#and they're decently good at getting artists there so I would not be shocked

[nanoa1foryou]

Btw. If Koukus ever gets one of the hotband guys for one of their videos I will translate the full thing even if it's like 30 minutes or whatever.

[illarian-rambling]

Questions from this ask game!!!

I want to know more about Mashal!!! (I understand if you don't want to answer them all, haha, feel free to just pick a few!)

1, 4, 9, 10, 24, 31, 35, 40, 41, 47

Oh boy, you get to hear about my boy! For context, Mashal was a knight who was kidnapped and had his mind transplanted into a robotic body as a test run for a mad mage's try at immortality. He doesn't remember much of his life before, except for the fact that he was human and that he'll kill whoever did this to him. That said, let's do these asks!

What is your character's reaction to a minor inconvenience? Such as getting their jumper caught on a door handle?

Mashal is remarkably patient, so he probably wouldn't let it ruin a good day. However, if he's already having a bad day, something is probably getting broken. Not necessarily out of anger, but if we're talking about the example of getting his coat caught on a doorhandle, he's just gonna keep walking until the coat or the doorknob goes. Then he would feel bad and try to guiltily fix it.

What do they consider to be an unforgivable action? Why?

Being lied to. Mashal is very honest, mostly because he himself can't stand it when people conceal the truth. Betrayals also cut deep since he trusts people so completely. Also, if you're hurting innocent people, prepare for the full Terminator experience. He always stands up for people who are trapped in awful situations like he was.

What is your character's trigger point? What makes them angry, sad or makes them go off?

Oh boy. When Mashal gets angry, it's a zero to sixty flip, full transformation. Being around the mage who basically murdered him will cause him to lose his shit, focused on nothing but trying to kill her. Magic, in general, can also flip that trauma trigger. He gets very paranoid and twitchy around large rituals, though he gets better about this as the series goes on.

What kind of jokes make them laugh?

Anything unexpected or out-of-pocket will get a shocked gasp, then a laugh. He thinks Astra's wacky metaphors and Ivander’s snide sarcasm are hilarious.

What are your character's special skills?

Killing? That's only mostly a joke - Mashal is a very skilled swordsman who is only made better by the fact that he's made of metal. But he wouldn't include that in his talents. He would tell you first that he's a decent artist. Landscapes are his specialty, but he's been getting more into portraits lately. He also likes to cook. Yes, he has no sense of taste, but the process itself is enjoyable and he likes feeding his friends.

Your character has been invited to a masquerade ball. What mask do they wear?

He would be so indecisive lol. I imagine he'd just ask Astra what she's doing and match her. However, if forced to pick, he'd choose something that looks like an impressionist painting of a human face. Then he'd chicken out and go with a sun motif instead.

What attracts your character to another person? What kind of person do they go for?

Confident, good at telling stories, adventurous enough to drag him out for shenanigans, not afraid to be brash, passionate about something. Actually, Astra's intro is linked to my pinned post if you want any more descriptiors for what Mashal is into ;)

Your character's friend has just been mugged. What's their reaction?

First things first, he'd make sure the friend is ok. He'd walk them home, make dinner, and stay with them through the night. Once they're in a better state of mind, he'd ask them what they want him to do, be that go to the cops or go after the mugger himself. He probably wouldn't want to kill some random mugger, but depending on if his friend was badly hurt or not, he might put the fucker in the hospital. If not, he'd just intimidate the hell out of them while dragging them into a jail cell.

Your character has been punched into the face. What's their reaction?

"Oh gods, is your fist alright? I mean, why the hell did you do that, but gods beyond, all your fingers are broken!"

Punching a robot is a bad idea lol, even if he's an apologetic one

What is your character's reaction when someone does something nice for them?

Mashal has a bit of a stutter in moments of high emotion, so he'd probably just be doing that for a while. Then, because he's a knight at heart, he'd give them a proper courtly bow and probably a very awkwardly formal thank you. He carries every kind turn in his heart for ages, so he'll remember the gesture forever, no matter how small.

Also, I know you didn't ask, but here's some Mashal art!

He's my sweet, killer robot boy and I adore him. Thanks so much for the asks!

[talkingbl]

Things I Want to See in More BLs (Mar 2024 ver.)

This is very Thai BL focused. Here's what I want to see more of this year:

Good stories from the companies with the money for good production. I feel like 2023 was kind of a slow year for competent storytelling + excellent production quality. My BL of 2023 was probably I Feel You Linger In The Air because it was one of the only ones to combine both decently enough.

I'm not sure how to label this yet but I'd like more reality shows like DMD's Friendship The Reality. I've not finished it yet but the concept is really intriguing to me. These types of shows can result in a couple of interesting outcomes. Either:

People get to see how the pairings are made, so it takes away the urge to project a real relationship onto the actors;

Newer actors get to showcase their skills and possibly gain some initial support for their early projects;

We get to really vet the chemistry between actors before they're placed in a pairing so that fans are not as weary about potential re-pairings (like the case with Net and James);

We get to just get to know the people we're supporting by watching our faves develop into their own; or, perhaps most importantly,

We get to see and maybe even comment on what goes into their media training (since some actors seem to have a problem with being sexist, racist, homophobic, etc.).

These types of shows really give us insight into the training and (possibly even a bit of the personalities) of these actors in a way that I think facilitates a more camera-ready talent base.

Fewer tiktok influencers and more seasoned actors. If we could get more professional actors like Nonkul, and fewer 18 year old influencers who actually want to be singers or kpop idols, that would be great.

More actually good OSTs. MSP's OST was one of the best in any Thai/Japanese/Korean drama I've ever watched??? And it was all cast-made. I'm not saying everything needs to be made by the cast, but it needs to sound good enough to be ear-wormy.

Actually good horror BLs. I think to pull these off, we need more natural actors going into it, higher production quality (ESPECIALLY audio quality, like 75% of good horror is sound design), and better execution on concepts.

For example, DFF's teaser is what DFF should have actually been… Like, it was good when it looked like a scary gang of gays murdering a classmate and being creepily gleeful about it. And the end product is still kind of that but the execution of the story became fucked for me in like Episode 2. I also don't think it balanced the romance aspects of the show well enough with the horror aspects in the beginning to capture my interest. Horror is very dear to my heart--one of my first loves in film. Good horror it should be shocking. The villains should repulse you. Here, the main crew of guys were billed as the villains in the teaser and yet from episode one, I was not that interested in their personalities, relationships, backstories, etc. It was like there was too much plot and not enough character. The mystery wasn't as captivating as I think the showrunner thought it was and the violence didn't feel dire.

Personally, I think IFYLTA was a better horror BL than DFF lol.

Fewer Singer-first Actors. Forget about what I said about MSP's OST for a second. I am so tired of seeing decent acting talent slowly get phased out of acting to become idol singers. It's okay if it's like Nunew who, in my opinion, is a better singer than actor. But when it's someone like Fourth with genuine acting talent that is becoming ever more scarce, it's always sad to them fall to the dark side lmao. This is something I even noticed with DMD's Friendship the Reality. Like 90% of the guys wanted to be singers and were using acting (particularly in a BL) as a stepping stone measure. And I know that in that case they were accepted into DMD as "artists" rather than "actors", but the end goal of that show was to star in a BL and like most of them didn't want to do that... We need more thespians in this genre.

More visual diversity in ML roles. This one is particularly for Thailand where they will quickly cast a darker-skinned actor in a villain role but not an ML. I'd like to see better representation in ML roles not only because I think it's important for people to realize darker-skinned people can be just as handsome/beautiful, talented, and versatile as their pale-skinned counterparts but also because many people simply want to see this (and you can get more people interested in the genre, which means more growth in the industry). So, for purely capitalistic reasons, it even makes sense haha

[drbatsponge]

Batgirls #14 review...

Disclaimer: this is basically a review I did on dead app (Amino) for Batgirls #14 because yes I have an audience there surprisingly, but I'm copy and pasting it here to see if people like my reviews idk.

...

Hey hey everyone, so as you know it's Cassandra's birthday, and what better to do than review a rather recent comic that came out that's all about her?

I will start this by preferencing that I haven't gotten through all of my Batgirls reviews on here yet, you all know I've really only given you my reviews of the first two issues.

It's safe to say that the book has had its fair share of controversy from time to time, as you all know from my previous blog on my problems with the series:

Though I will say that the recent issues of it have been pretty decent all around.

Not that I hated the first few issues (aside from 7 and 8, but that's a whole other can of worms to open), but I have a feeling that the book has finally found its footing as of late and is actually doing more of what I had expected from it.

And issue #14 has to be a pretty exceptional issue in my personal opinion, this issue is definitely the best one in the series so far and is probably one of the best Cass stories I have ever read. (Or seen? Idk, it's a silent issue for the most part, lol.)

And that's certainly saying something.

Now this is a silent issue, so it has no dialogue (at least not until the end but you'll see what that's all about...), meaning that the visuals are what make the issue, and well it's safe to say they got that right.

The main artist they got for this particular issue is Jonathan Case and his art is just really spectacular.

A problem with Batgirls is it does have a hard time tying down an artist, at least ever since Jorge Corona left the series, but I've never had a problem with the other artists on the series, though they had slight imperfections that would bug me even if nitpicky.

Like Neil Googe draws Cass and Steph a little bit younger than they're supposed to be and Robbi Rodriguez's movements for the characters are often too stiff for my liking.

But Case gets everything right.

Cass is drawn looking her age and the actions she takes are conveyed perfectly.

I mean what can I say the art is just gorgeous throughout the entire issue, I really hope Jonathan Case comes back to do another issue of Batgirls after this because they're just great.

Now the plot of the issue is pretty easy to explain, Cassandra is basically looking for Steph who had been kidnapped by her father in the prior issues of the series.

(This entire issue reminded me a LOT of Cassandra's stories that happened during the War Games saga, I actually plan on writing another review today on a particular comic that came out during that time.)

Cass at a point opens the letter that Steph leaves her to either see if it has a clue, or because at that point she thinks it's too late, but the letter contains a rather shocking confession

You are reading that right, Stephanie Brown quite literally admitted she has feelings for Cass.

And seeing how Cass reacted, it's possible she might return those feelings back.

Now I'm not sure if this confirms StephCass, we'll have to wait and see what happens in the upcoming issues, but yeah I hope this means what I think it means.

Now, of course I can't close out this review without mentioning the special appearance from Cassandra's dear mommy.

Yeah you had to see the full sequence because it's just 😍.

(Tumblr's image limit unfortunately prevented me from actually showing the full thing. 😭)

But yeah, all in all this is a REALLY good issue of Batgirls and I definitely recommend people pick it up even if you've had problems with the series.

It's just a passionate love letter to the character of Cassandra imo, and tbh I think this story will be remembered as one of her best for quite some time.

So, an obvious 10/10 from me. :)

Well, I hope you all enjoyed this review of Batgirls #14 from me!

As always stay tuned! Same bat-time, same bat-channel!

You can find the Amino version of this review here:

[aboysbestfriendishismum]

CHAPTER 60 - JUKEBOXES, CORN AND BRACES

In the previous chapter: Angie and Grace visit the set of Singles and meet Cameron Crowe. Grace would want to meet and talk to the actors but Angie's too shy and does everything to avoid them, especially Matt Dillon. The director offers her a small part in the movie and Angie is shocked. When she hears Tim Burton is supposed to make an appearance in the same scene as her, she sneaks away from the set. Eddie and Angie meet up the same night outside her apartment building to have a cigarette together and talk a little bit, a quick "date" in between their obligations. They flirt a little and Eddie not so subtly hints at the fact that he misses her a lot, also physically. Angie wonders how will they do once Eddie eill be out touring with the band after the record release and will be away for weeks and months. Vedder reveals his solution to the problem. In the meantime, Jerry wants to spend a nice uneventful night at home but his plans are shattered by Layne and Demri, who set him up in a blind date with one of the girl's coworkers.

