#and this is SPOKEN OF very highly but TREATED like an unimportant trifle that you have to just get over if you want to live a serious life
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the conclusion from these holidays is the cruelty of the world built before me, where the objective emotional core of a person's life - the people they are close to - is not prioritised by the systems we are forced to live in, is instead treated as an afterthought that you have to eke out time for around the TRUE systemic core of needing to get money
#i dont have any ambitions i want to live my life with my family and my friends close by and eat warm meals and help people around me#and this is SPOKEN OF very highly but TREATED like an unimportant trifle that you have to just get over if you want to live a serious life#there should be more weight given to these things. the world should be simpler. there should be more time for emotional cores#im not only saying this because my grandma died its also because after her 'funeral' we had a huge sitdown dinner with all our friends here#''it's so incredibly nice to see you all; it's a shame that this is what brought us together tonight'' said every person there at some poin#our neighbours talked about mariupol; they have to keep living a coherent life here while their home city is demolished - how is that fair?#her parents are in mariupol right now; another family friend's parents are in berdiansk; and these people have to keep earning money here#i think this break in my mind happened when the 2022 war started: How Can I Be Expected To Just Keep On Going When THE WAR Is Going On#how can the upkeep of this overall system be forcibly positioned as more important than people's home or parents or friends#i dont know. i dont want to sound like an anarchist or a wannabe hermit/commune dweller. it just feels wrong and it makes me sad#personal
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