#and we are so blessed to have her feeding us thots all the day long | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lowlights · 3 years ago

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It's @tuskens-mando's birthday, y'all!!! I'm going to say what anyone who knows Erica already knows: SHE IS AN ABSOLUTE GIFT OF A HUMAN. She is eternally kind, brilliantly menacing with her thots, and the best friend anyone could ask for. I could go on and on. I adore my bestie SO much!!! Eri, I wrote a tiny fluffy ficlet for you. I hope you like.

Treasures

Frankie x f!reader with brief mention of health issues. about 900 words. It's ALLLLL fluff, lovelies.

“Ooh, babe, look at this one!” you exclaim, holding up a blue stoneware bowl to inspect. Frankie is right behind you, hand resting on the small of your back. He peers down at the bowl over your shoulder and gives you a smile.

“That’s a good one too,” he says, chuckling to himself as you chatter on about how this bowl would be the absolute perfect blue for a kitchen. Today is your birthday and the only thing that you asked for was to go antiquing, your favorite hobby. It wasn’t something that Frankie had ever done until he met you and while he was generally curious and didn’t mind looking at the items that haphazardly line the shelves, his favorite thing was watching how you would excitedly sort through the piles of dishware, linens, and other oddities looking for hidden gems.

You don’t care about the value of something in terms of dollars, something that Frankie had learned very quickly. You love to find the beauty in something, the curiosities that make something special or unique, and the joy that they could bring you or someone else. You didn’t even buy anything that frequently and instead just relished in the experience of the exploration and would maybe bring home a piece or two with you at the end.

For the most part, Frankie went along with it although he wanted to buy you everything you loved. But today is different. Frankie watches you closely always, as is his nature. He is keenly observant, and while he would often blame it on his Delta force training, he also just couldn’t take his eyes off of you. He loves watching you move through a space, relaxed and happy. He grins at you when you’re a little clumsy, and tries to catch you before you hurt yourself. He is there when things don’t go right with your body, when it stubbornly refuses to work. He is always there in an instant, guiding you through the worst until you can smile again.

But today is a good day, and you both are making the most of it. Frankie, of course, notices when you look back wistfully at the blue bowl you sat down before moving on to the next booth. He notices how engrossed you are in a stack of quilts and grabs the bowl and runs it to the front, telling the cashier to package it up before he hurries back to you.

“Where did you go?” you ask Frankie as he comes back to your side. He puts his arms around you, pulling you in close to him.

“Nowhere you need to worry about, birthday girl. Find any treasures?” he says with a coy smirk.

“They’re all treasures. People put so much time and effort into these quilts and they get lost along the way and end up here. I wish I could take them all home with me,” you say sadly, looking back at the pile.

Frankie lifts the bill of his hat enough so that he can lean down to sweetly slot his lips against yours. “I know, baby. You’d take home all the forgotten things if you could.” You nod and rest your cheek against his soft flannel shirt, letting your arms wrap around his strong torso. You stay like this for a few moments, just enjoying the warmth of each other in the little alcove of this booth.

Eventually, after a bit more exploration, you find your way back to the front of the store. You head for the door empty-handed before Frankie pulls you by the hand to the cashier.

You look at him in confusion. “Did you get something?”

“That blue bowl you liked so much. I thought it might look good in my kitchen,” he says as he passes his credit card over the counter.

“Your kitchen? Do you plan on making a lot of bread in your kitchen?” you joke with him.

“No, but I sure would like it if you did,” he says, taking his card and the bag.

“I’ll come over and bake for you any time, babe!”

Frankie walks with you hand in hand and heads for the door, stopping outside on the little porch. “What if…you didn’t have come over to bake.”

You lift an eyebrow at him, mouth quirking with an unspoken question.

“You could just…be there,” he says slowly.

Slowly, a smile spreads across your face as realization sets in. “Frankie, are you asking me to move in with you? At the antique store?”

He looks sheepish, a little smile present on his gorgeous face, as he nods. “Yeah, I wanted to ask at dinner but I just couldn’t wait any longer.”

You launch yourself against him, throwing your arms up around his neck. “Really, honey? Are you sure?”

He laughs against you, awkwardly holding you to him with one arm. “Never been more sure of anything.” That’s saying a lot, coming from a pilot who needs to be certain of every move he makes.

You nod enthusiastically, not that he was waiting for a proper response. “Oh Frankie, am I the forgotten treasure that you’re bringing home from the antique shop?” you tease him.

He shakes his head at you. “Nope, you’re just a treasure.”

“Cheeseball! Take me home, will ya?”

