#and what if Hux used that idea as a coping mechanism whenever he was faced with something terrible???

[solohux]

The very first time Kylo hears Hux mutter the odd phrase is after Snoke has given them a mental scolding.

An assault on their minds has left them both kneeling on the floor and gasping for breath, the after-effects of feeling like an icy needle is being forced through one’s brain.

Kylo recovers quicker than Hux does, having felt the brunt of Snoke’s attacks before. He looks over to where Hux is kneeling beside him, seeing tears on the General’s reddening cheeks.

It’s then that Kylo hears it.

“It’s just a simulation.”

Kylo ignores him.

The next time Kylo hears Hux mutter the mantra is during their escape from Starkiller Base.

Their ship is waiting for them just through the snow-covered trees, hovering above the unstable ground, its ramp ready to be leapt on. Bleeding and trembling, Kylo leans heavily against Hux as they trudge towards the ship together and though Kylo is barely conscious, he’s able to hear Hux repeating that single phrase over and over to himself as the planet begins to implode around them.

“It’s just a simulation.”

Kylo loses consciousness almost as soon as Hux manoeuvres him into the ship and sets him down on a bunk, out cold before he can tell Hux that this is real; Starkiller is gone.

The next time Hux says it is Kylo’s fault.

Luke Skywalker is standing on the surface of Crait in front of Kylo’s hovering TIE Silencer, having just survived an onslaught of firepower from his army. Hux is talking to him, trying to reason with him but Kylo doesn’t want to hear it. He must face Skywalker, he must–

Hux is cast into the nearest wall like a ragdoll, hitting the floor with a ominous thud and staying there whilst Kylo waits for the ship to lower to take him down.

“It’s a simulation,” Kylo hears Hux say as he pushes himself up from the ground of the ship, holding his arm around his chest. “It’s just a simulation.”

Before he exits to face Skywalker, Kylo kicks Hux’s arm and sends him back to the ground, reminding him that this nightmare is very, very real.

The final time that Kylo hears that silly chant is when the Finalizer is travelling deep within a powerful maelstrom, and Hux’s mind is somehow more turbulent than the conditions outside.

The Supreme Leader is meditating in his chambers, at peace and centring his newfound darkness, when Hux’s consciousness infiltrates his own. The General is in a restless state of sleep in his own chambers next door, tossing and turning in his sheets, repeating that damned phrase.

Kylo allows Hux’s dream to flood his mind, and Kylo is changed.

He sees Armitage Hux in front of him, no older than seven standard years, wearing an Imperial uniform that’s much too big for him and wielding a blaster that looks far too heavy for his small, trembling arms. His green eyes are open wide, gaze darting back and forth over the dark battlefield. Except for the fallen men, women and children that he’s completely surrounded by, Armitage is completely alone.

Kylo stands on the opposite side of the field, a mere onlooker to this world, forbidden to interfere and watches the boy with a pitiful gaze, having seen the same fear in Ben’s eyes when he felt death was coming for him at the hands of his master–and uncle.

“It’s just a simulation,” Armitage says to himself, bringing Kylo out of his own memories. The boy is blinking hard, letting the petrified tears fall down his dirty cheeks. “It’s not real. Please. Don’t let it be real.”

Just as the dream fades to the sound of a blaster bolt being fired, Kylo reaches out for Armitage, watching him flinch and fade before his eyes, landing back into his body in his chambers with a sudden shock.

Kylo is on his feet and letting himself into Hux’s rooms before he’s processed his actions, his bare feet padding across the main chamber and into Hux’s private bedroom where he still lies asleep, restless. He’s pale against the black silk sheets of his bed, his bright red hair like a halo around his head atop the dark pillow. Breathing raggedly, Hux’s brow is drawn inwards in a frown, looking more troubled than Kylo has ever seen him.

And for the first time since they met, Kylo understands Hux more than he ever has before–and he can’t bring himself to hate the man any longer.

Kylo sits down on the bed, slightly dizzied by the amount of fear that Hux is projecting from his untamed mind, but takes hold of the General’s trembling hand regardless.

But despite it being a soft and small touch, Hux is roused from his nightmare, groaning as he opens his eyes.

