#and to be clear using sex to groom young people for loyalty is also bad

[destiniesfic]

Can darkling's treatment of Alina in the first book be called "grooming". I've seen people say that he groomed "several young girls". Do you agree with that?

Oh boy.

Your question sounds sincerely meant, anon, so please forgive my eye roll GIF, but the people who bring this up are often being incredibly disingenuous. The term "grooming" in fandom spaces has basically lost all meaning from being so broadly applied in ship wars, which is deeply unfortunate because actual sexual grooming of children is a real problem! Trying to figure out whether a fake 500+ year-old man manipulating a 17-year-old girl in an ahistorical 1800s magic Russia AU qualifies as "grooming" is an impractical exercise! It's not a thing that happens!

But, okay. Do I agree that the Darkling "groomed several young girls?" I mean... kind of, yeah, I do? The Darkling manipulates literally everyone, aside from Baghra who's been around long enough to see through his bullshit. It's his primary personality trait. He manipulates Alina. He manipulates Genya. He manipulates Zoya. He even manipulates Elizaveta from beyond the grave, somehow. He works very hard to play on these women's insecurities and fears through careful interactions, to earn their trust and devotion so they'll do what he wants, no questions asked. He tells each of them that they're the world's specialest girl.

Does all that add up to grooming? Sure, definitionally. But when people use grooming as a "gotcha" they're usually talking about child sexual grooming, and the Darkling is grooming these young people for unquestioned loyalty, not sex. For most of them, this begins way, way earlier than Alina's story even shows. There's a reason the Grisha children are separated from their families for training at such a young age. It ensures that their loyalty is to each other and to "Ravka"—but really to the Darkling.

Genya is actually the closest that the Darkling comes to grooming these women in the way people really mean when they talk about grooming. If you haven't read her companion story, "The Tailor," you should. He abuses the trust he cultivates in Genya to pimp her out to the king when she is very much a child with no agency. But where I think people get confused with Alina and Zoya is that the sexual and romantic aspects of those relationships are the means, not the ends. He inspires desire in Alina and love in Zoya as a way of controlling them better. He is not grooming them for sex. Sex is part of the grooming, though.

Anyway, it all amounts to the same thing, which is "the Darkling is bad," because grooming children not for sex but to become members of your loyal child soldier army is also extremely bad. I just think that we can afford to be a little more nuanced about what we mean when we apply actual, real-life terms to a fake narrative. That's all!

[embossross]

From His Mind to Yours

Chapter 1 >> Chapter 2

✣ Pairing: Hanma x AFAB fem!Reader

✣ Warning: 18+, minors DNI; unhealthy relationships & dark content

✣ Chapter CW: very very bad therapeutic practice; sexual harassment; references to masturbation; references to murder/drugs/violence

✣ Story CWs: patient/doctor relationships; sex (oral, ptv, pta, etc.), degradation, torture (not of y/n), and many more that I don't know yet

✣ Synopsis: Forced into therapy, Hanma expects to waste his time and yours, but you’re not about to let the chance of a high-profile and higher paying patient slip through your grasp. The fact that you’re both attracted to each other doesn’t hurt either.

✣ Word Count: ~5k

A row of crude teeth marks mangles the shape of your pen. Do you nibble when you’re distracted? Agitated? Hanma waits for you to reveal the particulars of this tell. It’s Chekhov’s gun. Yet in the fifteen minutes since he first catalogued this weakness of yours, your pen has never strayed towards your menacingly, orthodontically straight teeth. It’s Chekhov’s gun but filled with blanks.

Hanma credits himself with a particular skill in reading people. He doesn’t worm his way into their head like Kisaki might or intuit how to inspire blind loyalty like Mikey. No, Hanma’s superpower is picking apart a person’s weaknesses. One. By. One.

You, however, are constructed so carefully, the gummy rim of pen is the only sign you have a beating pulse.

When Kisaki ordered him to see a shrink, Hanma obliged because obeying Kisaki is second nature after a decade as his number two. Time and again, Hanma has followed Kisaki blindly into battle or business. Nearly every time – especially in those early years – he was rewarded for it. So here he is.

Maybe filling the hours with the sound of his own voice in a sterile office is not going to relieve his demons, but orders are orders. Today’s order is to attend therapy.

While you explain to Hanma the particulars of your credentials – blah blah, top university, blah – he sizes you, his shiny new therapist, up and finds you lacking. You are young, probably overeager to prove you can rehabilitate one of Tokyo’s most wanted. An impersonal office to match your bland, impersonal clothing; conservative, probably to appease the sex freaks that frequent your office. Over-groomed with bobby pins digging into your scalp and threatening a migraine, nylons that would never dare tear, manicured nails with clear polish. You are pretty despite your best efforts to hide it. Still, there is something about the way you move, performative in your restraint.

You are either the most confident person Hanma has ever encountered or the most wildly insecure.

If you would just nibble on the damned pen, he would have his answer.

“I prefer to speak with the friends and family of my patients before sitting down with them for the first time,” you say – maybe the fourth time you’ve impressed this fact upon him in his brief time in your office. “And Kisaki-san told me that you haven’t been sleeping well. Have you ever visited a doctor for insomnia?”

“No.”

One-word answers. Just enough that Kisaki can’t accuse him of refusing to cooperate.

“Do you take anything prescribed for insomnia?”

“No.”

“What about self-medicating? Or…does your trouble sleeping correspond to the use of any stimulants? Maybe Methamphetamines?”

Hanma refuses to give you credit for a lucky guess. The meth could be classified as a pleasant mistake. The temporary brain bliss is almost as pleasurable as feeling his fist collide with skin, or the rush when a person’s skull turns concave under the force of his knuckles. It’s why he started using.

It also happens to make him trigger happy, neurotic and perpetually late to meetings. Hanma suspects the latter was the last straw for Kisaki. Overkill is one thing but tardiness? Kisaki is running a business after all.

“Mostly meth but also cocaine, Diazepam, weed, LSD. I could go on. I sell it by the kilo, might as well dip a finger in on occasion,” Hanma says.

You raise an eyebrow at his use of the word ‘occasion.’ The vast undersell of his drug use is visible in the effects from just last night’s bender. A suit and coiffed hair may fool the average person, but the telltale signs are there. Even now, he feels a stab of alertness from a popped Ritalin downed with vodka to dull out the edges.

“What about appetite? I heard mixed opinions from your colleagues. Some swear you should be dead from starvation at this point, others that you eat like a horse,” you say.

“You’re an educated woman, so you know the proverb: ‘eighth-tenths full keeps the doctor away,” Hanma says, only realizing afterward that he’d intended not to respond to your questioning.

“And methamphetamines suppress the appetite,” you say dryly. “How often do you drink?”

Hanma notes that you haven’t written anything he says down in the notebook resting on your knee. The pen is not just unchewed but unused. Paranoid, he does a quick scan for any bugs that might be recording this session instead. That would be a fatal mistake on your part.

“I drink as much and often as you think,” Hanma says.

You don’t comment at Hanma’s lack of answer or at his strange behavior as he pats beneath his chair to confirm a bug isn’t glued to the bottom. Satisfied that there’s no other place to hide in your practically empty office, he relaxes back in his seat.

“How would you describe your sex drive?”

The barrage of questions bring to mind a flood memories. Remembers his cheek bruising against a police desk and wrists chafed raw from handcuffs as his freedom is dangled like a toy. Hanma despises the arrogance and ritual of interrogations; the interrogator asking the wrong questions, smug on a god-complex that promises Hanma will break and spill his guts under glaring lamplight. Shut up and lawyer up is what Toman advises. Except, Hanma always leans into his interrogations, snapping and seething at the police and prosecutor until their questions trip frightened off their tongue and the power is thoroughly reversed in his direction. Therapy, it seems, will be no different.

Hanma adjusts his long legs wider, a manspread that immediately drew the eye straight to his groin and grins.

“Looking for a first-hand demonstration, doc?”

Your eyes flicker briefly to his crotch, and Hanma’s cock answers with a twitch. The victory arouses every part of him. It does not hurt that you are a meal for the eyes either. If he saw you at one of Toman’s many clubs, Hanma would not hesitate to press you to your knees for him. Cold as your eyes are now, Hanma suspects they would liven up when pooling with tears and panic.

“It’s a basic diagnostic question,” you respond coolly.

“See, but I don’t appreciate you wasting my time on questions when you know the answers. You spoke to Kisaki before, yeah? Which means you know full well that I fuck and kill and shoot up and all the rest,” Hanma drones, unfeeling even on the verge of speechifying. “You have a rulebook you’re following. I get it. You’re young. Maybe Kisaki should have found someone more experienced because I have better things to do than cry to you about how hard my childhood was. I was a bad boy, and now, I’m a bad man.”

“My age bothers you?” you say, glomming onto the question of your competency and leaving the rest behind as if it means nothing. Typical. “I’m only one year younger than you are. Do you believe you need another dozen years’ of experience to excel at your job?”

“I’ve left a trail of cold cases to prove just how good I am at my job, sweetheart.”

“And I’ve left a trail of happy patients to show how good I am at mine. Hanma-san, tell me, why do you think we’re here today?”

The clock above your desk shows another fifteen minutes in the day’s session, and Kisaki will be up his ass if he leaves early. None of the staples of a therapist’s office – bonsai tree, swinging balls, abstract art – are present to distract him. For the next quarter hour, Hanma will be trapped in a room as bland as a prison cell with a hot but painfully boring therapist.

And Hanma hates to be bored.

There’s nothing better to do than lean into the cat-and-mouse game, see if he can lure his sweet therapist into a trap.

“A trick question? The mind games are beginning already, huh, doc?” Hanma sneers. “I suppose I’m here so that you can finally put a diagnosis on what everyone already knows. Name what makes me such a monster to polite, tax-paying citizens like you.”

“Except, you’ve been working for more than a decade with Kisaki-san and never once has he suggested you see a therapist before, correct? I’ve heard in depth from your colleagues about your behavior. They call you belligerent, impulsive, manipulative, cold. Basically, they sing your praises. Say you’re a natural at your job, one of the best in Tokyo. Why would your boss decide those traits are a problem now?” you counter.

“I’m blushing,” Hanma says, mostly to save time as he thinks through your analysis. There is a reason he saw such immediate success when he joined the delinquent world, and even as Kisaki led Toman into the realm of organized crime, the skillset remained the same. “If you have all the answers, then share them with the class. What is wrong with me?”

“Wrong with you? Well, I suppose that’s a matter of perspective. It’s too early to diagnose you with anything, but informally, I’d say you’re a closed and shut case of Anti-Social Personality Disorder.”

“You’re diagnosing me with psychopath?”

“I’m leaning sociopath based on the interviews I conducted with your colleagues. But the distinction isn’t as relevant as the TV shows pretend. I’d say you meet the criteria if ASPD, just about a text-book case,” you say, matter of fact in a way that other patients might appreciate hearing bad news.

The label followed Hanma throughout the years. A rotating retinue of losers have called him a psychopath and then met the unlucky side of his gun or the punishment of his knuckles. The appellation doesn’t offend him, but neither does it resonate with him. Hanma never did care for TV or movies, but the serial killers and stalkers that haunted the public’s collective imagination are familiar to him, and he can’t relate. He has never once considered dismembering a civilian just for the sake of it or stalking a co-ed for the thrill of her screams. What he loves most is a fight against an opponent worthy of him, the risk to his own life that gets his blood rushing.

Still, Hanma knows that he sees the world differently than other people. It is almost like he walks through life wearing sunglasses. He and the average person see the same shapes, same sizes, but there is a distortion to the color, something only Hanma can see, and others miss. In his darkest hours, he admits it could be the reverse. Maybe he is missing what others find so obvious.

“The clinical definition of someone with ASPD has changed significantly over the years. How I like to think of it is sociopaths have a muted ability to empathize with other people. Not necessarily a complete inability – and in fact, your colleagues seem to believe you do hold care for a select few – but you don’t feel it as intensely or in the same way as most people. As a result, you engage in behaviors that make you struggle to fit into society. That’s actually a part of the diagnostic criteria. Criminality, manipulation, risk-taking or other behaviors that make you struggle to become say an office worker but make you excellent at…whatever you’d call your job. The destructive becomes constructive. We could spend weeks in this office trying to lessen your violent impulses, but for what? So you can be slower to kill for the Tokyo Manji gang? I don’t think Kisaki-san would thank me for that.”

