absolute freak he is, probably wouldn't mind too much. After all, he'd read this part of the story and cheered it on. Just cause he's now experiencing it himself, doesn't mean the revenge was any less cathartic.

Though, well, the dreams he has about what Shen Jiu went through does dampen his enjoyment of his suffering (so many lives lost that he can do nothing about, so much torment that just cycled on because no one thought to seek help, because the world was built so firmly on cruelty)...

And perhaps he'd woken up sobbing at times, crying his apologies to Binghe as though he was the one who had done all those terrible things to him, but he didn't, but those dreams were so vivid and felt so real

The girls at the Warm Red Pavilion, were they okay? Shen Jiu never had sex with them, only kept company to avoid the boys when he couldn't sleep and trained them in the four arts and gathered information from them, gods, he'd misunderstood Shen Jiu and thought him a remorseless villain and enemy to women

Liu Qingge, fuck--

At least now he can help Binghe actually enjoy his life and perhaps stop the cycle of abuse from continuing. Besides, cool motive, Shen Jiu, still child torment. And though the results were quite drastic, it was the dog-eat-dog world of xianxia China, and life was generally unfair. No reason to make Binghe's life needlessly unfair on top of everything.

But yeah! Now that he's in Shen Jiu's body, he and Luo Binghe get to talk, and Binghe, for the first time in his life, experiences regret for his actions, because now his lovely new kind shizun can't card his fingers through his hair or twist little braids into it. Moreover, Shen Yuan somewhat mourns over the fact Binghe's hair is straightened--he loved reading about his bouncy curls.

So now, imagining that, after time, Shen Yuan becomes a more prominent figure in the empire, especially post-marriage. He has a lovely eyepatch and wears soft red, black, and gold clothes, heavy on the red and gold. This nearly limbless man helps Luo Binghe do his taxes and works out various tips on using beasts to the benefit of the empire and remembering small notes about other races that allows the Demon Emperor to be both magnanimous and fierce in whomever's eyes he meets.

Others can't decide if Shen Qingqiu's mind was utterly broken, if he was cursed to act against his own will, or if he was possessed by some strange spirit. Regardless, the realms have never been in such peace before now.

Moreover, Luo Binghe has started changing.

While he can never regain the height lost to a childhood full of suffering and a lack of nutrients, he can change in other ways. He actually eats healthier because Shen Yuan insists on having him eat as well. He steadily stops straightening his hair, letting his curls return until they're like clouds. His muscles grow in firmer and his chest broadens.

Also, as he and his kind shizun speak further, even though he explores the worst parts of himself and uncovers those dirty, evil deeds and the ways they truly hurt him, Xin Mo doesn't get the chance to latch onto them anymore. As painful as discussing those things are...releasing them is exceptionally freeing. So, a sense of inner strength and ease he never had before starts to settle in his body, and his qi, usually constantly battling, stabilizes more than before, his heart demons no longer so adamant or strong.

As a side-effect of both parts, he was already handsome, but now, he's even more so. A wise, secure man no longer so strongly gripped by hatred, lust, or greed. Someone unforgivable to many, but becoming okay with forgiving himself.

Indeed, what a man!

Which is kinda a shame for Luo Binghe's many wives, because he's been heavily trimming down on his harem. Political marriages are substituted for other exchanges, fervent troublemakers are sent back to their homes (the ones who dared to attack his A'Yuan are never heard from again, strangely), and wives who simply ask for divorce are granted them, receiving a hefty gift for at least being loyal whilst married.

So, previously, a harem once numbering into the hundreds falls to the tens, and the remaining ones are either ambivalent or antsy.

Then, as though to answer everyone's burgeoning questions, he names Shen Yuan his empress during a meeting and proclaims that they will make preparations for his crowning ceremony.

I feel like that'd really set off what remained of Cian Qiong Mountain Sect.

Hmm... I think I'll talk more about this later.

---

Part 1: here Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10

Part 11+: links on Part 10

AO3

[liushen-stan]

Liushen Week

(Late) Day 4: Energy/ Tied Up. Or, a rewrite of Shen Yuan saving Liu Qingge in the Lingxi Caves.

Read it under the cut or in AO3.

-

'Why me?!'

Shen Yuan, now in the body of the infamous scum villain Shen Qingqiu, couldn't believe his luck. First, he was stuck with this shit role, and now that he just wanted a few months to strengthen himself to prepare for the future, he was forced to fight! And not one easy level 1 monster or minion, no, but the boss level Bai Zhan War God himself! Who seemed to have a buff called 'qi deviation'! He knew this happened in the story, but why did it have to happen now?

“Liu Qingge, snap out of it!” He shouted as he dodged the crazed Peak Lord. As every time he'd tried, his answer was a wild swing from Cheng Luan which he hastily avoided, thanking all the gods for Shen Qingqiu's reflexes.

It was clear that he couldn't defeat the Liu Qingge in a fair fight, so he didn't even consider it. Mind going a mile a minute, he decided that desperate times needed desperate measures. And so, using the first opening he saw, he struck Liu Qingge's chest with a burst of spiritual energy, sending the man flying to the other side. Swiftly, Shen Yuan ran towards the prone body, who had thankfully dropped his sword-

He shouldn't have underestimated him. Liu Qingge's eyes opened and, in a move that looked more instinctive than anything, took a sharp rock that happened to lay next to him and stabbed it in his left side. The pain nearly made him lose his grip on Liu Qingge but, with gritted teeth, Shen Yuan endured. Thankfully the bust seemed to have burnt away most of the corrupted spiritual energy, and now the Bai Zhan Peak Lord's depleted body was something he could handle.

“Could you just stay still, I'm trying to help you here!” He exclaimed as he tried in vain to take off Liu Qingge's upper robes to have access to his chest, but the man, though weak, still had enough energy to struggle and try to hit him with flying limbs. Fed up, Shen Yuan ripped a strip from his robes (a cultivator's strength was no joke!) and tied Liu Qingge's arms up to a convenient nearby rock.

That took care of one set of limbs, but what to do to avoid the kicks...? Suddenly, an idea occurred to him, and he blushed slightly, but seeing no other option he steeled himself and-

Sat on Liu Qingge's lap, effectively pinning the man down.

“This is just to save you,” he told the struggling man sternly as he finally peeled away the robes and placed his palms on his (warm broad) chest, “so you can't kill me later, okay?”

'Though this position is a bit...'

The sight of Liu Qingge, who even like this was a peerless beauty, tied up and pinned by Shen Yuan's body was- Shaking his head to dispel the sudden thoughts (where did that come from?), he took a deep breath to center himself and began to gently, as carefully as he could, supply a steady stream of qi into Liu Qingge's meridians, untangling them little by little.

Inwardly, Shen Yuan sighed.

This was going to take a while.

-

The first thing Liu Qingge felt when he opened his eyes was warmth. A gentle, warm stream moved through his meridians, bringing him a slow relief from the second sensation he became aware of: the all-encompassing pain in his body.

