#and use hair dye as a way to feel in control of my life

[linnienin]

⁓⁕🍷 🌸 V e n u s ⁕ a n d ⁕ h o w ⁕ y o u ⁕ c h i l l 🌸 🍷⁕⁓

Disclaimer: Take what resonates. I'm not a professional astrologer, i just am an avid researcher and i use my personal experience when writing my posts (Also, pls, don't copy my work, i spend lot of time on it, thanks)

Ahhh Venus, the planet of love. We use it to talk about our relationships and misadventures in our love life. But it also is the planet of feminine energy, enjoyment, relaxation and indulgence. How do you chill using your Venusian energy? Let's find out looking at your Venus's sign and degree

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⁕ Aries / 1-13-25 degrees : *aggresively flying on the couch* play TV, *loud setting on*, watch the tv for 1 minute, gets bored, *roll off the couch*, goes to the kitchen, sees people, start a little chase (Jason Momoa meme entered the caption) 👀👐. After annoying people for a bit, do a little workout, tries to lift a 700 kg cause they *confident*, fail, they still confident, opt for the 0.5 kg, now they happy 😊💪. Dance lover. Enjoy drinking energy drinks. Not really a sipp-er, more of a chugg-er lmao. Carbs are their heaven, they cannot have enough (cause they move a lot, they need the energyy). When laying on the sofa need to put their head on someone else's shoulder or legs or head to feel safe and receive the physical contact they really crave. Enjoy taking short cold showers. Like playing chess (they're good at strategizing and know when to attack and they're bold about it). Cut their hair as a relaxing activity (until they have no hair left to cut lol), likes dyeing them too, preferabily with bolder colours.

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⁕ Taurus / 2-14-26 degrees: The yawn-er. They're MASTER at chilling. They chill doing everything, i'm not kidding, are they at home, are they at work? They be chilling allll the time. Lovers of the sofa, bed, and others soft big surfaces. Chill by taking their time doing everything, they be starting cooking at 9 a.m. to serve a meal at 1 p.m. ✨Sloth with grace✨. Quality over quantity. Enjoy passing time doing nothing...literally. They be like fixating on a thing and looking at it for an hour straight. Mad control of their focus. Meditating without realizing It. Probably sip chamomile. They like to think time doesn't exist, they got all the time in the world (until they wake up one day, look into the mirror and realize they forgot to shave their mustache for all this time). Hella romantic, enjoy picking up flowers, endless walks in nature, veery slowly, they be stopping every 2x3 to admire a little bug passing by.

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⁕ Gemini / 3-15-27 degrees: Tea time with their personalities. Lmao, no but they literally chill by checking in with their thoughts and their ideas. Loves listening to podcasts and documentaries. Multitasking hobbies. Yup, i have no clue how they even relax by doing 1738283 things at a time but it's a way to shut down their thoughts for a while. Yeah, i know, i just told you they chill by thinking too, but sometimes it becomes too much and they have to switch the brain off. Relax by painting their nails. Get experimental with makeup. Write fanfics but leave them unfinished 👀. Admire their pretty handwriting. Enjoy reading and talking about gossip a looot, too much hehe. Like to play games that require a broad knowledge on everything (ex Trivia). Thinking about doing stuff but actually not doing it lmfao, they just love to think about soo many ideas, that is a way to relax, but then they don't even write them down and poof, they're gone and they can't remember them and they get mad about it :(

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⁕ Cancer / 4-16-28 degrees : Cuddling with their pillow 24/7 (cause deep down they feel alone... 🥺). Play animal crossing. Imagine their future family, even tho they're actually stuck in the past lol. Most likely to binge watch series for a whole day and get emotional about it because they get too attached to the characters. If they could they'd never leave the house...ever lmao, total homebodies. Relaxing by spending time alone or with very closed ones, friends/family. Probably likes to collect plushies, funko pops, or mini cute figures of their favourite fictional characters ✨. Cooking and baking can be a relaxing activity to them, especially if they do it for their family or their guests. Have 'grandma's hobbies'... knitting/crocheting for example lol. Enjoy so much making photo albums, and even more looking at them from time to time. Love going to the sea, early mornings walking barefoot on the sand and admiring the immense ocean and the sun rising, they're fans of little details and very romantic/sweet scenarios. They enjoy being helpful to others, so they'll probably ask people if they can do something for them (especially if they see people struggling doing something, they'll gladly volounteer to offer their help).

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⁕ Leo / 5-17-29 degrees: Stars wannabe. Intensely crying in front of the mirror portraying a desperate girl that has been cheated on, then recompose themselves and admire how good they just were pffft. Put on glasses even at home to feel extra, hit the door while walking cause they can't see a thing, get on the floor purposely, decides to play the blind character, gets up, * sudden dramatic enhancement of the other senses*. Dancing with the starssss. No seriosuly, they should apply, but as the professional dancer cause they so good! (and well they're not stars.... yet 👀). Like the other 2 fire venuses they enjoy moving their body so workouts are very appreciated, but leos especially loove hiit workouts, go build that cooore. Lovers of loong passionate and romantic dramas, they wanna feel all the emotions and they stay loyal to a specific series so they wish it could go on forevahh (hello..."Beautiful" lmao). ✨ Randomly transform their home in a runway show. Start walking like a model to feel themselves ✨ List all the things they can do and skills they acquired to feel good about themselves, then they list all the things they wanna work towards to use that self esteem boost to enhance their motivation and work towards their future goals.

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⁕ Virgo / 6-18 degrees : Killing the chilling. No seriosuly, these people seem like they can't 100% chill properly, and some of them may take 'something' to feel completely detached and lost from reality for a bit... 👀 They chill by making plans. Always trying to find things to do and learn to always get better. Working on themselves is their favourite project. Scanning the room in bed instead of chilling, seeing if there's something they need to adjust or clean. Overthinking the heck out of their lives...wait weren't you supposed to chill? Nevermind 🙈. Roasting others...in their minds hehe, they won't let others see how much they enjoy analizing their mistakes. 'Lemme give you advice on this thing' , others: uhm... ok but chilllll. And you ask Virgo venuses whyy they continue to give advices even when people don't listen to them. Well... saying 'I told you' is more satifying than hearing 'i don't care' 😘 (underlying validation issues). Well...i mean, they could chill while crafting, i give you this, it's probably the only time where they get near the definition of chilling...but hey hold on, cause soon enough they gonna find out details about how they're not perfect at what they do so kill the chill again and let the procrastination beginnn (wait... is procrastination's Virgo's way of chilling?)

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⁕ Libra / 7-19 degrees: They wanna experience the finest things in life. They go to that fancy restaurant, get that fancy dress, buy those fancy flowers... they wanna feel cuddled by life and specifically... lifestyle. They need to feel they value by surroundings themselves with valuable things. That's why they chill by going shopping or talking to new people, because where they see value in, they get value from. It's all about feeling good about themselves. Have a sweet tooth (but enjoy eating overall, it's like they enjoy the experience of taste, they're not really picky ultimately). Can splurge on personal care, lots of tools for facials or expensive skincare (cause after eating sugar they need to mantain the perfect skin lol). They work a lot on the mantainance of the self. That's why they have a good eye for fashion and aesthetics, because they have been researching and analizing everything that's out there to understand what's better for them, but they still haven't found out their true style due to their indecisive nature 😂. Plus let's admit it, they like to change often and renew themselves to maintain that 'interesting persona' 👀

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⁕ Scorpio / 8-20 degrees : Drowning their nose in personality tests. Seriously, when these people wanna chill, all they got on their mind is how to understand that mind even more. They're detectives of their own psyche. Lovers of shadow work. Let all those intense questions unfold! Obsessive researchers. They find a topic they like, they delve deep into it until they've found enough to feel satisfied and jump on another theme to obsess themselves over. Probably watching a lot of documentaries on criminals and unresolved cases trying to find the final answer themselves. Masters at playing Cluedo. Read everybodies's minds in every single setting, it makes them relaxed by feeling in control of the room's energies, and yeah... even during lunch between family members lmao. Need plenty of alone time. They're secretly training to become wizards/witches 👀. Probably like to sip pomegranate juice or any other juicy and thick flavoured drink. Sometimes they forget to even eat because of how invested theyre in their researches lol. I know you're already attractive as hell, but y'all take care of your bodyyy

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⁕ Sagittarius / 9-21 degrees : The boy/girl scout. Those people HAVE to move, they can't stay still or they'll start to stress out. They love a good trip somewhere new, visiting places abroad, taking that bus/train and not knowing where it'll take them (they get lost easily lmfao but they don't mind it, it's part of the thrilling experience). Documentaries lovers: can't go out? Let them wander with their minds. Like to change activities often as they get bored quickly. Enjoy trying to eat different types of food from different cultures. They like to go shopping a lot, to have little souvenirs of all the places they've been to (can tend to overspend depending on other placements in the chart). The one who find excitement in daring to do what everyone else don't want to do. Can love to pertake in volounteering activities, especially if they require them to sail to another country, they enjoy being helpful to other people in need (if underdeveloped can have hero complex). Probably enjoy playing on the Wii in competitive games, they're always up for a competition, even for the slightest thing, like "who can finish up this bottle of water first?? Ready? Start!" (they can announce little challenges like this veeery randomly and everyone will follow their lead, it's crazy haha)

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⁕ Capricorn / 10-22 degrees : Counting their money. Sorting their bills. Sooo relaxing right, especially when the money in your bank account keep groowingg 👀 (they probably watch cash envelope stuffing videos + budgeting on YT). Relax by doing the same routine every day, they can do it without even thinking, and that to them is relieving. They enjoy the adulting process, so actually...going to work can feel like chilling to them lol, they like to feel a sense of responsibility, it makes them feel motivated to always grow, and having a sense of order and stability, that's what makes them feel relaxed and safe. Constantly reading self-help books. Probably sipping their wine while chilling or an expensive drink or a concentrated drink (blueberry juice peraphs). They like high quality items, so they usually shop designer clothes/accessories, they love those labels lol. They love the sofa, don't ask me why lol, most people love the bed, capricorn venuses love the sofa, periodt (can it be because the space is restricted and Cap being ruled by Saturn, planet of restrictions... well, could be).

