#and ughhhh her ARMS AND BACK MUSCLES FUCK DUDE

[softbutchvodkasoup]

,

[cryptidblossomd]

Ignore me as I post my silly little story because I am insane

Errrm it's a god au thiggy? Of what ifs the Minecraft family was just deities LMAO...

Uhh also a Cw? I do mention dr**m but this has nothing to do with the actual dude. He is awful

A white light shined brightly as a tall figure came from it. Theseus’ form glowed for a second before he appeared in all his actual godly body. It wasn’t much different from the character he had just been playing as he modeled it after his actual looks after all. The golden locks and blue eyes that could rival the clear oceans and a slim figure that had slight muscle on it. The only difference is that instead of the normal one pair of wings “Tommy” had been known for Theseus had three pairs all as black as his parents.

Landing on his feet he blinked a few times, astonishment on his face “There is no way that green prick actually did it” his voice wavered a slight laugh in his tone.

“Afraid so Theseus” Kristin’s echoey voice rung out, her tone calm, a small smile on her face at the sight of her youngest son. Theseus turned to his mom with a look of anger on his face “MUM YOU SAW THAT PRICK!!? WHO THE FUCK DOES HE THINK HE IS??” Tommy growled smoke coming from his mouth “AND SAYING HE CONTROLS DEATH!!! WHO THE ACTUAL FUCK DOES HE THINK HE IS” Flames were now coming from the ground underneath Tommy’s feet. The ground turning into soft mud before immediately turning into obsidian. You see the smallest god here was in charge of all the elements in the three worlds; he could control Fire, Water, Air, and Earth. He was beyond angry now he didn’t mind the stupid green shit mocking him and maybe even his brothers but NO ONE talks about his mom like that. Theseus was furious, about to rain hell down upon that green fuck, but was soon cut short.

“Theseus the ground…” Kristin’s voice held no malice, just gentleness as she held kind eyes. The boy turned to his mother before looking down at the oasis before them “Oh….my bad mum..” His tone going soft but Tommy huffed, smoke coming out of his mouth but none of that anger was directed at his mother and they both knew that. Theseus spit in his hands, the spit a fiery red; lava he spat up the lava and used it to mold the now burnt-white space he and his family lived in. Kristin smiled at him “Thank you” She spoke the veil barely moving like she hadn’t even let air out her mouth.

Theseus just nodded as he now walked over to his mom and sat near her. “That fucking prick…I was just telling a joke stupid bitchboy can’t even handle that” Theseus growled. Soft chuckled left Kristin’s black covered lips “Mortals aren’t fond of our jokes now are they Toms~” You couldn’t see her face but Tommy felt the shit eating grin coming from her. “Ughhhh yeah yeah laugh it up, i thought it would be a fun one alright” Theseus puffed up his wings and threw himself back looking at his mom. Laugh she did, it was loud but also made no sound at all, his mom was always like that she basically had no presence. “Y’know I think it’s a cute name..it just fits” The goddess bend down to look at her son “What about making it your mortal name? I know you like your actual name but mortals don’t need to know that now do they”

Theseus opened his mouth to speak but suddenly another glow was in front of the duo. It turned a soft blue before the being split in two and then two boys with identical brown hair appeared. Appearing before them there stood Apollo and Pelios, Apollo had curly hair while on top sat a gold laurel along with his normal dark brown eyes. Pelios on the other hand also had those same curls but much longer hair with a deep blue flower crown, he had one brown eye and one icy blue. Apollo was the first to speak “Y’know Tubbo and Ranboo are freaking out over your death message” Apollo crossed his arms as Pelios waved him behind him. Theseus groaned once more “Oh there’s also that mum, them…they just AHHHRNSHSBD” he rolled onto his stomach and his wings fluttered nervously. Theseus has just completely ignored his older brothers, Apollo rolled his eyes and Pelios giggled “Tom…um Theseus you might want to go bad soon they and Dream are getting unstable. Dream isn’t happy staring at your limp body and sam….saw the messages and a-also isn’t happy…” Theseus groaned again “Mum why is trying to be human so hard..” The shapeshifter whined. Kristin just laughed again “I know my son but this is what you wanted” she hummed.

