#and those under renovation office buildings i stared into the first floor break room kitchen with the open door i nearly

[vzyee]

why is my own past always so beautiful to me.. barely devoid of suffering if anything the opposite. But maybe i love this world & myself unavoidably

[irishseeeker]

                                       the story of us

summary:  Five times Kate Sheffield and Anthony Bridgeton were just friends and one time they were more.

find chapter 1 here or here

find chapter 2 here or here

find chapter 3 here or here

find chapter 4 here or here

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chapter 5: part 1-I think I’ve seen this film before, and I didn’t like the ending.

Kate was sitting on Anthony’s couch, wearing a dinosaur hat and drinking a glass of wine.

A very normal thing for a twenty five year old to do on a Thursday night.

She had managed to get out of the office at a reasonable seven o’clock tonight, as opposed to her usual nine. Agatha Danbury, her boss and career idol, had pushed her out of the office and told her to go out and have a drink.

She never specified with whom, so a glass of white wine with Newton seemed perfectly acceptable.

She had expected Anthony to be home but he had texted her earlier that he wouldn’t be home until late.

That had become a common occurrence lately. He was definitely avoiding her. He sometimes never came home at all.

The anxiety was clawing at her, she wanted to know where he was and what he was doing but he kept his explanations vague and usually to do with work. More specifically, who he was doing. They had never been too intimate on the details of their sex lives but Kate couldn’t stop herself from wondering. He hadn’t brought anyone home in the two months she had lived here.

Was she in his way? This was his flat, after all. She had long overstayed her welcome and his disappearing act had confirmed that. Anthony would never tell her that, he was too good of a person and he really didn’t understand boundaries. Kate had clearly overstepped his.

Her thoughts had been confirmed when she had found a hotel key on the floor of their bathroom. It was still in its slip, the date written on the paper was only last week. Why would he stay at a hotel fifteen minutes away from his flat?

Kate knew why.

It wasn’t her.

She poured herself another glass of wine.

She was going to miss the flat.

Kate had slowly woven herself into his flat over the past two months. She had her favourite spot on the couch, the corner of the couch with the perfect view of the television. She had her favourite stool at the kitchen counter, where she could watch Anthony cook and feed Newton bits off her place. She knew Anthony’s morning routine so well she knew exactly what time to jump out behind the bathroom door to scare him.

Newton even had a favourite spot, amusingly in Anthony’s favourite armchair. He had spent a few thousand pounds on a gorgeous grey, L shaped sofa that could fit his whole family yet he always sat on the old, brown cracked leather plush armchair. Kate had found out a while ago it had been his dad’s old armchair, Violet had had it refurbished slightly and had given it to Anthony for his birthday this year.

Her first mistake was becoming too comfortable.

It was dangerous. She had let herself fall too deep into her fantasy and the dread of reality was slowly creeping up on her. This wasn’t real life. She was a twenty five year old woman hopelessly in love with her best friend who didn’t feel the same about her. He was letting her stay while she figured it out.

What was wrong with her? Kate had told herself after her first week staying here she would find somewhere to live. She felt guilty, invading Anthony’s space but he really hadn’t seemed to mind. If anything, he was encouraging it. He found something wrong with every single flat Kate had visited until she finally found the perfect one within her budget.

She had always worried that Anthony was lonely here since Simon had left. She knew he had been, he had spent more time at her flat in the last few months than he had since the day she moved in. Anthony was not someone who was used to being alone.

He probably didn’t want her here, he just wanted someone here. She was in the way now and if she stayed here any longer, it was just going to get worse. It felt like Anthony was deliberately avoiding her, he had barely been around lately and when he was, it was like it wasn’t really here. They had their moments, they always would-but something was wrong.

Kate had found excuse after excuse to delay moving out until she had woven a perfect web of her own downfall.

Her second mistake? That was moving in with her best friend who she was desperately in love with.

Kate was still right where she was when she was eighteen years old.

Hopelessly in love with Anthony Bridgerton and there was absolutely nothing she could do about it.

It had consumed her. It had become a part of her. She loved him like she took her first breath every morning. She loved him like when she made her first coffee of the morning, with a splash of milk and a tiny bit of sugar. She loved how he texted like he was your grandad, with perfect grammar and punctuation. He still asked her what emojis meant. She loved every single thing about him, even the things that drove her up the wall like his non-existent patience and how he left his plates and mugs always in the sink instead of putting them into the dishwasher.

She just loved Anthony Bridgerton.

Kate had been doing it for eight years and she was so good at it.

It was almost sweet, if it wasn’t so tragic.

It wasn’t logical. It wasn’t practical. Despite him being her best friend, Anthony had always been clear about his stance on relationships. He didn’t do them. He hadn’t since his disastrous one with Siena. Whenever someone mentioned love or marriage, his face would turn into a stony expression and his upper lip would curl in slight disgust.

He didn’t want that.

Kate did, she desperately did-but she wanted it with him.

Her new flat would be ready in two weeks, the owner was still finishing renovations. In two weeks, she would move out of his flat and possibly tell Anthony she was in love with him.

Would the truth set her free? Or would it just cause her to lose Anthony forever?

Kate heard the front door close, snapping her out of her inner hell and it was followed by a few swear words and Anthony muttering under his breath as he walked into the living room.

“Those bloody deathtraps,” Anthony muttered, a scowl on his face as he appeared at the door of the living room. He was talking about her roller skates, she had gone to Hyde Park again with Edwina over the weekend. Kate was absolutely rubbish, but it was fun. “You’re going to break a bone in those things.”

“At least I’ll look cute while doing so.” Kate grinned at him, peeking her head over the top of the couch. She had bought a retro purple pair off Amazon, that reminded her of Grease and the 60s.

Anthony was staring at her with an amused expression, leaning against the wall. Kate knew Anthony’s strange behaviour wasn’t completely because of her. He had been acting strange since he made up with Daphne and Simon.

“Kate?”

“Mm?”

“Why are you wearing a dinosaur hat?”

She had forgotten about the hat two wine glasses ago.

Kate Sheffield, constantly oozing sex appeal.

There was really no explanation. “I have a better question. Why wouldn’t I be wearing a dinosaur hat?”

“Touche.” Anthony chuckled, opening up the fridge and pulling out a beer. He loosened the tie around his neck, unbuttoning the first few buttons of his shirt with one hand as he made his way towards his armchair. He picked up Newton under his arm, who had been happily snoozing on his armchair before Anthony interrupted him.

Anthony sat down, putting Newton back down on his lap. He had long given up fighting Newton for his armchair. It was their armchair now.

Well, it would be for another two weeks.

“I was packing and I found the party bag from Hyacinth’s party,” Kate explained, tipping the cowboy hat on her head that had a Tyrannosaurus Rex’s head coming out of the top of it. Kate didn’t miss the frown on his face when she mentioned packing up her stuff, but she dismissed it. It didn’t mean anything. She threw the spare hat over to him. “Did you really think I wouldn’t have one for you?”

Anthony stared at the hat that had landed on the couch beside him with vague disgust. “There’s not a chance in hell I’m wearing that.”

“Why? It looks like you,” Kate teased, reaching up to pinch the dinosaur’s spotty nose on the top of her head. “Go on. Aw, he’s got your nose.”

Anthony couldn’t help the smile that broke out on his face, as much as he was trying to fight it. It made Kate feel warm, she felt like she hadn’t seen it in a while. This felt good. It felt like them. “Is this how you treat people who give you a roof under your head out of the goodness of their heart? By insulting their good looks?”

“That doesn’t make any sense, though. You gave me a roof under my head.”

Anthony picked up the hat and slammed it onto his head. “I know you find me good looking, Kate. Just admit it.”

Kate chose to ignore the fluttery feeling inside of her stomach and the frustration building up inside of her. He was now flirting with her when he had been acting so off with her for the past two weeks? How was that fair? This wasn’t just them having a laugh. Kate may have feelings for Anthony, but she didn’t delude herself into thinking he was flirting with her when he wasn’t. He had always been a flirt. She was too, usually only with him. She would play it off, like she always did. “Hmm. Maybe to some people.”

Teasing was easier than telling the truth. Kate wasn’t confident he found her good looking, she wasn’t his usual type. In fact, she was the opposite to any girl she had ever seen him with. Kate was so forgettable he had forgotten their kiss.

Kate picked up her phone, taking a few quick pictures of Anthony and then flipping the camera to take a few pictures of her smiling with a disgruntled looking Anthony in the background.

She put the phone down, laughing her arse off and smiling at him very satisfied. “I’ll show them at your wedding.”

“I hope you do.”

There was a moment of silence where they both just stared at each other, his words lingering in the air. His tone wasn’t teasing or sarcastic, it was gritty and left a bitter taste in her mouth. It was also very confusing. Kate had no idea how to respond to him so she just...didn’t. Anthony quickly broke the silence, changing the topic completely.

“That reminds me. I just got back from having a drink with Simon.”

Kate wasn’t expecting that. Kate moved across the couch towards him, pushing herself up onto her knees once she reached him. She lifted her hand to inspect his neatly shaven jaw, she would really find any excuse to touch him. “I don’t see any bruises.”

“Funny.” Anthony said dryly, his eyes following her hand until they locked eyes with hers.

Kate laughed, choking on the intensity of the brief eye contact and fell back onto the couch, taking another sip of her wine. “I know, I’m considering pursuing stand-up comedy full time. What did Simon want?”

Things had improved between Anthony and Simon since they made up at Hyacinth’s birthday party three weeks ago. They were civil and spent time together when they all hung out together, but things weren’t the same and they still had a lot of rebuilding to do. They definitely weren’t back to hanging out together like they did before their fight.

“Simon just told me he’s going to ask Daphne to marry him.”

Kate spat out her wine.

Anthony’s jaw dropped before he quickly jumped out of his armchair, causing Newton to growl at him for waking him up. “Kate, that’s a leather couch!”

Kate spluttered, coughing as the wine she had just choked on continued to tickle her throat. “I’m sorry. Forget the couch. What did you just say?”

Anthony had run into the kitchen to grab paper towels, dabbing at the wet stains on the couch. It was only white wine, so it wouldn’t stain. He also handed her a glass of water, his expression strained as he roughly wiped at the couch. “He told me he was going to propose to Daphne this weekend.”

Kate stared at Anthony as if he had grown another head and an arm on his leg. “Did someone drop him on his head? Daph turned twenty two last week! He’s barely twenty six! I watched him laugh at a video of a dog swimming in a duck costume last week for twenty minutes. He can’t get married.”

Once again, Anthony shrugged. This was the man who had punched his best friend for going near his sister and refused to speak to both of them for two months. He simply shrugged. “Well, he plans to.”

“Why are you so calm?” Kate narrowed her eyes. Anthony was far calm about this. He had punched Simon and ignored him for two months when he had found out about Daphne and him. “Does anyone know Simon’s current whereabouts?”

Anthony’s deadpanned expression made a small smile creep onto Kate’s shocked face. “Seriously, it’s like a comedy night here.”

“Did you kill him?” When the opportunity presented itself, Kate would always wind up Anthony Bridgerton further. She also knew that he was probably feeling extremely frustrated and hurt and was showing a surprising level of self-control, so it wasn’t the worst idea to lighten the mood.

“No,” Anthony said, twisting his nose and mouth into a taunting smile. “But I might kill you.”

“Please, you couldn’t live without me.” Kate retorted with a teasing smile, but the eerie silence that followed quickly killed any amusement in her face. Anthony looked exhausted. Things had been strange between them but the dark bags under his eyes and the deflated look on his face showed Kate something more. She knew Anthony and she knew he was keeping something from her.

“He’s asking her in Paris this weekend,” Anthony explained, focusing on stroking Newton’s fur instead of looking at Kate. “That’s where he’s taking her for her surprise birthday trip. It’s perfect for her. Daph loves Paris.” “How do you feel about it?” Kate asked, caution filling her voice as she carefully observed Anthony. His body language was usually difficult to read and tonight was no exception. She knew he was upset but Anthony kept his walls high and guarded. She could never truly tell what he was feeling, whether it was that he wanted to scream or cry.

Anthony let out a deep sigh. “Would I rather set myself on fire than watch them get married? Yes. Do I think they’re rushing into it and incredibly young? Absolutely. Can I do anything about it? No. It’s their life. I can’t stop them. It doesn’t take a genius to know what I think about it but it’s not my decision to make. I’ll have to support them. I don’t want to fight anymore.”

Kate didn’t know what she would do if Edwina told her she was engaged.She’d probably have a heart attack. She was even younger than Daphne. She would probably drag Edwina back down the aisle, if she even let her get up it first.

“Mum is already planning their engagement party. She’s thrilled, of course. Simon spoke to her before me. Their party is going to be next weekend and then Ben’s gallery opening is the following Saturday.”

