#and then wesley tries to propose to his girlfriend

[gubbly]

getting somewhere in my mini quest to make album liner notes for my oc au. ig next step is printing and assembling it all physically but for now heres what i have

[frostedfaves]

Repercussions (15 - Alt Ending)

Masterlist

Pairing: dark!Natasha Romanoff x dark!Wanda Maximoff x fem!reader

Summary: Natasha and Wanda refuse to leave without you.

Warnings: dark themes, gun mentions, threatened suicide, manipulation

A/N: never expected to write this despite it being highly requested, but with me being stuck with Particular Taste and in the mood to write some angst, I ended up doing it. I’m still down to write angst, so I may do another Sad Song Sunday, but I’ll let you know.

Original part 15

-

“You worried us, printsessa, disappearing like that,” Natasha addresses you in a chilling tone as the two of them stop a few feet away from you. “And we’ll deal with that later, after you tell Wesley to come out so we can punish him first.”

“He’s not here,” you tell her calmly. “His only job was to bring me here--”

“And take the tracker out of your leg, which we will be putting back,” Wanda interjects with a stern expression. “Now you can either come with us to the car willingly or we’ll drag you.”

“I won’t be doing either of those things.” You stand slowly, lifting the gun to your temple as you go. “Your only choices are to leave me here and go back to the way your lives were before I came in, or you can let me die. If you take me again, I’ll just fight you every day until you wish you’d killed me yourself. No matter how you manipulate my mind, my true self will never love someone who wants to control me. I’ll tell you how much I hate you for ruining my life every second I’m able, and I’ll kill myself the moment I get the chance to do so.”

You notice the glassy look in their eyes as they face each other, and you knew they were having a silent conversation in their minds. Seconds feel like minutes as they seem to discuss their options, eventually turning back to face you. Wanda is fully crying now, and Natasha seems to be physically holding back her own emotional break.

“Please don’t do this, printsessa,” Wanda chokes out with a cautious step forward. “We just want you to come home.”

“What’s home to you is a prison to me.”

“But it didn’t always feel like prison, right? Remember those days we’d bake together, and watch your favorite movies all day?”

“Or that time we took you to Coney Island for a week straight because you couldn’t get enough of it?” Natasha added and you sighed.

“You don’t get it, do you? I was obsessed with those Coney Island trips because it was the only time you didn’t make me feel like a kid that would get lost if I wandered too far! The only time I felt like an actual human instead of a fucking meat puppet!”

“The moment we decided to trust you a little, you abandoned us!” Natasha yells so loudly that Wanda even flinches. “We’re in Nebraska right now because you couldn’t stand being a good girl and waiting for us to get home!”

“You left me with a fucking babysitter, Natasha! It doesn’t matter that it was someone I actually wanted around. You installed cameras and tried to bug Wesley and me. You put a tracker in my leg! If you trusted me, why did you go through so much to make sure I couldn’t leave? You can’t say that you love me and treat me like you don’t.”

“I’m so sorry.” Wanda’s voice comes out in a whisper as she steps forward again, and you watch her eyes for any hints of red. “I never meant to make you feel so cornered, but you have to understand that I’m an Avenger. I’ve seen what enemies are out there and at one point I was one, so I just wanted to do what I could to make sure you never ended up in the wrong hands.”

“She’s right,” Natasha chimes in, clearing her throat as a single tear slips down her cheek. “I know what lengths some people will go to hurt the loved ones of the other side because I used to do that exact thing. I’d let the world end before I let any harm come to either of you, and I guess I went a little overboard with protecting you because Wanda has a bit of an advantage.”

“I know I’ll never understand what it’s like to do what you do, and to live with your pasts…” You take a deep breath as you feel a lump forming in your throat, and the hand holding the gun to your head begins to shake. “But I do know what love is supposed to feel like, and it’s not this. I shouldn’t have to worry about setting you off because I didn’t agree with something, or waking up from a week-long mind trance because you didn’t want me to fight back.”

“How about we start over?” Natasha offers, glancing at Wanda and turning back to you once she nods. “No trackers, restraints, babysitters or manipulation. Just us getting to know you and vice versa, and hopefully rebuilding the love you once felt for us.”

“Please.” Wanda gives a pointed look toward the gun still pressed against your temple. “I know how upsetting this already must be for you, so please. Let us help you make it better. Let us fix this and hopefully have an even better relationship in the future.”

“We love you, and we agree that we should’ve gone about this in a healthier way. Please give us the chance to make this right.”

“And you promise there will be no more tricks?” you ask, and Wanda nods as two more tears make an appearance.

“Cross my heart--”

“--and hope to die.”

You stand there for what feels like minutes, your gaze bouncing between the two women in front of you, hoping to gauge their level of sincerity on expressions alone. As much as you didn’t trust them because of everything they’d done before, you’d be lying if you said there wasn’t a part of you that missed those happier moments, and wouldn’t mind starting over to create more. Perhaps it was worth a shot, if they were truly serious about not messing with your mind anymore.

“Okay,” you finally answer, and you notice the relief appear on their faces. “If you’re serious about starting over and doing this the right way, I’ll give this a chance. But you’re going to have to wait a long time before I start to trust you.”

Wanda grins at the two of you as Natasha approaches you cautiously, and you place the gun on the chair behind you before allowing her to pull you into a hug that you melt into surprisingly fast. Your other girlfriend joins the embrace, and her ecstatic giggle is the last thing you hear before everything goes dark.

-

“Y/N/N...hey wake up!”

You jump up suddenly, nearly bumping into the person standing above you. After a few moments of blinking to adjust to the bright sunlight, you turn your head to see your cousin sitting on the edge of the bed.

“Wesley?!” you gasp as he grins in acknowledgement. “What are you doing here and why do you look like shit?”

“You know, I’m gonna let that go because it’s your wedding day, but I’ll get you back later.”

“Wait, my what?”

“Jesus, did you hit your head or something?”

“Feels like it,” you grumble as your eyes close for a moment.

“Bachelorette party must’ve been crazy.”

“Yeah, I guess so.” You sigh and face him again as your eyes open. “Did you have a crazy night too or did you come here all bruised up?”

“I got into a pretty bad accident a little while ago,” he answers after a few moments of silence. “I guess I didn’t tell you about it because I didn’t want you to worry, but I probably should’ve said something when I got the invitation in the mail. Which reminds me, it’s time for you to get ready.”

He stands up slowly with the help of a cane beside him and limps out of the room, and a chill washes over you as the door closes behind him. You move to run your hands over your face and pause as you feel a cool metal bump against your nose, and you lower your hands to see a ring on the appropriate finger.

Of course it made sense considering--according to Wesley--you were getting married today, and the ring is exactly what you would want, but it just doesn’t make sense how you got here. As you move onto the bathroom and begin showering, you get hit with flashes of moments with Natasha and Wanda that include the moment they proposed, but it feels a bit more like watching a movie than a memory should. Still, there’s a warm feeling in your chest as you come to terms with the fact that you’re marrying two people that have been so good to you since your relationship was formed.

“Come in!” you respond to a knock on your door as you slip on a robe, smiling as Pepper enters the room holding what seemed to be a dry cleaner’s bag and a small jewelry box.

“Hey there, just bringing your dress.” She drapes it carefully over the end of the bed and faces you while holding the box out to you. “And your almost wives wanted you to wear this.”

You take the object from her and lift the top off, gasping as a necklace is revealed. It consists of a simple silver chain, but the pendant has a spider with a prominent red gem that almost seems to glow as the sunlight makes contact with it.

“Need some help?”

You nod with an appreciative smile as you hand her the necklace and turn around, feeling your smile widen as the cool pendant touches your warm skin. Your fingers run over the spider while you wait for Pepper to secure the chain around your neck, and you face her when she pulls away.

“Thank you. Wait!” you call out as she turns to leave. “I just have to ask...Do you think going through with this wedding is a smart idea?”

“Well, I haven’t been around the three of you much, but I’ve seen the way Natasha and Wanda react whenever you’re mentioned. It’s equivalent to someone finding out they won the lottery, honestly. I also know how much time and effort they put into making this house as safe as possible to put their minds at ease about you while they’re away on missions. In my opinion, I think you’re in good hands here, but I’m also not there for the little things. I’d recommend just listening to what your heart tells you.”

You thank her before she leaves the room, letting her words echo in your mind for a bit before moving to get ready for the ceremony. The dress, you quickly discover, is an exact replica of one you’d seen in a magazine that you loved so much you saved it in a scrapbook for years. How you’d managed to track it down, you had no idea, but the questioning thoughts seemed to fade away a bit once you realized how amazing it felt to be finally wearing it.

“How do you feel?” Wesley asks once you reach the bottom of the stairs, and you loop your arm through his free one as he leads you to the back yard.

“If I’m being honest, I’m super nervous about all this. Everything’s felt like a weird coma dream since the moment I opened my eyes.”

“Hey, you’re about to spend the rest of your life with Natasha and Wanda,” he reminds you quietly, and your gaze shifts away from his joyous expression to the small crowd that begins to stand upon your arrival and Natasha and Wanda smiling at you from the end of the flowery path. 

“It’s what you’ve always wanted.”

-

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[sundropskiesx]

(ANDREW GARFIELD,  HE/HIM,  CIS MALE)  careful  , ANDRE  HENDRIX has  arrived  to  the  city  of  dreams!!  they  look  THIRTY-FIVE  years  old  and  word  on  the  street  is  they  are  from  BROOKLYN, NEW YORK  and  currently  reside  in  GREENWICH VILLAGE.  They  are  currently  living  life  in  the  city  as  a  BARISTA AT JAVAWOCKY CAFE.  some  people  say  they  are IMPATIENT,  but  i  think  they  are  KIND HEARTED.  welcome  to  the  city  of  dreams,  ANDRE!  we  hope  you  enjoy  your  stay! 

FULL NAME: andre hendrix

NICKNAMES: boogaboo (his baby sister)

SEXUALITY & PRONOUNS: bi-curious

ROMANTIC STATUS: single

ZODIAC: capricorn 

HOGWARTS HOUSE: hufflepuff with gryffindor tendencies

PETS: two sugar gliders named THELMA & LOUIS

HOMETOWN: brooklyn, new york

CURRENT LOCATION: greenwich village

OCCUPATION:barista at javawocky cafe.

ROOMMATES: none at the moment (wc)

TATTOOS & PIERCINGS: tattoo of a small moon on his right wrist, the upper part of his right arm has a pair of harry potter glasses and lighting bolt tattooed (usually hidden beneath a shirt), a sleeve of different horror tattoos on his left arm, and his right ear has two piercings.

MUSE INSPO:nick miller + winston + ferguson (new girl), dale denton (pineapple express, seth rogan), wallace + scott (scott pilgrim vs the world, that gossipy bitch),fred wesley (harry potter) , j.d (scrubs), ross (friends), gambit (x-men), a little bit of everyone (the office)

MUSIC INSPO: welcome to the party - pop smoke, dopamine -borns, lost in the citadel - lil nas x, one more night- maroon 5, wicked games - the weekend, cherry -harry styles, lovefool -two colors (cover), myself - bazzi, burn the night away - there for tomorrow, kelsey -metro station, here comes the sun -the beatles

backstory:

in north of brooklyn born and raised on the playground is where andre spent most of his day! shootin’ some b-ball outside the school when a couple of guys, they were up to no good, started causing trouble in the neighborhood. he got into one little fight and his mom got scared and said “ YOU’RE MOVING WITH YOUR DADDY & STEPMOM TO ILLINOIS”  STOP THE THEME MUSIC AND CUE THE INTRO

andre hendrix, no relation to jimmy hendrix, was born into a somewhat strict but also laid back family. out of his cousins, and siblings, he was the most awkwardly charming one. where most people would shy away from an embarrassing situation, like falling in front of a group of people, andre embraced them. he never really was one to let life get him too down, as he always tried to be the sunshine in everyone’s world as much as possible. 

growing up he used to get into a lot of fights because he would never back down whenever someone was either picking on someone else, hounding their siblings, or trying to mess with him. he may have a heart of gold, but his spirit was that of a warrior, even andre wasn’t afraid to throw a punch here or there.

college was a blast for him! there he met a friend who he would grow very close with. nothing ever happened with them, though andre always wondered about what it would’ve been like to at least kiss him. in college he also met the girl that would become his girlfriend for five years. 

from the age of twenty all the way to the age of twenty-five the two had a honeymoon like relationship. andre gave her the moon and stars, and pretty much whatever else she wanted. and he truly did think they would end up married one day.  he was actually a week away from proposing to her when everything changed for him one morning. to this day he still doesn’t know why she up and left, leaving behind a post it note saying ‘you can do better. xoxo.’ and an empty pregnancy box in the bathroom. was she pregnant? was she not? andre never found out and the question has haunted him to this day.

fast forwarding a couple of years down, many game, anime shows, and crime documentaries later the guy is now working as a barista in greenwich village. he sometimes helps out at backstage productions as a tech. for the most part he’s either at work or skateboarding at the nearest skate park. that or he’s hanging out with his bestie elijah ‘eli’ kennedy. 

[karihighman]

I love this job more than I imagined I could. The day I stop giving it my all is the day I walk away.”

–John Nolan (Nathan Fillion), 2×14 “Casualties”

The quote above really encapsulates the draw of ABC’s police dramedy (that’s drama-comedy) The Rookie. The Nathan Fillion led series was ordered back in spring 2018, and aired its first season from 2018-2019. It’s currently in its second season, with a new episode airing this Sunday, April 26. In light of that – and because I’ve since managed to get 2 of my friends hooked on it – I decided I’d write up a few reasons as to why you should definitely check out this show…if you haven’t already!

Reason #1: The cast

(ABC/Andrew Eccles)

Yes, Nathan Fillion of ABC’s Castle headlines the series, but there’s a whole slew of cast members that carry the show just the same. Not to mention, you’ve probably seen them on other TV shows or films prior to their appearance on The Rookie.

CURRENT CAST (as of season 2–onward):

Nathan Fillion portrays John Nolan, the 45-year-old “rookie” who decided to pack up and move to LA to join the LAPD after a robbery at his local bank in Pennsylvania made him question his life decisions. You’ve probably seen him on: Castle, Firefly, Two Guys & a Girl, and/or Con Man.

Alyssa Diaz portrays Angela Lopez, one of three TOs (training officers) at the Mid-Wilshire Police Department in Los Angeles, California. You’ve probably seen her in: As the World Turns, Army Wives, The Nine Lives of Chloe King, and/or Ray Donovan.

Richard T. Jones portrays Sergeant Wade Grey, who is the immediate boss of the TOs, and is also responsible for their rookies, as well as the remainder of the police under his command at the station. You’ve probably seen him in: Judging Amy, Why Did I Get Married?/Why Did I Get Married Too?, and/or Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles.

Titus Makin Jr. portrays Jackson West, the second in the trio of rookies. His father is the head of LAPD’s Internal Affairs, so he’s struggled some with having to prove himself outside of his father’s shadow. You’ve probably seen him in: Glee, Starcrossed, Pretty Little Liars, and/or The Path.

Melissa O’Neil portrays Lucy Chen, the 28-year-old hotshot who completes the trio of rookies in the LAPD. She decided to become a cop on a whim, but she loves it so much now, even though it’s the opposite of what her psychologist parents want her to do career-wise. You’ve probably seen her in/on: Canadian Idol, Dark Matter, and/or as a part of the Broadway musical Les Miserables.

Eric Winter portrays Tim Bradford, the second training officer under Sgt. Grey. He’s first seen as the no-nonsense type, but has since softened some during season 2. You’ve probably seen him in: The Mentalist, Witches of East End, The Ugly Truth, and/or Days of Our Lives.

Mekia Cox portrays Nyla Harper, a former undercover detective turned training officer. She’s quite a badass, and does whatever she can to excel at work, as it’ll earn points in her favor, because she’s fighting for custody of her daughter with her ex-husband. You’ve probably seen her in: 90210, Chicago Med, Secrets & Lies, and/or Once Upon a Time.

CURRENT RECURRING CAST (as of season 2–onward):

Image Credits: (ABC/Christopher Willard); (ABC/Richard Cartwright); and (ABC/Eric McCandless)

Ali Larter as Dr. Grace Sawyer, a former flame of John’s from his college days. She now works at Shaw Memorial Hospital, and while she and John reconnect as just friends first, they eventually ramp it up to dating.

Harold Perrineau as Detective Nick Armstrong, a new night detective that assists the LAPD with their case load after their regular shifts. He becomes involved more so when notorious serial killer Rosalind Dyer is brought to Grey’s station per a deal with the DA.

Shawn Ashmore as Wesley Evers, a lawyer that is currently dating Angela Lopez. The two have been living together since the start of season 2, and are now engaged as of episode 16.

Jasmine Matthews as Rachel Hall, a social worker who is one of Lucy’s best friends, and currently the girlfriend of Tim Bradford.

Daniel Lissing as Sterling Freeman, Jackson’s boyfriend who’s (ironically? meta-ly?) the star of a cop show, Hot Suspect.

Sarah Shahi as Jessica Russo, who is an FBI agent that was brought in to work a biological terror attack. She and John have a brief relationship, but break it off by episode 6 of season 2.