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⁕ Aquarius / 11-23 degrees : The videogamer. Have way too many hobbies that have nothing in common. Wanna splurge on those headphones too? You already have the bunny ears ones, the cat ears ones, the led ones, guyzzz you have a whole collection of them lmao. Are probably into reading about the unknown mysteries of the universe. Conspiracy theories lovers (they just love when they can confuse others people's minds with all their absurdities). The ones who find excitement in daring to do what everyone else don't want to do. Collectors of technology stuff, yup, they still have the gameboyy 🥺. Unpredictable af but they enjoy being this way so people can always question them and think of them as interesting. Introverted people that need to recharge by being alone. Probably Webtoons and manga lovers. Enjoy pertaking in protest marches, feeling part of the crowd (sense of belonging) and feeling they can contribute to a greater cause. They feel the need to do something crazy once in a while, so if you see them bunjee jumping randomly, or trying others 'dangerous' activities don't be surprised (pls, be careful, and don't try anything illegal....understood?👀...pfft, i already know you're gonna roll your eyes, and think, here we go, another sheep that is trying to tell me what to do lol)

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⁕ Pisces / 12-24 degrees : Do you think thinking about "what ifs" is relaxing?? Y'allll pleaseee, i know the feeling is good when you imagine your perfect reality...but...you literally take it as a hobby and do it way too much...to your own detriment 😭. They looove watching romance movies and dramas, it's their bread and butter (to give food to those daydreams right?🙃). Play music ALL day and get lost in their world, and then suddenly it's time to go to bed and they realize they lost another day to daydreaming, now they got to the nightdreaming phase of the day lol 😂😭. Loves taking baths, the contact with water feels truly healing to them, they could stay in the water 24/7. Can be extremely good at painting or drawing, or singing (and other artistic activities too), and relax by doing these activities. Just asking, but are y'all ok with the low blood pressure?😢(also curious, do you tend to have low blood pressure?). Can relax but lose themselves watching the phone,especially social medias. Until they realize they're literally watching and living an illusion, they think they live by watching everyone else's lives and connect with them through the screen, but they're not living their own life by going out there, and experiencing the world as main characters, not just extras of their own lives.

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Congrats! You've reached the end! ✨

Hope you enjoyed this post, always rememer that we are not just one placement, so if you didn't resonate, that's ok, i'd love to know your feedback in both cases (if you did or did not resonate), it is always very appreciated 🥰

Wish you a wonderful day! 🍷 Yours, Linnie 🌸

[bedoballoons]

oh well if you didn’t get itI basically said that move to will probably not be able to control mui because he only appears to turn into ai but it’s just an illiusion.

for my request it was another mitsuri like us x character but we are sad about our past.

SPOILER FOR SEASON 3!!!!!

Due to mitsuri eating so much food, having be reallly strong and have pink and green hair. She was called a pig and one EX said that only a cow or pig would ever marry her which made her dye her hair black and eat 9x less than she needed. And when she found another partner she realized she don’t keep on pretending. One headcannon can I have about her is that you do this she gained an eating disorder. Where she will not eat as much as she needs.

can the characters be: wanderer,albedo,diluc,kaeya,xiao and one of your choice. I love your works and also My cat just had 3 KITTYS!!! I plan on naming them scarameow,kokkie and coco.🐱🐱🍫🍪

Ohhh! You know I really seem to write this show alot and I've still never seen it... :p CONGRATULATIONS on kittens!! Those are such cute names!! I hope they are all doing well ❤️❤️

─⊰⁠⊹ฺ🎃𝔾𝕖𝕟𝕤𝕙𝕚𝕟 ℍ𝕖𝕒𝕕𝕔𝕒𝕟𝕠𝕟𝕤⊰⁠⊹ฺ🎃

{༻~Mitsuri like reader~༺}

CW: Angsty! Reader has a eating disorder, has been called a pig and is self conscious about weight! (Pet names: Lyney: Mon chérie, my love,

A/n: I just wanted to say that if you've ever been called a pig, or cow or made fun of for your weight, please don't listen to them. Your body is beautiful and me personally I think you're amazing wether you're skinnier than average or heavier than average. You are gorgeous! ❤️

(Includes: Diluc, Lyney, Albedo, Xiao, Wanderer, and Kaeya!)

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𑁍༄Diluc:

Diluc set a plate in front of you, sitting in the chair across from you with a hopeful gleam in his red eyes...,"I haven't seen you eat anything all day...please, just a few bites. It's your favourite, fresh out of the oven." You looked down at the fresh warm food, the wonderful smell making your stomach churn unhappily, it was such a fatty dish...

Suddenly the harsh words of others started playing in your head, reminding you why you wanted to loose weight so badly..

Pig

Cow

Fatty

You pushed his cooking away, unable to even take a nibble, "I'm not hungry...sorry Diluc. It smells amazing though..." you tried to smile at him, but he clearly wasn't happy with your response. He took your hand into his and placed a kiss on your fingers, whispering against them with sorrow in his voice, "You are beautiful the way you are...please, don't listen to them."

𑁍༄Lyney:

Lyney hurried up to you, holding a freshly baked croissant in his hands that he'd gotten for the two of you to share, silently hoping you'd eat it with him...that all of his suspicions weren't true, "Mon chérie! Looks yummy hmm? Want to sit down for a bite?" His eyes met yours and he simply couldn't imagine how someone could say anything horrible about you, you...were the most gorgeous person in his eyes and he wished so desperately he could show you that.

"I don't mind if we sit and chat while you eat! I'm not really in the mood for a croissant right now, thank you though." You tried your best to sound sweet and truthful, feeling so guilty you had to lie to him...but you wanted to be perfect for him and loosing weight seemed to be the only way...at least in everyone else's eyes.

"...my love, I'll get you anything you wish to eat.."

"I'm just...not hungry right now Lyney."

He grasped your wrist softly, stopping you from walking away so he could kiss your lips...he'd find a way to show you your own beauty, he'd tell you every hour on the dot if he had to...

𑁍༄Albedo:

Albedo bit his lip, for once in his life he had encountered a problem he just had no idea how to solve, he thought of you as the true meaning of life, the very being that made him want to get out of bed every morning and show his love for you any way he could, a inspiration that never ceased to look perfect and yet...you didn't feel that way about yourself...

How could it be, how could someone break your heart...call you a pig for enjoying food...a cow, it bothered him to no end and he just couldn't wrap his head around that cruelty..."Klee and I made cookies...they are chocolate chip...with a few sprinkles, would you like some?" He sat next to you, Klee following after him, "Ohhh please try one! The sprinkles make them extra yummy!" She looked at you with such a cute face...that for a split second you considered it...they smelled so good and even with sprinkles you could tell they'd be delicious..but, you felt sick at the thought of taking bite...

"Awe next time Klee, I'm...not hungry right now..."

Albedo sighed...how was he going to fix this...

𑁍༄Xiao:

Xiao was having a hard time understanding your situation, it didn't make sense, why would the pathetic humans who couldn't compare to you in the slightest tell you such awful things...and why would you ever believe them? He was so worried about you, your normally plump cheeks sunken in slightly and your happy smile gone, you didn't enjoy eating...in fact he almost never saw you eat at all anymore.

He had to remind you every two minutes, just to take a few bites and even then you'd refuse, "You should eat...you need to. Please." You'd look away, slightly angry...slightly sad and just say you didn't want to, and it wasn't like he was going to force you to, but he wished there was a way he could help. He'd just have to keep telling you what was true...clearing their sick words from your mind with his sweet sentiments,

"You are the true meaning of every beautiful thing in this world, those mortals are threatened by it and seek to destroy you because of it...don't listen to them."

"You look perfect in my eyes..."

𑁍༄Wanderer:

"Why are you listening to those idiots! They probably wouldn't know what beauty was if it slapped them in the face! You are...ughhh" Wanderer groaned in annoyance, knowing full well yelling wasn't going to help you...but he was just so angry, how dare anyone bully you like that, get under your skin. "I'm sorry....I didn't mean to shout, I just, you can't believe what they are saying! Hell if someone like me, who's never loved anyone before...who never gave a damn what people looked like...could fall so goddamn hard for you, you have to be goregous. I will say that as many times as I have to!"

You fought the urge to cry, he didn't usually get so emotional over things like this, but he was worried about you and...for good reason, "Wanderer, I'm fine.." You tucked a piece of your pink hair behind you ear, trying to hide from his prying eyes that starred daggers at you, did you truly think he'd buy that? "Don't lie to me. You're not fine, you're hurting yourself...making yourself sick. Just tell me what to do! How do I help! What do I say...you're fucking perfect to me...isn't that enough?"

𑁍༄Kaeya:

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

"Oh...are you sure you don't want just a bite. I've gone and ordered two, you wouldn't want me to have to eat both would you? I'd surely become ill with a stomach ache.." Kaeya scooched the plate in your direction, using every persuasive method he could think of...he'd already tried complimenting you over and over, flirting with you more often, showering you with kisses and love, but you still wouldn't enjoy a meal with him. This was his last resort...

"Kaeya..."

"Pretty please...just a little would make me so happy..."

You sighed, thinking about how much you'd eaten...or more rather, how much you hadn't eaten and took a small bite, the flavours tasting good, but not like they used to...it was difficult to even swallow. Kaeya seemed so proud though, so...hopeful.

◥(•̀￦•́)◤☪︎ ִ ࣪𖤐 ☾𖤓~Have a nice day~*⁠.⁠✧

[tarotwithavi]

10 Random messages for you or about you

Just Random things you don't see about yourself that others adore or find attractive! Or things you don't see coming.

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Piles : 1 ~ 2 ~ 3 ,

4 ~ 5 ~ 6

This is a general reading, take what resonates and leave the rest ♡

How to choose a pile?

Take a deep breath and close your eyes and kindly ask your spirit guide to show you the right pile for yourself and the open your eyes. Whichever picture attracts you is the right pile for you. You can also choose more then one picture.

