#and then they gave the ass hole that abandons him because of his disability his own game

[firerwolf]

You known when you really think about it it’s sort of fucked up Ubisoft gave a character a disability from an injury and then immediately deemed him useless and cut him from any further narrative.

[samthemarvelfan]

Dangerous Woman: Part 1 of 2

Summary: You know he blames you, but you never thought he’d hate you. 

Pairing: tfatws!Bucky Barnes x reader

Word Count: 2800+

Warnings: angst, swearing, mentions of trauma and injuries. cannon level violence/calamity.

A/N: ALRIGHT...I wrote this, then rewrote it, then I decided I'd make it a mini series. Enjoy everyone! Feedback is so appreciated!

There was a thin dusting of snow that covered the ground and pine trees. Sheer enough that it shimmered when the moonlight hit just right. It was so calming—peaceful even. Beautifully complimented by the cozy atmosphere you’d been fostering in your hotel room.

This was one of those rare missions that didn’t involve sleeping in a run-down motel or some abandoned building off the radar. In fact, you were encouraged to enjoy the little luxuries this undercover op offered.

You could almost trick yourself into relaxing a little bit, if it weren’t for your foul mood.

Walking away from the window, you gave the array of knives and handguns displayed on the bedspread a once-over. “Like a kid on Christmas morning.” You whispered, running your fingers over them.

Your thigh holsters were soon filled with each of the most slender options, along with a few extra ammo clips. An exaggerated sigh fell from your lips as you pressed the comms device in you ear. “Alright, just about ready.”

Sam’s chuckle echoed. “You sound real happy about it, too.”

Rolling your eyes, you flipped open your duffle, and pulled out the black garment bag. “Let’s just say if it weren’t for the fate of the world being at stake, I’d be eating pizza, in bed, in my pajamas right now.”

He laughed again. “Buck, what about you? You copy?”

A lurid scoff could be heard on Bucky’s end. “Copy. I’m not exactly giddy with excitement either, trust me.”

Asshole.

Your laptop was on the nightstand, flipped open to give you a glimpse of the intel Redwing had provided. “Can’t I work this mission with Redwing?” You sass, “That’s one robot I don’t mind being around.”

“Sam, I swear to God…“ Bucky gripes.

“Anyway,” Sam interjects. “Objective remains the same. The arms deal is going down tonight, the art auction and gala are just a cover. I’ll be at the rendezvous in case the buyers make a break for it.”

“Got it, Cap.” You unzip the bag as Sam and Bucky discussed details, and pulled out an absolutely gorgeous evening gown. Black velvet, long sleeves and a deep v-neck, with a dangerously high slit up the right leg.

“I really hope I don’t have to engage anyone tonight.” You remark aloud. “I mean, this dress is stunning, but it isn’t exactly functional.”

Bucky groaned in frustration. “Do you think you can focus for 5 fucking minutes?”

This is exactly why the two of you hardly work together anymore. You’re not quite sure when it happened, but somewhere along the road, Bucky stopped being your friend and became a miserable prick with a stick up his ass.

…and you refuse to let him get away with it.

Because at least that way he talks to you, instead of glaring at anything but you. Indifference is an ugly color on Bucky Barnes, and it’s the tone he’s come to see you in.

The avoidance, the lack of effort put into fostering any kind of friendship. The blatant disregard for any and all missions or assignments you were going to be on…it took a toll.

Was it dangerous to pick fights with a 106 year old super soldier? Maybe, but if pissing him off was the only way to get him to acknowledge your existence, then that’s what you’d do.

“Barnes, unlike you, I like to prepare for a mission before I’m actually on it.” You seethe.

He scoffed, “Tell that to the bullet hole in your shoulder.”

That was a low fucking blow.

The last mission with Bucky, you made one stupid decision, and ended up taking a rouge shot through the back.

It’d been 8 minutes with no communication, and you panicked. Bucky was no where to be found, his comms had been disabled, and you needed to blow the building.

Everything happened so fast. If he hadn’t found you bleeding out on a slab of concrete, you wouldn’t be here. That was the first and last time you saw anything close to fear in the eyes of Bucky Barnes.

“You’re gonna be fine, Y/N. I’ve got you.” Bucky whispered. “She got hit, Sam.”

“Shit,” you heard Cap say. “Here, on the table.”

You didn’t know where you were at the moment; Quin Jet? Med center? Safe house?

All you remember was the searing hot pain of a 9mm round ripping its way through your rotator cuff.

“Hey, hey,” Bucky called as he shook you. “Eyes open, honey. Atta girl, keep ‘em open.”

Your vision was spotty and you breathing was far too shallow to get any real oxygen into your lungs. Blood loss. You think. Way too much.

You tried to speak, tried to make some kind of apology pass over your lips, but nothing worked. Your eyes were burning as you fought the heaviness of them. Aching so badly until keeping them open wasn’t an option anymore, and eventually your vision blackened completely.

“No, no! Fuck!” Bucky screamed, punching the metal table beside you. “I was 90 seconds late, Sam. 90 fucking seconds and now she’s bleeding out in the back of a semi.”

Back of a semi? Bleeding out? Super.

You wanted to scream, to grab him and tell him it wasn’t his fault. That it was yours, because you were so scared to death something had happened to him, that you did the single stupidest thing you could have done, and ran straight into a zone you hadn’t cleared.

“She’s gonna be fine, Buck. Here take this, put pressure there.” The two of them worked in tandem to stop the bleeding, finally eliciting a scream from you as Sam dug the bullet from your shoulder.

Since the day you woke up in the med center, Bucky has barely been able to look at you. When he does, he gets this look in his eyes that screams ‘you almost cost us everything’.

You hesitated, not wanting to dignify the cheap shot with a response; but you’re a glutton for punishment.

“Wow, if only your communication skills in the field were this impressive.”

He was about to say something again, when you cut him off. “I’m sure your retort would have been scathing, but I have a gala to attend—I’ll meet you in the lobby at 7:45, husband.”

The last thing you heard was Sam’s muffled laughter.

Your role this evening would be a socially aristocratic couple, Mr. and Mrs. Jonathan Van Reese. Rich, powerful, and interested in acquiring old HYDRA tech being sold on the black market.

Your special black heels; the ones with the tranquilizer syringes hidden in the heels, were the final touch. Once those were slipped on, you stood proudly in front of the mirror, taking in the view it had to offer.

It for you beautifully, hugging all the right curves and showing off your favorite assets. You smiled as your hands smoothed the dress over your hips.

Yup. You thought. I’d fuck me.

Tonight, you’d get to tease Barnes in more ways than one.

7:45 hits and you find yourself in the lobby, waiting for Bucky.

Shocker.

After several irritating and button-pushing minutes, the ding of the elevator draws your attention behind you. Out walked Bucky, dressed in a perfectly pressed black tuxedo, bow tie included. If it weren’t for the scowl on his face, you’d say he looked almost nice.

Okay fine…he looks like a fine piece of ass.

You’re not blind, it was obvious to anyone with eyeballs that Bucky Barnes was attractive, but holy hell—seeing him like this? It nearly made your panties drop right then and there.

You had no intention of giving him the satisfaction of knowing that, though.

When he see’s you’re there before him, he looks you up and down, planting a million dollar smile on his face.

“Hello, Sweetheart.” He says, falling into character perfectly.

His hands find your hips in an instant. They’re warm in contrast with the chilly lobby you’re stood in, and it makes you shiver.

“Cold?” He asks with a smirk.

You dust at his lapel, maintaining your smile. “I wouldn’t be if you knew how to be on time. It’s not polite to keep a lady waiting, Sarge.”

He places a kiss on your cheek, “Not my fault you let little things rile you up, Princess. Patience is a virtue you know.” He whispers.

Don’t punch him. Don’t punch him…

Doing your best to ignore Bucky, you scan the lobby. Besides the employees, anyone you saw was dressed to the nine’s. You notice a few shifty pairs of eyes on you, so you decide to play up the doting wife charade.

Gripping Bucky’s lapel, you pull him close to you. One of your hands playing with the stubble on his jaw, scratching at it lovingly. “This is the hub alright. Seems like everyone attending the gala chose this hotel. 3 behind you, 2 by the front desk.” You whisper.

He almost leaned into your touch, like he wanted as much of your hand against his skin as possible.

As he held your waist, his fingertips rested just above the crest of your ass. He put his lips to your ear; sending yet another shiver down your spine. “You missed the couple waiting for a taxi outside, as well as the man asking the bellhop for directions. Someone’s getting sloppy.”

He’s playing your game now, trying to get under your skin. You’re ashamed to say it’s working.

“Forgive me, I just can’t seem to take my eyes off of you tonight.” You pinch his cheek lightly, “We should get going, wouldn’t want to be late, now would we?”

Bucky smirks, laughing genuinely with you in what felt like almost a year. Instinctually, you’re grabbing one another’s hands. Neither of you question it; why you’re holding onto each other for dear life.

Probably because nearly everyone here would kill you both if they found out who really you were…

But still, it was nice. Even if it was just pretend.

Outside, as you wait for your car, you notice the snowfall from earlier had turned from a flurry, into a steady accumulation. Sticking to the roads and walkways easier than before.

“Storm’s picking up.” You whisper to Bucky.

He extends an arm, pulling you into his chest. shielding you from the wind. He doesn’t look at you long, but you felt his gaze linger on you for a few moments.

“This weather is nothing.” A man remarks next to you. He’s older, mid 50’s, thick Slavic accent; perhaps Ukraine. “Back in my country, this would almost seem like Spring!”

The three of you shared a laugh, Bucky’s grip on your shoulder unrelenting as the man’s chauffeur opens the door to his limousine. “You’re a beautiful couple. I can see the love he has for you in his eyes, dear.” He smiles, before his driver closed the door.

Looking up to share a smile with Bucky, he suddenly releases you from his hold, and looks to the distance.

What the hell?

“Sir, your car has arrived.” The valet hands Bucky the keys. Safely inside your black Audi R8, he reverts back to himself. The same emotionless face he has on whenever he’s in your presence.

The drive to the venue, while less than 6 miles, was interminable. The snow was getting heavier still, falling much quicker and covering roads more than it had just a few minutes ago. If it kept up at this pace, it’d turn into a storm before you knew it.

Still, it was beautiful. The usually black night sky seemed a bit brighter as the snow fell. The mountains in the distance were snow capped, the landscape something straight off a post card.

You foolishly allowed your eyes to drift to the stoic soldier beside you. Bucky’s gaze was locked on the slippery road in front of him, the knuckles on his right hand were white from maintaining his grip on the steering wheel.

In that moment, you swear you felt your chest cave in. Is this really it for the two of you? After everything you’d been through, this is how Y/N and Bucky end?

No more game nights, not that you’d had one in months. No more pizza on Fridays. No more swapping stories from childhood or teaching Bucky how to open up to someone other than his court-mandated therapist.

“I’m telling you Buck, it’s okay.”

He shook his head, insisting the opposite.

“Y/N, I’m so sorry. I promise I’ll make it up to you.”

Bucky had promised to give you a ride home from the airport, but one thing lead to another and he forgot. Leaving you waiting on him for an hour, and eventually taking a cab home.

“Bucky, you were doing your job. I was fine! I promise, it’s not a big deal—“

“It is to me.” He said firmly.

You rolled your eyes, “Why?”

He pulled you in by your hand, running his calloused thumb over your knuckles. “I don’t like breaking promises; especially not to you. You’ve never let me down, Y/N…not once. I don’t wanna be the guy that lets you down.”

Maybe you can apologize finally. Say you’re sorry for letting him down, and that you never meant to be a liability in the field. Maybe there was hope that the Bucky you missed more than anything in the world was still in there.

The flash of headlights behind you drew you out of your thoughts. “Looks like we have some other interested company.” You mutter, checking the rearview mirror.

“Not surprising.” He kept his tone even, and his eyes on the road.

You sighed, knowing you should give up, but can’t bear the thought of letting things die this way.

“Thank God we have go bags in the trunk, I don’t think these heels are gonna work out for me too well.” It’s a soft attempt at humor, a different approach to engage him.

It isn’t working.

Bucky refused to so much as look in your direction.

“Why do I fucking bother…” you whisper.

Pulling into the venue gave pause to the unrelenting tension. As you waited in line for the valet, Bucky shifted in his seat. “Here.” He said, holding a hand out to you.

You open your palm and he drops the largest diamond ring you’ve ever seen into it. “What the hell?”

“We’re married, remember? If you’re going to be married to a millionaire, you need to fucking look like it.” He says, not looking at you again.

You watch him in disbelief. He’s taking this thing to a whole other level, and it’s completely unnecessary.

You scoff in disgust, unable to contain the vat of emotions stewing inside you. “Ya know Barnes? I don’t deserve this.” You slide the ring on your finger, having to avoid getting lost in how beautiful it is. “I screwed up one fucking time and you’ve decided to write me off as a burden. Why the hell did you even agree to this then? Why are we on this mission if you hate me this much?”

His jaw tightens, and he watches you for a moment, swallowing hard before he speaks. “Just worry about the mission, Y/N. Stop letting your feelings crowd your judgement.” He sneers.

You can’t even look at him, you’re afraid you’ll cry if you do. “Fuck you, Bucky.” You spat back, staring out the window.

The door is opened shortly after that by a young man working for the valet. Once again, you put on the mask of your character, pushing the drama with Bucky to the back of you mind.

“Madam.” He greets kindly.

You smile. “Thank you.”