Frankie obliges, happily. He would do anything you ask of him.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LOVE!!

#she's just one of my absolute favorite humans ok #and we are so blessed to have her feeding us thots all the day long #also she's turned me into a goat lady #frankie x female reader #frankie morales #fluff drabble #emphasis on the fluff

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fandom-blackhole · 4 years ago

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First of all give Gwen a good belly rub and a kith om her head. I bet she is a good girl. Also, I don't know what kind of force bond thingy is this but you and I think in almost the same wa. No worries me likey!

AAA I was thinking about Fennec too! See told you we are connected,

Boba having grandpa moment sksksks but yes, he loves Fennec as much as he loves you,

Also, for the love of God, don't ask him to take photos of you,

All your selfies with him end up looking like this 😐Boba 🤗You,

Boba was feeling extra and bought two diamonds collars, one smaller for Fennec and a bigger one for you,

If, he was not a crime lord and didn't meet you he would end up being like a crazy old cat lady,

Is your head okay? It must be painful to have a brain the size of the universe.

Yes, yes, yes Paz definitely helps hurt animals and went out of his way to get rhe right diploma for that,

Din is butthurt when children flood him with question when will Mr Paz come again,

But he swallows his pride and totally participates in eco wokness classes,

Recently I watched a documentary on YouTube about japanese bunny cafe sooo

Paz has also area for the rabbits in the restaurant???

One day on his way to work Paz came across a pupper in distress and he performed a cpr on the dog, someone filmed it and it went viral,

You were scrolling through Instagram and had to double take

Wait was it? No it can't be

Omg Paz my hero, being friends with animals like a Disney princess,

I need you to lay down, your back must be hurt as well. Hurt from carrying this AU on your back queen.

Space themed room for Grogu 10/10 idea and your idea for the metal ball works so well!

Grogu + Din + Running = one day you end up tending to your boys, there are some scratches on their knees and elbows, but mostly Din took the damage(like it was bound to happen there are compilations of din landing on his butt),

Grogu's stroller must be made out of some, really resilient material (beskar??),

Grogu being freaked out by Fennec, like he sees a kitty but the kitty behaves like a doggo??? (srsly Maine Coons are the best high five bestie),

Boba tried to snap a pic of Grogu and Fennec, yeah, we know how it ended up looking,

Grogu desperately tries to steal and sneak in snacks for uncle Paz' pupper because it's so tiny, must feed it a lot! (oh bless his poor soul, little angel),

You and Din spent a whole day shopping for a space themed blankie, literally went to every shop possible, you were too dedicated to the cause but you ended up placing an order on-line,

When Boba had to go abroad for business, you settled on having a FaceTime date,

You wanted to surprise him so he would try his best to come back home as soon as possible,

You call him up appearing on his screen, wearing his favorite lingerie,

Only to end up to a close up of Boba's forehead and him saying

Princess I can't see you, can you hear me, baby girl are you there??,

Srsly what's wrong with him not being able to use the technology correctly,

You decided on sending him pictures, yours were really spicy, you wanted to show him what he was missing,

Well, he send you a pic too. You weren't sure if it was his arm, leg, or his dick.

Maybe you need to check if his camera is stuck on some type of foggy filter because it's just ridiculous at this point,

Sorry I kinda went all of the place with those. If you want to stick up to specific theme you can choose! Or we can just keep up the random brainstorming - 🐣

Kajdksmskaksb stop! You can't be this nice to me lmao. (Also its funny you mention that my brain must hurt bc I do have chronic headaches and migraines) oh and Gwen says thank you for the belly rub and kisses.....

Lmao Boba is a total grandpa when it comes to technology

He totally takes pictures for you like this

Diamond collar you say 👀👀👀 (Boba's princess is totally inscribed on the inside)

TRYING TO FUCKING FACETIME WITH BOBA OMFG

This man is just fuckinv holding the phone like you would when speaking on the phone, you're just seeing the side of his head

He totally tried to send a disk pick but he only got his thigh and like part of his left ball in the picture, not that you can tell

How the fuck does this man have a phone that has the ability to take pictures as good as the best cameras out there manage to only get pictures that look like they were taken with a flip phone?!?!?!

Din's students definitely ask every day when Paz is coming, they just love him and it takes sssoooooo long for him to come back lmao

Paz's restaurant has places for all types of animals, it doesn't matter what they are he has thought of something for them, and he has food for all of them

Paz totally accidentally becomes viral and gets interviewed by so many news channels, and of course he uses the exposure for good and makes an Instagram to show case the restaurant, his organization, and all of the charities he helps

The Instagram blows up and becomes verified and all the money he makes from it he donates to a new charity each month

(He starts hanging up all the fanart he receives all over the restaurant, especially the ones done by kids)

Ok so Din coming home just covered in scratches and your just like 'wtf happened?!?!!'

