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coeurdastronaute · 5 years ago

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Essays in Existentialism: Atlantis 6

Previously on Atlantis

The moment she woke, Clarke kept her eyes closed and just listened, realizing that things were not what she’d expected. She felt the familiar weight of her blankets, and she smelled the smell of her parent’s house, the smell as old as time, that she often never noticed, but after being removed for so long, inhaled greedily as she dug her face in her pillow.

There were noises downstairs that finally registered before she opened her eyes, held her breath, and hid in the pillows. She heard some clamor of her parents making breakfast, coffee steam sifting up through the vents. She heard the squeak and chatter of some birds in the trees outside her window. For a moment, Clarke pretended that she was miles underwater, and there might be a beautiful girl awkwardly standing outside her door.

But there wasn’t, and there wouldn’t be. Clarke rolled to her back and stared at the ceiling before digging the heel of her hands into her eyes and sighing. A day ago, she was in a beautiful palace, and now she was back at her parent’s house, without a job, without a career, without a mentor, without any idea of what was to come forward.

Her body was completely healed, a feat that was mind-blowing considering her wounds and condition after the explosion and being stranded at sea. But now, when it was quiet, and she was safe in the familiar, Clarke realized the massive grief heaped upon her, that surviving came at a cost.

When it got to be too much, when she cried silent tears that covered her face and left her chest fluttering and aching, Clarke wiped her face and took a few deep breaths, hoping to find some sort of center amidst the flood of absolute pain that washed over her entire body. She wanted to take another sleeping pill and pass out until her heart didn’t hurt anymore, but that seemed unwise.

As soon as she made it down the stairs and stepped into the kitchen, Clarke realized she’d made a horrible mistake and should have stayed in bed.

“Clarke! Oh my God!”

“We were--”

“I’m so glad you’re--”

“You look!”

The chorus of voices erupted and she took a step back, confused and overwhelmed by the outpouring of her closest friends as they began to circle and reach out and smother.

“Okay, okay, back up everyone,” Abby jumped in carefully, keeping the horde from her terror-stricken daughter. “Give her a moment to breathe. I’m sure she’s not used to being around people, they had her in isolation due to exposure during the explosion.”

“But luckily, she didn’t come in contact with any of the pathogens she was studying,” Jake smiled graciously behind the island as he added more pancakes to the pile forming on the large breakfast display. “Better safe than sorry though.”

“You should have seen your mom. I think she nearly got arrested for trying to break into a government installation,” Raven offered with a smile as Abby hit her shoulder.

“Come sit,” Octavia hurried, clearing more of a path. “You must be hungry.”

“Not really,” Clarke smiled softly and took the seat anyway.

The friends shared a look as Clarke sat there and looked at the display of everyone trying to be normal. Abby hovered, rubbing her daughter’s back, soothing away the worries that remained. No one knew about the ten minutes ago, where she broke down and clawed at her chest in her bed. No one.

“Your appetite will come back,” her mother promised. “Let me make you a little plate. Everyone can dig in. Your friends have been anxiously waiting to see you.”

The general hubbub of people moving about the kitchen really only settled well after Clarke had a plate set in front of her. She ate a blueberry and nodded, smiling at her mother to tell her not to worry. It felt like before, like how it always was, since middle school, the whole gang fighting over this and that, piling over each other to eat. Even when college and life took them different ways, they were never far off. There was something grounding in it, just like her sheets, just like the noises of the morning.

“So what happened, Clarke? We only heard bits and pieces on the news,” Raven explained between mouthfuls of Jake’s famous pancakes. “They kept repeating the same things, over and over again.”

“What did they say?”

Clarke already knew the story. She’d been held in a government facility for six hours and briefed on how to behave and what to say. She had a business card with FBI on it and Agent Barne’s number hidden in her sock drawer.

“Just that a bad storm led to the ship sinking. I can’t imagine how bad it must have been,” Octavia shook her head. “At first they said no survivors. We all thought you were dead for seventeen hours.”

“I’m… I’m…” Clarke furrowed and shook her head, looking guiltily at her food, afraid to meet their eyes. “I’m so sorry.”

“But you’re not,” Bellamy interrupted. “And you don’t have to talk about what happened.”

A pointed look was exchanged between him and the rest, warning them to behave and not push.

“There isn’t much to tell,” she shrugged, perking up a bit and deciding to pick up her fork. “The storm was bad, and then I woke up in a government hospital. I wish there was a better story. I was checking weather reports in the navigation center, and I think we hit a wave or gust and I must have hit my head and blacked out.”

“It’s not every day that a concussion is a blessing,” Jake offered, finally taking his seat with the rest. “But it must have saved you.”

“A blessing,” Clarke repeated, contemplating the word for a moment before taking a big bite of breakfast. “Like these pancakes. I feel better already.”

The group chuckled and refused to talk about the accident again, while Clarke ate and smiled until she couldn’t any longer. She explained that she was still a little drowsy, and wanted to lay down. Every person promised to be back and see her again, demanding that she call if she needed anything at all. With grateful and long and tight hugs, her lifelong friends filed out as Clarke slipped upstairs.

It truly was exhausting, to finally think about it, to remember the storm and her colleagues and all of the people who died. The numbness-- that was the true blessing of Atlantis. There wasn’t time to grieve when her body was overloaded with stimuli, unlike now, where everything was mundane and allowed her to think.

Clarke slipped into her childhood bed again, and she pulled the blanket over her head, rolling into herself tightly before drifting off to an uneasy sleep.

XXXXXXXXXX

For about a full week, Clarke existed in a fairly mundane routine of recover that all at once suited her and drove her nuts. Simultaneously, she felt prepared to do something-- anything-- and yet, could not imagine doing anything other than nothing. Her body and mind and soul needed time to come back, and she knew it. It didn’t make it any easier for her to stomach, but she begrudgingly listened.

Every morning she got up and had a special breakfast her father made, even though her appetite was minimal and favored banalities. And then she would take a walk, sometimes with a friend, sometimes alone before coming home to shower and read or watch tv before a nap. Usually someone came by in the afternoon before dinner to occupy her, keep her busy, keep her doing something. Then came a family dinner, every night, her mother arriving right on time to join them. Dinner led to a movie, which then led to sleep.

It was a safe and easy schedule in which she didn’t talk about anything with anyone.

Until the arrival of the invitations for the funerals for the people finally confirmed dead after the concluded investigation into the crash and retrieval of bodies from the water, an initiative led by the Atlanteans as a gesture of good faith.