After handing off the keys, Bucky is back at your side, sneaking an arm around your waist.

It’s cruel, the way it feels so right and so unwanted at the same time. If you weren’t the professional you pride yourself on being, you’d have called Sam and thrown in the towel.

But for now, you’re a couple; a rich, powerful, madly in love couple. At least for the next few hours. After tonight, you’re pretty sure you’ll never have to see Bucky Barnes again.

“Consider this our last hoorah, James.” You mutter with a smile, pretending to glance over the art surrounding you.

“What the fuck is that suppose to mean?” He whispers.

“When this is over, I’m done. I’ll clear it with Sam, and you two can go on with this whole Batman and Robin shtick you had going before I showed up.”

You paused in front of a painting of woman. She’s staring up at the moon, and despite the chaos around her, her eyes can only see it. Her hand was outstretched, like she was reaching for it, despite knowing she’d never actually be able to touch it.

The fucking irony.

Bucky turned his body toward you, avoiding your actual eyes. “You want to run away? That’s your business, but don’t put your problems on me. I’ve got enough of my own.”

Anger rises in your throat like bile, and you snatch your arm away from him.

 Screw him, screw this mission, you’d handle it on your own.

part two

[sylum]

I have a slight headcanon that has potential to be a story and if anyone who can write what's to make it a flushed out story, tag me

Anyways, image being the biological daughter to Philza, being only a few years younger than Wilbur, but having wings and the immortality that Wilbur didnt inherit (we've all seen that animatic dont lie to me) and this in turn causes Philza to fawn more over her than the others (minus Techno)

Now imagine Y/n secretly hating her wings because she knows that Wilbur secretly resents her for inheriting the things he's wanted, but she still goes with him to support the creation of L'manburg because that's her brother.

Now picture Doomsday, Y/n is crying out to Philza to stop this, that this was their home, crying out that their a family and family didnt do this. Philza just looks on sadly as he gives the signal for the TNT to drop and you take off into the fire because you know that Friend is inside Philza's house.

Tommy screams at you to look out as a TNT explodes and you shield yourself with your wings blowing you down into the hole with more TNT raining down

Y/n being buried in rubble softly crying out for someone anyone to save them cause they dont want to die, they call out to their Techo, Tommy, Philza to come and save them like he did as a child, literally anyone.

But as you're finally giving up you feel a hand pull you from the rubble (I picture Karl or maybe Quackity?), they gasp at the sight of your very damaged wings

You try and open your eyes to see who it is as you hear them trying to explain the state of your wings but all you hear is ringing in your ears and a sea of blackness

The explosion damaged your wings, your ears, and now your blind

The absolute agony, you would feel from then on. Never leaving your home off in the hills, never able to feel the breeze or the warm sun on your wings again, never able to fully hear anything again, never able to see all because your father wanted revenge on a place his children called home.

Now I can see Ghostbur becoming your seeing eye companion, as he watched you cry and save Friend before getting hit with TNT, and one day when he's visiting Philza and Techo, they're talking about Doomsday and Techno says "I do however feel bad for that slight...circumstance." and Ghostbur frowns saying "you are talking about Y/n" which causes Philza to snap his head at him and pry as to how he knows Y/n.

Ghostbur tells them about your noe disabilities, your sadness, your abandonment feelings, and how he's had to talk you away from jumping off cliffs just to feel the wind again. And how Y/n had called out to him to save them but never came.

This causes Philza to collapse due to the onslaught of memories that surface of him patching you up when you fell, teaching you how to fly, the neglect he started showing when Techo showed up, how he waved away your accomplishment compared to Techos, yet you never once whined or sad anything about it because Techo is your brother.

Techno feels like his lung collapsed because he never ment to make you a shell of your former self, so he and Philza set off to go find you, to offer for you to live with them, and its Ghostbur who steps in front of them frowning saying no, that this wasnt their place anymore and how Phil gave up his Father title when he walked away from that hole.

Ghostbur floats back to your house, only to see standing on the forest edge waiting for him to be done talking with Phil and Techo

Imagine Ghostbur trying to usher you away from them as Philza tries to form words as he looks at your battered body, you have bandages wrapped around your eyes, wings torn to shreds worse than his, and a walking stick carved out of the now removed L'manburg tree, carved with the names of people you loved, y/n doesnt say anything, she knows they're there but she only slightly turns her stick to show at the very bottom of her cane, was Philza and Technos names.

She still cares about them, but she no longer wants them, as Ghostbur gently leads her home leaving behind a crying neglectful father, and an ashamed brother.

Because remember you're immortal, you're always going to be stuck like this forever

And that's my long ass headcanon

Ignore any spelling errors

[thelordofdarkreunion]

Magnificent Scoundrels: Lock n’ Load

This one’s for all you people who are really into sci-fi gadgets like I do.  It’s a little on the short side, so sorry for that.  I’ll try and make the next one longer.  Please note that, as always, only the Tongues of Fire characters belong to me.  All others belong to their respective writers and owners.  Now, sit back, relax, enjoy, and try not to die!

Tongues of Fire Galaxy, In the far reaches of system XBH-9974

The starships of the Magnificent Scoundrels arrived perfectly on time to the coordinates Thomas Drake had sent them.  It was a dreary system in the middle of nowhere, with four barren rocks of planets orbiting a small star, and one that looked to be more mud than anything else.  Drake had invited all of the Scoundrels and any of their retinues on board the Apocalypse for the mission briefing.  They met him in the massive cargo bay of the ship; stainless steel walls and massive stacks of rectangular cargo pallets greeted the new arrivals.  Drake himself was nowhere to be seen, and so they mingled, talking, gauging exactly what type of people they would be working with.  Master Chief slid over to Cooper.

“How was the voyage?” he asked.  Copper gave a long sigh.

“It was...long.  And hard.”

“Thaaaaaattttt’s whaaaaat sheeee said!” came Drake’s much too over enthusiastic voice from one of the doorways leading into the cargo bay.  Several snickers came at his words.

“I don’t get it...oh,” muttered someone.  Copper just sighed and looked at Master Chief.

“That’s the type of shit I’ve had to deal with the entire voyage.”  Drake grinned and held out his arms in greeting.  

“Welcome aboard the Apocalypse everyone!  You’re all looking fabulous today.”  He swaggered towards them.  “I’m assuming you’re all wondering why exactly we’re all here in the ass end of nowhere.”  A handful of nods greeted his words.  “Well I’m not a man to make extensive, complicated and loquacious speeches unless I need to, so I’ll put it simply.  On the mudball planet is a group of thieves, pirates, mercenaries, whatever you want to call them.  Point is, they stole something from a client of mine.  We’re here to get it back, and I am here to see just exactly how good you are.”  He grinned.  “SO.  We shall decide the details later.  Right now, time to ah, get equipped.”  He sauntered through the massive space, the rest of the Scoundrels following him, and touched several buttons on a wrist mounted computer.  Massive panels on the walls slid open, and racks upon racks of weaponry and equipment was displayed for all to see.  Drake grinned again.  “While I was finding information about all of your galaxies, I took the liberty of...acquiring, yes, we’ll stick with that, acquiring quite a lot of things.  Guns and gadgets and weapons and cool stuff!  It’s gonna be glorious!”  Most of the Scoundrels stared, open mouthed, at the truly staggering amount of stuff that Drake had just revealed.  The tough-looking man with the purple masked figure in their retinue, who had been identified by Drake’s report as John Shepard, moved over to one of the weapon racks.  

“Is that...a black hole gun?” he asked Drake.

“Yes,” replied Drake with a typical smirk.  Ciaphas Cain looked as if his eyes were about to pop out of his sockets.  He touched a long barreled gun with a long sniper scope on it.

“Please tell me this isn’t an Exitus Rifle,” he half aske, half pleaded to Drake.  

“As a matter of fact, it is.”

“How did you get that?” asked Cain, a note of fear in his voice.

“It's probably best if you didn’t know.”  

“Yeah.  It is most definitely probably better if I didn’t know.”  Adam Vir walked over to a glass case displaying a lithe grey suit on a manikin.

“This...this is Iron Eye armor,” he said with wonder.  He frowned.  “I’m not even going to ask where you got this.”  Drake nodded.

“At least there’s someone with sense in this room.”  Han Solo, ever the pragmatist, spoke up.

“Where did you get all of this?”  Drake beamed.

“You of all people ought to be able to figure it out.”  

“You stole it.”  It wasn’t a question, but a statement.

“Oh no my dear man,” said Drake with a laugh, “I acquired it.”  Jack Cooper sighed.

“I’m surprised you haven’t stolen a Titan yet.”  Drake whirled around to face him.

“What a wonderful idea!  I think I will.  I’ll add it to the list.”  He turned around and gestured to the various gear.  “Now, I know how some of you like your stuff.”  He spun to face Solo.  “You.  Jacket, boots, holster of unknown material but probably some sort of leather, DL-44 blaster.”  He spun around to Vir.  “You.  Spear, Drev metal.  Iron Eye armor, when necessary, but not a lot.  Have an odd tendency to not wear armor and gasmask when out exploring planets and that has led to problems.”  He wheeled away from Vir and slid up to Cooper.  “You.  Pilot’s suit with cloak, good with anything but like the Flatline.  Prefer the new heavier x-shaped Militia visor as opposed to the old IMC one.”  Drake spun on his heel and pointed at Starlord.  “You.  A rather odd sort of helmet that expands from the ear.  Don’t know how it works, but I’ll find out.  Jet boots, Quad blasters, had a Walkman but now a Zune.”  The Scoundrels stared at Drake, mouths gaping like landed fish.  “You.”  Drake pointed at Master Chief  “MJOLNIR armor, MA5D assault rifle, you’re a soldier so you bring grenades...and so on and so on.  Point is, if you use it, if you want it, I've got it.  Take your pick.”  Shepard made some sort of gagging noise.

“Exactly how much do you know about us?”  Drake gave a grin that was more like a predator baring its teeth than an actual smile.

“Everything.  Including that one thing all of you seem to have that you’d rather me not know.” 

Well shit.  

“Really?  You could just be bluffing.  Prove it,” said Kirk.  Drake held out his hand and a nearby Apocalypse crew member held out a data pad.  Drake tapped several buttons, scanned his fingerprint, then, carefully hiding the surface so as no one else could see it, showed Kirk the contents.  Kirk blanched and tugged at his collar.

“Uh, yeah...he’s not bluffing.”  Drake smiled, this time genuinely.  

“Don’t worry though.  I won’t tell anyone your secrets unless you want me to.”  He rubbed his hands together.  “So.  Let’s get to it, shall we?”  He gestured at a large holographic projector in the corner of the room.  Everyone walked over, Drake tapped his wrist mounted computer, and a glowing green projection of what looked like a military base appeared.  Drake gestured at it.  

“This is their base, if you haven’t guessed already.  It was originally an observation outpost for the Federal Military, which is why it’s as formidable as it is, but it was abandoned, well, because it’s smack-dab in the middle of nowhere.  Why they built it in the first place is a mystery.  Anyway, they have about oh, say, 200 to 300 people there.  All of them are armed, and while they don’t have anything too heavy, like, say, anti-aircraft or -tank weapons, they have quite the compilation of small arms.  Nothing we shouldn’t be able to handle.  We can also probably disable their long range sensors, allowing us to land on the planet without detection.  The question is: what do you want to do from there?”  He looked around at the group.  “Oh come now.  Any suggestions?”  

“This is your party, your home galaxy; what do you suggest?” asked Shepard pointedly.  Drake laughed.

“Well, there are usually two ways of retrieving an object of importance from a hostile group: either no bodies for the guards to notice or no guards left to notice the bodies.”  Several of the team looked horrified at this, and Drake gave a bloodthirsty grin.  “Option two is easier as there aren’t any local law enforcement.  In fact, there isn’t anyone of significant authority to apprehend us within anywhere near here.  Hell, we don’t even need to hide our presence.  We have enough firepower to blow them into molten slag; we can retrieve the object afterwards.”  He paused and considered it for a moment.  “Although, if we go with an orbital bombardment we run the risk of destroying the object.”  Vir stared at him in horror.

“An orbital bombardment?  You can’t be serious.”  Shepard and Kirk nodded at this.  Drake scoffed.

“They’re a group of 200 pirates on an uninhabited mudball of a planet.  No one’s gonna care.”  Was Drake testing them?  They looked at each other, and Shepard spoke.  

“No.  We’re going to go in stealthily.  No need to get anyone hurt unnecessarily.  We land undetected, we,” he gestured at himself, Vir and Master Chief, “go in, steal the thing, get out.  You guys are our support.”  He pointed at Drake and Cooper, “You two stay on that side,” he gestured at Cian and Quill, “you two on that side, and you two,” he looked at Solo and Kirk, “are ready to get us out if anything goes wrong.  Any objections?”  Most of the team nodded.  Drake gave them an odd look.

“If that’s how you want to do it.”  This was definitely a test.  “Ok.  If we’re all agreed, then let’s get to it.  Take whatever you want, but tell me or the quartermaster first so I know what you’re taking.  Other than that, I bid you good luck.”  Now then, what to do?  What to choose?  Celeric, the Apocalypse's morose quartermaster, was demonstrating to some of the Scoundrels’ crewmembers the horrifying effects of some glowing green weapons.  Cain and the officers of the Valhallan 597th were all buckling on bulky armored plates and picking up strange rectangular-looking rifles attached to heavy backpacks.  Apparently they knew what they wanted.  Master Chief wore full combat armor all the time, so he didn’t need anything. Solo had already disappeared, and Shepard and Cooper were browsing through gear from their home galaxy.  That left two.  Adam Vir and Peter Quill stared at each other awkwardly, then seemingly decided at the same time to walk over to where Drake was.  