Broadcast news and preschool teachers delude the masses with the promise that violence and criminality are the playground of a small, chronically ostracized group of poors and crookeds. The button-ups that go to the office every day, the housewives, and store clerks, they all trade in empathy and love and rainbow kisses or some shit. Hanma knows this is a lie. He has seen time and again the sadism of the everyman.

So, your mercenary assessment of sociopathy does not surprise Hanma, but it does intrigue him. He wonders how you would score on a psychopath test. Whether there is any feeling harbored behind your icy veneer.

If he slid his hand beneath your blouse and kneaded his finger over your breast, would you have a heart?

“So, I’m a high-functioning sociopath, and you wouldn’t change a thing about me. I’m flattered. That still leaves us with the mystery of why I’m here.”

“Is it really a mystery? You seem to have an idea.”

“Well, there was an…incident four months ago. I don’t want to sully your pure ears with the details,” Hanma purrs. He hopes your imagination fills in the blanks with the most savage scene imaginable. Even then it probably wouldn’t be as gruesome as the damage he left behind. It was sloppy and cost Toman a fortune to bribe the right officials to ignore.

“Anything you say to me here is covered by doctor-patient confidentiality. I am mandated to report if you present an immediate danger to yourself or others, so I would prefer you not tell me if you intend to leave her and commit a murder presently. That said, these walls don’t talk and neither do I, regardless. It’s just a preference,” you say, pointlessly.

Hanma knows full well you won’t talk. He will personally make sure of it.

“I’ve heard of mob lawyers, now get ready for mob therapists! How very new millennia of you,” Hanma guffaws. “Without going into the details, I saw an opportunity to win a negotiation with a powerful business partner. They had offered a deal that Kisaki accepted. The terms were set. I saw an opportunity with a little candid discussion to further sweeten the terms. I was right, of course. Our deal today is far more generous in our favor. But the aftermath of the conversation was a bitch to clean up and attracted some unwarranted attention from our friends at the Tokyo police department.”

To your discredit, you don’t react with a hint of fear to this confession. So far, his only success provoking you was when he questioned your credentials. He won’t forget that useful information.

“Impulsivity and risk-taking are typical in people diagnosed with ASPD. The research is actually interesting on the subject. It suggests that you could feel regret for the choice, especially if you face negative consequences, but you likely couldn’t use that regret to prevent yourself from making the same mistake again.”

“Like a toddler that burns his hand on the stove Monday and is dumb enough to do it again on Tuesday?” Hanma demands.

You don’t realize how closely you’ve danced to the edge with him. He meets people like you every day. You aren’t half so interesting as to excuse an insult, and he would have you crying for your life before you insulted him again.

“In over-simplified terms? Sure. There are two primary theories to explain the impulsivity and risk-taking behaviors of someone diagnosed with ASPD. The first is that your brain is just wired differently. The same brain rewiring that damages your empathy is also dampening your self-control.”

Hanma scoffs.

“I see you don’t care for that theory. My feelings exactly,” you agree. “I think there’s a simple explanation, and it’s why we’re here today. I think people diagnosed with ASPD – I think you, Hanma-san – are bored.”

Eagerly, you lean forward. Here, at the big reveal, you tip your hand and show your excitement. Your eyes are brighter than he’s ever seen them. Professional victory has thawed you and revealed the young woman, the human.

“Bored…is that a professional diagnosis?” Hanma asks.

“Funny,” you say, and it sounds like you mean it. “The other side of the boredom coin is depression. We’d need to run through the diagnostic criteria before I can diagnose you officially, but I bet you qualify. In fact, I bet that when you wake up on a lazy day, one where you have no morning appointments, nothing to organize your morning, you lay in bed for minutes at a time, unsure what to do. Should you take a shower? Watch porn? Make breakfast? Shoot up? Call someone? Who? How do you decide what to do with your day, when every option promises the same yawning boredom as the next? How am I doing so far?”

Yes! Yes! Yes!

Follow me, Kisaki had promised. Follow me and I’ll make your life exciting. At fifteen years old, Hanma had almost given up on life. A high school dropout, he watched boys his age jerking off to cartoons and crowing over the trials and tribulations of their school club, and wondered what universe they were living in. Hardly anyone could reach him. Even the other delinquents offered only the occasional challenge.

Kisaki entered his life and presented something valuable: stimulation. He taught Hanma to slow down and appreciate the build up to the big moment. The calculated staging of a plot to destroy someone else, culminating in the delicious high of battle, the last-minute pivot as your enemy reacted in ways you couldn’t predict. It kept him alive and entertained for years. But now…

…Now, Toman sits atop the criminal world as the uncontested conqueror of Tokyo. All of their enemies have long since been crushed. The occasional upstart contender is defeated within a month of entering the ring. Their work is focused on fine-tuning an already smooth criminal operation, optimizing profits.

What is the point?

There are so many hours in a week, in a day! And there are so few activities that bring the rush he needs.

Hanma doesn’t care for money. Stealing something feels better anyway. He doesn’t stake his pride on the success of Toman. Time has made him fond of a number of the top executives – Kisaki and Hakki particularly – but their company only interests him for a few hours a week.

Sex helps. Drugs help. Underground boxing rings help. But none of these things inspire him to get out of bed every morning.

He is unanchored. He is an addict whose supply is dwindling. Or, more accurately, who has adjusted to the product and can no longer achieve the same highs as before.

Sitting across from your pretty, blank face, and confronting the truth, Hanma feels split in half. He wants to slap you for seeing him so clearly when no one else has ever dared look.

Yet another part roars in celebration. He feels hyper-present. The fog of boredom is in retreat.

“Well, I’m certainly not bored now,” Hanma drawls with a smile. “You know, I’ve read in the papers tragic stories of some poor sap falling out of bed, bumping his head, and waking up a full-blown psychopath. Is that true? Do you think that’s what happened to me?”

You shrug. “Have you ever suffered a traumatic brain injury?”

“Sure, dozens,” Hanma smiles. His fighting style is all offense. Getting concussed is a non-event to him.

“Has there ever been a significant change in your behavior, personality, or perspective following one of these brain events?” you clarify.

“No.”

“Well, then, I’m inclined to put this more on your childhood,” you say.

“Spoken like a true shrink, though you might be onto something. Mommy was an alcoholic, Daddy was a diddler, and all the neighborhood kids picked on me. It was real said,” Hanma intones in a tragic whisper.

“We can save your childhood confessions for when we’ve built up more of a rapport,” you say, leaving the bait untouched.

“Boo! Who’s boring now? Actually, going back to that brain injury thing. I think that would be pretty entertaining. Could I take a decent citizen, no a step beyond, a monk, bonk them on the head and turn them into a violent psychopath? That would be pretty fun to watch. I may just have to try it out.”

Hakkai’s sister owns a spa outside Tokyo, in the mountains not far from a shrine. There ought to be one or two stray monks he could abduct for an experiment. All in the name of science, of course.

Again, you prove unbaitable. You don’t chastise him for his evil ways or wiggle in your seat. Instead, you ponder the logistics of the scenario every bit as seriously.

“Hmm…let me think about that for a moment. The challenge is it’s common for people to change dramatically after a traumatic experience, not from brain injury but from the adrenaline and the psychological impact. So, if you attacked a temple of monks, you would expect drastic behavioral changes, even if their brains weren’t rewired to psychopathy. You’d have to know about their daily patterns beforehand as well for comparison, so you’d have to surveil the place for weeks if not months. And even then, it’s more of a one in one thousand chance.”

“That’s not a problem. One thousand monks it is!”

“I’ll be on the lookout for that headline. One thousand monks mysteriously bashed on the head,” you banter.

Hanma isn’t joking. In fact, he’s trying to unbalance you, but you laugh like what he’s said is genuinely hilarious. In that brief moment, everything about you relaxes. Your posture slackens, ankles crossing to reveal a scandalous sliver of ankle. Modestly, your hand flutters to cover your mouth, but he can still see the stretch of your lips. Best of all, you tap your pen briefly to your lips, a second short of a little nibble.

Hanma sees the real you in a burst of unrestrained honesty. The same way you saw him earlier.

There is a temptation to let the moment linger with this foreign version of you, but your momentary flash of vulnerability is too valuable to pass up. Hanma leans forward to mirror your posture.

“Let’s say I agree with your hypothesis, and say yes, I’m bored. What then? Do you teach me how to appreciate the little things in life?”

You sober, resuming the professional veil.

“No. There may be some medications – a mood stabilizer or anti-depressant – that help. And, we could certainly work on developing some tools for when you are bored, so that you don’t do something destructive to break the monotony, but the main priority would be to help you find things that stimulate and entertain your need for an adrenaline high. That way, you don’t wake up wishing yourself or others dead. Instead, you would go out and stimulate yourself. Something like…car racing maybe? I will have to think on it a bit.”

How…droll. Disappointment crashes into Hanma like said racing car – of which he already owns two. After teasing him with your uncanny insight into his brain, you followed up with mundanity.

He despises you. Yes, he hates people like you. You could offer him no more than a monkey dancing on a string. Well…you were pretty. You could have one additional use.

Vindictive at having his hopes dashed, Hanma snaps back, “Car racing? Your cure for me is car racing? You know there are plenty of other ways I could start getting my kicks. What do other sociopaths do to get off? I could start stalking women, maybe start with a pretty, little therapist? That could keep me plenty entertained. I wonder how you’d scream when I’m breaking through your window.”

“Loudly. I live on the eighth floor. Regardless, you already get the thrill of holding power over others as part of your job, and you have plenty of sexual stimulation. I don’t think terrorizing me would offer you much novelty. My scream would sound no different than anyone else’s,” you say, brutally dispassionate.

“Spoil sport,” Hanma mutters.

There are a handful of people in the world who could rebut him so casually. He senses no fear in you, and against his better judgment, his interest piques once again.

“You wanted to scare me, and you didn’t. How does it make you feel when you don’t get the reaction you want?” you ask.

“Hard.”

For good measure, Hanma thrusts his hips up. Your eyes dart down before you remember yourself and redirect your gaze to your notepad. You scribble something down. Maybe too ashamed to meet his gaze?

“Our time is up,” you say. “I think this was a strong start. We’re agreed on the problem, which is always the first challenge. Now, it’s just a matter of coming up with a therapeutic solution. Can I show you out?”

Something hisses through Hanma’s brain, not quite angry but close. With the session over, he realizes how effortlessly you controlled the tone and topic even as he tried to disrupt or stonewall you at every turn. He had been reduced to a naughty schoolboy throwing paper airplanes at the teacher’s back.

Hanma can’t let you end this session on your terms as well.

“You’re just going to throw me out into the cold after making my cock hard like this? You’re in the services industry. My service should end with a happy ending,” Hanma mocks.

He palms his own thigh, drawing attention to the magnitude of his person. The threat is ninety percent air, but Hanma thinks he might cum immediately if you watch him touch himself. Or better yet, if you jerk him off with your delicate, moisturized hands. He loves putting a woman’s manicure to good use.

“I need to speak to Kisaki-san for a few minutes about your therapy anyway. Feel free to sit here as long as you like,” you say dismissively.

“You tease.”

As your heels click out the door, Hanma sinks further back into the plush of the armchair and thinks. He has always been excellent at picking out others’ weaknesses. So, while it could be his imagination, he believes his gut when it tells him your parting expression at his antics…it was fond.

When you close the door behind your office and Hanma, it’s not like you breath some great sigh of relief, but you can’t deny your breathing comes easier. The air in the room had been oppressive, like Hanma took three great gulps of oxygen for every one you managed to steal.

There is no time to celebrate, however, because in the waiting area awaits yet another predator.

“Kisaki-san! I apologize for keeping you waiting. Can I offer you anything to drink?” you say in your softest voice. You pegged Kisaki as a man with limited expectations of women and no appetite to expand his worldview.

Possibly the most dangerous man in Tokyo sits in a narrow, plastic chair in your waiting room. It feels wrong to greet him from a position of height, and you wait for him to stand before drawing closer. Like Hanma, he is dressed well, though with less flare than your potential patient.

“No, your receptionist handled that,” Kisaki waves away your drink offer. “You’ve had the opportunity to meet him now. Will you take on his case?”

Unbeknownst to Hanma, that had been less therapy session than interview. Work like this pays well but presents particular risks, and you never rush into a potential mistake. You would rather gather information until you saw every angle, and then act accordingly. Today’s meeting with Hanma is the final step in your risk assessment.