Masterlist × paid services

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Pile 1

I feel like someone here has braces or is thinking about getting them but is scared or insecure that they won't look good? Man just get 'em. They'll make your teeth look fantastic.

People love the way you walk and I don't care if you say that "oh no, I don't even leave my house " . There's just something about the walk.

People love the way you stand up for the people you love and how sassy and sarcastic you can be.

You are the mother of the going aren't you? People absolutely adore seeing you take care of people and act like a mother .

People can see that you are intuitive and probably have some healing abilities.

Try being more athletic, it'll open a new side of you didn't know existed.

Do you juggle things? Like you can catch anything at any distance and that's freaking attractive.

People can clearly notice that wherever you go you bring love and light with yourself.

Some People see you as their good luck charm but not in a bad way or in a way that they want to take advantage of you.

Some people may say that you look like the statue of liberty 🗽 💀

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Pile 2

You have the power to make anyone and everyone obsessed with you. But let me tell you it's can be a curse or a blessing depending on how you use it.

You may have your venus in 9th house or in Sagittarius.

A immature man is obsessed with you. He can be a Capricorn or scorpio or have these is his big three.

You probably have psychic abilities or are interested in learning about the occult.

Some people may get intimidated by your energy the first time they meet you.

White flowers or flowers in general have a great significant in your life especially jasmine .

You can be a leo Or have 8th house / pluto placements.

You'll see a lot of doves when your manifestation is about to come to you.

You should let go of the things that are not in your control or don't serve you. They are just a waste of time.

Your manifestation will come to you when you least expect it or when you will be a taking a new step in your journey.

●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○

Pile 3

Leave that toxic relationship or situation-ship. One you'll leave them a better person will come into your life.

Someone will try to bring you down or lower your confidence. Just show that bitch how capable you are.

I'm seeing a new job offer for you. This may start off as a low paying job but after sometime it'll pay you a huge amount of money.

You love dancing don't you? Why are you doubting then. Learn that dance. Show off your skills. Let yourself be free.

Someone in your life is treating you as a second choice or second option. Leave them. Who doesn't treat you as their first choice don't deserve to have space in your life.

Are you going to travel somewhere? Because I see that you'll meet a very rich and influential person there. They will be your teacher.

One of your wishes is going to fulfill. Be grateful and thank the universe the second you receive it.

Your skin look dehydrated please drink more water.

Someone here has connection with Egypt or Africa. Maybe a past life connection.

If you're thinking about dyeing your hair or getting a tattoo. Just do it but don't be too reckless.

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Pile 4

Someone is sending you an evil eyes or probably using black magic to harm you. Please protect yourself and your place. You should perform a protection spell.

You should seek out information that will help you. Probably research on the topics that spark your interest or ask for help.

Your on the road to success and you'll definitely get all the things you want. Just keep working on it!

Pay attention to your finances and where you spend your money. Don't spend recklessly.

You probably won't like it but pride is getting to your head. Ground yourself before it ruins Everything.

Someone with initials V is going to help you out or might have v in their name.

Wear more green to attract abundance and blue for clarity. Or work with these crystals.

I heard "red isn't bad for you and blue isn't good for you" . This may mean that things you see as danger might not actually be dangerous but things you don't see that way might harm you.

You are going to attract your true soulmate soon. You both are connected.

Use your words and intelligence as your shield. Don't let people fool you around.

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Pile 5

I'm seeing a person with blue eyes coming into your life. This may be a person you knew before but didn't talk to.

I'm getting that you may be accusing someone of the things they didn't do but you think they did it. Or someone may be doing this to you.

People think very highly of you and may see you as someone of high status . This may be why someone people want to take advantage of you.

Don't eat too much deep fried food. It's not good for your health. Eat something healthy.

I'm seeing a new opportunity coming into your life within the next week.

Someone may try to backstab you so be careful of who you tell your secrets to.

I heard "Pest control". Maybe you should clean your house or maybe you should clean your life and remove people who are like pests.

Some of you may be suffering from a severe mental disease. Please seek medical health. I beg you.

Please spend time around a water body like on a beach or near ocean . It may help you. Or maybe just take a long bath.

Don't let those negative thoughts come to you. You are stronger than them.

●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○

Pile 6

If you're thinking of pursuing fashion this is your sign. Or you can just learn to sew. It'll be great!

I'm seeing a suddenly wealth for you. You may be getting an unexpected gift from someone.

If you're not feeling fulfilled with your job you can change it. The things that don't give you happiness have no meaning.

C and M might change in future. But this is not a negative change. They'll change for the better.

Oh my you're overworking yourself right now. Please give your some time to rest or to clean your mind.

But for some of you , you're spending too much time on your phone or on the internet. Get a life kid.

I'm getting that you're going to travel somewhere it can also be an Interenayii travel. It'll be a great experience for you.

You are very privileged. You just don't see it. And you look great in gown and women's clothes. Accept and Express yourself.

Your going to receive a text from someone. This person is very successful in their life . They might even like you but they are controlling.

Spend your money carefully. Because I'm seeing that you might regret later if you don't stop now. Don't go after branded clothes just think about comfort and quality.

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[sxfthannie]

Crazy for Him

↦ pairing: idol!coups x idol!reader

↦ warnings: coups and reader are not in an exact relationship (more than fwb but a little less than couples), usage of pet name (angel), dom!coups, sub!reader, unprotected sex, oral, fingering

↦ note: this is actually a part 2 of 'His Angel' but it can also be read as a stand-alone! if you want to give 'His Angel' a read, press here.

↦ word count: 1.2K

Honestly, it was just a very small suggestion from your side on wanting to see Seungcheol in white hair. When you suggested it to him randomly during one of your little secret meetings, you hadn’t really thought that he would actually dye it white.

So when one day you tapped on the trending hashtag of his name on Twitter, you honestly did not know how to react after seeing his white hair peeking a little from beneath his cap. Now, you didn’t know if it was purely a coincidence and that the stylist had suggested white hair for him or if he actually did it for you.

Either way, you were going crazy for his white hair.

He looked way too good in white hair, pulling it off better than any other idols in the industry. And god did it look hotter with his head in between your now shaking thighs with your fingers entangled in them while he was fully dedicated to pleasuring you with his tongue and fingers alone. “Cheol.!” You moaned out his name as you felt your third orgasm building up inside you. Replacing his tongue with two of his fingers, he raised his head to watch you gripping tightly onto his bedsheets. One, two, and on the third thrust of his fingers reaching deep inside you, you released your juices on his fingers.

But he doesn’t stop.

“Stop moving so much.” He stated with a low voice, almost like a whisper, as he held down your waist with his free hand. “Wait, I c-can’t–” Your words got cut off as Seungcheol shoved his two fingers, which were inside you a few seconds ago, into your mouth. “You know what to do.” He says.

Never in your life have you thought you’d be sucking on a man’s fingers covered with your own cum but here you were, already having done it more than twice with Seungcheol. Who can blame you though? The way he’d look down at you from in between your thighs while you lapped up your own juices off his fingers had you wet.

“Good girl.” He coos, pulling out his fingers before smashing his lips against yours, his clothed cock pressed against you for at least a small amount of friction. You wrapped your arms around his naked torso, his shirt long gone, being taken off by your desperate self which brought blood to your cheeks as you think back about it. “Can you take my cock, angel?” He questions, lips brushing against yours.

You loved that about him. No matter how hard and rough he was with you during sex, your approval before doing something always mattered to him the most.

“I can.” He pulls down his pants along with his boxers, throwing them somewhere on the floor before reaching for the condoms from his nightstand.

Seungcheol hated condoms because it prevented him from feeling your walls directly against his cock, and from filling your hole with his semen. But he also hated seeing how distressed you were over your birth control pill not working, so he preferred wearing condoms to put your mind at ease.

“Cheol, no condoms please.” He blinks at you a good two times before a “huh?” slips out of his tongue. He was honestly feeling all giddy at your words but he had to make sure you really meant what you said. “Angel, are you sure? You know I don’t mind using–”

“I want you to fill me up, Cheol.”

You were usually very shy with him during sex, preferring to never voice out what you want but you being the opposite right now makes his heart skip a beat.

“As you wish, my angel.” He coos and just like any other times, he thrust himself into you hardly, the tip of his cock pressing against the places your own fingers can’t. And no matter the amount of time he’s been in you, you still struggle to adjust to his size. “Fuck.” Seungcheol breathes, your walls tightly wrapped around his cock bringing him the pleasure no other woman ever could.

One of his arms wraps around your waist, the other one resting on the mattress beside you to hold himself up as he thrusted into you at a slow yet hard pace. You find your arms wrapped around his neck, fingers tangled in his white locks. Sounds of skin slapping against each other and your quiet moans fill Seungcheol’s ears, and he swears it sounds melodic to him.

You rest your palm against his cheek, head dizzy from his hard thrusts but still being able to take in how ethereal he looked with his white bangs sticking onto his forehead from all the sweat. “Kiss me.”

What the fuck was up with you today?

Seunghceol wonders but still presses his lips against yours without uttering a single word. The kiss was deep. He finds himself nearing his orgasm as you whimper and moan into the kiss.

“Angel, I’m gonna come.” You place your hands on the back of his neck, pushing his forehead against your own. “Me t-too.”

He shoved his thumb into your mouth, pressing it down on your tongue to make you gag as he fucked you harder. After a few more thrust, Seungcheol watched you arch your back as you released yourself all over his cock. He smashed his lips against yours after pulling his thumb out of your mouth, groaning into the kiss as he reached his own orgasm. You moan at the feeling of his cum filling you up.

Heavy breaths filled the room as Seungcheol crashed down on the mattress beside you, his arm loosely wrapped around your waist. He pulls you closer to him after catching his breath, his lips attaching themselves on your neck and you let out a whine as you realise what he’s trying to do. “Cheol~ no more hickeys please.” Seungcheol chuckles as he raises his head to look at you. “Whyyy?” He says in a whining manner, “You can just hide them with makeup.”

