#and there is no way you can justify it besides lean into the cognitive dissonance required to be a radical feminist

[transinclusionary]

I hope all trans ppl are misgendered today 😍

ben shapiro is SOMEHOW more respectful than the average terf. The group that loves to talk about how morally superior they are provides less human dignity than an alt right misogynistic, transphobic, and bigoted man like ben shapiro.

How many different ways do people need to say your movement is racist, cissexist, intersexist, and bigoted before you understand? How do you not read back this ask you sent, then read this screenshot, and still not realize that you are not spewing more justified hate rhetoric than regular transmisogynists.

You are not better than anyone, and frankly having a 'moral justification' for your bigotry makes you closer to religion's condemnation of homosexuality and transphobia. People like Andrew Tate don't have any reason to hate trans people other than bigotry for bigotry's sake. Nah y'all fucking worse than the alt right. Stay mad about it hon

[image description: a screenshot of an interview with ben shapiro saying despite the fact he is transphobic he claims he would use someone's preferred pronouns.

closed caption transphobia tw:

By the way, I’ve said openly many times that if I were in a situation where I was at dinner with someone who was transgender—

PN: You would refer to them by their pronouns.

BS: Yes, I would refer to them by their pronouns. Why wouldn’t I? I mean there’s no point. But if I’m talking publicly about what a man or a woman is, I’m not going to give credence to an argument that has no biological or logical basis. It doesn’t make any sense.

[mashedcontroller]

I feel like comparing how 03 and BH tackle the concept of genocide and how they both handle their themes around the topic. I’m going to avoid commentary on how both shows handle race specifically because I’m frankly not qualified to talk about it, but I do have quite a bit to say about how writing and themes. Analysis under the read more.

One major difference between how 03 and BH handle the concept of genocide is their thematic reasoning for why it's is wrong. In BH genocide is wrong because varied perspectives are important to forming a healthy and strong community. Which is what links Ishval to BH's thematic core of how we as people are fundamentally interconnected and rely on each other. In 03 genocide is wrong because it is genocide, but people don't like to think about it so they'll go out of their way not to, which enables its continued progression. This ties Ishbal to 03's themes about how the world is unfair, how apathy enables cruelty, and how it's important to care about things and try to change them even if it seems hopeless.

Both versions of Ishval and the genocide against its people lean into the core themes of their respective series. But in BH genocide is a cause that leads to the effect of a weaker community, while in 03 it's the consequence of widespread apathy and the reason it's wrong is fairly self-evident.

Even though the wrongness of genocide is an important part of both stories, BH's discussion of genocide always rubbed me the wrong way. While what BH is saying about the importance of varied perspectives in a community is true, going to genocide as a primary example feels both dramatic and like a bad justification for why genocide is wrong. You can logic your way around BH's explanation by arguing a certain group of people don't offer anything of value to the community and can thus be expulsed. Disabled people and immigrants come to mind as two demographics where that argument is often made against. And while that statement may go against BH's larger themes, but the show doesn't challenge and strengthen its themes enough to outright reject that cognitive dissonance. In 03, making genocide the on-going consequence of ignorance and apathy means that there's no possibility to question the validity of genocide because you can't logic your way out of "it's wrong because it's wrong."

While I doubt Arakawa or the people making the BH adaption would endorse genocide, I don't like the unintended room for argument left by the story. It also carries the unspoken theme that you need to justify your existence. Was Father evil because he hurt and killed countless people or because he took from the All without giving anything back? From the way BH depicts the characters in the military, especially Olivier Armstrong, Roy Mustang, Maes Hughes, and Miles, I would argue that the second statement is BH's answer. In 03, is Dante evil because she killed and hurt countless people or because she she took from the All without giving anything back? It's closer to the former here. If anything, Dante represents the warped take on BH's ideals that I proposed, where she argued that the entirety of Ishbal, Lior, Xerxes, Drachma, the city beneath Central, and anywhere else slaughtered in her goal to create a Philosopher Stone was justified because her continued existence was healthier for the human race than theirs. You can't logic your way around someone like that because it would require quantifying the value of human lives, but what can be worth the price of a human life? It's a fallacy that the show disproves in the first minute of the first episode.

