#and then they first talk for like 30 mins he’s retelling whatever stories and they are alll over him

[living-ironically]

i have no idea whats happening at my gym

[springfieldblues]

my long ass review for S32E03 Now Museum, Now You Don’t

warning: LONG because i rambled about history more than i thought i would

id been looking forward to this one because i like art history, especially after seeing how they tried their best to stick to historical accuracy in the previous episode I, Carumbus. this time however….they didnt try that hard. i dont know why i thought theyd go through that sort of trouble again LMAO

but its okay, i dont really expect the simpsons to be the paragon of historical accuracy or anything. especially in anthology episodes told through a particular character's lens (in this case, lisa, whos already feverish so whatever)

first i just wanna say that this is, i guess, less of a review and more of an accidental list of history fun facts. so im just gonna get my general thoughts out of the way first.

the episode was fun! to me at least haha. i mean it got me to think and do a lot of research on my own so that must count for something. besides a couple of really weird ones, the jokes were good. anthology episodes tend to be….not that good but i thought this one was one of the better ones so far. idk.

anyway on to lisanardo da vinky its the renaissance! jesus christ the italian accents in the beginning of this segment were annoying as hell but i also feel like that was the joke lmao. ill be real i kind of tuned out for a second there when grampa started rambling so idk what he said.

i told myself i wouldnt get nitpicky with historical accuracy if the jokes were funny (final edit: so that was a lie) but this meh bit with the pizza guys and mascots was really not worth ignoring the fact that its impossible for italy to have any tomato-based food in the 15th century (tomatoes were brought to europe from the americas in the 16th century, and pizza as we know it today—flatbread, cheese, tomato—originated in the late 18th century)

oh this next part was kind of legit tho. lisanardo, like the real leonardo, became andrea del verrochio's apprentice at his workshop. i loved this next bit:

"Whoever paints the sweetest cherub will have the honor of having MY name signed on their work. That's what great artists do!"

SO YEAH as it turns out, lisanardo painted the sweetest cherubs. the painting here is called The Baptism of Christ, and the real leonardo assisted verrochio in finishing it. specifically, he painted the cherubs in the corner.

this causes verrochio to quit and go someplace with less talented people: a music school (yes, verrochio did quit painting after getting owned by young leo and his mad angel painting skills. he never did anything with music tho, he was more of a sculptor)

alongside lisanardo, in mr largo-verrochio's workshop we have barticelli (botticelli bart), dolphatello (donatello dolph), ralphael (raphael...ralph) and mediocrito (no one that i know of. sorry milhouse) (and kearney i guess but they dont refer to him by name). botticelli and donatello are said to have also been apprentices at verrochio's workshop, but raphael came a couple of decades later so he couldnt have been there. and donatello was too old so that claim is a bit questionable. but anyway

it IS true that leonardo's peers envied him, to the point where he was anonymously and purposefully accused of being gay (a major crime punishable by death in 15th century florence) while he was still working at verrochio's workshop

we are then treated by what im pretty sure is the fourth time the show has used 'at seventeen' by janis ian, this time sung by a dejected lisanardo (man they really do keep making yeardley sing these days huh) who only wishes to be appreciated and not envied.

"I'll show them all! I'll show them all in a secret diary that no one will decipher for 400 years!"

some of lisanardo's future inventions. who wouldve known

so after barticelli, for some reason (revenge??? or something?? what was his plan here idgi) steals lisanardo's diaries full of blueprints of her inventions and takes them to mr burns who i have to assume is pope alexander VI here, they decide to use her inventions for war.

"With these, we can kill the most evil people in the world!! ....Slightly different Christians."

leo actually did this of his own accord. im surprised this is what they decided to do with lisanardo instead of talking about leo's love of nature and vegetarianism (not a single mention of that in this episode? come on...) then again, trying to do good only to end up indirectly making things worse is a very standard lisa storyline. i guess they didnt want to miss the chance to have evil pope burns (very fitting, especially for that era since they were all about money and controlling the people)

so lisanardo decides to leave for france, unlike the real leonardo who was more or less persuaded by his ultimate fanboy king francis I to move to france.

