#and thinking abt how im more or less 100% satisfied and happy with how i present

[baltears]

as a nonbi/nary person it is not my responsibility to exert myself and spend my energy trying to actively distance myself from my agab in ways im not personally interested in doing. if people perceive me as a girl that is simply bc their third eye is closed and its not my fault

[unproduciblesmackdown]

oh yeah since my whole long text post got away from me the way all of them always do, i end up at the end of fourteen paragraphs being like “wait did i get to this basic point in any of this or forget it b/c i went off on a dozen tangents” but its def strange to look at this as a Break for them, and as something they Needed to have happen, and as something directly based on their relationship at all. like where they were as a Thing was at its most chill and comfortable point ever really.....but that doesnt mean their lives were perfect and they were satisfied w everything? b/c this stuff is way more about them individually....like their own personal issues and their own dissatisfactions w things in their lives. like any particular relationship in someones life doesnt (and shouldnt) define their entire life and happiness......you can still have things as individuals you want/need to work out for your own sake to be happier w your life overall, and thats whats happening here. neither lars or sadie was happy being stuck working at the big donut, both being pretty socially isolated, both feeling negatively impacted by the pressure they felt from how ppl around them perceived them, neither seeming to have ever had the chance to be in an ongoing situation in which they can personally thrive and feel positive about the role they get to play, and other stuff i guess i did just make an overly long post abt last night. THATS the stuff these arcs are addressing for them (and that the shows been addressing for their characters the whole time really), their relationship didnt have anything to do with that stuff b/c them being together wasnt ever The One Thing they needed to find happiness and fulfillment in every single part of their lives smh.........there’s no way that them just “getting a break” from kinda? dating? was what they needed to suddenly make a burst of progress/development in these totally personal aspects of their lives. or even that they needed a break to be happy w their relationship...honestly they were doing fine. yes, being happier in any part of your life usually makes things slightly easier than across the board misery, and yes personal, individual development/change will have an effect on a relationship, what with a relationship being comprised of 2+ individuals and all. but everything that lars and sadie have ever done and experienced hasnt been solely for the purpose of their relationship. and the Pretty Alright place they seemed to be in re: each other wasnt like....What Needed To Change for them ffs its such a weird way to look at it and really like. nobody should think that a relationship means “something that means your whole life is perfect now and thus no part of it can/should change” or “something that means you consider yourself 100% personally fulfilled”.......ppl should support their partners as individuals and not just strictly re the relationship, e.g. pursuing their own interests, focusing on their own problems even if they dont strictly affect the relationship. like, its not even a full step away from “your one relationship should bring you all the happiness you need in life and ultimately nothing else matters / you should completely shrug off all your own personal needs cuz they shouldnt feel like a big deal to you anymore” to the kind of fuckery shitheads will assert to make points like that their partners shouldnt need friends / anyone else to talk to / any other social interaction at all and nothing less than purely selfless sacrifice of their own wants & needs means theyre a bad partner harming the relationship and other person its so weird to say like. honestly they’re just physically separated by billions of miles or something, clearly they are still fond of each other in the same way as before they left? and are not like, mentally stepping away from how they feel about the other person? just b/c neither of them are like, exclusively mourning the absence of the other doesnt mean they’ve cast off their relationship for a bit. lars is trying to freakin not die again and get himself and the other off colors to earth, & sadie is just like, still doing things because lars isnt there to do shit with and nobodys entire life is This One Thing. its obv good that both of them got to quit the big donut, even if only one of them got to do so voluntarily—cuz obv really the only plus side was working with your bud & they wouldve had to quit mutually. and it’ll probs be nice for lars that like, he’s still the same person and deeply insecure in how everyone thinks of him, and is right now—b/c she isnt there—having to completely trust that sadie still likes him and misses him, and he’ll get to have that confirmed when he gets back. its not like any of this is like distinctly compartmentalized into Not Affecting Their Relationship vs Exclusively Affecting Their Relationship....i’m so.....like do we have to do everything ourselves? do we have to do a 27hr presentation every month to make points to ppl who apparently dont really give 3 sec of thought to the dnads once over the course of the series. like damnit i know i’m out here putting four days of thought into any 36second appearance of theirs, but why are other ppl apparently watching entire sets of eps about them w/o gaining like...any info abt their characters amateur hour im saying....... also like. just weird to see anybody talk abt lars and sadies relationship At All b/c usually all you see is shit from way back in the day when ppl were like wow. abusive....disgusting... (which is just an especially precious, cherished moment of life when you have really experienced abuse and get to see ppl applying the word to mean like, “conflict / tension,” “bad decisions,” “hurting someones feelings,” etc....) or when you get a nice Cute Moment in an ep & the rest of us are like omg 😩 These Donuts.... like you can’t just frivolously invoke lars n sadie’s Relationship Development in front of me like this and expect me to not have a wholeass speech about it lmao!! I’ve Been Here!!!!!!!!!