Drake was sitting next to a large rack of ornate black armor.  While not exceptionally detailed, it looked extremely advanced and very expensive.  Drake himself was humming along to some song playing from his wrist computer while fiddling with a sleek triple barreled weapon.  A blueish-purple glow emitted from the center where a magazine would be on a normal weapon, and Drake seemed to be inspecting it for any flaws.  He turned and stopped what he was doing when Vir and Quill approached.  

“Ah!  Can I help you?” he asked politely.  

“What are you doing?” replied Vir in lieu of a response.  Drake chuckled.

“Well, these are mine.  Can’t be going into combat un-prepared, now, can I?”  He indicated the armor and gun.  

“What are they?” bath asked at the same time, then looked at each other, surprised.  

“Modified armor and a modified triple-barreled supercooled assault plasma rifle.  Cost me quite a lot, but worth every penny.  And, of course, this.”  He tapped the portable computer.  “The best in the market, modified, of course, by yours truly.  It can slice into almost any security system and can pull up anything from the Apocalypse's main computer.  And it plays music.”  This got their attention.  

“What kind?”  Drake shrugged.

“Oh, you know, the classics.”

“What do you consider ‘the classics’?” asked Vir.

“You know, the classics.  Uh, Country Roads, 1812 Overture, I’m Sexy and I Know It…”

“One of those does not belong with the others,” muttered Quill.  

“Eh, doesn’t matter.  I know the both of you have quite good taste in music.  Should be interesting.  Talk to Celeric if you have any questions about the stuff.”  Quill wandered off, and Drake took out some sort of screwdriver-like tool and fussed over a panel on the suit of armor.  “Look at this.  Best of the best.  It’s got all the gadgets on it: enhanced strength and support, slot for the wrist computer, thermal vision, the works.  But now...now the possibilities are endless!  Built in flamethrowers, omnitools, cybernetic implants, personal shielding, digital weapons...oh it’s going to be glorious when I’m done with it.”  He turned to Vir, who hadn’t moved.  “Can I help you?”  

“Er...yes, you can, actually.”  Vir fidgeted with his collar and turned a slight shade of red.  “What do you know about me?”  

“You?  Everything.  I already told you that,” replied Drake as he turned back to his work.

“I mean...specifically.”  Drake sighed and turned back towards him.  

“Specifically?  I know of your war record, which is painful, but not that deep of a secret.”  He pursed his lips.  “How shall I phrase this...does the acronym LFIL mean anything to you?”  Vir turned a deeper shade of red.  

“Uh...yes.  Yes, it does.”  Drake nodded.

“Good.  Just so we’re on the same page.  I won’t tell anyone, though.  You can trust me with that.  In fact,” he began to laugh, “In fact...well, I can’t tell you.  But I shall ask.  Worry not, for I shall ask.”  Drake paused and seemed to consider something for a moment, then stood up and put a hand on Vir’s shoulder.  His voice changed from light and breezy to serious and almost fatherly.  “Let me give you a bit of advice.  Do not ever let a servant of the Imperium of Man know.  They will kill you for it.”  He looked past Vir at something in the background and sighed.  “Speaking of bloody which,” he turned and walked towards the Imperials, who were lugging crates emblazoned with the double headed Imperial eagle towards the exit.  “Oi!  You guys are just going to walk away with all my hellguns without telling me?”  And while Drake was arguing with Cain, Adam Vir stood and pondered Drake’s words.

Due to the overwhelming technological superiority of the Scoundrels, the bases’ long and close range scanners were taken down with relative ease, and the assault was to commence.  Drake had placed his own soldiers on board the various ships that would be landing outside the base, as a rather obvious attempt to see how good the rest of the Scoundrels really were.  Shepherd stared in distaste at the sleazy looking man who accompanied them aboard his ship, the Normandy.  Vir and the Chief were in the hold, ready and waiting, and Shepard was to bring them just outside the base.  The rest were to be dropped off or teleported by the Millennium Falcon or the Enterprise.  Shepard turned towards Drake’s armsman, named Nathaniel if he remembered correctly.  

“So, Nathaniel.  Drake seems a bit...off.  Is he really, well, on top of things?”  Nathaniel gave a sleazy smile.

“Here’s the thing.  People don’t follow others because they’re popular or high born.  People follow others because they’re good at what they do.  Don’t matter if they’re nice, or rich, or sane, it matters if they’re competent.  And the Captain?  Well, he’s a little off.  Whether he’s actually nuts or just likes acting like it doesn’t matter.  He’s the best of the best at what he does and I’d follow him into hell.”  Shepard didn’t have time to reply.  

“Commander.  We’ve arrived.”  

Well, that’s it.  Hope you liked it.  If you have any questions, comments, concerns, reviews, advice or criticisms, feel free to ask.  Hope you have a nice day!   

[aaronobrian]

Star Wars: The Last Jedi - First Thoughts

Below are my first reactions to Star Wars The Last Jedi a day after I saw it in theaters. I posted this on Facebook that started a lot of discussion. To be clear I didn't completely hate Star Wars The Last Jedi. But it suffers from poor writing. Below are spoiler heavy points that I think amount to a 3rd grader writing a movie script. - - SPOILERS BELOW - - - - - - - - - - - - 1.) The slow chase scene of the First Order pursuing the Resistance is BORING! We are watching a Star Wars movie here not an episode of Star Trek Voyager. If I was the writer, I would make the Resistance fleet have enough fuel to make multiple jumps to lightspeed. Then have a cat and mouse chase between the Resistance and the First Order. We could have exciting and multiple star systems that the Resistance fleet could hide out. Sort of like the chase between the Millennium Falcon and the Imperial Fleet in Empire Strikes Back. But on a grander scale. We could see the fleet be picked off one by one in more of a dramatic way. We then could see Poe Dameron, Finn and Rose Tico shine better in defending the fleet.

2.) Finn’s character has NO point in this movie. Finn goes off on a wild goose chase because the movie needed something for him to do. (If they used my chase idea, Finn and Rose would be busy fight the First Order.)

In the past the rebellion had existed for generations simply because ships can pop from one place to the next in the blink of an eye. The Last Jedi introduces magical GPS tracking that essentially makes guerrilla-style warfare impossible. It’s the understandable why Finn and Rose fly off to a random planet modeled off of Monaco so they can disable the technology. This is something the movie does repeatedly, creating problems that didn’t exist before just so its characters can pull off blockbuster high jinks in pursuit of their solutions. Sadly, this entire plot is rendered pointless by the end as we learn Leia was retreating to an old Rebel base on the planet Crait. Alas, Fin, Rose and BB8 are caught and almost have their heads cut off by laser axes.

One of the best part of this movie is to see Finn’s character stop running. In the beginning Finn tries to escape the fleet in an escape pod and the end Finn is ready to sacrifice himself to save the Resistance.

3.) Poe Dameron is always wrong and then is rewarded for it. When Leia tells Poe to break off the attack on the First Order Dreadnaught, Poe ignores her. This leads to heavy losses for one victory. Poe is demoted because of this. When Poe is given no plan from Vice-Admiral Holdo (because COs don’t have to explain themselves to their subordinates), he concocts a plan for Finn and Rose to run off and find a codebreaker so as to infiltrate the First Order ship that’s chasing them. Then when his plan is almost ready to go into action, Poe finds out that Holdo is abandoning ship for the planet Crait. What does Poe do? He mutinies. One of the worst thing that can happen in an armies chain of command. But… the movie ends with Poe being rewarded as leader of the Resistance by Leia saying “don’t look at me, follow him”. (To your certain death?)

4.) Captain Phasma turns out to be completely pointless and dies.

5.) I have no problem that Leia might have powers from the Force. But we have never had a clue from her onscreen history. Yet we have the weird angel like (almost Twin Peaks-ish) scene Where her powers of the Force pulls her back from the brink of death. She’s floating in outer space without any protection and freezing her skin off. In this moment it’s done in a cringeworthy sort of way that’s obnoxious and very strange.

6.) Snoke dies in a hurry. In “The Force Awakens” the big bad was Snoke. There was all this speculation on his character - who he is, where did he come from. Fuck it! Kill him we don’t need to know. Like Darth Maul, Snoke seemed like an awesome bad guy. A suitable opponent to Rey and crew. Instead we are left with whiny emo bad guy Kylo Ren. For as fearsome as Snoke seemed to be, despite being able to throw a human being across a huge room with a flick of his finger and read everyone’s thoughts, has apparently lost his peripheral vision and can’t see that a lightsaber sitting right next to him is moving on its own. Dumb and lazy writing.

7.) Porgs and Vultpex (the Crystalline Fox) are almost pointless and they are a marketing ploy by Disney to make stuffed animal toys for children. Cash grab.

8.) Kylo Ren still is a whiny bitch. Isn’t Star War supposed to be epic? Why is the bad guy an emo kid that hates his dad and looking for a daddy? Darth Vader gave no fucks. The ending scene in Rogue One depicts this. But Kylo Ren is no Vader. He is a fainting baby of a bad guy. That punches his bedroom walls when he feels bad. When Kylo “turns” it prompts a truly fantastic fight scene where both Rey and Kylo are fighting side by side and working together to defeat their foes. It looks and feels so perfect, but that goes out the window the moment the fighting stops and Kylo reveals that he’s really just as much of an angsty kid as he’s always been. Couldn’t we have seen Ren evolve in this movie? Nah - Instead of fearsome we are given pathetic.

9.) Luke Skywalker is a hermit that wants out of this universe. I have no problem that Luke is shakened by his experience with Kylo Ren (Ben Solo). I have no problem that Luke wants to hang up his lightsaber. But Luke knows that Kylo killed his good buddy Han, that his sister is in deadly trouble and the universe is about be handed to the bad guys. And he still won’t spring into action??? When Rey asks Luke to train her, she receives a 3 minute crash course in the Force. Then Luke gives up when Rey is interested in a Dark Side seaweed hole. Well duh, yes - because NO ONE HAS TRAINED HER. (Dumb Ass!)

We do have a great scene when Force projection Luke faces off with the First Order and Kylo Ren. It was super fun and worth watching. But then Luke dies… So I guess Luke gets his wish.

10.) Rey is still untrained. Rey has no mentor. Maybe in episode 9 she’ll get a trainer. But I guess the untrained Rey can just magically control her powers and not be easily led to the Dark Side. But considering that Kylo Ren is such a weak bad guy, I guess she will prevail.

[darkcherrywitch]

Behavior Exercise

Hi girls, guys and non-binary pals <3 

This is the scond fanfic i write, this one is inspired in a movie called The Road Within and hopefully my first series so please let me know if you want me to keep posting it, maybe is not as good as i think it is haha i’d really appretiate some feedback, also, english is not my first lenguage so please be nice i’m trying :( 

WARNINGS: 4k+ mentions of drugs, alcohol and mental illness. This fanfic contains sensitive topics like anorexia, OCD and drug addictions if you feel triggered by any of this topics please do not read it. 

“Nineteen, twenty, twenty one, twenty two, twenty three” You could hear Robert whispering a number for each mug whilst cleaning one per one with an anti-bacterial microfiber cloth he just bought yesterday. You take another sip of your non sugared coffee already cold keeping your gaze in your roommate who was onto an old baby blue wooden chair, his favorite, because it was easier to clean than the other ones “Twenty four, twenty five…twenty fiv-five” he stutters with a low voice almost like a secret he can only hear.  You put your mug down on the table knowing what is coming next, like every other morning, he just hated odds numbers.

“Five- twenty fiv-five” He keeps repeating walking back and forth all over the kitchen with his hand scratching his head pulling his blonde curls. “Hey, good morning” A deep British accent stops you from standing up and walking towards Robert making him stop as well. He looked at both of you just to switch his gaze feeling the pressure in the air as he continues to grab an empty plastic cup from the kitchen bar assuming he could get in trouble if he gets anywhere near the mugs shelf.

“Morning, did you have a good rest?” You greet with an awkward smile on your face. Harry moved in just a week ago so it is understandable he’s not fully used to Rob’s breakdowns as you are after nine years. You know Rob since secondary school; a catholic schoolhouse in Portlaoise where special and difficult teenagers were sent by his parents to make them better, doesn’t work pretty well if they ask you.  Robert and you shared some classes and weekly group’s therapy meetings, however, you only knew him as the schizo boy just to find out, years later, he does not suffer from schizophrenia but a severe ODC and constants paranoid episodes, it all got worst four years ago when he came home to find out his mom had left a day before the graduation  night, all she left was a note saying how sorry she was, a load of cash, a blue tuxedo he was supposed to be wearing at the dance and an empty home.

Four years ago

You lost count of how many minutes, maybe hours, you have been staring at the old pink dress your dad had bought you for tonight’s dance, it would be better if he could actually share the evening with you but it was too much to ask, you thought. It had stopped raining some hours ago but a loud splash outside your window snaps you from your deep thoughts about tonight, a rowdy cry followed the splash “SHE LEFT ME, WHY DOES EVERYBODY BLODY LEFT ME?” You ran to your window to see what was happening, and then, you saw Rob on a puddle wearing anything but his underpants and his navy blue tuxedo in his hands all covered in mud, just as him. He was  crying and screaming while Miss Gillen held him helping him for hurting himself  “MY DAD IS DEAD AND MOM HATES ME, I-I ‘AVE NO ONE, NO ONE FUCKING CARES ABOUT ME” He yelled at the sky escaping from Miss Gillen’s arms slapping mercilessly his face and pulling his blonde hair roughly.