Two weeks after her return, Clarke found her schedule consisting of funerals, nearly every day, each more difficult than the last, but as the final crewmember standing, as the only representative of her research team, she sat there at each and remembered with everyone else, commiserating in their grief. It helped and hurt, as any cathartic thing is meant to do.

The third week she returned somewhat to her normal schedule with an intermittent funeral, the last residual ones ending quickly.

A month after her return, Clarke felt marginally normal, except that she had no idea what the future held.

It took five weeks for her to schedule an appointment with the university, despite her mother and father telling her she could take more time.

Only after six weeks, did Clarke allow herself to really think about her time in Atlantis. Most of the time, she found herself daydreaming about Lexa in some form because it was one of the few thoughts that made her feel unburdened and less heavy in her chest. But, she actively kept herself from thinking too much, often shaking away the thoughts when her mind began to drift.

After the nightly movie, and after she excused herself to sleep, Clarke sat at her desk and look at her laptop, knowing full well what was about to happen. She moved to lift the lid and then stopped, closing it and drumming her fingers along the top before looking over her shoulder at her closed door, straining her ears to hear anything.

Though it was quiet, she hurried to place an old sweatshirt near the bottom of her door to block out any light, listening again, closer to the hall, at the familiar noises of her parents getting ready to go to sleep.

Satisfied that no one would see her, Clarke ripped open her laptop, and quietly as she could type, logged in and began to type her query.

L-E-X

Backspace.

A-L-E-X-A-N

Backspace.

P-R-I-N-C-E-S-S O-F A-T-L-A-N-T-I-S

Enter.

In the dark room, the glow of the screen colored her face, but she didn’t care. She bit her lip and looked at the photos first, and upon not finding many, looked through the first few search results. Little was known about Atlantis, let alone the heir to the throne, and any pictures that existed were not good.

Mildly disappointed, Clarke slumped back in her chair and toyed with the scroll, debating what to do with no information and how deep, exactly, she was willing to dive into conspiracy theories and doctored photos.

Backspace.

A-Q-U-A-G-I-R-L

Enter.

Clarke paused only to look back at her door and close her laptop slightly, though not all the way, when she heard a sound in the hall. She held her breath and waited for her parents to go to bed before opening it fully again.

There were more search results for that name, and Clarke mildly regretted it, because the images of Lexa, in a skin-tight suit, with a weapon, was a little disorienting. And then she stood beside her father, who was, even though it was an understatement, an actual mountain of a human. Lexa had his eyes, his chin, his grin, and goodness, did she have a similar fitness regime.

Slowly making her way through the gallery, Clarke smiled to herself when she thought about Lexa, shy and with red-tipped ears, kind and gentle and soft to her for no reason at all. And then she looked at Lexa’s biceps.

“Fuck,” Clarke sighed and shook her head.

Backspace.

A-Q-U-A-G-I-R-L -B-I-C-E-P-S

Clarke hesitated before smiling to herself.

Enter.

XXXXXXXXXX

The meeting at the university didn’t turn up much good news, as the semester was just ending and the summer was approaching. With an epic catastrophe to handle and fix, the powers behind all decisions, didn’t have any answers other than to enroll Clarke the following semester to finish her degree requirements.

It was fair and just and gave Clarke time to recover and get back into thinking about existing again. Of course, Clarke found anything reasonable to be exhausting, in and of itself, and so she hated having to wait, hated losing her research, hated everything about everything that left her stuck.

Three days later, however, she found herself back at the Spindrift, unsure of why she was there, and marvelling at how it operated when it was opened. People were buzzing about, familiar with their duties, as if it hadn’t opened merely two months prior.

“It’s nice to see you again, Agent Barnes,” Clarke smiled, shaking the agents hand as she approached the waiting area.

“Thanks for coming down.”

“I don’t think I had a choice.”

Clarke looked over her shoulder at the two men that picked her up for her ‘appointment.’ When she looked back, the agent was not amused.

“You are being formally offered a position here, at the Spindrift.”

“I might formally ask why?” she furrowed and looked at the blue folder that was handed to her, complete with the seal of Atlantis on it. “I’m still in my degree program for the Masters, and haven’t decided to complete the doctorate…. Is this salary serious?”

“Government salaries are never a laughing matter.”

“I could make three times this in the private sector.”

“Yes,” the agent nodded. “And you would never work with any Atlantean healers or products ever again.”

“Why me?”

The agent opened another folder she was carrying.

“You searched Atlantis comma Princess Lexa six times,” Barnes read from the folder, dragging her finger along the words there. “And Biceps comma Aquagirl, approximately a dozen.”

The manilla folder shut quickly.

“Per the queen herself, in conjunction with your university and the United States government, you are being offered a position at the Spindrift for research in intercontinental knowledge sharing.”

Clarke furrowed and shook her head, not sure of what she was following entirely. There was certainly some mortification in there, she knew that, felt it eating her alive in front of the agent with an inability to change her inflection at all.

“I find this idea the best case scenario, and you to be a complete risk to yourself and the sanctity of Atlantis,” the agent muttered, tossing the folder on the table. “Accept it so that I can watch you behave yourself and stop doing searches online of a reclusive and dangerous foreign entity that only you have visited.”

“You… you-- you hacked my computer?”

“You are an intern and only living non-Atlantean who has been to Atlantis, of course your government is watching you.”

“But why? I don’t know anything.”

“You know enough.”

“Who else has seen this?” Clarke blushed, though she attempted to hide it as best she could. There surely was no surviving this level of mortification.

“No one.”

“Was my offer made because of-- because I know--” she paused and took a breath. “Who did this?”

“This offer was asked for by the Queen herself on behalf of one of her greatest medical researcher. Apparently you are the only person this researcher could tolerate.”

That feisty old broad, Clarke thought to herself as she shook her head.

“How is… um, how-- How is the-- uh-- How is Aquaman? I heard about a battle before--”

“You have seventy-two hours to think about this. I will only ever communicate with you regarding official matters in this office, and anything relating to activities done by Atlantean royal family are unofficial until commented upon by official state representatives.”

“You sound like a blast at parties.”

The agent didn’t move at all at the comment.

“I’m sorry,” Clarke apologized. “That was rude. You are just so-- intense.”

“I’ve worked fifteen years with the King to make this a reality. If I wasn’t intense, it would be for nothing.”

