#and there were wayyyyy more screaming children than was preferable

[too-many-rooks]

Terrible day at work. Just abysmally bad. The kind of full-disassociation-at-the-bus-stop-staring-into-space-like-a-shell-shocked-trench-soldier bad day. Not crying on the bus being was a major victory.

[0225pm]

hello!

ok wow it’s currently almost 5am, and i just got done taking a shower and washing up. i am really beat but i just wanted to write about the things that happened today haha!

ok so today is labour day, meaning it’s a public holiday and the day before i already asked han if he wanna meet today. so we did like plan a little like where to go and stuff, and we decided to go to the thai shop at tampines hub again. we already went there on saturday and honestly, the food there is so good!! it’s really so much better than so pho hahaha, to me la. like the broth is so much more tastier? it’s light, yet still so flavorful. the amount of spices they use is just nice. of course, i wouldn’t know if it’s instant broth or something but just based on taste itself, it’s really good. they also give a generous serving of the meat!! it’s really worth your penny la if you’re craving for something spicy and light yet at the same time, filling for your tummy. good thing is they don’t have service charge either. but that’s probably everything’s self-serviced. you choose your own seats, place your orders at the counters in front and then collect your food at the collection area.

so the moment we reached tampines hub, he asked me han: eh here got miniso ah? me: yeah why? han: oh my friend working here me: oh ok

ok i thought by friend he meant, a guy friend but turns out it’s a girl lol ok i tried not to be all jealous and shit but i can’t help it. and then he told me that the girl has a *boy*friend and that her *boy*friend doesn’t like her talking to other guys. so i said, “well me too??? i don’t like you talking to other girls either”.

ok at this point yall probably think i’m fucking possessive or something but lmao yes i admit maybe i am? but i just don’t like that feeling. it’s just a shitty feeling, i can’t even describe it properly. is it jealousy? is it insecurities? is it clingy behaviour? well.

anyway, both me and han got the same ones we ordered on saturday. he got the one that looks like wanton noodles with grilled chicken, if i’m not wrong. and i got their signature chicken noodles. i wanted to try their tomyum soup noodles but i wasn’t really feeling anything spicy today.

oh and idk how we got the topic of me wanting to check his phone? like wtf, i don’t ever do that istg. i feel like respecting people’s privacy is a super important thing. i mean, i wouldn’t want people to snoop around my things also so i wouldn’t do that to anyone else, even if it’s my own boyfriend. but he gave me the permission and even said something like, “i always look through your messages in front of you so now you can do it to me also” so, even though it was partly against my wishes, i decided ah well why tf not. and so i did, i only scrolled through a few and then stumbled upon this girl asking him if she can get to know him better what the fuck cb. i saw that he didn’t reply so i took the liberty to reply her asking her to fuck off. and then i scrolled a bit more and thought like eh, the conversations were pretty much sorta harmless and then i laughed them all off.

++++++++ oh!! and han got a haircut! he looks more clean cut but still as cute as ever la haha i really think he can pull off anything hairstyle. i’m not just saying this cus he’s boyfriend but i really think that he has a really nice head shape that’s suitable for any hairstyle lol.

and then ok after dinner, there was this percussion performance going on and they were gonna do their last performance. han wanted to go to the toilet to do his stupid big business so he asked me to sit and watch the performance while he goes to the toilet but i felt like it’s awkward to be sitting there alone so i told him it’s ok, just go to the toilet near the library so i can go in the library while you poop but the said the toilet near the library’s really dirty since people who plays soccer usually washed up there so i said ok just go to this level 2 toilet. so while he left to go to the toilet, i watched the performance from the top. at this point, i was perspiring a little. it was getting really warm, and i actually brought my jacket cus i thought it was gonna rain since it did drizzled a little earlier on. and then after awhile, this little baby stood beside me and danced along to the beat of the drums. he was really super duper cute, i want to squish him but his mom was there so obvious i couldn’t just pick up a random stranger baby right hahahaha so i just stood there and smiled. i love kids but istg they can be such devils sometimes. i hope my future children will be well-behaved hahaha!!! ok i know, it’s too early to talk about having children and stuff but ya know, i’ve always told myself that i’m never gonna have kids cus pregnancy seems like such a tough thing to go through. i really applaud all mothers out there, yall are the real mvps for procreation. but thinking about it now, no matter how tough it is, someday i want to have my own squishy and/or, squishies. i know they will grow up and be less squishy but that will be wayyyyy later into the future.

and then after han came out of the toilet, we went down the escalator and then he asked me if i wanted to go anywhere else. his actual words were, “you don’t know where to go right after this?” then i said ya haha. to which, he suggested going home.