Seattle is not Los Angeles and First Avenue is certainly not the Sunset Strip, but walking this street that almost entirely crosses the city from north to south is the best choice if you want to enter the heart of the Emerald City. And if you want to meet a musician or an artist of any kind, the area between First Avenue and Pike Street, before the market, or the border area between Belltown and Downtown, are the ones to keep an eye on. Not because of the live music venues, which certainly are not lacking, but because here you can find the ideal combination of goods and services particularly sought after by the just mentioned category: sex shops, pawnshops, second-hand shops, record shops, drug dealers and, above all, places to eat and drink super cheap. Whether they're signed to a major label or not, the average musician here is perpetually broke anyway and couldn't survive without places where they could get a decent meal for a few dollars. Many wonder why and how this fervent music scene developed in Seattle, bringing into discussion college radios, fanzines, independent labels on the one hand, isolation, cold, rain and not having shit to do but staying at home and listening to or making music on the other. In my opinion, however, there would be no Seattle sound without the cafes, diners and bars that feed and quench the thirst of the broke artists who have lived here forever or moved there to be part of the scene. 

The Frontier Room is one of those holy places. It opens at six in the morning it could very well knock you out by half past seven. Drinks are cheap here and the bartenders are known for having a heavy hand. I'm at the bar with Layne, for a second round after the first round of introductions, small talk, and booze with Demri and Heather. I must say that girl is not bad, she is not even what I expected. I don't know why, but from the name, I pictured her as a sort of sex bomb all boobs and perm... not that I have anything against boobs or perms, God forbid! And I don't even mean that she's ugly, on the contrary. She is a beautiful girl, tall and thin with legs fir miles, blue eyes and dark hair, she could easily be a model and she would kill it, even walking the catwalk with the white sweater and the jeans she's wearing now. She also seems likeable and down to earth. In short, she would be my type. If I gave a damn. Layne walks off with gin and tonic for him and Dem, while I watch the bartender mix the two whiskey and coke for Heather and I at the same time. He basically fills whiskey glasses half full, then grabs the coke, and as he turns to talk to another guy, he doesn't notice that most of the drink he pours misses the target and ends up soaking the rag over the counter. When he finishes the exchange, he notices that the glasses are still just short of half empty so he tosses in some more whiskey. This is the secret of the Seattle sound: the places that give you more whiskey than coke, I hope live forever. 

I grab my glasses and make my way over to my friends' table when I spot a smooching going on right between Layne and Demri. Nothing exaggerated, but enough to make me take a small U-turn in search of a diversion, which materializes right in front of me in the form of a jukebox. I set the glasses down on the machine and flip through the titles to waste some time, sorry Heather! I skip a lot of country music, not because I don't like it, but because I'm not in the right mood. Garth Brooks, Bob Seeger, there's a bit of classic rock, but I keep scrolling, partly because I want to be sure to find separated lips when I come back, partly because nothing particularly strikes me. Eagles? Ugh... Scorpions. WAIT. I stop there, for a double reason. Number one: I love this band. Number two: Angie hates this band. I don't think I've ever heard her say a bad word towards anyone other than the Scorpions, Bon Jovi and…um, well, yours truly. There is Love at first sight, easy, there's Animal Magnetism, which is my favorite album, there's also Crazy world, the latest, a good work, but certainly the most commercial. And I totally fall for that right now.

 

Wise man said just walk this way

To the dawn of the light...

 

Kenny Rogers finishes just as I get to the table with the drinks, Send me an angel begins and my three evening companions moan almost simultaneously. And they're not the only ones because I can almost hear a single moan run through all the people in the bar one after another as they listen to the ballad and reflect on the meaning of their lives. A little too depressing maybe, huh? The evening seems suddenly quieter and colder and perhaps not even the supercharged whiskey and coke is strong enough for this song. I think I've officially ruined everyone's night, at least until Heather gets up, at which point I think I've mostly ruined hers. And Dem and Layne's too. After all, they only want me to socialize like a normal person and I don't think they're asking too much but why has everything gotten so hard all of a sudden? Anyway, the girl doesn't pull up her jacket and bag to just up and leave with an excuse as I thought. She just takes a couple of coins from her pocket, winks at me and with a few strides reaches the jukebox. With the same grin on her face she scrolls through the titles, inserts her quarters, presses the buttons and returns to the table, while my song fades, leaving the bar in almost total and surreal silence. Heather doesn't sit down, but she looks at us, looks around and addresses the whole place judt as Rudolph Schenker starts playing some grittier chords.

“His fingers just slipped and hit the wrong button, that's all!” Heather raises her arms and then points her gaze at me, takes the glass and takes a nice sip of basically plain pure whiskey and starts singing, here, in the middle of the bar, as if nothing had happened. This surprises me, but what surprises me most is that I sing along.

 

I look in your eyes, I really think you're fooling me

You're pretty and nice, it doesn't matter don't you see

 

We sing Falling in love by the Scorpions in a duet, but only until the first chorus, because from there on it becomes a choir, first of our table, then of the whole bar. My memory could easily fail me, but I think it's the first time I've helped start a bar sing-a-long. It's easy to have the crowd sing at your concerts, but it's much more difficult to wake up a group of drunks in an anonymous place on a cold and humid evening in March. Sometimes a wrong night just needs the right fingers.

 

“I love that album,” I comment with Heather nodding, long after the chorus ends.

"It's the breakthrough disc." she says, just before Dem and Layne leave with the excuse of cigarettes "My favorite song is The Zoo , but that was more catchy"

“Hehe yeah, better for bar karaoke. Anyway The Zoo is a masterpiece, you're the first girl I've met who knows the Scorpions so well” leaving out Angie who, just because she knew them well, vomited just hearing their mention, I really don't remember any fan in particular. Well, aside from her , but she wasn't that badass.

“Oh man, Jerry, I'm sorry” Heather immediately becomes serious and places her hand on mine, which rests next to the ashtray after having just put out a cigarette.

"Eheheh well, no big deal. I mean good musical tastes are welcome, but they are not everything. I am pleased when I find someone who shares my interests, but it is not fundamental". I mean, music is my life, but I stopped selecting friends based on musical tastes in 1980, more or less.

“No, I meant, I'm sorry…but I'm not going to sleep with you.” She shakes her head and looks at me contritely, as if offering me condolences.

"What?"

"I'm not sleeping with you, don't get any strange ideas"

"Oh. Okay. But what does it have to do with it?”

“I wanted to be honest with you before you started hitting on me But I couldn't say anything before, in front of Demri, she cared so much about this date”

“Who says I wanted to hit on you?”

“You're already doing it… You're the first girl I've met who loves Scorpions, uh! After this sort of imitation she pushes my hand away from hers giggling and finishes her drink.

“So, I understand that it may sound like a pickup line and I admit that I have used something like this in the past, but I swear that in this case the intention was absolutely not that”

"Come on! Look, you don't have to pretend with me, it's normal to expect something from a blind date, I don't blame you" Heather reaches out for my pack of cigarettes without asking, takes one and lights it with my lighter.

“Of course it's normal, but normality doesn't really belong to me lately. I can assure you it was a simple remark, I was not hitting on you. To tell you the truth, since it's the moment of truth, I didn't even want to come tonight."

"Oh really?"

“I was this close to standing you up”

“This reminds me of the fox saying that the grapes were sour…” Heather winks and blows smoke in my face.

“Hahaha I know what it looks like, but it's not like that. I would certainly make a better impression if I went along with your story, but no. I'm much more pathetic than that” I don't know why, maybe it's because deep down I don't know her, she's a stranger, and it's easier to be honest with strangers; it may also be because of the vibes I get from her but to me telling the truth seems the easiest thing in the world right now, sitting at this table with Heather.

"Pathetic? What do you mean?"

"That until a few months ago I would not only have hit on you, but I would have also succeeded and by now we'd already be driving towards my house"

“Hahaha even if I told you that I had no intention of putting out?”

"Of course and I would have done it in such a subtle way as to make you believe it was you who changed your mind, indeed, I would have convinced you that I wasn't even thinking about it either and that everything was happening totally by chance"

“That is exactly…what are you doing now? Or am I wrong?" she smiles at me curious and even though she thinks she has caught me, she doesn't seem irritated. Is it because she believes me? Is it because she plays along? I don't know.

"No no, now I'm just baring my soul to you, I'm not using tactics, I swear"

“So what has happened lately that has changed you so drastically?” here is the fateful question. I take a deep breath and spit it out.

“I fell in love with a girl, broke her heart, got dumped and haven't been close to another female since then, which would be three months ago, more or less”

"Oh. Well, you made a great recap”

“I went straight to the point, at least with words I'm still able to do it” what is it, have I started walking the path of self-irony? Well it sort of works, I laugh and she giggles with me.

“You know, your story is very similar to mine. Well, I mean, more or less. I fell in love too, I've been dumped for a while and I still haven't recovered”

"I'm sorry"

“But I'm the one whose heart was broken. Well, he dumped me for someone else”

“I understand what you're going through, I really do. It's not a pickup strategy!” I repeat trying to make her laugh again.

“I killed the mood, didn't I? Like you did before with that fucking song!"

“Nah, I totally beat you, sorry! And I win the award for saddest story too, because I'm in such a bad place that my friends introduce me to girls hoping to cheer me up and instead I end up driving them away by talking about my ex"

“Haha and what about me? What do you think I'm here for tonight? Demri is sick of seeing me cry on cigarette breaks day in and day out. And she's not the only one. All my friends push me to get to know new guys, but they don't understand that it's much worse this way!”

"Exactly! I don't know if it's the same for you, but... it's hard to explain. When you have to forget someone, the best solution would be to avoid everything that makes you think of that someone, right? Well, how can't they see that a date is the first thing that makes me think of my ex because..."

“Because that's the thing you used to do with her! Same thing for me, I agree. You date a guy and you come up with the same situations and…”

“And make comparisons!”

"Of course, how the fuck can you not make them!"

“Do you know why I chose the Scorpions on the jukebox?”

“Cause you have memories of her with that song?”

“Because she can't stand that band, she hates them!”

“Hahaha”

“I've been scrolling through all the titles on that fucking jukebox for a while and there wasn't a name that made me feel something. And music is my life, mind you. Then my eyes landed on that name and... byeeee"

"And then, I even told you that I like them"

"Right! Tell me, how could this arranged date make me forget Angie, it can't, it's the opposite"

"Five minutes after you arrived, I had already made a mental comparison between the shades of blond of your hair and those of Rob, as well as your heights and way of laughing"

"We're both so fucked up, we need to make a toast!" I exclaim, as I pour some of the content of my glass into hers, then go back to being serious for a moment "You're not squeamish, are you?"

"Hahaha no, nit at all! Here's to the broken and pathetic hearts!"

"Cheers" our glasses touch each other and we drink them all down in one.

“You're nice, if you weren't brokenhearted I would have hooked up with you. You're cute too"

"Really?"

“Yeah, tall, long hair, musician… you're pretty much my type”

“Wow, thanks, I'm flattered”

“And at least you understand me. Whereas I'm going to have to go on who knows how many more blind dates."

“Well, maybe sooner or later you will find someone you'll be so attracted to that you will even forget your ex's name”

"Eheh after what we said to each other, you are not credible anymore, I'm sorry"

“Well, just tell your friends that you don't want to date anyone right now”

“Do you think I didn't? Like it's a prerogative to have someone, I mean, what's wrong with being single?”

“Single and happy!”

“Besides, sex is overrated”

"Well..."

“Yeah, it's cool, I'm not saying it isn't, but it's not like I miss it that much. It's not the thing I miss the most about Rob, so that's proof that it's not fundamental."

“In fact, it's not like I'm struggling either. And I wasn't one to spare himself, on the contrary..."

“I bet your not sparing yourself has to do with how you broke your ex's heart, right? I'm not judging you, huh! We all make mistakes, we are human"

“What can I say, you hit the mark. But now the girls who go around in the backstage of our concerts... I don't even look at them, I don't see them, I don't want to "

“LOOK, I HAD AN IDEA!” Heather slaps her palm hard on the table, causing even the guys sitting at the table next to her to turn towards us.

"What an idea?"

“We are in the same situation and we have the same problem. Why can't we be each other's problem solvers?"

"Uh?"

“It's just occurred to me right now, maybe it's bullshit, but I think it would work”

"Do you want to explain yourself better?"

“So, Demri and Layne will be back at the table soon, they'll see there's no chemistry between us, they'll see us leaving without even exchanging numbers, and what will they do next time?”

“They'll torment us asking why it didn't work?”

“No, that what they will do tonight, immediately. But what will they do next time?”

“What will they do?”

“They'll introduce us to someone else! And on and on and it will never end!”