You have spent almost a decade in that hypocrite househole where religious people pretended to know what was good and bad, and even worst, pretending they care about all of you. You knew people were lonely back there, after all, most of you were abandoned by your families, they just gave up on most of you and you were aware of that. You knew everyone there was ill, was broken and alone, new people came and then they left, some people have been taken to the hospital after a breakdown and they have never returned, it was hard to live in a place like that were you could share breakfast with someone just to wake up the next day with their bed empty and another casket full, that’s why you decided to not make any friends, carrying with other person’s problems could destroyed you just as much as losing another loved one, but when you saw him all covered in mire when just yesterday he cried in the middle of the cafeteria because he spilled a drop of tea in his pants something changed in you. You almost didn’t recognize him; it was the same guy who couldn’t even walk outside his bedroom without latex gloves, however he was there outside your room, broken and scared. He had no one and you knew that feeling.

“Rumor has it you have your own place now” You said having a sit next to him in cafeteria two days after the dance. He looked strange at you “do yo-do you eat?” He answered you sharply but those comments didn’t bother you anymore. You smiled at him taking a sip of your water bottle “so, is it true?” You insisted “‘s not mine, ‘s me mums” he mumbled cleaning the spot of the table you just removed your hand from. “But she left” you say abruptly making him look at you, finally getting some strong eye contact, he kept silence trying not to cry, you leaned closer to him and whispered “when are we escaping this hole then?”.

Now

It’s been four years since you convinced Rob to leave that place, four years since you’ve been living together in that house his mom had left for him, and four years of the only caring human interaction you both have; you take care for each other and you could say it was the first time in ages that you haven’t feel lonely.

“Could been better if I’m honest” Harry replies with a cheeky smile “Of course it could have been better, it could have been better if you just would stop yourself from snoring the whole night” Robert cuts Harry off “Did you know he goes to sleep without taking a shower? and WE have to share room it’s just unacceptable, unaccepta- unacceptable” You can see Rob’s face turning red and his eyes looking at you almost popping out at the memory of last night.

“Oh I’m sorry, did my snoring muffle that boring music you sleep with?” Harry says without looking at him as he pours some orange juice to his cup “It’s not my fault you don’t appreciate quiet music you cheap ass Mick Jagger” Robert spits roughly making Harry giggle as he decides to stop the argue blowing him a kiss. He was cheeky and irreverent and you like that, Harry was like a new specimen like a new world you wish to explore, it was something you have never seen before, neither you or Rob haven’t met anyone like Harry, you feel excited about this new experience even though now and then you feel guiltiness for making Rob go through this, you know he’s not looking forward this as much as you are, in fact since Harry is living with you Rob’s stress levels has been higher than usual.

When you left the clinic you decided come up with a plan to keep both of you sane, you knew Rob’s money it wasn’t going to last more than a few months and his disability allowance was not enough for both of you, so you decided to get a job and attend to some free therapy session at a community center near Rob’s house, and that’s how Harry came into your life.

One month ago

What it seemed like a normal summer rain predicting its end becomes a dreadful storm within minutes. You make you steps larger covering your head with your old jacked which is completely useless as you try to rush Rob who is a couple steps behind you freaking out because his boots and the bottom of his pants are all covered in mud. There’s only a couple of blocks left to the community center where both of you attend to the weekly sessions that keep yourself sort of sane. You arrive to the center soaking wet and just in time to the session, however, you spend a few minutes taking care of Rob helping him to clean himself.

Both of you take a seat in the circle in the middle of the huge cold room; the therapist, Arthur welcomes you with a big smile understanding the weather was not something you could control or change. “So now that we’re complete…” he stand up and says looking at Rob and you “Are you okay, Robert?” he asks kindly to what Rob just nods “great, now I want to start this meeting introducing our new member, he comes all the way from London so I ask you to be nice and make him feel welcome”.

You were too busy taking care of your friend and cursing at the wind that you haven’t notice the new member of the group; a tall white guy with silky curls, they seem recently wet as well even tho he doesn’t look bother about it. Your gaze travels his figure from bottom to top; he’s wearing some old used boots, a pair of blue jeans and a grey hoodie. You notice his big and strong hands as he says hi to the group with one of them; both decorated with multiple rings, It’s not until your glance meets his big emerald eyes ornamented with some bags under them that you realized you are probably staring too much, as you try to look somewhere else you see he offers a smile at you; not yet a malicious one, not yet a kindly one, it was more like something in between; a cheeky lovely but arrogant smile.

“Hi, I’m Harry, Nice to meet you all” He says briefly without taking his eyes off of you he looks at the rest of the group smiling still just to sit down again. You could hear some distant and slow claps, probably your partners are just as confused as you; most of the introductions were followed by a whole crazy story of why are they there and even some tears and breakdowns but never just a cheeky smile and a breathtaking glance. “You probably want to tell us why you’re here Harry” Arthur says looking at him.

“’kay, if you want me to” He says rubbing his palms on his thighs looking at the ground until he speaks again “…I’m a sex addict” he looks up staring challenging at Arthur chuckling. Arthur looks quite annoyed he probably knows what the newbie’s here for, you’ve shared these sessions with some sex addicts they only last two or three weeks top, but you are pretty sure he’s just joking. “Probably just another junkie” Rob speaks up louder than he expected. The whole room is filled with silence for a couple seconds even you fell Harry deep gaze on Rob “Wanna bet pretty boy? can show you”

“Harry is here because he’s trying to keep himself sober and we’re to help him, okay?” Arthur interrupts quickly “He’s new in town so if you know about some apartment available for him would be a great favor”. The rest of the session keeps going pretty normal even though you can’t focus on any of your partners, you are too confused yet intrigued about the whole new guy situation; after that interaction you can tell Rob has been tense since then, on the other side Harry seems cool about it, you were expecting him being an asshole with the rest of the group as they share their week with you, but instead he listens carefully, looking attentive to each person who stands up, he even shares some advices with them, good advices. Robs is kind of right, he is a junkie, still he is not just another junkie, there was something different about him and you want it to find out.

“Hey, so the new guy is looking for somewhere to live” You say to Rob who was cleaning the snack table of the therapy room. “There are a lot of bridges he can live under” He replies without looking at you, he was too focused stacking some water bottles carefully. You take a piece of fruit and a bottle of water as you feel Arthur Gaze on you “I was thinking he can live with us, we have a spare room” Robert stops abruptly his stacking process just to give you a perplexed look “are you seriously suggesting me to offer my house to a bloody drug addict we just literally met just because he’s hot?”

“C’mon��� I never said he was hot” Rob turns his face back to the table cleaning something else you don’t even see “That’s not the point, I’m not letting a stranger sleeping under my roof”  “You let me sleep under your roof, beside, we can actually use some extra money” you say looking for the new guy in the room “and he seems fun” Robert grunts rolling his eyes at the sight of you looking for him. “Robert, Y/N, we’re about to the closure would you please join us?” Arthur says from a distance. “take it as behavior exercise” You insist Rob with a begging look with both of your hands together “I’ll think about it” He cuts the conversation walking away from you.

One week ago

You make your way into de kitchen to find Rob finishing his cleaning routine; you overslept this morning understandable after keeping yourself with almost anything but water for the last three days. “Morning babe” You said weakly to your friend as he quickly reach a chair for you to sit “Hey, I made you some breakfast” He says as he opens the fridge taking out a plate with fruit and oats “There’s no need Rob, I’m going to be late to work” You say as you try to stand up  but he grabs your arm in order to stop you from getting up, you look at his hand wrapped around your arm and look back at him in shock; his germophobia doesn’t let him have any physical interaction with other people, he never touches anybody and freaks out when somebody touches him. Is the first time in years you’ve feel his touch; even though he’s wearing latex gloves as usual you can feel the warm emanating from his big and soft hand.

“You might take care of me most of the time but I’m not stupid Y/N, I know you haven’t eaten a full meal in four days, so please, sit down and eat your breakfast” He finally releases your arm as he walks to his room to probably change his gloves. The whole situation leaves so speechless that you don’t have any other choice to do what you’ve been told. You can’t remember a time when Robert has ever touched you or at least without having a crisis, definitely your relationship has grown a lot in those couple years and now it seems like he cares about you more every day and part of you couldn’t just let him down.  

As you keep eating your meal and thinking about your relationship with Rob a knock on the door snaps you out to reality and you hear Rob rushing to the door “no, no, you can’t leave the table until you finish”. He reaches to the door and takes a big breathe before open it just to find a pair of emerald eyes looking at him “Oh Hi, nice to see you again Pretty boy” Harry says after finishing his cigarette and stepping on it “Oh it’s you, what do you want?” he asks hiding half of his body behind the door. Harry smirks and shows him the black suitcase he was holding. Robert knew what he was there for he just forgot about it when he looked into his eyes. Today is the day that Harry moves into the house; after a couple endless nights convincing Rob of letting him stay today you got yourself a new roommate.

“Oh, right, come on in, I guess” Rob says opening the door wider for Harry to come in. “Take your shoes off” Robert adds without looking at him walking towards the kitchen “Normally I only accept to take my clothes off after a couple of drinks but for you pretty b..” “We don’t use shoes inside the house, that’s the first rule, it’s not a joke” Rob cuts Harry off abruptly facing him again “Okay, take it easy they’re off” Harry says without erasing his cheeky smile of his face “I think we didn’t even say hi properly ” Harry adds offering his hand to Rob, he has heard that he’s quite special to interact with but there’s no person in the world that Harry can’t just win over, he’s irrelevant and funny and just full of natural charm, everybody likes him and he’s aware of that but there is something in Rob Harry just feels attracted to, he likes to push his buttons it’s like a challenge and he has always loved a good challenge.

Robert stares at Harry’s Hand for a moment “I don’t do that” he adds looking back into Harry’s eyes “you don’t do handshakes?” Harry replies chuckling at Rob’s weird affirmation; who doesn’t do handshakes? “I don’t touch people” Robert replies almost yelling at Harry; his face started to turn red and his breathe is getting harder to catch. Harry’s afraid maybe he went too far but it was not his intention at all, he like to mess with people but not like that. “Hey, it’s fine, hi Harry”

You rushed to finish your plate as soon as you heard Harry’s deep voice coming from the door not because you feel excited but because you’re worried about Rob’s reaction, after all they didn’t have a great first meeting. You follow their voices that lead you to the living room; Harry was wearing some regular skinnies and a black t-shirt somehow on him that simple outfit looks like the most complex combination of clothing, a bunch of tattoos covered his arms making him look cooler than the junkie you see every Friday night. Robert raising his voice makes you stop staring at your new roommate and actually talk to him.

“Hey, N/Y, morning” Harry answers with a big smile on his face, you don’t remember his skins glowing as much as it does today it is hard not to stare at him. “Are you ready to move in?” You ask nicely as Robert tries to calm down adjusting his gloves and taking deep breathes “Yep, pretty much” Harry says pointing at his suitcase. You show him the place; is not too big it’s only a small one floor house with three bedrooms but it’s a way to make him feel comfortable. As you show him around Robert starts telling him the most important rules of the house and Harry only nods at both of you.

“So this would be your room” you say finishing the house tour opening the door between Rob’s bedroom and yours “As we told you before It’s not habitable right now, we need to fix the roof and most of the walls they’re almost ruined by humidity, we were thinking maybe with the deposit and probably your first payment we can like fix it meanwhile you can share room with Robert if that’s okay with you” You say showing him where the humidity has damage the roof “Sure, it’s going to be a pleasure” Harry winks at Robert who seems bothered enough already. You can see how annoyed Rob is by this new roommate situation, however, you know if he wouldn’t agree with this he would tell you, besides somehow it seems like he’s more anxious that bothered about it; he thinks you didn’t realize but you saw him cleaning his room twice last night a strange way to say he’s excited about the next day. Maybe both of you are excited about sharing your life with someone new, someone as special as Harry seems to be, maybe it’s just attraction, maybe it’s just Harry’s aura that makes everyone go a little bit crazy about him or maybe it’s only your mind playing tricks on you but at that moment you realized something in your life is about to change drastically and you quite like that.

Now

“C’mon Y/N you have to finish it” Robert says with his elbows on the table resting his head on both of his hands, you’ve been struggling to finish your meal for almost an hour now and Robert is more than exhausted now, you can see it and you feel bad of seeing those lovely green eyes so tired because of you but you just can´t finish it. “I can´t Robert I promise” You say pouting your mouth on a failed attempt of leaving the table. Harry just appears on the kitchen and watches the scene grabbing an apple “take it as a behavior exercise” Rob adds with an exhausted voice. “Behavior exercise? what’s that? Harry asks with his mouth full of the bite he just took.

“Back in the schoolhouse we had exercises to learn how to deal with our illnesses; they made us do things to get tour limits and they just acted like nothing was happening at all” you say playing with the food on your plate. “Once they made me walk with dirty trousers for a whole day!” Robert continues giving Harry an indignant look. Robs turns back at you pushing your plate closer to you.

“Interesting” Harry responds taking the seat in front of you; he search for your gaze and looks right into your eyes getting your full attention as he usually does whenever he’s near you. “C’mon Y/N you’re better than a plate of food, are you gonna let a couple of vegetables defeat you?” the room is filled with silence as he smiles at you and leaves the kitchen making his way out to the porch. If anyone else would say that to you you would throw the plate at them with no hesitation, but the way those words left his mouth like he knew everything about yourself plus the way he looked at you just made you believe every single of them. You look back at Robert who was already falling asleep on the table and continue to finish your meal.

