#and this line of thinking is like not even necessarially a product of her upbringing . it's a product of her sexuality-related paranoia

[july-19th-club]

the other thing baru is always doing is like . simultaneously forgetting everyone around her has personal motives of their own AND assuming motive as applied to herself where there isn't any, like 'why would they send me a person who resembles me complexion-wise for this task? are they trying to get on my good side?' like maybe it's just a coincidence. a lot of things are. but because she's so paranoid she's always reading into every little detail assuming it has relevance while at the exact same time missing relevant details because they have to do with things and people that are not her

[yuzukahibiscus]

Yuzuka Rei opens 2023 as the debonair Crown Prince; Talks about forging the bond to be stronger and warmer

(Article taken from Nikkan Sports)

Flower Troupe Top Star Yuzuka Rei starts 2023 by being in a white military outfit. Starting from the 1st, she stars in “MAYERLING”/“ENCHANTEMENT” which opens in the Takarazuka Grand Theatre in Hyogo.

The musical is a famous production describing Austria Crown Prince as the protagonist. The show is where she dances in clothes with the image of Fred Astaire. She chose the kanji “musubu”「結（ぶ）」(meaning a bond, or a connection) that brings people together. As the performances were struck by the pandemic, leading to suspension of performances from the 10th-16th, we await for the reopening of the performances till the last day (senshuuraku) of Takarazuka on the 30th. There will also be performances from February 18 - March 19 in the Tokyo Takarazuka Theatre.

The Crown Prince in military outfit experiences an ephemeral, beautiful and ultimate love... We are talking about “THE CLASSIC” archtype of Takarazuka character Rudolf. Opening on the first month of the year, since some performers were contracted with the novel coronavirus and performances were suspended from the 10th, we await for its reopening. From this material documented before the opening of the performances, we recorded her enthusiastic thoughts to Rudolf.

"Ah! ‘MAYERLING�� in the Grand Theatre! When I first heard of that, I had the same feeling with everyone (LOL). I was surprised that this was done in this Reiwa year, and also will the prologue be done on the grand staircase? So I was excited”

Shibata Yukihiro’s posthumous script was performed after 40 years from its premiere in 1983. The significance of performing “MAYERLING” again has been 30 years since its Star Troupe Grand Theatre Production in 1993. It’s been 9 years since Yuzuka played Rudolf in 2014 “ELISABETH”.

“9 years! Those were my first steps of wearing the military uniform at that time. But at that time I already felt that Rudolf was someone full of charm. In the stance of a crown prince, it was like from the moment he was born, his fate and his burdens were already decided for him...”

With her experience 9 years ago and reading the same book “The Truth of MAYERLING” as the foundation, she had her photoshoot (for the poster). She also reviewed videos of the past performances. Saying that “I’ve learnt especially much from the premiere (played by Asami Rei),” she solidified her impression of Rudolf. She also discussed with Koyangi Naoko responsible for the refinement and direction.

"(In the previous time and this time) For me, Crown Prince Rudolf is still 1 person. It’s difficult to show the body lines expected from a soldier when wearing the military outfit. (The performance time is) 1 hour and 30 minutes, so it is crucial element to think of how a soldier uses his muscles. Even if there are places where there’s no muscles, I have to use my body as if there were muscles.”

It’s not just for wearing the military outfit, but she couldn’t miss out on the important details. The design this time is simple. For that, “since the royalty wear (military outfit) frequently, wouldn’t you say that they were comfortable with it.” It makes you amazed that it’s an ‘Ah, look how it fits easily’-kind of design. This becomes more substantial for me to fit into the role of a Crown Prince.” With the strength of the costumes, she practised wearing them and polished the image of Rudolf being “A Crown Prince, with good upbringing”.

“I find it necessary to thoroughly create this demeanour that he received an overwhelming education and that he was living under rules and conventions. Why did he look so tired and so decadent, that it’s completely different from normal people? But then the way I use my muscles or display that exhaustion should not detach from that “Crown Prince” image at all.”

Continuously pursuing for the “optimum Rudolf” is Yuzuka. Yuzuka also becomes a perfumer in the show, opening the world of magic, performing in this other production.

“The prologue is romantic with a glamour flourish. I’m going to wear (my favourite) Fred Astaire-styled hat and suit, and would be paired with Hoshikaze Madoka in Marilyn Monroe style. This scene was us meeting in the New York streets and it was a stylish and playful scene, so I was happy that we got to dance in this scene (LOL).”

Even for scenes with difficult choreography and require high demand of physicality, she says “I thought that there were so many numbers where we used our body a lot so “we were all dancing (these kind of dances)” I really felt that my body felt happy too.” and laughs.

Last year, she expressed that the year was when “I was supported and guided by many people, having a year where I learnt a lot. I would cherish al of these experience and take my every step forward.” And, this year, her thoughts for 2023 were –

"I’ll devote it to the stage. And for that, I’ll put in my everything. I want to spend each day well with every thing and every time, hoping to have new encounters, productions, and roles, as well as the cherish the relationship with the audience.”

She replied “musubu” as the kanji for her thoughts on the year and something she hopes to pursue.

“It would be musubu. I want to make the bond between the performance and myself, between the role and myself, between all the staff and myself, between the audience and myself – all of them to be stronger and warmer. I’m so grateful to connect these bonds that I’m so appreciative off. Yes, I would want to connect all of these together.”

■Show is using aromas as the theme.

From the name of the show, it is based on aromas as a theme. Her favourite perfume has changed throughout her career. “I used to like strong types, but recently it’s been sweet ones. I also like vanilla type.” It’s good that the director Noguchi Kousaku would bring sample perfumes in the rehearsal venue “Because he would bring these nice aromas of perfume, it makes one feel good, makes one feel nostalgic and makes one want to go on vacation.” Having the power of the aromas, she strives to work hard.

◆ Musical Romance “MAYERLING” (Script = Shibata Yukihiro; Refinement and direction = Koyanagi Naoko) With the novel “MAYERLING” by Claude Anet as foundation, this is the poignant love story portraying Austria Crown Prince Rudolf and Baroness Mary, with its premiere in 1983. The significance of re-performing this classical Takarazuka Revue production is that it has been 40 years since the premiere and 30 years since it was performed as a Grand Theatre Production.

◆Takarazuka Spectacular”ENCHANTEMENT – A Luxurious Perfume –" (Author and director = Noguchi Kousaku) In French, “ENCHANTEMENT” means “enchantment” or “rapture.” The revue starts with perfumer Ray sprinkling some magic perfume.

☆Yuzuka Rei, March 5, born in Tokyo. Entered the revue in 2009. Assigned to Flower Troupe. She had her first newcomers’ performance lead in 2014. Also had her first bow hall lead in June the same year. She played Oscar in 2015. She had her first external lead “Haikara-san ga Tooru” in 2017. She starred in Tokyo for “Boys Over Flowers” in 2019. She became Flower Troupe TOP in the same year in November, paired as a combi with Hana Yuuki. In summer 2021, she became combi with Hoshikaze Madoka and starred in “TOP HAT” last year. Her height is 171 cm. Her nickname is Rei. 

[damonalbarn]

Hey I was wondering if you knew the article that Justine spoke about suzi in?!

It was in The Guardian in 2000. Here you go:

Sweet revenge

In the mid 90s, Justine Frischmann and Damon Albarn were the First Couple of Britpop. Then he used a Blur album to rake over their break-up, while she languished in obscurity amid rumours of heroin addiction. Now she's back with a new album, and it's her turn to exorcise her demons.

Caroline Sullivan

Friday March 24, 2000

As Alison Moyet once said, it's hard to write a decent song when you're happy. Rock bands thrive on romantic turmoil in their private lives, without which they would be reduced to padding out lyrics with football scores and the weather.

Thus it was for Blur's Damon Albarn in mid-1998 when he sat down to write what would become the 13 album. His eight-year relationship with Justine Frischmann of the chart-topping Elastica, whom he once described as **"the only person who's ever been completely necessary to me" **had just ended, at her instigation. Pained and humiliated, he decided to exact revenge by exposing their most intimate details to public scrutiny.

The outcome? Embarrassment for Frischmann, a number one album for Blur and a bit of a result for Albarn.

Break-up albums are by definition both embittered and yearning - in the case of Marvin Gaye's vindictive Here, My Dear, they're just plain nasty - but 13 got more up-close and personal than could be considered gentlemanly. Albarn portrayed his former partner as neurotic, even slipping apparent drug references into the single Tender: "Tender is the ghost, the ghost I love the most/Hiding from the sun, waiting for the night to come". Frischmann was the ghost, supposedly, who was on the verge of being consumed by what one music paper euphemistically called "the darkness at the heart of Elastica".

Frischmann's response can be found on a song called The Way I Like It, which appears on Elastica's first album in five years, The Menace (out next month): "Well, I'm living all right and I'm doing okay/Had a lover who was made of sand, and the wind blew him away".

This is unlikely to be her last word on the subject. As she ambivalently begins her first round of interviews since 1996, she's finding that everyone has the same three questions. Why did Elastica nearly sabotage a promising career by taking so long to follow up their million-selling debut? Had Frischmann taken leave of her senses when she walked out on Mr Britpop? And what about the drug rumours?

"One journalist said to me, 'Dahling, I heard you were on heroin - Mahvelous!' " she says with some amusement. "Drugs are around, but I'm not that interested and never have been, although there have been elements of party animal in my band. The rumours are a lot to do with rock'n'roll mythology, where people want to believe you're having a more exciting time than you are."

The only drugs on her person today, as she perches on the edge of an armchair in her publicist's north London living room, are Marlboro Lights. Her other indulgences are two cups of herbal tea and a Cadbury's Flake cupcake, which she nibbles with well-bred pleasure. Her dark eyes are clear, and her long, tanned body is a testament to the virtues of a daily swim in a pool near her Notting Hill home. Only Elastica know whether they really succumbed to heroin and hedonism after their self-titled debut made them more famous than they'd ever expected to be, but if they did, Frischmann, 30, seems little the worse for it.

Given the current predominance of damnable boy bands, the Britpop mid-90s are beginning to seem like a halcyon period for English music. It was a time when the underground went overground, and a self-described "little punk band" like Elastica could sell 80,000 albums in a week.

More than a few loser guitar groups saw Britpop as a licence to print money, but Elastica, led with cool elan by the androgynous Frischmann, were one of its gems. The Blur connection was a marketing godsend (Frischmann and Albarn met on the London indie circuit, she as guitarist in an early line-up of Suede and girlfriend of frontman Brett Anderson, he as a cherubic baggy hopeful), yet the spiky-haired Elastica LP embodied that euphoric time like nothing else.

Frischmann, guitarist Donna Matthews, drummer Justin Welch and bassist Annie Holland were unprepared for the album soaring to number one in its first week. When they signed their record deal, Frischmann, whose great-grandfather was a conductor of the Tsar's orchestra at the Summer Palace in Byelorussia, was five years into an architecture degree at London University. A liberal north London Jewish upbringing - her engineer father built the Oxford Street landmark Centrepoint - had instilled expectations of success, but the reality of being photographed in the supermarket and having her rubbish stolen was a shock. Fiercely independent, she also resented her unsought role as half of Britpop's First Couple.

There was more. Two of Frischmann's musical heroes, The Stranglers and Wire, decided that two Elastica songs were suspiciously similar to two of their own tracks, and won royalties. Meanwhile, there were malicious rumours that Albarn had done much of the work on the record. He hadn't, but he did find Justine's success in America, where she was substantially out-selling Blur, hard to endure.

"It was very hard for him to deal with and he's very confrontational," she says, with the flattering openness of someone who prefers interviews to be more like conversations. She admits she often says too much, but in an era of image control and spin, her honesty makes her a one-off. Not that she's likely to land herself in it too badly - she possesses the intellectual ammunition to look after herself, which must have been instrumental in attracting two of rock's more articulate stars, Albarn and Anderson.

She's been accused of being a professional rock girlfriend, though it was probably they who were lucky to get her. She spent the cab ride over reading the Sylvia Plath letters in Monday's Guardian, and muses on the irony of the poet's subjugating herself to Ted Hughes when she was the more gifted. (Her new boyfriend, by the way, is an unknown photographer, "though that'll probably change, because men seem to get famous when I go out with them".)

"I reacted the way a lot of women do, by being passive," she continues. "He put a lot of pressure on me to give up Elastica. He said, 'You don't want to be in a band, you want to settle down and have kids.' " In so many words? "In so many words. He kept putting on pressure till I started to believe him." She adds bemusedly: "I've met his new girlfriend, and one of the first things she said was that he wanted her to give up travelling with her work to stay home with the baby [Missy, born last autumn]. I'm surprised he's got away with being thought of as a nice person for so long."

After 18 months, during which they did seven American and three Japanese tours, Elastica came off the road to record company demands for an immediate second album. Annie Holland's response was to quit the group, while Donna Matthews became renowned for hard partying on the nocturnal west London scene. They lethargically recorded some demos, but their heart wasn't in it. By 1997, when a second album should have been ready to go, Frischmann and Matthews were barely speaking, and there was nothing useable down on tape.

Holland's replacement, Sheila Chipperfield (of the circus Chipperfields), was deemed not good enough and left by mutual consent. By 1998, their continued lack of productivity was being likened to the Stone Roses' lengthy and ultimately self-destructive holiday between their first and second LPs.

"I didn't think Elastica were going to continue at that point, and we did kinda split up," she says, absently stroking her publicist's cat. Frischmann is a cat person; she's owned a tabby called Benjamin since she was 10. "Unconditional love," she coos. The pet's place in her life is so assured that prospective boyfriends are subjected to his feline scrutiny before she'll go out with them.

On top of everything else, in early 1998 her relationship with Albarn was in trouble. Frischmann retains enough of the indie ethic to detest the phenomenon of celebrity couples, and was dismayed when they became one. "I really hated the tabloid interest, and I went out of my way not to be photographed with him. Only about three pictures of us together exist, I think. In many ways, I think the media interest broke us up, because it made me feel the relationship was quite ugly, and I had to get away from it. There were other factors, too, obviously, because we were together for eight years, and I finally felt it was better the devil you didn't know, really."

Albarn's ego seems to have been severely undermined by having a girlfriend who was nearly as successful as he was, and something of a sex symbol to boot. Despite adopting a resolutely boyish T-shirt-and-jeans uniform, she's thoroughly feminine, a mix that got her voted fifth most fanciable woman in a lesbian magazine.

"I'm completely heterosexual, so I didn't know how to take that. It scares the shit out of me, the idea of being with a girl. I'm glad I've narrowed it down to half the people in the world."

She seems to view Albarn with indulgent exasperation these days, simultaneously praising his intelligence ("The Gallaghers just couldn't compete") and ticking off his flaws. "Damon adores being in the press, and sees all press as good press. He orchestrated that rivalry thing with Oasis. He really wanted kids, and I didn't feel our relationship was stable enough. He was a naughty boy, and he wasn't the right person to have kids with. I had this cathartic moment..."

At which point they split up. Albarn wrote 13 and then met Suzi Winstanley, an artist. "She was pregnant within three months," Justine observes wickedly.

Of the acclaimed 13, she's tactful, describing several songs as "really lovely". She studies her cigarette for a while before adding, "but I'm cynical about selling a record on the back of our relationship". But you're doing the same now. "It's true, but at the time I had no right of reply."

Elastica finally pulled themselves together last year, just as the music industry was about to write them off (their American label had already "very kindly let us go", as she puts it). Holland rejoined, Matthews went to Wales to sort out her life and the band banged out an EP and played the Reading Festival. Things came together quickly after that. They spent the last £10,000 of the recording budget on re-recording a dozen tracks, finishing the album, after years of procrastinating, in six weeks. They've called it The Menace "because that's what it was like to make".

It's dark and resolutely uncommercial - all wrong for 2000's pop-oriented climate. It's unlikely to match the success of the first one, which is fine with them. Call it (though Justine doesn't) their White Album. Its 70s punk aesthetic brings to mind angry girls such as the Slits and the Au Pairs, although the defining mood isn't anger so much as catharsis. None of the songs is specifically about Albarn, she claims. "The dark feeling is due to the sense of isolation, tasting success and getting frightened by it. I was questioning whether I wanted to be in a band any more, and there was no one I could ask for advice. Getting success and everything you ever dreamed about is hard to handle, and makes you question everything."

