#and to some extent kant's past because of its effect on kant and babe now.

[secriden]

*sobs uncontrollably* Oh the frustration of Fadel wanting something so very simple and easily within reach because Style already knows and in this episode showed that he is choosing him, loves him, wants his happiness and wants to be with him -- with all the weight of what it means to know that Fadel intends to kill someone the next morning.

Style, who offers Fadel the chance to be honest, over and over and over again, never pushing or demanding Fadel's trust, but asking for it repeatedly because he's so desperately looking for the barest hint of a sign that Fadel is on the same page as him.

Style, who is not just asking Fadel to choose Style, but to choose himself and his own happiness for once, and promises to do it with him; who dares to ask for Fadel's bravery because Style can offer his own along with it.

Style, who places his happiness in Fadel's hands, willingly and without reserve or hesitation, because he recognises in this moment that it's already too late to try to protect his compromised heart.

Style, who in the final hurdle, for the first time in the whole series, chooses his head over his heart and fails fails fails; not because he doesn't love Fadel or genuinely want his happiness, but because Fadel's final frontier is trust, and it was the one thing Style could not give him before he lost the opportunity to tell Fadel the full truth himself.

And no matter Style's reasons -- loyalty to Kant and the necessity of protecting Babe or fear of Fadel's rejection and dismissal from his life after he tells the truth -- is going to have to face the consequences of making this choice.

Because Fadel was ready, oh he was so, so painfully ready to take that risk for Style. He was willing try again for a life away from everything he's known since his parents' death; in spite of the hurts of his past betrayal, in spite of his fear of his mother's reaction -- he was willing to fight. For Style.

But there was no way for either of them to know, truly, where the other one stood. Because every choice Style makes, he makes with Kant and his baby brother's safety on one shoulder and the possibility that Fadel won't choose him if he knows the truth on the other. And every choice Fadel makes, he makes with the belief that Style isn't ready to shoulder the burden of the life he leads, and that he has to change to make himself worthy of Style's love and trust.

And now it's too late, too late, and neither Style nor Fadel will ever truly know what could have been.