“A normal hickey, yes. But yours are way too purple-ish and it’s hard to cover ‘em up.” He visibly pouts at your words and you can’t help but wonder how it was possible to be both hot and cute at the same time.

“Hey, but what’s with you today? You were so vocal about your wants.” Embarrassed, you attempted to roll away from him but his firm grip on your waist stopped you. “Stay~ Don’t go.”

“It’s just…” He patiently waits for you to continue your sentence. “I guess your white hair just made me go crazy a little.” You admitted, to which he let out a small chuckle. “You like it that much?” You nod with a small smile plastered on your face. Seungcheol watched you with a soft gaze as you fiddled with his hair.

“I dyed it white ‘cause you asked me to.” He feels your fingers freezing for a moment before continuing to play with his hair, a wider smile on your lips. “For me, you say?”

“Only upon my angel’s request.” His lips meets yours in a soft kiss brimming with love and you kiss him back with the same– no, with a more amount of love.

[pocket-watcher]

Maybe an isekai where the transported FeMC knows one of the characters has hypnosis powers (love rival? twist villain? Just The Villain?) and does everything she can to avoid him. That makes him suspicious, so he corners her and uses his powers & learns a lot more than he was expecting...

Anon you have reached into my soul with this prompt. I am SO excited to write this I can’t even EXPLAIN.

What’s worse than being hit by a truck and magically waking up inside of your favourite show?

Knowing all of the plot twists ahead of time.

She could never feel comfortable around her new magical friends! Whenever she looked at them all she saw was the plot:

Casey would lose the love of her life.

Danell would turn to the dark side to try and save her family.

Trevor would permanently lose all of his memories of their time together.

And Ryan?

“Something the matter?” Ryan said, clocking in on her checked-out look.

Ryan was the villain.

“Oh. Sorry, I totally spaced. What did you say?” she replied.

Who was she, you ask? The main character, of course.

The fact that she knew she was a main character was awful. I mean, the first thing she did was dye her naturally bright pink hair a nice earthy brown. And get blue contacts for her purple eyes.

It didn’t counteract the curse of a main character, though.

Love interests of every gender threw themselves at her feet. Mysteries and prophecies popped up every two days. She couldn’t even walk three steps without stumbling across a mystical artefact to help her and her friends save the world through the ✨power of friendship✨.

Yay.

So, as they sat around chatting she tried to pretend this group was as normal as possible.

But she couldn’t do that with Ryan.

Ryan had these powers, ways of controlling and manipulating the main cast. He rarely used them this early on in the series.

But that didn’t mean he wouldn’t.

She started out by avoiding him as much as possible. Putting her earbuds in as soon as he spoke. Switching classes (which she always sat in the back of, by the window).

He clocked on pretty quickly - which was annoying.

Then, when cornered about why she was acting so weirdly around him she claimed it was because she had some crush on him which only made him more suspicious and led to three episodes of her friends trying to force them together.

And now?

He was watching her. He knew something was up. He knew that she knew something she shouldn’t.

And she had run out of excuses to avoid him.

One by one her friends left to deal with some side plot that had cropped up, and before she could react she was sitting alone with him.

“So, penny for your thoughts?” He started, pushing the emo black hair out of his eyes.

Total villain stereotype.

“Oh, nothing!”

Being the main character, her smooth, easy lie, came out jumbled and awkward. Just a by-product of being in the presence of a villain. Or maybe he was activating the part of his powers that made them slip up.

Either way he could read her like a book.

“Come on, I don’t bite.” He let some of his deep tone sink into the words and she felt her head go slightly fuzzy.

She jumped to attention at once to snap out of it.

“Oh! Wow! I uh, I forgot about the - thing! Gotta go do the thing, yep. See you later, Ryan!” She tripped over air, steadying herself. She was still affected by whatever he had done to her.

“…did I do something?” He asked, voice surprisingly small.

“What? No! I told you. I have to go get the thing!” She said, eyes darting away from his gaze.

“Really?” He said, something shifting in his facial expression. He began to raise his hand, and she instinctively shut her eyes to block them out.

He stopped. Looking between her and the glow of his fingertips.

“Oh.”

She’d played her card, hearing the curiosity and amusement in his voice.

“How long have you known?” He asked, calmly. She stood firm, unyielding, eyes squeezed tight.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Is that so?” He laughed. “Then why don’t you open your eyes?”

She felt the temptation, his magic at work, tugging at her. She wanted to open her eyes. No, he wanted her to feel that way.

Stay strong.

“Come on… just a little peek?” His hands glowed more, her face relaxing as his power sank into her. She’d feared this day for a while, but now she was living it her mind couldn’t find the will to fight back.

Her eyes opened low, and that was enough.

The glow filled her vision, her eyes wide and jaw slack.

“There you go. That wasn’t so hard, was it?” He said, and if she could think she’d have realised that was the exact quote he said during the grand reveal…

But she couldn’t think. She couldn’t begin to imagine resisting.

“Now, why don’t you tell me how you knew about my powers hmmm?” His glowing finger beconning her closer.

Her legs moved on their own.

“Well?”

She froze, what little part of her was aware tried to fight it. But it was no use.

She spilled it all. How she ended up here. The plot of the show. Everyone’s hidden subplots and character arcs.

By the end of it he simply sat and contemplated what she had told him for a moment.

He stared at the broken woman before him.

“Well, I guess now is when things get interesting…”

[baby-trapped-boywife]

I keep fantasizing about, now that I’m finally comfortably passing, starting to forget my weekly T shots. I hook up with my fwb, this older guy who lives alone in a rundown trailer park a little outside my city. Neither of us think about using protection bc we haven’t had an issue yet. Until I get knocked up. I never wanted to be a father and now I’m carrying the bastard of some fucking divorced drunk. And, yet, it feels oddly right.

We talk options and I make my choice, which is surprisingly our choice. My baby daddy says he wants us to parent our baby together. It’s unexpected, but we decide to make it official and move in together. There’s not an expectation of a relationship, we’ll just be roommates and parents to the child growing inside me. I didn’t think my life would go like this. Truth be told, I’m struggling in the early months of pregnancy. I feel dysphoric and resent having to delay my transition.

He treats me like a queen, though, and I leave my full time warehouse job to work part time as a receptionist at his brother’s garage. Me and my baby daddy start spending a lot more time together because of this and because of living together. I start to think I might be lucky.

As I get further along, I find it hard to find clothes that fit my growing curves. I’ve gotten fatter and my chest has gotten more sensitive. My hips are definitely wider. I decide to try dressing slightly more femininely, it will make the whole ordeal easier. Doctors and nurses are frequently asking me if I’m excited to be a mommy and most people I talk to at work think I’m a tomboy who smoked a few too packs before letting herself get knocked up by a greasy old drunk who hasn’t even given her a ring.

‘I must be stupid if I’m carrying this man’s three babies without a band on my finger,’ I think the week we find out I’m carrying triplets. It’s a blessing, especially considering I wasn’t even supposed to be fertile. Or, so I’d heard. Maybe it was the missed shots. I’d been Icarus flying too close to the sun, only instead I fall to my knees in front of my new fiancé that night with a big garish heart-shaped shimmery ring on my finger.

With me spending every possible moment with my fiancé in his bedroom, I move out of my room in our trailer and start converting it to a nursery. My hair is a cute bob and I’m really enjoying giving into playing my new role as trailer whore. It’s not really me, just a sorta drag performance I’ve decided to lean into for the duration of my pregnancy. My fiancé finds it hot: me in a pair of flip flops, Daisy Dukes, and a tank top with no binder or bra as I answer the rarely ringing shop phone. I sit on his lap when we host over his friends and don’t object to the idea of being his bride.

I end up in a chic boho-style flowy dress that shows off my swollen tits and baby bump. As my husband takes me as his wife for the first time, I feel something shift inside me. I wasn’t playing some caricature anymore. I was officially the wife of trailer trash and that made me trailer trash too. If this was my life now, then I was going to have fun with it.

I keep growing out my hair, dye it blonde like my husband says he wants, and stop wearing any undergarments. I’m kinda a feminist that way, by freeing the nipple. These days milk is often leaking through my tiny tops. I still get spray tans bc my salon lady says it’s okay and hubby likes when I look sun-kissed orange. Before I know it, I’ve got a tramp stamp and hubby’s name tattooed on my crotch. Both were done by one of hubby’s friends in our living room. I’ll get more once I finally give birth.

Weirdly, the sex gets better as I lean more into looking like my husband’s dream girl. I find that I want to be whatever he wants me to be. Knowing that I’m his forever and free from ever making a decision again. I love what he’s done to me, how he controls me in every way. My old life is completely erased. Getting knocked up was the best thing a misguided girl like me could have done.

I basically had the best life ever. My man was obsessed with me and always giving me gifts of cute clothes and jewelry, watching me paint my fingers and toes at work when it was quiet, contorted to reach around my massive baby bump. I always giggle when I notice him watching me from across the shop, my hubby’s such a horndog and I’m the luckiest bitch in the world.

[stillfrownyclownlol]

@moonbiine got me with the Aiden bug

I thought a lot about how to start this and none of them were good so, here's this;

Frowny's Thesis on Aiden Clark having Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) based on the DSM-5 criteria, living with people with BPD (hi dad!), being...me!, and general vibes.

What is BPD?

Borderline Personality Disorder is defined by a prolonged disturbance of function marked by depth and variability of mood, pattern of unstable personal relationships, unstable self-image, marked impulsivity, and other symptoms. They can manifest in very different ways (the way it appears between my dad and my grandma for example is not the same), but generally includes this.

1. Fear of Abandonment

Nobody wants to be left behind, that's a given, but for people with BPD this fear can spiral into a paranoid phobia that impacts all their personal relationships. Because BPD is influenced by environmental factors, this often stems from children being abandoned in their youth (ex. My father was the child of a teen pregnancy and his parents couldn't care for him for the first few years of his life, letting him be raised by his grandparents. I also grew up alternatively without my mom and withouty my dad, and once for a time with neither of them)

It's been shown to us before that Aiden's parents are often absent from the house, for even months at a time. He seems very used to this and it's likely he grew up very isolated or passed around between different relatives. And I do think this shows in his attachment style; he is a very clingy and sort of "decides" to hyperfixate on a certain person (Ash *coughs*) in the hopes that they'll become friends, and he does this very quickly. Already so scared of losing Ash on that roof even tho he's only known her for like 3 months at this point. He really can't bear the thought of her not being with him.