She's better prepared for success, if it comes again, this time. Already the privacy-preserving barriers are in place. The next interview of the day is with Time Out magazine, which wants a list of her favourite restaurants. "I'm not telling them where I eat," she says reflexively. "I'm gonna lie."

[herorps]

shadow and bone and racism

shadow and bone just came out so i can now finally break my silence bc holy shit do they go ham on the racism and me being me, i just have to tell you all about it. possible spoilers and triggers for anti-asian racism and microaggressions.

to preface, i was very privileged to receive a screener for the entire first season last month and i was actually excited to watch it bc i have friends who love the books and the show piqued my interest since it was announced. and i also have to say that i never read the books and i probably never will ( tho i’ve been told i would like soc ) but i did like the show overall. 

i think sab is a good adaptation and that the fans will like this show. i thoroughly enjoyed it and as someone who had very little to almost no knowledge about the books, i didn’t have trouble keeping up with the fantastical world. 

however that doesn’t mean i can’t be critical of it. 

i think the show can actually benefit from people being critical about it because so far, it feels like they took a very tone deaf direction and ran a marathon with it. 

what i’m talking about, is alina starkov being half-shu. 

now, i said before that my interest was piqued for this show when it was announced and one of the major reasons is the casting of biracial actress, jessie mei li, in the role of alina starkov. i can’t tell you how happy i was to see that a half-chinese actress was cast as the lead in a series based on such a beloved ip, especially since the creators of the show consciously changed alina’s ethnicity to be half-shu before casting calls were even sent out. ( for those of you who are also non-book readers, shu is the race of people from the country, shu han, and is based off primarily mongolian and chinese cultures ) 

so i was endeared with the idea that this character, that is coded white, was deliberately changed to be coded asian ( and coded mixed race to boot ) because the producers wanted to include diversity into the show. i commend that, i love that, i support that. but i believe the way they handled it, shouldn’t have been the way they handled it. and it’s because alina’s race is constantly brought up. 

obviously of course race is going to be brought up at some point. alina in the show is surrounded by white people when we first see her, and her home country of ravka does have a hostile history with shu han----i get it. racism is going to play a part in alina’s story. but it doesn’t necessarily need to go so far as to constantly remind the audience that she is shu in almost every interaction she has with someone she meets. 

and that’s a big part of the issue, is that nearly everyone she meets will bring up the fact that she’s part-shu. and a lot of the time, it’s said with hostility. now i’m not exactly sure if i’m just being particularly sensitive because of certain recent events, but the anti-asian racism hits differently these days. idk. 

because that’s what it is, at the end of the day. it’s racism. alina is often the target of very hostile racism and it seems to mainly be directed at her character and her character only. 

and honestly, on a surface level it makes sense, i sort of understand what the producers are trying to do. ravka has a turbulent history with shu han and were involved in wars with them and they’re often seen as the enemy so obviously that would affect a shu-mixed person growing up in ravka, a very white country. but on a deeper level, it reminds me a lot of the anti-japanese sentiments during wwii. the production team even created a banner that i felt called back to those anti-japanese propaganda of that era. ( mind you it was shown multiple times, in main focus, and acknowledged by characters that were coded shu ) 

but on the other hand, they’ve done a considerable job to diversify at least the ethnic makeup of ravka. there are black and brown grisha at the school and there are people of different cultures ( noted by costuming, etc. ) in ketterdam and there’s even a shu-appearing trainer that teaches the grisha to fight. so my question is, why is this very hostile treatment primarily geared toward shu people and geared toward alina specifically? it just doesn’t make sense to me. 

and when i say it’s specifically geared toward alina, i mean that it’s very apparent that they’re targeting her specifically, because mal  ( played by a possibly mixed-race archie renaux ) is also coded to be of mixed shu blood. while it is not explicitly stated that mal is shu, it is heavily implied that he is mixed, but he is never subject to the treatment that alina is, and the only times he is subject to racism is when alina is also present. in scenes where we see alina and mal as kids, they are often both referred to as “mutts” or “half-breeds”. but when they are older, only alina is continuously called those things. 

this isn’t even touching the microaggressions she faces after she’s at grisha school and this one line that made my gut wrench so viscerally i had to pause the episode and replay the part so i could confirm what i heard. [ episode 3 spoiler warning ] i’m trying to avoid posting screenshots or from spoiling parts of the show but there’s a scene where alina is being cleaned up and made presentable by servants and one of them says “I’d start by making her eyes less Shu.” [ end episode 3 spoiler ] i don’t think i have to explain to anyone how offensive that is. and i understand that the intention was to show how racist this servant is, that the entire point of of this weird racism plot is to show how the people of ravka can be racist and ignorant, but to have that line be written by a white writer, approved by a white showrunner and said by a white character to the face of an asian actor/character feels very tactless. it feels like another antagonist alina has to go against is racism itself. 

what also turns me off about this scene is that jessie mei li revealed that this scene is what actresses had to audition with. “...the sides that they sent for the audition, like Alina is talking to Genya and they’re talking about her eyes and they’re talking about her Shu ancestry.” having actresses of mixed-asian ancestry come in and act out that scene for white producers doesn’t really sit right with me. and i know that there’s an argument to be had about how it’s important to show the minutia of what it’s like to be ethnic in a world ruled by white supremacy and that it’s important to show how alina’s race affects her story, but i don’t think that going this far is necessary to the development of plot or character. 

and i don’t personally know jml, i don’t know how she feels about the show apart from what she’s probably briefed to talk about in interviews, but it is perfectly valid for me to feel iffy about the microaggressions while she feels that it’s necessary for character development ( again, this is just an example, i have no clue what she thinks of the racism ). our experiences are different, our upbringings are different, but we’re both happy to see representation and i’m happy that she’s happy to see an actual mixed-chinese character on screen as the lead. 

i’m glad that the producers were open to diversity and were open to making the lead a person of color, but it’s things like the treatment of shu characters and exchanges like “Tell her...Oh, I don’t know...good morning.” “I don’t actually speak Shu.” and “I didn’t know the Zemeni had such talent.” “She’s Suli.”  ( zemeni is a race of “dark-skinned” people and suli are coded south asian/mena/wena so this exchange is just white people mixing the brown people up )  that remind me the majority of the writers and producers are white. 

now i’m not saying that you should boycott the show or that this show is the most problematic thing to ever grace my retinas, because i really enjoyed watching it and i want to see what season 2 has in store ( more crows content please ). but, i want you all to please keep all of this in mind when you watch the series and think critically of what kinds of unconscious biases these producers had. you’re allowed to have nuanced opinions, you’re allowed to be critical of the media you enjoy so long as you understand where some people’s criticisms are coming from---where my criticisms are coming from. i just hope in future seasons the treatment of alina gets better and that she actually learns to love her shu side because otherwise it’s just going to be problematic as the show continues. 

[dragonrajafanfiction]

Genji Heavy Industries (Part 4) Elevators

I had a lot of fun with this. I hope you enjoy it.

Ahead of you was the low, narrow passage, no windows as far as the eye could see. Ventilation fans are spinning slowly behind grates. The walls are spray painted a heavy rusty red. Walking directions are written in white paint that you couldn't read. This was the Inner district, a place that felt mildly suffocating, with an element of unease in the air. Caesar walked in front with a Desert Eagle in each hand, fully focused on the possible danger at any time. Chu Zihang held a sword at the rear, you and Lu Mingfei walked between the two, passing one white light after another. The institute felt mysterious here, like an infinitely extended maze that secretly held a minotaur.

You fall into step with Caesar, matching him stride for stride. It was known as “Wolf Walking”. When traveling through snow, you used the foot falls of another as a pathway. Not only did this ease the exertion of trudging through the snow yourself, it also created a minimal disturbance in the snow. It concealed the numbers of the people following through the area. Even though you were one of dozens of children, the actual population at the port was hidden this way. You would see a single trail of footprints where dozens of children had passed.

In this case, even if someone could hear your footsteps, they would think that there were three men in this passageway. Your presence wouldn’t be noticed until it was too late.

You crossed the walkway without incident. There was nothing odd at the end of the walkway, just an elevator, and, surprisingly there were no special security measures in the inner area, probably because the Hydra thought it was impossible to invade the inner area. So they didn't add a cumbersome access control system here. The elevator door opens right up and lets you inside.

"Boss, which floor should we go to?" Lu Mingfei looked at the densely packed floor buttons.

You take Chu Zihang’s advice and bite your tongue. There was no need to ask any questions. Caesar would figure things out. Your job was just to do what he told you. But Lu Mingfei thought with his mouth. Every thought bubble was, for him, a speech bubble. It was like trying to perform a covert operation with a large tropical parrot. You just wanted to turn around, shoot it into a cloud of feathers and move on. But Caesar was far more generous and patient, not paying it much mind, and scolding you for doing so.

On reflection, your impatient attitude was a product of your upbringing. You were brutal because the environment and the people around you were brutal. There was no need to viciously swear at Mingfei and punish him. You did it on impulse because that was how it was always done. Once again, Caesar was showing you another way to be.

Every time you worked with him in dangerous situations that goodness was like light to penetrate the dark, but now your mind dove elsewhere, back into the memory of his opening the door wearing nearly nothing. You feel the heat rise to your face involuntarily. You blink rapidly to clear your head, mentally swearing at yourself for your lack of focus and glancing around to make sure that no one saw.

A new problem emerged. This skyscraper had more than fifty floors. Some were garage floors. Some were equipment floors. Others were mezzanine floors, half floors that didn't need to be named by numbers. Typically, in a modern high-rise, an elevator can only reach certain parts of the building. The ground level general office elevator would not reach Hydra level. A cargo elevator would not need to access every floor, only the floors where the cargo needed to go.  But the elevator in the inner district can lead to the majority of floors. It was all accessible.

"Wow! Didn't think about it." Caesar frowned.

And just like that, the light was switched off. What did he mean he didn’t think about which floor in a one hundred floor highrise was going to be the right one?! 

“Truth be told, I didn’t think that it was absolutely necessary to go straight to Kaguya tonight. I just wanted to feel my way in and see how it went. If it weren’t for that submarine, I would have gone back, but it blocked our path.”

Your mental rifle now swung from the ‘Tropical Parrot’ to put Captain Underpants in the crosshairs!

"So, brother, do you have the structural diagram of this building?" Lu Mingfei asked Chu Zihang. 

Chu Zihang shook his head: "Do you think there will be such information on the Internet? Even if there is, the information of the inner district will not be included in it." 

God.

You hang your head, your hair falling over your eyes to shroud your face in shadow.

You feel a soft pat on your shoulder and look up again. Chu Zihang, stoic, was taking a page from Caesar’s book and trying to comfort you. You needed it. It took everything in you not to fall into his arms, have him offer you champagne, and give you permission to cry if you’re sad!

They had actually walked all the way to the inner district, but now their minds were blank. The last time they came as VIPs. There were uniformed high-heeled secretaries to guide them, and they were quick to press the floor button. You were so overwhelmed by the amazing things around you that you never thought to pay attention to which floor you were on, having never been in such a magnificent highrise in your life.

You let out a soft breath of air. “Permission to speak sir?”

Caesar gives you an odd look. “Oh… right. No one’s around so it’s okay to talk.”

You look up at him. “Such a large pumping station requires adequate ventilation, not only for the staff inside but to avoid creating vacuums that might collapse the pipes. Now that we’re inside we see a lot of ventilation fans. Those vents are likely part of a larger network. You can use your Speech Spirit to follow the noise of the guards in the Iron Dome Temple and get back out.”

Caesar beamed at you. “Excellent observation, MC. I’ll keep that in mind. But since we’ve made it this far, it would be a shame to go back now. Why not go straight to the source of the issue? The most important floor must be the top floor! Let’s go to the top and take a look!"

What? Wasn’t he just now talking about wanting to go back? He looked dumbfounded and confused but his mind was actually running a mile per second and he’d arrived at the conclusion of, ‘Screw it, let’s go.’ before you could collect your thoughts. If you had been faster on the uptake, perhaps you could have slipped the suggestion in, but now his mind was locked in place and it was impossible to change it.

"Damn, the most important floor is also the most heavily guarded, right? I say go to the 12th floor first! I remember that the 12th floor seems to be the floor with all those phone operators. Even if they recognize us, once we pull out our guns, the girls will be scared! We still have time to escape!" Lu Mingfei hurriedly objected, "Right, brother?”

Both you and Mingfei turn and look desperately at Chu Zihang. Perhaps if you had his backing you would be able to avoid going along with Caesar’s harebrained decision.

"The operator room is located on the 14th floor, you are remembering wrongly." Chu Zihang said, expressionless, "but I agree with Caesar's idea. Since we don't know which floor to start from, might as well go straight to the yellow dragon!"

Now you just want to kill all of them.

“You want to go back home right, MC?” Chu Zihang glanced down at you again.

“My home is gone.” You grumble bitterly, crossing your arms.

"Hey hey hey hey! Listen to me! Listen to me! Although the top floor is important, Hydra would not use a top tier place as a machine room, right? The main purpose of our visit is to blow up the core of Kaguya, right?" Lu Mingfei hurriedly made up excuses not to go there, flapping his arms in desperate parrot-like gestures while you watched, sullen. "First, the main quest then the side quests, right? Let's blow up the Kaguya computer system first, and then go to the top floor to sweep, okay?"

You drop your arms in impatience. “Just stop talking, Mingfei. We can’t see the top floor if we blow up the computer, d-  ” You barely manage to avoid ending that sentence with ‘dumbass’, because the elevator cut you off with ‘ding!’ And you suddenly feel a strange vertigo as the elevator stops! It was rising up and you were all too busy arguing to notice!

Lu Mingfei freezes, his face going pale. You, Caesar and Chu Zihang, however, put your hands on your guns and as one form a wall between the door and Mingfei Lu.

You’re on the 21st floor but you have no idea what it was and there was no guide on the side of the elevator to tell you. But the elevator rose because someone called it. So someone had to be on the other side of the door! Your eyes sweep upward to the ceiling. You might be able to find an escape through those tiles, but more likely you would be shot trying.

The door opened. A woman appeared, looking like a secretary and wearing a white shirt and A-line skirt. She was in such a hurry to get in that she ran into Caesar chest to chest. They are both tense for a moment, like tigers who caught each other unawares. The secretary slowly looked up, and Caesar, a head taller than her, coldly stared at her. 

This was not a young girl, but a mature woman of nearly 30 years. Though she had a hot, curvy body, with a beautiful face, you recognized the cold in those eyes. This wasn’t the first time you’d seen her. She was Nanami Sakurai and was one of the important people of Hydra. You met her briefly on your tour and introduction to the Japan Branch. You quickly lower your eyes, but she was already face to face with Caesar. Caesar had his dark makeup on and was dressed differently, but he was still himself and he was hard to forget.

At this moment, her eyes were sweeping Caesar from bottom to top, her gaze sharp as a knife, as if she wanted to cut Caesar apart inch by inch. You wished you had a telepathic link to Caesar’s brain to tell him to move! Your fundamental understanding of cruel leadership instinctively clued you in to her expectation. She expected him to know what to do. If people like her ever had to tell you what to do, then they would make sure they wouldn’t have to repeat themselves ever again!

Sakurai Nanami's eyes were suddenly murderous! 

"Bakayarou!” A loud slap hit Caesar's face. 

Caesar froze. A clear palm mark quickly appeared on his face despite the make up. 

You remembered being slapped like this. You had been carrying a stack of dishes. You couldn’t have been more than seven or eight years old. You stepped in something wet and the plates fell to the concrete floor and broke, every single one. You still remember the eyes of the nurse who was bearing down on you while you stood rooted to the spot. They were cold and completely black, like a shark’s. She took your wrist in her hand and slapped you so hard that your vision flashed white and your whole head went numb.

She slapped you like you had wanted to slap Lu Mingfei back at the entrance of Genji Heavy Industries.

She screamed at you the way Sakurai Nanami was screaming now. It was all in Japanese and you couldn’t understand the exact words, but the exact words didn’t matter. You grabbed Caesar’s hand and pulled him out of the elevator.