now knowing me, i don’t like heading home so early but then i thought ah, he has work tomorrow, he’s gonna be fucking beat. and i too have work tomorrow, though mine’s closing shift so ya know, i can still sleep during the day and just wake up in time to head to the store so it’s a different situation for me. so i said, ok let’s go home but i feel like getting something to drink. i was thinking of koi, but then i changed my mind to liho and by this time han was being all squirmy saying that he’s too lazy to walk all the way to the mall’s basement for liho. so i said ok let’s not go to liho then, and then i walked into cheers and got myself the peppermint green tea. i wanted just regular green tea but they don’t have any and since there was like a mini sale, the peppermint green tea cost only a dollar which is really a good bargain. and then we walked past the yogurt ice cream thing and han asked me if i wanted it. at first i was like, nah. you want ah? then he asked the same question to me again lol. then he asked if i want, what flavor will i get. so i said idk maybe the plain white one. i’ve always like the plain/original flavor of things anyway. then he asked, not chocolate? and then i said nah, and then ok after some back and forth, we or should i say i, finally decided to just get strawberry.

we went to the counter, paid for everything and then used the machine hahaha i have a short video on instagram story which i haven’t saved that’s why i didn’t include it in this post but i’ve included a picture of the machine and how the yogurt looks like after being squeezed out.

and then we walked back to the bus interchange and han was joking around about how he can just take the downtown line from tampines all the way home and then i said, ok go ahead. but i guess he knew that i very much would prefer to have company so he ended up sending me home, with the thought of going home from the mrt that’s near my place, since it’s downtown line also. but upon reaching my area, he decided to grab home instead cus i think, he was already tired.

i wanted to go to abc to get the axe soap that i’ve been using, damn does it smell good!!! but unfortunately, they don’t have it anymore :( so only han ended up getting a packet of candies.

from there, we went back to my place and sat at our usual spot. we played a couple rounds of ml, rested for awhile and then ok this fucking part haha.

he asked me, “i thought just now you said still got one more thing you want to see?” to which i said, “huh don’t have. only the danni girl was the last one?”

ok then i can’t remember how but the next thing i knew, i was looking at his messenger. and i was scrolling through everything. observing the dates, the stuff he wrote to them, the stuff they wrote to him, the people he said hi to, the girls that accepted his friend requests, etc. ahahaha i’m not gonna lie but i was so fucking hurt and crushed. i didn’t know my heart can actually literally break into a million pieces. i thought being heartbroken over something was just a myth but wow if heartbroken feels like what i felt during that point of time, i wish no one in this world will ever feel such a saddening feeling ever.

i ended up screaming, raising my voice in anger, crying, bawling my eyes out from all the pain i was feeling. it was so....... a feeling i’ve never felt throughout my whole entire life. i’ve always known from the very beginning that i love han with all my heart. but i didn’t realised that i actually love him so fucking much that i can feel the pain in my whole entire body too especially after finding out about something like that. i was shaking with anger and was just filled with sadness.

really crazy how i got so affected.

to be very honest, i was so close to just..... taking a break so i can absorb everything on my own for awhile but then he just held me in his arms and let me sob my heart out and i just couldn’t bring myself to say anything.

its like, you know when you really love someone you just can’t bear to leave and hurt them even though you feel like you should because you’re also hurting from it. but it will hurt more and probably even kill you if you throw everything away just because of mistakes from the past.

i just..... really love him too much.

and then he mentioned about me reading past convos of us and then we managed to scroll all the way up to when we first started talking on telegram. we went through like the whole journey from when we talked to each other 3 years ago all the way till the first few months when we started dating and i just couldn’t stay angry at him anymore. we went through so fucking much to get to where we are right now. like our relationship was a whole roller coaster ride. we went through so many ups and downs, even before we got together.

and i was sad yes, but i guess i could understand why he did that. his insecurities got the better of him, his failed relationships made him feel insecure about actually being able to have a lasting forever relationship with someone. i guess i’m partly to be blamed too. he tried to woo me for so long, only to get rejected time and time again. we went on a few dates, only for us to drift apart and then things happened in between and i guess maybe to him, its like if i can leave the first time even before we got together, i can probably leave him again the second time even if we get together.

but ok i guess he already learnt his lesson. he said something like him knowing that our relationship will last forever and he never talked to anyone else after feeling much secure about things.

honestly, he has nothing to worry about. for a gemini, i’m actually loyal af. and like i told him time and time again, i will probably won’t ever get tired of him. it’s already past a year and yet i’m still in the “honeymoon” phase as he calls it, even though he’s already past that phase.

++++++

after awhile, he asked me if i’m hungry. and i said if he is, we can go have something to eat and then he asked me if i’m hungry too and i said if he’s eating then i’ll eat so yeah after much back and forth, we went to get supper at thohirah. i actually got the prata sia haha i like the cheese prata more than the egg. and then he also got prata - 2 prata plasters. and we ended up not being able to finish our pratas.

ok and wtf you wanna know something? we booked grab like twice and both times we missed cus we were doing some stuff LOL. i probably shouldn’t mention it on such a public platform but fuck it haha just know that, the whole experience was something new for me and goddamn i didn’t know he can actually do that and make me feel such things, or should i say i didn’t know my body can actually react like that lol. i would so love to make love right there and then to be real honest.

haha ok it’s 6:19am, and i should really sleep. my skin needs to regenerate, my eyes needs oxygen and i’m tired from bawling, and ;) haha goodnight and happy labour day to all working people.