On the subject of Ash he's idolized her sooooo bad she's so screwed. Pls the Angelic lighting filter he puts on her?? SHE CANT SAVE YOU AIDEN. YOU HAVE TO DO IT YOURSELF. (But i get it its hard) Ties back into how people with BPD see the world in strict black and white, he can't see Ash's flaws and that's how he defends her so much, she's literally like a savior to him and here comes the disciple complex.

He's been forced to move so many times, he's probably made friends who just couldn't keep up the effort of maintaining a long distance friendship and ghosted him, or even him doing the opposite, pushing people away just to avoid the sting of abandonment again. They can't hurt you if you hurt them first.

2. Unstable self-image.

He bleaches his hair end of story /j

No but really, tell me Aiden doesn't put up a persona- he's gone through the phases from quiet gifted kid to an impulsive extroverted mischievous mess. Don't you just look at him and feel the self-hatred coming off in waves?? Dyeing his hair, getting contacts, the ever present grin that must be painful at this point, it's like he can't...look at himself. Like he doesn't want to look at himself.

He can't even face his own problems; he literally paints a clown face on himself after dying cuz he doesn't want to process his feelings about it lol 🫠

Like genuinely, how exactly does Aiden want to be perceived? What is the point of this facade? For himself? For other people? I think he's just trying to shut away his past and start fresh without having to confront it, but...when the root is rotten, nothing healthy can grow, so he needs to get to the source of his issues.

3. Anger regulation problems

Unpopular opinion probably but he seems so angry to me. It's definitely WAY more present in the early chapters like when he goes tf off on Tyler, he was barely controlling himself there asdfghjkl- but I think it manifests more in him attacking the phantoms, it's obviously an adrenaline thing for him but I think he's taking out a lot of anger at the same time too. Even if some of this anger is coming from a righteous place; the desire to protect his loved ones (which ties into the abandonment too, you are still abandoned even when it wasn't their choice), because peope with BPD see the world as smth very...dangerous, I guess is the word? Even if maybe that doesn't apply to themselves

(Fastpass spoilers)

He's also not above taking his anger out on humans either considering he was about to take Alex's eyes out with that paintbrush and was gonna choke the life outta them-

(Done.)

4. Consistent feelings of sadness/worthlessness.

5. Self-injury, suicidal behaviour, suicidal ideation.

Aiden do be a sadboi even with all the smiley faces on his clothes. I think this is probably smth that was way worse when he was younger that led to that depression where he was locked in his room eating junk food and disassociating, and while he's probably coping with it differently it's still smth he struggles with. I mean shiiiiiit, because of his impulsiveness he does kinda cause problems but God he feels SOOOO goddamn bad about it lahdlsj, he was so guilty about the Ash situation, he probably beat himself up so much about that-

Emotions are very extreme, it's 'similar' to bipolar disorder with manic and depressive episodes, except they happen at a much quicker scale (in the same day for ex.) which seems to me how Aiden only lets himself experience positive emotions even tho he's in a deeply stressful situation (even tho there's good parts too like his friends) because he just can't handle having to fully experience those negative emotions.

Check, check, check! Aiden has zero self preservation instincts, he throws himself off walls, gets up close and personal with phantoms that could easily kill him, actually didn't give a fuck about dying?? Actually ENJOYED IT? But didn't wanna do it again because his Favourite person was worried about him and the absolute high of that feeling completely beat out anything else?? Okay man, we get it, you're living for somebody else at this point-

People with BPD suffer from chronic feelings of emptiness and pain is the best kind of distraction for Aiden (cue: him slamming his forehead on the table because he's bored)

6. Impulsive behaviors (aka a bunch of shit which can be summed up as addictions)

Well, for starters, he's an absolute adrenaline junkie, because he feels so constantly empty Aiden wants something to make him feel alive. And adrenaline is the flawless, biological, factual answer to this. Ergo all his octane hobbies and impulsive behaviors. Ties back into his obsessiveness, which, don't get me wrong this doesn't make him a bad guy or anything, we all get a little obsessed with things sometimes, that's just things humans do- but when you have bpd, it's very...difficult to just STAY happy, like an addiction, when the high wears off, they're empty again.

Maybe a bit of a stretch, but considering all the Ramen packets in his room when he was younger I wouldn't be surprised if he had some sort of ED or binge eats (Same bestie.)

Also for sure a reckless driver I'm 99% sure he crashed all those go-karts he drived before.

---

I don't really know where I'm going with this. It's hard to live with somebody who has BPD, it's hard to live with it yourself, it's hard to see other people go through it even when it's hurting yourself. I hate pushing people away, but you get so caught up in your own thoughts, and it just...happens...and when it's done...you really regret it, but it's too late...and you just wonder if things are better like this, being alone and not hurting anybody anymore, cuz they're certainly happy on their own

I don't think anybody who has bpd is automatically a bad person, they just have things harder than normal. People with BPD....they can be amazing artists, or good with animals, or really very kind. They have very big hearts, thats why they feel so deeply. And I think Aiden is a good person, because he has so much love to give, but has never been given an outlet to express that properly, but you can see him making great strides in learning how, with the help of his friends 🧡

Might edit this later when I get my thoughts more clear it's midnight here lol

[solar-serpent]

𝚆𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚑𝚒𝚍𝚍𝚎𝚗 𝚝𝚊𝚕𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚜?

𝙿𝚒𝚕𝚎 𝟷 → 𝙿𝚒𝚕𝚎 𝟸 → 𝙿𝚒𝚕𝚎 𝟹

Disclaimer: my guts are telling me most of you already know the extent of your own capabilities, so this reading will hardly contain surprises for you but information that would help you to acknowledge your talents and find out how profitable they could be for you.

𝙿𝚒𝚕𝚎 𝟷

You’re a natural money maker and manifestor. I see two remarkable yet different paths for you. The first invites you to connect with your body and use it as a tool. You might not know yet the limits to your body's strength or all the marvelous things you can do with it. Your movements are very graceful, like those of a cat or mantis. You have a talent for dancing and it would be convenient if you go for something slow paced as people is expecting to see the patterns of your moves. You could excel at yoga, taichi or another martial art as long as you can show off your body's flexibility and control. You have strong legs or that option is open for you.

Second path addresses your intellect and what you could do with it. You might be an Earth sign (rising, sun, moon or stellium) as I can tell you’re a sensory person. You like touching things, feeling their textures between your fingers or against your skin, and you would go only for whatever gets you to feel safe/comfortable. Nobody can make you change your mind when it comes to your preferences and you have a tendency to shelter in your own knowledge. You could become a prestigious university professor if you pursue an academic career.

You also have the gift of teaching and expressing your ideas in a clear and straightforward way.

Hi! I hope you liked this collective reading. Interested in getting a personal service? I'm offering these readings in honor of spooky season and their purpose is revealing the hidden aspects of your person, including talents, charms, beliefs and secret lovers.

𝙿𝚒𝚕𝚎 𝟸

I see someone with great potential for the fine arts that unfortunately had been repressed. Perhaps by yourself or it was your parents. It doesn’t matter now, but it’s time you check whether you had the same self-limiting mindset from the past or not. You could've had high expectations on everything you did and wanted to, or you could have honestly believed all artists were poor and lunatic. Some of your skills remain hidden, unexplored for who knows how long. Your fear of failure is stronger than your love for the crafts. Unbelievable! When I am addressing a legit craftsman. Don't be afraid of challenging your abilities and discovering who you are. I see that some of you are dying to dye your hair of fantasy colors, and congratulations to those who did it already.

You have many interests as it is reflected on the cards, pile 2. You could do well with pottery, clay, wood carving, and sculptures. Goldsmithing could awaken in you a new interest in stones and minerals. I can tell witchery and the occult have also caught your eye. Not sure if you would devote yourself to witchcraft but the paintings or literature that allude to the obscure and ancient myths are definitely your jam. Your artworks could portray bright colors, and you might occasionally shift to colder colors or a monochromatic style. Your imagination is unstoppable, your creativity does not know of limits. You only have to overcome your fears and have faith on the process. Your art might not be able to pay your life expenses if you pursue an artistic career but this could be a fulfilling side job instead.

Hi! I hope you liked this collective reading. Interested in getting a personal service? I'm offering these readings in honor of spooky season and their purpose is revealing the hidden aspects of your person, including talents, charms, beliefs and secret lovers.

𝙿𝚒𝚕𝚎 𝟹

Here we got someone that was serious about keeping their talents to themselves, lol. I see it’s not a matter of being ashamed about what you can offer or not, but you’re an overachiever and you won’t perform for the world until you have practiced a thousand times and you can deemed your technique as perfect! For another group you might only display your talents before the people you think as deserving of such honor. 

You are a jack of all trades and have many interests. You could be good at singing, dancing, and acting. Even at cooking! You've thought about making a living out of your not-so-hidden talents before. You also know how to identify patterns quickly, you might have a mathematical mind that you can keep cultivating, and for this reason you could excel at astrology or languages.

You are beyond charming and could work as a host or providing entertainment for others. If you are a woman, you have the energy of a seductress or female fatale. If you are a man, your energy is dark and alluring. You tend to get away with anything by using solely your words.

You have multiple ideas bombarding you all time, so you could have frequent headaches given the dark thoughts you get about failing to be successful at your dream job. You worry you might not make a living out of your talents and got to settle for an average job. The idea of having a boss that is not yourself makes you go sour. If you dare to take a leap of faith, there won’t be a point of return and from then forward you would focus on your career.

Hi! I hope you liked this collective reading. Interested in getting a personal service? I'm offering these readings in honor of spooky season and their purpose is revealing the hidden aspects of your person, including talents, charms, beliefs and secret lovers.

[help-itrappedmyself]

One-shot.