“Can I ask about, um, the Prin-- about Lexa?”

“Officially, no.”

“Unofficially?”

“Unofficially, no.”

“But you just set it up like you would say something unofficial.”

“I cannot control any inferences made.”

With growing frustration, both at the agent and herself, Clarke pursed her lips and looked down at the seal on the folder. It was something, and some sort of direction in a time when she very badly needed it.

“Unofficially,” the agent finally started, lowering her voice. “Just save the pictures. Why would you keep searching the same thing?”

“After a brief, embarrassed pause, Clarke nodded and looked back at the agent.

“I’ll look this over and get back to you. Unofficially or officially or whatever, thank the Queen, if you see her.”

The agent nodded instead of arguing, nudging her head slightly so the agents would continue to escort the scientist back toward the entrance.

XXXXXXXXXX

Three months after her shipwreck and rescue to an untouched land, hidden in the depths of the sea by a beautiful princess with a mythical bloodline and inheritance in the shape of a trident, Clarke sat at her desk in a very small cubicle, in a very small office, with six other research associates.

It was a very tedious job for the first few weeks, and just on the horizon was the actual research that Clarke hoped would lead to figuring out what the healer did to heal her so quickly, and if she could figure out how to help other people.

There was an element of escapism to worke each day, enough that Clarke found herself staying late to avoid her worried family’s glances and the mothering that all of her friends did. It was appreciated but also extremely stifling for someone who was stubborn and willingly admitted it.

“You heading out soon?” Wells asked as he shouldered his bag and looked over the cubicle wall to see Clarke’s small desk, covered with pictures of Atlantean books.

“Yeah, in a bit,” Clarke nodded, not looking up from the notebook she was writing something down quickly.

“I could wait around and we could go grab dinner. There’s this great place in town. Only like fifteen minutes from the main gate.”

“I’m not sure how long a bit is going to be. I want to finish looking at this property sheet before we get samples next week.”

Kind and bright, Wells was a soft-spoken doctoral student with a knack for keeping an eye on Clarke without being overbearing. Always firmly pressed in his khakis and tucked primly with his button downs, he hid behind thick-rimmed glasses, but ran marathons. He wasn’t overwhelming in the eye he kept on his co-worked. Sometimes, Clarke thought he might even fancy her a little bit.

When Wells didn’t say anything, Clarke looked up and offered a smile as he debated the next step for the evening.

“Get out of here,” Clarke told him. “I won’t be too much longer, and some quiet will help me.”

“If you’re sure.”

“I’ll see you on Monday.”

“Have a good weekend.”

Clarke watched him nod and returned to her work, doing her best to transcribe an ancient language with limited training and the most basic knowledge of what some of the ancient plants used. She felt like an archaeologist, investigating something she would never truly understand, and yet she’d been there. She’d heard the words spoken.

The ‘little bit’ she mentioned gradually turned into a while, and the evening settled outside on the water, calming it until the waves were nearly non-existent. There was still a fading light outside when Clarke closed her notebook and shut her laptop for the evening, and it only truly disappeared after she shouldered her bag and shoved in a few folders to work on over the weekend.

With a final look around the office, Clarke nodded and made her way to the door, preparing for two long days of her parents making sure she was alright. She needed her own place, and enough space to stop thinking about--

“Lexa?”

The same smile, the same caught look in her eyes, the same stance, the same eyes-- the entire package looked back at Clarke expectantly. Gone were the formal Atlantean clothes, and in their place was simple jeans and an old sailor’s sweater, a shoulder lovingly patched by expert hands. Gone were the intricate braids and armor, and instead a wild mane perched itself atop Lexa’s head, blown about by the wind and her hands in equal measure.

“You’re here late.”

“You’re here.”

“You said you’d be close.”

Without meaning to, Clarke took a step forward before catching herself. Lexa tucked her arms behind her back, ever vigilant to remain proper and royal.

“Have you eaten?” Clarke finally broke the quiet.

“You were my first stop after my grandfather’s. I don’t know my way around land that well.”

“I’m honored.”

“Care to show me around?”

The question came with a grin, and Lexa extended her elbow willingly, waiting for Clarke to take it again as she hadn in the Hanging Gardens. That was all she needed, to remember that it hadn’t been a dream, that three days, three months ago happened.

There really wasn’t a question to it at all.

Clarke nodded, smiled, and took the arm offered to her, and whatever else would come attached.

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myloveandlifeinlajolla · 5 years ago

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I’m really bored so here you guys go!

1. selfie

I never do selfies sorry not sorry. I don’t do them for a number of reasons. Some of the reasons I hope are kinda obvious. I have covered this before and it comes down to the fact that the relationship I am in can lead to trouble for my dad, my sisters, and myself.

2. what would you name your future kids?

I would love to keep the family tradition and either use Gaelic or old french names.

3. do you miss anyone?

Oh man I miss having alot of acquaintances. I was very popular in high-school for alot of reasons; most not too good. I miss my sorority sisters. As you get older you find out everyone grows up at different rates. I have friends that still party like they’re 21 and I have friends that just graduated and are married, 2nd child and are like mini-van mom life! I miss always having the option to choose whom I wanted to be like that day.

I miss my sisters sometimes. I have always seen myself as my sisters’ mom. They are on the other side of the country and they live together so I miss them. They are getting so close and I miss being part of the stories, the inside jokes etc... it’s sometimes a little hard to be left out. THEN, they come home and I end up being a driver, cook, maid, and I’m like okay it’s time for you to fly out...NOW!

4. what are you looking forward to?

I’m at a point in my life where i’m content. I’m looking forward to creating the house into a home. I like decorating it. I’m looking forward to getting the house covered in flowers. I’m looking forward to working out. I’m really looking forward to getting my body back.

5. is there anyone who can always make you smile?

Without a doubt it’s Catie! I love you missy.

6. is it hard for you to get over someone?

Interesting question and I guess I have a very interesting take on it. I loved my dad forever but there was a time during counseling where we were working on re-aligning the relationship to be more inline with a traditional father/daughter role so we were engaged in alot of behavior modification for me. It was really hard (and made me really depressed, and self destructive and failed) but or psych was still having me see my “crush” every day but I couldn’t do any of the things that my mom did and I was only supposed to do “age-appropriate” activities. But the thing was I loved my mom and I loved doing the things she did. So, life was just hard. Trying to pretend like feelings for someone don’t exist is a miserable experience.

