#and things really took off for me in the past 4 years while i graduated more than 10 years ago

[linddzz]

Would you have any advice for someone who wants to do what you do professionally? I graduated from undergrad two years ago, but I've been clawing uselessly at the outside of the conservation profession trying to get an entry level job or a grad school position and at this point I'm pretty demoralized, since I want to be out in the field doing things and helping.

Idk if it's a great answer but patience and constantly throwing yourself out there as much as you're able. Patience is my main advice tbh. I went into the aquarium field and that was a few years working at just a hobby shop while being a volunteer aquarist at a public aquarium, and people who have been around my blog long enough might even remember my demoralized posts as I tried to get a job. More and more internships are paid but they're still an unfortunately big part of the field, and it's not uncommon for people to go from internship to internship trying to get that foot in the door.

Coral conservation is a growing field but comes with the huge downside of internships being even MORE expensive travel wise, but necessary for the hands on experience. Most of the people I've met doing more field work heavy stuff have a masters degree so if you want more field work that'll have to be the way to go most likely.

My path was coral aquarium care, which is getting more and more overlap between captive coral stuff and the field stuff (hence me being here).

Mine went like:

-Undergrad, get interested in aquaria and cephalopods (my gateway drug into Weird Invertebrates), was bad at sitting for academia stuff so wanted to avoid that. Had more interest in animal behavior at the time but now most of my job is microbiology and chemistry, which were my worst subjects in college, go figure.

-work at a saltwater hobby store as a filler job that's still enough within my field that i can put it in my resume. Actually learned a lot of husbandry stuff and got into corals this way. A lot of coral aquarists started in a hobby store, it makes you have to get real good at learning to troubleshoot common aquarium problems.

-intern/volunteer part time at a public aquarium while working at the shop. Keep showing up, ask a lot of questions, kept applying. Curator eventually knew they didn't have a spot for me but put in a word for me at the job I'm in now, and we're still friends!

-Got my current job at age 27 shortly after I had a huge crisis about wtf I was doing in life, after a few years got established enough to go on the first field work trip, then a few years later got to join this one at 34. I know people who got into the field later and earlier than me, getting past the "I should be at X point by this age" is the greatest advice I can think of for life in general.

If you want to go the aquarium route and get field work you want to aim for a coastal aquarium or an aquarium partnered with SECORE (a specifically coral propagation organization). BUT.

BUT. this is where the patience comes in. Don't try to aim for the perfect place at the start. Go for what's available, have a goal in mind for where to go once you've gained experience. A bonus of working in aquariums is that they're so expensive to run that you don't really get "roadside aquarium" like you do in zoos. Most will get you the experience needed to move up to a place that fits what you like more, as long as you're ok with needing to move. Smaller facilities are in a way better because you're likely doing way more than just prepping food for the senior keepers.

Also I've noticed a lot of people including me in the field (both academia and aquarium) had a goal or interest in mind but stayed open to other stuff. Aim a general direction but not at a specific target ya feel me?

And if there isn't anything available, honestly those hobby shops are good for a paycheck that's in the general vicinity of marine stuff. It's not bad on a resume just to show you kept aimed in the field while looking for stuff.

[beetlejuicyy]

Eraser | Ryomen Sukuna x reader

2. Wash Away

Summary: modern!Sukuna hasn't come to terms with the fact that you might not belong to him anymore (featuring a harmless Nanami cameo)

Warnings: gaslighting, toxicity, mentions of cheating

Word count: 2,789

Series masterlist:

1. Ultimatum

2. Wash Away

3. Only memories

4. Vengeance

Read on AO3

Notes: here's part two!! thank you for the love you showed for the first part, it means a lot. hope you enjoy

General Masterlist | Divider @rookthornesartistry

You checked your phone for the tenth time in the span of a minute. It had become unbearable to witness yourself desperately checking to see if Sukuna wrote you. Sure, you had ignored all his attempts to get in touch in the past few weeks. It didn't mean that you didn't enjoy knowing that he took his time to pester you with messages or take a break while driving between blackmailing some CEO for money and checking the status of the new cargo to call you five times in a row. Sukuna was persistent, if anything, and, as annoying as he was in his conviction that you still belonged to him, you found it incredibly satisfying to see him chasing after you.

However, since yesterday, the messages stopped pouring, your phone has gone silent, and your thoughts had turned your head into a mess. Did he give up on you already? Isn't that what you wished for, though?

"Thank you again for agreeing to meet." You said as the tall blond man came back to the table with your coffee. You argued that it was you who took him out so you would pay. Nonsense, he quickly dismissed you and remembered your usual order like it was yesterday.

"No need to thank me." He respectfully said, sitting down in front of you.

It was pouring outside, a quick summer storm that cooled off the heat of the previous days. It had started raining just after you met at the small café in your neighborhood.

You've known Nanami Kento since college. You graduated one year apart but you were part of the same friend group that ultimately didn't survive after graduation. However, you ended up working at the same company, until he resigned more than a year ago.

"How have you been?" He asked, taking a sip of his black, unsweetened coffee. Polite, as always, showing enough interest in your life while generally minding his own business, Nanami was the only coworker you ever really got along with. 

"Fine, fine." Both of your hands were wrapped around the cold glass full of iced coffee. "Work is shit, like always." He nodded slightly, showing you that you had his full attention. "Actually this is why I wanted to talk to you."

Adjusting to life without Sukuna was hard. You've grown so used to his presence in your life that you stopped noticing how much of a difference he made. He would be in front of your house, one hour after you turned off your work laptop, to pick you up and go for dinner. On days when you worked from the office you would meet for lunch, occasionally, or he would drop by with takeout. On weekends you would go on longer rides by car or sometimes you would hop on the back of his motorbike and go to the seaside. He was filling most of your time and, after that dreadful night, you suddenly realized you had no idea how to exist on your own.

So you buried yourself in work.

Sukuna always hated it when you worked overtime. But now that no one was texting you to be ready, entertain you with riddles about the dress code and your new destination, you found it easier to spend half an hour more fixing some issues at work. Soon it turned into full hours. In two weeks, you ended up realizing that you hated your workplace. You hardly got along with any coworker, the tasks were piling by the hour, the pay started to seem too little for the effort you were putting in. In reality, nothing had changed. Only your perception, since you had no way to blow off steam anymore. Things were easier to tolerate when you knew that you would see your boyfriend.

"I want to quit. I can't stand it anymore." Your fingers were cold and wet because of the glass. "I know you work at the institute now. If there's any vacant position sometime, could you let me know?"

You felt bad for turning to Nanami, honestly to anyone, asking for things. However, you felt the desperate need for a change in your life. Or maybe you tried to cope with the lack of Sukuna's presence in your life by changing it completely.

"I mean, we have similar background, we graduated the same program."

You felt anxious asking for a favor, especially since you haven't seen him since he resigned and only kept in touch through few messages. So you started talking too much, justifying yourself, trying to get rid of the little voice inside your head that was saying you're a burden.

"I don't even want a recommendation or something, the thing is that I know these posts aren't usually public and someone with connections ends up getting it before the normal person can apply.” The more you tried to explain yourself, the guiltier you felt. Nanami, on the other hand, patiently waited for you to finish, not interrupting or dismissing your worries.

"Of course I'll help, y/n." He said as he leaned back in his chair.

"Thank you. And sorry."

"No need. We're friends." You smiled gratefully. You could always count on Nanami.

You continued to catch up with him while munching on some pastries. You almost forgot to check your phone as often. It felt nice to talk to one of your old friends, especially since you had locked yourself inside your room for the past two weeks. At some point, over the muffled voices of people and the generic song playing in the café you heard the sound of a motorbike engine hurring on the street. You mentally cursed at your heart for beating faster, immediately associating the sound with the image of your ex-boyfriend.

"Yeah, so apparently they have been hooking up the whole time and everyone found out during the team building. It's only rumors I've heard since I didn't go." You were telling Nanami the latest gossip about some coworkers when you noticed he wasn't paying attention to your story. His eyes were focused somewhere behind you. He muttered a quick excuse for ignoring you and you turned your head to see what he was looking at.

Goddamn it.

Sukuna was piercing you with his gaze as he walked in the small café, having girls follow his tall figure with their eyes as he passed by them with determined steps. His pink hair was a mess because of the helmet he just took off and he ran a hand through his longer strands to put them back in place. You rolled your eyes when you met his gaze, clearly annoyed by what was about to happen. Somehow, coming to a small neighborhood café just to make a scene while looking unbearably attractive was easier than saying ‘I'm sorry’.

Sukuna hated when you rolled your eyes at him. Coincidentally, he found it very arousing. Being a brat was one of your specialties but it seemed that now you were testing his limits a little too much. You turned back to Nanami in an attempt to reassure him you could handle this on your own but Sukuna was already by your table before you could finish your sentence.

"You've proved your point. Let's go home." He said, looking down at you. He had his hands in his leather jacket's pockets, exuding a very laid back attitude, reinforced by the calmness of his voice. He was talking to you as if you were a toddler.

The fluttering feeling in your stomach at the sight of his handsome face, which you hadn't seen in over two weeks, was crushed by the curious and longing eyes of every girl in that damned café scanning your ex from head to toe. The mix of anger and disgust you first felt when you first saw that dreadful video had come back to every fiber of your body and you clenched your fist so tight that your nails were digging stinging holes in your palm.

"Can't you see I'm busy?" Your voice almost screeched while trying to contain your vexation.

"Y/n, I'm not playing this game anymore." He said as his large hand found the nape of your bared neck, your hair up in a high ponytail. The touch of his fingers on your skin sent bolts of excitement in your whole body, straight between your legs, and you had to rub your thighs together on the chair to brush the feeling away. Nanami sat up, ready to say something in your defense, but you had already slapped Sukuna's hand away and sat up yourself. He looked down at your smaller body with an irritated expression, the tattoos on his face making him seem even more dangerous than he actually was.

"Sorry, Kento-kun. I'll be back in five." You excused yourself with a smile before making your way out, your shoulder brushing harshly against Sukuna's chest on your way. He followed you out, and you knew all those girls' eyes were on his every move. The thought drove you insane.

"Kento-kun, huh?" Sukuna mocked you when you finally stopped under the roof in the empty inner garden of the café. Usually it was full of customers but now the rain was washing over the empty white metal tables and chairs with soothing tapping sounds. He pulled out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter from his pockets but you quickly whined in annoyance.

"Don't. I hate the smell.”

Both his eyebrows raised in a perfect mix of surprise and irritation, almost like he couldn’t believe the words coming out of your mouth. You never bothered to mention this aspect whenever your eyes would follow him longingly from the bed as he would light up a cigarette after fucking you rough, one finger playing with your lower lip. He chose to dismiss the thought as his head lowered so his eyes could look directly into yours, one hand placed at the side of your head against the wall. The smell of rain combined with his familiar and comforting perfume had your knees weaken while you tried to challenge his inquiring eyes.

“It took you two weeks to find a new personality?” His look was intimidating. You weakly tried to push him away pressing your hands against his chest but he didn’t even flinch. He sneered at your false effort, enjoying the warm feeling of your hands still lingering over the fabric of his white t-shirt.

“Why are you here, S’kuna?” You asked. Every time you imagined seeing him again you hoped to express your anger coherently, determined to let every single speck of negative emotion out of your system. You wanted to yell at him, hit him, make him understand the ruckus raising inside your heart because of him. But now all you could do was look at him with pleading eyes, almost begging him to tell you what you wanted to hear, what would finally allow you to forget everything and let yourself fall in his arms again.

“I came to stop you from embarrassing yourself.” You rolled your eyes again, pushing him with more force this time. He was still unmoved. You crossed your arms under your chest, unintentionally pushing at your breasts. He could notice the slight movement at the edge of his field of view, without taking his eyes off yours. He loved that baby blue fitted t-shirt of yours, with lace around the generous cleavage. And you wore it to see Kento-kun. The way you said that man’s name echoed in Sukuna’s brain and the thought altogether made him lose his mind.

“No, you are embarrassing me.” You spat back. You couldn’t believe you really expected him to give you what you what you wanted so easily.

“Half the city knows you’re my woman.” His other hand grabbed you by the arm, as if trying to shake you out of your stubbornness. Or keep you there, so you wouldn’t leave his side, no matter if you wanted to.

“We broke up, do you need a public statement for that?” It was painful even to you to say those words. You never thought you had officially broken up, not as long as you still hoped Sukuna would get over himself and admit that he was wrong, that he would never do that again. Because he loved you. But you let those venomous words out of your mouth in an attempt to see him feel only a fraction of the hurt you were containing in your heart.

Sukuna didn’t answer. He didn’t have any smart reply for that. He looked at you in silence, the only sound echoing between the two of you being the tapping of raindrops on the ground. He really did think you were simply acting like a brat, dismissing his efforts to talk only to have him chase you. Sukuna knew you loved that and, from time to time, you would push him away so you could see him make an effort to get to you. He never understood your reasons, but he entertained your caprices, enjoying the occasional taunting resembling a mouse and a cat constantly on the hunt. This time, it didn’t seem like a game anymore.

You wanted to kiss him so badly. You wouldn’t allow yourself, though, but your eyes would move from his eyes to his lips, his plump soft lips that you desperately wanted to bite on. You had left him speechless, with a helpless look on his face that only made you pity him. Pressing your lips together, you forced yourself to leave, since your knees were weaker by the minute and your arms were aching to be around his neck.

As you turned away, his hand gently fell down your arm, the tips of his fingers brushing over your bare skin, and he grabbed you by the wrist, keeping you in place.