BH's condemnation of genocide can, ironically, be easily twisted in a way that justifies it, while that just can't be done with 03's take on it. Beside that, due to a difference in where both shows put genocide in their thematic hierarchy. 03 builds up and widely applies its themes about apathy and ignorance. For example, an important part of the Nina incident that isn’t in BH is that Ed had his suspicions on Tucker well before he transmuted his daughter but he chose not to pursue them until it was too late. The most telling scene is one where Ed is heading out to walk Alexandre, notices that Nina’s drawing was burnt, and then proceeds to walk the dog. In a later episode, we meet the Tringhams, who are willing to turn a blind eye to the their town suffer from water poisoning leading to widespread miscarriages and illness as a result of their research if it means they can get closer to their father. Even minor instances of characters turning a blind eye to important stuff goes punished, such as when Edward is afraid to ask Alphonse if he hates him for what happened and proceeds not to tell him for several years, which escalates into Al’s identity crisis. No one dies and that conflict gets resolved, but it still highlights the same themes highlighted by the topic of genocide. This progression also applies in Ed’s early relationship to Sloth, where he would repeatedly choose not to think about the possibility of having created a homunculus until said homunculus is screaming in his face. The involvement of genocide in 03′s themes are the climax because enabling genocide is the ultimate consequence to apathy. In BH, the involvement of genocide in its themes is not the climax, instead it’s part of the escalating stakes. The climax is when Father tries to consume God. The difference between that and the talk of genocide is that there’s a huge difference between killing everyone and killing a select group of people because killing everyone is an abstract ambition that wouldn’t make sense in real life because it can never truly benefit anyone, while genocide is a crime that does exist in real life because does come with benefactors. I wanted to clarify the difference because escalating the stakes from genocide to destroy the world detaches the point the work is trying to make from reality. While a work of fiction doesn’t have to match reality, pulling BH’s climax away from anything that could reasonably exist also abstracts its themes, which are carried from its discussion of genocide. As a result, some of BH’s commentary on genocide also becomes abstract because this very real thing that happens is put on a lower level of tension and relevance than an event that could only be fictional. 

This translates over to many of the details of the war in both shows too. Such as the detail about flame alchemy being tattooed onto Hawkeye’s back and Roy having to burn it off so that it could never be used again because seeing it being used in Ishval first hand was horrifying. It’s from the trope of a character where they alone wield a power that no person should be allowed to possess, but that trope is extremely fantasy, which clashes with heavy topic of genocide. Another moment like this is when Marco reverse-transmutes Envy in a moment of triumph, which is meant to signify his acceptance of his role in Ishval and him moving past it, but the usage of a magic fight scene to symbolize that disconnects the moment from being tangible because that development is signified through the use of a triumphant magic fight scene. The reason BH does this is because it’s a story about the oppressed and their oppressors putting aside their differences to take down the big bad. While these types of themes can be great, it doesn’t synergize with genocide. The way BH goes about this is putting a lot of weight into how its main characters from the military are good people while also putting very little emphasis on the continued suffering of the Ishvalans. Rather than going through the time to scrutinize Roy Mustang for actively participating in genocide, the show elects to make him out to be a good person in spite of that fact. This is done to make it easy to get behind and root for the protagonists. This is contrasted with the antagonists, who are shown to either not regret or actively enjoy their crimes. It results in genocide being brushed aside because it would clash with the likeability of the major characters. This is not what happens 03. Characters like Roy Mustang are heavily scrutinized and challenged for their decisions past and present. Their crimes are not brushed aside in favor of making them look good. Roy Mustang in 03 is not depicted as an overall good person and there’s a good reason for that. A particular comparison that’s always bugged me is how Roy’s primary character arc in BH has very little to do with his time in Ishval. He instead spends a lot of time dealing with the anger from Hughes’s death, which is something where both the audience directly sympathizes with him because they’ve seen Hughes and something that isn’t Roy’s fault. BH has a tendency to shift blame from the protagonists to the antagonists as the series progresses. Even unrelated to Ishval, Ed’s failed transmutation begins to look less and less bad as the show progresses, starting with the discovery that what he brought back wasn’t even his mother and ending with the knowledge he gained from it being essential for taking down Father. Meanwhile the start of the Ishval war goes from being a nameless soldier to being Envy, who enjoys causing death and brags about it. Winry’s parents died in the war, but then it was Scar’s doing, but then around when Scar stops becoming a villain and Kimblee joins the picture, we learn that Kimblee would have killed them anyways so it doesn’t really matter that Scar pulled the trigger instead. This weakens the backbone of BH’s take on genocide because by dividing the protagonists and antagonists that partook in committing genocide between whether or not they were cool with it, BH validates the concept of just following orders. In contrast, 03 doubles down on the consequences of these characters’ actions. Ed’s failed human transmutation, creates Sloth, who helps kill Hughes when he investigates her, works sacrifice thousands of people to create a philosopher’s stone, and attempts to kill Ed and Al herself. Even if the actions and the following guilt are sympathetic, 03 never looks away from the consequences. Roy Mustang is another character who does a massive list of things wrong and acts unforgivably but is still sympathetic. The anime doesn’t shy away from showing the consequences of characters actions, which reinforces their guilt and motivation. It also means that 03 doesn’t undermine the inclusion of genocide in its story in the same way BH does.

