#and this was longer but i held myself back asfhakfhahfjs

[chocolatecakecas]

just thinking about how INSANE it was for them have cas trail off after he says for the first time i feel like BITCH WHAT you feel what?? and THAT WAS IT??? HE JUST FEELS??? INSANE i’m losing it a little can you tell dhhsjssj

ooohhh oHHHHHH. Literally for the first time Cas FEELS. The first time in his entire existence literally he's a billion years old and this is the FIRST time. And he's terrified and overwhelmed because suddenly he's feeling everything so much at a heightened level. He's hit with fear and pain and worry and care and sadness and a but of happiness and doubt, all at once for the first time EVER. Because when you're a human you just "feel" yk, and yeah sometimes it's too much and sometimes you can't handle it, but you know what "feeling" itself, is at least, but Cas has no idea. He's gone a billion years without it, only hearing about it through other people so there's no way he could have possibly prepared for it. And that line is just so perfect because he "feels" and trails off and can't describe it and that's just so incredibly human to feel so much and not now how to describe it, let alone name what you're feeling. Like that one line changes the course of everything, if you think about it it's the tipping point of the show. Because earlier Cas had said, "I was getting too close to the humans in my charge. You. They feel I've begun to express emotions. The doorways to doubt. This can impair my judgment". Meaning heaven thought that Cas had maybe began to feel, but Cas didn't say he agreed and Cas didn't say he had begun to feel, just that heaven thought he had, he was holding onto the hope that he wasn't an "abomination". But Cas speaking to Anna later he says "For the first time I feel", Cas admitted it, Cas said it and Cas understood, for the first time in his existence. And that's what made Cas, Cas.

Like without that one moment nothing would have worked out the way it did, Cas would have never rebelled and they would have lost and that would have been it. And it makes Cas, Cas. Because he wasn't even supposed to experience a single emotion, but he learned how to feel and care about everything, so damn much. And it shows that he really is the only character to have had free will because that moment he learned how to feel, he admitted to feeling he never stopped, he felt, he questioned and he never stopped no matter what happened to him, and he was never supposed to. Everything Cas ever did, he did because he cared so damn much. And yeah Edlund obviously cant predict the future, he didn't know the entire journey Cas would take. But we wouldn't have gotten any of what we did, if it wasn't for that single line, if Edlund didn't make it clear that Cas had started to feel, he worded it carefully and purposefully. He didn't have to include the "feeling" aspect, he could have just said Cas has begun to question things because heaven's orders seemed strange, but no. He said Cas began to express doorways to doubt and question BECAUSE he learned to feel.

literally mr edlund how does it feel to create the most wormiest brain worms to ever exist.