7. what was your life like last year?

Life has been interesting, My dad and I are now living as a couple at the house so there were/are real growing pains associated with that. it’s no longer just his room and my room and we don’t have to sneak around the house. That stuff is amazing and I love that. I miss my sisters. I miss all my acquaintances. Catie’s husband got transferred out of Coronado and they are moving to the Virginia. My dad’s grandfather died. Still have no clue where my aunt is. This is the longest that has happened. My middle sister quit softball, my youngest sister is like a full woman and it’s scary.

8. have you ever cried because you were so annoyed?

I have cried for just about every reason under the sun.

9. who did you last see in person?

Dad as he left this morning

10. are you good at hiding your feelings?

I am not good at it at all. Mad, you’ll know, annoyed you’ll know. Sad, you will probably see drinking wine.

11. are you listening to music right now?

Nope, YouTube is on

12. what is something you want right now?

Honestly I feel like sex, anal and giving a blowjob

13. how do you feel right now?

Mildly horny and procrastinating writing up three proposals

14. when was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you?

This morning, I’m a lucky girl!

15. personality description

According to my plum profile I am a marvelous manager, chief communicator, and a decision maker.

16. have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t?

That’s why I have Tumblr. I can tell everyone and it’s really cathartic.

17. opinion on insecurities

We all have them. Own them but don’t let them run and ruin your life.

18. do you miss how thing were a year ago?

A little. Everything seemed just a little bit easier.

19. have you ever been to New York?

Oh my god yes I love it there!

20. what is your favorite song at the moment?

Memories by Maroon 5, Rebel Girl and Kiss and Tell by Angels and Airwaves

21. age and birthday? 23 now, July 31st,

22. description of crush.

Dad was about 6′4 225 he’s about 6′1″/2″ now I think he’s still around 230

23. fear(s)

I never talk about my fears.

24. height

I’m 5′9″

25. role model

It’s cheesy but my dad.

26. idol(s)

I don’t really have any

27. things i hate

I hate shitty people. I hate mean and manipulative people. There are nice to your face and shitty behind you. If you don’t like me just be honest. We can be polite we don’t have to be friends.

28. i’ll love you if…

I don’t like being cold so if you keep me warm that’s one way. I like shopping so if you like to go shopping with me that’s a good way. I love having good coffee and also tea.

29. favorite film(s)

Phantom of the Opera, Sleeping Beauty, Diamonds are a girls best friends, breakfast at Tiffany’s stuff like that.

30. favourite tv show(s)

West wing, how I met your mother, friends, sex and the city, the big bang theory, the office, scrubs.

31. 3 random facts

I was a triple jumper, I have so many bikini pieces I rarely ever wear matching parts, I suck at swimming and look like a dog swimming.

32. are your friends mainly girls or guys?

I have a ton of girl friends

33. something you want to learn

I want to learn programming

34. most embarrassing moment

The moment I hooked up with Catie’s crush in high-school and she was about to let everyone at the party know my “daddy issues” were alot more than that. yeah that sucked. But he was a giant dickhead so I guess it worked out.

35. favorite subject

Biology

36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill?

DREAMS... get married, have children, not be in a secret relationship

37. favorite actor/actress

Reese Witherspoon, and Audrey Hepburn

38. favorite comedian(s)

Ralphie May, Norm McDonald, Jimmy Fallon,

39. favorite sport(s)

Track and Field, Sailing, Rowing, Dressage, and Surfing I was only okay at Track and Field

40. favorite memory

My prom night

41. relationship status

Taken, and like noone knows,..Sad face

42. favorite book(s)

An honorable Profession, the Great Gatsby,

43. favorite song ever

Still gives me chills, Chi ll bel sogno di Doretta but you really have to be in the mood,

LA MUSICA NOTTURNA DELLE STRADE DI MADRID. No. 6, Op.30

Pachelbel - Canon in d

More popular stuff is mashups

44. age you get mistaken for

18-20 I have a baby face

45. how you found out about your idol

I just want to be the best me I can be. no Idols.

46. what my last text message says

To a coworker, “How’s it going?”

47. turn ons

Be nice and kind (especially to a poor/homeless)

Dapper not stylish but classic

Salt and pepper hair

In shape and clean!!!!

48. turn offs

Dirtiness, disheveld, rude, loud and crude.

49. where i want to be right now

I want to be in Manhattan looking out the window onto a city of snow, with dad

50. favorite picture of your idol

nope 51. starsign

I’m a zodiac but none of that means anything.

52. something i’m talented at

blowjobs! No really I love them. Also I’m great at meticulous lab work and business strategy.

53. 5 things that make me happy

1. 99% of the time Dad. 2. Being snooty and posh. I love the opera, symphony, I love getting dressed up, and the whole ritual of it all. 3. coffee and cold misty beach air while im in a warm sweater out by the pool looking at the ocean. 4. shopping, 5. recognized for good work at work.

54. something thats worrying me at the moment

family and I really need to let things go.

55. tumblr friends

Yep got them but I don’t know if they want me to out them here. So you guys get to stay hidden!

56. favorite food(s)

Braised lamb shank is good

57. favorite animal(s)

I love big wrinkly dogs that slobber (WILL NEVER GET THEM) I can’t imagine trying to keep a clean house with fur and slobber!

58. description of my best friend.

What more can I say about Catie, she knows everything and has been my rock since I was 11! She even planned prom for me which was why I am where I am really. I mean It helped get us here alot faster. She is my bestie.

59. why i joined tumblr

This iteration of tumblr has been to talk about what it’s like to be in a real relationship with my biological father NOT some cheesy porno or erotic story. I try to talk about the real relationship struggles we have. Answer questions etc... But I guess I am kinda boring because no one asks anymore.

60. ask me anything you want

#myloveandlifeinlajolla #myloveandlifeinlj #ask me anything #ask game #send me asks

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love-the-little-wonders · 6 years ago

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Face to FaceTime

Summary: Tired of being isolated, Adrien reaches out to his friend in hopes of finding some comfort late at night. Adrinette <3

The sound of loud rumbling thunder fills the emptiness of his expansive bedroom. Adrien blows against his windowpane and draws a frowny face on the glass. Once again, his father confined Adrien to his room. He hasn’t seen his friends in what felt like forever. Normally, he’d use his isolation as a chance to escape as Chat Noir but with the storm raging outside, transforming was out of the question. Adrien looked to his small kwami friend and found him sleeping on top of a round of cheese.