Slowly, his mind muddled, he became aware of a third sensation: a warm weight in his legs. Opening his eyes with great effort, it took a few blinks for what he was seeing to focus, and then a few more to process it because-

Shen Qingqiu. Seated on his legs, his hands on his bare chest, those deep green eyes staring at it with a strange intensity.

Liu Qingge recoiled.

“Shen Qingqiu! You- what-” He moved to shove him away, but to his horror he found his hands bound above his head, and his body too weak to do something about it.

“Stop moving,” came the command from the man above him. “This is delicate enough without you disturbing my concentration.”

“What are you-”

“Trying to save your life.”

That made Liu Qingge pause, even if it was due to incredulity. Did Shen Qingqiu think he was going to fall for that?

But then, blurry memories started to appear in his mind. Of him meditating, noticing something was wrong too late to do anything, his mind clouding as his meridians started to scream in pain...

A voice. Flashes of green robes fluttering away from the glare of his sword. A sudden torrent of energy impacting on his chest. A splash of blood.

“I... had a qi deviation,” Liu Qingge murmured, his eyes on the bleeding wound on Shen Qingqiu's side. Which he'd caused.

“En.”

“You're... trying to save me?”

“Obviously.”

“Hm.” He wasn't lying. The qi Shen Qingqiu was supplying him with was gentle, smoothing his meridians mangled by the qi deviation. Not knowing what else to say, and slightly ashamed of having suspected Shen Qingqiu of trying to kill him (though not regretful, his caution was justified as the man had tried to kill him in the past), Liu Qingge tried to stay still and let the man work, through a few minutes later he couldn't help but as to be untied as his arms were starting to feel numb.

“I'm almost finished,” was the answer he got. Liu Qingge huffed but didn't protest anymore.

It was... strange, to be so vulnerable with someone he didn't trust. His body, though still, was tense, prepared to defend himself the second the man above him made any foul move. Though with his body feeling as weak as a kitten, he knew that, realistically, there wasn't much he could do, and that only made him tense even more.

“Whatever you're thinking about, stop. You're making this difficult.” Liu Qingge glared, and Shen Qingqiu seemed to contemplate him for a few seconds before letting out a sigh.

“I'm not going to do anything to you,” he stated. “I would swear, but you don't trust my word, do you?” Qingge's glare was more than enough answer. “Then trust this: if I came out of here and you did not, everyone would suspect me of murder. And I'm not stupid enough to put myself in that position, especially since our martial siblings already dislike me. Can you trust that?”

The answer was yes. Liu Qingge could trust Shen Qingqiu to act in his own self-interest, and as he had said, if he walked out and Liu Qingge was found dead, everyone would know who would have been the culprit, so it was in his best interest to keep Qingge alive.

Now assured, Liu Qingge let himself relax slightly, enduring the tense silence that seemed to go on forever before finally, Shen Qingqiu took his hands from his chest.

“I did everything I could,” he said, eyes cold. “You should go to Mu-shidi-” he stopped and the look in his eyes changed... was that concern? “You're bleeding.”

Without moving from where he sat, Shen Qingqiu leaned forward, and in front of Liu Qingge's astonished gaze, he brushed a gentle hand through his head, though the jolt of pain he felt told him why Shen Qingqiu had done that.

“I will be fine,” he grunted.

“Head wounds can be dangerous, even to cultivators. Here, let me check there aren't anymore.”

And this was the moment Liu Qingge started to think this was all a hallucination caused by his qi deviation. Because Shen Qingqiu's eyes, while still intense, softened somehow as he carded through his hair, and Liu Qingge... didn't know how he felt.

It was... strange. With the assurance that Shen Qingqiu wasn't going to hurt him, his guard had lowered, and now Liu Qingge didn't know how to react to the sudden awareness of his body. The soft cloth around his wrists, the warm weight pinning him, the focused gaze, and the gentle hands carding through his hair, making his shiver slightly every time they brushed against his scalp... all these sensations mixed together and it was... it was...

Their gazes met, and Shen Qingqiu must've realized what position they were in, because he suddenly jumped away and off Liu Qingge with- was that a blush?!

“It seems there aren't any more wounds,” Shen Qingqiu said after clearing his throat a few times, and yes that was definitely a blush staining his cheeks a soft shade of red. He then untied Liu Qingge, rubbing his wrists absentmindedly for a few seconds before snatching his hands away as if burnt.

“Well, as this master said earlier, I recommend Liu-shidi to go to Mu Qingfan for treatment,” and the words that followed, about wanting to forget the past and for their relationship to improve from now on made Liu Qingge even more sure this was a hallucination. And then, after telling him he would only be a few caves away in case he needed assistance, the man finally left, leaving a bewildered Liu Qingge staring for a few minutes at the entrance of the cave, trying to reconcile reality with everything that had just happened.

[dick-the3rd]

Ohh, this. This is the shit

Imagine this, but from Binghe's pov.

One day Binghe wakes up and his husband is not in their bed. And at first he thinks this is a little strange, not because SY is not there, but because when he gets up Binghe always notices.

Binghe gets a little put out, but it's okay, there's a first time for everything. But then.

Then Binghe tries to find SY using the blood mites and there's nothing on the other side It's not even an empty space. It's as if SY never even had a space to begin with.

LBH goes crazy. It's their house. SY's fans and brushes and clothes are all there. There's hair on his pillow and a half written entry in the bestiary on top of the table.

But. He's. Not. There.

His mind goes to Bingge. The other him, the one who was a little too interested on his shizun. He crosses the universe. Leaves no stone unturned . He tortures Bingge.

Honestly, he didn't know he had it in him. Violence and revenge and despair sings on his blood every time Bingge denies knowing anything about SY's disappearance.

He don't expect his blood mites to work on himself, but they do.

Binghe is left destroyed when he realizes Bingge truly has nothing to do with the disappearance.

He comes back emptier than he left, and all the peaks are chaos.

Liu Qingge dares to accuse him of having something to do with SY's disappearance. LBH never came so close of murdering him.

After the fight, when he's left staring at the ceiling in the bed he shared with SY, LBH think's this is good. The chaos and LQG accusations are proof Shizun existed, that he was real, and not some dream LBH mind's conjured after he came out of the abyss.

It also means he's not the only one looking. LBH will take anything if it means he'll have a slighter better chance of finding SY.

Days turn into weeks. LQG doesn't leave his side. Maybe because he doesn't belive LBH to be totallly innocent. Or maybe because together they are less lonely.

SY's death didn't bring them together, but maybe his disappearance will.

All the others seems to believe SY's disappearance to be just this. A simple disappearance. Until Shang Qinghua appears.

LBH barely understands what he is saying. Another worl. Novel. Author. Cucumber. PIDW. Death. Coma. Went back.

Nothing of this really matter anyway, he understands enough: his husband is in another world. All he needs to to is to go and find him.

He learns the hard way that it's not that simple. Infinite universes, infinite shizuns. Infinite endings. Like finding a needle in a haystack.

Again, it doesn't matter. LBH will find a way.

Sometimes he smashes through dimensions blindingly, looking into every possibility. Other times he sits and meditates, trying to sense the bloodmites.