Turns out Grogu tried to jump out of the stroller while he was jogging and he had to catch him

Din's entire arm and knee + part of his cheek are just scratched to hell, Grogu hand has a small scratch and he's acting like its the end of the world

Grogu + Fennec = over protective pet and the child that it protects

Fennec is constantly pulling Grogu back from trouble by biting his pants leg

Paz's chihuahua (aaaahhh we need a name) loves abusing Grogu's feeding them habit, constantly begging for food around him and he A L W A Y S finds a way to give them some even if you are watching him like a hawk

Also I raise you, Grogu's favorite movies and TV shows are Star Wars

You are constantly trying to convince Din that he looks like Pedro Pascal, but he always deny it

Jokingly one day you say, "you know what you're right Din, Pedro is so much hotter."

He pouts for the rest of the day

For his bday you get Grogu a Luke figure and post it to Twitter, Mark Hamill sees it and retweets it telling him happy bday and may the force be with you

Grogu totally flips out in excitement

Din makes Grogu his own mandalorian helmet that he helps him paint what colors he wants

Paz gets Grogu a telescope and a book about stars

Boba of course spoils the kid and gets the giant lego star wars sets, as well as one of the actual blasters used on set of the OG movies (its one of the ones that that really cool green bounty hunter used 😏)

Also this is us:

Anyways, sorry I was all over the place, I just got so excited lmao!!!

(Send me THOTS!!)

#🐣 anon #modern au #din djarin x reader #din x reader #boba fett x reader #boba x reader #paz vizsla x reader #paz x reader

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les-bi-katamari · 7 years ago

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SESSION 11

I dream of a city of beautiful spires, and know without having seen it that this is Isvanir… and it is burning. Screams sound from all around, purifiers and heralds are butchering civilians, and I see short, squat, scaled warriors among them.

I charge, cleaving through the monsters, when I see Dresna, who notches an arrow and shoots me in the chest, right where she got me before. I am not wearing my chainmail, but gleaming gold-inlaid steel plate armor, wielding an axe glowing in golden runes. I surge through the crowd, looming over Dresna, and cleave her in two. Cassath appears behind me, horrified, and I slice her head off as well. A massive beast twice my height attacks, and I fell it in three strikes. A thrill is running through me with every kill, powerful, strong, confident… and alien. I realize that I am now above the towers, on a massive pile of corpses of the monstrosities, cultists, elves, Juna, my parents…

I look down. I’m no longer in shining armor, my arms are bare, and scales are erupting from my skin, black iron spikes emerging from my chest, horrible metal claws painfully growing from my fingers… Just as suddenly, I’m back to normal.

Columns start to rise from the pile - no, not columns, but marble-like fingers with golden scales, a hand lifting me up. “I HAVE BEEN WATCHING YOU WITH GREAT INTEREST…”

Her colossal face is obscenely, perfectly beautiful - marred only by the blood and gore dripping from her lips. “I SENSE IN YOU A HUNGER FOR GLORY THAT COULD RIVAL MY OWN. WITH MY BLESSING YOU COULD ACCOMPLISH GREAT THINGS.” I scream my defiance, leaping towards her face with my axe raised. She snatches me out of the air, her lower jaw splitting in two, revealing her horrible maw.

“YOUR DEFIANCE WOULD BE ENDEARING IF IT WEREN’T SO PATHETIC.” I am dangled above her mouth, seeing all the metallic fangs, consuming darkness, and eyes, hearing the whispers of the damned. She drops me, and I start falling in. “THEY WILL ALL PERISH. YOUR FRIENDS, YOUR FAMILY, AND YOU WILL BE… HELPLESS.” Her jaws snap shut and Ghorza bolts awake, burning with hunger.

She rushes to her pack to devour her jerky, and Megs tries to comfort her. They go back to bed - Ghorza: “can you keep holding me?” - and she pretends to sleep. The first couple times she starts to drift off, she sees Galaias’s horrible massive orange eyes, and is shocked back awake, before finally falling into an exhausted dreamless sleep.

At breakfast, she orders pork - rare - and lots of it. She hesitantly recounts her dream and hunger to the group, then digs into the meat with an unnatural fervor. The rest of the group is disturbed. She snaps at them, then catches herself, apologizes, and rushes up to her room. The others follow her up shortly after, and find her shirtless, frantically checking her skin over and over. Megs actually stayed behind to eat everyone’s food, but everyone else has a cuddle pile.