FORMER CAST (season 1): 

Mercedes Mason portrayed Captain Zoe Andersen, who was the tough but fair captain of the LAPD. She believed Nolan’s life experience would be good for the department. She was killed in episode 16 by a gang member who made an attempt on Nolan’s life.

Afton Williamson portrayed Talia Bishop, Nolan’s former training officer. She came off as brash at first, but she did help John a lot during his first six months on the job. She left the LAPD for a job with ATF; Afton exited the series after season 1 ended.

FORMER RECURRING CAST (season 1): 

Mircea Monroe as Isabel Bradford, Tim’s ex-wife. She was an undercover officer, but got hooked onto drugs which made her lose her job, and consequently, her husband. Tim tried to help her numerous times, but they’d been estranged for a year. She did finally get clean; but they decided it’d be best to separate, as Tim did not want to remind her of her old life.

Michael Beach as Commander Percy West, Jackson’s father who runs Internal Affairs for the LAPD. He and his son had their tough moments, but the two seemed to have reconciled in the season 1 finale after Jackson’s heroic efforts to stop a viral criminal.

*random fun fact: Mekia’s not the only one with a One Chicago tie-in. Alyssa Diaz actually worked with Chicago PD actor Jesse Lee Soffer on As the World Turns, and Michael Beach actually just finished a recurring role on Chicago PD as Darius Walker. Joelle Carter, who portrayed Shawn Christian’s character’s wife in the “Hawke” episode, has been on not one, but 3 One Chicago shows. Two of which portraying Laura Nagel (Chicago PD for 1 episode, and the spinoff Chicago Justice); she guested on Chicago Med this year.

Just wanted to toss that tidbit in there since quite a few fans of The Rookie have also been fans of the One Chicago franchise – at least that I’ve interacted with on social media! 

Reason #2: The balance of dramatic cases with humorous banter between the officers

(ABC/Ron Batzdorff)

(ABC/Ron Batzdorff)

While The Rookie is no means a straight comedy, it’s also not technically a classic police procedural either. That’s a good thing, as the balance of the lighter comedic moments interspersed with the dramatic or sometimes gruesome cases is what makes the show so damn entertaining. Oh, and did I mention there are bloopers? Because there are bloopers, and they are hilarious. Click here & here to see those!!

Reason #3: The pairs (TOs & Rookies)

(ABC/Ron Batzdorff)

Ah yes, another reason why The Rookie works so well. The pairings of the training officers with their respective rookie is spot-on. In season 1 you had the new, upbeat, John Nolan paired with spunky Talia Bishop; and the two bounced off each other quite nicely. John’s new TO, Nyla Harper, is just as sassy, if not sassier than Talia, but in a way, she’s a little more grounded, as she has a young daughter to consider. That’s something they have in common, as John has a 20 year old son, Henry.

(ABC/Christopher Willard)

Another pair is Angela Lopez and Jackson West. Sure, you would think: oh, here are two ambitious, young, intelligent people, so they should feed off each other, right? Wrong…at least not at first. And that’s what was so refreshing about it. Was that you had the push-and-pull between them that made you wonder if West could really stick it out with Lopez. He eventually did get over his “stage fright” when gunfire was occurring, but it took time; and it was realistic to see Angela be tough, yet understanding with him when it came to things like that. Not to mention, Jackson’s helped her out on the relationship front a few times, as he’s listened to her issues with dating, and Wesley. He even was the one who put the idea of a proposal in her head when they were at a stakeout! The two are really jiving, and it’s fun to see!

(ABC/Christopher Willard)

Last but not least is the duo of Bradford and Chen. They couldn’t be more opposite from each other at first glance: you’ve got tough-as-nails Tim, who’s got to train positive, spirited Lucy. Sounds like a little bit of a clash, right? It seemed like it at first, as Tim was very tough on Lucy; but he’s since let down his guard a little, which has been cool to see. He’s balanced out Lucy’s energy, and the two have since been so in-sync, it’s a little crazy at times (but in the best way possible)!

Reason #4: The “ships” (couples) of the show

(ABC/Christopher Willard)

Image Credit: Twitter/TheRookie

Image Credit: IG @TheRookieABC.

(ABC/Christopher Willard)

Image Credit: IG @TheRookieABC

Ah yes, the part that a lot of fans (myself included!) love about our favorite TV shows: the couples that pair off in it! It’s also worth mentioning that fans usually get excited about “should be” couples aka: people that they think should be together/dating/a couple/etc.

As far as The Rookie goes, there are actually quite a few well-established couples on the show, especially in season 2! If you need or want a quick season 1 refresher: Tim was technically still married to his now ex-wife, Isabel; Jackson had a brief relationship with Gino; Angela and Wesley had begun dating; and yes, John & Lucy had a brief thing early on!

Now, for season 2, you’ve got: Jackson & Sterling; Tim & Rachel; Wesley & Angela; John & Grace (John was previously dating Jessica); aaaaaaand the fan-favorite should-be couple: Tim & Lucy. The final “couple” is actually how I got hooked onto The Rookie – thank you social media for all the #Chenford/#Tucy hashtags!!

Most everyone loves these relationships because they’re fun, endearing, dramatic, and sometimes even a little bit funny. It’s quite a nice counterbalance to all the death and destruction the LAPD encounters on the streets everyday, you know? Plus, who hasn’t found a couple on a show that they like a lot, right? It’s fun to interact with other fans about it too – which is part of the reason why “ships” are really effective.

Jackson and Sterling have that lovely push-and-pull dynamic, where, since Sterling’s a celebrity, and Jackson’s a cop, they had to keep it low-key at first. But now, since they’re technically out of the spotlight, they’re free to do as they please.

Tim and Rachel originally began as a bet, but, it turned into something more afterwards. Even though the two have had their little disagreements here and there, it’s been really interesting to see Tim open himself up to a new relationship after his wife in season 1. The fact that Rachel’s one of Lucy’s best friends is…beside the point. Although, for fans of Chenford/Tucy, it’s kind of comical, or ironic. I’m not quite sure which.

Speaking of Chenford, Tim & Lucy are the ones that fans have been clamoring to get together – even though technically, nothing can happen between the two until Lucy’s no longer a rookie (Tim’s her TO!). I’ll admit, I was originally intrigued by them because of their similarities to another “should-be” cop couple I ship: Upstead from Chicago PD; but, seeing how in-sync the partners are on The Rookie, I understand why everyone wants them to be more than that. I sure do!

Wesley and Angela have been steady since season 1, and his heartbreaking PTSD storyline in season 2 only brought them closer together, and showed just how strong of a relationship they have. Angela’s been super supportive, and Wesley’s always been confident in her abilities. They’re even the couple to beat in terms of major milestones: they’ve moved in together, and they’re engaged! YAY!

John and Grace were a little bit of a wildcard at the start, since they had a little bit of a history there. But, ever since they blossomed into friends, their transition into a relationship was relatively easy. It’s been nice to see John happy, and Grace seems to be really good for him right now.

Reason #5: The vibe behind the scenes

(ABC/Troy Harvey)

Last, but not least is the “vibe” behind the scenes of The Rookie. That includes the off-set antics the cast gets up to! It’s been really fun to scour social media and see their comments on not only The Rookie account, but on fan things too! The cast is also great about liking comments and posts that fans make, which is super-nice!

Not to mention, they’re just genuinely fun people – at least judging from their behind the scenes posts and on-set videos! From car sing-a-longs to random dance parties, there’s never a dull moment on The Rookie set! They’re such good sports. Not only does that camaraderie come through onscreen, but it helps the chemistry to translate nicely as well. Believability is part of what sells TV, and The Rookie has that skill down pat!

Bonus: Favorite Episodes So Far / Ones To Watch

Image Credits: (ABC/Richard Cartwright) and (ABC/Christopher Willard)

Note: this is just my own personal list, but if you have any more to add, feel free to comment! 🙂 PS: Season 2 is available for streaming on ABC.com or Hulu; season 1 is not, but there are a bevy of clips online (YouTube) which can help catch you up! 

The Pilot, of course! 1×01, and then the kind-of-sort-of subsequent follow-up 1×02 “Crash Course”

1×04 “The Switch”

1×07 “The Ride Along” & 1×08 “Time of Death”

1×14 “Plain Clothes Day” and 1×15 “Manhunt”

1×19 “The Checklist” and 1×20 “Free Fall” (the season 1 finale)

2×01 “Impact” (picks up right after season 1 leaves off!)

2×03 “The Bet” and 2×04 “Warriors and Guardians” (which is Mekia’s debut!)

2×06 “Fallout” and 2×08 “Clean Cut”

2×10 “The Dark Side” and 2×11 “Day of Death” *you should definitely watch these back-to-back, as 2×10 serves as the midseason finale; 2×11 is the midseason premiere*

2×12 “Now and Then”; 2×16 “The Overnight”; and 2×17 “Control”

That’s all for me for now! 5 (or 6, if you count the dramatic episodes!) reasons to watch The Rookie! You can catch all-new episodes on ABC, Sunday nights at 10/9 c! Be sure you’re following the show on Twitter and/or Instagram so you can see fun behind the scenes content, not to mention live-tweet during tomorrow’s all-new episode! Hope ya’ll liked this post!

Credit: GIPHY/Google

Why You Should Be Watching #TheRookie (if you're not already!) I love this job more than I imagined I could. The day I stop giving it my all is the day I walk away."

[luciferpens]

No Frayed Threads || Wesley & Raye

What: A continuation of THIS thread. Basically Wesley and Raye talking -- and Wesely finding out why Raye actually left.  Where: Ugly Mug & Wesley’s House When: July 19, 2020 TW: Miscarriage, depression @icarialex

The only time Wesley had ever seen Raye act the way she was acting was when she had a panic attack, and he was honestly worried about causing one in the middle of a coffee shop. No matter what their past was, he wouldn’t wish that on many people. Maybe Leo. No, most definitely Leo. However, his attempt to comfort her was abruptly stopped when he heard the explanation finally leave her lips. His brows furrowed as his eyes looked down at the wooden table they were sitting at. They absentmindedly followed the path of the grain within the wood as he tried to imagine how her hurting him worse than he’d ever been hurt could have been to protect him. None of that made any sense. “To protect me,” he finally got out after letting his mind settle a small amount. “Protect me from what, Raye? How did you leaving help me? You took — you took away our future. You threw out love out the window and made me feel worthless. How could any of that be for any kind of good?” .

There were many people in his life that would agree with how Raye was being on herself, but Wesley couldn’t sit there and listen to her talk so horribly about herself. It would be so much easier if he could be that guy. The guy who emotionally disengaged, looked out for himself, and just didn’t give a shit anymore, but that would never be him. Instead, he clenched his jaw and lightly began bouncing his leg in the attempt to get the extra energy bouncing through him out. It was better than reaching out and comforting the woman. Thinking that they better continue the conversation somewhere else soon, Wesley downed the rest of his drink. “What happened to you,” he asked quickly. There it was. Concern immediately made it’s presence known in his tone at the idea of anything happening to Raye. Dammit. “You don’t deserve anything horrible, okay? Did you devastate me? Yeah, you did, but you’re not shit. We all make mistakes, you know? Maybe you’ll be better for it or something.” He winced slightly at his own words because comforting his ex girlfriend about her decision to crush him wasn’t on his to do list ever. How did he get there? 

However, cool and composed flew out the window at the woman’s next words. Her could feel anger quickly rushing through his veins as Raye’s words registered in his mind. “Never a thing,” he angrily whispered as lightly as he could. “You,” he began asking before shaking his head. “No, no, you couldn’t do that. You’re not cruel enough to lie to me about cheating on me and tear my fiancé and the future of our family away from me. That — you wouldn’t do that.” ----

Her mouth felt like sandpaper and dirt and it felt like her eyes had taken every ounce of liquid and decided it needed to roll down her face. It was silent tears and her body had become still, she didn't shake with emotion, she didn't even breath heavy anymore. She had started to shut down her mind, to keep herself from truly losing it in the cafe. Instead she reached for the cloth and dabbed at her face, willing herself, or trying, to stop the tears and emotions. She blinked and the tears stopped -- for a moment at least. "You dying" she said simply, "You were going to die if things stayed how they were, and I'd rather you not die even if that meant breaking my own heart and yours too."  Raye said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world, almost as if she was offended he even asked. Because in some way -- she was, he had to know -- deep down in his heart that Raye couldn't do something like that to him.... right? Or had she really been that good of an actress?

Raye felt eyes starting to turn to them, they weren't loud by any means, but their conversation was heated. The tension could be cut with a knife if someone truly wanted to. She spiraled down, down, down, into her emotions trying to dredge up anything other than sadness to show him, even a glint of happiness at the concern he showed her. But there was nothing there, not really... nothing other than anger and he didn't deserve anger. "A lot,” she said but clenched her mouth shut tight. She wasn't going to tell him. She wasn't going to. He didn't need to know that pain, he'd be better off if she just left and never spoke again. "A lot happened in the past year," she said her eyes were red but she had stopped crying, and if you looked at her, you'd have assumed she was just tired not -- emotionally drained and just crying. "One can only hope I'm a better demi-god now than I was a year ago, but only time will tell" she said with a hard swallow. "But yes, I did deserve it but he didn't" the last part wasn't even said, but instead mouthed down towards the table. Her hand came to rest on her stomach.  The sound of anger spilling over Wesley's words made her head snap up. The last time she saw him mad was when they broke up, he was mad and sad and confused -- the same as he was now. but when he said our family her whole demeanor changed.  It was as if the life was sucked out of her body, her mouth fell open slightly, her brow furrowed, and her eyes -- they looked far off. Distant, cold and hopeless.. and the silent tears returned. "I cant be here." she said suddenly as if something shocked her into movement. She stood up and without a glance around the room to the eyes that were watching them, darted out of the coffee shop. ----

“How did you even find out that I was going to die,” he asked curiously. While that would be something that would freak anyone out, he wished he would have been informed. It was his life after all, his fate. How the hell were so many important decisions made without him the affected his life? “Also, did something go wrong? Because Raye, I still almost died. Is there a way the fortune or whatever could have been read wrong?” Everything sounded so screwed up and sad. When he proposed to Raye, he promised to give her a lifetime of happiness, and he couldn’t even keep it for six months. The woman who was, and most likely always would be, the love of his life was a shell of the woman he knew, and it was killing him. It was absolute hell. 

This was different, and he didn’t like it. The two of them had always been open with one another. Now, she was keeping things and mumbling things under her breath that he couldn’t make out. However, they were in the middle of a coffee shop and trying to pull it out of her there wasn’t the right decision. Wesley didn’t have much time to think about it though because apparently he’d said something messed up because his ex fiancé was running away from him. Fortunately, they both paid for their coffee at the counter, so he was able to get after her. Another lucky fact was that Raye was so much shorter than him so his longer legs allowed him to catch up to her. Without thinking twice about it, he wrapped his arms around her to get her to stop. “Whatever it is things will be okay,” he whispered as he pulled her as closely against him as he could. “If I’m here able to hold you and comfort you after what happened last year, then we’ll get through it.” .

Wesley held her for a few moments until he was confident that the panic had lowered slightly. Then, he pulled back and lightly lifted her chin so he could look at her properly. “Let’s go home,” he said without even thinking about it. “The house isn’t far, and we’ll have more privacy.” ----

Raye was walking down the street, anger, fear and sadness taking over her features. In her mind -- she felt like she was in another world, she registered what Wesley was saying but speaking -- speaking was hard. Explaining what happened -- it broke her heart and it hurt her soul. Raye licked her lips and glanced up to the clouds floating overhead. "Ava" She said with a frown. "She said our thread was frayed -- that it was close to ripping in half -- that one of us...One of us would die if it finally ripped. But -- I left, you're alive. It worked." She explained in broken sentences. "The fortune, the prediction, -- if you're alive and I was gone.... then it saved you. It kept you from death." she felt the tears prickling at her eyes once more as a breeze blew between the two of them. Her hair flying into her face.

Raye had learned to shut down, she had closed herself off to pretty much every person who tried to talk to her. The only person who knew it all was her sister Delilah. Otherwise? she had shut down and held it all in. The idea of speaking it in such a way that Wesley could hear her? It was outrageous. She had hoped she had gotten far enough away, hoped she was small enough and could blend into the crowd crossing the street enough that he wouldn't have spotted her. But when his arms wrapped around her frame she froze. Her body tensed and she stopped mid step on the sidewalk her eyes bloodshot and swollen. "You wont be okay." She said, the feel of his arms around her frame broke her. It was a safety she knew she didn't deserve. "You will be a fucking wreck if I tell you all of it -- and I can't I can't subject you to that here... I don't even want to fucking tell you Wesley. I don't want to hurt you more than I already have." she said in a whisper. his smell was bringing her back to their nights together under the stars, their nights talking about their future, about a family,  "Just let me go Wesley, forget me.  Forget all of this... Go be with Ness, you know she would treat you a hell of a lot better than I could," She said, sure it hurt, and sure it sucked to even think of. But Raye genuinely believed it.  "Let me go Wes." She was still wrapped in his arms, still feeling like a broken doll hanging there. "Home" she muttered a hopeful sound dancing there. "Take me home."