Typical.

Adrien looked at the clock on his phone and it read 11:56 PM. He knew it was late but he decided to try to call Nino on FaceTime. Adrien stares at Nino’s smiling picture and it stares back at him as his phone rings and rings but Nino doesn’t answer.

Dejected, Adrien drags his feet as he shuffles towards his bed and with an ungraceful flop lays atop the blankets staring blankly at the ceiling. How many times has he looked up at this very ceiling and stared at the bleak nothingness that the white paint gives off? Rolling over, Adrien looks over to his nightstand and sees his Marinette lucky charm. He grabs it and holds it over his head as he looks at it. Boy does he feel unlucky right about now. Rolling the bead between his fingers, an idea pops into his head. He recalls Alya berating Marinette on several occasions for staying up so late working on her designs. Maybe the designer is still up. It is Saturday night. Plus, after the events with Gorizilla a month back, they exchanged numbers and have texted on and off since. Staring at her contact picture, Adrien decides to call her. Pressing the FaceTime icon, Adrien waits for her to answer, the rings echoing loudly in his empty room.

The vibration of her phone wakes Marinette up from her impromptu nap at her sewing desk. Her hair is disheveled and she has scraps of fabric and loose thread stuck to her face. She answers the call without looking at who called her. She hears his voice before she can make out his face through her groggy eyes.

“Hey Marinette”

That woke her up. Marinette rubs away any leftover bleariness from her eyes and accidentally knocks her phone on the floor. She fumbles to get a firm grasp on it and promptly bumps her head on the underside of her desk.

“Ouuuch! A-Adrien calling me late ?! What are you calling at late- um I mean I mean it's uh kinda late aaand you're calling me?” She winced at her poor communication skills with her crush as she rubbed her head.

“Is it alright that I called you? I know it's kind of late…it's just my dad wouldn't let me leave the house again and with all of my photo shoots this week I missed school and I still had my extracurriculars. It feels like I haven't seen you guys in ages” His voice cracked from the emotion he was trying to suppress. “I really miss my friends and I miss hanging out with you, Nino, and Alya, y'know?”

This was a lot to process at 12 in the morning for a short-circuiting Marinette. Adrien Agreste considers her a close friend and specifically said he missed her. Well, her and his other friends, but still!! He called her! Marinette wanted nothing more than to freak out but she needed to keep it together for Adrien’s sake.

“ He’s feeling lonely and really needs a friend right now and that's what I’m gonna be,” she thinks to herself as she slaps her face between her palms, “ I can do this! ”

Adrien quirks an eyebrow at her antics but chalks it up to Marinette being Marinette.

“Y-yeah you can call me whenever you like! Just not like you know 4 in the morning or something or if I’m helping in the bakery or showering I won’t be able to answer…” Marinette’s eyes bugged once she realized what she just said. Embarrassment tinged her face and ears.

“Really?! That really means a lot to me, Marinette! Thanks!” He was relieved to know that he wasn’t bothering her and that she didn’t mind talking to him this late at night.

“You mean a lot to me” Marinette sighed.

“What was that?” Adrien asked.

“Oh uh um well I said...” Marinette was floundering. Did she just partly confess to her crush over FaceTime?! Should she hang up and pretend this never happened?

“ No!! Adrien called because he needs a friend! ” she reminded herself. With a deep breath, Marinette continued, “I said that you mean a lot to me. You’re my friend and it...it hurts to see you hurting”.

Adrien was taken aback by how sincere she was. Eyebrows knitted and mouth scrunched, Marinette looked like she had fire in her eyes. Her expression was oddly reminiscent of his partner against crime.

“But really, if you ever need a shoulder to lean on or if you need to vent, I’m all ears.”

“I’m all yours too if you want me to be,” Marinette thought to herself.

Adrien couldn’t believe how lucky he was to have such amazing friends, especially a friend like Marinette. It made him happy to think about that but it also pained him even more because he wanted nothing more than to be able to spend as much time with them as possible.

Adrien sniffled and fought back the urge to cry in front of his friend. He shifted his position on his bed from sitting up against his headboard to rolling onto his stomach and propping his chin on his pillow and put his phone against his headboard. Hopefully, the pressure of the pillow could be enough to keep the tears at bay.

Marinette could tell that Adrien was hurting and suppressing his emotions just because he was talking to her wasn’t healthy. Softly she suggested, “you can cry if you want Adrien. It's ok. Everyone needs to cry every now and again and afterward, you’ll feel much better. I know I do.”

He really has been feeling miserable lately. Yeah, it sucked that he’s been seeing his friends less and has had a more rigid schedule than usual but what hurt the most was that right when it seemed like he and his dad had gotten closer, his dad decided to put even more distance between himself and Adrien. They had watched his mother’s movie together and it felt like he had a dad again. But that didn’t last long at all. His dad pulled away and put even more distance between them leaving Adrien feeling more alone and isolated than before. He missed his mom. He missed having a dad who cared even if he didn’t show it that well.

Adrien’s breath shuddered as he inhaled as he began to cry. Face down in his pillow he cried away his feelings of helplessness and loneliness. He didn’t call Marinette just so she could watch him cry but like she said, he really needed this.

While Adrien had his cathartic release, Marinette was overcome with guilt. ‘Oh no! I made Adrien cry!!! How could I be so cruel?!” Marinette thought as she dragged her hands over her face. Biting her nails, she grabbed her phone and quietly made her way from her sewing station up to her loft and into her bed. Sparing a glance to the little bed that she made for Tikki, Marinette checked to see if the little kwami was asleep or not. Marinette couldn’t seek the kwami’s advice while she was FaceTiming with Adrien but having her near was calming. Tikki was in fact fast asleep. Marinette sighed. She was just gonna have to navigate this new situation by herself. Marinette nestled under her covers and set her phone against her kitty body pillow. A few minutes later, Adrien’s tears began to subside and his breathing became more regulated.

“Feeling better now?” Marinette asked. The whole time he was crying, Marinette wished that she could be with him in person and hold him. The thought made her face heat up but she really did wish that she could be there instead of on the other end of a phone.

With one last sniffle, Arien replied with a slightly raspy voice, “y-yeah”

“Hey, Adrien?” Marinette asked as she nervously bit her lip.

“Yes?”

“What do you get when you cross a lemon and a cat?” She asked as she looked down at her lap.

“Um, what?”