"Lisanardo, I have many questions. Why are you hitting yourself? A nerd says 'what'? And how is it possible that I am rubber and you are glue? Et cetera, et cetera."

that line may seem a little random, like hes just nelson saying nelson things (and i mean, obviously he is) but the real francis also "had an unquenchable thirst for learning, and Leonardo was the world’s best source of experimental knowledge. He could teach the king about almost any subject there was to know, from how the eye works to why the moon shines." so yeah, he did have many questions and lisanardo, finally being appreciated for her intellect, was happy to answer them all. its very interesting how lisa assigned this role to nelson in her retelling of da vinci’s life :^)

and so she lived the rest of her days in france, nat king cole's 'mona lisa' plays because duh, and they make a da vinci code reference because duh. and the segment ends. and not a single time did they show the actual mona lisa painting. the fuck?

(ngl i was fully expecting bart to say 'leonardo da vinky' for a second here)

so this next segment is about french impressionist painters, most likely the batignolles group, a name adopted by the early representatives of impressionism. its much more vague than the lisanardo segment since no one here is referred to by name (except moe, more on him in a sec) but i dont feel like it really matters in this case. bart is prrrrooobably claude monet but its hard to say, this segment is kind of a mish-mash of a lot of things. also i gotta say i really liked how lisa introduced the story to bart with an 'if you hate the formal study of art' and not 'if you hate art' because thats exactly my headcanon. i LOVE the concept of artist bart and whenever its referenced it just makes perfect sense to me.

anyway the segment opens in 1863 at the école des beaux-arts (back then it was actually known as the académie des beaux-arts), preserver of traditional french art styles. skinner reviews his students’ paintings one by one. praises the plain, unimaginative paintings depicting your typical european countryside landscapes. very run-of-the-mill (haha get it...cuz theres….a windmill) (although the real académie didnt approve of such basic stuff, they wanted artists to draw epic historical and mythological scenes) then he gets to barts painting and he gives him an F- because the painting made him think.

(the paintings in this scene arent real famous paintings as far as i know but they are inspired by real paintings enough to get the point across)

in comes barney dressed as bacchus as a model for the students to sketch, which i just loved:

barney: “You prefer robe open or robe off?” skinner: “Just cover your privates with this walnut shell.” barney: “Whoa!!! So roomy!”

skinner gasps in horror at bart’s sketch, which “looks nothing like him” and bart explains that “it shouldn’t; we’re making the art that we feel because we can’t compete with a camera.” damn, you go bart. take that, realism. draw what you feel!!

(also no, you didnt need to hold still for 17 hours for a daguerreotype. 30 min tops.)

nelson haw-haw of the week: FOIE-gras!

so here they are at the moulin rouge (“enjoy it before baz luhrmann ruins it” hey shut up. i love that movie), which wouldnt be built for another 26 years, but it is the most widely known gathering place for bohemians in the public consciousness so i can understand why they went with the moulin. nelson delivers this anachronistic line:

“This époque keeps getting beller and beller!”

which alludes to la belle époque, the golden age of france usually dated from 1880 to 1914. made me snort so ill let that slide

and heres moe! as henri de toulouse-lautrec, who was actually born a year after the year this segment is set in. yo moe szyslak he was just 1

toulouse-moetrec introduces himself as the chronicler of the demimonde (not an actual job). an iconic figure associated with the moulin rouge (largely due to his affinity for alcohol and prostitutes), toulouse-lautrec was also a painter, having illustrated a series of posters for the moulin himself. he simply had to be in this segment, anachronisms be damned, just because they decided to include the moulin. cant have one without the other.

and yes he did have a walking cane where he kept his liquor.

i love how everyone drinks absinthe in this place. theyre bohemians what else would they drink

toulouse-moetrec points out that barts paintings are the greatest thing hes ever seen (and hes seen like five things!) and that hes a genius. milhouse realizes that they should stop doing what the teacher says and use their own minds to instead...start doing what bart says lmao. to the easels!

next we have skinner hyping up chalmers about the art his students made for the salon de paris, an art exhibition that the emperor of france will attend. he assures him that none of these paintings will encourage debate, provoke thought or be out of place at a dentist’s office. when they unveil the art, theyre both SHOCKED at how scandalous the paintings actually are.

this reaction was kind of accurate. impressionism was severely rejected at the salon de paris, due to paintings not looking finished enough to them, they thought they were ugly and vulgar for depicting nudity in a contemporary setting (historical and mythological nudity was fine). these impressionist paintings were sent to the salon de refusés, which is. yeah. the place where they sent the rejects. the salon de refusés does not make an appearance but this scene makes a reference to it when the artists get expelled from the royal salon. also:

“What about our student loans?” “Oh they’ll be refunded. We are not barbarians, I mean, come on.”

