#and then sunday. idk what happened but i woke up and my voice sounded all fucked up so i slept most of the day

[cagedchoices]

HAPPY LABOR DAY! i hope that everyone had a good weekend, regardless of if it was a ridiculously busy or quiet and low-key time for you 💙

[killerandhealerqueen]

✨ weekend wip exposure club ✨

rules: post 7 sentences/a snippet of an unfinished work

@hyperbolicgrinch and @theotherwhybietoldmeso Happy Sunday, my loves!

So remember how last sunday I said I was going to finish this fic? Yeah...I lied. Idk when I'm going to finish it. Hopefully soon though. But anyways, have more angst!

After running for what seemed like forever, Lando arrived at Carlos’ mansion, only to find that the mansion was dark.          “Fuck” he whispered before he took a deep breath and looked at the mansion, studying it for a moment before he staggered over to the nearest drainpipe and began to climb it until he reached what he thought was the second story bathroom window.  Once he had reached the window, he reached out and pulled it open, rather grateful that it wasn’t locked before he all but dragged himself inside and landed in the tub, hissing softly as the landing sent a shock of pain through his body, before he stepped out of the tub and staggered through the dark towards where he thought the medicine cabinet was until he finally found it, causing him to let out a sigh of relief before he yanked open the cabinet doors and began to search for something, anything, to bandage his wounds with but there was nothing.          “What sort of mob boss doesn’t keep a fucking first aid kit in their house?  Like who fucking does that?” he grumbled, just as his knees buckled, causing him to quickly grab onto the bowl of the sink to keep from hitting the floor just as the door opened and the bathroom light flicked on, making him slowly look over to see Carlos pointing a gun at him, his finger on the trigger.          “Carlos” he whispered, causing Carlos to frown in confusion before he slowly lowered his gun.          “Lando?” he replied.  Lando smiled weakly and nodded.          “Yeah” he breathed before his strength gave out and he collapsed to the ground, much to Carlos’ horror.          “Lando!” he exclaimed before he quickly placed his gun down on the edge of the sink and knelt beside him, pulling him into his arms as he looked him over in concern.          “Lando.  Landito.  What…what happened?” he demanded before he noticed the large bloodstain on his jumper.          “Lando” he breathed before he looked at him, only to realize that he had slipped into unconsciousness.          “Lando” he called out.  Lando, however, didn’t answer, causing Carlos to frown before he quickly pulled him close and pushed himself to his feet, carrying him out of the bathroom towards his bedroom before he stepped inside and walked over to the bed, carefully placing him down before he grabbed his phone off his nightstand and dialed a number.          “Come on, come on, answer” he hissed before his eyes widened as the line connected.          “Logan.  I know it is late but…I need you to come.  Right now.  Please” he begged.  He then listened to the other voice on the line for a minute before he let out a sigh of relief.          “Thank you” he thanked before he hung up the call and looked down at Lando, his heart clenching at the sight of the young assassin looking so…weak and small in his bed, before he frowned.  Why did he come here?  And why was he covered in blood?  Was someone after him?  And if so…who?  Just then, the doorbell rang, making him look towards the sound before he turned away from Lando and walked over to the door, stepping out of it.  He would ask Lando later…after he woke up.

Tagging: whoever wants to play

[wigglebox]

okay i watched before my friend came over oops but i couldn’t wait until sunday and i don’t mind rewatching lwkejflawkej

SPOILERS

brruhhh okay so i never saw season one i only just finished season 2 only 2 hours before season 3 was dropped but i still just absolutely love maeve lol and MM i love them both they are my favorites i think. 

i love this revenge/payback thing they’re setting up with MM and SB i’m down for that

butcher with super powers scares the shit out of me and my eyes hurt watching him

i had to wonder if the thing that went too far was the kid stuff and SB so the pivot away was what gunpowder said, that SB basically smacked him around sometimes. 

SB is going to be just so horrible when he wakes up. i loved the tics that he had when he was clearly irritated by mallory and also i didn’t know i ever needed to hear that man say captain lesbo but i’m happy xD yeah he’s saying it as an insult but all i could think of is ‘that’s my superhero name!’ wlakjeflawjke

he’s going to be soooo bad to maeve i can feel it in m’bones

i absolutely lost it when we saw the photo of him next to president reagan i’m like BRUH idk why that was hilarious to me

i love how like, yeah they’re superheroes but that original team really did just feel lke a dog and pony show for entertainment like how captain america himself was in his origin film lol. they don’t feel serious he feels goofy i love it bc under that goofiness i’m scared of him like i wouldn’t want to be a woman alone in a room with him thank yewwww

also his lil helmet is so cute omg i’m going to be so annoying about him

i’m really going to be interested to see what happens bc in the trailer when he woke up we saw he exploded n stuff and so i wonder if that ‘nuclear reactor meltdown’ thing really was him just aborbing untable power and bamowhamo

i never read the comics so shh i have no idea what’s going on xD even then, this is just one soldier boy where the comics i think he at least a couple iterations. 

anyway. i’m really excited weirdly just to hear kimiko sing hopefully not in a fantasy or dream sequence ;_; i know she’s traumatized and is either unable to or unwilling to speak but ;_; maybe singing can help her with that wahhh no i’m sorry i just like kimiko and want her to have the world thank you

ALSO FRENCHIE GETTING TEASED AS A SUBBY BOI omg i laughed also i love him so much. frenchie is another one that really like he’s up there with maeve and MM

GOD AND FUCKING NADIA IS SO SCARY JESUS LIKE omg i like screamed at the end of season 2 and then now seeing her use her power almost like they’re giant, invisible bullets or something and she can take out a chunk of a person at a time like jesus christ mark me down as scared AND horny

also poor hughie feeling resentful omg it must not be easy dating a supe ;_; but also there was a shot where he was standing behind starlight when he first kinda gets introduced to that supersonic whatever person -- and he’s smiling uncomfortably and i’m like, for the first time, going OMG HE LOOKS LIKE HIS DAAAAD

speaking of dad, simon pegg sounds odd in an american accent. 

and speaking of daddy, i’m like, holding it as a 60/40 odds we will actually see JDM. i wasn’t expecting the cameos we’ve gotten. also please i have thee biggest crush on charlize and you hAD HER SAY THOSE NAZI WORDS

also fuck stormfront i’m happy she died though then again they only said she died and we didn’t see her body or anything so i’m still suspicious

also Ryan is Jack-coded even down to playing connect four and videos with his mother’s voice i’m crying

also it was pointed out to me that A Train’s brother was the actor for AU!Michael and now i’m like i LOVE it when that happens xD usually when i go ‘that actor looks familiar’ and they weren’t in House MD or a Marvel movie, they’re in a SPN episode xD

FUCKING. HOMELANDER. like i was watching season 2 and watching how he was and i’m like they’re gonna make him worse than this? and they did. like i’m actually terrified of him this season especially now that he really is growing the racist white dude base. 

what scares me that is in some reviews some folks wrote that SB is worse than Homelander which is probably going to happen when he wakes up next episode and i’m SCARED and i’m also bracing myself to hear slurs out of SB’s mouth lol also i’m just so ready to see him be unhinged. but like Homelander basically shoved that poor girl off the roof and forced Deep to eat his friend so like -- if SB is worse? ho-man. 

no i am not ready for booty but i am grateful that the booty wasn’t last night so i could concentrate at work. i won’t be able to concentrate next friday i guess

god i’m so excited for next week!

[obxfics]

puppybowl sunday

summary: you spend the day cuddled up watching the puppy bowl

pairing: john b x reader x jj

word count: 1654

a/n: i got inspiration watching the puppy bowl so... here we are lol also when tf is season 2 coming i want more motivation to write and shit please anyways enjoy (also this could technically belong to the “you against the world” universe but also... idk where it would fit lmao so if you want to imagine it like that have at it)

Masterlist

john b groaned as something woke him up. he had been deep in sleep, something he appreciated considering how many late night grocery or food runs he had to do for the residents of figure eight, when he felt someone shift as they laughed. he blearily opened his eyes to see you, sitting up with your back against his headboard and one of his arms flung across your waist, frozen with your hand clapped over your mouth. obviously you hadn't been meaning to laugh that hard.

"what are you doin' up so early?" he rasped, his voice kinda scratchy from sleep.

you smiled down at him and ran a hand through his thick hair, giggling when your fingers got all tangled up in it. "hon, it's two in the afternoon."

he lifted his head real quick and pouted when he saw that jj wasn't included in the cuddle pile. "shit, did i miss jj going off to work?"

"mhm. don't worry, though, i got some food into him and made sure he was wearing his mask. also put the fear of god into him if he didn't wash his hands throughout the day."

john b breathed out a laugh as he imagined you yelling at jj to stay safe at work. almost a year into the pandemic, and jj and john b had spent the whole time quaranting in the chateau to the best of their ability. it had been months since they had seen kie or pope in person for longer than a few minutes, and usually that was only when john b pulled up to the wreck to pick up delivery orders or when jj and john b helped pope's dad with grocery deliveries. at the beginning of everything, you had been spending quarantine with your boys since school was all online and your parents' restaurant was closed. a month or so in, however, regulations had been lifted and the people of figure eight all but demanded for them to reopen, and so you went back home to help your parents with the restaurant and to keep jj and john b safe from anything you could have possibly brought back to them.

you had practically locked them in the chateau, leaving them threatening voicemails if they even thought about going out, but as two months turned into three turned into four turned into five, you realized that the boys needed their jobs as there seemed no end in sight to the pandemic. so jj returned to his job at the country club, and john b got a job busing tables at your family's restaurant. you moved back in to quarantine with them as school started, and you spent practically your whole savings on getting a backup generator and high speed wifi for the chateau so if anything happened, you all would be good. and, despite living through a worldwide panda express, you were quite happy.

beside you, john b shifted his head to rest on your lap so he could see what you were watching on your laptop that had you laughing so hard. a smile grew on his face when he saw the puppies running around on the "football field" and jumping all over the "ref." he looked up at you and felt his chest blossom with warmth at the way you smiled at the puppies and giggled when they flopped over.

"did you really wake me up watching the puppy bowl?"

"hush up," you laughed, "it's a tradition, and you know it. 'sides, you can't tell me you aren't enjoying this as much as i am. i've seen how you and jj get with dogs. y'all may love them more than you love me."

"aw, honey, that's not true," john b cooed. "you know how much we love you. obviously i love you more since i didn't go to work during the puppy bowl, but you know, that's to be expected."

you shook your head and lightly swatted at his stomach. you knew he wasn't being serious. john b loved jj just as much as he loved you, and the feeling was mutual from jj. the three of you had a good thing going, a relationship full of understanding and compassion, and it had taken y'all a long time to get there. you all had things to work through, like jj's daddy issues, john b's abandonment issues, and your trauma from your previous relationship with rafe cameron, but you had gotten through it together, and this quarantine had actually brought y’all closer together which had surprised everyone.

“jj’s gonna be sad that he missed it,” you sighed.

“we’ll just rewatch it with him,” john b assured you. “and we can watch the old ones too.”

there was shuffling as the both of you wriggled around to get into a more comfortable position. at one point the two of you had to lunge to catch the laptop from falling to the floor, but eventually you settled in with john b curled around you and the blankets and pillows providing a sort of nest and elevated stand for the laptop. the room was filled with the soft sounds of puppy barks and whines, and your giggles when one of the dogs did something particularly cute, and john b let out a quiet sigh as he allowed himself to relax against you.

“i think we should get a dog,” you mumbled sleepily as john b clicked on last year’s broadcast. “we can add another cutie to our cuddle pile.”

there was some incoherent whining on your part before you dozed off in his arms. he did his best to focus on the puppies on the screen, but soon he too fell asleep with his face buried in the crook of your neck. that was how jj found you two when he stumbled into the room later that night as he yanked his tie from his neck. he stilled in the doorway, a soft smile pulling at his lips when he saw the two people he loved most in the world all snuggled up together. and then he saw what was pulled up on the laptop.

“oh you assholes!”

the both of you jolted awake, your hand smacking john b in the face as you moved to make sure the laptop wouldn’t fall off the bed. john b rubbed at his eyes and turned to blink up at jj.

“hey, how was work, babe?”

jj shook his head as you rolled over and made grabby hands, obviously asking for cuddles. he put his hands on his hips and frowned down at the pair of you.

“i cannot believe y’all are watching the puppy bowl without me.”

“um... in my defense,” john b started, “they were already watching when i woke up.”

“dude!” you turned your head to scowl at your boyfriend. “jj, baby, come cuddle with us, and we can turn it back on.”

as he kicked his shoes off and rifled around the dresser for comfy clothes, jj shook his head. john b let out a laugh when he realized what he was getting at.

“no can do, babe,” jj told you, smirking at john b as he let his work shirt slide off his shoulders. “the superbowl starts soon, and we’re watching it.”

you fell back on the bed and let out a loud groan. you had been hoping the boys would be too tired to watch the football game. you lifted yourself up on your elbows and glared at the two of them.

“i am legitimately only watching your stupid sportsball for the weeknd. after that i will be passing the fuck out.”

jj laughed and wrapped his arms around you as he flopped down between you and john b. you couldn’t keep your glare on your face when you felt your cheek hit his bare chest. you had missed him all day. there were a few laughs and giggled--and a couples groans of pain--as the three of you got all comfortable on the queen sized bed. finally you and john b sandwiched jj, john b spooning the blonde boy as you nestled in within the warmth of jj’s arms.

“don’t he kiss his kid on the mouth?” you mumbled as one of the players ran out on the field.

a wheeze left jj’s chest as john b shouted his laugh out, causing you to smirk. you had absolutely no clue as to what was happening in the game, or even had any idea as to who the teams were, because like you told the boys, you were only watching for the weeknd concert, and you were getting more and more anxious waiting for it.

“wait, i thought both teams were supposed to be good. why does one team already have like three touchdowns and the other doesn’t have any?”

“honey,” john b said, attempting to hold in his laugh, “just watch and enjoy the game.”

you rolled your eyes, making jj smile fondly. “hon, how am i supposed to enjoy a game i don’t even understand?”

“do you want us to explain?” jj offered sweetly.

“absolutely not. i appreciate it, baby, but i’m too pretty for that.”

jj snickered and pressed a kiss into your hair. “of course you are, babe.”

you nuzzled your nose against his collarbone and tugged your hand from between the boys to gently scratch at john b’s scalp. a hum rumbled deep within the brunette’s chest at the action.

“i love y’all,” you whispered into jj’s skin. “even if y’all make me watch football.”

“well we love you too,” jj returned with a kiss to your cheek and john b’s arm.

“even if you make us watch the weeknd,” john b teased.

“hey! you better appreciate abel or i swear i’m moving out!”

taglist (ahaha heyyy it’s been a while so tell me if y’all want to be removed): @damndunner​ @scandalousfemale @shawnssongs​ @kikifromtheblock​ @write-from-the-heart​ @kurtsconner​ @thatjohnd​ @abbiesthings​ @heavenlymama​ @strangerthanfiction713 @alexis-marrt022 @brithedemonspawn​ @obxsummer​

[glimmerglanger]

oh ho ho, spicy Sunday? Can I request codywan, a/b/o? could be set in an already existing fic verse of yours or brand new!

:DDD ALRIGHT NICE. So I went with a new au and that au is a beta!Obi-Wan au. I am finally filling that request! I lost the ask last time tumblr updated (along with a few more, alas) but beta!Obi-Wan anon, this is for you, as well. 