“I think I understand him and how to help him. That said, he showed more aggression towards me as a person than I expected,” you said, taking special care in your choice of the word ‘aggression.’

“He can be intimidating,” Kisaki says on a ghost of a smile.

“If I’m going to take on his treatment, I’ll need double.”

There. The final piece in your negotiation. Naturally, you intended to raise your prices at the last moment, but double is a legitimate reaction to Hanma.

You hadn’t expected him to be so…charismatic. His voice did half the work, deep in a way that made your gut clench and teasing in a way that made your pussy clench with it. He showed less of the superficial charm you expected from sociopaths, likely because he didn’t seek your validation. He toyed with you, yes, but like you were still on the shelf, a toy he hadn’t committed to buying. In his disinterest, he held nothing back, bantering so fast you struggled to keep up the entire session. Clinging to your professional script, you could barely keep up with his questions.

It excites you.

Then, there is the threat from the end of the session. Even now, he remains in your office. Is he actually jerking off? Or was that a taunt to strike fear into you? Probably the latter. If the former, you ought to hire a locksmith to add a third set of locks to your door.

Transference is always something you guard against and shut down at the earliest signals. You are not a friend, lover, or mother to your patients, and you can be callous in knocking that reminder into the deluded.

Yet with Hanma, how are you supposed to make any progress if you can’t engage his attention? He repeatedly tried to introduce a tit-for-tat into the conversation, showing the most interest when the conversation turned back on you. A little transference, just a little, might make him more susceptible to therapy.

All of this plays out in your head as you negotiate terms with Kisaki. Finally, he concedes to your price.

“I expect results,” Kisaki says. Unlike Hanma, he doesn’t need theatrics to make the threat heard loud and clear.

You hold his murderous gaze unflinchingly and reply, “My professional career would be destroyed if word ever reached the psychiatric board that I took this case. So, you have collateral in the event you’re unhappy with my work. But you won’t need it. You’ll see results.”

“I better.”

When you fall asleep rereading your case files that night, Kisaki’s words echo in your ear and invade your sweetest dreams. Failure is not an option.

[wiseabsol]

WA Reviews “Dominion” by Aurelia le, Chapter 10: Rescue

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6383825/10/Dominion

Summary: For the Fire Nation royal siblings, love has always warred with hate. But neither the outward accomplishment of peace nor Azula’s defeat have brought the respite Zuko expected. Will his sister’s plans answer this, or only destroy them both?

Content Warnings: This story contains discussions and depictions of child abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse, and incest. This story also explores the idea that Zuko’s redemption arc (and his unlearning of abuse) is not as complete as the show suggested, and that Azula is not a sociopath (with the story having a lot of sympathy for her). If that doesn’t sound like your cup of tea, I would strongly recommend steering clear of this story and my reviews of it.  

Note: Because these were originally posted as chapter reviews/commentaries, I will often be talking to the author in them (though sometimes I will also snarkily address the characters). While I’ve also tried not to spoil later events in the story in these reviews, I would strongly recommend reading through chapter 28 before reading these, just to be safe.

Now on to chapter 10!

CHAPTER 10: RESCUE

Diving right in, the author’s note. “Ozai’s objective was twofold. To train Azula to keep her head about her in the act”—so no getting distracted by thoughts of romance or sexual pleasure, then—“and to make her skilled enough (and convincing enough) that she could effectively distract her partner and/or make him compliant to her will.” So also heteronormative assumptions from Ozai, then. We also know that this had to be happening after Zuko was exiled but before Azula was sent on her mission, so this training was taking place when she was roughly eleven to thirteen years of age. That is um…well, pedophilic, for one, Ozai, but also far too early for Azula to be mature enough for that, either physically or psychologically (not that any of this would have been “better” if she was older, because it’s traumatizing regardless). However, grooming like this starts early, so sadly, this is truth in television.

Ah, there was a Dai Li agent in the asylum staff. I did not catch that, but it does explain how the Earth Kingdom learned that Zuko was missing that night, in addition to Azula breaking out.

Anyway, on to the chapter itself. Azula is incognito as a peasant, which is probably a cute look for her. Azula is pretending to be Rai’s cousin, which isn’t a bad plan on Rai’s part, even if Azula snootily think they look nothing alike. Then we get a mention of the late Lu Ten with his “sleepy eyes.” I wonder if that’s a dig at his Earth Kingdom features, or if Lu Ten was legit always tired from war training. Given that this is about the physical appearances of relatives differing, I’m guessing the former.

Azula shows some paranoia about the pirates possibly recognizing her and planning to turn her in for a bounty, but she dismisses the thought quickly. And really, why would they recognize her at this point? They don’t know that she escaped from Ember Island, barely anyone has seen her for four years, and Rai gave a reasonable excuse for her presence on the ship. I’m sure the pirates are too caught up in their own affairs to give Azula much thought, but I’m sure that Azula, who was rather used to being the center of attention, might have some trouble believing that.

Rai, though, definitely knows who Azula is, given that she treats Azula with “grating familiarity” and “deference by turns” and knows how Azula likes her baths.

“She had deliberately avoided looking in any mirrors when she left the house on Ember Island”—nice callback to her hallucination in the show! I’d be spooked of them too in Azula’s position.

“Her split lip had knit almost completely in the intervening days, to a tender pink that Azula knew from experience would not scar”—so Azula has had her lip split enough times to know if this will leave a lasting mark. Given how much lipstick she wore in the show, this suggests that Azula probably does have a scar or two on her lips.

“She never used to bruise so easily”—there are also some awful implications here, but the more pressing point is that Azula’s health has taken a hit from her time in the asylum.

“Leave it to her clumsy brother to injure someone during sex, Azula reflected wearily. Sometimes she wondered how Mai put up with him. But he was probably a lot nicer to Mai, since he cared for her at all. Azula thought that probably made a difference, when people had sex.”—That Azula has to guess this is heartbreaking. Also, this means that she never once felt loved while having sex. I wouldn’t expect her to, but it’s a painful reminder that her only experiences with it have been violent.

Azula then second-guesses herself, in this case about why she bothered to put on makeup at the house. My guess is that it made her feel more like herself, which she must have needed after those years in the asylum. She admonishes herself for, essentially, questioning if she should have done things differently. Like many abuse victims after the fact, she is policing her own thoughts here, reminding herself that her abuser—Ozai—wouldn’t like seeing her so “weak.” She also thinks that he would be “right” to hate her for it, when really, this is the normal response to getting hurt. Azula has a lot of lessons to unlearn. We also learn that Azula used to see hallucinations of Ozai, too, which is upsetting.

Rai, when she walks in on the still naked Azula and sees the bruises, comments on it: “With men like that, it never stops. No matter what they promise.” However, I doubt that Azula is ready to face that realization about her father—that no matter how much she gave to him, he would never stop hurting her, because she would never be enough. “That was not the first indication Rai had given that she escaped an abusive relationship, and believe Azula had just done the same. She was content enough to let the cook keep thinking that”—except that it actually is true for Azula, given how Ozai and Zuko treated her.

We get an interesting bit of characterization after this. “It was the respect Rai afforded her . . . that made the princess truly wary. If she were the same breed of royalty as Zuko, she might think this a natural consequence of her noble bearing, and no more than she was due. But Azula was second-born, and she knew that it was not enough to be owed obedience, loyalty, or love. You had to exact it. You had to earn it. It would not simply be given.”

Three out of four of those makes sense. However, love isn’t something that anyone should have to “earn.” It should be freely given, especially between family members—which, of course, is not something that the adults in Azula’s life taught her. Or, in Ozai’s case, thought advantageous to teach her.

Azula, in her musing about Rai and the cover story she gave her, raises a point about Zuko gutting their high military command and “beggaring” the realm with war reparations. I wonder how much truth there is to this, or if Azula’s view of Fire Nation superiority is coloring her perspective on the matter.

Moving on, Azula is approached by Rai’s assistant, a pre-pubescent boy who has a crush on Azula. “Azula saw that he still had all his teeth. Quite an accomplishment among this lot.” Oh lol at her internal snark. The boy asks her out, but Azula shoots him down. Rai reproaches her for that, and apparently this is a conversation that they’ve had before, because Azula mentioned to Rai that the boy would like anyone with prominent breasts who wasn’t over thirty, which Rai didn’t appreciate. I wonder if it’s the cynicism about guys or the dig at Rai’s age that Rai didn’t like.

“And people wondered why she lied, when she got looks like that for telling the truth, Azula considered. She learned a long time ago which option served her better. And anyway, she shouldn’t care what a peasant thought of her.”—Except Azula does care what Rai thinks because Rai reminds her of Ursa. Also, Zula, this is where the sentiment of “Azula always lies” came from.

“‘I knew his like once,’ Azula contradicted darkly, thinking of her brother before he got his scar. ‘You shouldn’t let the helpless exterior fool you.’”—Azula, honey, the kid is twelve. Don’t project your baggage with Zuko onto him.

“‘Really?’ the cook asked in genuine surprise. ‘I hadn’t thought—’”—Rai is assuming that Azula means a nice young man who she got romantically involved with, and is surprised, because as far as Rai knows, no one ever courted Azula. Her thoughts wouldn’t make the jump to Zuko, because that’s not a connection that most people would intuitively make. Azula, on the other hand, has a hard time distinguishing between familial and…I don’t want to say romantic, but romantic bonds, because of the incestuous abuse she went through.

Rai is actually aware of the incest, albeit not between Zuko and Azula, but we’re still getting to that reveal. As it is, Rai confirms that she knows Azula by almost calling her “my lady.”

After that, Azula has a conversation with some of the ship hands. There is an amusing moment where Azula thinks that Mai would be disgusted by the flamboyant outfit of the captain, and a less amusing moment when it’s mentioned that one of the crewmen wanted to get into Azula’s pants after she “officially” boarded the ship. Said crewmen calls Azula a whore, she retorts with her characteristic sarcasm, and he tries to attack her, but is held back by his crewmates. We learn that this charmer’s name is Lee, and doesn’t like being ordered around by women, so he’s definitely going to be a problem moving forward. After this, Azula follows Rai into town, albeit at a distance. I get why Azula’s instinct to spy on Rai is there, but a part of me is also like, “Maybe you could have just asked her some questions first, Zula?”

Next we meet up with Iroh! Hi Iroh! He’s arrived at the Fire Nation to check on Zuko and the post-Azula’s escape situation. It turns out that General Shin, the mole in the previous chapter, has been murdered in a gruesome way. This had to have been ordered by someone at court, who made the same connection that Zuko did. I suspect that the killers being loyalists to Azula and Ozai is probably right, but honestly, it could have been anyone, since Shin betrayed his country and the royal family.

Iroh hears other rumors on his way to the palace, some closer to the truth than others. “But hearing so much slander and baseless speculation against his nephew made Iroh’s blood boil”—Iroh, you should know that there has to be some kernels of truth in the gossip. You’re part of the White Lotus, catch up, buddy.

We learn that most of the palace kitchen staff was replaced after someone tried to poison Zuko’s food. There’s probably been a lot of turnover in general, between Azula dismissing most of her staff and Zuko replacing most of his. Interestingly, there hasn’t been any more assassination attempts since Lu Ten was born, possibly because it would have meant that the cleverer Mai or Iroh would have become Lu Ten’s regents, and would be harder to manipulate than Zuko. That being said, given what seems to be Mai’s fertility problems and how difficult Lu Ten’s birth was, I’m surprised that no one gunned for Lu Ten after he was born. Sure, the response of the royal family would have been filled with fire and blood, but what would they do afterwards? Unless Mai could have another child, which seems unlikely, they would have been facing a succession crisis. A lot of people would have been eager to take advantage of that opportunity.

Anyway, Iroh learns some of Zuko’s movements as of late, and we get the detail that Zuko burned his and Mai’s—once Ozai’s—bed. I can’t say that I blame him, considering that that is likely where Azula was assaulted. There’s also something rather, uh, skin-crawly about the fact that not only was Lu Ten presumably conceived there, but (SPOILER) so was the child that Azula aborted.

After this, Iroh goes to find his nephew, and overhears Mai and Lu Ten’s nanny arguing over whether Zuko should be left alone with his son. Mai, despite being livid with Zuko, says that he would never hurt Lu Ten and would sooner hurt himself. The nanny, however, is pretty sure that Zuko will hurt himself, and I’m like, “Yeah, nanny’s got a point here, Zuko’s losing it right now.”

