#and thus Matteo JWHJ0715 is now the god of movies that doesn't exist

[windfighter]

The greatest joke unmade

Takuya dried his hands and hung the towel over the handle to the oven. Turned around and looked towards Kouji, who was sitting at the table working on his laptop.

”It’s Goncharov’s 50th anniversary”, Takuya said.

Leaned casually against the countertop, tried not to smile too widely. Kouji looked up from the laptop, glanced at him.

”Who’s Goncharov?”

”It’s the greatest mafia-movie ever made”, Takuya couldn’t hide his grin. ”I was thinking we could watch it?”

Kouji stretched, closed his laptop and shrugged.

”Sure, why not? Didn’t know you liked mafia-movies.”

”Because I only ever watch football?”

Takuya wrapped an arm around Kouji, leaned down and kissed him. Kouji rolled his eyes.

”Yeah, because you only ever watch football.”

He pushed Takuya away, stood up. It took him a few seconds to find his balance and Takuya was ready to reach out if it was needed. But Kouji found his footing, carefully aligned the prosthetic leg with the rest of his body. It was a new one, less affected by heat or cold, and Kouji was still getting used to it.

”Football is the greatest”, Takuya agreed. ”Dad made me watch Goncharov when I was like 12, it’s my guilty pleasure.”

”Never heard you mention it”, Kouji said and grabbed the laptop.

”I also never mentioned that porn-movie I watched when I was 14”, Takuya said with a grin.

Kouji rolled his eyes again, whacked Takuya’s head with his hand.

”We’re not watching porn. I’ll agree to Goncharov though.”

”Thank you”, Takuya said and gave Kouji another kiss. ”You set it up and I’ll prepare snacks and drinks.”

”Just no alcohol for me”, Kouji put the laptop on a smaller table by the door. ”Messes with the new pain killers.”

”No alcohol, got it.”

Kouji left the kitchen. Takuya slapped a hand over his mouth to hold the laughter in. He couldn’t give it away yet, he needed to see how furious Kouji would get looking for the movie. He grabbed bowls, put a pan with oil on the stove. Made popcorn and filled one bowl with that, filled the other with chips. Grabbed two big glasses and filled with soda before putting all of it on a tray.

He swore he could hear Kouji’s voice. Was Kouji talking to someone? Had he called Kouichi to help him find the movie? Was the gig up?

”You want pie or something?” Takuya called.

”Pie sounds good!” Kouji called back.

Takuya grabbed a pie from the freezer, put it in the microwave. He would have heated it in the oven if there was more time, but he was pretty sure the joke would be over in about 5 minutes and he’d better be ready to ask for forgiveness. Pie was a good step towards that.

The pie was almost done when he heard music. Takuya blinked. The Goncharov main theme. He swallowed. Had Kouji figured it out and was trying to trick him back now?

He put the pie, a pair of plates and spoons on the tray as well and went to the living room. The television was on, the intro to Goncharov playing on it. Takuya almost dropped the tray.

”What’s this?” he asked.

”Goncharov”, Kouji said.

Nonchalantly, as if it wasn’t super-weird that a movie that didn’t exist was playing on their television. Did he find a fake trailer or something? Takuya put the tray on the table. How… he didn’t even know how to ask.

”How did you find it?” he asked.

”I didn’t”, Kouji sounded so frustrated. ”Matteo had to help me.”

Kouji’s eyes shone. Takuya swallowed. It had to be a trick of the light, but all the lights were turned off.

”Matteo?”

”Matteo JWHJ0715”, Kouji explained and sounded exasperated. ”He’s the god of movies that doesn’t exist.”

Takuya blinked.

”The what?”

Wait.

”Kouji, Goncharov doesn’t exist.”

Kouji blinked. The light in his eyes disappeared and he tilted his head. Frowned.

”Huh. Well… that does explain why I couldn’t find it.”

Takuya put a hand over his face, laughed.

”I love you. You’re an idiot and I love you. I’m fucking morosexual.”

”Yeah, yeah.” Kouji patted the couch. ”Did you want to watch it or not?”

Takuya laughed again, sat down in the couch.

”Do I want to watch the greatest mafia-movie never made? You bet!”

He grabbed a piece of pie and leaned against the back of the couch.

”And afterwards you’ll have to tell me how you got the god of movies that doesn’t exist to give it to us.”