How the protagonist relates to the concept of genocide is also an important distinction to make when comparing both shows. In BH, Edward has nothing to do with it. Considering that genocide is not the climax and thus one of many escalations in stakes, apathy isn’t a thematic point in BH, and BH puts a lot of focus on its supporting cast, Edward’s lack of involvement in this plot point isn’t a narrative flaw. But it does mean that the theme of genocide has to filtered through secondary characters rather than the protagonist. This results in the Ishval war being distant from the main plot. It’s relevant to the backstories of most of the major characters, but Edward’s relative lack of involvement keeps it from overtaking the plot. This is also what allows for the plot to transition from the Ishval War to Father’s plans without dramatically cutting away Ed’s and Al’s personal motives from the plot. It’s a decision that’s thematically terrible but narratively sound. In 03, Edward’s lack of direct involvement in the genocide of Ishbal is commented on, but his hands are not clean. He was the catalyst for the genocide enacted upon in Lior and he chose to take part in, and thus be complacent in, the system responsible for the Ishbal massacre. Edward is also responsible for unlearning the propaganda about it, which occurs over the course of the show. In 03, Edward is related to the genocide of the Ishbal people not because he was there or was closely related to anyone there, but because there is no war that we aren’t all a part of. Because BH’s themes about genocide are more abstract and impersonal than 03′s, it can get away with distancing its protagonist from genocide in a way that 03 does not. 

Another reason why BH distances its protagonist from genocide while 03 does not is because the shows have very different takes on Edward’s morality. In BH, he is the moral center of the show. Edward doesn’t have to reassess or challenge his ideals, nor is he ever proven wrong. As a result, the faults in failing to acknowledge the interconnectedness and need for diversity and spread in the world can’t be explored through him in the same way it is in 03, where a huge point in Ed’s character is that he’s wrong about how the world works and need to mature his worldview and ideals. If Edward can be held in any way responsible for the genocides in Ishval or Leore, then it weakens the strength of the character because it means his ideals aren’t pure. That’s why his complacency about Ishval when he joins the military is never questioned. It’s also why the massacre in Leore is glossed over. While Edward doesn’t succeed at saving everyone, Nina’s death cannot be contributed even partially to a moral failure on Edward’s part in the same way it can in 03. The thematic relevance of Nina’s death in BH is to show how one person, no matter who they are, cannot be expected to save everyone. Contrast that to 03 where Edward’s failings as a person are one of the anime’s main methods of conveying its themes. BH Edward is more of a mouthpiece than a character who has to grow when it comes to the themes the show connects to genocide.