“Who’s there–?” Hux barks, moving to sit up but stopped when he obviously recognises the silhouette above him. “Ren?”

“Ssh,” Kylo says, brushing his thumb over Hux’s knuckles and using the Force to ease his co-commander back down to his soft sheets.

“I don’t understand,” Hux says, voice still husky with sleep. “Why are you here, Supreme Leader? ...Ren?”

“I’m not. Go back to sleep,” Kylo replies, carefully raising Hux’s hand up to his lips, pressing a longing kiss onto his knuckles, watching Hux’s eyes drift closed again but, this time, Kylo makes sure that his companion’s dreams stay clear and bright, never wanting Hux to feel so afraid that he needs to say his that phrase ever again, but Kylo finds it on the tip of his tongue. “It’s just a simulation.”  

[kyloswarstars]

PORTRAIT – Chapter 3

Star Wars, Series

Summary: What do you do when the First Order makes you part of their staff? Reader and her crew are forced to shoot a propaganda campaign for the First Order. That means they have to interact with the most important leaders of the organisation – including Kylo Ren.

Pairing: Kylo Ren x Reader

A/N: Any similarities to other writers’ work are not intended. All ideas used in a fanfiction I post are made up in my brain (as long as it is not a request).

PORTRAIT – Masterlist

/////

Chapter 3 Warning: no warning, just our chromed villain being cute Words: 1.5K

„How am I supposed to portray a masked killer for people to like him?“ The fear still consumed your mind.

„You can write all his answers yourself and hand it to him so he can read them off.“ Isapera even brought her violet hair dye and redid her hair over the sink.

„Or you get drunk together and have an open chat again.“ Jax took a bath and tried to comprehend what you had told them about the interview. You didn’t tell them all the details that stuck in your head. That made you scared but at the same time also curious again. Maybe you were on a suicide mission. Ren had questioned so intimate things and you needed to know why. You needed to know why your death would have been pointless.

„I mean General Hux is not much of a problem. He is a cocky snob that wants to look like the saviour of this galaxy.“ You sat on the bathtubs edge and grabbed Jax’s drink out of his hand. „But Ren? Besides reading my thoughts and that shit, he isn’t interested in portraying himself at all.“

„Maybe he is shy.“ Isapera laughed at her own joke and spilled some violet dye over the black floor.

„Make some space, Jax.“ You took off your clothes and let yourself drop into the bathtub with your underwear.

„Maybe he is humble.“ Jax grabbed the drink back and started laughing at his joke. Only two days on the Finalizer and you were already at the point of laughing at not funny jokes and sharing a bath with Jax. Second thing only happened when Jax and you were drunk and depressed. And you still had a long time ahead.

„I guess the only solution is to steal a ship and disappear into a black hole.“ Now it was your turn to laugh at your own desperate joke.

/////

Next morning it was Captain Phasma’s turn. Following Officer Roosh around the Finalizer to the interview room your head always turned. Always expecting Kylo Ren standing behind a corner with his lightsaber ignited because he had found a reason and your death wouldn’t be longer pointless.

Speaking towards a chromed tin can frustrated you after a while. At least she wasn’t rude. But she wasn’t friendly either. She talked a lot about her duties and commanding a division. She talked a lot about stormtroopers in general. And about her loyalty to the First Order.

In hope you could safe your team and yourself from another bender you didn’t ask her about her ‚achievements‘ within the First Order. Because that meant six ears would  possibly hear more about executing.

„Do you have some more time in the evening, Captain?“

„I can make time.“

„Alright. Then we could start shooting your stills for the commercial spots.“

„That small things that get broadcasted along the documentary?“

„Yes. We are producing four spots about your unique characters as inducement for people to become a part of the First Order. And to influence them by showing them strong individuals – people, they could be themselves someday.“

She was alright with that. Being professional about that stuff was easier when you turned off your thoughts. It was possible with Phasma. It was impossible with Ren. Whenever your brain returned to spread your body with fear it was impossible to turn your thoughts off again.

With Lieutenant Mitaka you spoke about the coordination of Captain Phasma’s spot shoot. You told him what you had in mind and he made you fill out a form to let it get approved by his superior officer. He would get the script for her spot and her parts in the documentary with every other script in the end when all the holorecords were finished.