“I'm about to go on tour with the boys, they'll ask me to do the fourth every time they pick up someone with a friend"

“And Dem? She knows literally everyone in Seattle, do you have any idea how many tall, long-haired musicians will be sitting where you are right now?”

“And what would your solution be?”

“Put on some chemistry”

"That is?"

“Let's not tell them it didn't work” Heather shrugs as if she's telling me the most obvious thing in the world.

"Do you want them to believe we've clicked?"

"We'll make them believe we like each other, we can exchange some effusions..."

“Exchange what?”

“Just for show! We can also exchange numbers. You're going on tour soon, aren't you? At most you call me once or twice, just to make the game more believable for my roommate too. Your friends will see that you're into me and you're doing ok and they won't dare pushing other girls to you at the risk of screwing you up again"

"And your girlfriends will quit arranging blind dates"

“It's a win win for both"

“Mmm”

“I know the fake boyfriend archetype is overused and may sound like a John Hughes rom-com cliché, but I assure you I have no ulterior motives. And it would be for a good cause: our sanity” Heather looks at me hopefully. All in all she's not talking bullshit and, fake or not, her eyes are hard to say no to.

“It's so absurd that it could work”

"WHAT?" I'm so focused on Heather's evil plan that I don't notice our friends returning, or Demri coming over to scream in my ear.

“What, what?” I ask playing dumb.

“What could work?” she repeats, as she sits down with her boyfriend.

"Us! We found out that we are very different, but also have so much in common, right Jerry?” Heather winks at me and moves the chair a little closer.

"True! You were right to drag me here, man, you know?” I reach around my new accomplice's shoulders as Layne looks at me in amazement.

"Seriously? Well…” but not without suspicion.

 

I'm not getting into another mess, am I?

 

************************************************** *****************************************

 

"Your first kiss? When did it happen? With whom? Tell me..."

Grace and I are in the midst of our almost daily post-coital Random Questions session to get to know each other better, hosted as always on the couch in her apartment. Grace's couch is the official home for pretty much everything we do, whether it's sex, post-sex, no sex, listening to records, eating, watching tv, looking at aquariums, or hanging out. Oh and I also sleep on it, because Grace's bed is still offlimits. Because the speech I made to her the other night was perfect and I know my words hit the mark, but in the meantime, making love without her boots, let alone sleeping together, it's still not an option. And so here we are, me in my underwear, she wearing my T-shirt and her ever-present boots, both on the sofa which has now taken on the shape of our bodies, especially mine, eating toasted cashew nuts and asking questions to get to know each other, when in reality we'd just need to undress completely and go to her room to really get closer. Anyway, intimacy is made up of many things and it takes a lot of time to build it. I have patience, it's just that I have the bad habit of always turning around and keeping an eye on the easiest route, while I trudge along the most impervious path, unanimously considered the most effective.

“It happened on sixth grade, with a redhead I didn't like,” I recall as the scepter of power, aka the bowl of cashews, passes from Grace's hands to mine.

"I don't know why, but I expected such an answer. Was she crazy too?"

"Mmm no, Jane was normal, as normal as an eleven-year-old can be. She was nice, okay, but not someone I intended to kiss"

"And how did it go?"

"We were walking home from school, we lived on the same street. We got off the school bus and walked together, her house was before mine, when we got there and I was saying goodbye, she took her chance"

"Girls who take the initiative are a recurring element in your life, have you noticed that?" Grace reaches into the bowl and takes a hefty handful.

"Yes. But not with you, I kissed you" let's give Caesar what belongs to Caesar.

"Okay, and all the work to get to the kiss? What about that? I did it all man!" okay, always dotting the i's.

"Details"

"Anyway, Jane tried to kiss you and you?"

"I panicked, of course"

"Obviously"

"And as her lips were getting dangerously close..."

"You ran away?"

"No, I told her the first thing that came to my mind"

"That is?"

"That I'd just threw up"

"Ahahahaha what???" the sofa shakes a little under us as she laughs. 

"I told you, it was the first thing that came to my mind! And as I tried to explain to her that it must have been the meatloaf from the cafeteria and that I had thrown it up in the school toilet before going out, she threw me off"

"Did she vomit too?"

"No he said It's okay , he shrugged and kissed me anyway! Can you believe that?"

"Wow she must have liked you so much"

"So she wasn't quite as normal as she seemed" 

"You gotta have a crush to be willing to kiss a pucked mouth"

"No, you must be sick! However it was a wet and cold kiss. And there were no more kisses between me and her. To be safe anyway, from then on I went to school by bike"

"It didn't traumatize you at all, nooo"

"And what about you?"

"Ah my story is less funny. I was twelve, he was one year older, I had braces on my teeth, he had too. We didn't get stuck or anything like that, but there were some technical difficulties, mini metallic clashes, it was a bit embarrassing, but cute" the little smile that appeared on her face as she recalled the memory almost makes me jealous.

"And your cute kiss was the first of a long series?"

"No, the next day he got together with my friend" and the dreamy smile disappeared, replaced by a half-resigned grin.

"Ouch. Did she have braces as well? It must have been an issue of accessibility, don't take it personally"

"Actually no, she didnt!"

"Come on, next question, but this time it's my turn" I take matters into my own hands and pretend to improvise a question that I've been preparing for a while instead.

"Ok"

"How many guys did you date after the surgery?"

"Oh. Wow, good question" 

"I only ask good questions"

"First of all, define date"

"At least one date, in the evening, alone" I list the primary conditions on three fingers.

"Okay, well, that's an accurate definition"

"Did you expect something different from me?" I set the bowl of cashews down on the coffee table and cross my arms, turning to face her, preparing myself for her response and the big talk that will follow.

"Hehe absolutely not"

"So?"

"Well I don't know, ten-ish"

"What about a more precise answer, adequate to the question?" I know, it's not essential to have the exact data, but while we're at it, I want to know.

"Wait..." Grace, after one last bite, rubs the salt of the cashews off her hands and then I see her start counting mentally and with her fingers.

"Twelve"

"Including me?

"Thirteen" she corrects herself with a satisfied smile. 

"And how many of them did you share your secret with?"

"All of them, except two. So eleven"

"And how many of these did you go on a second date with?"

"Mmmm six"

"And how many have you had sex with?"

"Oh God, where are you going with this?" Grace starts to get suspicious, but I won't give up.

"How many?"

"Four"

"And of these four, how many have also slept with you?" 

"Do we really have to talk about it?" she's not angry, just a little sulky.

"Yup" 

"One"

"Ok. And was this guy so much better than me?"

"Stone..."

“Was he a saint, an empath, a Nobel Peace Prize…?”

"I would say no"

"A psychologist, a therapist, a doctor?"

"No, and he wasn't even a champion of sensitivity, if I have to be honest"

"Great! Just like me. So how about we give my back a break tonight and have a good night's sleep in your room?"

"You have to understand that it's not easy"

"No way! Really? Of course know it's difficult, Grace, and even if I hadn't figured it out myself, let's say that an average of one in thirteen would have been overwhelming proof, don't you think?" 

"It took me a long time to accept myself, it was hard to be able to look at myself, let alone let another person see me and touch me"

"Grace, I know, ok? I know. But I'll ask you a question" I take her hand, perhaps more to block her than to console her. 

"Another one??"

"We have to get to know each other, don't we?" I take the other one too and she squeezes both of them.

"Yes, but at this rate we'll tell each other everything tonight and what will we be talking about from tomorrow on?"

"Haha, do you think I won’t find any more topics to talk about? Me? You underestimate me"

"Okay, what do you want to know?" she sighs resigned.

"You don't show yourself because you're uncomfortable or because you don't want to make me uncomfortable?" 

"Stone, it is...both"

"But in percentage?"

"How can I quantify? I don't know, fifty-fifty"

"Bullshit"

"Ahahahah how can you say that?" 

"What happens if you take off these boots in front of me now? Nothing changes. Nothing for you, you are always the same, the only variable is me and how I could react. This is what changes and this is what worries you"

"And you think your reaction has nothing to do with me? That it doesn't have any effect? ​​I'm obviously worried about it"

"Sure, but you gotta understand that it's not an avoidable thing. I mean, sooner or later it will have to happen, I can't sleep on this couch forever and you can't wear boots inside the house forever" 

"Sometimes I even wear normal shoes. With baggy pants," she points out knowing full well that's not the point, but behaving as if it were. 

"Yes and when you have that outfit it means you don't wanna have sex" I can lighten up a conversation too, you know?

"Ahahahah"

"I've learned to recognize the signs, you know"

"However, I know that sooner or later it will happen. I just want to take my time" 

"The question is... if I see all of you in a month's time, will your foot be less absent than it is now? I mean, is the non-existence of your foot inversely proportional to the time that goes by?" is it a good idea to make sarcastic jokes right now? Yes, because if I didn't, then it wouldn't be me, I would seem fake, and I want everything to be as true and honest as possible. 

"No, but you'll have more time to get used to the idea"

"And why should that be your problem?"

"Huh?" Grace glares at me, as if I've insulted her, so maybe I need to explain better.

"Cause we're back to to my first question: are you more uncomfortable for yourself or is it more like not wanting to make me uncomfortable? Because if it's the second one, well you don't have to, because it's not your job. It's not your job to think how to make your boyfriend feel comfortable when he's with you, that's none of your business, it's the part of the relationship work that I have to do, it's my responsibility, not yours. Will it be a piece of cake? No. Will I be completely indifferent to the thing? Fuck no, but I'm the one who has to deal with my fears and reactions, not you" 

"You must be really uncomfortable on this sofa to try and sound so convincing, huh?" she delivers this pretty good, because she keeps a very serious expression, except for a slightly arched eyebrow. 

"I don't give a fuck about the couch"

"I know, I was being sarcastic"

"Well you can't be when I'm not"

"The light must stay off" the light will be off, but I finally see a glimmer of light.

"Okay, I'll grope, feeling the stuffed animals in the dark towards the bed"

"And the hands must stay away from the legs"

"Jeez, I'll keep them away from everything if you want, I'll stay on my side and won't move, if you want you can come closer. We'll, if you really have to"

"I have to remove the prosthesis when I sleep"

"I'm so ignorant I didn't know, see how much I'm already learning with you? Anyway it's ok" 

"But I have the sock"

"Ok"

"It's a specific sock, which you put on the stump... it covers everything, in short"

"I won't see it in the dark anyway"

“Ok”

"Ok, can we go, then?" I slowly get up from the couch, not letting go of her hands, which I've been holding the whole time.

"Let's go" she takes a moment, then she gets up too.

"Anyway, you don't need to turn off the light right away. You're wearing my shirt and you're completely naked underneath, who gives a shit about your feet? I mean, in general, people aren't constantly looking at each other's feet while interacting. I take it for granted that people have them, but it's not like they're there to be looked at. Have you ever seen my feet? Can you honestly tell me what they look like? I guess not, I think you don't give a shit after all. And the same thing  goes for me. And by the way, I'm too concentrated on what is there to think about what's missing" I go freewheeling, perhaps because the walk in silence towards the bedroom looks so much like a journey to the gallows and this has got nothing to do with that.

"Are you done?" Grace stops in front of the bedroom door and looks at me as if I were a poor jerk.

"Yup"

"I've already said yes, you don't have to convince me anymore"

"You said yes to this now. There are still a lot of things I have to convince you to do, I must keep myself in training"

**************************************************

21:58 

In theory there are two minutes left for my shift, in practice, as usual, it will still take some time before I set foot back home. First I have to dispose of the people in the till, then I have to do the accounts and write down the partial collection, I gotta check that there are enough coins and cash, bags, paper rolls of the card machine and the cash register, leave notes in the notebook for Ian about the things I've done and what still needs to be done. In short, I won't be free before half past ten, but tonight I don't mind. I have to wait for Eddie anyway. Finally we'll see each other and we manage to spend one evening together. At least I hope, cause he warned me that he might be late, but that he will do everything to be here as soon as possible after today's recording session. He cares a lot and, well, so do I. Every time we talk on the phone or see each other in passing it's like he's trying to apologize for his working schedule and I'm always there to reassure him. It's his job, and you don't have to be together 24/7 to be in a relationship. However I am pleased to be able to spend a quiet evening without counting the minutes. And maybe it's because of my unusual good mood that I decide to break the rule of the good old pissed off saleswoman and start a conversation with the customer in front of me that goes a little beyond the simple greeting. 