Established relationship (when is my spicy stuff not?). Set after the end of the Clone Wars, in an everyone lived AU. (What happened to Palpatine? Idk, something dire). Not safe for wizards. OH, this is ALSO a rut fic? I’ve had some questions about writing that, before, too, so! 

~~~~~~

Obi-Wan woke up feeling warm and heavy to the sensation of Cody’s mouth brushing over his shoulder. He blinked, disoriented for just a moment. Cody had been….off on a relief mission, with Ahsoka and Rex. He’d not been due back for at least another day cycle. Which made his presence in their bed curious, but not unpleasant.

Obi-Wan always slept better with Cody curled close. He’d grown used to waking up pressed all against Cody, usually with Cody either sprawled across him or tucked against his chest. 

Cody had a very high body temperature - far more than any nat-born Obi-Wan had ever met - and often felt cold as a result. When left to his own devices he tended to press as close as possible, looking for any warmth Obi-Wan had to spare.

He was not merely looking for warmth, currently. He sucked another kiss to Obi-Wan’s shoulder, rocking just a little against him, his cock a hard, burning line against Obi-Wan’s back. Obi-Wan shifted, a bit. He’d always woken up quickly.

Growing up in war zones had insured that.

It was hardly the first time he’d awoken to find Cody hard against him. But Cody did not typically wake him up with his urgency or need. Most days, Obi-Wan woke before him. He’d been delighted to find that, free from the pressures of war, Cody preferred to stay up quite late and sleep in.

It was still dark outside, Obi-Wan noted. At least it was as dark as it ever got on Coruscant. Faint light came in through the curtains and the chrono on his desk said that he’d been asleep a few hours, at most. Which was...most unusual. He typically stirred a little when Cody finally joined him in bed and settled again quickly.

Cody did not, as a rule, wake up him, rubbing against him and curling an arm around his waist.

“Mm,” Obi-Wan murmured, shifting across the sheets, feeling Cody tighten his hold with a little rasp of sound. “Cody? What’s--”

He cut off with a thick, ragged sound when Cody shifted his attentions, mouth trailing up his neck. He panted out, gathering his wits, waking up a bit more with each second, “You’re back early.”

“Yes,” Cody agreed, his voice a rasp, “I--they hurried back. For me.”

“For…?” Obi-Wan made to twist, and Cody rumbled a protest, pushing at his shoulder, rolling him across the bed and settling across him. Obi-Wan blinked, gut getting tighter as he assessed Cody’s current state in the Force.

He was all desire and want, fully saturated with it, with enough control that it did not bleed all over Obi-Wan, but only just. Obi-Wan groaned, absorbing the need he felt, the hunger, and finally waking up enough to rasp out, “Oh, oh, it’s--your rut?”

Cody nodded against the back of his neck, muscles tense as he shifted again, grinding his cock against Obi-Wan’s hip. And it was a surprise, still, a little kick of shocked pleasure, that Cody had come directly to him for assistance.

Some alphas didn’t turn to a beta lover, not during a rut. They’d….chose to handle things on their own, or end up at some dive bar, picking up an omega, tearing whatever relationship they’d had to pieces. Obi-Wan had seen it happen before.

Cody rasped, “Sorry about the timing,” and Obi-Wan shivered down his back, reaching a hand back, gripping Cody’s thigh and canting his hips just so. 

“I don’t mind,” he said, the last vestiges of sleep brushed away from his mind like cobwebs, and Cody made a relieved, thick sound, sucking a kiss to his skin, rocking a little closer, cock sliding over Obi-Wan’s sleep clothing even as his fingers tugged at the waistband. Obi-Wan caught his wrist, squeezing just a little, “Wait, I need to get--”

“I’ve got it,” Cody said, thick, “I’m not going to hurt you.” And Obi-Wan felt a brush of anxiety fall away, before it ever truly formed. Alphas could get single-minded, in a rut. It wasn’t so much of an issue, when they coupled with an omega; their bodies prepared themselves, for the most part. 

But Obi-Wan…

Cody kissed his shoulder again and then shifted up and away, a surprising display of control, with how deep into the rut he felt. Obi-Wan shifted, rolling onto his back and shoving at the waistband of his sleeping clothes. 

Cody hurried to help as Obi-Wan got a look at him, finally, the lights from outside glowing across his skin. Cody’d left all his clothes somewhere else, bare skin a lovely canvas. HIs muscles were tense under his skin, his breath coming in sharp little pants, already, and his cock was hard, curving up to his stomach.

Obi-Wan reached for him, stroking, and Cody made a rough sound, reaching down to grab his wrist. “Don’t,” Cody panted, turning his face to the side, chest heaving. “I can’t--don’t.”

Obi-Wan made a quiet sound, releasing his grip, murmuring, “Sorry, I didn’t--”

Cody curled down and kissed him, keeping the rest of his body up. Cody rasped, a moment later, against his mouth, “I can’t think, if you touch me.”

“You don’t need to think,” Obi-Wan pointed out, hands sliding up Cody’s arms, and Cody made a sharp sound, reaching for something. 

“I do,” he insisted, and slid down, dropping kisses as he went, across Obi-Wan’s collarbone, his chest, his stomach. And--

Common knowledge said alphas only wanted to get their knot in a hot, wet place in a rut, that no matter how generous they were as lovers the rest of the time, a rut led to a level of desperation that...shifted priorities.

Obi-Wan cried out in surprise when Cody licked across the head of his cock and then slid his mouth down. His spine bowed, and Cody made a hungry sound, no teasing softness to the touch, his hand curled around the base of Obi-Wan’s cock, stroking in time with the slide of his mouth, and--

The press of Cody’s fingers - slick with lube - into his body was not much of a surprise. He’d been projecting the desire since he got Obi-Wan’s pants off. Obi-Wan swore, breathlessly, anyway, gut tight and hot as Cody sank two fingers into him at once.

Cody seemed bound and determined to bring him off as quickly as possible, tongue moving against him, sucking hard, fingers moving just so, firm and sure and--

Obi-Wan saw no good reason to try to hold off the orgasm building in his blood and his bones. He rasped out a warning, heard Cody hum encouragement, and had both hands sunk in Cody’s hair when he came. 

Cody slipped another finger inside while he was swallowing, and Obi-Wan groaned, turning his head on the pillow, trying to breathe deep and steady. He shivered, all over, at the wet sound Cody made, taking his mouth off of Obi-Wan’s cock, hand still moving steady between Obi-Wan’s legs, spreading his fingers, twisting them just so, and--

And Obi-Wan could see his expression, eyes dark and intent, just watching what he was doing.

It made Obi-Wan sink his teeth into his bottom lip, feeling his cheeks flaming with heat. He rasped out, feeling taken apart, “Force, Cody, come here.”

Cody blinked up at him and then leaned forward, stretching over him, coming close enough for Obi-Wan to kiss him. One of Obi-Wan’s legs ended up hitched up, caught around Cody’s arm as he kept fucking his fingers in and out, rasping, “Is it--are you--?”

“Yes,” Obi-Wan panted back.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Cody cut in, and, oh, it made Obi-Wan ache, in the center of his chest. Cody said the same thing - or close to it - with each rut, the worry digging in even though he’d never managed to do such a thing.

Obi-Wan’s biology wasn’t perfect for handling a knot. But they’d made it work.

“You’re not going to,” Obi-Wan told him, and cupped his cheek, kissing him slow and deep, until Cody groaned against his mouth, hand going still, fingers sunk deep, just…. Focusing on kissing him to the exclusion of all else. When Obi-Wan shifted back, they were both breathing hard. He murmured, mouth quirking, “You know I can take you.”

Cody nodded, jerkily, and slipped his fingers free even as he rolled onto his back, dragging Obi-Wan along with him. And that was not a surprise, either. He liked Obi-Wan poised over him, especially at the beginning of a rut, liked it to be Obi-Wan’s choice to push down when his knot started to form, to have the opportunity, ever and always, to pull away.

Obi-Wan rasped, “I’ve got you,” and Cody nodded, hands on his hips, squeezing as Obi-Wan reached down, slicking Cody’s cock. Cody groaned, thick, when Obi-Wan sank down on him, fingers digging in, holding so tight.

Obi-Wan slid down in one movement, took him in and felt the stretch of him, delightful and sharp. Cody held him, for a long, long moment, muscles in his arms and shoulders standing against skin. When Obi-Wan rocked his hips, just a little, Cody tightened his grip, holding him still.

It drew a dizzy smile across Obi-Wan’s mouth as he looked down, taking in Cody’s dazed expression and his ragged breathing, as he panted, “Force, Obi-Wan, you feel so fucking good around me.” 

Pleasure spread out through the entirety of Obi-Wan’s chest, up through his ribs. He said, shifting just a little, “You know, it’ll feel even better if I move, darling.”

Cody groaned, grip loosening just a little, just enough for Obi-Wan to rise up and--

Oh, it punched a sound out of him when Cody dragged him down again, hips rising off the bed to meet him, like he couldn’t bear to be out of Obi-Wan’s body, even for an instant. “Fuck,” he panted, rising again, dragged back, falling into a rhythm that they built together, fast and hard and desperate, all at once.

He fell forward, catching himself with a hand on the headboard and one on Cody’s chest, Cody thrusting up into him, feet braced on the bed for leverage and--

And Obi-Wan cried out, dropping his head forward, when he felt Cody’s knot starting to swell, catching at the rim of him. “Obi-Wan,” Cody rasped, under him, staring up into his expression, neck tense and hands gripping, “I need to--”

“Do it,” Obi-Wan panted out a reassurance, gut getting tighter with anticipation, fucking himself down again and once more and then going still as he felt Cody’s knot fill, inside of him. The sensation drew a ragged, gutted sound from his throat. 

Obi-Wan breathed through the initial pressure, the feeling of being stretched too tight, taking too much, feeling--

Feeling so unbelievably full, as though there was no room for anything else inside his skin, including breath or thought. He cried out, ragged, when Cody shifted below him, feeling the movement in every inch of his body and--

“Alright?” Cody rasped, stroking at his sides, gentling, soft little touches. “Obi-Wan, are you--?”

Obi-Wan nodded, too breathless to speak for the moment. It was...so much, taking Cody during his ruts. He’d be sore for days, and knew it. Looked forward to it. He grinned, feeling punchy and pleasure drunk, shivering as he felt Cody’s cock twitch in him again, spilling a little more pleasure inside his skin, and managed to rasp, “I’m quite better than alright.”

[rovinky]

thank you @sleepy-skittles i definitely needed this after yesterday's awfulness

I wasn't sure what to write for this at first but I think I finally figured it out - this is longer than I thought it would be oops, maybe I should put it on ao3 idk

Rovinsky + “this isn’t our actual first kiss but it is our first important kiss”

The first time he ever kissed Kavinsky it had been after a race.

Gansey hadn't wanted him to go but he'd been feeling an itch burn beneath his skin. He'd needed to crawl out of Monmouth and away from morality for the nighty came for him a second time, Ronan shoved him again, and again, and again, until his fingers curled in Kavinsky's tanktop and he dragged him in for a kiss. The taste of cigarette smoke and bitter alcohol swathed over his tongue and the smell still makes him a bit woozy even now.

After the first kiss, they'd parted and didn't speak of it again.

The second time he kissed Kavinsky had been during a substance party.

Gansey hadn't wanted him to go but he'd been feeling an itch burn beneath his skin. He'd needed to crawl out of Monmouth and away from morality for the night. He'd arrived at Kavinsky's party where he'd been asked to produce a substance.

"Here's your fucking substance, asshole," Ronan growled before laying a wet kiss on Kavinsky's mouth before he could protest.

He can still remember how the boys' jeered all around them. How Kavinsky's body stiffened and then relaxed in his arms. His own flushed reflection staring back at him in Kavinsky's mirrored shades when they parted.

For a second time, they parted and didn't bring it up again.

The third time he kissed Kavinsky had been in a dream.

They met in his dream space, standing together in the woods. Kavinsky had grinned at him, wild and boyish. His shades were gone and for once, Ronan couldn't tell if Kavinsky was inebriated. All he knew was he'd laughed and said, his voice teetering into derisive, "You want to kiss me so bad."

The worst part was Kavinsky was right. He rolled his eyes and pulled him in for a kiss, wrapping his arms around Kavinsky's slim waist. He felt Kavinsky press something into his hand and when Ronan woke and could move again, he'd shifted his gaze to his palm to see what it held.

A small little orb hovered over his palm. Inside, Ronan could see galaxies swirl. Their own little secret.

The fourth time he kissed Kavinsky had been much later. After high school, after Adam graduated from Harvard, and when they both moved to Boston to chase Adam's career. He hadn't expected to see Kavinsky ever again after a falling out their senior year of high school. He never expected Joseph Kavinsky to become a part of his life again.

Boston wasn't exactly where he thought he would be calling home either but Adam had found a job in the city and Declan had moved in with his artist girlfriend Jordan in the same area. Despite his claims of hating Declan, Ronan could never quite shake his need to be around family.

So, Ronan made a life here.

At times, he would travel around to the country to escape the city's oppressive atmosphere, working on farms and volunteering his time at animal sanctuaries. He made friends with a girl named Hennessy on accident while Adam was at work. They hit it off when she hopped into his car and told him to drive, drive, drive.

Afterward, they ended up in the apartment he shared with Adam and she laughed hysterically when she found out his name. "Ronan Lynch?" she'd cackled. "Your Declan's brother."

They'd bonded even further when they both found out they were dreamers.

A night of dreaming left them both buzzing and wanting, feeling drunk without having to drink, they winded up in a tattoo shop. Proclaiming they would get matching tattoos, even if Ronan had no intention of letting anything on his body match someone else. Hennessy was taken off to one room and Ronan to another where he'd come face to face with a boy - now a man - he hadn't seen in six years.

Joseph Kavinsky gave him his second tattoo.

Joseph Kavinsky also gave him his third tattoo and fourth tattoo. Ronan kept returning for more ink and Kavinsky's talented hands.

"You want to kiss him again, don't you?" Adam had asked one night after Ronan spent hours talking about Kavinsky's shop.

Maybe he did but he quickly denied it. Adam only smiled at him; the kind of smile which left him feeling stripped despite being fully dressed.

"It's okay if you do," Adam whispered. "I'm secure in us."

Ronan returned for a sixth tattoo and they were at the shop until past closing. Kavinsky locked up once they were done and Ronan stole the fourth kiss. He pressed him against the BMW and kissed fast.

"What are you doing?" Kavinsky had asked.

He didn't know. They parted again for the fourth time but unlike the other times, this last one haunted him. It followed him around and entered his dreams.

Hennessy told him to just fuck Kavinsky and get it over with. Adam told him to ask Kavinsky on a date and get it over with. Gansey told him he really needed to focus on himself and get over it.

Ronan could not get over it.

Which is how he ended up standing out of Kavinsky's shop, staring at the Open sign, and trying to talk himself into walking in. It's been two weeks since their fourth kiss - not that he's been counting.

He takes a step closer to the shop and then backs off, before pacing back and forth in front of it, until the sound of the door opening makes him freeze and spin around. Kavinsky stands there, his head tilted to the side, looking ridiculously kissable in the afternoon sun.

"Lynch? What the hell are you doing?"

Ronan stammers, wishing he could formulate words but they're failing. He knows two languages and can't even formulate one sentence.

Kavinsky raises an eyebrow. "Is it your tattoo?"

"No," he finally manages. "No- the tattoo is great." He rubs the back of his neck, looking down at his scuffed combat boots. "K..."

"Yes?"

He wants to ask Kavinsky out but he has no idea how to do it. Of course, Adam had been the one to kiss him. Then, they'd just started being boyfriends; there had never been an 'asking out' process. Everything had just happened.

"Look, I have clients coming..." Kavinsky starts but Ronan steps in and kisses him again to shut him up.

There's a moment where Kavinsky stands there, stunned, not kissing him back but then they both relax into it and Kavinsy releases the door so they can step into each other's space. They kiss hungrily until they're both breathless and pulling away for air.

"Shit," Kavinsky gasps. He reaches up to touch his lips, his cheeks turning a faint shade of pink.

Ronan reaches into his pocket and pulls out a matching miniature galaxy sphere and places it in Kavinsky's palm. "Text me."

Their parting less like shrapnel now and more like waves longing for the return to the shore.

A text comes later in the evening and Ronan practically dives for his phone which if Adam had been home, he'd be fairly embarrassed.

-> so about that kiss

Ronan's heart flutters as he types back, glad Kavinsky stole his number from his paperwork. Of course, he's never changed his number, maybe Kavinsky still had it from Before.

<- yea?

-> are you sure you want to do this? are you sure you want to get to know me? pretty sure you hated my guts at the end of hs

<- i did but tbf you were a piece of shit

-> thanks

<- so was i

-> we both were

<- i suck at apologies man so idk if you're wanting one or what

-> i'll take another kiss instead

<- when?

-> whenever you want to give it to me

Ronan chews his bottom lip and sends Kavinsky a final text, asking him to come over. He sends over his address and mentally makes a note to tell Kavinsky everything.

About Adam. About their life here. About their agreement. They can make it work.

The sixth time, arguably the first important time happens six months later. Sunday, the shop is closed, and they're standing in The Insitute of Contemporary Art, staring at artworks by an artist Hennessy is currently obsessing over. The rain outside is partially what drove them indoors to start with but Ronan supposes it kills two birds with one stone.

"I don't get it," Kavinsky says while he tilts his head back and forth.

"I don't think you're supposed to." Ronan turns away from the art so he can look at Kavinsky instead. He studies Kavinsky's profile, his sharp nose, and soft lips. The way his brow creases together while he looks at the painting.

"Pretty sure it's supposed to be about something important- Ronan-." Kavinsky gasps when Ronan turns him to face him. "You almost knocked me on my ass."

"You're fine," Ronan replies. He presses his forehead lightly to Kavinsky's, squeezing his hand where he holds Kavinsky's smaller one in his own. "I'm gonna say something and you're going to think I'm insane."

Kavinsky rolls his eyes. "Are you going to say you like this painting because it's fucking ugly."

"I love you."

Kavinsky blinks, clearly looking like he needs to reboot. "Excuse me?"

"I know it sounds insane but I do, I love you." Ronan blushes, wishing he hadn't spoken at all. Telling Adam he loved him had happened quickly and with ease because he knew it to be true. Now, he's standing at the precipice of loving someone else, someone he'd never expected to love but he does all the same.

"You don't have to say it back," he adds quickly. "I don't expect you to... I just wanted you to kno-." Ronan cuts off because Kavinsky is kissing him. They kiss in front of a Jeff Koons which he's sure Declan would shudder at and he knows Hennessy will laugh at. They kiss until Ronan feels dizzy and when they part, he almost has to sit down.

"Fuck," Ronan whispers.

Kavinsky's face is flushed and he clears his throat, slowly turning to look at the painting again but Ronan feels him squeeze his hand subtly. "So, what do you think this means again?"

Ronan smirks and squeezes back. "I think it fucking sucks but let's go ask Parrish."

Hearing Kavinsky laugh is enough to make everything worth it.

[2018shawn]

no rain, no flowers | th

a/n: hi I bashed this out this afternoon idk it just happened lmao pls don’t read if sadness will trigger you in any way and i would like to say my inbox is always open for anyone feeling any form of emotion 💓 o yeh, i also wrote this on my phone so there's like no capitalisation lmao don’t come for me

warnings: urm SADness, angsty, breakup shit y’no. 

word count: 2.5k 

it wasn’t that you didn’t love your life, you just didn’t love your relationship with it. you knew, more than most, that without the rain, the flowers wouldn’t grow. but the rain came more often than not, and it would leave you feeling completely and utterly drenched with exhaustion, emptiness and everything in between. the days where there was a drought and flowers were blossoming with new petals were the great days. the days where you could just see flowers sprouting were the nice days. the days where the rain pushed the flowers back into the ground were the bad days. the days where it poured that hard the soil overfilled, and mud dispersed everywhere were the worst days.

and now metaphorically speaking, soil was scattered all around your feet, the rain threatening to lift it higher and higher as each minute passed by. the water in the kettle bubbled on the stove top, the gas giving a sense of warmth to the cold kitchen you stood in. london was rainy, and so was your mood. you’d spent 4 weeks and 2 days without your significant other being by your side, and more than ever, you needed him back. it wasn’t a case of wanting him, this time, it was simply and purely a necessity. of course, you couldn’t tell him this. you couldn’t let on that you needed him to come home. you could wait, you guessed, the press tours could not.

what you didn’t know, is halfway across europe, tom sensed every inch of your emotion. he nibbled at the inside of his cheek between each interview, made sure to send you a snapchat when he could get to his phone, even ordered a bunch of flowers to be delivered mid week. how ironic, you thought.

you didn’t knock tom’s boyfriend efforts, in fact, it was the complete opposite. and the more the whistle from the kettle spout screamed louder in front of you, the more you could hear it screaming for you get out. leave him. you’re not worthy. you didn’t even smile when those stupid red roses arrived perfectly displayed on your doorstep. he needed someone that squealed with excitement, someone that saw the good, instead of the bad.

pouring your tea, you ignored the ping of messages coming through to your phone, sighing and flicking the small side switch to silent. you wanted to be in a silent room, with your silent thoughts and silent mind. the cup of tea warmed your hands as your palms encased the ridiculously large, speckled mug. tom had bought you it because he’d never met anyone who loved cups of tea more than him until he met you. you’d lit the long burner, the sound of wood crackling and flames roaring soothing you somewhat, filling the space inbetween your quiet thoughts as you took small sips of your warm beverage. a single tear trickled down your cheek, landing on the blanket covering your lap, and you wondered if you were even worthy of being sat in this house. you and tom had bought it together 8 months ago, when there were enough flowers to fill a football field. month after month, the flowers died off, because you didn’t feel like home should be somewhere you didn’t feel good enough.

the sun had vanished when you woke, the window only displaying a dark view of stars and the illuminated streetlight outside your house. your neck was stiff and arm dead from the position you’d ended up in, blanket kicked to the floor and log burner burning a deep shade of amber as it began to die out. just like you’d fallen asleep with a tear escaping your duct, you’d woken up with it too. your heart was dull, aching with emptiness as your eyes wandered around your painfully empty house.

you slumped into the kitchen, placing your mug down on the kitchen counter with a clink in order to swap it for your phone. you had the usual messages from your friends, who were used to your 3-5 business days responses because you simply had to mentally prepare yourself. alongside those, were a bunch of missed calls and messages from tom and your heart felt like it was being twisted with a knife as you scrolled down the words he’d sent you.

hey bubby, todays finally finished woooo 🤟🏽 interviewer asked about you and it made me miss you more than i already do

which is a lot btw 🥺🌍

i miss eating your hair mask in the night

and how crispy it looks when you wake up 🙈

i’ll be home before you know it. i love you all the days 💙

there were more, but these were the ones which made you feel extra fuzzy inside. and despite that soft feeling, you sighed, trudging upstairs and ending up in your dressing room. he didn’t deserve this. although you loved him more than words could say, you knew you didn’t show it, no way near as much as you should. tom begged to differ; he knew you struggled. he entered the relationship knowing your mental health was knocked, barely any signs of bricks becoming stable enough to rebuild.

you pulled open the wardrobe door before pulling up your stool in order to reach the top shelf. the top shelf is where you kept all suitcases and overnight bags and because of tom’s hectic schedule, it was a good job the wardrobe was the entire length of the room because you’d have no where else to put them otherwise. there was an already empty gap from his own case like there had been for around a month. you pulled yours down, almost knocking yourself out in the process, before laying it on the floor and zipping it open. in the middle of the case was leaflets and brochures from your last holiday with tom; a water park map guide and sea life show programme. you remembered how happy you were that holiday, how you knew you’d found the person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with.

