#and what i do post is. boring and uninteresting. just basic poses boring interactions
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#feeeeeeling sorry for myself#my energy to create is so low#ive been in a looong term art block and i have ups and downs but overall its Hard#i just cant find the energy/excitement to actually make my mental images real#i can barely even make myself color things let alone anything even higher effort#i WANT to but i also dont want to#so my accounts become boring and uninteresting because 99% of my ideas go unspoken atp#and what i do post is. boring and uninteresting. just basic poses boring interactions#i feel like a more and more boring person the more i think about it#there is a very small pool of people who care about me and im so passive that no one else even sees me#irl i basically only talk to me roommate and coworkers#neither of which do i have a super close relationship with#my roommates great but we dont talk that often#even online my social circle is small and the amount of people i consider close friends even pathetically smaller#and i dont know how to make new friends anymore because of aforementioned invisible person reasons#im just boring and i dont have the energy to be interesting#sighs. i need a boyfriend#but im also horrendous at maintaining relationships because ive killed my own social battery by isolating so hardcore#sought solitude growing up now cursed by loneliness yadda yadda#i dont even talk to my own family anymore for weeks at a time#in that case its better that way but it makes me lonelier. i cried in bed a couple nights ago thinking about how i cant even#cry my feelings out to my mom and have her comfort me anymore#i lost the people i used to have for that and im too nervous about being overbearing to find new people#these tags are getting long lol. im not like super upset right now im just thinking about it#it makes me sad that i dont know how to do anything about my current life path (ie spending the rest of my life alone and unseen like this)#also the reason i keep making these obnoxious vent posts here is exactly because i dont have other people im comfy talking about it too#not that theres people i dont TRUST talking to. i just dont want to put that pressure on them and i feel better not asking and i hope that#these posts dont make those friends feel like they need to come ask#so maybe like. 5 people might skim over these and catch a couple of my thoughts and at least i know it was perceived by SOMEONE even if#only passively
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