#and then. then im done<-person who will not be done
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SYPNOSIS ; g/n reader x sparring partner! bakugou, fluff, not proofread .. matching bracelets , enjoy ! xoxo, jord .ᐟ
A/N; this was supposed to be a lil drabble but this came out longer than i intended .. anywaayss. I PROOOMISEEE im gonna start posting more i’ve disappeared for sosososso long.. in the meanwhile take this, luv u guys !!!!!
sparring partner! bakugou that swears he only bugs you 24/7 to “get your ass to training grounds” because you need to improve. no other reason because of course, he cant stand you.. or anything about you, for that matter.
so no, it doesnt “mean” anything when sparring partner! bakugou comes up from behind you to, “fix” your form. adjusting you by signaling you to rotate to the side by giving your hips a little push, nudging your elbows up so your face is protected by your hands.
sparring partner! bakugou who always insists to be near you, discreetly, if he can. because he obviously doesnt want it to seem like he cares, because he doesnt. even during training or maybe even an attack on the school? near you. covering you and making sure warn you of the sneak attacks from behind you.
and even though you practically hate sparring with him, because hes so damn ruthless, ensuring a trip to recovery girl by the end of it, its weirdly the highlight of your days. hearing the ding! of your phone, followed by the usual message from him.
: training grounds. 5 mins
even when its five in the goddamn morning. you never fail to meet him there.
and after a small while of this cycle, you make the (probably) safe assumption you guys are, friends? acquaintances?..hell, maybe you were even on kirishima’s level of ‘friend’. toleratable? at the least.
so while on one of your free days afterschool, youre shopping with the bakusquad. mina, jirou, denki, sero, kirishima, and obviously, bakugou. god knows how they convinced him to tag along.. you get lost in a cute little merch store, spotting matching all might bracelets. ew, corny. who would even get those?
ca—ching! “aaand heres your change, have a nice day!”
you would.
though, you probably shouldve thought this out.. who were you gonna match with? ofcourse, it could always be mina, but she also didnt absolutely fixate on all might. but, there was, one person you had in mind..
and sometime in the week after the hangout, at the end of your—no less than brutal, training session, you tiredly brought it up.
��the other day—while we were at the mall, i saw these matching all might bracelets—“ pant, “i kinda just bought on it on sight, annnd i didnt really think of who to give the other half to before i did.. but i know you like him, so..”
you trail off, simply suggesting it as you move over to sit down on a bench, taking a drink of water, while also, pulling out the bracelets from your pockets and reaching your free hand up to show him.
sparring partner! bakugou scoffs upon seeing the bracelets in your hand. golden age and bronze age all might bracelets.
“thats stupid. im not wearing that shit.” he growls, crossing his arms. his voice a little panted from training. you were getting better. not that he would tell you that directly, of course.
“chill, dynamight.” you roll your eyes playfully, emphasizing his hero name on your tongue. “i was just suggesting it, if you dont want it its fine.” you explain casually. even if, the sentence did hurt your feelings a little.
“ill just give it to izuku.” you shrug, you guys were friends, pretty close if you did say so.
and you almost swear you saw bakugou’s eye twitch. a glint of, jealousy? in his eyes as you bring up the green haired boy’s name.
he lets out an amused huff, rolling his eyes. “tch. whatever, give it to that nerd. not like i care.” before he reaches down next to you for your water bottle, taking a swing, airsip.
setting the bottle back down next to your thigh, he speaks up again. “‘aight, hurry, we arent done. round two.” he adds harshly, motioning with his hand for you to get back up.
“come on. please? one more minute. its so eaarlyyy.” you whine, almost pouty as you throw your head back. still exhausted from the sparring just a few minutes ago. 6am and hes annoyingly productive.
“hurry or i can blast your ass right here.” he glares down at you, grumbling through gritted teeth.
“im getting uupp, geeez.” you groan, lazily getting up from the bench and almost coming up to meet his full height.
later in the day, during class training, you figure you should probably find izuku to give him the other matching half, one already on your wrist.
you couldve sworn you remembered putting it back onto your other wrist so you wouldnt lose it. maybe it was in your dorm instead? whatever, youd just have to give it to him tomorrow.
today, you were working in partners, testing out new possible moves, strengths, weaknesses, and overall just trying to improve on any weak spots.
and like always, sparring partner! bakugou was next to you. basically having claimed you as his designated partner for anything by now, glaring at anyone who even suggested you work with them and not him.
and as your throwing hits at him, trying to catch him off base with your quirk, you notice a glint coming from under his gauntlet, you pause a moment.
its the matching half of your bracelet, all might’s golden age bracelet.
he notices this. feeling his ears dust the slightest pink from, embarrassment? and he uses this moment of weakness to gain the upper hand, pinning you down on the floor.
and youre completely shocked by the sudden move. somehow flipped on your chest to the ground, arms tucked behind your back with his knee holding you down.
“stay focused.” he hisses, reprimanding you for your bad habit.
“thought you said it was stupid?” you mutter. tilting your head to the side ever so slightly to look at him. a sly, cheeky smirk on your face.
“it is.”
maybe it wasnt so stupid after all.
#bakugou katsuki#mha x reader#bakugou x reader#bakugou fluff#my hero academia#katsuki bakugo x reader#bnha bakugou#bnha#fluff#bnha x reader#katsuki x you#katsuki fluff#gender neutral reader#boku no hero academia#mha drabbles
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the qiong ding peak disciples 100% have petty beef with lbh for stealing their favourite didi lmao
they're not gonna Actually beat him up (without Reason) but they're very emphatic about how thoroughly they WILL if lbh messes with sy. it's like a shovel talk that never ends
sy isn't actually completely oblivious to whats going on but he doesn't get why they're like this and he thinks theyre being fucking stupid (and he trusts them to not actually bully binghe) so he's elected to ignore their antics entirely
#arts#mottau#next chapter almost done so im letting these loose now#hou jingxing is standing on the Box of Dramatic Height Effect in the first image. she is actually shorter than lbh#bai yunqi does not get in on their antics but he is Watching lbh to make sure he's not Problem#lbh is not scared of these bitches he WILL fight for the right to hang out with sy if he has to#most of this (particularly for hou jingxing + li yanying) is just childish jealousy over how much sy obviously likes spending time with lbh#part of it is that having an interested alpha who they don't know hovering around the omega of their group#does clock as a Potential Threat on a purely instinctual level#but there is also a Not Insignificant portion of this (esp for bai yunqi)#which is that they met sy when he couldnt talk or walk on his own and clung to yqy like his life depended on it#its sort of left an impression on them! esp bc nowadays its very clear he wasn't like that because thats normal for him/his preference/etc#the younger two especially probably wouldnt even be able to put into words that its something that worries them but it does all the same#lbh on the other hand only met sy after he was already growing MUCH more independent#he's never known sy as anything other than how he is now. what he DOES know is that sy was the first person who ever REALLY helped him here#so he's never thought of sy as someone who needs to be sheltered or protected even though sy is a few years younger than him#and that's a HUGE part of why sy spends so much time with him
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EVIE’S NOTE! welcome to my very first event! this is an open fandom, minecraft centered event that is open to anyone 18+ (anons, strangers, non-followers & non-mutuals are more than welcome to join in!! i would love to create a little selfship / match up post for you)!
if small text is hard on your eyes, see here for this exact post in large text & auto caps. otherwise, details & how to join are written below!
INPUT (SEND THIS BLOG AN ASK)… first: your pseud / name (if anon, u can name yourself … anon A? sparkling anon? or just anon). second: if off anon, send me a picrew of yourself! any picrew is fine, but there’s one if u can’t pick. if on anon, describe yourself in detail please! for skin tones, i think i would cry if i got the wrong one, so please give me your fenty beauty foundation shade as a little reference ^^; then send either your preferred fandom or your f/o’s full name!!
AVAILABLE FANDOMS : blue lock, genshin impact, haikyuu, honkai star rail, kaiju no. 8, my hero academia, one piece, tokyo revengers, and wind breaker. you’re more than welcome to send in fandoms that aren’t listed! just know that i am unfamiliar with the character but will do my best (: so i guess any fandom goes
RECAP : send pseud / name + your description or picrew as an ask. if you have an established selfship, send name of f/o. if you would like a matchup, send your preferred fandom instead.
EXAMPLE 1 (MATCHUP) : “evie, kind of wavy black hair, light blue eyes, skin tone : fenty beauty 150 - neutral). please match up with someone from wind breaker! *insert info about my personality that would help me find your match*” + any characters that i definitely do not want to be paired with!!
EXAMPLE 2 (SELFSHIP) : “evie + moze, here is my picrew !! *optional: insert some cool info about my selfship that would help me set u two up on a date”
OUTPUT (WHAT I MAKE)….. here’s the link to an example!! i make a post on @z3vie, and i will tag you if you’re not on anon. if you’re on anon— then u gotta scroll!! it’s there somewhere beloved!!
i’ll make you and your f/o a minecraft skin- to the best of my abilities. features will be vaguely represented since i’m not very good bahhaha. i’ll set you up on a minecraft date!! who’s fighting mobs and who’s picking flowers ? >:o we will see. there’s a limited number of date ideas, so repeats will happen. thennn finally, i’ll make you a little moodboard and blurb to go along with it.
OTHER INFO THAT MIGHT BE RELEVANT… i won’t post your ask. i’ll delete the ask when im done & mark yours as complete in my queue! my queue is below, so you can see which ones i’m working on. also, it’s a very chill event! you’re welcome to send me no selfship info, or pages of selfship info. don’t even stress about it ^ ^ !!! (tho u should send me selfship lore because i am nosy) u could send me the minimum and i’d make it work. PROMISE so pls join pleaseee plsplspls ALSO rbs to boost are very appreciated and i will give u a big smooch for it !!
oh shoot also stunies is severely understaffed (there is only one evie here and no twice in existence to duplicate myself) so please be patient > < i will do my very best !! trust :>
ONE MORE THING MY DEAREST FRIENDS! this selfship event is in collaboration with @mlkbwunnies’s 2024 yume creators market !! meaningggg a bunch of others are hosting selfship events right now too!! free free to check out ying’s masterlist here :> HAVE AN AWESOME SELFSHIP WEEK YAYY
evie-specific booth info: OPEN from nov 11 - end of nov 15 (PST). though it’s not a hard deadline. bahaha. anyone 18+ is welcome to join! ^ ^ there’s no slot limit / max !