Part of that is because 03′s themes are also much more on-the-ground than BH’s. As in, many of BH’s themes exist on a macro level. While the importance of diversity in a society is true, it’s also not something the average viewer can interact with beyond agreeing or disagreeing. 03′s themes are more micro and personal, the idea that apathy can enable tragedy can be taken to fit both the personal lives of the audience and be treated as a wake up call to actually get involved in activism. As a result, Edward becoming a mouthpiece for BH’s themes is appropriate, but it would be inappropriate to do the same for 03′s themes. Relating that to how both shows handle genocide, Edward is BH can come across as disingenuous because the show has gone out of its way to distance him from the responsibility of it. This is relevant when the show covers topics that Edward has nothing to do with, because its conclusion still matches Edward’s. The problem is that Edward doesn’t know what he’s talking about, which undercuts the validity of the show’s conclusion to anyone paying attention. With Ishval specifically, Edward’s experience with it is a single conversation with Hawkeye and Scar trying to kill him. Compare that to 03 where Ed’s final conclusion about Ishbal is shaped by both his experiences with the military, his experiences with Ishbalan refugees, him seeing the effects of genocide both from the ruins of Ishbal and the graves in Lior, and more. Edward comes to the conclusion that “there is no war that is not in some way caused by all of us” because he has seen it repeatedly. Edward’s beliefs in 03 are shaped by the story while his beliefs in BH are reinforced by the story. The problem is that BH Ed lacks an understanding to the depth of the horrors of genocide.

03 is ultimately about horrible actions that can never be taken back and living with their consequences. Whether it’s human transmutation, genocide, murder, violence, the philosopher’s stone. It’s about how apathy and inaction enables these things. How people don’t like to think about them because they’re uncomfortable, but that doesn’t prevent them from still happening. How the world is neither simple nor fair. The genocide against the Ishbalan people is one of the main cores of 03′s story. BH is about its wide cast of fun characters and the unravelling of its intrigue plot. While the Ishval war is a component to that, it’s not what the story is primarily about. The problem is that genocide is too big of a deal for the story to shove aside like it does and it isn’t compatible with the image BH wants to set about its characters being fundamentally good people, which results in BH not treating the topic of genocide with the respect that it deserves.

[theggning]

I'd love to hear some of your thoughts on Curie, if you have any.

Sure thing! Apologies in advance if I get any of this wrong, I don't personally hang out much with Curie so I had to do a bit of brushing up on her.

Curie's key role in the meta is another facet of the theme of "what makes a person a person." She single-handedly displays the differences between robots and synths and through her we get a lot of what we know about the nature of synths and how it feels for her to become one.

But before Curie becomes a synth, she's another example of a rather unique robot. She starts off quite sophisticated and unusually intelligent-- though unlike Codsworth, her unique personality and knowledge were programmed into her, not developed over time. The Vault 81 scientists loaded into her all of the great academic works they had on hand (she lists Kant, Einstein, Born, Darwin, Curie, Faraday, Turing, and Braun) along with her initial capabilities as a medic and a doctor. Also unlike Codsworth, she hasn't become accustomed to the wasteland, nor traumatized by it-- nor does she even have the capability. Curie has spent the past 210 years trapped in the secret section of Vault 81, and since the deaths of the scientists, she has been completely isolated from human contact. Thus, she is incredibly booksmart, while being... quite unprepared for the horrors that greet her in the wasteland outside.

My favorite description I've ever seen of Curie is "a doctor coming to the slow, horrified realization that nobody washes their hands." She has a picture of the world in her mind that's dictated by science, math, logic, reason, and ethics-- and as a still, quite basic robot, she's baffled when reality doesn't match up to this. Just like Sole, she emerges in a world that resembles what she knows and yet is completely strange and oftentimes very hostile-- she's just doing this with the capabilities of a robot reconciling observations against what was literally programmed into her.