Iroh immediately picks up on the fact that Zuko and Mai’s relationship is rocky, though doesn’t hazard a guess as to why. He also wonders if “keeping certain aspects of their family from Zuko” was the right call. I would say no, given that it meant that Zuko was unprepared for Azula’s behavior after she was triggered, and he might have had a better idea of how to respond had he known. Also, Iroh should have told the doctors what he learned, as gross as he found it. It’s not like the doctors could help her if they didn’t know what her underlying problems were.

Iroh remembers his last visit to Ozai, when he accused his brother of sexually abusing Azula. Ozai at first tries to deny it, then shrugs it off when he realizes that Iroh won’t buy the lie. “He had been just the same as a child, never clinging to falsehoods as most children would when caught in a lie, but admitting ugly truths with a studied disdain. As if lying were a game he chose not to play anymore, because it had lost its fun. A stale joke not worth examining further, and wasn’t the other person fool for paying any mind to it?” This is very creepy.

“Iroh should have known that he could never be trust with a child—any child—even one so obviously suited to him as Azula. Especially one so obviously suited to him as Azula.”—Two things, Iroh. First, there’s subtle demonization of Azula going on here. Second, she didn’t resemble Ozai when she was a very young child. Ozai molded her after himself in large part because you and Ursa took a hands-off approach to her. Azula might have turned out very differently had you been more of a presence in her life. This is why Aunt Tam scowls at you from the AU.

The conversation continues for a while, with Ozai pointing out that Zuko hates Azula, and Iroh internally denying that. “But his sparing Azula and seeking her recovery were proof enough [that Zuko loved Azula] for Iroh.” I think they’re both right. Zuko does love Azula, but that love is buried under a lot of baggage.

Iroh comes out of this memory to find Zuko looking like a wreck. There’s a bittersweet interaction between Zuko and little Lu Ten, then the nanny retrieves the toddler. Iroh and Zuko start talking—Iroh notices that Zuko keeps apologizing, wracked with guilt as he is—and Zuko is upset at how everyone knows that he burned Ozai.

“‘They’re servants. They talk,’ Iroh reminded him patiently, remember that Zuko had never been particularly good with people, and couldn’t be expected to know this.’”—And this is the man you put on the throne. Granted, he was the only viable option, but still, Iroh. Maybe you should have insisted that he come to a few White Lotus seminars to learn this stuff?

They start getting into the subject of how Ozai abused Azula, and Iroh remembers how he found out: “He heard it in her soft words, read it in her fingers straining, eyes as empty as a doll’s. Dead on the surface, screaming underneath.” Yeah, we’ll get to THAT scene eventually, but this also tells us that Azula was almost certainly too traumatized by her training for her be “convincing” at sex. She was disassociating during that incident with Iroh, but that still reads more like fear and desperation than seeming into it. Honestly, Ozai, maybe you should have just waited until she was older and found a nice sex worker to instruct Azula in this stuff. Albeit that wouldn’t have ended well for the sex worker, and that would have meant yielding control of the situation to Azula and said sex worker, but like. If you had to do something like this—which you definitely didn’t, let’s be clear here—there had to be less awful ways to go about it.

Anyway, Zuko quickly realizes that he’s not telling Iroh anything new about Ozai and Azula, and Zuko—in his outrage over Iroh not saying anything about this to him or Azula’s doctors—almost admits what happened on the night that Azula escaped. Iroh jumps to the conclusion that maybe Zuko killed Azula, and that’s why he’s acting so guilty: “It would have been self-defense, or an accident. It had to be, but Zuko would blame himself, Iroh knew. That was the kind of man his nephew was. Iroh knew the kind of man his nephew was.” You most certainly do not, Iroh. I think that Iroh is invested in believing that Zuko is better than the rest of his family and can redeem it, though. This makes him blind to the fact that Zuko still has problems rooted in abuse. To be fair, Zuko made a lot of progress towards becoming a better person over the course of the series, but that was also when he was apart from the toxicity of his core family. Stepping back into it was bound to dreg up behavior like this, because Zuko never properly worked through it. He ignored the problem, rather than face it, because it was easier. Basically, the poor kid needed some therapy where his sister and parents were concerned, but didn’t get it.

“But his denial came swiftly enough that Iroh knew it was the truth.”—Yeah, Iroh, Zuko didn’t kill Azula. He raped her. Your pick as to which of those things is worse.

Zuko admits that Mai knows what happened, but I don’t see Mai spilling those beans to Iroh. Iroh also thinks that “[Zuko] looked almost scared, ashamed, terribly lonely. All things he had no business being.” Oh Iroh, no, Zuko definitely earned this. Mind you, this is not a productive way for Zuko to be spending his time, because becoming a recluse means he’s not dealing with the political conflict around him OR helping make it up to Mai and Azula.

The conversation turns back to Ozai, and while both Zuko and Iroh agree that Ozai should be executed for what he did, there would be no way to explain it without revealing the abuse that Azula went through. They don’t actually say the last part, but that’s what would have to happen, and Azula would be horrified to have it revealed. It would also cause a scandal that would either damage her reputation or make people feel sympathy for her, the latter of which wouldn’t be good for Zuko, politically-speaking. Though who knows, the people might be like, “Hell yeah, you go kiddo, burning your rapist father!” Or maybe not. Kinslaying is probably a no-no in their culture. Not that it stopped Ozai, but still.

Iroh reminds Zuko that he can’t just kill people because he’s the Fire Lord, like Ozai did, and naturally Zuko freaks out at the implication that he is anything like his father. The first step to moving away from abusive patterns is in acknowledging where those similarities are, though, Zuko. As a side note, Iroh, what even is the point of a hereditary monarchy if the king’s word isn’t law? I’m being a little sarcastic here, but that is why people squabbled over thrones as much as they did throughout history—because it meant being able to do whatever you wanted, at least while your reign lasted.

“‘If you kill him, Azula will never forgive you.’”—I mean, probably not. I’m not sure that she’s fully realized that he was abusive to her yet. I think there were points during her training where she knew that something was wrong, and that Ozai might end up killing her, but once she wasn’t in immediate danger, she could justify his actions to herself. After all, the alternative was that she’d invested herself into someone who could never love her and was only using her, and that is a terrifying and humiliating realization to have, and would have made her feel even more alone. This is another one of those, “How would Aunt Tam’s inclusion have effected this?” sort of thing. Azula is nineteen in this fic. Would she have been able to make more progress in recognizing Ozai’s abusiveness earlier, had she had a healthy adult relationship as contrast? I would hope so, but I’m not sure.

Moving on, Zuko’s response to this is that Azula will never forgive him anyway, and Zuko will never forgive himself, so why not just kill Ozai? Iroh tries to appeal to Zuko’s better nature here, but honestly, the best reason to give Zuko is that it would be political suicide, which—while Zuko might not care about how it affects him—would negatively impact Mai and Lu Ten. That might have a chance of scaring Zuko straight.

Zuko admits to surrendering to his “lowest instincts,” and a part of me is like, “Iroh, when you realize down the road that (SPOILER) Azula is pregnant, are you going to put these two things together?” I would think that he is smart enough to figure it out, buuuuut again, he has blind spots where Zuko is concerned, and incest is not a conclusion that most people would jump to.

“But Iroh could not help him take it back. He didn’t even know what it was.” There is no taking it back, Iroh. Zuko can’t un-fuck this situation.

In any case, Iroh is going to step in to make sure Zuko survives, even if Zuko doesn’t care about his own survival. Good on you, Iroh, and good luck.

Shifting back over to Azula, she’s shooting down Rai’s messenger hawk to Iroh. That hasn’t been revealed yet, but that is what’s going on here. The bowmaker whose bow she borrowed is not pleased, while the waif who watched her shoot down the bird thinks she’s pretty cool. Azula thinks that her hallucinatory mother should be scolding her for killing animals and threatening small children, and that “defenseless little creatures should know by now to stay away from her . . . Even the stupid turtleducks had that much sense.” This is mildly painful because it’s Azula putting herself down, but also mildly funny in light of the defenseless little creature that will eventually come under Azula’s care.

In any case, the stall-keeper and the kid go tell on Azula for killing the bird, and Azula makes a reference to Toph: “At least the Beifong girl has some excuse, using her feet to see as she did….” Toph and Azula’s potential friendship always intrigues me in fanfic, though who knows if such a thing will form in “Thrones.”

“‘It was that little colonist, with her Fire eyes.’ The earthbenders exchanged a look that Azula couldn’t decipher from her vantage.”—Alright, so the earthbenders have been told to be on the lookout for Azula.

“‘She wasn’t a customer . . . She didn’t even buy anything….’”—I FEEL YOUR PAIN, WEI JIN! RETAIL IS THE WORST!

“Father would, but he was in prison… Soon, she promised herself. And him.”—Girl, let him rot in prison. He deserves it.

Moving on, Azula starts to read Rai’s coded message to Iroh, and feels stung by the betrayal. Betrayal is never going to stop hurting, Zula. The message, in any case, tells Iroh that Azula is traveling incognito, that General How is likely to start a war if he succeeds in killing Azula, and some of Azula’s movements.

“She wondered what clumsy lie Zuko would tell to cover his mistakes this time, and if Iroh and his friends would find him out. Mai had probably discovered the truth already, if she knew that knife-wielding traitor….” Azula maintains a grudging respect of Mai’s competence, even after Mai turned on her. She’s still upset by it, though, if her tears are any indication.

“Her uncle lived in Ba Sing Se now, she recalled, though she couldn’t say just how she knew.”—So her talks with Iroh towards the beginning of her stay in the asylum are murky to her, meaning that she probably doesn’t remember revealing Ozai’s abuse to him.

Azula dismisses the idea of killing Rai, because she doesn’t want to leave a trail of bodies behind her. I’m trying to remember if Azula has actually killed anyone in the backstory established in this fic thus far? I’m thinking that she hasn’t.

We get a funny callback to the series with the enthusiastic merchant on the docks, before Azula returns to the ship. There is also this darkly funny passage as she goes into the captain’s chamber: “In her experience, it was usually enough to simply act purposeful, and no one would question your purpose. A lesson her brother could take to heart. She conceded it might be harder to manipulate appearances with a quarter of your face burned off, but Zuko didn’t even try.” I should not find this amusing, but the audacity of it makes me smile.

Azula then vandalizes the captain’s world map by drawing the Pai Sho grid over it and then begins to forge a new message from Rai to Iroh. During this process, she realizes that Rai was a cook in the palace kitchen and one of the people she banished. She also remembers that Rai was relieved to go, but Azula never followed up on that. Azula admonishes herself for not making this connection sooner, and for trusting Rai like she did her friends.

“But half-hanged? Was she supposed to be in some danger here?”—Holy god, YES, Azula, you’re in a lot of danger! The Earth Kingdom wants to execute you for showing them up!

“A forgery had gained her father his throne”—Azulon’s will, no doubt—“with some timely intervention from her mother”—This was implied in canon, but this confirms that Ursa had a part in Azulon’s death. Apparently Ozai taught Azula how to forge messages early, because of course he did.

“That crafty old bastard could do with a dose of humility anyway.”—Honestly, Iroh, it’s kind of true. You and Azula have more in common in terms of your strategic minds than you think.

“With both of us at it, I’m sure we shall eventually succeed.”—LOL, Azula. Never change.

Azula, with the forged message in tow, robs Rai’s things, including what she briefly worries might be Rai’s life savings. The fact that the thought does give her pause is a reminder that Azula has a conscience, even if she ignores it.

Oh lord, so Azula goes looking for food, and I forgot that Lee decides to attack Azula at the end of this chapter. First he does her the favor of revealing that there is a bounty on her head, including wanted posters. Then he reveals that he’s put blasting jelly on the floor of the hold, because he’s A.) An idiot, and B.) Wants to scare Azula into letting him rape her before he hands her over to the authorities. He’s a real piece of work.

In the ensuing fight, he manages to pin her down, though she bites his tongue and thinks, “It was no defense her father ever taught her, but it served” and my skin crawls. After that, Azula sets his beard on fire, which gets him to let her go. She then knocks him out, but vomits afterwards. “When had she ever been this squeamish? It wasn’t as if she killed him….” I’m pretty sure Azula is reacting to shock from the attempted sexual assault here, and to the reminder of the violations she’s already experienced. Her body remembers, even if her brain is scrambling away from the thought.