CURRENT QUEUE! if searching for your completed post, see @z3vie !! also, if your name isn’t listed here- that means your ask did not go through (i didn’t receive it). my ask box has been problematic for the last month or so, so just send it in again > < !! (note — the animal group names have no relevance, they are just cute hehe)
POSTED / COMPLETED
deer group — ( grey / letta / kiki / yue )
polar bear group — ( min / rye / ying / nick )
cat group — ( awea / aegis / sua / gray )
hamster group — ( kendall / lauren / kruin / rara)
UPDATE — snoozing 💤 these 4 just need blurbs … tmr morning
IN PROGRESS — making skins tmr!
rabbit group — (rae, lena, marlyn, and aspen)
lion group — (aliyah, hea, quinn, and bibi)
NEXT UP — divided into groups of four:
koala group — (sylvester, kayla, lexi, and jess)
tiger group — (venus, em, nyx, and meirin)
axolotl group — (jiae, romy, luvie, and candy)
panda group — (kai, ai, cy, and aims)
fox group — (jay, liv, amor, and sam)
bumblebee group — (bee, flora, zebra, and atlas)
unicorn group — (ophelia, fuji, venus, and mari)
hummingbird group — (esther,
#彡 events.#dividers : cafekitsune#boosts r appreciated kiss kiss i will fall into a deep slumber now !!!
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im going to take it one step farther and say If you see someone and you don't like how they look, Ask Why? dont stare or anything but take a moment and examine: why that persons body made you want to be mean to them? what did you assume about that person because of their body? where did that bias come from? is it founded in any data or fact?
i used to be the kind of person who couldn't help but pull a face when i saw evidence of a soft belly through clothing, i also used to be the type of person squinting at any man's chest to see how i compared. and do you know how i stoped painting myself in to that dysphoric corner? i started challenging those thoughts and being mindful of where they were coming from and how they hurt me.
do you want to know what my go-to thing to wear around the safety of my own home is now? fuckin croptops! its hot out, what the fuck do i care if my bathroom mirror sees my stomach? i hurt my back enough at work- im not binding on my day off.
and that freedom of not obsessing about how i feel i might be perceived 24/7, came from practicing radical acceptance of how bodies are, rather than policing how bodies should be.
in the beginning it felt silly and annoying in the beginning to be my own little big "well actually" about body positivity. but the longer ive done it the easier it gets, and now when i see my stretch marks my first thought is "the way the light bounces off that type of skin makes it look like ive got a subtle foil decal. im like a shiny card in Pokemon." and yeah maybe i had to keep thinking "stretch marks are normal and permanent and do not make people worse" every time i saw one for a couple years. but y'all it was so incredibley worth it!
I think I’ve talked about it before but the hypersexualized ‘twink feminine trans guy’ thing has caused people’s (mostly cis guys who prey on trans men) idea of what a standard trans guy looks like to be warped.
What is skinny for a cis woman is suddenly fat for a trans guy. Trans guys have to be super underweight to be ‘pretty’. And this pressure to fit into the ‘cute anime boy’ leaks into online spaces. I can’t tell you how many times I got called fat when I was 110lbs by other trans guys who think that the only way to be loved is to fit into what chaser cis men want them to be.
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slim pickins
warnings; bad date? mentions of sex, cursing underage drinking and yes i meant for it to be written poorly i was trying to keep the humor of the album in the writing
no pressure tags; @murdockcastleslut @kimoralov3 @arkofblake
word count; 1911
summary; youre tired of not finding a decent guy who will treat you right and lay you right. at least not one you've known since you were kids. however you just cant help yourself. besides its slim pickins out here you take what you can get.
divider by @bernardsbendystraws
i wanna make one thing clear, when i say there are no good guys left i do not wanna hear about you and your boyfriend of three years that can cook and loves your mom.
thats exactly what im talking about maddie!!! i dont give two fucks that he took you to barnes and noble and bought you every book you wanted.
they are all taken. its plain and simple.
which is why even with a full roster, im stuck taking fucking zander, yes with a z, to my friends' kegger.
i mean yea hes cute. hes tall, built but not that gross kind of muscly. but if were being real i shouldve known better when he was joking about being a male stripper when hes a ginger.
and i can tell kie is judging me, rightfully so. her side eye is lethal. when i introduced him to everyone she asked him about his greta van fleet tee and he said he didn't even know it was a band.
needless to say pope had to drag her away.
after that incident i decided it was best if we tried to talk away from the rest of the group. boy was i wrong.
"so what do you like to drink? ill go grab us something," i offer trying to start the conversation, also avoiding the usual problem with taking a drink from men.
"im good with whatever"
i like to think im not a violent person, but im about to be.
"does a beer sound okay?" i ask him grabbing a twisted tea for me from the cooler.
"sure thing." god why is he acting like such a bitch? i should ask him if he's on his period.
i hand him the can, our fingers brush and its my final clue for the night that i am definitely not going home with him. no spark at all. hes done just about everything else to piss me off.
he did the thing where he licks his lips exaggeratingly looking me up and down, making a point to make sure i saw.
he walks so slow for being 6'3.
and finally he tried to mansplain my career to me. i'd had just enough when he opens his mouth again
"ew, you like twisted tea? who likes sweet tea?" his face contorted in disgust, it was about to contort from my fist breaking his goddamn nose if he keeps talking to me like this.
"we literally live in the south dude." my face could not make it any clearer i am so done with this guy.
"still, sweet tea is disgusting. im not kissing anyone that drinks that nasty shit."
"who said i wanted to kiss your nasty fucking mou-" i was interrupted by the sound of a very familiar giggle behind me as his arm wrapped around my shoulder, the smell of his deodorant and sea salt that cover his skin start to put you at ease.
jj was always there when you needed him, sometimes even when you didnt but right now you couldn't be more grateful. "im glad you found those mama i got em just for you. remembered theyre your favorite. right?"
and you wanna know the best part? zander is shaking already pissed off that jj is at my side. territorial i guess.
"you mind?" he asks him nodding his head at me like im not even there.
jj cant help but laugh at him "yea bud i do mind. she's hanging out with me tonight. have fun with your ipa dick." and with that he steers us off to where the rest of the pogues are.
but not before i can look over my shoulder and give the ginger an innocent smile and a shrug as if i had no control over the situation, when really id pick jj over anyone else.
"you owe me a big fat kiss mama," jj whispers in my ear walking us over to where our friends are standing, drinks in their hands laughing and chatting up a storm.
"in your dreams honey."
"every night all night," he quips back before i shove him off me.
now before you give me shit, jj and i have had our fair share of fun, but unfortunately im starting to look for something more serious.
watching john b and sarah be disgusting together is getting to my head. popes got something going on with cleo and im starting to recognize the pattern. and before i know it everyone will be in love if i don't start making an effort in that department.
random casual hook ups aren't doing it anymore, especially considering they aren't even that good.
unless theyre with jj.
but hes not an option, theres too much drama. too much history. too much too much too much. im not what he needs and i know for a fact he doesn't want me in that sense.
is that a bit dramatic? probably.
i mean hes a great lay, he's hilarious, he's got that blue collar kind of muscle, and he genuinely cares about me.
so of course im not going to date him, why would i?
what do you mean make good decisions? id rather do things in the most difficult way possible!
"y/n youve gotta stop giving those guys a chance, im starting to feel bad for you."
"you try finding a decent guy in a ten mile radius." i glare at him, obviously not wanting to joke about this right now.
he sticks his hand out in front of me, "fine i will. let me see your phone."
curious to see what he will do i hand it too him unlocked, he swipes and taps for a few moments, smiling down at the phone before handing it back to you.
when you look back down at the screen all you see is your instagram open with his stupid fucking smiley face on the screen.
he took a picture of himself and posted to my story. written on the screen in bubble letters in my favorite colored heart 'my favorite guy <3'
"i think he's your best bet." that same smile facing back at me now, cockier than ever. so smug i wanna kiss it off his face
i cant help but roll my eyes. "jj im serious! at this rate im going to die alone. every decent guy is taken or unavailable. all i want is someone funny, kind, and attractive is that too much to ask for?"
"im right in front of you mama you dont gotta look far."
"jj we both know we're not the serious kind of relationship im talking about."
"you can think what you want too but ill be here waiting for that kiss you owe me."
"i think all that tequila youve been sipping has gone to your head maybank."
he stands in front of me, taking his signature red cap off his head and putting it on mine smiling down at me, "what do they say in those books you read? you wear the hat you ride the cowboy?"
"this no ten gallon hat and you are no cowboy."
we laugh at each other, its always been easier to do that then actually talk about our feelings. so i put his hat back on his head, backwards the way he i likes it.
"cmon y/n/n, have a few more drinks, relax and hang out and ill make you feel all better later yea? its what im best at, you know."
"its gonna take more than a few more teas to convince me jj"
"what about that thing you like that i do with my tongue, huh mama? doesnt that sound pretty good right now? i think it does."
"i give you one fucking compliment and it goes straight to your head."
"technically its about my head so that makes perfect sense," he hands me another can with that stupid signature smirk of his and his stupid sexy hat backwards. i hate to admit it's working on me.
just like it does every other time.
i squint my eyes at him taking the can, rolling the idea around in my head. "fuck it. its not like anyone else is offering," i take a big sip of my drink.
jj pumps his fist in the air like a victorious idiot giving a few woots and hollars before picking me up and throwing me over his shoulder despite my wishes.
"jb!!" he shouts turning around to face him, "we're headed out!"
john b looks at the two of us shaking his head at how im kicking my feet to wiggle out of jjs oddly strong grip. "make sure you change the sheets when youre done!"
oh my god he did not just say that. "fuck both of you!"
jj just laughs carrying you back to the chateau like a kid who's excited to use a brand new birthday present.
"what happened to letting me have a few more drinks before we left??"
"youre just too irresistable mama, gotta have you now,' he gives my ass a light slap for good measure causing me to roll my eyes for the 600th time tonight.