Kate nodded, biting her lip as she watched Anthony carefully. “What did he say to you?”

“Firstly, he asked me not to punch him. Then he said Daphne and him had already spoken about it. He wouldn’t propose if it wasn’t something Daphne wanted. He said he loved her so much and that he would always take care of her. He apologized for the timing considering things have only gotten civil again but he just couldn’t wait anymore,” Anthony said, sitting back down in his armchair and letting Newton settle back down in his lap. “He said he didn’t want to wait anymore when he knew Daph was the one. Why would he wait any longer when the love of his life was right in front of him?”

Simon did have a point. It was a difficult point for Kate to swallow but he had a point. Why was she waiting? Fear was becoming an exhausting reason.

In Kate’s opinion, they were far too young and they had only been together for nearly two years. This was Simon’s first serious relationship. It was ludicrous. Yet, it wasn’t her life. Her opinion didn’t matter here. They were taking control of their narrative and doing what was right for them. “Wow,” She murmured, not really knowing what else to say. It was a lot to take in. What happened to the teenager Kate had met eight years ago in Aubrey Hall? When had they all grown up so much? “I know this is probably a stupid question but are you okay?”

Newton stood up in Anthony’s lap, putting his two ginger paws on his chest and nuzzling his face against Anthony’s chest and face. He licked him a few times, which Anthony usually protested about but he was quiet tonight. Newton was trying to hug him. He always comforted Kate like that when she was upset. Newton just knew when something was wrong.

He was an angel, her Newton.

“I’m not really sure.” Anthony said honestly, smiling softly and rolling his eyes as Newton licked his cheek and chin, his paws pushing against Anthony’s chest as he tried to climb up further.

“That’s okay,” Kate gave Anthony a small smile, laughing softly as Anthony pushed Newton up by his bum until the corgi was half sitting on his shoulders and head. “I’ll be here if you need me.”

Anthony gave her a small grateful smile back, managing to get a scrambling Newton off his head and back onto his lap. When Anthony was around, Newton gave him his full attention. Kate didn’t blame the corgi at all. “You always are. Thanks, Kate.”

They exchanged a soft smile but no more words on the topic, despite the feeling that there was so much left unsaid between them.

“I can’t believe Daphne is getting married.”

Edwina zoomed in on the photo on Daphne’s instagram, the large diamond on her finger in front of her and Simon’s beaming faces with a glittering Eiffel Tower in the background. Kate had met up with Daphne for lunch yesterday and she had seen the ring in person, along with the detailed account of every minute of their trip and the proposal.

It was finally the weekend and Kate had spent Saturday morning roller skating-well, mostly falling with a side of skating-around Hyde Park with Edwina. They had gone back to her flat with takeaway kebabs and coffees, where she was staying with her boyfriend until her university term ended. Edwina was going to move back to their family home for the summer and stay with Kate in London when she wanted to, as Kate had decided to get her own flat for the first time.

Sophie was staying with Benedict for the summer, they seemed to be very happy and working through their problems. Since the Bridgertons owned Benedict’s flat, Sophie was insisting on paying for the utilities and groceries to pay her way. They were compromising and moving forward together. Edwina and Sophie were going to look for a flat at the end of the summer before university started, Sophie had finally saved up enough to enroll and start her course to become a teacher.

“Please don’t get any ideas.” Kate said, giving her a concerned look. Kate liked Edwina’s boyfriend Matthew a lot, he was a sweet guy and Edwina was head over heels for him, but they were not ready for marriage. Anthony had been uncharacteristically calm since he had found out about the engagement and it was very unnerving. It wasn’t like Kate could say much about Anthony these days, he was still avoiding her as much as possible. If they were together, it was rarely alone. Even at the flat, he had Hyacinth and Gregory over for a sleepover last night instead of their usual takeaway on Friday night.

Edwina snorted loudly. “As if. Mum only met Matthew last week. I don’t plan on getting married for a very long time.”

“I don’t know if I will ever get married.” It was true. Kate couldn’t see herself with anyone else. She had tried being with someone else and that had ended up in disaster. The cheating wasn’t her fault but her being in love with Anthony before and during her relationship meant it never stood a chance.

It was ridiculous to think about marriage at twenty-five years old when she had so much time and she was still so young. She just couldn’t imagine herself with anyone else.

“Please don’t say that,” Edwina’s voice softened as she spoke, so full of pity it made Kate feel ten times worse than she already did. She felt pathetic and she knew people found her pathetic. Her own sister pitied her. “Whether you want to get married is completely up to you. It’s not because there isn't someone out there for you. There is. You still have so much time, Kate.”

“I have time but I want him. He’s still avoiding me. I’ve barely seen him since Hyacinth’s birthday party. I found another hotel key this morning.” Kate wanted to scream at him, to hide his escapades better and not leave evidence of them out in plain sight where she could come across them. She had absolutely no right to be angry. But she was. She was incredibly hurt. She was doing this to herself. She couldn’t bring herself to say anything to him, as much as she wanted to scream it at him.

“Kate, you’re torturing yourself.”

Kate’s nails tapped against the edge of her mug, the light tapping nose soothing to her ears. The steam from the mug hit her face, but she wasn’t sure that was the reason why she was sweating. “I know, Ed.”

“You could tell him.”

Kate looked up at Edwina, her little sister who was so grown up in front of her. Kate felt like a child, coming to her sister when everything felt like it was falling apart. She felt so out of control, as if something was just on the brink of exploding and there was nothing she could do about it. “I can’t risk it.”

If she told him, she could risk losing him forever. It could break them in a way that could never be fixed. If he didn’t feel the same, her confession would be a shadow lingering over them that they couldn’t break free from.

Kate just dreaded the day he met the right girl that wasn’t her and she would have to stand there and watch.

How could she do that? Watch someone make him happy the way he made her happy? It was such a selfish thought but she couldn’t help it. Sometimes, Kate didn’t think she would be brave enough when the time would come.

Anthony was her best friend. He was her person. He didn’t owe her the love she felt for him. He already loved her in ways unimaginable, his friendship had been one of the best things that had ever happened to her. He had been her friend first and would always be her friend, but life without Anthony was unimaginable and she was doomed to watch him be happy with the perfect girl someday.

Their friendship had been something that Kate thought only existed in books and movies. She was so lucky to have him. She felt so guilty for how she felt, it wasn’t that she wasn’t grateful for what they had. She knew what they had was so special. Kate just wished it was more.

It would have to be enough.

Life with Anthony would always be better than life without him.

Edwina reached towards her with a comforting smile, her hand covering Kate’s hand and her thumb rubbing soothing circles on her wrist. “You can’t keep going on like this either.”

“I know.” Kate mumbled, exhaling loudly as her head fell back against the head of the couch.

“I don’t know how Anthony feels. You don’t know either. You’ll only know if you tell him how you feel. I know he’s your best friend, he’s like your other half. If you really want to know what I think,” Edwina paused before she continued speaking, as if she was debating what she was about to say. “I think he feels the same way about you. I really do. From what I’ve seen, I really do. Friends don’t look at friends the way he looks at you. I’ve never seen anything like it. I don’t think I’m the only one who thinks that either.”

Kate stared at Edwina, completely taken aback. It was the first time someone else, other than herself, had ever acknowledged the idea that Anthony might like her back. Well, that wasn’t exactly true. Anna had said it during their first year of university but Kate didn’t like to think about her. “I just don’t know, Ed. I don’t think he does. I only know how I feel and I just feel suffocated by it. I’m just so scared of the consequences of telling him.”

“Katie,” Edwina said softly, using the nickname for Kate she reserved for emotional moments between them. “I know you sometimes don’t think a lot of yourself, so I’m here to remind you of how wonderful you are. You’re an amazing person. He would be so lucky to be in love with you. I’m so lucky to love you. We’re all so lucky to be loved by you. Okay?”

Kate felt the sore lump forming in her throat, squeezing back the hand Edwina had wrapped around hers. She used her spare hand to brush the fresh tears out of her eyes. She hated crying, but she couldn’t help it. Edwina’s words meant more than Kate could ever express. It was hard to hear them sometimes, especially when Kate struggled to believe they were true. “Thanks, Ed. I love you too.”

“Good. I mean it. Would it really be so bad?” Edwina asked, tilting her head slightly as she nudged Kate’s foot with hers, forcing Kate to look at her. She knew Edwina was right. It had been too long. This had been going on for too long. If there was a chance they could be something, she should take it. “To tell him?”

It would. “I could lose him.”

Edwina didn’t respond for a few moments, the silent seconds suffocating Kate even further. “You already sound lost to me.”

“I know,” Kate said softly, the weight of the truth in her sister’s words making her chest feel tight. She felt lost and she felt stuck. She caught a glimpse of her watch and pushed herself up off the couch, sighing softly. “I better get going. I have to walk shower and get ready for later. We’re going to the Bridgertons later to have dinner to celebrate their engagement. We’re helping Daphne and Simon with their engagement party invitations as well.”

“Kate,” Edwina said, walking Kate to her door and wrapping her arms around her sister, pulling her into a deep hug. Kate didn’t know how much she needed one until it was happening, she pulled Edwina closer. “I only want what’s best for you. I’ll always have your back and support you. I just want you to be happy.”

“I know, Ed. I don’t know what I’d do without you. Oh! I nearly forgot. These are the tickets for Ben’s gallery he gave me for you two,” Kate said, pulling out the envelope and handing it to Edwina with a wink. She didn’t want to be sad anymore. She’d push it away for now. “It starts at seven, black tie. Free booze.”

“Thank you so much,” Edwina said, beaming at Kate as she squeezed the envelope. “Matt is such a fan of Benedict’s instagram, he stalks his instagram all the time. He’s going to be so excited.”

“It’s going to be a good night,” Kate said, pulling on her hoodie and raising her eyebrows at her sister. “Who knows what will happen?”

Later that evening, they were at the Bridgertons to celebrate Daphne and Simon’s engagement. It was the Bridgertons and Sophie, Kate and Simon. Kate felt so full after the feast Violet had prepared she could barely move.

Kate didn’t even protest as Anthony stole bits of her cake off her plate, if she ate anymore she felt like she would burst out of her red dress.

“I don’t understand why we’re posting these out. Haven’t you already emailed invitations?” Eloise asked, a permanent scowl had been glued to her face since Daphne had dragged her to the dining room table after dinner along with Kate, Anthony, Simon, Ben and Sophie to help seal their invitations.

“Yes, but they’ll need these to get into the party,” Daphne said, giving Eloise a look as she carefully tied the pink ribbon around the lace envelope in her hands. “Besides, it’s part of the process. We’ll have these forever. I already have a copy in my wedding book.” Kate had even spent a few moments admiring the large princess cut diamond on Daphne’s finger. It was massive and blinding in the bright lighting.

They had each been given a part of the alphabet from the guest list, which was in alphabetical order and consisted of at least two hundred people. If this was the engagement party list, the wedding was going to be massive.

“How do you know this many people?” Kate was only responsible for the A to Ds and she hadn’t even started the Cs and they had been at this for nearly two hours. The invitations were beautiful, they were on expensive hard paper that was a soft blue. The writing on the invitation was a beautiful cursive font that was sealed in a cream lace envelope, tied with a rose ribbon.

“Well, Daphne is a Bridgerton. Simon is technically a Hastings,” Anthony said, his nose scrunched up in concentration as he tried to loop the pink ribbon around the invitation. Simon had never gone by his father’s name Hastings, he had always gone with his mother’s maiden name. “We’re popular people.”

Anthony shot a glare at Eloise as she muttered wanker under her breath.

“This is only the engagement party. The wedding won’t be until next summer and there’s so much to plan and do in the meantime,” Daphne said, looking frazzled as she tucked her pile of envelopes neatly into the box on the table. “We’re not going to rush anything.”

Anthony and Benedict simultaneously snorted and Sophie and Kate kicked them under the table.

“Speaking of things to do,” Daphne said, standing up and putting her hands on her hip. “Kate.”

“Daphne,” Kate replied, eyeing her warily. Daphne was smiling so widely it almost looked painful, positively beaming at Kate. “Are you okay?”

“I’m perfect,” squealed Daphne, clapping her hands together. Kate shot a confused glance at Anthony, who shrugged back at her with an amused glint in his eyes. “I need you to close your eyes for a second.”

“Okay,” said Kate, closing her eyes hesitantly and lifting her hands up slightly in the air. “If anyone puts anything near my face, or on my face, I will hurt you.”

“Open! Read the envelope!”