“Granted, she had only ever killed one person, and then only technically, since he came back to life.”—So Azula is confirmed to have never actually killed anyone. Good to know!

“For Azula, it was not a matter of wanting to kill anyone. It was a matter of them needing to be dead. She allowed that her brother might be an exception. But then sometimes, she thought he just brought that out in people.”—This makes her very different from Ozai, who took pleasure in dominating over and killing people. Guy basically had a hard-on while burning the Earth Kingdom countryside.

Moving on, Rai finds Azula in the aftermath of the fight and is horrified on Azula’s behalf. Azula immediately reveals that she knows that Rai is a traitor, and Rai is upset at this turn of events—she genuinely wanted to help Azula—though Azula doesn’t see that, instead thinking that Rai is pretending. Azula makes a cynical comment to that effect, which shows us that she’s internalized Ozai’s belief that all people are selfish at heart. Rai, bless her, reveals the death sentence hanging over Azula’s head.

She also tries to get Azula to consider trusting Iroh, but Iroh burned that bridge years ago. He was, after all, the one who said, “She’s crazy and has to go down” to Zuko. He’s also biased in Zuko’s favor, and didn’t tell her doctors some very pertinent information about her, so I don’t think he’s equipped to help Azula. At best, he could hide her, but that wouldn’t be the freedom she wants and needs.

“The cook just gazed sadly at her, the sort of look her mother used to give her when Azula said something unkind.”—Another comparison to Ursa. New AU Idea: Rai adopts Azula and they sail the seas together as pirates. Let’s be honest, Azula would have fun as a pirate queen.

Rai is unsurprised when Azula reveals that she stole her money, and a part of me wonders if Rai purposefully made the money easy to find. After all, she presumably hid money from her abusive husband, so she might have more skill with concealing her valuables than Azula thinks.

“Be thankful it wasn’t your life I took, traitor. But she couldn’t bring herself to say it.”—Yeah, Azula has a conscience, however much she tries to pretend that she doesn’t.

Azula decides that it’s time to leave and doesn’t bother gathering some food before she goes, even though she does think about it. I think she’s too upset to bother, even though it would be the smarter thing to do, strategically speaking. Buying food from a vendor means she might be spotted by her pursuers, after all. The pirates do notice that her shirt has been torn open, but don’t ask about it, or come after her when she steals one of the lifeboats. In an impressive feat of firebending, Azula makes mist steam from the river to cover her escape, and then has a bit of a cry.

“Not for rescue, as most passengers might do on such craft. She knew how that would end, had always known. Even if she denied it to herself. She didn’t know why she denied it to herself.”—Because it’s really fucking lonely to think that no one is coming to help you, Azula, that’s why. Especially when Rai gave you hope that someone would.

The A/N makes a good point about why the situation with Lee had to go down, and going this route means that Azula has finally succeeded in fending off unwanted sexual advances from someone. Right now, though, Azula is very shaken, so we’ll have to see if her confidence in herself takes a hit from this, or is bolstered.

Once again, thank you for the read, Aurelia! I hope to get to chapter eleven sometime soon!

Sincerely, WiseAbsol    

[temptsfate]

CHRISTOPHER LOMBARDI.

RELATION:    SON OF IKE LOMBARDI / BLOOD FAMILY TO DON LOMBARDI

essentially, this is war, and christopher  wants to become more actively involved.

from a young age, christopher was hand-picked and groomed to assist his father as his right-hand. despite his esteemed position in the ranks as JDM’s eldest son/ his job title has been considerably “unofficial”.  this was mainly due to the early age he began to learn the game. As he continued to age, it was clear that no one showed loyalty to THE KING like Christopher, and his father knew it. In the passing years, it’s without question that his father trusts his son more than anyone else in the organization. He’s known as an exclusive "soldier”, especially because of all the “sensitive” jobs JDM has entrusted to him only. The Father and Son have built a long, established agreement that Christopher would work towards the end goal as JDM’s future successor .

Still in his “glorified soldier” rank, thinks he’s ready to officially move up but there are certain recognitions that he hasn’t been given by his Father yet.

AGE, 28 yrs old

What does this character represent to you, if anything?

COMING OF AGE. - proving himself, taking on the world of business and demonstrating he is ready to move forward to an even bigger playpen despite his father’s hesitation. it’s about proving to not only the parent, but also yourself that you can produce results when jumping into the game.

What goals do you have for this character?: 

Exploring how: Chris handles extra workload beyond the usual ( especially in a high pressure time for his Father, and all his inner circle) , and taking some initiative to go the extra mile in his line of work. the nature of rps/progress of character expansion are about as far as the eye can see for my goals and outcomes of this character. Looking for RP interactions that challenge Christopher with a hands-on taste in high roller’s shoes — and how he handles the new found excitement.

                                       —【   R  O  L  E    】—   

 From a young age, Christopher Lombardi has been hand-picked and groomed by his Father so he could grow into the role as his father’s “right hand” — and one day, the future successor who takes over the Royale Hotel, himself. Christopher is/has been significantly active with the Lombardi-Italians alliance.  Though this is a recognized position within the ranks of Miami Beach’s crime scene, Christopher’s prominence is mainly known within the circle, and by some occasional “wannabe-associates”. Christopher is considered an untouchable because of his well-connected status and reputation for fierce loyalty to the Don and JDM. Christopher is also the youngest soldier, but exclusively handles sensitive assignments that are ONLY entrusted to him. 

Christopher handles the grimier side of Miami Beach nightlife: the guy who pays off the cops, arranges escorts for well-heeled guests, catering to players in the high-stakes cabana poker game. running the hotel’s ground game, and other miscellaneous tasks that require the finesse of doing business, and obtaining information that JDM can rely on staying off the record.

Fulfillment. How well do they serve that role? 

Christopher quickly adapted to this life, and continues to remain levelheaded in this fast-paced atmosphere. He has proved to be easy, and natural in the dark waters of this life. He currently struggles with taking a step back from the much more important situations that require one to strategically thinking ahead with precision. Christopher is slowly learning, and in certain cases, these learning experiences may even come at the price of some mistakes.

Personal quote and(or) motto:  Exceptional performers are masterful opportunists, keenly alert to opportunity Reasons behind this motto/quote:

Sex.. Cisgender Male Ethnicity..  Italian

Occupation: Soldier for the Italian Mob in Miami Beach  / GM at the Royale Hotel Lounge (Offically)

Orientation/Sexual preference: Bisexual

Any history behind their sexual orientation?:  doesn’t openly reveal that he’s bisexual - family does not know, as it’s not something widely accepted amongst the family business or values. he first experienced this in a 3-some between another man and a woman (a couple) - when he was 21. Why this sexual choice?: experimental - christopher is a very sexual being at times, and likes to experiment here and there.  Do they believe it's right?: he doesn’t exactly advertise his open-minded sexuality, but doesn’t believe it’s wrong. christopher just knows how to play the game, and knows what not to advocate behind. it’s risky in his family’s line of business. Are they opposed for their sexual choice?: preference for women, and has a specific type when it comes to men.

                           —【  P E R S O N A L I T Y  】—  

Personality:  dynamic, people-person, influential, smooth-talker, do-er/action taker, resourceful, adaptive, impulsive, easily bored, self-serving, sensual, fun-loving, perceptive, impatient, risk-taker, thick-skinned,sense of humor, great at improvising, bad at long term planning, not good at saving money, loyal, energized by fast results/bored by unforeseen challenges, womanizer, experimental, secretive, flirtatious, well-liked by peers and outsiders, takes criticism well, irresponsible at times, inconsiderate, oblivious to the bigger game of the mob life, hedonistic

Most prominent personality trait: Dynamic Best traits of their personality: Influential, Loyal, resourceful and great at improvising, people-person. Worst traits of their personality: Prone to impulsive behavior, and at times - still too distracted by lofty pursuit to keep a firm grip on his agenda. Jung personality test result:  ESTP

Morals(and what they are): Family loyalty - not above dealing drugs, swindling others out of their money, enforcing repayment even if this means carrying out at the expense of others. The few things that count as ‘out of line’ are: sex trafficking, child labor, physical abuse towards defenseless victims

What defines right and wrong for them?: Business is business - no exceptions. He lacks a sense of morality, but upholds family loyalty as the true defining value/basis of his actions. Christopher is smooth in the dark waters of his family business, and ultimately sees their survival as the prime dictator of what is right and wrong.  Do they hold their definitions of right and wrong above other people’s: Only when it comes to repayment of what is owed to him or his family. Nothing personal.

      ………   MENTAL, SPIRITUAL, EMOTIONAL  ………  

Are they logical thinkers(if they have a mentally crippling disease, this is null)?: definitely acts based on logic, than emotions. he can be a little sloppy at times - especially when it comes to spontaneous whims, but knows when NOT to fuck up.

Right brain/left brained?: Left Brained

Good habits: Always extends great hospitality and manners in business deals, unshakable loyalty, never fucks up with ground games/cards and brings his A game when the time calls for it. Never panics under pressure, nor outlashes in ill-tasting behavior/doesn’t burn bridges

Bad habits: He is notorious for being frequently being late to meetings with his Father/other higher ups, occasionally irresponsible in his business dealings (working on it now that he’s going to be more independent), and generally less "together" in his affairs than the rest of his Father and Uncle’s crew.

Zodiac: Leo Alignment(Good/evil/bystander/etc.): True Neutral

What caused their kind of personality to form?(based upon upbringing/social whatnot): Would you say their personality was influenced by their caretakers/guardians?: Yes, mainly his Father, somewhat his Uncle, and the nature of their family business. Do they like their personality?: He gets results. Christopher has always been well-liked in many aspects with business, customers and pursuits. His flirtatious nature has made it easy in the department of sexual endeavors. His influential abilities of persuasion and gregarious energy has made it easy to establish business deals, and connections. He’s used to getting what he wants if he puts his mind to it, on top of maintaining a certain dominance without having to obtain by force or aggression. Christopher can talk his way out of things, even when he messes up a bit. He’s a smooth operator, and certainly can’t complain. He knows he needs to work on being less careless with his impulses, but for him, it’s nothing he can’t fix. Christopher is an ultimate believer of himself, without the narcissism. 

[ellanainthetardis]

Loved today's prompt! Just out of curiosity, what's your Effie/seneca headcanon?

Thanks! My Effie/Seneca hc mmmm... I put a read more bc it got long.

I’m not in the “they used to be a couple” bandwagon but I like to hc they knew each other very well because they’ve been in the same circles forever so they’ve known each other since childhood. I think they’re the kind of friends who make-out after a long night partying, when you’re drunk and a bit high on dancing and fun and you want somebody you love close, sometimes maybe it had gone further, but it always stays entaglement free, it’s easy, affectionate. I strongly hc that while Seneca is fluid, he’s more into men than women so whatever happens is mostly recreational and there’s never any ambiguity between the two of them, never any unrequited love.

I think they’re very good friends in a way that’s not always common in the Capitol because they recognzie themselves in each other: young, beautiful, deadly ambitious, probably with hard to please parents... I like to think there’s something pure to their friendship because Seneca genuinely loves Effie (in a friend/almost family way) and she loves him back the same way. I think he would risk a lot for her because he’s pure of heart when it comes to his friends (unlike Plutarch who I hc Slytherin, I think Seneca is more of the Ravenclaw/Hufflepuff variety) and she would go far for him but not as far as he would, not as far as she would go for Haymitch or the kids, she’s too pragmatic and has too much self-preservation. And I don’t think she realizes just how deep he feels for her.

While she might be amongst the people Seneca would do anything to protect, he’s not in hers because... I think at some point, probably 2 or 3 years after she starts being an escort, Effie stops trusting anyone Capitol and above all anyone who works for the Games. It might be unfair but that’s how it is.

I see them as fake-dating from time to time, because... Well it’s a wider hc but while I think sexuality in the Capitol is very free (like nobody cares about preferences) and it’s totally okay to be gay, it’s a little more proper to be married to the opposite gender in certain high circles and families. There’s a clear discrepency in the city about what you do behind closed doors and what you do in public, about being wild because that’s how they live, in total excess, and being proper because you’re the “civilized” part of the population in opposition to the savages Districts (which also paradoxically are more traditional)...