"are you gonna put me down now?"
he pretends to look like hes thinking about it, "i guess. only so i can watch you walk away," he does as he says helping me get my feet on the ground.
"youre a pervert."
"no im flirtatious, and you love it, you know it makes you blush i see it. now go on and give me a lil walk yea?"
oh im gonna kill him...
oh wait! im gonna kill him!
"okay... fine. but no touching until we get home," i smile walking away exactly like he asked, but i know behind me he is a puddle of mud. standing still, about to start begging me to let him.
he finally catches up after a few seconds "mama please- cmon thats not fair. you look too good in those shorts you know i cant wait that long. just wanna feel you."
i cant help but giggle at his words, its honestly adorable how mopey he gets. like i just kicked his puppy or something.
"hands of jj i mean it... not until that door shuts behind us."
it didn't really matter that i can see the chateau or that ill be there in literally a minute.
its actually painful for jj to not be able to touch me as he pleases.
i turn around to face him with a cheeky smile. "you want me maybank?"
and of course he nods so hard it looks like his head is going to fall right off.
"come and get me," running towards the house, i can see the moment when his reflexes kick in, his boots thudding against the ground as he gains on me.
just before i can make it to the poarch jj wraps his arms around me, lifting me a few inches off the ground and spinning me around in a fit of laughter.
"okay! okay okay okay you win- you got me."
"oh ive got you mama, and im havin you for the rest of the fucking night," he presses a kiss to my neck hauling me inside, the screen door slamming shut after us.
am i gonna regret this tomorrow? most likely.
but what can i say? its slim pickins in this part of town.
#jj maybank#jj maybank x reader#jj maybank x gn!reader#outer banks x reader#jj maybank imagine#jj maybank fics#outerbanks x reader#outerbanks fics#my writing <3#short n sweet#short and sweet#fic recs <3#mama needs her jj#jj maybank need you by my side
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Caitlyns path to destruction is really intresting in how it shows how people get pushed in to extremist thinking via grief and fear.
Historically speaking, the way fascist movements gain followers is by preying on those who have suffered recent tragedy or trauma (often as a result to social injustices or soical unrest) and basically use it to create a common false enemy. They take complex problems and emotions and say "all your problems can go away if we just get rid of those guys." This is particularly effective against dominate social groups who have almost always already been socially conditioned to think lesser of marginalised groups, whether or not they consciously realize it or not.
Caitlyn was learning the inherit injustices done by piltover and was trying to fix things by using her connections to the council. And even then when everything went to shit cause of jinx she still defended the people of Zaun. She even admitted to jayce that she understands why people are so quick to hate them all cause she was starting to feel that way, and at that point she was able to acknowledge and address it.
But then the attack at the memorial seems to confirm those negeative beliefs. For as much as caitlyn was sympathetic to the zaunites she seems to have had this idea that if you get rid of silco and jinx then suddenly all their problems will dissappear. But with an attack that had nothing to do with either of them, and with her preexsisting implicit bias, shes left with no one to blame but the collective.
Theres also the whole thing regarding the whole "i had the shot" issue. Caitlyn feels personally responsible for her mothers death because she didn't take out Jinx when she had the chance, all because Vi asked her not to. This mixed with her implicit bias becoming exceedingly more explicit, makes for a dangerous concoction for someone very open for extremist messaging.
(Sidenote: This isnt the first we've seen this in the show, back in act 3 Jayce did something very similar with the whole "you didnt tell me they were from the undercity" "im from the undercity" conversation with viktor)
This is also the thing that causes her to ultimately betray Vi, because once again she stopped her from taking the shot that she believes would of solved everything. Not only that but while Vi isnt necessarily wrong by comparing Caitlyn's actions to Jinx, saying it that way outloud was not the correct move qnd i think its what ultimately led Caitlyn to hitting her. Comparing Caitlyn to the person who murdered her mother, regardless of how true it is, was never gonna get a level headed response. Mixed with her growing fear of Zaunites now effecting how she sees Vi, it was inevitable she was going to do something impulsive shes gonna regret.
Cutting ties with Vi is also in itself going to bite her later because Vi was both her only remaining emotional rock and the one whos willing to openly criticise her. Vi will tell Caitlyn when she thinks shes wrong or doing something stupid which helps keep Caitlyn grounded. With her gone theres not really anyone who she trusts to stop her from doing something apprehensive.
This has all primed her to be the perfect target for Ambessa Maddarda, because shes emotionally impulsive enough to take rash action and vulnerable enough to manipulate, She now has access to the most powerful vassel she could hope to get (especially since Mel told her to fuck off). Ambessa has the power to manipulate the situation to make Caitlyn feel more and more justified in her paranoia of Zaunites and Ambessa can act like a yes man to all her worst impulses. Shes already fed into Caitlyns sense of personal responsibility for the council blowing up, immediately telling her that her mother will be avenged.
If im honest im not sure how Caitlyn is gonna come back from this one, i absolutely think shes gonna back out sooner than later much like jayce did. (Honestly she parallels S1 Jayce a lot which is why its kind of surprising to see people react to her going down this route with so much more vitriol than with Jayce.) Its definitely going happen but the question is if Ambessa will ever coerce her into staying in the hot seat or if she'll straight up try to kill her.
Either way this is going to be an extremely entertaining train wreck to watch.
#arcane#arcane season 2#arcane spoilers#caitlyn kiramman#viktor arcane#vi arcane#arcane s2#caitvi#arcane s2 spoilers#jayce arcane#jayce talis#arcane jayce#arcane caitlyn#caitlyn arcane#vi
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Right again • Tom Riddle x f!reader
Requested: No
Pairing: Tom Riddle x f!reader (+ SPOILER x f!reader)
Summary: Tom, who always thought relationships were meaningless, changed his mind when he met y/n. He plans on telling her how he feels, however, it doesn't go as planned, and he finds himself to be right - again.
Word count: 1.1K
Warnings: Fluff; angst; English is not my first language.
A/N: It wasn't supposed to be this long lmao. I will write the same plot with Mattheo, Draco, Lorenzo and Theo in the future - hopefully with a better title lol. PLEASE PLEASE DON'T LET THIS FLOP OR YOU WON'T SEE ME ON HERE AGAIN LOL. Comments and feedback are always appreciated. Sorry for the typos. Hope you enjoy it! xx
Tag list: @helendeath @im-jesus @wolfyychan @blocked-zombieartist
Tom Riddle was in his dorm, one of the only places in Hogwarts where he could be by himself, and where he could be doing the things he enjoyed the most - studying and reading, both in silence. But, despite being currently sitting on his desk - always perfectly arranged -, he was not currently reading a book or studying. Instead, he was doing something he never thought he would do and was feeling something he never thought he would feel: thinking about a girl, and being nervous about a girl.
Contrary to Mattheo and his friends, Tom has never cared for relationships - he could barely bear being around Mattheo’s friends if serious, meaningful discussions or activities weren’t involved. Sure, he cared for Mattheo, more than he cared to admit, because they were of the same blood. And for Tom, blood was one of the things that mattered the most, alongside loyalty, knowledge and influence.
And y/n.
Tom had always thought Mattheo was the only person he could ever care for - after all, they needed to have some sort of loyalty towards each other if they wanted to have a chance to fight their father - but, just like he was surprised to learn he did not want to follow his father in his quest for tyranny, Tom was surprised to find himself caring for y/n.
Just like he had never cared for friendship, Tom had never cared for love. He did not think it was a weakness as his father did, but he did think it was not as important as people made it out to be. And, also, why care for love when something terrible, something that would likely cost lives was being prepared?
But then again, y/n challenged that idea. Despite being in the same house and the same year, it took Tom several years to properly notice her. He knew she was one of Mattheo’s close friends outside of his usual group, and that gave them occasions to spend time together. Strangely, Tom had first found her company more tolerable than the others - she seemed to understand his will for silence, deep conversations and his interests, seemed to have the same thirst for knowledge. She was kind as well, having what people called “a heart of gold”, always ready to help anybody in need. She was also warm and funny, two things she shared with Mattheo, and it usually didn’t take people enough to want to be her friend. Tom had considered y/n the closest thing he had to a friend, and he thought he would stay that way until, one day, he saw her and Mattheo sitting closer to each other than usual, and he felt something strange, something he didn’t expect to feel, and something he struggled to understand - jealousy. He didn’t think it was that at first, but it became obvious it indeed was jealousy when he found himself wishing that he was the one sitting next to her, and not Mattheo.
From that moment, he kept thinking about y/n in ways he had never done before - how beautiful she was, how he loved her smile, how he wanted to hold her hand, to smell her addictive perfume, to be the person who mattered most to her… how he wanted to hold and kiss her. He had considered those thoughts as foolish at first and tried to not have them, but everytime he was with y/n, they came back running, and he sometimes had to restrain himself from sitting closer to her just to smell her perfume when they were in class, or to hold her hand when they were studying in the library. He didn’t have anybody to ask questions to - Mattheo would laugh at him - so, like he always did, Tom gave himself the answer: it was love. At first, he thought it was only temporary and it didn’t even cross his mind to tell her about it, but he was forced to admit that, instead of disappearing, those feelings became stronger with each day passing. The idea displeased him, and he tried to avoid y/n so these feelings would go away, but it was in vain, and only made him miss y/n - and made him love her more. But one day, as he was sitting on his desk busy thinking about her instead of studying, the idea of just telling her how he felt seemed right. Of course, the idea of rejection secretly terrified him, but he would accept simply being her friend. y/n deserved a loyal, sincere friend and that is what Tom was. All she had to do was give him a chance he could be the boyfriend - the word seemed so meaningless compared to what he felt - she deserved, a boyfriend who would be loyal, caring, sincere, and who would put her and her needs and safety first.
Thus, he got her favorite flowers, and, having thought about what to say to her for hours, decided to go and ask her to have a moment of her time. And now the time had come. He grabbed the bouquet, and, trying to pull himself together, left his dorm. At that hour, y/n should be in the common room. With a bit of luck, she would be alone. Tom headed for the common room, which was nearly empty except for two first years laughing. He started looking for y/n, and his heart, which had started to beat faster with nervosity and hope, almost broke.
y/n was indeed here, standing in a corner of the room - kissing Mattheo, who had a hand on her waist and the other in her hair. He broke the kiss, looked at her in a way Tom had never seen him and y/n had a smile before Mattheo pressed his lips on hers like he couldn’t help it.