There was a loud smack as something was put in front of her, Kate opened up her eyes to see a large hamper in front of her. It was a soft pink, a wooden hamper wrapped in film and topped with a large pink bow. It had an envelope with her name cursively written on the front. She could see an assortment of candles, hand cream, soaps, body lotion, chocolate, sweets, a silk dressing gown and slippers and other things in the hamper. There was also a beautiful bouquet of red tulips. Kate was so confused. “It’s not my birthday.” She said slowly, reaching and opening up the envelope.

>i>Kate,

Will you be my bridesmaid?

Lots of love,

Daphne

“Oh my gosh.” Kate managed to say, words completely failing her as she glanced up at Daphne’s beaming face and back down at the invitation. There was no stopping the wave of emotion that crept up her throat and flooded her eyes as she constantly re-read the words in front of her.

“Oh Kate,” Daphne said softly, one of her hand’s covering her heart as she rested her head on top of Kates, wrapping her arm around her. “Please don’t cry.”

“I’m not crying!” Kate said quickly, keeping her head down to avoid anyone seeing her red, watery eyes but it was definitely too late. She hugged Daphne back, practically clinging to her. This meant so much to her. “It’s hayfever.”

Kate didn’t have to look at Anthony’s smug face to know he was smirking as he spoke. “It’s January.”

Kate turned to Anthony to glare at him. “Eat glass.”

Anthony chuckled softly, nudging Daphne off of Kate and wrapping his arm around her shoulder as she furiously wiped at her eyes. She shoved him off but couldn’t stop the smile breaking out on her face as Anthony smiled down at her.

“Are you sure?” said Kate, looking up finally and meeting Daphne’s warm eyes and beaming face. “I would love to. Thank you so much. This is incredible. This is...so nice. I don’t know what to say. Thank you.”

Kate had never thought for a second she would be asked. She had struggled with making friends for most of her life, it wasn’t that she didn’t have them-she had quite a few. Anthony was the closest friend she had ever had and with him, she had become a part of something that had allowed her to form friendships and relationships with his family that were more than just her connection to Anthony.

It really meant everything.

“Oh, Kate.” Daphne said softly, squeezing her shoulders softly and wiping a tear trailing down her cheek that had escaped her eye. “Of course I want you to be my bridesmaid. It wouldn’t be the same without you.”

She didn’t really know what to say. Her entire life had just been her Dad, Mary and Edwina and friends who had come and gone, and suddenly there was the whole Bridgerton clan who sent her birthday presents and Christmas cards, who invited her over for dinner and texted to meet up or just to catch up.

It was really wonderful to be liked by people like the Bridgertons.

“I’m so happy. I’ve asked everyone now!” Daphne smiled in satisfaction, walking back over to her seat and shooting a smile at Simon, who was gazing at her adoringly. “I’ve asked Fran, you, El, Rebecca, Alana, Tara and Greta. You’re definitely the best reaction I’ve had so far. Some people were less than satisfactory.” Daphne shot a pointed look at Eloise.

“Oh, get over it Daphne,” Eloise grumbled, struggling to tie a ribbon around an envelope. “I said yes, didn’t I?”

“This is all incredible. Thank you so much. These are absolutely beautiful,” said Kate, looking through the hamper in wonder as she picked up everything and smelt it or ate it. “Tulips are my favourite flower.”

Daphne glanced at Anthony, who had been gazing at Kate as she looked through her hamper. He met his sister’s eyes questionably. “Just a lucky guess.” She exchanged a smirk with Simon, who looked down at his stack of envelopes in amusement.

“We’re expected to bring dates?” Eloise asked, looking around the table with an exasperated look as she waved an invitation in the air. It appeared that she only just read the invitations. “Everyone is in a relationship except me. How am I meant to find one of those?”

“By asking someone.” Benedict suggested, slightly mocking his sister who flipped him off.

Eloise scowled. “I don’t like people.”

“I’m sure you’ll find someone,” Anthony said, clearly unimpressed about the thought of his sister bringing someone to the wedding. “The wedding will be after your first year at university. You’ll find someone you can’t shake, as much as you try to.”

Anthony shot a grin at Kate, who stuck her tongue out at him.

“Why don’t you bring Penelope? She’s lovely.” Kate suggested, turning away from Anthony and tying another bow around an envelope. She was nearly on the C part of her list.

“That’s easy for you two to say,” Eloise grumbled, leaning back in her chair and crossing her arms. “You two don’t have to worry about a date. Oh! Pen is actually a good idea. She loves romance and all that rubbish.”

Anthony paused trying to tie his ribbon, where he using Kate’s finger to tie the bow. He frowned at Eloise. “Why wouldn’t we?”

“Why wouldn’t you what?”

“Why wouldn’t we have to worry about a date?”

Eloise shrugged, frowning slightly at her brother’s question. “Oh. I presumed you’d be going together.”

“Why would you presume that?” Anthony asked, his tone a little sharper than usual.

“Anthony, stop.” Kate murmured, frowning at his tone of his voice and just his overall demeanor. What the fuck was so offensive about that presumption? It was completely fair. They went to nearly everything together. Every gala, every work event, even two weddings last year.

“Well, you two do everything together, Anthony.” Eloise replied sharply back, a slightly challenging look on her face as a response to her brother’s blunt tone and slight attitude. Kate glanced at Sophie, who widened her eyes slightly before focusing on organizing her stack of envelopes. “What’s your problem?”

“I’ve no problem at all,” Anthony gave her a dry smile, a stone cold look on his face. His phone started to ring, vibrating against the table. “Excuse me. Anthony Bridgerton.” He stood up, walking out of the dining room to take his call.

“What is with him lately?” Eloise asked the table, a disgruntled look on her face as she organized her finished envelopes into Daphne’s box. “He’s been more moody and off than usual.”

It seems like Kate wasn’t the only one who had noticed something was wrong. She caught Benedict’s eye, who shrugged but he glanced at the door where Anthony had disappeared through.

Kate shook it off, but she was internally panicking. She had presumed they would be going to the wedding together. Her dating life had been dead for two months. She hardly bothered anymore, she just didn’t see the point.

They could be an amazing person, but they would never be Anthony.

It was rather pathetic. She knew it was. She needed to cut the final string and tell him how she felt. If he didn’t feel the same, at least she would be free. But how could she? How could she risk losing him forever? She would rather have the parts of him she could have than none of him at all.

Or did she?

Kate wasn’t so sure anymore.

Anthony was gone for longer than expected. Kate had gone to check on him once but he had disappeared into his father’s study, closing the door behind him. He walked back into the room twenty minutes later, clearing his throat to interrupt the small chatter around the table. He looked furious. “Colin has been arrested.”

“Oh my god.”

“What happened?”

“Is he okay?”

“He was arrested for public indecency and public intoxication. He’s fine. We’re going to bail him out now. He’s not going to be charged. It’s been sorted. I’ve told Mum, she’s on her way home.”

“Isn’t he out on a date with Marina?” Sophie asked, raising an eyebrow at Benedict and at the rest of the table. Kate had only met Marina once, who was Colin’s new girlfriend he had met skiing in France over Christmas. He was head over heels in love with her, the first girl according to Anthony he had ever brought home to meet his family.

Daphne shook her head, running a hand through her head and sighing loudly. “I knew there was something off about that Marina girl. Poor Colin.”

“Poor Colin? He’s the one who got himself arrested. I hardly think it’s Marina’s fault. This is Colin we’re talking about,” Eloise said, narrowing her eyes at Daphne. “I love him but he’s a fucking idiot.”

“Eloise!” Daphne exclaimed, gasping at her sister.

Benedict shrugged. “El has a point, Daph. Colin has broken about three bones from jumping off things drunk. Usually half-naked.”

There was a grimace around the table. That was a picture no one wanted to imagine.

Anthony was still standing there, unsettlingly calm and still. His phone was still in his hand, which was slightly shaking. He was staring into nothing as his siblings argued across the table.

“What can I do?” Kate asked in a lower voice, standing up to move beside him. She placed a comforting hand on his upper arm, but there wasn’t much she could do. Colin and Anthony’s relationship had always been complex. They were so close but very different people. This wasn’t a situation that Anthony

Anthony shook his head. “Nothing. It’s okay. Ben and Simon will come with me. We’ll be back soon.”

Kate couldn’t stop the hurt look that flashed across her face as she watched him gesture towards the boys and walk towards the door. Everyone else looked equally confused, mainly because he was asking Simon to come over Kate. Benedict shot Kate a small smile, offering a silent apology before following his brother. Simon quickly kissed Daphne before following them.

Kate sat there as Sophie and Daphne got updates from Ben and Simon. Her phone didn’t buzz once. Colin was okay and he would only have to pay a large fine. He had been with some of his friends who had also been arrested. Anthony had used one of his father’s connections to try to make sure the arrest wouldn’t be on his permanent record and one of Colin’s friends' dad was high in the police force and had made sure it wouldn’t be on any of their records.

It was two hours, at approximately 11pm, when the front door slammed followed by loud voices. They belonged to Anthony, Benedict and Colin.

“That’s not an excuse to throw your life away. You have one and a half years left.” Anthony was shouting at Colin, who stormed in before Anthony and let out an annoyed sigh as he noticed everyone was in the living room waiting for them. Daphne launched herself at Colin, wrapping him in a hug and flicking him in the head at the same time.

“You idiot! I thought you were out with Marina?” Daphne began her interrogation immediately after she had let go of Colin, her relief fading into a frown as she stared at Colin. “What happened? What were you thinking?

“Marina broke up with me,” Colin said, a hurt look splashing over his face and quickly disappearing, being replaced with a hard demeanor. “She was still in love with her ex-boyfriend and she had been seeing him. She dumped me and I met up with the boys afterwards. Things just got out of hand.”

“Oh Col,” Daphne murmured softly, shaking her head and giving him a reassuring smile. “I’m so sorry. It’ll be okay. Are you okay?”

“Colin,” Anthony announced loudly, ignoring the warning look from Violet who was glancing anxiously between Anthony and Colin. “Wants to drop out of university.”

“That’s the stupidest thing I have ever heard,” Eloise said quickly, staring at Colin with a mixture of shock and outrage. “You have one year left. Isn’t twenty-two sort of young to have a life crisis?”

“Stay out of it Eloise,” Colin barked, glaring at his sister before turning back around to Anthony. “It’s my life. I can do what I want with it.”

“Oh sure you can,” Anthony said, bitterly laughing as he poured himself a whiskey at the bar in the corner of the room. “You’re truly doing such a smashing job.”

“We all need to calm down.” Benedict said, intervening before this heated argument exploded. Anthony and Colin had always clashed heads when it came to Colin’s life decisions. He had been suspended twice during school and had been extremely difficult when it came to going to university. Kate had watched Anthony spend months trying to convince him to go and it had resulted in a lot of stress and arguments.

Sophie, Simon and Kate sort of sunk into the background. They were around the Bridgertons most of the time but this was a family situation they weren’t a part of. It was very uncomfortable to witness.

“We made a deal. You would get your gap year and I’d support you traveling after university, when you finished it. Your marks have been brilliant, Colin. It’s one bloody year. You have to get your degree.”

“Why? Because Dad did?”

“No,” Anthony said sharply, his jaw slightly shaking as he tried to remain calm. He looked like he was about to explode. “Because it’s a privilege. University degrees open up doors and give you opportunities. They give you protection and access to jobs. I have already paid for two years of your degree and now all your hard work is going to go down the drain because you’ve suddenly changed your mind? That’s not happening. You’re getting that degree.”

“I don’t need you to tell me what to do with my life, Anthony.”

“Why did you call me then?”

Colin paused. “What?”

“When you got arrested. Why did you call me?”

Colin stared at him. He didn’t have an answer to that.

“Why didn’t you call Mum? Or Ben? Or Daph? Or one of your friends.”

“Oh, now you’ve got nothing to say?” Anthony let out a high pitched laugh, shaking his head. “I’ll tell you why. You called me because I show up. I’ll sort it out for you. Like I always do. I’m beginning to think that was a big mistake. I honour my commitments. Why can’t you do the same?”

“We can discuss this in the morning when everyone is calmer and not so worked up,” Violet said, finally intervening and smiling calmly at Anthony and Colin. She wanted to stop this fight before it got too far, but it already had. Her tactic of pretending everything was fine was not going to work this time. “We need to all go home and go to bed. The little ones are sleeping and we’re not going to wake them.”

“Why aren’t you doing something?” Anthony asked, staring at his mother in bewilderment. He sounded so heartbroken and lost, almost desperate. “You’re the parent here. He’s about to throw his entire life away.”

“I’m not throwing my entire life away, I’m throwing away the life that you wanted for me. Not what I wanted.” “So what are you going to do then? Travel around for the rest of your life with no qualifications?” Anthony’s words were daggers, pushing Colin further and further over the edge. “With what money, Colin? I won’t give you a penny. You’ve never had a bloody job. You’ve never had any responsibilities. Wake the fuck up. You’re acting like a spoiled little brat.”