You get several steps away before Caesar digs his heels in. “Hey, stop, stop…” He whispers.

Several Executive Board officers running to and fro, each carrying boxes of documents. The floor was divided by rows of large bookshelves that went up to the roof on which stood bound files covered with plain white leather cases. Except for Sakurai Nanami, who was in a white uniform dress, everyone on this floor was wearing a very similar dress to yours, and everyone was doing their own job. Some were responsible for boxing up the documents on the shelves, others were counting and filling out spreadsheets, and the moving team was responsible for carrying the sealed boxes of documents to the freight elevator; only a few people were not involved in this intense and orderly move. They patrolled around with their hands on the handles of their guns, and it was obvious that the value of these documents was extraordinary. 

“Quick, act natural and not like a scared rabbit!” Caesar hissed, shoving you forward.

You snap into form and grab a box. Your hands are trembling. You couldn’t remember the last time you were scared like this. Usually, when faced with danger, you went ice cold or got angry. However, when faced with Nanami Sakurai you felt the terror of being seven years old again. 

You take a breath and school yourself to stay calm. Your hair and eyes were dark and you wouldn’t stand out here at all. It was fine.

You were fine.

You imitated the people in front of you as you put the file box in front of the elevator. Someone was responsible for recording and checking the number on the file box, then the box was covered by a black cloth and sent into the elevator. 

The person in charge of taking notes waved a pencil in his hand and the people behind him paused, the Executive Board officer who remained in the elevator nodded and said "HAI", and the elevator took him with the stacked boxes up the elevator shaft.

All the entry and exit routes were guarded by Board officers. With the vast amount of paperwork here, you couldn’t stay here to wait too long or you would be discovered. 

"They are counting. Each time the elevator is loaded with fifty boxes of documents, the person who moves the last box in is responsible for escorting the documents upstairs, and the fiftieth person who moves the boxes in can leave." Chu Zihang whispered as he passed. 

The Japanese Hydra are very organized.  Each time the number of boxes of documents transported in the elevator reached fifty boxes, the fiftieth porter naturally acted as an escort. All this was, was the efficient division of labor, as precise as an automated machine. It was no wonder you were familiar with it immediately without even understanding the language. You realize that -- from your penchant towards violence, to your immediate and rigid obedience to leadership -- you probably would fit in more with Hydra then you would with Cassell Academy.

It makes you wonder how Chu Zihang got in with the Academy to be able to notice something like this so quickly. His degree of precision is just like yours. He also seemed to agree with you more often than not about deadly force. You look at him and observe that he’s controlling the speed of his work. You need to position yourselves to make sure that each of you is the fiftieth person on the elevator each time. And you need to do this three times in a row. Even if you do it perfectly, because each elevator takes ten minutes to fill, it will take you thirty minutes to get out.

Unfortunately, perfection is not Lu Mingfei’s strong suit. It wasn’t even in his vocabulary. Without a glance or word, both you and Chu Zihang tacitly agree that Mingfei should get on the elevator first for the best result.

But you’re overruled just as fast.

Caesar passes you. “I’m first. Chu Zihang, you’re second, MC, third, Mingfei last.”

Every expletive you’ve ever learned in your entire life passes through your mind in a flash.

“Boss!” Mingfei squeaked. “Haven’t you heard of women and children first?!”

“If anyone’s going to be caught here, it’s going to be me.”

You then notice. The enclosed space was hot. Caesar was starting to sweat, and once he started sweating his make up would be really noticeable.

"Since this building was built, this is the first time the police department has issued a search warrant for us, right? What are they looking for?" A familiar voice suddenly sounded behind Caesar's head. 

Caesar's body shook slightly, and the Director of the Executive Board, Gen Chisei, the leader of the entire Hydra Clan, the man that Caesar had made a statement of friendship with - only for him to leave Caesar to die at the bottom of the Japanese Trench - was standing behind him! 

Chu Zihang keenly perceived the killing aura, not Gen Chisei's killing aura but Caesar's. The muscles on the side of Caesar's face involuntarily pulled tight, revealing the sharp lines of light skin. 

He is not afraid ...... he is angry! 

[corinthbayrpg]

NAME. Emory Hart AGE & BIRTH DATE. 26 & August 26th, 1994 GENDER & PRONOUNS. Male & He/Him SPECIES. Human OCCUPATION. Bartender FACE CLAIM. Ross Lynch

BIOGRAPHY

( tw: death, drug mention, homophobia, toxic masculinity ) Nothing about rural Colorado screams inherently supernatural. It wasn’t any Salem, Massachusetts by any means, but growing up in Aurora, it might have been. Rumors ran centuries deep that the place had once been plagued by werewolves who picked on livestock and eventually locals. Everything snowballed from there, stories were made up, encounters embellished. Because of it, the whole place was full of superstitious hicks. And the Hart family had been there the whole time, they’d stuck around the area, once part of the supernatural community themselves. Shifters at some point, the gene had skipped an aunt somewhere along the way. The family had sort of watched out for the community for decades despite the shifting sort of falling to the wayside. The superstitions weren’t all that crazy, not all of the time. Town was small and vampire’s came through and picked people off every so often. And so the four Hart boys were taught to be vigilant, knew how to defend themselves or others if they needed to. 

Emory was child three of four and being a Hart meant having to learn a trade of some sort to fit into the family business. Cars, carpentry, general maintenance, between the four of them and their father, cousins that still lived in the area, the business was pretty well rounded. If your washing machine broke or you found tracks too big to be a dog, you called a Hart boy to help. 

Their father took the whole ‘protecting the community’ thing almost too seriously for someone who didn’t have any supernatural ability of his own to give him a leg up, but being a middle child, Emory didn’t think he really had any room to question him. Gerald Hart was a good man, but he was still a product of the town he grew up in his whole life. The youngest brother did question him and he wasn’t entirely cast from the family, but he was definitely the black sheep for not falling in line. It instilled a fear in Emory in his younger years that caused him to lash out with the other two at their younger sibling. Because not only did they have a decent amount in common, were gentler in nature than the two older boys, but Emory knew he was the weak link to begin with. 

Or maybe that’s what his father had wanted him to think. That there was always someone faster, stronger, smarter than him. That he was almost good enough, compliments all seemed backhanded, like the four brothers were being pitted against one another. It made it hard to see each other as a team, had them seeing each other as competition their whole lives. 

On the other hand, Barbra Hart was a kind woman, had lived in the same place her entire life and had married her high school sweetheart. It was apparent she’d always wanted at least one daughter. In a male dominated household, she was often at wits end. But she had a firm hand, didn’t have a problem telling her boys to get to work on chores around the house or grounding them for sneaking out late. But she’d never deny that she didn’t treat her two younger boys a little differently. They took after her more than their father, Emory sharing her charm and the younger her quieter disposition. They were more likely to help out around the house, quick to take up specific tasks she’d doled out than go on some hunting trip up in the mountains. It wasn’t an easy life, there was a lot of stress to strive for perfection, a microscope placed upon them by the town. 

At seventeen, the youngest of the four boys finally found his out. All but ran from the home to get onto a bus with whatever money he had saved up and skipped town. It shook the immediate family and while their father was quick to go from saying he was an adult and that he could make his own choices from lashing out in drunken tirades about how he’d betrayed them all. Things were tense at home and at nearly twenty, Emory couldn’t help but envy his youngest sibling for breaking the monotony never ending cycle of being “almost” good enough. 

And then Barbra Hart died in what locals deemed a freak hiking incident. 

Emory never saw the body, it was a closed casket funeral, but he knew his father didn’t believe for a second that it’d been an accident. Everything spiraled from there and the three remaining brothers found themselves at a crossroads. Because on one hand they were all adults at this point, but they also knew that their father was practically a conspiracy theorist at this point, raving about how there was no way in hell Barbra had died from an accident. 

It took a walk through the woods on a misty morning to make up his mind. Something didn’t feel right, Aurora didn’t feel like home, instead it felt like somewhere frozen in time in terms of ideals. A black hole that was sucking the soul right out of him. In the wake of his mother’s death, he felt like the place threatened to strip away any part of her that he carried. There’d been unrest for years, a prejudice against most of the supernaturals that ran decades deep that wasn’t going to change any time soon. It was either leave everything he’d ever known or stay to fight the unknown ill equipped to handle the challenge and wind up like his father. 

And so he left. 

With what money he had, he hitchhiked his way across the midwest, stopping to do some odd jobs here and there for more cash (painting fences, doing maintenance at truck stops, pumping gas for people, etc). He’d never experienced the city so winding up in New York was something he’d never expected he’d do, but he found work easily. Thing was it was a hub for the supernatural creatures his family had warned him to be cautious about. But he tried not to let it bother him, focused on his newfound freedom, on being an individual and not a unit. Weekdays were spent toiling away doing whatever he could while evenings were spent trying to weasel his way into the nightlife just to experience it. 

He became friends with a handful of people and he was surprised how easy it was to do so. Life wasn’t by any means easy yet, being so far from home, but it was better and it was his. At least until he had to deal with inner conflict as well as outer. One of these friends became close to him, arguably too close and it brought up a great deal of questions that he thought he’d long ago buried and moved on from. And yet, he was on his own now, so what if he was in love with a man? And while Micah was a bit mysterious, surely he felt the same way, right? There was a tension between them that was so palpable at times that, horrible backwoods upbringing aside, he felt like couldn’t just be ignored. Until it was practically too late. It took a while, almost two years, before they became something more. But before the relationship could really be formed, Micah was uprooted by his aunt and that was that. It was a painful experience, but one Emory later deemed necessary for himself to grow as a person. 

He got closer with their mutual friend Rowan, they had a decent amount of things in common, both were hard working, and it’d been at the diner she’d worked at that he’d met Micah in the first place. It was nice to have someone to lean on, vent about people, about being in the service industry. And he got back into the dating thing eventually, or at least got to do all of the experimenting he would be doing if he could afford college. Despite the age difference, it’d been her who taught him how to bartend, got him set up at a decent place through friends of friends. When she started dealing, he was hesitant that the only thing she would get into was weed, he knew it was hard for her to say no, knew she’d be telling herself it’d only be one time if she had to move anything harder. The faithful night she’d decided to take on the one time gig that took her life, he knew something was wrong the moment she didn’t pick up her phone for their usual vent call at the end of his shift. 

What he didn’t expect was that she survived the whole encounter. Or to tell him that she was a phoenix now. Or to explain she needed to go to Greece of all places. Being both worried about her and excited at the prospect of doing more traveling, he insisted he go with her.

PERSONALITY

+ benevolent, diligent, rational - hesitant, self-critical, yielding

PLAYED BY M. CST. She/Her.

[100storiesin2020]

Chapter 2: The Raven Boys

Come find me on AO3!

***

Fortunately for Wymack, the boys were, in fact, waiting by the front door. Unfortunately, Henry Cheng had joined them.

Henry noticed the coach’s approach and his jaw fell open. “Is that Coach Wymack?” he asked incredulously. “As in, Coach David Wymack of the Palmetto Foxes? Who learned Exy under Kaleigh Day? The coach of the team with the most incredible turnaround in NCAA Exy history?” He rocked on his heels, looking like he was either going to faint or jump through the roof in excitement.

Gansey put a hand on Henry's shoulder. "Easy there, man. Can we help you, Coach?" He asked in his most presidential voice.

Wymack's hackles rose a bit. That voice reeked of money and power, of authority and privilege, and went against everything the Foxes were. He could tell that it was a mask, and there was something decidedly off about this boy, but even so this boy in front of him was not the kind of kid he would choose to be a Fox. But, he was out of options now, and was going to have to make the best of it. He sighed. This was not going to be fun for him. "Yes, actually. I'd like to talk to the three of you, if you have a minute." He gave Henry a pointed look.

Henry had many faults, but an inability to take hints was not on the list. "I'll meet you guys at Ninos, then." Only Henry could be honestly described as waltzing away, but he did so whistling.

Wymack sighed just a tiny bit in relief before turning back to the three players. He appraised them for a minute, trying to figure out the best approach with them. 

The three of them painted an interesting picture together. Richard Campell Gansey the Third stood tall and polished, the picture-perfect product of his upbringing, presidential and almost imposing despite his age. Ronan Lynch was full of angles and edges, his strength and ferocity outlined in black. Adam Parrish was muted, somehow, as if half of him was far away or he was half asleep. Half asleep, Wymack decided, judging by the bags under his eyes.

He could feel a very strange aura surrounding the three of them. It whispered of forests, of magic, of beauty in creation and a threat of destruction. It was like nothing he had ever felt before, and he couldn’t determine which of the three it came from. Maybe it was all at once. Beneath it all, he could sense darkness within each one of the boys. They all had different shades of it, and they were all on the way to mending in their own way. He decided it would have to be enough. If he hadn’t sensed even a little bit of that, he would never have been able to bring himself to add them to his Foxes. That was his criteria, after all: he took broken people, those who needed a second chance. These boys may not all need him to get that second chance, but at least they were all broken.

Eventually Wymack resorted to his default style: gruff no-nonsense, straight to the point. "Here’s the thing, boys. I didn’t come here for the three of you, but I was impressed with what I saw. I’m in desperate need of two dealers and a goalie. Each of you can have a full-ride scholarship if you’ll sign to my team.”

Adam did not hesitate. “I’m in.”

Gansey and Ronan both looked at him in surprise. “What happened to Harvard?” Gansey asked.

“I didn’t get a scholarship,” Adam replied coolly. “Palmetto isn’t my first choice of school, but I’d get the chance to play more Exy, go to school for free, and not have to work.” He looked wistful. “I’ll be able to sleep.”

Ronan glared. “I’m not going with you.”

Gansey turned to him, eyes pleading. “But why not?”

“You know why. I have to stay here.” Ronan nodded towards Wymack to indicate why he wouldn’t go into more detail. “And I can’t leave Opal alone.” He stomped off.

Gansey looked chagrined, and then sighed. “May we have a night to think about it, Coach Wymack?” Wymack nodded. “We may be able to work something out for him. If I can convince him to sign, then I will too.”

“Well, I’ll be here until tomorrow morning.” He pulled out a blank sheet of paper from one of his files and wrote “300 Fox Way” on it before handing it to Gansey. “I’ll be visiting an old friend at this address, so you can stop by when you’re ready to sign.” Gansey read the paper and laughed, handing it to Adam, who also laughed. Wymack’s eyebrows rose. “Are you familiar with it?”

Gansey grinned. “Our good friend Blue lives there.”

Well, that explains a lot, thought Wymack.

****

The five of them finally convened at Ninos later that night. Henry had already ordered enough pizza and breadsticks for a small army by the time Gansey and Adam had arrived, and Ronan had probably eaten half of it himself.

“What took you so long?” asked Blue, in between bites. She was out of her jersey, wearing possibly 4 different shirts that had been stitched together into a dress before going through a woodchipper. “Wymack doesn’t talk that much.”

Gansey laughed. “I knew he was here to recruit you. You’re an excellent striker, and apparently he’s an old family friend. You’ve been holding out on us.”

Blue grimaced. “I’d never heard my mother mention him, but apparently they go way back.” She took another bite of pizza, chased it down with some soda, and then gave in. “I saw his face change when I walked into the room. He’s very clearly a psychic; that must be how they know each other.” She laughed then. “I will never be free of them, will I?”

“I hope not,” Adam muttered around his mouthful of pepperoni. Blue was a bit chagrined; she tended to forget that he was technically a psychic now too. 

“Sorry, Adam,” she said gently. “You know I don’t lump you in with the others. Anyway, I signed on. Full scholarship, five years. I think I might be able to study abroad in the summers if I work it out with Coach before hand. What about you guys?”

“We all have offers,” Gansey began.

“I signed with them,” Adam butted in. “And I know you want to. Ronan shot them down.”

All four of the others turned their attention to Ronan. “Spit it out,” Blue said. “Why did you say no?”

Ronan just glared at her, but he had never won a staredown with her yet, and this was not his chance to start. “I can’t control my dreams off the leyline,” he muttered. “It’d be dangerous for me to leave. And I can’t leave Opal by herself for that long. I don’t want her to get hurt.”