(god if only)

so the painters are down because they want the emperor to actually see their paintings. toulouse-moetrec pipes in once again with an idea.

“There is one thing the emperor loves more than anything.” “France?” “No, he hates France.”

apparently the emperor really loves cheese, which makes sense since its napoleon III (who loved cheese) and homer (who loves cheese.) so the painters roll into the salon inside a giant wheel of cheese (obviously.) as lenny said, “Eh, you know French cheese. Very runny.” napoleon III chases after the wheel into a room, where the wheel falls apart after getting chomped on by the emperor. now that they got his attention, the painters proudly show the emperor their impressionist art, which he couldnt be more indifferent about because he just wants to eat his cheese dammit, and he awards them with the royal medallion just to kind of get them out of his way. skinner immediately starts kissing ass (as he does) until marge’s like ‘hey wait a minute. you expelled these students from the royal salon’ and an executioner immediately starts ominously measuring skinners neck.

“Uh, sir...is your tongue sticking out because you’re dead or because you’re mad at me?”

and thats the end of that lmao (gore in this episode, gore in the last episode, and next week we’re getting gore too cuz its THOH, what the hell is goin on)

we get a short intermission with maggie, who wants a story for her too! lisa tells her that renaissance artists loved to put babies in their paintings, especially baby angels.

here she is showing her The Triumph Of Galatea by raphael:

King David Playing The Harp by peter paul reubens:

and a very simplified version of pretty much any depiction of hell by hyeronimus bosch lmao:

not much else to say about this one, really. but i really liked that sky!

the last segment is about frida kahlo and diego rivera. or as bart puts it ‘the one about a fat guy whos wife is too good for him.’ i was REALLY looking forward to this one because i love frida and i thought itd be a cool opportunity for animators to go bonkers and do really cool shit with her art as inspiration…..but the segment is not about frida, its about diego and his selling out to capitalism. and its also yet another story with homer and marge drama. no funky cool animation here. sigh i guess i’ll take it

the story begins in 1929 at la casa azul, frida’s home (now museum dedicated to her life and work.) frida and diego are getting married. this courtyard definitely did not look this way yet back in 1929. also theres something very cringy yet funny about lovejoy saying spanish words the way he does, i honestly cant decide how i feel about that one

the writers know theyre being cringy with their gringoness so they go along with it.

moe: “Spanish for ‘best wishes’!” mel: “Spanish for ‘congratulations’!” bumblebee man: “Spanish for ‘muy bueno’!”

OH YEAH BUMBLEBEE MAN this is his new voice actor, eric lopez! hes not mexican but its still great to finally have a latino actor voicing a latino character and hes very excited to be part of the show so i hope to hear more of him!! im rooting for him

el barto/zorro makes an appearance which i am very confused about. he has jack shit to do with frida and diego and mexico in the 20s-30s. el zorro was set in the spanish california of the early 19th century. their use of the original theme song makes me think they just wanted to flex their disney privileges tbh

lets not talk about that that whole scene was bad

anyway diego announces he and frida are going to new york, without even asking her first. frida is obviously pissed.