„Guys, this is going to be big.“ Isapera and Jax had waited in your quarters, preparing equipment and refilling their bodies with coffee.

„Phasma? She is already big.“ Jax flashed a smile. Apparently the stupid joke phase hadn’t worn off yet.

„Her shoot. Mitaka got approval from Hux. The whole hangar will be crowded with stormtroopers.“ You had seen in Mitaka’s face that he didn’t want to provide so much manpower that wouldn’t be doing their work in the meantime. But it wasn’t his decision.

„Seriously? I don’t have enough holocams to cover such a large space, Y/N.“ Isapera got up and checked all the boxes. „Only nine.“

„Nine will do. We’ll take five for Phasma, four for the rest.“

She eyed you with this look of hers. Isapera had that strange talent to detect whenever an idea with two purposes formed in your head. „What is it?“

„As long as all those stormtroopers are gathered in that hangar, they can’t do anything stupid.“

/////

You had no clue how many stormtroopers stood in front of you, not moving an inch. But there were plenty of them. Phasma stood in front of them all on a little pedestal. Honestly, the First Order was not your favourite customer but for sure the most powerful. It looked awesome how Captain Phasma in her chromed armor towered above all stormtroopers and turned their appearances into white plastic toys.

It took Isapera a while to program all nine holocams and send them to their right positions. She got her go to move the holocams on their calculated orbits after Jax had activated the last of his light droids.

Captain Phasma’s part was to deliver a good pose that would show her strength in the right way.

„What about if I stand like this?“ After the first round she changed her position, put one hand on her hips, held her chin a little too high and tried to figure out how to properly put her chromed blaster on display. „Would that work?“

„Hm.“ You agreed short because you were afraid to burst out into laughter. She probably never had a proper holoshoot before. Not even for archive recordings. Her awkwardness and lacking self-awareness were almost cute. If a tin can can be cute.

You did a few rounds where Phasma did what she wanted. Because after some time to adjust she did a good job.

„Maybe we could replace the blaster through that stick thingy?“ You brought up that, again, chromed long whatever it was.

„It’s a command staff.“ She whispered through her helmet.

„Yeah, I’m not that familiar with military stuff.“

„That’s alright. I can tell you are doing a good job in your sector.“ She nearly got you flustered. But then you snapped back to reality. These were all murderers. You couldn’t  feel even the slightest of comfortable around them.

She leant onto the command staff for a few rounds. After that Isapera showed you some of the results. They were all good but something could be better.

„What about if we show some face?“

Captain Phasma’s posture straightened and she answered in one of those very imperious voices. „No.“

Isapera made that strange breathing thing were she sucked in air through her teeth and instantly releasing it again. It was one of her habits that, in most situations, was a coping mechanism.

„Okay. Then we’re finished.“

Phasma nodded and commanded all the stormtroopers at the same time to return to their work.

„That went alright.“ Jax started getting his droids back and deactivated them. „It looked clean.“

/////

After viewing the footage of all the four interviews, you tried to figure out how to put all of this in a well-shaped documentary. Writing the scripts through the whole night, correcting it a hundred times and starting all over, you had made almost zero progress.

You didn’t came to the Finalizer with a plan because you hadn’t that much time to prepare and you had been sure that everything would turn out differently from what you imagined. You wanted to work with what you recorded, built a plan up on that. But in one case that didn’t work at all.

Hux had made up himself. Peavey was easy to write because he was flat-out boring. Captain Phasma was a character you actually liked because she was aware of herself and the power and responsibility for her men. For her you didn’t need to retouch a lot, you just wouldn’t blurt out that she was responsible for implementing executions and destruction.

Commander Ren was the one you didn’t even start to write. First there was the lack of information about him. The only thing you got out of him was that he wore his helmet because he liked to scare people. And maybe that wasn’t even the real reason. His restraint encased him like a shadow. It made it unable to get a real answer.

You had watched his interview six times. Watched six times how he revealed what you believed in at the bottom of your soul. And didn’t kill you for it.

Because you hadn’t slept at all it was still yesterday for you. You finished the annoying daily report and handed it to Officer Roosh to take it to Mitaka. Along with a request to have a second interview with Kylo Ren.