“Give me another chance.” Sukuna almost begged. It was a pathetic sight, the tall muscular man, dressed in all black, with tattoos on his face, his whole presence imposing and intimidating, begging a woman like you to take him back. It almost made you give up. Almost.

“Give me one good reason.” You said, surprised by the composure of your voice in contrast to the hurricane of feelings in your heart.

“I miss you.” His eyebrows were raised in a pitiful plea.

“You’ll get used to it.” It wasn’t enough. You tried to break free from his grip but he held on your wrist as if it was the only thing allowing him to breathe.

“Don’t you miss me, y/n?” There it was. When his deep voice and mesmerizing eyes were failing to reach you he would retort to emotional blackmail. Of course you missed him, you cursed at yourself when you hesitated to answer, when the loud voice in your head was screaming to you that yes, you missed him, you missed him so much and your entire life felt pointless, that you hardly enjoyed anything since you last saw him, that you missed his comforting words and his safe arms and his handsome face.

“Someone is waiting for me.” You said as he let go of your wrist.

Sukuna watched as you turned your back to him, your long ponytail wiggling in the air with every step you took further away from him. He hated to see you go. Leaning against the wall, he lit up that cigarette only after you were out of his sight. It was such a peaceful rainy day when everything seemed to have slowed down, drenched in the humid air. His eyes were fixed on one small table for two in the corner of the garden, protected from the rain by a tall tree. It was your favorite spot, in your favorite café where he would find you reading sometimes, while sipping on iced tea. You always laughed at him whenever he would pick you up from there. His dark unapproachable figure made such a big contrast with the softness of the garden full of flowers. Sukuna always thought you fit so well there, like a goddess of the spring with your flowy skirts and your pretty round face.

He sighed, a thin cloud of smoke forming in the air as it blew out of his mouth. You were so different, almost opposites. This is why you worked so well together, you completed each other. He let his head fall back, resting against the wall, as he looked at the sky that was already starting to clear up. He wasn’t going to erase that tattoo off his skin just as he wasn’t going to allow you to erase him out of your life.

《previous 1. Ultimatum next》 Ascension |

True Form! Sukuna x Reader

tags: @siriuslyblackonback @rosaryia @st4r-s4r4 @depressiondiaries @sterzin @rowrowrowyourboat13

[pupuyvs]

epilogue

4 years later…

Chaewon groans as she paces back and forth.

“Chaewon sweetie I told you to calm down, you’re going to drive yourself insane,” her mother says while relaxing on the girl’s couch.

Chaewon stops and turns to her mother, clearly annoyed by her nonchalance, “I would be calm if everyone just arrived on time.”

Sighing, Yoona pats the spot next to her on the couch. Chaewon reluctantly sits down, a small dog jumping on her lap as soon as she does.

“Today is supposed to be a good day, not stressful. Relax, everything will work out, everyone is on their way.”

Before Chaewon could respond a knock on the door rings out, standing abruptly, the dog on her lap immediately jumping, she rushes to open the door.

“Mrs. and Mr. Yoo,” she exclaims.

The two walk in each taking turns hugging the girl.

“Chaewon sweetie what did I tell you about calling me Mrs. Yoo, you know its Mama Yoo to you,” Jihye’s mother says to her as she closes the door. Blushing slightly, Chaewon nods, “Right, I’m sorry.”

Waving her off she takes a look around the apartment, gasping when she sees the other’s mother.

“Yoona,” she exclaims before rushing to hug the other woman.

“Oh, Seohyun, it’s so good to see you again,” she then turns to the man who followed behind the other woman, “Taecyeon.”

“Yoona.”

The two stare at each other before breaking out into laughs, the man then leaning down to hug the other woman, “It’s good to see you again.”

Yoona nods before Seohyun exclaims once more as she suddenly kneels down to the white dog that was desperately trying to gain someone’s attention, “And who is this?”

“Shiro.”

“He’s adorable, isn’t he Taec?”

The man nods with a sigh, and then turns to Yoona and Chaewon, “She’s been trying to convince me to adopt another dog for the past few months when we already have two.”

“And what’s wrong with another one,” Seohyun says as she stands up, Shiro now in her arms.

“Nothing sweetheart, nothing.”

Satisfied with his answer, Seohyun goes to sit on the couch next to Yoona, who has also sat back down.

“Chaewon, this apartment is beautiful by the way, I love how you decorated it.”

Smiling as she comes back with bottles of water for the Yoo parents, she places them on the table for them, “Thank you, but truthfully I can’t take credit for this, Jihye mainly did this room.”

“Really,” Seohyun asks as she finally puts Shiro down to take a sip of water, “I’d never expect her to be good at decorating, she always took after her dad when it came to things like this.”

“It was surprising to me too. How was your guy's flight?”

“Actually pretty well, however, who knew California was so far from us.”

Yoona goes to agree as another knock on the door causing Chaewon to jump out of her seat, leaving the parents to talk as she goes to open it.

“About fucking time.”

“Don’t blame me, blame these two idiots,” Eunchae says while pointing to the couple behind her, earning a slap at the back of her head from Aeri.

“Don’t be rude, my baby was hungry.”

Eunchae rolls her eyes, “Doesn’t mean we have to spend thirty minutes ordering the entire fucking menu.”

This earns her another slap to the head which causes her to groan out loud and turn around, “You’re going to kill all my brain cells before I can go to college.”

“Good,” Aeri says as she guides Minjeong into the living room, “Don’t be nasty towards my wife next time.”

Eunchae simply flips her off before running to the kitchen as Yoona scolds her.

“Oh, Minjeong you’re simply glowing,” Yoona says as she helps Aeri get her on the couch.

“Thank you Ms. Im.”

“How far along are you now,” Seohyun asks this time.

“Seven months,” Aeri says happily.

Two years after graduation, Minjeong and Aeri’s parents had found out about their relationship. Not happy with their relationship, their parents immediately told them to break up. Not one to listen, Aeri had decided to not only not break up with her, but propose, which Minjeong had ultimately said yes to.

Due to this act not only tying their lives together, but their parent’s businesses together, as they were both the sole heir of their companies, their parents had no choice but to come around to it.

After almost two years of marriage the two had decided they wanted a child together, leading them to where they are now.

Before Chaewon can close the door someone slams into it, leaning down out of breath.

“Never let Eunchae guide anyone anywhere,” Yujin says as she stands up.

“Not my fault you drive slow as hell and walk even slower,” Eunchae shouts from the kitchen, currently destroying a bag of chips.

“Slow? You were going like two-hundred miles per hour and then left us to find a parking spot twenty blocks away.”

“Aeri wanted to be as close to the apartment as she could for her baby,” Eunchae retorts, the last part being said with a sweet tone as means to mock Aeri.

“Where are the others,” Chaewon asks before the two can start arguing.

“Coming up now, since you know we had to park in another state,” Yujin says as she walks into the kitchen snatching the chip bag from Eunchae, flipping her off when she complains, “You didn’t have to take the only spot in front of the apartment bastard.”

“Blame annoying ass Aeri and Minjeong.”

“Keep talking shit about me and my wife,” Aeri says, heading into the kitchen, “My babies only deserve the best.”

Both girls pretend to gag which makes Chaewon shake her head as she turns back to the hallway where she finds Yunjin walking towards her with her arms open, “Miss me?”

But before Chaewon can respond Yunjin gets shoved out the way, “Move your big ass head, she don’t wanna see you she wanna see me.”

Chaewon is then brought into a crushing hug by Yizhuo, “My bestie, I missed you so much.”

“I missed you too,” Chaewon says, “It’s been too long.”

Pulling back to look at her Yizhuo pouts, “It wouldn’t have been this long if you didn’t up and leave us in Korea.”

“You know I had to, Stanford was perfect for Jihye.”

Yizhuo nods but gasps when she looks over Chaewon’s shoulder and pushes past her, “Is that Mama Yoo?”

Seohyun, now standing, smiles widely, “Is that my baby Yizhuo?”

Now with the doorway clear Yunjin, Kazuha, and Jimin walk in, each giving Chaewon a hug as they pass her.

“Nice to see you too Mom,” Jimin says as she watches her girlfriend and mom hug.

“Oh hush, you’re always coming home, I never get to my Zhuozhuo.”

“Zhuozhuo?”

Jimin nods as she comes back to stand next to Chaewon, rolling her eyes, “Nickname she gave her a couple years ago, I swear she’s practically disowned me as her child.”

Chaewon laughs before taking out her phone and seeing the time, “Alright everyone,” she says seriously, “We need to leave now.”

“I’m not driving Aeri and Minjeong again,” Eunchae says as she enters the entryway, which earns her a hit on the back of her head from Aeri.

“That’s fine you can take all the parents, I’ll take Jimin and Yizhuo, Yujin you take the rest.”

Not allowing anyone to argue, Chaewon takes her keys from the hook and opens the door for everyone to leave.

The graduation went by without a hitch, though they were much further back than Chaewon wanted.

But any complaints disappeared as she watched Jihye walk across the stage, their friends and family clearly feeling the same way as they were probably the loudest people there.

As they stepped out of the stadium they began to look for Jihye, who was on the phone with Seohyun trying to guide them to her.

“I see her,” Eunchae exclaims before taking off.

Jumping on her she shocks Jihye, “Eunchae? What are you doing here?”

Before she can answer the group comes up in front of her, “We couldn’t miss our bros graduation,” Yujin says.

Pulling away from Eunchae Jihye can’t hide the shock as she immediately crashes into her friend group, them all pulling her into a hug, which Seohyun makes sure to take a picture of.

Pulling back slightly to look at them Jihye’s eyes are still wide, “I can’t believe you guys are here, holy shit.”

Not giving them a chance to respond she pulls them back into a hug. When they finally pull apart she sees Minjeong and Aeri, who were standing slightly behind the friend group.

“Holy shit you’re huge,” Jihye says earning her a small slap from her mother, “Sorry it just came out.”

Minjeong just laughs as she approaches Jihye to give her a hug, “I am huge, aren’t I?”

“How far along are you now?”

“Seven months,” Minjeong tells her.

“Wow,” Jihye says, clearly in shock, “Time flies, it seems like just yesterday you guys were getting married, which sorry again we didn’t get to attend.”

Minjeong waves her off as she steps to the side so her wife can greet Jihye, which she does with a pinch to her side.

“That’s for calling my wife huge,” Aeri says when Jihye yelps. Nodding in understanding the girl hugs Aeri, when she pulls away Seohyun announces its picture time.

While waiting for the next person to come next to her to take a picture she furrows her eyebrows, “Where’s everyone else at?”

”Yeji and Chaeryeong are currently having their honeymoon in the Maldives,” Yunjin starts, “Wonbin is going on a tour with his father to their company’s branches since he’s taking over soon, Wonyoung has a fashion show and Yuna, well she got called up.”

“Yuna got called up to the national team,” Jihye exclaims.

Nodding Yunjin wraps her arm around her waist so Seohyun can take the picture.

“Insane…”

After a few more pictures Chaewon finally walks up to Jihye, the sight of her causes Jihye’s already impossibly wide smile to widen.

“Hi beautiful,” Jihye says as she pulls Chaewon to her.

“Hello, my love.”

She presses a kiss to her head, “Sorry I didn’t say hi to you first.”

Chaewon shakes her head, “I don’t mind, you haven’t seen them for years.”

“Still I should’ve said hi,” which Chaewon immediately waves off before pulling Jihye into a kiss.

Pulling away she brings her hand up to wipe up some of the lipgloss she left on Jihye’s lip, “I’m so proud of you,” she tells her.

Still slightly dazed from the kiss, Jihye smiles, “Thank you baby.”

“Hate to interrupt this, but our reservation time is coming up,” Yoona tells them.

Nodding, Jihye begins to walk with the group, her hand around Chaewon’s waist, when her name is suddenly called out.

Turning around she sees a taller man and immediately gestures for him to come over. Removing her arm from Chaewon’s waist, which earns her a small glare, she hugs the man, pulling away, she faces the group, “Guys this is Stephen, Stephen this is my family and friends.”

Everyone says hi to him, except for Chaewon who is too busy glaring.

She knew the man through Jihye, due to the fact they partnered a lot Chaewon had learned about him, though she had never met him until now, and she didn’t like the way he was now holding Jihye’s waist.

“So, where are you heading now,” Stephen asks Jihye.

“Dinner, what about you?”

“I don’t think my parents planned anything, so probably go home and enjoy being classes free.”

“Why don’t you join us,” Yoona asks, much to Chaewon’s dismay.

“I don’t want to intrude,” Stephen says back bashfully.

“You wouldn’t,” Seohyun says this time, “The more the merrier.”

Nodding the man pauses for a second, “Is it okay if my parents come too,” he asks hesitantly.

“Of course!”

“Thank you, I’ll go tell them now then,” turning to Jihye he smiles, “Text me the details?”

Nodding she brings him in for one final hug and waves when he walks away.

Turning around she immediately grabs Chaewon’s hand and follows the group as they begin to leave. Furrowing her eyebrows she looks down at the girl beside her when she notices she’s being a lot more quiet.

“Chae?”

She hums.

“What’s wrong?”

When she shakes her head in response, Jihye knows she’s lying. Pulling her lightly to get her to stop, she faces her.

“Baby…talk to me.”

“Does Stephen like you?”

“What,” the question leaves Jihye dumbfounded, “I don’t…think so…”

Chaewon tilts her head, disbelief crossing her face causing Jihye to laugh.

“I’m serious baby, we don’t really talk about stuff like that.”