[youremyonlyhope]

Children of Earth: Day Two

AKA Lois is the most competent person to ever work with Torchwood.

OR: Torchwood somehow finds a new way to torture Jack.

OR: Deadpool 2. No spoilers, but Deadpool 2.

God why the Hub? Why the Hub? I loved the Hub. I miss the Hub. And I added this later on to my post for Day One when I remembered, but I’m gonna say it again here: WHAT HAPPENED TO JANET AND MYFANWY??? ARE THEY OK??? PLEASE TELL ME THEY SOMEHOW MADE IT OUT. These snipers all suck. How do you miss that many times? God I can’t even look at Frobisher and his family without thinking they only have a couple more days to live... Wow this show’s so messed up. I mean, a stolen ambulance is probably the worst get away vehicle if you don’t want to be followed. Andy my baby!! My girl Gwen’s so smart. Shooting the tires. Can’t these SWAT people search Rhiannon’s house without traumatizing her children?? Ok wait do teachers still take away phones like they did in 2009? Because these days, kids are just only on their phones and they take notes with them sometimes so like... teacher’s probably can’t do much. I got my phone taken away in 2009 just because I was trying to turn it off because I forgot to turn it off before school started. “The Prime Minister’s office has refused to speculate until more details are known.” That’s because the details show the government ordered the explosion. I love how snoopy my girl Lois is. Ok wait I paused and read what was written and it says “There are still some private acquisitions which Queen Victoria herself made that are unbeknownst to us.” meaning they’re leaving the door open for more Torchwood-like spin-offs. “As you know, Harkness is a difficult man to kill” UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE CENTURY. “I’ve just put you on the frontline. That’s what the frontline’s for John. First to fall.” Well fuck you too, Mr. Prime Minister. I nearly did not notice the significance of her having a touchscreen phone in 2009. How much money does Alice makes? It’s not an iPhone, but still. There were not that many touchscreen phones in 2009. See, I know that in the comics, when Deadpool was chopped up in a certain way, I think hotdog style not hamburger (LOL Commander Up in Starship), it resulted in two Deadpools reforming from the parts instead of one. So in at least one comic universe there’s a second Deadpool running around. So it makes me wonder if Jack could reform into two Jacks... But I guess the whole fixed point in time thing probably only allows one Jack to exist. Or at least, one Jack to come out of the parts of Jack. Basically Jack’s immortality and invincibility isn’t like a starfish’s the way Deadpool’s is. “Does that mean whoever’s behind the bomb is behind the children thing? Like they wanted him out of the way or something?” My girl Lois. She’s right, the government is partially behind it. LOL Ianto’s just watching. He’s taken over for Jack since he cant stand on any roofs right now. “Shh... we’re probably bugged.” SOMEONE GIVE IANTO’S NEPHEW A JOB AT TORCHWOOD IN 10 YEARS. Ugh my poor baby Jack. Having to regrow himself. Ugh. Ughhhh yep this is the part that’s grossly gorey. Seeing his body as it’s growing back. Ew. I’d hate to be the person who had to make that. Ew he has to cuff the body to the wall. I love that this guard doesn’t care that Lois is peeking in anyway. Even though he just heard her get told to not go in. Johnny’s pretty great. That was such a smart way to cause a diversion. And I forgot to mention it earlier, but I loved him saying “We’re the only family he’s got.” when Rhiannon was upset over Ianto’s note. “He’d have been better off staying dead.” Oh believe me, Jack already knows that. Wow I made myself sad. “What kind of civil servants are you?” “Underappreciated ones.” Now that’s an understatement too. Yeah, Ianto, touching a random girl is not ok. Not even if you’re a civil servant and alien expert. I love that Frobisher wanted to check in on his daughters before talking to the Prime Minister. Wow. This makes everything