#and weird hive mind ethics violations

[jessepinwheel]

it's that time again (fantasizing about parasitic extraction and wishing it existed so I wouldn't have to write it)

[hello-im-not-a-possum]

14. Smoke

Tom tries to get his voice to sound less humiliating by picking up an old vice of his; smoking. The Ink Demon does not approve. “N-not because I CARE about him, you idiots!” He just thinks Tom’s new voice is too funny to destroy with smoke. (Set in the FIFE AU after Tom’s Bargain, AKA: “If it bites, curses, claws, and hisses, It’s very unwise to ask it for wishes”)

The Ink Demon glared at the wolf disapprovingly as he grabbed the lighter.

“You know, Allison’s gonna be soooo heartbroken when she finds out you picked up THAT old habit again…”

Thomas rolled his eyes and reached for the notepad, only to be betrayed by it as it was too full of his concepts for an ink proof prison to hold Sammy in and keep him from escaping. There wasn’t even a single bit of space left for a single word for him to write.

“Well, c’mon big guy! Use your mouth-words!” The Demon crossed his arms, looking like a mother scolding a child. “If you’re gonna go through alllllll the trouble of SUMMONING A %@^&ING DEMON LORD WHO’D KILL US ALL WITHOUT HESITATION BEHIND OUR BACKS, you might as well use the fancy new voice box he gave you!”

“I down't wawnt tuwu tawk wight now.” Thomas growled as he saw the demon smile in that way where it was obvious he was holding back laughter out of the corner of his eye, only to snap back into his angry/disapproving pose when he turned to look at him. “i'm nowt in the mood fow iwt.”

The mechanic grabbed the pack of cigarettes and walked out of the house, hoping to put enough distance between himself and the nagging demon to actually hear himself think.

When he thought he’d walked far enough, he leaned against the graffiti-covered wall, took a cigarette out of the pack, and lit it up.

-----

Smoking with a wolf’s muzzle was weird and kinda hard, especially since he wasn’t used to doing it. He was half expecting to accidentally swallow a few as canine instinct mistook them for food. He was definitely expecting the coughing fits, and was expecting them to be bad as since he was a cartoon, his actions and the ways the environment interacted with him tended to be exaggerated at times that he felt were inconvenient.

“Fuck uwu Sammy Wawwence…” He grumbled under his breath as he lit up his sixth one. “Fuck uwu, youw dewusions of gwandew, youw stupid, god awfuw shape-shifting abiwities, youw cowawdwiness, awnd whatevew the fuck awwowed uwu tuwu be capabwe of doing ovew hawf the shit uwu've done duwing this… nightmawe!”

“HEEEEEY TOMMY!”

The wolf gritted his teeth as he heard the sound of a large inkwell rolling towards him at high speeds, and was tempted to punt it away when it rolled around in a circle and landed upright, but the exhausted looking cartoon demon popped out of there *just* has he had his kick ready and primed for it.

“I…*huff* finally found you! Jeez Louise, would it kill ya ta hear a guy out before storming off?! Oh that’s right! It will.”

The wolf raised an eyebrow.

“Look, smoking as a human’s bad and all that jazz, smoking as a toon is also technically bad, but only in the sense we only show villains smoking so when you smoke, you’re saying “Look at me! I’m a terrible person.” get yourself some cigarettes made of ink and you’ll get some glares, but nothing worse than that. As for smoking normal, non-ink cigarettes meant for HUMAN consumption’s even worse for you as a toon! Look at yourself, you’re made of INK! You’re flammable as *%#@, the only reason why you haven’t sentenced yourself to death by being fired up from the inside out is because you got lucky!”

“Nice twy asshowe, uwu cawwed 'wowf' too many goddamned times, how duwu I know if uwu'we tewwing the twuth ow nowt?? I suwe as heww can’t!”

“Well, I’ve been HELPING everyone as much as I can!” The demon clenched his fists. “I get it! I’m ‘Drew’s demon-son’ and ‘we’re just two sides of the same *@#^ing lying coin’ and all that $#*!... But unlike Drew, I’ve been trying to make this right!”