“So, what do you guys talk about?”

“I don’t know,” Jihye takes a moment to think, “Class, what he plans to do in Korea.”

Chaewon takes a step back, huffing out lightly, “Are you serious? He just so happens to be moving to Korea when we’re going b-”

Chaewon’s cut off by Jihye, “What are you doing? They could possibly hear us,” exasperated she tries again, “Baby, he’s moving back because his family wants to, his brother is a trainee over there.”

“And did he tell you that before or after you mentioned,” she pauses, “That.”

“…After.”

“He likes you,” Chaewon says as she begins to walk away. Chasing after her Jihye holds her hand when she comes next to her, “Baby, even if he did like me, I don’t care because I have the most beautiful, the most perfect girlfriend in the world who I am madly in love with.”

Chaewon shyly knocks shoulders with Jihye, “Sweet talker.”

Yizhuo turns to them, “Love y’all having a moment, but can y’all hurry up I’m starving.”

Pressing one final kiss to Chaewon’s lips they head to the car.

Before they can enter the restaurant Jimin pulls Jihye to the side, quickly reassuring Chaewon everything was fine when she looks at them.

When everyone walks in Jimin looks around before leaning into Jihye, “So did you bring it?”

Jihye nods causing Jimin to smile widely, “I can’t believe it, you are for real about to marry Chaewon.”

“I don’t know if I should.”

Jimin looks at her like she just grew three heads, “What do you mean? You’re having doubts,” hitting Jihye’s arm when she nodded, “Why? You were so sure when you told me.”

“I know, but…what if I’m not good enough?”

“What? Hye, that girl is in love with you.”

“Yeah, but when we go bac-”

“Back,” Jimin asks, “Wait, you guys are coming back to Korea?”

Wincing Jihye nods, “Yeah, we’re supposed to tell you guys at dinner, fuck, I fucked up. Well…now that you know, when we go back she’s going to be training to take over her father’s business and no matter what I work as I’ll never live up to that, I mean hell the only reason I was able to head to college is because she threatened her father.”

When Chaewon and Jihye had come back from their graduation trip her father had been furious, he viewed Jihye as below Chaewon and a possible future hindrance to her. However, Chaewon objected stating that if her father does not only accepted Jihye, but help her go to college then she would step away from the business, Eunchae even stating that she would do the same. Left with no choice their father accepted, however to show his disapproval he decided to distance himself until Chaewon would come back from California.

“Hye, where is this coming from?”

“I’ve always had these doubts, they go away, but they always come back. I just, I don’t know.”

Jimin sighs softly, “Jihye, Chaewon is madly in love with you, I’m sure the only reason she hasn’t asked you to marry her is because she’s unsure if that’s what you want. I get being worried, I feel it too sometimes being with Yizhuo, but then I remember that being with her makes me so happy that letting something as dumb as doubts ruin us seems ridiculous. So don’t let your stupid doubts ruin today.”

Nodding, the two girls are then interrupted by Yujin, “You guys good? Your girls are getting kinda antsy without you, especially you Jihye. Chaewon hasn’t stopped interrogating your friend.”

Groaning, she heads for the restaurant door, “She swears he’s in love with me.”

Before she could enter Jimin grabs her hand, “You good now?”

Nodding, she hugs Jimin quickly, “Thank you, now let’s go before Chaewon comes out here with Stephen’s head on a stick.”

The beach wasn’t packed as Jihye and Chaewon walked along it. After dinner, which went amazingly well, especially when they told everyone they were moving back, Jihye had asked Chaewon if they could take a walk at the beach. Chaewon had of course said yes, stating they could do whatever she wanted as today was her day.

So after departing from everyone, Chaewon and Jihye headed to the beach alone. Or so Chaewon thought, after assuring Jimin once more she would go through with her plan, Jimin had redirected everyone to the beach so they could wait where it would happen.

As they walked closer, Jihye couldn’t stop her heart from beating out of her chest.

“Are you okay baby,” Chaewon asks, clearly seeing the girl was nervous.

“Of course.”

“Do you want to stop for a second?”

Jihye quickly shakes her head, “No, I can go for a few more minutes.”

Accepting her answer the girls walk for a bit more before Jihye stops, looking at her curiously Chaewon is a bit shocked to find the taller girl practically hyperventilating.

“Baby, are you alright?”

Jihye nods, “Yes, I just…you know I love you right?”

“Of course.”

“Good, because I’m about to sound like a complete fool, but just bear with me,” taking a deep breath to calm herself Jihye grabs Chaewon’s other hand as she stands in front of her.

“These past four years have been by the far the best years of my life. If you were to have told freshman me that I would be in California with Kim Chaewon as my girlfriend, she wouldn’t believe you. Truthfully she may have even thought you were crazy, I mean me, with the Kim Chaewon…unbelievable. But here I am…and I couldn’t be happier. Chaewon you are my world, my universe, and I couldn’t bear living in a world where you’re not in my life,” she pauses to wipe a tear that is coming down Chaewon’s face, “I know I’m terrible at words, but truthfully there is nothing I can say that could possibly tell you just how much I love you. But there is a way I can show you.”

She lets go of Chaewon’s hands as she reaches into her pocket to retrieve a ring box, which garners a gasp from Chaewon, getting down on one knee she opens up the ring box, “Kim Chaewon, the love of my life, will you marry me?”

Not even a second passes before Chaewon responds, “Yes, of course.” As soon as she places the ring on Chaewon’s finger she finds herself laying in the sand, Chaewon laying multiple kisses on her face.

Only stopping when their friends and family come out from where they were hiding to cheer them on.

When they get up Chaewon immediately latches onto Jihye, “I love you so much.”

“I love you too.”

Cupping her cheeks Chaewon pulls her in for a kiss, their friends immediately cheering except for one.

“Y’all are so gay.”

“Fuck off Eunchae.”

a/n: where do i even begin…i guess i should start off by saying thank you. the feedback i received for this au was…amazing to say the least and im truly so glad that you guys fell in love with these characters as much as i did. i truly wanted to make this 10k words long, but i also knew that was just me wanting to prolong this au from finally end 😭😭 but i couldnt prolong it no more. though this is the end of goal as a whole i will still be doing bonus chapters so if there is anything of chaehye??? hyewon??? jichae??? and their group u want to see tell me ill be down to write it. other than that thats it! i do have two smaus im currently writing which ill link here and here, however u are not obligated to read them whatsoever. if u do, i hope u enjoy what i have planned if you dont, thank you for reading what i had planned and i hope so see you again someday. this a/n long as hell so ill end it here by saying thank u again, take care, and to jihye, chaewon and friends i love yall ���🫂🫂🫂

prev - masterlist

taglist: @myouiiiiiiii @bbanghanni @impossiblesharkcashrebel @lesbodietcoke @wmnrhot @pandafuriousa60 @jisooftme @rinapomu @r4cjh @snsdwater @chaewoni3 @73vyn @chaepu @haerinkisser @bagwhy @glassflowerpetals @mineige @jjongscardigan @dutifullyannoyingfox

[pixelnrd]

hello! ive binged your blog this past week and have been so invested and impressed with how professionally everything has been done. I particularly liked the snippets of your 'process' you've hinted at in other asks. I havent been around since the beginning so i wanted to ask what inspired you to undertake such a large project! or, rather, did you expect it to be as big as it became? each generation has 70+ daily posts, their portrait headshots, family portraits... i love it! were you trying to build an audience when you started out? was it a covid project that you had time to build a huge queue for? i think ill be starting my own narrative simblr here soon and i'd love to hear your thoughts or advice about your journey with it, if any.

Hello and thank you for such a lovely message, it's so nice to receive feedback on the quality of my Decades Challenge because I do put so much effort in behind the scenes thanks to my agonising perfectionism!

As a project it has grown beyond what I thought it would be, to a point that I had to reign it back in in early-2022 because I couldn't keep up. I'll put more detail under the cut ✨

The Langstons started as a covid project in 2020. I was an unemployed student with a lot of time on my hands. I'd done legacies before and was pretty good at getting close to the end so that was the 'project', to do the Decades Challenge. And while looking for inspiration like cc and builds etc I found simblr and discovered people were posting their Decades Challenges here with narrative attached. By this stage I'd already played a fair bit into my Langston family (they had 4 kids by that point) so I decided to start posting my sims as well, which pushed me to put a bit more effort in with shots, story, editing etc because I had imposter syndrome. I didn't intend for there to be much narrative or story, and I think that's pretty obvious when reviewing the 1890s Langstons, but it started to grow as I was posting because I wanted to give my sim characters justifications for their life paths I was sending them on... and it all kind of took off from there, as a Decades Challenge story.

Covid over 2020 and 2021 in my country forced us into hard lockdowns, and over those 2 years I had heaps of spare time for home-based hobbies - so I just kept pushing myself to keep going with my Decades Challenge for something to do. I got really into creating storylines and costuming and wanting to do the project 'justice' because of how much effort was going in and how many generations I needed to cover to finish it. Then I stared doing lookbooks, creating portraits and character pages, and then making cc (which was a fun side project).

I wanted to build an audience at the start because I wanted to gauge whether anyone was as interested in my sims as I was in others', and when I stared getting feedback and responses to my posts it was very validating and flattering, so that spurred me to keep up. I never dreamed it would get the audience it has now! It's nice being told that something you are making is good. IRL at the time, I was pretty miserable - I graduated my Masters without a job, I was trying to conceive and failing, I was lonely due to covid and lost some of the best years of my 20s - but simblr made me happy and was a distraction from those hard things and so I really poured effort into the thing that brought me happiness.

2022 and 2023 forced me to pull back from my Decades Challenge project due to pregnancy and becomming a parent. It felt very natural to drop it at the time, but since finding my groove with parenting and my new life I still want to finish this project because it's been nearly 4(!) years of effort and I'd hate to leave it so close to the end. So that's why I'm still here - in a reduced capacity to what I was in 2020 and 2021 at my peak - trying to get it done. I don't post lookbooks or do cc anymore, because I just don't have the time anymore. But everyone is so encouraging, I have made some nice friends here and I'm constantly in awe of and inspired by the sims, content and stories others are creating. There is so much more potential for historical gameplay in the years since I started my Decades Challenge - farming! horses! infants! - and I hope that my project has inspired others to have a go! That's the best legacy I could hope to leave...

[officialaemondtargaryen]

Prompt: "We both kinda escaped the same party and there's only one place to effectively hide from everyone else, I'm sorry but could I please hide in this stupidly claustrophobic spot for just one minute, my heels are killing me?" AU

Characters: Eddie Munson x Reader

Word Count: 3,600

Trigger warning: Partying, alcohol use, drug use.

Author's Note: Happy New Years! Are all of my fics holiday themed now? See ya on Valentine's Day, I guess. Also, I was torn between writing this for Eddie or writing this for Argyle, but I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to nail the dialogue with Argyle- I need to study his character more (aka watch vol. 4 again). I really hope that you enjoy this 100% self-indulgent, steaming pile of crap.

It was Robin's fault, truly.

Steve had originally asked her to go with him to Tina's party, but she wasn't able to get out of work. You already had plans with your mother, a few VHS tapes, and a giant bowl of popcorn, but Steve promised that he would make it up to you in some way, and having something to hold over him was enough to make you reconsider.

Still, you already felt out of place as you sat in Steve's passenger seat picking at the hem of your skirt while he fixed his hair in his rearview mirror. You weren't a huge fan of parties, never had been, especially parties where you didn't drive yourself and therefore could not leave on your own accord unless you wanted to walk a few miles in freezing temperatures.

Steve promised he'd have you home at a decent time, but it was New Year's Eve, and you knew that 'decent time' wouldn't be until at least after the ball dropped. His main objective was Kimberly Kline; a former varsity cheerleader who graduated at the top of her class and the mayor's daughter. According to your best friend, Kimberly had asked him if he was going to the party when she was checking out at the Family Video last week. Steve obviously took that as an invitation, despite not actually being invited.

You were just there as a buffer, in case things between him and Kimberly didn't work out. If they did, you were on your own.

"Your hair looks fine, Steve." You mentioned as he carded his fingers through his silky, brunette locks for what seemed like the thousandth time.

"Are you sure?" He asked. "My head doesn't look too square?"

You sighed and turned to face him. "I'm not sure how to tell you this, but your head has always been and will always be square."

His shoulders dropped as he flipped the visor up and pulled the keys from the ignition. "You know what? That's just great. Thank you, Y/N. Way to boost my confidence."

You pursed your lips to keep yourself from laughing. He rolled his eyes and began mumbling to himself as he climbed out of the burgundy vehicle and shut the door behind him. You let out a chuckle as he dramatically marched off toward Tina's house, leaving you to follow.

"Honestly, Y/N," Steve turned back to you sharply and put his hands on his hips. "I was hoping you'd, I don't know, hype me up and make me feel good about myself. I'm already nervous!"

"Clearly," you laughed as you joined him at his side. "Look, Steve," you reached out and placed your hand on his shoulder. "Kimberly Kline would be totally bonkers to not want to hook up with you. So stop worrying about how you look! If that's all she cares about then you're better off honestly."

Steve looked at you sheepishly with a small blush growing on his cheeks. "Thanks, Y/N."

Before you could say anything, an old, white van sped around the corner past the two of you; tires screeching on the asphalt, leaving a trail of exhaust fumes in its wake. You could hear Iron Maiden blaring as the driver came to a hard stop in Tina's front yard, knocking over a large plastic snowman. You rolled your eyes as Eddie Munson slid out of the driver's seat and took a long drag off of the cigarette hanging from his mouth; a bright cloud of smoke hanging in the air as he exhaled.