Once your plate is empty you help Robert to go to bed and clean your dishes as you always do. You remember Harry’s outside and decide to make him company smoking your nightly cigarette as usual. He was laying half of his body on the wooden bench of the porch. He looks so lost in his thoughts you almost feel guilty about interrupting because as soon as you step outside he turns and smiles widely at you “How was your behavior exercise?” he say probably joking or probably actually concerned you never know what his intentions are, that man was a complete enigma to you. “Beat the fuck out if it” you say quietly as you stand beside him lighting the last cigarette of the pack. He chuckles loudly in responds.

After that you just stay there enjoying the silence and the smoke coming out of both of your cigarettes; the night is particularly quiet, the stars are shinier and the wind juts take the bunch of your thoughts and concerns with it. It’s nice to spend time with someone who’s not constantly asking if you have washed your hands already or telling you how disgusting is the habit of smoking. None of you feel the need to fill the lack of conversation at that moment; you are so focused on enjoying the moment that you almost don’t realize that out of nowhere Harry decides to break the silence with a question.

“Why did you let me stay in here?” He asks with a husky voice keeping his eyes on his cigarette “Robert thinks you’re hot” you respond after a couple of seconds and even though you are looking at the sky you can feel Harry smiling at your answer. “yeah, well, I don’t blame him” he says annoyingly turning his body towards you “but I’m sure that’s not the only reason why you guys let a good-looking junkie staying at your place, and if you do I’m quite concerned, I must reckon” you face him narrowing your eyes at his smart ass answer.

“Robert and I have this weird dream of make a sheltered for people in need, people who have been abandoned by their families like us, we saw a chance on you” you say letting the smoke of you cigarette fill your lungs and letting it out. “It’s like the biggest behavior exercise you ever had then?” Harry says with an adorable voice, one you’ve never heard before “You might say” You say smiling at him just to continue enjoying the clear sky above you.

[determined-multimuse]

👨‍👩‍👧-Aaron you say

Ah, yes, her ex-mistake. Folding her arms across her torso, Kaya sharply exhales. 

“…so you wanna know about my ex, huh?” Like many of the things and people in here life… where to start is always the question. Frankly, she’d rather avoid talking about him every chance she gets. But the inbox has to be appeased, and it’s not like Frisk is around at the moment anyway…

Kaya huffs, her arms folding tighter as her glare grows sharper from the ugly, distasteful memories coming back to her again, as they always do.

“…Okay, sit down and shut up, it’s a long-ass story, and I’m only gonna tell it once.”

“It all started with a stupid teenager doing stupid teenage things because her parents were terrible at their jobs and knew nothing about having a disabled kid,” she starts with a slight sneer. 

“I came out of my mom’s snatch kicking and screaming, and stayed kicking and screaming for years. Then, around elementary school, they introduced ABA therapy. I was emotionally and mentally abused all through elementary and middle school, and became a terrified, depressed shell of a kid who would do, say, and repress anything I had to just to make my parents happy. So they wouldn’t yell at me or grab me or take away something vital to my mental health.”

“Then high school came around, I’d just hit puberty, and I decided I’d had enough to being bullied by my own parents, my teachers, and the other students, and I became an A-grade bitch to everyone. Just to try to give myself control and empowerment in my life, I went from one extreme to another. I was a dumb, emotionally repressed teenager who jumped back to being a rebel, so I did a lot of shitty things. I had anger issues, was violent, and hung out with a lot of bad kids. I didn’t bully anyone, really, but I got into a lot of fights and only barely avoided getting arrested from vandalism and underage drinking a lot. Smoke weed a lot too. I was a rotten kid, but… honestly, it felt better than letting people grab my hands, shake me, yell at me and push my around… I was 14 and stupid, sue me.”

“Yeah, I make it sound like Aaron was one of the bad ones, but he was actually one of the only decent kids in high school at the time. He came from a pretty well-off family and kinda took pity on me. He wasn’t scared of me like some of the other kids, but he didn’t really pick a fight with me either. He was a good kid at the time, or at least that was the impression I got as a dumb, naive fourteen-year-old. He was nice to me, gave me rides home when I felt scared to call my parents, hung out with me, got me out of weed, booze and crime, talked to me, listened… He was good to me. Not sure whether that was genuine and he turned into an asshole or if he was always an ass trying to get into my pants, but it doesn’t matter. He’s a dick now.”

“I fell hard for the guy, being the idiot teenager I was. I was convinced that he was an angel there to save me from my shit-hole situation. Needless to say, we… did the deed. A LOT, actually. And finally, of course, we conceived Frisk when I was 15, had them when I was 16. Of course my parents weren’t happy, but that worked out for me because I hated them at the time. Was under the mindset if they hated it, I was doing something right. But even my grandmother, who was the only other decent person in my life, was voicing concerns about how fast I was jumping into things. And… like a dumbass, I ignored her. I was…”

Her glare finally falters and her face falls. As dumb as she always remembers she was in hindsight, she could never deny that she really did love the guy back in the day. At the time, he’d saved her, as far as she was concerned…

“I was in love… I… really thought he was my soulmate. So… I moved in with him after Frisk was born, and at first, everything was just great. I just stayed home with Frisk while he went to work, and we got married a week after I turned 18. But… once we made it legal and I was actually tied to him, things… started changing.”

“He never wanted to actually take care of Frisk. They were like a cute commodity to him; he never wanted to feed them, change their diapers, put them down for their nap, or look after them after daycare, it was ALWAYS on ME. Which I mean, fine, I didn’t wanna work and was controlling and protective over Frisk. But he never picked up the slack at home, he just went out to work, went drinking with his work buddies, and came home with dinner eventually.”

“And it just… got worse. No matter how stressed or sick I was, he’d never pick up the slack. He just enjoyed the perks and fun parts of fatherhood without trying to put in any actual work. Which I always justified with him being the breadwinner and being tired all the time. But when we learned Frisk was autistic when they were three…”

“He completely. Fucking. Abandoned them. All of a fucking SUDDEN, he had zero patience for just about anything Frisk ever did. Completely ignored them, got impatient with them whenever they started stimming–which, you know, I got onto him about. We fought a lot, and Frisk would always start crying because he’d convinced them our marriage problems were THEIR fault! Because I wasn’t going to let him snap at Frisk over shit they couldn’t help as a fucking four year old!”

“He deteriorated over two years’ time since we found out Frisk was autistic; he did his best to be good to me despite his mental shit, but he wanted absolutely nothing to do with Frisk. He was a pathetic shitstain of a human being. He started coming home late, getting drunk, we fought just about every goddamn day, and he kept getting onto Frisk, trying to make them be like me. ‘Your mom was like you and she learned how to be normal, why the fuck can’t you listen and learn to be normal–’ Like, asshole, do you even know me?! Since when have I ever been normal?! All that shit he sold me about accepting me as I was turned out to be bullshit.”

“I tried so hard to make it work, I tried to patch things up between me, Aaron and Frisk for years… I’d always been able to wrangle him in whenever he started yelling at Frisk, help them sort things out, and most of the time, he’d apologize… but the second he actually put his hands on them - grabbing their hands to make them stop stimming when they were crying, hard enough to bruise them, just after they turned five - I shut the whole thing down right then and there. I knew where this was gonna go and I wasn’t gonna see it through with Frisk. I wasn’t gonna let Frisk go through a worse version of what I went through.”

“In hindsight… I should have shut everything down when he started neglecting them. That’s just as much abuse as putting your hands on a kid is… but I was delusional. I was selfish… and wanted to make my relationship with the man he used to be work. But no matter how much I may have still loved him… I wasn’t gonna let him put his hands on my child a second time. Yeah, we fought physically and we damn near killed each other… pretty sure I scarred Frisk with that, but… ya know. I won, and now that prick knows better than to show his face around me or Frisk ever again.”

“There’s… a lot I should have done differently back then; a lot I should have done for Frisk’s sake. I know I wasn’t the best parent in the world for them at the time. I put my relationship before their wellbeing at the time, even if I didn’t realize it, and to be honest… I’ll be ashamed of myself for that ‘til the day I die. It shouldn’t have had to escalate to physical violence for me to wake the fuck up and get Frisk and me out of there, but it did…”

“So… it’s just me and Frisk now, and even though I had to step up and find work out of nowhere, start being the breadwinner AND the child rearer while still having shit support from my ‘told-you-so’ing family… we’re better off without that asshole in our lives. I know there are a lot of people who… might be better for Frisk, as a parent, but… I still wanna do the best I can for them and their future little sibling now that I know better.”

“And if that prick shows up again, this baby’s gonna have to deal for five seconds so I can suplex the dickweed. Not that he really would, he already only begrudgingly pays child support, but… ya know. Always good to be prepared. So yeah. I hate my ex’s fucking guts and I was an idiot for ever marrying him.”

“The end. Any questions?”

[gabe-wallace]

AVENGERS AU - Or Miki sensually takes a sledgehammer to the fourth wall, inelegantly crams Jessica Jones into the Avengers, and adds more holes to the already swiss cheese like MCU.  ACTION/COMEDY/SUPERHERO AU

The Tesseract has awaken... It is on a little world, a human world. They would wield it’s power... but our ally knows it’s workings as it never will... He is ready to lead. And our force, our Chitauri will follow. The world will be his- the universe yours. And the humans... what can they do but burn?

In the middle of a desert, a secret government facility sprawled. Normally it dwelled in silence, the coming and goings of its agents a tightly controlled secret. This night, urgency overcame the need for silence. Flood lights blazed, voices rose and fell, helicopters and all terrain vehicles left in noisy droves, and trained SHIELD agents moved like an overturned anthill, organized yet frantic. A man intoned over a announcement system, his calm voice at odd with the rising tension- Attention all certified personnel, the evacuation order has been confirmed. Please proceed to your designated vehicles for the compound wide evacuation. This is not a drill. The air thrummed with something electric and alive, fueled by the panic it had incited. 

A helicopter landed in an otherwise abandoned air field, where a lone figure stood waiting, clearly expecting whoever was on board. Lydia Starling’s omnipresent smile was tense as Warren Porter climbed out, her warm welcome lost under the whirl of helicopter propellers, and wasted on the Director, whose face was as vaguely annoyed as ever as he strolled past her.

“How bad is it?” He demanded, in lieu of returning his agent’s greeting.

“Well, that’s the thing.” Lydia sighed, nervously adjusting her tight ponytail. “We don’t actually know.”

“Tell me everything.”

“Dr. Jeremy Godfrey read an energy surge from the Tesseract a little over an hour ago.” Lydia reported, following the director as he made his way towards where the energy source was being studied. She had to half run to keep up with him, as she was a rather short woman and Porter was in too much of a rush to make an allowance towards that fact.

“God dammit, NASA didn’t authorize a testing phase!” Porter snapped, walking even faster and causing Lydia to huff. Of course she understood it was an emergency but really.

“Oh no Director Porter, Jeremy would never! He wasn’t even in the room when it happened! It was completely spontaneous- turned itself on.”

“Ugh, of course. What are the energy levels like now?”

“Climbing.” Dr. Jeremy Godfrey’s voice called from where he was intently studying a computer screen, eyes darting to the bright blue Tesseract now and then. “When we couldn’t shut it down, Lydia ordered an evac.”

“That’s right.” Lydia intoned, beaming at her friend and coworker. “Campus should be clear in about a half hour, maybe less. We’ve drilled everyone pretty hard on evac, knowing that this might happen.”

“Do better.” Porter growled, and Lydia visibly wilted. Several passing SHIELD agents paused their evacuation fueled panic to scowl directly into Porter’s eyepatch and pat Lydia on the back. 

Jeremy glared. “Lydia’s done an amazing job here, actually. Evacuation may be futile anyway. If we can’t control the Tesseract’s energy there may not be a minimum safe distance.”

Porter rolled his eye heavenwards, wondering what he ever did to deserve this shitty, shitty job and the subordinates who constantly shat all over his authority. “Oh my god, I’m so very sorry Agent Starling. Do you think maybe if it’s not too much of a hassle you could make sure the Phase Two prototypes are shipped out?”

“Is that a priority?” Lydia asked, eyes wide.

“Did I fucking say to do it? That makes it a fucking priority! Until the world ends, I’m going to pretend it still intends to spin on, god dammit!”

This time, Porter’s yelling incited a scowl, and Lydia turned briskly on her heel, tossing a insubordinate. “Oh, yes Sir!” and a sarcastic salute over her shoulder.

Porter fucking hated his job.

“You.” He said, pointing at Jeremy, who didn’t raise his eyes from the screen where figures and numbers sped by at a dizzying pace. “Talk to me.”

“Ugh, okay. The Tesseract  is misbehaving.”

“Is that supposed to be funny? Because we could literally die right now, in case you weren’t fucking aware.”

“No, it’s the opposite of funny actually. The Tesseract is active and behaving independently. We can’t pull the plug because it’s literally an energy source- we turn off the power and it turns it back on. If it reaches peak level...” Jeremy trailed off meaningfully, meeting Porter’s eyes for a solemn moment before returning the the screen.

“I know.” Porter sighed, his anger sapped away. “Where is Agent Lowell?”

Jeremy snorted. “The hawk? In his nest, as usual.”

“I told him no more air ducts!” 