“Fuck you,” Colin snapped, Benedict’s hand moving towards his chest to push him away from Anthony. Benedict was in between them, Simon quickly joining him as well. “I’ll figure it out. I don’t need to try to be a carbon copy of Dad to figure out my life. I’m not you, Anthony. Desperately trying to be someone he’ll never be.”

“That’s bang out of order.” Simon snapped, standing up slightly and only stopping himself from moving forward when Daphne put a hand on his chest.

“Colin, that’s too far,” Benedict snapped, glaring at his younger brother with a look that made the hairs on Kate’s arms stand up. She stood up anyway, watching Anthony as his face completely fell. This was his achilles heel. He had been through a similar argument with . Colin knew exactly what he was doing. Bringing up their father was exactly how you hurt Anthony. “You’re not dropping out of university. It’s not an option. We all care about you. You’re hurt and probably still drunk. You’re not thinking rationally.”

“Stop it Colin, that’s not fair,” Daphne said, shaking her head. “I agree with Anthony. He wants what is best for you. We all do.”

“Anthony,” Kate said softly, grabbing her coat and his off the dining room chairs. “I think we should go home. Come on.”

Anthony completely ignored Kate. “What the fuck did you just say?”

Colin didn’t cower down. He stood his ground and stared blankly back at his brother. “I think you heard me.”

Kate couldn’t stop herself from glaring in disgust at Colin. This was too far. Anthony wasn’t being exactly fair, she knew university was something Colin had never been sure about. It wasn’t as if he was completely miserable. He was having the time of his life when he was there. He just was confused and heartbroken and he wanted to run away.

“Do you think I wanted this? Do you think I want to do this?”

It had gone too far and Anthony had finally reached his breaking point.

“I went to the parent teacher meetings. I made your lunches and dinners. I didn’t go on my gap year. You all got to go on your gap years. Do you know how I spent it? I was the one who sorted out Dad’s will. I took care of Mum when she couldn’t get out of bed. I took care of a newborn baby and a two year old. I took care of all of you. I did all that. Have I ever said anything about it? No. I did it because I had no choice. My dad died too.”

There was complete silence in the living room as everyone stared at Anthony’s outburst.

“Anthony.” Violet croaked, staring at her eldest son in disbelief. Violet hadn’t been well for the first few years after Edmund’s death. She had barely gotten out of bed , Anthony had said she was like a ghost. Anthony had really gotten involved in everything to do with his siblings from the moment his father died. He’d had no choice.

Kate knew the pain of losing someone you loved. She missed her father everyday. She couldn’t blame Violet for how she mourned the love of her life but she couldn’t help but resent her for what she forced her eldest son to do because she couldn’t. He had been a child too.

“Go ahead, Mum. Indulge him. It’s what you do best.” Anthony looked at his mother with a look of such disappointment, it was hard to watch. “It’s your life, Colin. Do whatever you want. I’m done.”

“Ant.” Ben pleaded, staring in disbelief at his brother’s outburst. Sophie had her arm around Eloise, who was crying into her shoulder. Anthony shook off Ben’s arm on his shoulder.

Anthony ignored him. “Kate, let’s go home.”

Kate couldn’t stop herself from throwing Colin a disappointed look as she followed Anthony out of the door, shooting the rest of the Bridgertons a sad smile before they walked out of the house. It was a promise to take care of him.

“Please, let me drive.” Kate said softly, slowly wrapping her arms around his hand to take the keys out of his hand. Thankfully, Anthony didn’t protest.

The drive home was completely silent. Kate tried to focus on the road but she couldn’t stop herself from glancing at Anthony in the passenger seat. He just stared straight ahead of him, not uttering a word to her the entire trip.

They entered the flat slowly, the only sound being the door closing and the rattle of the keys as Kate put them in the bowl beside the door. Anthony moved to sit on the couch as Kate made her way into the kitchen, making them both a cup of tea.

“I made you some tea,” She said, keeping voice low as she walked around the couch, anxiously staring at Anthony. She felt so helpless.

Anthony had his face in his hands, bent forward. He was shaking. Newton was pawing at his feet, whimpering slightly as nudged Anthony’s legs with his nose.

Kate blinked a few times before she realized what was happening.

Anthony was crying.

“I’m here.” She whispered, quickly putting the mugs down and sitting beside him, wrapping her arms around him. She pulled his head against her chest, holding him as tight as she could.

His sobs racked through his body, shaking and stuttering.

In the eight year she had known him, she had never seen Anthony cry. This wasn’t just crying. This was nine years of grief, hurt and emotion finally coming to the surface and breaking free.

She held him until he couldn’t cry anymore.

The following morning, Kate got up from the couch where Anthony, Newton and her were watching Ted Lasso when they heard a knock on the door. She had been texting the Bridgertons this morning, assuring them Anthony was doing okay. He was better than he was last night, he just seemed exhausted.

Kate was still reeling from the events of last night. When she opened the door, the last person she expected to see was Colin Bridgerton.

“Kate. Hi.”

Kate fixed him with a hard stare.

“I know what you’re thinking.”

“I’m actually debating whether I should punch you.”

“That’s fair.”

Kate shook her head. “Nothing about last night was fair, Colin. He didn’t deserve that.”

“I know,” He said, his voice wavering slightly as he looked down at the ground. He did look terrible. He hadn’t shaved this morning so there was a light shadow of stubble on his cheeks and dark bags under his eyes. He looked terrible and it made Kate feel slightly better. “I’m trying to fix it. Can I come in?”

“That’s not up to me.”

“It’s okay, Kate.” Her head flicked around to see Anthony standing behind her at the end of the hall. “He can come in.”

Kate stepped aside to let Colin in, closing the door behind him as she watched Colin cautiously walk towards his older brother. Anthony made his way towards the couch and Colin hoovered awkwardly before taking a seat on the opposite end of it.

Kate went to put on the kettle, leaning down to scratch behind Newton’s ears. He had his lead in his hand. It was about time for his walk.

“Can I’ve a cuppa?” Colin asked, glancing cautiously over at Kate and then back at Anthony.

Kate didn’t turn around. “I can’t promise I won’t spit in it.”

“Actually, I’m good.”

“Newton needs to go on his walk anyway,” Kate said, deciding that they probably needed time to talk alone. She was intruding and this wasn’t going to be an easy conversation for either of them. “I’ll leave you two to it. I’ll see you in a bit.”

Anthony turned around to look at her, smiling softly at her and nodding his head. He’d be okay. She grabbed her hoodie off the couch, quickly pulling it on. She smiled back at him before she headed for the door and left the two brothers to figure it out.

“Ready to go?”

“Here, let me help.” Kate said softly, reaching her hands up to fix Anthony’s blue tie. His white shirt was crisp and bright, complimenting the dark navy suit. Daphne’s dress code was anti-black tie, so Kate had gone with a lilac dress that reached her the middle of her knees.

Kate felt something crinkle under his shirt pocket and she raised an eyebrow. “What’s that?”

“Oh,” Anthony said, his cheeks darkening slightly. “It’s for my speech.”

Kate felt herself fall even harder. This man. “You made flashcards.”

“I just want to say the right thing.” He murmured, very flustered. Bless him, Anthony was nervous.

“You will,” Kate said reassuringly, fixing his jacket one last time before she let go. “Just speak from the heart.”

“Let’s go,” He said, his cheeks still slightly pink as he grabbed his keys. “Our uber is downstairs.”

Daphne and Simon’s engagement party was taking place in the ballroom of the Ritz Hotel in London. Their engagement announcement had been posted in the London Times and it had been the topic of the week all over magazines and social media. The party was going to be extravagant. They had an open bar, a three course meal and a live band.

“Oh my god.”

The ballroom was beautiful. Each wooden chair had flowers tied to the back of it, surrounding tables set with golden cutlery with a large rose centerpiece. The tables surrounded the large dancefloor, which had a live band playing on the stage in front of it. Kate could see Benedict and Sophie dancing in the distance.

“Is that an ice sculpture of their initials?” A large ice sculpture of a D and S stood in the middle of the room on a large white table.

“Daph knows how to plan a party,” Anthony said, shrugging as he gazed around the ballroom with a small smile. “Let’s find that open bar.”

It had been a week since his argument with Colin and their conversation the next morning had sorted it out. Anthony didn’t go into too much detail but it had been a very freeing conversation for the both of them. Colin had apologized and he decided he was going to stick with university. Anthony had been good since then. He wasn’t acting distant at all. If anything, he had spent a lot more time with Kate than he needed to.

“A whiskey and a vodka cranberry please,” Anthony said to the bartender, leaning against the bar once they made their way through the crowd after stopping to say hello to various guests. “I still can’t believe this is actually happening.”

She nodded. “I still can’t believe she asked me to be her bridesmaid.”

“I can,” He said it so bluntly, as if it’s obvious. “You’re family, Kate.”

They shared a small smile, that warm feeling fluttering widely inside of her stomach. “You’re my family too.”

“Before you ask,” Kate said, swiftly moving on from their heartfelt moment as it was a little too much to handle at the moment. Emotions made her hot and she couldn’t afford to sweat in this dress. She didn’t want to have to try dry her sweat patches in the bathroom again. “I am not going suit shopping with you.”

“Oh, no problem there,” said Anthony, a devilish smirk on his face. “You’ll be too busy dress shopping with Daphne.”

The smile dropped right off Kate’s face.

They were all sitting at their respective tables later in the evening during dinner. Dessert had been served and it was time for Anthony’s speech. The Bridgertons were at one large table in the centre of the room, along with Kate and Sophie. Gregory was sitting on Kate’s lap, since he had kept flicking peas at Hyacinth during dinner.

Anthony clinked his champagne flute, standing up and clearing his throat. “Hello, everyone. If we haven’t met, I’m Anthony Bridgerton. Brother of the bride and best friend of the groom.” Kate’s eyes flicked towards Simon, whose face broke out into a small smile he tried to contain. “On behalf of my family and Simon and Daphne, I would like to thank you all for joining us to celebrate their engagement.”

There was a loud clatter of hands clapping throughout the room before they faded softly as Anthony continued to speak. “Normally, this would be when the father of the bride would speak. Our father couldn’t be here with us today, so I’m afraid you’re stuck with me.”

There was a small ring of laughter around the room with a hint of sadness. Edmund Bridgerton’s absence

“I’ll make this quick as I know everyone is eager to dance and get back to the open bar. I’m incredibly proud to be Daphne’s brother. I’m also incredibly proud to be Simon’s best friend and best man. I’ve watched Daphne grow up and no one can take credit for the incredible woman she has become. I’m eternally grateful I have gotten to witness it.”

“I’ve known Simon since we were eleven years old. I’ve also witnessed Simon growing up, which really only started when he was twenty four years old.” There was another ring of laughter around the room, including Simons. Since Simon had stood up for Anthony during his argument with Colin, things had turned a new leaf with them. He had popped around the flat after Colin had gone to see Anthony. He had been over three times this week alone. It reminded Kate of how it was before.

He had even asked Anthony to be his best man yesterday during a round of golf.

“I’m very happy that you two have found each other. Finding the person you want to spend the rest of your life with and being brave enough to take that opportunity and hold onto it is a very admirable thing. It’s an incredible thing, to find someone who makes everything make sense.” Anthony cleared his throat, clearly a bit flustered. “I’d like to raise a glass to Daphne and Simon. I wish you both nothing but happiness and love for the rest of your lives. To Daphne and Simon.”

“To Daphne and Simon!” The crowd echoed as everyone raised their glass to the happy couple.

There was a loud round of applause, including Daphne and Simon standing up to hug Anthony after he finished his speech. Kate shot him a wide smile as Hyacinth dragged him onto the dancefloor as the band began to play. He had promised her to dance all evening and it was finally time.

Kate smiled as she watched Anthony dance with Hyacinth on the dancefloor. She was standing on his feet, giggling loudly as Anthony moved her around the dancefloor on his shoes. He also lifted her up, twirling her around.

“You look absolutely gorgeous tonight.”

Kate turned around, slightly startled and smiled as Violet Bridgerton sat down beside her. “Thank you. So do you. This is an incredible party.”

“I can’t believe my baby is getting married,” Violet said softly, smiling at Daphne and Simon dancing and laughing on the dance floor. “It seems like only yesterday she was asking me to tie her shoelaces. Now I’m helping her plan her wedding.”

Kate laughed softly, giving Violet a warm smile. “Please don’t let her put me in a poofy dress.”

Violet laughed loudly, shaking her head. “I promise. It’s the least I could do for you, Kate.”

Kate noticed how Violet’s tone dropped as she spoke and she turned to look at her in confusion.