“A sour puss” Marinette had to admit that it was a pretty lame joke but she came up with on the spot so…

Adrien gave her a small smile as he chuckled softly.

“What do you call a cat that lives in an igloo?” Marinette asked with a smirk.

“What?”

“An eskimew” Marinette could honestly say that she was proud of herself for coming up with these jokes. It seemed like her kitty was rubbing off on her. Maybe that explained why she was only coming up with cat-related jokes.

At that, Adrien let out a louder laugh than before. “That was pretty cute.”

Marinette blushed and smiled to herself. She was happy that she could make Adrien smile.

“Can I tell a joke?” Adrien asked propping himself up on his elbows and he hugged his pillow.

“Sure”

“What’s a cat’s favorite way of keeping law & order?”

Marinette had a feeling that whatever Adrien was going to say, Chat would love it and eat it up.

“What?”

“Claw Enforcement”

Marinette was right. She grinned from ear to ear as she laughed thinking about how much of a field day Chat would have if he heard Ladybug say that joke.

“D-do you want to hear another one?” Marinette asked.

“I’d love to”

“Okay, I’ve got a good one.”

As Ladybug, Marinette pretended to be exasperated with her partner when he punned but she actually enjoyed them. She just didn’t tell him because he didn’t need another reason to have his ego fanned.

“How do cats end their fights?”

“How?”

“They hiss and make up,” Marinette said with a pleased smirk on her face as she mimicked a cat swiping their paw as she hissed and then made a kissy face. Who doesn’t like a good cheesy joke every once in a while? She wasn’t a stick in the mud.

Adrien seemed to really like that joke because he laughed so hard that he rolled out of bed. How that happened, Marinette had no clue. She was supposed to be the clumsy one. Adrien righted himself on the bed and thought to himself that he was in a much better mood than he was an hour ago.

Looking out his window, he noticed that the thunderstorm had blown itself out and was now a soothing sprinkle.

“I didn’t know that you were so well versed in the art of cat jokes, Marinette,” Adrien said with a relaxed expression. Gone was the storm that raged outside as well as within Adrien.

Marinette let out a small laugh “What can I say, I have a friend who likes to tell me cat jokes constantly and I guess they’ve rubbed off on me.”

Adrien wondered who this friend might be. He’d love to meet them and exchange notes.

They talked some more for another half hour. Marinette filled him in on the ongoings at school that he missed while he’s been gone. Max had brought Markov in again and had it play a game of basketball against Kim and the robot and boy had surprisingly tied, Alix debuted her graffiti art series at school in the main quad, and Rose and Juleka announced that Kitty Section would be performing for the upcoming open house. Adrien wished that he could have been there in person but it was nice to hear Marinette talk and fill him in. He told her about his latest modeling shoots and what his father’s new line was going to be like. At that, Marinette perked up and grabbed a nearby journal to take notes on what to expect. Adrien even mentioned that they would finally be debuting the bowler hat that Marinette designed and Marinette let out a sound of delight.

“Hey, Marinette?”

“Hmm?” Marinette looked up from her notebook to look at the blonde boy.

“Can we do this more often?”

“This? As in talk more?” Marinette asked as her heart skipping several beats.

“Well, that too. I like talking to you. I’m happy we’ve grown closer over the past few months. But I mean if I can’t make it to school or hang out with friends, that you’ll fill me in on what I missed?” Adrien asked with a sad smile.

Marinette really felt for this poor boy. How could his father be this overbearing to keep his only son basically a prisoner and keep him from things that brought him joy? She wished that she could do more but for now this would have to do.

“If that’s what you want, I’ll do my best” Marinette let him know with a reassuring smile.

“Hey, I can do you one better. I can FaceTime you while hanging out with friends or at school or something if you're not there if you’re not busy” Marinette suggested.

“That’s a great idea, Mari!!” Adrien exclaimed as he pumped his fists in the air. “You’re the best!”

Marinette gave him a smile as her stomach filled with butterflies.

“I’m happy I can help,” she says as she stifles a yawn. She glances at her clock on her nightstand and read the glowing numbers 1:40 AM.

Adrien noticed her yawn and also took a glance at the time.

“Woah, I didn’t realize how late it had gotten. It’s a good thing tomorrow is Sunday” he said as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes fighting back a yawn of his own.

“Thank you, Mari, for answering my call. I’m so lucky to have you as a friend” Adrien said as he gave her a heart-stopping smile. Marinette’s cheeks turned pink and she could feel them warm.

“You’re welcome, Adrien. I’m here for you anytime day or night.”

“I guess I’ll let you sleep now. Good night Marinette.”

“Good night, Adrien.”

They both stared at each other for another 20 seconds not wanting to be the first to end the call. Realizing that neither one was gonna do it, they both laughed. With another good night, Adrien reluctantly ended the call. Adrien plugged in his phone to charge and snuggled into his blankets. Closing his eyes, he drifted off to sleep after a few minutes.

Clutching her phone to her chest, Marinette laid awake in bed for another half hour heart still hammering thinking about what she had just done. She talked on the phone and FaceTimed with Adrien ( ADRIEN!!!) for almost two hours and barely stuttered.

“Alya’s gonna freak when she finds out,” Marinette thinks to herself. The sound of rain taps out a rhythm against her skylight and Marinette finds herself slowly drifting off to sleep phone still clutched to her chest.

The next morning Adrien was awakened by Nathalie at 7 AM. Despite only getting 5 hours of sleep, Adrien felt completely rested. In fact, he couldn’t remember the last time he had felt this rested. Even though it may mean that Adrien missed out on something yet again, he looked forward to his FaceTime calls with Marinette.

#miraculous ladybug #adrinette #ml fanfic #ml spoilers #ml fic #marinette dupen-chang #adrien agreste #adrien x marinette #fanfiction #fanfic #my fanfiction #my fanfic #anansi #gorizilla

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jrubalcaba · 7 years ago

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Precious Cargo Ch. 12 - The Feels

Precious Cargo Chapter 12 - The Feels

author: jrubalcaba

featuring: OFC Guinevere “Gwen” Adams x Bucky Barnes

word count: 1407 words

rating: PG

warnings: cursing

A/N: Angst, angst, and more angst. You gotta have the bad and the good. @avenger-nerd-mom gets a shout out for being my beta!

Life was a lot harder to deal with from that point on. Bucky and I had gotten into a rhythm that had touches, embraces and kisses galore. But now, I couldn't bear to look at him knowing that he had touched another woman. I had to start watching every move I made to keep from hurting myself even more.