So, yeah, I think Seneca is totally at ease with who he is, who he prefers, but I also think he has an overbearing politician father who would prefer him to marry a woman instead of a man - and he doesn’t quite have the courage to tell him to fuck off, because there’s a lot of money, influence and pressure and he’s been groomed since he was a child to be the next Crane: head gamemaker is only a step on his way to goverment.

As for Effie, there are moments when she doesn’t want a boyfriend/girlfriend (because of Haymitch) and others when she doesn’t have a boyfriend/girlfriend for several months/years (still because of haymitch), and while she’s seen with men and women at red carpets and events, there are talks about how she hasn’t been in a steady relationship for a while.

So it works out. They pretend to be a couple for a while, they have fun because they’re good friends, gossip dies and moves on to something else. They have an amicable break-up in time for the new Games season.

While nothing is ever made public and they deny it at the top of their lungs, I do believe the affair between Haymitch and Effie is kind of an open secret in the somewhat small Games staff world. Even if they’re trying not to be, they’re a bit obvious at times but mostly, in there, nobody cares because it’s not that uncommon for escorts to hook up with a victor or a Gamemaker, it probably happens often. It’s like being trapped in a terrible situation with someone for a certain amount of time, at some point, that person no matter how much you dislike them becomes the only one you can rely on, as twisted as it might get.

I’m also pretty sure the penthouse is bugged so, truly, there’s not hiding that they’re sleeping together even if they’re adamant it’s just a casual sex-friends thing.

And Seneca being Head Gamemaker, he’s the first made aware probably.

I think it amuses him at first because Effie denies and denies even if she must know he knows - and isn’t that a little embarassing - and he teases her about fantasies and about how she probably has wanted to do that since she was a teenager... He does see the appeal but Haymitch is not his kind of men.

After a couple of years though he starts getting concerned and I think he would urge her to cut him loose. Seneca is good at seeing patterns, at anticipating what’s going to happen, and he sees the train wreck in the making. He’s never as adamant as Chaff is with Haymitch because he respects Effie’s judgment and trusts her to make the good decision but he’s not entirely happy with the affair and lets her know. It probably causes a much larger rift between them than her wavering trust in anything/anyone Capitol.

I think Seneca was very much her closest friend before Haymitch took that place. She trusts Haymitch like she never trusted anyone. She trusts him blindly and completely, he’s her ally, her partner... He’s never lied to her even if the truth hurts sometimes a lot...

For Seneca, it must feel like Haymitch replaces him even if they never had the same degree of a relationship. He was Effie’s go-to person and now he’s not and she is still his so it leaves them unbalanced.

More generally, I don’t think Seneca is a bad person. He’s not a rebel, he never was. I think he does believe in the necessity of keeping the Districts under the Capitol thumb and he doesn’t exactly love what he does with the Games but he sees it as a control tool, he rationalizes it, he makes his peace with it. He distances himself from the tributes in the arena, they aren’t real to him until they become victors. He doesn’t think he will be Head Gamemaker forever. He’s been a Gamemaker almost as long as Effie’s been an escort, he’s been Head Gamemaker since the 70th HG, he’s the youngest Head Gamemaker ever... It’s only a stepping stone. Head Gamemakers are usually promoted to a high ranking ministry in less than 10  years if they do a good job and show indefectible loyalty. That’s his end goal.

What he does try to do and that other Head Gamemakers haven’t always bothered with is try to make it safer for the victors (and the escorts) on the prostitution front. It’s not much but for instance he makes sure that if a “client” is too brutal or something to the point of the victor seriously being injured, the client will not only ever be allowed to buy again but that he will get a bit of a fear. That’s something Snow is willing to work along with because victors are investments and messed-up investments aren’t any good.

I think Snow likes Seneca well enough because Seneca is young, full of ideas and determination to get to the top. Snow likes him with some fondness and a spark of interest because he’s promising and if he can groom him into the kind of men he needs, he thinks Seneca could go far. Snow liking someone has never stopped him from having them killed if need be though. On his part, I think Seneca is naturally wary of the President - there are pesky rumors around Games staff about poison and murders - but he’s also been taught to worship him since infancy - don’t tell me Snow doesn’t have a personality cult impleted in schools, it’s tyranny 101 - and because of his own father’s disappointed attitude, he answers favorably to Snow’s gentle guiding and words of praise. He wants to please Snow, he wants to do well. Snow is not quite a mentor but close to that. He’s not blind but he tells himself the horrors he sees are necessary to keep peace and save Panem.

Victors make fun of Seneca (because of the beard and the attitude) and don’t really like him but he’s not the most hated Head Gamemaker there ever was either. He’s decent enough and if they’ve got a real big problem, they know they can go talk it out with him. It might not amount to anything but more often than not, if it’s really serious, he will try to do something. He also tries to temperate Snow’s wrath as much as possible when a victor does something idiotic that deserves punishment, trying to find alternative punishment that won’t be deadly. For instance, I think Jo caused a lot of trouble as soon as she won and he tried to get her to see the light, warning her at least once or twice and sending older victors her way before he’s forced to take much more drastic measures and having her family killed (on Snow’s orders but at that point, he doesn’t seen an alternative either).

The indiference he feels towards tributes morphes into a sort of odd protectiveness when victors are involved, maybe because of a twisted conscience. Maybe because despite his job, he is not a violent man himself. He never threw a punch in his life and he wouldn’t have the first clue how to defend himself if attacked. This being said he never really shows any of that concern. It wouldn’t do because he’s the boss. 

He’s a bit like Effie, I think - and most of the Capitols who are aware of the danger of having more personality than mindless drones - in the sense that he has a very imposing public persona. He laughs a lot, he likes being seen, admired, seduced... He’s always amiable, always apparently happy... He plays the role of the successful young man, of the most elligeable bachelor... He has a somber, more contemplative nature though but he keeps that hidden for nights where he stares at his ceiling.

Above all though... I think he has a sort of honesty toward himself that Plutarch lacks in the sense that he doesn’t try to pretend he’s a better man than he is. He knows exactly what kind of man he is, regardless of the face he presents the world. He kills kids for a living, for the greater good maybe, but that’s what his job is. He doesn’t let himself think about that too often, he usually drowns it in champagne, parties and sex, but it’s there, simmering under the surface. Maybe once Snow told him leaders have to make hard decisions, cut a few to save the lot, that what they’re doing in important in the sense that it’s keeping Panem united and safe and he clings to that with all he has.

It’s a lonely life.

Effie’s the one who gets Seneca for Haymitch during the 74th Hunger Games and, ultimately, she’s the one who convinces him to go along with their plan.

I know a lot of people hc that Haymitch did the whole thing by himself and Effie was clueless but, to me, they’re very much partners, Effie taking the place of the traditional second mentor, and everything they do they do together - of one mind - and so Effie is very aware of what she’s doing when she sells Haymitch’s star-crossed lovers idea, she knows it’s risky, but she wants to try and save the children.

I also think, just like Haymitch must have, she knows the rule will have to be changed last minute and that there won’t be two victors no matter what the kids think in the arena. Maybe she tries to get Seneca to stick to that rule but the order comes from above (Snow) and Seneca won’t risk more than he already did. Possibly, he’s a little angry with her by the time they reach the ending because he let himself convinced by Haymitch that it would be good TV but mostly, he did it because Effie pleaded and now he sees how it could so easily go south and Snow is furious and he hates the disappointment he saw in Snow - and he’s scared too.

What no one anticipated was Katniss and the berries.

Seneca cuts ties immediately after the victory. He won’t take her calls, he avoids her, maybe the only thing he consents to tell her when he is forced to offer his congratulations at the Crowning is: to stay away from him. She thinks it’s because Twelve is in deeeeep troubles and she understands that he doesn’t want to get mixed up in it so she respects his wishes. She doesn’t quite get it’s a little more complicated than that. Sure he’s trying to not get associated with her but he’s also trying not to get her associated with him.

Because at that point, Seneca knows he’s dead, it’s just a matter of time.

I kind of liked what they did in the movies with the bowl of berries because there’s such doomness in it, just like if he was forced into an arena too. It’s terrible. He has no choice but to kill himself. How terrible it must be??? Like, he actually has to stand there and do it with dignity or try to fight, know he will lose and be force-fed berries... Personally, I think he ate the berries by himself, that he would feel it more dignified.

But in the books, I don’t think it was that easy, I think he tried to put up a fight because it’s one thing to be locked in a room with poison berries, it’s another to be asked to hang himself. I think they hanged him and it’s a terrible way to die and he must have known it.

Effie is devastated after his death and it happens after Haymitch and the kids went back to 12 so she doesn’t really have anyone to turn to. Cinna and Portia are there of course but she’s been set into this “don’t trust anyone” path for so long it’s hard for her to let new people know her real thoughts and feelings, her friendship with her only becomes completely trusting later, I think, once Haymitch tells her it’s okay and she actually should go to them if she has a problem.

Mostly, like probably all of the escorts, Gamemaker and people in the known, she’s forced to show some sadness but not too much grief because if they’re seen desperate over his death, they might be associated with him and soon join him in the “suicided” wagon. It’s a tight rope to walk on, all the more so because she keeps getting interviewed and asked questions about him because of their close friendship. And she’s forced to lie about how he might have been depressed or sad or about having an inkling he would do something like this.

I think that time is really, really rough for her because she truly loved Seneca. In a lot of ways, he was a masculine mirror and now she grasps soooo very clearly how quickly and easily she could fall. But it’s too late becaue she’s already committed to the children - never mind Haymitch.

She’s not really allowed to grieve. She doesn’t let herself grieve, not even in the privacy of her own home because she knows it’s bugged, she knows she can’t be seen crying over a traitor, not when she’s on thin ice herself. I think she loses it at her parents one afternoon during tea and her mother and sister are horrified, but at least it’s within the family and it stays there. She feels better after she cried it out but it’s still a weight on her shoulders, it’s not a sorrow she can just shake off like that.

She feels very guilty about his death too, terribly so, because she’s the one who brought him to Haymitch, because she’s the one who begged him to go along with the star-crossed lovers thing... She feels it’s her fault if he’s death, she feels as if she killed him herself.

In my hc, that’s why she’s so upset when Katniss mentions hanging a dummy and painting Seneca’s name in CF - and also because she’s been in a lot of stress for months, she’s probably more aware than Katniss gives her credits for, and she knows there’s a sword dangling over their heads coming lower and lower with every minute.

I think Haymitch is aware of how hard it is for her regarding Seneca’s death but 1) he doesn’t really cared for Seneca 2) he doesn’t really get it because while he’s aware they were friends, when the Games were in sessions, they weren’t much in contact (because a Gamemaker/later Head Gamemaker can’t be seen favoring an escort) so I’m not sure he gets how close they really were. He sympathetic of her grief because he sees it affects her deeply but he’s not sorry Seneca’s dead because he was just another Capitol Head Gamemaker who didn’t care about dead kids to him and there are more urgent fish - Mockingjays - to fry.

The rebellion kind of sweep everything under the rug and be it movie canon or book canon, Effie doesn’t have the luxury of thinking about Seneca’s death any more.

I think she spares him a thought from time to time post MJ but it’s a distant one because, once she settles in 12 for good, it’s like... another life entirely. The Games, everything that came before the war... At some point, it’s something she and Haymitch leave in the past because if they don’t cut it off the past and its demons will swallow them whole. It takes a few years, but they get there.

[gwynne-fics]

wei50-blog replied to your post “wei50-blog replied to your post “A Hot Mess, Rachel & Hyo-Shin, Who Am...”

Hm, so even though Hyo-Shin had that awful loner experience for 3 years, without it, the two of them may not have gotten together? Woah! Feel bad for him, but so glad the timing worked out for them to find each other! Hyo-Shin reacted rather well when he first found out Rachel was an Alpha. He was not mad at her for hiding, maybe because he knew he was not ready to know and knew that he would have reacted badly?

So I probably need to take part of what I said back. They would’ve still gotten together even if Rachel met Hyo-Shin before he was run out. It probably wouldn’t have been so effortless because Rachel would be picking the Kim pack’s lawyer over the Alpha’s brother and Hyo-Shin would know right away. That would put him a precarious position inside his pack because Tan’s standing would be higher than his but how does he refuse Rachel?

Hm, true that Hyo-Shin assuming Rachel was a human changed how he related to her, besides making it possible for him to be with her in the first place. As a loner, don’t think he would have wanted to or possibly been able to be with a wolf knowingly? Since he did not see himself as a functioning wolf, a human relationship was what was within his capabilities.