Julian Lowell perched on a railing from the second story of the lab where the Tesseract was being kept- his eyes darting over every detail that the scene offered. He had seen Porter’s lips shaping his name, seen him yelling at Lydia, but he didn’t have his hearing aides in, and honestly didn’t have time for that right now. He was desperate to see something- a detail he could offer that would save all of their asses. He was good at that- seeing the big picture.

Unfortunately he made eye contact with Porter, who made a rather annoyed come here motion that Julian was pretty much required to address.

“I gave you this detail so you could keep a close eye on things, dammit!” Porter said as Julian crossed the room. Julian had a talent for reading lips- most people didn’t know he was deaf until he told them. 

“I see better from a distance.”

“Well, did you see anything from the air ducts that I strictly forbade you from being in?”

“First off, I wasn’t in the air ducts-” -Today anyway. “Second off, nothing on this side has changed or triggered it in any way. If someone’s done something, it must have been from the other end. This thing is a doorway to the other end of space right? Doors open from both sides.”

As if prompted, the Tesseract let out an ominous cracking that Julian could sense rather than hear- beams of light like lightening shooting out from the complicated piece of machinery it rested in. A high pitch humming started, slowly building and building until even Julian could feel it thrumming in his bones. Just when the pressure felt as if it would split his skull, a beam of energy shot out and formed a blue portal so bright it hurt to look at. 

Out of the portal walked a man. 

Julian and Porter crouched into ready positions while Jeremy watched unblinkingly. Several staff members pulled handguns out of holsters and desks, edging closer to the stranger, who did not move but smiled mischievously, waving a scepter which glowed with the same blue energy as the Tesseract itself.

“Sir!” Porter’s voice rang out in what was no doubt an eerie silence. “Please put down the spear!”

The man looked at the weapon in his hand as if he had never seen it, studying the way the light reflected off the polished metal, and the alien way the blue energy swirled at the top. Without warning, he shot a beam of energy towards Porter, who Julian bowled over inelegantly to save him. The agents around them open fired as the man lunged across the room, the bullets bouncing off him harmlessly. Julian watched in horror as he coldly dispatched every agent who came his way, either blasting them with the deadly beam of blue light or else doing so physically with the wicked edge of his weapon. It was only when he was done that his eyes fell on Julian.

Julian Lowell had been a SHIELD agent for a large portion of his life- his teenage years were spent running missions, working twice as hard as the other agents in training to make up for his disability. There had only ever one agent who could beat him in a fight, and her training had been longer and more brutal than was was decent to do to a child. It was only these sharply honed skills that had him able to jump to his feet, weapon in hand before the man, the alien, was standing before him, tip of his deadly spear pointing into his chest, just enough to draw blood. A terrible cold flooded his entire body, rooting him where he stood.

“You have heart, thought it has been corrupted in the past. I have use of you, Agent. I am Quinten Van Horn, of Asgard, and I deeply hate your world.”

Every emotional connection that tied Julian to his life- the fierce loyalty towards his coworkers and friends, his determination to make up for the mistakes he made when he was still drinking, the distant memories of his mother, the bright joy he felt every time he came home to his apartment in New York and felt the vibration of terrible Russian pop music coming from inside his apartment for the first time in months. Nothing mattered, nothing but Quinten’s plan. Nothing but the Tesseract. In his last moments of clarity, dread flooded his system before he holstered his weapon. 

Julian... understood.

“Get the Doctor, and then retrieve the Tesseract. Kill anyone who would stop you.”

Julian complied.

Gabriel Wallace was flying in his Iron Man suit, dodging clouds that seemed to be made of cotton candy, candy rock mountains looming in the distance. There were gummy bears chasing him with eerily advanced suits, similar to the ones Hammer Industries had tried to put out a few years ago. His battery was on low, and he was losing altitude fast. The graham cracker ground was getting closer and closer, and he was pretty sure that there was a lake of diet cola up ahead.

"Gabe."

What? How did the gummy bears know his name? They hadn't spoken English a moment ago.

"Gabe."

"How do you know my name?" He demanded, his voice oddly amplified.

"What? It's- are you still sleeping? Gabriel!"

"That's dirty pool, you gummy bastards!"

Suddenly, a loud, blaring siren started, and Gabe startled awake, blearily baring the wrench he'd been using when he fell asleep. "I didn't mean to eat your high priestess!" He blurted, disoriented, his eyes landing on a black stiletto and traveling up until he was looking up at Samantha Miller.

"Thanks BEKAH." Gabe's former-assistant-turned-business-partner sighed, crossing her arms as she looked down at him. Peering against the bright ceiling lights, Gabe looked around his cluttered workshop, finally landing on the odd piece of technology laying at his feet. “What even is this?” 

“Considering you’re the mad scientist here, I’m sure I wouldn’t know. BEKAH, can you inform the person waiting in Conference Room Three that Mr. Wallace is going to be a few extra minutes?”

"Of course, Ms. Miller.” The AI intoned cheerfully. “Mr. Wallace, I've taken the liberty of starting you a pot of coffee. I've also asked a Wallace Industry Employee to bring you a clean pair of clothes and a hot washcloth, as you have oil on your face again."

"I love you BEKAH." Gabe called in the general direction of the ceiling, sitting down what looked to be a solar powered thruster and blowing a kiss towards the nearest camera. The Biometric Efficient Assisting Kenetic Humananiod system was truly the best AI he had ever created, at the tender age of ten, and had been with him- in some form or another- ever since. "Seriously. I love her- what kind of gift basket can you get an AI? Oh! I should make her a body!"

"Or you could not. Ever. That just seems like a giant Joss Whendon-esque clusterfuck waiting to happen."

"True enough. So what did I ever do to deserve the glory of your presence, O mighty and extraordinarily busy Wallace Industry CEO?" Gabe asked, as one of his robot assistants U carefully handed him a mug of straight espresso. Mmm, sweet sweet life giving caffeine.

“Warren Porter is here.” Sam informed him as Dum-E whirled forward with the promised clothes and washcloth, no doubt taken from an employee at the door. 

(Employees were absolutely not allowed within his personal workshop, if only because Gabe didn’t think they’d respect him if they found him passed out on the floor spooning a Iron Man prototype... which totally had never happened. Ever. And Iva Zotrova absolutely didn’t have pictures of it from her brief stint as his personal assistant, and most assuredly had never used them to blackmail him before. Noooope.)

 Gabe groaned. “Please tell me you looked him dead in his eye patch and told that dick to hit the bricks, because you’re my friend and you care about my sanity.”

Sam laughed in a way that told Gabe that no, she hadn’t done that at all. “Conference Room Three. You have oil in your hair too, by the way.”

Fantastic. 

Iva Zotrova was no stranger to being tied to chairs. There hadn’t been one able to hold her since she was seven, but the people who had tied her didn’t know that. Yet. The Red Room’s training had been... excruciatingly thorough on that point. But no time to lose herself in that particular traumatic can of worms. She was working. 

The higher level Russian military official was fondling a set of bolt cutters, no doubt intending to intimidate her. Perhaps if she was still playing the roll of a high class Russian gold digger, she would plead and cry for his benefit. However, her cover had been blown, (intentionally, though he didn’t know that yet either) and so she held her head high, let her breathing appear to be slightly ragged, slight fear to show behind her eyes. Like an agent in a bit of a tight spot. The Red Room beat fear out of me while you were still scrubbing military mess halls and working for your first promotion, you complete idiot. It shouldn’t irritate her that he underestimated her, that was the point of a Black Widow, and yet...

Iva’s concentration on the man’s villainous monologue- the ways he intended to maim her, how she had almost fooled him, and more importantly the juicy details of his illegal export dealings with the mob- was interrupted as one of his guard’s phone began to ring in the silence of the abandoned warehouse. 

"It’s for her...” The guard muttered uncertainly in Russian, holding the phone out to his boss. “I don’t-”

Iva’s would-be assailant took the phone, angrily starting “You listen here-!” Only to stop. The fear on his face might not have been noticeable to the untrained eye, but Iva's training on such things had be as extensive as any other detail of espionage, and she knew what was happening before the phone was shoved to her ear. She pinned it awkwardly between her head and her shoulder, sighing in annoyance. “No.”

“Sorry Agent Zotrova, we need you to come in. Please!” Lydia Starling’s voice- bubbly in even the direst of situations, was a grate on her nerves. 

“Are you kidding me? I’m working right now, cracking a case I’ve been working on for months. You can’t pull me out!” The men around her were shuffling uneasily, and she eyed them.

“Well, we kind of have to. It’s an emergency, or else I wouldn’t have called. I’m sorry!” Lydia had a way about her, like she said things so sweetly so that you didn’t have it in you to argue. 

Iva argued anyway.  “I’m in the middle of an interrogation, This idiot is giving me everything right now.”

“I’m not... I don’t give everything...” Iva glared to silence the older man’s indignant English, turning her attention back to the phone.

“You can’t pull me out of this right now. I won’t go.”

“Iva...” Lydia’s voice had taken on a gentle quality, as if she hadn’t wanted to say what she was about to, but Iva had forced her hand. “Lowell’s been compromised.”

Outwardly, Iva’s face didn’t change, she didn’t move a muscle, if the fools surrounding her had been privy to her conversation, they would have thought her utterly indifferent to this development. Internally however, Iva’s heart had begun to pound, and her head was racing a mile a minute. Of course she was coming in. She would leave here, have Lydia send a jet to get her, tell her the details on the way... If Julian were dead- She said compromised, not dead- Iva would kill whoever had done it slowly, using every torture technique she had ever had done to her or been forced to do, she would make them beg before she ended their miserable lives-. She cut off that line of thought, and the emotions that threatened to have her making childish mistakes. Julian wouldn’t like that train of thought anyway.

“Don’t hang up.” She told Lydia severely, absentmindedly noting the other agent’s chipper agreement as she smashed her knee into the groin of the goon who had come to take the phone from her.

They hadn’t tied her feet. Idiots. 

Several minutes later, surrounded by three unconscious or groaning bodies, Iva grabbed her favorite pair of Valentino stilettos, the gun she had stashed in her clutch earlier that evening, and the phone. 

“That’s what you get for slapping me, bitch.” Iva cooed in Russian at the groaning military official, kicking him in the balls again for good measure before turning her attention back to the phone.

“Details.” She said coolly. “Where is Lowell now?”

“Ohmygosh, that sounded soo cool!” Lydia gushed. “I always love listening to you beat the hell out of men who deserve it.”

“Starling!”

“Right! We don’t really know.”

“But he’s alive?” Iva confirmed, her voice as impassive as if she were asking about the weather.

“Iva I would have told you straight out if he weren’t. Someone will tell you more when you get back. There’s a car waiting for you outside. I’ve got to go talk to the big guy.”

“Wallace? Starling, you’re not prepared for the simultaneous idiocy and genius that is Gabriel Wallace. Call Samantha Miller, see if she can deal with him. I’d go myself but Gabe trusts me about as far as he can throw me ever since my brief stint at Wallace Industries.”

“What? Oh no, Warren Porter himself went to deal with Wallace, I think he’s going to talk to Cap too? I mean, he’ll be in New York anyway, might as well. I’m on my way to talk to the BIG big guy.” Was Iva crazy, or had Lydia’s voice taken on an uncomfortably flirty tone? 

“... Why do I get the feeling you’re looking forward to it?”

Iva didn’t think a SHIELD agent should be allowed to giggle like that.

Dr. Finn McGee ran after the tiny girl who had grabbed him during his last house call, barely keeping sight of her through the gloom. He was exhausted- he hadn’t slept in going on 30 hours, running from one home to the next, trying to treat the spread of aggressive sickness that had mowed down over 200 people so far. Following this little girl for what felt like miles hadn’t helped. He knew he needed to rest, he knew that the other guy was so much harder to control when he was tired. But he hadn’t had an incident in over a year, he was doing good, and these people needed his help.

“Slow down, please!” He called in the girl’s native language, almost sagging in relief as he saw her heading into an isolated house- more of a shack than anything. Maybe after he helped her father, he could catch a few hours sleep here- he’d take the floor at this point. He pushed open the door, glancing over the cuttered room, only to see the curtains on the opposite side shuffling as the girl crawled out the window. 

“... Huh. Should have gotten paid up front, I guess.” Finn muttered.

“You know-” A cheerful voice spoke from the overlooked table and chairs. “-for someone who’s looking to avoid stress, you sure picked a heck of a place to settle.”

Finn whirled around to stare at the pretty young woman perched on the edge of the table, who was beaming at him as if he were an old friend. His tired mind whirled with several possibilities before landing on SHIELD. 

“I uh, yeah. Avoiding stress isn’t the secret.”

“Really?” Honestly, this girl sounded more like a Kindergarten teacher asking about his show and tell project than a secret agent. “What is? Yoga? A healthy diet? I’ve heard those do wonders, and you are looking good.”

“Oh- what? No. Thanks?” Was she... flirting with him? That seemed unwise, given she knew his- situation. “So. You brought me to the edge of the city. Smart. I assume the whole place is surrounded?”

She shook her head, hopping down from where she’d been perched on the table and talking towards him. “Honestly? I don’t like lying, so yes. But it’s all precautionary. We know you’re a good guy, but even you have to admit my safety was a concern here.”

“Fair enough. Though pardon my saying, I think you’re in the wrong profession if you don’t like lying.” Finn said flatly, peering through the windows.