Apphia voices an idea about the spring of Eldath possibly being able to lift the taint, and Cadence actually produces a vial of it. Ghorza gingerly takes a sip, howls in pain as it burns, but then… the hunger lifts a bit. She returns the vial (5 sips left!) and thanks everyone.

The rest finish their breakfast while Ghorza collects herself and puts her shirt back on. They then all go to say goodbye to Juna - she’s looking quite a bit better. The gang explain they’re leaving, she gives Apphia her cloak back (now of Protection, plus a blissful quirk), there’s a group hug.

As everyone’s leaving, Juna grabs Meg’s hand and pulls her back. She tells her to be sure she comes back. Megs slips a violet behind her ear, and Juna kisses her! (And the discord erupts in cheering!) After a bunch more awkwardness and Brianne walking in on them, we head out.

Nemeth is waiting for us at the carriages, having arranged transport already. Megs runs up to tell her she got a gf. We head out. On the road, the carriage is stopped by Isvanir soldiers looking for ‘fugitives’. Cadence, Apphia, and Brianne all disguise themselves, and Apphia bursts out of the carriage to ask what the hold up is all about.

We aggravate the captain enough that he decides to take us in. Cadence suddenly spooks the horses and they bolt - with Brianne and Apphia AND Cadence outside. Ghorza leaps from the carriage and takes a very hard fall; Nemeth follows and does as well. The carriage driver finally stops the carriage, and it’s a fight.

As I take two missed shots, I hear a voice saying “At last… feeding time.”

We do well in the fight, and the captain rips off his armor, pulls out a demon spike, and stabs himself, shouting ‘WE RISE IN GLORY’ in Abyssal. He bursts into flames and starts transforming.

The soldiers are ALSO horrified and stop fighting us. Before anyone else can react, Brianne darts into the conflagration and tries to grab the spike, but it sears to the touch, and she falls back howling in pain. (Megan: “19 points in damage, you mud-eating forest thot!”)

The captain swells into a massive (nine-foot?) monstrosity, bigger than the Heralds, corded with purple muscles, armored in heavy scales, massive metallic talons, jaws splitting a Glasgow smile to reveal its enormous metallic maw. It reaches to the spike in its chest, pulls it out, and keeps pulling, as it is now a massive sword - which bursts into the same intense flames.

“AND TO THINK… I HESITATED!”

He takes a swipe at Apphia and Brianne.

NOTE: ‘purifier’ means undead; ‘glorified’ means demon. The captain is still a purifier. The giant 15-foot thing I saw in my dream - more stone and metal than flesh and blood - was Glorified (which purifiers can become). Lyrae was glorified.

Ghorza is filled with an overwhelming rage, and drive to crush this monster beneath her heel. She strikes true against the beast, filled with a strange fervor (advantage on her attacks). A hideous beautiful laughter echoes in her mind.

After Ghorza’s ‘enraged’ attacks, Purifier Knight Halder turns towards her. “HOW? I SENSE HER ON YOU! HOW?! YOU ARE UNWORTHY!”

It fails to land a blow on her, and settles for devouring one of the elf guards. Ghorza attacks again in a righteous fury and slays “NO! I AM NOT LIKE YOU!” as she cleaves its skull in half. At this, she hears Galaias again, saying “"ONE DAY YOU’LL SEE. ONE DAY YOU’LL UNDERSTAND.“

Ghorza gains one point of corruption.

As the monstrosity starts to break apart, Ghorza staggers back, dropping her axe, and falling to her knees in shock. She looks over to Brianne, and says “I need you to tell me everything you know about demons.”

End session.

[Also to share with the class, a description of what I DID do (but not what I didn’t): “[REDACTED]: As a bonus action on your turn, you can [REDACTED] to give yourself advantage on melee weapon attack rolls for 1 minute. [MORE LINES REDACTED] Once you use this feature, you can’t use it again until you finish a long rest.”]

#recap #day 5

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ralphmorgan-blog1 · 7 years ago

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5 Types Of Holiday Instagrams Nobody Wants To See

The holiday season is upon us, and I’m already tired of the nonsense happening on my Instagram feed. We’re barely into the month of November, and I’ve seen enough extra-ness to make me want to unsubscribe from everyone for the rest of my goddamn life. Like, it’s one thing to watch Bella Thorne a person be extra all year long, but people take it to the next fucking level during the holiday season. I don't know if they're bored from hanging out with their family or just drunk from October 31st through January 2nd, but either way my news feed is like an episode of one giant cry for help. And because I love to talk shit educate the masses, I’ve taken it upon myself to tell you all which of you are pissing me off the least winning at life and which of you need to cancel your holiday Instagrams ASAP. You’re welcome.