painful. Remembering them saying his children will be the first ones picked. He loves his daughters more than anything. Oh god. God I love Lois. She’s a little innocent and trusting since she’s like “Why would the government do that?” but also suspicious and nosy since she saw the order to kill Jack in the first place, so she’s trusting Gwen. “Can we trust this guy?” “He’s our guy in the government. If we can’t, we really are in trouble.” OH GIRL. OOOOOH GWEN MY GIRL. YOU HAVE NO IDEA. “Show yourself! Face me like a man!” “I’m not a man” OOOOH I want to love her so much but why must she be evil and trying to kill my babies? I think I remember her becoming good at the end, but I don’t know. It’s been almost 5 years. “I’ve got a floor plan in my bag” GOD MY GIRL LOIS IS SO GOOD. “*Spewing off instructions and plans.* Sugar?” I LOVE HER SO MUCH. “When this is all over, and you want a job, come see me.” SERIOUSLY GIVE LOIS ALL THE MEDALS ALL THE JOBS EVERYTHING. I can’t remember if she survives or not. Also, they should have brought her back for season 4. Though, for all I know they did and I just never watched past episode 1 of that season so I don’t know. Dude, be thankful they didn’t close the coffin. I would have died of claustrophobia if I was put in the coffin tied up, and then they closed the lid. Just knowing I was trapped would be enough to kill me, not even lack of oxygen or starvation. Gwen and Rhys were nice enough to keep it open. Ok but also, why doesn’t he just sit up straight? Even with arms and legs bound, you can sit up. Come on dude, use your ab muscles. This guard’s a complete idiot. Also, you’d think they’d give the guards Gwen and Ianto’s pictures and say “Hey, if you see these people, don’t let them in.”  Ok, this guy thinks Gwen looks familiar, so they did send the pictures, these guards are all just dumb. Wow. At first I was like “LOL body snatchers. What a cute code word for them.” and then just now my brain goes “Invasion of the Body Snatchers. It’s an alien joke.” and I feel dumb. Oh Rhys being overprotective. I love the way Gwen signals Rhys to shut up after the guard goes “You’re a couple, aren’t you?” The little wave of the chattering hand. I love her. Oh poor Rupesh. Why did you pick the wrong side? Yeah, Gwen should have done the clicky thing out of view of that last camera. Oh good old Ianto. I mean. A giant explosion is one way to ensure they don’t follow you. Oh how I love Jack’s dramatic resurrection gasps. Also all I can think about is how John Barrowman had to wear sanitary pads on his feet to protect them from the rocks while filming. “I’d hold onto your nose, Bridget. Though come to think of it, you’ve been doing that for years.” Ooooooh. I like Dekker. I think I said it last episode, but I like him. The framing of each of them standing in line with one of the panels. Nice. “Why are they coming to Britain?” “Why is that, Mr. Frobisher?” I love Dekker. Dekker’s creepy but in kind of a good way. He seems... intrigued by aliens... but also is the only one who seems to realize how bad all of this is. Saying it could be a slaughterhouse, hinting at the fact he hated when they came the first time around, and of course him tracking the 456 frequency for 40 years in the first place. He’s like “Oh, I’ll do what they say, but this is all your faults. I’ve been warning you forever. I’ll do it. But I’m not gonna do it quietly.”

****Deadpool 2 SPOILERS****

Not a major spoiler. Happens in the first like... 10 minutes. The fact that both Deadpool and Jack end up blown up and having their bits and pieces put into a body bag to reform is hilarious to me.

****SPOILERS ARE DONE****

Yeah so I love Lois. This episode is so great if only for the scene where Lois shows us how awesome she is. It’s a great episode in general, but I LOVE that scene. So much.

Oh god the promo. “John Frobisher’s a good man.” Literally that sentence just hurts my heart no matter who says it.

And it’s crazy that literally the alien’s don’t show up until halfway through the season yet it’s still so good.