LQG it's always by his side. Sometimes it's conforting. Sometimes it's infuriating.

LBH respects him a lot more, since this nightmare begun.

And then. One day he senses something. A bright flame of sadness and despair and fear. It shines brighter than anything he ever felt.

What follows is a deep sea of resignation and regret.

Just like that LBH knows exactly where to go. He doesn't even blink at this new world, this one very different than all the others he went before.

He just stands, back turned to the rift. LQG is just on the other side. Familiar.

There's a door in front of him. White, simple. He glares at the wood, trying to sense SY. The door doesn't combust, and he can sense LQG getting impatient behind him.

LBH wonders if he should maybe knock. Is the door open? Could he just enter?

He raises his hand. Just before he touches the door, it opens and a smaller man runs into him.

It's the most beautiful man he ever saw. It's his husband.

He's crying and clutching before he even knows what he's doing.

He's home. They're home.

(Later, they'll discover it took a giganimous amount of power for SY emotions to cross universes. Hoping and trusting LBH came as easy as breathing, but giving up on him?

It was the most painful and heartwretching thing SY ever did. He would take facing Bingge any other day.

Giving up on Luo Binghe felt like dying. He'll never leave again)

You know when in svsss fics, Shen Yuan wakes up from a coma after returning back to the modern world? What if he was in a coma long enough for his hair to grow pretty long, like past his ears. What if he lets it grow longer. What if he grows out his hair so that he can have something to remind himself it was real. What if time passes, and his hair is to his shoulders, his family suggests he cut it, but he refuses. He's growing it out so it won't be strange for Binghe when he comes to get him. Because he will. He always does. Time goes on, his hair is down to the end of his rib cage. Binghe is still not there. His hair has grown past his hips now, so long he needs to move it when he sits down. He's starting to lose hope, frowning at the few grey hairs he starts growing as he approached his 30s. His family is worried for him, thinking he's falling into depression. They ask him to see a therapist, but the therapist can't do anything to "fix" him either. So he waits. And waits. He waits for a sign it wasn't all a dream, that his imagination didn't just come up with someone as wonderful as his husband. He reads articles on how people dreamt of having whole other lives while in a coma, only to wake up and grieve the people that never were. He braided his hair, surely, that wasn't it. He doesn't think he believes himself anymore. He decides, one day, he's going to cut his hair. He schedules an appointment, gets ready to head out. He opens his door and—

—and he runs into someone's chest.

[limywife]

So this idea was stuck in my mind for awhile....

Shen Yuan was Shen Jiu's younger brother. Shen Yuan absolutely adores his gege and wants to be just like him, fearless and cold. But Shen Jiu absolutely hates his mindset. Fearing that Shen Yuan might become like him, he starts pushing him away and starts spending most of the time with Yue Qi. Shen Yuan doesn't know what suddenly happened but he starts developing some type of feelings. First, it was fear. Fear that he might loose his only family. Then it was jealousy. He was jealous of Yue Qi because he spent most of the time with Shen Jiu and he looked like he enjoyed his time with him. Then it was anger. How could his own sibling leave him like that for someone that they just met some time ago ?

Getting frustrated, he decided to take make his brother and Yue Qi's life miserable. He started learning demon cultivation and left Shen Jiu and Yue Qi without any notice.

On one hand, Shen Yuan was fuming with anger and betrayal, while on the other, Shen Jiu was worried. Where did his little brother wander off to ? His heart felt a pang when he realised what he had done.

Now, after many years of hardships, Shen Yuan was finally strong enough. He was already famous in the three realms. Some feared him, some admired him. And Shen Jiu, now known as Shen Qingqiu was now a peak lord of one of the strongest sect. He still remembered the day his brother left and that moment left a scar on him that can never be healed cuz he knew he was at fault.

Shen Yuan attacked the Huan Hua palace and captured the palace master. He did this only to lure out his dear Jiu-ge, so he could finish him off, little did he know he would not be able to even face him.

All the other sects came to Huan Hua palace for defeating the demonic cultivator, but the disciples stood no chance infront of him. Even Liu Qingge, the war god was having a hard time. When Shen Yuan finally faced Shen Qingqiu, his feet stopped moving. He felt like he was frozen all of a sudden. What was he waiting for ? He can finally finish off the person who made him feel like an orphan, who made him feel like he wasn't needed in this world.

He could finish him right off but something, that he could not pin point was stopping him. Maybe it was the little amount of admiration left for Shen Jiu. But Shen Qingqiu didn't stop. He was now a peak lord who left his past in the past and started his new life on the peak. He saw Shen Yuan not moving and unsheathed Xiu Ya. He swung it forward, attacking Shen Yuan right in his heart.

Shen Yuan still was in a daze when he realised a sudden pain in his chest. He knew what happened, actually, he already knew what was going to happen but he decided to not move. He thought that it was his punishment to think of finishing his gege off. He thought he deserved it.

"Jiu-ge" he uttered with a smile, falling down to his knees and then coughing up blood. He started feeling dizzy and fell down to the ground with a thud, blood flowing from his chest and forming a puddle.

"Xiao Jiu-" Yue Qingyuan called out Shen Qingqiu. He finally snapped out of the daze in which he fell without even noticing. He analysed what he just did. Again, the same pang in his heart. But this time, it was like someone held his heart and then tear it into two pieces.

He flopped to the ground on his knees, crawling towards his little brother's body. He flopped his lifeless body over just to see that once expressive, cute face having no expression at all. He shook Shen Yuan's body, in hopes of him getting up just like he used to when they were kids.

They would always play sword fight with some sticks and Shen Yuan always used to be the one who acted dead. One could say that he was actually dead by the way he acted. No motion at all to be detected in his little body. He would always get up with a huge smile, feeling satisfied by playing with his gege.

But now, he wasn't smiling, neither he was getting up.

A tear rolled down Shen Qingqiu's eye, realising that he met his little brother afted so long only for him to go and never come back again. If only he would have talked with him, if only he wouldn't have pushed him away, maybe they could've been the powerful peak lord duo ? But thinking all this now was of no use cuz this would never happen.

Shen Qingqiu hugged Shen Yuan's body and cried. Other peak lords didn't have anything to say. How could they ? They never knew it was his brother for whom he was crying. In their eyes, it was the cold selfish scum that was crying. Who knew a scum could also cry for someone else ?

AN: this was better in my head wtf 🥹

[admirableadmiranda]

Thank you so much for your wonderful answers....🤩

First of all, sorry if I'm bothering you with my ask, please ignore it if you don't want to answer it.....It's just that you are the second person from all of the people that I ask (and from other people's asks, that I found) that loved SVSSS more than TGCF....And it's very interesting....

If you don't mind me asking (again), can I ask, who are your top 5 (or top 3) favorite characters from SVSSS? And why? And what are your top 5 fav moments from the novel? Sorry if you've answered this question before.....Thanks.....

That is very interesting. I'm sure there's a few others like me, SVSSS definitely has its fans and it and TGCF are very tonally different.

Oooh now I get to remember everyone! That'll be fun!