----

Thinking about the night of the accident wasn’t fun for Wesley. From the very public ending of his relationship at an airport like the worst cliche in every romantic comedy to his anger nearly taking his life were all things he hated remembering. “Ava,” he asked curiously. That didn’t make any sense. If she’d said Hades or even one of the Fates he’d understand, but Ava? Then it caught up to him that she saw strings as part of her ability, but the strings didn’t tell the whole story. “Raye, I — I did die,” he said slowly. “I mean, um, I coded I think is the medical word. I wasn’t even gone sixty seconds before I was brought back, but technically that happened. I had something called a myocardial contusion,” he explained as he racked his brain to remember all the key terms. Wesley understood them easily enough because he was a very smart guy, but his head was really fuzzy from the concussion. “So, you see, if we go by the medical definition, I did die. I just had a lot of help to get back on my feet.” Between the excellent medical staff to Mira using her abilities, he was a lucky guy. 

The idea that there could be something that could destroy him more than what had already happened scared the shit out of the man. His break up felt like it had completely destroyed him on his worst days, so the idea that she thought there was something more that would be worse was not great. Yet, when he heard her pleading him to leave, a switch flipped in him. Wesley had always been self sacrificing. While he’d probably feel it later, he couldn’t imagine letting her believe she wasn’t enough to fight for. He’d thought that, and he wouldn’t let that happen to someone he loved. “No, do you hear me,” he said as he held her gently on the shoulders. “No. I made a promise, okay? I promised to love you for the rest of my life when I asked you to marry me, and nowhere in there did I ever say I’d let you go. So, whatever it is, if it involves me like you’re implying, we’ll find a way to deal with it. I mean, you told me you cheated on me with fucking Leo, broke my heart, and I almost died, but we’re still here.” There was no way he’d ever do what she was asking. Wesley would give her the world if he could, but not that.

He swallowed thickly at her calling the house home, but nodded his head and began the walk there while keeping an arm wrapped around Raye. The walk didn’t even last longer than ten minutes before he was walking them up the stairs of the home. When he unlocked the door, he let her in first before following behind her and closing the door. “Come on,” he said as she gently led her to the couch. Wes sat down first against one edge before gently tugging Raye into his side. “There, we’re alone, and we can talk. No eyes watching us, no more yelling, judging, or accusations. Just us.”

----

Hearing him say he did die made her heart stop, she was pretty sure that if she had been on a heart monitor it would have just flatlined. Her breath caught in her throat and it took her a moment to just look over at him. She shook her head and let out a breath. "You  died." she frowned a bit of shock rolling off her as her brain truly caught up to what he was saying.  "You coded..." she muttered her eyes wide. As he continued on, reminding her of the promise, of what had already happened and that he would still be around she let out a long breath and let him lead her down the street and to the house. She knew that once they were inside, once they were away from the prying eyes of people in the street she'd have to explain it all, she'd have to tell him the truth, tell him something she knew would break his heart worse than the lie she had told a year ago. The only bits of comfort she took was that he would know the truth... and his arm around her. She felt like she was falling apart and that strong arm wrapped around her frame was the only thing keeping her together. She hadn't expected him to keep her close once they arrived at the house, so sitting so close to him had her stomach flipping and her head spinning. "Just us" she repeated as her hand subconsciously went to her stomach once more. "I -- I'm not even sure the best way to start all of this Wesley... So much " she looked up, her eyes searching for the correct words as if they were suspended over their heads. "So fucking much has happened since that day" she muttered. "And I don't know if I'm drunk enough to talk on it without sobbing my eyes out." She said as she rubbed her face with a free hand. "What -- Where do you want me to start? With Ava? With what happened in LA? With why I'm back?"

----

He nodded his head when she repeated what he said. That wasn’t something that needed to be clarified when it was obvious that Raye heard him. “Do you think that us breaking up is what the fate was speaking about,” he asked curiously. “I mean think about it. Things change based on our decisions, but if your fate was for your to be placed in this situation, maybe the misinterpretation of it was what could kill me.” Wesley didn’t blame her for his car accident. That is horrible, and he wouldn’t do that for anyone. Still, Wesley wished that he would have been spoken to. It was so hard for him to understand how Raye had made such huge decisions without him. He understood acting on fear, but it had just caused them so much pain. .

Having Raye in his arms and in the house was bittersweet for the man. It was the life they were supposed to have just minus the bloodshot eyes from crying and spilling of secrets, but it was those things that reminded him how far they were from that dream. “Do you want a drink,” he asked without moving from beside her. He knew how much Raye liked affection when she was panicking, so he’d let her decide if she wanted a drink that badly. “I want to know everything, Raye. We’ve always been honest. I don’t know when our communication got so sideways, but let’s try and get on the right track now,” he said calmly as he could even though he was nervous to hear what she had to say. “Just start with wherever it’s easiest.”

----

"A drink would be nice" she said and then shrugged her shoulders, eyebrows raising as she did so. She wasn't sure what to think anymore. What to believe anymore when it came to fate and the strings. It was a mess and she hated herself for even believing any of it. "You're right. It does change all the time.. I just took her warning and I--I couldn't deal with the idea of you dying because of us." she sighed burrying her head in her hands. She felt him shift and get up to get them drinks and while he did she took a couple of deep breaths. "Easiest." she started lifting her head from her hands and leaning back into the couch, eyes staring up at the ceiling. "Easiest would be that my dad told me I had to come back because I was in danger over these kidnappings and that they were getting worse" she said rubbing her temples. "That he thought this place was safer... of course that was before the minotaur attack. I can't help but wonder if he's regretting that now." she glanced over to Wesley.  "But I guess I can start from the beginning." .

She shifted, pulling her feet up under her butt as she continued to take deep breaths between sentences. "I ran into Ava after one of my plays; the two of us got to talking, hit it off really... but she noticed I wasn't feeling 100% and I guess decided to read me; she saw our string said it was frayed. That a frayed almost broken string of fate meant one side of the string was close to death. " She took the drink as he came to sit back down and instantly took a long sip of it. "I know my dad is mad at me, he's been mad at me and Lyric since we broke up; so thinking that our string was close to breaking? I know he doesn't like what's happened but i also know he wont kill me. you on the other hand he might be more open to." she glanced over at him and let out a sigh, "I acted on instinct to protect you." she shrugged. "I figured the only way to keep you safe, to keep dad from going after you was to get away from you" she laughed now, it was a broken hollow sound. "But I know you, you wouldn't let me go without a fight Wes. I had to come up with something that would make you not chase me..... and well you know that part." she hung her head and decided against actually saying Leo's name. She didn't need to upset Wesley more than she already had. .

"So I left." she continued, "I moved to LA. Started working again in VA more full time -- the studio I used was only a short train ride from my house. So I walked to and from the train station every day.” She ran a hand through her hair and stared at the blank wall ahead of her. “I guess… I guess my comings and goings garnered attention.” she frowned, lifted her drink to her lips and finished the whole thing in one go. She didn’t care if she ended up sick now. “I was walking home one day after work and — two guys… they — I was less than a block from my place. They jumped me… they stole my purse, my jewelry, my necklace.” her hand moved to the necklace that she wore, the engagement ring still hanging from it. She closed her eyes and her hand fell from the necklace to her stomach. “I — they — I found out…” she let out a choked sob now, “I had been pretty fucked up and they had kicked my stomach a lot because of how loud I screamed.. I think they were trying to knock the breath out of me so I’d shut up.” she explained, trying to rationalize why it happened, trying to hold off telling him what was truly painful about all this.  Instead she dug around in her purse, tears still streaming down her face and she pulled out a picture and handed it to him “I — I found out I was pregnant.” she finally said it was a sonogram of her stomach at 12 weeks, “But — the beating….” she shook her head and her hand rested back on her stomach.

----

Wesley couldn’t help but laugh at the idea that arriving back on the island was safer. ”I bet he’s kicking himself in the ass right about now,” he said honestly. That whole situation had been absolutely hell, and two people he cared a lot about had suffered greatly. “I’m happy I found you in the mist of all that though,” he said honestly. . As he listened to Raye explain why she’d vanished and lied to him, and while he got how that could be scary, it was still crazy to plan so much without him. Raye had told him multiple times how much of a big baby Hades was being about her break up with Lyric, but to want him dead? That was a whole new level of irrational thinking. “Raye, babe, I get learning all that must have been scary as hell. I’d lose my shit if I heard something was going to happen to you, but why didn’t you talk to me? I know I can be stubborn and wouldn’t want to let you go, but we could have brainstormed.” The Leo thing still pissed him off, but now that he knew the whole story, at least his chest didn’t feel like it was constantly caving in. “The worst part though was the lie about cheating, and if you ever do that to me again, I won’t even want to talk to you to work it out, okay? Just — not again.” 


The two of them weren’t back together. Hell, he didn’t even know what it would take to get them back to that point, but he didn’t hate Raye. He didn’t even want to try and pretend like he did which was a large improvement from when he woke up. However, right then he was focused more on listening to the parts that he didn’t know. As the story went on though, he wished he hadn’t. 
. Breathing stopped and his mind went blank as he realized he would have been a father. The universe was fucking horrible because what the hell? All he wanted was a family with the woman beside him, and he’d lost all of it literally because of strings. It wasn’t the time for him to mourn though or deal with his pain because Raye was the one who had lost a tiny being that she had been carrying. What said more about the two of them than anything was the fact that he didn’t even need to ask if the baby was his. He knew Raye. “Fuck Raye, I,” he started but no words would help. So, he just put his own drink on the end table and gently tugged her to lay against him. Nothing would make it okay. He wasn’t okay, and neither was she, so why try to find the words when they wouldn’t make a difference. 


Before she moved towards him though, she handed him a picture. In it held the tiniest bean that represented their child, their baby. His eyes welled with tears as he looked at the last shred of evidence that a little baby existed. Their baby. As he held the picture with one hand, he lightly ran a finger over the image. “Our — our baby,” he said with a choked voice. He quickly coughed though to try and push it back.

----

She wanted to make a comment on her father’s idiocy, but honestly, there wasn’t much to say about it, Hades knew how much of an idiot he was. He had to…. Right? She shook away the thoughts and just smiled faintly at the comment, “I’m glad you did too.” she said running her hand through her hair again, “Who knows how I would have ended up.” she said and let her eyes dance along the lines in the ceiling as she let her emotions wash over her, but the word babe caught her attention and had her eyes snapping over to him. “I can’t easily explain my thought process then. Other than I knew it was close to splitting and I panicked.”  She looked away as she spoke, actually looking at Wesley as she admitted that there was no excuse for her not to have talked to him. “I just -- knew that there was no way to -- to, I guess, to get away,  which felt like the only way to keep you safe.” she kept her eyes far away from him, not even daring to look his way as she spoke.  Her head snapped over to him and she furrowed her brow, “Do it again?” she muttered rather confused. The idea of her even getting the chance to do it seemed…. Impossible. “I wouldn’t” she added a split second later.  Tears were still sliding down her face as she spoke, her heart aching as she thought back on those couple months. They were the hardest of her life. Things had started getting easier after the first four or so months in LA, but she hadn’t ever really been happy during it. Just -- easier. She kept one hand on her belly, it was a truly subconscious thing she did any time she thought about her baby. She shook her head when he tried to give it back. “It’s yours to keep…” she managed to get out blinking away tears “They were your baby too, you… you deserve a physical part of hi-them too, even if you didn’t get to know them.” 

Raye let herself be pulled into him, it took her a moment but she rolled onto her side, resting her head on his chest as she clenched her eyes shut tight. She listened to his heart beating, the sound of his breathing before she spoke again.  “I have a copy at my place in a frame.” she muttered letting a couple of heartbeats pass and soothe her nerves, “I just -- also always have one in my purse because I want to feel close to him--them,” she explained, in her heart and soul, she knew the baby had been a little boy. “For the longest time, it was as close as I could be to you too.” Raye muttered turning her head slightly so she could look up at Wesley, “I -- I’m sorry for all that’s happened.”

----

Thinking back to when he spotted Raye in front of a charging Minotaur, Wesley had never been so scared in his damn life. Not when the car hit his own, or when he’d been told his heart had stopped momentarily at the hospital came close. He didn’t even have time to process the shock of seeing Raye back in Icaria before he acted. “If I’m around, I’ll always try to keep you safe. You should know that,” he said with a shrug. That was just the person he was. Once you were loved by Wesley, you were one of his people. He did anything for his people. “You know me well that’s for sure,” he grumbled. He never thought she’d use that knowledge to find the best way to get away from him, but being connected to Greek Gods came with weird situations. “Telling me you cheated on me with that moron was a way to ensure I stayed put. I wouldn’t even know how to make things work if you’d cheated on me.” He truthfully didn’t think he could. Trust was so big to Wesley, and he wouldn’t ever be able to live with having to second guess everything. He wasn’t the guy who would ever check phones, or any of that stuff.  

The sonogram picture broke his heart in a way he didn’t even know was possible. He hadn’t even known that the little baby had existed, and immediately, he felt a pain within him. An aching for the loss that shouldn’t have happened. Wesley wanted to keep it together though. Somehow, he had to make that happen because Raye was barely keeping it together. The slip of the male pronoun almost made him lose it, but he shoved it back down. Later on when he was alone he’d be able to cry, wallow, and be angry at the world, but right then he had to be better. “Thank you for this,” he said of the sonogram as he gently placed it on the end table beside him. “And thank you for telling me. I want to be here for you. You shouldn’t have to go through this alone anymore.” In what capacity he’d be there, he had no idea. Those were logistics and feelings they could figure out later. 

Wesley maneuvered himself so they could both be sort of laying together on the sofa as he held onto her. He rubbed her back soothingly, and almost thought of going under her shirt because it definitely felt better, but he had no idea if that would be weird anymore. “That’s normal. Maybe we can get it put in a locket, or maybe not the sonogram, but what you would have named the baby engraved,” he offered quietly. It was something she could physically touch when needed that would be more discrete. He made a note to look into it. “Well, you can come see me now whenever you want, alright? Text me or just pop by. I don’t care.” The apology was something he thought he needed, but really, an explanation covered everything. While he didn’t agree with how she handled the situation, and least now he had all the answers. “This — the baby, wasn’t your fault. It was those idiots who robbed you, okay? I’ll never blame you for that. Don’t even counter that if you would have stayed here that it wouldn’t have happened, you know as well as I do we don’t have control over the fates and will never know what was written in our plans. But, we’ll get through this, okay?” He placed a kiss to the top of her head out of habit in the hopes that she could feel just a little bit better.

----

She nodded her head because deep down she knew that he would do what he could to keep her safe. The thought that he’d let her die if he saw her in trouble was outlandish and completely out of character for the man. He lived to help people and took care of anyone he saw in need. And she knew that even if he hated her -- he wouldn’t let her suffer. “I know.” she said simply. Raye sucked in a long breath, her chest heaving with the inhale and slowly let it out. “He’s not -- ” she started but decided against it. Leo was her friend, he protected her and helped her when she was desperate and scared. He did it without hesitation and for that, she’d be appreciative, even if in the end it was all a huge fuck up. “I couldn’t ever cheat on you; have you met yourself? You’re to good of a person to think someone could actually be better” she said, her voice was hoarse from crying, eyes red and she knew she looked a mess, but -- she would never miss an opportunity to compliment the man. She sat silently holding onto the idea of making things work as if it was a lifeline and she was a sinking ship. 

Raye nodded her head, “Of course. You deserved to know.” at the mention of going through it alone, her chest tightened and she looked down towards her hand, “You and Lyric are the only ones who know. I haven’t even told Lilah.” she said and bit down on her bottom lip, it would come as no surprise to anyone who knew Raye well that Lyric knew before most anyone else. She swallowed hard and closed her eyes, “You should have been first -- but there was…. There was…” her voice faded off, she knew he’d understand where she was going with that, that she hadn’t been ready to tell him or even see him. Hell, she was still conflicted about seeing him. She wanted nothing more than to cry to him and be held without a second thought but she knew they were both overthinking their every movement.

As he moved them she let herself curl into his side, hand on his chest, and face buried in his side. She inhaled deeply and felt her body relax between the circles being rubbed on her back and the familiar smell of Wesley. “I -- I had thought about Ryder.” she said as she imagined the son she could have had. “I know that was --- that was a name you mentioned once as a name you’d want for ou- a son” she said rather quietly. She didn’t know if she had the right to use that name, it had been one he loved, and while yes, it was his child who had died, she didn’t want to take away a name he may still have wanted to use for whenever he had children. “It’s hard not to blame yourself when something like this happens… But I’ll try not to.” she said taking a deep sigh, she knew the fates were assholes sometimes and they wanted people to “” learn lessons “” but she wouldn’t ever forgive them for this. She glanced up at him after she felt the kiss on her head, it was slightly awkward with how they were laying but looking at him and laying on his chest her stomach flipped and she felt her cheeks warm just slightly. “I’ll keep that in mind,”  she said with a small smile. “Don’t be surprised if I come by often,” she added quietly, “being around someone who -- understands the pain and cares is -- really comforting,” Raye explained before resting her head back on his chest and sighing. “Tell me -- about what you’ve been up to since -- everything happened.”