“Don’t worry, as a woman, you’ll be treated with much more respect in America.”

so in new york, diego is having a bit of a business meeting with mr burns as one of the members of the rockefellers, who is commissioning him to draw a mural for the rockefeller center. its kinda funny how he refers to him and frida as socialists even though they were very much communists lmao its okay you can say it. ok so far, but then frida says ‘yes, we hate the capitalists! right now, a young socialist is being born who will take them down! mr. bernie sanders. i hope hes quick about it’ and that was a simple enough joke and couldve been left at that but then its immediately followed by this weird as fuck family guy-esque cutaway gag to bernie as a baby:

“Getting a cootie shot should not cost your lunch money. And if you don’t listen to me, listen to the Bernie Babies! What? Everybody’s got goons.” *larger babies start beating up this other baby* “I disavow that, and welcome it.”

this confused me so much that i had to ask one of my american friends to help me understand, but even she was like ‘uhhh yeah thats a weird joke,’ especially now that hes been out of the race for months (then again these episodes take almost a year to produce. i guess they couldnt be bothered to replace it with something more relevant.) whatever that was weird and confusing and unfunny moving on

frida is pretty irked that diego is going through with this deal. after all, it goes against everything they believe in. im not sure how the real frida felt about diego doing the mural, but she did feel a bit of rage during her visit to the united states, especially the obvious disparity between rich and poor. she hated having to interact with capitalists and found americans very boring. in this segment, frida seems to be acting more like the american communist party, which diego got kicked out of for accepting commissions from wealthy patrons. in any case, frida is pretty upset about this whole thing.

and finally we get the first and only kind of surreal frida moment. kinda. maybe. its more cartoonish than anything but im desperate ok

interesting how they felt like they had to add a “don’t smoke” in big letters after showing patty and selma flying away on their giant cigarettes. i wonder if this is something theyre making them do now? i remember hearing something about them toning down patty and selma’s smoking

diego comes home to frida, drunk as hell, followed by the marx brothers. i cant believe they didnt make a marxism joke come on it was RIGHT THERE. THE MARX BROTHERS. KARL MARX. COME ON

frida paints her feelings.

this makes diego realize that frida is a genius and he is not half the artist she is. he proclaims he will now show his awe of her by sleeping with other women, starting “an hour ago.” to which frida replies, “and i will start sleeping with other women, starting two hours ago.” yes this was pretty much their relationship. though im just wondering how the hell did diego not know frida was this kind of artist until now? i know homers an idiot but jeez. art was how frida and diego met, diego knew from the get-go that frida was an incredible artist. i guess the fame got to his head or something. again, homer just being stupid.

“well enough already, while the art is still deco, okay?”

its time for the mural diego painted, Man At The Crossroads, to be unveiled:

rockefeller examines it. good and great so far, and then...uh oh

“Who’s that fellow…? With the beard, and the bolshevik smile…” “That’s the founder of Soviet Russia, Lenin!”

“B-b-but he’s a communist!” “Oh he just attended a couple of meetings.”

rockefeller will not have this communist in the temple to capitalism that is the rockefeller center, so he orders diego to paint over it. diego stands his ground and refuses. despite rockefeller’s threats, diego says that theres only one person he wants to be proud of him no matter what and in true homer & marge fashion, frida is touched by this. they happily leave the rockefeller center.

now, the real story of Man At The Crossroads and the rockefeller center was actually not that different. as soon as the rockefellers found out diego had snuck in a portrait of lenin into the mural, they ordered him to paint over it, to which he refused. diego even offered to include abraham lincoln and even american abolitionists in the mural as a compromise, but the rockefellers simply did not want any references to communism whatsoever. they did not complain about the hammer and sickle, though. yes, they did know diego was a communist and hired him anyway. what did they expect? lmao. diego said:

"Rather than mutilate the conception [of the mural], I shall prefer the physical destruction of the conception in its entirety, but preserving, at least, its integrity."

so they decided to destroy the mural before it was even finished and they never talked to each other again.

diego then repainted the mural at the palacio de bellas artes back in mexico, this time known as Man, Controller of the Universe. this new version included even more communist leaders and a depiction of john d. rockefeller jr. drinking at a nightclub, right underneath a depiction of syphilis bacteria. cue nelson haw-haw:

this was the version they used in the episode also, since the original was, well, never finished and also destroyed. only a black and white photograph of it exists, taken by diego before it was destroyed so he could remake it.

right so, homer!diego then pulls a Barthood and finishes the episode with a large mural summarizing the entire episode. he says some rick and morty thing i didnt get because i dont watch the show idk idc

the end

ALRIGHT NOW ITS TIME FOR THE STORY OF VINCENT VAN MOE

[mattkeepsrambling]

Nashville Pt. 1

It's very competitive when it comes to getting days off where I work. The center is so small that only one person can take a PTO day at a time. My siblings were planning a trip to the Pacific Northwest, and I told them I would try to join them. I took some days off, but they did not overlap with any of the days they were going to be traveling. Normally I would have just made it a stay-cation or gone to visit my parents, but I had been itching to go someplace for a while, and I decided to take a vacation. I had been heard great things about Nashville Tennessee and, shocking some people I'm sure; I decided to make that my destination. 