“I owe you a great deal, Kate. After everything that happened last week,” Violet said, her voice trailing off slightly as she composed herself before continuing. “I truly realized that you have been the person who was there for Anthony like I should have been. I know I failed him. It’s something I will carry with me forever. I can only try to be better. I’m just incredibly grateful that you were there for him in ways I wasn’t.”

Kate opened her mouth to speak but she didn’t know how she could reply to that. She had to say something. “I always will be. You raised a very good person.”

“I’m glad you’re the longest relationship Anthony’s ever had.”

Kate turned to her, puzzled with slightly pink cheeks. “You mean friendship.“

Violet just smiled, a dangerous smile that made Kate anxious, and turned her head back to the dancefloor.

Kate downed her champagne glass in one gulp.

She made eye contact with Anthony across the room, who was now alone as Hyacinth ran off after Gregory outside towards the gardens. Anthony strode towards her, looking incredibly free and handsome in his suit. He extended his hand toward her. “Dance with me, Sheffield. Come on.”

Kate rolled her eyes, slipping her hand into his. “If I must.”

Anthony led her to the dancefloor, where they slowly swayed as the music turned to a slow song. Kate wrapped her arms around his neck, ignoring the intimacy of their current position. “That was quite a speech, Bridgerton.”

“Thank you,” Anthony said, smiling down at her as his hand moved to grip her waist. “I took someone’s advice and spoke from the heart.”

“She sounds really smart.”

“She’s a pain in the arse, actually.”

Kate stuck out her tongue, which only made Anthony laugh harder. “Thank you. It was good advice.”

“Your dad would have been proud. It truly was lovely.”

“Thanks, Kate.” He said softly, leaning his head forward until his chin rested lightly on the top of her head.

They swayed there until the music changed and Anthony begant to twirl her around. They were eventually joined by Edwina, Matthew and the rest of the Bridgertons. Everyone was laughing and dancing the night away.

It was one of the best nights of her life.

All the inner turmoil and anguish she had felt lately wasn’t at the surface for once. She still didn’t know whether she was going to tell Anthony how she felt. She didn’t want to think about it tonight. Anthony was smiling and he seemed to be himself again.

Kate had a feeling things were finally going to get better.

How wrong she was.

.

Henry Granville, a renowned English artist and owner of London’s famous galleries had contacted Benedict earlier in the year to set up a gallery of his photography in one of his galleries.

Benedict’s instagram fame had caught the attention of Henry, who asked Benedict to show him his portfolios and more of his photographs. They had set up the exhibit together. He had taken Benedict under his wing, he was helping Ben explore painting and improve his skills.

Tonight was the opening night of his photography exhibit in the gallery.

Kate had finally moved into her flat during the week, so scrambling through her boxes to try to find a suitable dress and heels was a challenge but she finally looked presentable by the time Anthony arrived in their Uber to pick her up.

She went with white heels and a long black bodycon dress she wore to meetings with their most expensive clients at work. Art was for posh people, so Kate presumed the dress code was extra-fancy tonight. She wasn’t taking any chances.

Kate was waiting on the path as Anthony and the uber pulled up. She opened up the door, grinning at him and twirling. “Do I look like someone who understands art?”

“Absolutely,” Anthony said, laughing at her as he scooted over to let her climb in. “All you need is an easel and a paintbrush and I wouldn’t be able to tell the difference. You look great, by the way.”

Kate blushed slightly, biting her lip. “You don’t look so bad yourself.”

“What do you know about art?”

Absolutely piss all. “I know that guy. Leonardo DiCaprio?”

Anthony snorted. “DaVinci.”

“That’s the one.”

They arrived at the gallery, which was already packed as the opening night was in full swing. They made their way through the gallery until they found Benedict, who had a beaming Sophie beside her.

Kate gave her a big hug, grinning at her. “Excuse me. We’re in a gallery and I’m looking at a masterpiece.”

“Oh stop it,” Sophie said, laughing at her as she wrapped her arms around Kate and kissed her cheek. Sophie’s long blonde hair lay in bouncy curls down her back and she was wearing a beautiful silk baby blue dress. “You look absolutely beautiful, Kate.”

“I’m proud of you.” Anthony said, ruffling Benedict’s hair and putting him in a headlock.

Kate reached up to hug him, “It’s amazing. Seriously Ben, well done.”

“Have you been around fully yet?”

Kate shook her head. “No, not yet. We just got here.”

Benedict gave Anthony and Kate a strange look. “I’ll catch up with you two before you get to the last piece. The exhibit starts over there.”

Kate shot Anthony a questioning look but he just shrugged, nodding as he clapped Benedict on the shoulder as they headed towards the

The exhibit was fantastic. The photographs were incredible. It was an exhibit of life. There was a lot from his travels in recent years, from Africa to the Alps. He had pictures of animals from his trip around Africa two years ago. There was a picture of Sophie laughing, with her head tilted back and her wavy hair floating in the air. There was a picture of Anthony, with Hyacinth on his shoulders and Gregory in his arms.

When Kate finally saw the last photo, Benedict’s strange behaviour earlier suddenly made a lot of sense.

It was a picture of them.

It was titled eight years.

It was a large canvas. Every part of the canvas was covered in pictures of them and some faded into the background. They were pictures taken throughout the years, taken by Benedict. They were laughing at each other in most of them, with faces looking at each other and not at the camera.

Kate felt so incredibly overwhelmed. From the look of shock on Anthony’s face that mirrored her own, he hadn’t known about this either. They didn’t say one word to each other. They just stared at the pictures in front of them.

Kate quickly noticed the pictures were in chronological order. The first picture in the top corner of the canvas was when Ben visited Anthony during the second month of university. The two of them were lying on the grass in one of the college’s gardens, a bottle of champagne between them.

It was almost like Ben was trying to tell a story.

Their story.

The story of us.

There were so many pictures. There was another picture of Kate posing with Anthony’s lucky black mallet, after the annual Bridgerton pall mall game, with a sulking Anthony beside her during her first trip to Aubrey Hall. There was another picture of them, with her on his back. It was when they had finished their final exams for the last time, covered in confetti and champagne that their friends had sprayed all over them.

There was a picture of them laughing at each other in their graduation robes. There was another one of them and Newton at a park. There was another of them swinging Hyacinth between them at her birthday party. There was another of them dancing at Simon and Daphne’s engagement party.

“If it isn’t the stars of the hour,” A man said loudly, appearing beside Kate and Anthony and extending his hand. “I would recognize you two anywhere. I’m Henry Granville. It’s a pleasure to meet you. You have a very talented brother, Mr. Bridgerton.”

Kate and Anthony shook his hand warily, both still staring at the picture as they introduced themselves. Benedict and Sophie appeared at his side and the anxious look on Benedict’s face told it all. He glanced warily at Anthony, who hadn’t taken his eyes off the canvas.

“It’s an excellent piece,” Henry said, cheerfully grinning at Kate, Anthony, Benedict and Sophie. “It’s the most popular piece so far. I had to insist Benedict include it in the exhibit.”

“What did you say again was your inspiration behind it?” Henry asked, completely oblivious to the tense atmosphere in their current conversation.

Benedict took a moment before he replied. “The truth.”

Kate didn’t know what was going on. She wasn’t sure what Benedict meant and she really didn’t want to let herself fall into a trap that would end with her feelings hurt. Dreams were dreams and they couldn’t always be indulged. What did he mean by the truth?

“Excuse me.” Anthony said sharply, turning around and practically running away from the conversation.

“It was so nice to meet you.” Kate said, smiling apologetically as she made her way through the crowd, following Anthony’s brown head out towards the emergency exit that led to an ally.

“What was that about?” Kate asked, catching her breath as the cool night air hit her. She wrapped her arms around herself, her coat was in the cloak room inside. “That was really rude, Anthony.”

Anthony stared at her in disbelief, the fine lines on his forehead showing how stressed and tense he was. He looked absolutely furious.

“Did I miss something? Why are you so angry?” Kate didn’t know why she was playing dumb. She knew what the canvas looked like. It didn’t look like they were just friends. It was incredibly intimate and she didn’t think it was okay for Benedict to display them like that. She didn’t care about that at that moment. She didn’t understand why the thought of people perceiving them to be together was so upsetting to Anthony and she wanted to know why. She had to know.

It was finally time to confess.

“He should have asked.”

“Ben?” Yeah, sure. It was an intimate photograph. Kate didn’t really warm to the idea of her pictures being up for so many people to see but she didn’t mind it if it was Benedict’s way of expressing his art. “It’s only a few photos. The one of you, Hyacinth and Gregory is lovely.”

“I’m not talking about the others,” He said harshly, leaning against the brick wall of the gallery building. “That’s the one I have the problem with.”

What was so offensive about it? Kate felt herself getting defensive, not of the bloody pictures but of herself. “It’s just a few pictures, Anthony.”

“Do you not see what was on that canvas?” Anthony asked her, waving his arms in the air. “He’s made it look like we’re together.”

“No he hasn’t,” Kate spluttered, starting to feel incredibly warm despite the freezing January air. “It’s just a canvas of...friendship.”

“Come off it,” Anthony said bitterly, shaking his head in disbelief. “He’s made it out to be one big fucking love story.”

There it was.

He sounded disgusted, as if the thought of them being together was so unfathomable it was sickening. Kate stared at him, feeling an overwhelming sinking feeling in her stomach.

Anthony was pacing back and forth in the ally, the horns and ruckus of London fading into the background. He had pulled his tie off, the blue satin material was hanging loosely around his neck.

“Why are you so upset?” Kate asked, not entirely sure if she was ready for his answer. She was confused and upset about his outburst inside and about how stressed he looked. She knew Anthony more than she knew herself and a pacing, disheveled Anthony meant something was very wrong.

It was the calm before the storm.

”Why aren’t you?” His head snapped to the side to look at her as he finally came to a stop.

“Are we finally doing this then?” Kate’s question hung in the air, the weight of its implications making Kate’s chest tighten painfully.

He let out a deep sigh, their eyes never breaking contact as the meaning of her words sunk into them. He knew what she was asking but he chose to pretend he didn’t. “Doing what, Kate?”

“Being honest.”

“I’m not getting into this with you.” He said, shaking his head as he started to walk away from her. Kate was not letting that happen. He didn’t get to run away. She grabbed his arm, not roughly but firmly enough so he would stop.

The confusion and emotions of the last few weeks was rising to the surface. She didn’t want to stop it. Anthony had been so distant for weeks and then he spent a week back to normal. Now he’s angry with her over a photo? It wasn’t fair.

“I want to know what the hell has been going on with you. I don’t deserve this. You’re meant to be my best friend and up until last week, you were barely speaking to me. We lived together and I never saw you. You were avoiding me. Why?”

Anthony gulped, breaking eye contact as he processed her words. “I wasn’t avoiding you.” That was a pathetic attempt at a lie, especially for Anthony.

“It’s been eight years, Anthony,” Kate said bluntly. “I know by now when you’re lying.”

“Maybe I’ve had things going on, Kate. Things that have nothing to do with you.”

“I’m meant to be your best friend. Why can’t you talk to me about what’s been going on with you? We’ve never done that before. We’ve always told each other everything-”

“That’s bullshit and you know it,” Anthony swiftly interrupted her, shaking his head in disbelief. “You want to be honest? Let’s be honest. There’s always been something I can’t talk to you about Kate!” He snapped, finally losing his composure. “There’s always been things we can’t talk to each other about.”

“Like what?”

“You know exactly what I mean. Don’t play dumb.”

“I’m smarter than you, Anthony.” They were glaring furiously at each other, this was an argument like no other they had ever had before. “I just didn’t think you were brave enough to say it. Clearly, I was right.”

It was a challenge and he took the bait.

“Fine then,” He said, his lips in a flat line. “Why didn’t you like Siena?”

Kate hadn’t expected that. “What?”

“You heard me.”

“Why didn’t you like David?” She retorted, raising an eyebrow.

“And I’m not the brave one? Well, let’s see. How long do we have?” Anthony waved his watch in the air. “Should I start with the cheating or him being a complete knob?”

Kate shook her head in disbelief. “I knew you would never take this conversation seriously. Go ahead. We both know you didn’t like him because he was with me. But go ahead. Just avoid talking about your feelings with excuses, sarcasm and insults. How’s that been working out for you?”

“Fine!” She shrieked, waving her hands in the air. “I didn’t like Siena because I liked you, Anthony. I didn’t just like you. I loved you. I was completely and utterly in love with you. No, actually, I am completely and utterly in love with you. I’ve tried everything. I can’t shake it. I can’t shake you. I just can’t do it anymore. I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep dancing around my feelings for you. I’ve doubted myself for so long, that it wasn’t possible for you to feel the same way. But you haven’t been fair. There’s been so many moments where it wasn’t just me. Friends don’t behave like we do.”