"What a jerk," Steve mentioned, pulling you from your thoughts.

"Who? Eddie?" You asked.

"Yeah," he replied. "He thinks he's so cool."

"You know, people used to think that about you," You teased, giving Steve's shoulder a little shove as you began walking towards the party.

It didn't take long before you were standing in Tina's kitchen with a plastic cup in your hand. Your head absentmindedly bobbing to the loud pop music playing through the stereo in the living room. The New Year's Eve special was playing on the television but you wouldn't have been able to hear it. Steve had already spotted Kimberly and had downed two drinks before building up the courage to go over and talk to her.

You were leaning up against the counter, making small talk with a girl that had been in the drama club with you for a few years; catching up, talking about work and college, the usual. Steve was on the couch with his arm around Kimberly, talking animatedly with his hands, and she was smiling. He caught eyes with you for a moment and gave you a quick head nod to let you know that things were going well.

A guy you didn't recognize was aggressively making eye contact from his place in the dining room. You looked for a quick exit, knowing that at any moment he would shove himself off of the wall and stagger over to you. Excusing yourself, you tried to make your way towards Steve but were blocked off by a keg-stand in progress. You peered through the party-goers and noticed the guy was just stepping into the kitchen, ducking your head, you didn't have many options other than out the back door or a random door to your left. Wanting to avoid what would absolutely be the most awkward encounter of your life, you slipped through the closest door hoping the stranger didn't notice.

After a few moments, you considered yourself safe and turned to see that you were standing in Tina's pantry, and there, sitting cross-legged on the floor with a bag of Doritos in his hand, was Eddie Munson; mouth slightly agape, eyes wide.

"Shit," you blurted. "I didn't mean to interrupt whatever it was you were doing in here." You went to turn and leave, your hand was hovering over the doorknob, but the thought of the creep on the other side made you hesitate. "Actually, do you mind if I hang out in here with you for a minute? I'm trying to avoid some weirdo who apparently was never taught that staring is rude."

Immediately, Eddie's eyes shifted to the floor. "Uh, sure." He replied. You sighed in relief. "Unless you just want me to go out there and kick his ass."

You laughed and sat with your back against the wall opposite him. "I appreciate the offer, but kicking off the new year with an assault charge is probably not a good idea." Eddie smiled in reply and the pantry fell silent. "So what is Eddie fucking Munson doing sitting in Tina Burton's pantry?"

He looked up at you through thick, curly bangs and shrugged. "Came here to do a deal," he motioned to his little black box that you had seen a few times before. "But not really feeling the atmosphere," he drew out. "Too many jocks."

"Isn't that your van parked out front?" You asked, he nodded. "You can always leave."

"Suppose I could," he replied. "But then you'd be stuck in this pantry by yourself with a creep on the loose."

"You'd rather stay here at this lame party, despite the fact that you are completely miserable, for me?" His dark chocolate eyes connected with yours for a moment before he shrugged his shoulders. If you didn't know any better, you'd say he was shy. "You flatter me, Mr. Munson."

"What about you?" He asked, turning the tables. "You never really struck me as a party girl. I'm sure you came here with someone."

"I did, yeah, I came with Steve." You replied reaching over and grabbing a handful of Doritos from the bag Eddie was holding.

"Steve?" Eddie asked, his brows raised. "Harrington?" You nodded as you shoved chips into your mouth. "Let me guess, you were supposed to be his date but it didn't work out?"

You almost choked. "No! God, no." Eddie's eyes were probing you for an explanation but you were also hurriedly trying to swallow what was in your mouth before you began talking. "He's trying to get laid, and for fuck's sake, I hope he does. He has been such a little brat lately." Eddie laughed. "I'm his shoulder to cry on in case things don't work out for him."

"Hard to imagine that something wouldn't work out for Steve "The Hair" Harrington," Eddie replied almost critically. He flipped open his little box and pulled out a small, metal tin before producing a pre-rolled joint. Your eyes widened as he stuck it between his lips and pulled a lighter our of his pocket. "What?"

"In here?" You asked.

"You afraid we're going to get in trouble, Y/L/N?" He asked, quirking an eyebrow in your direction before lighting the end of the homemade cigarette. Eddie took a long drag and inhaled the smoke into his lungs and held it for a few moments before exhaling with a loud cough.

"Well, yeah," you replied but still took the joint from Eddie's fingers when he offered it to you. The smoke burned your chest as you inhaled, you couldn't help but cough, choking on the skunky taste before passing the joint back to him.

"You're adorable," he laughed and you immediately pouted. "Yep, that look right there. Let me just-" Eddie placed the burning joint between his lips and held his fingers up in front of his face to mimic a camera, pressing the invisible button with a click sound. "Commit that to my memory." You shook your head and giggled at his antics. "That one, too." He added, clicking his invisible camera, once more.

Sitting here, in the floor of Tina's pantry, you wondered why you hadn't hung out with him more than just the occasional drug deal. You had started buying pot from Eddie in your junior year when his band started practicing in Gareth Emerson's garage, but you had never actually hung out with him outside of that. You'd stay and watch them practice a few songs, but that was about it.

"So do you have any new year's resolutions?" You asked him after taking another hit, not wanting the conversation to die.

"Yeah, graduating," he replied as he sunk back against the wall.

"Any plans on what you're going to do after that?"

"What like college?" He asked taking one last hit before disposing of the smoldering joint in an empty can of beer, you nodded. "I don't really think I'm the college type. Besides, there's no degree for what I want to do."

"So you're going to hit the road?" You asked, "take Corroded Coffin on tour and sell out stadiums?"

"That's the dream," He replied and immediately frowned. "More like a fantasy, really."

"It's not." You reassured him. "There'll be thousands in the crowd screaming your name one day, and I'll be one of them. If I had a permanent marker I'd ask for your autograph now before you get too famous and eventually sell out."

"Never!" He laughed.

"Yeah, yeah, that's what they all say." You teased.

"What about you?" He asked in return. "Any new years plans?"

You shrugged your shoulders and shook your head. You hadn't really given much thought to the new year and you weren't the type to make any resolutions. After all, you lived in Hawkins, Indiana, a place where people didn't really make plans or have any goals outside of settling down and moving up in whatever dead-end job they were working. Every year you'd hear the same shit; "I want to lose ten pounds", "I'm going to stop smoking", "I plan to be more active", or "I'd like to read more books". They'd start off strong, but before January was even over, they'll forget they even set a goal to begin with.

Eddie had lit another joint, waiting for your response but there wouldn't be one. A silence made itself comfortable between the two of you. You could see Eddie was about to say something else, but outside of the pantry, the countdown was beginning; the last few moments of 1985. If you were to make a resolution, now would be the time to do it.

"Ten, nine-"

"We should kiss," you mentioned with a shrug of your shoulders, deciding that your resolution would be to take risks. "Wouldn't want to ruin the tradition."

"Seven, six-"

"What?" He asked, almost choking on the smoke he inhaled from the joint wedged between his fingers. His brows merged together as he coughed.

"Four, three, two-"

"I mean we don't have to," you answered, knowing that he had heard you the first time.

"Happy New Year!"

Eddie paused for just a moment, his tongue sliding over his bottom lip before he moved his hand to the back of your neck and pulled you towards him for a firm kiss. Before you had the chance to fully reciprocate, he pulled away; his eyes searching your features for any sign that he should stop- or continue. Without any hesitation, you snaked your hands around his neck and pulled him back to you, the kiss deeper this time. His lips were hot against yours as his fingers curled into the roots of your hair. Your tongue tangled with his in an eloquent dance that felt so familiar yet brand new.

You pulled away to catch your breath and looked up into his deep brown eyes which were full-blown with lust as he grabbed for you to come closer. Every few moments you'd giggle and he'd smile as you tried to navigate the positioning of your bodies in the small pantry, but your lips still made their way back to each other. His hands pushed your jacket down your shoulders as his lips left a trail of kisses along your neck. You moved to straddle his lap, desperate to be closer to him, but in the move your head collided with the shelf above, sending a couple bags of chips into Eddie's lap instead.

He couldn't help but laugh; his full pink lips stretched into a smile as he took your face in his hands. "You okay, there?"

"Ow," you winced as you rubbed a hand over your head.

"Let me see," he cooed and you tilted your head down to him. He placed a soft kiss on your tender scalp. "All better?"

"Yeah," you sighed. "Just ruined the moment, is all."

Eddie, with your face still in his gentle but calloused hands, placed a lingering kiss on your pouted lips. "You didn't ruin anything," He said softly, brushing your hair behind your ear. "Besides, we should probably get out of here."

It was hard not to notice the dirty looks on the faces of your peers as you and Eddie emerged from the pantry; some of them even pointed as they whispered to each other.

"Do you see Steve?" You yelled at Eddie over the music. "I should probably let him know I'm leaving!"

He scoured the crowd and shook his head. "Maybe things worked out for him!"

"Maybe!" You shrugged and made your way towards the front door; weaving in and out of the sweaty, drunken bodies. Eddie's hand was in yours so as to not get separated from you as he followed behind.

The air was brisk as you stepped out onto Tina's front porch, clearing your foggy mind the second you took a deep breath. You shivered as Eddie stepped in front of you, leading you to his van.

"Your chariot awaits, madam." He said, offering to open the passenger side door for you.

"Wait, one second!" You quickly dashed over to where Eddie had knocked over Tina's decorative snowman and sat him upright. "What, you hit Frosty!" You exclaimed.

Eddie just laughed and shook his head before quickly scrambling around to the driver's side and hopping in. He shoved his keys into the ignition and turned the heat on full blast. "Don't worry, she heats up pretty fast."

As Eddie backed out of Tina's yard you noticed Steve's car was no longer where he had parked it when you first arrived. You hoped that Steve didn't leave alone, and also that he didn't leave without at least looking for you first. Given that you were hiding out in the pantry for most of the night, you gave him the benefit of the doubt that if he had known where you were, he would have given you the heads up.

The drive back to your place was mostly quiet, save for the music coming from Eddie's radio. He had the volume turned low and his window was cracked as he smoked a cigarette.

"May I?" You asked, motioning towards the cardboard box of cassette tapes that sat on the floorboard between the seats.

"Go for it," he replied as he slowed to a stop at a red light. "Find something to put on." He ejected his Iron Maiden cassette and placed it back in its plastic case, giving you free rein to choose whatever you wanted.

You rummaged through Eddie's music selection, marveling at his taste. He had everything from metal to punk, the classics, and- "Hall and Oates?" You asked, almost teasing him.

"What's wrong with Hall and Oates?" He asked, snatching the tape from your hands. "Kiss On My List? You Make My Dreams Come True? Can't help but love 'em, they're catchy."

"I completely agree," you replied, still shifting through the box. "I'm just surprised is all, would have thought that there wasn't enough guitar for you."

"It's not always about the guitar!"

You picked out Bruce Springsteen and gently pushed the tape into the cassette player. Eddie nodded in approval as he began humming along to the melody. The blue lights on the dashboard illuminated his soft features, making you realize how beautiful he really was. A small smile pulled at your lips as your eyes took in the sight of him, wondering how you never saw it before.

"You're staring," he taunted, stealing a quick glance before returning his eyes to the road.

"I'm sorry," you laughed but didn't take your eyes off of him. "I just- I never realized how beautiful you are."

"You think I'm beautiful?" He asked, placing a hand over his heart and batting his eyelashes at you.

"And silly," you giggled. "But, yes."

Eddie shook his head in response, unable to hold back his smile. "You know, I had the biggest crush on you in school."

"You did not!" You gasped.

"I totally did!" He replied. "It was bad. I would take the long way to class just so that I could walk past your locker. Man, those days after school when you'd come over to Gareth's to buy some weed and you'd hang out and listen to our band- fuck!" He was shaking his head; beautiful brunette curls bouncing on his shoulders.

"I had no idea," you replied. "You were always so quiet, I thought you didn't like me."

"You thought I- what? Didn't like you!?" He exclaimed. "Come on! How could any guy not like you? You're so fucking funny! Plus, you're like actually a good person. You're compassionate and kind and smart as Hell."

"Why tell me now?" You asked as your heart skipped beats.

"I don't know, it's New Years, why not?" He answered. "Why'd you ask me to kiss you back at Tina's?"

You shrugged, "because it's New Years, why not?" Eddie smiled at your response as he pulled up to the curb of your house. You unbuckled your seatbelt and turned to face him, "I'd offer for you to come in, but I know my mom is waiting up for me."

"That's okay," he replied softly. "I really want to kiss you again."

"Yeah?" You bit your lip under his gaze.

"Mhm," he hummed.

Eddie leaned in to place his lips on yours one more time. It was slow and sweet; soft, like the glow of his headlights reflecting on the flurries of snow falling from the dark, midnight sky. You would have never thought that this night would have ended this way, but you were so thankful that it did. You weren't sure what 1986 had in store for you, but you were determined to make sure that Eddie was a part of it.

"I appreciate the ride home," you said barely above a whisper as you pulled away. "I should probably get inside, I bet-" you turned to look at your house and saw your mother's figure at the window. "Yep, she's watching."

Eddie chuckled and climbed out of the van. You smiled as he rounded the hood of the vehicle to open the passenger door for you. "Let's not keep her waiting." You slid out of his van and gave him a hug before heading up your driveway. "Maybe I'll see you are Gareth's or something?"

"Or," you turned back to him. "Maybe you'll see me at that new pizza place that just opened up? Maybe around 7:00 on Friday?"