Tom took a step back, and the only thing that stopped him from dropping the bouquet was the noise he knew it would make. He turned around and quickly yet silently went back to his dorm - where the flowers finally met the ground. His back against the door, he almost wanted to laugh now. How could he have been so foolish? It should have been obvious to him from the start that y/n, warm and kind y/n, would prefere Mattheo, Mattheo would everybody loved or at least fond of, who had no problems making friends and be with people, Mattheo who had never been anything like their father. Mattheo, who people didn’t intimidate or rightfully found cold and strange.
You’ve won, brother.
As always, Tom Riddle found he had been right. Love was meaningless, and he should never have cared for it - should have never cared for her - in the first place.
He was right, but for the first time in his life, he wished he wasn’t.
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my most recent mushroom trip (yeah the one with the fish soyjack. it was intense for other reasons) kind of broke my brain but its also made me into a person who liikes lighting some candles and watching a movie by myself before bed and making sure my dishes are done and take a shower and get snuggled under the covers before 11 pm just to feel enormously grateful to have survived to this point and been given the gift of life and the privilege of having any moment of comfort. and gratitude for being a human animal at all and experiencing the amazing mathematical, probability and genetic miracle of being alive and sentient. but first i had to go throuhg 2 weeks straight 24/7 feeling like oh my god im a frankenstein and everyone wants to kill me. then it evened out
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what are ur personal favorite fics? i can be a bit picky and have a hard time finding fics but i love ur writing and i feel like we might have similar tastes based on that :3
i'm sorry it took me like a week to get to this!! i wanted to compile my faves and write notes for each of them... and i went overboard LOL. but thanks so much omg, i'm flattered that you would trust my taste based on my writing!
these are all bkdk obviously :)
i. 'In Case of Fire' - passengerside
post-canon // complete // 11K // E
an absolute MASTERPIECE!!! this author has become a recent favourite of mine, i love the way they incorporate little details into their work and make the mundane so beautiful.
highly recommend all of their other works, especially 'Pacemaker'! so freaking beautiful and fun and the lead up to the confession was a genuine holding-my-breath moment
ii. 'Sun Hands' - yesthisisnarumi
snowboarding AU // complete // 5K // T
i've re-read this one so many times it's SOOOOO good! so fun and so classically bkdk it's insane. everybody say thank you OP for giving us the rival olympic champions to lovers story we needed
iii. 'all that you ever wanted from me was sweet nothing' - maxisnotokay
UA compliant // complete // 11K // T
i dont usually read a lot of whump but this was brilliant, im a sucker for this specific trope and for LOVE CONFESSIONS YEASS!!! obvi it has a happy ending bc i wouldnt have it any other way. a good length too :)
iv. 'Spinnin' On Our Feet' - sage_and_cinnamon
High School AU // ongoing // 47K // M
UNDERRATED AS FUCK and my favourite ongoing fic right now. i usually dont read jock x nerd AUs but this fic is so brilliantly funny and charming and heartwarming and it blew all my expectations out of the water and then some. i've been following it for ages and it's been on hiatus for a good while, but it updated recently and when i tell you it was the best day of my freaking life...
v. 'In Perfect Rhythm' - chalk
Band AU // complete // 50K // E
yes how surprising, a band AU fic in my faves list. anyway shut up, chalk is literally godlike in their writing and this fic was SO FUN and scratched all the itches. nothing gets me going more than awkwardly endearing izuku n rockstar katsuki
vi. 'Last Days of War' - antisora
Pacific Rim AU // complete // 44K // M
GENUINELY ONE OF HUMANITY'S BEST PIECES OF LITERATURE???? fuck. i never have the proper words for this fic, but it is SO gripping and the worldbuilding is so tight and their relationship development is so good and the CLIMAX OF THIS HAS BEEN MORE EPIC THAN HALF THE BLOCKBUSTERS I'VE SEEN. i beg you to read this even if you have never watched Pacific Rim. or maybe go watch the movie and get EDUCATED and then read this! i'm begging you, dear reader!!
vii. 'Ingenium' - crandberrycrush
Astronauts AU // complete // 85K // E
guys i love sci-fi sorry lol. this one is another brilliant fic. OP put so much blood, sweat and tears into research and it shows, it is just very intelligent and the plot itself is HEART RACING and GUTTING and THRILLING. there's a lot of POVs and it really fleshes it out, tho ofc bkdk is the main thing. happy ending obvi! it is the space/astronaut drama that i love and adore, just BKDKified now!
viii. 'The Magic in a Mirror' - totallyrottentomatoes
Magic/Circus AU // complete // 80K // E
oh how surprising, a totallyrottentomaoes fic in my faves list. anyone who knows me knows that i rec this fic all the time. it's one of my all time favourites, if not my favourite of all time lol, and it's really because of the writing and the imagery and the characterisation and the relationships b/w all the characters. it's all just so well done and MAGICAL. no joke, if i could print and bind a fic into a book, it would be this one. no notes. perfection. caters to my tastes so specifically. i could go on about this fic forever but i'll shut up for now
also highly recommend 'The Distance Between Suns' by this author - it's a high fantasy epic with TIGHT AS FUCK worldbuilding, brilliantly written, the romance is BEAUTIFULLY WRITTEN, the payoffs are amazing, etc... this deserves to be published and revered
ix. 'Battle of the Bands' - roadtripwithlucifer
Band AU // complete // 168K // E
look i know i always rec this fic, i just can't help that it's like my favourite thing ever. roadtripwithlucifer and totallyrottentomatoes my BELOVEDS. the humour in this fic is so fucking yummy and brilliant, the writing is gorgeous in typical roadtrip fashion, the stakes are gripping, the climax is thrilling, the romance n yearning is INTENSE, the sex is hot as hell, the ending is so satisfying, just..... the whole package.
and while you're here, read other roadtripwithlucifer works like 'Nothing Else Fills' if you feel like destroying your heart :) an angsty and beautifully written time-travel-to-save-my-kacchan-gone-wrong war AU fic. i love OP's works but her more recent fics (eg. after battle of the bands) have had some of her best writing. i adore it when you can feel how an author has poured their soul into their work, you can always feel it in a roadtripwithlucifer work and it's just the cherry on top
x. 'Scar Tissue' - Loriqod
canon-compliant // complete // 18K // E
loriqod is another author with a characterisation that i fuck with so hard... this one was so full of that Yearning and Tension that i so vibe with. bonus points to the plots focus on bkdk's scars like yes pls more of that <3
anyway i might make a part 2 some other time, these are just the ones i grabbed from my public bookmarks. i have a lot of private ones and some of them i forgot to make public oops
hope u find smth u enjoy!
#rani’s ask box#phew this took longer than i anticipated to put together#need to re-read some of these now tbh#especially last days of war and ingenium#sci fi bkdk youll always be famous to meeee#bkdk fic rec
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Wait wait wait- Something about how they intentionally wrote Solas invalidates alot of peoples perceptions about their inquisitor ? And on Solavellan? Can you explain that bit too (when you have time lol!)
yes, i do believe that the solavellan ending inevitably invalidates a lot of people's perceptions of their lavellan. this was always going to be the case, and so honestly i actually do respect that instead of pulling their punches to try and make everyone happy (like they did with the rest of the game lmaooo) trick had a clear vision and went for it even if it was going to be out of character for many people's original characters. i think this is the problem with dragon age and how it likes to toe the line between a true RPG and more narrative, linear story-based game, and this is why people often cite dragon age 2 and the mass effect series as better stories (not necessarily better GAMES, but better executed narratives) because the writers are not constrained in their writing by the infinite possibilities of thousands of player's personal headcanons about their characters. but dragon age inquisition didnt do that, so it is definitely out of character for a lot of people's lavellans to give up her life in thedas to run away with solas for eternity to sit with him in fade jail. i personally think its great and dramatic and tragic and messy as hell, but im extremely biased because it does work for my lavellan and doesnt feel out of character for her. if it felt out of character for a character id held close to my heart for 10 years, id honestly be pretty fucking pissed. so i have a lot of sympathy for people who are angry about the ending for that reason.
i think the plot of veilguard could have done a better job to ease a lavellan into that decision by giving her more clear reasons to make that choice, or at least presenting the player with opportunities to think of reasons for their lavellan to make that choice. letting her visit the lighthouse is one, being more explicit about the south being just... GONE is another. they could have set it up better to make it make more sense for more, different personality'd lavellans to choose such a fate for herself. but how we have it she basically just tells rook she'd lowkey run away with him if she could and then just sends it and we dont really see any of her internal process of coming to that decision. luckily for me i can make it make sense in my head, but i feel for the people who are frustrated.
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Back to more ideas on Tf 141: Mafia AU!
(Im world building rn + epilogue/ extra scene to the 1st Chapter)
Link to prev part:
So I was thinking how, the relationship would build between the 5 (Tf 141 and reader) naturally, ‘cause I want the story to build off of like small interactions and one shots but sometimes have like, coherent chapters in between to stabilize the “plot” per se.
(Im rusty with my writing skills and I kinda dont edit, ‘cause this is just practice for me but still lmao)
And I want it to be something gradual (just call it slow burn, they say) and I know I write interactions in a slow kinda way where it bounces back and forth from person to person, showing the reader’s perspective then subtly shifting to the character’s perspective— but I think I want to experiment into that, focusing more on dialogue and conversational exchanges that shows how close their relationship has gotten.
For ex, I was thinking how Soap was still wary of reader in the first chap- not as affectionate as he is with his mates right off the bat, he’s wary and it comes naturally in his line off work. You’re an oddity sure, but its not like he’ll put down his walls for you (yet). His speech is rough and clipped, not wanting to reveal much but letting you be privy to the information he can provide- in the mean time anyways.