1. Turkey Thot Shots

You know the girl I’m talking about here. The one who shows up to the Thanksgiving dinner table in a club dress and thigh-high boots that makes you question the maternity sweat pants Thanksgiving outfit you showed up in and makes your MeMaw question if there is a God. The same girl who takes one look at the dinner her mother slaved over for two whole days and decides its actual purpose is a prop in her thirst trap of an Instagram photo.

There are so many things I want to see on Thanksgiving, like the bottom of my wine bottle and that extra helping of pie. What I don't want to see is you and your hoe ass tainting the Thanksgiving holiday. Just eat the damn turkey, I beg of you.

2. Anything That Involves Exercise

First of all, how dare you. Thanksgiving is a sacred holiday, one in which the main goal is to worship food and sloth-like behavior. For you to desecrate it with your Turkey Trot marathon is blasphemous. And yes, I’m looking at you, girl who went to my high school and started her own fitstagram account instead of graduating college. The last thing I want to see when I’m three glasses deep by noon and snacking on an actual turkey leg is you and your personal best time, you fucking psycho. Furthermore, no one wants to see your “burn before the bird” workouts. The only calories you should be burning are the calories it takes to roll your fat ass from the dinner table to the couch. THAT’S IT. Anything more and I’m reporting you to Instagram for your personally offensive behavior.

3. Holi-Bae Photo Shoots

I’m confused by the message of these Instagrams. Am I supposed to be jealous of the fact that you blackmailed your boyfriend into submission wearing an ugly Santa sweater to compliment your "Ho Ho Ho" one? Am I supposed to think you’re so supported in your relationship because you somehow managed to convince your boyfriend that wearing matching onesies isn’t emasculating and embarrassing? Because I’ve never felt more secure in my relationship with my Netflix account in my whole damn life. Also, god bless the poor soul you held hostage for 45 minutes while you posed in front of the fireplace, the Christmas tree, and that sad excuse of a snowman you just built. It’s hard to say who the real winner in this scenario is: you, for taming the fuckboy who once sent you the text, “My girlfriend doesn’t have to know,” and who is now your prisoner of war devoted boyfriend, or her, the girl who doesn’t have to impress anyone at family gatherings except the person pouring her wine glass? It’s a real Sophie’s Choice.

4. Anything That Makes A Children’s Holiday Mildly Sexual

I’m not going to name names here *cough* Ariel Winter *cough cough* but certain celebs have made it their personal mission in life to turn a holiday devoted to children’s happiness into their own personal thot playground, and I won’t fucking stand for it any longer. I can tolerate your extra AF workout Instas and the fact that I have seen more of your body than I have my own, but I’ve got to draw the line somewhere, and I’m drawing it at Santa’s slut your Holiday Christmas card. Sorry, Ariel. And if you’re thinking to yourself, “But I’m just full of so much holiday cheer! It’s innocent! Don’t judge me!” then let’s look at the evidence for a minute, shall we? Which of these screams, “innocent holiday fun,” and which of these screams, “my daddy had nothing to say about my butterfly tattoo”?

Apparently it’s both.

5. New Year, New Me

Let’s get one thing straight here: There is no “new you” on January 1st, there’s just a you who really needs a new liver. The “New Year, New Me” Instagram is perhaps the most pathetic of all holiday Instas, because you know the person posting it will regret it literally 12 hours later. What was a hopeful motto at 8pm will inevitably turn into regret six hours of drinking André on tap and calling your ex-boyfriend from five years ago to tell him that you miss him, while simultaneously Googling, “where is the pizza?” Now, am I guilty of posting the “New Year, New Me” selfie? Yes. But am I guilty of doing what was just described in that above scenario? Also yes. But that’s neither here nor there. No, leave your positivity and your good intentions off my Instagram feed, because I don’t want to see that shit on a day that I’m dedicated to spending reveling in a cycle of self hatred on new beginnings.