I think there's a fandom tendency to infantilize Curie to some degree, or to play up her naivety to the point of farce. But Curie isn't clueless, or stupid. In addition to her scientific knowledge, she has a very firm set of morals and ethics and will speak up or push back if she feels the Sole Survivor is behaving poorly. She is one of the "good" companions who approves of kind acts, and she is a pacifist, if she can help it. She's philanthropic, but also more scientifically-minded than the other "good" companions-- notably, her approvals all lean in favor of helping scientists and supporting the advancement of knowledge. She supports the Minutemen and the Railroad-- but also the Brotherhood of Steel, since their knowledge and preservation of technology strike her as more important than their feelings on synths. She is pro-synth and disapproves of the enslavement or mistreatment of synths, but when the Institute is destroyed, she chiefly expresses sorrow for how much knowledge was lost. She disapproves of Dr. Chambers' cruelty, but dislikes it if you kill her-- cutting short any contributions to science she could have made. Curie is kind, but she's also ambitious, logical, and values "big picture" scientific advancement.

Really, if there was any companion besides X6-88 who could fit an Institute mindset, it's Curie. She has more compassion for people than anyone in the Institute does, but it's interesting to compare her logical, pragmatic beliefs to the faction that has taken them and twisted them to evil purposes. (Am I saying that Curie would make a terrifying villain if she were to slip too far down that road of logic and pragmatism? Maybe I am...)

This pragmatism extends to her desires to become a synth. Curie comes up with the idea mainly because she feels her scientific ambitions cannot be reached unless she feels inspiration, which she's not capable of as a robot. She insists that her new body will allow her to do good for humanity, and to her, this justifies any ethical problems around transferring her into the braindead G5-19 (Curie doesn't understand Glory's hesitation to let her friend's body be used in this way-- because as a robot, she's literally incapable of empathizing with her.) It's only after Curie opens her eyes in her new body that we understand what a stark difference it is, and how many new and frightening things she's feeling for the first time-- emotions, wayward thoughts, urges to breathe and eat and sleep-- hell, fear is a new concept for her. Her robotic brain worked in numbers and data and programming, and all of a sudden she's capable of all these other things that could never be replicated by data. Curie's transition clearly illustrates the difference between a robotic brain and a synth brain- a human brain, for all intents and purposes.

(I've always thought it takes a special kind of dingus to travel with and befriend and even romance Curie and yet still proclaim that synths are "just machines." You'll see PLENTY of them, but boy oh boy, that's quite a load of cognitive dissonance going on there. Or creep, depending on the argument.)

Which leads me to one of the hot-button topics when it comes to Curie: the romance. While Curie's romance does fall under the umbrella of the "Born Sexy Yesterday" trope, I think this aspect of it is a bit overblown. Like I said, there's a real tendency in fandom to infantilize Curie, or make her seem more clueless pwecious uwu cinnamon roll than she really is. But the difference between Curie and most of your standard issue Born Sexy Yesterday waifs is that Curie isn't helpless, nor childlike, nor incapable of standing up for herself. She's both extremely intelligent and fully confident in her morals and beliefs. She asks for the Sole Survivor's support with her emotional transition because she already trusts them as her friend, not because she has no one else or can't handle it on her own. From early on in her affinity convos, Curie expresses attraction to the Sole Survivor, and approaches learning about these new feelings with the same enthusiasm and curiosity that she does everything else. It's her attraction, not begun by the Sole Survivor manipulating her or tricking her into it. I feel like a lot of surface-level descriptions of the romance disregard Curie's agency, as though she's a bubble-headed innocent who's completely vulnerable and clueless about the mere prospects of attraction, romance, or sex.

Now, that said... did Curie have to transfer into the body of a conventionally attractive woman for her plot to work? No. Does her romance scratch the itch for people who like Born Sexy Yesterday? Yeah, probably. Is she designed to be Prime Waifu Material*? Undoubtedly. Is it my cup of tea? Nah. But different strokes for different folks**. I don't think Curie's romance is inherently bad or anyone should feel bad for enjoying it, or her as a character. She's extremely intelligent, cute, and wholesome, and if that's your type, then embrace her!