----

Hearing her start to defend Leo wasn’t surprising to him, but he was happy that she decided to stop. It was still to fresh of a wound for him, and the last thing she wanted was for them to fight. Hearing her words made his heart race faster because everything was just spinning on it’s axis. All that he’d been told, which was horrible, was a lie. Instead the woman he loved had suffered impossibly and was back home telling him that she’d done everything for him. It was a lot to take in, and he knew he hadn’t been able to digest it all yet. “Do you still love me,” he asked when he replayed what she’d said. Raye was impossible sweet all the time, but she only ever said things she believed completely. Still, Wesley had to know where she stood.  “I’m not mad Lyric knows first. I mean, I’m just happy you finally talked to someone, Raye. Don’t do this again okay? No more leaving everything behind. We can face anything together, okay,” he said with the utmost confidence. If he had fought for Raye more, maybe things would have been better. Maybe what had happened wouldn’t have happened, but he wouldn’t voice that. He didn’t need to have Raye comforting him. That wasn’t what he wanted. She was the one going through unimaginable pain. “Plus, I get that coming to me wasn’t the easiest thing. This is all just a cluster fuck,” he said with a small laugh. There really was no better way to describe there situation . 

Wesley swallowed thickly as he heard the name she wanted to choose. It was definitely at the top of his list for names. “Our son,” he corrected her. “You can say our son because no matter what we were, I would have been there. So, ours, okay? You don’t have to keep correcting that.” His voice was getting a little raspy from emotion, but he was doing a pretty good job of keeping it in check. He’d unload everything on his own when he could, but he was happy to be there for the woman he cared most about. “I can only imagine, but it’s not your fault. I’ll tell you that as many times as you need to hear it, and I’m not mad, disappointed, or anything at you for this. I’m hurt for you, and I want to do what I can to help you heal,” he said honestly. “Come over as much as you want. Just don’t be surprised if you see another woman around. I’m not involved with her or anyone before you ask,” he quickly explained with wide eyes when he realized how that sounded. “It’s Mira. Be careful, she was a huntress of Artemis, so traps may be a thing.” He sounded far less concerned by that than he should be, but he was used to it by now. “You know, just working really and taking care of Gianna when she lets me. I slept with someone once, but I just — it didn’t feel right, and we’re just friends. I guess I haven’t gotten over you yet.”

----

Raye didn't really know what she had wanted from this conversation, what she had hoped to gain by telling him the truth, other than -- for him to just know. But she hadnt been expecting to be snuggled up to him on a sofa crying while he asked her that question. It was loaded and could mean a lot; answering dishonestly (a no) could push them apart for good even as friends to some extent. But it may save Wesley from whatever bullshit she felt the world was bound to throw at her, what maybe even her father was going to throw at her. But -- that would be wrong, and she couldn’t lie or hurt him again. So after a long moment and trying to build up the courage to say something she used to say on the daily, she breathed out a “Of course I do” She hadn’t realized how admitting such a thing would make her mouth go dry and her heart pound in her chest. “I never…. I never stopped loving you.” If she hadn’t just been asked that and felt these symptoms she would have assumed she was sick -- hell she still felt sick just with the emotions raging through her. As Wesley continued to talk. She propped herself up on an elbow and looked down at him a sad smile on her face, but she nodded. “I wouldn’t. I can admit I was a fucking idiot to do that. I’m sorry by the way.” She had a feeling she'd forever be apologizing to him for what transpired in the past year.  Raye nodded her head “A cluster fuck for sure.” .

She was still popped up on her elbow when he spoke of their son and she flashed a heartbroken smile. She had gotten so used to saying our in their years together, and she had already started trying to retrain her brain to not say those things about him. She had gotten pretty good at it -- at least when she wasn’t around Wesley. Apparently being near him messed with her habits and words more than she realized. “Our son.” she repeated and then laid her head back down on his chest.  She furrowed her brow and tried to keep her stomach, and jealousy, in line. She had no right to judge him at all or feel any sort of jealousy towards anyone he spent time with. “Mira?” she asked rather confused, “Why- why would she be setting traps around the house?” Now she was mostly curious and a bit concerned if this woman was gonna end up hurting someone with the traps. She fell silent as Wesley continued to speak on what he had been up to; her heart feeling like it was going to fall out of her when she heard he had tried to move on. She knew he would one day, had expected it and wanted it to some extent -- but to actually hear it? Well it rubbed her the wrong way. But she bit her tongue and kept quiet. Now… wasn’t the time to ask about those sorts of things, if they ever worked out their issues and tried again, then maybe. But right now? Now she had no right to ask those things. “ Oh. I mean -- I get that. I’ve done the same.” she muttered, that was not something she had planned on admitting to Wesley but here she was. Oh well. “Nothing would have ever come from that,” she added, her face heated and she tried to hide it from him as a memory of that night flashed through her mind.

----

Wesley really should have realized that him asking such a thing would mean he’d have to either get hurt or answer it back. Really, who let someone say something like that without saying it back? Especially since he knew he loved Raye. Sure, he was hurt, confused, and angry at the way things had gone down, but she was the woman he wanted to make his wife. Love like that didn’t just go away even if it would be easier if it did. Picking up the pieces of their relationship and putting them back together wouldn’t be easy if they decided to go that route, but it had to be worth it. “I love you too,” he said with a small smile before letting out a breath he’d been holding. “I don’t know what that means or where we will go from here, but I love you, so that’s a good start, right?” It had to be better than where many other people started at least. There hadn’t been any cheating or break of trust, so it could totally be worse. When Raye lifted herself up again to show her face, Wesley gave her a side ways smile and moved his hands from her back. He gently wiped the small amount of tears on her cheeks away before saying, “Good, good. And it’s okay. Just stop crying pretty lady.” Raye could have mascara running down her face, and Wesley knew he’d still say she looked like a million bucks. 

“Thank you,” he said in response to her changing something as simple as a word to our. It just sounded so odd to hear her keep stumbling over what to call their baby. The pain wasn’t just Raye’s to bear, and he wanted her to remember that she wasn’t along in all of it. She may have been alone for a long time which none of them could help, but he could be there now. Child or not, his responsibility was never gone. That’s not how Wes operated. “She likes to protect things she cares about, and even though she won’t say it, I’m one of those people. Just walk carefully,” he said the last bit in a questioning, playful tone. Hearing that Raye had done the same made Wesley feel better oddly enough. At least both of them had the same, clean slate. It would be weird if it was one sided. However, he could feel her trying to hide from his gaze which only ever meant that she was embarrassed by something. They’d been together for too long for him not to be able to notice all the little quirks that she’d do. “Whoa whoa, you’re gonna burn me from the heat radiating from your face,” he teased while playfully poking her sides. “What’s got you all embarrassed?”

----

Raye’s face was still hiding in his shirt, her cheeks still warm and only growing warmer by the second at the words I love you. Her heart was pounding wildly in her chest, her stomach flipped -- it felt like she was hearing it for the first time all over again. Of course she wasn’t, but -- after not hearing it for a year? It felt like a new thing and either way she had never expected to hear it out of Wesley’s mouth again. Raye felt tears spring to her eyes and she finally looked up at him, her body slowly releasing all the knots she had building up over the past year. “That’s a great start,” she said before pushing herself up just a little and leaning over his face to place a small, gentle kiss on his lips. She hadn’t let herself second guess the kiss, she just went for what her gut said was an okay thing to do. She wasn’t sure Wesley would be 100% on board -- but she knew he’d understand her passion and thoughts, at least to some extent. “We’re in a better place than some people are.” she added as she pulled back and resettled on his chest. 

The touch of her cheek and that smile made her feel like a frog was caught in her throat. Gods he was so handsome, so sweet. She had been a serious fool to have left him, even for a day. “I’ll keep an eye out … and hope she doesn’t hate me if I can explain…” she muttered shaking her head. As she heard his tone change from more concern and careful words to the more teasing side her face turned redder and redder and putting out more heat. It was a side effect of being a Hades child -- fire and heat, she literally radiated it when she felt strong emotions. “NOTHING!” she squeaked when she felt his finger poke at her side. “Nothing at ALL” She buried her face even deeper into his shirt, completely hidden from view. But there was no stopping the heat that came off of her at her embarrassment.

----

Seeing Raye be so bashful wasn’t something that he got to see very often, so he usually relished in it when it happened. Couple that with the weight lifted off his chest after telling Raye he loved her, and well Wesley was the most weird bundle of happiness and sadness ever. The two of them had been through hell and back together, and he didn’t know what to think. Luckily, he didn’t have to think too long because Raye short circuited his brain with a kiss. He reciprocated it without thinking and smiled at her when they parted. “Great place if that kiss says anything,” he joked lightly. He needed a break from all the heavy, or else he was going to end up breaking down himself. That wasn’t something he wanted to do in front of Raye. She felt bad enough. There was no need for her to see him break when things weren’t her fault. 

“I’ll put a good word in,” he said sincerely. “Plus, she’s far too curious not to let people explain. While she can be hotheaded, she likes having all the information.” Mira was definitely not someone to mess with, but he believed she’d easily see how their situation wasn’t black and white. She’d be protective, but it should be okay. “Listen,” he exclaimed playfully. “You’re going to give me a burn if you keep heating up,” he managed to get out in between laughs. “Oh, it’s so not nothing. You don’t get this worked up over nothing, Raye.”

----

His comment on her kiss only deepened her blush and made her hide her face more, and at the mention of a burn, she took a deep breath and soothed the warmth that was trying to escape her. Apparently once a pyro -- always one. She calmed the heat down but her face was still as red as her lipstick. She pursed her lips and sat up, moving so she was sitting on her own feet. She let her hair cover her face as she tried to hide her embarrassment. She wanted to be close -- but what had her so embarrassed she wasn’t sure she could be touching Wesley without bursting into flames because of it.  So she took a couple of breaths before she lifted her head to look at him, then the ceiling, her cheeks almost normal now that she wasn’t touching him.  

“So… as I said. I had slept with someone during all this -- just once because what happened ” her cheeks had started to redden but she quickly looked to him, hoping that her embarrassment would convey that she wasn’t trying to hurt him by telling him this “I uh…. I was with this guy. And well -- things were getting there and you know I’m loud…” she grumbled. “I may have… umh.” her eyes closed “Moaned your name instead.” she added quickly while peeking one eye open to gauge his reaction. “Which is how I realized nothing could have ever come from it because I’ve been to hung up on you since the day I left.”

Wesley waited patiently for his ex to collect herself. If he wanted to get the answer, he needed to let her cool down before he was the one all hot and bothered, and not in a good way. Waiting totally paid off too because the answer he got was hilarious. He couldn’t help the laugh that erupted from his belly when he heard it, and he was pretty sure there were tears in his eyes from laughing. “Holy shit,” he said once he calmed down a bit. “So, you gave him the best compliment ever,” Wesley teased lightly. “If it makes you feel any better, I had to get drunk off my ass to even have anything happen. I mean so drunk I don’t remember anything that happened. I didn’t even know the woman’s name until I saw her around town later. It’s Viv by the way, but you don’t have anything to worry about. Both of us were just hurting,” he said with a shrug. “So, I guess if you’re going to be moaning my name anyway, you should just sleep with me, right?” ---- Raye's cheeks were still bright red and she pursed her lips trying not to look more more embarrassed than she already was. "I mean YES" she said shrugging refusing to make eye contact with him. "It is the best compliment a man could get." she chuckled. Raye then nodded her head, it wasn't something she particularly wanted to know, but it would make it not so awkward in the future if she saw Viv. "Sorry you were both hurting..." She was still refusing to look at him but when he mentioned moaning his name her eyes shot over to him "Exsu--are you -- I mean, yes, preferably," her cheeks instantly heating back up. ----- They just stayed up talking and ended up falling asleep cuddling ---- 

[corktree]

”Hoooly shit, are you in for an embarrassing story. I was 19 at the time and was extremely upset because my friend, whom I had fallen for, was proposing to his girlfriend. My best friend drug me to her house and made me download Tinder and we joked around and talked to some people. I went home and this guy named Wesley was messaging me and I was into him. We messaged each other for about a week, then decided to go on a date. I had never really been on a date before and was a complete nervous wreck and I also didn’t know the guy that well, so I was wary. I asked my best friend what to do and she said she’d come along and chill out on the other end of the restaurant, so he wouldn’t know she was there. Turns out, she couldn’t make it, but my sister was so down for it. She’s 20 years older than me and SUPER protective. She dropped me off at the restaurant, I met Wesley (super cute, glasses, shorter than I expected, but ridicelously sweet) and then… she decided to meet Wesley. I introduced her and we all went into the restaurant. Remember here, she’s supposed to go get her own table and do whatever. She did not do that. Nothing close to it. She sat down with us. And ate with us. The whole time. And just… talked. I stayed quiet, partially because that’s just who I am, but also because of her. Anyway, we decided to go to our local park. It has a huge lake with a fountain and it’s a really romantic spot. She sat in the car and Wesley and I talked and walked around the park. At one point, he tried to kiss me and I turned away, because… technically it’d have been my first kiss and I’m still crazy nervous. I was shaking the whole “date”. Halfway around our second lap, my sister decided to join us. I was already incredibly embarrassed by this point, so I just decided to end the date. I said I should go home because it was getting dark or some shit and we hugged goodbye with my sister watching us. I would have kissed him then, but… sister. After I got into her car and Wesley left, she showed me that she had taken a picture of his licence plate. When I got home, I IMMEDIATELY texted him and profusely apologized and explained that she wasn’t supposed to be there at all. He said everything was okay and it was fine. We talked the rest of the day, then the day after that is when he just stopped texting me. IT. WAS. AWFUL. I still cringe when I think about it. Makes me want to cry lmao”

THIS IS SO CUTE

[khaleesimaka]

Cherry Bomb

Here’s my 2nd entry for Reverb 2017. 

I had the pleasure of working with @nori-wings whose art you find here and @soundofez whose version fic can be found here. Please check them out and leave them nice comments ❤︎

Summary: A year has passed since Soul and Maka broke up when she proposes they go back to being friends like they were before. The only problem is being friends is hard when you're still in love. College Exes AU.

Read on FFN or AO3 or below.

“Would you like to buy some flowers or chocolates for your special someone?”

Soul blinked down at the girl in front of him. She barely reached his shoulders, her dark hair tied in twin pigtails, and a blindingly bright smile. In either hand she held the two previously mentioned items, lifting them as if tempting him to pick one. A beautiful set of chocolates in a very pink box paired with red and white carnations beamed up at him in a dazzling mix of colors to celebrate the holiday. He should have known to avoid the quad during Valentine’s season considering he never partook in the annual sweetheart sale the student clubs put on.

Usually when he walked across the quad, people ignored and bypassed him thanks to the permanent scowl etched on his face and the pissed off glare he gave them. It was part of his charm; something everyone who had known him for the last two years had associated with him no matter if he were walking alone or with someone else. He was proud of his reputation. It gave him a moment of peace when he left the confines of his dorm.

Except, for some odd reason this girl had the balls to approach him and even had the audacity to ask if he wanted to buy something. Since when did Soul Evans buy anything from the clubs?

Then his gaze dropped to the badge placed over her heart, and his own gave a traitorous lurch. It was the same club she was a part of; the one she had created their first year in college; the one she had hounded him down in the dorms for when he refused to put his signature on her petition. The same club she would have never tried to form had they not met. Seeing the badge now, it’s generic Protect the Environment slogan arching over a tree, twisted his stomach and left his chest heavy.

It stirred old memories within. Opened old wounds he had tried to heal since the break up.

“I’m gonna pass,” he said, pushing past her.

“A-are you sure? You don’t wanna give your girlfriend something? I’m sure Maka would--”

He growled under his breath at the mention of her name and roughly pulled out his phone to drown himself in the cool tunes of Miles Davis. Anything to pry the memory of her out of his mind.

Close to a year had passed since him and Maka broke up, and somehow she still managed to wiggle her way into his life no matter how much he rathered she didn’t. It was worse enough he still lived in the same dorm as her and knew her schedule, he didn’t need to be reminded of her on his way back from class. He didn’t need to be reminded how in love with her he still was even after spending so long telling himself he wasn’t. He didn’t need to be reminded of the past he shared with her every time he turned around.

Unfortunately for him, though, he wasn’t going to get off that easily apparently.

Everyone said falling in love was easy, but they never mentioned how hard it was to fall out of it.

Then again, it was what he deserved for how badly he fucked up.

“May I inquire why you insist on coming to my room after your morning class is over?” Wes asked in way of greeting when Soul walked into his dorm room and collapsed on his bed. “Just because I’m your brother, it doesn’t give you the right to just waltz in, you know. I could’ve been fucking someone.”

“Your room is close to the main doors,” Soul said, his voice muffled by the pillow.

“It wouldn’t kill you to walk an extra ten steps to your dorm.”

“Probably would. Have you ever seen 1000 Ways to Die? Pretty sure there’s an episode about it.”

“Or maybe it has something to do with a certain someone leaving her dorm at this exact time,” Wes teasingly commented. “I would imagine she’s heading out the door right now. If you hurry and leave, you can probably catch her and have a chat with her. Maybe talk things out so you don’t hide out here anymore.”

“Nice try, but she doesn’t wanna talk. I don’t wanna talk. We broke up. We both moved on. Hakuna matata, the past is in the past, and all that other Disney bullshit,” Soul waved off, flipping himself over on the bed so he was staring at the ceiling instead of smothering himself in Wes’s pillow. Dying from the fumes of Calvin Klein cologne wasn’t the way he planned to go.

“We? I didn’t know we were speaking French.”

“You know what I mean, Wes,” Soul growled. “Maka,” he ignored the sting in his heart from speaking her name, “and I have both moved on. Stop acting like there’s something else ‘cause there isn’t.”