the leaflets and brochures were soon covered by a selection of your clothes, ones you knew were necessary to take with you. when satisfied you had packed everything you needed clothes wise, you headed to the en suite bathroom, taking a couple of travel cases with you with intention of filling them all. you began by sorting through your skincare, picking the most staple pieces of your collection and leaving the ones you knew tom secretly liked to pamper himself with on a sunday.

a beckoning from a familiar voice startled you, the sound of keys dropping on the side amongst suitcase wheels dragging along the floor following the calls of your name. what, why, when, and how was he home? he wasn’t due home for another 2 weeks and he’d literally just been texting you from another country. or so you thought.

“baby? your car’s here?” he shouted, almost asking himself the question in confusion. you heard footsteps padding up the stairs as you froze, holding your half full toiletry bag in one hand and hairbrush in the other.

“i... i’m in here.” you spoke, unsure if he’d actually heard you. he immediately knew something was off from the quiver in your voice and the level of your tone. he instantly followed your sound, finding himself running through the doorway of your shared dressing room. until he saw. until he saw your almost packed suitcase of pretty much all your belongings. until he saw you through the gap of the bathroom door, another travel bag in hand. until he saw the expression on your face, a vision he’d never be able to erase. “you’re back?”

“bub, what’s going on? are you going away or something? i didn’t think your work trip was until next weekend?” he was confused, darting past your open suitcase and creaking open the door of the bathroom a little further.

“uh... it’s not. i just...” he walked up to you, thumbs delicately landing on your cheeks where they wiped away recent pools of tears. it was enough to stop you from speaking, breath hitching in your throat.

“what’s going on? i’m worried? you haven’t texted all day.” if that was why he’d come home, that was more reason for you to leave, you thought. tom couldn’t have someone that needed baby sitting. he couldn’t be flying home from important shit just because you hadn’t replied. all of this piled on top of the balance scales more, the side of pros to your relationship being sky high and unable to go any further.

“i’m sorry...” you breathed, feeling tears prick at your eyes almost straight away. he pulled you in, hand resting on the back of your head and soothingly stroking your hair as you blubbed into his chest, no concern for the growing wet patch near his collar bone.

“sorry for what my darling?” he spoke into your hair, the scent of your weekly hair mask filling his senses, making him sure you must’ve applied it last night. it was coconuty and tropical and was every bit as lovely as he’d describe you to be.

you pushed his chest away, feeling a sense of betrayal as you returned to filling your toiletry bag. his eyebrows furrowed, watching you frantically fill the bag with whatever you could, no obvious concern whether you were picking up his tootherbrush or yours. all you knew is you needed to get out of there as soon as possible. “i just, need to go.”

“go where?!” he almost shouted, clearly concerned with your sudden announcement.

“i don’t know yet. i’ll figure it out.”

he was confused and speechless. you had everything together, you had each other. it’s 2 years and 2 months since he’d first laid eyes on you and he’s regretted nothing since. but you? he figured you regretted something. the suitcase and frantic attitude were the biggest giveaways. he was in denial. surely not. you were only speaking to him 2 days ago on the phone laughing and singing about wedding songs. he hadn’t proposed yet, but boy, did he have big plans to. “what are you saying?”

“i’m saying...” you started, growing sick of wiping tears away from your eyes. he was a human barracade, but you managed to sneak round him and out of the bathroom, zipping up the small cases and putting them into your main suitcase. “i need to leave. i can’t do this.”

and those words there, shattered him into a million pieces. he’d never felt anything like it, he thought. sure, he’d lost people before. but you? you were not just people; you were his world, his life, his future. he tried to start a sentence several times, failing miserably each time as his mind blocked him from processes any full thoughts. “what... what do you mean? this?”

he followed you around the room and you only moved quicker, not wanting to get too close to his deep but inviting aftershave. “this, tom. us. it’s not right. i’m not right, well, not for you anyway.”

“what the fuck, y/n? where has this come from! if i’m away too much, tell me. if i’ve said something, tell me. if i’m bad at....”

“fuck, tom. it’s not you. it’s me.” it was so cliche, but so true. he grabbed your wrist, stopping you from wizzing around the room like a bee collecting pollen. your eyes just stared at his hand, unable to look up and look him dead in the eye.

“talk to me, darling, what’s really going on?” his grasp wasn’t harsh, you could have got out of it if you wanted to, but he guessed from the way you didn’t, you wanted to open up to him more than you thought you did. “hey...” he almost whispered, using his other hand to place his fingers under your chin, guiding your heavy head upwards until your eyes clicked. he could see pain. you could see confusion. you could do nothing but sob dramatically and you hated yourself for it. you thought you would have run out of tears by now, but from the way your legs buckled beneath you and your body curled up on the floor, you figured they were only just beginning. tom spoke reassuring words, you thought anyway, arms wrapping tightly around your shaking frame as he joint you on the carpeted floor. he rested his back against the wardrobe, pulling you further into him with no intentions of letting go. “shhh.. just breathe. breathe for me.” his palm was stroking up and down your back, his other hand taking yours, circling patterns on your skin with his thumb.

“i... i just can’t, tom. i’m pathetic. you don’t need me. you need someone who can cope with you being away. you need someone who can actually get out of bed in the morning feeling like a half decent human being. someone who can make you laugh just like you make me. someone who has got their fucking shit together.” you stuttered, through broken tears and strings of coughs. he pulled your head up, using a hand either side of your face to support you.

“don’t you dare. don’t you dare tell me i don’t need you. i don’t want to hear those words ever again. i don’t want to hear you say you’re pathetic. y/n, you’re... you’re my life. and no you might not be a half decent human being, but you’re so much more than that. you’re everything i want our children to grow up and be. although maybe i’d like them to be able to cook steak without over cooking it.” you couldn’t help but smile through the pain, remembering how many times tom had asked for medium rare and you’d served him a severely well-done sirloin. “your shit is my shit. and i know you struggle, but you gotta speak to me, baby girl. you’ve got to.”

you sighed, leaning into his palm for comfort more than anything. “you... i... i don’t deserve you.”

he felt guilty. more than ever. he meant what he said, he really did know you struggled but over the years you’d got so much better at putting on a front, pretending the world was all full of flowers when really, it was full of rain. he kicked himself for not seeing signs, for being the one not good enough for you, for letting you down and putting his career first yet again. “you deserve a million times better than me.”

his hands were snapped away from you as you stood, brushing your clothes and sighing deeply. you returned to your case, zipping it up fully and standing it upright with the handle extended. he shot up, racing over and putting his hand on the handle to drag it away from you. “no... please. don’t do this. we can talk, you can shout, you can scream, i can listen.” you tried pulling the case, but his strength was much higher than yours. you didn’t want to talk. you knew he would be better without you. you knew you was a burden. you tried tugging again, only to fail missrably and turn to face his desperate feautures and teary eyes. “please stay?”

**

taglist: @imaginashawnns @fallinallincurls @mendesficsxbombay @cosmicholland

[sicklyscribe]

Weren’t the Mikaelsons in Italy in the eleventh century? What if they ran into pre-crusades Nicky or smthn

BLESS you you BEAUTIFUL ANONYMOUS ANGEL 

(this week has been exceedingly awful and I can’t sleep but I can talk Mikaelsons twelve ways to Sunday)

According to Nicolo’s fanlore page, he was first killed in 1099 only to awaken to immortality, wowza! According to the lovely movie timeline compilation here, Joe and Nicky are unaccounted for during the 1110′s (only ten to twenty years after their first deaths!) but for crossover purposes we could hilariously assume that they had some confusing run-ins with five angry mortal meatheads who seemed too buff to be human and possibly a Viking Dracula with a Cronus Complex. 

Let’s assume, shall we! that through intentional tracking or blind fate, they are traveling the Italian countryside off the road, looking for a place to camp or bathe (or bone~ idk~~~). 

Let’s assume that this happens sometime between a very upsetting evening in 1115 and 52 years, 4 months, 9 days later.

😏

minor spoilers ahead yeah i’m going there

*****

They had followed the low ground and the lush green for a long time before they began to hear the sound of water. Yusuf nodded towards it, reaching for the familiar brush of Nicolo’s shoulder as he changed course. 

“NIK!” a woman’s voice screamed through the wood,  and startled birds took wing. Nicolo tensed under Yusuf’s hand, and with a short locked glance Yusuf knew this person was a stranger and that this stranger would not be ignored. “NIK! Do-”

They ran when the voice choked into silence. 

The horror had been so close, but they were still too late. 

Weapons drawn, Yusuf and Nicolo found a man with black-gold eyes snarling over a woman’s dead body. Her blood still flowed freely from the gore at her neck, but her eyes were sightless. The ground was too stained beneath her. The two immortals closed in on the demon with the twinned, brutal grace they had built blow by blow from rivalhood. 

The thing was not human.

Too fast, too strong; unarmed, he charged at Nicolo. Yusuf’s blade struck deep in his side but still he advanced. “HUNTER” he spat in a dialect not unlike Nicolo’s own, and it was the last thing Nicolo heard before his vision went black. 

“NICOLO!” “NIK!”

It all happened very, very quickly. The beast collapsed, wailing, foreign words on his tongue and Yusuf took his chance. Before his sword tested the creature’s reaction to beheading, a gold and bloody flash in the corner of his vision suddenly became a woman -- dead woman -- crushing his sword-arm with hands like iron hammers. “DO NOT fighting him!” she shrieked, accented so heavily he almost could not recognize the words Nicolo had been teaching him. 

Tears welled at his eyes at the pain. He knelt where he stood and gripped his lover’s ankle with his good hand to say Wake up. I need you. Be careful. 

The dead woman, whole and healed and alive, had black-red pooling in the corners of her own eyes. Her fine dress was dirty and blotted with colors he knew well. Old blood. Dry blood. Fresh blood. He forced himself to breathe as his bones cracked back into place. 

The man with the glowing eyes and the fatal wound in his side was screaming, now, clawing at his own skin and babbling hunter within ravings of his own language. In some moments it seemed as though his skin would not contain him.

“We mean n-” 

She cut him off with a hiss and a renewal of the darkness in her eyes. Yusuf’s mind slowly began to recall the campfire tales he’d been told in Europa, the way the people here already had an idea of what unkillable would entail. 

With soft murmurs and gentle “Nik”s, the foreign woman crept behind the raving beast, and placed a hand on his torn collar. He stilled for a fraction of a breath, peace in his eyes turning them a striking human blue, but Yusuf saw a flash of fangs in the next instant, and in the instant following, the woman snapped his neck. 

It was at that moment Nicolo began to stir. Yusuf wanted to laugh, it was like they were taking turns. 

“Many sorries,” the woman whispered, desperate and sincere, “I am so hungry.” 

She was biting his neck. Nicolo was awake and tackling her. “Wait!” Yusuf coughed, having guessed a good amount of what was about to happen, but Nicolo’s dagger was already in her heart. 

She laughed. 

Yusuf took Nicolo by the waist and pulled him away from the monsters and did not let go. She followed them with her eyes as a new blood stain decorated her shift. “What are you?” Nicolo gasped, touching the chain at his neck that bore his crucifix. 

She pulled the dagger from her chest with a grimace, then cocked her head to the side as if straining to hear something. “Wait for good speaker, handsomes.” 

Yusuf said the same basic question in as many languages as he could manage, to varying degrees of accuracy. Nicolo’s then added the Frankish version, and she interrupted him before he could try another. 

“Ah! I am better with this one,” she was distracted, hauling the likely-not-dead-for-long killer’s body into her lap and gripping his arms behind his back. “So is Elijah.” 

Another blur joined them, becoming a dark-haired man with manacles in his arms. His gaze was hawkish and cold as he caught sight of Yusuf and Nicolo, and Yusuf could not help but be reminded of Nicolo’s own way of glaring. 

Yusuf told Nicolo what had happened while he was dead in Greek, while the woman spoke rapidly in her own tongue to the newcomer. The latter pair secured the manacles at the wrists and ankles of the dead man with grim and practiced tenderness. He woke, screaming, and with an animal howl he fought against them. The man who had brought the manacles embraced him, much like the woman had, and snapped his neck. 

He then brushed the bracken from his hands and clothes, and stood to face Yusuf and Nicolo. “Hello, messieurs. My sister and I have many questions, and must return before he wakes. Please, join us.”

The blonde carried the chained man as if he weighed no more than an infant against her shoulder, and the strange siblings began to walk quickly -- slowly, for them -- through the trees. 

When Yusuf and Nicolo did not follow, the woman scoffed. Her brother turned again, with a dangerous smile. “Are you afraid that we will kill you?” 

Yusuf could not help it, the blood still roaring in his ears and the absurdity of it all bubbling laughter at his throat that he could not contain. Nicolo sighed. They were both terrified. They were both curious. They followed the three monsters to their lair. 

*****

AND THEN I GUESS NICOLO TRIES TO DO AN EXORCISM ON KLAUS OR SOMETHING AND THE SIBS ARE SUPER JEALOUS THAT THESE TWO DON’T HAVE TO DRINK HUMAN BLOOD AND MAYBE KOL IS DRUNK SOMEWHERE IN THE BACKGROUND/COFFINATED WITH HIS BROTHER/LIVING IT UP IN CHINA IDK.

I am allowed to write Hunter’s Curse fic in this case because 1) it’s crossover so the inherent levity of the AU grants me certain diplomatic immunities 2) it’s not from a Mikaelson perspective who would do that I mean who would DO THAT @hairzier​ and 3) Take pity on me for anything not covered by the previous two because real life has been f*cking me over and this was delicious fun to write.

[moondustaeil]

with love , Kim Doyoung

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ ⋅ with love,

⠀  ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀  

⠀ about  

⋅  genre : parenthood au : romance (angst + fluff)

⋅  characters : Kim Doyoung x fem!reader 

⋅  word count : 5.8k

⋅  warning : break-ups, mentions of miscarriage, idk what to think about this piece of writing, it wasn’t like i imagined. I listened to Yesung’s ‘Here I am’ + Block B’s ‘Don’t leave’

⠀ ⠀

⠀ summary

⋅  Each week Juna has to change her home because her parents are no longer together after suffering from a miscarriage. She sees both of her parents struggling and is determined to bring them again together somehow, little does she know sleep will interrupt her halfway through her plan.

“Juna, papa and mama need to have a little chat with you” Doyoung announced as he stepped into the living room, his eyes going to the tv that was playing a cartoon about a princess who was being held by the prince. He swallowed the lump in his throat at the sight, quickly turning his head to Juna who seemed to be immersed in the sight of the happy characters. Doyoung took the remote of the tv and turned it off after he heard the male voice say ‘I will love you forever.’ Words that he rather would have not heard at this moment. The fairytales were all made up out of lies: there was no happily ever after, or whatever they called it. 

Juna’s eyes drifted from the now black television screen, over to her dad who just stood there looking like he just had a long day at work. Her eyes scanned the facial expression he carried around, and with her emotional knowledge, she could conclude that her papa was sad. Her eyes were torn away from him as soon as she heard the slight footsteps on the wooden floor, smiling as soon as she saw you there. But you looked just like Doyoung did: sad, red eyes and a more bloated face.

She was too young to find a reason why the two of you looked so sad, if she found a reason then it was one of those who were childproof: like that the two of you had gotten dust in your eyes or a nightmare had kept you up at night. The only thing she knew, for now, was that she didn’t like seeing her parents sad like that. It was a feeling that lately, she had seen more often on your faces, but both of you had always dismissed that and acted as if all was fine.

Both you and Doyoung sat on either side of her, something you both discussed a couple of minutes ago in the kitchen. You both wanted to be next to her to support her in case she would break down, you both were her parents even though from now on you would live separate lives.

“We have to tell you something,” You said soft and tried to make eye contact with your young daughter, something she instantly returned but the big sparkly eyes brought more pain than joy at this moment. Your lips parted to say the news, ready to tell it in the way the internet had adviced you to. But at the same time, if you said the words now, you could never take them back. And even thinking about it formed regret in your heart.

Doyoung noticed that you couldn’t push the words past your lips, how you couldn’t say it alone. He gave you a slight smile, the one without feelings, as a sign, he would take it over from you, something parents did. Sharing responsibilities.

“Mama and Papa won’t be together anymore” He broke the news, his words making it sound simple and less complicated than it actually was between the two of you. Though by the way his voice sounded, it was clear that even he had a hard time saying it like that. “We will be living in two separate houses, and so will you.” He explained a bit more, reminding himself of the research you two did together. 

Once the words were out, Juna turned her head away from Doyoung and towards you instead. In her eyes, you could see that she needed to hear the same words for you, just so that they were confirmed. “We are sorry, Juna” you said softly instead of repeating the same words again. You knew Juna was too young to understand the reason behind it, so you wouldn’t bother her with it either. It was better if you didn’t, that way she later on couldn’t pick a side.

It was only you and Doyoung who knew what happened to get your family to this low point, not your parents, siblings or friends knew it was going bad between the two of you. They just saw the masks you two put on whenever others were around.

Although the two of you also put on that mask in front of each other, when Juna went to bed, the masks fell off and you were exposed like a commoner in the middle of a masked ball. Neither of you had been able to mourn properly which led to unresolved grief and hard feelings.

The little baby that was supposed to make your family even stronger, never had the chance to have that effect. Right after your third month, the day before you wanted to tell everyone, it had ended. It had ended before the real start came.

The awful day had been encrypted in your memories, yet there was no terrible story that would reveal the reason behind your miscarriage. Which maybe was more negative than positive, as not knowing why left you both clueless and worrying that either of you two were to blame but just didn’t know about it. That day, you woke up feeling normal, with Doyoung still asleep next to you. It was only when you went to the bedroom, that you noticed the blood in your underwear. Doyoung had still rushed you to the hospital while the neighbor watched Juna, but when you returned, it was with an empty stomach and a broken heart.

From that moment on, everything went downward. You and Doyoung tried to tell the news to Juna as she knew you were pregnant, but it was as if she had forgotten it or as if you had never been pregnant. Maybe better for her that she seemed like that but it was harder for you to mourn as a family. No remains were left of your little miracle, only the sad memories.

No matter how hard the two of you tried to get life back on track over the months, life went too fast for the two of you who had stood still ever since it happened. Especially when you had to start working again and do everything parents did. As no one else knew, there was no social safety net that could offer you help.

“It’s okay” Juna’s voice made you look up again as reality suddenly dawned onto you, the thought of the miscarriage was there at least once a day and each time it pulled you into another haze of memories. The girl smiled, a smile that was way too genuine for this moment thus, you concluded that she didn’t really understand what it meant. Maybe once it was so far, she would understand the concept of having separated parents.

Doyoung brought his hand up and carefully ran it through Juna’s dark hair, his fingers trembling slightly but that didn’t stop him from doing it. “Soon it will be different, Juna. But different doesn’t mean bad” he said and looked over at you, you nodded in agreement. Different wasn’t bad, at least not in this situation, neither of you were happy and it was better if your love ended. The strings of parenthood would always keep you connected anyway.

Doyoung looked at Juna who was collecting the things she definitely needed when she was going to swap from him to you again. In silence, he took the little suitcase she always brought and put it down on her bed. It always hurt him that on Sunday evening, he would unpack the bag, only to repack it one week later. But it was better than the sadness you’d both feel when you were still together.

He heard his phone ringing from his bedroom which made him stand up. “You can already pack some things, okay?” he said towards his daughter as he left the room to take the phone call he was receiving. He was just in time to grab his phone and pick up, even though he hadn’t checked the caller yet.

“Kim Doyoung, Hello” He spoke into the phone, first saying who he was in case it was a call from work or someone else that he didn’t know. He waited for the person to speak next but by the sight, he could already recognize it was you. “Doyoung, can you come and get me, please. My bus doesn’t drive and it’s raining so hard” you asked in a soft voice. Doyoung knew you had been away for a job interview today, and secretly had kept his fingers crossed all day in hopes that you’d get it. 

He didn’t hesitate at all when he heard your question. “Of course, send me the address and wait somewhere dry for me,” he told you, making him thank you, by the way you said thank you, he could tell that you were smiling. After that, you hung up the phone so that you could send him the address and wait at a place that kept you away for the rain for a little while. 

Juna in the meanwhile had run into the bedroom of curiosity, wanting to know who her father was calling with and what all was going to be said. “Who was it?” she asked with a smile, asking it the same way as she would always ask it whenever the call ended. “It was your mama, it was raining really hard, so we will pick her up with the car,” he said with a smile. All of the packing that still had to be done, was completely forgotten because of you.

Doyoung lifted up Juna in his arms and immediately went towards the hallway, putting his shoes on and quickly did the same for Juna before he headed out of his apartment. He didn’t waste time: going down to the garage of the building as fast as he could, just so that you wouldn’t have to wait in the rain for too long. He also deep inside knew you could take a taxi, but he preferred it when you called him instead. He’d lie to himself and say it belonged to parenting together, even if he still deeply was in love with you.

He helped Juna in the car and got in as well, driving out of the garage with ease. And one on the road, he drove past his speed limit, not much but still enough to realize that speed wasn’t the regular one. But he was willing to risk it, it was better for him to pay a fine than for you to get sick and pay a visit to the hospital instead. The rain made it harder to drive faster but he had all eyes on the road and dared to call himself an experienced driver after having his license for quite some time already.

Without using his phone for the right direction, he managed to drive to it from the way his head had figured it out, he knew his way around in the city pretty well. He only used it to look at the address whenever he managed to forget the name of the street that you would wait in. 

“When will we be there? Where is mama?” Juna asked as she was getting slightly impatient, shifting in her seat, just like she always did when she was seeing either of you two. Even though she loved you both, seeing the other parent after a week would always make her a bit of a nervous mess. “You should look through the window and tell me if you find her” Doyoung said even though the drive would still take a couple of minutes.

Not even a minute later, he heard the sound of Juna’s hand against the window. “There is mama!” She spoke loudly so that her words would be heard by Doyoung. Doyoung looked to his right to quickly check what his daughter identified as you, the least he expected was for her to be right. But he could recognize you: standing there under an umbrella but you were soaking wet anyway. He quickly parked his car on the side so that you knew it was him.

As soon as your eyes had caught the car, you smiled as you knew it was Doyoung. The rain had been bothersome but you had been offered an umbrella by someone who lived in the apartment above the place that you were standing, and you gratefully accepted the offer. You closed the umbrella after trying to shake most of the water off, in quick steps heading to the car that belonged to your ex-boyfriend. 