"Good evening, how are you?" I smile as I type the receipt.

"Have you ever sat on the toilet reading the newspaper long enough to forget you shitted only to realize minutes later that you hadn't wiped your ass?"

"...it's twenty-four dollars fifty-five"

It's my fault, only my fault. 

The intellectual man pays and leaves and it's the turn of another guy in his forties. Of all the items he's placed on the counter for me, I reach for the six-pack of beer first and I am about to scan it, but the man cuts me off. 

"Sorry, I'm actually trying to drink a little less. Could you put them away, please?"

"Sure no problem!" I put the beers to the side and continue with the rest of the shopping, when a woman, who has appeared out of nowhere, approaches him and stares at me with a glare.

"What did you tell him?!" he yells at me.

"Excuse me?"

"Stop talking to my man! You can't have him, he's mine!" then she turns to him "What the fuck did she tell you? Did she ask your number or what?!"

"Mmm no, I just asked her to put the beers aside" he replies in a calm, monotonous voice, in stark contrast to her anxious one. 

I look at her dumbfounded, she stares at him first, then me and I take the beer to show to her and confirm the man's version; then her gaze returns to him.

"Ah! So now you're buying other women drinks, huh?! Forget about coming home tonight!" and that said, she just up and leaves. 

The customer stands there, impassive, rolls his eyes, and then motions me to continue. I tap the last few pieces and at that point I see him stretch his hands over the beers to bring them closer to the till again.

"Okay, l think I'll take the beer after all. If I have to sleep in the dog's kennel tonight, at least I won't be sober!" he hints at a smile, rather bitter, with the face of someone who has already seen multiple scenes like this. I finish his bill, he pays and leaves and I greet him, not envying him at all. 

"Oh, such weird people..." a lady in a long yellow coat, the last in line, at least for now, shakes her head as she approaches the counter.

"Yes, strange types show up sometimes at this time if the day" 

"Very Strange"

"Can I help you?"

"Yes, I have to make a return"

"Sure, what is it about?"

"I'm returning this" the lady hands me a copy of today's Seattle Times. 

Never two without three.

"Excuse me, why do you want to return it?"

"Because I've read it all, I need tomorrow's issue"

Take a breath, Angie, a good deep breath. 

"Tomorrow's paper isn't out yet, ma'am, but I couldn't change it for you anyway"

"Well give me a voucher, so tomorrow I can get the new newspaper"

"It's not possible, ma'am, I can't accept this return"

"Why not? It's from today, it's expiring, you have to give me tomorrow's newspaper" 

The thing that drives me crazy the most is actually having a dialogue with people like this: not the assholes, who insult you or pick on you by yelling after you, they are nothing compared to people who are perfectly calm, even kind, and lucid in their their madness, they really think they're right and they just don't understand why you're there making trouble for them. 

"I can't because my superior takes care of this kind of returns, just wait a minute, I'll go call him immediately" I wouldn't want to bother Hannigan, but I can't make it tonight. And then I caught a glimpse of the headlights and the silhouette of Eddie's pickup through the glass, so goodbye. 

I get the boss to intervene and he must be really in a state of grace because he tells me to go and that he'll take care of the rest. It's mid-March, but I'm sure tomorrow it's gonna snow! I go and get changed in a flash and when I come back in front of the till I hear the lady repeating the same objections and, at the same time, the doorbell ringing.

"EDDIE! God I'm glad to see you!" I greet him, and almost knock him down, with a hug.

"Hey! Oh, well, heheh, me too Angie"

"Please save me, take me away from this madhouse" I add softly begging for mercy. 

"Ah! So that's why…"

"There's a particularly high concentration of crazy customers tonight"

"And I thought you missed me, at least a little bit" Eddie frees himself from my clutches and jokingly pushes me away pretending to be offended. 

"Of course I missed you." I come closer and kiss him. Yes, here, in front of everyone, including Hannigan, Ian and the crazy customer. Eddie should be proud of me, I'm not ashamed of anything anymore. Well almost "The fact that your arrival coincides with the end of my nightmarish shift is a plus" 

"I pretend to believe you. I forgive you. But only because it's you. And because it's a special day" he kisses me to seal the peace and I think about how special this evening will be. I guess Eddie has very high expectations, but I just hope I don't fall asleep before the end of the film since I'm also a bit tired.

"So, what do you want to do? Where are we going?" she asks me once outside.

"Oh well, I was planning on staying home, I rented a movie" 

"Okay, kitty" I appreciate the fact that he kept the dumb nickname for when we would be alone, away from prying ears.

"And then I was thinking of ordering a pizza, since I haven't eaten"

"Oh perfect, me neither! In fact I'm starving" with an arm around my neck, he accompanies me towards the door of my house. 

"But maybe you wanted to go somewhere"

"Nah, your place is great"

"Perhaps you were thinking of something in particular. We can also change plans, you know"

"The program is fantastic and, to tell you the truth, it's exactly what I was hoping for, I'm a little tired. Of course, if you had planned something else then I would have adapted, but really, pizza, movie and sofa with you seem like a dream to me right now"

"Are you sure?" he's kept talking about this special evening for days but now he wants me to believe that he was waiting for nothing but to be sprawled out on the sofa to stock up on pizza and horror?

"Absolutely. Then it's with you, so it's perfect regardless"

"Is it?" I ask him as we climb the stairs.

"Of course. Well... actually, no." he changes pace, in every sense, because he accelerates and passes me on the steps, then he turns around and I see that he's pouting. Real or fake? "No, because I'm actually mad at you" 

"Hehe what? Why?"

"Ask Matt" he starts running up the stairs, but not too fast, because he knows very well that I would catch up with him the day after tomorrow and out of breath.

"Matt? What does Matt have to do with it?" I ask both him and myself, not understanding the connection between the drummer and some crap of my own that I may have said or done. 

"Well Matt told me something this morning during our guitar lesson"

"Ah. You mean that Matt" I understand he's talking about Dillon and not Cameron.

"Yeah, that Matt. Let me tell you, I'm very, very disappointed" we get to my floor, we cross the corridor, he always pouting ahead and I behind, laughing a little and thinking about how I'll get out of it this time. 

"I don't understand what you mean, what did he tell you?" I play dumb as I open the door, under Eddie's stern, judgmental gaze. 

"He told me that a few days ago he met some of my friends on set, which would then be you and Grace"

"Ok"

"So I explained to him that you're my girlfriend and guess what he said?" did he really feel the need to tell a Hollywood actor that I'm his girlfriend? 

"Um what if I order the pizza first and then I guess?" rhetorical question as I take off my jacket and grab the cordless phone.

"He said we would all surely meet each other more often on set, since Cam OFFERED YOU A FUCKING PART IN THE FILM" Eddie reveals everything and raises his voice just when I've finished dialing the number and put the phone to my ear.

"Is it okay with double cheese?" 

"Yup." she concedes and then takes me by the hand to the sofa while I finish ordering "But you're a liar"

"It's not true, I told you so! I also told you about how I escaped and about the shitty figure" I try to justify myself to him, who looks at me like a principal listening to the apologies of the student in trouble, undecided whether to suspend them or not, obviously sitting on the opposite side of the sofa a thousand miles from me.

"You told me you ran away because there were too many famous people and you were getting anxious and not because Crowe had just asked you to star in the movie"

"It's not a lie, technically it's more of an omission"

"And why would you have omitted to tell me this?"

"Because if you had known, you would have tried to convince me to accept"

"Why? Don't you want to accept?" he suddenly asks me in amazement and moves on the sofa in my direction.

"There we go"

"But why?" Eddie moves a little closer. Why? As if he didn't know me.

"Because… it's not my thing"

"But cinema… is your thing, isn't it supposed to be like your job?" he gets even closer until our knees touch.

"I want to write for cinema, not act"

Eddie unties my legs, which were crossed until a second ago, and gently adjusts them on his, he pulls me towards him and now we're as close as we can get. 

"I too want to write and sing songs, not be a roadie. But I set up the stages anyway. It's all part of the system, you have to start somewhere"

"You only did it so you could see concerts for free"

"Well, just think that you can watch a movie for free, from inside the movie." he reiterates hugging me "You can see how a film is made, see the actors"

"I don't care about actors and movies look much better from the outside, trust me"

"Angie, can I ask you one thing?"

"Yes" I say and I already expect the correct and perfectly logical, as well as almost certainly funny, speech with which he will bare the stupidity of my insecurities and demonstrate that accepting that part is the only sensible thing to do and will convince me to say yes and that's exactly why I didn't want to tell him a damn thing in the first place. 

"Actually two"

"Ok"

"Where's Meg?"

"She went to be a stewardess at a cardiology convention or something, and she said she'd go dancing with the other girls afterward, so she'll be back late."

"And when does the pizza arrive?" it confuses me and I try to understand how far he's taking it and where he's going with his motivational speech starting from my roommate and passing through pizza.

"In half an hour. Why?"

"Because… I know we're discussing important things and I don't want to sound inappropriate at all, but we're alone and so much can be done in half an hour and you're so sexy when you insist on defending your indefensible opinions and wee haven't had sex in like fifteen years, so how about going to your room for a sec?"

"How can it be fifteen years if we've known each other for less than one?"

"Tsk you want to be a writer and you can't recognize hyperbole?"

"What?"

"Hyperbole"

"Say it again"

"Hyperbole"

"You're sexy when you say hyperbole, could you say that in a more indefensible tone?"

"Fuck you. Shall we go?" 

Since I'm good at being cool and resisting, about thirty seconds later we are in my bed. And we're still there exactly seven minutes later, gasping for breath in the dark. 

"A bit fast, huh?" 

"Fast, but effective"

"I told you it felt like fifteen years..."

"If these are the effects, I recommend continuing to see each other at this frequency"

"What a bitch!" I can make out his smiling profile in the dark, as he shifts closer under the covers "Anyway, going back to the previous topic…"

"Ah, do you want to go back to the previous discussion? I thought you'd dismissed it by now due to more urgent needs- OUCH!" I joke and he, close to me, takes his revenge with a pinch where the sun doesn't shine. 

"No, I haven't dismissed it. And be good, because I'm about to say something serious"

"Mmm ok, shoot" here comes the bullshit in disguise that will lead me to accept the proposal.

"I don't want to tell you what to do, because in the end it's you who have to decide. I can only give you my opinion. I think that deep down you want to throw yourself into this adventure but you're scared or ashamed or both. I don't know if you can do it, but Crowe is a professional, I think he can tell if a person can act or not and would never entrust you with a part above your skills. I have a line too, you know?"

"But I have more than one, that's the problem!"

"He definitely doesn't give a shit about our acting skills, he wants us to play ourselves, so you too, you'll just have to be yourself"

"Okay, I correct myself, that 's the problem"

"I don't…" My eyes have adjusted to the darkness and I see almost every detail of his face as she tries to piece together what he wants to say "but I don't see why you shouldn't try. Worst case scenario, if it really doesn't work, Cam could always cut your scene, you've got nothing to lose."

"Except my dignity"

"Mmm don't pretend to be a coward"

"Hahaha do you think I pretend? Sure, I'm actually super brave"

"You're very brave. Since I've known you, I've seen you do a lot of things that you might not even want to hear at first: play basketball with us, play the drums, go up the Space Needle, dance in a disco full of people without shyness, taking a plane to San Diego alone..." he kisses me after the last one in the list "I wasn't there yet, but I heard you even took the elevator in this building once" 

"There I risked seriously"

"Anyway, it seems to me that you are quite good at doing the things that scare you the most, this would be just the umpteenth demonstration of how cool you are, you wouldn't risk anything"

And I would like to tell him that I'm neither cool or brave and that if I've done each of those things it's because each and every time there was someone else to push me and that it takes very little insistence to make me do things, it's really easy to make me say yes. But for once I don't want to exaggerate, I don't want to make him snort as usual and turn out to be the ever problematic girl, I don't want to destroy his beliefs: I mean, if he's drawn this little portrait of Angie the Intrepid in his mind, who am I to refute it? At the same time, I have no idea what the fuck to say because I never understood how the hell you respond to compliments.  Like, who was supposed to teach me and when? Usually I respond with a sarcastic joke, but now I'm in bed with my boyfriend and something tells me that would not be the best reaction. So what do I do? Do I show discomfort? Do I scale back his flattery? Do I justify the reason for the success of all the experiences he listed? Do I distrust? Goat? Not say anything? Drop the subject? Thank him and stop? The sound of the intercom comes to my rescue.