"It's a date," he called to you as he brought his hands up to his face in the shape of a camera one last time, taking a mental photo of you before the night ended.

[heartsbind]

🎮🐶😁

shannon the yapper

🎮 — favorite video game(s)?

OOOOH favorite....... that's so hard omg. i have a handful of games that were so impactful i made muses for but i'd prob say my top two are mass effect and dragon age. for mass effect i loved the whole trilogy and writing about kaidan alenko going from being only romanceable by femshep to being romanceable by both sheps from me1 to me3 literally was like a huge part of my college thesis DSFKDSFDSF and i also met my husband in the me rpc (we both wrote kaidan and our first interaction was him sending me an ask telling me how much he loved my interpretation DKJFDSJKFDSF and i in turn love his 🥹🥹🥹)

dragon age was ALSO part of my thesis (really the thesis was just about "playing queer" in video games from like romance mechanics to character customization and also like applying queer theory (anti-capitalism / difference / living in opposition to "normal" / etc) to play etc etc etc) but yeah if i were to think about games that i just keep going back to over the years it would be those two! honorable mentions persona 3-5 and skyrim dskfjndsfdsf

🐶 — any pets?

YESSSS my precious leetol dottir peanut... who is sat comfortably between my legs while i'm writing this / working DKFDSFDSF. i would have taken a picture but i am stuck-- but YEAH so her previous owner had to rehome her bc they were moving into a cat-unfriendly apartment and we've been caring for her for the past 3 years! she is a gremlin but she is also so sweet and precious... she was 8 when we got her tho we never learned her birthday so we just make it her gotcha day which was in may so she should be 11 now!

beyond that, my dad has a great pyrenees dog named bumble who i dogsit sometimes for him! he is a sweet and good good boy! and he also has a cat named zoey (she was a gift for my mom technically but she couldn't take her with her when they separated 🫣 but she is a youthful old lady. very mindful, not always demure--

😁 — what’s your favorite part about being part of the rpc?

the community! i love that it's a space to be creative and share creativity and the things they're passionate about with others. i took a 4-year sabbatical of sorts from the tumblr rpc (and that tbh was kind of after a year or so of being low activity prior once i graduated from college and my last computer started crapping out) and i really missed it! it's been amazing having people to yell and yap about shared interests with and also to like remind myself how to plot and flex my creativity muscles again! it was sorely needed because i really was at a point where any time my brain wanted to like develop plots every time i tried to Think of things it would just instead be like bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz white noise. still is doing that tbh but it's sloooowly getting better and dusting itself off!!!

i'm also so grateful for how quickly i've been able to get settled and comfortable here even though i'm soooo slow to actually write things still djfhdsfsdfdsf coming back right as we were entering the busy season at work was a CHOICE for me DFKJDSFDSF but!! yeah that everyone is just so lovely and talented and loves their muses SO much i just am always admiring even when anxiety sort of freezes me up a little i'm slowly getting out there again!

[marbleheavy]

Books That Rocked My Shit and Should Be Added to Your 2024 TBR

i love love talking about the books i’ve read and as the year approaches it’s close, here is a list, in no particular order, of books that really did numbers on me and should be added to a new year tbr!! it’s a mix of fiction, poetry, and nonfiction/memoir

1. Babel: Or the Necessity of Violence: An Arcane History RF Kuang

Robin Swift, a Cantonese orphan, is adopted by an Oxford professor and trained for years in linguistics and languages so he can become a student at Oxford University at the Royal Institute of Translation (Babel). Babel handles all of the British empires linguistic concerns and, most importantly, it’s magic. Silver bars are inscribed with words that mean the same thing in different languages and the meaning lost between the translation enchants the bad. At Babel, Robin befriends his class, three other non-traditional Oxford students, and starts to see how Babel is used to serve the empire. He gets involved with the Hermes society, an anti-imperialist secret society, and gets caught between them and Babel as Britain declares war on China.

You know this book was gonna be on this list. It’s actually kind of cheating because I read it for the first time last year but I did a reread this September and my god, it’s so stellar. It’s a very fresh concept that revolves around the classical and the tension between those two is just delicious. My post structuralist heart that believes our world is composed of language was just beating out of my chest this entire book. Oh!! And don’t even get my started on the alternate/sub/second title!!!!

2. Why Religion? by Elaine Pagels

Elaine Pagels is a scholar of religion who has done extensive research into early Christianity and Gnosticism, and is known for her involvement and study with the Nag Hammadi documents, a collection of texts discovered that are thought to be early Christian and gnostic gospels. Using her robust academic background, Pagels explores her personal relationship to religion through a series of essays in this memoir-esque book. She writes about her time being religions and non-religious as well as the profound hardship and grief that she experienced throughout her life that led her to ask “Why religion?” and find her own answer.

This book is phenomenal. I was introduced to it in a religion course I took this semester and it has fundamentally changed my relationship to religion, even as someone who considered themself to be more or less an atheist. Pagels’ writing is intelligent and poignant but not difficult to understand. This isn’t a scholarly work and I would call it more of a rumination than an argument. The main note I have for potential readers is that it is very Christo-centric and also doesn’t spend much time with biblical canon, but considering this is a memoir and not an attempt to rationalize religion for anyone other than Pagels herself, I was not put off by it.

3. Bad Fruit by Ella King

Chronicling Lily’s life after graduating high school and starting at Oxford, the book revolves around her relationship with her mother. Her mother, from Singapore and with a troubled past that Lily begins to understand, becomes increasingly erratic and unhinged. As she does, Lily follows in her footsteps as she seeks to appease her mother while also trying to break free from her control. The central mage in the book is a cup of spoilt orange juice that Lily always tastes first to make sure it’s right for her mother.

First off, fruit. You know I’m always down bad for a book with fruit is the main motif! This is such a fantastic book exploring mother-daughter relationships, inherited trauma, and cyclical abuse. It’s devastating but never heavy handed and the writing is really fantastic. I think about this book all the time and how every character is so well written and so intensely fallible but never denied humanity.

4. She Who Became the Sun by Shelley Parker-Chan

A fictionalized retelling of the Hongwu Emperor, the story follows a young girl who assumes the identity of her brother, Zhu Chongba, after he dies. The original Zhu was promised greatness and in the wake of his death and to survive alone, the new (and perhaps real) Zhu joins a monastery. The story is set during Red Turban Rebellions against the Mongolian Yuan Dynasty and after many years at the monastery, Zhu joins the Red Turbans and rises among the ranks all while she attempts to conceal her deception. The story also follows General Ouyang, a Mongolia general, as he struggles with his own status among the Mongols and his hatred for Zhu. The book follows the interpersonal struggles of the characters while the overarching war between the Red Turbans and the Mongols rages on and, often, intersects with the personal.

I read this book in two days and was just beside myself. My synopsis can’t even begin to cover the complexities of this book, it is trusty one of my favorites I’ve ever read. It is SO good. There were moments where I was left gaping at the page, I was so enthralled!! I’ve heard some people didn’t vibe with the pacing of the book because it spans so many years, but I read it’s o quickly that it wasn’t an issue for me. The way that gender and sexuality are handled in this book was so well done and very much a reminder that queerness and the experiences that come with it aren’t always able to be articulated, especially by contemporary language and labels. And the parallels between characters!! Zhu and Ouyang!!! I really don’t think anything I can say can do this book justice because it’s just fab. Really spectacular!!

5. Bright Dead Things by Ada Limón

Ada Limón is the current poet laureate of the United States and this is an earlier collection of hers. This poetry collection explores identity, place, and loss with an overarching feminist oomph. The books is in four sections, each embodying a different experience or theme but all interconnected. Limón’s writing is clear and vivid and her command of language is incredible.

This collection is fabulous! Although not my usual pick, Limón’s style radiates off the page and her skill is so obvious in every poem. She is so aware of space in all her poems and every word is picked with precision. Even in the moments of loss and grief that Limón writes about, her optimism is tangible and infectious. “How to Triumph Like a Girl” is one of my favorite poems ever and seeing it in context with the rest of the collection gives it so much more life. If you’re new to poetry, I would definitely check this out!! If you’re a regular poetry reader, you should also check this out!!

I have a million more books I want to talk about but this feels sufficient!! If you end up reading any of these or already have, PLEASE talk to me about it!! wishing you all a joyous and well read new year <3

[ateezreactionsandscenarios]

Thousands of miles away.

Pairing: Song Mingi x Reader

Genre: Angst, Fluff

CW: None.

Word Count: 2545

Summary: Going away for uni resulted in you and Mingi breaking off your relationship thinking it would be the easier thing to do for the both of you. You were wrong. Neither of you got over the break up and seeing each other again when you return home brings back old memories, memories you don’t want to have to stay in the past.

Part of StayTeez Trope’pril

Prompt List         Series Masterlist       MasterList         Buy me a Coffee

Walking down the street you continue to take in deep breaths of the Seoul air, happy to finally be home. You’d been away for 3 years with university and now with no more work to do and graduation over with you were finally free to go home. You’d missed everything about Seoul so much so you asked your cab to drop you off a few streets away from your apartment, even though it meant lugging everything you own behind you, you didn’t care the breeze hitting your face as you walked felt like a warm blanket of comfort.

You had a slight spring in your step as you walked past the all too familiar buildings but a sinking feeling started to weight on you, you were home, yes, but you were missing one vital part of your life, your boyfriend, now ex boyfriend. The thought of having to see him again hurt you, it wasn’t like it was a messy break up but that’s what made it so much harder for you.

You and Mingi had a mutual break up. The day before you were flying out for uni was the day you called it quits, the distance was going to be too much for the both of you, being thousands of miles away from each other. You knew he wasn’t going to be happy and you didn’t want to hold him back so breaking up seemed like the only option. It was a mess of tears and long hugs and you both swore you’d remain friends and you have in some way, but your main communication with each other had been through the group chat you had with the rest of your friends. 

Stepping into your apartment you took a moment to throw your things to one side and look around the space you truly called home. A small smile crept onto your face as your eyes scan every tiny detail, the small stain on your couch from where Yunho had spilt his spaghetti one night, the cabinet door that was still slightly hanging off that you never got around to fixing and most of all the photos you had scattered over your fridge of your friend group, all the guys you called your brothers...and Mingi. 

Just as the memories of your time with Mingi started to come flooding back your thoughts were halted when your phone went off.

[4:23 pm] Baby Bear 🐻: TOUCHDOWN!!!!

[4:23 pm] Baby Bear 🐻: Welcome home y/n!!!!!!

Your mood brightens upon seeing Jongho's text, seeing how he was clearly excited to have you back and how despite you being away for so long your friendship never changed.

[4:25 pm] Y/n: Thank you Jongho, I've missed you guys so much.

[4:26 pm] Baby Bear 🐻: Well lucky for you we've decided you're coming over tonight, call it a welcome home party.

You weren't really up for partying, you'd just come off a 10 hour flight and lugged your bags halfway across the neighbourhood so the thought of being around a load of drunk people wasn't something you found tempting.

[4:28 pm] Y/n : Jongho, as much as I appreciate that I'm really not down for a party, I'm so tired.

[4:28 pm] Baby Bear 🐻: Party was probably the wrong word to use, we just want you to come over and hangout for a little while, we've missed you and we just want to say welcome home.

Your heart swelled, you couldn't say no now. As much as you'd love to unpack, have a shower and lay on the couch all night you knew they missed you just as much as you missed them, so a few hours wouldn't hurt. You quickly drop him another text telling him you'll unpack and shower then make your way over.

Jongho was the first one to meet you at the door, greeting you with the biggest smile you’ve ever seen and a hug, which really took you by surprise. The others were sat in the living room cheering as you walked inside before each getting up to greet you with a hug. 

“It’s so good to have you back.” San beamed giving you a tight squeeze.

“Never leave us again, got it?” Seonghwa warns, waving a finger in your face.

“The kids too much for you to handle on your own Hwa?” You laugh looking around to see Yunho’s offended face.

“I’ll have you know I’m a hoot.” He pipes up defensively earning a giggle and a nod from you.

“I know you are Yu, I’m only playing.” 

You were about to start catching up with everyone until Mingi walked in from the kitchen. Your heart fell to your feet when your eyes landed on him. He hadn’t changed a bit, still the gentle giant from before with such a welcoming smile. You wanted to push through everyone to run over to hug him and never let go...but you both weren’t like that anymore, he may not have changed but your relationship had and it hurt. 

The room fell silent, the others looking between you and Mingi not knowing what to do or say, the tension so thick you could cut it with a knife. You and Mingi didn’t say a word to each other but some how you both knew what the other wanted to say, it was like you were having a telepathic conversation only you two knew about. Seonghwa cleared his throat breaking the two of you out of your trances.

“So...pizza good with everyone?” He asked waving his phone as everyone nods in agreement.

“Pleeease, I’m starving.” Wooyoung whines, and just like that the atmosphere was back to normal, everyone laughing and taking a seat.

It wasn’t long before 4 large pizza boxes turned up, Hongjoong running to the kitchen for plates and Yeosang placing the boxes on the floor in front of everyone so they could all help themselves. This is what you missed the most the last 3 years you’d been gone, yes you made friends in uni but none of them were like the guys, you couldn’t sit in the middle of the living room floor, pizza boxes everywhere and talk shit for hours. This was home.

“Y/n, you need to tell us, what was uni like, is it the same as it is in the movies?” Hongjoong asked with a mouth full of pizza.

“Well I guess it depends, some people get the movie experience, all the parties and such but for me not so much, I did go to a few parties but not that many.”