I wrote this for trans week, originally under the prompts: reflection and gender euphoria, but I'm not sure it really fits. While it is about overcoming body dysmorphia, the gender of the person is never in question so I'm posting this without association to trans week

tw: body dysmorphia

Kon can look at himself and see all the things he would change. All the ways he is in fact, a clone rather than a person. Those thoughts could sink him to the ground if he isn’t careful. Instead, he focuses on this, this permanent thing that’s just for him. It helps him in ways most people wouldn’t consider. When every other part of him feels wrong- stolen, not himself, he isn’t himself- he can look at this and know that this part of him, here, this is him. 

‘I control me. Control what I want to be, what I will be.’

And it’s small, and easily hidden. Can be swept under the rug and ignored by the people who don’t like it or don’t approve, as if Clark, or Lex, or anyone has any right to tell him what to do with his body. But with every new tattoo he gets, he gets a new piece of himself that is him. He can’t change his biology, what is inside of him is done, he had no choice in his creation. But this body is his now, no longer a tool to be used.

He loves every part of this, the pain while it’s happening, the itching while it heals. Sometimes I like those parts more than the final product. Because those feelings are there whether he can see the tattoo or not. Those times are the only times he can truly feel that this body is his and it’s who he wants to be. Those physical sensations are proof that he is in control, for a short while. Too short, what with his everything, but he’s just lucky that he can get tattoos in the first place.  But even when the pain fades, the skin has healed, that mark is there. 

It’s a small bit of control over a body and a life that doesn’t feel like his own. And people can judge him for making permanent decisions with his body. The way people judge those who ruin themselves with drugs, liquor, cigarettes, sex, piercings. Forgetting that people make permanent decisions that will affect their body forever every day of their lives; with every step you take, every shower, every bite of food. Like taking ownership of your body is only okay when it's temporary, like a haircut or hair dye or clothes. Something that will change with time or effort. People can judge him for the permanence, the designs themselves, the choice of color and location. But they can’t change it. Try as they might, he took that part of his body from them. They can’t take it from him anymore. With their prying eyes and loud voices. They can bitch and scream and moan about it, but that part of him is his forever now. And he will know every time he looks at it that as much as family and people and society try to control him, own him and shape him in their image, that the only one who can permanently change him is himself. And their judgment is what’s temporary. As fleeting in my life as he can make it. There and gone with one glance in the mirror as he looks and sees the parts of him that they can’t take away anymore.

[isopod-chan]

More small affirmations for a slightly easier life!

I tried using more "always" affs and less "never" affs

I never bump into things or people while walking.

My hair is always out of the way when I'm eating.

I always carry hair clips and hair ties.

My food is always at the right temperature.

My bedroom is always at the perfect temperature.

I have strong, durable nails.

I always have enough battery in my devices (phone, headphones, etc.) to spend the day out.

My favorite youtuber just uploaded! Hell yeah!

The floor is clear everytime I'm walking in the dark. (I never trip or step on things when I walk in the dark)

How come the floor is always clean and smooth? (How come the floor is never sticky?)

Hair products always work for me.

Hair dye always looks the way I want it to.

My stomach is as quiet as an owl (my stomach is never making loud noises)

I am always safe and calm while driving.

I'm so happy my favorite restaurant is open today! (Or reopened today)

Employers are always so calm and understanding during my interviews.

I'm so grateful my manager is always looking out for me and making sure I feel safe at work.

Customers are so patient with me!

Boosters: I am a master manifestor. I deserve everything I want. I am worthy. Everything is rigged to my favor. Life is amazing. Everything is in my control. If life's a game, I'm a natural at modding. I manifest instantly. I am great. I am awesome. I am powerful.

[maxverstappensflatbrim]

Show Me Yours | Matty Healy [29]

chapter twenty-nine, act four: somebody else

masterlist

little Author's note /TW before this act begins. There's going to be alot of talk of drug use and addiction within the chapters coming, if you're not comfortable with these kinds of things please don't read.

January 1st 2016

“Happy new year, babe.”

Caleb leans down to kiss her cheek, before she can answer or mutter the phrase back to him Denise is sweeping in to kiss her on both cheeks, “Happy new year, darling.”

Tommie grins, “Happy new year, Denise. Where’s the eldest?”

Denise shrugs, “Tommie, we both know I’ve never been able to control that boy.”

The pair look around the room, “He didn’t come?”

Denise shakes her head, “He’s with his girlfriend somewhere, doing things a mother really doesn’t want to know about.”

Tommie chuckles, eyes glancing towards the front door, “How’s Gabby?”

“She’s lovely, have you met her?”

She shakes her head, “Uh, I was in LA when he brought her round to meet everyone.”

“With Caleb?” Denise asks, smiling over her shoulder at the American.

“Yeah, he’s working on his first album with his band.”

“And how’s that going, dear?”

Caleb clears his throat, clutching the drink in his hand as he steps up closer to her, “Uh, pretty good, yeah, we’ve got a few songs done now. Decided we’re going to use the two most popular ones from the EP, too.”

Denise turns back to Tommie then, quickly bored with the American’s voice, “And how’s LA treating you?”

Tommie frowns a little, waiting for Caleb to get distracted talking to one of Matty’s cousins before answering, “I hate it.”

She frowns deeper and Denise wraps her arms around her, “Oh, darling.”

“I want to come home.”

Denise holds her tighter, “You’re welcome back here as much as you want, you know that.”

Tommie closes her eyes, enjoying the warmth of her arms. Tommie wasn’t used to warm hugs until she started coming to Manchester more often. Shewasn’t used to being mothered until she met Denise either.

Denise pulls back to smooth out her hair, the dye is fading, blonde reaching her shoulders and her natural colour back at the top.

“Caleb’s whole life is in LA, and with Matty wanting to finish the last bits of the album out there I’m stuck.”

“Tell Matty to shove it where the sun don’t-”

“Hey, what did I do now?”

Suddenly a pair of arms are wrapping around the two women, a third head being placed on top of Tommie’s.

“Well, you’re late for starters.” Denise says, pushing his head away from Tommie to give her some space, “You missed the countdown.”

“Yeah, sorry mum, we were on our way back from London.”

“We?” Tommie asks.

Matty’s smile brightens a little as he nods and moves aside, one arm outstretched, “This is Gabby.”

“Tommie,” The woman introduced as Gabby says her name like they’re long lost childhood bestfriends, it’s so sweet, so comforting, Tommie can’t hide the smile that automatically fills her face, “I feel like I’ve known you years with the way Matty talks about you.”

Matty grins as the pair share a quick embrace, wiggling his eyebrows at Tommie over his girlfriend’s shoulder.

“It’s lovely to meet you.”

Gabby grips both her hands pulling her towards the kitchen, “Let's get a drink and talk. I want to know about you, not the Tommie he’s put in my head.”

Tommie smiles, getting pushed by Matty to follow after her.

Denise is eyeing her son who frowns, “What?”

“Nothing.”

“Tell me, mum, what?”

“You think that’s a good idea?”

“What?”

Denise shrugs, “Leaving your girlfriend alone with the woman you’re in love with.”

Matty scoffs, “With herself?”

“Don’t play stupid, Matthew, we both know you aren’t.”

Matty shrugs, scratching at his arm, “Gabby’s nice.”

“She is, which is why it isn’t fair-”

“If Tommie could love someone else I'm sure I’ll be able to too.”

“You can love Gabby, I know you can,” She says, fondly placing a hand on his cheek, “But you’ll never be able to love another like you do our Tommie.”

She pats his cheek and he watches her walk away, muttering to himself how being in love and attracted to someone aren't the same thing.

⋆｡ ﾟ☁︎｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ

February 27th 2016

“Don’t…. No…. don’t wake….”

Tommy yawns, eyes squinting at the light coming in through the curtains and looks around, “G?”

George moves quickly, brushing her hair out of her face as she tries to spit it out, “Go back to sleep, Tom.”

“No, ‘m not tired now…”

She feels the bed dip beside her, “Have a few more hours, babe…” Caleb says gently, hand brushing up and down her arm, “Big night last night.”

She nods, “Okay… wake me for pizza.”

Caleb smiles leaning down to kiss her cheek before following George outside.

“Keep an eye on her.”

“George, what’s going on?”

“Nothing  you need to worry about, alright? Just, make sure you keep an eye on her, don’t let her ring Matty… or Ross…”

“What?”

He calls after the drummer but he ignores him, “George, hey…”

Before he gets out the door Caleb catches his arm spinning him quickly, “What the hell is going on?”

“Keep an eye on your girlfriend.”

That's what he leaves him with, meeting Adam at the end of the hallway, he’s on the phone with a panicked Ross who’s muttering something about Matty.

“Shit.” George says when the lift won’t move them any faster down the single two floors separating them and Ross.

Adam’s the first down the hallway, going into the room left open with a shoe finding Ross sat on the bed, phone still in hand.

He shakes his head gesturing to the bathroom door and George leans against it, knocking it with his knuckles, “Matty?”

“Go away.”

“Come on, Matty, let us in.”

“Is Hann out there?”

Adam moves towards the door, leaning his side against it and speaking to him softly, “Yeah, I’m here.”

“Then no!” He yells back, “You’ll shout at me.”

Adam sighs, “I won’t, Matt, promise just open the door please.”

It's silent, they hear him move towards the door, his feet dragging before he slides his back down it. There’s a soft thud as his head falls back to meet the wood, “Tom?”

“She’s upstairs, in bed.”

The lock clicks, George pushes Adam back, muttering for him to wait as he goes inside.

The room is filled with bottles, packets of the stupid white substance they’ve been trying to tell him to quit since the second album came out. Some other drugs lay around, some George doesn’t even recognize. 

“What are you doing?” George asks, kneeling beside Matty who leans back against the wall beside the door.

He’s shirtless, yesterday's black skinny jeans on, legs brought to his chest as he shivers. His fluffy hair is soaking wet, sticking to his forehead and George pushes it back to see him better.

“I don’t know…”

“Thought you said you’d quit once the album was out.”