You opened the door to the passenger’s side and sighed in relief once you were greeted by the warmth and the dry seats. You sat down and shut the door, your head resting back against the seat. “Thank you” you breathed out with a small smile, happy you were finally out of the bad weather. Doyoung let out a small laugh at your behavior, but on the inside was proud of himself. “It’s fine” he said.

Your eyes drifted to the backseat where you saw your daughter sitting with a hopeful smile, waiting until you would say hi to her. “Hi little Juna!” you said with a smile, smiling brighter than your mood was but everything for your daughter. “Hi mama!!” she repeated, giggling out loud because you finally had noticed her. 

You turned back in your seat to come down from the stressful moments, it almost seemed like a cliché thing that it rained right after you came back from your job interview, even though the interview had gone well. You even thought you may have a big chance of getting the job, which was a good thing as you really were in need of a job to pay your rent and bills with, not to forget that you also had to take care of Juna.

“Do you think you have the job?” Doyoung asked as he had heard you talking about the job they needed last week, he knew how bad you needed it and would have helped you if it wasn’t for his job that required his attention. You shrugged your shoulders at the words “maybe, I did well so I hope I can get the job” you said.

It was silent for a few minutes as Doyoung wanted you to be able to calm down and relax a little bit before anything else happened. He knew you well enough to know when it was appropriate for him to speak again. “What if I make dinner tonight? I’ll drive you and Juna home after that” he suggested to you. The sweetness and helpfulness of him made you smile a little bit, how had you let a man like that slip from your life? But as an answer, you gave him a smile and a nod. “I’d like that, if it’s not too much at least,” you said, as you didn’t want him to feel awkward in his own apartment because you were there as well. 

When you noticed Doyoung was driving into the direction of his apartment rather than yours, you knew he was going through with his plan like it was no problem for him. It made you smile to yourself, glad that you still had him in your life to get through days like this. You had to admit that life had been a little hard on you since you two broke up, but that didn’t change the fact that he was always there to offer you help.

The rest of the drive to his apartment building didn’t take long but it was filled with a comfortable silence, occasionally Juna spoke when she saw something out of the window like a dog, making either you or Doyoung reply. But no other conversation was formed between the two of you.

When he parked the car back into the garage, you got out of the car and helped out Juna who had desperately opened her arms to be held by you. You lifted her up in your arms as you walked behind Doyoung to get up to his apartment. “Don’t judge how my apartment looks, it’s still a bit chaotic” Doyoung said as soon as the three of you were stood at the front door.

You nodded as a sign that you understood him: of course you did as you were in the same situation as him. Both of you had moved out from the place you shared and had gotten smaller apartments, all of that happened three months ago so it was still a bit chaotic but both of you were working hard to get each of your homes done and Juna-proof. The bigger apartment the three of you used to live in, was going to be sold once the two of you had the time to measure everything and find someone that wanted to sell it.

He opened the front door and let you go inside with Juna first, following behind you this time so that he could close the door after himself. “I will take over Juna and prepare dinner, in the meantime, you can get changed,” He said with a sweet smile although forgot about the fact that you didn’t live here, so had no clothes to wear aside from the soaked once that you were already clad in at this moment.

“How? I don’t have any clothes” You pointed out as you put down Juna who had been wriggling in your arms so that she could go and play for a little bit. Doyoung widened his eyes at the words and slapped himself on the arm as some kind of punishment. “Sorry, I forgot, let me find you some clothes of mine you can wear,” he said and started to lead you into his bedroom. 

The colors of the bedroom were pretty neutral but you didn’t expect much as like he said, not everything was done, and his room was the last priority he had at this moment. As long as he had a bed to sleep in, he was fine. He went to the wardrobe and started to go through the clothes he had. 

“Some sweats?” He asked but already took them out before you could say yes or no, he remembered by head the times that he had seen you in his sweatpants whenever a situation like this happened. While holding the sweatpants, he searched for an upper part of clothing with his free hand. “Here is a shirt for you,” He said and took out the light blue shirt but also took out a white t-shirt. Unknowingly dressing you in the things he liked to wear in daily life, the things that you liked to see on him and the things that he liked to see on you as well.

You took the clothes from him once he handed them over to you, smiling gratefully at his help. “Thanks,” you said to him and motioned to the clothes. “You’re welcome. You can change here and the bathroom is in the next room in case you want to refresh yourself a bit” he said with a small nod, realizing it was his cue to leave the room. Letting you change in peace.

Your eyes scanned the room once you were left alone, it didn’t look like the kind of room that you and Doyoung would share. But it wasn’t as if this was your room, and Doyoung not your significant other anymore so you had no right to judge. You sat down on the edge of the bed after you got yourself out of your drenched clothes, taking a few seconds of silence to calm yourself down. Suddenly your eyes fell from the wall towards the nightstand that was right next to you, nothing that caught your eye aside from that one little piece of paper and what was written on it.

��Kim Junseo, Kim Junhwa

Those were the names I would have wanted, I’m sorry for screwing up what we had. I can’t forgive myself for letting you go like that, you will walk out soon. One day my heart will be completely broken, and I want you to heal it before it’s too late. I need you, do you need me?

With love, Doyoung’

Your fingers reached for the piece of paper, gripping it between your fingers a little harsher than you expected which formed a crook in the middle of it. Seeing the names written down brought doubt to your mind if these were the names he had for your baby, and the doubt began to turn into sadness once the thought of the baby was there. Even the other words hadn’t managed to really get into your mind, even if you knew it was meant for you but at the same time, it wasn’t.

It took a solid minute before your fingers tried to get the crook out of the paper, but it stayed there like the cracks in your heart. You put the paper back onto the nightstand. And another minute later, you finally started to change into the clothes that Doyoung had offered you. 

Once you had gotten changed into the clothes, you stood up and went to the mirror to take a look at yourself. The fashion was exactly like the things that Doyoung would wear in his daily life, you would be surprised if this wasn’t one of his favorite outfits. You took your wet clothes with you as you left the room but left them in a corner near the entrance for you to take home later on again.

Doyoung, who was making dinner hadn’t even noticed that you were back into the main room, maybe it was because he was distracted by his own thoughts. And the sound of the tv playing in the background kind of blurred out the other sounds in the room. Though it was Juna who had heard you coming back and immediately came running to you, breaking Doyoung’s rule of not running around inside. 

“Mama!” Juna shouted happily and ran, running straight into your barely-opened arms but you still managed to catch her just in time. You lifted her from the ground and up into your arms so that you could give her some love and carry her around. “I missed-ed you” She said and leaned up the last few centimeters, her lips pressing fast-paced kisses to all of the areas of your face that she could reach. The kisses made you laugh, they were cute and you had missed them all week. “I missed you too, sunflower” you whispered to her, capturing her cheek with your lips to press a kiss onto it.

Without either of you realizing, Doyoung had been watching you with small glances whenever the looking didn’t require as much attention. His broken heart tried to mend the pieces by its own when he saw you together with Juna: a sight that brought a mixture of detailed feelings. From an intense heartbreak to the homely happiness, also including all of the feelings in between. What could have been his life was now only half of it, a half family, a half heartbeat maybe?

He couldn’t bring himself to break the moment to say the two of you could come to the table and have a seat. Instead, he put down the kitchen supplies and carefully made his way over to where you and Juna were still caught up in soft giggles and happiness. “I want to have fun too, Juna!” Doyoung said with a fake whine, with his sudden appearance catching the eyes of his ex-lover and his daughter. 

Juna smiled happily and allowed her father to get involved in the random laughing and jumping, even though it probably didn’t look like fun, it was perfect for the three of you. Juna was shared between the two of you, bouncing in either of your arms as if she was dancing. The playing continued for a couple of minutes, it seemed as if nothing had ever happened, as if the three of you still represented the same happy family that you once had been. 

“Hug!” She suddenly yelled out loud and opened her arms, she was down on her two own feet onto the ground so that she had been able to show off her own individual dancing skills. Without thinking you and Doyoung moved down synchronically, two pairs of arms wrapping around little Juna. Which accidentally caused both you and Doyoung to be in a hug, sandwiched between you two was Juna. 

The giggles went silent, but Doyoung’s eyes met yours at an unexpected moment. Even Juna seemed to disappear once that happened. It was just the two of you staring at each other, sharing a conversation that was completely mute. If you had used words it would have been something along the lines of. “It’s been so long since we hugged” and either of you would then reply with a “please don’t let go.”

But in reality looks didn’t speak with such words and it might have looked different from both of your points, it only caused you to break the eye contact that was shared. “Sorry” Doyoung apologized first and pulled away from the double hug before you were able to say something in reply. The only thing that you heard was the whine that left Juna’s lips at the sudden lack of warmth around her.

“It’s time to eat,” Doyoung said and disappeared into the kitchen. The words were sudden but both you and Juna followed him to the table where dinner was going to be served. You placed Juna in her seat and just sat on one of the other chairs so that you had a good sight on your daughter while she was eating. Doyoung was quiet in the kitchen as you got settled down, only sometimes coming closer whenever he had to place one of the prepared things onto the table. 

You started to talk a bit to your daughter but as soon as you looked at her, you saw that she was thinking about something and clearly had no attention for your words. Though her eyes went back and forth from Doyoung to you, she wasn’t in the real world.

After a few minutes, Doyoung finally sat down as the last side dish was placed onto the table. When he sat down, also bringing Juna back from her little trip to another world. 

“Have a nice meal.” You and Doyoung said to each other but also to Juna who hummed with a small smile on her lips before she began to eat the things that had already been placed on her plate. It was silent after that, only the sounds of chewing and occasional shifting in the seats. You had to admit that it was weird to eat like this, at the same time it felt nostalgic to when the three of you were one happy family. It brought both sad and happy thoughts, and you had no idea which ones were overpowering.

Both of you looked at your daughter when she suddenly let out a quiet whine, pushing her half-full plate towards the center of the table. “I can’t eat” She whined and moved her hands in a small cross as a sign that she had no appetite anymore. In reality, she was very hungry though, but she had wanted to quicken the process on the little plan she had thought out a bit ago.

“Are you sure?” Doyoung asked her with a confused tone, she usually never said no to food and he had expected her to eat even better when you were also joining them. But Juna nodded her head a few times, then looked up and began to rub her eyes as if she was tired, tired way before her bedtime. The eyes of her parents made her know that she was being watched closely by them, she just knew such things. “I want home,” She said and reached over to you, slightly pulling at your sleeve.

You nodded your head and left the rest of the food on your plate untouched “we will go home” you said to her, believing that she genuinely was tired and in need to sleep. Aside from that, your week with her had begun so it was only normal that she went home with you and slept there. You stood up and took Juna from her seat, holding her in your arms. “We have to go Doyoung, I’ll come to pick up her clothes tomorrow,” you said but didn’t even remember that Doyoung was the one who drove you here and you were only able to take the bus or walk home. 

Doyoung stood up, he nodded his head and grabbed his car keys. You looked at him with questioning eyes but he let out a small chuckle. “I drove you here, remember?” he asked you which made you laugh as soon as you realized that he did drive you here. “That’s true,” You said and nodded your head. 

Both of you and Doyoung walked to the front door, putting on your shoes as quickly as possible to bring Juna to her bed at your house. Sometimes Doyoung glanced when he was reminded of the fact that you were in his clothes, one of his favorite outfits to be exact. 

Doyoung led both of you outside to the car again, trying to open the doors as quick as he could, the rain that had poured over you earlier, was now getting him wet as he was walking outside earlier than you. Once the doors were opened, he made sure you safely got the little girl in the car. Only when Juna had been in the car, he got in the car too and waited for you to do the same thing. “Let’s go” he mumbled once the three of you were seated and ready to go.

The drive to your home wasn’t long but the silence made the ride drag on longer than needed. Sitting in the car next to Doyoung, gave you the urge to hold onto his hand on moments that he didn’t need his second hand, but you refrained yourself from doing so each time the thought only crossed your mind. 

Though, instead, out of an old habit, Doyoung’s hand reached out for yours at an unexpected moment. You hadn't even noticed the change until the warm feeling seemed to engulf your hand, which made you look down slightly, just to see his hand holding onto yours. The same way it would be a long time ago, and the feelings hadn’t changed either.

“Sorry,” Doyoung said once his eyes had a second to follow your glance, the hand holding ritual had been back before he even had realized it, his hand just had that urge and he had been too focused on the road. Though, he said sorry, it didn’t change the fact that he was holding onto your hand.

You gave him a small smile, one that indicated that it was fine because even if you were hesitant about it, at the same time you wished he would hold onto your hand forever. “It’s fine” you answered after a couple of seconds, slowly intertwining your fingers together while you spoke to your ex-fiance.

The silence came back to you two, but neither of you seemed to really pay much attention to it. It was as if the two of you were slowly warming up to each other again, even if it sometimes consisted of the silence being between the two of you. Too bad, it didn’t last longer than those few minutes. Too bad, Doyoung pulled away from your hand before he pulled up to the apartment building.

“I’ll take Juna out” Doyoung said to you and gave you a smile before he already got out of the car, he got Juna from her seat in the back while you got out of the passenger’s seat. Both of you walked around the car to get to each other’s side, leaving both of you to meet halfway. “She’s asleep,” He said with a small chuckle as he held the sleeping girl a bit more comfortable in his arms, now that he had gotten her out of the car, he knew he could hardly place her down somewhere because she would wake up. You looked at Juna, smiling sweetly at the cuteness of the girl that resembled Doyoung so much. Neither of you had known about her plan, and in the morning she probably would believe she was the cause to the ending.

“Thank you” You told Doyoung and smiled a bit at him, tilting your head as your mind went over the day you had: the part of the day without him but mostly the part where he came to get you and everything that happened after that. Doyoung didn’t really reply to your words, instead, he just started another subject to talk about. “Did you read the note?”

Your eyes shot up towards him when you heard the question, you knew what note he was talking about, at the same time you wanted to immediately act as if you had no idea what he was talking about. Your silence gave Doyoung an answer unexpectedly. “I’ve had that note the day we decided to give up” He said honestly, trying to hold Juna with one hand as the other hand went to yours, to hold onto. “But each day, I remember how beautiful we were in the past. I know it won’t be the same again, but I promise I won’t make the same mistake again. So, please, don’t slip away from me” He said, expressing the words like they were deep lyrics that he had found somewhere. But even if they were, you believed them completely, you believed his feelings because you shared the same ones. 

“Doyoung?” You asked soft which made him hum immediately as a sign you had all of his attention while you wanted to speak up. “My note said: ‘don’t leave, with love y/n” you admitted. On your nightstand was the same kind of note that he had on his, but yours used fewer words, though it was a scream for the same words that he had been able to express. Your notes were far from the same, only the ‘with love’ remained.

Without any more words being said, the two of you stood closer. It felt like a sad embrace that both of you were holding each other in before your arms even collided with the other’s body. But once into the embrace, it was like a lost puzzle piece being found after being abandoned for so long. “I love you” he whispered, his lips moving to kiss your forehead. You couldn’t help but smile slightly at the words you hadn’t heard for so long “I love you too.”

The puzzle wasn’t complete, it never would be.

But at least the missing pieces found each other, and they would continue to find the other missing pieces

[notapaladin]

save you from that sunday sermon

If you’re reading this, you’ve almost survived 2020! Have some extremely gratuitous priest/religion kink to celebrate. This may or may not be specifically for @votgs; IDK if you’ve yet read the canon this is based on but I hope you like it anyway!

also on AO3, like all my works

-

“Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.”

The inside of the confessional booth was dry and smelled of incense. Outside, it promised to be another scorching hot day, but away from the sun all was dark and cool. Soothing, Acatl had always thought.

It was less soothing now.

It wasn’t the first time Teomitl had come to confession, but they were always small things—losing his temper, judging too quickly. He swore he was working on his flaws, and Acatl believed him. They’d known each other since Acatl’s transferal to this large parish, when Teomitl had bounded up to him after Mass with a smile that had struck him to the core. It was a smile he’d soon grown dangerously used to seeing every Sunday, a few rows back from the front. But outside of Mass and confession they never really spoke, and this was the first time Teomitl had ever sat on this side of the screen, in his neatly-pressed suit and shiny shoes and met his eyes.

He swallowed. It didn’t help his dry throat. Christ, but he wished he’d brought a bottle of water in with him. “Go on.”

Teomitl’s eyes were very dark as he crossed himself. “Father, Son, Holy Spirit.” The quick, sure movement of his hand imprinted itself on the back of Acatl’s eyelids when he blinked. “It has been…” And here he paused, frowning. “One week since my last confession?”

“Two.” He’d noticed Teomitl’s absence like a lost tooth. Even mentioning it made his face heat up, and he was glad for the darkness of the booth. It is not a sin to have a routine, he told himself. It’s not a sin to form a friendly attachment. He’s a parishioner, nothing more. Besides, he’ll be off to college in a few months, and I won’t see him again.

But Teomitl was slightly flushed, eyes widening, and he felt himself blush faintly in response. “You noticed?”

Acatl couldn’t look away from his face. “I did. God will forgive whatever sins you’ve committed since then, you know that. You never need to hide from Him.”

Now Teomitl was definitely blushing. He shrugged out of his suit jacket, and Acatl recognized it for the nervous, stalling-for-time gesture it was. “Even if…”

He was silent. In his years as a priest, he’d heard a great deal of sins, many of them sexual, and few truly capable of shocking him. Besides, he couldn’t imagine Teomitl doing anything horrible. Embarrassing, maybe. But a true, mortal sin? No. Not him. He would never. He’s a fine, upstanding young man—better even than I was in the seminary, though of course he’s far more worldly. Indeed, though he always took them out for church Acatl could make out the tiny holes where piercings decorated his earlobes the rest of the week. It was more than a little distracting.

Finally, Teomitl met his eyes again and spoke. “There’s...someone I want very badly, Father.”

Christ on the cross. Not high school relationship drama. “And?”

“Someone—unsuitable.” Teomitl caught his lower lip between his teeth for a moment, gaze drifting to the floor. “My family would never approve.”

He could think of a lot of women who could be unsuitable for the youngest son of an obscenely wealthy family. “Is she too old for you? Too poor? Seeing someone else?” He thought for a moment. “A teacher?” God knows I remember what my last year of high school was like. I think my entire class thought they were in love with the science teacher. Thank goodness all that’s well behind me now.

Teomitl shook his head. After a moment, he took a deep breath. “A man.”

Acatl felt his world gently tilt and resettle itself on this new angle. He knew he should say something—something reassuring, something comforting—but all he could do was blink at nothing. A man, Teomitl had said. Nothing like the awkward mumblings he’d heard before, of Oh, there’s a boy from school…

Eventually, he found his voice, and the words tore themselves from his heart. “Teomitl. God has made you to love whom you love, and He loves you no matter who that is. And love can never be a sin.” I don’t care what your family might have made you think. I’d have words with them, if I thought it would do any good.

Teomitl’s smile lit up the booth. “Mm. I hoped you’d say that.”

He couldn’t help smiling in return. It was infectious, even as it woke a little voice in him that hissed he was going too far, getting too attached. “Tell me about him?”

And now he had the pleasure of watching Teomitl bite his lip, shyly pleased. “Ah. He’s...older than me, and single. Very handsome. Very kind. Patient. I look at him sometimes and think, God, I’m glad he’s not a teacher, I’d die if I had to put up with my idiot classmates being into him. But I still get to see him—and talk to him—so that’s enough.”

“He sounds like a prize.” Acatl was not going to be jealous. He was not. It wasn’t his place. “Are you...going to tell him?”

“Do you think I should?”

It wasn’t a hesitant question. Acatl was sure, looking at Teomitl’s face, that he’d already made up his mind. Still...to be asked for his opinion warmed his heart. “I think that the worst that could happen is that he would turn you down gently, and then you would know how he felt.” And then his brain shut off and his traitorous mouth kept moving, because apparently he had more to say. “But...I cannot see how he’d say no, Teomitl. I can’t see how anyone could say no to you.”

“...Oh.”

Teomitl was silent for a long, long moment. And then he reached across the space separating them, and put a hand on Acatl’s knee.

Acatl promptly forgot how to breathe. The touch electrified him, warm skin searing through the thin fabric of his cassock and the dress slacks he wore underneath it, and even the crimson shame coursing through his veins was erased. Shame required him to think, and he wasn’t capable of that with Teomitl touching him.

“Teomitl.” It came out as a croak.

Teomitl rubbed his thumb in a gentle little circle over the inside of his knee, which didn’t help at all. And then they locked eyes, and the smile that had been flickering around the edges of his face turned slow and hungry. “Father Acatl.”

He became gradually aware that he was gaping like a fish. It took three tries for him to find his voice, and even then he stuttered. “I—you---!”

Teomitl’s eyes gleamed. “I told you. I want you very badly.”

“Ngk.” He’s an incubus in human shape. That’s the only explanation. “I can’t…”

Nails scratched lightly at his thigh, and he made a strangled noise. Teomitl was looking at him through lowered lashes now, pinning him in place with the heat of his gaze. “You just told me you can’t see anyone rejecting me. Are you really not including yourself?”

“I—I am a priest.” It wasn’t an answer.

And Teomitl knew it, because his fingers started to trail lightly up the inside of Acatl’s thigh. “And so?”

“I took vows.” He should pull away. He knew he should pull away. But he couldn’t move, and the blood racing through his veins was pulsing through his cock even from such a simple touch. I’ve never—Christ, I’ve never— He’d never been this close before. He’d never been this tempted before. Outside the confessional, he knew the church was deserted. Nobody would hear if he cried out, and the statues of the saints were only plaster and paint.

“Ah.” Teomitl’s smile turned mocking. “Those. Do they really matter to you right now?”

He drew a slow breath. “They should. I’ve kept them this long.”

“Father.” Now Teomitl was licking his lips, slow and pointed, and he couldn’t look away from how dark they were. It would be so easy—so, so easy—to capture them with his own. “Have you never even thought about…” He trailed off, letting his fingertips continue their slow slide up Acatl’s inseam, and there was no way Acatl could hide his arousal.