Her confession left them both stunned, the weight of its implications hanging in the air. Anthony stared at her in complete disbelief. He didn’t say anything. The silence turned into a minute as they stood there in that alley, neither of them saying a word.

He wasn’t saying anything. He wasn’t saying it back. He just stared at her with a blank expression.

Kate had to protect herself now.

“I’m sorry the thought of being with me is so hard to stomach, Anthony, but get the fuck over yourself. You’re being incredibly selfish, this is Benedict’s day. I know it’s difficult, but not everything is about you. It’s just a bloody picture.”

“That’s not what I meant,” He started, but scowled. “What the hell is that supposed to mean? That picture is going to make people think we’re together Kate.”

That was it. That was the reason he was so upset. He didn’t love her back. He barely acknowledged that she had just told him she had been in love with him for eight years. He didn’t want people to think they were together. That’s why he was so upset.

Her worst fear had been true all along.

He didn’t love her.

Kate would always hate herself for what she did next but in that moment, she wanted to hurt him as much as he had hurt her.

“Don’t worry Anthony,” She said dryly. “A few pictures with me hanging in a gallery won’t damage your chances of taking home some random girl so you can pretend for a while that you’re not completely fucking miserable.”

“Is that what you really think?” He asked, staring at her in disbelief. “I’m so sorry I’m not perfect, Kate. No one can ever live up to little Miss Perfect Kate Sheffield’s standards. Maybe if you got off your high and mighty pedestal and stopped judging me for a few seconds, you’d realize that at the end of the day, you’re just as fucking alone as I am. I just do something about it.”

“I would hardly call shagging random strangers doing something about it,” Kate snapped back, his words stinging her more than she would let him see. “At least my first instinct isn’t to sleep with anyone in sight because of how empty I am inside.”

“It’s better than staying with a prick for two years who made me fucking miserable. How did that work out for you?”

Kate gasped, as if he had knocked the wind out of her. “Fuck you.”

“I didn’t mean that, I’m sorry,” Anthony said, running his hands through his hair and pulling at it. “Kate. There’s a reason we have never happened. It wasn’t just you who flirted and felt..feel things. We wouldn’t work. We’re too good friends for something to ever happen. I’m not good at relationships. I’d find a way to fuck this up and lose you forever. Look at us now. We’d kill each other. It’s why it was best to forget what happened at my birthday-”

Kate completely froze. “What did you just say?”

Anthony's eyes widened as he stared at her, it dawned on him what he had just admitted.

“That morning,” Kate said slowly, shaking her head in disbelief. “You...you acted like you didn’t remember the kiss. You told me you didn’t remember anything that happened that night.”

Anthony actually looked ashamed. He looked down at the concrete and back up at her, biting his bottom lip. “I thought it was best to forget.”

“That’s so much worse. I...I’ve thought for the past year that you didn’t remember.” Kate looked up at him with horror. “Do I mean that little to you?”

Anthony rapidly shook his head. “Kate, I was protecting our friendship-”

She felt like she was going to get sick. “You’re a coward. How could you just-just pretend nothing happened? What is wrong with you?”

“I didn’t want to risk losing our friendship. What if we didn’t work out? How could we get past that? I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you. Please, just listen-”

“Fuck your friendship. Do you know how terrible I’ve felt? How stupid I felt? That night meant everything to me, Anthony. I woke up that morning thinking everything that I had wanted was finally going to happen. I...I.” She stopped speaking, the lump in her throat taking over her ability to speak. “I’ve been in love with you since I was eighteen years old.”

He reached his hand out towards her, which she slapped away. “Kate, please-”

“No, you know what,” She said, shaking her head erratically. “You were right the first time. Let’s forget. Actually, let’s just forget this. Let’s forget we were ever friends.”

For the second time in her life, she saw Anthony Bridgerton cry. “You don’t mean that,” He said with a shaky voice, quickly wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. “Please, let me explain-”

“I can’t do this anymore. I don’t want to do this anymore.” Kate began to stumble back towards the door, wrenching it open. “Forget me. I don’t want to speak to you ever again.”

He didn’t call. Or text.

She nearly did a million times.

It had been exactly nine hours since the gallery and their argument, and it had been the longest nine hours of her life. Newton was with Mary for the week while Kate settled into her flat, so she was all alone. She didn’t want to think about him. She wouldn’t keep replaying their fight in her mind.

Kate had barely gone two days without speaking to Anthony since they’d become friends. Now, it would be forever.

She felt like she was dying, like she had lost this part of herself-and honestly, she had. She had never wanted that kind of love, that kind of need, where a person becomes a part of you. Losing her father had made her never want to feel that pain again.

Her father was gone. Now, so was Anthony.

She still got up and showered the next morning. On Saturdays, she always went roller skating with Edwina. Ed had been at the gallery last night and had tried to speak to Kate as she rushed through to grab her coat and go home. Kate told her she didn’t want to speak about it.

If she did, she would break.

Kate arrived half an hour early at Hyde Park. She had barely slept last night and she needed to get out of her flat before she screamed.

“You are fine. You’re going to skate in the park and forget about him. You’re fine.” She was now talking to herself. Her skating had improved over the past few months, she had even ditched the ugly knee pads Mary had bought her for Christmas. She pulled on her skates and began to skate through Hyde Park, music in her ears, and she only managed to think about Anthony only ever thirty seconds.

“Oh! I’m sorry buddy, I didn’t see you.” Kate said, quickly moving around a Labrador that had run in front of her in the pedestrian lane and stepping into the bike lane.

Kate didn’t see the bike that hit her a few seconds later either.

[chocolateheart]

Twenty Minutes

Title: Twenty Minutes

Word count: 3088

Pairing: Professor!Dean x Reader

Summary: Online school sucks but your professor is worth the torture. 

Warnings: 18+, smut, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it kiddos), oral sex (male receiving), office sex, desk sex, sex from behind, biting, hair pulling, a hint of choking, professor Dean Winchester (yes, it’s a warning), student-professor romance and so on.

A/N: This one was inspired by “Pay Attention” written by my dear, lovely friend @winchest09 who also happened to be my beta once again and one of the best people I know. Thank you honey! <3

A/N:  @talesmaniac89 once again, thank you for those amazing dividers! <3 Guys, go check her stuff, she’s a talented devil! 

Lockdown sucked. Since the very beginning you knew it'd be a pain in the ass. Stay away from people, sit at home, wear a mask. Dammit. So many plans went to hell; your photography classes, your friends birthday party, visiting your parents in your family town. You knew it was safer like that but hell, you hated it. Your own apartment seemed to be getting smaller and even the flower on your window sill became annoying. Not to mention your online classes; sure, you didn’t have to get ready and drive almost half an hour to get to the Uni but sitting in front of your laptop had started to get on your nerves. 

Your eyes were heavy and red after hours of looking at the screen, your body yelled to be stretched and you wanted to scream every time your internet lost connection. Headache became your best friend, so did coffee. You were pretty sure your addiction just deepened and instead of blood, there was caffeine in your veins.

You yawned and rubbed your eyes as you were sitting in on the first period of your last classes. The whole day on the same chair, you were sure you used every possible sitting position to try and remain comfortable. Glancing at the clock you growled; it’s been almost 10 hours. 

How long can one day be? 

Thankfully this subject was one of your favorites. And it wasn't because of the handsome man in white shirt who helped in enjoying the last two hours of this nightmare; at least that's what you've been telling yourself. 

You like the subject, Y/N.

You smirked seeing how he brushed his longer than always hair with those beautiful hands; forearms exposed and tempting because of the sleeves being rolled up. His stubble was more visible due to quarantine and he just simply got hotter; you honestly thought it wasn’t possible. But there he was, behind his desk in a soft light; black watch on his wrist as usual, ring on one of those long fingers. Knuckles, little bones and veins, all making you lick your lips. This sharp jawline you dreamed to kiss, eyes so green that you could drown in them even through the screen. Arms hidden under the shirt that gave him a more casual, domestic look which made him even more attractive. You bit your lip seeing a gorgeous smile spreading on his face as one of his students said something funny. 

Those teeth; incredibly white and sharp… the way they could sink in your flesh, leaving marks all over your body as his hands travelled up and down, raising up your temperature.

The things you could do with this man… The thought itself was bad but you couldn’t stop daydreaming about your professor. He was too tempting, too beautiful to hold back your imagination. You didn’t remember most of what he said during any classes, too mesmerised by him and even though his deep, smooth voice was so listenable, you weren’t able to focus. You caught yourself staring at him or closing eyes just to feel those vibrations running over your skin. 

You missed sitting in class on his lectures. There was a reason why you chose the first row and it obviously wasn’t your ambition to learn more. 

“Okay guys,” Dean started when you stretched. “I think we can take a break now. In the next meeting we’ll finish this Unit and I’ll let you free earlier. Um… so let’s make it twenty minutes and I will send you an invitation. Just don’t drink yet, I know it’s friday evening but I want you all sober just a little bit longer,” he joked and you smiled seeing few people laughing on muted. 

Then he simply said “see you” and ended the meeting. You stretched again, taking a deep breath and stood up. Before leaving your room you opened the window to let in some fresh, evening air and then went to the kitchen. Filling cups with some sugar and tea bags, you waited for water to be boiled. 

Leaning against the counter, you focused on the wall in front of you. The pictures hanging there were way too old and there were some stains marking the paper. This lockdown made you crazy; you already painted your bedroom and the office, and you made some renovation in the bathroom. All in all, you spent more money without walking out of home. Ridiculous. 

You jumped a little, detached from your thoughts by the whistling kettle and soon your tea was ready. Humming some random melody, you turned off the light with your elbow and headed towards the office room. Using your elbow again you opened the door and smiled.

"Hey there, professor," you put one cup down on the desk. "How's your class going?" 

He turned around on his chair and flashed you this charming smile. You were smiling at yourself from his laptop wallpaper; he took this photo almost a half year ago in his apartment, just two flats above your head. You still could feel the softness of his white sheets you had been tangled in on this picture.  

"All fine," he took a small sip and frowned. "Just… one of my students seems to be off today." 

"Oh, really? How?" You asked, leaning against a desk. He played with the cup, shrugging, visibly holding back a smile.

"She stares blankly, lost in her thoughts. She's not answering any questions willingly, she seems to be away." He acted like he was talking about some random girl. 

You felt his knuckles briefly touching your naked thigh; it was way too warm indoors to wear something else than shorts. The delicate movement tickled you and your legs jerked uncontrollably. You looked at him, deep in the eyes and suddenly the air thickened. The tension between you two shot up; his intense gaze pierced into you like a sword, forest green eyes making your breath lose its track. 

"Hmm, maybe it's your fault," you managed to suggest, putting down your cup. His eyebrows raised along with mouth corners.

"My fault?" 

Now both his hands gripped your legs and sharply pulled you closer to him. You sifted his fluffy hair between your fingers and scratched the back of his head. He hummed in response closing his eyes as his palms sneaked under your shirt, making you shiver a little.

"You can be very distracting, Mr. Winchester," you purred standing between his legs. 

Dean was looking up at you with sparks in his eyes and dimples caused by a pert smirk. Your shirt suddenly lifted up, exposing your stomach that he gladly kissed. Slowly and wet, using his tongue first, squeezing your hips at the same time. Hot, soft lips pressed to your skin, slightly sucking, heated breath fanning over your flesh, causing the ocean of goosebumps. You felt your insides tremble at the feeling. Closing your eyes you let yourself enjoy him; his strong hands now caressing your back, mouth placing open kisses across your belly and going up.

He knew how to build you up, how to turn you on. You swallowed hard and gasped when he licked your nipples; you didn’t bother to wear a bra at home. He smiled against you and backed away; you immediately looked down and kissed him. Deep and hard, cupping his cheeks, pushing on him so he leaned back on the chair as you straddled his lap. His grip tightening on your sides, fingers dipped in your flesh. 

"How much time did you give your students?" You jokingly asked when his lips dropped to your neck.

"Twenty minutes," he answered and stopped, looking in your eyes again. "How much did you get?" you smiled and kissed him once.

"Twenty minutes," you whispered as you played with his ear. 

"I like your professor," he whispered back, staring at your lips from under the hooded eyes.

"I like him too… A lot."

Smiling at your words Dean stood up, then dipped down just to catch you under your ass and lift you up. After sitting you down on the desk, he took away the cups and placed them on the floor; for safety.