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trendingnewsb · 7 years ago

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The Thots Of Your Instagram Feed Explained By Bratz Dolls

If there’s one thing we all know about so-called viral makeup trends, it’s that 90% of them are bullshit. Squiggly eyebrows? Show me one person who is actually doing that in public. Just ONE! The people demand receipts! That being said, the latest viral makeup trend that may have slightly more credibility involves doing your makeup to mirror a Bratz Doll, aka what Kylie Jenner does every damn day of her life. We all remember Bratz, the heavily made-up dolls with lip fillers no feet and the most extra looks imaginable. These dolls took the Betches “dress like a slut” philosophy and monetized it for children. The early 2000s really were something, eh? Basically, the Bratz were thots before Instagram launched thotism as we know it today. In hindsight, we can now see clearly that each Bratz doll corresponds to a very real and very special variety of thot who fills our feeds with her selfies daily. Here’s how each of them break down:

Chloe – The Wannabe Thot

Truly a special breed, Chloe—nicknamed “Angel” because she doesn’t get how nicknames work (see: Sami Sweetheart)—wants desperately to be a background vocalist on a local rapper’s mixtape, but is quite simply too white to function. She makes vague references in her Insta photos about being “hard” and her “struggles,” but you remember her from second grade and are pretty sure she grew up in the rich person suburb next to yours. Chloe’s biggest accomplishment are her contributions to thirst-trappery, where she is truly unmatched. Your feed is constantly filled with photos of herself that you are legally required to screenshot and send to your group chat with the text, “You can see her vagina in this, right?!?!” Occasionally, Chloe’s Instagram will go dark because too many people reported her account as porn, but she always comes back with a long screenshotted note directed at “haters” full of strange grammatical choices and vague references to how you “just gotta do you.”

Occupation: Aspiring Pop Star

Insta Bio: “All U Bitches Mad” – My new SiNgLe oUt NoW On SoUndCloud! Link In Bio<3 xoxoANGEL

Example: Iggy Azalea, Niykee Heaton

Jade – The International Thot

Jade, whose nickname is Kool Kat (again, not how nicknames work), wants you to know that she is the ho the phrase “hos in different area codes” is referring to. You keep following Jade mainly because you’re trying to figure out how a person who does not appear to have a job is constantly traveling to different countries. Your entire group chat has basically concluded she’s a high-end escort of some kind, but the rules of feminism state that you must continue to support her by liking her photos in hopes that one day she’ll invite you along on one of her journeys. You know she has at least one boyfriend who is a sultan because of the time she stayed in that spinning hotel in Dubai, and she appears to be on a mission to Instagram herself standing next to every luxury hotel pool on the planet. 20 years from now you’ll check back in on her and find out she’s in jail for smuggling cocaine in her butt and everything will make sense.

Occupation: “Entrepreneur”

Insta Bio: They say a smile is the same in every language, well so is Resting Bitch Face<3 Jetsetter <3 Student of Fashion <3 HMU On WhatsApp

Example: Tila Tequila (Before she became an alt-right Nazi)

Yasmin – The Actually Successful Thot

Yasmin, nicknamed Pretty Princess (can someone put me in touch with a Bratz representative? we need to talk about nicknames…), doesn’t need the thot life for money or food or weight loss tea endorsements. Yasmin is a thot purely for the love of the game, and honestly, you kind of respect it. You started following Yasmin because you were fascinated by her ability to seemingly have erect nipples at all times, but you stayed after she requested you on LinkedIn and you realized she was a low-key successful businesswoman. Sheryl Sandberg by day, Ariel Winter by night, Yasmin’s account is private for a . Does she have her own line of lipsticks that makeup vloggers are raving about? Yes. Is that going to stop her from posting pics of herself in bed with captions like “Come find me ;)?” Hell the fuck no. Is Yasmin a feminist icon, or does her very existence set women back thousands of years? Unclear, but you’re not going to unfollow until you find out.

Occupation: CEO Of Yas Cosmetics

Insta Bio: Follow @yascosmetics for latest swatches! Get money, get paid. Real friends only. Not accepting new follow requests.

Example: Kylie Jenner

Sasha – The Batshit Crazy Thot

You don’t know Sasha IRL, but you are legitimately concerned for her safety. Every other week, Sasha appears to be embroiled in some kind of major crisis, and she has no qualms about sharing every detail of those crises on social media. Bless her heart. There was the time she was moonlighting at a Florida strip club and a loose dog bit her on the leg (“Please donate to my GoFundMe surgery page y’all! My foot is fucked!”). There was the time her ex boyfriend Snoop Dogg (different Snoop Dogg) crushed her apartment with a helicopter (“Venmo me @Sasha2Fierce2Furious y’all! My roof is fucked!). And, of course, there was the time she didn’t post for a few weeks and you were sure she was dead but then her Insta story revealed she just trapped on a boat (Tweet my whereabouts using #FindSasha! Where tf am I?!?! Our navigation tools are fucked!”). Sasha’s life is a beautiful human train wreck, and you have no choice but to follow obsessively and hope you can make it to her funeral. It’ll probably be lit.

