#and things i allowed myself to immerse myself in while i was struggling becasue that was an upsetting outcome

[i-want-docmartens]

and it's wild because my number one response when in traumatic situations is to infact step back and figure out my emotions and how they are pertaining to the situation. and then i forced myself to work through the discomfort of bringing them up, and learned how to gently bring them to the table when I understood them. i learned how to say "I don't understand how this is making me feel right now and I cannot respond to you until I do"

and it's wild that just because I did not just say "oh sorry, you're right and I'm wrong" means that I'm just so severely traumatized that I "wasn't communicating correctly" because that is just false and unfair to literally anybody that is subjected to that kind of behavior.

[ihamtmus]

GabiGabiGabi, I watched it!! Kinda in parts over a couple days which is the excact opposite of what i wanted to do (my comp keeps turning off). Yesterday I watched up to Cabinet Battle 2 so today I was like ok there's no way it's even gonna hit me at all, I watched some highlights of Act 1 and went on with Act 2 and by the grace of God managed to see to the end and guess what. guess what. guess what. I CRIED SO MUCH IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL like literally you see 3 secs of it and you're immersed 1/?

AAAHHHH YES!!!! I’M SO GLAD YOU LOVED IT AS MUCH AS I DID!!!!

i’m so sorry your computer decided to be Like That right now when it was important for it to work but i’m glad you managed to see it anyway! i was really worried and kept wondering if this story would have a happy ending haha!

man i know I KNOW I CRIED SO MUCH, TOO! i’ve watched the whole thing four times now PLUS the first act alone twice (even though second act is my fave) PLUS various songs multiple times (isn’t it insane?? that i can just WATCH some scenes from hamilton while eating breakfast or somethingk jeakwew i still can’t BELIEVE) and i cried during stay alive (reprise) and it’s quiet uptown EACH TIME. it’s quiet uptown is a song that literally always makes me cry if i pay attention while listening to it and with the VISUAL ADDED?? i’m dead.

YOU’RE SO RIGHT, there’s too much TALENT on that scene, i cannot HANDLE it, it’s really TOO MUCH. lmm just went and wrote that thing???????? H O W. and they all simply open their mouths and that SOUND comes out? unbelievable.

but i was already used to their voices and the brilliance of the lyrics (but they still punched me in the face, as always). THEIR ACTING, THO!!! I AM SHAKEN. yes i AGREE, leslie odom jr deserves another 458398 tonys and also an oscar or two, where can i sign a petition to make that happen. he absolutely stole the show and i literally can’t shut up about him, my mom can confirm. every time he’s on the stage i scream, that man was BORN to play that role. the way he moves! and his SMILES omggggg! his smiles are sometimes strained sometimes make him look like he is Done and Dead Inside! that man i swear. the room where it happens has been promoted to My Most Favorite Song In The Whole Thing because HAVE YOU SEEN IT ekwehw leslie odom jr’s voice! and DANCING!! (and the way we can see madison’s conversation with jefferson while burr talks to hamilton repeated THRICE, each time focusing on what another one is saying! man i’ve never noticed that, only the choreography allowed me to see that it’s all one conversation!!)

speaking of choreography tho, andy blankenbuehler went OFF and killed me with what he came up with!! my favorite thing is watching all the folks dressed in white doing all the wild moves now that i don’t have to watch the main characters all the time becasue i have the luxury of watching the thing multiple times (Can You Believe!! i can’t). and all the people being there at the scaffolding at all times and just Watching, this is too much for me. the way they move the chairs for all to see? poetic cinema musical. and the LIGHTS and the STAGING!! just brilliant ekhwewkj. the helpless/satisfied sequence SLAPS.

anyway yes yes YES renee’s acting is mindblowing too!!!! the emotion on her face during satisfied kills me. and eliza???? i did not appreciate philippa soo back then and i am SO SORRY, that woman is BRILLIANT and she makes me cry. her burn is i n c r e d i b l e. and that contrast between her acting during helpless and burn? aaaaaaaa

i just can’t believe they all sing like that while JUMPING and DANCING and ACTING, those absolute madmen and legends. and man, the tears in their eyes! especially during it’s quiet uptown, it sounds as if lmm is struggling to sing at that moment because of the overwhelming emotions and i Do Not Blame Him because i’m sobbing myself.

i’m SO happy you sent these messages, don’t apologise!! i literally asked you how it went in a post last night, don’t know if you saw it kjwehwe i’m so grateful to have someone here to scream about hamilton with, it deserves to be screamed about!! thank you so much for sharing your thoughts, ily anon <333333333 don’t hesitate to write again if you want to cry some more!