Spreading your legs you allowed him to stand between them. Brushing your hair away he cupped your cheek and kissed you deeply, squeezing your thigh with his second hand. You didn't waste any time and kissing him back, you started to unbutton his shirt. When the material fell loosely, you caressed his strong stomach, feeling muscles rippling under your touch as he inhaled sharply. He sucked on your lower lip in response, then switched to your jawline, neck and collarbones; forcing you to close your eyes at the pleasurable feeling. When he reached this one, specific spot between your jaw and ear, a trembling gasp escaped you and your head fell back, revealing even more neck which he attacked immediately. 

"Dean," you breathed out heavily, glancing at the clock. "You have to speed up." You noticed how his eyes fired up in a second. "Do your magic baby, or I'll have to help you finish in front of my friends." You flashed him a devilish smile as he wiggled his brows on you.

"Would be interesting, we have to try it one day." He winked at you and helped you stand up so he could take down your shorts and panties. 

Then you dropped to your knees, taking down his pants in one move, freeing his cock. He moaned deep in his throat when, without waiting, you sucked on the tip. Looking up you saw his exposed neck as his head was tilted back. You licked the sensitive spot under the tip and smiled when Dean shivered and his body swayed a little. Taking him almost whole at once, you scraped his stomach; he instinctively gripped the back of your head which only made you growl. You bobbed your head a few times, hollowing your cheeks, tasting his flavor. Nipping on the apex every so often, dragged sexy noises from Dean what only made you weaker. You loved every tiny sound he made, you could listen to it all the time; that's why you enjoyed going down on this man so much. He was not holding back at all and it was such a turn on. You were easily losing control; wouldn't be the first time he finished like that because you couldn’t stop.

"Not today, sweetheart," not being able to take it anymore, he pulled you up, turned you around and with your front pinned to the desk you heard a low growl next to your ear.

"You have no idea how hard it is to focus while having you on the screen, knowing that you're next door, so close to me." 

Strong chest against your back, pressing down your body; you could feel his heart racing.

"Vice versa, professor," you panted, feeling the weight of his cock resting on your lower back. 

He fisted your hair, scraping your head and slightly lifted himself from you, kissing your shoulder blades and spine. You inhaled loudly, suddenly feeling his fingers on your clit, making small, sharp circles; drawing quiet whines from you. When his index slid inside, your body jumped in surprise. Dean chuckled low and sucked on the crook of your neck from behind; you couldn't help but smile, already drugged on him. And Dean Winchester was a high quality drug.

The last hour had been a torture. You knew he kept making moves that were waking up the corbes in your brain. Licking his lips, smiling straight to the camera, playing with his hair, "casually" flexing his body; this bastard knew exactly what he was doing. 

Placing his palm on your lower back, Dean made sure you were trapped and a moan flooded out  when he entered your pussy. Inch by inch he was going inside, stretching you in the most pleasurable way. You both moaned when he bottomed out, his fingers tightened even more on your skull. Your eyes rolled back with his first hard thrust; you clawed the edge of a desk. He pulled slightly on your hair and grabbed your shoulder, then started thrusting firmly, causing you to greet your teeth from the intensity. Every move, every push and pull, every squeeze and kiss was so delicious. Dean’s hot, fast breathing tickled the skin on your back, creating waves of chills that shook your body. 

Dean started slamming his hips stronger, hitting your sweet spot, making your head spin. None of you were quiet anymore; the mix of your voices, moans and skin slapping on skin, filled the room. His hands appeared on your ass and he squeezed it; you expected to see red marks from his nails later. Dean's muscles were flexing with every move, his face grimacing from blissful sensation. 

Even after almost a year, his game was a mystery to you; you had no idea what he was doing but the way he was moving was just different, making you feel some spiritual stuff you couldn't explain. Dean Winchester was the only guy who could make you feel like you weren't yourself; he was the only one you were completely losing control with. And with every bite you wanted more.

“Ah, Y/N,” he breathed out when you arched, giving him even better access, changing the angle a little bit.

“Five minutes, Dean,” you said almost out of voice, checking the time. “Faster.” 

He growled and fastened; slamming into you with more speed, pulling you to him with every push. He was close, you could sense that by his more and more erratic movements. He couldn’t decide where to hold you, where to touch; hazed by the pleasure and the smell of sex filling the air. His voice got higher and every moan was a slightly higher pitch.

“Come on baby, let go,” you encouraged him, reaching behind you to claw his side. 

“Fuck,” he cursed under his breath and scraped your back, leaving red lines on your body. 

Then he bent over and his sharp teeth sinked in your arm at the same time his fingers found your clit, rubbing fast. You choked on your voice that got stuck in your throat; it was too much. He was filling you completely, scrapping every spot inside and outside that you needed. Warmth radiating from every inch of his powerful figure heated the air. Sweat broke across your bodies; a lonely drop rolled alongside his spine, strands of hair stuck to your forehead. 

You managed to lift yourself up almost to a standing position; Dean palmed your throat, slightly squeezing it and kept working on you with his second hand. You started twisting, your knees sagging, eager for the relief you felt coming.  

“Y/N, baby,” he licked your earlobe. “Please come with me, I need you to come, please,” he literally begged, craving for mutual finish.

“Oh my… Dean,” you warned him feeling the knot in your lower abdomen tightening unbearably. “Dean!” fiercely gripping the back of his head you leaned back on him as he kept pounding into you. 

“Oh, fuck,” he stammered and thrusted forcefully two more times, then you felt his teeth sinking into your neck one more time, leaving yet another mark. 

“Oh, yes!” 

All of your muscles tightened to the max and then let go. Your pussy started pulsating along with his throbbing cock; it was like your bodies didn’t need any information from your brains, they knew exactly what and when should happen, they were connected. 

Dean coated your walls with a hot cum; hugging you tightly, panting against your nape. You were shaking, your heart racing; breathing was problematic and if Dean didn’t hold you, you would surely hit the floor. Your nails left half-mooned marks on his forearms, so did his teeth on your neck. 

You usually were slow - all touching, feeling every little inch of each other, moving smoothly but deeply, steady rhythm, building the other to the breaking point, to the edge. So when you needed to go quick, you would get crazy and high kind of easily. 

“Shit, sweetheart,” Dean took a few deep breaths, trying to calm himself down.

You rested your hands on his desk, chugging, unable to stand on your shaking legs without any support. The blood in your veins was still boiling, rushing in your ears pumped by your hammering heart. Hissing, Dean slipped out of you and his seed dripped down on the floor. He showered your back with small kisses, caressing your sides and arms. You purred and turned around, softly pressing your lips to his.

“We have two minutes, baby,” you said and laughed when he moaned unsatisfied. 

“This hour will be torture.” You both rushed to put your clothes on. 

“I know, but then we will order pizza and watch some horror movie.” Smiling at him you opened the window and smoothed your clothes; he quickly cleaned the floor. 

Standing in front of him again, you adjusted his hair and pecked him a kiss, thinking that people from your class will surely notice his blush and glassy eyes. 

He looked at you with adoration and gentleness, his orbs shimmering. You knew this look; he gave you it when you first bumped into each other on your staircase, unaware that you were living in the same building. You were already crushing on your professor back then, so the fact that you were about to see him way more often than just in class made your stomach clench. That’s how it started. Later he offered you his help in some housework and studying, you became his healthy food service and after realising you couldn’t stay away from each other you opened the whiskey and let fate do its job.

You both had the feeling like you had known each other for years and you understood the other, not to mention how honest the two of you were, you still couldn’t fully believe that you were the one his heart had chosen.

“I love you,” he spoke almost like he could read your mind. 

Your face lit up with a smile but the moment he bent down to capture your lips in yet another kiss this evening, you avoided it, biting your lip to shoo away a wide smile that wanted to break free and turned around heading to the door.

“See you in class, professor,” you said over your shoulder and smiled hearing his low chuckle.

A/N: Thank you for reading! I hope you liked it :) Feel free to leave some feedback, don’t be afraid to message me. Every word from you is gold <3

Tags: @deanwanddamons @jay-and-dean @katehuntington @winchest09 @talesmaniac89 @roonyxx @bunkerconfessions @akshi8278 @snffbeebee @lady-pswrld @rvgrsbrns​

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[shhh-no-ones-home]

deja vu bucky barnes x reader

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christmas request info can be found here 

prompts:

"How long has it been since you've slept." "I heard you scream. Nightmares again?" "Hold my hand. You're going to be fine."

Song: mirrors by pvris

tag list: @cynic-spirit +++++++++

i walked through the lounge, looking to all the men and women working on the renovations to the compound. i sipped my coffee and leaned my back into the counter, closing my eyes and pinching the bridge of my nose. it had been a long few months since id been recruited and things werent exactly easier. i of course was a new hero, pushed onto the team after the untimely demise of one tony stark but we were making it worth it. i had made pretty good friends with bucky after all and everyone said that was hard to do. but then again maybe it was something more.

when i opened my eyes i saw him through the window, taking his morning jog around the building. he had done it everyday since id arrived and he said hed do it everyday until he left again. he had told me at one point though that he was waiting to head back to Wakanda, whatever that meant. all i knew was i got to spend every day with him, training as well as relaxing, amongst a few other things.

he was a smooth talker after all and we often found ourselves flirting over dinner, making the other recruits practically sick. it was a nice change of pace though, id finally found someone with as silver a tongue as myself. it helped for other activities though. i smirked to myself at the thought. when i turned back around to set my cup on the island i jumped, bucky standing on the other side staring at me.

"jesus buck, you gave me a heart attack."

i said, clutching my chest and he laughed, sipping his own coffee, looking at me over the edge of the mug.

"we both know thats a lie."

he said slyly, setting the mug down on the counter. i shook my head, leaning in and resting my weight against my elbows.

"we still on for tonight?"

i said with a wink and he smirked at me.

"arent we always?"

he quipped back and i couldnt help the smile creeping its way to my face. when clint walked in i heard him groan. he had decided to come back every few days to check on training progress and to make sure the renovations were going to plan.

"oh god, not you two."

he said, pouring his own coffee. i laughed, taking a sip.

"is there a problem officer?"

i asked and he sent me a testing look.

"no but i wont be staying, i wouldn't want to impose on whatever this is."

he said, motioning between us.

"How long has it been since you two have slept?"

he grumbled into his mug before leaving promptly. i turned back to bucky who winked at me. the thing is, ever since we'd started training, a spark was shot off and we keep finding ourselves together in bed. even if it is just for a round or two and never a full night. we hadnt committed to anything even close to that yet. that was okay with me though.

"my room or yours?"

i asked, biting my lip gently and i could hear him groan low in his throat.

"definitely yours, if i can wait that long."

he said almost annoyed with himself before strutting back out of the kitchen. i smiled widely, standing back up and returning to my position to watch the magic happen.

°°°°°°°°°

i laid in bed on my stomach and played with the ties on my silk robe. i had been waiting for bucky for what felt like forever and it was starting to get late. surely he didnt forget we were supposed to be doing something, he never forgot. i sighed as i rolled onto my back, worry starting to set in. i sat up quickly and walked around my bed, slipping my panties back on and tightening my robe. i looked to my phone before putting it in my pocket, it was already midnight and everyone else was asleep by now, those that were here at least.

i walked slowly down the dark hallway, side stepping the roomba-like creatures as they cleaned the floors. i drew my brows, not seeing a light coming from buckys room. did he fall alseep on me? even after he expressed his excitement? i almost felt offended. i crossed my arms over my chest before i heard him making sound from the other side of the door. i drew my brows, hearing him whine. i could almost make out soft 'no's. then i heard him scream. i tried the doorknob first but it was locked. then i started banging on the door.

"bucky?"

i called but no answer. i hit the door again.

"buck!"

i yelled but nothing.

"im coming in."

i said sternly, standing back and kicking the door open. everything was dark aside from the red glow of his alarm clock. i saw him stir against his pillows; he was still fully dressed, shoes and everything. he must've fallen asleep.

"no, no, get away from me."

i heard him mumble, his hand opening and closing a few times as he curled into a ball. it almost broke me seeing him like that. i stepped forward slowly.

"bucky?"

i said softly, touching his shoulder. a second later he snapped out of it, sitting upright and clutching my throat. he had the angriest look on his face like he was under some kind of spell. i gasped as i felt my feet leave the floor, reaching one hand to touch his face even at the distance we were at. as soon as i got contact all his memories flooded my mind as i absorbed them, seeing all the torture and pain they had caused him. this is what he was dreaming about. i clutched and scraped at the metal with my other hand before he realized what was happening and dropping me. i fell to the floor, couching up a storm and feeling the tears flowing down my face.

"oh my god, y/n, im so sorry."

he said, touching my back ever so gingerly.

"im so sorry."

he repeated, backing up. i finally caught my breath, placing both hands on the floor in front of me as i knelt down.

"buck."

i croaked out, reaching for him.

"im sorry."

he said again, helping me to the bed. he clicked the light on, making me blink hard against it.