Yet , at the same time, I want to show his attraction—
He’s enamored and has (maybe) a little crush, but who wouldn’t when you’re so pretty? Sitting there in the room where they grew up, blanket lazily draped across your form as your barely awake self tries to wake up on his bed, hair poking out in all sorts of places, drool dried at the side of your mouth but damn did he think you were a fresh sight to see in this city.
Maybe you were seducing him? Or was it the allure of the domesticity that was lacking in their relationship? He puts those thoughts to the back of his head ‘till he waits for the news of that meeting he was left out of last night- he feels its important when checking out who you really are.
They can’t afford to be careless, but on the other hand- you kinda were, when you first met them unfortunately, that is. Absent-minded and clumsy, that was what he thought of you as he stared at your tripped up self, sadly sitting in a puddle in pain. You were pale, shivering, and simply a mess.
Honestly, the more that he thought about it, the more it didn’t make sense to treat you like a threat. Well, at least not an active one at that. You could have been having an off day as a spy or an assassin, but if it were him— he wouldn’t be caught slacking like that in public, whether people knew him or of his occupation either way.
He could even see how you lowered your guard! Jeez, you should be more careful- especially with people like him and his mates- if you’re new to the place. He thinks you might be a lil’ looney for going to this place, especially that part of the city when all of its occupants know that it was mostly a dangerous area to get in to and stay at.
As the neutral hub for all of the mafioso around the cities, it is the one place for regular folks not to get involved in. (Unless you want to meet them of course, but he doubts that was your intention… or, shit- it could have been, considering how Price found something on you.)
Now he thinks of you as a potential client, which makes him feel worse of how off-handedly he treated you.
He knew he was gettin’ an ass kickin’ from Ghost if you were, surely.
Alas, what done has been done- at least you still treated him normally as he left, so he thinks he left a good impression.
Though, that wasn’t at the forefront of your mind right now.
Quite literally, you were being worked to the bone for information from the old Italian couple that helped you stay at their lodgings at the 2nd floor of their bakery.
“‘It’ll help un-fuck my week,’ they said but all gave me was a hope that my minimum wage self has to fight for as they get free labor in return!”
But you don’t dare say that, knowing you were speaking out of turn and out of misplaced anger so you keep your mouth shut- cleaning up the bakery for the opening in the morning.
The couple was sweet, but they were also strict, telling you that “you should move your arse so you can sweat off the sick!” Which… you didn’t want to make sense off so you just nodded, asking if that was the compensation for the information of finding your place, and they agreed. On the stipulation that you work and do all the chores on the list they handed you, making you gape and about to ask for a little consideration— but they quickly disappear, out of sight and out of mind, they say.
And you think that was better before you started mouthing off, not get anything, and then end up lost once more— which you wanted to avoid at all costs so you did sweat off the sick.
Albeit, you looked worse for wear.
Which Ghost bluntly points out as you waited their table.
…let’s just say that it was an overtime work-shift that you didn’t get money for and old italian people were slave drivers.
(yes, i made the love-hate relationship start with nonna and nonno)
#tf 141 mafia au#unedited#crackfic#cod x reader#tf 141 x reader#tf 141 x you#cod mw2#soap x reader#soap x you#tf 141 poly#johnny mactavish x reader#johnny soap mactavish#tf 141 poly x reader#tf 141 x reader poly#more brainrotting thoughts#im semi narrating and wordbuilding
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No matter how much proof you show them, they're gonna still find the slightest excuse to prove you wrong, like girl if you don't believe then Fuck off, you're gonna stay forever a non-loa-believer, while these manifesters are just gonna enjoy their New life.
So i advice you to just chill and enjoy your life.
And DAMN congrat on your fancy car 🎉😭
(p.s when i discovered your 17, i was really happy, yay you're the same age as me!)
Xoxo, Eli
Honestly, I’m laughing so hard right now im actually getting abs😭It’s been an hour, and they still haven’t told me the Instagram username because they know it’s my car.
It’s the same person who said the law of assumption is a cult who’s sending me anonymous messages no wonder it’s on anonymous mode.
I’ve never asked anyone for money or created a course. Maybe they’re upset that I got what I wanted without working hard for it, but do I care? Nope, I’m still living my life anyways
They talk about being suicidal, even though I see loa bloggers encouraging people to take care of themselves while knowing it’s already done In the 4D. I don’t really know what they want from me. You can only prove the law of assumption to yourself, especially since many people have limiting beliefs no matter how much proof you show them. Why is that? Because they rely so much on the physical world for validation.
No way, we’re the same age I’m really happy to hear that 🤩🤩 and thank you so much, love🫶🏾
#law of assumption#manifesting#how to manifest#manifestation#affirm and persist#dream life#self concept#instant manifestation#desired reality#manifest
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So, im a little dumb and didn't realize till today that Kjera's OpRec was released during Ride to Lake Silberneherza.... let's ramble for bit why don't we!
Ok so arknights has a hand full of relationships that are exceptionally on the nose without out right saying it because they of course can not do that in a gacha game.
That said, there are quite a few wlw relationships like that. Think Franka/Liskarm, Ceylon/Schwarz, Shu/Shennong, etc.
Besides Shu/Shennong, who's fairly recent, one that's kind of been stuck in my head has always been Enya and Kjarr. (I prefer to use these names over their op names, sue me)
We all know these two are attached at the hip nearly. Sure, Kjarr is her head maid and has a job to do. But you'd be kidding yourself if you thought that's all there was to it. They are constantly entwined with one another even when not physically together.
In Break The Ice, there's a lot going on and so not a lot of time to focus on them specifically. That's said, what we do see is that there is a lot of mutual trust between them and some banter.
In Enyas OpRec we just get a casual mention that they are very much collaborating to get Enya out of the controlling environment of the Vine Beart Court.
Then we have Kjarr's OpRec. In it, we see Kjarr having a conversation with "herself" about how she has changed from her time among her people. And a lot can be taken from it, but there is one line that stands out to me
Then we finally get to RS, probably my favorite event story/writing wise. It's just bursting with personality! From Degenbrecher just eating every scene she is in with her dry humor, Harold being just absolutely fantastic all around, and Monch reuniting with her wife (let me be a bit delusional).
On top of all that, we get to see so much more of Enya and Kjarr together. And what do they do? They banter, they flirt, they tease one another, and they trust one another basically innately. Enya trusting Kjarr not to step in regardless of what may happen. Kjarr trusting Enya to help pull her people through this. Just like they talked about. All the seriousness of a deep relationship, with all of the fun that comes with it too like moments such as this:
To me, this is just as solidified a relationship as FriskArm. And of course I don't think it gets appreciated quite enough as it should. I've done a little of my own part with a shirt Fanfic, and I plan to do more in the future hopefully. There are also those creating absolutely beautiful stories and art like @ queeragandr who has two insanely wonderful stories about these two.
Anyway, I've rambled enough. Enjoy these two characters together, as they are meant to be lol
#arknights#pramanix#kjera arknights#Enya Silverash#Kjarr#i just felt like talking about them after finally reading Kjarr's oprec#can not wait to return to Kjerag at some point
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i love country roads so much, i feel really immersed into the old west whenever i read it! you are a fantastic writer and i smile real big whenever i see you post something :)) im sorry if someone asked this before but did you have an idea of what happened to the person john was originally supposed to marry? or are they just in the void of who knows lol
thank you so much!!! i need to do more research before i start the next fic in the series, but im rly proud of the atmosphere i created for country roads <3
haha stay tuned for that. im keeping my lips zipped until the fic is officially done (hopefully this week if i can muster up the energy to write the last chapter)
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if papercut met in college i wonder what soda and darrys first reactions to curly would be (in this au curly wouldnt have grown up in tulsa) soooo hcs for that?
lets say curly was grew up in nyc cause im still rockin w my shepards lore here and many haitians moved to nyc and i will add as many self projections onto these characters as i can, i promise u that much
•ok look I KNOOOWWWW i made a post on what i think all the shepards could get a degree in AND IT TOOK A WHILE TO FIND IT BUT I DID ITS RIGHT HERE IF U WANNA SEE, id def fix some of these a bit but whatever, immmm gonna go w curly as an engineering degree kinda guy
•soda and darry def have way bigger respect for curly, MOSTLY bc they dont know how curly rlly acts and havent grown up w him, but also bc hes acheiving something darry and soda themselves cant, getting a college diploma
•SUPER rare soda and darry papercut shippers perchance??? its not 100% there, but everytime pony comes home they ask about “that boy mate of urs”
•but thats only for the first year of college, the rest of em??? we r getting back into the good ole curtis family and curly dynamic, bc pony tells them stories about what curlys done, plus they can hear curly in the background when their calling pony
•theyve talked to him before too!!!they dint get what hes on about half the time, but hes not THEE worst person theyve ever talked to, they like talking about where curly grew up, his stories r a lil fucked up but they like hearing a different pov!!!
•pony always sends pics home so darry and soda arent too surprised seeing pony grow and its curly who hels take em!! pony feels bad just having him take it thi so chances r they WILL see curly there too and curlys just on the curtis fridge
•thats actually how soda and darry kept catching on that they had a thing for each other, bc the way they were looking and touching each other in those photos??? darry knows that look,,,,,
•curly got bonus points for being pretty family oriented (especially from soda for being the middle child, ts aint easy)
•dare i say,,,,they finally see curly as somewhat as a good influence,,,,its about timmeee🙄🙄🙄, pony mentions how curly makes pony get to class, pony doesnt mention the times curly pulls pony away from his studies however and he never will
•i promise if curly was in college for entomology, theyd thing hes so odd for that, but they cant say much about it bc at the end if the day, hes doin things they aint, BUTTT bc here hes getting an engineering degree, soda (especially again) will ask him a lot if questions about it and how pony tends to surround himself w ppl who build/fix things, they all tease pony for that
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NEO TV # I LIKE ME BETTER WHEN I'M WITH YOU. (jaehyun x reader) 6/?
genre: angst, suggestive, gang au, rich kid au, enemies to lovers (kinda), a lil of fluffy stuff. slowburn, series.
warnings: drug use mentions, gangs, fights, use of weapons, adult language, illegal activities, cheating (not on the main couple), toxic family environment, addictions, manipulation, insecurities, illegal street racing, death mentions. jeno is jaehyun's younger brother, angst, smut and if I slip something my bad haha.
word count: +10k?
a/n: im the worst I KNOW! It's just i kept trying to write this chapter like a million times and it never ended like I wanted to and seeing as I have a language barrier (cuz English isn't my first language if u didn't know haha) I was just being unsatisfied with the chapter, but I force my ass to sit down and write this down so i hope u like it!