* Like oh my god, this is video games, Curie's entire character and romance could have been done so much worse.

** And seriously, I'm not about to judge someone for falling in love with the cute waifu-bait romance when I'm over here lusting over Strong Flawed Sad Tragic Himbo Whom I Can Save With My Love.

It ain't like they didn't cater to my tastes, too.

[secret-time-is-here]

Double stitched - Rewrite

Chapter 29

Previous - First - Next

“You’re an undeniable nincompoop, Glitch.” Was the first thing he heard when he woke up. His eyes drifted open, and the ever subtle windows startup played quietly. Looking around for the voice, he found Dream sitting by his bedside. “You’re in the infirmary, Blue has already been escorted to a cell befitting him and I’ve doubled security.”

Glitch sighed, letting his body sink back into the cot, “Not going to hassle to justify yourself?”

“BluE’s an asshOlE.” Was it really necessary to explain himself?

“Nevertheless, during all my years of dealing with his annoyance, he’s been adamant that he's against violence and confirmed it time and time again.”

“WEll, hE acts likE hE dOEsn’t havE a hEaRt sO I pullEd at his stRings a littlE fOR payback, what’s thE big dEal?” He was probably on death row anyway, if he died he died. If he didn’t he didn’t.

“The, as you so simply stated, ‘big deal’ is that it took four security guards holding him down and my aura to calm him!” Dream snapped, wings ruffling before he sat back in the chair again, “Previously all it took to get rid of him was bringing him to his senses. The string of that barely staying together yarn ball you plucked at has unpacked what scarce consciousness he had left.”

Glitch just turned his head away, staring out the window. “Whatever f-” Dream breathed in deeply, “Whatever paradox you gave him he clearly found a solution to it. He’s a ticking time bomb, passing in his cell mindlessly.”

“SOunds likE ya caRE fOR ‘im.” The skeleton continued to seemingly stare out the window, a small portal opened up beside him, blocked by his head. Sneakily checking in on Strings and his friends.

“...Enemy or not I have the betterment of everyone in mind. At the moment, Blue is on the brink of, or already has reached insanity… what did you even do to him?”

“MadE him REalizE hE always says OnE thing and dOEs anOthER.” Glitch flicked through the AU and the surrounding ones, checking to see if JR was anywhere near.

“...You made him realize his own cognitive dissonance and made him find a way to improve it, surely?” Dream’s voice was one of surprise, either at the willingness of manipulation or whatever cognitive dissonance was, Glitch was unsure. 

“YOu’RE spEaking gibbERish.” He scrolled back to JR, searching through until he found the cell Blue was in, a wing he was unaware of until now.

Just as Dream had said, he was mindlessly passing, mumbling something. A straight jacket keeping him from doing much, scratch marks along the walls and on the door. His legs wobbled, his steps were shaky. Blue’s legs fell from under him, and he rolled onto his side and sat back up, pushing himself against a wall, still mumbling to himself.

It reminded Glitch far too much of being in the AntiVoid.

“Cognitive dissonance, essentially holding two different mindsets causing tension. Blue acts like he has no compassion nor heart, yet he is averse to violence because he doesn’t want to hurt anyone, something someone with compassion would think.” The destroyer rolled his eyes, “You made him informed of his cognitive dissonance, and in summary, there were two paths to take: Accept that he’s caused mental violence to many and does have compassion, or turn to violence. The latter either much more appealing or easier for him.”

“I think yOu’RE lOOking faR tOO intO this biRdman.”

“I’m making sense of the situation so I can correct your blunder.” The skeleton just shook his head, closing the window and looking back at Dream.

“What happEnEd tO him?”

“We put him in a padded cell for his safety, magic cuffs attached along with his ankles and wrists. Yet, somehow he succeeded to get them off- we’re still unsure how, and summon a weapon to start attacking the door and striking at the walls. As much as I didn’t want to, the only way to keep him and everyone else safe would be to keep him pacified with my aura, drugs, or put him in a jacket.” 