Blue nodded in understanding, and the table was silent for a moment. Gansey broke it. “I’m pretty sure Palmetto is on a leyline,” he mused. “I’m sure any leyline would work, not just this one.” He pulled his journal out of his pocket, and Ronan rolled his eyes.

“We already found Glendower. Do you still need to carry that fucking thing around?”

“Yes, Ronan,” Gansey replied with his ever-infinite patience. “Look. We will be right on the line.” He spun the book around so that the other at the table could look at the map. Blue reach out to trace the line that clearly passed through Palmetto. Henry grabbed her wrist and handed her a napkin before she could get grease on the book. 

Adam tilted his head to the side, his sign that he was thinking about what to say. “It may not be as strong as our leyline, but if it is it may work. I can do maintenance on it too.” He looked at Ronan for confirmation and got a glare in return. “That solves only half the problem, however.”

“I have an idea,” said Henry, who had been astonishingly quiet so far. The table looked at him in surprise. “You’ve been planning to revive Cabeswater, right, Ronan?” The dark boy nodded, eyes wary. “Dream it tonight. Your mom can stay there with Opal, and you can come back and visit every weekend that we don’t have a game. It’d be a long drive, but doable.”

Ronan nodded. “I will try tonight. I’ll need some help, maggot.” Blue nodded. “Adam?”

They looked at each other, Greywaren and Magician. To them, nobody else mattered in that moment. They could read each other in a way the others couldn’t, as if they moved to a rhythm no one else could hear. An unsettling grin spread across Ronan’s face at the same moment that Adam’s mouth twitched into a small  smile. “I’m in,” Adam said.

Gansey grinned and then finally settled into the pizza. “Looks like we have a plan. Blue? You better call Fox Way.” 

Blue was already pulling her phone out of her pocket, and she laughed. “I’ll tell them I’ll be gone all night. Let’s do this.”

****

They gathered that night in the spot where the entrance to Cabeswater had been. Blue, ever the sensible one, had packed a few bags full of blankets so they wouldn’t freeze in the spring night. She'd also brought a few candles, a bowl, and a jug of grape juice for Adam to meditate with. 

The five of them set up the site quietly. Gansey and Henry's presence wasn't necessary, but at this point in their adventures it would have been beyond useless to ask them to sit out, so they'd joined under strict orders to be as quiet as they could be. It was a tall order for talkative Cheng, but the somber feel of the night finally got through to him.

Ronan had a makeshift bed set up, and Adam sat next to him. Between them was the candle, now lit, and a bowl full of grape juice. Blue settled herself there as well, and the three of them made a circle. Adam and Blue linked hands, and each rested a palm on Ronan's head, which made him curse. 

"Did you have a better plan?" Blue snapped. Ronan cursed again before shifting around so he could have both his hands free and within reach of the others. Ronan closed his eyes and Adam settled his gaze into the bowl.

After a few minutes it became clear to Henry that Adam was zoned out and Ronan was asleep, so he felt safe to whisper a bit to Gansey and Blue. "I know this was my idea," he started, "but do you think it will actually work? I'm still new to this aspect of everything."

Blue didn’t remove her gaze from Adam's face. "I'm not sure," she murmured, "but I think it's our best bet. I'd feel better if we all went to Palmetto together. I know Ronan can take care of himself, but he shouldn't have to. I don’t want to leave him alone." Henry shifted around uncomfortably. He didn’t want to be left behind either. He was the newest piece of the group, and it seemed like he would never quite fit in right. Perhaps it was because he was stepping into the shoes of a dead boy who he had never met. Perhaps it was just that he had missed the bulk of the drama. He was happy to be here, but sad that he didn’t feel like he would ever really belong.

Blue seemed to sense his thoughts, as she was wont to do. "You belong with us too, Henry, but you don’t need to give up Venezuela for us. You'll come back to us." She turned her head slightly so he could see her ghost of a smile. "And this way, I'll be able to afford to come visit you on spring break."

Henry smiled. "I'll hold you to that then." A silence stretched between them. "Though if it doesn't work-"

"It will work," Gansey declared. His voice was full of command. It was the voice that had woken the creatures in the cave, the voice that had demanded that Cabeswater give up Glendower. His voice seemed to ripple through the air, leaving Blue and Henry shivering in its wake. "It will work," he said again, "and it will be stronger than ever before."

At that instant Adam snapped his gaze up to Blue, eyes wild. "It's here." A bolt of lightning shot down from the cloudless sky, striking the ground right in the center of the group, and the world went white.

***

They hiked out of the forest in silence that night, hesitant to break the spell that had surrounded them. Their dream forest was back. It was not the same forest, with different trees and streams and animals, but it still spoke Latin. It recognized them all. Greywaren, Treedaughter, King, Magician. It even knew Henry, though none of them had a translation for the dream speak word that had been used.

It was still a place of beauty, and, as always, a place of dreams. The crowning gem had been the clearing where it always rained and the rain made you feel both happy and sad. 

Blue had cried, thinking of Noah and how much he would have loved it. She knew he was gone, knew deep in her heart that he had let go and moved on. He'd always understood her more than any of the others had. She knew it was a ghost thing. But she had understood him in return. She knew he had held on in fear- not for himself, but for his friends. For the life he had saved on the leyline 7 years ago. For the family he had created after death. He knew they were safe now, and so he had gone.

They arrived back at Monmouth as the sun went up, having silently agreed that they needed to be together. But before they could sleep, Blue borrowed Ronan's phone and called Fox Way. "Put Coach on the line," she told Orla. She looked at Ronan, eyebrow raised, and he glared back for awhile before grinning and nodding. "Hello, yes, Coach." She continued. "This is Blue. Ronan and Gansey are in. Leave the paperwork with my mother, they will send it in later. We are going to bed." She listened for awhile before handing the phone to Gansey.

"Hello," Gansey said, bringing out the President Cellphone voice. "Yes, we are both in. No, she didn’t bully us into it. We had to work something out together last night to make it possible for Ronan to join us. Yes, he is in too. No, he doesn’t want to talk to you," he told Coach without even asking Ronan, who grinned even wider, leaning back on the couch. "See you in July then." He hung up. "Guess that's it then." He grinned. "We're going to Palmetto." Blue and Henry cheered, waking up Adam who had already passed out on the couch. Ronan grabbed Adam and dragged him toward his room. Blue went to Noah's old room, leaving Gansey and Henry alone in the front room together.

Gansey looked at Henry for a moment before reaching out and clasping him on the shoulder. "I wish you were coming with us."

Henry shook his head and tried to smile, but it was obviously an effort. "You won’t be rid of me forever," he said. “I’ll miss you, but I can afford to come visit. And I’ll be there next year, if not in the spring.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

Gansey relaxed. It just wouldn’t be right until they were all together again, but for now this was good enough.

[t-citurnity-moved]

caaaineee whomst is this troy fellow!! how would ya describe ur wife to someone who doesn't do b. lands 👀

Hewwo!!! I’d be very happy to educate you about my wifey!!! (For those of you who don’t know, calling Troy “my wife” is an inside joke. Basically, if asked who is the wife in the relationship between him and Caine, Troy would 100% say it’s *him* that’s the wife, and I quote, “obviously.”)

Now that’s out of the way, please read below the cut to learn about my wife and why I love him!

Troy Calypso! He’s a tall, feral rat man who’s stolen my heart. ❤️❤️❤️

Troy is Tyreen’s twin brother (I’d like to think that neither of them are really sure who’s “older,” so they constantly argue over it.) And because they were conjoined twins, Troy, like Tyreen, is a Siren!

(Sirens are “mystical” people in B//lands who have unique powers like Lilith’s phasewalk, which allows her to avoid damage (becoming invulnerable & invisible to enemies). In Troy and Tyreen’s case, they have Phaseleech, which allows them to power their abilities by “leeching” others! Tyreen can do it with everyone, turning them into husks, while Troy can only do it to other Sirens, which I guess absorbs them out of existence? It’s not really explained.)

So, yeah! Troy’s considered fairly weak by the fandom and the like and they’re not exactly wrong, because his boss battle isn’t that hard at all, but I’d like to think he’s a lot stronger than a lot of people give him credit for! I also like to think that he’s just very misguided and misunderstood, but like... who doesn’t when they’re talking about their wife, right?

Anyway, Troy is a very complicated person. I’d like to think that he struggles a lot due to how he was raised and the events happening around him as per the game. I think maybe he does truly believe in what he and Tyreen are doing, but he struggles to comprehend it as the “right” thing sometimes; it leads to a lot of doubts and questioning himself.

[SPOILERS]

I also think that, despite appearances, him and Tyreen fight a lot more than usual siblings do. It’s very obvious in game that Tyreen doesn’t give two shits about Troy, based on how she deals with his death; instead of checking to see if he’s still alive (which he could’ve very well been) or if he’s okay, she chooses to leech him right away. There’s also a lot of the word “parasite” thrown around between them, because of Troy needing to be cut from Tyreen when they were young.

I also believe that the reason Tyreen was shocked when they learned Troy could leech other Sirens was less because she feels some sense of “being replaced” and more of a sense of Troy not needing her any more and growing into his own person without her - it’s not because she cares, it’s because she’s losing control over him in some sense. Tbh, I could ramble on for ages about how I believe Tyreen is a manipulator and the like in canon (I write her very different from how she comes off in canon tho, so her and Troy do genuinely care for each other as part of my fanon.)

I think Troy wants to do good things and he wants to be a good person, but ultimately, he has to rely on Tyreen because she’s the only thing keeping him alive. He saves Lilith when Tyreen wants to completely leech her and I truly think that was a peek at how much of a good person he wants to be, but he’s held back by the limitations of his own existence.

Troy is someone who I think seeks out affection and attention from people without really thinking about what he has to do to attain it. (Very much like someone who might act out of line just because it gets them the attention they didn’t have as a child.) And I think it’s because he gets so much attention from cult members that fails to look at the consequences of his own actions; he thrives off attention and subsequently becomes blinded by it. Even then, in moments of clarity, I do think he’s capable of doing the right thing if he knows how.

I honestly think he’s a product of a bad upbringing and that’s what drives him to seek out attention by any means necessary - and hey, having a cult and endless followers means he gets as much as he wants when he wants it! That being said, I do think if he was given the opportunity to do the right thing, he would. Especially if someone was there to guide him.

[From this point forward, it’s all self ship stuff, babey.]

More oft than not, this is where Caine comes in. Caine might not be morally correct in most senses of the word (being a mercenary, so his moral compass depends on where money leads him), but I do think that he’s a guiding figure in Troy’s life as well as someone who provides him with all the attention and care that Troy craves - and moreover, needs.

And it’s because Caine is able to lead Troy to be a better person that Troy actually does make more of an attempt. He tries. Sometimes he fails. But more than anything, he learns. He learns that whenever he does well, he is rewarded in the same manner than when he’s done bad. In fact, he finds that whenever he does something out of line, he gets the opposite of what he wants. So, he does better. And he works harder. And despite everything, people start to come around - they start to see him as something more than what he was, and he feels loved.

And that is why I love Troy. Because he’s capable of being so much more if he just has someone to keep his head on straight. If he has someone to teach him how to do things differently; if he has someone to show him that there is so much more than doing what Tyreen expects of him simply because he has to rely on her. He just needs someone to show him that he’s capable of doing good and he is capable of being loved and he can change for the better.

He’s just... a little badly written, is all.

And since you sat through all of that, there is another gif of my wife for good measure!

Thank you for letting me ramble about him, I love him so much.

[alitheamateur]

A Taste of Home

Summary: Amelia Calvert is a Boston-born girl returning home after the sur turn of events in her marriage. Her life is turned upside down, leaving her nearly broke, jobless for the most part, and sleeping in the childhood bedroom of her parents home. As if things weren’t shaken up enough for Millie, a familiar face discovers her return to the city, and her world turns to the happiest, most confusing whirlwind of shambles. 

Characters: Chris Evans X OFC

Warnings: Slight age gap (9ish years). Language

Back home. Back to square one. Back like things never changed.

Except everything had. You were returning without a job, no abode of your own, and a nixed husband. It was all supposed to be under wraps, but whispers spread like an unrelenting rash. The bad kind of rash that you never want to have to call an ex about… Your city may be a big one, one supposed to be above and beyond all that small-town “he said, she said” nonsense. But, gossip found it’s place no matter the zip code, and you just happened to be square in the center of it.

You much preferred Boston to the sweltering air of rural Texas, but the things we do for love, huh? Your husbands’ home-base office happened to stand in the city of Austin, and at the time, you would’ve followed him to Tim-buck-too had it been necessary. “At the time” meaning before you found him on all fours, belt loose around the ankles with his paralegal. You’d had her in your home, schmoozing her with expensive wine, and an overpaid caterer because you didn’t want to poison her with your shit concoctions in the kitchen. “At the time” anyway….

Leaving your soon to be ex-husband without so much as a “see you later”, Boston called your name. And for the time being, so did your old room on the upstairs floor of your parent’s house. You chose for a few months at least to believe those clichés about “never being too old to go home.”

Your travel blog hadn’t quite caught on with the public yet, and since your divorce wouldn’t be final for countless days, money was nearly nonexistent. You were separating from a lawyer, too. Meaning a substantial monetary settlement in your favor was highly unlikely.

Thankfully, you always had a place at Calvert’s Cup, your family owned coffee shop just a mere 4 blocks from your childhood home. The familiar solace of the place was comforting, and the warm, fuzzy smell of the house blend soothes your aching, confused heart, as well. Sure, the little downward brows of pity from the nosey morning crowd who’d made it a freaking special ops mission to discover your reason for returning to Boston wore you out. But, there was no stopping them. No way, no how. So, you played on with your best smile, and did your due diligence around the little shop.

 One Tuesday, with the rain pouring outside like the coffee at morning rush, and thunder rumbling against the loose panes of the front window, you ran back to the register once hearing the twinkling of the entry bell. Your line of sight never raised as you greeted the patron approaching your counter.

 “Morning. What can I do for you?”

 A cackling, raspy outburst and the clapping of a heavy set of hands swiped your attention.

 “Hold on a fucking minute.” The yelping announcement from the very familiar male voice instantly made you want to fall into a cave never to see the light of day again.

 You’d know that loud, Boston city charm anywhere. You swiped a loose lock of hair around the curve of your ear, hoping to God your face didn’t appear as heated & humiliated as it felt.

 Chris, the always handsome kid that lived two doors down from you your entire childhood, in the flesh & very much grown up. Of course, you were highly aware since his face frequented any slimy gossip column on the newsstand weekly. The two of you hadn’t been extremely tight knit in the category of friends almost 15 years ago since he’d been a handful of years older. But he was a face you spent many an hour daydreaming about.

 “Amelia Calvert, in the flesh. God, how long’s it been!? What are you doing here?” He smiled, shaking off the mist of rain settling on his coat.

 Yeah, what are you doing here? Let’s hear it. And don’t leave out that part about moving back in with your parents. That’ll be a real smash.

 “I uh... I’m back here now. For good, most likely. Some things have just.... well, changed recently.”

 Before he had time to retort, his pocket chimed. Pulling the telephone culprit loose, he checked the screen and dismissed its interruption.

 “Well, well. How ‘bout that? I’m sure your mom is ecstatic. I know how chipper my mom gets when I’m in town for a break.”

 The valley girl in you wanted to squeal a little. He was unfathomably handsome, decked in a dark shaded baseball cap, and a shirt resembling the same. The beard was new, but inexplicably welcomed.

 He was simply, well, just Chris. The choir boy who made everyone laugh, and whose house the entire school knew had the best parties. You remember him typically strumming a guitar, and starring in the lead role for every drama club production. Not a single person could ever deny his natural born taking to the stage. And all these years later, the stars, and that damn near perfect beard, had fallen perfectly into the place for him.

 You could feel the metal clasp of your diamond earrings warming against the bashful heat of your blush. Here you were, tied into a stained apron, dry-shampoo caked in your fitful hair, smudges of whipped-cream splattered on the glasses you usually never wore in public, standing in front of a literal A-list celebrity. When were the stars supposed to fall into place for you? Those bastards.