He had to close his eyes. He couldn’t lie to Teomitl’s face. “No. Never.”

“A righteous man.”

And gods, his voice was a purr. It made Acatl think of of smashing his vows like glass on the floor, and for a moment all he could do was breathe. “A man of the cloth.” His own voice shook.

Long, strong fingers came to rest at the base of his throat, gently tugging his collar aside. Frozen, feeling his heartbeat in every inch of his own skin, he let it happen. “Too much cloth, I think.”

When he swallowed, Teomitl’s fingers brushed against his bare skin. “You—you’re mocking me.”

Teomitl lowered his voice. There was no more humor in it, nothing but a deadly seriousness. “I do not mock, Father. Look at me.”

He opened his eyes. Teomitl was leaning forward, legs spread and eyes burning. Acatl’s gaze fell unbidden to the bulge in his slacks, and it made his mouth water. His slack fingers twitched at the arms of his chair; for the space of a heartbeat, he was nearly overwhelmed with the urge to touch. To palm all that hardness, to undo belt and zipper and—

He’d never heard his own voice so rough. “I’m looking.”

“It’s all for you.” Teomitl was smiling again, crooked and almost teasing, but the hand that was sliding up Acatl’s thigh was now brushing warm knuckles against his erection and he had to bite back a whine. “If you want to take it.”

He took one deep breath, and another. He was suddenly, acutely aware of all the layers separating their skin, of their suits and his cassock which now definitely had too many buttons—no, he could hike it up, it would be fine. “I—“ There were no words. He had no words here, and no defense in the eyes of God.

Forgive me, O Lord, for what I am about to do.

He stood up, grabbed Teomitl, and pulled him into a hard kiss. It was messy and awkward—he’d only ever kissed anyone once, and that had been at his senior prom just to see what it was like—but Teomitl knew what he was doing; he tilted his head, buried his hands in Acatl’s hair, and made it hungry. Filthy. He heard a growl and realized it was coming from his own throat as their bodies pressed together, molding Teomitl’s lean, solid muscle against his own frame. Too many clothes. We’re wearing—too many fucking clothes—

Teomitl clearly had the same idea. His hands left Acatl’s hair to scramble over his cassock instead, popping buttons and fumbling with his collar until clearly giving it up as a lost cause. “Christ—how many layers—“

Acatl thought he should probably pull away so at least Teomitl could see what he was doing, but it seemed far more important to undo his shirt buttons and bare the base of his throat so he could lower his head and find out what sort of noises the boy made when he put his mouth there. He licked over the pulse in his jugular and was rewarded with a breathless gasp that made him rock forward on instinct, grinding roughly against Teomitl’s hard cock. “Leave it. You say you want me?”

Teomitl let out a frustrated little snarl and grabbed his hips, fingers digging in almost hard enough to hurt. “Fuck. Yes. Jesus, yes—want you to fuck me right here—“

Even the thought of it made him groan, but then the words sank in and his breath stuttered. “I’ve never—I don’t—“ Never thought I’d do this, didn’t plan for this, don’t know how—

“I do.” And Teomitl’s grin was wild and bright as he pressed him against the confessional bench; when the backs of his knees hit the edge they bent automatically, and then his cassock was hiked up around his waist and Teomitl was staring down at him with a predatory light in his eye. His shirt was half undone and there was a red mark on his throat, and he looked obscene.

He looked divine.

“Jesus Christ.”

He didn’t realize he’d spoken the words aloud until Teomitl’s mouth curved into a slow grin. “Taking the Lord’s name in vain?”

He didn’t get a chance to respond; Teomitl was undoing his belt and stepping neatly out of his trousers and underwear, and his mouth went dry at the sight. He was magnificent. This was worth taking the Lord’s name in vain for. This was worth anything. “Teo—“ He was cut off by Teomitl moving to straddle his thighs, as easily as though he’d done it a hundred times before. Maybe he had; Acatl wouldn’t be surprised.

The hands that freed his erection and gave it a slow, wickedly light caress certainly knew what they were doing, and he had to grit his teeth against an embarrassingly needy hiss. Teomitl’s hot, solid weight pinned him to the bench, leaving him just enough room to rock into that touch; seeking something to anchor him to earth, he dug his nails into Teomitl’s thighs. That got an immediate response—Teomitl’s eyes widened, and he sucked in a hard breath before rasping out, “I’d rather you take me.”

His cock jumped a little at the mere thought, and for a moment he had to squeeze his eyes shut. God, he really wants me—he could have anyone he wanted, anyone at all, and he picked me— “Fuck. Christ. Okay.” Not eloquent, but he was past that now.

There was lube. Thank God there was lube. Thank God that Teomitl had come prepared, was arching his back like something out of the filthiest late-night porn videos he’d ever watched—but better, so much better, because this was real. He slid one slick finger into that heat, careful, and was rewarded with a hitched breath; encouraged, he pressed a kiss to Teomitl’s collarbone and got an actual gasp in response.

He likes that. Good. He mouthed harder at that same spot, the back of his mind spinning into overdrive as he tried to remember what he’d read about how to make it good; Teomitl deserved the best. A bit more lube, a different angle, and suddenly Teomitl’s panting kicked up into a sharp little cry. He trembled at the sound and did it again.

There wasn’t any way Acatl could get deeper, but from the way Teomitl ground his hips he seemed determined to try. “Oh—oh, you liar,” he breathed delightedly, spreading his legs wider for better access. This time when he wriggled it pressed their cocks together, and Acatl had to take a slow breath to keep himself under control.

“I confess in the sight of the Lord my God that I have sinned,” he murmured against Teomitl’s throat, and nipped sharply at the skin to punctuate his words. Then he added another finger, reveling in the incoherent whine that stuttered out. It was tight—tighter than he thought it would be, and for a moment he worried it would hurt—but then Teomitl arched and rolled his hips forward and that seemed to do something, because he had a bit more room to move.

He had to move, had to keep stretching Teomitl open, because to do otherwise would have been to deprive himself of the boy’s reactions. He was done with depriving himself. Each broken gasp and high-pitched keen was music to his ears, a feast for a starving man, and as he left marks all over the long column of Teomitl’s throat he could feel their vibrations against his mouth. Teomitl’s voice nearly cracked when he tried to actually speak. “Ah—hah, Father, please—“

“Hmm?” He’d never felt like this before—stretched taut with power, with anticipation. Dangerous. A blisteringly hot thought lanced through him—Christ, I could keep you strung out like this for hours—and his cock twitched with the intensity of it. He curled his fingers inside him purely to feel the way his walls clenched and rippled, and Teomitl broke.

“Fuck me, damn you!”

He sent up a brief, heartfelt prayer for stamina. He knew he was going to need it. “God—yes—“

And then he was pulling his fingers out, and guiding himself in, and the sheer slick heat bearing down around him made his eyes roll back in his head. Teomitl lowered himself down; he was doing most of the work and Acatl thanked God for that, because it was all he could do to keep himself steady. By the time he was sheathed to the hilt they were both trembling, and he had to drop his head to Teomitl’s shoulder and take a few deep breaths before he could even think coherently. “Oh, my Lord…”

Teomitl hissed through his teeth, rocking impatiently. “Praying at a time like this?”

His body seemed to know what to do better than he did; it was almost second nature to settle his hands at Teomitl’s waist, to brace his feet on the floor and grind his hips up. Teomitl dug his nails into his shoulders, and even through his clothes it made him jolt. “You.” Teomitl did something with his thighs, and for a moment he couldn’t speak at all. “You should try it. Don’t—nngh, recall you actually confessing a sin.”

He could think of a few Teomitl had committed since his arrival; looking at him the way he was now, for instance, was definitely Pride inspiring the sin of Lust. Worse, judging by the way he smirked he was entirely unrepentant. In response to Acatl’s words, he raised his hips up and then sank back down, a smooth motion that pulled a groan out of him. It would be easy, he thought, to let Teomitl do all the work—but he didn’t feel like taking it easy, and Teomitl had been making the sweetest sounds earlier.

It still took a few tries to establish any kind of rhythm; he got nearly a quarter of the way through a mental Our Father before Teomitl shifted his hips at just the right angle, and he bucked his hips up in response, and Teomitl made a desperate noise and clenched down around him so hard he raked his nails down Teomitl’s back and snarled something profane into his ear. “Like that?”

Teomitl nodded frantically and did it again, setting up a steady rise-and-fall; all Acatl could do in response was meet it as best he could. But like this—now that they’d figured out how they were proceeding, now that he knew what to do—he could claw back some of his focus. It was easier to kiss Teomitl like this, rough and messy, and when he bit at his throat Teomitl gasped.

And then he started to speak. “Bless me—Lord—“ Teomitl’s voice went high, reedy, and he keened as Acatl rolled his hips upwards. “For I have—“ He broke off, shuddering, as Acatl thrust wildly up into him again; it did something, hearing the words of a sacrament on his lips at a time like this, and he wasn’t going to question or examine it when it made fire race through his veins.

“Keep going.” He barely recognized his own voice so rough with desire. “I want to—Christ, I want to hear you.” Want the entire chapel to hear you. Want God in his heaven to hear you. Want to make you scream.

Teomitl’s breath hitched, fingers scrabbling down Acatl’s spine; it must have been doing something for him too, because he was riding him even harder. And he kept talking, words broken by near-sobs of pleasure each time Acatl slid deep. “For I have—ah—most wickedly and with full knowledge of the—oh fuck—consequences—ah!”

He raised himself up and Acatl let him, breathing hard. He’d grabbed fistfuls of the back of Teomitl’s shirt; it was possibly the only thing enabling him to keep his focus. “What.”

“Tempted a priest to sin.” Teomitl’s smirk could have tempted a saint. It could have tempted an angel of the Lord. Mary would have thrown away her blessed virginity for that smirk.

Acatl grabbed his hips and pulled him back down. I’ll show you sin, he thought, and after that it blurred a bit. He was aware only of Teomitl’s nails raking over his back, the creak of the bench under them as they moved together, the slick impossible heat of being inside him. Each thrust was another bolt of lightning up his spine, another tight coil of pleasure in his gut, and he knew he wouldn’t last much longer. Just a little longer—please, God, I want to feel him—

Teomitl broke hard, suddenly, and all at once. His back arched, hips snapping, and then he was squeezing down around Acatl’s cock and spilling himself all over both their stomachs with a raw gasp of “Christ,” and there was absolutely no chance of Acatl lasting any longer after that. His own release hit him like an oncoming storm, and for what felt like an eternity his mind was entirely blank with the shock of it.

By the time he could think again, Teomitl had let go of the back of his cassock in favor of wrapping strong, solid arms around him, resting his head against his. It was soothing. Grounding. He needed it; he still felt faintly electrified. Christ. Jesus. “...Virgin Mary, Mother of God.” It came out in a long, mumbling rush, and it was nowhere near enough to express whatever was going through his head. He didn’t even know what was going through his head. He was still buried inside Teomitl, and he didn’t want to leave.

Teomitl took a long breath and let it out in a sigh. “God. Yeah. That was…”

“...Amazing.” There probably wasn’t enough penance in the world for this, but that was a problem for future him. In the meantime, he slid his hands slowly over Teomitl’s bare thighs and nestled his forehead into the curve of his shoulder, feeling their heartbeats slow down to normal.

“...I think I ruined your robe. Coat. Thing.”

He sucked in a lungful of too-warm air and forced down the tide of guilt that wanted to choke him. No. God, I love You, but You are not allowed to ruin this moment. “Cassock. It can be washed.”

Teomitl shifted. It was getting uncomfortable to be so joined together; still, when he lifted himself off of Acatl’s cock, he shuddered at the overstimulation of it. “Nnh...oh, fuck, we made a mess.”

They had. He tried not to think about the actual state of his trousers as he reached for the box of tissues he kept by the bench in case of crying parishioners. Postcoital cleanup was one of those things no amount of independent research had prepared him for, but as awkward as it was, at least it meant he didn’t have to talk. Now that the endorphins were fading, he didn’t know what he was supposed to say. He was far too aware of Teomitl slipping back into his own pants, of the flex of muscle and the rustle of fabric so close to him.

Finally, Teomitl did up his belt and broke the silence between them. “So. Same time next week?”

He nearly choked on his own spit, feeling his face catch fire. “I…”

Worse, Teomitl was smirking again. He could hear it in his voice, that wicked curl that sent heat through his veins all over again. “I’m sure I’ll have a lot to confess.”

Before he could think better of it he drew himself up to better meet Teomitl’s eyes, desire shifting to the first stirrings of irritation. You may tease me, but do not mock me. “We haven’t discussed your penance for this one.”

“Oh?” The question came with a curious tilt of his head, but the gleam in his eyes was far from innocent.

“As you said, you tempted a priest to sin—to break the vows I made before God.” He could hardly believe his own daring. Even after what they’d just done, it seemed like too much of a transgression. He was being too greedy, asking too much. But somehow, it felt right. After breaking one vow, what worth are the rest? When he spoke, his voice didn’t shake at all. “Give me your number. Next time you have these...urges…” He swallowed. “Call me?”

Teomitl’s smile was his answer.

[manndo]

together we’ll be imperfectly perfect [roger taylor x reader]

gif credit

pairing[s]: ben!roger taylor x reader / roger taylor x reader

warning[s]: mentions of morning sickness, pregnancy, maybe a hot minute of angst?

word count: 2.6k

prompt[s]: inspired by the prompt, “it’s six o’clock in the morning, you’re not having vodka”, from this list.

summary: you and roger are expecting. it wasn’t planned, but you both still thrilled by the news. but now, finding roger in your kitchen at almost six in the morning with a bottle of vodka in front of him, you’re not so sure.

author’s notes: hello! 😊this isn’t my first fic for this borhap fandom, but this is my first fic for a member of queen. though, i will say, i did imagine ben!roger while writing this. but, i think you can imagine this as either or, so do whatever floats your boat! idk if this is helpful, but i did see this set in mid-to-late 70s. i am a little nervous about this, but i still like how it turned out. :) comments, likes, and reblogs are all much appreciated! all mistakes are my own. and, last, but not least, please enjoy!! ❤️

There were two things you knew the moment you woke up; one, it was way too early to be awake on a Sunday, and two, Roger wasn’t next to you.

You shifted to sit up, blinking away the last remnants of sleep as the covers fell off your shoulders and on your lap. Immediately, a shiver coursed down your spine, and you wrapped your arms around yourself for warmth. You glanced at the bedside table. You blinked, once, twice, three times before the numbers on the clock registered in your sleep addled brain; 5:56am. You haphazardly pushed the sheets from your lower body — once again, allowing yourself to be assaulted by the temperature change — before sliding out of the bed, bare feet hitting the carpeted floor with barely any sound. 

Slowly, your body still heavy with sleep, you made your way out of your bedroom, keeping your eyes peeled for your missing boyfriend. It wasn’t hard, in your tiny flat, to notice the kitchen light was on. You could even hear the opening and closing of a cabinet or two before you heard two dull thuds. The thuds were followed closely by the scratching of one of your kitchen chairs on the linoleum. You rounded the corner to find Roger sitting down at your kitchen table, two items set before him — a bottle of vodka and an empty glass.

You leaned against the closest wall, and crossed your arms over your chest. “Don’t you think it’s a bit early for vodka, Rog?”

Roger’s head snapped up, his blue eyes widening as they landed on you. It was clear he had been lost in his own world to notice you had entered the room. “Hey, what are you doing up?”

“Well,” you started, dragging out the end of the word as you pushed yourself off the wall, “I was sleeping. Peacefully, might I add, but I think,” you said, taking the two steps into your kitchen, “you leaving had something to do with that.”

A look of guilt flashed over Roger’s features, and he looked down to the empty glass in front of him. He didn’t make a motion to move, or to speak. His silence made you uneasy.

“So.” You cleared your throat, grabbing the chair opposite of Roger, and pulling it out, the chair scratching uncomfortably across the linoleum as you did. “I’m going to ask you again.” You took a seat on the chair. “Don’t you  think it’s a bit early to be drinking?” you finished, looking straight at Roger’s hunched form.

Silence. It sat between and above you two heavily; neither of you moved, Roger sitting perfectly still across from you. He hadn’t even tried to open the half-full bottle of vodka. He was eerily silent, which filled you with an uneasiness that seeped into your bones. You shifted on the chair, unable to keep yourself still any longer; the chair creaked under your weight, breaking through the heavy silence.

“‘M scared,” he mumbled tentatively, his voice soft, barely above a whisper. His words, and voice, caught you off guard. Roger was always the confident (sometimes his confidence bordered on cocky), self-assured, and unafraid one in your relationship. It was rare for Roger to sound this nervous, this scared. It made your stomach churn. 

And, you knew exactly why.

The baby. Your baby. Roger’s baby.

It had been, unexpected, to put it mildly. You’d thought the two of you took every precaution; but it was easy to get caught up in the moment with Roger, and before you knew it, you were late. You had irregular periods before, so you weren’t too worried. That was, until one week late became two weeks late, and then, one morning, you found yourself hunched over your toilet, and you knew. You did four home tests to make sure. All of them glaringly, achingly positive. 

While you were overjoyed, you couldn’t help the feeling of dread that had settled in the pit of your stomach. This was uncharted territory for you, and for Roger. Your relationship was still fairly new, only a year old, and you weren’t even living together. You could only recall discussing children maybe once or twice in the past year, and that was to agree that children were wonderful and you both wanted some at some point. But, in the future, the very distant future. Not now, not when Queen was sitting pretty at the top of the charts and Roger was about to fly off on another tour. 

However, that distant future turned into now, and so you braced yourself for the possibility that this wasn’t what Roger wanted. That maybe, Roger wouldn’t want this baby, and that thought terrified you. You wanted this baby, you knew that the moment you took your first test because even though they weren’t planned, they were yours, and you couldn’t imagine a life without them. If Roger didn’t want this, you knew that there was a chance he’d leave. 

You prepared for the worst as you sat down and told Roger the news, keeping your eyes trained on his face the entire time. You watched as a smile broke out over his face, bigger than you’d ever seen, and his eyes lit up with pure, unadulterated joy. You hadn’t planned for that, and you sure as hell hadn’t planned for him picking you up in the middle of your living room, and twirling you around, laughing brightly in your ear. He could barely contain his excitement (not that you had done any better, if the tears falling down your cheeks were any indication). However, that was almost twenty-four hours ago. Now, as the hours ticked by, it seemed reality was setting in, and you were positively terrified about what was going to happen next.

“Do you—” you stopped, swallowing the lump that had formed in your throat, and looked down at your hands in front of you. “Do you not want—”

“No!” Roger exclaimed, causing you to jump ever so slightly, and you looked up in surprise, catching Roger’s blue eyes. He was looking at you now, for the first time since you came into the kitchen. “No, I don’t — I want this, love,” he said, and you felt yourself take a deep breath, relief filling your veins. “I want this baby with you. I’m just — I terrified I’m going to royally fuck this up,” he admitted, gazing back down at his own hands resting on the table.

A beat of silence passed between the two of you.

“I don’t know the first thing about taking care of a baby,” he started, and you watched as he began to tap his fingers against the table. “I mean, what if I mess up? What if I do something wrong? Make a mistake? Hurt them?” You could see he was getting more frustrated with himself as the seconds ticked by in the way his fingers picked up speed, and the lines settling in his brow. You reached out and placed your hand over his, ceasing his tapping. He looked up toward you, and you could see the worry sitting deep in his bright blue eyes. It made your heart constrict in your chest.

“Roger, you won’t—”

“There is also the tour coming up,” he said, forging ahead. “I’m going to be gone for a few months, and then after that, it’s the studio. How am I supposed to be there for you and the baby? What if I miss something, something big, like their first steps? First word? Hell, love, what if I’m not there when they’re born?”

You squeezed his hand. “Roger, slow down,” you said, voice soft, but commanding. You watched as Roger took a deep breath, and you smiled softly, reassuringly toward him. You brushed your thumb over his wrist, and felt his pulse racing.

“I’m scared too, Rog,” you admitted, because even though you were excited, you were still scared. In a little over six months, you’d have a baby, a baby that would rely on you, on Roger. It was a daunting task, and terrified you to pieces, but you were excited. “I think that, now that we’re going to be parents, we’re always going to be scared. It is just part of being a parent,” you explained gently. “And are you going to fuck up? Yes.” You watched Roger’s eyes go wide. Immediately, you could see the anger begin to flare. “We both are, Roger. No matter how many books we read, or what advice we get from the boys, our parents, we are bound to make some mistakes along the way. But, we’ll learn from them and move forward, be ready when the next kid comes crawling along,” you joked with a small chuckle as Roger raised an eyebrow.

“The next one?”

You shrugged nonchalantly. “You never know,” you commented, giving him a small, sly smile.

Roger let out a chuckle, shaking his head. “We should probably see how this one goes first, love.”

“I think it will go swimmingly,” you said confidently, and you watched as Roger tilted his head, his lips pulling in a small, disbelieving grimace. You squeezed Roger’s hand. “You’re going to be an amazing dad, Rog,” you said softly, confidently as you tilted your head to catch his eyes. He avoided your gaze at all cost. “Hey, look at me.” Roger did, a bit reluctantly. You stared straight into his beautiful blue eyes. “You’re going to be an amazing dad,” you repeated once more, your voice a little louder than before, accenting each and every word so he heard them, loud and clear. “Our child is going to be lucky and proud to have you as their papa. There is no one, no one, else I would want to have a child with other than you, Roger Taylor.”

Roger scoffed. “You sure about that?”

You smiled. “A hundred and ten percent. And, you wanna know why? Because you, sir, are going to love this child unconditionally, without question, with your whole heart and then some. This child is going to be so loved and doted on — by you, by me, by the boys, our families. They’re never going to be alone, not for a second,” you said, feeling tears pooling at the back of your eyes. “I know you’re going to gone sometimes. That’ll be tough, but we’ll always be here when you get back. Plus, it’s not like we can’t come visit you when you’re out on tour,” you said, a smile pulling at your lips. You thought of holding your little one, headphones covering their ears, the two of you watching Roger from the side of the stage. “I am sure our little one will love seeing how amazing of a drummer their daddy is. Who knows, they might even take after him one day,” you finished, feeling a tear of joy slipping down your cheek. You watched as Roger smiled, reaching out his free hand and wiping the tear away with his thumb.

“Personally, I hope they take after their mum,” he mumbled, voice low. He brushed a strand of your hair away from your face, a small smile pulling at his lips. “She’s a beautiful, strong, wonderful woman, you know?”

You let out a small chuckle, feeling a few more tears slide down your cheeks. “Eh, she ain’t too bad,” you replied, locking eyes with Roger, and smiling. 

A silence surrounded the two of you once more, this one peaceful, calm, and you kept your eyes on Roger. He seemed to be calmer, less worry shrouding his face. He seemed content for the first time since you’d come out here. It made your heart swell. “Come on,” you said softly, patting his hand before pushing your chair away from the table, “let’s get back to—”

“Marry me?”

It felt as if freezing water had been poured down your back. “Rog—”

“Marry me,” he repeated, his blue eyes boring into your own. For a brief moment, you thought he might be pulling your leg, taking the piss, and you were ready to smack him upside the head because this was not something to joke about. But, when you searched his bright blue eyes for any sign that he was kidding, there was none. His eyes were nothing but open, honest, sincere — he meant it, deep from the heart and that thought caused your own to pick up speed inside your chest.