“And what profession is it that you think I do?” She asked teasingly, edging closer towards him. He couldn’t help noticing once again that she was gorgeous, clad in a sari that would blend in on the crowded streets of the city, yet suited her perfectly.

“You’re a spy right? For SHIELD?” He said, wondering if he wasn’t wrong as soon as the words left his mouth and she laughed. She didn’t seem very spy like. 

“Me? Oh no, I’d make a terrible spy. I am here on behalf of SHIELD, however. My name is Lydia Starling, it’s a pleasure to meet you Dr. McGee.” She held out a hand for him to shake and he did so cautiously, waiting for her to pull out a taser, or handcuffs, or something. 

“Uh, yeah- nice to meet you. I’m Finn Mc- You already know who I am. Right. So. SHIELD... How did you find me?” He’d been so careful to cover his tracks, too.

“We never lost you.” Lydia told him kindly, giving his hand a gentle squeeze before letting it go. “We’ve been keeping our distance, trying to let you live your life. We even kept several other interested parties off your trail.”

Well. That was disheartening. What was he supposed to do now? He wasn’t interested in being a lab rat again- certainly not for the U.S government. He didn’t want to fight, but if it came to it, he would. He’d go underground again, keep fighting every time they found him. He’d already proven there was no use trying to contain the other guy, and that there would be a multiple million dollar cleanup every time they tried.

“But now-” Lydia sighed, and Finn sensed they had finally gotten to the reason she, and by extension SHIELD, were here. “-we need you to come in. Please.”

Yikes. “And if I say no?”

Lydia’s smile turned devilish, and she stepped a bit closer than was entire comfortable for him, her hand going to his elbow and guiding his hand to her waist. “I’ll persuade you.” She purred, and Finn shook his head, stepping back slightly with an apologetic smile. 

“No. I mean- not no, but I- uh? I’m sorry. I don’t.. Not because of you, but because I can’t- you know?”

“Oh. I guess I probably knew that, but you can’t blame a girl for trying.” She sighed, crossing back to the table and looking put out. She was either an extraordinary actress, or had little to no common sense. He could kill her! Without even meaning to! 

There was a beat of silence, broken only when Finn ventured a few feet back towards her, trying to sound threatening, but not to her personally “And, what if.. the other guy says no?”

Lydia smiled at him warmly as she sat down at the table. Apparently he had succeeded, or else he hadn’t sounded threatening at all. “You wouldn’t want to break your streak. It’s been over a year, hasn’t it?”

Finn groaned, rubbing the back of his neck wearily. He would kill for a shower and a nap, he didn’t have the energy to argue with a SHIELD agent. “I don’t always get what I want.” 

“I know.” Lydia told him sadly as she pulled out her phone, pulling something up on the screen. She’d read his file then. Of course she had. “But we’re facing a potential global catastrophe-”

“Well, those I actively try to avoid.” Finn interrupted, alarmed.

“This is the Tesseract.” She said, holding up her phone and forcing him to come closer to see the image on the tiny screen. It looked like a glowing blue shoebox to him, but it was only a picture, after all. “It’s got the energy to wipe out the planet, if in the wrong hands.”

“And what does Warren Porter want me to do about it? Swallow it?” He asked incredulously, wandering closer.

It was Lydia’s turn to look alarmed, leaning across the table towards him. Very kind too, if it all wasn’t an act. “That was- dark. And no. He wants you to find it. It emits a gamma signature that’s too weak for us to trace, and no one knows gamma radiation like you, Doctor.”

Finn was annoyed. This was an obvious, stupid ploy to get him to come quietly. The pretty girl, the upfront attitude, the subtle flattery of coming to him for his mind. ‘Gamma signatures’? There were dozens of other scientists who knew gamma radiation almost as well as him, and then didn’t have an alternate personality that leveled boroughs when they were angry. He had multiple Doctorates, was a widely credited scientist- did they think he was a complete idiot?

“So Porter isn’t after the monster?” He asked in a dangerous tone. He dared her to lie to him again. This little imbecile- 

“Not that he’s told me.” Lydia murmured, looking at him worriedly. Pathetic, stupid. Did they send a rookie, straight out of her training? More than a bit of overacting, 

“He doesn’t want to put me in a cage?” His voice was an unfamiliar low growl, a sign that he needed to withdraw and collect himself, meditate- How can you withdraw when you’re surrounded by armed gunman?

“Finn, no one wants to put you in a cage.” She was reaching for his hand across the table, her face a mask of concern, her voice dripping with false sincerity. Fake, fake, FAKE!

“STOP LYING!” Someone roared using Finn’s voice, and his hand slammed into the table a mere foot away from Lydia’s. His heart was pounding, teeth clenched. It would be so easy, so very easy- he could tear this entire shack apart on top of her, crush any and everything they had sent to take him down, prove to them they were better off leaving him to the shreds of his life that he’d carefully woven together. Make them pay-

With an effort, Finn jerked back to himself, only to notice there was a rather large handgun pointed at his head, and the cheerful, concerned girl in a sari was at once a secret agent looking as if she could put a bullet in his head and only feel mildly guilty about it. She looked every inch a spy now.

“I- Okay. Wow, I’m sorry. That was mean. That was unforgivably mean. I’m a little paranoid? Ad my temper- I mean, you’ve read my file, obviously you have, you know about it- uh. How about we do this the easy, better way, where you don’t shoot me, and the other guy doesn’t make a mess? Okay, Lydia?”

Lydia didn’t move for a moment, her expression wavering only slightly, before she slowly raised a hand to her ear, murmuring stand down into her earpiece. After a moment, she flashed him a rueful smile, and he saw that it wasn’t so much that the kindness was an act, but that she was able to put it away when she needed to. “Sorry. So. Will you come with me?”

Seems as if there wasn’t much of a choice.

Liliana Sanchez pounded her fists into the punching bag in front of her, again and again, as fast as she could, in an effort to block out the images racing behind her eyes. If she exhausted herself until she couldn’t sleep, if she kept hitting and moving until there was nothing but a meaningless roar in her head and the slam of her fist against leather- maybe she could forget the dizzying future she had found herself in.

Thump, thump, thump.

Running through a battlefield in Germany- the sound of artillery shells bursting around her, the Howling Commandos at her back. Her true and loyal friends, with the bond only a battlefield could form. They hadn’t cared that she was a woman, or Latina- that normally the U.S army would never had let her see a firefight, let alone lead her own unit, or that she was super soldier made in a lab. They cared that she was a damn good fighter- that she had their back when it mattered. 

Thump, thump thump, thump.

“I’ve got to put it in the water.” Lili’s voice sounded thin and terrified even to her own ears. The roar of the plane’s engine was almost as loud as her heart. The water outside of the window looked icy cold, and the tightness in her chest and wetness in her eyes was reminding her painfully of an asthma attack. There was no choice, none. Her life would save millions- save the world. It was a cold comfort, but nothing would be colder than that first collision, oh god-

They would call her a hero. She wondered if heroes always felt so terrified.

Thump thump thump, thump thump, thump thump thump!

“Lili, no. We can find another way!” Matthew Drake’s voice cracking over the comms. God, he had been so strong- but she had been able to hear the tears in his voice. She knew what that meant for him- to show that weakness in a world that searched for any reason to denounce him. They had bonded over that- the racism and hatred that was just as hard to overcome as the sexism she faced. He had promised her a dance-

Thump. Thump thump thump, thumpthump, thump!

“Lii!” Celia’s scream as she careened off the the train into the icy ravine. Celia’s arm thrown over her bony shoulders back in New York, the desperation she had felt when she had heard her unit had been captured. How distant Celia had seemed after, the deep shadows under her eyes. The secret press of lips in a Brooklyn apartment, in a bed too narrow to fit two- no matter how small Lili had been before, the sigh of Lili’s name as she pressed her mouth against smooth skin. 

Thump. Thumpthumpthumpthump. Thump.

Celia had hated Matthew, and Lili wasn’t stupid enough not to see why. How could she explain to her that she loved them both? Now Matthew was old, confined to a bed with a fading memory in D.C, and Celia was dead. Lili was alone in a new century she should never should have been alive to see, with no one she knew, no one to relate to. How was she going to live out the rest of her life this way?

T H U M P.

It was the rattling of the chains that had held previously held the punching bag to the hook on the ceiling that alerted Lili to it’s falling, rather than the lack of surface to hit. She had barely been aware of her surroundings, so immersed was she in her memories. Sighing in agitation, she crossed the room, kicking aside the third torn punching bag of the evening and easily picking up another in the row of half a dozen she had laid out earlier. This strength was still strange to her. She half expected a coughing fit every time her breathing got too fast. 

She was rearing back for another punch when a voice called out across the empty gym- “Trouble sleeping?” 

Liliana looked over her shoulder, rolling her eyes when she saw it was Warren Porter. What did he want now? She was honestly tired of SHIELD checking up on her. And if they thought she didn’t know they were spying on her- well then Lili was disappointed with the organization Matthew Drake had started- they had obviously let their standards fall. (Did they really think Matthew hadn’t shown her pictures of his family? His nephew- Martin Drake or whatever fake name her new ‘neighbor’ had introduced himself as- wasn’t fooling anyone.)

“Yeah well, I slept for 70 years. I’ve had enough for a lifetime.” Lili shouted back, flipping her ponytail over her shoulder and trying out a few test punches. Her knuckles were bleeding- maybe she should switch to kicking for a few minutes until they healed. 

“Then you should be out. Celebrating, seeing the world.” Warren mused as he came closer, arms crossed behind his back.

Lili scoffed. “This isn’t my world, my world is an antique you young folk like too coo over as ‘charming’ and ‘quaint’. Leave us old folk to our hobbies and mourn our simpler way of life, why don’t you?” To demonstrate she whirled around, issuing a roundhouse kick to the punching bag, which wobbled dangerously. “It’s not knitting or shuffleboard, but it’s something.”

Porter huffed a laugh, holding out a folder, which she snatched, wiping the sweat off her forehead and offering him a withering look. “Another mission?”

“Yes.” 

“To get me out in the world?” Lili sneered as she opened the folder.

“Trying to save it actually, if you’re not too busy being dramatic.” Porter intoned dryly. Lili figured he would roll his eye if it wouldn’t ruin his tough-guy-in-leather image.

“I already did it once, isn’t it someone else’s turn yet?.” Lili muttered as she looked at the first page, her breath catching as she caught sight of a familiar blue cube. “HYDRA’s secret weapon.” She gasped.

“Matthew Wallace fished that thing out of the ocean when he was looking for you. He thought what we think- the Tesseract could be the key to unlimited sustainable energy. That’s something the world sorely needs, in case you didn’t know Grandma.”

Lili flipped him off as she skimmed the file. It all looked like a bunch of idiot future technology to her. “Who took it from you, you goddamn whippersnapper?”

“His name is Quinten Van Horn- he’s from a different universe called Asgard.” He said, taking the now sweaty folder from her disdainfully. “There’s a lot we’ll have to bring you up to speed on. If you’re done moping, that is.”

“Ahaha fuck you.”

“I’m telling you, the world has gotten even stranger.” Porter warned, tossing the folder aside and none-to-subtly wiping his hand on his trenchcoat. (A trenchcoat! What a drama queen.)

“You all have tiny portable phones that fit in your pocket that are also a calculator, a computer, a gaming device, a calendar- I could go on. Gay people can get married, segregation is over, there are polio vaccines and some people actively decide not to use them because of politics. Nothing I’ve seen can surprise me anymore.”

“Wanna fucking bet?”

Rolling her eyes, Lili crossed the gym to gather her bags, taking a drink of water and then pouring some on her for good measure. “I assume my ‘neighbor’ has left a debriefing packet in my should-be-locked-and-private-apartment-but-apparently-I-sold-my-right-to-privacy-back-in-1920-when-I-climbed-into-Erskine’s-machine?”

“... Yes.”

“Alright, then see you after I shower.” She said, heading for the door.

“Wait!” Porter called again, and Lili turned, raising her eyebrows impatiently. “Is there anything you can tell us about the Tesseract, Captain? Anything we should know?”

“Yeah bitch, the next time I throw something into the fucking Atlantic Ocean- leave it there.”

Lydia Starling blinked in confusion as Captain Liliana Sanchez, Warren Porter, and another unfamiliar raven haired woman climbed aboard her jet. She didn’t quite understand the energy between the three. Porter seemed grumpier than usual, the woman angrily resigned, and Liliana..? She seemed absolutely gleeful.

Nevertheless, she recovered quickly, offering them all a smile and a wave. “Director. Captain. Miss...?” 

“Fuck off, that’s who.” The woman sneered down at her from where she practically towered over all three of the other passengers before plopping down in a seat in a way that reminded Lydia of a sulking teenager.

“Oh shut up. This is Stella Belmonte. The good captain insisted we drag her along, despite my trying to explain that this is a highly classified mission and there will be no use for her where we’re going, and Miss Belmonte’s own unwillingness to accompany us.”

“... I see!” Lydia said after a moment, voice overly cheerful. “Well uh, let’s get going- Pilot? We’re ready.”

The jet whirled to life, taking off and flying at an impossibly fast pace towards their destination.

“Oh come on Porter! She picked up your giant ass super security jeep and threw it in the dumpster after you hit her with it! You think we can’t find a use for that? Besides, I think she’s funny as hell.” Lili laughed, lounging back in her seat and looking exceedingly smug. 

“That’s only because she spent nearly ten minutes straight cussing me out in the middle of Time’s Square and saying very rude things about my mother.” 

“True.”

