#and this is all BEFORE meeting benze and then crab joining up with them!! this is the most isolated point in sandman's life | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

hum--hallelujah · 1 year ago

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I hit tag limit on this reblog btw

also this one for Sandman I think. Sandman in all his relationships.

(I'm going bonkers about the boy geniuses rn sorry I do this every year around the first snow skfjskfjs something about them is just fall/winter music to me)

AUGH. FUCK. THIS ONE I DONT HAVE WORDS FOR RN BUT YOURE RIGHT. I TAKE IT BACK I WANTED TO STAY. CRYING. MY BOYS MESSED UP BUT HES OKAY. HATE AND LOVE AND FEAR AND LOVE AND ACCEPTANCE AND LETTING PEOPLE IN AND. AHH

#OK OK SO THIS ONE I ACTUALLY DID FIND SOME COHERENT THOUGHTS ABOUT #I think probably bc I know this song better (it's been out longer) so I can like. think about it better I guess?? but LIKE OK SO #it's like. sandman is so so so loving but he also has so so many trust and abandonment issues #in my 'verse it doesn't matter which AU it is bc in both of em he lost his childhood best friend to a fate worse than death #and there was SO much grief there and so much denial and then so much HURT in it. like. how could you leave me.#how could you leave me when we promised we'd be best friends forever and ever.#and then he broke their pact. they'd agreed as kids that if one of them was taken the other one would kill the one captured #and sandman had the chance. he had so many chances because once he knew donnie had been drac'd he would never #stop following around that squad in their shiny white van. because how could he let go of his best friend?#he had so many chances to make good on the promise he'd made and then he DIDN'T. because how could he #how could he kill his best friend? and so because of that there's so much shame and it's just a TON of bad emotions #and this is all BEFORE meeting benze and then crab joining up with them!! this is the most isolated point in sandman's life #and there's a point that comes where he's racing every chance he gets at the crash track just hoping praying begging #for it to live up to its name. he's driving so recklessly and hates himself so much and this reckless risk is the only thing that makes #him feel okay. ''conducting an experiment on how it feels to die/or stay alive'' do you get me???#but even through all this he's got so much love it's just been twisted and sharpened and mangled up within him #and then he meets benze and there's like. SOMEONE there now at least. like to at least patch him up when he gets hurt racing #and eventually crab finds them (finds him) and is dragging the last person sandman ever thought he would see alive with him #because it was never gonna be sandman who saved donnie (in the main universe. in tskom he turns him into a vampire and #breaks the brainwashing soulstealing or whatever that way. but in the main universe here)#something something all that hatred and like ''nobody knows the violent partner you carry around'' ''collecting the circles that #tell us how old we are beneath our eyelids''#idk he's just walking this knife's edge of love and hate within himself all the time but in the end ''I wanted to stay''. in the end #he wants to stay and there's hope and there's really no difference between the demons and saints like the song says (everyone #has light and dark inside them)#(idk about that line I'm just spitballing)#and he's not alone and he does want to stay. but there's still so much pain and darkness and loss #and that will follow him around for the rest of his life and sometimes the ways he acts because of all that hurt and hate #causes so many issues. idk. but yeah this song #ddas

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