1.) Shen Qingqiu/Shen Yuan/Shizun. Hands down my favorite. He's so sassy and witty and I feel like he'd be a blast to talk to after he got the ranting about PIDW out of his system. He's charming and funny and I don't get why people aren't charmed by him too and would prefer his original body's host over him. He's just such a sweetie once you get past the tsun-tsun.

2.) Zhuzhi-lang. Snakey-boy! I enjoyed him and his loyalty every time he popped up. I always feel sad when many characters that are loyal to the first person that was kind to them show up because usually it's used to show them how that trust was misled and abused. But with him it isn't really so much. Both Shizun and Tianlang-jun are kind to him and don't abuse him (much). I hope he has a happily ever after with more kind people in his life.

3.) Luo Binghe. Our little white lotus who manages to avoid blackening by falling for his teacher. I love his struggles, I love the person he grows up to be, I love that he has his eyes fixed forwards and does not look away or give up on what he wants. I am also kind of a sucker for characters who would rather die with their lover than live on alone. Yes, it's very tragic, but sometimes you just want a good tragedy and he would be the hero of the best tragedy. Thank god for the system, amiright?

4.) Ning Yingying. I don't know why she's so high up, but I love this sweet girl with a spunky core that comes out as the story changes a hell of a lot. She doesn't have a lot of screentime or heavy character, but she makes me smile and laugh and I like her development into being a cool shijie in her sect and growing up to be helpful and wiser than she would have been in the original story. She's just fun.

5.) Liu Qingge. I didn't adore him at first, but I'm warming up to him a lot on my reread. There's just something about beautiful man who can and will fuck up your day because you insulted someone they care about that's very appealing. As well as he's easily one of the most determined characters in the book, which is saying something! I'm looking forwards to seeing him more as I reread.

As for my top favorite moments...even though it's shorter than MDZS and especially TGCF, I bet I can find five moments I really love pretty easily.

1.) Shizun's first time mixing his energies with Binghe to stop him from losing control and the fallout from that. It's a very dramatic turning point. It shows how far he would actually go when pushed, gives Binghe a very dramatic understanding of his Shizun that he did not have (even if it's very painful) and fundamentally alters the story in a way that cannot be understated. Literally everyone in the story is fundamentally changed by that action. His students grow up, his martial siblings are united, his white lotus is never the same after that moment and even the enemies are caught off guard by such an act. It is literally world turning and I cannot overstate how much I love moments like that. No one is unaffected.

2.) The whole mausoleum chase. At this point we know how much Binghe cares for and what he would do to protect Shizun, but here we see it the other way around. Binghe is in no state to fight his way through, they are vastly outmatched by an enemy they cannot hope to win against but the absolute last thing he would do is leave Binghe behind. It is Shizun's second act of ardent devotion, by the end of it, he is battered and bruised and wounded and at the end of his rope, but he will not let Binghe be hurt or left behind. And of course we have a coffin scene, which is just lovely.

3.) Papapa to save the world. I'm sure by now you've noticed a trend in my favorite moments...A third great act of love and this one unlike the others is not guided by desperation in the same way. Binghe is in a bad state, but they are alone, they are not being chased or hunted by anyone else in the moment. He just wants to help the man he can admit to himself that he's fallen in love with in the only way that he can think of, stop him from being controlled by this sword any longer. It isn't a pleasant scene for them, but I don't get the feeling that he regrets what he's doing at all, only that the inner romantic in him didn't think this is how everything would go down. If this is what will help him save Binghe, he will do it. And it works, after a fashion anyway.

4.) The deep dream record extra. It's sad, wistful, a little funny and full of Shizun just adoring Binghe and being sad for what he missed and what he went through, and then ends with him initiating intimacy of his own accord. A shorter moment than the rest of them, but I like how it shows that they are continuing to build a relationship that makes them happy.

5.) Bing-mei and Bing-ge's climactic showdown! The price, one Shizun- who will win this fight of evenly matched jealous men? It's just tons of fun and I enjoy Binghe getting to let loose and beat up someone for daring to try and hurt his Shizun for once with no consequences.

Thank you so much for the asks! I hope you've enjoyed my ramblings. Feel free to drop more if you wish. My inbox is always open.

[deadn30n]

as  Liu  Qingge  waits  patiently,  he  briefly  considers  getting  up  to  draw  a  bath.   a  spare  glance  at  his  composure  revealed  he  was  still  flecked  in  the  grime  and  sweat  of  the  day's  activities.  though  Liu  Qingge  might  be  someone  who  derives  the  greatest  enjoyment  from  being  drenched  in  the  blood  of  his  latest  kills,  he  was  also,  incidentally,  a  rather  vain  man  when  it  came  to  his  appearance.  even  when  he  was  gone  for  weeks  on  end,  hunting,  slaying,  searching  for  the  next  strongest  target  to  challenge,  he  still  found  time  to  tidy  up  his  appearance  and  care  for  his  clothing.  it's  why  on  the  one  day  a  month  he  returned,  he  looked  as  immaculate  as  he  had  when  he'd  left.  he  was  still  an  immortal  master  after  all   –   he  had  an  image  to  uphold  and  an  example  to  set  for  the  disciples.  looking  one's  best  was  arguably  as  important  as  pummeling  in  the  face  of  your  latest  rival,  if  you  asked  him.  and,  after  examining  himself,  he  felt  somewhat  ashamed  to  reveal  his  body  in  such  disarray.  but  as  it  was,  that  thought  was  destined  to  remain  just  that:  a  thought,  for  Shen  Qingqiu  eventually  returned  to  his  side  at  last,  bringing  the  items  he  requested  without  delay.  Liu  Qingge  fully  anticipated  administering  medical  care  to  himself  alone,  and  on  instinct  initially  slapped  Shen  Qingqiu's  hand  away  forcefully.   “  don't  touch  me.  ”   he  snapped  a  little  too  harshly,  and  then  immediately  regret  it.  his  shixiong  was  only  trying  to  help   –   he  clearly  harbored  no  ill  intentions,  and  wasn't  planning  on  taking  advantage  of  his  weakened  state.  therefore  he  withdrew  a  little  shamefully,  and  adamantly  took  to  avoiding  Shen  Qingqiu's  watchful  gaze  entirely.  didn't  want  to  potentially  espy  what  kind  of  pain  he  might've  inflicted  on  him,  be  it  physically  or  emotionally.