I would catch myself reaching out to run my hand through his hair or hug him, and I would freak and stop. There were times where I would lean in to kiss him, but I would freeze and pull away. He would catch some of these moments and as I realized what was happening, he would get this distraught look on his face before bowing his head and walking away.

You never really notice how much you enjoy sex until you can't have it anymore. The thought of him bringing that thing anywhere near me after he had it in someone else made me sick. As a result, I became even more stressed. He appeared to be doing ok, since he was still getting some from her, but there were a few times I could have swore I heard him jerking off in the shower.

Night time was a task in itself. Since we had grown accustomed to falling asleep together, we now had to figure out how to sleep without each other. After banishing him to the couch and a couple nights of him screaming from night terrors and waking up the kids, I reluctantly allowed him to sleep in the bed. That was tough. Since he was so warm, I would instinctively seek him out at night for heat. Waking up in his arms was a shock to the system. It felt so nice at first, but knowing that another woman had been in this same spot had me vomiting. Literally.

There were mornings where I had to bolt for the bathroom and I would barely make it to the toilet. One morning, Bucky came in behind me and held my hair back while I heaved. He went to rub my back and I flinched away. It felt like I had been burned. “Don't fucking touch me, Barnes,” I snarled, wiping spit off my lip. He held his hands up in surrender and walked out. I brushed my teeth and washed my face before heading back into the bedroom. He was sitting on the bed, watching me warily. I was so angry with him. He has no reason to feel bad about this. “Is it worth it? Seeing me physically sick from your betrayal?” I snapped at him.

He looked sick as he shook his head. “No. I hate seeing you in pain like this. I don't want you to hurt,” he confessed. That set me off.

“You don't want me to hurt? You don't like seeing me in pain? Then WHY DID YOU CHEAT ON ME!” I yelled. “I gave you everything I have! And for what? For you to throw it all away! I would have done anything for you, followed you anywhere, but now that's gone.” I paused as tears began to fall. “I have waited for you for the past year, hoping that someday you would look at me the way I looked at you. Amazingly you finally did, but it was all a lie. You never loved me like you say you did!” He was crying now, but I wouldn't let that stop me. “You said everything you knew I wanted to hear, all so you could get in my pants. And once you did, you kept up the charade until you found someone else.” I could feel the fiery rage inside began to peter out. “You threw me away, just like my mother did. All my life, I've felt like I wasn't enough. Then I met you and that changed. But now, I see that I'm still not enough, and I never will be.”

I finally ran out of steam as I sank to my knees in anguish. Sobs racked my body as I cried into my hands. It felt cathartic to finally let it all out. I felt two arms, one warm and one cool, wrap around and hold me as I wept into his chest.

“Babe I'm so sorry. I'd give anything to fix the mess I got us in,” Bucky sniffled, his tears dropping on top of my head. I pulled back from his chest to look up into his face.

“You think you can fix this? Bucky, no matter what you do, you can't change the fact that you were with another woman. Nothing will erase that you had another woman on your lap with her tongue down your throat,” I protested, weakly slapping his chest. He grabbed my wrists in his metal hand and wiped my tears away with his flesh one.

“Gwen I swear on my mother's grave that I never touched her,” he argued with such conviction, it was hard to doubt him. But I did, because I had seen it with my own eyes.

“James Buchanan Barnes, how dare you. I watched you and her make out on our couch! In our home! You should count your lucky stars that's all I caught you doing,” I threatened, getting to my feet and sitting on the bed. “Would you have fucked her right here? In the bed where we consummated our love? Oh I'm sorry, where I gave you my heart and you threw it away?” I sneered down at him. He peered up at me, puppy-dog eyes on full blast.

“Gwen, sweetheart, I swear, on everything that is holy, I love you more than anything. I love you more than I love Steve! You are the light of my life, and without you everything is dark, like it was when HYDRA had control. You are the absolute best thing to ever walk into my life, and knowing that I have screwed this all up is killing me inside. I would crawl on my hands and knees through broken glass for you! Please, I'll do anything! Please just give me another chance,” he pleaded as he began to cry again, hiding his face in his hands. I watched him for a while, trying to figure out what I was going to do.

“I shouldn't have to give you another chance, Bucky. If you truly loved me, you would have never gone near that woman. But you did, and nothing can change that.” I stood up and paced around the room, thinking about everything. “Alright Barnes, I've made my decision.” He jerked his head up at me, tears streaking down his face. “As much as you've hurt me, I still surprisingly love you. If you can prove just how sorry you really are, then maybe we can come back from this.”

He looked hopeful that he could redeem himself. “But, I will tell you this, and you better listen and heed my warning,” I cautioned him. I knelt down in front of him so we were face to face and eye to eye. “If I catch you talking to her, hell, even looking in her direction at all, I will never speak to you again. This,” I motioned between us, “will be over for good. You will never get to touch me again, talk to me again, or have anything to do with me ever again.” I scooted forward until I was only inches from him. “Is that understood, Soldat?” I asked, poking his chest with each word. I hoped using that one word in Russian would get through to him, but when his eyes dilated, for a moment I thought The Soldier had been triggered somehow.

“I understand,” he stated in a monotone. When he remained motionless, I released a breath I didn’t realize I was holding, before standing up. I was no match for The Soldier. Even though Wakanda had cured him, there was still concern that the conditioning wasn't completely gone. I grabbed some clothes to change into before turning to him.

“I'm getting in the shower. How about if you wake the kids up and get them something to wear and when I'm done, I'll cook breakfast.” He looked up at me and nodded before standing up and leaving. As he walked away, I had the smallest bit of hope that we might be able to fix this after all.

Chapter 13

TAG LIST:

@avenger-nerd-mom @bolontiku @brighterlights @buckyappreciationsociety @buckyywiththegoodhair @caplanbuckybarnes @delicatecapnerd @disappointedwithchrisevans-post @donnaintx @etts21 @ghostssss @handshugging @imsecretlyromanburki @jhangelface0523 @just-call-me-mrs-captain @kimistry27, @liz-pbnz @magellan-88 @marvel-trash07 @melodyhiddleston, @papi-chulo-bucky @pegasusdragontiger @ryverpenrad @sketchbookthingz @suz-123

#precious cargo #bucky x ofc #bucky barnes #gwen adams #jrubalcaba

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iwillwakeherinthemorning · 7 years ago

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so. many. questions.