Sigh...
Overthinking.
(Y/N) had never been good at not thinking too much. Ever since she was little, she always found herself trapped in her own mind, unraveling every last detail of any situation. Perhaps it came from her mother, who had an almost supernatural ability to turn the smallest into the biggest, the most trivial into something monumental. Her mother sowed doubts where there were none, and every little imperfection became a tragedy in her house. That had marked her way of being, of perceiving the world and, especially, the people around her.
She hated it. But, despite everything, she couldn't help it.
Lying on the bed, her eyes fixed on the white ceiling, she felt how the silence enveloped her, how it pressed on her shoulders, on her chest. A heavy, unbearable silence, like a blanket that drowned her. The thoughts did not cease, on the contrary, they intensified as time progressed, dragging her more and more towards the storm raging inside her.
Five days. Five long and exasperating days.
Since the last time she saw Jaehyun. The last time he'd been at her house at one in the morning, when everything had been so... strange. So full of heavy silences, elusive looks, and something on his face, something she couldn't explain. A look she had never seen before. As if it was charged with something, with a desperation so great that he didn't know how to share it. Something that was far beyond the tension of her argument with Mark Lee. Something dark, hidden in the depths of Jaehyun, that she couldn't quite grasp.
Worst of all, now, five days later, she knew nothing about him. The unanswered calls, the messages delivered but not read. She had tried to contact him so many times, but the frustration was just overflowing her.
What was going on? The uncertainty was worse than any answer she could receive. In her mind, questions swirled like a whirlwind. Was she the cause? Had she done something that had driven him away from her? Why had he left so abruptly after their encounter?
She remembered that night. That last shared moment. It had been so... intense. So close, so intimate. An instant of shared vulnerability that had allowed her to feel that, at last, she was connecting with him in a deeper way. But then he was gone. Without a word. Without a word, without a gesture to indicate that something else might be behind his departure.
Jaehyun's words kept echoing in her mind, over and over again. "You're the one that can keep me on track."
Those words stuck to her skin like an invisible mark. What did they really mean? Was it true what he had said? Was she the one who could keep him focused? She wanted to believe it, wanted to be that person for him. But deep down, a fear was creeping in. Was she just being a distraction for him? Was she simply the release valve, the temporary relief for the anguish he was feeling, only so that later he could lose himself in his own pain again?
Knock. Knock. Knock.
She was confused, she didn't know what to do or what not to do. Should she go find him at Neo Zone? Or just wait for him to decide to show up? But, if Jaehyun decided not to... then what would she do?
Knock. Knock. Knock.
The sound of knocking on the door brought her out of her whirlwind of thoughts. She looked toward the door without moving a muscle, throat tight, stomach twisting. The last thing she wanted was to confront her mother, but the knock was persistent, as if someone had decided to break the silence of her room and force an interaction she didn't want.
But, despite the heaviness she felt inside, she got up. A slow, weary movement, as if she were walking through thick water. When she opened the door, she did not find what she expected, neither her mother, nor the inevitable argument. Instead, there he was.
"Daeho..." she murmured, her voice muffled, as if somehow his presence gave her back something she had lost in those days of constant overthinking.
It really had been a long time since they had last met face to face and to say it wasn't a surprise to her would be a total lie.
"Hey," he said, with a smile that didn't quite light up his face. "Can we just... hang?" he asked, scratching the back of his head as if it were weighing on him.
She nodded without another word, stepping aside for him to pass. As soon as he was through the door, Daeho plopped down on his bed unceremoniously, and (Y/N) mimicked him, lying down next to him quietly. They both stared at the ceiling, engulfed in the same silence that had filled their room before his arrival, though it felt somewhat less empty now.
It had been so long since they had shared a moment like this, a moment of simple companionship. She remembered the years when he had been her best friend, her inseparable companion, the only person she truly trusted within the family. But now, lying next to him, she felt as if she had a stranger by her side, someone who, despite all the shared memories, had fallen into a darkness from which she could no longer rescue him.
Daeho broke the silence, his voice soft but laden with an almost tangible weight. "How have you been?"
"I could be better," she replied, with a sincerity he understood without the need for details. He nodded, without looking at her, and went back to losing himself in the ceiling.
(Y/N) gaze strayed to him, and for the first time in a long time, she looked at him closely. His face seemed to have aged years in just a few months. His skin, paler than usual, was dotted with small imperfections that he once cared for with care. The dark circles under her eyes were deep, and her expression had an air of resignation that hurt to see. He sighed, swallowing the lump he felt in his throat.
It was ironic. The person she had grown up with, with whom she had shared so much, now felt like a stranger. She couldn't remember the exact moment when their friendship had changed, or how they got to this point. It had all happened so subtly, as if the words and gestures that had once bound them together had now lost their power. Perhaps time had eroded all that. Or maybe they simply didn't understand each other in the same way anymore.
A pang of pain shot through her. It wasn't just sadness she felt at seeing him like this, but also a pent-up rage, a helplessness that made her want to scream, to wonder at what point he had reached this point. How had he fallen so low?
Perhaps that moment had been from two years ago, when things had become a little darker in her family environment. When her aunt and uncle seemed unable to stop hurting his self-esteem again and again and again. Maybe it was since that gala when all eyes were on him, judging him, laughing at him, stalking him, waiting for him to make a simple mistake so they could point at him.
So they could tell him that he was not worthy of everything he had around him.
That he couldn't be as good as his father was.
That he was a mere spoiled child who deserved nothing.
Perhaps that was when it dawned on Daeho that he could never live up to the expectations he had to fill.
"Daeho..." she whispered, unable to keep the thought to herself alone. There was something heartbreaking about seeing how her cousin was losing himself, something that reached straight to her heart.
He closed his eyes, as if he knew what was coming, and remained silent, as if everything was in order.
"Why did we end up like this?" the question left his lips without meaning to. And as she uttered it, she felt a surge of pain run through her, as if that simple phrase was a reminder of how far away they were from each other.
Daeho closed his eyes for a few moments, as if trying to find an answer. Finally, he spoke, his voice muffled and distant.
"It's the only time I forget," he said, staring at the ceiling, not daring to look her in the eye. "When I do it, it's like I can stop thinking about everything."
"You're not forgetting," she asserted, "you're destroying yourself."
He let out a bitter laugh. "I don't think I'm doing it any more than they're destroying me," he said, his words hitting her with the force of a fist.
Silence filled the room again. She wanted to react, to scream at him, to convince him that he couldn't go on like this, but the words stuck in her throat. How to tell him that she could see him falling and could do nothing to stop it? How to make him understand that he was killing a part of himself?
"I can't keep watching you destroy yourself," he said at last, his voice trembling.
Daeho fell silent, and she felt a tide of memories rise up inside her. She remembered the years they had shared, the times when he was her refuge and she his, the days when nothing could separate them. Daeho had been more than a cousin; he had been her confidant, her best friend. To see him like this, consumed by something she could neither understand nor control, broke her heart.
"You don't have to," he replied softly, but the intensity of his words hit her hard.
(Y/N) wanted to laugh, a bitter, hurt laugh, but instead, she felt the lump in her throat grow larger.
"You said you'd quit it," she reminded him, almost in a sob.
Daeho turned his head toward her, and their eyes met for the first time that night. The look on his face was so devastated that she (Y/N) wished he hadn't looked at her.
"I can't," he admitted, his voice tinged with desperate honesty. "I've tried so many times, and each time...each time I realize I don't want to give it up. I know it's not what you want to hear, but...I'm in too deep. I don't know how to get out, even if I wanted to."
(Y/N) felt the pain in her chest become almost tangible. Seeing him like this, hearing those words, hurt in a way she could never have imagined.
"Why do things have to be like this?" she asked, feeling a lone tear fall down her cheek.
Daeho sighed, a long, exhausted sigh, and hid answer was so raw it seemed ripped from deep within him. "It's what I chose," he murmured. "It may not have been the best decision, but at least it was mine. It's the only thing I really decided for myself...without someone else telling me what to do, who to be. Even if it was for the worse."
She wanted to understand, wanted to see in his words something that would give her comfort, but she couldn't. She couldn't accept that someone who had once been so important to her had been lost like that.
"Don't let it drag you down," he said suddenly, his voice becoming firm. "I made my choices, (Y/N). But you...you have a life you can still build. I'm already too deep, but you...you have a lot ahead of you."
(Y/N) felt a mixture of anger and pain. She couldn't believe he was capable of telling her that, after all.
"You shouldn't keep seeing Jung Jaehyun," he added, in such a serious tone that it took her by surprise.
She looked at him, incredulous, the pain transforming into icy fury. "Get out of my room," he said, pointing to the door.
Daeho nodded, though not without a final sigh of resignation. "I just needed to tell you."
"Just go," she murmured, turning away from him.
He walked out quietly, leaving her in that loneliness that now seemed so much deeper, with the echo of his words echoing in the empty room.
Jaehyun knew it had been a chain of bad decisions and circumstances that had pushed him this far, but facing it was like tearing his skin off. He couldn't deny the truth: he hated everything around him, and he hated himself more than anyone else. His life, a maelstrom of regrets, had dragged him to this point, and try as he might, he could not escape that bitter mix of rage and hopelessness. Sometimes, in his darkest nights, he wished that everything would vanish into emptiness, that the weight of existing would finally disappear.
He wanted, with every fiber of his being, to close that circle.
"Ah, Jaehyun, always a pleasure to see you," Sooman said, leaning back in his chair with an icy, calculating smile, interlocking his hands with the false familiarity of one who controls the board.
Jaehyun felt the poison burn inside him. Disgust twisted his stomach, and that sneering smile of Sooman's only made his insides boil even more. He loathed the man with an intensity he could almost taste on his tongue. He faked a strained smile.
"I could say the same."