I, Matthew David Levy, was going on a trip, by myself to a city I had never been to and where I did not know anybody. 

I booked my flights and an Airbnb close to the city, and it was official. As the day of my trip grew closer, I was getting equal parts excited and nervous. I don't do things like that, and that is the reason I knew I had to. As it turned out, it was one of the best decisions I have ever made. 

My flights down to Nashville were uneventful: unless you count seeing Rev. Jessie Jackson at the terminal on my flight from Chicago to Nashville. It was interesting to see how many people did not seem to notice him or appear to know who he was. I saw one man reach out his hand and say "it's an honor to meet you," but nobody else moved a muscle to talk to him. 

Thursday, May 18 

I took a Lyft into the city. I had picked the capital building as my stop. The real plan was to choose a spot in the city and sightsee from there. When we got to the Tennessee State Capitol Building, the driver asked me if this was the building I was going in. I told him that I just planned to wonder, he said he would take me to a better spot. I said that was fine with me. He turned off the Lyft app-meaning he was doing this for free. And we were off. I had planned to see some stuff around the Capitol, but my plans were up in the air, so I figured it didn't matter where I got off. 

We went twisting and turning through the streets of Nashville, and there were a few moments where my writer's brain kicked in and envisioned a scenario where I was getting stabbed at the end of this trip. 

Overactive imagination aside, I paid attention to where we were going just to get my bearings. He took me down Broadway I street I would spend a lot of time walking down over the next two days and posted out a place to eat. He dropped me off at the waterfront, and it was the perfect spot-I did tip generously. 

The first thing I did was walk over the Shelby Street Bridge. It takes you over the Cumberland River and near Nissan Stadium where the Tennessee Titans play. I walked over and back: much of the other side was fenced off for some event at the stadium (Judging by the segment on the news, I think it was a car show). I wondered around some more (it's going to become the theme of the trip quickly) and passed what would eventually become my first stop-The Country Music Hall of Fame. Before that, I ducked into the Music City Center to take advantage of the air conditioning. I looked at this small exhibit dedicated to songwriters. It was not much to look at, so I didn't spend much time there. I walked back towards the Hall of Fame and decided to start knocking items off my list of things to do. 

For a long time I have said I am not a fan of country music, so why would I go to the Hall of Fame? The answer is pretty simple. I love history (that will become another underlying theme of my trip), and this place was just rife with it. I paid extra for the package that included the tour of RCA Studio B (more on that later). I'll probably say this a couple of times, but this is where I saw the benefits of traveling alone. I could take my own time, read every placard on the displays, watch whatever videos I wanted and go to whatever exhibits I wanted. With that in mind, I took my damn time. 

As you might expect, the first displays you walk through are about the beginnings of country. It was here that I realized I need to amend my opinion of country music. I don't like MODERN country music, its one of many reasons I skipped the Taylor Swift Education Center. As I walked through these displays, surrounded by the sounds of the artists who helped grow the foundation on which the genre was built, this was the type of country music I liked. These were artists who were breaking new ground every time they played. 

After walking through this section, I headed upstairs to an exhibit on Bob Dylan and Johnny Cash. When Dylan was looking to record Blonde on Blonde in 1966, he decided to head to Nashville to record it. This made it okay for other artists to come to Nashville and record. While the exhibit did start by focusing on Cash and Dylan, it's real focus was the studio players, called "The Nashville Cats" who played on Dylan's album as well as the other artists who came to Nashville to record. 