It would’ve been too hard at first. He would’ve been too aware of his lack of a wolf which he would consider necessary for coupling and a basic relationship. If Rachel had come to him as the Alpha that first night he would’ve refused on those grounds. She would’ve accepted and not pushed, instead just trying to gently bring him closer to the pack.

To go from fully functional to being cut off from his wolf must have been devastating, and so hard to adjust to. Being thrown out of the pack added to the agony, with almost no reason to keep going. No wonder lost time happened. Can see why he would not want to be present in what his life had become. Glad Hyun-Joo gave him hope, however small, to cling to, that things can get better.

;______;

Did everyone in the resort know Hyo-Shin was a wolf, a loner? But he didn’t know that a lot of the people he was interacting with at the resort were wolves? Haha love that the pack knew Hyo-Shin was going to be it for Rachel! Can just seem them secretly planning their party way in advance, all under the disapproving eyes of Young-Do! Rachel and Hyo-Shin are each what the other person needs!

By the time Rachel and Hyo-Shin moved in together the pack knew who he was and that he was the reason Rachel was leaving little happiness scent pockets around the resort. He didn’t know he was interacting with wolves when they came up to sniff him out--that’s how damaged he was.

Even Young-Do’s disapproval can’t stop Bo-Na and Ye-Sol when they want to throw a party >.>

Haha, thanks for being thoughtful to your readers’ delicate sensitivities. From the human perspective, can see why it would be so weird to not just witness public sex, but to know it was a family member too, in front of a whole lot of other people! Wolf perspective, doesn’t matter as much because sex is so in the open and part of the public culture, and wolves live for such a long time so experience and see a lot.

They do see and experience a lot and it is nice that there is no shame in sex in wolf packs. But while it wouldn’t be like looking at something pornographic for them, reading the description of the scene is a little different, so I wanted to be a little mindful, just in case, even though I don’t really write graphically. 

Do feel a little bad for Young-Do, with Hyo-Shin coming into his life and messing up something so fundamental to his sense of self and well being. He was being the ‘practical’ one while Rachel went to couple with Hyo-Shin literally within an hour of smelling him! Feel like when Rachel and Hyo-Shin first mated, Young-Do felt bitter because he was forced to accept Hyo-Shin because of his promise to Rachel.

Yes, position is so important to Young-Do, so the fact that he did give up being the Alpha is very significant. True, their father did groom Rachel to be the next Alpha, but when Young-Do was offered the position, he could have taken it with the full support of the then pack. His love and respect for both his father and sister would not allow him to do so. And Rachel making him her Second is like a validation of the right choice he made.

This is all true and it is sad that things are so hard for Young-Do after he struggled so much but I do think it is a good point of his character that he did not actively try to keep them apart and he did give his approval when Hyo-Shin asked for it.

He understands why Rachel is willing to throw all caution to the wind and he’s a little jealous of her because at the point Rachel meets Hyo-Shin, Eun-Sang and Ji-Hyuk are going strong >.>

Rachel acknowledged his sacrifice quite a bit in the beginning while she was helping him heal from being feral. She snarled at anyone who told her to put him down or said he was unsafe. She rewarded his loyalty in the ways he cares about.

Huh, hadn’t thought about the trauma for Young-Do from being caged. Had hoped that he was ok since so many years had passed and he seemed to be functioning well, but you never know! Never too late! Always a good thing to figure out how things from your past are influencing you in the now, and even into the future! Also the relationship between siblings could use some restoration? Both have things they could talk about and clear up with the other.

He is functioning very well but you’re right, he and Rachel need to restore some of their relationship Post Mate. Young-Do leaving Eun-Sang was very difficult, especially since Rachel didn’t approve of his behavior. Hyo-Shin trying to find his place has been difficult, especially since Young-Do doesn’t approve.

>.>

Love, love, love AHM!!! (can’t you tell?) Always love info! At some point, would love to do a timeline of how all the stories mesh in ‘real’ time! More wolf culture things, sex and kisses, (it’s all about power!) to learn about! Fun! Total tangent: the Alphas we’ve seen in AHM so far have had multiple mates. Will Rachel ever have a second mate?

Ou! I didn’t even realize I’d done that! Right now, I can’t imagine Rachel wanting anyone but Hyo-Shin. Balancing him out with her brother is hard enough >.>

[nappainanotherdimension]

RULES.  Repost, do not reblog !  Tag 10 !  Good  luck ! Tagged by: @making-a-scene and @krazyokami Thanks for the tags! This took awhile but it was really fun and detailed! Tagging: I’ve seen several people I know do this already so uhh... @mihoshi-kuramitsu, @ayekanaru, @5kye, and anyone else who want to do this long tag profile! 

BASICS. 

FULL  NAME : Nappa NICKNAME/S : Vegeta’s Shadow, Vegeta’s dumb lackey,(PTO soldiers behind his back) Mr. Chinese Cabbage Man, (only by Arale Norimaki from the group rp) Bald Beefcake, (Nellsa) AGE :  Close to 60 if not actually 60. BIRTHDAY : Unknown. ETHNIC  GROUP: Saiyan NATIONALITY :  Saiyan from Planet Vegeta in Universe 7 LANGUAGE/S :   The Universal Language, and most likely whatever language Saiyans had (not a fan of the fanon Saiyango or whatever it’s called, so I won’t use it. It always seems wonky to read and comes off as silly to me is why.) SEXUAL  ORIENTATION: Heterosexual-Demisexual (Mostly interested in sex for procreation)   ROMANTIC  ORIENTATION :  Heterosexual-Demisexual RELATIONSHIP  STATUS :  Single CLASS : Saiyan Elite; Mid-Class Soldier in the PTO HOME TOWN / AREA :  Planet Vegeta – formerly Planet Plant CURRENT  HOME : None or resides in Hell (depending on the verse.) PROFESSION : General of the Saiyan Army (Former) Vegeta’s Fighting Instructor and Bodyguard, Mid-Level Soldier in the Planet Trade Organization

PHYSICAL.

HAIR : Black (hey eyebrows still count) EYES :  Black NOSE :  A thin hooked nose. FACE :  Keeps his facial hair trimmed to a thin moustache. Thick eyebrows. High cheekbones that are visible, a strong and broad chin that is sometimes shown with a shallow cleft. His nose is the smallest feature of his face. His forehead is pretty noticeable because of being bald. LIPS :  Thick and wide. COMPLEXION : His skin tone is on the tawny to fawn shades of beige. Which means he’s got orange-brown or yellow-brown undertones in his skin. His skin looks pretty clear and healthy, which helps him appear younger than he really is. There are some light but noticeable age wrinkles under his eyes, and around his nose and mouth. BLEMISHES :  None SCARS : None and he’s awfully proud of that; it’s obvious he’s been in many battles and is very involved in fighting – yet no battle scars. It’s a sign that he’s powerful and physically durable. Hence why he’s so proud of not having any scars. TATTOOS : None PIERCINGS:  None HEIGHT :  7’-8’Ft (I like to say he’s 7’5” to be in the middle) WEIGHT :  (Never stated in canon but him thick…so he’d be heavy.) BUILD: Large and Brawny FEATURES : Long legs, thick thighs and calves, thick and broad upper body, large hands, fingernails are trimmed and taken care of, his facial hair is also pretty well-kept, so it’s implied he usually has good grooming habits. (even if he needs a shower after being in a pod for a year…) He also has a monkey tail he keeps wrapped around his waist. ALLERGIES :  None USUAL  HAIR  STYLE : Bald USUAL  FACE  LOOK : Either a neutral frown or a confident lopsided smile USUAL  CLOTHING :  Planet Trade Organization issued armor and battle briefs

PSYCHOLOGY.

FEAR/S :  Vegeta’s wrath, Lord Beerus’s wrath, becoming weak, useless, and discarded ASPIRATION/S :  To continue getting stronger and to use the dragon balls to gain immortality. POSITIVE  TRAITS :  Optimistic, Passionate, Loyal, Protective, Willingly Helpful, Caring to those close to him, Reliable, Hard Working, Enthusiastic, Inquisitive, Instructive, Willing to Apologize when he realizes he’s wrong NEGATIVE  TRAITS : Brash, Rude, Conceited, Obnoxious, Impulsive, Sadistic, Violent, Quick Tempered, Needs Anger Management, has an Elitist Attitude, Critical of Others, and I also headcanon that like other people, he Underestimates His Self-Worth, restricting himself to only being a Useful Warrior, thus limiting his potential to see himself as something more.  MBTI :  ESTP (Extraversion, Sensing, Thinking, Perception)  ZODIAC :  Pisces (headcanon) TEMPERAMENT :  This ranges from moody, cheerful, easily annoyed, and completely enraged. SOUL  TYPE / S : (Is this for sort of specialized test?.) Warrior or Soldier I would think ANIMALS :  Has a dog personality. VICE  HABIT/S: Keeping his fists clenched, Resting his elbows on his thighs when he sits, Reacting immediately to things, Being impulsive, Underestimating weaker opponents, High drive to fight, kill, and destroy. FAITH :  Doesn’t worship gods, but he will fear and respect Lord Beerus, God of Destruction and is aware of the existence of higher beings because of him and Whis.  GHOSTS ? :  Maybe? AFTERLIFE ? : Has learned after death that there is most definitely a Hell. REINCARNATION ? :  Yes, this is the only legitimate way he can leave Hell. ALIENS ? : Everyone’s an alien, including him. POLITICAL  ALIGNMENT :  Was loyal to King Vegeta and his son, Prince Vegeta. ECONOMIC  PREFERENCE : “Uh…prosperity?” SOCIOPOLITICAL  POSITION : “IT’S CONQUER OR BE CONQUERED!” EDUCATION  LEVEL: Only taught how to fight and survive, and learn what was needed about the people on planets he’s been assigned to conquer or destroy. 

FAMILY.

FATHER : Matsu (dead) MOTHER :  Jaga (dead) SIBLINGS :  N/A EXTENDED  FAMILY : Must have, but are unknown. NAME  MEANING/S : Chinese Cabbage HISTORICAL  CONNECTION ? : Fought in the Saiyan-Tuffle War to dominate his home planet throughout his adolescence into young adulthood, and was the highest-ranking general of the Saiyan army.

FAVOURITES.

DEITY :  “L-Lord Beerus of course!” MONTH :  He doesn’t care about that SEASON :  Summer PLACE :  None after Planet Vegeta was destroyed WEATHER :  Sunny with a Breeze, and Thunderstorms SOUND : Death Rattles, Explosions, Screams of agony from his victims, Thunder, Lightning, and the sounds of Nature.   SCENT/S : Wood, Citrus, Blood, Food being cooked, TASTE/S :  Savory, and Sour FEEL/S : That sensation of his own energy surging around him during a fight, warmth, the feeling of someone leaning or resting against his side, shoulder or any part of his body really. ANIMAL/S : “Whatever’s tasty.” NUMBER :  He doesn’t have one. COLOUR: Deep Red and Deep Purple 

EXTRA.

TALENTS :  Fighting, War tactics, Instructing others on how to fight better, and Gardening BAD  AT :  Controlling his temper, making up or using Pick-up Lines (he never needed to be good at them) TURN  ONS : Strength of all types – especially physical, Enthusiasm, Loyalty, Domination, real Confidence, Being Challenged TURN  OFFS : Being Insulted, being made to feel Inferior, Disloyalty, Immaturity, Over-Dependence, Cowards, and Weakness of all types HOBBIES : Training, Destruction, Gardening, Caretaking, and Travel TROPES :  The Brute, Proud Warrior Race Guy, Psychopathic Manchild, Older Than They Look, Blood Knight, Dumb Muscle, Noble Demon, Jerkass, Made of Iron, Badass Grandpa, Even Evil Has Standards. (There are more but  go read them on TV Tropes’ section for him.) AESTHETIC  TAGS : #The Key to Our True Power (Moon), #Thunderbolts and Lighting (muse aesthetic) #the view from the pod (space) #I miss eating (food), #words to live by (quotes), #elite warrior mentality (training and fitness)

FC INFO.