The sound of a chair squeaking told Soul his brother was giving him a sly smile with her perfectly plucked brows arched and tilt of the head for added effect. The same expression his brother had given him since the incident and every time the topic of his ex-girlfriend was brought up. The one that told anyone who knew Wesley Theodore Evans well enough that he knew the details of what had happened in great detail and was practically bursting to meddle in his brother’s love life.

“Oh, come off it, little brother. You and I both know that’s a bold-faced lie ‘cause if it was true, you wouldn’t be in here hiding out. Would you?”

Silence fell between them save for the low hum of the air conditioner. Soul bit the inside of his cheek so his mind could focus on another pain besides the hurt searing his heart. He had managed to go a month without wallowing in his own heartbreak, and he wasn’t going to break his streak no matter what.

Maka had moved on from him. He could do the same.

“I’m not hiding,” Soul said, his voice low and quiet. “I’m tired. It’s not my fault your room is closer to the doors than mine.”

“Soul.”

He flinched at the rough, sharp tone of his name coming from his brother’s mouth. It had been a while since Wes had to reprimand him for anything, and Soul had almost forgotten what it sounded like. Compared to their parents, Wes’s scolding was always ten times worse with the most effect on Soul which was more likely because out of everyone in the world, Wes was the one person he never wanted to disappoint.

A few seconds later, Wes was standing akimbo over Soul, his mouth arched down in a frown that didn’t suit his pretty boy face at all and brows furrowed. Dread prickled over his chest at the sight of it, and he knew he had fucked up. He probably should have gave in and admitted to the truth when he had the chance. Whatever Was was about to say, it was definitely worse than succumbing to defeat.

While Wes was the funny, teasing brother who seized every opportunity to embarrass Soul, he was also the kind of brother who picked his words carefully and knew exactly what to say for the right effect.

Sighing, Wes closed his eyes and rubbed at his temples. “I get it, Soul. I do. You loved Maka -- still love her -- and don’t wanna see her walking to class, but this isn’t healthy.”

Brown, tired eyes snapped to red before he continued.

“Not seeing Maka or talking about her is gonna make it harder for you to get over her. You two broke up, and you realized it was a mistake only to have her reject you so you hurting is normal. But you gotta get over this instead of hiding out and wallowing in your own pain.”

“I’m not wallowing.”

“You are, and you know,” Wes said, pointing a finger at him. “It’s been six months, Soul. We’ve had a whole semester and winter break for you to distance yourself from her and get over her, but you live in the same dorm as her. Hell, she goes to the same school. You two are bound to see each other at some point. It’s better if you get passed this awkward situation so you can live your life normally.”

Wes fell silent for a second. His gaze pulled away from Soul’s which was his tell that he knew something his brother didn’t, and it urged Soul to know what. Especially if it had to do with the topic of Maka.

“Or maybe you should talk to Maka. Apologize for breaking up with her and for your outburst. Maybe there’s a chance she wants to be friends or something,” Wes shrugged.

Soul’s interest in what his brother knew crumbled.

Whatever it was, it certainly didn’t have anything to do with Maka and talking things out.

“Sure,” Soul snorted. “I’ll go talk to her. Right after I discover another universe where Maka and I aren’t broken up ‘cause that’s the only way she’d talk to me.”

Pushing himself off the bed, Soul checked his phone for the time and determine if the coast was clear or not before standing up and stretching. His brother, for all his good intentions, was in the wrong, and he knew it. Maka didn’t want to talk to him. She had cut him off from every social media platform they were on, and he was more than sure she had his name on her phone as some profanity so she knew if he ever tried to contact her. They were done, over, and there was nothing he could do to change it.

“I thought you were gonna give me some brotherly advice, but now you’re just speaking from your ass,” Soul grumbled, picking his backpack up from where he had dropped it. “Thanks for letting me crash here.”

“I wasn’t letting you do anything. You invited yourself into my room,” Wes mumbled under his breath. Louder, he said, “I’m not speaking from ass about Maka, though. I heard from a reliable source she might still have feelings for you.”

Ignoring the small crack of hope in his chest, Soul shook his head and waved his brother’s words away. “Whoever your source is, they’re lying. I was there for the break up, the incident in August, and I know Maka doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore.”

He hated how soft his voice went at the end, the pain stinging across his heart at his own words, and prayed Wes would pretend along with him it hadn’t happened.

The clap on his shoulder and light squeeze of his brother’s hand told him otherwise.

“I really think you should listen to me just this once, little brother. Muster up the courage and talk to Maka. It might go smoother than it did before.”

For a split second, he almost considered to do exactly so.

Maybe it was the sincerity in Wes’s words or the simple fact he was older and wiser than his little brother, but Soul almost considered to talk to Maka about the break up.

Almost.

Sometimes, even with how much more knowledgeable Wes was about the world than he, Soul knew what the the right thing to do was and what wasn’t in certain situations. And in this particular situation, he knew better about than Wes did.

Between him and Wes, Soul knew Maka better, and he knew if he went to talk to her, she’d only ignore him or break his heart more through her words, and his need to stay away from embarrassing situations was far greater than how much the break up was killing him inside. It was best if he continued what he was doing. He had survived this long, at least. Another year of averting Maka’s path wasn’t about to hurt him more.

“I’ll see you later,” Soul said before leaving his brother’s dorm.

After a day filled with two more classes and one nap, Soul found himself in Liz’s dorm room.

He tried to keep his focus on her half the bedroom to save himself from falling victim of old memories once again, but it was more difficult than he expected. Maybe it was the familiar green stuffed llama sitting on top of her bookshelf or the contrast of her need to be impeccably neat and organized compared to Liz’s messy and disarray half of the room. Or maybe it was the doodles Maka drew on her white board to help motivate her, so adorable and comforting they brought a smile to his face.

Either way, Soul’s gaze continuously drifted over to her side of the room. His heart tugged and coiled at the contentment it brought to him. So familiar and warm, but so far away at the same time.

Soul hated how much he missed the before.

“See anything you like?” Liz asked as she handed him the CD he came to retrieve.

“Not really,” Soul said, pulling his gaze away from the framed photo of Maka and Liz. He remembered a time when it was him in the picture instead of Liz. “I thought you said you cleaned your room.”

“I did. I put my dirty clothes in the hamper so I can wash them later. Technically that is cleaning.”

“It wouldn’t kill you to at least make up your bed or put your school shit where it goes,” Soul muttered.

“God, you sound like my roommate.” Liz’s smirk irked him more than it should have. “Why should I make up my bed if I’m just gonna sleep in there later? ‘Sides, you’re one to talk.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You really wanna give cleanliness tips when your room looks like a tornado crashed through it?”

Liz sat down on her bed prompting for Soul to take the chair at her desk.

“That’s mostly ‘cause my roommate is a tornado,” Soul sighed. Waving the CD, he added, “Thanks for letting me borrow this, by the way. I’ve been looking everywhere for it.”

“And let me guess, torrents and Youtube were all bogus since they copyrighted the shit out of the music before releasing it.”

“I mostly meant I couldn’t find it in stores or iTunes since it was a limited release. I don’t like downloading music illegally. You know that, Liz.”

“Right. How could I forget Mister I’m Too Cool For You is actually afraid to do anything illegal.” She scoffed. “Like ripping music from Youtube will actually get you jail time. No one cares about that kinda shit, Soul.”

His only response was a shrug and slight shake of his head. Soul was fully aware of Liz’s watchful eyes as he once again found his own drifting to Maka’s side of the room. Seeing it now and remembering their past together, he wondered how he ever thought she wasn’t anything except a daddy’s girl. How he couldn’t see passed the bubblegum pink bedspread to notice the leather jacket in the background and realize Maka had always been more than what she seemed to be.

If only he wasn’t such an idiot back then. They’d probably still be together.

“She won’t be back for another hour so you still have time to kill,” Liz said, drawing Soul out of his thoughts. When his gaze met hers again, she shrugged and added, “She’s starting her tutoring sessions for Stein’s biology class today, and apparently the freshman are nervous as fuck for their first quiz so she wants to help ease some of their worries.”

“Thanks, but I didn’t care to know,” he sighed in an attempt to appear aloof on the matter. Though, the knot in his stomach did loosen slightly.

“As if I’d believe that, Soul. I’ve known you long enough to know when you’re bluffing. I’m not an idiot.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Brow quirked, Liz said, “Soul, you do realize everyone close to you knows you’re still attracted to Maka, right? You act like a love sick puppy when anyone mentions her.”

“I’m not a love sick puppy,” he muttered under his breath.

“And I’ve heard from a very reliable source you hide out in Wes’s room every Tuesday and Thursday morning ‘cause you don’t wanna see her. You’re obviously avoiding her which is hilarious since you’re the one who broke up with her. Guess you didn’t take well to her rejecting you back in August, huh?”

“First, I’d appreciate it if you and Wes didn’t talk about me when you’re fucking each other,” Soul said. “Second, I’m not avoiding her. I go to Wes’s room ‘cause it’s closer to the doors than mine! It’s not my fault he decided to be an RA for our dorm! And, third, let’s not talk about what happened in August.” He ran a tired hand through his hair. “I’d rather not be reminded of that, okay?”

“You mean you’d rather not remember how she totally ignored you when you stood over there like James Dean,” she jutted her chin toward the door, “and asked if she wanted to maybe get back together.”

Soul growled under his breath to play down the twisting feeling in his gut at the memory.

Liz let out an airy laugh. “Your face turned so red when you realized she wasn’t going to respond. You were so embarrassed.”

“I came here for a CD. Not to be embarrassed.”

“Soul,” Liz placed her hand over his in the short distance between them and smiled. “I love you, you know that, and you’re like a brother to me. So trust me when I tell you, what you did was stupid and you probably could’ve gone about things another way for different results.”

A small flicker of hope sparked in his heart at her words.

“Maybe if you tried to at least be friends with Maka, she’d say yes this time,” Liz added.

Just like that, the hope died.

Withdrawing his hand from under hers, Soul smirked and shook his head. “God, you need to stop hanging around my brother. You sound just like him.”

Frustration flashed across blue as Liz scowled.

“Maybe if you listened to one of us, you wouldn’t have to mope around and hide out in his room! You know none of this isn’t healthy for you, Soul. You can’t live out the next year trying to avoid Maka every turn you make! You’re gonna make yourself sick. Again.”

He opened his mouth to give a snide remark, but came up short because she was right.

Catching his silence, Liz continued. “I don’t want to break the trust Maka has with me, so all I’m going to say is maybe instead of going the direct get back together route, you should go the friend one. You and Maka were great when you were friends. It might be a nice do-over for you two.”

His gaze lifted to meet hers before falling to the floor again. The voice in his head screamed at him to ignore Liz and his brother and all their suggestions because they were wrong -- wrong, wrong, wrong -- while his heart spoke the opposite.

Deep down, he knew Liz was right.

Out of everyone in the dorm, she was the only one who knew Maka the best since they had been roommates since freshman year. Liz was the one Maka was closest to, the one she would confide to about her own secrets and worries, and Soul knew that. When they were dating, Maka had told Liz things he didn’t think she would and was teased about it mercifully the next day by the girl. She was the only person he could trust when it came to Maka.

“If it’ll change the topic, I’ll think about it,” Soul sighed. “Sound good?”

Her grin was almost devilish as she said, “Sounds good.”

About ten minutes before Maka was meant to return, Soul said his goodbye to Liz and left the dorm room.

He was halfway to his room when he heard the familiar twinkle of Maka’s laugh and his heart gave a warm lurch at the sound. Matters were made worse when his head popped up to see her waving to one of the freshman who lived in the dorm before turning to go down the same hall as him. His heart sunk when her smile disappeared upon seeing him, and the bile taste of disappointment crawled up his throat. Any hope he had felt earlier when talking to Liz vanished.

Somehow, he should have known everything the girl told him was a lie.

Liz, while she was her roommate, she didn’t know Maka either.

At least, she didn’t know Maka like Soul knew her. She didn’t know when Maka had the right mind to ignore someone and hate them, she did it with every fiber of her being. She didn’t know when Maka decided someone was utter trash, she kept them at a distance and never tried to make amends with them. Maka was the type of girl who held grudges, despised her father for years for cheating on her mama, and rarely, if ever, forgave anyone who broke her trust.

Soul assumed breaking up with someone without a warning or explanation filed into breaking their trust with them as well.

It was harder for him to breath as he felt his steps grow closer to Maka. Anxiety weighed heavily in his heart with each passing second, and his palms sweatier. The voice in his head told him to keep his attention to the floor, to only mark her shoes when she passed, but his gaze was more traitorous than he expected.

The moment they passed each other, red met green.

His heart clenched and heated at the same time, the hope from before flickering once again, but this time it didn’t extinguish right away. Unlike earlier with Wes and Liz, his wishful thinking wasn’t coming from a second party. It was from the actual thing, the actual person he needed confirmation from, because he knew Maka. If she hated him, she wouldn’t dare give him a second glance or any if she could help it, and she had looked at him.

Maka Albarn had given him a second glance.

She hated him, despised him with every fiber of her being.

All she wanted to do was gouge his pretty, bedroom eyes out and wipe the handsome smirk clear off his face for what he had done to her. Anger boiled deep in her belly like scorching water in a pot at the sight of him down the hall, and the memories of their together seared her mind like a hot iron. It was the hint of comfortable warmth beneath them that enraged her the most; the tug of her heart and tingle of her fingertips as she craved to smell him, touch him, feel him again.

But she refused to give in to temptation.

Soul Evans had hurt her. She trusted him, allowed him to fill the walls of her cold, dead heart for two years, and what did he do? He decided she wasn’t good enough and broke up with her. His explanation had been half-hearted at best, and the way he avoided her for weeks afterwards when she wanted to talk were the worst. Out of all the men her life, he was the last on the planet who deserved her forgiveness or for her to give him a second glance. Even if there was longing in his gaze the few seconds she caught it before walking down the hallway.

Still, even with rage roaring under her skin, Maka felt her heart tighten. Felt the way desire pricked her skin as she grew steadily closer to him; felt the heat of his body before he was a hair’s breadth away from her. She hated how he still held her heart in his hand.

Maka tried to keep her attention toward the ground as they passed, but her eyes, ever the traitor’s that they were, gave him a second glance, and her heart stuttered. She remembered the color of his better than anything else; how they watched her from across the room, how they softened when she spoke, how they drank up her body in the silence of the night. It was probably her most prominent memory of their relationship she had. Yet, she still wasn’t prepared when jade green locked onto wine red.

Growling to mask the feelings burrowing back to the surface, she pulled her gaze away from him and stared back down the hall to where her dorm was. She refused to busy herself with any thoughts of Soul Evans or why he had been down her hall instead of his own. Refused to turn around and call out his name, see if it still sounded, tasted, the same like so long ago.

He had hurt her. He didn’t deserve her.

He was the scum of the earth, she reminded herself as she slammed her dorm door shut. She swatted the stupid teddy bear he had given her off her bed trying to remember why she even kept it.

[burclay]

Be Held Chapter 7

“Yeah, I get it,” Buffy said. “England’s better than we think.” She grinned. “If your name is Earl Grey.”

“Well,” Giles said, hiding his indignation behind his Britishness in such a familiar way, “I’m going to bed.”

AO3 Chapter 1

Buffy had had it with emotions. She had defeated the literal First Evil, she had averted the apocalypse, and now she had to deal with all these feelings , like exhaustion and love and embarrassment and anxiety.

And Faith was so calm through it all. Buffy didn’t get how she did it. But then again, Faith hadn’t gotten where she was by wearing her emotions on her sleeve. And Faith wan’t the one standing next to her girlfriend and asking to crash at her ex’s.

So Buffy backed up and did some Slayer wrangling, making sure that everyone had roommates they could deal with while Faith talked to Angel about rooms. Soon enough, most of the Slayers had gone up to their rooms to sleep, and Buffy, Faith, Xander, Willow, Kennedy, Giles, Dawn, and Angel sat in the hotel lobby.

“So, you’ve all been busy,” Angel said.

“Pretty much,” Buffy said.

Angel surveyed the group. “Who’s…” He gestured at Kennedy.

“This is Kennedy,” Willow said. “She’s a Slayer.”

“Huh. Seem to be a lot of those lately.”

“You said you had some?” Giles asked.

Angel nodded. “One’s been living here. She’s asleep on the third floor. There’s another in the suburbs, who has a pretty picturesque life. She doesn’t have much interest in being a Slayer, and she won’t cause trouble if you leave her alone. There are a couple more who would go with you if you asked, and one who’s a trickier case.”

“Never seen one of those before,” Buffy muttered.

“I’ll take care of it,” Faith said, shooting Buffy a glare.

“She’s holed up in an abandoned movie theater,” Angel said. “I think she’s using vampires as slaves.”

“Good for her,” Kennedy commented. She leaned forward and addressed the group. “But what are we going to do with all these girls?”

“Spread out,” Buffy said, sitting up straighter. “We set up a base for training, and then when we’ve got girls trained up, we send them into the world.” She looked around at the others. “I mean, that makes sense, right?”

“I’d say I’m looking right at the core training staff,” Angel said.

“Works for me,” said Faith. “Where’s our base?”

“Might I suggest England?” Giles asked. “The resources of the Council--”

“Didn’t the Council explode?” Willow asked.