[lukeysgirl]

Relentless | Calum Hood Series Pt.3

                                               Part T H R E E

Request: Being the cousin of Ashton Irwin was exciting, especially when invited to their tour to hang out with his best friends. You found yourself becoming fond of Calum Hood, who finds you annoying from your constant appearance. But what would happen if you stopped giving him that attention?

Word Count: 3k+

A/N: i actually really like this part so i hope you guys do, too!! please try and get this to 100 notes (the regular) and im so happy a lot of you are enjoying it. i love your responses abt it so much, it makes me smile lots :] ty bubbas ‘n enjoy !!

Parts: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty. [DONE]

                                                   I M A G I N E 

 Flight to Helsinki, Finland, 3 Hours In

“Switch with me,” Luke spewed out as you put your magazine down and looked up at him. He was holding tightly on your seat while the plane was entering light turbulence. “Hurry!”

“Way wah?” Michael exclaimed, his mouth full of the Cheetos you bought him at the airport. “Aren you sitting wih Calum though?” 

“My point exactly,” Luke nodded, darting his blue eyes back on you as he struggled to stay on his feet. “Like actually hurry because I don’t want to fall and die because you’re hesitant.” 

“But this is such a bad time–” you tried to excuse yourself but Luke wouldn’t let you. 

“He’s trying to sleep on my shoulder but I am not trying to get Ashton salty at me for breaking Cashton.” Luke blurts, having you and Michael giggle. You quickly grabbed all your things and shoved it in your bag. Unbuckling yourself, Luke gets out of your way so you can stand and get out of the seat. 

“I’m gonna miss you, Y/N!” Michael playfully whimpered, having you giggle as you held onto the seats to move up on the private plane. It held you, the boys, and everybody who worked in the band and management. Most of them were either prepping for the next performance or asleep. You walked cautiously to find a very groggy Calum Hood sat in his seat with pure discomfort. 

“Calum?” You asked quietly, having him turn and look up at you. Distaste became ornate on his face as he rolled his almond eyes. “I’m sorry to bother but Luke asked to switch with me.”

“What the hell? Why?” Calum sounded annoyed, having you feel a pit dent your stomach. 

“He um,” you began, not wanting to throw Luke off the bus over not wanting to sit next to Calum. “He said he had to talk to Michael about something. It sounded really serious.” 

“Fucking Muke, they’re always like this,” Calum responded with a frown. “Are there no other seats available?”

“I didn’t see any on my way over,” you mumbled, having Calum sigh. He placed his head in his hand of pure defeat. He was easily irritated and you really didn’t like being in this situation. Before you can utter another plea, the turbulence increased its strength and you almost fell on top of Calum. 

“Miss, please take your seat,” a flight attendant rushed over, urging you as she pointed to the seat next to Calum. He let out a sigh as you carefully moved passed him in order to get through. But the side of your thigh rubbed gently against his knees, having him shift in discomfort as you took your seat. 

“M’sorry,” you muttered, placing your bag on your lap to put on your buckle. Calum glanced at you before leaning his head opposite of you. His neck was bent and extended, seeing as he was straining it way too much. He slowly closed his eyes and took a stab at sleeping. “Um, Calum..”

“What?” He asked angrily. 

“You’re gonna get some really bad neck pain if you sleep like that,” you inform, having him put his neck straight again to eye you intensely. 

“Oh? And what do you suggest, Y/N?” 