“Uwu duwu know thawt uwu'we the weason why I was despewate enough tuwu gow tuwu him in the fiwst pwace, wight?”

“Huh?”

“Inky, I twied tuwu awsk uwu fow my body bawck, whewn uwu wefused, I asked fow a body simiwaw tuwu my owd owne, I wouwd've settwed fow being a cawtoon if I stiww wooked somewhat human wike Susie does! Heww, I wouwd have settwed fow uwu juwst giving me my VOICE bawck! But duwu uwu know whawt uwu did instead?”

“...What did I do then?”

“Uwu said no tuwu aww of thawt awnd instead of coming fowwawd with the twuth uwu juwst made excuses at evewy tuwn awnd couwdn't even wook me in the eyes whewn uwu made thewm. Awnd duwu uwu know why? Because uwu awnd I both uwu thawt uwu wike seeing me wike thiws: as 'youw cweation'...” The mechanic got up in the demon’s face and jabbed his finger into his chest. “Inkweww Bendamnin Dwew, uwu'we nowt doing thiws because uwu wawnt us tuwu be bettew, uwu'we doing thiws because uwu wawnt us tuwu be YOUWS instead of JOEY’S.”

“I... Well... you’re ri-” The demon’s shocked and somewhat guilty expression fell into a frown. “If I’m such a ‘Joey Drew 2.0′, then why would you turn to SAMMY *%#@ING LAWRENCE of all people!? I’ll admit that this whole reformation thing was a lot harder than I thought, but Sammy hates your guts and I’m convinced the only reason why he doesn’t try to kill you is because he think’s death’s too good for you or something!”

“I didn't know thawt thawt was Sammy's summoning ciwcwe, wituaw, whatevew. I didn't even make the connection thawt the cocky, weiwdwy fwiwtatious, cannibawistic fish demon thawt wiked tuwu wiwe me up because he couwd was the same entity as the masked woony ink monstew thawt wouwd apowogize tuwu a stwangew if they pouwed soup own him.”

“...I’m Sorry...”

“Huh?”

“Everything you said about me was right,” The Ink Demon fidgeted with his gloves nervously. “I was being childish and greedy and I’m sorry that I hurt you when I was only thinking about myself and what I wanted from this new situation. I was so focused on the fact I was making new bodies so that people wouldn’t be suffering in their current ones, I never once stopped and asked myself if the bodies I made made them happy too.”

“Wow...” The wolf stared at the demon in a subtle mix of pride and awe. “Thawt's actuawwy weawwy matuwe of uwu tuwu say. I down't even think thawt joey wouwd even get those fiwst two wowds out of hiws mouth, wet awone twy tuwu expwain whewe he went wwong.”

“But don’t forget that YOU *#@$ed up here too!” The Ink demon jabbed Tom in the chest twice as hard as he did to him. “The reason why everyone in the crazy inky town hates your guts is because in addition to your involvement with the ink machine, your whole ‘lone wolf’ thing makes you impossible to work with! Allison TRIES to get other people involved in her ‘lets kidnap a mentally unstable searcher’ plots, when she’s here, she interacts with the people around her! You just lock yourself up and do things behind everyone’s backs! Can’t you at LEAST run some of your ideas through someone else before doing them? I’ve seen the blueprints for your torture machine/prison and I gotta say, even if I was still an excellent super villain demon lord at the time of seeing that $#*!: NO. That’s WAY too far! I don’t even think that’s the slightest bit ethically sound and it’s 100% a violation on privacy, even for a creature that’s in a hive mind. Seriously: Talk. To. Other. People. You. Edgy. &!*^#.”

“...In hindsight; I shouwd've at weast asked Buddy whawt he summoned in the studio awnd why he did thawt instead of juwst bwindwy doing dangewous shit awn my own...”

The wolf grumbled as he blew out a puff of smoke.

“That’s the spirit! Now come with me, I think I know a way to get your voice deep and gravelly without you turning yourself into smoked wolf brisket.”