it  wasn't  a  secret  to  Liu  Qingge:  it  was  apparent  the  feelings  shared  between  them  were  mutual,  otherwise  Shen  Qingqiu  wouldn't  have  rolled  around  on  the  ground  with  him,  kissing  him  in  a  feverish  passion.  receiving  backlash  from  the  one  you  loved  just  minutes  after  subtly  revealing  those  emotions  definitely  wouldn't  feel  good.  an  apology  is  on  the  tip  of  his  tongue,  but  his  stubborn,  damnable  pride  prevents  him  from  letting  the  words  leap  off  of  his  lips.  so  he  retires  to  quiescence  and  says  nothing  more,  inadvertantly  allowing  Shen  Qingqiu  to  do  as  he  likes.  if  he  wanted  to  tend  his  wounds,  then  let  him.  at  least  this  would  create  a  fond  memory  for  Liu  Qingge  to  replay  in  his  mind  long  after  the  two  of  them  separated  from  one  another.  what  a  terribly  empty  thought  that  was   –   a  world  where  the  two  of  them  parted  ways,  and  the  sun  rose  and  fell  with  narry  a  whisper  of  Shen  Qingqiu's  presence  at  his  side.  it  made  Liu  Qingge's  heart  ache  terribly  to  the  point  it  was  almost  unbearable.  he  was  determined  now   –   more  than  ever   –   to  win  the  upcoming  battle  between  them,  so  at  least  when  they  parted  ways,  their  hearts  were  forever  connected  to  one  another,  the  red  string  of  fate  tied  to  their  pinky  fingers.  furthermore,  the  idea  that  he'd  get  to  marry  Shen  Qingqiu  made  the  organ  in  his  chest  stagger  into  an  erratic  rhythm  in  excitement.  the  two  of  them  dressed  in  red,  cups  in  hand,  promising  their  hearts  to  one  another  underneath  the  blazing  sunlight…  he  very  nearly  loses  himself  in  all  these  fantastical  dreams  before  he's  brought  screeching  to  a  halt  back  into  reality,  his  mind  reminding  him  that  Shen  Qingqiu  isn't  his  yet.

can't  he  dream  though?

it  is  longing  that  covets  his  heart   –   that  shrouds  his  eyes.  unintentionally  his  gaze  has  wormed  it's  way  back  onto  Shen  Qingqiu,  and  it's  like  he's  looking  at  him  for  the  first  time  all  over  again.  he  notes  all  the  fine  details:  the  perfect  cut  of  his  nose,  the  supple  flesh  of  lips,  the  gentle  curve  of  his  pulchritudinous  green  eyes.  he  stares   –   mesmerized   –   as  if  Shen  Qingqiu's  cast  some  unwitting  spell  upon  him,  making  him  unable  to  look  away.  and  when  exactly  did  Liu  Qingge  stop  breathing?  he  released  a  breath  he  hadn't  realized  he'd  been  holding  and  paid  little  attention  to  the  spark  of  pain  that  unspools  along  his  spine  when  the  other  peak  lord  touches  a  tender  part  of  his  exposed  injuries.  right  now,  he's  convinced  that  Shen  Qingqiu  could  quite  literally  stab  him  and  Liu  Qingge  wouldn't  even  bat  an  eye.  he  was  that  captivated  by  the  peerless  beauty  beside  him,  and  it's  becoming  progressively  more  obvious  that  Liu  Qingge  shouldn't  have  given  him  the  ultimatium  to  join  him  on  Bai  Zhan  Peak.  because  in  the  process  of  promising  his  own  recovery,  he'd  also  inadvertantly  dug  his  own  grave  at  the  same  time.  it  was  one  thing  when  they're  outside  and  exposed  to  the  risk  of  being  discovered,  but  another  when  they  were  here   –   alone   –   at  no  risk  of  any  kind  of  interference.  he'd  already  made  note  to  his  companion  that  the  disciples  of  Bai  Zhan  Peak  didn't  have  gall  to  encroach  upon  this  place,  so  for  all  intent  and  purposes,  the  two  of  them  were  completely  isolated.  alone.  not  that  it  meant  Shen  Qingqiu  was  at  risk  of  getting  hurt,  Liu  Qingge  wouldn't  dare,  couldn't  find  it  in  himself  to  do  so  even  if  he  wanted  to,  it  was  that  Liu  Qingge  whole-heartedly  believed  he  wouldn't  be  able  to  reign  in  his  proclivity.

at  any  second  he  was  convinced  he'd  give  in  to  the  most  impulsive  parts  of  himself  and  sweep  Shen  Qingqiu  into  his  arms.  brace  him  tight  against  himself   –   kiss  him,  touch  him,  run  his  fingers  through  his  hair,  concede  the  most  vulnerable  parts  of  himsef  and  leave  himself  completely  at  the  other's  mercy.

“  …  ah.  ”

he's  undeniably  as  shocked  as  Shen  Qingqiu  must  be  in  this  moment  to  find  his  hand's  moved  of  it's  own  voilition  and  found  solace  cupped  against  Shen  Qingqiu's  cheek.  he's  unable  to  recall  when  he'd  done  this,  or  what  impulse  drove  him  to  expose  his  inner  turmoil  once  more,  but  it  was  there.  It's  out  in  the  open  now,  and  there's  no  hiding  what's  been  made  to  manifest.  internally  he's  ashamed  of  what  he's  doing,  while  outwardly  his  expression  remains  wholly  indifferent.  Shen  Qingqiu  can  question  the  nature  of  his  touch,  and  Liu  Qingge  wouldn't  procure  any  lie  to  dissuade  it.  after  several  seconds  and  a  baited  breath,  Liu  Qingge  abruptly  removes  his  hand  from  Shen  Qingqiu's  cheek  and  turns  his  gaze  away  once  again,  acting  as  if  nothing'd  just  happened.   “  i  think  you  should  leave,  Shen-Shixiong.  ”   he  isn't  trying  to  drive  him  away  because  he  hates  him   –   his  fellow  peak  lord  hasn't  done  a  damn  thing  to  offend  him,  it's….   “  if  you  don't,  i'm  not  sure  if  i  can  control  myself.  ”   he's  already  reached  out  and  touched  him  without  intent   –  what  would  happen  if  Shen  Qingqiu  continued  to  stay  this  close  to  him?  so  many  thoughts,  so  many  possibilities,  so  many  scenarios  playing  in  rapid  succession  in  his  mind,  nearly  making  him  dizzy.  there's  a  hundred  different  ways  he  could  touch  Shen  Qingqiu  right  now  ranging  from  violent  to  astonishingly  gentle.  again,  Liu  Qingge  would  never  inflict  any  real  harm  on  his  companion,  his  brutality  was  reserved  only  for  the  beasts  he  vehemently  hunted.  Shen  Qingqiu  was  neither  beast  nor  foe…  but  Liu  Qingge  was.

his  hands  knew  violence,  were  molded  from  the  proverbial  itch  for  bloodshed.  those  who  were  unfortunate  enough  to  cross  his  warpath  met  a  dreadful  end,  and  suffered  the  cruelty  of  a  man  who  craved  the  thrill  of  a  fight.  he  didn't  kill  just  to  kill,  and  he  didn't  act  out  indiscriminately  either.  he  always  knew  what  he  was  doing:  what  he  was  targeting.  it  was  beasts  he  clashed  with  the  most   –   and  wicked  men  who  abandoned  all  dredges  of  their  own  humanity.  so  what  would  happen  if  those  same  hands  found  themselves  on  the  delicate,  supple  flesh  of  someone  who  was  his  complete  opposite?  Shen  Qingqiu  is  a  delicate  thing.  he  is  a  flower  amidst  a  sea  of  weeds,  proudly  flourishing  even  in  the  wake  of  hardship.  while  Liu  Qingge  drove  his  sword  through  stomachs,  Shen  Qingqiu  drew  his  fingers  along  the  delicate  strings  of  various  instruments.  while  Liu  Qingge  howled  with  murderous  delight,  Shen  Qingqiu  sweetly  sang  songs,  his  voice  tender  and  dripping  with  honey.  all  at  once  Liu  Qingge  became  frightened  of  his  own  inadequacies.  he  grew  anxious  and  questioned  whether  he  was  worthy  of  marrying  Shen  Qingqiu,  should  the  battle  fall  decisively  into  his  failure.  would  he  not  disappoint  him  by  being  this  brutish  and  vicious  thing?  surely  Shen  Qingqiu  would  prefer  a  partner  that  didn't  live  with  an  unsheathed  sword  always  clutched  in  his  hand.