“W-well, I mean,” you began, looking away from Calum to watch your twiddling thumbs. “You can always lean on my shoulder if you’d like.”

“No.” Calum quickly dismissed the idea, but you were not taking his stubbornness right now. 

“Calum, don’t be stupid.”

“And now you’re calling me stupid? Gee wiz, Y/N, you sure are sweet,” Calum spat sarcastically.

“Yeah, I am calling you stupid,” you say with more aggression. “You have another option that would serve you much better but your crazy hatred for me makes you too stubborn to take the offer.” 

“I don’t hate you,” Calum disagreed. You felt a little happy hearing this, but you still had an argument to win. 

“Then shush and put your stupid head on my shoulder,” you finish, receiving a hesitant sigh from Calum before he begins to adjust. He moves his body in order to be a little slanted so he could lean his head better. You felt sparks once Calum’s head made contact with your sweater-protected shoulder. 

“Happy?” Calum mumbled as he shifted a bit to get a more comfortable spot. 

“Very,” you say. “Hey, would you like me to ask for a pillow? I’m pretty sure you’d be more comfortable with one. Call the flight attendant over so we can–” Calum quickly put an end to your ramble as his hand found your face and squished it so your lips were pursed with your cheeks a little closer than before. 

“You’re loud,” Calum croaked. “I’m trying to sleep.” You quickly went as silent as a mouse as Calum slowly fell into a nice rest. 

Helsinki, 18:00 P.M.

“This way, please.” One of the guards urged as you all proceeded down the boarding dock into the airport. You watched as Calum walked in front of you, trotting from his grogginess. You couldn’t help but blush now over what had happened on the flight. 

You still felt his head on your shoulder, his black hair tickling at the crook of your neck. You can still hear his light snoring when he was once asleep, probably dreaming about wonderful things. He even snaked his arm around your waist at some point, making your heart stop instantly. He was sleeping soundly on you for the entire trip and you didn’t hate it. 

Though, because of Calum’s sleep, you yourself couldn’t get a wink of sleep. 

“Oi!” You turned slightly to see Luke come to your side. He went a little close to whisper in your ear so Calum couldn’t hear. “How did it go?”

“He… he slept on my shoulder,” you piped happily, having Luke widen his blue eyes before you could give him more details. “We were arguing about it at first, but then he gave it and put his head on my shoulder and slept the entire flight.”

“That explains the dried up drool on your sweater then,” Luke said, pointing at the transparent, dried saliva on your clothing. You grab your sweater and pull it it away to see the splotch of Calum’s saliva on it. Luke chuckled a bit as you blushed in embarrassment. 

“I didn’t even notice!” You squeaked, getting the attention of the rest of the boys as you all walked into a Subway for food. Calum looked at you with an intense face, making your heart race a little as you let your sweater go. 

“Good job slobbering her, mate,” Ashton said with a chuckle, having the other boys snort while Calum held you in a gaze. Slowly, his chubby cheeks became very pink as his almond eyes lightened up a bit. 

“S-sorry, I didn’t realize…” Calum muttered, seeing as he put his head down and shoved his hands in his pockets. 

“It’s alright, seriously,” you urged, shrugging it off as you watched Calum get flustered. It was cute to see him embarrassed. It was another side of him that you don’t see everyday, and you loved it. 

“Here, Y/N, lemme help you.” Michael appeared out of thin air with a wet napkin and began to dab your sweater. You felt a little nervous from the closeness, but watched as Michael removed the saliva from you. His focus was so intense that you began to blush a bit. 

“Let me do it, Mike.” Calum quickly joined beside Michael, as he stood up straight and looked at Calum. 

“You sure? ‘Cause I’ve got it already–”

“Just pass it.” Reluctantly, Michael handed the napkin to Calum. As the bleach-haired boy fled to the cashier, Calum was bent down and looking at the saliva stain he left. 

“C-Calum, you don’t have to–” you stuttered, but Calum quickly brought up his hand and squished your face like he did on the plane. 