“Um, well, Miss Belmonte, I’m sure you’ll be invaluable. Especially if you have the Captain’s seal of approval.” Lydia chirped. Stella’s only response was to flip her off.

Now that she had a name, Lydia realized she recognized Stella’s face- she was a mutant running her own P.I service in New York City. Last year there had been quite a ruckus as she took down her former abuser- another mutant with the power to bend anyone to his will. She didn’t remember his chosen name (Killsomething?) but remembered his birth name had been Ethan Anderson. Stella had snapped his neck with her bare hands. 

“I don’t actually know your name, I’m sorry.” Liliana extended her hand across the aisle for Lydia to shake, snapping her out of her thoughts. “And you can go ahead and call me Lili.”

“Oh, I totally know who you are!” Lydia exclaimed, ignoring Porter’s extremely audible groan. “I mean, of course everyone does. It must be pretty odd- waking up and you’re a historical figure.”

Lili’s smile wavered slightly. “You could say that.”

“Oh sorry, I’m Agent Starling. Not to make things weird, but I’m actually kind of a huge fan of yours. I wrote my thesis on you and the Howling Commandos with a focus on- uh...” 

Lydia cut herself off with an awkward laugh, and Lili looked at her expectantly. “You’ve already said it,” Lili reasoned in the uncomfortable silence that followed, “Might as well go for broke and see if you make me laugh.”

“withafocusonyourromanticrelationshipwithCeliaPerez.”

Lili didn’t laugh, in fact her face pulled down in an uncomfortable grimace. Warren Porter was looking at her with an expression that clearly conveyed what the fuck are you doing?

“That was absolutely fucking painful.” Stella spoke up for the first time since the plane had started up, smirking. “Do you have any whiskey on this shitty tin can?”

“Forty minutes out Miss Starling.” The pilot intoned, and Lydia barely resisted the urge to put her head in her hands.

Iva Zotrova watched the plane land impatiently, watching impassively as Warren Porter jumped out almost before the engines stopped, striding off towards the bridge with a halfhearted middle finger her direction, which she returned with a smirk she didn’t feel. Starling, Sanchez, and someone she didn’t recognize followed at a more sedate pace, Lydia cheerfully pointing out the various agents and machinery- though neither of the dark haired women following her looked like they cared in the slightest. 

“Agent Starling!” Iva barked, making her way towards them. “They need you on the bridge, Dr. McGee is helping start the face trace.”

Lydia’s face brightened even further, and she jogged off, leaving Iva staring at a national icon and...

“Who are you?” She asked bluntly.

“None of your fucking busin-”

“This is Stella Belmonte, a superhuman from New York.” Liliana Sanchez interrupted in a bored tone. “Seriously, that’s getting old. Who are you?”

“That is Satan herself.” A voice behind her said, and Iva pasted on a bright service-industry smile, wrapping her arms around Gabe Wallace’s neck, a big tighter than constituted a friendly hug. He was absolutely terrified of her and didn’t hide it very well. It delighted her.

“Oh Любовник, I know you missed me.” She grabbed his tie and pulled him down to her level to kiss him on the cheek, hissing I will fucking end you Wallace in his ear before releasing him. “Ignore him, he’s mad I haven’t called him in awhile.”

The industry titan, billionaire, and actual superhero cleared his throat, trying not to look as disquieted as he clearly was. Something wicked in Iva cackled, despite the severity of the situation. She always had time to fuck with Gabe. 

“Anyways. Nice to meet you Cap.” His eyes fell on Stella, and Gabe clutched his chest in that melodramatic way of his that pissed her off. “Oh my god, who let the supermodel on a restricted military hover ship?”

Stella Belmonte glared dangerously. Gabe- predictably- didn’t notice. Iva didn’t understand how a billionaire genius was so goddamn stupid. It was amazing some conniving woman hadn’t taken him for everything he was worth already. She credited Samantha Miller, honestly.

She smacked him upside the head. “This is Stella Belmonte. Stella Belmonte- this idiot is-”

“I know who he is.” Stella said, shoving up to him. She was so tall her and Gabe were practically eye to eye. “Listen, are you going to make me kick you in the balls?”

“No-”

“Because I have super strength, and if you make me kick you in the balls, I’m going to shatter your goddamn pelvis.”

“.... Noted.” Gabe said in a mild way that almost made up for the fact that his voice had come out an octave higher than was normal. Stella shoved past him without another word, striding towards where Lydia and Warren had gone to. Liliana, cackling, followed her.

Iva liked this woman. 

This was going to be a total shit show.

“I am so weirdly turned on right now.” Gabe muttered.

[somedaypast-thesunset]

I tell him in plain language I haven't eaten and have no money for food. He offers to loan me money and that I can come over. But it's -2 and all my cold weather wear is garbage from the 5 min I spent just going to the store. He says he has to charge his phone. I'm like OK but u can also do it on your laptop. "yeah but then I'd have to find my wallet". I gave a huge exaggerated laugh because who the fuck responds to someone asking to eat like 5hat? He thinks my reply is weird. I tell him I assume he's joking so I'm laughing otherwise I'm just depressed. He replies, "do you need money now?"

SO GCDFHJFFDXDJKCFYBVXSSJKCF

DO I NEED TO EAT TODAY? DO I? GYESS NOT BECAYSE I WOYLDNT WANT TO BORHER YOU TO FIND YOUR FUCKING WALLET.

the only mature non combative response I had was no response because I'm not even dignifying such a stupid fucking question with a response. Fuck you man. Just fuck you. I'd get more respect sucking dick for 40$. Quicker too.

And I'm trying soooooooo hard and it's just nothing. I'm doing nothing but expending the absolute most amount of effort I currently have before becoming sooo exhausted and frustrated that I'm becoming impulsively violent - much like traits I had very young that I worked to control. Like my day consists of waking up and being brought home. I smoke weed, find a podcast or video or movie to listen to but barely pay attention and try to bring myself to do anything. Like changing my clothes from yesterday. Going out to get food (which if I do is my entire morning and I'm done after). Lately I want soooo badly to get back into my shit. I used to be productive. Like I lost alllllllllllllllllllllllll drive for anything. I cannot fathom going to a job. My whole disposition says I want to die every moment I'm awake. I watched this doc about this crazy lady who starved to death in an abandoned house on an occupied street like ppl walked by the house she had neighbors but she like actively chose to just starve and die. And everyone's so confused like oh the neighbors were there she could've gotten food but no. I get this lady. I am this lady right now. I am in an abandoned house that is my body and my neighbors can see I'm here but they don't care if anyone is home. They wouldn't feed me.

In some ways I was like oh no. This lady is me. But she was delusional. Like she made ppl up. I haven't ever. But I am becoming like my mother more and more but I guess I empathize more. This lady was so depressed like she really wanted to die all the time and she was miserable and couldn't keep friends and I get it now. I got it before but now I really get it because there's no choice anymore. At some point you like... You're standing on the edge of the abyss and then u let go and from that point on its just free falling out of control. You can't stop it once it's hit full momentum. And I'm screaming cuz I did the drugs. And I can do them again so I can placebo effectvmyself for 2 weeks and crash again. I am existing solely for the purpose of a few other ppl right now. Like I can't die right here because my roommate has to find it and he's the last person I want to find dead me. Like if a stranger could spot a body that is me, that'd be good. Or like a dog finds me first. I want to go in a forest. I want my body to refuel the earth and I want animals to tear me apart like when the Indians let vultures eat their dead. I'm dead you know. People have too much control. I'm used to no control and I embrace the lack of control one has in death despite society trying sooo hard. And I'm still there you know cuz I want to control when I die. I wan5 to choose and death is not about choice. And it's hard to die. Killing yourself takes like extreme effort. I cannot selfishly take my cats with me tho I want to. I want to die with my cat in my arms, the only thing that ever really loved me besides my dad. I just want to go far far out where it's no coming back. Like even if I last minute didn't want to I want to be so far out in the woods I can5 make it back in such condition so I just die because wanting to live is the moment of weakness. This is not a moment. I am not in a decade long moment. I am suffering and I hurt and the "system" is a fools game. Like it took 100 yrs to accept certain medications and procedures as fucked up because it takes society 100 yrs to figure anything out and like I guess my hope is that because we're evolving technology so fast maybe in 5 years they will know how to fix depression. They will look in my brain and s3e the suffering and fix it. And I'll flick a switch and my memories will be neutral in feeling, not ptsd.

It's not even ptsd anymore. No, it's not JUST ptsd anymore. It's the starting long term effects of poverty. It's like.. My own mental issues maturing with me as I'm getting older and it's not easier at all?

Like I tried to do my shop and realized its so half assed and like I can't be this age and present this level of effort. I can do better I just chose not to but I spend effort doing it half assed still. I took apart 80% of my jewelry and have yet to go back to it because why. And that's sad. Like I have to be careful now to maintain what I do have or I may not care enough to do it again. I have alllllllllllllllllllllllll the time in the world to do something. Anything. Any. Thing. And I've listened to 350 episodes of last podcast, know deeply a 38 yr old man I never met who plays video games online, watched anything deemed good on Netflix, am totally up to date on s3veral news websites and podcasts and I smoke like 400$ worth of weed a month.

I don't even want to know me.

But like.. I don't pretend I just don't talk. I talk to others, share commentary occasionally but I just don't talk about anything. I especially don't talk about how depressed I am because it just bothers ppl and creates both positive and negative opinions none of which are helpful to the illness.

So im very very secluded. And I used to use isolated but that's negative. That's saying I'm forced into it. I'm forcing it. I'm not. I actively choose it now so I am secluded and extremely private.

I'm still trying though? Like I don't even know why. Today I signed up for usertesting sites because I already do contract tests for consumer reviews so maybe I'll make some money but at the same time I feel like its another dead end. Just go work at McDonald's.

Art wise, there is so much I could do to revamp my shop. All new, well made jewelry. I need all new photos including ones of my art with close ups and stuff. I want to "graduate" my art skills a bit. Like really make nice well cut paper with borders for matting and start to sign my work and like all of this means higher quality so a higher price. I can do fucking better. And honestly I'm not doing anything else right now. My mind is completely disabled and to consider working is laughable now. I know I'm not going to so I can stop being anxious about it. Fuck em. I've been doing a depression project for charity cuz that's what I did earlier this year too but this one is more personal. I have 3/5 of what I wanted for my goal but at the same time what I made is so.. Average. It's not great at all. It's just iok and does the job and I tried my best but maybe I didn't? The fact 3/5 have all turned out with fairly major issues makes me feel less inclined to continue and the whole thing pointless cuz why give something to the homeless that sucks. So u can feel good?

I don't want therapy or medication. I deeply hate society and most of humanity. I used to be OK with it and I wanted to be apart of it but I was so shit on by so many people that I can't do it anymore. It's not worth it. 30 years of shit for like 30 y3ars of average? Cool.

Still trying tho. Still asked for money for food and I'll go hungry today but I'll havevmoney tomorrow I guess. That's life. Me and the 45 ppl on main St homeless. Somedays you eat Somedays you don't. He will probably realize at some point he made a mistake - hopefully. Because if I have to chase him for it, I'm probably going to hang out by myself tomorrow too.

I'm now worried I have no good winter clothes and my boots have holes in them. I'm already in super debt. I have to get a new jacket and boots before it snows. I could've gotten an extra 10 if I braved the cold for 25 min tonight but I'm just so tired I don't care enough. I can't talk to anyone about this. Then I'm just poor and a burden cuz I have no job and spend money on weed. And I did. I put myself far into debt just for weed. I'm now working on this plan that since I've quit smoking I must be up some money so I'll slowly build funds back up by not smoking and not spending crazy. Which even now sounds bullshit. But I'm trying the testing thing as well. If I get my shop up before Xmas rush. These are reasons to try but I'm only trying because d3pression put me in debt. If I wasn't this sad I wouldn't spend this money. I wouldntvlive like this.

Honestly until I get this money I don't even have funds for the bus to get my birth control. At the same time tho I was willing to sit all of this out and wait but I have like 7 days to be paid and I can't go 7 days without eating at all.

I spent myblast 3$ on cat food and honestly just this run down alone describes how insane I am. Like there's no way it's OK for me to be on my own to this degree. No sound psychologist would say yes 100% clearly functioning on their own in need of no assistance. If someone described this to me in my moments of sound mind I would be like this bitch is dead in atleast 5 years. Prob less. Meds aren't enough. Therapy is not enough. And I don't deserve to be in a psych ward because my capacity for reasoning and logic is fully there and it's unfair to have success in q team monitored to be released into the same conditions you know.

What am I doing when my father's gone? This because no one recognized that in a Co dependent relationship there are two people who are d3oendent not just one and instead of really assessing the situation people chose to think I was lazy and living off my father (even tho I was not) ignoring severe depression and suicidal t3ndencies. Thanks.

I am the abandoned house.

Today I was trying to get ready to leave when he said he still wanted to smoke from my bong and ohh where do I have to go that's so important. And it's not just him. It's anyone who knows myclife. They d3cided my time has less value because someone who's not them d3cided to pay me money in exchange for menial tasks. Since I don't have that my time is meaningless and they can not show up to qppts or show up late or leave late or make me wait X amount of time cuz I have all the time in the world. They work u know. But I no longer care. For the people who know me I'm no longer accepting this and just going about my lif3 without them. For those who don't, I'm no longer going to share anything about my life with anyone. I'm just as valuable as you. My time is equally of worth. Fuck you for ever thinking different.

Just remember - anyone else alive, not your problem.