Dream looked away, remorseful and silent for a moment, before looking back. “...Blue aside, I require more information from you.”

“StaRs, yOu’vE alREady tRiEd OncE, I’m nOt giving yOu anything.”

“You still resist believing that I aim for peace?”

“EvEn my DREam, whO actEd mORE likE a child than thE… was it FivE hundREd? WhO actEd likE a child instEad Of thE fivE-hundREd-yEaR-Old hE is, undERstOOd that pEacE is basically impOssiblE tO REach and nEvER lasts.”

“I intend to do whatever I can to at least soothe the tensions between JR and Nightmare as well as his friends.” Glitch let out a loud fake laugh at the statement, “I’m serious about this Glitch.”

“And I was sERiOus abOut wORking at JR,” The sarcasm rolled off his tongues easily, “yOu’RE nOt fOOling mE, DREam.”

-----

Strings sat outside of their new home on their front steps, looking at the abandoned AU, Kevin resting in his lap. It had been about a week since JR finished lockdown and had announced that they had found Glitch guilty of helping them escape.

He was so worried. They had only said his lover was guilty, not the conviction. For all he knows, his Glitchy could be dead right now and he wouldn’t even know.

Absentmindedly he held the blanket around him closer. The blanket he and Glitch fell asleep under, and the one he woke up in. The one that his lover crafted to remind himself of Strings, and the one that Strings now has to remind him of his skeleton.

The door opened with a creak, and Nightmare sat down next to him, handing him a mug of hot chocolate, giving Kevin a spinach leaf.

Strings slowly looked over, seeing his consoling expression and arms open, offering a hug. He nodded, letting himself lean against his friend. The hug didn’t fill his nose with the smell of fried circuits, nor did he hear the subtle beeps, but it was still comforting.

“We’ll get them back.” Nightmare promised, letting go. Clutching onto the paint-stained scarf around his neck.

The door opened again, and Cross came down, sitting next to them, another two mugs of hot chocolate. One for himself and another for Nightmare.

“You’re not alone in this, Strings, we got you,” Cross spoke, giving a light pat to Strings’ back, unsure if the glitched human’s haphephobia would allow much more.

Strings nodded, feeling a bit better, but worried.

Dreamswap and kevin belongs to @onebizarrekai

Underverse and Cross belong to @jakei95

Dream and Nightmare belong to @jokublog

Ink belongs to @comyet

Error belongs to @loverofpiggies

Blue belongs to the community

[caroldenningg]

Loved in Spite part 7

Marilyn pressed her face into her pillow in a futile attempt to block out the constant irritating lights and at long last get some sleep. Solitary confinement had a horrible reputation and she had been careful to avoid it from day one of her prison sentence.

That was the problem, wasn’t it? Marilyn had stopped being careful.

Years of meticulously planning every move, every interaction with anyone inside of the cement walls and razor wire buildings that were homes, and she had thrown it all away. Why? For her daughter? There are other ways she can pay for college, Marilyn chided herself. And now she had separated the pair of them further; she fully expected to receive more time on her sentence.  

Her analytic brain, useful as it was, was also her downfall. Sure, it made it easy to weasel and lie, talk her way out of trouble, but it also made it exceptionally easy to lie to herself. With enough logic and vindication, she could justify doing just about anything.

And that was a slippery slope.

She also had the intellectual capacity to know the truth. The real truth, not the one she so expertly buried. It hid there, in the back of her mind. Silently waiting, for it required no acknowledgement or agreement to be correct. It didn’t judge, it didn’t bother, but she could feel it there. The proper explanation for her actions.

Carol.

Marilyn was stuck in cognitive dissonance, stretched between two truths. She was, of course, still horrified at what Carol had become. Decades of living in survival mode had blurred the lines between true self and persona. She was an enigma, a science experiment that had been locked away in a cold, dark drawer for years and years, allowing her to evolve and mutate into something unrecognizable.