“She’s loving it. She and dad both. I did miss the place…”

“What brings you back anyways? Florida, was it?” He questioned cocking a thick eyebrow, endearing little wrinkles appearing above his left eye.

“Texas, actually. Yeah, it was Texas. I guess it was uh, it was just time to hang up my cowboy hat.”

It drew a belly laugh out of him, and he flapped a hand over his stony peck as if to choke back his uproarious reaction. You needed to feel a laugh like that. But instead, as of late, you were only the butt of such laughter.

His incessant mobile buzzed out again, this time in the palm of his hand.

“Hey, a large house blend, please. 2 sugars would be great.” He politely whispered, muffling the speaker of his phone.

Chris moseyed in circles a few feet from the counter, far enough to make your eavesdropping much more challenging as you appeared to innocently make his order to go. He still talked with his hands, boisterously tossing his head about. That had to be the theater upbringing in him. He may live up to his lax, ‘go with the flow’ reputation, but he definitely had a thing for the dramatic, as well.

You sealed the lid tightly on his biodegradable cup, marking his name across the side with your sharpie, and without thinking, dotted the letter “I” in his name with a tiny little heart. Your psyche was clawing it’s way through to the light one way or another.

“God, sorry about that. Agent bullshit, and all that jazz.” He nodded, rolling his extremely bright eyes.

“Living the dream, right? I can only imagine.” An airy giggle escaped you.

His fingers tapped on the counter, the other hand accepting the steamy java you had whipped up. He chewed his lower lip, gnawing back the tiniest traces of a smile, but the crinkles around his nose gave up his jig.

“It’s damn good to see you, Millie.” It was a simple sentiment. Meaningless, really. But, you could feel behind the bold, warm cadence of his voice that he’d meant exactly what he said. It wasn’t one of those things you say to an old acquaintance because you feel like you have to. Chris seemed…genuinely pleased at your unexpected presence. Which caused those same certain warm cadences in your…. areas. Your heart could’ve exploded into a million beating pieces as your nickname fell from his mouth.

Why the hell did he care though? What did your miniscule return to the city matter? There’d been no contact since his golden ticket was stamped, and truly before now, you weren’t sure he would even recognize your plain face in a crowd.

“Well, I’m happy to know that little ol’ me could brighten your day. And that I’m sure that glorious cup of dark roast had nothing to do with it.”

You were rocking fretfully back and forth behind the counter. Your hands fiddled with the loose watch band fastened around your bony wrists. You were fidgeting undoubtably. You were a fidgeter. The soft auburn whiskers sprouted around his sharp jaws made you fidget.

What those jaws would feel like flexing between your thighs…..

“You’re right. I do love the dark roast. Your dad always leaves a bag with my mom around the holidays for me. This cup seems to taste a little better though, I’m not gonna lie.”

Okay. Was he flirting? That was definitely flirting. You were getting a divorce, not dying. But, he didn’t know that. The wretched “D” word news surely hadn’t spread that far, had it?

You let yourself smile, timidly accepting the compliment with apprehension. This guy could have the ass of half of America on a platter had he been that sort of person. Nothing about the saggy, tired circles under your eyes, and your hair tied into a blonde crows-nest at the crown of your head screamed sex appeal in the slightest.

Chris leaned over the counter, fat beads of rain residue still hanging from his coat dolloped on the counter, one catching your finger. You froze in an instant. Your mind already warring whether to suck his slightly chapped lips into your mouth, or faint from the heavenly poison of his scent climbing into your nostrils.

“But don’t tell your dad. Wouldn’t want to ruin my source of supply.” He whispered deep into your ear like he was spilling some undisclosed secret of the CIA. The mans mouth grazed the shell of your ear, goosebumps climbing up your tensed neck.

“Mhmm…” you choked on your tongue trying to clear your throat. “Your uh, your secrets safe with me.”

“Cross your heart?” With one thick brush of a finger, Chris marked an ‘x’ over the now heaving rise of your chest, politely minding not to drag over your breast. The pert of your begging nipple may have made things a bit awkward.

“I’m a fortress.” You gulped, trying to swallow down the unrelenting urge to capture his lips.

He took a long pull of the coffee, never releasing you from his cuffed stares. You didn’t want to look away from his swimming, batting eyes, but something about the way his neck strained with his swallow called for your attention.

“Come to my place, Mills. Tomorrow night, if you don’t have plans?”

Well, your mom would certainly be distraught that you’d miss movie night, but you could probably squeeze in some time for the guy. But, alone? At his place? No one around to hold you accountable for the screaming, near melted center of your body that suddenly ached for him?

Lacking all power of will, you nodded a probably overzealous acceptance, making his mouth open into a pearly-white smile. A movie star smile. Literally.

“I’ll text you the address then! Have a good one. Glad I ran into you, Amelia.” It was as if the light of the room followed him out the door when it closed behind him, and you were left standing in a blissful fog to make some sense of the events of the last 5 minutes.

And what the hell did you have to wear to Captain America’s house? 

*A/N: PLEASE let me know if you’d like to be added, or removed from the taglist*

tags: @miidailyinspiration @mollybegger-blog @littleluna98

[home-working]

The One Where I Become a Product Reviewer

Hey there, fellow kids! Jumping on the already-parked annual back-to-school bandwagon, I bring to you an AWESOME new blog post highlighting my FAVOURITE 15″ LAPTOP BACKPACK PICK! Get ready for at least 145 paragraphs of preamble before I reveal this NUMBER ONE TOP 100% BEST 15″ LAPTOP BACKPACK PICK and DIY BACKPACK HACK!!

I also realised I needed a post in my “lifestyle blog” repertoire that might convince people to send me free products? So this is that post. Search engine optimization.

Backstory

On February 19, 2019, esteemed letterer and all-around Creative Professional Jessica Hische tweeted out that she was looking for a new, fashionable laptop backpack and wanted suggestions. I happened to see this tweet that night and thought, “Maybe I, myself also a Creative Professional, need a new, fashionable laptop backpack as well?” I read through the mostly terrible (???) suggestions from her followers, saw one I liked, and then, with the quick late-night text approval of my probably-drunken sartorial consultant T, impulse-bought a $235 backpack.

The Arrival

A week later The Backpack arrives. It’s partially leather! It smells very new! It’s literally made by a Creative Professional for Creative Professionals! It’s so nice that I’m already worried about ruining it with thoughts of biking or commuting. But the straps are kind of stiff and uncomfortable on my delicate mammary glands. And did I say it’s pretty expensive?!

It’s the kind of backpack I’d be happy to keep if it were, say, $79. Maybe even $89. But $235?! For a backpack that’s not even some sexy upscale Creative Professional household brandname?? My lower middle-class upbringing prevents me from committing to such an expenditure on which I’m only lukewarm. What to do?

The Virgo/Libra Cusp Solution

Obviously I go out and buy two more backpacks.

All my children.

On Being a Virgo/Libra Cusp-er

I’m on the Virgo/Libra cusp which makes me the perfect person to review anything because I’m really picky and really indecisive. This means that if I’m forced to make a decision about anything, I generally change my mind multiple times and lose sleep in the process of over-thinking every minute detail, what fun! (For the record, I’m also strictly adhering to the deeply-scientific, back-of-your-local-free-weekly astrology column definitions of these signs. [Also, unnecessary childhood trauma story, I never really knew how to astrologically-identify growing up because as a cusper my sign categorization changed from paper to paper? The struggle was—and I cannot stress this enough—real.])

Laptop Backpacks: Necessary?

“Why does one need a special laptop backpack?” you might ask. Obviously, you don’t. No one needs anything. Why do we buy things, to feel a brief sense of happiness or accomplishment in our lives? Does it work for you the way it definitely and always 100% works for me? Leave your response in the comments!

But also I’ve never had a bag that was made for a laptop, so I figured I should probably get a backpack that's actually functional and isn’t painful to carry heavy shit around in all day?

Criteria

In order to be considered for this review, a potential backpack had to meet the following criteria:

Must hold a 15″ MacBook Pro

Enough padding to protect that laptop without a case

Must be comfortable to use while biking

Unisex design

Is black/screams “Creative Professional”

Bonus points: also screams “... who deserves a large salary”

In addition to my a laptop, I assembled a weight/capacity testing control group with the following everyday accessories:

Work essentials: mouse, laptop charger, Moleskine notebook, pencil

Life essentials: overnight kit, moisturizer, deodorant, underwear, sports bra, water bottle

Um, glasses and some other crap: eyeglasses & case, dirty socks, folded blanket, Le Creuset 18cm cast-iron pot

🎒🎒🎒🎒🎒🎒🎒🎒 The Backpacks 🎒🎒🎒🎒🎒🎒🎒🎒

Bag option #1: The ISM Backpack

The ISM retails for $235 USD; it’s only available online but comes with free shipping and returns in the USA. It ships in a pretty box with a pretty branded dust bag and a bunch of tissue that smells of “Instagram unboxing moment”.

I wore this bag out in public a few times: to the work lounge at the Public Hotel (a hotspot for “cool-looking people” working remotely), to pay a visit to my old MoMA office, and to a job interview. Did I feel like a Creative Professional? You bet I did! But then my former coworker commented that the bag made me look like a “techy person”, which ruined everything it had going for it. (There is a fine line between Creative Professional and Startup Chic that I refuse to cross. It involves hoodies.)

Left: fancy regal satin lining, to remind you that you’re the millennial queen you are. Right: full bag, with front pocket that is great for fitting flat stuff and maybe only flat stuff.

It fit everything in the “capacity” control group, albeit quite snugly, but its real downfall was the straps: although they were quite hearty, being both wide and well padded (which would be great for those with flat chests), their stiff sturdiness meant they were very inflexible, and basically cut into my breasts any time I raised my arms together, as one would if biking:

MEINE POOR BOOBS.

ISM owner/designer Justin emailed me after I returned the bag, and explained they were working on a smaller version for 13″ laptops. I explained this doesn’t help people with mammary glands who own 15″ laptops. Per Justin:

I feel what you mean Christy, a bag that fits a 15" laptop and is unisex has been a tough design challenge given the size difference between males and females. We have been able to shorten the straps to accommodate though.

I get it. Designing for the fact that 50% of the population has boobs is hard! Did you know that basically everything is designed around men and their stupid bodies?? It's also subsequently a prime example of how e-comm genders backpack sizing: you’ll find that 15″ laptop bags are generally only found in the “Men’s” section of websites. I need a drink.

Pros

Looks and feels fancy

Separate laptop pocket from main compartment

Water and weather resistant

Good amount of padding everywhere

Real leathurrrr bottom

Bitches be loving gold zippers

I am weirdly very into the simple strap adjustment design (not pictured but trust me that it’s nicely done)

Cons

High price point for my feeble income

Cut into my boobs

Front pocket is pretty difficult to put stuff in due to being so flat

Makes me look like a tech bro

Did not get the job I interviewed for while using it

Rating

Comfort: ★★☆☆☆ Creative professional-ness: ★★★★★ Female compatibility: ★☆☆☆☆ (one star for gold zipper) Value for monies: ★★★★☆ (if you don’t bike or have boobs) Overall: ★★★☆☆

🎒🎒🎒🎒🎒🎒🎒🎒 Bag option #2: MUJI Water Repellent Backpack

I bought this bag at the MUJI store for a very reasonable $49 USD. Like everything MUJI, it’s pretty decent quality both in materials and design, and feels like it’ll last a while.

Unfortunately, I didn’t end up testing this “in the real world” because, whoops, it only comfortably fits a 13″ laptop. But I did uncomfortably fit my 15″ laptop inside, really stretching the limits of the side panels, and then managed to cram the test “capacity” content on top (with room to spare!). I then did a “hunch test”, folding myself over as one would on a road bike, and found that there was barely any padding on the back panel, and my spine was knocking against the hard surface of my computer. Not cool! Plus the back did not have a mesh surface, literally making it not cool on a sweaty back.

Yes I get it, I have a big stupid computer.

Pros

Nice quality

Large capacity

Water repellent

Has a secret little back pocket you’ll probably never use

Has those tacky side pockets for water bottles which are surprisingly handy for sunglasses or pocket chargers

Cons

Made for a 13″ laptop

Non-meshed back

Not enough back padding

Rating

Comfort: ★★★☆☆ Creative professional-ness: ★★★★☆ Female compatibility: ★★★★★ Value for monies: ★★★★★ Overall: ★★★★☆+

🎒🎒🎒🎒🎒🎒🎒🎒 Bag option #3: UNIQLO Water Repellent Backpack

Right after purchasing the MUJI bag I walked across the street and picked this up for $29.90. YOLO!

Realising that is was yet another bag made for 13″ laptops, I could immediately tell that the quality was much lesser than MUJI’s: it was much lighter in weight, and the fabric thinner. Look at those ugly shoulder straps where the fabric is bunching. The front pocket’s structure is so weak that it sags. Sad!

But: pretty good akshully?!

I again force-fit my behemoth laptop and belongings into the small frame, yet, contrary to expectation, this thing was comfortable AF?! And even had room to spare. The straps were super soft and cushy and malleable around my boobs, and the “hunch test” revealed amazingly thick layers of padding on two sides of the back panel, with a thinner center panel that relieves any pressure on your spine. What kind of ugly genius is this?

Pros

Stupidly comfortable

Large capacity

Water repellent

Again, tacky side pockets, this time with an angled top hem

Cons

Made for a 13″ laptop

Pretty cheap and ugly looking

Pretty cheap and ugly feeling

Rating

Comfort: ★★★★★ Creative professional-ness: ★★☆☆☆ Female compatibility: ★★★★★ Value for monies: ★★★★☆ Overall: ★★★★☆

🎒🎒🎒🎒🎒🎒🎒🎒 Other opshuns, you ask?

There’s a few other mid-range “nice” bag brands I was looking into online, such as the one which esteemed Creative Professional Jessica Hische ended up going with, but let’s just assume I left them out because they lack the quality needed for this rigorous assessment and not because the bag designer whom I went on a date with decided to ghost me after I sprained my ankle while in Canada. Ahem.

Final Verdict... and a Backpack Hack (!!) (...Backhack™?!)

Although I was quite impressed with the comfort the UNIQLO model provided (both to my body and my wallet), I was actually going to declare this experiment a failure and return all the backpacks. Until, that is, I took a closer look at the interior construction of the UNIQLO and MUJI bags: they measured as though they should be tall enough for my latop, and yet the MacBook corners stubbornly stuck out. Time to play detective! 🔍

Turning the bags inside-out, I noticed they both included a superfluous, space-reducing seam at the bottom of the main pocket. WTF.

UNIQLO bag before & after: the difference a simple seam (and lack of colour temperature matching) makes!

By removing this seam on the UNIQLO model, I gained a full inch of vertical room, ALLOWING THE 15″ LAPTOP TO ACTUALLY FIT IN THE DAMN BAG. Yes, it fits snugly, and some may argue that the superfluous seam protects the edge of the computer from hitting the ground, but the very bottom edge seam is actually pretty bulky and does a decent job of protecting as is.

Verdict: With the inclusion of this super deviant hack (and ONLY with this inclusion), UNIQLO wins!!!!!!!!

Epilogue

I’ve been using this bag for 7 months now. It looks kinda cheap and it tends to collect lint, but my shoulders are miraculously like never sore. And, even on a grocery run after stuffing a myriad of pokey-shaped food items in the thing until I can barely close it, it’s always very comfortable on my tender back when biking home (I did this very thing 2 weeks ago at the Farmer’s Market after buying Celine Dion tickets, because I am a white woman in her late 30s). 

Oh, also: it’s black, so yes I am a Creative Professional, thank you for noticing! 

TL;DR: UNIQLO; cheap; comfortable. Send me your products to review! 🔚

Colophon backpacks: ISM, UNIQLO, MUJI; socks: UNIQLO; t-shirt: from a Women Who Code meetup hosted by One Month; sweatpants: Alternative Apparel; laptop: Shmapple; glasses: Steven Alan clearance; stool: Target; plants: IKEA & Home Depot; blankets: Hudson’s Bay, E. Stocking; mirror & couch: IKEA; drawing above mirror: K. Freeman & P. Lyle; posters: Bruce Nauman and a Finnish Design Annual fold-out; calendar: Massimo Vignelli; bike: Miele; weight/capacity control group: thrifting, Peru, Amazon, HAY, more places; suddenly questioning the consistency of whether I’m listing where objects were bought or the brand name of the object itself: something I am going to pretend to resolve at a later date in time; brevity rating for this blog post: ★☆☆☆☆; fan appreciation: I am so sorry if you read this far

[braincoins]

“Wait, is that a pan flag?”