“I know this isn’t how you imagined it, I’m sure. I don’t even have a ring,” Roger said, voice quaking slightly. “I’ll get you one though, the prettiest one I can find you. I promise, any ring you want, I’ll get it for you. I don’t care about the price,” he rambled, his words picking up speed. Roger pushed back his chair, the legs squeaking across the linoleum, the sound reverberating against the walls. “Whatever you want, love. Whatever you want.”

You stared, wide-eyed, at Roger, not quite believing the words coming out of his mouth. You watched him, and swallowed. “Roger—” you started as he came to stand in front of you. In a split second, he was on his knees, grabbing both of your hands in his, and squeezing. Roger’s grip was so tight, you thought you would lose circulation to your hands at any moment. 

Roger’s bright blue eyes were shining with unshed tears, and you felt your own tears forming behind your eyes for the second time that night. This was all you wanted. You wanted to say yes, scream it from the top of your lungs. Yet, a sense of dread sat heavy in the pit of your stomach, stopping you. What if this was all because of the baby? Did Roger really want to marry you? Or, did he only felt obligated because you were pregnant with his child? You couldn’t — wouldn’t get married just because you had a child together. That wasn’t fair — to you or the baby.

You swallowed the lump in your throat. “Roger, is this,” you started, voice cracking with emotion, “if this is because I’m pregnant—”

“Love—”

“And, you feel, feel some sort of obligation—”

Roger’s grip tightened on your hands. “No, I don’t—” he said, a hint of frustration and anger laced in his words. “That’s not why — that’s not why I’m asking you to marry me, alright?” he said, voice raised ever so slightly. You flinched, and immediately, Roger’s face softened. 

A second passed before Roger let out a sigh, looking away from you and letting go of your hands. “Sorry, I didn’t mean—” He huffed, and ran a hand roughly through his hair. “I probably should have thought this through a little more,” he muttered.

“Probably,” you mumbled, watching Roger shift on his knees, a dusting of pink filling his cheeks.

“You’re the one who said we’re going to make mistakes, right?” Roger countered, a sly smirk appearing on his lips, his hand coming to rest on your knee. 

“Well,” you started, raising a hand and threading it through Roger’s blonde mane, “your timing was absolute rubbish.” Roger let out a nervous chuckle. You smiled down at him. “But, I wouldn’t call it a mistake,” you finished, and scratched his scalp lightly. 

Roger’s face lit up. “So, I didn’t completely fuck it up?”

You twirled a few stray strands of Roger’s blonde hair between your fingers. “Not completely.” You gave him a soft smile, which was swallowed up a millisecond later by Roger’s lips capturing yours in a searing kiss. It only lasted a few moments, but when Roger pulled away, he was grinning from ear to ear. You had a matching grin on your lips. “Just make sure, the next time you ask me, you’ve got a ring, Taylor.”

“You got it.”

[princessanneftw]

Sunday Morning

It seemed inspiration hit, so after that bittersweet fic, I give you this happier, little drabble. Hope you like it!

It was a very normal, inconsequential Sunday when he knew, for certain, that he was in trouble.

Tim woke up feeling tired and relaxed at the same time, having spent the better part of the night ruffling the sheets with a certain princess whom he had not seen in a few weeks. Anne had just come back from an overseas visit followed by several engagements in Scotland, so not even five minutes after she had arrived, he was pinned against a wall, kissing her like a starved man while trying to get her out of her dress. They had fallen asleep several hours later, tangled in each other.. so why was he alone in bed?

A look at his bedside clock revealed that it was nearly 9 in the morning, so Anne was probably already on the road to Gatcombe. Back to her home, to her husband. Dark jealousy coursed through him at the idea that Mark might kiss her as soon as she was back, and if he was on a dry spell there was also the very real possibility that he might try to seduce her, and God he couldn’t stand the thought, even though he had no right to feel like this.

His musings were interrupted by the faint sound of someone humming. Putting his pants on, he left the room and went to the kitchen, where he was greeted by the wonderful sight of Anne making coffee, barely covered by his shirt. Her hair was up in a messy bun, leaving a few free tendrils, and she was smiling slightly while caressing her left shoulder, where he had left his mark during the night.  

It was at that moment that Tim realized that, no matter what happened between them, he could never love another the way he loved her now, in his kitchen, even knowing that she could never be his but God, how much did he want her to be.

She poured some coffee in her mug and drank a sip before turning around, feeling his presence in the room. He loved how her smile grew when she saw him, how her eyes darkened while travelling over his bare chest, making him react in a very familiar way.

“Good morning sleepy head. I have to be back at Gatcombe by lunchtime, so I thought that some coffee might be useful in waking you up. I hope you don’t mind, I borrowed your shirt. I think it suits me better anyway.”

“You can borrow my clothes whenever you like. For some reason they seem to fit you better than me. I feared you had already left without saying goodbye.”

Anne walked over to him, offering her mug, and Tim took a long sip before giving her a sweet kiss. She raised her hand to caress his cheek, her eyes locking with his.

“I could never go without a farewell kiss Commander, and you know it.”

Perhaps it was her voice, perhaps it was the feeling he could hear behind it, perhaps it was the knowledge that, in a few hours, she would leave for real, or maybe he simply couldn’t get enough of her. She had awakened something within him, a restlessness that only settled when he was in her arms; he was in trouble, he knew, but at that moment, he couldn’t care less.

Putting the mug in the sink, he picked her up and hoisted her onto the counter, kissing her neck, hands already busy with the bottom of the shirt.

“Well, Your Royal Highness, I’m afraid you’ll have to wait a bit for that farewell kiss, because I have urgent business to take care of, if you don’t mind.”

Her answering moan was all the answer he needed.   

* * *

Well hello!

Nice little ficlet to find in my inbox, thank you anon! Little domestic scenes like these are always really cute to read, idk, it’s just really wholesome to imagine them like this when they were seeing each other. Tim being a jealous concerned boi was also adorable lol, and thank you for giving me feels before bed!

[lighkoda]

earlier today, i woke up to an email that notified me someone had passed away. i wasn't super close with them, but i'd spent some time with them the past few months before quarantine, and...idk. i know the face of loss and grief, but it changes with each person. i knew her dreams. i knew her. 

she listened to me sing and play the piano. she told me, seriously, that she’d like to listen to me practice, and she could just do her work while listening and that it would be nice. that i could just let her know when i was going to practice, and she could come over and listen. i agreed. but it never happened because we were both so busy, and i’d definitely planned on it next year. but she won’t be here next year. she just won’t be here. 

she told me she wanted to learn to sing. and i encouraged her to take voice lessons. even though it was too late for her to start at the time we were talking, i told her she could definitely try next year and that she should give it a try. because i believe learning music should be accessible (even though it isn’t in terms of monetary reasons sometimes). she agreed, and said i was very motivational and inspirational. but she won’t be here next year. she won’t take her voice lessons. she didn’t even get to audition to be placed for a teacher. 

she was a government major. even though i know nothing about government and politics, she was passionate about it and i learned bits and pieces, although it feels like i’ve forgotten much of it already. she was going to graduate two years from now. but she won’t be here two years from now. or next year. she won’t graduate, won’t go get a job, or whatever she would have done. 

she helped tutor me in chinese, and we had conversations in chinese, easygoing and fun, although i’d been nervous at first. we talked about classes and she showed me her advanced chinese texts she was studying. she read parts of the story to me and explained it to me. we sat in the dining hall those sundays. 

i’m scared i’ll forget the sound of her voice, forget what she looks like, forget the words she’s said to me. or what any part of her had meant to me, still means to me. i can’t let her disappear. it doesn’t seem like she’s passed away. because we’re all stuck in quarantine and don’t see each other anyway. but i won’t see her next year or whenever we get out of quarantine. 

if i could say one more thing to her, i would sing for her. i would sing her a song. because she enjoyed listening to me, even though it sounds strange when i say it. i would sing her a song to bless her before she goes wherever she goes. wherever she’s gone to. wherever she might be now. 

i wish i could sing for her. i wish she could hear my singing. 

[neshabeingchildish]

14. College Wasteland

So, somebody was recently asking me about these kiddos’ jealousy culture and whatnots and it just so happens and we get to see some of that in this chapter! Granted, a lot of this is zodiac information that I swiped from the web and forgot to cite. Not tryna plagiarize. Got ‘em in quotations. 

This is the longest chapter that I’ve written in this story, I think. I wasn’t tryna, but it was actually gonna be LONGER, and I wound up separating it. But... Chile, Idk how y’all gon’ take this one.

College Wasteland

Freshman Year.

Jasper and Charlotte were going to the same college, but on different “campuses.” Honestly, she felt like this entire community was part of the college and even though there were a few blocks between where they studied, in between were really just dorms, apartments, college houses, and businesses that college students frequented. He was more on the outskirts of town and she was towards the center. 

At the beginning of the semester, Charlotte already had her things moved into the dormitory that her scholarships were paying for. She was able to get in, unpack, settle in, bless the place and decorate before Jasper even figured out where he would be able to stay. He, too, was in a dorm, but one of the ones that people often rumored about how terrible they were, etc. It was all that he could currently afford, and he’d have to get to work very quickly if he wanted to be able to survive another semester!

“The Leo man craves fun and excitement and nothing is more displeasing than being home alone or with one other person."

Jasper honestly didn’t feel above any particular type of work. He was willing to try anything, if it meant that he could buy all of his books for class and still eat regularly. He figured that his tuition and lodging were probably the most important, so that was what he paid first, then he remembered that he might need supplies, and he didn’t even fathom the cost of books. Like… for what purpose? How could ANY book be worth what these were??? 

“Do you need help with anything?” Charlotte had asked him, a hint of concern in her voice as she stared at her worn out lover, this being the first time she’d been able to actually see him in a couple of weeks.

“No!” He said and laughed, shaking his head. He needed help with everything. But, he’d be damned if he told Charlotte that and made her worry, or worst - feel bad for him. “I’m just tired and I’ve missed you,” he told her (which was true, even if it wasn’t the whole truth).

“I’m sorry. I’ve tried to free up some time for us, but I put our schedules in my calendar and it’s a biweekly, sometimes monthly match up possibility at best, for like, this entire semester.” They both frowned, until she changed the subject, “Have you talked to Henry?” She asked, a little more cheerfully.

“Have I talked to Henry? I’ve hardly been able to talk to you! Have you talked to him?”

“Yes. We have free Wednesday nights, after I’m done with my lab, so that’s the time that we have scheduled our phone calls. I’m thinking I’ll probably head home every other weekend, for right now. Until I’ve adjusted, more, to being away. What do you think?”

He shrugged his shoulders, “I’m working every weekend, so I can’t come along. But, tell everybody that I said ‘hey.”

“You know… You could try to call them?” She held out her hands in a shrug. Jasper seemed a little moody or something. Maybe he was homesick. Maybe he missed Henry, the Man Cave, hell, maybe he missed his mom. She didn’t know for sure, because he wasn’t telling her something.

“Yeah, I know. I just don’t really have anything to say, yet. I’m working two part time jobs, pledging to a fraternity, getting my ass handed to me by entry level college classes…” He shut up abruptly. He didn’t want to spend what little time he had with Charlotte whining. But, he must’ve needed to vent, because he couldn’t help but to mutter, “Maybe, I’ve overshot my capabilities with this.” She furrowed her eyebrows and he immediately regretted admitting that.

“I don’t think that you did. I think that you’re selling yourself short right now, though. What are you having problems with? I can help you study!”

“You just said like 10 minutes ago that you’d only be able to see me like once every two or three weeks!”

“Can you only study with people in person? I was gonna do so over the phone or video call or something. You can even send me images of your chapter pages (or lend me your book) and I can notate what you’ll most likely be expected to know.”

“That… Sounds like you putting a lot into me not failing.”

“Maybe. But, I mean… If you fail, we fail. We’re a team, still, right?” She made a pouting face and he melted against her.

“Of course. Char… I’m… Everything’s not okay...” 

She nodded her head and stroked his hair with her fingertips as he rested on her tiny shoulder. “I could tell. But… You know that it’s gonna be okay, right? You don’t have to do any of this by yourself, Jasper. I’m busy, but I can figure out how to make time for you.” He squeezed her tightly and then actually fell asleep in the cafe, on her shoulder. He hadn’t really slept well since they’d been in college and he never got the chance to lay down with her anymore and well… *Snore sounds*

"During Happy times the Leo man can bring out the most of loving side of the Taurus woman and he can boost her confidence and self-esteem too. She in turn can offer him some grounded common sense for his more airy fairy grandiose plans and she supports him through thick and thin."

Yes, Jasper worked every weekend. He did overnight stocking at a home improvement store every Friday, Saturday and Sunday night. Yes, he also had classes on Monday mornings, and yes, he also had pledge things taking place during this time. His other job was simpler. He cleaned up at a tattoo shop right outside of campus Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday evenings. Fortunately, all of his classes were on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. 

SO, if he got himself some sleep late Monday night, he slept well into Tuesday. He also slept late Wednesday, into Thursday, and a few hours on Thursday night between closing the tattoo shop and Friday morning class, and a few hours Friday afternoon until his nighttime shift on Friday. Saturday mornings he slept unless he was asked to pick up a few hours at the tattoo shop. Sunday, he HAD to sleep all day, because once he got up for his night shift, he wasn’t even going to see his bed again until the following night. 

Charlotte had planned to spend every other weekend in Swellview, but the weekends that she stayed around campus, she asked Jasper if she could come over. He’d be asleep, but if he really wanted to sleep well, he’d NEED her there. Plus… they really didn’t get that much time together, considering how close they lived to each other. Her first few visits, she was most concerned with the condition of his dorm. Not in the way that people rumored about - the crime in the neighborhood, or the alleged pests, and slow management. But… It was a mess. 

When she got there on Friday, he’d told her that he’d be awake and waiting for her. He was asleep and she was fine with that. He needed that sleep, based upon his terrible schedule that she’d tried to talk him out of. She began to pick up his things and place them in mplaces that made the most sense to her. He didn’t seem to have any rhyme or reason to this mess, but knowing Jasper, he probably did, or at least had gotten used to it and controlled the chaos mentally, somehow.

While she was cleaning, she accidentally woke up his computer and saw several open tabs of payments that he’d made, and a calendar where he was trying to figure out when to pay what. She took a seat in front of the screen and began to study the tabs and make some notes. She was there for a while, and eventually got up and finished cleaning. She returned to the computer a few more times along the way.

Jasper’s alarm sounded on his phone and he jumped up and gasped when he saw a clean, organized room and desk. Charlotte came from the bathroom, cleaned up and a little dolled up, but in night clothes. “Hey, Sleepyhead,” she said, positively glowing as she sat down next to him.

Jasper shook his head, “I’m so sorry that I fell asleep and we didn’t really get to spend any time together!”

“I expected you to fall to sleep. It’s good, Jasper. I had a chance to get some things done for you that I suppose you haven’t had the energy to do.”

“Yeah. Sorry about that too. I should’ve cleaned up before saying you could come over. My punishment is now I probably won’t know where any of my stuff is.”

“It’s in places that make perfectly good sense, but since I presumed that what makes sense to you is likely different from me, I made you a list.” She pointed to the computer. He mouthed a thank you to the skies. “I also got all up in your financial business.” He frowned. “Jasper, before we started dating, you’d ask me for help with anything in the world, from popping pimples to feeling how sweaty you are. I’m not sure why you didn’t want to come to me for help with this, but whatever your reasons, I made some decisions for you. I set up a budget for you based upon what you have to pay and what you make. I set everything to automatic withdrawals from your account on dates that made the most sense. I also signed you back up for that text therapy, because you can afford it and you need it, so if that’s too much of an issue, I’ll just wire you the total every time. If you won’t talk to me, I need to know that you’ll talk to someone. Plus, I arranged for weekly grocery deliveries. There’s a co-op place on campus that puts together nutritious grocery lists and you can add on or take away whatever they have for a certain additional fee. They deliver it to you at your convenience each week, even if your time slot changes. You just need to let them know at least 24 hours before the delivery. And, I’ve also allocated a percentage of your checks to go into savings, too. On this budget, you still wind up with an additional $200 every paycheck for whatever else.”

“WHAT?”

“Yeah, you can afford to pay your bills, eat, put some into savings and still have $200 left over… if your schedule stays the way that it is for the rest of the semester with your current pay. So… buy something nice for yourself or something. You deserve it.”

“No, you deserve it! Thank you for this. I wouldn’t have ever thought of that and I’ve just been eating on the run and buying the cheapest of everything whatsoever and…” He pulled her to him and kissed her. 

“So, did I earn a little… something…?” She gave him the look and he knew it was about to be ON before his shift tonight. She deserved it.

"The Taurus woman can be very possessive in love and quite jealous, but the Leo man doesn't mind this. In fact, probably enjoys it and finds it flattering. In reality he is unlikely to stray far which is reassuring for the Taurus woman who is seeking stability and commitment."

The twelve weeks that Jasper was pledging to his father’s old fraternity was hell. Not even because of the frat, but because of his personal life. He had gotten a little depressed working as hard as he worked and after a while, wanted to at least do something fun. So, he asked the tattoo shop owner about possibly becoming an apprentice. He was told to create a portfolio and after that, his boss would decide. 

Jasper worked on some sketches in his little free time (usually at the shop whenever he didn’t really have much cleaning to do), and whenever Charlotte came over on his weekends, he drew different designs on her. “Jasper, this isn’t the same thing. Drawing on skin with a pen isn’t the same as when you’re drawing into someone’s skin with a needle…”

“I know. I just need to practice what I can,” he said. Charlotte ended up with all kinds of tattoo sketch potentials on her body over the weeks.

She was in Swellview and Henry nearly passed out, “WHAT is that???” He wondered. She looked in the direction of his eyesight and saw the orisha goddess she’d requested on her side, peeking out. 

She laughed and raised her shirt a little more to show him. “Have you not been paying any attention to Jasper’s twitflash? He’s been using me as a canvas to practice sketches for a portfolio to be a tattoo apprentice.”

“That’s what those were? I didn’t really understand what I was looking at.” He opened the app to go check it out and wound up going through liking every single one of them.

“The apprenticeship would be unpaid, of course, but I’m hoping that he gets it, because once he gets a license, he’d be able to possibly make a lot of money. College kids are always at that tattoo shop.”

“Yeah, these photos have a lot of comments about how people want him to do theirs whenever they get one,” Henry said.

“People, or girls?”

Henry laughed, “Aren’t girls people?” She rolled her eyes. “Uh oh, I feel like I missed something.”

“So. He’s past pledging now and living in the frat house. It’s a little cheaper than his sucky dorm that he was in, so I’m glad for that. Plus, it’s more space there for him, despite all the guys that live there. Now, all of a sudden, all these women know who he is and they just… irritate me, is all.”

“That’s all?” 

“Yep.”

“Okay, then.” She could tell from Henry’s face that he knew that wasn’t the case, but he didn’t press, so she spilled it herself. 

Basically, during Hell Week, Jasper and other pledges were moving their things into the frat house wearing nothing but loincloths and sandals. Their sister sorority came out to ogle them and make unnecessary comments and whatnot and post pics and videos on their socmed. Charlotte never really got into the frat boy stuff that Jasper was doing, because it was frat boy stuff and she wasn’t interested. However, as Jasper is Jasper, of course, some manner of calamity has to follow him around. This particular event it manifested itself in the form of a wardrobe malfunction while he was carrying a box. Several frat brothers expressed that it would be illegal to post any images of said malfunction, though everyone present had a good laugh about it, and at least 30 girls got a good eyeful as he had to set the box down then figure out how to get that little piece of cloth back around his junk… which Charlotte discovered from all the upcoming whispers is pretty nicely sized.

She didn’t have anything to compare it to, so she figured that the size was great to her, but for some reason, other people knowing what he was working with and the increase of a following that he got afterwards, unnerved her. He always had women sliding into his DMs now and he laughed it off, but she knew that he liked the attention and it frustrated her that he did.

She wasn’t trying to be that way, but in her mind, what Jasper had was hers and she felt like she needed to reinforce that to others on several occasions. Whenever the sister sorority pledges had Mingle Night and Jasper had to take off work on the weekend to attend, she was frustrated that he could find it in him to ask for time off for that, but not to go to Swellview with her, any of the trips that she had made. She made one comment about it, but wouldn’t dwell on it, at least not out loud, anyway.

She usually skipped parties, so the time that he would make for social events, she either had to tough out a crowd of people that she didn’t really care for, or wonder how his night was going and who was taking up his time and space throughout the course of it. She was the one who had to try to make more time for them. She asked Henry if it was possible for him to visit them, for a change in October and it became a practice for her to visit Swellview once a month and Henry to visit them once a month. (Henry rarely saw Jasper whenever he did visit, though.

“Where are we going?” He’d asked as they were heading deeper into the campus. 

“The outer gym,” she said.

“The outer gym?” Henry repeated.

“Yeah. Jasper has Dodge-a-leen training, then kite disc practice. He’ll be happy to see you!” Henry made a confused face, because did she say “kite disc” practice? “Dude, you really ought to at least glance at Jasper’s social media at some point.”

“I don’t even really have the time to glance at mine! I’ve been in college, too, Dude. Studying to try to be the heir to Junk N Stuff, plus training hard and working nonstop to take up the Man Cave duties. I only study during the week, sometimes on missions, because my time is so pressed. I do most of the night patrolling by myself. If you hadn’t set a call schedule for us, I’d probably talk to you just as much as I get to talk to Jasper… HELLO!” He said upon coming to the crowded seating area and seeing a bunch of pretty ladies in the bleachers. Some of them had on practice uniforms - cheerleaders, drill team, pep squad, etc. They were practicing, or having meetings. Others just seemed to be there. 

“Our spot is over here,” Charlotte said. She had a spot. It was where several of the “alternative sports” fans sat. Alternative sports was what they were calling what Charlotte thought of as “fake sports” or at the very least “sweaty games.” Like Dodge-a-leen, which should not exist, in her opinion, but did and had an entire team that would go to competitions, representing the school. Jasper met a girl that he did a tattoo for who played something called kite disc, which was like frisbee playing, but with a damned kite attached to the discs. Players had to fly the kite and throw the disc to a partner, who in turn had to do the same. She hated it. But, Jasper immediately loved it, joined the growing league and fought for a team to be formed on the campus. She still couldn’t tell if she was impressed or something else about it. 

