#and to make matters worse... any BPD symptoms are either just ASD symptoms or the DID symptoms oh my god

[piplupod]

I've been wondering why MH workers have been treating me like I'm The Lying Liar when I talk about emotions and other people's reactions to things and I found out today (by glancing at a medical form that my counselor filled out for my intake at a program) that my psychiatrist actually did diagnose me with BPD and the psychologist who disagreed with that diagnosis and instead PROPERLY diagnosed me with ASD didn't get BPD taken off my file..... I'M SO PEEVED. and I doubt I'll be able to get BPD removed from my file because MH workers act like everyone diagnosed with a cluster B disorder is an attention-seeking liar. dragging my hands down my face. this is so stupid oh my god. any BPD symptoms that I do have are better explained by OTHER disorders I have 😭

[oshynic-blog]

Living with mental health

Hey guys, It’s Oshynic here, and I’m bringing you a more serious topic talking about me and my mental health. I’m writing this not to complain or moan about my conditions, but to spread awareness and hoping that this may be shared around to help those in need. Just a warning to those who are sensitive to this sort of information, there will be discussion about self-harm and suicide.

In Australia, our government supports those in need of professional mental heath help by providing them with a Mental Health Care Plan. A mental health care plan is based on a test and many observations and the results are written by a doctor for people to then get the support needed. An example of this test, called a K10 test, can be found at the beyondblue website found below in the description (https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/anxiety-and-depression-checklist-k10) but if you are having questions about your mental health, please see a doctor.

The Mental Health Care Plan identifies what type of health care you need, and spells out what you and your doctor have agreed you are aiming to achieve. It also refers you to local mental health services.

I recently got mine updated, to be able to continue to see my councillor for free. With this test, I am granted 10 free sessions with her and need to renew this every year.

Due to mine being updated, I would like to share my results so that my viewers can understand me just a little bit more, although there are some things that I would like to keep private.

The Plan covers any relevant medication that I am currently taking, states my hospitalised mental health records and my family history with mental health.

On the bottom of the page, it states any relevant Medical Conditions also, these being ADHD and PDD.

Let’s start off with explaining these two conditions. Please note that each illness is individual to the person and effects everyone differently. Also note that these illnesses have been approved by a professional paediatrician. Please do not self-diagnose yourself via the internet.

ADHD

ADHD, or Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder is a behavioural disorder, not an illness or a sign of low intelligence. People with ADHD have three main symptoms, being categorised as;

inattention – having difficulty concentrating, forgetting instructions, moving from one task to another without completing anything

impulsivity – talking over the top of others, having a ‘short fuse’, being accident prone

overactivity – constant restlessness and fidgeting

I have two of these symptoms, inattention and impulsivity, including one other that is not usually categorised; dreamer type, meaning that I am categorised as “non-hyperactive”

Having this symptom leads to being unable to tolerate a sensory overload, making it extremely hard for me to go to parties, be in classrooms, drive or work. I have to take everything very slowly and with lots of attention, which backfires because I always have my head in the clouds.

As a kid, I particularly enjoyed role-playing. I wrote scripts about being someone else, in numerous different situations. Writing was my passion, and still is today.

As a young adult, I struggle immensely with making and keeping friends. Always have and probably always will. People get put off by my poor people skills and not being aware of my surroundings.

Research shows that most little dreamers are female, and are therefore exposed to a different role expectation. Apparently, it is more acceptable for girls to be slightly scatterbrained, dreamy and slow. However, this becomes unacceptable once she starts school. Little dreamers are also rather clumsy when it comes to fine motor skills, so that no one realises how much effort has gone into the sloppily written homework. The biggest problem is remembering the homework assignments at all, and then starting them.

My biggest problem is told to go and do, but I forget half of it in the process. This happens so often at school and at work, and because I am so hypersensitive, unkind words or nasty looks hurt me to the core, to the point where I doubt myself so badly and become suicidal, flooded with self-loathing thoughts. The tears come far too quickly, and the I am powerless to stop them.

If you would like to read more about dreamers, here is an amazing e-book. http://www.medice.ch/indikationen-1/adhs/patienteninformationen/weiteres-adhs-infomaterial/traumerchen-engl..pdf

 PDD-NOS

PDD-NOS stands for Pervasive Developmental Disorder – Not Otherwise Specified and means that I have a developmental delay. Having PDD-NOS also means that I have some signs of autism spectrum disorder (ASD), like difficulties with social communication and making friends as explained above, but they don’t meet the entire criteria for an ASD diagnosis.

This means that I find social interaction hard, or show repetitive behaviour with routines and rituals such as self-harming behaviour when I am sad.

Having PDD makes it incredibly difficult regulating behaviours and emotions, which may result in me having, anxiety attacks and experiencing mental breakdowns.

 Onto the next page of the report is a examinations. This includes a variety of questions and observations made by my doctor:

Mental Status Examination

Apperancy: Normal

Mood: Depressed

Thinking: Good

Affect: Blunted (meaning my answers were blunt and straight to the point)

Attention: Decreased

Sleep: Nightmares, disturbed sleep

Appetite: Decreased

Energy: Low

Memory: Short-term

Judgement: fair

Orientation: Normal

Speech: normal

Some may look at that and take it as I was just “having a bad day”. But you would be incorrect. That is usually how I am all the time.

Risk Assessment:

Suicidal thoughts: Yes

Current suicide plan: No

Suicidal intent: No (Meaning did I “really” want to die)

Risk to others: No

 On the next page was my K10 assessment, with my score being 39, the highest being 50 and on the next was my plan of what to do in a crisis and my mental health referral.

Mental illnesses were listed as Depression, Anxiety and Borderline Personality Disorder.

 Depression:

I get it, everyone is sad right. But not everyone is depressed. Depression is a chemical imbalance in your brain making every thought and action worthless.

Some days it’s better, other days it’s worse. Some day’s I will wake up feeling incredibly depressed and other days are caused by something that has triggered me to be depressed, either chemically or emotionally.

My symptoms include;

The continuous feelings of sadness, emptiness or hopelessness.

Angry outbursts, irritability or frustration, even over small matters.

Loss of interest or pleasure in most or all normal activities.

Sleep disturbances.

Lack of energy, so even small tasks take extra effort.

 When I am feeling depressed, everything seems worthless. It is the reason why I have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. When I drink, I drink to forget about my problems, hoping that they will go away.

 Anxiety

We can all experience anxious feelings sometimes – it might be about exam results, a job interview or even who will win the final of a sports match. These feelings are a normal part of life and can help us avoid danger or perform at our best. For some people though, their anxious feelings can be much more extreme. This anxiety is more than feeling stressed – it's a serious condition that makes day-to-day life difficult.

My anxiety stops me from asking questions, from making appointments to answering calls at work. I get so scared that I am going to mess up somehow and doubt myself.

 Borderline Personality Disorder

And finally, my newest addition, BPD. Being affected with BPD makes it difficult to manage my emotions and impulses and maintaining a stable self-image.

The symptoms that I experience include:

Feeling empty, low self-esteem

Paranoia or emotional detachment

Anxiety about relationships

 //I’m really sorry, I got really distracted from writing this, so it’s probably best to end this essay here. Let me end on this note: These issues do not define who I am. They are traits and I choose them not to rule over me. Yes I have bad days, but I am hopeful for my future!

Please share this with any friends or family that you feel would benefit from this.

And please get help if you need it.

 Love you all,

Oshynic xx