"Oh. Either Meg broke all hearts at the cardiologist convention or our pizza's early." Eddie pulls away from me and sits up on the bed.

"We gotta get up to find out" 

"I'll go, don't worry" Eddie with sudden newfound energy springs out of bed and leaves the room.

"EDDIE?!" I yell at him as he runs away, but he doesn't listen. He reappears at my bedroom door a minute later.

"It's the pizza" he acts as if nothing had happened.

"BUT DID YOU GO LIKE THIS?" I insist, holed up under the duvet, while he turns on the light and explores the floor of the room. Luckily I'm already lying down, otherwise I could have collapsed.

"Like what?" he asks absently, then finds his boxers at the foot of the bed and, picking them up, finally looks at me. And I look at him. And then he understands "I only answered the intercom, he can't see me" he smiles slyly putting on his underwear.

"Thank god…"

"Don't pretend to be jealous, you're not credible" he quickly puts on his cargo pants and red checked shirt, buttoning it at random. 

"The money for the pizza is in the cabinet outside in the corridor, in the drawer"

"Okay." starts to leave the room again, but then turns around "What are you doing? Aren't you coming?"

"I'm coming now"

"Ok"

"Ok" I answer, still under the duvet, while he doesn't get out of there. 

"Or maybe you want to have dinner in bed?" the little shit winks at me.

"No no, no crumbs in my bed"

"All right"

"Okay" and he stays there.

"Come on or pizza will get cold" 

"I told you I'm coming now, just go and I'll join you!" he almost laughs at me, but the pizza guy saves me a second time as he rings the doorbell. Eddie gives up and goes to open the door but I don't hear the sound of the drawer opening. What the fuck. I get out of bed in a sprint and close the door before putting on my pajamas in record time. When I leave the room we almost have a head-on collision: the jerk thought he would be catching me red-handed! 

"Ready?" he asks pretending to pass by by chance.

"You payed?" 

"Yup"

"But the money is here" I open the drawer and show him.

"I took the money from my wallet"

"And why?"

"To make it faster. Are you coming now or do we have to stay here and discuss until the pizza becomes inedible?"

"Come on, let's go!" I would like to take his hand, but I end up pulling him by the unbuttoned sleeve of his shirt, and take him to the sofa. Eddie immediately grabs a slice of pizza and I manage to throw paper napkins at him, threatening him "If you dirty my sofa I'll kill you"

"What movie are we watching, kitty?"

"We're watching Children of the corn !" I reply enthusiastically by pressing PLAY on the remote control and pounce on the pizza too.

"From the title, I imagine it's a romantic comedy with a guaranteed happy ending" 

"Obviously" 

"And are you sure I can eat while I watch it?"

"Ahah yes, don't worry, it's not that strong" I open two beers and give him one.

"You said the same thing about Hellraiser "

"Okay, you're the one who's too sensitive! Amyway this is a lot softer, there's no comparison, I'd say it's almost comedy"

"Ok, I trust you, kitty" we toast with our cans and start the vision.

***

"Well comedy… I wouldn't say that…" the movie is over, as well as pizza and beer.

"Come on, shall we talk about the acting? And then, those fucking special effects! It seems like they ran out of money at some point"

"They must have spent it all on corn"

"Haha exactly! Hey, by the way, did you know that in a certain sense I was a child of the corn as well?"

"Were you a member of a satanic cult of baby-killers?" Eddie, who was completely slouched on his side of the sofa, now sits up a little curious.

"Eheheh no, also because at this age they would have already sacrificed me"

"So?"

"Well, you know the summer jobs you used to work when you were a kid? Ok, you're from San Diego, so well, your concept of a summer job will include things like lifeguard, waiter, ice cream guy, stuff like that, right?"

"More or less. Whereas in Idaho?"

"In Idaho we went out castrating corn!"

"Hahaha what?" at this point I have Eddie's full attention, and he sits up straight and approaches me.

"Corn detasseling, I went four years in a row, to Notus"

"What the fuck does detasseling mean? Does corn get castrated?"

Of course now I'm teaching my mini-agriculture lesson that Eddie was dying to hear. On special evenings, couples talk about projects, they slowly discover each other, they flirt. Instead, I talk about how corn has both male and female flowers, explaining that if you remove the male part of the plant it will not pollinate itself, but it can be fertilized by the variety chosen by the farmer, which will not be clipped, thus creating hybrids . 

"In simple terms, the work consisted of walking for hours and hours in the corn fields, pulling the tops off the plants with your bare hands. You started in the morning, when everything was damp, and you ended up in the afternoon, soaked in sweat from the heat. Also because you had to wear long pants and long sleeves if you didn't want to cut your skin completely"

"Sharp leaves?"

"Like fucking razors, Eddie, you don't understand"

"The ideal job for children"

"I'm sure you'll be more understanding with Malachi now"

"Hahaha yes! Now I understand why they rebelled, poor kids"

"I'm pretty sure He who walks behind the rows is actually a child who got lost while corn detasseling, bleeding to death, and now his soul continues to wander in the fields in search of his parents to take revenge"

"Blood red corn from children employed in child labour"

"Those in short-sleeved T-shirts! But I was making twelve dollars an hour..."

"Not bad! Anyway, you were practically working as corn contraceptives"

"We Were Corn's Planned Parenthood "

"So corn has sex too. And more than us, I guess”

"Hahahaha Eddie!" I get up acting shocked, and I go to throw away both the pizza box and the empty beer cans.

"I'd rather not be neutered though"

"You're an asshole! How long have you been circling around the concept to finally get there?"

"It's been a while. Just kidding, kitty"

"I know" I get back from the kitchen.

"It's just that… well, we just got together, we should be in the middle of our honeymoon phase , but I'm never there and I'm so sorry"

"Our phase what??"

"Yes, the first phase of a relationship. When you are constantly looking for each other... euphoria, lots of mutual attention, cuddles, continuous search for physical contact, passion, chemistry... you know?"

"Well, I'd say we still have these things, don't we? They're just more… diluted over time"

"Uh I'd rather concentrate them"

"But that's not necessarily a bad thing if you think about it: it means you'll get tired of me much later" 

"Why do you always have to say stuff like that?" it's not that he's really pissed off, but you can clearly see him frowning a bit.

"Heheh come on, it was a joke"

"I know, but I don't like it when you make these jokes. About me breaking up with you, getting tired or bored… it's like you did that to normalize the thing, to prepare yourself for when it should happen"

"It's not like that" but it's exactly like that, fuck, and I could not have summarized the concept better. If I can't help saying certain things it's not because I want to be reassured by him that they will never happen, but precisely because I know for sure that they will happen and at least that's how I get used to the idea. 

"I'm exaggerating, I know. I don't want to make a drama out of it, it's just that I don't really think about the end of our relationship, I don't wanna think about it, not even as a joke"

"Maybe it's because we've had different experiences, that's all"

"Yeah. Anyway, I didn't want to start an argument, who cares about other experiences, let's think about this one now, ok? And then, especially today" he takes me by the hand and the dimpled smile becomes overbearing again.

"Hehe why today?"

"Well, because it's a special day"

"Wow the fact that you missed me so much flatters me, but does it take so little to make a day special?"

"It always is when we're together, but… this time it's not special just because of that"

"No? For what then?"

"Well, you should know..."

Oh shit. 

"Mmm should I?"

"Angie, what day is it today?" he releases my hands and, arms folded, begins the interrogation.

"Thursday"

"Yes, but what day is it?"

"March 14th"

"And what day is it?"

"Your Birthday is in December"

"It's clearly qnot my birthday. And neither is yours"

"Name day? I didn't know you were Catholic"

"No and no" by the fact that he's smiling I know I'm not in trouble, but it's clear that I'm not making a great impression. 

"Were we supposed to do something and I completely forgot about it?"

"No, it's something we've done before, some time ago." he explains to me and when he sees the cosmic nothingness in my eyes he gives me another clue “One thing we did this day”

"But last year in March we didn't know each other, I wasn't even here"

"Don't go back too long"

"What do you mean?"

"A month ago, what day was it?" he rolls his eyes and gives me yet another little help.

"February 14th, Valentine's Day?"

"And where were you a month ago at this time?"

"Dunno, same as the last 18 years? Most likely in bed sleeping"

"No. Think about it, where were you?"

"Wait, yeah, I was on a bus to Seattle"

"Okay, what about a few hours before? Where were you? What were you doing? Angie, you're fucking making me sweat"

"Aaaaaaaaaah! I know! At the bus station! We kissed!"

"BINGO!" Eddie even starts a mini applause, I don't know if it's relief or to take the piss out of me or both.

"Yay! See? I did it"

"So you understand why it's special"

"It was great, yes. At one point I didn't understand shit anymore, but it was an unforgettable moment" he kissed me and I started hearing Depeche Mode in my head and then I couldn't even remember where I was, if he hadn't physically put me on that bus I'd probably still be there.

"Yes and that's when it all started. Well, it's a kind of anniversary, isn't it? It's not an anniversary, but…"

"It's a... Monthliversary! Ahahahahah like welve year olds say, who count months"

"Well, we've been together for a month, so…"

"A month…? What do you mean? Cause you… you count since the kiss?"

"Yes, for me it started from there. Why? Since when do you count?"

"I don't count"

"Huh?"

"I mean, I never asked myself the question. I didn't know I had to count, that's it"

"You didn't know you had to count" he repeats, looking at me almost in amazement.

"I didn't… I explained to you that I haven't really had any regular relationships, right?"

"Are you saying you never counted ?"

“Exactly, the guys I was with weren't interested in those things. And so I never was either. I never celebrated anniversaries, monthlyversaries  or dayversaries or anything really. My relationships were all so short that I never even had time to figure out if I wanted to celebrate"

"Well, it's not that it's essential to have a date. But… no, fuck it, it's not true, I want a date, I need it, so if it's okay with you, February 14th is our day, ok?" his inner debate can be seen very well even from the outside and makes me smile.

"What you call our day ironically coincides with the most hypocritical and commercial holiday in the world, did you notice that?" 

"Of course! And making it our day is the greatest revolutionary act we can do, don't you think?" 

"Well, it's a point of view- WAIT" I don't smile anymore because I just realized it's not a fucking laugh.

"Hehe what is it?"

"You've been talking about this special night for days. Because that's what you meant! Celebrating our… Oh my!  Our monthlyiversary?!"

"Yes, but it's not like we had to do who knows what celebration, what we did is fine"

"But it doesn't count if I didn't know shit! I forgot, do you understand? I feel like shit" I stare at the carpet in the living room and I would like to roll up in it and then be thrown into the landfill in shame.

"Hahaha but no, why?"

"You thought of something sweet and I'm the fucking cold loveless nonaffective girlfriend" I take a pillow from the sofa and sink my face into it.

"Nonaffective? You?? How?!"

"I'm a bitch. Luckily you didn't buy me a gift, otherwise I'd be a total bitch"

"Uhm…"

"Eddie?" his hesitation leads me to remove the pillow from my face and I read his answer on his.

"It's not like I really got you a present..."

"HOLY FUCKIN SHIT" this time I slump directly on the armrest of the sofa.

"But it's a thing for both of us, not necessarily to celebrate the month" he tries to sugarcoat the pill as he gets up to retrieve his jacket to take something from his pockets.

"You bought me a present. And I didn't even make you a sandwich. I ordered a pizza. WHICH YOU PAID FOR!"

"Kitty, don't fret" she comes back and kneels on the rug in front of me, making me feel more anxious.

"Advice: NEVER call me Kitty when I'm upset"

"Listen, I only bought two tickets to Neil Young at the Coliseum in April. I would have bought them anyway, apart from the monthlyiversary" he explains, showing me the two white and blue tickets.

"I can't believe you say monthlyversary, you're an adult" I breathe a sigh of relief, even though I still feel like shit.

"Are you trying to make me feel stupid?" thinking about it, I feel stupid for forgetting about it, but how must he feel? He made all this big deal about this special occasion when I wasn't even remotely thinking about it, and what's more, I'm making a Greek tragedy out of it.

"No! It's pretty obvious by now that I'm the dumbass of the couple" Eddie puts the tickets in my hands and then takes them in his own.