“Yes, but that was not their only stronghold,” Giles explained. “The Council, as a rule, is careful, and it is old. Furthermore, for all intents and purposes, at this point, I am the Council, as the only remaining active Watcher. Therefore, I will be able to take over their resources in order to properly train and support Slayers.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Faith said.

“So, we all head overseas?” Dawn asked.

“Pretty expensive proposal,” Xander said.

“The Council has always been a wealthy organization,” Giles said. “It has had thousands of years to accumulate wealth and resources.”

“We’ll have to ask the girls if they actually want to go,” Buffy said, trying to keep the bitterness out of her voice. “I mean, if there’s not a chosen one, surely they can do their own choosing, right?”

“Jealous?” Faith asked.

“What? No!” Buffy exclaimed. When everyone in the room stared at her, she sighed.  “Well, a little. I wouldn’t have chosen to be a Slayer.”

“Neither would I,” Kennedy said, “but I can’t go back to my life now that I know about this.”

“We’ll let the Slayers decide,” Giles said. “Some may agree with you, Kennedy. But they deserve the choice, now that they have it.”

“And so do all of you,” Buffy said. “If any of you non-Slayer types don’t want to stay with us--”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Willow interrupted.

“We’re with you, Buff,” Xander agreed.

Buffy shrugged. “Just checking.”

“I can get you plane tickets,” Angel said. “I just need a head count.”

“Some of us should stay back,” Willow said. “For the new new Slayers.”

“Faith and I can handle it,” Buffy said. “One last California quest before we go to the land of no sun and scones.”

Faith laughed. Giles scoffed.

“I’ll have you know--”

“Yeah, I get it,” Buffy said. “England’s better than we think.” She grinned. “If your name is Earl Grey.”

“Well,” Giles said, hiding his indignation behind his Britishness in such a familiar way, “I’m going to bed. I’ll make some calls in the morning and get access to the Watcher Council funds.” He stood and left, up the stairs to his room.

Willow got up, saying a quick good night and pulling Kennedy after her, and then Dawn made a wisecrack about it being past her bedtime, and even Faith left, and a moment later everyone was gone but Angel and Buffy.

Buffy sighed. “And here we are again.” She stood to leave. “I’m going up, too. Thanks for letting us stay.”

Angel stood too. “No problem. I’m always glad to help.”

“Helping the helpless, right?”

“You’ve never been helpless.”

Buffy smiled and went up the stairs to the room, where Faith was already curled up under the covers. Maybe Buffy had never been helpless, but she had been afraid, and she realized in this moment that she wasn’t.

How strange.

She got into bed and fell asleep in moments.

The morning brought with it a frenzy of activity; everyone was calling somebody, everyone had to be updated on what was going on, and all the Slayers were being put on the bus to the airport, either to go to England or to go back to their homes. Angel’s co-workers were around, too, trying to actually run their business, which was awkward when one of them was Wesley, and when their clients came in to see twenty teenage girls packing weapons into suitcases. Buffy wound up answering a million questions from what seemed like a million Slayers, and then Fred came up to her, grim-faced girl in tow.

“Buffy, this is Madison. She’s a Slayer.”

“Hi, Madison,” Buffy said. “I’m Buffy. Um, I’m also a Slayer. Are you joining the group?”

Madison nodded.

“We’re glad to have you.” Buffy tried for a warm smile. She didn’t really know what else to say. “Have you Slain anything yet?”

“I’ve gone with Angel’s team a couple of times,” Madison said. “Killed a few vampires.”

“She’s being humble,” Fred said. “She took down three at once her first time out.”

“I almost died,” she said, her face still expressionless. “I want to learn how to live.”

“Can I tell you something?” Buffy asked.

“If you want.”

“I’ve almost died more than I can count. I even actually died a couple of times. It’s hard, being a Slayer, but more people are alive at the end than would be if you hadn’t been there, even if you’re not one of them. Three vampires your first Slay is incredible. But don’t think it’s going to get easier.”

There was a moment of silence, and then Madison nodded again. “I don’t feel safe here,” she said. “I want to go with you.”

“Okay,” Buffy said. “Do you want to go today, or in a few days when Faith and I bring the other local Slayers?”

“I’ll go today.”

“Fred, can you tell Dawn to add her to the count?”

“I’m on it,” Fred said, walking off.

Buffy turned back to the girl in front of her. “We’ll be glad to have you, Madison.” She paused. “Do you want to go talk to some of the other Slayers? There are lots of them. I’m sure one of them will be your friend.”

“Okay.” Madison walked away, towards the center of the lobby where girls were gathered, talking and laughing. Buffy looked at them, at Madison hanging out on the edges, and was glad for a moment that these girls had each other. Never again would there be one girl in all the world, or one girl in all the world and the one other girl in all the world.

Buffy looked at the scene in front of her, and then she turned away to look for Faith.

Finally, two hours later, everyone was on a bus to LAX, and Buffy stoodwith Faith in the lobby of Angel Investigations, feeling oddly adrift.

“So, now we look for those other Slayers?” Buffy asked.

“Guess so,” Faith answered. “Come on, let’s go ask Angel where they are.”

Fifteen minutes later, Faith and Buffy were on the streets, addresses in hand.

“We should split up,” Faith said. “You get Tina, I get Jaya, we meet up for Nadia.”

“No,” Buffy said. “This is our last mission as the Chosen Ones. We go together.”

Buffy could practically hear Faith’s eye-roll, but Faith didn’t say anything.

They got to the first address, a shabby apartment building not too far from the hotel. Buffy stood awkwardly at the doorway, unsure of what to do, but Faith walked right in and pushed a buzzer, and so Buffy took a few more steps in and stood behind Faith.

“Aren’t these buildings supposed to have doormen?”

“The nice ones are,” Faith answered.

A voice crackled over the speaker.

“Hello?” It couldn’t have been the voice of anyone over twelve.

“Hey. This is Faith and Buffy. We’re Angel’s friends. We’re here to see Tina.”

“That’s me. Come upstairs.”

Faith led the way up the stairs to Tina’s apartment. She knocked on the door, and a tiny girl with wide eyes opened the door. Behind her Buffy could see a sofa and the edge of a coffee table against gray walls.

“Are you guys Slayers?” she asked.

Faith and Buffy exchanged a look.

“Yes,” Buffy said. “Just like you.”

Tina backed away and held the door open, so Buffy and Faith stepped through and into the living space.

“You guys can sit down if you want,” Tina said.

“Okay.” Buffy sat on the sofa, and after a moment, Faith sat next to her. Tina sat cross-legged on the coffee table, her eyes darting between Buffy and Faith. She leaned in.

“Do you guys really kill vampires?”

“Every day, practically,” Faith said.

“Wow.”

“Have you seen any vampires?” Buffy asked.

“Angel showed me one,” Tina said. “He took it down. He’s not a Slayer, is he?”

“No,” Buffy said. “He’s just had a lot of practice.”

“So, Tina, do you want to learn to do that?” Faith asked. “Be a Slayer?”

Tina nodded. “I think so.”

“You might have to go far away,” Buffy said.

“That’s okay,” Tina said. “My mom doesn’t really care about me. She doesn’t stay here most of the time.”

Buffy looked around the room. She had thought that it was so clean because it was well-kept, but she realized it was so clean because no one used it.

“Do you want to come with us now?” Faith asked.

“Can I?” Tina asked. Her posture was suddenly straighter. “Can I go with you and never come back here? Ever?”

“It’ll be hard,” Faith said. “Being a Slayer is hard. But we’ll feed you, and give you a place to sleep, and what more could you ask for? Bit like prison in that way.”

“Don’t scare her, Faith,” Buffy hissed.

“What? It’s the truth.”

“But it’ll be like you have lots of sisters,” Buffy said. “You won’t be alone.”

They left the building with Tina between them. It was a short walk full of questions and answers, and before long they were in another building, ringing another buzzer.

Jaya actually appeared just as they were asking for her over the intercom; a man’s voice had just said that she was out when she walked in. She was right in the middle of letting her hair out of its braid when she stopped and glared at Buffy and Faith.

“Why’re you looking for me?” she demanded, crossing her arms and leaning back on one foot, hair half-braided. Buffy almost laughed; it was a pose she was so used to from Faith. Jaya was about as old as Faith and Buffy had been, too, when they had met.

“We’re Angel’s friends,” Faith said.

“Angel?”

“Tall, dark hair, leather jacket?” Buffy asked. “Might have talked to you about being a Slayer?”

“Oh, that Angel.” Jaya’s posture relaxed. “You two are going to teach me to kill vampires?”

“Something like that,” Buffy said.

“If you want to,” Faith said. “And if you can come to England.”

Jaya shrugged. “I’ll do anything if you can convince my parents.”

“Can we set up, like, a fake boarding school?” Faith asked Buffy. “With a ton of financial aid?”

“Could probably set up a real boarding school,” Buffy said. She turned her attention back to Jaya. “Stay here until next fall. By then, we’ll either have someone in L. A. to teach you, or we’ll be able to sell an impressive boarding school.”

Jaya’s facade of strength cracked. Her arms fell to her side. “Will I be safe here? Without training?”

“Angel can help,” Buffy said. “He and his people can protect you and teach you some stuff.”

“I don’t trust him,” Jaya said. “He’s weird. Isn’t this Slayer thing supposed to be about girl power or something?”

“How about Fred?” Faith asked. “You know her?”

“Yeah. She’s okay.”

“Hang out with her,” Faith said. “She can help you, too. Just let Angel teach you some cool kicks, okay?”

Jaya nodded. Her eyes traveled from Faith to Tina.

“You a Slayer, too?”

“Yeah,” Tina answered. “I’m going to England.”

“Good luck, kid.” Jaya held up her hand for a high five. Tina slapped her hand with force that would have moved a lesser soul to tears, but not a Slayer.

“Thanks,” she said.

“We’ll be in touch,” Buffy said. “If Angel’s people call, answer.”

And they left, still towing Tina.

“Where’s the third?” Faith asked.

Buffy held up the address sheet. “The address is just the movie theater.”

Buffy looked down at Tina. “We can worry about her tomorrow. We should probably go in daylight, if she’s got vampire slaves.”

“And maybe we shouldn’t take an inexperienced kid?”

Tina poked Faith’s hip, which was the only part she could reach. “Hey!”

“Sorry, Teeny.” Faith shrugged. “But trust me, you don’t want to walk into an abandoned movie theater with a potentially rogue Slayer after dark. Even with me and B along.”

“You want dinner?” Buffy asked. “We could order pizza to the hotel.”

“I like pizza,” Tina said.

A few minutes later, they were back at the hotel and Buffy was on the phone, calling in an order for the whole Angel Investigations team. The rest of the evening felt a little bit like a party, with everyone sitting around with pizza, talking about-- well, mostly about the demons they had killed, which ruined the mood a little bit, but it wasn’t every day that they had a wide-eyed newbie hanging on to their every word.

Although maybe it was, now.

At any rate, it was exactly what Buffy needed: a regular evening without twenty teenagers relying on her to know what to do, even if one of them was her vampire ex, and one of them had been a Watcher she had hated, and one of them was an eleven-year-old who was really not old enough for everything she was about to experience. She enjoyed watching Angel bicker with his friends (including and especially Faith), and she enjoyed the tag-team storytelling that she, Angel, and Faith could pull off, with memories of when life was just a couple of Slayers against an entire world of evil. And she liked hearing the stories that Angel’s people had, too; they had been through as much as Buffy.

Later, when she was lying next to Faith in their room (Angel had offered separate rooms, but he hadn’t seemed too surprised when neither Buffy nor Faith wanted to switch), Buffy asked, “Are we like moms now? Telling stories of the good old days and trying to figure out what to do with eleven-year-olds?”

“I told you,” Faith said. She was lying on her stomach and doodling on a pad of paper that Buffy was pretty sure she had stolen from the motel. “I’m the weird aunt.”

“I’m serious, Faith. We’re going to go to England, and there are still going to be all these people looking up to us.”

“To you,” Faith said. “Who’d look up to me?”

“Girls like you,” Buffy said, her voice quiet. “The ones who are seventeen and confused and in a bad place. You’re not so bad, Faith.”

“Nicest thing you’ve ever said about me,” Faith joked, but it wasn’t quite a joke.

“Not true!” Buffy sat up and faced Faith. “I’ve said lots of nice things about you. Like, you’re good at Slaying when you’re not evil, and your hair is really nice, and--” Buffy stopped, distracted by Faith’s hair. It really was nice, especially with the way the low light was making it glow as it fell over Faith’s shoulder.

Faith looked at Buffy. “And what?”

“Nothing.” Buffy blushed. “I, um, got distracted by your hair.”

Faith sat up, tossing her head. “You wouldn’t be the first.” She leaned in, her face close to Buffy’s, their foreheads almost touching. “Are you distracted by anything else?”

With a smile, Buffy pulled Faith in for a kiss.

[marigoldbaker]

on gambles

i spent the entire day writing a mehane/the office au for...reasons?? idk i’ve been watching the office lately and i felt like this needed to be done. 

tagging @slutorama because there’s no way i’d have ever thought of a mehane au without her valued contributions to the fandom <3

it’s pretty long, so it’s also on ao3!!!

Tara’s not sure if she likes her job. She feels the same sort of tired resignation at the front desk of Dunder Mifflin that she does when she comes home to dirty dishes and her fiancé asleep on the sofa, snoring too loudly, and she’s sure that’s not exactly the best sign. But there are things that are nice about her job, and she doesn’t want them to get swept under the rug just because she’s bored with phone-answering.

“Coffee for the lady,” says Faith with an exaggerated bow, splashing some of the coffee onto Wesley’s desk. He looks up indignantly and starts going off about personal space and coffee being a hazard and does he have to make a demarcation line because he’s certainly not above it. Ignoring this, Faith comes forward, placing the mug on the counter and grinning when Tara takes it. In a low voice, she adds, “I’m thinking we put Wesley’s stapler in Jell-O.”

“We did that last week,” Tara points out quietly. “Maybe you should try some variation in your pranks.”

“I could move his desk,” Faith suggests. “A few inches towards the copier every time he goes to the bathroom.”

“Hmm.” Tara takes a sip of coffee. Faith’s put in just the right amount of cream, no sugar. Everyone seems to think that because Tara’s shy and quiet, she likes her coffee sweet, but Faith’s been the only one to ask. Tara likes that about Faith.

Tara likes a lot of things about Faith, actually.

“Perhaps you should consider not wasting company time and instead making some paper sales,” says Wesley archly from his desk.

“Chill, Wesley, not everyone lives and breathes paper,” Faith volleys back before turning to Tara. “I’m gonna do it just for that,” she whispers conspiratorially, and the look in her eyes makes Tara’s stomach flutter a little. “He’s so pretentious.”

Tara giggles, and she’s about to say something in response, but then Xander comes over and needs some copies of a report. Faith hurries back to her desk with a last smile in Tara’s direction, and Tara doesn’t stop smiling back until Xander comments that it’s weird to see her that chipper.

So yeah. Faith is nice. Spending time with Faith is nice. Roy says it’s good that she’s got a girlfriend in the office to talk to, and Tara agrees. Faith is funny, and wild, and she smiles at everyone, but somehow she’s got a special smile that’s just for Tara.

And it’s weird, because if Faith was a guy, Tara thinks Roy would be jealous. Or maybe Roy wouldn’t. Roy still doesn’t know not to put sugar in her coffee, and he gets a glazed look on his face if Tara starts really talking. He says he liked it better when she was quiet, the way she was when they first met. He says she’s pretty when she smiles, but not the open-mouthed smile she gets when she’s happy. He likes her lips closed and upturned, her eyes sweet and listening.

Faith spent the first week she was there trying to get Tara to say more than a sentence to her, even though everyone said it was a lost cause (as if Tara couldn’t hear them). Faith told lots of bad jokes and just sat there, on the counter, and Tara’s still not super sure why Faith didn’t get fired during that first week, because she sure wasn’t working.

Tara used to take her break by herself, but Faith likes to take her break with other people, so Tara takes it then too. It’s a little nerve-wracking when Faith isn’t there, but Faith’s never not there for long.

“Is it weird to work in the same place as your fiancé?” Cordelia’s inquiring today. She’s in Customer Services, a one-person department, which is something of a relief. Cordelia makes Tara a little nervous, even if she is nice. “Because I love working with Xander, but if we were engaged, it would start to feel like we’d just spend the rest of our lives in this place, you know? When Xander proposes to me, I think I’m going to pursue my acting career.”

“Oh boy,” says Buffy from the other table.

“Oh, don’t act all holier-than-thou, Buffy,” Cordelia shoots back.

“I’m s-sure you’ll be a great actress, Cordelia,” cuts in Tara, and smiles nervously, really wishing Faith would come back from microwaving her popcorn. “And, um, it’s not really that weird. Roy works downstairs, so I don’t see him that much.” She doesn’t say that she’s glad she doesn’t see him during the day, because Faith is always a little weird around Roy. She’s not sure what to do about it. She asked Faith to be her bridesmaid at the wedding, some kind of weird attempt at getting her to see Roy in a positive light, and that didn’t really go over well.

“I’d like to work in the same place as Fred,” says Willow-the-accountant with a dreamy little smile. Tara doesn’t know Willow all that well, but she does know Willow’s dating Fred, because Willow always seems to bring Fred up at every possible opportunity. “We could do accounts together. Fred’s an accountant at the Nashua branch, you know.”