“I did.” He says sitting up and rubbing his nose with the back of his hand, “I tried.” He corrects, “Then, guy who used to deal to me came last night, uninvited, I tried… George-” He takes a stuttering breath, “It’s so hard.”

“What is?”

He shrugs, ���Being here, being there, everywhere, I- I can’t do it George. Can’t write, and sing, and perform, and watch them-”

George nods, sitting with his back against the door to let Matty fall into him, curling himself around his long arm, “Don’t tell Baby.”

“She doesn’t know… she hasn’t known.”

Matty nods, then crawls to the sink to pull himself up and stare in the mirror, “Tour starts soon��” He says mostly to himself, “I’ll stop then.”

“Then? Not now.”

“You know what I mean.” He says waving him away.

He opens the door, Ross and Adam perking up quickly, he moves past them to pick up his hoodie, pulling it on and drawing the strings closed as he grabs his keycard and leaves the room.

“Matty?”

“Matty where are you going?”

“Tom.”

Adam shakes his head, Ross is the first to reach him stopping him with a firm grip on his arm, “You want to let her see you like this? Want her to figure out what’s been going on? Why you’ve been so secretive lately?”

He shakes his head, “I just… I need her, Ross…”

Ross, the one who had found him that morning, screaming out the name of their youngest member while harshly kicking sheets from his body, takes pity on their singer.

He lets his wrist go watching him scurry away and stops Adam when he tries to follow.

“He was having a bad trip… not sure what it is but he was shouting- no, fucking screaming her name.”

George grimaces and Ross rolls his eyes, “Not like that gutter brain, more like… in pain.”

Matty considers knocking on her door head resting against it as he listens for any sign of movement. Then he decides against it and moves to the room next door, his room.

He uses his key card to get in, moving to the conjoining door and pushes it open quietly.

He climbs up into the bed, pausing when she sighs out, hand stretching across the bed.

“Matty?”

“Go back to sleep, baby.”

Her eyes flutter open to look over at him, “Hey.”

He instantly feels better, settling behind her, pulling her back until her body is moulded perfectly into the shape of his.

His hands travel up onto her stomach and she winces at the cold, “Why are you so cold?”

“Had a cold shower… hangover cure.”

She hums, hands coming down to lace over him, “Haven’t seen you in a while.” She says.

He buries his face in her hair, breathing in the familiar flowery scent as he relaxes into the pillows.

“Saw me yesterday.”

She shrugs, yawning and hiding it with the back of her hand, “Not really,” She comments, finger now tracing one of his tattoos, “You haven't been here.”

She moves her hand to tap his forehead awkwardly over her shoulder. He kisses her shoulder through her t-shirt and then closes his eyes.

“Can I sleep here? For a bit?”

“Caleb will be back soon.”

He shrugs, moving the duvet further over them, “He can join, can spoon me for all I care. I just need you right now.”

She nods, “You’ll always have me, Roddy.”

He closes his eyes, blocking out the nightmare he was having.

“Tom? Tom, Baby?”

He shakes the redhead violently, her whole body shaking with his hands on her shoulders, “Baby, come on? I promise, I’ll stop, just wake up, stop messin ‘round, come on Baby! Tom! Tommie! I’m sorry, I’ll stop, I’ll stop-”

taglist

@thereisaplaceintheheart, @indierockgirrl, @sofaritsalrightt, @julezs-bl0g, @eaglestar31, @sophinthealpss, @noacfemcel, @if-my-heart-bleeds, @befrwime, @fallingforel, @sexorchocolateorpillowsorclouds, @3terna15unshin3, @1975sophie1975, @thesocraticjunkiewannabe, @littlesoldierelleora

-let me know if you want to be added :)

[raylaserfrog-yuri]

*slides into frame*

....Fake Rayman hcs? Just based on ur own interp. Or mine if u want. Or both. IDK!!!

YES. YESS. IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ONE.

Okay, SO. this’ll have hc for these specific versons of fakeman, since i love most of the theories on what he is (raymesis, robot / ai, and clone)

Robot / ai fakeman: He has an E branded on him somewhere, I just know it. His limbs kinda work as how a magnet repels each other, just controlled enough to be believable.

Personally wise— he tries very hard to imitate Rayman the best he can, usually through old recordings of the late night eden show and old news interviews. When he’s on stage, he moves how the normal Rayman does— after all, he was programmed that way. But, when he’s offstage, its almost like he’s just. tossed aside. never to be needed until the next day. He doesn’t feel much about it, but something in him makes it feel… wrong.

ai / robot Fakeman also has moments where he does glitch out, considering he was probably made at a rushed moments notice. He was probably created around the time Rayman had gotten that call in his home when he was drunk. Even then, that call was probably used to get voice modules, as well as past calls that he’s probably taken. (assuming eden records phone calls too, which they probably do.)

I feel like Ai/Robotic Fakeman would be very curious about how real people (in a general sense, which includes hybrids and even ramon) live. How they act, why emotions drive them to do the things they do. It’s fascinating to him, and it even can cause him sometimes to wonder what it would be like to be… well, alive.

Clone Fakeman: honestly he acts more dead inside than ramon does. While robotic/ai has more curiosity, clone is just… a husk. only time he feels alive or wanting purpose is when he’s in the limelight. otherwise, he’s just the same husk he used to be.

His brain was probably wired to LOVE the feeling of being cheered, appreciated on stage, loved. And because of that, it makes him more attached, more likely to stick to eden’s side (cough cough “Without them, I’m nothing! THEY SAVED MY LIFE!” type shit)

Also, because he’s made with organic material he sometimes just. falls apart. like. like skin. just falls. and lums just fly out because Eden doesn’t know what they’re doing when it comes to making clones.

Raymesis Fakeman: I am so convinced this guy became the replacement JUST to fuck with rayman. I’m very positive. He was probably told to do it by Mr Dark, which if he’s still in this is probably in a high power (or yk maybe hes just fucking dead we don’t know atp).

I can imagine him having the FATTEST EGO known to man knowing that he’s taken Rayman’s job. If they ever had a confrontation I just know this mf would cackle his ass off laughing at what Ramon had become.

Though, he has his annoyances. For one, he hates having to wear makeup and contacts ALL THE GOD DAMN TIME. Like every fucking waking moment this poor thingamajig is sweaty and uncomfortable because of the PACKED ON MAKEUP to hide his skin. Also Eden forced him to dye his hair blond. Because obviously they did, they’re fucking annoying. Oh yeah, and he can’t swear. Which is funny because I just know Raymesis cusses in every single sentence he says.

Raymesis has literally lived in Rayman’s shadow for fuck knows how long. But I also feel like once he truly sees what Eden has done and is continuing to do, he’s gonna feel… a bit conflicted. perchance join his side.

okay ramble done tehe

[lilacveiledsea]

The kind of Partner Dabi is:

Dabi x gender neutral reader (no pronouns used except “you”)

Warnings: N/a

* Dabi may not seem like the type of partner to really give much effort in a relationship but he’s the partner who loves unconditionally because he didn’t receive love growing up. He doesn’t want to lose you, so he loves you whole heartedly.

* Dabi is so protective of you. If anyone so much as looks at you the wrong way they get burned. He’s learning to control that though because you mentioned you didn’t like it very much. (He still does it, just not around you)

* Play fights are a common occurrence in your relationship. Dabi knows how to pick on you in just the right way for the conversation to turn into either tickle fights or into wrestling. (He doesn’t say this out loud, but he lets you win on purpose because he loves seeing you smile.)

* If you dye your hair, he 100% helps you. We all KNOW this man is great at dying hair, have you seen his? Anyway, he will make sure that no dye gets on your skin, he makes sure it doesn’t stain, and that your hair is throughly coved in dye so it doesn’t come out patchy.

* Dabi HATES that you want to fight when it comes to the League. He would rather you just hang back and not get involved because he doesn’t want you to get hurt. If you do get hit, the person that hit you will be either dead or badly injured within seconds. Dabi will most likely have Kurogiri make a portal to you so he can get you out of there with out further harm.

* He loves when you kiss him, the feeling of your soft hands on his face or back or anywhere on his body for that matter makes him melt. He knows he’s not the most gentle guy in the world, but he tries for you. He doesn’t want to be the one responsible for hurting you.

* If you have pains or cramps he will heat up his hand just enough to have that pleasant heat to relax the muscles that are giving you issues.

* When it comes to sleeping Dabi doesn’t care how you all sleep. As long as he has you next to him he’s fine. He does prefer to be able to hold you, but he knows he gets really warm so at times it’s not practical.

* Dabi is so happy to have found a partner like you. He hates that it’s in the world he lives in, and that it’s always surrounded by fights, and uncertainties. But nonetheless, he will protect you with his life.

Thank you for reading! Likes, comments and reblogs are greatly appreciated! Requests are open! Please read my rules!

© lilacveiledsea 2022 : Please do not claim, modify, copy or repost/translate any of my work on this site or any other site this includes TikTok and YouTube!

[selfundiagnosed]

One time i saw a tiktok on instagram that was the life of someone with intrusive thoughts and she was like “i should dye my hair” or some other impulse and this guy stitched it and was like hmm weird mine are more like “i should put my hand in this blender” and im like weird! youre both just experiencing impulsive thoughts not instrusive thoughts the modern dilution of psychobabble is so surreal..!!😭 one of U just experiences violent impulsive thoughts and the other has quirky ones. Neither are indicative of intrusive thoughts.. Intrusive thoughts are like having an omnipotent entity giving you flashes of images in your head of horrible things happening to you/your loved ones.. thinking “I should ___” is not an intrusive thought SHRUG sorry if that offends you or invalidates your violent impulses. its more like a horrible scenerio in which you would be so out of control that the thing would occur on accident. or would happen TO you. Its not an active conscious (albeit random) choice to be thinking about something. I should bite this chunk of lava (i know it would kill me but it seems satisfying to chomp into). and youre disturbed by the implications of dying trying to eat lava… it just isnt the same as an intrusive thought which is placed in your head by what feels like a secret 3rd party… and i fear this is why so many people think people with niche ocd subtypes MAKES you that thing. Why people are disgusted when they find out about pedophilia ocd. Gender identity ocd. Morality ocd. Saying you have intrusive thoughts about an awful timeline in which youre a pedophile or abuser means to them youre fantasizing about it because to the general population intrusive thoughts have been watered down to mean silly or even maybe insane impulses you know you shouldnt do but omg wouldnt it be sooo cool if you could do it just once with no consequences? in reality its as if your mind has conjured up your worst nightmare timeline without your control. It makes you become whatever you think society hates the most and this will be based on each person’s individual experiences navigating the world. Some real social taboos like being a rapist or imaginary ones based off cultural beliefs like being gay/transgender. All in all the dilution of this type of psychobabble effectively alienates mentally ill people from their own niche communities leaving us with no space to seek solidarity for our specific issues caused by our disorders. Sorry you think she isnt suffering because she has hair dye impulses and you have real impulses like put hand in blender but at the end of the day you guys both experience impulses like everyone else does. And heres the thing is we all experience intrusive thoughts like even neurotypicals they just dont present like “i should do x y z” that would be an impulse. they present like vivid gifs in your head like thats so raven style or maybe some other specific way that doesnt imply a conscious choice in whether youre acting on the thought or not. But im not Gd or your boss or your father so dont listen to me!