“Just let me do it,” Calum mumbled, letting go of your face as he began removing the rest of the dried up saliva. With him being so close, you couldn’t help but flush. You were able to smell the shampoo in his air and the cologne he was wearing. You smelled his breath, the combination of dark chocolate and bitter mint from the York peppermint patty he got himself. “I really am sorry, this is totally unlike me…”

“D-don’t worry, you were always uncool anyways.” Calum looked up and glared at you, having you giggle before you looked away. “I’m kidding. This is cool of you to do, though, so thanks…” 

Calum’s eyes quickly darted away from you and back on the dried saliva. With a few more dabs, he finds himself satisfied of his work and quickly stands up straight again. You watch as he folds the napkin and tossed it at the trashcan, getting it in perfectly. He then stared at you, having you stare back. Everything around you was silenced as you noticed Calum’s cheeks tint themselves a hue of pink. 

“That looks better, I think,” Calum spoke softly, his eyes more sincere and his tone less cold. It was completely different 3 days ago when you were in London. His stare felt more warm and accepting of you. His tolerance was getting better with you and he admitted that he doesn’t hate you. 

Does that mean he just barely ‘tolerates’ me? You think, feeling a little down that that might be the case. Before you could think more of it, you suddenly heard a female scream Calum’s name. 

“It’s Calum Hood!” A girl screamed, having a crowd of them spawn and run into the Subway’s with an objective. 

“Fuck me, I wanted to eat my 5 Dollar Foot Long,” Michael commented, holding his sandwich with disappointment on his face. Guards quickly begin leading you out of the eatery. You were feeling several pushes and small grabs as the guards quickly guided you all outside of the airport. 

But as you guys were dashing through the airport in seek of the exit, you felt yourself getting more distant from the guards. The girls were closing in and running a bit faster. One actually grabbed your sweater and pulled you back a bit, having you fall and collide your butt with the ground. Pain jolted in your bottom as you had trouble getting up. 

“Y/N!” You heard a shout, looking up to see Calum run over to you and grab your arms. He pulls you back on your feet and grabs your hand. Quickly, he begins to run, having you run with him as you felt his hand hold yours tighter. “C’mon, we need to get to the car, now.”

“I’m going!” You yell, having the both of you outrun the fans as you made it outside. Calum quickly urges you into the Jeep with the other boys, having him stand at the car door while looking at the fans. 

“Calum! Calum!” Girls chanted his name as they snapped several photos on their phones. 

“I love you all, but we seriously have to go!” Calum says, entering the car as the driver finally departed and began driving away from the airport. Ashton quickly patted your head as you were sat next to him. 

“Are you alright?” Ashton asked softly, worry drowning his hazel eyes as you nodded. 

“Yeah, Calum went back for me when I fell,” you said, looking over at Calum. He was looking out the car window, already distracted by the scenery as the car quickly drove passed several cars. “Don’t think I would have made it quicker without him.”

“You sound like you just outran several zombies for your life, Y/N!” Luke says, chuckling a bit as you joined him. “Although our fans are really lovely and supportive, they do get a little touchy-feely.”

“Especially when a girl is touring with us,” Michael chips in, having Luke nudge him. “It’s true, they didn’t expect Ashton’s cousin to join us.”

“True, actually…” as the other three boys continued the conversation, you looked over at Calum. He looked stuck in through, distracted by the evening sun and the land we were passing. He looked at peace, as if the breeze was doing him some good. You smiled at the distracted Maori boy, feeling a bit honored to see him like this. 

“Hey, Y/N, are you hungry?” Ashton piped, having you turn quickly to see your cousin smiling brightly at you. 

“Yeah, actually, I am,” you comment, holding onto your stomach as it growled. “No offense, but the airplane food didn’t do me good.”

“I would have gotten us something but Michael literally ordered every single condiment and cold cut you can fucking get at Subways,” Ashton began, glaring at Michael a bit. Who, by the way, was happily eating his sub with much delight. 

“I’m sorry!” Michael said, his sentence completely muffled by his mouth stuffed with his sandwich. Luke rolled his eyes as Ashton dropped his head in his hands of pure defeat. You giggled a bit as felt Calum sit up next to you. Turning your head, you watch as Calum looks down at his hands. 

“How about we go find a McDonalds or something?” Calum suggested, having everyone agree as Ashton told the driver to pullover at the nearest fast food restaurant there was. 