“You’ve mentioned,” says Wesley indifferently.

Faith, who’s just come in, rolls her eyes as she sits down next to Tara. Then she says, “Hey, Wes, I think someone stole your desk.”

“What—” Wesley leaps up from his chair, racing out of the break room. From the office, they hear a shout of “FAITH, THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!”

“Well, that takes care of that,” says Faith, and smiles at Tara. “You okay?”

“Yes,” says Tara, and smiles back, quite amused. Faith doesn’t have any popcorn. “So, Wesley’s desk is missing?”

“What a puzzling mystery,” says Faith, and wiggles her eyebrows significantly. Tara snorts. “Any new developments at reception?” Faith adds.

“I stapled a few memos about our card stock,” Tara replies as seriously as she can.

“The world needs hard workers like you, T,” Faith quips, and nudges Tara playfully with her shoulder. Tara looks down at her tuna sandwich with a smile and a bit of a blush.

Faith wears her hair loose and long, curls that fall down her shoulders. She only sort of adheres to the dress code, always donning a leather jacket or popping a few buttons open on her button-down shirt. She’s got a flirtatious smile (not that Tara notices, because Tara doesn’t think of Faith in that way) and bright, dark eyes (and Tara only notices that because they’re always locking with hers) and she makes Tara feel something that she can’t quite define.

Tara hasn’t had a friend like Faith before, one who listens to her without judgment. Roy never listened, and most of her family judged. Her mom didn’t, but her mom wasn’t Faith, who makes some wisecrack about Roy that makes Tara feel somehow lighter about the whole wedding thing. It’s stressful to plan a wedding on your own, which is what she tells Faith one day as they walk down to Faith’s car.

“So he doesn’t help?” Faith says, crossing her arms in a way that accentuates her chest. Tara thinks of how Angela in accounting would say shameful or whorish and tries to pretend that that’s why her breath catches a little. “He should help, you know. It’s his wedding too.”

“It’s okay, really.” Tara smiles, tries to backtrack; she suddenly regrets bringing it up. It’s always a little strange to talk about wedding things with Faith, and she hasn’t yet figured out why. “He’s not super good with flower arrangements a-and things. I—feel better knowing I’m in charge of it.”

Faith looks at Tara and doesn’t say anything. Then, heavily, she says, “I just think he should help. Shouldn’t all be on you, you know?”

Tara forces another smile. Sometimes it feels like that’s all she does when she’s not with Faith, and she doesn’t like that she’s doing it now. She wants to think that she doesn’t have to keep things from Faith, but there’s a layer to their friendship that she doesn’t quite understand. “I do,” she says. “But I love him. S-so I make allowances.”

Something in Faith’s face shifts. “Yeah,” she says. “Look, I gotta get to my car. You should probably swing by, check on Roy. Bet he misses you.” She starts walking fast, almost running. Tara stands still and tries to place what she’s done wrong, because something didn’t seem right.

Strong arms wrap around her waist from behind (she tenses) and she feels Roy press his lips to her hair, sloppy and playful. Like a puppy, she thinks. Puppies are cute, and Roy is too. Puppies don’t do the dishes, either, she thinks, and wonders if Faith is rubbing off on her.

“Babe,” says Roy. “Me and the warehouse guys are heading down to Poor Richard’s. You’re gonna come?”

Sometimes Tara thinks that Roy adds the question mark at the end just to make her feel like she has a choice. “Yes,” she replies, and tries her best not to look back, but she hears Faith’s car peel out of the parking lot at an unusual speed.

Roy takes her hand as they enter the bar. Tara’s heard a lot of girls in high school gush about how romantic it is when a guy holds your hand, lacing your fingers together, how it makes them feel so secure, but Roy’s hand is large and it feels strange around hers. There’s probably just something wrong with Tara.

Her father always thought she was a nothing, and when she’d met Roy, he’d looked at her instead of looking through her. That’s what love was, wasn’t it? She should be so much more grateful and happy than she is, and she hates that she’s not. She’s always been ungrateful, it seems.

“Tara!” Willow’s sitting with a tall, sweet-faced girl, whose hand she’s holding on top of the table. She gestures for Tara to come sit with them.

“Um, I’ll—” Tara turns to Roy, but his grip has already slackened, and he’s watching a sports game on the bar TV with rapt attention. She smiles nervously at some of the warehouse guys nearby before heading over to the table, pulling up a chair next to Willow.

“This is Fred,” says Willow happily. The girl gives Willow a soppy smile before giving Tara a big, happy grin. “My girlfriend Fred. In a gay way, not a friend way. But she’s also my friend!”

Fred (who is a girl) giggles.

Tara feels a rush of something she doesn’t understand. Happiness, yes, but tangled up in there is the same kind of feeling she gets when Faith’s face closes off, or when she gets home to a messy house no one’s bothered to clean. She smiles as best she can and says, “It’s l-lovely to meet you, Fred.”

“Thanks,” says Fred cheerfully. She has a bit of a Southern twang that reminds Tara of her mom. “Drove down here from Nashua just to see milady,” here she gives Willow a little kiss on the cheek, “and meet all the people she’s told me about. You’re the pretty receptionist, right?”

“Fred,” says Willow, and goes a little pink.

“Ooh, right, the pretty engaged receptionist,” says Fred, eyes going almost comically wide. “Goodness me, you’ll have to excuse my motor mouth.” She presses delicate fingers to her mouth. Tara wonders why she’s noticing Fred’s fingers when Fred’s clearly dating Willow.

Or, for that matter, why she’s noticing Fred’s fingers when she’s the engaged one.

Fred’s fingers are probably just aesthetically pretty. Or something. Tara clears her throat awkwardly before replying, “I-it’s fine. I don’t—it’s very flattering.” She manages a grin towards Willow, who gives her a relieved smile back. “Just—Willow never said anything about—”

“The gay thing?” Willow waves a hand. She looks a little tipsy, and it’s not clear whether it’s from the beer in front of her or the girl next to her. “I’m coming out today! It’s a very new thing. Super exciting. Little bit scary, you know, especially with Angela breathing down my neck all the time, but Fred’s important to me.” She gives Fred a sweet, winning smile and Fred grins back.

It feels like Tara’s watching them kiss, what with all the love in their eyes, and she’s not sure why it’s making her feel so sick and nervous. She’s not a homophobe, and she’s never considered the concept of loving a woman a bad one, it’s just—strange. She never considered the option.

She manages to talk to Willow and Fred. They’re very happy, and she’s happy for them too, but there’s another feeling she still can’t put her finger on. Angela comes over halfway through and makes a lot of disapproving hmm noises when Willow introduces Fred, but Willow meets Angela’s eyes with a bravery that Tara envies.

She tries to imagine having a girlfriend and looking adversity in the eye like that, and then tries to imagine having a girlfriend. She nearly drops her mug when she realizes that Faith is the imaginary girlfriend next to her, glaring at Angela in the same way she does anyone who talks smack about Tara.

“You okay?” Willow asks, her easy smile flickering.

“Just—I need a minute,” says Tara somewhat dazedly, getting up from the table.

Not that she has a crush on Faith.

She doesn’t.

Crushes are something Tara’s never really understood, anyway. When she was little, she used to pick and choose boys to crush on, and she always sort of thought all the other girls did the same. They seemed to have a ready-made answer to the question, almost like it was some sort of test, so Tara made sure to study. The boys they all looked at had soft eyes and easy smiles. Puppy-dog boys, like Roy, so Tara must be right to pick him.

She steps outside of the bar, stopping at the curb to look out at the empty street. When Roy comes out and pulls her into his arms, she doesn’t object. This is what she wants. This is what she’s supposed to have.

It’s not tense between her and Faith the next morning. It never is. Any kind of Roy-related strangeness is always put aside the next morning, and it’s comforting for Tara to know that there’s one part of her life that isn’t strange in a way she doesn’t understand. Not always, at least.

“Willow has a girlfriend,” Tara tells Faith quietly as soon as Faith comes over to her desk.

Faith takes a jellybean. “So?” she says. There’s a sudden apprehension to her voice. “You’re my girlfriend. Buffy’s my girlfriend. We’ve all got girlfriends.”

“No, like—” Tara hesitates. “I-in a romantic way,” she says finally, and she’s beginning to think that she’s found another topic that’s strangely tense to talk about with Faith.

Faith nods, slowly, then, “Is that something you’re not cool with?”

“I’m cool with it!” Tara thinks she might have said this too loudly, or too high, because the entire office suddenly seems to be looking at them both. She turns pink. “I just—you know,” she mumbles, looking down at her hands. “It’s a lot to take in.”

“I get that,” says Faith easily. “She did say Fred.”

“Apparently it’s short for Winifred,” Tara explains with a little smile, thinking of Fred and her big eyes and feeling sort of warm. “She seems very nice.”

“Ooooh, T, you got a girl crush?” Faith teases lightly.

“No,” says Tara, vehement and suddenly panicked. Faith’s smile fades. “No, I—no, she’s—dating someone, and I’m engaged—and I’m not—I mean, if you were—I don’t think—”

“Easy, Tara, I was kidding,” says Faith with unusual gentleness, and her hand brushes comfortingly against Tara’s shoulder. It’s a comforting gesture, but it makes panic rise in Tara’s chest that she can’t explain away. Faith’s touched her before. This time shouldn’t be any different. “What’s the matter, someone put too much sugar in your coffee?”

Tara shakes her head. There’s a lump in her throat. “No,” she says softly. “Just—it’s been weird. Lately. Things.” She waves a hand vaguely, and wishes she could be as immediately bubbly and talkative as Willow or Fred. Maybe then her life wouldn’t seem so much of a mixed-up mess when there wasn’t anything wrong to begin with.

Faith nods again. “I’m sorry,” she says. There’s no playfully sharp edge to her voice when she says it. Tara looks up in surprise, half-afraid that meeting Faith’s eyes will shatter the moment, but all she sees in those dark eyes is a quiet understanding.

Tara has the strangest urge, then, to lean across the counter and kiss Faith. It’s only a moment, because Faith awkwardly breaks the gaze and blurts something about having to get back to work, but she can’t shake the feeling. What would happen if she crossed the office, kissed Faith in front of the entire world? Stared down Angela and Roy with Faith’s hand in hers and Faith’s steely gaze fixed on them?

She doesn’t want to think about it. She knows she can’t afford to. Kissing Faith would change her life, and her life has to be good enough for her. It is.

The thought lingers all day, and all night, and Roy doesn’t seem to even notice when Tara doesn’t stop by the warehouse for lunch.

Kissing Faith would be a mistake. That’s the inevitable conclusion Tara comes to over the weekend, over every weekend for the next few months, and every Monday she comes back to work, and Faith’s smile lights up the office, and Tara thinks maybe it wouldn’t be.

They set a date for the wedding, which is Tara’s one small comfort, because her life is falling into place the way it’s supposed to. Never mind that if she were to be with Faith, she wouldn’t be leaving behind much of a fiancé; they’d been engaged for years and nothing’s come of it until now. Roy really just feels like her boyfriend, not something more or bigger just because he put a ring on Tara’s finger, and she doubts that’ll change when they get married in June.

But that’s what marriage is, really, just spending your life with someone who likes you. It’s not like fairytale romances are really real. This is real life, and Tara is supposed to be happy in it.

Sometimes she feels like she’s wrong for the life she’s in, and she’s just waiting for someone to figure it out.

“All right?” someone asks, and Tara looks up to see a hesitant Wesley standing near her desk. She’s a bit taken aback by his concern; usually he’s focused completely and totally on his work to an obsessive degree. She wasn’t even sure if he knew her name.

“I’m okay,” she says lightly.

Wesley frowns a bit and nods, and then he says, “You look—tired.”

Tara shrugs noncommittally and looks over at Faith, who’s working on something or other at her desk, and who hasn’t RSVP’d to her wedding yet. “Probably just the light,” she replies with what she hopes is an easy smile. “These fluorescents,” she adds in a horrible imitation of Cordelia.

Wesley smiles back, still looking a bit perturbed, and heads back to his desk, at which point Faith jumps up like an eager puppy and runs over to reception. “What was he doing here?” she demands in a low, laughing voice. “You got a new best friend in the office? I’m hurt, T, hurt.”

It’s easy to smile when Faith is looking at her like that. Tara tries not to think about why. “We all knew our friendship wasn’t meant to be,” she quips. “You wear too many leather jackets, and I’m a cardigan girl.”

“Reception and cardigans shouldn’t stop true friendship,” Faith persists playfully, and tucks a loose strand of hair behind Tara’s ear. Tara all but forgets how to breathe.

“Hey,” Roy calls, and Tara feels a sudden spike of panic, as though she’s been caught doing something illicit. She doesn’t even bother to try and come up with an excuse for why she feels that way; she just kind of knows now, even if she doesn’t like thinking about it. “Babe, we’re going out for a drink now.”

“Okay,” Tara agrees. She tries not to look at the badly-hidden disappointment on Faith’s face as she steps forward, kissing Roy. It feels wrong to do it while Faith’s watching. Not that Faith would return whatever strange feelings she has—that’s just out of the question—but she likes Faith in a way that’s not entirely platonic, and that’s not at all the way she feels about Roy.

Knowing someone she wants to kiss is there while she’s kissing someone she’s not so sure about isn’t a good feeling. Especially when the person she’s not sure about is her fiancé, and the person she is sure about is a girl. Her family would be horrified. She’s sure the office would judge, wordlessly but still strongly. Roy—she doesn’t know what he’d say, or if he’d hurt Faith for “turning Tara gay” or something stupid like that.

She’s suddenly very afraid, and she kisses Roy harder, tries to drown out the wrong coursing through her. He pulls her close against him, and he’s breathing hard, clearly much more affected by the kiss than Tara is.

“Tara, really,” she hears Angela say reprovingly, which is enough to make her pull away. Because now the office’s seen her being too bold, and what does that say about her? What would they think if she walked in one day with Faith’s hand in hers? Or any other girl, really, if that’s what she wants so badly. Tara looks up at Roy and smiles at him, the simple, forced smile that he likes so much better than her real ones. He kisses her again and grins back, taking her hands in his.

She looks back at Faith, this time, turning her head ever so slightly as she leaves the office, and she’s not sure if it’s hoping or if she really saw it, but for a moment she thinks she sees unmasked sadness on Faith’s face.  

As it turns out, their HR rep Rupert Giles has his third wedding anniversary on Casino Night, and his wife comes into the office early to help set up the warehouse. Jenny’s a small, sarcastic woman who has the same biting smile as Faith, so it’s not much of a surprise to Tara when Faith immediately hits it off with her. She’s gotten good at reading people; it’s a talent that comes with her shyness. Being on the outskirts always gives a lot of time for observation.

The thing that keeps on striking Tara that day is the way her coworkers seem so happy with the people they’re with. Fred comes down the warehouse steps wearing a backless dress, her hair up in a gorgeous twist, and Willow’s eyes are shining when they meet in the middle of the warehouse. Giles, who Tara rarely sees smile at any of his coworkers, beams at Jenny whether or not she’s looking at him. And yeah, all these people seemed pretty happy to begin with, but their happiness seems effortless and easy when they’re with their partner.

“So you guys set a date?” Willow’s saying now, smiling warmly at Tara. She’s holding Fred’s hand, their fingers interlocked in a way Tara can’t imagine with Roy. “That’s so exciting! June weddings are always so romantic.”

“They are,” Jenny agrees. “Are you thinking indoors or outdoors?”

Tara wanted outdoors. “We decided indoors,” she says, and glances over at Roy, who’s playing some game she doesn’t know. Tara isn’t much of a gambler. “Roy says it’s a family tradition.”

Jenny’s smile changes a little, and she looks like she’s about to say something, but then Faith cuts in, coming over with a fistful of money. “Just kicked everyone’s ass in poker,” she informs Tara, “but I still haven’t played you yet. You ready for this?”

“I’ll see you all later,” Tara says to the couples, feeling some degree of relief at leaving them in their romantic bliss. It’s a little depressing to not be sure whether or not she has that. Or, no, to know she doesn’t have it. But knowing you don’t have what you want means you have to go after what you need, and Tara doesn’t know if she’s ready to do that, so she’ll keep on saying she’s not sure until things become clearer.

Somehow.

Faith’s wearing a suit and tie, but she’s also wearing heels (“to comply with the bullshit dress code,” she explains), and her hand in Tara’s feels terrifyingly right as they walk up to one of the poker tables. Tara’s almost grateful for how heteronormative her workplace is, because she knows no one thinks anything of her friendship with Faith. Girl friends, not girlfriends.

Poker is somehow both simpler and more confusing than Tara had expected, but Faith’s patient with her. Faith’s always patient with her, and it’s nice, because Roy never really is. He just expects things from her, and she does them. She’s not sure what’ll happen if she doesn’t.

“You’re bluffing,” Faith says confidently.

Tara isn’t, and she can’t hide her grin. “Am not,” she shoots back, and even flips her hair. She’s usually tying it back in the office, but she’s let it down for tonight.

“Oooh, she’s got sass,” Faith teases. “I’m goin’ all in.”

“You do that.”

“I will.” Faith meets Tara’s eyes with that same challenging look that always makes her look so beautiful. Tara lets herself think that, now, because there’s really no point in denying that she does feel something for Faith. Something big and scary that she can’t ever act on, yes, but something.