And yet she was the same person, the same woman she had shared secret whispers at night and happy notes during the day with. Her Carol. Her first love. Was she still there under the malignant facade?

She lifted her face from the pillow as she heard the chunking sound of her door being unlocked. Squinting as she adjusted once more to the bright lights, she looked over her shoulder to see the ginger guard push the heavy door open. “Five minutes,” she called over her shoulder.

Marilyn sat up with a jolt as Carol entered the cell, a stern expression frozen over her features. The lock clunked shut behind her. Fear clenched Marilyn’s body as the woman drew closer. She knew why Carol had come. It was time for revenge.

“Please, Carol, I-”

“Shut it,” she commanded, folding her arms and leaning casually against the wall. A smirk stretched across her face, her eyes narrowing as she regarded her prey. “Why’d you tell them it was Badison?”

“Because- Because I didn’t want to tell them it was you.” whispered Marilyn, head bowed.

“So you ratted out Badison instead?” Carol raised an eyebrow.

“They would have given me more time,” she said quietly.

“And just what do you think is going to happen to Badison?”

“I know, I know.” She stared at the floor. “Just get it over with,” she squeaked, barely audible.

“Get what over with?”

“What you’re here to do. Punish me for being a rat.”

“I’m not here to do anything,” said Carol.

“So why…” Marilyn trailed off.

“I don’t know. But I felt like I should come see you,” she replied archly.

Marilyn looked confused. “But… I ratted someone out.”

“And that’ll be her problem to fix. Besides. You kinda did me a favor.”

“What?” exclaimed Marilyn.

“Hiring you when I was in Ad-Seg. Running things even though I told her not to. She needed to be put back in her place,” nodded Carol, satisfied with this chain of events.

“I still don’t understand why you came here. I mean, how much does it cost to pay off a guard like that?”

“Well,” said Carol slowly, “I wanted to tell you something else. They’re not giving you any more time.”

“Are you serious?” Marilyn’s eyes went wide. She shook her head. “Shit,” she muttered. “That’s even worse.”

“How is that worse?” Carol knit her eyebrows.

Marilyn gestured frantically. “And what do you think Badison is going to do to me now? She got more time and I get let off the hook?”

“Hey.” Carol leaned in. “I won’t let her touch you.” She gave a sharp nod of resolution, then turned and gave two sharp raps on the door.

Combing her fingers through her hair absentmindedly, Marilyn closed her eyes, contemplating the sudden turn of events. Carol was protecting her. A strong sense of wondering rushed through her. Could that mean-?

No, she thought. That’s silly. Carol had made it perfectly clear that while they were forced to tolerate each other’s presence, they would stay out of each other’s way. And here she was, offering to defend Marilyn from the consequences of breaking a rule nearly every prisoner held.

Dissonant. She turned the word over and over in her mind. There were two opposing components of her and Carol’s relationship - their ambivalence they extended to the other, the acknowledgement that whatever they once had was long dormant, permanently dead. And yet they were drawn to each other. Carol had said it herself - “I felt like I should see you.” There was a magnetic pull, just weak enough to be ignored, but strong enough to influence the pair of them.

Knowing nothing productive would come out of spinning on her and Carol’s conversation, Marilyn stretched out on the bed once more, and fell into fitful sleep.

----

@caroldenningmyonetruelove@denningaesthetic@littledenning@thenightbelongstodreamers@myluromance@fullperfectioncollective@marla-black@hennyxrussell@machobutcheap@lostgirl23sthings@gayvaanburen @keisha-deann @espeonkittn @bexholtzmann@marvelismylifffe@lucassholewideworld@eclipses77 @musicalsandbooks12 @blut--engel@dalton1906@darlingcherries@iamnotoriginalphil@timebeckons @dennings-candy@procrastinatingnerd@gaycaroldenning@mellofangirl@saturn6th @your-prison-daddy@thetravelingdreamer97@lovingcaroldenning @zerimarx @whymecarol