“Alright, I’ll go order,” Ashton took initiative as he took everybody’s orders and went off to the cashier. You guys were sat at a booth, with Luke next to you and Calum and Michael across from you. 

“Y/N, I can’t wait for you to meet my girlfriend in like, two weeks,” Luke began, having you watch him as he smiled happily over the thought of his girlfriend. “We’ll meet her and the other bands that we’ll hook up with and go on tour with.”

“Oh really?” You said with interest. “Who’re the other bands?” 

“One OK Rock and Hey Violet,” Luke said proudly, having you smile as you thought about their names. “One OK Rock, we picked up from Japan. They’re really cool dudes, and extremely talented.” 

“More punkrock than you boys, I assume?” You joked, having Michael slam his hands on the table as he looked at you with a smirk. 

“Nobody is more punkrock than us, Y/N!” Michael declared, rolling your eyes as Luke spoke more. 

“And Hey Violet are cool people, too,” Luke said with a smile. “Mostly composed of girls, so you’ll fit in with them real quick. They’re really sweet and awesome, honestly.”

“I can’t wait to meet them, then,” you say, genuinely excited to meet more musicians just as talented as your childhood friends. 

“Yeah, Calum is real fond of them!” Michael began as he nudged Calum. “Ain’t that right, Cal?” 

“Shut up,” Calum hissed, looking away from him as he distracted himself with the window. He watched as cars pulled in and departed from the lot of McDonalds. You blinked, seeming confused by the entire situation before Luke grabbed you back in. 

“Anyways, what were you doing before you came and joined us?” Luke asked you, having you sit back a bit as you twiddled your thumbs.

“Nothing as exciting as you guys, really,” you admit sheepishly, but it was true.”I was worked at a super market while attending uni so…”

“Ah yes, Ashton told me that this was your study abroad agreement,” Luke said, having you confirm with a nod. You noticed, though, that Calum slightly glanced into the conversation. Though his eyes didn’t leave the outside, his head was facing a little towards the rest of you. “I’m glad you’re able to be here with us then!” 

“Seriously, Y/N, you’re so rad,” Michael comments. “I think what we were missing was a little bit of our living past to join us in our future.” You smiled, feeling honored from that compliment. Suddenly, Ashton came with a huge tray of food. 

“Food is served!” Ashton chanted as he put down the food and allowed everybody to dig in. 

Helsinki, 19:00 P.M.

Everyone fell asleep in the car except you and Calum. 

It was a fairly long drive to the hotel that the guys were booked in. It was the hotel closest to the stadium they were performing at, but unfortunately, there was no airport nearby it. Which, they didn’t mind the long drive, but they were all tired from the flight and the meal they just ate. 

As the car moved, you found yourself getting groggy as well. Several yawns kept escaping your mouth as you watched over the other boys sleeping. Muke was in the front, moving their chairs together so they could lean on one another. To your left, Ashton was uncomfortably leaning against the window, having his hair bounce with every bump the car ran over. 

For Calum, he was wide awake and eyeing the car lights you guys kept passing. But you were too tired to really focus on Calum right now. At the moment, you were tempted as hell to lean on Ashton, but he seemed so at peace that you didn’t want to wake him. Your eyelids kept falling down but rising every time you acknowledged your sleepiness. 

You suddenly felt a large hand gently hold your right cheek as it pulled you down to a shoulder. 

Huh? Your head was now leaning against Calum’s shoulder as he still held you. Your heart raced faster as you felt his touch linger on your skin. Blood rushed to your cheeks from this random interaction. 

“C-calum–” 

“Just shut up and sleep,” Calum responded, his voice sounding bored as his eyes were still watching the outside of the car. His hand still didn’t remove itself as you leaned against Calum. 

“No, it’s okay, I can sit up and–” 

“You’re stupid.” Calum says, having the world stop in your mind. “’You have another option that would serve you much better.’ So just sleep already.” You blushed, feeling like a cloud as Calum repeated your words. But you didn’t want to be a hypocrite, so you gave in and shut your eyes as Calum held you close. 

hope yall liked it! ask or tell me whatever you want riiiiight here