#and then sit at my computer and immerse myself completely in loneliness and melancholy as both an aesthetic and a just punishment for
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#every day i come home and i become very very very very sad and very very very lonely and full of heart break#and panic#and then sit at my computer and immerse myself completely in loneliness and melancholy as both an aesthetic and a just punishment for#for being who I am#in order to make sense of it and in order to dull it#and then I make some art or play some video games until I can sleep so I don't kill myself#:(#personal#i belong to the cold and the snow do you understand#nothing else loves me do you understand#venting#i'm thinking about taking two edibles and becoming a vegetable#these are the exact exact exact methods of survival i remember doing when i was first experiencing trauma#sitting in the clothes closet of my 5th grade classroom telling myself i deserved it all in order to make it hurt less#delete later#anyway thanksgiving was nice
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