"So, what I'm trying to say is that I just took them, regardless of the anniversary, because as soon as I heard about the concert, the first thing I thought was that I would go with you. I thought I'd give you the ticket today because. it seemed like a nice way to say Hey, Angie, I didn't disappear, I'm still here and I want to be with you and do things with you and even though the currents seem to carry me away a lot, you'll never lose me because the currents are always changing, and I'll only ever come back to you"

"You really have a thing for surfing metaphors, no doubt about it"

"Fuck off, Angie. From the bottom of my heart" he kisses me and I can't help but think about how much I love when Eddie tells je yo go to hell.

"Now I have to think about what to give to you that can compete with Neil Young"

"You don't owe me anything" he shakes his head as he gets off the floor and settles down on the couch.

"Ok, what if I want to give you a badass gift for our second monthlyversary? Who'll stop me? This time I'll mark it on my calendar though"

"Haha it's not like we have to celebrate every month now"

"Why not? And how do I make up for my poor figure ?"

"You don't, so I keep the upper hand in our couple dynamics"

"I was already looking forward to the fifth, with the curious interposition between our anniversary and the anniversary of the Bastille Day: the two revolutionary acts par excellence"

"I see you're still fucking with me" I pull away again slipping towards the other end of the sofa, but he follows me and is practically on top of me.

"Who? Me? No!"

"You're sexy when you do"

"So yeah, I'm definitely fucking with you, big time"

"The truth is, you do and say a lot of sexy things, have you noticed that?" 

"Yes, you see that's my upper hand in our couple dynamics"

"This too, very sexy"

"Do you want to, like… go to my room?"

"And you read my mind too"

“But I can't read every single thing"

“No?”

"Uhm no"

"Then I guess I'll have to give you some advice"

"Please, I'm all ears"

[thisselflovecamebacktome]

Hm i love you?? Cause Age of Pleasure and SOS are perfect albums but i agree, the racism is strong in the grammy (sadly). (Still cant believe After Hours was treated the way it was).

But if Taylor win is good too for me, is just not my favorite. And Guts is fine, i guess but Liv has time to win in the future with a stronger album (imo).

(In the R&B i need to Janelle or Sza to win. If Sza doesn't win big categories, she can sweep the R&B and Rap thx)

(Also, i like Anti Hero but i kid you not when i say that What Was I Made For changed my life so i'm kinda rooting for it ngl)

The way After Hours was treated genuinely shocked me ngl. Like was I expecting it to win given the industry's racism? No unfortunately. But the lack of nominations really caught me off guard at the time given how massive it was. Like there were no grounds that it shouldn't have been nominated on imho and it being snubbed was like the most noticeable snub of the grammys ever for me personally.

But yes! Age of Pleasure and SOS are arguably my top two albums of the nomination period (I have about 10 projects that all rotate in and out of that spot, but these are the only two that made the album of the year nominations lmao) so I'm really hoping for them.

Midnights is a bit of an interesting pick for me now, not because it's unexpected, but weirdly I think it has more of a chance now that I considered before given no country artists were nominated. Like do I think that Taylor is gonna win it 4 times so quickly? No. But that's a far less confident no than I had 24 hours ago. But yeah I tend to agree that while I understand why it was chosen, it's personally on the lower half of my Taylor rankings (not saying it's bad, and hell 1989 is my lowest Taylor ranking and it won so yeah) and I personally think SZA and Janelle had much stronger albums, with SZA having the commercial success to rival Midnights, so again they're my top two picks for right now.

Olivia would either be my third or fourth pick (it flips with Midnights). Like this may be a bit of a hot take, but I think Guts is underrated due to its comparison with Sour and the unnecessary hate Olivia gets in general. Like to me it is a perfect teen album. Does that make it album of the year? No, but I see the vision and I wouldn't blame anyone else for voting for it.

And just because we're here, I may as well give my quick thoughts on the others:

Miley: - I'm a little surprised she was nominated to be honest. Like I genuinely feel like Flowers and to a lesser degree Jaded hard carried here. Like I expected her to flood the song nominations which she somewhat has, but I am a little surprised at the amount of album love. Don't get me wrong, the album was decent, it just was a little forgettable to me and felt like it didn't gain much general public attraction outside of Flowers.

Everyone else: - Just isn't for me. I get why they were nominated, I'm not saying they're bad, I just haven't found the right song/project from them for me.

As a whole, I feel like it's a very mainstream album of the year category this year, and I do wonder how that's going to play out, but yeah again, ultimately while I'm not going to be upset with any of them winning, I really do hope it's SZA or Janelle because they have the best two albums on the list in my honest opinion.

As for Billie winning, yeah I'm kinda rooting for her for song of the year too (I know I know, Taylor is long overdue, and I'm still bitter that All Too Well didn't get it but Anti Hero is not a fave for me) and for Kill Bill by SZA or Vampire by Olivia to get record of the year to be honest.

[xoteajays]

Attractive men are already attractive, but adding all these tattoos and piercings to attractive men would be a bonus to me. Especially for Asian men. And I'm saying "especially Asian men" because of how really uncommon it is. Japan associates tattoos with a lot of criminals like yakuza, and it's also same in Korea. Korean also associates tattoos with some criminals, thugs and gangster too. Just like how it is in Japan. Actually! In Korea, the only why you can get tattoos is by a doctor instead of a tattoo artist. It's so weird.

That is why whenever I am attracted to most Asian musicians, they're attractive men covered in tattoos and piercings. Which isn't really a surprise though.

Maybe Cobra should have tattoos?

For the Exile Tribe musicians. So I don't know about any tattoos but they do have a lot of piercings that I have seen. So those guys at least have piercings.

The only time you ever see Cobra with black hair is when he was a child. And since Sannoh would have the Puma siblings at the barber shop, I would which one dyes Cobra's hair? If he does not dye his hair all by himself. Maybe Orange helps him dye his hair.

And I've mentioned this before with someone else... I imagine Rocky going to a hair salon. Not only does his hair look healthy after he bleaches his hair, since his hair does look healthy. I could also even imagine the hairdresser being a woman. Because she would get a decent tip afterwards since Rocky likes to just help women in any ways he can. And if he does end up overhearing gossip about how men mistreat the women, you might hear even more gossip that they were sent to the hospital. All thanks to Rocky too.

But that's what I kept thinking about for Rude Boys. If they didn't have money to buy any dyes, does this mean they stole hairdye? But with how bright P has died his hair, you'd have to bleach before dying that color. This is coming from someone who will always dye their hair different colors. My hair is blue now.

And if you're bleaching your own hair, professional bleach is different than bleach you'd get in a box of dyes. Not the same. Boxed bleach is very damaging compared to professional bleach. The hair is always fried afterwards. It's better to get professional done since they actually know what they're doing with all those products. So I don't know about Rude Boys.

Almost did recognize you meant Hirōmi. I was very shocked to know that was Hirōmi since I'm used to seeing him with short hair, and even his long hair I'd seen was still technically short. That is the longest I have ever seen his hair so that definitely threw me a bit. But I'm getting used to it now. Still a bit weird.

~

I won't lie.. I almost thought Yang could have won if it was possible. He had the giant knife! Or was it the giant sword? Whatever that blade was. I thought he was going to win. Until you find out about knives in Myeong's made Yang bleed out a lot.

Does Bibi get revenge for her family? How does she feel when Ju moves to Rome? Those questions..

These boys need every bit of affectionate. I am not an affectionate person, but being around them just makes me want to be really affectionate with them.

Gun definitely needed affection in every way, from hugs to kisses. And also a shoulder to cry on too.

~

If you read the complete webtoon, you will find out that the original plot of Bloodhounds ends with more clarity: we see Myeong-gil in prison, confirming that he was arrested. Meanwhile, Geon-woo, Woo-jin, and Hyun-ju will start a sort of bloodhounds agency, focusing on good clients. So, in general, we could say that the plot of Bloodhounds could continue, both in the original webtoon and the Netflix series. However, the two stories could take different directions: the webtoon could focus on the new adventures of the three young people with their new agency, whereas the Netflix series could still propose some plot twists that would let Myeong-gil and In-beom be back in the game.

And this.. This is another reason why I have to really read the webtoon comics. For more details about it, for more details about the story and characters too.

I didn't hate the ending. It was mostly a happy end.. At least for the boys and Gun's mother, and also the wealthy guys they worked with. Mr. Oh and Da-min, they're also alive. And Ju's living in Rome right now.

I blame the actress. I'm assuming because of them having to rewrote the ending multiple times.. This is the ending they settled with. That's why I'm curious about the original ending for the show. And if they'd continue the show - since that wasn't clarified, then what would happen in any more seasons after this.

I didn't hate the ending. But I also wished there was just a little more to the ending too, like more details with some parts of the plot. I don't know. Just more details.. And so this is why I'm blaming the actress.

~

Seriously. I'm not trying to objectify these men, and I know you would say different though. But.. I am so serious about this. Those boys really take good care of themselves, their bodies, and they'd still exercise together too. And seriously, their asses do look very great in those tight pants and shorts. Diligent men.

As someone who isn't physically active, there's this part of me that wants to exercise to be healthy a lot the times I see characters like this because you just always notice how great in shape these people are.

Or at the very least, I would like to learn martial arts for self defense. Or something... I don't really know.

But speaking of gloves and tight black clothes.. So I may have a style for post timeskip then based on all those details. Maybe. I don't know. But maybe I do.

Yeah. I didn't hate Da-min's character, I just wish we had more of her character for better opinions about her. And I did thick that was sweet of the boys, with they covering her eyes and ears. Even though I may have been looking at those muscles in those scenes a lot. But the reactions the boys had, especially Jin, when Moon threatened to puncture the guy's balls.

And I'm happy Jin got his revenge against this guy, since he was the guy who stab Jin.

Like I know she is about 5'6, but why the fuck does she look so small compared to the boys though.

And this is how my size kink comes in with them. I'll need to marry these guys soon.. This has to happen now. They're so perfect. Or I need a man like them.

Then I'll start sending some pictures over then... I'm not sure you would use those visuals for her but you might. I don't know. But I'll still send the pictures.

~

This is why I rotate fandoms.. I'll work on whichever characters I have inspiration for at the moment, but then go back to them when I have more ideas when I do think up of ideas. Like sometimes when I'm just not overthinking about it, about characters, I would get some ideas for them. That's why I rotate with so many fandoms, stories, characters, ideas, anything.

I just work on what I'm inspired by in that moment.

Because I think it's easier for me that way.

~

I don't think I've seen the pink hair? But his height... 183 cm or 184 cm, depending on the site you would read from. Which makes him slightly over six feet.

He didn't seem that tall in All Of Us Are Dead but I'll be rewatching that again soon. So I don't know.

But again, as a short person like myself, everyone is taller than me. So I probably wouldn't have noticed.

i think some of the exile members have tattoos. i know at least one of the singers in generations has tattoos. not sure about everyone else. none of the main guys i’m looking at when i’m watching videos, unless they’re fake ones. a lot of ear piercings tho.

since the barbers are kinda his friends, i can see him going to them. or if he’s been dyeing it a while, he just does it himself at home.

i bet all the women love rocky at the salon. kizzy probably goes to the same place because hairdressers have the best gossip.

i used to dye my hair a lot too and it takes forever and you can’t just slap bright colours on like that. do they just have bleaching parties? takeshi at least isn’t bleached bleached, like it’s on the darker blonde side as opposed to cobra and rocky. i made a joke to myself that pi’s bandana hides his dark regrowth.

the long hair is definitely a whole different vibe on him. he dyes his hair a lot for the jsb videos tho. like he’s had a silvery tone and blonde and a lighter brown too. i do think he looks better with dark hair tho.

~

i was hoping yang was going to win but i knew he wasn’t because it wasn’t good for the plot if myeong gil died there, because there’d be no showdown with the two lead characters. and i knew he wasn’t going to just leave because yang would’ve chased him down. so the only way it was going to end was with yang dead. which SUCKS because i liked yang!!

bi uses her dad’s knifes for the last two episodes. she punches jae myeong for his disrespect against her father. she doesn’t get to fight myeong gil because she’s downstairs helping jin with in beom, but she’s pleased to see that gun’s beat him. she’d prefer him to be dead, but she’s convinced towards gun and jin’s ‘no killing’ thing over the six months they spend together. if i decide to keep ju in her story, then she’s pissed about ju just leaving without saying anything, probably calls her a lot and leaves her a lot of voicemails.

at least with my rewrite, gun’ll have bi there to hug him since ju just ditched before she even knew jin was going to be okay. like i know she was in pain but jeez.