MAIN  FC/S :  None ALT  FC/S :  None OLDER  FC/S :  None YOUNGER  FC/S : None VOICE  CLAIM/S : Basically all of his voice actors past, and present, but especially Tetsu Inada, Michael Dobson, and Phil Parsons, and even Takahata101’s dub work for the Abridged series is good. Tetsu Inada’s my favorite voice actor for Nappa, and the voice I hear first when I write for him. (Oddly when I imagine his voice while writing, I hear him speaking in English with the same tone quality and speech patterns that are unique to his Japanese vocal patterns and enunciation.)

[corneliussteinbeck]

How Internalized Misogyny Is Holding You Back

Note: Before digging in, I want you to know that though it isn’t my intention, it’s likely that some things I say in this article might make you angry—and that’s totally normal. Know that my intent is to free you from judgment, not impose more judgment upon you. I encourage you to question your feelings and examine where they’re coming from.

Misogyny. This word has been coming up a lot, particularly over the past year.

What Is Misogyny?

Oxford lists misogyny as “Dislike of, contempt for, or ingrained prejudice against women.” Merriam keeps it simple and too-the-point with an abrasive, “A hatred of women.”

There are many levels of misogyny and specifically internalized misogyny. In its most simplistic of explanations, internalized misogyny is when that contempt, prejudice, and hatred is turned inward, toward oneself. It can also extend toward other women who surround us in our daily lives—a mother, daughter, friend, or lover.

The complexities of internalized misogyny are astounding, and when being examined for the first time, can feel overwhelming. Men and women are affected by it very differently on subconscious levels, and an article like this merely scratches the surface. My hope is that it will serve as an awakening (or reminder) that will help set the course for further conversation and self-examination.

What Does Misogyny Look Like?

Misogyny is tricky; it isn’t always a clear action. In fact, self-proclaimed feminists themselves can sometimes be the worst offenders. When we think of judgment or hatred toward women, it’s not hard to see the extreme outcomes playing out before our eyes. In barbaric and aggressive senses, we’ve been taught that lust’s blame rests in a woman’s hands. There are many religious and ancient texts one can pick from to learn more about the overt and extreme history of misogyny. By default in our society, the blame for anything involving temptation or a loss of control is more often than not placed on a woman and her devious ways or irresponsible choices. It isn’t the overt, but rather the more subtle and subconscious undertones that I want to bring out into the light.

It’s the overall belittling and judgment in which we often may not even realize we ourselves take part. It’s no secret that the current social climate has had its fill of political correctness. Perhaps it’s because “we” think it’s enough to say, “Women can do whatever they want, ok? Get over it. Let’s move on.” It’s not enough.

I imagine that right now, some of you may be thinking, “That’s not me. I definitely don’t have any misogynistic beliefs.” But that’s the thing.

Sometimes these beliefs are so deeply ingrained that we don’t see them for what they are. I encourage you to take a closer look.

How can you know if you are engaging in misogynistic thinking? Here are some questions you can ask yourself that will help you see things from a different perspective:

Do you tend to value, trust, and respect male teachers more than female teachers?

Do you catch yourself saying, “I need a man’s opinion” on various subjects?

Do you not exercise or train the way you want to because you’ve been told that women shouldn’t do certain types of exercise (like lifting weights), or that muscles aren’t feminine or “look ugly” on women?

Do you use phrases like “Real men…” or “Real women…”

Do you compete only against other women for men or women’s attention?

Do you judge women as better or worse based solely on their appearance?

Do you think women are catty or full of drama?

Do you say things like, “I’m only friends with guys because women are/aren’t…”

Do you say phrases like “Men are just like that,” or “That’s just how women are.”

Do you “slut shame” women for the same behaviors you find completely acceptable from men?

Do you feel you aren’t worthy of loyalty in friendships and romantic relationships?

Do you feel unsafe or uncertain when a woman is in charge of tasks?

Do you feel that being on time or being prepared matters less when dealing with women?

Do you think women are physically weak and need to be taken care of by men?

Do you think men should be “Alphas” and women should be submissive?

Do you think there are jobs that aren’t suitable for women or that women shouldn’t be allowed to have?

Do you underplay women’s talents and overinflate men’s?

Do you think all women should strive to achieve one specific body type?

The way in which we view ourselves and our gender can affect how we eat, date, train, prepare for education, and dream. If there was ever a topic in need of deeper examination to truly understand what is going on behind the curtain in our own minds, it’s this one.

My Own Misogyny

Growing up, I rarely identified with women. When I was a kid, society thrust upon me the idea that I had to like pink things, fluffy things, sparkly things, and fragile things. In fact, I hated it all. I was your typical tomboy. While I hate that term now, back then it was the only identifier I knew.

From a young age, I was taught certain ideas about gender traits:

“Female” traits: emotional, overly sensitive, physically weak, less intelligent, followers, easy to manipulate, nurturing, frilly clothing, needy behavior, scared, clumsy, and kind.

“Male” traits: strong, stoic, violent, leaders, manipulative, loners, smart, capable, mean, practical clothing, trustworthy, athletic and dominating.

These are obviously not traits I agree with today. Again, this was how my young mind worked. My life was far from typical or normal. I was a hard-living kid from the streets who learned early on that a good punch and smooth talk saved me a lot more than thigh-highs and platform shoes ever could. Nonetheless, it seemed like being a guy offered way more perks than being a girl. Looking at the list subconsciously presented to us on the day we’re born, it was an easy call. How would I not either, want to be a guy or, at the very least, look to them as leaders and saviors over women?

I was wrong.

In my life — a sociological study in its own right — I have learned that men can gossip, women can save the day, either can manipulate, and both can be kind or cruel.

My theories were gradually ripped apart in the face of my own experiences. Then I studied.

I explored history, gender studies, psychology, and philosophy. I studied my own sexuality, why I like the things I do and why I don’t. I started seeing misogyny (cautious about not confirming my own biases) in everything around me. The stories we tell, the way we say things, and to whom we say them. I learned to think critically, and above all, I learned to acknowledge the sex (not gender) of an individual.

It’s crucial to acknowledge that along with society’s prescribed gender roles comes a certain set of privileges (or lack thereof) that can’t be ignored.

The Importance of Understanding Privilege

A common misunderstanding about privilege is that it can be neatly categorized, like “white men at the top, and women of color at the bottom.” The truth is that privilege exists in varying degrees as it bends and weaves across intersections of society. It is also true that men, especially white men, are still privileged.

Bear with me…

It’s hard to deny that money, location, education, and other factors influence our life experiences and circumstances. Not acknowledging these interwoven factors often leads people to say, “Well, that isn’t fair! How can you say I’ve got it better when they are _____ and have it better than me! I work hard, and I’m not getting anywhere just because I’m _____.”

Privilege isn’t a right, it’s a privilege.

All it means is that, subconsciously throughout our lives and in all forms of media culture, some of us more than others have been psychologically pumped up, groomed, and cheered on in ways we’ve likely never noticed—and we reaped the benefits. Given the opportunity, you could lead due to having an advantage that you may not even be aware of having.

In simplistic examples, people are often quick to say, “Well, obviously that’s not fair, and X individual has an advantage.” Disagreements arise when the topics get more subtle and sociologically nuanced, and people quibble over whether a disadvantage is merely a confidence issue or one having to do with gender. Make no mistake about it, in our society there is an advantage to being a man.

Even at the gym, this subconscious privilege is present. When a man steps up to a heavy weighted bar, before he ever picks it up he already has a remarkable amount of men “with” him. He has superheroes, average Joes, Rocky, villains, athletes, saviors, his brothers, fathers, friends, gods, warriors by the billions—not thousands, not millions, but billions—standing behind him. Thousands of years of history, wars fought over land and sea, victories and stories of champions galore. David, Goliath, Jesus, and God himself. They’re all right there behind him when he steps up to that bar.

Women? Let me make it clear. We have Rosa Parks. Susan B. Anthony. Corazon Aquino. Malala Yousafzai. I could go on but it wouldn’t take you long to see that a common theme of their rise to legendary status was oppression. What do they get for that? More often than not, they get told growing up “You throw like a girl.” “Not bad, for a girl.” “But you’re just a girl.”

Even one of our most popular sports culture movies’ famous phrase is, “There’s no crying in baseball.”

Do you get it? Do you see it? That’s subconscious privilege.

So many movies we watch and books we read subtly suggest that women are less. In these stories, women will appeal to the power and submissiveness of a male dominated society. Women will believe that they are catty, competing, or left wanting. Stories in which women are strong, are an anomaly. It’s so unusual for women to be the strong hero, that when a string of just a few movies with a strong female lead are released, the response from both men and many women often sounds like this: “C’mon. Stop trying to please the liberal agenda. This role would be better with a guy in the lead, and you know it.” (That is an actual comment with 3,203 likes on Facebook about the new Rogue One movie.)

This isn’t about being more masculine or rejecting gender roles. There is nothing wrong with your gender identity relating to something to you. However you are more than your sex or literal genitalia. This is about undoing centuries of oppressive dialogue. It isn’t about ignoring the facts, but instead facing them. This is not about being an angry feminist, conjuring up the tired caricature of the man-hating lesbian who burns her bra and calls the penis a “phallic oppressor.” While that sentence was fun to type, no, it’s not about that. This also isn’t about taking anything away from anyone. What this is about is learning to give to yourself. And it needs to start with the way we treat women (including ourselves).

A Few Exercises For Improving the Language We Use for Ourselves and Others

Instead of, ”I can do anything a man can do,” try, ”I can do anything I want to do.”

It might seem nitpicky, but eliminating the “them” vs “us” narrative, is crucial in the fight for equal rights and against inequality in gender, sexuality, and race. One gender should not be the metric by which we all measure ourselves and others.

Instead of, “I’m like one of the guys,” try, ”I like what I like.”

If women like something that is stereotypically masculine or “manly” things, they are given extra credit for not being “prissy” or “high-maintenance.” They get rewarded for “manning-up” and being the girl who can simply be “one of the guys.”

There is no such thing, not even for men. The notion that a person is defined by liking any one thing or activity because of their gender should be an eroding concept. Instead of focusing on what you should and should not be or like, embrace what you actually like and what makes you feel most “you.” Do that, and you will notice gender stereotypes fade away.

Instead of, “Lift like a man,’ try, “Lift for what you want.”

There is no male or female way of training. There are ways to train which will improve muscular growth. There are ways to train which will improve cardiovascular health. There are even way to train to support your ability to consume mass quantities of hot dogs in one sitting in under 10 minutes. However, there is no one way to train like a man or a woman. If you want to be strong, get strong. If you want to be curvy, be curvy. If you are a 5’4 guy who wants to have better legs in heels, I love a reverse lunge!

Instead of, ”We are all equal,” try… “We are all equal.”

No change. Because that’s the very meaning.

Too often, I see faux empowerment or “feminism.” I’ve seen women chant the virtues of owning their sex and power, but are doing so because they are mimicking a caricature of what they think a man is. Knocking women who want to wear makeup or who want to embrace traditional gender roles doesn’t make a woman empowered. Enjoying sex and bucking conservative society doesn’t make a woman a feminist. It also doesn’t make a woman a feminist to pick only one body type. Feminists come in all shapes and sizes. Muscular, thin, round, tall, short, medium; It doesn’t matter what shape you want to achieve as long as you’re staying true to your desires, rather than pursuing an ideal you’ve been instructed by someone else to pursue because it’s what you “should” be or what you “should” look like.

Phrases like “strong is the new skinny” or “strong is the new sexy” are as limiting as stating that muscular women look “too manly.” Different people find different aesthetics appealing. Whether you want all the muscles, or you just want to feel strong and take care of your bones but prefer a less muscled physique, what is important is that your training goals reflect and satisfy your preference.

Check in with your desires and motivations and where they are coming from. One choice isn’t better or worse than the other if it’s what appeals to you.

A Homework Assignment: Re-examining Your Goals (A.k.a: What Do You Want?)

If reading this article overwhelms and frustrates you, it’s okay. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if this subject makes a lot of women feel overwhelmed or frustrated, or both.

Go with these feelings. I want you to put pen to paper (or fingers to keys) and think about the questions and thoughts that come up for you. Does any of this make you want to reevaluate your training goals? Have you been living for you, or for someone else? What do you really want and who is it for—and why?

If you read this and think, “Damn, I’ve been more unfair to myself and other women than I realized…” understand you are not alone. I’ve been there. I don’t want to be presumptuous, but it’s safe to say on some level we have all been there. As we start to see things a little more clearly, we can start working toward examining what it is that we really want, who we want to be, and why.

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