“Ah stuck in her books like usual.” Yeosang quips, giving you a little nudge.

“Yeah a lot of my time was spent studying, at one point I was so close to dropping out but I knew I had to stick with it.”

“And now look at you, you have a degree in history, we’re proud of you y/n we really are.” Seonghwa says smiling at you like a proud mother making you melt from his sweetness.

You were about to tell them more stories about uni until you got distracted, almost jumping out of your skin when you felt something brush against your arm making you yell out in surprise.

“San you got a cat and didn’t tell me!?” 

“Oh yeah sorry, y/n meet my fur baby Byeol, she’s not usually like this with people she doesn’t know so she must like you.” The Siamese chirped at the sound of her name before running over to San to nuzzle her face against his hand.

“She’s adorable San, but I’m still mad you didn’t send photos of her.” 

The rest of the night consisted of everyone telling various stories, catching you up on all you missed, but the whole time you couldn’t help but steal glances at Mingi, you tried to be discreet but he caught you from time to time, but that’s okay, you caught him too. It was like you were both secretly taking in the other’s features, like you wanted to permanently burn them into your memories.  

With food finished and conversation lulling to general chit chat you decide now is the time to take your leave. You didn’t forget about the chore of fully unpacking and getting settled back in. 

“I’m gonna head out now guys, I’ve still got a lot of unpacking to do.” You announce getting to your feet and having a quick stretch before you were tackled onto the couch behind you as Wooyoung and Seonghwa dive onto you pulling you into a hug. 

“Come on guys, lets not break her on her first day back.” Hongjoong laughs patting the other two on the shoulders coaxing them to get off you. Back on your feet again you’re swarmed by the rest of them, getting dragged into the centre of a big group hug as they all say how much they’ve missed you. 

 Grabbing your bag you say your last goodbyes as you head out the door, smiling to see how they all piled in the doorway to be able to see you off. You were halfway down the corridor when you could hear someone running towards you, turning back to see who it was you were met with Mingi.

“Mingi...hi.” You say a little surprised.

“Can I walk you home?” 

“It’s okay, you don’t need to do that for me anymore...remember?” You reply hanging your head slightly, not wanting to meet his eyes.

“I know, but it’s dark, I don’t want you walking home alone and neither would the guys.” There was no use in you arguing about it since he was already following you, walking not to close as to make you uncomfortable but not too far away so it looks like you weren’t walking together.

“Okay then I’ll let you walk me home...thank you.” He gave you a small smile in return and continued to follow you in the direction to your apartment.

The walk home was short and you dare say a little tense. Neither of you spoke a word the rest of the way, only exchanging glances now and again just like you’d been doing all night. You wanted to talk to him, about anything, but the words were always caught in your throat as your mind drifted back to how things used to be between you and how they’re so different now.

“Do you want to come in for a bit?” You ask, stepping up to the door of your apartment building. Mingi looked at you with a stunned expression, he wanted nothing more than to spend more time with you but he didn’t know if he should.

“I don’t want to intrude.” 

“It’s fine really, I wouldn’t have offered if I wasn’t okay with it.” You chuckle. Mingi nods and steps up to the door with you following you inside. Walking through the building Mingi kept looking around with a hint of a smile on his face as he thought back on all the times he’d been down the same corridors and how everything still looks the same 3 years later. You couldn’t hide the smile that grew on your face too when you noticed him. 

“Please excuse the mess, Jongho didn’t give me much time to unpack.” You 

You both step into your apartment and his smile fades quickly. His eyes scanned over the bare apartment, it was something he wasn’t used to, the space was usually filled with your laughter and warm smile but now it just looked cold. 

“What’s up?” You ask turning to see the glum look on his face.

“Hmm, oh nothing, just the place looks bare, I’m not used to it looking like this.” He sighs in response taking another look around. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to know that wasn’t what was bothering him. You give him a look that tells him you’re not happy with the answer and pull him over to the couch to talk properly.

“Mingi, what’s really going on?” He’ll take a shaky breath, trying to push down all the emotions that want to spill out.

“I wish things were different.” He started. You had a feeling where this was going and you wanted more than anything to hear how he was feeling.

“For the last three years I’ve been kicking myself for being such a coward. When you were leaving and mentioned us breaking up I thought it would have been the easier option for both of us, no anxiety over if the other had moved on or not, the loneliness, all of it, I thought it would have been easier...I was wrong.” He stops for a second, a tear falling from his eye for it to be quickly wiped away as he tries to keep a strong face.

“I should have said no, I should have made the effort to keep you, but instead I agreed on the so-called easy way out.” You slide your hand over his, holding it lightly while he squeezes yours in return. The feeling of your hand in his again felt like old times.

“It wasn’t easy for me either Mingi, I got on the plane that day knowing you weren’t going to be there when I landed and you weren’t going to be there when I came back either.” You start to sniff away your own tears but fail miserably as they start to trail down your cheeks.

“You know y/n....Seeing you again brought everything back.” Your heart stopped for a second as you brought your blurry, tear filled eyes to look at Mingi.

“It brought back all the good times, all the memories of us, all the feelings I thought were gone...they all came back the moment I saw you again.” The raw emotion you were both feeling took over him, not giving you a second to even utter out a squeak before he crashed his lips into yours. 

In that moment it was like the last three years never happened. You kissed each other just like how you used to, pouring every once of love and affection you had for each other into the kiss as your lips moulded perfectly together, just like they always had. 

Wrapping your arms around his neck you pull him impossibly closer to you, not wanting to let go of him ever again. The need to breath was creeping up but you didn’t care, if you died from lack of oxygen all because you were too busy kissing him then you’d be okay with that, you’d rather go out that way than have to let him go again. 

Mingi was the one to break the kiss, breathlessly smiling to himself as he sees you lean into him, chasing his lips for more. This is what he’d been missing all those years, the way you’d look at him with full adoration, like he was the only one in the world. He brushes a stray hair behind your ear before holding your face in his hand.

“Do you still have a place in your life for me?” As the question left his lips he could feel his stomach tie up in anxious knots hoping you don’t turn him down.

“Still? Mingi you always have a place in my life, even when I was away you were all I thought about.” That was enough confirmation for him. His lips met yours and this time it didn’t seem either of you were breaking it. He had you back at long last, back where you belonged, with him in his arms. Home.

Tag List:  @stardragongalaxy   @kpopjust4u @whatudowhennooneseesyou @8tinytings   @jenotation @grim-adventures58 @owjohny   @ker1   @tinkerbell460   @haylstoney   @scuzmunkie   @halesandy @multihunbun   @kodzukein   @maskedmochii   @woosannie   @hellomingi

[hater-reads]

Haunting Echoes of the Past - CHAPTER 4. The Calm Before the Storm

Gojo let him go. After all, Geto was already moving on, or so he thought.

Gojo started to put his life together, he found out that what he really wanted was to be a teacher, so he could protect kids like Geto; so, he could teach stupid kids -like he once was- to really be able to talk about their feelings and be strong enough to not fall into their families' expectations. Because he realized, his life had broken down in pieces because of him, his stupid choices, his family, and the cowardice that took over him back then. 

Now, he would have to work his ass off, like he never did. Surprisingly, life gave Gojo a chance. That university degree that he thought would be of no use, was a useful tool for his new life as a teacher. It took him a while to find a place, but thanks to old contacts he had met while studying, he was given a place at a high school a bit far from the city.

Despite the unseriousness with which he spoke, Gojo was good at his job. He respected the rules, and the students trusted him, they almost saw him as a friend. Thanks to that, he was beginning to feel a little less lonely. 

Yuta Okkotsu, one of his top students, said in his graduation speech that if he had been able to get this far, it was thanks to his teacher Gojo Satoru. Gojo was moved and he became fond of the boy. Even after graduating, the boy would email him to see how he was doing and ask if he wanted to go out for coffee sometime. Gojo accepted and discovered that Okkotsu was a more mature person than he thought he was, life had not been easy for him, and after a round of meetings, Gojo saw him as a friend. 

Life was flowing calmly for the first time in years. A calm and quiet life, yes, he was lonely, but he felt peace. Every so often, he dreamed of Geto and the memories of his youth. When this happened, he would drink some water and avoid sleeping, then spent hours looking at the sky. He felt that the moon and the starry night were as close as he could ever get to Geto again. It was okay for him. 

The years went smoothly, nothing big happened. A few more years working and then he could retire as a teacher, he thought. 

It was a day like any other, when a woman arrived at his office. He was sitting in his desk looking through papers when the woman walked in without asking. He knew who this was, almost like if he had already met her before, except he didn't. He could feel his essence coming from her. A slim woman with blonde hair, he would never have guessed that this was Geto's type. 

"Satoru Gojo." the thin woman said.

"Who are you?" he said, not caring. 

"I think you know very well who I am."

"I don't know why you came here, but I don't have anything do to with him anymore. I haven't seen him for ages."

"He's dying." said the woman with a serious tone, there was not a bit of humor in her voice.

Gojo felt his world stop. He stood abruptly and slammed his hands on the desk at the same time. 

"I'm not in the mood for jokes. Tell me why you are really here!"

He looked at the woman who had teary eyes, she wasn't joking, not in the slightest. 

This was not possible, Geto was a healthy person, he took care of his diet, and exercised, he was a little thin but nothing to worry about. How could he be sick? 

"What happened?" 

"He has a heart condition that the professionals barely noticed. He had a heart attack a few weeks ago. We thought he was getting better, but his heart became less and less responsive. I'm afraid there's not much they can do."

Things were serious. Gojo's body felt heavier and heavier, and his whole body ached with pain too hard to bear. He sat back in his chair, trying to process the sad news, he didn't speak for a while, it was hard to breathe. On another occasion, he would have asked her to leave, but this woman didn't even have his number. Talking about Geto now was the only thing they could do.

"Where were you, huh? He spends years of his life with you, and you are not even able to take care of him and realize that he is getting sick." Gojo said with a tone of both disdain and disgust.

"And what about you? That you let him go just like that. Think I don't know about you and him? The pain you put him through?" 

"His illness has nothing to do with me!" Gojo screamed.

"It does, you scumbag!" The woman lost her sanity. "I heard him mourn at night for years, during our marriage I had to hear him say your name in his sleep countless times, even if he cried or laughed, he always said your name!"

Gojo was speechless, how could Geto still think of him when he had a wife who loved him?

The woman kept touching her eyes, trying to stop the tears. 

"You know...we even have two daughters, two adorable girls who love him. And he loves them more than anything in the world. I thought that by giving him children he would be able to move on, but even now, I know he's looking for you in the crowd."

Gojo could imagine him, Geto was probably a loving and responsible father, he imagined him playing with his daughters, taking them to stores, his daughters probably playing with his hair. He imagined Geto playing with dolls, and he couldn't help but smile.

The woman continued, "I am married to him legally, but I suspect he was always married to you in soul. He has a void that I will never be able to fill."

Gojo didn't speak.

"I don't know how much longer he has left, if you want to do something good for once and say goodbye, this is the hospital where he is. The girls and I are with him every hour." The woman took a deep breath. "I hate you more than anyone, I hope you realize that. But I know that seeing you one last time will give him the peace to leave without regrets." said the woman as she left Gojo's office, without even looking him in the eye.

What was Gojo going to do now? His life was finally going as it should, but now that he was calm, that woman came with news that made him lose his mind. He was going to lose him, not for the first or second time, he was going to lose him forever. Only at that moment did Gojo realize how insignificant all those years of pretending to leave everything behind had been. Nothing made sense, there was no point in pretending that he lived well and that he had made peace with his past. He had not.

He always thought that he would leave this world before Geto, because seeing himself alone in a world where his Suguru did not exist was too painful to bear. So, he always thought that he would die and Geto would live a long and happy life, even if it was without him.

It was as if the world was coming to an end.

[lo-rebuildt]

Bullet points of Rewrite.

I'm currently re-reading LO (It took me a long time to get over S1 Episode 4.) But I wanna re rework and rewrite Persephones rage. The goal of the rewrite is to be as 'accurate' as possible in regards to Greek mythos and Greek characterization, *while* also being as true to the canon of Lore Olympus. That being said, there is some major differences right off the bat. More below.

Persephone is not 19 at the story's beginning because it bothers me. instead, she's *physically* about 22-23, nearing her studies' end.

Why do this? In the story, her education is always on the back burner. It's dropped and forgotten about as soon as Hades and other plot-points are brought up. Sure, she loses her scholarship and assumingly...drops out? But then other stuff happens and we don't see her try to go back to school or anything. (And I just found out she wanted to be a lawyer and we never hear from that again.)

In the rewrite she'll be almost finished college, with a diploma in a general course. This allows her to really discover what she wants, she took a general course, but shes interested in Law. This also adds some turmoil and a "Time limit" with her time spent on Olympus, as it's agreed that once she graduates she'll go back to the mortal world with her mother.

Persephone's powers are controlled, just not in the Underworld or Olympus.

Olympus and the Underworld(Hades) are different from the mortal realm so her powers are muted and act uncontrolled, however, within the mortal realm her powers are her own and she can use them. Also her powers aren't really "powers" at first.

She is not a fertility goddess.

The whole 'Fertility gods' thing will be reworked and probably scraped? But for now, she is definitely not one of them, Dionysus, Hera and maybe Demeter are the fertility gods.