~

since gun and jin got those gold bars from min beom, they could put those together (or one bar each) towards starting the bloodhounds business, since they gave most of the gold away to build that hospital. or they could go in a different direction for the show, but i’m not sure what. i think it’d be interesting to introduce a new villain and have myeong gil as a b-plot for a while while he’s in prison. maybe alluding to his connections that could get him out.

it was a happy ending it was just very abrupt. like it just goes ‘happy ending, hug, boom! credits!’. like it’s over very quickly. it’s probably just because of the rewrite and they were strapped for time and put more into the fights and such.

it also feels very. closed. like most shows have more open, ‘ooh what’s going to happen in season 2~’ endings, but bloodhounds didn’t. it’s just. over real quick. i hope they don’t can the show just because of ju’s actor.

~

i am objectifying them. i’m looking inappropriately. they open up the first episode with gun in shorts and his thighs looking muscular! and i’m supposed to act regular about it? never.

i’ve got that interview video about their workout regime in my watchlist. will need to take a look at it. but they’re both clearly very in shape and gun’s actor mentioned in a short i watched that he and jin’s actor enjoy working out. and that they’re both homebodies, boy me too.

she needed more than a couple of scenes across two episodes. jin and gun being so horrified by the ball stabbing is funny to me; also i just know bi wouldn’t be having the same reaction. she’d be like ‘yea. stab him’.

she looks so small but 5’6 isn’t even that short! i need to see how shorter girls compare to them. i also think the guys both just have. large hands. they’re tall dudes afterall.

here’s what i’m thinking for a rewrite to replace ju with da min. here’s how i can still win.

da min is oh’s granddaughter, so she grew up around choi enough to see him as a second grandfather. seeing her as a granddaughter since he had no children of his own, he offered to pay for good schooling for her and even a good compound bow when she showed interest in it and joined her school’s club. after her military service - if she wasn’t exempted, i couldn’t find a good list for reasons for exception but she has pretty bad eyesight since she wears glasses/contacts - she comes to work for choi at his loan business. she gets to have a taser too, since it’s not easy to haul around a compound bow everywhere. choi hires gun and jin for her protection, but she’s still as stubborn about it as when they come to her apartment. she still accuses them sometimes of being perverts or smelling bad, doesn’t trust them quickly, but sighs and puts up with it and eventually warms up to them. she’s got her bow for the underground fight. gun still has to carry her out of the house after she finds choi dead. she doesn’t just leave the hospital before finding out jin’s going to be okay, oh probably shows up too to make sure they’re okay. she trains a lot with her bow during the six month time skip, and they still use her apartment as a home-base. her grandfather’s abduction goes all the same, no need for rewriting that. i think she’d be friendly with the police tech lady. she watches gun fight myeong gil on the boat but can’t help because she can’t risk firing an arrow and hitting gun.

unfortunately have to give up the cute lee & ju moments since da min doesn’t look much like lee and i cant imagine da min on a motorcycle. might have to swap bi for that part, she’s already got her knife, she’d just need to learn how to ride a bike.

to also tie in eun bi, she and da min went to school together but weren’t really friends. da min didn’t have many friends beyond her fellow archers and they were more competitive than friendly; bi also didn’t have many friends because she broke the school’s baseball star’s elbow because he was being a douche to female students (including her).

~

i didn’t notice how tall he was in all of us are dead, but i think that’s because a lot of the other guys are decently tall too (most around ~180cm). maybe he looks that tall in comparison to the girls, but i don’t remember. you’ll have to let me know if you do end up rewatching it.

[capri-ramblings]

Was scrolling through my feed when I saw someone requested the png of Vil's crown and I just wanted to see if I could edit it onto maki for entertainment purposes and then this happened right

And yeah I know it doesn't look that good since I'm not an editor nor can I redraw parts of the Crown that would actually make it seem whole but I think it's still super cute and then my mind immediately had this small scene between Maki and Vil,so I wrote it, and now I'm thinking maybe these two could be a cute thing lmao but anyways enjoy this small fic ✨

The art used for Maki isn't mine, I used this Picrew so go and give the artist some support and love!

[ A small banter ]

"And the last piece to go on is this"

Vil placed the crown piece on Maki's head almost too effortlessly,the redolent of his cologne wafting through her senses as he came close.

She scrunched up her nose a little, but when Vil pulled away to look at his finished product, Maki tried to at least smile a bit.

"Hm,you look almost decent,don't you?" Vil said, haughtily. His brows arched and lips curled into a slight smirk as he eyed her figure with satisfaction.

The mirror on his vanity desk right behind, showed that the final headpiece was a look-alike of the crown he often wore and as the golden colour of it contrasted greatly with the dark shade of her hair,Maki actually seemed stunned.

She always looked different whenever Vil placed his touch on her,and though she'd find a way to wriggle herself out of it, Maki had to admit that Vil never failed at dressing her up and making her look like an actual bonafide lady.

"...What's with the crown?" She asked,lips pursed into a faint frown and cheeks lightly dusted pink. "And where did you put my bandage?"

"You don't need that hideous bandage" Vil shot back, "That crown is an improvement. Don't ever wear that bandage again."

"What? But I had it since I was in middle school!"

Maki placed her hand on her naked nose,eyes wide and filled with shock. Vil on the other hand had his expression twist into that of disgust and practically gripped Maki's shoulders like a vulture.

"You haven't changed that thing since middle school? What kind of rodent lifestyle have you been living wi—"

"Pfftthahahhahaahhaha! Calm down,Vil-senpai!"

Maki tittered slightly to the side of her seat, almost falling as she tried controlling her laugh, but her amusement tickled her senses and she was gripping onto Vil all the while her laugh echoed in his room.

"Why are you laughing?" Vil sounded annoyed, his delicate features scrutinized with a bitter snarl. Maki felt half bad for laughing at him,but she couldn't help herself.

"Sorry, sorry...It's just,well,I didn't think you'd be so gullible"

"What do you mean gullible?" He was crossing his arms now and Maki knew she had to tell him or else she wouldn't leave this room alive (or at least she would be able to leave the room but he'd force her to wear the dress he bought)

Playfully,she tapped the bridge of her nose.

"I change the bandage daily,though when I first got here, I thought about dropping the whole habit of wearing them since I wasn't sure if I could get a new set, but then Sam said he sold something similar like my old ones so I decided to keep wearing them" , the sides of her lips twitched at the relieved expression Vil had on now, but she decided against grinning then.

"So don't worry,Senpai. I keep myself clean"

Vil scoffed at that.

"I see being with those two Heartslyabul boys has given you a cheeky attitude"

"They're named Ace and Deuce,Senpai, and they're actually pretty fun to be with. Maybe you should join us sometimes,I promise having fun won't give you wrinkles"

Narrowing his eyes,Vil frowned.

"No,thank you."

"Hm,your loss then."

[misterbitches]

some thots. having a bad time so this is rougher than usual. oh well

....

i guess he really does know hiim best cos if that was my mans (man specifically cos if anyone else did that id take it more srsly) i would be like oh my god ur singing me a love song? i would love it but i woudl SCREAM in embarrassment. UNLESS it was a really deep love song that's about us dying together.

like i want to eat ur skin type of thing (drain u nirvana) lmaoa but i really like this song it reminds me of that velvet underground song (the only one i know cos of juno lmao) and nico or whatever 'i'm sticking with you)

my adhd would be out of fucking control i had to spend my time listening to this looking around i kept getting distracted by a tissue and thinking "wow this song is nice but i wish it would end bc i am getting distracted" and lo and behold i paused it and i have to pee and i know it's gonna take forever to undo this

ok about 12m later i turned it back on and they kissed and then he bit the corn then that night li chen also lost his virgin teas after watching gay porn and being like "hm interesting" and he'll be like "i see, ur dick is not medium sized"

i'm honestly gagging i cannot at this 12 year old marrying his mom

beautiful theyre beautiful

ayea you fucking psycho we do too because he was 17 and we had to witness it (or well, other people did cos i didnt watch the show even tho wayne song is [BEEEEEEEEEEEEEP BEEEEEP BEEEEP] and i want him to [BEEEEEEEP] and ppl even liked it which is fine like i get it in theory but they put this in my eyeballs so i'm gonna make fun of it bc it's fuckin DUMB lmao like i can't I CANNOT and he said "u were so persistent" BITCH UR 30??!?!???!?!?!?)capi hve it on mute and i tried to get a screencap of li chen and mu ren like together and not just his face but i cant find the timestamp and seeing their faces as they get married is literalyl traumattizing i'm like scremaing at my screen going "HE'S 5 HE'S 5 HE'S 5" and every time theyre like "we acn live forever together" like no bitch ur bones rae creaking

also is the officiator white? if anyone knows why or if that's common i'd love to know more. EDIT: HE ISN'T I JUST THOUGHT HE LOOKED LIKE MOBY FROM THAT ANGLE

anyway here

i'm almost done with this fucking bullshit and i am in a really ould mood and usu they make it a bit better but imo it's kind of....annoying i guess balancing all these story elements and introducin gother couples (even in the periphery) since the story in itself can't focus. i feel like all in all the time spent with these two is a lot more limited and we get the feel for the rship because of their chemistry as actors, irl chemistry as friends and colleagues, and hopefully being happy and working on a good set. so it isn't the strength of the writing or production.

for some reason they get like less dynamic ways of being together which i think is part of their charm, they do things their own way, but the writers really should have substantiated this more. it's really just the way everyone in the show has managed to deliver these AWFUL story lines and production decisions (like seriously who the fuck was on costume? lighting?)

like maybe hot take but all the moments that are cringe and insane in the show are not pleasant, per se, because they aren't thought out clearly. so they're not a joy to watch in the normal sense but the actors are good enough to pull it off. i didn't cringe at the talks they had because it felt like actors like acting these lines out instead of us being embarrassed for it and you CAN TELL theyre embarrassed.

this is a huge kudos to the casting director and the actors and whatever crew that actually did a good job. i don't particularly like watching bo xiang and his grandfather husband not because of the content but because i feel like, to me, they're so awkward even though they have chemistry. i don't have that issue with xing si and his rapist brother boyfriend because watching them is actually really pleasant, it's intimate. this isn't to do with the story though because when it hits you how devoid this other person is and how stupid the situation is it changes (for me, for me, for me, this is all my opinion think whateverrrr u want im not telling u 2 ok!)

so truly kudos to this cast. idk if i'm misremembering here but imo the most cast appropriate series in this was crossing the line and close to you. one is a decent atmosphere and execution (yes even with that brother story line, notice the major key differences though because that's a sincere false equivalence. they try to execute power imbalances soooo badly and then fail every time but here's one meant to shock too and it was just likelmao ok girl?)

it may not make sense to say either in a writing way or for the character to do it but i believe that whoever the characters these people are supposed to be especially those super not well written on the page still get that message aacross (yong jie's actor is a good ex. not sure if i should ccongratulate him for having the worst job on earth and the worst character and his character is flat but. ostensibly they should let their actions speak for themselevs but what they do is they back themselves into a ccorner with unsuretyabout their characters or a dilemma that pops up they just want to excuse it. well guess hwat u couldnt do enough legwork. but to some extent the disposable side couple works here on a um "our eyes see them and get it" way

also to me it seems like they chose this story just to have this specific wedding. like it's a timely topic and i'm pretty sure like another provision? (correction? idk) was made WRT taiwanese same-sex marriage so it's topical but it isn't like a "papa and daddy" situation where they're interacting in it and there (for ex: the pride parade) and there being like real life terms and consequences. here it seems like they were like ah yes wedding ah yes dumb couple from modc bc we kiled off the other one sooooo (then outsource them to life love on the line u__u) then hamfisting in some fucking message which is funny bc

- despite the hints peppered in and the clear attraction they both acknowledge ur like ~not gay just him~ even tho...i mean i just. again they dont read over what they write i don't think considering. but wahtever.