The most interesting part of this exhibit was that each of the band members got their booth and you could listen to some of the songs which featured. To see the list of names of the artists who came to Nashville and used the talented musicians showed how good these guys were. Former members of the Beatles, Neil Young, Lenard Cohen, The Byrds, and Simon & Garfunkel just to name a few, all used these incredible studio musicians to make some fantastic music. At that time Johnny Cash was filming his show, The Johnny Cash Show" and getting some of the biggest names in folk music, Dylan included, to appear on his show. By highlighting the city of Nashville and its wealth of musical talent, these two artists did in incredible amount for the city. 

I had only begun to explore this area when it was time for me to take a tour of RCA Studio B. I met the rest of the 10:30 group in the main hall and we filed onto a bus for a quick trip across town. The studio is small, but the number of hits that came out of this place is huge. As you walked in, there was a display on the wall of all the hits that Elvis recorded in this studio. The tour guide told us about the artists who called this studio home and played a selection of the hits this studio produced. 

The last 15 min of the trip took place in the recording studio. We got to see the "sweet spot" mark on the floor where the acoustics were ideal for the singers and the piano where many hits got recorded. By far the coolest moment was when the lights were turned down, and we got to hear Elvis sing "Are You Lonesome Tonight?" In the very studio in which he recorded it. I got goosebumps it was so moving. 

On the way back to the Hall of Fame, the guide shared an incredible Elvis story that I would love to retell. At one point when Elvis was recording, someone came in and told him that fans had gathered and were treating apart his car. He asked The King if he wanted them to get rid of them. Elvis said, "Let them stay." "You don't understand," came the response, "They have taken apart your car." Elvis said he didn't care."They paid for it." 

And with that, we had arrived back at the Hall of Fame.I finished looking through the Dylan and Cash exhibit. I quickly made my way through the rest of the Hall of Fame-I had been there for close to three and a half hours, and I was getting hungry. But first I would make a rookie mistake when I went to the Hall of Fame store. I picked up a book and CD on the Dylan and Cash exhibit. Now I would have to lug the bag around with me for the rest of the day, which was kind of annoying, but it did not ruin my day. 

After a quick lunch, I went to Hatch Show Print, conveniently located next to the Hall Of Fame. This is the one place I wish I had spent more time. As someone who loves finding cool artwork to put on my apartment walls, this place was Heaven. They hand print every piece of artwork they make, as in arranging letters and other elements on a press and printing it the old fashioned way-Gutenberg style. The only poster I picked up was the one pictured above. Next time, I'm going to spend more time there and go on the tour of the shop they offered. I think I was just so focused on checking items off my list that this place got shafted regarding quality time spent there. 

I walked around for a little while before going to The Johnny Cash Museum. I don't know if it was the time of day or the artist in question (probably a combination of the two), but this place was packed. There were some cool things to see and read about, but it was so small and so busy that the things got lost in the shuffle. There were two standouts for me, and they were the two places I spent the most time. One was this small alcove with a video playing of Cash reciting "Ragged Old Flag, " and the other was the last stop in the museum, Cash's video for "Hurt," it was a cover of a Nine Inch Nails song and became one of his biggest hits. I stood there and watched the video and listened to Cash sing those words three of four times before I finally left. It is a powerful song to hear The Man In Black sing as he neared the end of his life. 

When I left there, I decided to head back towards where I had intended on starting my day, the state capitol. I found a beautiful place to sit called my parents and then plotted my next move. I had spent a lot of time walking, and it was good just to sit for a while. My plan was to get dinner at one of the many restaurant recommendations I had gotten (Peg Leg Porker for those who are curious). I mapped it out and headed that way. I got a little turned around and ended up back near the Hall of Fame. Luckily one of the other places (Acme Feed and Seed) was in the vicinity, and I went there to get some dinner (Pork tacos). 

It was here that I came to a stunning realization about myself. Something I had never had to face in my 32 years on this planet: I just can't eat in a restaurant alone. I can go to movies by myself, take incredibly long walks with nothing but podcasts to keep me company or a long list of other activities, but I cannot eat by myself in a restaurant. This revelation is why I did not partake in any of the barbecues that are so popular in the city. 

The Nashville Predators had a Stanley Cup playoff game that night, and when I left Acme Feed and Seed, I could see things getting busier in the city and headed back to end my first day and head back to my Airbnb.