Timeline of events *relating to Persephone*

Persephone is born to Demeter and Zeus. Zeus plays a part in her creation, and gives her the name 'Persephone' to her. Demeter calls Persephone 'Kore'

**When Persephone is in her teens, mortals kill an ancient nymph tree- one of Demeters best friends. Persephone, in her rage not only kills the mortal who did it, but essentially his entire kingdom. This event isn't anything new or unusual for gods of that time. However, since Persephone was a minor goddess the penalty/punishment for this action would've been severe. Demeter takes the blame and covers for her daughter.**

years later, Persephone is suffering from her past. She's haunted by guilt and lingering rage. She meets Apollo sometime around this time. Apollo wants Persephone on Olympus with him, after he finds out she's not a nymph, she's Demeters daughter.

She wants to go to Olympus for school, after Artemis and Athena tell her about it. She *somehow* manages to convince Demeter to let her go to Olympus for school. Demeter agrees but places some restrictions and rules-them being; she is to stay in the care of Artemis and Athena. She is to return to the mortal world every seasonal break to help her. Finally, she is to return to the mortal world at the end of her schooling.

**PERSEPHONE DOESN'T HAVE MONEY** Neither does Demeter, really. Persephone actually *is* a broke college student, she's accepted into school without the tuition costs because of her connection to Demeter and Zeus but aside from tuition being paid...she has to fend for herself.

When the story begins it's Athena's party, and Persephones first party on Olympus. She's been here for a while now, but stays low. She meets Hades at the party. (She doesn't know he's Hades and doesn't find out until later)

She and Apollo are 'dating' and Apollo pressures her for them to be public with their relationship. This causes her presence at school to change, as people start to recognize her as the lover of *THE* sun god.

She lands an internship (paid???) in Hades. During this time she is interested in the cthonic gods and deities, specifically the aspect of punishment that some mortals get. She meets the Erinyes, Thanatos, Hypnos, the other death gods etc.

Because Persephone is working in Hades and dating Apollo, alot of photos and articles about her has been circulating. However, Athena and Artemis work hard to make sure this doesn't get back to Demeter- who doesn't want Persephone to date or to work in the Underworld.

Persephone tries to quite literally bring the dead back to life- trying to "break" out some mortals (The same mortals she had killed years prior) This goes wrong and Hades reprimands her, stripping her of the internship, but agreeing to not press charges or any action against her. Because he's in love, yuck.

At this time, Hades is still involved with Minthe and Apollo is still dating Persephone. When Persephone's let go of her internship with Hades, Apollo brings up the topic of marriage.

Persephone rejects this, and Apollo, doesn't take the rejection well. He's aggressive and curses her out, but doesn't break up with her. hurt, confused and now without an internship, she flees back to the mortal realm.

Her mother, Demeter is overjoyed to see her back, but Persephone tells her she's just doing her internship with her.

Apollo, in Olympus realizes Persephone had left, and is probably going to stay in the mortal realm and just commute to school. He takes this news badly, and learns indirectly from Hermes about the underworld incident. He uses this to punish Persephone, and he not only notifies their father, Zeus but also goes to tell Demeter.

Zeus, not only enraged that his brother had just let Persephone go without punishment, is also now mad that Persephone had the balls to try and bring a mortal back to life- something that's FORBIDDEN. so then, the trial is held.

[tolerateit]

I applaud anyone that pursues academia past a bachelor's. I used to want to get a phd myself back in the day but I laugh about that now so strap in for a story time.

I was halfway through my bachelor's degree, and I was in the process of researching where to apply for a masters. I wanted that to be abroad. And I wanted it to be some sort of political science or something like that. Which was completely unrelated to my literature degree pursuit at the time. But I didn't care, I simply wanted to help fix the world and work as a diplomat or work for the UN.

Anyway, during my research I found out that it costs anywhere between $100-$500 just to apply for a masters program. Which was hella expensive for me living in a country where $300 was the average salary. I joked with friends that I would need to sell a kidney just for a few applications. Fortunately I had a plan for the tuition and other expenses part of studying. There's a government program that pays for everything as long as you get accepted to one of the top universities according to the Shanghai ranking. In return, all you gotta do is graduate on time and then go back home to spend double the time it took you to graduate working in my country. It was the perfect plan! Especially since all those universities had three separate price points, depending on where you're coming from (I'm talking about the European universities that had one really cheap price for locals, second slightly more expensive for other EU members, and third ridiculously high for the rest of the world)

So I started saving up money for those applications about a year before I was supposed to apply. And started looking into the documentation I would need to apply to the universities and to the government program. Meanwhile, my parents tried to dissuade me from studying anything remotely connected to politics saying I'm not cut out to be as cold blooded as the politicians in our country are. I'd wanted to pursue politics for my bachelor's but they negotiated with me to first get a degree in something I would have an easier time finding a job with locally (jokes on them the market has been oversaturated for over a decade before this conversation happened, they just didn't know), and then pursue politics. Just to have a sort of backup if things go bad in any way. And I reluctantly agreed.

But when my last year of my studies started, all the application prices increased. I started thinking about maybe taking a gap year after I graduate and working my ass off to get enough money to apply to 4-5 different schools. I then met my now husband. Him and his family had far more connections to various people than my family did and I got to learn more about that government program behind the scenes. What I learned was that in 99% of cases, the only requirement to be accepted is nepotism. Around that time I learned of a kid in my neighborhood getting accepted in the program for an undergraduate degree. Because his dad was higher up the political food chain in my country. There wasn't an option for an undergraduate degree for the rest of the country. Just masters and phds. Which immediately ruined all of the ideas and plans I had made and made me incredibly disillusioned with the whole thing I intended to do. My now husband also told me he wanted to pursue political science when he entered academia, but he had a different approach. He was in a forensic science program at the time and was thinking about a masters from the local university. He got disillusioned when he saw the amount of crime and corruption in his current studies. While the professors were teaching students all the laws, they were also actively breaking them. He was so disillusioned he ended up transferring from that department to another school to study computer science.

The cherry on top, for me, was the fact that this was all happening around 2015/16 when the Me Too movement was in full swing, and stories started showing up on the amount of sexism women in academia deal with on a daily basis. Along with a couple of other disgusting political things I learned that happened locally.

Immediately no. The whole messy endeavor. Immediately no.

These days I'm looking to move to an EU country, so that if my future kid wants to pursue the degrees I wanted, or any other ones, they would have a lower barrier of entry. I mean that along with the functional educational, medical and legal systems which are nonexistent here as I've demonstrated through the stories I've shared lmao

But I greatly admire anyone who's able to do all that. They are the people that are changing the world in so many different and exciting ways through their discoveries and I'm grateful for them. <3

MK

APPLICATION FEES ARE SO STUPID??? they're not that high at least for places im applying to but it feels so weird to pay just for an opportunity to get in, when there's so many barriers you'd face later! I hope things turn out better everywhere because it's disgusting how closely education ties in with politics. some fields should be absolutely free and safe from any sort of political agenda

[themarydragon]

Love-Lost-Found Q&A

They’re not technically FAQ because nobody’s had a chance to ask anything yet, but here’s my extended author’s note for Lost and Found (and the upcoming prequel, Loved and Lost).

1.       Where have you been/What took so long/You haven’t posted in years/WTF

As I am sure has been the case for most everyone else, the last 3-5 years have SUCKED. I lucked out, and everyone I love most has survived (cancer and heart attacks and covid, oh my), but being a full time nurse and full time graduate (nursing) student during a global pandemic consumed every spare spoon I had. We scraped together the down payment on our forever home and moved this summer, and I went on sabbatical once we got settled, so my plan is to ease back into fandom while I watch the snow fall and otherwise hibernate this winter.

2.       New fic what dis? Loved & Lost & Found is a two-part Modern AU of Breath of the Wild. “What if the Sheikah technology wasn’t lost? What would a high-tech Hyrule look like?” I’ll start off with Lost and Found, which starts roughly halfway through our story. Loved and Lost is first chronologically but I’ll post it second. Much like BOTW, my hope is to slowly reveal memories and plot points as they are recalled by Link. Once he gets his memory back, I’ll put Lost and Found on hold while posting Loved and Lost (the backstory). It means you’ll get left hanging for awhile if you’re reading it as I post, but (!!) the story is COMPLETE so there will be no hiatus or risk of abandonment. If you REALLY don’t like the order I post it in, just give it a couple months and then you can consume the whole thing in one go in whatever order you want.

3.       You’ve got this character relationship wrong/that’s not canon/well ACTUALLY its THIS I’ve combined the principal players from both eras in BOTW, so individuals who are supposed to be distantly related and 100 years apart are contemporaries. I am completely aware that this is absolutely not canon and I did it intentionally. Every ‘OC’ I’ve created to flesh out the world has a name stolen from some other LoZ side/background character, either in BoTW or older games, and generally that was just so the names were canonically Hylian and NOT to indicate this OC was that character, etc. For example, this Link’s Princess Zelda is meant to be the BotW Zelda, and NOT the one whose name she bears (that will make sense when we get to it).

4.       Trigger Warnings and Themes Much like canon, BotW Link is grievously injured and wakes up with no memories. We start off with a hospital scene and I do brush on some body dysphoria. There are discussions of PTSD and mental health. There is canon-typical death and violence, although with some modern arms & armaments (i.e. more bullet wounds and fewer gratuitous stabbings, the explosions stay about the same). Hyrule is militarized, but this is meant to mirror canon and is not intended to be social commentary. In world building I have given the non-Hylian races of Hyrule a little more biological diversity, such as making Gorons agender and Zora more fishlike. While this is a Zelink fic, they’re both bisexual disasters. There is a running joke about Link wrecking a motorcycle.  Author is an asshole and wants to make you feel things, but only out of love and never out of malice.

5.       Posting Schedule In the past I’ve posted every 4 days. Once a week is not enough, but trying to pick a specific day or days has always bit me in the ass. I’ll get a feel for this as we go. I haven’t edited this into chapters yet – its still two long ass word files – and I have a couple of scenes that happen in between that I haven’t yet decided where I’ll put them, so I do not have a final chapter count yet. Also a background character has turned into my new favorite (to rival Higgins as a throw-away who becomes a main character) and I might have to write her story on its own and post a part 3. Shit’s dark, though, so we’ll see whether I can do it justice. #mamalou

[bergens-adventure-tours]

Week 10: April 17th – 23rd, 2023 // Change of Directions 

It’s crazy to think how quickly things can change in such short period of time, and how many wonderful opportunities are waiting for you when you least expect them.  This week was one of embracing going with the flow, and really listening to what my heart n soul need right now.  Being on my own has brought about a lot of time to sit with myself and reflect on a lot of things.  One of the key things I’ve come to acknowledge is the realization that I’m heading into a period where I’m craving more community and solid connection.  I realize this comes at a funny time, as I’ve just begun my solo trip, but I’ve also come to acknowledge that I had been spending so much of the previous year on my own.  Don’t get me wrong – 2022 was an amazing year, filled with some of my absolute favourite memories, incredible first experiences, many lessons and brought me a lot of lifelong friends; but I never found any roots in community.  I don’t think that’s a bad thing, nor do I think that was what I was needing this past year.  But, as I move into this next chapter of my life, and after experiencing a handful of strong, connected communities here in Australia, it’s reminded me of some things I’ve been missing since graduating from BCIT.

And this week may have brought me the opportunities and connections for exactly what I’m looking for, in ways I was not expecting.

--

Some of you may remember I mentioned getting new runners back in week 8 to finally get back into running again, but you’ll probably notice I have yet to mention going on a run… well guys, be proud because I finally did it!  I woke up Monday morning feeling oddly energetic and with a lot of bounce in my step, and I knew, if I didn’t take advantage of this right away it was going to be a while before I got it back again… so I laced up my runners and hit the road!  At this point, I don’t think I’d run in at least 4, maybe even 5 years, but it felt SO good.  I came back to my camp spot at the beach and immediately jumped into the ocean to cool off.

I spent the rest of the day getting through a fair bit of driving until the last bit of energy wore off and found a nice spot next to a Salt Lake in the Coorong National Park.  I took my time reading in the sun, cooking some dinner, listening to podcasts, answering messages, and working on last weeks blog.

--

Tuesday was a very productive and relaxing day!  I decided to stay put and spend my day reading lots, finishing up last week’s blog post, some yoga, and applying to a bunch of guiding jobs in the Northern Territory.

As a little aside – the past week I’ve been looking a lot into visa work and trying to sort out what I want to do, and when I should do it.  With having spent a decent amount of money in my first couple months in just getting to Australia, getting the van sorted, and honestly just on other experiences, I’ve been feeling the pressure of the bank account dwindling.  Initially my game plan was to spent the next few months exploring the interior then wrapping down the west coast and finding some farm work mid-winter (July for Australia).  While I could’ve probably made this work pretty easily with my current savings, the more I looked into options for my visa, the more I started to lean towards guiding jobs in the Northern Territory.  After a lot more reflecting on the types of experiences I’m wanting right now, the more it was making sense to look for work during my time in the interior.

--

The next morning, I started with a quick back workout and went for a 4.5km run along part of the salt lake + trails.   At this point, it’s been a while since I’d had a shower, so I found a sweet free one at a gas station on route towards Adelaide.  I ended up staying the night in Port Elliot and spent the evening looking into more stuff for my trip through the interior, applied to more jobs, and read.

--

Thursday was a really fun day for me! I woke up wanting to do some touristy things, so I got myself dressed up for the first time in a while, made the last 2-hour drive to Adelaide, and wandered around the city!  I checked out the Art Gallery of South Australia and the South Australian Museum; Both were really cool and free to enter for anyone. They were also right next to the Adelaide University, which is a beautiful little campus right in the heart of the city… it had me thinking about how I’ve been wanting to go back to school again, and wondering what it might be like to study here in Australia in the future…

I spent the afternoon on a little video sharing my partnership with Last Object!  They’re a really cool brand creating alternatives to replace single-use products like cotton swabs, menstrual pads, face wipes, and tissues!  Check out their website https://lastobject.com and use the code LastPlanet for 10% off any order.