without  meaning  to,  Liu  Qingge  exerted  a  little  bit  too  much  force  when  shoving  Shen  Qingqiu's  hands  on  him.   “  stop.  ”   he  said  weakly.   “  stop.  ”   i  don't  deserve  this.  i  don't  deserve  you.   “  it  doesn't  hurt,  i  don't  need  your  help.  ”   it  hurts,  it  hurts  so  much.  this  suffocating   &&   acerbic  ache  swelling  in  his  chest   –  eclipsing  his  mind,  his  heart,  his  stomach,  his  lungs,  his  throat--     “  never  mind  what  i  said  before.  just  go.  ”   pushing  him  away.  falling  back  into  old  habits.  running,  running,  running  when  it  all  became  too  much  to  bear.  his  mind  was  in  flight  or  fight  mode,  but  his  limbs  betrayed  him.  they  acted  as  if  they  had  a  mind  of  their  own.  he  wanted  to  run,  but  his  arms  instead  encircled  themselves  around  Shen  Qingqiu's  shoulders  and  pulled  him  right  back  against  his  body,  practically  astride  his  lap.  he  didn't  care  if  he  was  half-naked  right  now;  he  didn't  care  how  much  decorum  he  lacked  in  this  moment,  because  the  second  Shen  Qingqiu's  body  crashed  against  his  own,  it  all  came  crumbling  down.  like  thread  unwound  from  a  spool,  Liu  Qingge's  infalliable  countenance  crumbled  once  more  and  he  buried  his  now  burning  face  in  the  crook  of  his  shixiong's  shoulder.  he's  quiet  for  a  while,  both  finding  it  difficult  to  speak  and  afraid  of  what  Shen  Qingqiu  is  going  to  say  to  him.  if  he  admonished  him  he'd  gladly  endure  it.  he  deserved  that  much  at  least  for  pushing  and  pulling  at  Shen  Qingqiu  like  this  all  the  time.  it  was  hardly  fair  to  put  him  through  all  of  that  without  any  repercussions  for  his  actions.

but  he  finds  his  voice  eventually  and  speaks  once  more   –   quieter,  muffled  against  the  divut  of  his  shoulder.   “  …  i'm  sorry.  ”   never  once  have  these  words  been  uttered  from  his  lips   –   not  to  anyone,  not  even  to  Yue  Qingyuan.  pride  often  eclipsed  the  desire  to  subserve  himself  to  basic  human  decency.  he  often  felt  regret  for  the  things  he'd  do,  but  never  once  would  he  say  it.  never  once  would  he  acknowledge  it.  there  wasn't  any  evidence  written  into  his  face  about  it,  and  the  amount  of  times  he  actually  felt  it  were  a  lot  less  than  you'd  actually  think,  for  someone  who  actively  used  his  own  disciples  as  examples  to  ‘teach’  certain  martial  arts.  someone  like  Shen  Qingqiu  would  undoubtedly  avoid  inflicting  bruises  on  those  under  his  tutalege   –   and  while  Liu  Qingge  wasn't  downright  abusive   –   his  method  of  ‘teaching’  definitely  needed  a  lot  of  work.  he  could  stand  to  be  kinder,  but  that  just  wasn't  in  his  nature.  the  day  Liu  Qingge  showed  the  same  kind  of  kindness  someone  like  Shen  Qingqiu  did  to  his  disciples  is  the  day  the  entire  peak  would  likely  flee  in  fear.  they'd  question  whether  he  was  replaced  with  a  doppleganger  or  assume  he'd  fallen  and  cracked  his  head  open,  causing  him  to  lose  his  memories.  it  was  almost  comical  that  this  version  of  him  was  more  widely  accepted  than  anything  that  was  capable  of  being  delicate.  showing  this  side  of  himself  must  undoubtedly  send  a  shock  through  Shen  Qingqiu's  body,  he  imagined.  where  had  the  real  Liu  Qingge  gone,  and  why  was  he  holding  him  like  he  was  a  lifeline?  why  was  he  apologizing?

right  now,  amidst  the  anxiety  thrashing  in  his  gut,  all  he  can  think  about  are  the  things  he  wants  to  do  to  Shen  Qingqiu.   “  push  me  away.  ”   his  muffled  whisper  pleads.   “  don't  give  me  what  i  want.  ”   it's  more  than  he's  typically  able  to  say,  and  the  strain  in  his  voice  is  clear.  Shen  Qingqiu's  demanded  he  speaks  his  mind,  but  what  a  terribly  difficult  thing  that  is  to  actually  do!  he  speaks  much  better  with  his  body  language,  yet  doing  that  in  this  moment  would  put  them  both  in  danger.  if  he's  given  even  an  inch,  he's  certain  to  take  a  whole  mile.  even  now  he's  testing  his  own  limitations  by  dragging  his  palm  along  the  curve  of  Shen  Qingqiu's  spine.  his  digits  long  to  dig  themselves  underneath  the  fabric  of  his  robes  and  greedily  touch  over  porcelain  flesh,  grabbing  and  rubbing  whatever  they  can  reach.  his  mouth  craves  the  sweet  taste  of  that  same  flesh.  he  turns  his  head  and  tentatively  places  a  chaste  kiss  against  the  soft  hollow  of  his  throat,  and  for  the  first  time,  his  voice  is  trembling.   “   tell  me  to  stop.  "   it's  not  just  a  whimper,  it's  another  cry  for  approval,  for  denial,  for  something.  he  wants  to  be  rejected   –   he  wants  to  be  accepted.  he  wants  to  be  commanded  to  stop,  he  wants  to  be  told  he  can  continue.  he  wants  Shen  Qingqiu  to  placate  him,  he  wants  him  to  rebuke  him.  don't  give  in,  don't  give  in,  don't  give  in,  don't  give  in,  don't  give  in--  don't  let  me  do  this.  tell  me  i'm  not  allowed;  tell  me  that  this  isn't  for  me   –   that  i'm  not  allowed  to  have  you.  maybe…  in  some  small  way…  he  and  Luo  Binghe  weren't  actually  all  that  different.  the  only  determining  factor  that  separated  the  two  of  them  was  that  Liu  Qingge  didn't  wear  his  emotions  so  plainly  on  his  face.  his  mind  screams,  begs,  pleads,  vies  for  any  kind  of  reprimand. 