I was tagged by @atari-writes (thank you, love!) to answer this long ass list [85!?] of questions! And to tag other people! @kingarthurscat @outside-the-government @mccoymostly @star-trekkin-across-theuniverse @starshiphufflebadger @sansasandorshipper

Here it goes! *cracks knuckles*

1. Drink? COFFEE!

2. Phone Call? Honestly? My mom. She’s my bestie.

3. Texting? Everyone. I’m much more comfortable with non-verbal communication.

4. Last song you listened to? “Whatever It Takes” by Imagine Dragons

5. Last time you cried? Yesterday. I was talking to my mom about what I shithead I think my father is. She agreed.

6. Dated someone twice? I went on a date with someone twice. But if your looking for exclusivity? I’ve never been exclusive with anyone. :/

7. Kissed someone and regretted it? Yup. The last date I went on. The guy took the goodnight kiss on the cheek as a sign that i wanted to sleep with him. He proceeded to put his hands in places where they were not welcome and I cried myself to sleep that night. [discussion: why is it that this site makes me feel like I can unload all of my baggage?]

8. Been cheated on? nope.

9. Lost someone special? Plenty.

10. Been depressed? Not particularly. But post-anxiety-attack-me does feel pretty shitty.

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up? I’ve never been drunk before. I have a heart condition that when I don't treat it correctly I feel dizzy at a sudden wrong movement (i.e. drunk) I’ve been tipsy on wine before but I hated it.

Favorite Colors

12. Mauve

13. Gray.

14. Cranberry

In the last year have you. . .

15. Made new friends? Yes!!! All of my library friends! And a few new people that I have met through my mom and step dads business.

16. Fallen out of love? Yes. It wasn't romantic. It was the whole situation with my dad and stepmom. (btw my brother is coming with his friends and I can't tell if I’m excited or dreaded about it.)

17. Laughed until you cried? Yes! And its the most cathartic thing in the world.

18. Found out someone was talking about you? Yes. The three family members I mentioned above.

19. Met someone who changed you? Yes! This guy who I work with (incredibly gay and possibly the most understanding and lovely person ever) who has listened to every rant ever because he wants to.

20. Found out who your friends are? Not this year but in the past two years since I graduated high school.

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list? nope.

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know irl? 100%

23. Do you have any pets? Unfortunately none that live with me. But at my dads house there are three Yorkies and one Miniature Schnauzer.

24. Do you want to change your name? Nope. I love it.

25. What did you do for your last birthday? Painting with a twist. and pizza at this authentic New York pizza joint. It was a lot of fun!

26. What time did you wake up? 7:00 am. The first time in a while that it was past 5:30 :D

27. What were you doing at midnight last night? Sleeping!

28. Name something you can't wait for: Dunkirk’s release! I’m a total history nerd and I am absolutely siked to see if Nolan made it historically accurate.

29. When was the last time you saw your mom? Like 50 minutes ago.

30. there wasn't a question here?

31. What are you listening to right now? Madam Secretary. Netflix finally got their shit together and released season 3!

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom? My crazy uncle! < I say this with the utmost affection. I think were actually quite similar.

33. Something that is getting on your nerves? The amount of questions. Who did this? btw?

34. Most visited website? My colleges

35. Hair color. My Anastasia Beverly Hills eye brow pencil says Taupe but I call it light brown.

36. Long or short hair? Hits my shoulder blades.

37. Do you have a crush on someone? This guy who comes to the library every week. The first time I met him he complimented my Star Trek shirt. Every week we have a debate over which Star Trek is the best. I also recommend him books. (also Leonard McCoy. but unfortunately he’s fictional.)

38. What do you like about yourself? My passion.

39. Piercings? Just one in each ear. I am considering getting my daith done. Apparently it’s supposed to relieve migraines.

40. Blood type? O+

41. Nickname? Bug. Ladybug obsession when I was younger.

42. Relationship status? So incredibly single. It actually hurts.

43. Zodiac? Sagittarius

44: Pronouns: She/Her (If someone would be willing to talk about this with me I would love to learn about this!)

45. Favorite TV Show: Madam Secretary! (Tom Daly is so fine. He is also old enough to be my father. Great.)

46. Tattoos? No... But I want one. Actually I want two. A cross. And “Primum non nocere”

47. Right or left handed? Total lefty. (I can't even hold a pencil with my right.

48. Surgery? I’ve had tubes put in my ears twice and had my adenoids removed.

49. Piercing? This was already a question?

50. Sports? Dance. I was on drill team in high school. But after I tore my left hip flexor I had to stop.

51. Vacation? Mediterrnean cruise and the U.K.

52. Pair of trainers? I have a pair of nikes that are hot pink and teal. A pair of teal converse. Another pair of converse that are navy. And finally a red pair of Keds.

53. Eating? Nothing. I had dinner earlier.

54. Drinking? water.

55. I’m about to? Cry at the amount of questions still left!

56. Waiting for? School to start again. My summer session literally ended yesterday morning and I already miss studying. What is wrong with me?

57. Want? A lot. But right now I’d settle for a giant candy bar. I’m jonesing for something sweet.

58. Get married? YES!!!

59. Career? Special Education Teacher. And after I get my certification I’m gonna go back to school to get my masters in library science.

60. Hugs or kisses? Hugs!!!

70. Turned someone down? yup!

71. Sex on the first date? Hell no!

72. Broken someones heart? I really hope not!

73. Had your heart broken? Again not romantically. All familial

74. Been arrested? nope!

75. Cried when someone died? yes.

76.. Fallen for a friend? I thought I did in kindergarten. Turned out he was a total douche.

do you believe in...

77. yourself? most of the time.

78. Miracles? Yes!!!

79. Love at first sight? Yes. I fell in love with my little brother the first time I held him when I was four.

80. Santa Clause? I believe in the spirit of him. I think he’s a really amazing dude.

81. Kiss on the first date? Sure.

82. Angels? Yes! I wear my great grandmothers class ring from Sam Houston State University when it was still a just a teachers college and I know she watches out for me. I sleep in my other great grandmothers old bed and I’ve had dreams where I had actual conversations with her. And then woken up and felt a kiss on my forehead when there was absolutely no one around.

83. Current best friends name? Bridget. My mom.

84. Eye color? Hazel

85. Favorite movie? Wonder Woman.

If you're still here. You deserve the Nobel Peace Prize! Thank you!

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