“Yes? Why are you so surprised?”

He blinked. “Sorry, that’s what I get for assuming, I guess.”

She laughed. “You thought I was straight?”

“Well...”

“Everyone in the office thought you were gay,” she pointed out.

He sighed and held up his hands. “You got me dead to rights. A product of my heteronormative upbringing.”

She grabbed one of his hands - his right one - and said, “Come on, we need to take our places.” She tugged him along. “And you said I could pick you up and carry you over my head in a few spots, right?”

“Right,” he said. “I trust you not to drop me.”

She chuckled but then grabbed for the ends of his “cape.” In actuality, it was the bi pride flag; he’d just tied it around his neck as a cape, much as she had done with the pan pride flag. “It’s coming undone.”

“Ugh. The material is so slick, it doesn’t want to hold a good knot.” 

“It should melt well enough, if you’re careful.” She tied a knot.

He raised his hand and closed it over the knot. She watched it glow a little and fanned the air as the smell of burning polyester rose up. 

He coughed and choked and fanned the air, too, when he was done. “I hope this isn’t carcinogenic.”

“If you get cancer, we’ll stick you in the cryo-replenisher,” she told him. She took his hand again, gave it a squeeze. It wasn’t any warmer than any other hand; you’d never know it had just been glowing hot. “Come on.”

------

“I really appreciate this,” Lance said for easily the fourth time. He’d lost track.

“Yeah, I got that the first three times,” Officer Ward replied. 

Lance leaned down and yelled, “Thanks for the great seats! And the snacks!”

“No problemo!” the chef - Hunk - called up. “Any friend of Keith’s a friend of mine!”

They were sitting on top of Hunk’s food truck. With the blessing of a friend on the force - Officer Ward - he’d gotten a good spot near the center of the parade route. And with a word from Allura and Shiro, Lance got to sit up on top of the food truck with his camera (well, his phone). He didn’t remark on the officer joining him. 

“I’m surprised you’re not working the parade,” he commented, getting the settings just right.

“Asked for it off.” 

“Oh?” he asked, adjusting the lens.

The only answer he got was the officer’s wrist thrust forward next to him, displaying one of those cheap rubber bracelets that people had for cancer awareness or whatever. This one was rainbow-colored.

Lance blinked down at the rainbow bracelet and then up to Officer Ward’s face, which was blushing slightly. That’s when it clicked for him. “You’re gay? I mean, I noticed the bracelet before, but I thought you were just showing support.”

He dropped his arm. “I don’t like coming out to everyone I come across. I don’t think it’s necessary. Most people don’t need to know who I’m interested in.”

“No, that’s cool. Does your mom know?”

“Of course she knows. I tell my mom everything. She keeps trying to set me up with guys though.”

Lance laughed. “Moms will be moms. Oh, the parade’s coming!” He started getting some good shots. It was a nice day, sunny, hot but with a cooling breeze, thank goodness. “These are gonna be a great slideshow on the website!” He took a moment to reach for his drink.

His hand encountered another hand and he blinked and pulled his hand away, turning to see the officer doing the same. “Sorry, wrong cup,” he said quickly. His blush had gotten worse.

Lance smiled. “No problem. It happens.” He picked up his cup - Hunk had helpfully put a big L on it - and took a big sip, then set it back down to resume shooting. “So, question?”

“You can ask.” His tone filled in the rest of that sentence: I may not answer. Which was fair enough.

“If you took today off for Pride, why are you hanging out up here with me?”

The officer was quiet for a moment. “I can leave if I’m in the way.”

“You’re not,” Lance told him. “So long as you’re not between my camera and the parade, you’re not in the way. And I wouldn’t have gotten this great seat and awesome food without you. So, y’know, thanks.”

“You’re welcome. But it’s not a big deal.”

“I owe you one,” he insisted. “My boss is gonna flip over these shots.”

The officer went quiet again. He wasn’t really much of a talker to begin with, but there was a difference between Officer Ward not speaking and Officer Ward Being Quiet. This was the latter. “If you’re serious about owing me one...”

“I am.” Snap snap snap.

The officer muttered something.

“What was that? Sorry, I can’t hear over the parade music.” Which was true enough: the float going past right now was blasting “It’s Raining Men.” Plus, everyone lining the street was cheering and yelling.

“I said...” Pause. “If you want to make it up to me, we could go out to dinner.”

Lance whipped his head around to stare at the very red-faced cop next to him. 

“I mean,” he said, “I don’t even know if... It doesn’t have to be a da-... Forget I asked.”

Lance could feel heat in his own cheeks that he couldn’t blame on the sunny day. “I’d like that. A dinner date,” he clarified. “With you. And me.” He cleared his throat.

“Really?” 

“You know, for a hardened cop, you look awfully adorable right now.”

He got redder. “I’m still a rookie,” he protested.

“And you seem like a good guy.” Shit, the parade. He went back to taking photos as he talked. “I feel I should clarify: I’ve only ever dated women. I thought I was straight as a steel bar. But when you came by the office that day, I started to think maybe that wasn’t quite right.”

“Really?”

He was getting repetitive but it was cute. “The hairs on the back of my neck stood up when I saw you. And that’s never happened before. So... I don’t know much about dating guys, but I definitely know I’d like to date you.” He paused to look over. “You okay with that, Officer Ward?”

“I’ll be okay with it if you call me Keith.”

Lance smiled. “Okay then, Keith.”

And then, from below, he heard Hunk hollering. “GOOD JOB, KEITH! I’M PROUD OF YOU, MAN!!”

“SHUT UP, HUNK!” Keith roared down at him, face still bright red.

Lance was blushing, too, but he felt pretty good, all things considered. Plus, he still had a job to do. “Oh, hey, look, there they are!” He made sure to zoom in.

Allura’s information had been right on the nose: Starlight and Paladin were marching in the city’s pride parade! She was wearing a pan flag as a cape and Paladin was wearing a bi flag. The parade paused for a moment; Lance swapped to video just in time for Starlight to pick her fellow superhero up and hold him over her head with a single hand. They both waved at everyone. Paladin teleported around for a few quick selfies with people, Starlight blew kisses, Lance caught it all. Then the parade restarted, Lance went back to still shots, and the city’s superheroes continued on, with more floats coming in behind them.

“Incredible,” Lance said with a grin.

“Yeah,” Keith said. When Lance turned his head, he found Keith was already looking at him and smiling. “Yeah, it is.”

{The Adventures of Starlight & Paladin}

[itsclydebitches]

RWBY Recaps: Vol. 5 "True Colors"

This is a re-posting from October 4th, 2018 in an effort to get all my recaps fully on tumblr. Thanks!

Guess who’s back, back again

Clyde is back, tell a friend

How long will my focus and work ethic last? Who knows, but with Volume 6 on the horizon and a fantastic new poster out, I’m feeling like it’s time to dive back into RWBY Recaps. Never too late to guiltily dust off an old project, right?

Right.

We’re back in Volume 5. Yes, I did a bit of Volume 1—extreme illusions of grandeur and productivity there—but we should really round out 5 before 6 comes knocking on the 27th. I’ve got almost a month. Let’s see how well I do, starting with “True Colors.”

We open on an image of Qrow and Ozpin together, notably Ozpin given the prim posture and ever-present coffee mug. Qrow makes the comment that things “aren’t looking good” and really? No shit, bird boy. We’ve gone from “Oh no, Ruby is having trouble becoming a leader!” to “Oh no… Weiss is trying to overcome a racist upbringing…?” and are now firmly in the territory of “OH NO a bunch of our faves are dead and Ozpin is forced to possess a child??” Things haven’t looked good for a while.

Ozpin is ever the optimist though. He points out that yeah, things are bad, but they could also be worse. “Humanity is a resilient force” he says, which oddly enough, sounds a lot like the kind of thing someone not a part of Humanity would say. Jury’s still out on whether Oz was the lowly farmer unfairly cursed by the gods, or a god himself justly punished for some sort of hubris… or something else entirely. It just strikes me as significant that he often distances himself from others in not just actions but speech as well. Could be a glimpse into his true nature, aka someone literally not human. Could also just be the result of spending thousands of years reincarnating while everyone else around you suffers and dies. That’ll make anyone feel subhuman…

Qrow challenges Oz’s happy-go-lucky attitude, reminding us that a huge number of pro huntsmen have been murdered and Salem couldn’t have achieved that on her own. She’s had help—and plenty of it. But Ozpin stands firm that it “doesn’t take a great number of people to cause harm” and there are “far more people in this world willing to prevent it.”

Enter our protagonist.

Subtle!

Ruby is adorable, as always, hesitantly approaching the two of them and awkwardly accepting the invitation to chat. It’s a striking difference in how she acts when it’s just her and Qrow, which is expected. Ozpin remains a much more distant authority figure and now he’s inhabiting the body of a boy her own age. I’d be a little unsure about how to act around him too.

Ruby finally asks what we’ve been worried about since the beginning of this Volume: if Cinder defeated Oz then does that mean Salem now has the Beacon relic? Luckily, no. Oz says he made finding the Beacon relic “a bit more challenging than at the other schools.” So Ruby asks the second question that’s been on our minds…

Ozpin: “No, my cane is not a relic.”

Ruby: “I have no more questions :)”

Okay now wait. I'm calling bullshit lol. That cane is 100% a relic. I mean could I be wrong? Absolutely. But it’s way more fun to be confident so I’m calling Ozpin out on this. For a number of reasons:

1. He’s absolutely the kind of guy to do what no one else expects. “The cane is so obvious!” Yeah, which means everyone will be looking for the relic elsewhere, hidden away like the Haven relic. Who the hell would have it out in the open? Ozpin. He would. Expect the unexpected.

2. He’s alsothe kind of guy who might lie to someone about it. Ozpin has been playing this game a long time and he’s not above a few smiles and carefully placed words if he thinks it’ll keep things on track. The Haven relic is the one currently in danger—no reason to announce the Beacon relic’s location and shift the team’s focus just because a former student asks him for the truth. It’s too dangerous and Ozpin is very adept at, as he says, playing things close to the chest. And I don’t blame him. That’s how you keep humanity alive.

3. The scene doesn’t show us Qrow at all who is a lot less adept at lying, to say nothing of the fact that—if he knows about the relic—he wouldn’t feel good lying specifically to Ruby.

4. Ozpin’s previous comment about how this relic is a “bit more challenging” seems significant. That is, why ONLY make the Beacon relic so difficult to find? All the relics are important so why not give them all the same precautions? Well, the answer is simple if your precaution is something you can only do for one of them: keep the relic with you.

5. Qrow, arguably Ozpin’s closest friend (husband-friend), was entrusted with getting the cane back to him and it’s used as the introduction between Oscar and Qrow. Seems like a pretty damn important object.

6. We’ve seen this cane fend off crazy powerful attacks and it never takes any damage. Granted, all the weapons in RWBY are pretty hearty, but Ozpin’s cane seems particularly indestructible. Almost like there’s something similar to magic surrounding it.

7. We’ve still got those gears. That cane transforms into something…

8. The fact that Ozpin immediately homes in on Ruby’s question, quickly counters it, and then tells her to leave (go gather the others). He’s in charge of the conversation here.

9. The fact that the scene suddenly turns light-hearted and humorous. We’re meant to shrug this moment off and not think too hard about it. Well, too late now.

Granted, Oz has a good explanation here. He states firmly that the cane is indeed precious, though only to him, and that it still “has a few tricks up its sleeve.” Nothing he says counters what we already know, yet it doesn’t reveal any of his cane’s secrets either. We’re still in the dark. So until we’re not I remain suspicious about his claim that it’s totally definitely absolutely not a relic.

(The headmaster doth protest too much.)  

(Edit Feb. 2019: I was so wrong, folks!!) 

But we’re moving on. Qrow gets a call from Lionheart asking them to meet up with him to discuss potentially going on the offensive against the bandits. Ruby is ecstatic and runs off. Ozpin? Not so much. He and Qrow both comment on how strange it is that Lionheart has suddenly changed his tune and the addition of some creepy music all but beats us over the head with, “It’s a trap!!” This time when Qrow says that things aren’t looking good Ozpin’s only response is, “I know.” So much for the pep talk.

We cut to Lionheart himself, having just finished up that call, and as we pull back who should we find but Raven. She makes blunt what we already know, “I never expected that you would be the one with the guts to betray Oz” while we get a nice crane shot so that we can see Raven circling him, standing while he’s seated—a predator stalking prey.

Though of course it’s not actually courage driving their actions here. It’s cowardice. At least Lionheart is willing to admit it. He says straight out that he’s terrified of Salem and doesn’t think anyone can beat her, so why not join the winning side? Raven, meanwhile, is still firmly in denial. “I’m not scared,” she says. “I’m smart.” Please, girl. You’ve spent your whole life running and you don’t know how to stop now. “Man up,” Raven continues (god that’s a terrible phrase). “You did what you needed to do to survive. There’s no shame in that,” which is where we see the divide between their morals and everyone else surrounding Team RWBY. They’re scared, but they fight despite their fear because they know it’s necessary to help both others and themselves. Raven is only out for herself and her selfish actions hurt family (Qrow), children (Yang), friends (her tribe), and allies (Ozpin) in the process.

“Who are you trying to convince?” Lionheart asks her. It's great seeing a villain who knows exactly where the line is even as they can’t help but cross it. RIP the complex ones.

We move back to Menagerie where Ilia and the others are still leading the attack on Blake’s family. Kali if BAMF here, snatching up a tray as both defense and weapon when her gun runs out of ammo. We get to see her clocking Yuma before we catch up with Blake and Ilia—and I enjoy the contrast in colors between these two scenes, from full blown battle (cold) to friends-turned-enemies (warm):

Ilia spouts the same arguments as Raven: she doesn’t have a choice about her actions. Violence is the only way to survive. Despite the rhetoric Blake is willing to let her go, but Ilia has other plans. The fight, while not spectacular, does showcase the clear parallels between them—both in their arguments and the use of long/short range weaponry. When asked why she doesn’t leave Blake responds that she runs away too much. Beyond the obvious theme from our title—everyone showing their “True Colors”—the focus of this episode is quite obviously who’s willing to fight for others and who’s only out for themselves; who’s able to distinguish between when a literal fight is necessary and when another avenue can be taken. We see time and time again that Team RWBY is leagues ahead of others in terms of that kind of maturity.

From a world building perspective I appreciate Ilia’s use of her camouflaging skills. It’s rare that we see the Faunus actually using their animal abilities (beyond Sun swinging around on his tail) and that’s definitely a useful one in battle… though it's undermined somewhat by having a weapon that lights up with electricity. Gotta think that one through…

And then Blake sETS THE HOUSE ON FIRE? Damn, girl! This isn’t even a real battle—at least not between the two of them. Ilia says two seconds later that Blake isn’t taking this seriously, neither of them truly wants to kill the other, so is burning down your house really the best option here? I always knew Blake was secretly the most dramatic of the bunch.

(That’s a lie. I'm sorry. The most dramatic is clearly Weiss, but she’d be proud of Blake’s ridiculously over-the-top strategy here, I’m sure.)

Blake manages to pin Ilia and keeps trying to talk her down. It works. Sort of. Ilia starts to cry as she admits that she doesn’t know what else to do, but at that moment Ghira comes crashing through the wall with another fight at his heels. (This family is rich enough that they don't care about the property damage.) And then we get this,

This is a sharp reminder that though Blake and Ilia might be fighting more with words than fists, the same can’t be said for her parents. They are, notably, in very real danger. The fight picks back up with Ilia clearly torn now between her loyalties. She defends herself though when Sun joins the fray, pausing only when Blake begs the two of them to stop. However, their fighting has already cracked the pillar holding up the second story and Ilia gets caught underneath. Surprisingly, she’s saved by Ghira (which tells us more about his character than all his bickering with Sun ever could) and there’s a nifty bit of teamwork used to get him out—Sun’s copies hold up the balcony; Blake uses her weapon to pull her dad to safety. The brother (Fennec) who tries to attack him from behind is justifiably crushed under the rubble.