“  i  love  you.  ”

the  most  honest  part  of  him  has  finally  crawled  it's  way  to  the  surface  of  his  throat  and  pushed  it's  way  past  his  stubborn  lips.  it's  a  confession  to  which  he  never  anticipated  offering  acknowledgement.  he's  already  cried  once  today,  he  was  going  to  curse  himself  for  an  eternity  if  he  deigned  to  do  it  again.  seeing  it  once  was  already  horrifying  enough   –   surely  Shen  Qingqiu  would  be  disgusted  if  he  was  subjected  to  it  a  second  time.  he  kissed  his  neck  again  and  it  was  like  he  was  tasting  the  divine.  he  didn't  dare  take  it  too  far  though   –   if  Shen  Qingqiu  planned  to  reject  him,  he'd  concede  of  course.  he  wouldn't  force  himself  into  a  place  where  he  wasn't  wanted.  somehow   –   in  spite  of  the  way  Shen  Qingqiu  reacted  earlier  and  affirmed  their  mutual  feelings   –   Liu  Qingge  still  doubted  whether  he  was  allowed  to  indulge.   &&  if  he  was  given  permission,  he  had  a  feeling  that  the  next  seven  days  were  going  to  find  their  bodies  pressed  closer  together  more  than  they  ever  were.   “  i'm  sorry,  i'm  not  myself  today.  ”   then  who  was  he  exactly…  ?  the  part  of  him  that  lurked  beneath  his  stone-cold  exterior,  longing  to  break  through  the  ice  and  breathe  fresh  air.  whatever  Shen  Qingqiu's  takeaway  from  all  of  this  might  be,  Liu  Qingge  secretly  hopes  he  won't  walk  off  loathing  him.  he  wouldn't  be  able  to  handle  that  again   –   he  couldn't  bare  the  thought  of  them  returning  to  their  younger  years,  lashing  at  each  other's  throats,  gnashing  their  teeth  and  connecting  their  fists.

Liu Qingge’s expression is immaculate jade, the sort of impervious countenance that endured without faltering, once, Shen Qingqiu had considered the only emotion able to interfere with it was umbrage, now he has seen others and cannot say he is satisfied just yet. Avarice was an irremissible sin however, beholding something so rare that others might deem its existence fallacious had left him to yearn in unexpected ways. It is because he can command his own expression with the discipline of someone who has done this before that Shen Qingqiu believes all expressions the other peak lord conceals would be worth their weight in gold. His own visage also retains its immortal poise, it would have been unsightly for him to be witnessed disheveled, untamed salacity pooling as heat in his cheeks, his lashes low and gaze enticing. He should be grateful for that unshakeable restraint of his for without it Shen Qingqiu would have likely taken a far more tumultuous route in unveiling his tortuous feelings. As they are both peak lords it’s appropriate that they can feign their composure until the decorum seems sincere, it is something he had spent years perfecting after all, convincing others he was not a transmigrator but a man who had rectified his past sins. It’s one of a myriad of reasons as to why Shen Qingqiu cannot allow vulnerability to root in fertile soil, he worries incessantly, or had in the past at least, that he might expose himself as an imposter knowing things he should not know, acting in ways incongruous to the character he sought to embody. He keeps pace with Liu Qingge’s strides, his own robes billowing out behind him, a silhouette of impeccable grace, lithe and slightly taller than his companion, his countenance reserved but still sporting the hints of a smile at the corners of his mouth.

It was unusual to see Liu Qingge act so brazenly, betraying what others had been convinced was his true self but laughing openly, the corners of his mouth hewed in a delighted convergence of disbelief and elation. It compels him to stare unabashed, not because it struck glacial terror into his veins as it might his disciples but because it tacitly asked him to and he obliged willingly. These were all new expressions, ones he had never seen grace those elegant features of his, how could he not grow hungry before them now, incredulous laughter expelled upon the end of a breath. It was the same for his loitering disciples, their gazes wide and astounded, as if the sight before them was truly something extracted from a fictional tale and not bound to a peculiar reality. With all those eyes lingering upon him Shen Qingqiu cannot help but be impressed with the way he handles it, taking a firm hold of his wrists because his fingers had remained hesitant, merely grazing his knuckles, this felt like possession, beneath the impenetrable solemnity of his expression Shen Qingqiu’s skin burned. Their students would have been struck by this absurd act, transfixed by the way Liu Qingge leans in, shamelessly breathing against the delicate curvature of his ear, what he demanded become his accolade should he defeat his fellow peak lord in battle almost caused Shen Qingqiu’s stomach to do somersaults. “ Those are your conditions ?” How he wished he could snap open the ornate fan and shield his flustered expression, a sanctuary behind tenuous paper where he could reside until he felt capable of grappling with his conspicuous embarrassment. It wasn’t like Liu-Shidi to say such audacious things, was this not the ways of Luo Binghe emulated by someone who should act far more dignified ? His breath had inadvertently been held the entire time Liu Qingge stood so close, his lashes fluttering and eyes startled wide. Composing himself took longer than he would have liked, divested of his assets was this now the best he could offer ? “ In one week we will have our battle.” he confirms, his tone mercifully comes out impassive, like the tranquil flowing of water despite the turbulent current churning beneath. “ Only if shidi rests properly, then this master will graciously accept your challenge.” The unnerving cut of his mouth drives shudders up the spines of his disciples and yet, because of that softly whispered promise, the imminent thrill of it has changed the shiver that passes over him, that he could not only kiss him but ask him to be his cultivation partner just like that, just like that ! His heart grew erratic, the excitement far too much for his old-heart to endure, if not for his cultivation surely his enfeebled body would have given out from the stress. 

His disciples however, lurking nearby spurred on by their endless curiosity are hastily dealt with. Those who knew better, which should have been all of them, had long since distanced themselves, knowing precisely how volatile their master’s reaction might be if he caught them languidly neglecting their duties. Others, who may have been slightly dull witted, idled close enough to be swept up in his fervent scoldings. Their feet could not have carried them away fast enough, skittering back to the duties they had abandoned irresponsibly, not delusional enough to believe he would forgive them if they looked busy but having to occupy their inert hands unless they wanted another verbal tongue lashing. Somehow, withstanding a diatribe from Liu Qingge felt more treacherous than being strung up in a woodshed and beaten until soft skin became black and blue. Shen Qingqiu may know which he would prefer from the two but really none was preferable actually. His gaze follows those disobedient disciples as they duck out of view, there was something ineffably fond about his expression, they reminded him much of his own students back on Qing Jing peak who he tended to dote on. Yet another contrast between these two respective peaks, their students becoming indications of their shizun’s teaching methods and discipline or lack thereof. Held captive in that moment his steps almost falter as he begins towing him further up the mountain path, all but dragging him towards the summit where his sequestered residence resided. It was a place of utter seclusion, unlike Shen Qingqiu’s where his students often drifted outside with an air of ambient chatter it was totally separate, transforming this quiet moment into something rather intimate. Because Liu Qingge had chosen to share it with him, still holding tenaciously to his wrist until it ached, was he afraid of him getting lost ? No, that wasn't it. For a while, as they had walked his eyes had lingered on the place their skin met, the warmth exuding from that touch corresponding with the traces of roseate flushing to his cheeks. He could not quite banish the thought that he felt almost like a maiden, swept away by some dignified male-lead; he had not expected Liu Qingge to possess such traits and was profoundly moved by them. It was a good thing he was occupied by dismantling each thing he remembered about his fellow peak lord because it seemed he too had been witnessing some horrific turmoil unfold behind his eyelids. He has to school his own expression when he’s addressed, a perfunctory nod doesn’t seem adequate and yet, it’s his initial almost instinctive response as if he were replying; yes i was listening this whole time and not distracted by the subtle nuances of your expression, which was a flagrant falsehood. 