Of course Tara isn’t bluffing, and the exaggerated pout on Faith’s face is ridiculously charming. Tara’s glad she’s focusing on the game and not the gamble.

She wins, and she can’t stop teasing Faith about it, because Faith is just so dumbstruck by the concept of Tara tricking her. It feels strangely wonderful to be good at something.

“Aw, shut up, you’re good at lots of things,” Faith snorts as they walk through the parking lot. Roy had wanted to go home early. Tara hadn’t. “You draw great. You know that, right?”

“Just doodles,” says Tara, but she’s smiling too. Their hands are still joined; Faith hasn’t let go. Feeling braver than usual, she gently rubs her thumb against the back of Faith’s hand.

Faith stops walking. Takes a breath. Tara lets their hands drop, suddenly afraid that she’s crossed some kind of a line. “Look,” she says, raising her eyes. “There’s something I need to tell you.”

Tara nods, not trusting herself to speak.

Faith hesitates, looks down. Scuffs her high heels on the parking lot. She looks up again, looks straight into Tara’s eyes, as though trying to draw some sort of bravery from whatever she sees there. “I’m in love with you,” she says.

Tara forgets how to speak.

She can’t say a word. Faith hasn’t said anything either. It’s just them, in this too-quiet parking lot. Tara knows it’s her move, but she’s never been so scared in her life. This breaks all the rules. Everything she’s known could be gone in an instant if she reached out and kissed Faith right here.

Tara wants to kiss her.

Tara says, “Wh-what am I supposed to say to that?”

Faith breathes out. “I just needed you to know,” she says. “Once.”

The question isn’t do you love her back, it’s are you brave enough, and Tara doesn’t know if she is. She opens her mouth to say something (she doesn’t know what) but Faith has turned, going back down towards the warehouse.

This is where Tara is supposed to run after her.

She goes back inside instead. Back into the lobby, up the stairs. The walk is distracting, and putting one foot in front of another helps her concentrate on something that isn’t the fact that Faith Lehane is in love with her and she didn’t say yes. She’s scared. Too scared to make her life what she wants it to be, it seems, and that’s somehow worse than the possibility of losing Faith. What’ll she be if she marries Roy? Definitely not whatever Faith sees in her.

Willow’s still there, picking up her jacket. She looks up in surprise when Tara comes in. “Casino Night’s down there, you know,” she begins playfully.

“I’m in love with Faith,” Tara says. She was expecting it to come out high and anxious, but instead it comes out like it is. A fact. Simple as I’m Tara Maclay or I don’t like being a receptionist or I don’t want to marry Roy, but I’m too scared to say anything. “I love her.”

Willow puts down her jacket. “Oh, Tara,” she says with soft sympathy. There’s no judgment in her eyes. “What’ll you do?”

“I don’t know,” says Tara, sitting back down at the desk. It doesn’t make her feel any better. This is the place where she fell in love with Faith, a little more every day. “I should marry Roy, shouldn’t I?”

“Not—” Willow falters. “Not if you don’t love him.”

“He’s what I’m supposed to love,” Tara says. Her voice breaks. “This is who I’m supposed to be.”

“If you’re who you’re supposed to be,” Willow says, soft and thoughtful, “then you’re happy with your life.” She picks up the jacket again and walks out of the office, turning once at the door to say, “I think you know what you have to do.”

Tara does and she doesn’t. She stands up from the desk, missing her mother, who she would have liked to call right now. She feels isolated and scared, and she isn’t sure what she’s supposed to do.

The door opens again. Tara’s half-expecting Willow, but it’s not.

Faith steps in, walking slowly in her high heels. Her dark eyes are fixed with that emotion that Tara now knows is love, and she’s never seen so much of it, nor has she known that it’s for her. But it can’t be, not for her, not from Faith; she can’t possibly be that lucky. “Faith,” she begins, taking a step towards her. “I—”

Faith kisses her.

Maybe if Faith had been a guy, it would have been different. Maybe if Faith hadn’t kissed Tara, it would have been different. But kissing Faith is like waking up. Tara’s hyperaware to every detail of the kiss—the way Faith’s arms slide around her waist, the way Tara gets to cup Faith’s face in her hands like she’s always, always wanted to, the way their noses bump as they pull apart. Faith tries to step back, but Tara kisses her again, hard and desperate. This could be the only time she ever kisses Faith, and she damn well intends to make the most of it.

Faith really pulls back this time, breathing hard, staring at her with wide, teary eyes. Tara’s never seen Faith cry. Not once. “Tara,” she says, her voice shaking. “Please—”

“I’m never going to leave you,” says Tara, and the moment she says it, she knows it’s true. She thought she couldn’t leave Roy because of what the world wants, but she can’t leave Faith because she loves Faith. Willow’s right. She knows what to do.

“You—”

“I love you,” says Tara. It feels like her whole heart’s just been put in Faith’s hands, and she doesn’t know how Faith ever managed to tell her. “I’m not marrying Roy. I love you.” She laughs, once, and for the first time, it feels easy. “I love you!” she says, and almost starts crying again.

Faith kisses her, and it’s clumsy and gorgeous. Every kind of right.

Tara pulls away again, laughing and crying at the same time. “Okay, okay, we have to tell Roy,” she’s saying. “We have to—tell him something. I don’t know. I’m not going back there tonight.”

Faith doesn’t seem to hear what Tara’s saying, and when Tara looks back at her, the look on Faith’s face makes her breath catch. Faith looks like she’s looking at the moon and the stars for the first time, eyes wide, breath soft and shaking. “You’re gonna call off your wedding,” she says, small and disbelieving. “For me.”

“For you,” Tara agrees, and suddenly it’s so easy to be brave, because she wants Faith to believe her when she says I love you. “Anything, anything.” She kisses Faith again, this one short and sweet. “We’ll go downstairs and I’ll—tell him. I will.”

Faith stares at her, eyes bright. “I can’t—” She laughs, sniffles. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that.”

“Me too,” says Tara, and kisses Faith again, just because she can.

She doesn’t marry Roy, but she keeps her job at Dunder Mifflin. It’s nice to work with the person you’re dating, especially if that person’s Faith Lehane, prankster, paper saleswoman, and probably the love of Tara’s life.

“If I play my cards right,” says Faith, and gives Tara a winning smile.

“You’re a nightmare,” says Tara lovingly, and kisses her on the cheek.

[angrycollectordaze-me-blog]

北美作业代写：Mona Lisa's smile

下面为大家整理一篇优秀的essay代写范文- Mona Lisa's smile，供大家参考学习，这篇论文讨论了电影《蒙娜丽莎的微笑》。影片《蒙娜丽莎的微笑》的故事背景发生在20世纪50年代的美国，当时美国的妇女解放运动正在如火如荼地进行着，整个美国的大环境开始对女性地位发生改观，但大部分女性的自我意识还处于麻痹状态。故事中的主人公之一，凯瑟琳·沃森始终坚持自己的教学理念，坚持自己的女性主义思想。最终唤醒了大批优秀女生的自我意识，改变了她们的价值观和人生规划。

Many excellent female films call for women's self-consciousness in the form of film communication, for example, the famous American film Mona Lisa's smile which will be analyzed in the following part of this paper. About a new woman from California had open higher education? Katherine Watson, come to Wellesley college is known for its conservative feudal women's college teaching. The leading character's advanced ideas are incompatible with the school's conservative ideas, leading to many wonderful conflicts. In the end, although Catherine left Wesley, she won the spiritual victory, because she influenced the thoughts of many excellent women, awakened their female self-consciousness and spread feminism. The success of this film is that it made a great contribution to the cause of women's liberation.

The film "Mona Lisa's smile" is set in the United States in the 1950s. At that time, the women's liberation movement in the United States was in full swing, and the overall environment of the United States began to change the status of women, but most of the women's self-consciousness was still in a state of paralysis. Film's Wesley's girls' school is given priority to with female students, Wesley school education idea completely accord with the requirement of the social value of women, receiving higher education is not to train women's independent consciousness and ability of self-realization, but to finally whether can get a decent with good education experience, a happy marriage. Is one of the characters in the story, Catherine Watson came to Wesleyan school ethos graduated from the Open University of Berkeley, Catherine naturally unacceptable deformity Wesleyan school education idea, full of feminist thought Catherine, as the representative of the new age women did not succumb to Wesleyan education concept, daring to challenge old ideas, no matter what the school exert pressure, she always adhere to their own teaching philosophy, adhere to their own feminist thoughts. In the end, Katherine's persistence aroused a large number of excellent girls' self-consciousness and changed their values and life plans.

Catherine's persistence and the transformation of many advanced students moved us. They bravely faced the pressure from the school, and in a general sense, let us see the courage of every feminist in the period of women's liberation to bravely face the social pressure. Thanks to their foresight and unremitting efforts, women around the world have fully awakened their sense of self, and now they are active in all fields of society. To liberate women is to liberate half of the social productive forces and make indelible contributions to the development of human civilization.

Catherine Watson is the first soul in the film. She accepted the new thought education, is a feminist persistence, is a very self-aware new woman. Her teacher once said, "if you were my girlfriend, I wouldn't let you leave me. Catherine then offered an answer that took the female ego to the extreme, saying, "I'm not going to ask your permission." After graduation, Catherine was filled with a cavity of ambition, she wanted to spread her full mind of new ideas, and she wanted to influence more people and arouse more women's self-consciousness through herself, so that they could break away from the shackles of old ideas and see a better future just like herself. So Catherine chose the most conservative school for girls, Wesleyan. Wesleyan women's college considers it its duty to cultivate a good wife and mother for the upper class. In its etiquette class, Wesleyan women's college actually teaches students how to support their husbands to achieve their careers. Wesley has his own traditional values and teaching philosophy, and anyone who comes here has to learn to adapt and become a missionary in a patriarchal society, and Katherine is probably the first exception.

Katherine boldly abandoned the school's traditional teaching methods and philosophy, and challenged the old rules with the new ideas she accepted at Berkeley. She encourages her students to find their own strengths and to have their own ideals, not her husband's success. Catherine always treats her students in a gentle and calm way, and her moistening materials have affected the students silently, as well as the audience in front of the screen. "I don't want you to write papers," she said. "I don't want you to like it. I just want you to think." The concept conveyed by Catherine is that we should first think independently in the face of a thing, and then make choices according to our own heart. You shouldn't just listen to what others are asking of you to decide whether you like it or not, or do something meaningless and superficial. Independent thinking and choice is the first and most important step for women to awaken their self-awareness. Only by thinking independently can they truly become an independent person.

Catherine dared to help students realize their own ideas. She helped Joan, a student with excellent academic performance and her own dream, get admitted to Yale law school. Catherine was never cruel in her attack on rotten old ideas. She vehemently lesson because marriage and truancy Betty, she publicly maintenance was expelled from school for sale to protect women's contraceptive sour Amanda, she is in the classroom on vocal opposition newspaper about "a woman should return to family born housewives role, in the society of orthodoxy that promoting the so-called backward school, Catherine as a banner, not afraid of the wind rain, kept flying high, lead women to hurry and awakening in the school. In the end, Catherine got her wish. Her self-consciousness influenced a large number of excellent students and changed their ideas and destiny. One by one, these students gain their independence in soul, no longer follow the wrong guidance of public opinion, no longer willingly become subordinate to male authority, and gradually become the pursuers or even practitioners of female self-consciousness. In this process, Catherine herself has grown up again. She is more determined to guard her female self-consciousness. She dared to change her relationship status, but still refused her boyfriend's proposal, because she judged that their relationship was not enough to make a marriage. She accepted the Italian professor bill's courtship, but frankly and boldly asked bill to stop with other women; She left Wesleyan school without nostalgia because she was unwilling to submit to the control of the school over her ideological freedom. Such a Catherine, perhaps not uncommon in real life, became a wonderful fragrance in the history of the feminist struggle in the United States at that time. Her strong self-consciousness and brave challenge to authority caused a revolution. What she challenged was not only the school system, but also the backward concept of the whole society. What she wanted to change was not only herself, but also her students, and even the women who were oppressed by ideology in the whole society. She is brave and decisive, not to compromise any force, not afraid of everything, just to let themselves set their own trajectory in life.

Catherine Watson, the first to influence and shape the most successful man is one of her students - Joan BuLanDeWen. Joan herself is a very smart and active girl, but because in such a social environment, she did not establish her own female self-consciousness and had no special plan for her life. She just wanted to follow the rules of ethics and get married and have children after graduation. Jean's sense of self was at first in its infancy. She would occasionally dream of becoming a successful lawyer, but then she would deny herself that it was realistic and she had never planned her life well. Until she met Catherine, who encouraged her to follow her interests and helped her get admitted to Yale. But in the end, Joan chose to stay at home and marry her boyfriend, with the support of her teacher, Catherine. One wonders, is this not contrary to Catherine's thoughts? After all, getting married and having children is a traditional female path. But jean once said, "it was my decision not to read the law... I want a home. I want children. I know exactly what I'm doing. It's not that I'm no longer smart... That's what I want to do, that's what I want to live." It was just such a paragraph that made Catherine wish her well. Joan's choice of family was the result of her own careful thinking and leading her life as a woman. It was not blind obedience to social concepts, but the highest expression of Joan's self-awareness. Jean's case shows us that feminism is not a narrow struggle to get women out of the workplace. It is not a fight for the sake of fighting, nor is it an extreme pursuit, but a true awakening of female self-consciousness. A woman with a sense of self does not conflict with being a housewife, as long as she is driven by her heart and tries to live the life she wants to live. This is self-awareness. Female self-consciousness has never been reflected in women's social status, nor in a deliberately pursuing rebellious attitude and lifestyle. As long as women have the ability to think independently without succumbing to worldly views, it is called female self-consciousness. The result of Joan's choice was traditional, but the process was full of wisdom. Joan dared to challenge the authority of her teacher, dared to debate with her teacher, and finally won the teacher's approval. Such courage is similar to Catherine's, and it is also worth learning.

Affected by Catherine's largest student, can be said to be the most conservative once Betty warren. After being guided by Katherine's female self-consciousness, Betty completely changes her life track and finally achieves freedom and happiness. Once a defender of the Wesleyan tradition, Betty was the student most at odds with Katherine's seemingly outrageous ideas. She was the first one to get married in the school, and once played truant for marriage. She openly challenged Catherine in class, and she thought that Catherine was completely grandstanding, and she subverted her ideas to order them to disregard the tradition, which was selfish and foolish behavior. Betty, in order to fight against Catherine, once published an article in the school newspaper, accusing Catherine of violating social morality and sacred marriage, and urging women to abandon the social role they were born to assume. She caters to society's lead in encouraging women to return to the family, not only by example, but also by promoting the idea. But as the plot progresses, Betty's sense of self comes to life in the struggle between her and Catherine again and again, until at last she becomes a completely different person. She questioned the smile of Mona Lisa and challenged the traditional judgment of female beauty. She believed that although Mona Lisa was smiling, she was not necessarily happy in her heart. Many things did not match the essence and appearance, just like her seemingly happy but actually unhappy marriage. Finally, Betty boldly filed for divorce, and despite being discouraged from returning home even by her mother, she resolutely left the unhappy family and unhappy marriage. Betty's awakening and determination make us look at her with new eyes. She grows from a traditional moralist to a new-age woman who thinks for herself and decides her own destiny. Betty's self-conscious resurgence changes her life, and her shifting inconsistencies are a particularly admirable part of the film's plot.

As Catherine boldly abandoned this doesn't fit his marriage, and take the initiative to choose more suitable for their own bill as a new boyfriend, her brave spirit of the pursuit of love was also the students, Connie baker. Connie was an ordinary girl. She was not as smart and beautiful as Betty, nor as talented as Joan. She was just a shy girl who lacked confidence. She adores Betty's cousin but doesn't have the guts to tell him. And the female self-consciousness of miss Catherine infected her, when she also saw the sincerity of the boy, cast aside worldly vision and boldly walked into the boys' dormitory, confessed his love, and finally harvested sweet. Traditional thinking on the definition of women should be reserved, should quietly wait for the favor of men, but if passive and timid, is bound to lose happiness, make a big mistake. Women also have the same right to choose a mate as men. It is one of the symbols of women's independent thinking to choose a mate independently and pursue bravely. Connie baker under the influence of Catherine, successfully by a timid girl to have their own independent thought, have the courage of the new women. Connie's growth not only comforts us, but also enlightens us. Women should bravely and actively pursue what they love instead of being bound by social concepts.

The film "Mona Lisa's smile" shows us the process of these beautiful women's self-awakening and self-struggle, and let us understand the women of that era, and their efforts for self-consciousness awakening and self-life pursuit. Only when women really have equal and independent personality and truly from the heart of social pursuit, their face smile can be called the real Mona Lisa's smile the most beautiful smile. Nowadays, as an independent existence, women are active in all corners of society, fighting for their careers, running their families, and striving for their dreams. Their success and happiness are no longer dependent on anyone, but completely in their own hands. This is the proper state of a civilized society. In the world, there are many backward ideological driven self-consciousness awakening of women, we are looking forward to have a Catherine to change them, looking forward to they will have like Joan and Betty awakening of that day of, we will study the film Catherine perseverance, for that day to celebrate the liberation of women around the world and persistent efforts.

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