BTW, her nickname is apparently “Bunny Boo” and I’m calling the police.

Occupation: “Dancer”

Insta Bio: Bitches Ain’t Shitttttt – http://ift.tt/2wWdJwk to help me find my son!!! where tf is he!?!?

Example: Blac Chyna

Raya – The Religious Thot

Raya, aka Sun Rayz (kill me), was the fifth Bratz doll added to the pack, mainly because she was a full-fledged Christian before that point. Raya was raised in the light of the Lord, but after a fashion-internship-turned-stint-on- took her to New York, Raya has converted to the Church Of Thotism and she is never looking back. But don’t worry, Raya has not fully turned her back on Jesus. Each of her selfies, cleavage pics, and thirst traps are accompanied by a caption like, “God is great!” or “Living in HIS light<3” and she is not above just straight-up posting a Bible verse from time to time. How she reconciles her thot lifestyle with her love of Christ, you’re not sure, but photos of herself at Sunday service in a bodysuit tell you she’s doing just fine. One day she’ll scrub her entire Insta presence and return with an entirely new persona after marrying a secretly gay pastor and popping out a baby named Zion or Abraham or some shit. She’ll act like everyone has forgotten her former thot life, but you have the screenshots to prove it.

Occupation: Homemaker

Insta Bio: The Lord Has Plans For This One Right Here <3, Christian, Future Mommy, 32D

Example: Raven Gates

Read more: http://ift.tt/2wVB7Kw

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lxvechauncey · 7 years ago

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THE LAST AIRBENDER (lol) The frustration of being a faithful man in a time where they don’t exist

I’m confident that there are only a handful of men in America who are 100% faithful to their s/o’s. I am very proud to say that I am one of them. It’s really not difficult to be loyal. But we live in a very bad time. Love isn’t love anymore. Love doesn’t last. I feel like we as a generation of people don’t even really know who we are, still. We live in a generation where it’s no longer frowned upon [or considered at least a little bit cringe worthy] to hear our favorite singers serenade us with stories of infidelity. Admittedly, I’ve definitely found myself boppin’ to some Bryson Tiller and 6lack, and I’m in no way blaming today’s musicians for how we treat one another. But fellas, could you imagine finding out your shorty slept around on you, just for her apology to include “it’s all that Sza I’ve been listening to lately!” Chill, lol. We’re grown. I’m 28. I have a home that I live in with the woman I call the love of my life, I have a job that pays for said home, I have things that I bring to said home that feed my woman, my kid and myself and I have a bed that I sleep in with said woman (sometimes the kid joins us, but that’s usually during a middle-of-the-day nap).

The point that I’m attempting to drive is that I’ve built a very sturdy foundation with a person. You may have noticed that I only mentioned tangible things; house, job, bed, groceries. I bring up those things first because, as a man, I hold an emotional attachment to the shit in my life that I share with the woman in my life. There’s no “hers and mine”. It’s ours. That house feels like an embrace from her, that bed smells like her, and she puts most of those groceries in the oven, lol. I’m so blessed to have this person, I’m blessed to have these things and if I were to succumb to the embrace and the scent of another woman, all my blessings would go away. All these things that God gave me would, not cease to exist but rather continue existing… Without me, in front of me, all because I couldn’t resist temptation? Fuck that.

Now I suppose I’ll get to the good stuff. The feelings. I can feel you guys saying “niggaaa, chill” lol. Don’t stop reading, fellas this is still for you (there’s a Call of Duty reference coming). My shorty and I are not yet married (workin’ on it), that’s where the importance of the job comes in, lol. But we know what we want and we know where we’re headed and so in the mean time, we try and walk the path as much as possible. We don’t just tell each other everything, we don’t just compromise on who should get to drive home from the restaurant when we’re both too tired to touch a steering wheel and why the fuck did we agree to go on this double date on a Wednesday night anyway, knowing that we have to be up for work in the morning? Sometimes I’m still a guy, which means sometimes I’m an idiot who doesn’t consider her feelings, but this relationship has allowed me to step outside of myself. It’s a gift when a person can change you in that way.