Fake it till you make it.
The thought passed fleetingly, and he tried to cling to it, but the hatred ate him.
"The last time we saw each other wasn't very pleasant," Sooman commented, dropping even more comfortably into his chair, as if enjoying the memory. Jaehyun's jaw immediately tensed. The memories of the beatings were still etched on his skin, and in his memory. Pain. Anger. Shame. All jumbled into a poisonous tangle. "That's why I want to make it up to you with a job."
Jaehyun could barely process that he was sitting there, across from Lee Sooman, listening to his offer, swallowing his disgust. He had heard everything Mark Lee had confessed, every word about the dark side of his boss that seemed to have no end. Deep down, all Jaehyun wanted was to make him pay, to see him suffer as he had seen his father, his Uncle Dong, Winwin suffer. Each of them had felt Sooman's merciless fist in their lives, and he was the last piece to fall.
Everything in him screamed to break the balance, to let the anger out. He wanted peace, but at the same time, he wanted to destroy everything.
The tension in Jaehyun's body increased. Make it up to him? The word felt like a taunt, but his voice was controlled, cold.
"What's this about?" asked Jaehyun, exhaling a sigh, as if by releasing the air he could release some of the weight in his chest.
Sooman smiled, with twisted satisfaction, and pulled his chair closer to the desk. "You see, in three weeks I have a trade. Trouble is, I don't want to, nor do I plan to, do it alone. I could take Cheol Uk with me, but I'd rather have him stay here, on this side of the pond...in case things get complicated," he explained, crossing his arms with the arrogant assurance of one who knows he controls all the strings. "And I think you'd be perfect company."
"What kind of exchange?" asked Jaehyun, though deep down he already sensed the answer.
"Weapons."
The shock of that word fell on him like a brick, a weight he couldn't shake. Jaehyun felt his body stiffen. He'd been in dangerous situations before, he'd played with fire and survived, he was a dealer in Neo Zone. But he knew that accepting that would mean crossing an invisible and final line. He would be transformed into someone even more embroiled in the chaos of the gang, with his hands stained with something he could never wash off.
It was hard to resist, but it was just as hard to accept.
"It'll be quick," Sooman continued, studying Jaehyun's every gesture like a predator watching its prey. "Just outside the city. If all goes well, it won't take more than an hour." he noticed the tension in Jaehyun's gaze, the hesitation he was struggling to keep hidden, and leaned toward him slightly. "I'm asking you because I trust you."
The words fell like a taunt. Jaehyun felt his blood boil, how his skin almost throbbed from pent up rage. His right hand clenched into a fist on his leg, trying to restrain the urge to get up and smash something, anything that would allow him to release what was burning inside him. How dare Sooman speak of trust, to pretend there was anything sincere between them? After all the damage he had sown around him?
But what choice did he have left? Deep down, Sooman's control was absolute.
"What's the pay?"
"Enough to cover six months of your friend's rehab," Sooman replied, his eyes locking on Jaehyun's, pressing right where he knew it hurt.
The mention of rehab was the final piece that fell, sealing his fate. Above all else, he needed the money. Above all else, there was someone else needing to get out of hell, and he couldn't let it drop. He closed his eyes for a moment, swallowing the pain that mingled with anger and despair.
"I'll do it."
"I knew you wouldn't fail me," Sooman replied, satisfied, with a smile that seemed tainted with venom. "You are just like your father. My trust is in you, Jaehyun."
Jaehyun nodded, feeling the knot in his chest tighten, choking him.
Fake it till you make it.
Roll on, light it up, inhale, exhale.
Roll on, inhale, exhale.
Inhale... exhale.
Inhale.
One, two... three.
Exhale.
Jaehyun coughed loudly as he passed the joint to Lucas, who with shrunken, red eyes took it in his hands without hesitation, taking a puff to hold the smoke in his lungs for a few seconds and slowly draw it out.
In front of them was the panoramic view of SM City, the prominent lights of the northern area made the southern area look small, even though from a distance they didn't seem to be so far apart... so different.
If only that were the case.
"You know you don't have to do it," Lucas muttered, exhaling one last puff of smoke before dropping the cigarette to the ground and crushing it with the toe of his shoe. His gaze, fixed on the ground, hid the trace of worry in his eyes.
Jaehyun continued to stare at the lights of the city, each bright spot fading into the distance, like the possibilities he once had and now seemed to be extinguished. His voice came out almost as a whisper, broken and strained. "It's six months of treatment, Lucas. "Winwin... Winwin has started to move his hand. It's a little acomplishment, I know. But it's a step, and I can't... I can't let that stop now." Each word was an effort, a confession that, deep down, that small breakthrough gave him a hope that felt forbidden in his life.
Lucas was silent for a few seconds, watching Jaehyun's profile, his rigid posture and the shadow of weariness in his gaze. "I thought you didn't want to do anything related to Sooman."
Jaehyun swallowed saliva. He thought so too. He had tried to escape Sooman's influence, that world that brought only destruction, but reality always caught up with him. He shoved his hands into his jacket pockets and sketched a bitter smile, one that barely disguised the lump forming in his throat.
"I thought so too, but you and Mark have said so, haven't you? If I try to do anything about it, not a week goes by before I'm found with a bullet in my head." His voice cracked in bitterness. "Tell me, what other choice do I have?"
Lucas let out a deep sigh, as if searching for the words amidst a cloud of dark thoughts. Then his voice was firm and determined. "I'll do it."
Jaehyun turned his head in surprise and looked directly at him. His eyes, reddened with fatigue and smoke, met his friend's. Then he let out a dry laugh, without a hint of mirth, and patted him on the back.
"Jaehyun." The name left Lucas' lips grimly, stopping him in his tracks. "I know we've said all our lives that the only one who had a chance of getting out of this shit was Winwin...but we know he's not the only one. Maybe I'm not smart enough, but I know you are. You could go to college, get away from all this. You're good at math, you're good at sports... You've got something out there, something worth more than I could ever have." Lucas looked at him with almost desperate seriousness. "Let me make the trade for you. You've got a lot more to lose."
His friend's words hit him like a truth he had tried to ignore. He pondered them silently, letting each one settle in his mind. He appreciated Lucas' attempt, his desperate proposal to sacrifice his own life to protect him, but he knew he could not allow it.
With an effort, he kept his voice steady, even though he felt each word plunging him deeper into his own emptiness. "I appreciate your... nobility, dude. But I will not let you risk your life to save mine. That's not something I can accept."
Lucas exhaled sharply, frustrated. His words came out cutting, in a last-ditch attempt to talk some sense into him. "Do you want to end up like your father, like Uncle Dong?" The mention of both names made Jaehyun tense, his fists clenching tightly until his knuckles turned white.
Jaehyun didn't respond. He turned around and started walking towards his car, trying to stifle the anger and pain boiling inside him. He could hear Luke's footsteps following him, the echoes of his words echoing in his head.
"We know I'll end up like that someday..." he muttered, without turning around. The resignation in his voice was a shock to both him and his friend.
But then, Lucas said something that forced him to stop, "What about (Y/N)?"
The name made his whole body freeze, (Y/N). He could see her in his mind, feel the warmth of her laughter, the twinkle in her eyes. She was the only light in the midst of his darkness, the only memory he dared to cherish in his loneliest moments. Inside him, where no one else could see him, was where he allowed her to exist, a longing he would never dare to confess.
"There is nothing with her." His voice was a harsh whisper, as if in saying it he was tearing out a piece of himself. He didn't even turn, just let it escape into the wind. "There can't be."
"I thought you were having something," Lucas confessed, stepping closer to stand in front of him, forcing him to look at him. "Maybe you can't see it, but anyone would notice. You don't have to say it, Jaehyun. It shows in your eyes every time you talk about her. You want something with her, anything. You're going to risk that by getting more into this shit?" Lucas waved his hand, almost unable to control himself. "We were doing relatively well selling those packages. At least we could pay for Winwin's treatment. But now... Weapons? What will they ask you to do next? Assaults? Robberies?" his voice deepened, and Jaehyun noticed the fear in his eyes. "Kills? Do you think (Y/N) would want to see you in that hell?"
Jaehyun closed his eyes and took a breath. Lucas' words drilled into him, burned inside him, but he couldn't accept them. He couldn't accept a possibility that he knew would end up hurting (Y/N).
Finally, he opened his eyes and looked at Lucas directly, with a forced coldness that tried to hide the storm inside him. "And what do you want me to do, Lucas? She doesn't deserve a life like mine. She needs to be away from all this...away from me. I could only drag her into this hole from which there is no way out." The words came out fast, almost angrily, but at the end his voice cracked. "I can't offer her anything, do you understand? Nothing worthwhile."
Lucas lowered his gaze, but his voice still reflected desperation to save him. "But you have something to offer, Jaehyun. Your life. A life that can still go somewhere, that can be something different." She looked at him pleadingly. "Don't make the trade. Don't get yourself into this anymore. You have a way out, even if you don't want to see it."
Jaehyun's decision was like a stone inside him, a sinking certainty, but it was the only thing that gave him stability at the moment. He averted his gaze to the city lights and quietly sealed his fate.
"I have to do it." The determination in his voice was unwavering. "It's already decided."
Lucas watched him silently, with a sadness so deep it was almost palpable. He knew, deep inside him, that he was losing another friend. The night closed in around them and under the stars, as the lights of the city shone in the distance, he knew that, in some sense, he had already lost his friend.
When (Y/N) got out of Jungwoo's car, the roars of the engines echoed in her ears, but despite the noise, her mind was somewhere else, anchored in a memory. The first time she set foot in Neo Zone, it had been a curiosity, an adventure she didn't fully understand. Now, that same place seemed just as intimidating, but different. This time she was not an outsider spectator. This time, she was there for him.
People's gazes were instantly fixed on her. Some with curiosity, others with disdain. The gleam in her eyes was not the same as those of the "normals" around her in her world. No, here the gazes were sharper, like knives, trying to strip her of her essence, her privilege. She felt out of place, and though in some corner of her mind she knew she would never be part of this world, at that moment all she cared about was finding him. Jaehyun.