Kali is safe and joins the gang. The fight is basically over, but Corsac attacks out of pure grief and rage, allowing Ilia to stun him from behind. Now I’ve got a lot of feelings about Ilia, most of which boil down to just plain not liking her. I already explained in depth my issues with her being the (so far) sole queer character on the show and this is now compounded with her supposed “redemption.” There are problems inherent in making the (again, only) queer character an antagonist, but there are more problems in making them an antagonist and then refusing to stand by that. Rooster Teeth had her as a complex villain and then the moment she was revealed to have feelings for Blake it’s, “Never mind! She’s good now!” in the span of half an episode.

And how does this redemption occur? Ilia attacks Blake and goes after Blake’s parents. She continues to attack them after being given numerous chances to walk away. She turns on her allies… only after the fight is won. If Ilia were a different kind of character her stunning Corsac could have easily been seen as a survival strategy rather than a true change of heart. They’re now outnumbered four to two, so—like Lionheart—why not quickly join the winning side? I honestly wish Ilia was out to double cross Blake if only because that would be consistent with her loyalties up until now. It would make sense.

In the grand scheme of things though these are minor points. What strikes me as far more significant is 1. that Ilia and her allies could have killed Kali and Ghira. I admit that she wasn’t fighting Blake full out, but the purpose of this attack was to assassinate her parents and the fight did lead to at least one death. That’s not just something you bounce back from. Maybe I’m an asshole, but I couldn’t wave that away as a “bad decision” like Blake does. They could have died. And 2. the most important of all, we’ve yet to see any true change in her thinking or ideology! Ilia joins the gang because she lost and she's left standing around awkwardly with Blake—the girl she’s in love with. Would Ilia have second-guessed her actions if they'd succeeded in their mission? I doubt it. In the aftermath of failure she's contrite, but Ilia was pretty damn adamant about killing humans---and the Belladonnas---just a few minutes ago. If her redemption is based on circumstance and her one-sided crush… that’s not a redemption I can get behind.

But it’s what we’re rushed into. Blake gives a rousing speech about how no, they can’t just use humans as a scapegoat for this attack. They can’t allow figureheads like Adam to speak for them. She says that they’re all “looking for simple answers to a very complex problem” and that despite it not being what they want to hear, she doesn’t know how to just “make hate go away.” That’s a huge development from the girl who went to Mountain Glenn and said passionately that she was going to change the world, but without any concrete ideas as to how to do that. Now Blake can admit her own ignorance and knows at the very least what not to do. They’re not going to change the world through violence like this—they won’t change it for the better, anyway.  

I’m with her through all that, up until Blake agrees to take Ilia to Haven. The guard yells out, “You’re just going to forgive her? After all she’s done?” and Blake says only, “Yes.” You know what that is? It’s a simple answer to a very complex problem. It’s painted as admirable on her part—Ghira says she’s learned the lesson of how powerful forgiveness can be—but I think this is RWBY’s fairy-tale simplicity shining through and it doesn’t fit with the heavy material we've been tackling the last few volumes. There’s a big difference between forgiving someone and making sure that they face consequences for their actions. There’s a difference between forgiving them and thinking practically about whether you can or should trust them with your safety and the safety of others. Hell, forgiveness usually takes more than five minutes and often times doesn’t happen at all! Ilia has done none of the work to justify Blake’s forgiveness and though having forgiveness handed to you might read as a beautiful ideal, it doesn’t work well in the gritty, complicated, racially loaded storyline that Rooster Teeth keeps trying to pull off. It feels cheap in the face of all that Blake suffered through this volume, especially when they turn Ilia’s actions into a literal joke. She stabbed Sun? No big deal! He pinched her and now they’re even! How much of a joke would this be if Ghira had suddenly collapsed from his own wound? Or Kali hadn't casually rejoining them entirely unharmed? Maybe I’m more bitter than I thought, but Ilia’s redemption feels like an unintended smack in the face.

The townspeople buy into the happy picture though and we get a chorus of them agreeing to join Blake in the fight to defend Haven. Plans are made to arm, train, and transport the people of Menagerie in two weeks time. Getting civilians into fighting shape that quickly might be a challenge, but at least Blake knows a ship captain who owes her a favor.

And that’s where we end this episode—forging a path for the future. Stay tuned for the next episode “The More the Merrier” as we count down to the Volume 6 premiere!

Other Details of Note

In that opening shot we have what looks like a pretty generic print on the wall—who doesn’t like sunsets?—except that it also shows a crescent moon without the broken pieces. Artist’s interpretation? Time before the moon’s demise? Animator’s forgetting about it while drawing the random painting that viewers are only going to see for about two seconds? You decide!

I really appreciate that Ozpin praises Ruby for being the first to realize the potential implications of the Beacon relic. She’s praised for her skill with Crescent Rose and for being one of the youngest to attend Beacon, but it’s rare that people comment on Ruby’s intellect. She’s smart as hell with one of the more strategic minds of the group—that’s partly why she makes such a good leader. It’s good to see someone, particularly her headmaster, acknowledging that.

After Qrow gets the call from Lionheart he immediately reaches for his flask… despite still having a steaming drink beside him. Apparently working with this guy was tough even before they knew he was loyal to Salem.  

Edit Feb. 2019: Lionheart says that “I’ve done things Ozpin will never forgive” and that’s one hell of a loaded line after hearing Ozpin’s thoughts on Lionheart in Volume 6.

“Sorry, Dad” Blake says right before she burns down their library. Somehow I don't think 'sorry' cuts it in this situation...

[gascon-en-exil]

I Liked Fates Before It Was Cool!: The Opening

Prologue

Here begins my run of Fates, in which I react to things that I believe merit either praise or criticism and that hopefully haven’t been thoroughly picked over yet hundreds of times by everyone else in the fandom. I’ll be doing each route in the sequence I used last time, with gameplay details to follow as they come up. To answer @damoselcastel, I’ll be doing an all-male run, and it does indeed suck that the game screws this over a bit at the very beginning by forcing me to take Felicia over Jakob first. Breeding will come when I feel like it, more to have extra chapters to play through than anything.

Prologue

In what I assume will continue to be a series trend going forward, all of the 3DS FEs open somewhat in the abstract, including a flash forward to a future event. Fates’s particular take is both the most surreal and the least dependent on shock value, as the events it depicts are only several chapters away rather than near endgame. Azura picks up her Lady of the Lake associations right from the start, there’s a very early glimpse at what will be eventually revealed to be Valla, and Ryoma and Xander and Xander’s ludicrously acrobatic horse square off to set up this setting’s central conflict. The chapter proper is (fittingly) dreamlike, with surreal music and a high-energy scenario that begins in medias res and doesn’t entirely follow the normal rhythms of FE combat. I have absolutely no idea how this would come across to a newcomer to the series - I got my hand held through Lyn Normal Mode, cut me some slack - but I imagine it would be disorienting.

Chapter 1

That’s apparently official concept art of Nohr. Reasonable worldbuilding, what’s that?

The in-game presentation starts off rather less absurd. Hell, if it weren’t for the ominous castle rooftop setting of Xander’s training session one could almost find Corrin’s slice-of-life interactions with their servants and their Nohrian family quaint. Xander is just a drama queen like that. This fight calls back to Path of Radiance and New Mystery, which also start off with training sessions against significantly more powerful named characters. For Birthright it also forms a narrative bookend, but I’ll get to that in due time. I have Feelings about the presentation of Xander...and not just because he’s my husbando either.

I like that Corrin’s retainers are domestics first and combatants second unlike those of the other royals, because it stresses that they’ve been isolated in a non-combat role during their upbringing, their exposure to Nohr’s allegedly spartan military culture limited to sparring with Gunter and Xander. I have no idea how that would be enough for them to survive when they evidently live in Mordor, but then Nohr is the source of the most consistently sloppy worldbuilding in Fates so at least we get that established right away.

Oh, and Lilith is here. There’s never a point anywhere in this game where Lilith’s character is competently handled, so I have a tendency to forget she exists unless she’s on-screen. Here she’s just an unassuming stable girl with an unusual design, and Elise makes an incestuous insinuation in her direction that’s only funny if you played the appropriate DLC. 

Chapter 2

Structural contrast with the towering Hoshidan royal palace aside, I don’t entirely get how Krakenberg works. A dragon did it?

Anyway, Corrin gets an under-explained and clearly evil magical sword from his shamelessly homicidal father only to balk at the thought of killing anyone with it. Leo salvaging this faux pas isn’t the silliest example of Corrin not understanding the basic concept of lying - it’s presumably easier to fake someone’s death with magic than with a giant sword - but it’s definitely up there. The Nohrian royals on the other hand have no trouble with such things based on their traumatic but mostly implied experiences at court. Important to note that everyone here up to and including the prisoners of war calls out Corrin for their sheltered worldview; their development from here on out really is dependent on the player’s choice of route. I vastly prefer this approach to Awakening’s for explaining why the Avatar is such a relatively blank slate - almost no amnesia necessary this time.

And while they appear in most chapters, I want to praise Dragon Veins here for being a really cool concept that doesn’t get as much love as it should. Draconic or otherwise superhuman bloodlines in FE are usually expressed in gameplay with the ability to wield certain legendary weapons, and while that also makes an appearance in Fates Dragon Veins represent more dramatically visible utility. They really make a difference in some chapters, and I’d like to see them reuse the concept in future games where it would be a logical addition (which would be most of them since humans with dragon blood pop up all over this series).

Chapter 3

I chose this image because I want everyone to appreciate as I do that Hans dresses like the world’s most tasteless leatherman. A harness and straps that show off all the wrong bits, and it’s in purple. Not even the overall weirdly fetishistic look of this game’s berserkers can excuse that.

But aside from that, Hans sucks. Iago also sucks. Less characters than plot devices that pop up whenever there’s a need for someone to act completely despicable to move the conflict along, there’s no way to spin them in a way that sounds like they contribute anything positive to the narrative. Case in point: in this chapter Hans single-handedly reignites hostilities between Nohr and Hoshido by Leeroy Jenkins-ing his way through the chapter and later (possibly) killing Gunter, with the only interesting caveat that he claims to have done so at Garon’s behest. And sure, Garon is also flat over-the-top villainy incarnate, but he at least has gravitas and a master playing a long game that arguably succeeds in two of the routes. Hans and Iago are just two more in the line of FE villains with flat motivations and personalities who lack even the good grace to be attractive, but unlike Desaix and Darin and Chagall and others like them they stick around in the story long after they’ve worn out their welcome. Did Nohr really need not one but three flat antagonists in its ranks around for most of the game?

I haven’t even gotten into the first appearance of Camilla’s...issues surrounding Corrin or whatever the dimension-hopping hell Lilith pulls with her invocations to presumably deceased dragon “gods” now that she reveals her true form. This is really the first chapter to offer a hint of how disjointed and frequently contrived Fates’s stories are going to end up, saved only by the very end when Rinkah puts this game’s new blunt weapon category to its logical use. Not like the game wants us to feel bad for Corrin....

Chapter 4

...because Hoshido is paradise. And also Takumi.

Everyone knows the story, both as it’s explicitly told and as can be read through the lines. The writers weren’t afraid to let their biases show, the localizers and the Western fandom did a fair amount to mitigate that with some bias of our own, and the final product is one big mess that fails to make logical sense in-universe and teeters on the edge of real-world two-way racism. Here we’re introduced to Castle Shirasagi, glimmering and verdant and awash in cherry blossoms, as well as Azura, Corrin’s foil in Stockholm Syndrome. But it’s all good, because Mikoto is tranquil and peace-loving and enforces her tranquility through a plot contrivance magical barrier that is just one of many examples in Fates of magic not working the way it does in the rest of the series (or at least I can’t think of anything else like this, correct me if I’m wrong). We don’t learn just why Nohr is so hellbent on invading Hoshido that they’d resort to summoning soulless monsters to do so until much later (and only in Birthright of all routes!). For now they just sound like unprovoked aggressors, and the Hoshidan royals Corrin’s true and loving family.

However, what I really wanted to bring up for this chapter is how oddly it’s structured, such that it never fails to throw me off a bit. It opens in an unnamed Fire Tribe village in a snowy area of Hoshido, which might I mention is the only point in the game we see anything of the Fire Tribe other than Rinkah herself. Considering all the time we spend in multiple routes with the Wind and Ice Tribes, that lack of detail strikes me as peculiar. Kaze then brings Corrin to the Hoshidan palace where Ryoma and Mikoto reveal the truth, then it’s immediately back to the snowy north to rescue Hinoka and Sakura from Faceless before returning to the palace to meet Azura. Was there any reason the Faceless fight couldn’t have happened before Corrin left the village, and the reveal and trip to Shirasagi left for after the chapter map and partially in response to Hinoka’s OOC crying fit?

I also hate maps where high-powered NPCs go around stealing kills. Kaze barely got to see any action this chapter, poor guy.

Chapter 5

Props to this manakete design, which is unlike anything else in the series and manages to work in elements of Anankos and Corrin’s weird outfit. No props to the scripting of the thing, as after this chapter Corrin may as well not even be a mankete except for gameplay purposes (which are minimal anyway unless you need them to tank something). You’d think learning that you can turn into a dragon would leave more of an impact on...anyone really, but nope. I guess it technically becomes relevant again in Kana’s paralogue, but that’s as tangential and ultimately irrelevant as everything else involving the kids.

There’s a lot else going on in this chapter, but I’m sorry to say that neither Mikoto’s death nor the obliteration of a large chunk of Hoshido’s capital lands as powerfully as they were meant to considering Corrin and the audience have spent all of 1.5 chapters with these people. This isn’t anything like Elbert or Greil’s death scene or even remake!Rudolf’s for that matter - at least that one came with a shocking twist that was responded to appropriately. It’s hard to even appreciate these events from the perspectives of the Hoshidan royals because they’re still pretty new characters in the player’s mind, though with the hindsight of Conquest I can maybe sympathize with Takumi here at the beginning of his downward spiral.

Corrin also picks up their legendary sword in a way that feels extremely random. I guess the Yato was inside the statue that got blown up? Weird place to keep a divine peace-bringing relic, that’s all I’m saying.

Branch of Fate

Despite some early warning signs and a few slight missteps, I’m happy to say that this story moment works. It’s a good thing that it does too, as this is the defining moment of FE14 in everything from its marketing to its game design to its core themes. The setup is rushed and tense and allows only Corrin, i.e. the intended player self-insert, full knowledge of the weight of the choice put before them, as none of the other royals are aware that they are all in a way family to the person they’re now abruptly forcing to pick a side. Familial connections (biological or otherwise) may not be a narrative hook that grabs me personally, but nonetheless this scene sticks with you. There is no easy choice, and the consequences of any of them immediately define the direction of the story.

This is not to say that all three of the iterations of Chapter 6 that follow succeed equally well, but that’s for other posts...including the next one, which will kick off Birthright.

Next time: Birthright Chapter 6 - 11

[laetro]

Rita Lux: Fantasy Art that Takes You Back to Your Childhood

Ritalux’s fantasy art and character development is filled with her childhood experiences!

What happens when you grow up in an extremely creative environment, with your mom being an animator for all the big studios? You become an artist, or even better, a fantasy artist! Raised in Burbank, CA, Ritalaux’s childhood experiences and exposure to drawing and comics motivated her to pursue an art career. She then went on to study illustration and character design at Otis College. Her early career days included storyboarding for animations and commercials before moving on to illustrations and concept art for toy companies and then video games. Along with Disney, Ritalaux’s clients include Riot games, Mattel, Hasbro, and Illustration Entertainment.

Q. What does fantasy art mean and what inspired you to create illustrations in this category?

Rita: Fantasy art is I think anything magical and out of the ordinary. Everyone thinks fantasy is a small genre, but it’s actually visible in most cult classic and popular classic entertainment. Most comic books, popular sci-fi movies are fantasies. It’s the most fun entertainment genre I think, so that’s what drew me to work in this realm.