Coming from a man who had communication as his biggest weak point in the past, I’m happy to say that I’ve communicated more in this relationship than I have ever communicated in my life with anyone else. Sometimes even, SHE’S the one who needs to pick up the slack in that area (insert flex and milly rock). But the thing I admire most about us is our desire to find a solution to the problem, rather than dwell on who hurt who. I call that keeping score. When you’re in a relationship and your person hurts you and you hold on to it, and then you hurt her and she holds on to it, you’re no longer on the same team. It’s not co-op anymore, it’s versus. In a versus match, only one can emerge the victor. In co-op, you HAVE work together for the win. You have to know your partner and you have to pick up in fields that they lack and they have to do the same for you. But the dope thing about co-op is that there’s no time to keep score. If I accidentally shoot my partner, I gotta run over and heal her before the zombies get close enough to attack me too. In that case, we both lose (we play a lot of Black Ops: Zombies at my place). But I digress…

*Plays J. Cole “Love Yourz”* So my girl’s found a guy who can be man enough to say “oh shit, I was wrong for that, I’m sorry” and I’ve found a shorty who can be woman enough to say “I didn’t realize that hurts you, I won’t do it anymore”. My relationship sounds dope, right? I haven’t even scratched the surface (shoutout to God for the one time). But I said all of that to give you a real glimpse of the sturdy foundation I mentioned earlier. It’s not hard, it’s really just a decision at the end of the day. A vow before the vows, to give it what you have and hold up your half. So, if you’re reading this and you haven’t already found the person worthy enough for your co-op mission in life, just for a moment, imagine you have. Now imagine some saucy little twitch-in-her-step-insta-thot slides in your DMs. Maybe her ass is fatter, maybe her tits are bigger or maybe she’s just a plain ol’ freak with hella followers. After all you’ve been through with your Player 2, after all the levels you’ve been through and all the times you’ve had her back and she’s had yours, wouldn’t it be easier to just shoot that zombie bitch dead in the head, than to let her bite you and get infected? Lol, perhaps I’m driving the reference a little too hard.

I understand that there will always be men who cheat. I understand that there will always be women who cheat. I am no saint. I’ve been a revenge cheater before, but listen… Those people suck, especially the ones who keep it a secret for years and don’t apologize for it until after they’ve been caught. I’m not a blogger by any means, but I just had to get this out, and it all seemed to be too many words for a rap verse, lol. For the women who post “men ain’t shit” tweets and the male celebrities who always find a way to prove them right. For the people who truly believe that love is a fool’s game because in the long run, we all get screwed over in some way. And especially for the girl in a relationship with a faithful and monogamous man, but also who listens too intently to today’s music and watches too much Scandal to see that her life is not as insignificant as a television show or a line in a song, y'all only get half a bar: take a chill pill.

This message is really for the guy who spends all of his time loving only his s/o. If you’re one of those who sees a cute woman walking down the street and doesn’t feel a desire to run up and get her number. If you’re a guy who ignores and/or blocks those insta-thots who slide in his DMs because (they’re probably in 10 other DMs with a copy/pasted introduction and that’s how niggas get herpes but also cuz) there’s no way they could possibly compare to what you already have, all I can say to you, sir is keep going. If you’re a guy who knows what he wants in life, and you know how to truly appreciate what God has given you. Keep going. If you’ve built your foundation with the person you want to spend your life with and you’ve got no intention on fuckin’ up forever. Keep going. You’re a diamond in the rough, bro. You’re not a lame, somebody gotta show the youth and it might as well be us right? Continue shining and the blessings will rain down on you and yours as long as you stay true. You got it.

“And I hope that you stay blessed and highly favored, not stressed and highly labored”

- Chaunce

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trendingnewsb · 7 years ago

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The Thots Of Your Instagram Feed Explained By Bratz Dolls

Chloe – The Wannabe Thot

Occupation: Aspiring Pop Star

Insta Bio: “All U Bitches Mad” – My new SiNgLe oUt NoW On SoUndCloud! Link In Bio<3 xoxoANGEL

Example: Iggy Azalea, Niykee Heaton

Jade – The International Thot

Occupation: “Entrepreneur”

Insta Bio: They say a smile is the same in every language, well so is Resting Bitch Face<3 Jetsetter <3 Student of Fashion <3 HMU On WhatsApp

Example: Tila Tequila (Before she became an alt-right Nazi)

Yasmin – The Actually Successful Thot

Occupation: CEO Of Yas Cosmetics

Insta Bio: Follow @yascosmetics for latest swatches! Get money, get paid. Real friends only. Not accepting new follow requests.

Example: Kylie Jenner

Sasha – The Batshit Crazy Thot

BTW, her nickname is apparently “Bunny Boo” and I’m calling the police.

Occupation: “Dancer”

Insta Bio: Bitches Ain’t Shitttttt – http://ift.tt/2wWdJwk to help me find my son!!! where tf is he!?!?

Example: Blac Chyna

Raya – The Religious Thot

Occupation: Homemaker

Insta Bio: The Lord Has Plans For This One Right Here <3, Christian, Future Mommy, 32D

Example: Raven Gates