The lights of the cars reflected the tense and charged atmosphere of the race track, where the local gangs came to show off their cars and gamble more than they should. She knew what she was up against, and if she had learned anything over the past few months, it was that, in that place, the rules were few, but fierce.
So she wasn't surprised when a familiar and unpleasant face emerged from the crowd. Chris, with that sly grin, who always seemed to have a second purpose behind every word.
"Well, look what we have here," he said, his voice laden with derision. "After Johnny's party, I didn't expect you to be one od Jaehyun's toys."
( Y/N) tried to keep her cool, her body rigid and her gaze steady. There was something about that guy that always made her feel small, as if his words were thorns thrown on purpose. But she had no time for games now. She wasn't here to confront Chris, only to find Jaehyun. "Let me through, Chris," she said, her voice cold, firm.
But he didn't let her go so easily. He stepped between her and the pass, and his hand brazenly strayed to her waist. A touch she didn't ask for, a brush she didn't want.
"Oh no, baby," he said, his tone low, like a challenge. "I think you owe me a debt for that punch you gave me, remember?"
( Y/N) she felt irritation bubbling inside her, but she wasn't going to lose her composure. Not here, not now. But she wasn't going to give in either. "Let go of me, or I swear I'll hit you again," she retorted, pushing lightly against his chest, hands firm. It wasn't what she wanted, but it was what she had to do. She wasn't going to let Chris touch her.
Chris laughed, but it wasn't a genuine laugh. It was mocking, calculating, as if he enjoyed the power he thought he had over her. "Can you imagine what Jaehyun will think when he sees me with one of his toys?" The malice in his voice left no room for doubt. He knew what he was doing, and he knew he had something he could use against her.
( Y/N) didn't answer right away. Her gaze wandered, searching through the crowd, and there, like a magnet, she found him. Jaehyun. He was far away, but she could feel the intensity of his gaze, the weight of his presence. And it wasn't just any glimpse, no. She knew she had seen him. His posture was rigid, his face annoyed, his eyes burning with a silent fire.
"Turn around to find out for yourself," Jaehyun said, his deep voice cutting through the air. It was not a suggestion. It was an order, firm, authoritative. At that moment, the threat was clear. "Let her go and get the fuck out of herr if you don't want that fucking smile wiped off your face. Remember, you're in my zone."
Chris hesitated for a second, then let go of (Y/N), as if Jaehyun's presence was a steel wall repelling him. Looking at Jaehyun as if he would challenge him, but knowing that this was not his territory. Jaehyun's area, yes, but not his.
Before walking away, however, he couldn't help but throw one last malice-laden glance towards (Y/N). "Call me when you get tired of him, gorgeous," he said venomously, not caring that his words were only empty provocation.
When Chris finally disappeared into the crowd, (Y/N) didn't hesitate for a second. He walked straight towards Jaehyun, until she was right behind him, the sound of his footsteps drowned out by the bustle of the arena. Feeling his presence so close gave her a strange sense of calm, but also aroused an uneasiness she didn't know how to handle.
Jaehyun turned slowly toward her. His expression was hard to read, but the frustration was evident. As always, he was trying to maintain control, but he couldn't hide the annoyance. In one swift movement, he grabbed her wrist, holding it firmly, forcing her to look him in the eye.
"What the fuck are you doing here?" he asked, anger tinged with palpable discomfort. His tone was low, dangerous. He wasn't saying it out loud for all to hear, but it was as if his words cut through the air between them.
( Y/N) felt a knot in her stomach. The worry, the confusion, the need to explain herself, but also the frustration of knowing that she had no right to be there, that this world was not hers. However, she could not lie. "I was looking for you," she said, without thinking, without fear of what that might mean.
"You weren't answering my calls. I wanted to know how you were..." she confessed, feeling Jaehyun pull her gently through the crowd to get her away from the people.
Finally, after pushing through the sea of people, they found themselves in a quieter corner. Jaehyun let go of her hand and turned to face her.
It was at that moment that he saw the pain reflected in her eyes. The girl, her gaze fixed on him, fiddled nervously with her fingers, as if trying to calm her anxiety.
"(Y/N), I'm fine. You didn't have to come and get into this," he told her in a low voice.
"You could have answered my calls," she demanded, her voice strained. "I didn't know how you were after what happened at my house almost a week ago."
Jaehyun looked her straight in the eye and slowly denied.
"That night I shouldn't have gone to your house."
What...?
"What are you talking about, Jaehyun?" she asked, almost in a whisper, surprised by those words.
Because deep down he knew he was right. That night he shouldn't have crossed that line, shouldn't have sought comfort from her, shouldn't have allowed the girl to sneak into his head and heart like that. He should not have allowed the closeness between them to make him vulnerable.
He shouldn't have thought he deserved something like that.
Because he didn't. He never would.
"Why is it that every time we seem to be moving forward, you decide to pull back?" she asked him, her voice breaking.
"Because there shouldn't be an us, (Y/N)," Jaehyun replied, serious, as if the words hurt him as much as they hurt her. "And you know it."
She tried to process what she had just heard, but her mind was still spinning, entwined with thoughts that wouldn't leave her alone. Coming here, meeting him...it had all been a whirlwind. Her cousin's words that morning still echoed in her mind.
That was not what she had expected to hear from Jaehyun.
"No, Jaehyun. I don't know," she said, frustrated, her eyes flashing with a mixture of confusion and anger. "All I know is that there's something inside me that binds me to you. I always end up looking for something in you, something I don't understand. And the least I understand is that you somehow get close and then walk away like it's nothing."
She moved closer to him and, with a trembling finger, pressed it against his chest, accusingly.
"If I walk away it's because you don't need this life, (Y/N)," he told her, with a painful tenderness in his voice. "I can't give you the life you want."
"I'm not asking you for anything extraordinary, Jaehyun," she replied, almost begging for him to understand. "I'm not asking you for more than what we already are."
Jaehyun looked at her, searching her eyes as if he wanted her to understand something beyond words. With the distance between them so short that their breaths were intertwined, he continued with a sigh.
"But look at me, (Y/N), look at us," he said softly. "I'll never be able to offer you the life you're used to. And I don't want you to get used to mine, because it's not something you deserve." Her voice deepened. "You don't know what it's like to live with necessities, without luxuries. It's not something I can ask you to change or sacrifice for me."
She bit her lower lip, trying to take in what she had just heard.
She was silent for a few seconds, biting her lower lip as her mind tried to process every word Jaehyun had just said. Her chest felt tight, as if his words were a weight on her, an uncomfortable truth that hurt, but one she knew she couldn't ignore.
Jaehyun closed his eyes.
"No, I don't," she finally admitted, looking down at the floor. "I don't know what it's like to live with those hardships..."
Silence fell between them again. The distant murmur of people seemed to grow farther and farther away, as if the world around them was fading away.
"(Y/N), you deserve better than this. Something more... something more stable. I can't be that something for you," Jaehyun said, his voice trembling for an instant.
She realized what he meant. She knew it wasn't just about the material. She knew that what Jaehyun was telling her went beyond external difficulties. He didn't want to be a risk to her, didn't want her life to be dragged down by the uncertainty, by the confusion he himself felt.
"And yet... I can't stop looking for you," she murmured, with a sad, almost defeated smile. "I don't understand what's wrong with me, Jaehyun. I don't understand why everything seems clearer when I'm around you, but then it blurs, it becomes all so confusing."
Jaehyun watched her, unable to find the right words. All he knew was that there was an undeniable connection between them, something even he couldn't explain. But, at the same time, he couldn't deny the fear he felt that this connection would drag them into something neither of them could control.
"I'm sorry," he finally said, his words sounding almost like an apology to himself. "I really am sorry."
She stared at him, as if she expected him to say something else, something that might make sense of everything she felt. But he didn't. Instead, the air between them was filled with a quiet awkwardness.
"So what do we do now?" she asked, voice cracking, but determined not to give up.
Jaehyun took a deep breath, staring ahead as if searching for some answer in the void. "I don't know. But I need you to understand that I don't want to hurt you. I don't want you to end up trapped in my world..."
She denied slowly, not looking away. "So is that it, then, we're just going to keep taking a step forward and then step back? Is that what you want?"
"It's not that," Jaehyun replied, somewhat at a loss. "It's just that I can't offer you what you deserve."
"What about what I want?" she said, on an impulse that surprised her. "Because all I want...is to be with you."
Her words hit him hard. Jaehyun couldn't say he felt the same way, not in the same way. But he couldn't help but think that, maybe, if they both allowed themselves to take that leap... maybe things could be different.
"I'm telling you that I can't give you what you want," he repeated, now with a slight desperation in his tone. "And yet, I feel like I can't walk away from you."
She looked at him silently for a few seconds, trying to find some answer that wouldn't leave her more confused. Finally, she took a step back, letting the air between them grow colder.
"So... what do we do, Jaehyun?" she asked, her voice barely a whisper. "Because I don't know if I can keep waiting for something I don't know if it's coming."
Jaehyun looked at her, his heart pounding. He could see the pain in her eyes, and it broke him inside. But at the same time, he knew he couldn't drag her down with him, couldn't ask her to settle for something he couldn't offer.
"The only thing I can do now...is tell you the truth," he said, almost breathlessly. "I'm not going to drag you into my life without you knowing what you're getting into."
She stood still, staring at the floor, as if processing every word. An invisible weight seemed to fall on her shoulders, and though her thoughts were chaotic, a small part of her knew she had to make a decision.
"So, you decide for me?" she asked, raising her head, her eyes filled with a mixture of frustration and sadness.
Jaehyun said nothing. His silence was answer enough.
Finally, Jaehyun, his throat tightening, slowly pulled away, knowing that any further attempts to get closer would only cause more pain. "I'm sorry," he said one last time, almost as a whisper, and took a step back.
And (Y/N) watched him walk away, her heart heavy, knowing there was nothing more to do. She stood alone in that dark corner of Neo Zone, with the noise of the engines rumbling around her, like a distant echo of the emotional storm she had just experienced.
a/n: I hope you liked even though in took me weeeeeeks to post hahaha, love y'all! NOT PROOFREAD! I’ve been sitting down like 4 hours trying to come with the chapter so now I’ll go to sleep 😴.
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