Today was also the theatre release date of Bob Brown’s documentary ‘The Giants.’ It was such a beautiful and inspirational film covering the political and environmental history of conservation in Australia’s old growth forests, and direction it’s heading today. I unfortunately don’t think it’s available outside of Australia at the moment, but I highly recommend checking out Bob Brown’s foundation. https://bobbrown.org.au  There are a lot of parallels between what is happening in Australia and Canada’s logging industry, the governments [in]actions, and the lack of conservation for these important biomes.

I also got an exciting email today to schedule an interview the next morning for a Trainee Guiding Job in Alice Springs!

--

Friday ultimately decided the next phase of my trip… The interview in the morning went so well that they contacted me later that same day saying they were going to skip second interviews for narrowing down candidates and offered me the job! So in 11 days I will be starting my training as a tour guide in Alice Springs!  It’s going to be a pretty interesting and exciting experience in a lot of ways, and I’m really looking forward to it.  I spent the whole day camped outside of a park in Adelaide, sorting out the plans for the next phase, finding a climbing group in Alice to join, answering messages, looking into living options, etc.

--

Saturday was the epitome of “going with the flow” and I could NOT be more stoked for the plans that got presented to me!  Part of the reason I’d been taking so much time to get to Adelaide the past week was largely because I was waiting for my aussie driver’s licence to arrive at Clae’s (Sam’s cousins) place for me to pick up.  Coincidentally the licence arrived the night before, and today was the last day for me to pick it up from Clae (if I wanted to meet him), before he was leaving on a week-long trip with a group of friends+his family.  Turns out it was a climbing trip in the Grampians they were leaving for that night, and they invited me to join them!  Because I had spent the whole day prior mostly being anxious about the interview, and whether or not I was making the right decision, I had a full day of chores to work through but knew this was an opportunity I couldn’t pass up.  I went into overdrive mode and checked everything off the list from groceries, to laundry, to cleaning out fridge, to buying a new camera lens off marketplace, to going into town to pick up a few items (including my own climbing harness + helmet), to finding a free shower at the beach!  It was a jam packed day with lots of running around, but I managed to time everything PERFECTLY and met up with Clae, his partner Harriet, and one of their friends to begin the 5-hour drive to the Grampians.  It was a long day, as we didn’t leave until 6pm, but I couldn’t be more stoked about the week to come!!

It felt kind of funny knowing that I basically backtracked the distance I just took over a week to travel, in a single night…

--

But boy was it so worth it.  Our first day in the Grampians was so good!  We’re a group of 8, and everyone is so incredibly sweet, supportive and just immediately so welcoming.  We started the day with a quick drive and 30min hike into our first sport climb location: the Ravines.  It was a beautiful spot in between two cliff faces, and we had the whole place to ourselves for the majority of the time.  It had been a while since I did any sport climbing, so my arms felt pretty dead pretty quickly (not helping that I started on a hard 19 lol), but it felt so good to get out with a group and watch everyone else.  We went back to the camp for lunch and for Clae + Harriet to put their 1.5-year-old down for a nap, before heading out to a different spot for some evening bouldering.  I had been feeling pretty low energy after that morning, but found a second wind after a quick hike and some really fun boulder projects.   We had the most beautiful sunset and I got to use my new lens for the first time up at the boulders – earning me the nickname ‘JC,’ inspired by famous photographer and videographer “Jimmy Chin” (have got a long way to go before reaching his level, but a nickname I’m happily welcoming lol).   Ended the week with dinner around a camp fire and some really amazing new friends. <3

--

This week started with me wondering how I was going to access community while on the road, and ended with me landing a job guiding in some beautiful and historically important locations, 7 new friends, and my first big climbing trip finally under my belt!  Learn to say ‘yes’ more to life, and the adventures will never fail to amaze you.

Stay passionate and curious, Hunter♡

04/24/2023

[supernovacat]

Tell that to my ex-friend who I was literally friends with for 4 YEARS! And I even introduced her to the college I was going to and she decided to go to the same college. I didn't think we were gonna be besties or anything, but I expected to at least still be friends. Lo and behold I see her once during welcome week, then she ghosts me for 2 weeks, and when I finally ask what's going on, she tells me she doesn't like hanging out with me and feels uncomfortable because I like to debate things. Now I can understand her feeling uncomfortable, that's not the issue, the issue is that she NEVER MENTIONED FEELING LIKE THIS! she invited me to both her birthday party and her graduation party, both of which I attended, and while there was an awkward moment over a toddler's name, literally nothing bad happened. I don't think we've ever even had an argument before, or even just raised our voices (other than in like a loud environment) in fact up until that that last year or so, I think I was closest with her out of everyone in our friend group.

And what's worse is that she is dating the other friend who I was close with! And they took their side, I'm not asking for her to keep being my friend, but she could literally not have picked a worse time in those 4 years to tell me. So now I'm completely isolated because I spent the first two weeks of college trying to hang out with her, and didn't make any other friends! Like she had the whole summer to tell me!

I do have another friend, but she goes to a college and hour away 😔

The most annoying part was she never talked to me about the things that bothered her, I literally had no idea that she found certain things off putting. I didn't really have real friends until around the same time we became friends so I though an awkward moment every now and then was normal, but apparently not??

Like one of the instances where she felt uncomfortable, she wasn't even there for! It involved me getting overwhelmed and freaked out by this guy screaming while running past me, and sure what I said was mean, but I was trying not to have a nervous breakdown, and it was very jumbled, I could barely say a complete sentence, after seeing me clearly freaking out, my friend who I was venting to, ignored me for the rest of class, when we usually talk because it's an art class. And then I had to give a very lengthy apology over text because we were both going to cry because ✨️confrontation ✨️ that was literally pages long, loved having to justify my coping with my autistic meltdown. (Also the person I was ranting about wasn't there and I didn't even saw his name, I honestly just had to chose between angry and crying and angry was the more efficient method, since I had class, also literally the worst I said was fat but they acted like I said every slur in alphabetical order) so now I have no friends, and one person who I might be sort of friends with.

Circling back to my ex-friend, I'm not saying that she should have not been uncomfortable, but the fact that she never voiced her discomfort, and never chose to tell me she didn't want to hang out anymore until the time where she was basically my only friend, is a huge dick move. Like she literally hugged me all the time, most of the time completely unprompted.

Also she could have done the normal highschool friends to college thing and slowly taper off and grow apart, but no, just ghosted and isolated, thanks.

Honestly, I think I go ostracized in general because all of my friends started a D&D campaign, and I was the last to know because the didn't know I liked D&D, they never asked, I heard about it and asked to join but since they already had 5 players and the DM was new they said I couldn't join. Then my other friend said that they wanted to start a campaign after this one ended, so I made a character, and so did some other people. Unfortunately this D&D campaign lasted 2 full years, and so the new campaign never happened. 🙃

learning that people want you in their lives is a skill you can develop if it does not come naturally

[nevernevernevermore]

It’s almost been a year since I started this tumblr and I’ve learned a lot of things privately that I, impulsively, want to document and share publicly.

1. A year isn’t a long time to heal from something.

A year ago my dream was to be healed and over the things that took me down so low. While I am in a much happier and healthier state, time unfortunately cannot heal those burns. I’ve made the best decisions for myself that I can make given my knowledge and abilities but I know there’s still a long way to go. I’m at peace with that now.

2. Purpose means everything. If I don’t feel a sense of momentum or purpose brace for impact. I’m not a person who can handle stagnancy well. I’m willing to write that off as generational trauma and not something I manifested. That understanding doesn’t absolve anything but I’m able to cope with it better now.

3. I’m allowed to be honest. I think if I could use a word to describe myself this past year it’s secretive. No one knows anything I don’t want them to. No details, no true feelings, nothing. I was waiting for it to not matter anymore but in the end I just made a prison for myself where everything matters and I just have to basically stare at it until it decides to give me some relief.

4. nevermore wasn’t just a literary reference for the aesthetic. I truly meant it from a deep place. It was a pin in this bubble I built in my head that I can be open and invite people in. No one is allowed close to me anymore. I haven’t been able to share a genuine connection. I don’t trust anyone anymore. I don’t think I ever could again. It’s become easier to trust people to do harm at this point than offer any refuge. The lesson in all of this has really just been that I can only count on me and that’s been better for my spirit. Love is not on the table.

5. I need to get better at clocking out early. No more overlooking concerning traits in people. I am not greater or above the worst thing they are capable of. I can’t just hold my head above their mind games. I would rather just not exist to them in the first place.

6. I’ve chosen to make peace that no matter how much I remind people, I just am not human to them. I will always be the drag performer they’ve twisted into being deserving of the dartboard of their mind. The over dramatic, over emotional sensitive nerve ending of a thing. I will never get that opportunity to prove them otherwise and it would be pathetic of me to try to prove it wrong. In fact I’m sure that if they got a whiff of this writing it would be in many-a-groupchat. So hi, fuck you too 🫰🏻(just in case)

7. In the end talent wins. Not over anyone else, over my pain, over my sadnesses, over all of the things that hurt me over and over again. I’m so proud of my work ethic. In spite of all this I make things happen for myself and have been able to turn dirt into diamonds over and over and over. That’s the most important thing to me. My real voice still matters over all of that.

That’s what the last year has brought me!

I’ve explored so much art over the last year. I wrote and recorded so many songs that will never see the light of day but I’m proud to stand back from just knowing that I did it to my taste level. (Which is hard to do because I do not enjoy the technical process of producing and have impossibly high standards)

I wrote hundreds of poems that I may bind a small collection of into a hardcover and share someday (maybe around the release of my collection)

Oh and of course, I’m in full-time fashion school. Which, to me, was the “invisible string” in all this. I’m taking one of my biggest passions to new levels and I hope that a year from now I can look back at this and say “that’s cunt, I can’t believe how far I’ve come, yet again”

I already have my graduate collection planned teehee.

I’ve got so much to say!

See you on the runway 🖤🪡

[0daytrick0]

Week 8...?

It's been a wild ride, but I'm nearly there. I am currently drowning in all of the work I have to complete, but the finish line is in sight.

I currently have 5 assessments that I need to start along with one exam to study for - well at least watch the lectures and stay on top of it before the exam.

Full time uni, let me tell you, even with having a flexible job, to maintain consistency and manage your time... It's a hurdle.

I just keep telling myself that it's my first official term at uni and I'm going to struggle with this one. Especially when I'm still finding my feet to figure out what works.

At the moment all I want to do is play fallout 4. It's my third playthrough and I got back into it after watching the show and now studying and working is a whole new level of hard.

But I will get there. I know I will. I just have to keep my head down now and concentrate. There are a whole lot of assessment to create and submit, but having these massive lectures to attend ONLINE, man, it makes it way harder than it needs to be. I cannot sit still for more than 30 minutes. 40 minutes on my good day. To have a 4 hour lecture with no breaks, man... It's just setting me up to fail. Especially when I'm in my own house. Do you realise how many distractions there are here? "There is a mark on my desk, let me clean it. I'll go grab a drink of water, oh wait the dishes need doing. I'll just sit down and make a to do list. Oh wait, not until I vaccume my carpet so I can focus."

I have always struggled with procrastination all through school, but this takes the cake. Even things I enjoy doing such as gaming I can't sit still for. It's crazy man. It took so long for me to be able to sit where I am now. To be able to attend University without worldly stress hurdles. I couldn't even attend my bachelor of psychological science after I graduated as I didn't have enough points. So I had to do an online pathways program for three months. I decided to apply for uni and went the year after that only to nearly end up homeless. So then I came back home, got my own place with my partner, and proceed to apply again but online and I am finally here. Ive made it past census date. And I am here for good now.

It took so long to get here. I was so excited about it too. Couldn't wait for a challenge and commit to a grind. But now that it's here... I'm exhausted. I want to quit. I'm starting to not care. I have little focus. It is fascinating at how the human mind works... Whatever the case may be, I am stuck here and commited either way. So I might as well make the most of it and push myself as far as I can (which is not far at the moment).

In between all of this I am trying my best to have money to pay for bills so it's not all reliant on my partner on top of saving money for my tattoo which has been 4 damn years in the making.

I need AT LEAST 5k to be able to drive there, afford the tattoo, and have money for food and accommodation. It's possible. It most definitely is, even with my studies. But it's the saving part that's the hardest. My god is it hard. When I finally can afford things, I just spend all my money on things I like. Don't get me wrong, it's things I use and have wanted for a while. But damn man, I really have to set my priorities. But a budget book and be strict with myself. Honestly, I need to be strict with myself with everything. Studying, saving, eating, going to the gym. I just really need to change my whole mindset and push myself. It's not about motivation, it's about consistency and building habits.

In other news, I finally bought my dream iPad pro along with the apple pencil. I couldn't afford it outright, and I couldn't justify saving for an iPad when I also want a tattoo. So I ended up using a credit card. Which is dangerous and I always swore to myself I would never do. But! I am only using it to pay off the iPad and will delete it once it's paid off. I have also locked the card and will hide the card away from myself. I will not build debt on appliances.

Right now I am planning out my whole week, dedicating time to the priorities, and making time to work as well as work out. It's going to be a massive week, but if I can just start all of these assessments, it won't be so bad.