- the only gay dude (verbally said) is with his rapist brother with an awful power dynamic oh or IS a rapist (gao) (or his brother but i think it was just a "im a psycho so it's him" thing unless they said it. in which case idc cos i wasnt paying attn but that's also not great) or i guess the wedding but like....that's also a ridiculously inappropriate and dumb relationship taht it's built on. i mean i don't really see much respect her so i dont particularly want to hear abt gay weddings being important when they didn't even utilize it in the story beforehand and have we ever. this is a huge indication to me that it was a reverse engineered chosen story beforehand (if it was one) or thought of

soooooo

so reversal of that....it didnt give us enough time to breathe with these two at all but for both of the actors they can capitalize what's on the page and the writers didn't. like their dynamic is very i give/you give like taking car eof each other etc that's why

again, no artist worth their salt will ever say their work meant nothing. that's a cover up. i'm sick of lazy production and then getting away with it claiming being subversive or attacking an issue by not doing anything. we show crazy shit all the time but it has a POINT and ur point is "i like the gays" then girl.....i mean it's not great

but the acting really carried it. i have a feeling if this series continues it might continue to use more experienced actors cos maybe the budget goes up but they also have less inhibitions now when it comes to acting. i like the way li chen expresss himself and teng teng too. i like anson a lot and there's some angles that did not do any favors and i think eh has to get more control of his body movements (bc he's SO LARGE and thin) but he wasn't bad at all and there were real human tears. of course i, personally, favor charles tu. he has more control over his body because he has...less to work with and he's a bit bigger and he was really great in this role. he's a himbo a bit of a meathead but you like him. you like them. there's some things i think they had them say and do that they wouldn't let happen if they stuck to the characters and the story (mainly liking that dumb idiot rapist)

what i notice is that the reprehensible actions people criticize others for in the show and in real human life lalways gets turned around. teng teng being surprised that this boy's grandfather boyfriend met him when he was a junior in high school and he's 12 years older and him apologizing for being shocked and then whatshisface going "ur better at it than most people" and then the convo about gao with whatshisface and then rapist brother comes to pick him up. they are admonishing gao but thinking that rapist brother is noble for doin gwhat he did (and oh rapist brother shows up) like the hypocrisy and the decisions are immense. so now it's like "guys see he's a great guy" like girl STICK TO SOMETHING but whatever so i live in this universe where muren and li chen do everything right and have lots of different interesting fun seex with all their friends. i would write this but i cannot i am dying

[cs-discourse]

here we go

https://cs-discourse.tumblr.com/post/179953845684/uuuuwuu-every1-whos-concerned-abt-biased-judging

ok this attitude has been pissing me off long enough that it's time for one of my Big Ole Posts (tm) about how shitty this is! thanks. 

uuuuwuu every1 whos concerned abt biased judging in comps is just soooow entitled !!!1 i cant bewieve ppl wouldnt want some1 whos literally explicitly stating at this point that they trust their friends more to "demonstrate dedication to the character" they assign to a design to b an influence in judging comps !!!!!11 bc artists Never weigh in on other artist's comps, so obviously thes ppl just want fwee merc designs !!!1!!1 also my last braincell just died pleas h

so here's the og post in question for quick reference

i honestly have no idea why people keep bringing up this idea of bias in judging competitions because, while i do think there is a type of bias that certainly exists, i think a lot of so-called "bias" that people have is ... not whatsoever like what people think it is lol. artists are people and there's always going to be SOME kind of bias no matter what you do, because it's literally fuckin impossible to NOT be biased. by that i mean:

your taste in plots/types of characters/medias influence your judging

quality of writing or art can influence your judging

the person who's applying for the adopt you may have previous judgement about

even if you say you aren't biased, you STILL have preferences and tastes in things that you prefer more than others, which in of itself is a kind of bias

people who know you (friends for example) will naturally know what your taste is. 

a competition is judged based on what form the artist thinks is best, right? 

NEWSFLASH EVERYONE'S IDEA OF "WHAT'S BEST" IS DIFFERENT FROM PERSON TO PERSON ..... "BEST" is literally the most subjective thing there is, and while i agree that there are certain aspects of art and writing that you can use as objective measurements of tangible skill, it's... still subjective. what people think is "best" will vary from person to person because we all have different tastes. so, essentially, this boils down to the idea that the winner of an adopt competition will ALWAYS be the form the artist liked best, because that is what the artist perceives as best. so like. when people appear biased in adopt competitions towards friends or certain circles, it's probably because they're literally friends because they have similar tastes in things, and therefore the form the artist likes best is naturally going to be from someone who shares similar tastes. 

so whenever i hear about """bias""" in competitions i just kind of roll my eyes tbqh because it's usually followed by complaints of "BUT I PUT IN SO MUCH EFFORT" or "I WROTE SO MUCH MORE THAN THE WINNER" uhhhh. if adopt contests were won by effort alone it wouldn't be a contest, it'd be an endurance test lol. literally just "who has the most time to waste writing out 60000k words of absolute meaningless fluff"... because, i hate to break it to you, but ANYONE can write 5000 words of mindless drivel that has literally no substance to it. 

now in caps for emphasis. takes a deep breath

THERE IS NO SKILL NEEDED TO BLOAT YOUR WORD COUNT. 

YOU DO NOT NEED TO KNOW HOW TO WRITE WELL TO WRITE 5000 WORDS.

YOU JUST NEED TO KNOW HOW TO TYPE AND PUT SENTENCES TOGETHER.

quality > quantity, always. like, i'm sorry you put in so many hours of effort but, those people who win with MUCH smaller wordcounts... did they not work to get as good as they did with writing? you put in 5 hours into one tryout. but others, take me for example: i have been writing for over 10 bloody years. i've worked hard to improve my writing, so you can't tell me i "didn't put in as much effort" as you because i did. i put in YEARS of work to get better so doing simple things would take me LESS time now. inb4 IT'S UNFAIR! dude, the literal definition of a contest is for the best to win. it wouldn't be a contest if it wasn't like that lol. it'd just be charity. what you should be doing instead of complaining about it is ASKING FOR CRIT and WORKING TO IMPROVE like a good sport? i get that it's discouraging but you should be prepared to lose when you join a contest. it's valid to be upset about but the moment you say you deserve it more than others JUST because of your effort, then i have a problem. 

and you know, there's gonna be times where i think a comp winner is objectively less skilled than other tryouts. honestly i just kind of shrug that off on account of different taste lol. sometimes that's just how it be, bc of those predetermined biases i mentioned before, and maybe a judge and i are just in completely stages of life so what i call quality might not appeal to the judge. that's also fine. anyway this really got off on a tangent but i'm leaving it in bc i think it needs saying. back to the og post

 > i cant bewieve ppl wouldnt want some1 whos literally explicitly stating at this point that they trust their friends more to "demonstrate dedication to the character" they assign to a design to b an influence in judging comps !!!!!11

wtf didn't i address this in a different post

here let me link it for you

https://cs-discourse.tumblr.com/post/179841459154/post179838988303-the-difference-is-that-you-have

which was replying to this: https://cs-discourse.tumblr.com/post/179838988303/179837734509-idk-anon-i-kinda-agree-with-the

i said it once but i'll say it again: artist entries aren't main adopts lol. people don't work for artist entries. all you fucking do is post on one like "can i have this pls" .. there is... no effort put into that lol. main adopts you WORK for. it's a CONTEST. claiming an artist entry is NOT a contest. if a bunch of little nasty gremlins come running up to me like a hungry horde trying to be the first one to claim my design, i think giving friends first pick is COMPLETELY FINE, BECAUSE WHAT DID ANYONE ELSE DO TO "DESERVE" THAT DESIGN? nothing. you did. nothing. you're literally coming here with this attitude that NOT GIVING THINGS AWAY TO STRANGERS FOR FREE SOMEHOW EQUALS BIAS? i literally do not understand your logic whatsoever. like. i'm trying really fucking hard. at least with main adopts the "payment" is the effort you put in trying to answer the artist's prompt. i know i sound super dumb repeating myself but i don't know how much simpler i can make this concept tbh

and this is EXACTLY why i say ya'll are fucking entitled because merc and any of the kal artists could be making REAL $$$$ selling their own designs and adoptables and art and NOT deal with all the bs ya'll throw at them. they're literally here because the ENJOY MAKING ((( FREE ))) CONTENT for you, and they're not obligated to do this. they can stop whenever they want. if you had to pay per hour for the length of time collectively worked by ANY species artist staff, the lot of you would be fucking broke. i'm actually constantly shocked that species artists work like, 8 hours or more on some of these gorgeous designs just to give them away for free in a contest. 

so, yeah, as someone who hasn't spent my entire life on CS (i've only been here for a year and a half), ya'll seem pretty fucking entitled to me lol. the world outside CS rarely gives out such gorgeous designs in write-to-adopt contests so i'm honestly baffled at the amount of bloody entitlement i see

>bc artists Never weigh in on other artist's comps, so obviously thes ppl just want fwee merc designs !!!1!!1 

this part i don't actually understand what you mean. do you mean they... help judge other comps? or like, enter them? i don't get what you mean by "weigh in" but listen, lol. just because something DOES happen doesn't mean it gives you a good reason to assume the worst. i mean... of course it happens. it's statistically impossible for skewed contests and bias to NOT happen, because there's always going to be cases of it happening. but like, what proof do you have that merc will be biased lol? like, real proof? because your main point i've basically debunked and don't believe in at all. do better than "i cant bewieve ppl wouldnt want some1 whos literally explicitly stating at this point that they trust their friends more to "demonstrate dedication to the character" they assign to a design to b an influence in judging comps !!!!!11" because this doesn't make any sense to me for the reasons i already listed above lmao. if artist entries were supposed to be contests they'd be contests. what the hell makes you important enough to get first dibs on a stranger's work. ARTIST ENTRIES AREN'T EVEN MADE TO BE GIVEN AWAY, THEY'RE MADE AS ARTIST ENTRIES.... LIKE.... JESUS i struggle to understand ya'll

anyway im done here, if you wanna actually talk and debate this hmu on discord at lysander#9229 bc if you actually talk to me instead of spew this hot mess on the blog i might actually listen to you and change my mind and be nice about it instead of being a condescending bitch. 

wait one more thing

>also my last braincell just died pleas h

yea clearly

p.s., why do you ppl keep going to the blog to give critique on merc's designs when on literally every other design merc makes there's this:

https://www.chickensmoothie.com/Forum/viewtopic.php?f=38&t=3950980

here i even linked it for you. idk why it's so hard for yall to give constructive crit like decent human beings

[hologril]

Wedding Videos

These days it is genuinely standard to have a wedding photographic artist to report all your #1 subtleties from your important day (the wedding dress, your grins, your loved ones), yet it are an extremely controversial subject to marry Wedding Videos. Certain individuals believe they're phenomenal and can't envision not recording their wedding, while others find them a piece tasteless. Add to that the expense of a wedding videographer, and many couples forego this option to their wedding day totally.

With a wedding video you will actually want to watch yourselves say your commitments for quite a long time into the future. The response of your visitors when you both say I improve in a video than in a still photo, and you can see and hear the chuckles rather than simply catching the grins. There is such a lot of you miss at your wedding while you're caught up with being the focal point of consideration as lady and lucky man - all the little contacts and minutes that can be enchanted to witness after the occasion. Also your most memorable dance, the wedding discourses, your humiliating uncle tossing a few insane maneuvers on the dance floor past 12 PM… You might set up a video corner or region where visitors can go to record individual messages on film as an option in contrast to a visitor book.

The disadvantage for some is that having a video camera pointing at them all day would make them apprehensive. Not shocking truly as it's anything but a typical event for a large portion of us! There is likewise the issue that while photos, even reportage style ones, consistently show the best pieces of your wedding and can be altered to make all of you put your best self forward, a video shows a considerably more sincere picture. It is an individual decision whether this is the sort of thing you would like, or something that panics you (would you truly have the option to unwind at the night gathering realizing it was all being recorded?!).

A decent videographer ought to cause you to feel good and quiet, be unpretentious and considerate (as need might arise to converse with your visitors every so often), so you truly do have to get together with them in advance to ensure they are somebody you both continue ahead with. You will likewise have to let them know if there are a specific shots you maintain that they should catch. A nearby of your hands as you trade wedding rings; the lucky man's eyes illuminating as he sees you stroll into the room and gets his most memorable gander at your wedding outfit; or some recording of your flowergirls playing together. Anything it is, you really want to tell the Wedding Wedding Videos early. On the day, you ought to have the option to simply disregard him and partake in your day.