As they settled into her spot, she asked Henry, “So, if you haven’t talked to Jasper, I guess he hasn’t told you about his new best friend?” She pointed at a tall, blond girl who was getting the equipment ready for kite disc practice while the Dodge-a-leen team was practicing several yards away. The blond girl waved at Charlotte and she waved back, hoping that her stank face wasn’t on.

“Um, no. Jasper has no new best friend, but whoever that is, is hot.” Henry admitted. Charlotte rolled her eyes. “Who is she?”

“They call her Ghost. Jasper calls her Casper, because he says that she’s a “friendly ghost.” She’s an athlete here. She loves kites and discs, so whenever kite disc was created, she jumped in and she’s the reason that Jasper took on another fake sport, despite his already busy schedule. They’re together A LOT. Jasper and Casper. Everyone knows he has a girlfriend, but most people think that’s her.”

Henry laughed, then apologized. “Well, do you like her? Is she good people?”

“She’s okay, I guess. I don’t really know much about her. She always tries to be really nice. She loves all the photos that Jasper posts of me and she seems to happy to see me whenever we cross paths. But… She’s super close with my boyfriend, you know? And I know that shouldn’t bother me, because Jasper is capable of having a platonic friendship with a woman in very close proximity. We did that for YEARS, but, then again… it eventually grew into something else and now, even that is… changing.” She said the last word so sadly that it startled Henry and he looked at her, watching Jasper, sweaty and pouring water down his throat now that Dodge-a-leen practice was ending.

“Hey… You two alright?” Henry wondered. She shrugged her shoulders. He felt bad that he didn’t know more about this. These were supposed to be his two best friends, and while he was grateful that he still had regular contact with one of them (he and Jasper did talk, but only in small intervals, or very spaced out conversations, the last one being weeks ago). Jasper was rushing over to Casper. They hugged and immediately started talking and laughing. Hello hugs, huh? Henry couldn’t say that was weird, not knowing whatever changes Jasper had made and not knowing Casper, at all. But, she pointed over to where they were and Jasper only just noticed him. He felt a way about that. Jasper smiled and came rushing over to greet him.

“Henry!” He cheered. “What are you doing here?” He didn’t hug Charlotte, Henry noticed, but maybe that was because he was all sweaty. But… he was all sweaty when he hugged that other girl. Maybe she didn’t mind? 

“Ummm… Visiting. You took my friend’s Swellview visits away, so I gotta come all the way here to see her and I guess you too,” he joked. 

Jasper looked like there was a slight flinch in his face for a moment, then he nodded and said, “I’m glad you’re here. Where are you gonna sleep?”

“Char’s dorm,” Henry said. 

Now, Jasper definitely looked a way. “There’s more room in the frat house. You’re perfectly welcome to crash there.” Charlotte and Henry both looked surprised by that suggestion. He noticed and expounded, “I know we’re all friends, but we’re also grown, Bro. I don’t really want you and my girlfriend sleeping in the same bed.” He shrugged his shoulders and kissed her on the nose. “I gotta get back. We’ll talk after.” He rushed down the bleachers and back to the field and Henry was still stunned.

“Was… was he serious?” Henry asked. “You and me have been sharing a bed since before you even felt comfortable using the word ‘friend’ to describe him and now he wants to call dibs or something?”

She sighed and shrugged her shoulders, “I mean, I guess he has a point, but it’s not like with me and you anything would ever happen.”

“Right. Even if either of us was remotely attracted to the other, neither of us would do that to him, or to our friendship! The nerve of him to suggest it, meanwhile, he’s giving that one girl sweaty hugs in front of everybody, knowing that you’re jealous of her and that people think that she’s his girlfriend!”

Charlotte scoffed, “What do you mean, I’m jealous of her?”

“Don’t try to play me, Dude. I saw it within five minutes.”

She flared her nostrils. He was right. “Well, you know… Jasper doesn’t always see the things that we see. He’s you know… innocent in a way. Well, innocent isn’t the right word. Naive.”

“He thinks because the ladies gossip about his big old thang he’s gotta come over here swinging it around?” Charlotte wanted to greet that comment with disdain, but she laughed, in spite of herself. Henry stood up, gesturing swinging around a big… package… and saying, “Don’t get in bed with my girlfriend like you’ve been doing for most of your life. Sleep thirty minutes away at the jock campus for less smart people in the institution…”

“Henry, stop!” Charlotte said, suddenly not enjoying it anymore. “This is their campus! And… that’s not even entirely true. This isn’t a movie, Guy. If you wanna stay in college or on a team, even a fake sports team, you’ve gotta make the grades. Jasper has excellent grades. He’s on the dean’s list, here.” Henry stopped and sat down, looking confused. “I help him study with the stuff he doesn’t get and the stuff that he does get, he tends to take in right away, so…”

“You help him study science and math, right? And the dude that once said batteries was gonna be the next power source is on the dean’s list?” Henry asked.

“Why do you do this to him?” Charlotte asked.

“What do I do?”

“You act like he’s stupider than what he is. He’s your best friend and you’re talking about him like he’s some brute that knocked into you at a bar.”

“I think that you’re maybe getting defensive. I was just fooling around. I love Jasp, you know that. It was honest fun. I’d pick with him the same way.”

“Yeah, he doesn’t like that. You know what he likes? Whenever people tell him he’s great and awesome and they love to just be around him and don’t fuss at him for getting sweat on them in his excitement to see them or crack jokes on stupid stuff that he’s said impulsively, because he thought he had to answer right away. He’s… already replacing you, Hen. For all we know, he’s already replacing me.” She messed with her fingertips. “He’s not as… interested as he used to be… in… you know…” Henry frowned. He was always interested in that area of their lives, but he certainly didn’t want to dive into it when they were having problems. “And I can’t help but wonder if it’s because here, I’M the lucky one. Here, he’s a budding superstar. Everyone loves him. He’s the life of the party, the heart of the team… I’m his uptight girlfriend who gets mistaken as his tutor, like all of the time, even with some of his frat brothers.” She laughed a little, then wiped her eyes, feeling silly for feeling how she felt.

“Have you talked to him about this?”

“Not in these exact words. Because, they sound pathetic, right? I’m out here at practices for stuff I don’t care about, just to get to spend more time with him. He has a ton of people to spend time with. I haven’t made one friend since I got here. I mean… I’ve already got TWO! I didn’t think I needed to add any, but he stays adding them in. Adding so many, I can’t even figure out where I fit anymore…” She felt like she was going to start crying and looked like it, so Henry sat next to her and wrapped an arm around her to pull her in, in case she needed that. Jasper noticed, from the field and missed catching a disc, which the kite  was taking away, into the sky. He quickly caught himself and grabbed a grounding shot (it was just a sticky ball, heavier than the kite that if you threw it and it stuck to the disc, it weighed it down enough to bring it back. He got it, then he looked at Henry and Charlotte again, frustrated.

Intimate relationships between Leo men and Taurus women can be a flip of the coin. Either or troubled, and not for lack of effort. The innate stubbornness of both signs tends to rear its ugly head here most frequently.

If Henry was staying at Charlotte’s, so was Jasper, or if he had to ask Charlotte to stay over at the frat house to get Henry to stay, whatever, he wasn’t gonna leave them alone together, though. Charlotte had been insecure lately. Jasper, to the best of his ability, tried to reassure her that he wasn’t interested in any other women and that he wasn’t “tired of” her. That was a ridiculous thought. Had their sex life been less powerful than when they first started? Well.. Yes, but both of them were extremely busy and they really were just kind of squeezing in sexual stuff where they could fit it. Plus, he felt like she was just doing it nowadays to thwart him from cheating or looking around - stuff he wasn’t gonna do, anyway. 

The best that it got for them was study sessions. Charlotte would make mock tests to help him study and they were multiple choice, which he answered by touching her in certain places. It was an amazing way to recall the information. He spent tests thinking about how it felt to touch her body and look into her eyes whenever she said an answer was correct and honestly… it was how he wound up getting all A’s now. He’d never been able to do so in the past. He’d make A’s in stuff he understood and be so far off on the stuff that he didn’t understand that his mother thought that he was either cheating in most of his classes, or “mentally retarded at math and science,” which he had to repeatedly tell her wasn’t appropriate and not actually a thing. Charlotte had convinced him to take an aptitude test their junior year, but he got nervous and felt so weird about it that the results weren’t accurate. 

She got him to take another their senior year, at the end of the year and it was actually pretty helpful and put his talents into perspective. It made him more confident about finding some direction. Charlotte always added to his life and enhanced it. He didn’t know what condition he would be in without her. He seriously thought that if they weren’t together, he might be one of those people who was so filled with excitement and fervor who went into the world, got beat down and lost the light in their eyes. Instead, she magnified it. And yes, other people were noticing him, other women… but, he couldn’t understand why she would think that would mean that he would notice them. 

She still also had time for Henry. He hadn’t been able to squeeze their best friend into his schedule, but figured that they both drifting away from him. Now, he felt like he was the one drifting away from them, and if he wasn’t careful, Charlotte might wind up being Henry’s light, instead. “That’s crazy!” He told himself, brushing his teeth in the locker room after his shower. “That’s crazy.” But, if there was one man that he feared MIGHT be able to get Char’s attention, it was Henry. He didn’t like feeling that way, because he wasn’t a jealous person, at all. In fact, Charlotte had accused him of not even caring if guys flirted with her (which technically, he didn’t) because he figured that it was the same for her as for him - nonfactors. It was only when she looked uncomfortable or like she might be being harrassed that he usually jumped in, ready to defend her space and her comfort. Jasper wasn’t a jealous person, no. But, he was extremely protective, especially of her. He wasn’t a jealous person, until it came to Henry and her. He wasn’t sure when it started, but whenever he saw them together, still happy to see each other. Still having fun, something possessive and territorial was stirred up in him. 

He remembered things that he hadn’t really thought about in years or cared much about whenever he had thought about them - how people used to always think they were together, how they were friends almost automatically and he tried to become friends with Charlotte because he was scared she might steal his best friend. Even though she didn’t like him and never regarded him with warmth, he took a liking to her because she was Henry’s friend, therefore, they had to be friends or he might not be able to spend as much time with Henry! And then there were the dreams that they were having about each other shortly before she and Jasper became a thing. He never knew for sure if Henry didn’t actually have some feelings for her, the way that he kept trying to butt in when they were building their foundation. Now, they were on some shaky ground and Jasper just felt uncomfortable with Henry being there, with them like this.

He was overcompensating. He knew it, but he couldn’t seem to stop himself. Charlotte… didn’t seem as flattered as he was whenever she was acting crazy over him, but she didn’t call him out, either. She just sort of gave him disapproving looks and rubbed his shoulders a lot to smooth him over. Henry was another story. They bickered about his behavior, then they went on to bicker about the time that they weren’t spending together, and it eventually got to the point where Jasper said, “Our entire lives, I’ve had to be the one to always reach out to you, to come to you, to back you up and support you and be your friend. So, I decided that I was gonna focus on me a little bit more and you know what happened, Henry? We stopped being friends, because you can’t even be bothered to toss me a like on Twitflash and if I don’t call you first, THIS is what we have. We didn’t drift apart. I stopped reaching out to you and now you’re seeing just how much I was the one doing so.” Jasper’s fists were clenched and he added, “Charlotte’s the only person who ever makes an effort for me, and just… Don’t try to get in the way of that, okay?” 

Henry was floored. Why would he ever try to…? Jasper got up, eyes red and damp, embarrassed and worried about how Charlotte would take that outburst. “I’m gonna go ahead and get out of your way and stop ruining everyone's good time. Call me when you get home safe.” He dared a kiss on her cheek, but she was looking stunned, still. She followed him outside. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say all of that…”

She shook her head and threw her hands into the air, “Jasper… I understand that you’re doing a lot of finding yourself and maybe that means that you and Hen don’t make it, but… I have to admit that I’m insulted that you for whatever reason think that I don’t have any autonomy in our friendship. Henry can’t get in the way of what goals I set for myself. Henry can’t damage something if it’s something that I’m working on, and whatever issues that you have with Henry, you two can try to talk out, but leave me out of it. I’m not taking any sides of something that I have nothing to do with, with two people that I love. It’s not fair.”

“I said I’m sorry, Char. I’m tired. I have to go home and get some sleep.”

“Okay,” she said, sounding and feeling defeated. Jasper gave her a hug. A desperate, tight, but soft thing that she sank into and just wanted to vanish with him inside of. But, then it was over and he was walking away. She felt like he probably needed her to go with him and stay with him, but Henry was inside and he was the one who had traveled the three hours to see her when Jasper most of the time didn’t travel the 30 minutes to do the same. She stayed with Henry and apologized for whatever that was. He brushed it off and insisted that he’d just do better, be a better friend. But, whenever he’d reach out to Jasper after that night, he was less available than before.

By the summer break, Jasper was definitely taking summer off of school, unlike Charlotte, who not only still had classes, but classes everyday. Henry wasn’t taking summer classes, either. Both of them had a chance to squash everything. In fact, Charlotte suggested that Jasper spend some time in Swellview, since he’d have more time. But, Jasper didn’t want to leave her when he finally had time to work on them. So, he was working and saving up for the upcoming semester, summer training for his alternative sports teams, doing community stuff with his fraternity since he was staying in the house but not in classes, and doing his apprenticeship too. His art was getting good. And people were super into getting free tats from Jasper Dunlop, aka Big Dog. Charlotte had gotten more used to sharing him with a fan base.

He began vlogging whenever he started his apprenticeship and called his channel ExJasperation, but still would use it if he ever decided to go back to podcasts. He talked about his friends, his frat brothers, his girlfriend. Charlotte didn’t make the time to watch his channel, but she’d hear things about it whenever she was on the other campus, or in the frat house. She got used to sharing him with an audience. He enjoyed being noticed. He enjoyed the limelight. She just had to shrink back a little, to make sure that she didn’t wind up in it. She didn’t care too much for that. Not in these settings, at least. 

She was doing great in her academic circles, though. Not getting close to people. It was more like being in a room full of loners who loved their fields of work and could muster up the energy to talk about that for a while, then go back to their own devices. Even her calls with Henry decreased and visits became less doable, too. Sophomore year, they spoke less and saw each other occasionally. Junior year… seldom. And Jasper hadn’t really seen or talked to Henry at all, not including a few likes and comments on their social media every now and then.

Junior year marked a lot of significant changes, for all three of them.

[queenofangrymoths]

Sunset After Ashes - I

So this is a story that I was held at gunpoint by one of my characters. Her name is Ash and she’s a bi, Italian vampire. I hope you enjoy the first part of her story. Message me if you want to get tagged for this?? Don’t know how long this will go on but just, IDK, message if you’re interested.

For the record:

Topolino means ‘little mouse’ in Italian.

Conejito means ‘little bunny’ in Spanish.

-

1980

It’s funny how ex-boyfriends can come back to bite you in the ass. Or the neck, in Ashley Carissima Lucy Vecellio case. She shivered, twitching on the tiled floor of her parent’s bathroom, burning with a high fever. Everything hurt. Her neck, her mouth - everything. She’d shivered in bed for most of the day, then the pain worsened. It was enough to make her scream and cry, muttering a prayer under her breath. All of the prayers were that death might come and take her but they fell on deaf ears.

It was Sunday, she got out of church by claiming she was sick. It wasn’t much of a lie. This was the worst of it, she shivered. Rick said he’d come when she was ‘out of the worst of it’. As much as she was scared of what she was going through now - she was downright terrified of when Rick was comingto get her. Seems like we might need some context on this Rick, shall we? Well, Rick is an asshole. A complete douche. Not always, she knew but now, he was a dick.

Ashley met Rick at church when she was nineteen. He winked at her subtly and she blinked like a damsel as the song and dance began. Dates at diners, dancing clubs, dinner with her family. It was everything Ashley hoped for. She was so sure that she might marry him in their local church all dressed up in white. That’s when it took a turn for the worst.

“Where are you going?” He asked her as she walked out of their apartment, really it was her apartment but they lived together.

She grabbed her keys, putting on black sunglasses. “Just out to the mall,”

“You can’t.”

“Excuse me?” She looked up at him, her hand already on the doorknob.

“You can’t go to the mall,” he said again, she stared at him harder.

She blinked her long lashes, her brow starting to furrow. “Listen, Rick, I need to go pick up some highlighters - for my test on Friday-”

Then he said something that blew her mind. Made her furious and started a long hell. “I think you should drop out.”

She stopped, her heart beating fast. “Excuse….Excuse me?”

“I think you should drop out.”

Ashley stared at him, she grew cold as she took off her sunglasses, her eyes on fire. She’d worked her ass off to get in her program, to get a spot in a male-dominated field and...he wanted her to drop out. “You’ve got to out of your goddamn mind, Rick, if you think I’m dropping out.”

He got up, walking towards her. Why her blood chilled as he stalked up to her, she was unsure. She didn’t know why but her heart started racing faster and faster like a rabbit upon seeing a predator. “You’ll never get a job, Ashley, no one wants to hire a girl for engineering.”

Despite her fear, she held her ground. “Then I’ll be the first. Now, I’m going to the mall, to get some highlighters, get out of my way.” She hissed, turning the doorknob and walked out, slamming the door behind her. It only got worse from there. He didn’t stop her from going to her classes but he demanded to know where she was at all time, even if she was out with friends or family. They argued more, Ashley pushing against every boundary and rule he tried to set. She knew it was going to happen eventually but it still hurt when he hit her. And that, that was Ash’s line in the sand.

“Get out!!!!” She screamed, clutching her cheek and glaring at him fiercely.

“Ashley, it was an accident -” He stuttered but she cut him off, blunt teeth bared.

“Get the fuck out of my apartment before I call the police!” She growled, inching closer to the landline. He stared at her, his face paled. “Well?! GET OUT!” She screamed. It took a second but he ran like a rat with his tail between his legs. Ash took a breathe as the door closed and called her Mama, crying. It was a rough night but it was the start of something new. 

 Three years went by without issue. Rick left Ashley the fuck alone. She graduated college with a bachelor's degree in engineering and started working as an architectural engineer, turns out someone did hire her! A girl! Who would have known? Every day she succeeded made her feel smug, every achievement a little fuck you, Rick, because Ashley was petty like that.

Then the attack happened. Memories of it were blurred and in actuality, she was glad she couldn’t remember it. Still, she never forgot what Rick had said. “We can be together forever, Ashley! Don’t you see this is the best option?” Clearly, there was a difference of opinions because Ash punched Rick right in the jaw as soon as he released her, stumbling and weak but still pissed as hell. “Don’t worry, Ashley, I’ll come to get you after the worst of it,” He left her at her parents' house, claiming that he found her drunk. Ash hated him for that. That and the bite.

Days later, she was alone when the fangs grew, alone when the cravings took her. Alone and content to scream her heart out. The next two days were messy, no other words fit the proper description. At long last, she woke up changed, tired and hungry. Her family surrounding her, Mama sobbing with relief. Her aunts set to work, feeding her water and broth.

“Don’t let him in,” she whispered to Mama and the aunties. 

“Who, honey?” Mama asked. 

“Rick - don’t - don’t let him in.” she cried.

When Rick arrived the next day, claiming he was going to bring Ash back to their apartment, Mama looked him dead in the eyes and said he wasn’t welcomed in their house anymore. The strangest thing happened, his dark eyes widened and his olive skin paled as he scrambled out of the house, quicker than a jackrabbit. “Like a rat,” She muttered to her daughter. They shared a giggle.

For weeks, she couldn’t think clearly. All she remembered was just...feelings. The hunger m never went away and the new fangs pricked her tongue all the time. She knew they could fold back...somehow. Ash didn’t know how to or what might satisfy her. When the aunties finally declared that Ash was well enough to rejoin the living world, they spent the day cooking, the kitchen smelled heavenly of rosemary and garlic.

Only for Ash to end up in the hospital with a swollen throat caused by an allergic reaction. “Garlic??? Are you kidding???” She heard Mama titter before giving her hand a squeeze. “Don’t worry, topolino, we’ll get through this,”

Ash didn’t remember much of her time in the hospital. Her memory was pretty shitty right after turning, that happened with the change and her body trying to figure what the fuck was going on. Her dreams were weird - filled with blood and darkness, raw meat, and lots and lots of blood. It made her mouth water. The cravings worsened to the point that now, Ash knew she was *this* close going mad. Fledgelings needed to feed regularly, even more than a usual vampire. If they weren’t, then….it was an absolute disaster. And that’s what Ash’s turning was, a disaster.

Somehow, she broke out of the hospital and wandered wandering the streets of LA, half out of her mind. She was lucky that she didn’t maim anyone or a hunter hadn’t found her since she’d be easy prey for even a beginning hunter. Thankfully, Alejandra found her first.

“Goodness, fledgling, aren’t you a mess,” A voice was as clear as the water Ash sat in. The newly turned vampire was sitting one of the many pools of fountain Monterey Park, completely soaked to the bone. Standing in front of her was a woman with polished bronze skin, the color reminded Ash of warriors of old and their shields with dark brown hair tied back to keep out of her face. A bag was hanging in the crook of her elbow and her eyes covered by big sunglasses.

“I’m…” It was hard to form sentences, difficult to even think properly. It frustrated the newly turned vampire to no end. She was a goddamn engineer, not an idiot. “Hungry.” She bit through her lip and it drew blood. It tasted so sweet and Ash was this close to crying with relief. 

The woman took off her sunglasses, showing black eyes so beautiful, filled with pity. With a hand reaching in her bag, she stepped towards Ash. With slender fingers, out of her bag came a blood bag and she offered it to the sorry girl. “Drink, fledgling,” 

Ash didn’t hesitate, she snatched the bag and drank the contents like a starved, feral animal. Her mouth was covered in blood, steady drops dripped down her chin and found their way in the water. The woman offered her another and then another. When the third blood bag, Ash felt more like...her, normal for the first time in so many days. “Feel better, conejito?”

Ash blinked at her, her lips parting to show longer canines.“Why do I feel like that?” Her cheeks felt fuller with the fangs unlocked, she had a lisp. She just drank blood, holy shit. The metallic taste was wonderful on her tongue and the craving, the endless hunger was gone! She didn’t feel fucking fantastic but she felt fine.

The woman helped her up, covering Ash in her jacket. “Because you’re a fledgling, conejito. Trust me, I’ve seen worse,” She attempted to reassure her.

“I’m a what?”

“A fledgling,” Like a guardian angel the woman - who was called Alejandra, guided her down the streets, in the direction of the hospital. “Oh, you don’t know?” Her voice was filled to their brink with sympathy. “What’s your name, conejito?”

“Ash.” 

“Listen, Ash, this may sound impossible but you’re a vampire.” The words were serious and stern, not a single ounce of joking. Ash swallowed hard and stared, unblinking.