“ Liu Shidi, you still think me capable of disliking something like this about you, hm ?” albeit he is not immune to the revelation that had been laid so politely before him, no one else has visited. this was the first time, all of those thoughts tumbled over one another in the anarchy of his mind. He could envision the other with startling clarity existing here, separated from the rest of the world, existing as if beyond a veil where no exasperating inconveniences could reach him. It did not feel incongruous to him as Liu Qingge might had presumed, from even an initial glance he felt like the other belonged here, somehow, inexplicably, like he was beholding something so clandestine that he was urged to hide it in his fist and hold it close to his chest. He doesn’t utter it aloud but it changes his expression, just slightly. Shen Qingqiu was taking in all that was being graciously offered to him, taking time to revise the ways he had once seen Liu Qingge that had been irrevocably changed and now cast in a new light. There was so much here that he did not know, more that he found himself wanting to, for many years they had existed within a brittle truce, as if waiting for the more brazen to violently fracture it. Now, to find this precarious sense of ease beside him ──  he still did not precisely know what to do with it, invariably returning to kissing him or other inappropriate things should he allow his mind to wander aimlessly. He had been staring at the entrance for a heart-beat too long, almost mistaking the way the other knelt down and gingerly plucked two flowers from the soil before considering them with a complicated expression. His heart leapt, bounded, raced in ways he could not account for. The pensive silence harboured such tension that Shen Qingqiu thought he could cut it with a knife, yet, rather than reprimand him for staring Liu Qingge offers him the flowers. It was a thoughtful gesture, romantic even, a far-cry from anything Shen Qingqiu had experienced both in his time as a cultivator and the life before this. The tips of his fingers gently caress the petals as if he felt disconcerted by their fragility but he does accept them, cautious not to disturb their roots, a lithe finger caressing a solitary petal just enough for it to dip down before springing back into place. “ It’s pretty.” the words felt rather inadequate upon his lips, gazing from this peerless act of adoration and back to the man responsible, as if he were ill equipped to navigate this and perhaps he was. “ It will need water, if it’s to travel with me back to Qing Jing Peak, it won’t last like this.” good, his timbre remained relatively unchanged no matter how rapidly his thrashing heart began to beat. He really was inexperienced and it seemed Liu Qingge also was inexperienced which meant .. well, they weren’t really prepared for what tentatively courting one another would look like. He was not averse to it but for one who proclaimed to be an expert at crafting words Shen Qingqiu had found himself compelled to silence. The inside of Bai Zhan War pavilion is different then he could have ever conjured in his mind. for a peak that prided itself on battle it felt disparate to harbour such a wide variety of books, the guqin propped against the wall commands his attention, his fingers shifting absently at his side as if he were coaxing a sonorous melody from those strings. It had been a long time since he had played, a quiet part of him yearns for those less severe moments where serenity prospered and violence did not spray red across the horizon. “ Liu Shidi was right.” he had spun in a graceful semi-circle to take in the secluded beauty of his room, curiosity governing the path his eyes took. Everything about this place spoke to a side of Liu Qingge that others were not privy to, it was like he had decided what was presentable and had furtively kept all else out of view. 

“ It is not what I had expected, it’s much more than that.” His students relished the moments when their shizun indulged them in the arts he instructed, playing a lilting melody or reciting poetry, there was something within him that was rattled by knowing these secrets existed, not for their illicit nature but because these things meant something to Shen Qingqiu. They were indispensable to him, part of what made him whole. He could not have expected the feeling ushered in with those realizations to make him hesitate, his gaze loitering listlessly amongst the artifacts that conveyed more of Liu Qingge then his assiduously guarded words ever would. 

However, he could not amble through these hidden passages forever, there was a reason he had been invited here after all, to act derelict in that duty would be truly shameful, even if he really did yearn to strum the strings of his guqin so desperately. Shen Qingqiu, diverting his attention away from the rest of the room, still intrigued by much of it including that teal tea-pot, found his gaze catching on the inviting pale curve of the other’s shoulder. Improper, improper, he scolded but placated himself by concentrating on the remaining wounds that marred his skin. “ Lay down, I’ll go retrieve it.” he said, his footsteps having halted at the threshold as if momentarily stunned but hasty to retreat into the adjacent room and begin dedicating himself to the task allocated. It was easier like this, occupying his hands, steadying his heart-beat by counting the delicate jars and vials, deliberating on which he should bring before settling and beginning the arduous journey from one room and into the next. What he walked into felt deracinated from a romance novel and deposited unceremoniously into what had once been a vapid narrative straining to hold the male gaze. That was to say there was something enchanting about him like this, bereft of his usual stoic expression and his outer robes, resting upon his bed with an air of tranquility about him. If it were not for the methodical way he had counted his steps as he approached and his hands which gingerly cradled the medicine he might have been ensnared at the threshold once more. “ Taking care of it yourself.” he chides softly, leaning down to sit on the edge of his bed and still feeling too far, too close, like he was trespassing. “ If you are injured then say you are injured, if you need help, say you need help, this shizun shouldn’t need to remind you of these things.” there was something helpless about his smile, whilst all of Shen Qingqiu’s smiles felt genuine, this was private, fond, exclusive to the man who sought to defy all of his own stubbornness to convey his own feelings. Shen Qingqiu couldn’t help but feel slightly inadequate before him, having buried his feet and head in denial for so long. It was hard to consider himself and his feelings together and not as separate entities, assimilating to the role he had been given and slowly coming to determine it was him not playing a role but living a life, had taken much out of him. Accepting that had then forced him to acknowledge the sentiments that had been quietly lingering below the surface for such a long time, irrefutable but dismissed by him all the same. “ Let me help.” he murmurs, his voice softer this time, carefully lifting the lid from the medicine and dipping in the tips of his fingers. The smell was medicinal, the cream soft and white intended to be smeared into the lesions to encourage healing. Most of Liu Qingge’s wounds had already begun to heal but there were others that remained stubbornly raw. Only after his consent does he begin to bedaub the ointment onto his skin, there was a meticulousness about him that relayed his utter concentration, the subtle furrow of his brow whispering his concern aloud for his shidi to hear. “ Are they causing you discomfort still ?” he cannot quite jostle himself from the stupor he seems immersed in, not daring to glance up as he moves on to the next dark contusion, the skin still severed and puckering where it began to heal. “ …tell me what to do.”