#and tk's reassuring 'hey hey no you're not no you're not okay.. everything’s gonna be okay' and his gentle touch :')))))

[lonestardust]

very insightful your previous posts from last week that explained the storytelling this season because i couldn't help feeling like there was a missing piece. Which I totally understand the fact that we can't see or have everything on TV. I'm satisfied either way but somehow I just can't help feeling like we could've had something more out of episode 5.

Oh me too I'm genuinely satisfied anyway, because IT'S TARLOS!! aka the best and only love story ever!! and also simply because we have the fandom experience that truly indulges all of our thoughts and what ifs with fics and discussions and headcanons etc.

you know i was actually just thinking of how the choice of the whole therapy thing did not fully sit right with its building blocks because it relied on the time skips to tell us about the problem but over showed trying to solve it in whole 5 minutes of therapy. this didn't really land for me even though i reallyyy enjoyed watching it! like I'd rather just cancel the therapy thing altogether over getting too much of it when the showing of the build up to getting there could've been more cogent in my opinion.

that's why i reimagine how 5x05 would've been more compelling if those opening 5 mins were divided into two scenes where it really shows Carlos being truly absent and letting the case consume him completely, and TK is so supportive and trying hard not to break down under the weight of feeling abandoned.

(excuse the messy thoughts okay) a scene where :

Carlos actually skips their plans for the night altogether, and TK who made plans for them to dine out somewhere because they haven't been able to spend time together lately, brought a gift and is all ready at home texting carlos because if they're late they're gonna miss their reservation and carlos keeps saying he'll leave work soon, TK ultimately gives up, the plans are cancelled and it's not the first time. and he's just sitting there spiraling, doesn't even change his clothes, he's utterly crushed and wants to cry because he's alone and it makes him sick like a kid to be abandoned like that and have it come from carlos, the only person that would never let TK feel that way. but he puts on a brave face when carlos finally gets home, he looks really distressed it worries TK that this is not just guilt over skipping plans again, he greets TK and makes an attempt to apologise before he goes to sit on the edge of the bed, and everything just reflects in the mood of the loft where it's barely lit like usual and the only light in their bedroom is coming from outside, carlos just folds in on himself and cries.. like truly breaks down. letting everything out, all of his pent-up strain and grief and TK rushes towards him and moves into his space and sits in front of him (like their 3x08 and 4x01 parallels) and he immediately starts comforting him in that way where he whispers to carlos his familiar strings of hey, and breathe and it's okay, and carlos' voice is broken, trying to hold back the next sob and having difficult time trying to string words into a coherent sentence

"TK.. I'm stuck. everything feels like a dead end and I don't know what else to do and- I'm sorry I'm not good enough, it's my fault for dragging this for too long because I should've solved the case long time ago but I couldn't and I just don't know- I'm so sorry I-"

"hey hey hey, breathe baby" TK pulls him to his chest then cups his face between his hands, telling him that hey no you're incredible, you're resourceful and capable but it's not easy and it's not supposed to and that's not your fault-

"I'm sorry" carlos immediately cuts him off

because this TK right here, his support, his patience feels jarring because carlos fully expected to come home to TK rightfully lashing out at him for canceling on yet another thing they planed to do together, but no, he's right here holding him and reassuring all his worries and he's so so gentle it triggers all of the guilt of the unspent love and time he should've been putting into their marriage. it drags him down to sincerely apologising and it's one of those moments where he'd call him TK by his actual name because that's when he really wants TK to knowww how he really feels

"Carlos.. it's not the first time where we end up like this, you know that. you lose yourself there for too long, it's like you're letting go of everything else we have, you make me miss you like hell, and I feel like we're already starting to drift apart"

"no please don't say that, I don't want that, I'm done making you feel this way, I'm done wasting the time i get with you, i am so sorry baby I know i haven't really been a good husband-"

"you're an incredible husband okay"

"But I'm not TK, and I'm not trying to do better, and I promise you to do better".........

and carlos begins again by suggesting that TK once told him to join him in the grief counselling meetings and that he'd love to go to one now with him..

like that's the moment in the storyline where carlos makes the promise to do better and then by the end of the episode we see the resolution of it, and we get the confirmation that they went to grief counselling or couples counselling together and it happens over them having ice cream during a night walk after dining out because carlos managed to get a table at that restaurant again, TK filling him in on all the 126 drama he's been missing or something that TK took up that carlos didn't really get to hear about how it's going..

[lonestardust]

the state cognitive dissonance happening here after this god forsaken episode is just... wow its bad sjjsjs like how did they think they could get away with that without butchering the narrative on the way (they better have this salvaged in the rest of this arc).. like the way the lone star writers are getting comfortable after literally getting away with saying that TK was one year sober in 3x12 despite celebrating his one year of sobriety in 2x08