“I’m a what?” 

“A vampire, you need a mentor, fledgling. Who bite you?” 

“My ex-boyfriend.” Ash muttered a curse under her breath, cursing his name to God and whatever Hell she could manage. 

In two seconds, Alejandra decided that this fledgling was hers now. “Well, fuck him, I’ll be your mentor now.” the woman said as they arrived at the hospital. Alejandra gently pushed Ash in the hospital lobby  “Meet me in Monterey Park, you’ll know when.”

“Wait, you just can’t leave me here without explaining everything-” Ash turned and Alejandra, her guardian angel, gone. As if she’d never been there in the first place. Stunned, Ash watched the sunrise, not even noticing as a  nurse rushing up to her. Not until she pulled her deeper into the lobby and screaming that she’d been found.

Three days out of the hospital, three days of somewhat normality in avoiding the sun, garlic, and crosses which was harder than most because Ash was fucking, hardcore Italian. Sunshine, garlic, and crosses were practically their culture. After three days, the hunger came back but this time Ash knew what to do. After the sunset, she slipped out of her room and made her way to Monterey Park. As she arrived at the fountain, there was Alejandra with her bag, waiting for her. “I want a fucking refund,” Ash called as she walked closer. 

Alejandra’s lips quirked into a smile. “And why is that, Conejito?”

“No sunlight, no garlic, no crosses - I am fucking Italian!! How the fuck am I supposed to avoid those things?!” Ash huffed, her fangs popping out with her anger.

Alejandra threw her head back and laughed, her dark eyes glittering with glee. “You got spirit, conejito, I’ll give you that, but joking time is over. Class is in session now.”

“Will there be a test?”

“Perhaps,” and then, they got to work.

[pragmaticoptomism-blog]

You ever watch a really good movie and when it’s over and the silence swallows the room, you can feel everyone slowly adjusting to reality again?

You hear popcorn start to shake and drinks rattling around as one by one, the audience leaves the theater. 

Except you look up and you’re the only one in the theater?

I feel so many emotions all at once and they even completely negate each other, sometimes. 

I wanted to make a space for myself to vent because I think it’s taking a toll on my friendships and that’s the last thing I want to do. I sound like a broken record, probably. I also feel like I don’t really know who I am or what people’s intensions are towards me. I feel like nothing is real, lately. I feel like it’s easy to accept this when you have someone- a lover, because everyone else is at arms length in some way because no one is closer to you than the person you love. But when that person doesn’t exist anymore, it’s easy to see things either for what they really are or to take things too seriously/personally. I haven’t figured out the answer to that yet.

But, I wanted to make an honest space for myself. I feel like the past 2 years of my life have been completely unraveling everything I knew, or didn’t know would be a better description. I tried to make a new account, and couldn’t because my most recent email was already used. I don’t even remember making this account, but after reading the 5 posts that were on here- I don’t know whether to laugh, cry, or just sit here and shake my head back in forth in silence staring at my tv with that 70′s show on unable to even have a next thought. 

I feel like this post should be a summary to fill in the gap.

One day I was at school, having a hotel party with my classmates. I wanted to sleep early and Bernie said he did too. We went to bed. I woke up to him a little close behind me, but it was nice and it was familiar, in the way that at home was the first man I’ve ever loved for so long and always slept next to like that. We were having problems, I felt like he didn’t love me anymore for my present self- just the old past memories we had. And in the moment, being with this man that only knew me as present me and sleeping next to me- it was almost nice. I clicked my phone alarm off to sleep for a few more minutes, and I felt Bernie move closer to me. He kissed the back of my neck. My eyes could not have opened wider, I clicked my phone to look at the time because I felt frozen emotionally, mentally, physically, really- in every way. My heart was pounding out of my chest!! What the fuck??? And also why the fuck did I not punch him right in his face? I got up and went to the bathroom. I went through my normal routine, washed my face- brushed my teeth. Christina came in the bathroom. I started doing my makeup and kept looking over at her every few seconds to stare at her face while she brushed her teeth. Finally I said Christina listen and I turned on the faucet as loud as it could as we usually did to drown out our voices so the guys couldn’t hear us. 

I told her what happened and her face froze with disbelief? surprise? and then she laughed so hard, mostly in disbelief. She made kissy noises at me after that to make fun of it. & We laughed about it. But that really was the start of a fucking insane roller coster of MENTAL FUCKARY THAT IS CURRENTLY RUINING MY FUCKING LIFE ON A DAILY BASIS FOR THE PAST ???? IDK WHAT EVEN HAS IT BEEN? 2 YEARS? IS THAT REAL?

I should of told Tom. I should of told Bernie that was unacceptable. I should of told Christina it wasn’t funny. I should of done a lot of things. For the next 2-3 weeks, he was just more flirty around me. I ignored it, but I didn’t confront it. I felt overwhelming insane crazy guilt for his actions for about a month because of Tom. Tom & I’s relationship was coming to an end and I didn’t want to tell Tom about any of this because then it would have seemed like, to Tom, that Bernie or another person or whatever was the reason for it’s end. When in reality and to this day, it was never about that. He’s not stupid and he probably knew things that I don’t even know now that he knows from then. But, we broke up. It went to a place in my mind and my heart where I felt completely numb. It was literally locked away so deep into my mind that even still now, it feels like when I try to access that part of my memory- that there’s someone on the other end physically tugging it back until I get distracted by something else and stop thinking about it. After Tom & I broke up, Bernie & I started meeting after school on Sundays one on one in the car to talk, sometimes go to the mall. I remember once we kissed and it was a complete lust-ful horny kiss coming from him and this should of been my first sign but at the time- I wanted a quick rebound hook up and this was just easy. I didn’t want to do anything sexual, so I didn’t. He would just sit there and bitch that he has blue balls, “come onnnn” he would say!!  What the fuck is wrong with me? 

I remember the first time I agreed to come over his house. He said he would take me apple picking. Way after that, I asked him once about what went through his mind when I said okay I’ll come over. He said that he re-read it two or three times in disbelief and quickly cleaned up his room and was nervous and excited. I drove myself 1.5 hours to Jersey City NJ, a new place I’ve never been before. The neighborhood looked kinda run down. I pulled up and parallel parked. I texted him, I’m here! & He came downstairs and met me at my car to walk me inside. I walked into the house and walked up the creeky stairs, he turned on the light that would flicker on for a few seconds before actually being on. I walked in the room, and went to put my bag down on the ground and he took me and threw me on the bed. He started kissing me and I mumbled through the kiss woahhh already?! and I’m glad that I don’t remember what his response was. We had sex and it wasn’t really good. It was fun? I guess? As much fun as you could have when your emotionally crippled in reality but denying legit every aspect of that? Eventually he came and he got one of his shirts out of the laundry bin so I could clean myself off. I put my clothes back on and I don’t even remember the rest of the night at all. That night was Thursday. The next day we went and got breakfast, hung out. <- repeat till Saturday morning. I was awake basically all night and I told him I needed to leave Sat morning. He said okay and walked me to the car. I wanted to go home but as I started to drive, I just started to cry. After about 10 minutes, I was sobbing and couldn’t see the road. I pulled over into this industrial type of street and couldn’t stop crying. I felt broken inside. I called Bernie and apologized but explained the situation. He said to come back and I did. He told me to move to the passenger seat and he got into the drivers seat and my sobbing turned to regular crying. I told him I was crying because I was picturing going home and dealing with Tom not being there, and that I was scared to finally be alone and face that. He told me he would bring me where he likes to go when he’s upset, to get Ramen. He drove me to this place called Mitsua marketplace in Edgewater NJ. We sat and ate ramen and he said a bunch of shit that made me feel better. I stayed over another night. The next morning, he was getting dressed and was going apple picking with his friends. I wasn��t invited. I got dressed and finally drove back home to Long Island and we never went apple picking together. 

Again, what the fuck is wrong with me?

The next month was spent getting really close to each other really quickly, but never getting that type of intimate closeness/security. I felt like he was hiding something, or maybe even everything from me- all the time. I felt like when I would leave, he would go back to a completely different life than what he lived while I was there. Yet, I had nothing- no physical proof- to feel this way. I made sure to never say anything out loud that would make it seem like I wanted a relationship. One weekend, I told him I got asked out on a date. (By a guy named Liam) and he looked and sounded like he could not care less. He said something like, if that’s what you want to do- do it! I said okay, I’m going to go on the date, I just felt like you should know. (at this point in time, I was trying to keep emotional distance- obv failing a bit, and also unsure of what his intensions were). I told Liam yea and we were suppose to go out eventually, but shit kept coming up. The next time I was at Bernie’s for the weekend was New Years Weekend of 2018. He took me to lunch with his mother and he took me to his friends house for a NYE party. I was so fucking confused, but I felt stupid for feeling confused. In my head, I was thinking idk this is probably normal- we’re just friends with benefits he said? but why am i here with his mom and best friends? whats going on? maybe i do want this? 

At his friends house, I had a lot of fun with his friends Tony, Chris, Julia, and Jen. Julia and I split a bottle of wine and Jen took a bunch of pictures- always being warm and welcoming to me as apparently the new member of this group. I remember him taking a pic of us together on the couch on snapchat and then deleting it. I had a few drinks, and so I asked him why he didn’t send it anywhere. He said where would I send it to. I said why not to our school snap? He ignored that. Now in my head I felt so confused and stupid, ashamed a little even or embarrassed because obviously if he doesn't want to send a snap of us together to our school snapchat group- then we aren’t anything more than friends with benefits, as I sit next to him wrapped in his arm on his friends couch on my 2/3rd night spent with him????? Again, what the fuck is wrong with me!!!!!

I have no memory on specifics of how we eventually were a couple outwardly. I remember hiding it in school, taking separate cars for a while, and then eventually- we didn’t hide it. I spend so much time slowly drifting farther and farther away from all my friends in the class. Bernie didn’t want to eat with them because his skin was bad, the sun would bother him, the bugs were outside, it was too warm out, too cold out, new medicine, new lotion, didn't shower yet, showered already. Whatever the fuck reason. So I would feel bad, and go eat with him away from everyone else. We wouldn't even have fun. He would be mad at me for something and we would silently watch Netflix eating lunch. Once he flipped the fuck out because his sandwich was made with cheese and he threw it against the wall in the classroom downstairs (no one else was there yet). & I would feel like all this behavior was my fault. I would write notes in my phone reminding me to “be easy on him, be his peace, he works hard”. I’d be so mad at myself for asking “who’s that” when I saw a girls name on his snap friends or texts that I didn’t recognize the name, and he would get so fucking pissed. “A friend” Example of my note from my phone:

“It makes you upset because you’re scared to loose him to anything. But the reality is you won’t. It’s just 1% of the time. It’s temporary- in the future, you’ll prob always be around him. Eventually you’ll live together. It’s something that makes him happy, look past the worrying. It’s possible new friends you can have too, who have their own lives, too. He gives you no reason to distrust. He loves you. You’re better than those girls (ha!!!). So just wait it out, reset, & repeat. Be happy, live YOUR life, stop thinking about what he might be doing when he hangs out with those girls and be happy you’ll get to see him again.”

Again, what the fuckkkkkkkk was or is wrong with me?!?!?!?! WHAT THE FUCK!!!

So Capstone 1 rolls around and we both fail it. 3 people in the class failed and we (both top of our class) failed it. (wow wonder fuckin why) I studied my ass off to re-take this exam and was up near school most of the time. I stayed by my classmates houses, Sammie & Anisha. Bernie had family over visiting and he was driving to DC with them and was busy, so during this time he was mostly MIA and I wasn’t allowed to stay there. He met up with us one day to study in this one room on the floor at school. I remember that feeling hitting me- somethings different, hes going to break up with you. He complimented that my hair looked soft. I asked him if he wanted to go get food before he had to leave, he said no he really had to go- and left. My panic set in like fucking crazy and I just tried to shove it down as far as I could so that I could concentrate on retaking my capstone exam. When I got to his house- I stayed over his house the night before capstone since he offered, he showed me that he had made me my own drawer. He put some things I accidently left there in it. He said now I can have my own space there to feel comfortable. That made me so happy, but inside I was so confused and axious because he was so different I could sense it but couldnt put it into words why. So I would try to explain to him, and he would deny it- everythings fine etc you have no examples what are you even saying. I laid there sobbing and got up and collected my things to go anywhere else- maybe Christinas maybe Anishas, all I knew was I needed to get the fuck away and concentrate to pass my retake exam the next day. He looked over and saw me doing that and finally gave me physical touch and grabbed me, pulled me close, and said come on you need sleep and played with my hair and that was one of the very few times of sincere feelings of connecting on a deeper level of intimacy that I can remember from my whole relationship with Bernie. We woke up next morning and took our test and I remember saying good luck to him and whatnot and he treated it extremely weird and formal . and I assumed it was because it was a serious situation- this retake. We both passed. I was so relieved. I got in his car (he drove me there) and we discussed our retakes. I asked him what he wanted to do with the rest of the day and if I could buy him a celebratory drink. He said uhhhh idk. I was like oh are you busy? He was like yea sorry. & I tried so hard to accept that and leave it. After about 20 min of silence, I asked... what are you busy with? And he said something like idk yet and I was like why dont you want to hangout with me? and he said welp I guess this is ganna be talked about then since you wont just let it be. & He stone cold, facing forward the whole time, zero eye contact at all, broke up with me. “This just isn’t what I want anymore. I just don’t love you anymore. It’s nothing you did or didn’t do, I just don’t love you.” I asked him 500 million thousand questions, considering it was still about a half hour drive to his house, where my car and belongings were. I asked him since when? But you never told me you were unhappy? Can you just tell me specifics so I can work on myself? He didn’t provide answers. He just said he didn’t love me anymore. We got to his house and I put my backpack in my trunk. I went upstairs and collected my things, including everything from the drawer he just gave me that same weekend. He stood there and (finally) switched from cold to looked upset as he watched me get my shit. I walked downstairs and he walked behind me. I put all my things in my car, and I grabbed this stuffed animal from my backseat that he gave me and handed it back to him as I choked on my own tears and snot. He looked shocked that I gave it to him. He said “But i got this for you!” and i said why would you think I would want to keep this? He said if you’re sure alright and looked really upset. I shut the door to my car and he walked back inside. I drove to Staten Island and sobbed to Mike and eventually Christina when she was done with work.

We had about a month’s break until school again. I felt so so so so so so so down. I could not stop crying. My head was beating from crying. I couldn’t eat. I lost so much weight because I legit had 0 appetite. I couldn’t sleep. I laid in my bed desperately trying to sleep, would fall asleep for just enough time to have a dream about him and wake up sobbing. I would re-read old messages over and over to convince myself that it happened, he was real, I wasn’t crazy. I felt like the relationship was made up in my mind and that I was the only one who endured it. At work one day I asked for closure and I sat in the car after my shift and read to him my note I typed out asking what I did or what happened. He provided no answers yet again and said I just dont love you. I felt like a fuckin zombie. I remember asking him one day if we could still snowboard or still play overwatch together and him saying he would think about it. Eventually he happened to invite me into a game on overwatch the same night Liam asked me to get Ralphs ices. I played some games with him then said I had to go and logged off to get Ralphs. Soon, we had school. We were still in the same hotel room. We tried to act normal, and would talk here or there. OR he would talk, I would ignore. He made comments to me like “An amazing girl got me these” and it was boxers I had bought him. He bought my favorite wine one night to the hotel and brought it to where it was in my site and poured a glass then asked if I wanted some. I said no. We went and got taco bell with classmates for lunch and he sent me a text asking if I wanted to be friends with benefits. I said no I couldnt emotionally handle that. He said okay and that he understood that. At some other point, we walked me christina & him to get chinese food. Christina went inside to go get it and while she was inside, bernie kicked the wall a little bit softly and turned and looked at me and was like so I wanted to tell you something. And said he wanted to get back together and that he fucked up. I dont even know what i responded, maybe I said something like are you kidding. As all of that was happening, him making these comments and shit-  I was just so relieved to know that it was real. That he was real and those weeks I spent feeling fucking crazy- I wasn’t crazy. I remember one night we slept in the same bed and I just laid there and cried and said I didnt want him to touch me or to touch him, even though inside it was the only thing I wanted. He wanted to kiss me and low key kept trying to, brought his face closer to mine and opened his mouth in that slight way. Eventually I think I did kiss him- and it made me sob. I knew he wanted to fuck & it made me cry more to think about it. & I told him it would take a really long time for me to ever adjust or be okay with that in any way and he just kept saying I know. 

We would talk on the phone for hours at a time when I was driving home from school or staten island or work or whatever- and i called him out on everything. I told him hes so fucked up and needs to address shit that his dad left him and he never accepted it and all this bullshit. He was silent most of the time, and listened. He told me I was “100% right” and that he could never take back damage that was done. He asked me eventually to go meet with him and his friends in the city, not to be together- just to hang out. I stupidly said yes.  

That was the weekend we “reconnected”, I guess. Being with his friends again and we went on a hike together and just being back into the swing of it, was so comfortable and better than the fucking misery I was in at home for weeks not eating or sleeping. It was so nice to sleep and eat and live and laugh. 

We were back together! Things were great! The same shit went on in the background, same problems as before. He would talk to girls behind my back- I would either ignore it because I didn’t want to fight, or I would mention it and we would fight. I would find things out and have to wait to confront him until in person so he would accept blame and apologize- otherwise, when I was away at home and he was home- he would flip it onto me. 

I remember driving to go snowboarding, he fell and got hurt so we went home early. I bought him some water and snacks and helped him into the car- took his boots off so he didn’t have to bend down. He fell asleep and I wanted to stay awake while driving and stopped at a rest stop. He woke up and wanted food. We got food and while we were sitting inside, this guy was STARING at me making me feel really uncomfortable so I asked if we could eat in the car. Bernie immediately was super grumpy and I was just like oh fuck here we go.. we walked to the car and I felt so guilty that he was angry about going to the car. I said I was sorry and asked if he wanted to go back in and he turned around and SCREAMMMMMED at me in this fucking parking lot. he threw his food and tears were rolling down his face out of anger. I wanted to die. I told him that I was sorry I didnt have two separate cars so that I could leave, and he said oh so you just want to leave when I’m at my worst? And that genuinely made me feel like a terrible person- I felt like I was in the wrong. (Ill say it again- what the fuck was wrong with me?) We drove home and once we got home this time, I was so used to this shit that I knew better than to try to talk about it or resolve any issue. I just let him sleep and I sat up on the couch, and put on greys anatomy to distract myself from what the fuck just happened and what was beginning to become normal to me. (!!!!!!!)

I have FLASHBACKSSSSS to times spent with this person that I can’t even fill in gaps for. Him slapping me in the face!!!!  him screaming at me in his house waking his mom and sister up which I felt embarrassed about even though it was HIM!!!!! I can’t believe anyone- nevermind my own fucking self- ever experienced any of this. He just knew what to say to twist my mind into thinking it was my fault. I would get up collect my things to leave when he would yell and he would say if I cant handle him at his worst I cant have him at all, or say okay Im leaving just like everyone always leaves him. & Then I would feel horrible. How could I leave someone saying that? (I should of)

Yet still, why does my mind wander to the Filipino restaurant where the staff knew me as “his partner” because I would leave while he was sleeping and get his favorites. I legit learned another fuckin language for this MOTHER FUCKER!!!!!!!! Who did not deserve it for one single second! Master manipulator! I cant believe the memories that I am typing here and I cant believe it was my life. 

This relationship was fucking horrible and I do not understand why or how or EVEN WHO I WAS during this time. I really wanted to write this because it is so easy to loose yourself in periods of vulnerability. I really do feel like everything happens for a reason. However, there’s someone that just always comes to my mind that has sort of always been in the background since I met him at school and I feel like there was just so much time wasted in every capacity on Bernie that it may have fucked it all up for this other person/opportunity. But if it did, it must have happened for a reason. I needed to find myself in this drastic way and I know I’m better for it. I feel returned to my body after 2 years of being lost. 

Anyway, one night I went out to eat with Emily and he was pissed the fuck offfffff about it, although he would never admit that was the reason. I felt guilty that he was upset- I sent him a pic of the menu and said I would bring him there next time he came to LI. The next day, after a 10 hour shift of clinical- I get a CALL from him. All day, I kinda knew it. I remember thinking to myself “why would he break up with you? theres no reason for that- get it out of your mind”. He said bullshit intro- hey how was your day (not genuinely), I said fine, whats up and he said “well...” and I immediately laughed. I said “are you breaking up with me right now” and he said well I was thinking a lot last night and I think we need to stop seeing each other. And I laughed and said okay just to clarify- you thought about it for literally one night? 12 hours? he said yes. I said okay, and before that- did you have any thought in your mind about wanting to break up? he said no but jackie stop. I said okay, when you collect my things- make sure you get everything. & we hung up. Prob a 5 minute phone call. He had such a cold angry tone that sounded exactly like the first time- he blamed me and made me feel like I betrayed him in some way that he was breaking up with me for. 

This time, I could sleep and eat. Although I was upset, it was 500 million times easier than the first time. In fact, it was a RELIEF to not have the responsibility anymore to sit up wondering who he’s with or what he’s lying about. 

It was much easier to cope with (since I was expecting) him to crawl his way (or try to) back into my life after this time- months of being MIA. He tried so much shit and I am very very relieved to know that I’m back in my right fucking mind.

I accept what happened, and the hardest part is stopping blaming myself. I was in a vulnerable spot, and someone manipulative swooped in. As much as I might want to forget, or take it back- I can’t. So I will remember it, learn, and be better for it. 

This past week, after I got a “are you awake” text, 2 missed calls, and a voicemail asking to get coffee at 6AM followed by him liking old DM messages on instagram- I went off. & It felt so fucking gooooooooooood. Fuck Y O U R S E L FFFFFFFFFFFF.