[seeker-of-truth]

VERENA SOTO

So post 2.0 some things about my gorl changed. Figured it was high time I updated her profile, enjoy!

BASICS

AGE: 27 during game

DOB: June 10, 2049

ETHNICITY: American Latina

GENDER: female

PRONOUNS: she/her

SEXUALLY: Queer, uninterested in labels

NICKNAMES: V, Rena (reserved for the people closest to her), Rennie (childhood)

BIRTH PLACE: Wellsprings, Heywood, NC

HEIGHT: 5'6"

WEIGHT: 138 lbs

LANGUAGES SPOKEN: English almost exclusively, some Spanish picked up from around the home.

BODY TYPE: Think super featherweight boxer during off-season || ex: Alycia Baumgardner || Strong but with curves and softness – still a round-faced queen tho

HAIR COLOR:  natural - very dark brown || During her corpo days, she keeps it gray as a small form of self-expression, always pulled back into a tight bun. || After Konpeki she wants to feel in control of her body again and dyes it canary yellow and cuts her hair to a shoulder-length mullet to make the shaving Vik had to do to save her life look more intentional — both the cut and color stick.

EYE COLOR: Kiroshi optics designed to look identical to her natural deep brown eyes.

CYBERWARE: EMP Threading || Contraceptive Implant || Neural Link || 2 Chip Slots || Interface Plug || Auxiliary Netrunning Interface Plug || Smart Link || Raven Microcybernetics Syn-Lungs || Arasaka Cyberleg || NetWatch Netdriver MK.1 Cyberdeck || Modified Arasaka Self-Ice || Kiroshi Sentry Optics || Kendachi Monowire || MoorE Technologies Bionic Joints || Dynalar Universal Booster || Militech Revulsor Reflex Tuner || Dynalar Subdermal Armor || Kang Tao Optical Camo || Zetatech Pain Editor || MedTech Biomonitor || Zetatech Reinforced Tendons || FIA Behavioral Imprint-Synced Faceplate

CLASS: What I’ve taken to calling the “Buff Netrunner” - mostly relies on combat hacking but will physically mess you up if you get too close.

WEAPONS: her main weapons are a Tsunami Nue with a discontinued XC-10 Alecto Silencer and her monowire || she will often carry a non-silenced tech pistol on gigs, after giving Johnny his Malorian back she takes to using her old Arasaka JKE-X2 Kenshin (he totally gets her a 3516 after everything tho) || On Jobs that look to be messy, she will take a Kang Tao G-58 Dian as an insurance policy.

VEHICLES: a Yaiba Kusanagi CT-3X is her daily driver || she also has a Quadra Turbo-R V-Tech for the days ya just need a car || (Johnny's Porsche is returned to him and Jackie’s ARCH is kept in the penthouse and taken out twice a year)

PERSONALITY

Extremely guarded, likes to keep her thoughts and feelings private, feels embarrassed when her feelings spill out || Patient to a fault. has the world's longest fuse to a very big explosion || all icy, calculated fire || slow to trust but once she does, she considers that person to be family || will go to the ends of the earth to protect the people she loves || sarcastic || can be very ridged || highly empathetic, and will try to get people to better situations, regardless of the cost || will lie to get the best possible outcome || loves living in Night City || good with words, has learned to talk her way out of most situations || reserved, hates being approached  || feels like her life happens to her a lot and is desperate for control 

FAMILY HISTORY 

MOTHER: Diana Soto – alive, estranged

FATHER: Mario Soto – alive, estranged

Both of her parents were regular blue-collar workers, her mother is a machinist, and her father a welder. They had met in passing as she was dropping off parts at the mechanic shop he was working at and quickly fell in love, getting married and having Verena not long after.

Her relationship with them was always strained as they were both very closed off with their emotions with her. Because of that and being an only child, she never communicated with them well, eventually closing herself off to them completely.

CHILDHOOD - TEENS

2056 - At the age of 7 the standardized tests given to students flagged her as having an aptitude for netrunning so she was placed in an exclusive boarding school in Charter Hill as part of a special outreach program sponsored by Night Corp. She excelled at her studies but struggled to make friends as most of her peers were the children of corpos. She spent summers back at home with her parents and seeing the difference in the quality of life had an effect on her, jading her to NC as she aged. Her parents were ecstatic at the thought of their child having a better life than them, so failure became something that was severely punished.

2060 - By the time she was in middle school she had a small but close-knit group of friends, both from corps backgrounds and backgrounds like her. She was fiercely protective of them and got in multiple fights defending them from the same bullying she had received.

2064 - When not studying she became very interested in edgerunning, specifically solos, but rockerboy culture as well. She liked the inherent rebellion they represented and wished she could do the same. But she knew that she would disappoint her parents if she strayed from the path she was on. She would listen to records and read about the legends of NC under her blankets at night.

2065 - At 16 she was chipped with her professional ports, she viewed them as the final seal in the life that she was going to live, like it or not. As an act of rebellion, she shaved her head and got multiple ear piercings. She was reprimanded by the school, an action that brought her parent's fists down on her as well. During the summer she would often sneak into clubs and bars to get away from her home environment.

2067 - She graduated with high enough grades that she was able to attend NCU on a full ride where she majored in Cybersecurity with a focus on Offensive Hacking. She looks back on her time there fondly as she met more like-minded people, many of whom pushed her to express herself more. She joined a small band as a guitarist. Eventually entering a relationship with the bassist – Sara. It was a very toxic relationship and they both treated each other like shit. V’s generally guarded nature closed her off the deeper in the relationship she got.

20’S

2070 - The unification war caused the university to push its students through faster, so she graduated a year early and immediately started looking for a job, not wanting to disappoint her parents.

July 2070 - With Arasaka now back in Night City they were doing massive hiring and V managed to get her foot in the door in the Counter Intelligence Division – Branch 3.

August 2070 - After an internal incident her bosses found her to be adept at espionage (both traditional and corporate), so they sent her to do black ops work with a small crew in South America for approximately a year and a half. During this time, she honed her skill with a pistol.

October 2072 - leaves to spend 11 months in Rio De Janeiro tracking a “terrorist” cell. Her team eventually took out the group after she was captured on a solo reconnaissance mission and interrogated/tortured for over a week.

September 2073 - Rio traumatized her and she crawled into herself and didn’t want to return to work so Arasaka wanted to drop her, Jenkins saw her skills as exploitable and invited her to stay in office. During this time, she became estranged from her parents.

June 2074 - Meets Jackie at the Mexican border, he saves her ass by helping her extract an agent.

July 2076 - Moves into the Wells household.

Mid-January 2077 - Konpeki Plaza Heist

End of May 2077 - I, Pre Defined Starts

[antirqpuppy]

Ex radqueer here

Getting away from the radqueer community has been so difficult because in ways the rq community has been the only place accepting of things about us as a system that nobody else will ever not hate us for

As a mix race system, a lot of our truama comes from being not white in racist Tennessee. The only race we know how to be is white and we aren't. Over 90% of the system is white. They don't know how to be anything else. Our mom is mixed and our dad is so far separated from his culture he's spent all our life chasing other peoples cultures instead. I as a poc human being was raised white. Not being white in an area as scary as this one is traumatizing, and as a result, most of us are white.

Alter race

To help deal with our internalized racism, we developed a factive. A factive of a white man whose love for POC and black people specifically has him remembered in history as a racist. He was a very, very terrible person. Our introject of him is not, but he is a paraphile. he has a necrophilic disorder. He can't control that. Do the anti para crowd care? No.

Paraphilia

Many of us suffer from atypical dysphorias. Hair color, intelligence, our piercings, our teeth. The Disso-whatever the fuck terms are hateful to us and the reason why is because people with nonharmful atypical dysphorias were tacked on as a fucking after thought. That term was originally coined to be anti transition and then the "non harmful transition is okay" was just stuck the fuck on afterwards. I'm not going to use a term to label atypical dysphorias made by someone who's first idea of atypical dysphorias is that they're harmful. I have dysphoria regarding my hair color and I WILL dye it. That IS my transition

Transidentity

I was S/Ad and exposed to pornography and also sexual fiction at an incredibly young age. I had a porn addiction by the time I was 8 and was always looking for things more taboo than the last thing i saw. As a CHILD I was watching terrible content and now that I've grown I've truly found disgust in these things I didn't know were wrong when I was little, but now I cope through my desires for taboo with fiction. Reading and writing specifically.

Proship, comship, & darkship

The rq community had yet another traumatized child when they had me

And now that they don't have me, I have no one.

So sorry for the late answer, I didnt have the time for it!!

I get (some of) your struggles. Its such a pain that there arent many or 'open' people / communities of those groups that arent radqueer. I've never really thought of dissodic terms like that so its interesting to hear that viewpoint.

Again if you want to talk, my dms (or ask!) r open. :-) I'd love to give someone the space they feel accepted in. You def arent alone you just havent found more people like you.