Q. Did your childhood exposure to creativity encourage you to become an artist? Tell us about those childhood memories.

Rita: I grew up in a home where art and entertainment were everywhere. My mother was an animator for Disney and worked for a lot of other popular animation studios. The Disney animation building was our daycare when my sister and I were kids. When we were in middle school (and outgrew the daycare) we would walk around and wander the Disney animation art department, play video games and hang out in my Mom’s office after school every day. I would look at all the concept art and storyboarding art on the walls and wanted to work on that kind of art when I grew up. When I was a kid, I was a big comic collector. From a young age, I would copy comic panels and learn to draw in that style. I was always encouraged by my parents and my mom’s animator friends to pursue a career in entertainment if I chose to. They would give me drawing tips as well as a kid, and that helped me a lot. Because they encouraged me to do art, they gave me the confidence to do it professionally. My mom would also give me solid professional advice so I was prepared for what would be necessary.

Q. Do you think comic books and superheroes have an influence on your style of creating illustrations?

Rita: Yes totally. I collected comics as a kid and was highly influenced by superheroes. I learned how to draw from comic books because they hire the best illustrators in the world to create them. Comic art is super under-rated in my opinion as the artists have to completely realize and interpret everything. The idealized figures also got me into bodybuilding, just like Frank Frazetta. He kind of emphasized the idealized fit body for a new generation, looking at the advancements in bodybuilding and being fit himself. I’m just a lean tall female myself, not even close to a fitness competitor, but it got me interested at a young age in being fit for life. I think the comic style of strong figures is one of the more empowering role models for me. The inclusivity of so many different types of characters in X-Men for example has been super cool.

Q. How do you go about creating illustrations as per the brief given?

Rita: I sit and think first and take notes. Then move on to sketching the chosen idea. Sketching and ideation are the foundations of any successful illustration, so if I’m designing something, the idea has to be solid first. I go through several rounds of sketching before I choose a direction. Then refine a line drawing, then color/tone. Then add effects after.

Q.Which mediums or software do you use to create the fantasy illustrations?

Rita: Photoshop primarily.

Q. How was your experience working with Disney and Riot games like?

Rita: I worked doing freelance illustration for Disney for the consumer products department. They wanted to do a fashion illustration book with multiple artists to interpret the Princesses in a high fashion style. It was a fun challenge. Riot Games was a great challenge for me, as I was designing characters for “Legends of Runeterra.” It pushed me to understand how to design masculine fantasy characters better. I was learning a lot the whole time and it was really fun. I worked for them for 6 months and had some varied briefs. It helped me understand what is popular in the fantasy games genre.

Q. Tell us about your experience with Mattel Inc. for Barbie.

Rita: I have been working for Mattel for around 10 years now! I worked as the in house illustrator, where I helped to evolve Barbie’s look as the company changes Barbie’s look every 5 years or so for consumer products. I was a concept artist, illustrator, and retoucher for the brand. A few years ago, they came out with “Barbie Princess Power”, a superhero Barbie movie. They wanted to explore a style that had a comic feel to it. I begged them to let me take a stab at developing what that style could look like. The brand managers loved what I drew, and we started developing a style guide for the movie (for consumer products).

The movie is produced in 3d by Rainmaker entertainment and was already developed. They usually create a 2d art style and create assets to supplement the movie release. I had a passion for this, as I always thought of Barbie as a girl’s action figure in being an adult. And since Barbie represents “be anything you want to be” I thought she should look stronger, more vibrant, with fuller cheeks, more muscle tone, and more fun! Barbie before this had a thin, fashionable figure and a drab flat expression. So I hoped to bring to the brand more fun and vibrant look to her.

“At Mattel, they used to call me “Barbie’s plastic surgeon” because I would beautify all the art of the brand, but I preferred to be called “Barbie’s personal trainer”.

The head of the brand liked this new style so much that they changed ALL of the consumer products to this Comic style Barbie for the time being! So that means, the graphic illustrations you see on Barbie doll packaging is still this style I helped create! Hopefully, they keep this style for another few years, as it’s been her core art style for the last 3 years. This was a career highlight for me, as my experience in the animation world, and comic art upbringing helped me make Barbie look strong and more animated. At Mattel, they used to call me “Barbie’s plastic surgeon” because I would beautify up all the art of the brand, but I preferred to be called “Barbie’s personal trainer”. In my mind, if Barbie can surf, sail, and be a pilot or any other cool job, she had better look capable!

Q. What is your ultimate goal as an artist?

Rita: I like to develop my own intellectual properties, animated series, or video games specifically. So it would be a big goal to see my original characters and story in collaboration with a great team be developed and released with a good response.

Q. According to you what are the key features of a perfect client?

Rita: A perfect client is one that knows what they want, likes what I provide with minimal notes, and pays quickly. Most clients don’t know what they want specifically, as it is my job to help them discover that. So just a willingness to work collaboratively and be communicative of their goals and feedback is nice to work for.

[jenniferpalmer94]

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[aion-rsa]

Kajillionaire: How the Evan Rachel Wood Movie Explores the ‘Mini-Cult’ of Family

https://ift.tt/2RPN4hK

Kajillionaire is the first feature film from writer-director Miranda July in which she isn’t also the star. It’s a different experience, stepping outside the frame and choosing instead to cast Evan Rachel Wood as her unconventional leading lady. But as the artistic polymath also tells us over a digital interview, she also “never [has] to stop looking at it from the outside.” The ‘it’ being an intimate portrait of a dysfunctional family of small-time scammers.

“I could go further,” July says during her conversation, “I could be more devoted to the actors… I wasn’t in there with them, in the fire.” This remove allowed her to be open to the final product, and letting it differ from her initial script. That and the confidence that comes from a long career of many hats.

“I’ve been now just making things in all mediums for a long time,” says July, a performance artist of all trades—from punk theater to sculpture installations, to a messaging app—who is used to wearing a dozen hats on a single project. “When you’re younger, you get really freaked out when things aren’t going according to plan; and by this point I think, ‘Well, there’s another way that’s gonna end up being the right way that’s different from what we planned.’”

That adaptability has served her especially well in the last six months of the COVID-19 pandemic, which delayed the release of Kajillionaire (among many other films) into theaters. Yet there’s a touch of self-fulfilling prophecy that July learned to embrace chaos in the current life-changing circumstances from her project about a brood of truly bad con artists whose attempts to score big earn them more problems than windfalls, with their half-baked schemes often spinning wildly out of control.

Though she wasn’t in front of the camera, July worked closely with Wood to develop the character of Old Dolio, the twentysomething daughter of a pair of lousy con artists (Richard Jenkins and Debra Winger), who nonetheless shares her parents’ fierce conviction in their scavenger lifestyle. Not only does Old Dolio not resemble July’s two avatars in her past films, Me and You and Everyone We Know and The Future, but her absence of femininity or softness distinguishes her from most twenty-something cinematic heroines.

“I’ve been wanting to work with [Miranda] for years and just jumped at the opportunity,” Wood says. “And then when I saw the kind of film she was creating, and the heroine that was Old Dolio, I was elated because you never get to see a leading lady look or act or sound like Old Dolio, and I had also never really read this script. And I’ve been doing this [for] over 25 years now, I’ve read a lot of scripts. So to actually be able to read a script that was so original I couldn’t compare it to anything else, that’s what excited me more than anything.”

With her lank hair, baggy tracksuit, and guttural voice, Old Dolio possesses the raised-by-wolves ferality of someone reared outside of mainstream society, especially with regard to hyper-feminized gender norms. Yet she’s clearly devoted herself to the Dynes’ scams, leaping, diving, and twisting herself into poses to evade security cameras—or just their long-suffering laundromat landlord.

“I’d never had a character who was gonna take some real work to get into,” July says. “I didn’t know if any of that was going to work, but I did think that rather than just arbitrarily come up with these physical restraints that it was important to sort of limit her intellectual state. I mean, she’s a full complete soul in there, but she’s not used to articulating, internally or externally, about her emotions.”

They workshopped the character together for about a week, with references and videos, so that they could build up what Wood describes as a “toolbox” once they got to set. “We had our own language that we had built for Old Dolio,” the star says. “Miranda could just call something out, and I would know what she was talking about. She would yell out, ‘Proud lion!’ ‘cause that’s one of the animals we had picked for Old Dolio, that she would emulate and have the same energy [as], and also when she needed to be slightly attractive for [Gina Rodriguez’s character] Melanie.”

That toolbox also gave them verbal shorthands for keeping Wood in-character; if it seemed like any feminine qualities (i.e., any of Wood’s own personality aspects) were coming through, July would yell out “hands” or “voice,” and her lead would remember to adjust her gestures or lower her voice.

In doing so, July says, they honed Old Dolio “until it was just physical. I was like, well, that sets her up inside her mind, her state, and from there she can probably do anything, was the hope. She could say these lines, she could do a tuck-and-roll.” While July had written in Old Dolio’s eccentric physicality before they began developing the character, she was gratified to see that Wood had no problem truly embodying the character.

“Evan actually could limbo, Evan could roll. You write all this stuff and then you’re braced to have to adjust to reality, but in Evan’s case, I never had to.”

Matching Old Dolio’s signature moves are the emotional and ethical gymnastics she must undertake as part of her family’s cons: whipping out the Catholic schoolgirl uniform when sweet-talking some rich marks; impersonating a stranger for a measly $20; forging signatures as easily as breathing.

“I related to Old Dolio in that way of a very unconventional upbringing and childhood,” says Wood, who has been acting for most of her life. “I was working since I was five, and sometimes seen more as a peer than as a child, and as a child star you can very easily confuse adoration and love, or performance and how it relates to love.”

Yet for all the necessary evils to which Old Dolio commits herself, she lacks the social intelligence to entirely pull them off; and her parents have no qualms about letting her know that they find her wanting.

“I think as Old Dolio understands it,” Wood continues, “love is a performance, in how well she does in these cons, and that [it’s] the only way to win her parents’ approval, and she convinces herself she doesn’t need anything else.”

Like money, Old Dolio can get by on a dearth of love—until the Dynes meet Melanie (Rodriguez), a bubbly young thing who is all too eager to get in on their schemes. Flirty and feminine where Old Dolio is awkward and androgynous, quick-thinking in a way that reveals a whole host of life experience, Melanie allows the Dynes to expand the scope of their cons; but Robert (Jenkins) and Theresa (Winger) also begin to project on her all of the affection that they’ve always withheld from Old Dolio in the name of supposed authenticity. “You get the sense that she knows something is missing,” Wood says, “and she can’t quite put her finger on it until Melanie comes into the picture.”

The slow-burn queer romance between Old Dolio and Melanie helps the former begin to envision a life outside of the Dynes’ restrictive existence of diminishing returns, and to experience a love (or at least the sense of being wanted) that she has long been lacking. But not even July initially intended for first love to be part of Old Dolio’s journey of self-discovery.

“I actually had Melanie in there a little bit before understanding that there was a romance,” July says, “and so Old Dolio had this repulsion and this reaction against her, and the parents adored her. And then I was like, ‘Ah, wouldn’t it be [wonderful] to give this woman all the joy of being loved by her.’ I just wanted that for Old Dolio.”

“We agreed that it was so easy to fall in love with each other,” Wood says about developing the romance with Rodriguez. “We had that chemistry right away. And with a character like Old Dolio, you have to be incredibly forward, because she just doesn’t get it, or doesn’t want to. Again, she had no exposure to things. It’s all new to her. What I love is that gender is never spoken about, and sexuality is never spoken about, it just is. And it’s a part of the film, but it’s not what the film is about.”

The absence of gender that Wood found so freeing seems to have been by design, as July explains that she was aware of gendered tropes and expectations when crafting this romance. 

“I always thought that if Evan’s character had been a guy, that the second Melanie entered the movie, you would know that there was gonna be a romance,” she says. “You could make that a real slow-burn, you could totally work against it and hide it, because you just know already, because of the formula, that they were gonna end up together. So I enjoyed treating it the same way, like not overly indicating, giving it the same artfulness—holding my cards like that, and trusting it, just trusting.”

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One of the most artful moments in the film, which demonstrates not just the trust between July and her leads but also between Wood and Rodriguez, is Old Dolio’s dance. The scene is part of Melanie helping Old Dolio check off a list of formative life events she has been lacking up until now; the latter has never had the teenage experience of rocking out in one’s bedroom alone or with a friend. Yet the dance itself—set to the telephone hold music that is Old Dolio’s ersatz soundtrack for her own life—is entirely about Melanie being witness to Old Dolio’s pent-up anger and joy, poignantly inelegant yet hopeful.

Wood describes how she and Rodriguez each surprised one another: Rodriguez had not seen Wood rehearse the dance prior to shooting the scene; and when the cameras started rolling, the tears in Rodriguez’s eyes were completely authentic. 

“She’s just that kind of actor,” Wood says. “She throws herself in, and she’s right there with you, just giving you everything.” Such moments also underscore why Wood feels like Kajillionaire was at times like shooting two different movies.

“There was the one with the Dynes, and there was the one that Gina and I were doing. And that was always so beautiful and tender and sexy and heartbreaking. That’s when we really got to lean into the heart and soul of the film.”

Arguably, what most identifies Kajillionaire as a Miranda July film is the surreal imagery of pink soap bubbles cascading over the wall of the Dynes’ shabby rented residence: an instantly familiar sitcom shorthand for a situation about to get out of hand, but that in July’s framing becomes strangely soothing. What began as the explanation for why they were able to live somewhere with such cheap rent—every day they must clean up the bubbles, only for the laundromat to inevitably produce more—took on a dreamlike beauty as July decided to link the bubbles to a recurring visual device in her films. In the case of Kajillionaire, the director says the bubbles “tap into that primal anxiety… they have to dispose of it in this Sisyphean way, but it keeps coming.”

Sisyphean could perhaps also apply to the staggered timing for Kajillionaire’s release. Following the film’s production, Annapurna Pictures declared bankruptcy, and July was forced to find a new distributor at Sundance; they did in Focus Features. The movie premiered at the festival in January 2020, weeks before whispers of COVID-19 began permeating America, and once the nationwide lockdown and quarantine began, its June release was pushed to September. While July acknowledges that she was of course disappointed “not to get to do my well-laid plans for this movie,” watching the film finally get released six months into COVID has given her a change in perspective.

That was due in large part to hearing from people within the last several weeks who were watching Kajillionaire for the first time during quarantine. “There was no other version of the movie to them but the one that they saw now,” she says. “It’s not that it’s a different movie, but there’s so many things in it that they spoke so intensely to me about—just a lot of little resonances with this time, and I think that made me feel like, ‘Well, maybe I was making it for us now.’”

July has found the silver lining on the metaphorical soap bubbles, in that Kajillionaire might be coming out exactly when it is supposed to. “That is the reality of what has happened,” she says, “so there’s no point in thinking that six months ago was my true time—like, no, I have to own it, this movie is for now.”

While filming Kajillionaire, Wood was also wrapping up three seasons’ worth of character arc for android Dolores on HBO’s Westworld. “There’s certainly parallels there,” Wood says of Dolores’ becoming self-aware and breaking out of her own loop compared to Old Dolio’s story. “I think that journey inward and that journey to consciousness is part of all of our journeys.” But her real takeaway is about breaking out of toxic loops, plus concerns of family as a whole.

“I’ve heard Miranda speak about families and how each one of them is its own mini-cult, in that they all have their own set of rules and morals and standards,” she says. “Each one is a little different, and we all go through a moment where we have to start defining ourselves separate from our family: what that looks like and who we really are, and what we really want. And sometimes that does not match up with the family that we have been raised in, and it can be quite jarring and traumatizing. Especially when you make the decision to share your true self with your family. I know queer people can certainly relate to some of this, and that idea of discovering who you are and sometimes having to leave the only thing that you’ve ever known.”

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Wood hopes that Kajillionaire moves audiences to reconsider their childhoods and their own parenting styles, but her greatest wish is that it reaches the people who may never have seen themselves reflected back in film before: “I hope if there’s any Old Dolios watching, that they feel seen, and like they got to be the leading lady.”

Kajillionaire will be released in theaters on Sept. 25.

The post Kajillionaire: How the Evan Rachel Wood Movie Explores the ‘Mini-Cult’ of Family appeared first on Den of Geek.

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