"are you okay?"

he said a little broken and i nodded. then he gasped, standing quickly and walking backwards until he hit the wall. he covered his mouth and shook his head.

"whats wrong?"

i asked, standing and stepping slowly to him like you would a wounded animal.

"i hurt you."

i shook my head as he started huffing, trying not to cry. i grabbed his hand in mine and he tried to pull away. but i persisted.

"bucky look at me, you did not hurt me. i am fine. please just Hold my hand so i can show you."

he gave in slowly and i pulled him back to the bed with me.

"I heard you scream. is it the Nightmares again?"

he nodded slowly, looking to the ground.

"i thought they had gone."

he confessed, closing his eyes and resting his head in his hands. i rubbed his back slowly.

"You're going to be fine buck."

he looked over at me with sad eyes and i could see tears starting to form behind them.

"but i hurt you, how can i come back from that?"

i shook my head.

"bucky ill live, maybe with some bruising for a while but im still here. and i still trust you. you were doing so good and doing so much better. you said they were gone after all, at least until now."

he sighed.

"i guess i just had a moment of weakness. my best friend left me again and i just lived through another war."

he confessed and i pulled him in to hug me, wrapping my arms around his shoulders. he stiffened under my touch like he was worried hed hurt me again but i understood why. he was scared. hell, so was i.

"you are always allowed to have moments of weakness buck, especially if your dreams look like that."

i said and he pulled away, eyes wide.

"you saw them."

he said in realization and i nodded.

"yeah, i did see them."

i said and he shook his head, a tear finally escaping down his cheek and into his beard.

"im so sorry."

he said, his voice breaking as he began to cry.

"buck."

i said, pulling him back into me and hugging him tightly.

"you dont deserve my demons."

he said shakily, finally wrapping his arms around me. i pet his hair softly,

"maybe not, but they help me understand you and im thankful that i can."

i said just above a whisper, feeling him shake against me. i closed my eyes as we sat in silence. there was a million things i could say but none of them seemed right just yet so i decided against all of them. at the very least he could be vulnerable for a moment, even if it was just a moment. i liked that he could trust me enough to do this though. i sighed heavily, scratching at the back of his neck when i heard him sniffle.

"thank you."

he said softly, pulling away. in front of me was a broken man but i finally understood him as a person.

"you never have to thank me buck."

i said and he shook his head, wiping his face with his shirt sleeve.

"i know we arent exactly like that but i want you to know that i love you."

my eyes went wide.

"of course you dont have to say it back but i want you to know its true. we've been with each other for months and its only now im realizing how much i actually care for you and i just needed you to know that."

he said and i sent him a small smile, pulling him in for a chaste kiss. i could taste the salty tears against his lips and his face hot and flush against my cold finger tips. when i pulled away he finally smiled back.

"i love you too buck."

[miscolliding-planets]

Chapter 1: On My Own Axis

August 20XX

Caiden is calling through Facetime...

I hit the accept button because there are only a handful of times when my best friend calls me first. It is a rare occurrence, but it's not really unusual. The call took a while to connect. After a few moments, my best friend's face popped on my screen. He looks to be hanging out at his roof deck-slash-balcony thing he renovated due to boredom. I don't what got into his head, but I'm not that handsy with carpenting tools and is too lazy to even start planning those kinds of projects. I can also see a bottle of beer in his hand.

"What's up? You don't really call me first unless..." was my greeting. He looked at me and shook his head. "I get it. You fought with her again," I chuckled.

"This is no laughing matter," he retorted in his annoyed voice.

"Oh, it actually is," I got back at him at a deadpan, disinterested voice. "Dude," a sarcastic laugh came from my mouth as I dropped my iPencil to concentrate on his image on the screen. "I told you that she's no good—yet here you are, still dealing with her bullshit. Do you know how many times you've complained this week about her picking a fight with you?" I asked him, pissed at his girlfriend more than him.

"I know. I know," he sighed as he sat up straight.

"You don't get to complain to me about that when you chose to put up with all this crap that I knew she will be throwing at you. I told you she will. I warned you," I chastised as I shook my head at him. I picked up my iPencil and continued with the sketch I was doing on my iPad.

"She has anxiety. You know that she's carrying the responsibility for her whole family. She's stressed," he reasoned.

I scoffed, "But that does not mean she has the right to pick fights with you. That does not give her a pass to be a toxic bitch," I rebuked. "I don't know what got in your head and you're staying, but you're obviously too good for her," I continued to scold him.

He sighed. "I don't want to talk about this anymore," an ugly, annoyed and sarcastic laugh came out at his remark and rolled my eyes at him, "What are you doing?" he asked.

I glared at his face on my laptop screen. He shrugged as he took a chug on his beer. I sighed and continued with my sketch. "I'm doing a sketch. Just to pass the time. I got a little writer's block," I admitted.

"What happened to that offer you got? Any progress?" he asked.

"I don't know. It was not final at the time they told me," I disclosed. "It needs to be finalized first, but my editor told me that I basically have it in the bag," I added.

"Will you take it?" he asked. That made me stop sketching. I stared at his figure on my laptop screen. "Will you take the offer, Andie?" he asked again.

"I think I will," I gave him a small smile. "I think I will take it," I said again, now with more resolve.

"Good. You deserve it. You are one of the most passionate and hard-working people I know. Regardless of what other people say," he gave me a reassuring smile. "I know you want to be your own planet. Don't let this opportunity slip from your hand," he added.

"Like, I would ever let such an opportunity go. I just wanna step away from all of what's here," a sarcastic laugh came out because of the irony. "Nonetheless, we're still our own planets, Cai. We're just a little out of axis, at the moment," I gave him a small forced smile. He saluted with his beer bottle as admittance.

Our conversation flowed from one topic to another after that, just like any other times we talk. Again, just like any other times we talk, we also avoid the most important topics that needed to be discussed. Because we know, that even if we don't address it, we know how much each other hurt. It's not that we don't want to face the pain, but because we respect the fact that we each cope in our own way. We also have this tacit understanding that we are acknowledging each other's pain by not pulling the subject up.

We ended the video call when his girlfriend called again, probably after calming down and realizing what a bitch she has been again. I reminded him to think again about their relationship and he ended the call annoyed that I kept insisting for him to break up with her, like usual. It's a vicious cycle we're in. That's how our calls usually end.

I stood up from my bed and put away my laptop and iPad to go sleep. I turned off the lights, pulled the duvet aside to slip under it. I pulled my favourite husky stuffy that I usually hug to get me to sleep. I also pulled my duvet up to my chin. I was about to close my eyes when a weight suddenly got on my bed. I saw Apollo, my dog, get on my bed and situate himself on the space beside me. I smiled and pet his head before I finally closed my eyes.

_________________________________

My alarm clock blared so loud in the morning, instantly waking me up. I also felt Apollo licking my face, telling me that I need to stand up. I pushed his face away with a giggle before opening my eyes and reaching for my phone. I turned the alarm off and unlocked it to check for messages and emails.

I sat up and started going over the notifications I received throughout the night. I got 2 messages from my dad reminding me to call my grandparents. I also have emails from my editor asking me about my progress. She also mentioned that my last article received quite a lot of hits. There are a few other emails thrown in the mix, but some of them are either irrelevant or spam, so I just ignored those for now.

I decided to reply to my messages in a bit and went on Instagram. I don't know why, but his stories are always on the first 5 icons available on top of my timeline. I tapped on his icon and his stories loaded immediately. He only posted a photo of the sunrise and tagged his photography account. The next one he posted is the video equivalent of the earlier photo. Now, the sun is a little higher in the sky making the scenery a little brighter.

I smiled at these. His photos always make me smile. They show his passion for his art, no matter how simple and mundane the subjects are. I posted a story of my own, taking a photo of my window as the sun shines through the curtains. I added a little 'Good Morning' greeting before hitting the 'Post' button. I went back on the timeline to watch other stories.

After watching a few more stories posted by other people, I stood up from my bed. I took my laptop from my table and started to head out of my room. Apollo stood up from the floor to walk right by my foot. He always follows me out of any room we both enter together. I petted his head before opening the door. I opened the sliding door to the balcony where he usually does his morning business as soon as I got to the kitchen.

I placed my laptop on the kitchen island that I also use as my dining table before heading to the fridge to see what I can eat. I felt lazy to cook and just took out the milk and a bottle of water. I went to the cubbies and took out a bowl before opening my pantry cabinet to get the cereal. I fixed myself a bowl of my favourite cereal before sitting on one of the barstools and opened my laptop. I first answered all the emails from my other clients before answering my editor's.

After about 30 minutes of firing emails to different recipients, I finished my bowl of cereal and stood up to get ready for a walk. I had to take Apollo out for his regular exercise. Thank goodness the dog park is just a block away, so I can also get a little exercise from the walk we had to take to and from there. I went back to my room to change into a tracksuit combo and to get Apollo's lead which I keep at the back of my door.

Apollo came back from the balcony, making me smile. He always knows when it's time to get his exercise. I picked up my phone from the counter along with the house keys before hooking the lead onto Apollo's collar. I closed the balcony door after checking if he really did do his business, which he did not. After checking if I forgot anything, I led Apollo to the door and out of my apartment.

I'm thankful that my apartment doesn't have restrictions when it comes to pets, or I wouldn't be able to have Apollo with me. Some of the apartments I looked at does not allow pets the size of Apollo forcing me to cross it off my list. The only downside to this apartment is that I have to drive to get anywhere else since it's a little outside the city.

I pressed on the elevator call button and wait for it to arrive. Apollo walks with me inside the elevator, always being the gentleman. I never trained him to do the things he does, but he does it anyway. I pressed the button for the ground floor and looked at the numbers diminished as we passed by the lower floors. We exit the elevators and our apartment building and started to head east to the dog park.

The walk to the park was uneventful. Apollo does not really pay attention to anything we passed by. He just walks with me as if nothing bothers him and that nothing can touch him. We reached the park and saw that there are fewer people and dogs today. I immediately unhook his lead once we enter the enclosure that keeps the dogs from running to the streets. I sat on a bench and just watch Apollo socialize with the dogs. A few of the big dogs are being rowdy, play fighting and pouncing on each other.

I was busy laughing at the Samoyed puppy who was bullying a Dachshund when my phone rang. I answered the call without looking at the caller ID. "Hello," I greeted.

"Is this Alejandra Marquez?" asked the female voice from the other side.

"Yes, I'm Alejandra Marquez. Why?" I asked after being washed with confusion. I took a peek at my screen and discovered that it's an unregistered number.

"Hi, Alejandra--" the voice instantly became perky.

"Andie. You can call me Andie," I cut her off.

"Okay. Andie," she confirmed. "I'm Palm and I'm calling from the office of Mr Atcharaporn of Peraya Studios. I just want to tell you that you had been selected for the position of the studio's Creative Director. How soon can you fly out to Bangkok?" she disclosed.

The news made me stand from my seat. My mouth was agape from shock. "W-What? I-Is this f-for real?" I confirmed with her.

"Yes. You were personally selected by Mr Atcharaporn and Mr Peraya, themselves. So, how soon can you fly out to Bangkok?" she confirmed.

I found myself placing my hand on top of my head as I try to contain my excitement. "Uhm... I don't know. Two weeks?" I answered, uncertain about how long I would need to arrange everything.

"Okay. I will be emailing the details of your job description and the brief for the projects that you will be handling within the next hour. Your accommodation will also be arranged by us, so I will send you the information for that within the next few days. If you come across any problem or delay, or if you have any questions, just shoot me an email and we can coordinate about the changes," she fired off as I continue to try and contain myself.

I sat on the bench again, now only at the edge of my seat. "Okay. S-Sure. I will," I confirmed.

"Alright. If you don't have any questions, that's it. We look forward to seeing you here," she bade before ending the call.

I absent-mindedly put the phone down from my ear, not truly believing what happened. I looked for Apollo and called for him. He immediately ran to me. I hugged him to myself as soon as he was in front of me. He was baffled but went with the bear hug I was giving him. I found myself smiling so wide, my face was almost split and torn.

I stood up and hooked the lead on Apollo's collar again and hurriedly headed for the gates to exit the park enclosure. He was amazing and just went with me, even though I can see that he's a little confused. The walk back to the apartment was shorter due to the hurried steps I was taking. I hurriedly opened the door and unhooked Apollo who instantly headed to his ceramic water fountain while I headed to the kitchen for my laptop.

I turned it on and accessed my email. Sitting at the top of the list of unopened messages is an email that contains the subject-line Details Regarding Internship with Peraya Studios. I guess the offer was real. I guess I just got my signal to start a new adventure. I guess I can now leave all the toxicity behind and be away from the negativity. I'm not lost anymore. I just found my own axis.