#and then shes thrown on a case everyone thinks is bullshit with her assistant being a fucking idol

[235uranium]

the relationship between sae and akechi is actually so amusing to me. if you asked either of them they'd deny being anything more than coworkers who begrudgingly put up with each other. meanwhile they eat dinner with each other fairly regularly. makoto genuinely believes that sae likes akechi more than her. sae (and by extention makoto) are perfectly aware that akechi is incredibly mean. sae was probably who akechi played pool with before meeting joker. she must be the coworker who gave him the aquarium tickets. they're friends but they fucking hate it

[orbitariums]

𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐟𝐢𝐥𝐦 | 𝐠𝐨𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐩 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥 | 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐯𝐞 𝐫𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐬 (𝟏𝟔)

pt. 15

note: missed u baddies~~~!!! this chapter was so hard to write but i love how it turned out, hope y’all loved it tooooo ♡ 

playlist *new additions!*

word count: 7.6k

warnings: age gap, smut 

Absentmindedly, you picked up your phone on the end table beside you. It was positively buzzing with notifications, and you were a bit thrown off by the sheer amount of them. You furrowed your eyebrows as you skimmed through the notifications from the bottom to the top— you had a bunch of missed calls from your parents, more Snapchat notifications on your regular snap than ever, and a plethora of texts. 

You wondered if something had happened, chewing slightly on your bottom lip. Was everything okay at home? Did you post something meant for your cam site on your Instagram? A hundred various circumstances fled through your mind, but none of the situations you had made up could’ve prepared you for when you opened a text from Aaliyah with a picture attached. It read:

    - Attachment: 1 image

    - BITCH, THIS IS LITERALLY YOU!!!

     You sat up immediately, your stomach twisting nauseatingly as you looked at the image on your phone screen. You blinked a few times, rubbing furiously at your eyes like this was all a bad dream and you’d wake up in a few seconds. Because this couldn’t be happening. There was no way that you were looking at a picture of you and Steve that neither of you had taken, walking out of a restaurant you couldn’t be bothered to remember the name of right now. A sense of urgency flooding your veins, you nudged Steve harshly. He shifted in his sleep and put his arms around your waist, unaware of what was going on. 

     “Steve!” you hissed, your face burning. 

     He woke up relatively quickly, hearing the seriousness in your tone, sitting up against the pillow and facing you, his brows knitted together, muscles flexing as he supported himself on his arms. 

     “What’s wrong, babe?” he asked, leaning forward to see what you were showing him on your phone. 

You watched his expression change from one of confusion to one of concern as he began to grasp what had happened. But, instead of talking it out with you as you expected, he cursed under his breath and ripped the bed sheets off of him, getting up out of bed. You leaned forward, your naked bottom half getting exposed to the air while he pulled on some clothes and made his way out the door. 

     “Where’re you going?” you called out after him, and he didn’t even bother to take a look back at you as he marched out of the apartment, muttering,

     “I’ll be back in a few hours.”

You tried to catch up to him, but it was too late. He was gone, and now you were alone in this apartment which felt eerily empty without him now, your phone pinging with a new notification every few seconds. 

| | | 

     As expected, the headquarters were abuzz when Steve entered them. He had arrived in a haste, driving stoically on the busy New York streets, his mind racing just like the cars that zoomed past him. The first person to face him once he got inside was Bucky, who just gave Steve a sympathetic look and held the door open for him— Bucky already knew everything, he had figured it out a few weeks ago on his own. You and Steve had already dealt with that hiccup, and you had hoped (perhaps naively) that the situation with Bucky was just a fluke, and that nothing more like that would happen again. But you had been sorely mistaken. 

     Steve gave Bucky a nod, and they both made their way to the meeting room, where Steve already knew everyone would be waiting for him. Quite immaturely, he rolled his eyes at the fact that everyone was there. This matter was something personal, it had nothing to do with the rest of the Avengers, though technically it did, because Steve’s actions affected the rest of the team and  he knew that. But to his own credit, he had just woken up and he was already being bombarded with messages from PR and the rest of the team about this mishap. He had to compose himself before walking in, taking a deep breath and relaxing his clenched jaw. 

     “Are you insane?” was the first thing Steve heard when he walked in, no doubt coming from Tony.

Steve sighed, tucking his hands into his pockets, glaring at Tony,

     “Save the berating for later.”

     “Were you not thinking? Is this what you were doing during your time off?” Tony continued, his hands up in the air in a questioning motion.

     “Listen, Tony. I’m not here to hear what I did wrong. I’m here to solve this issue right now, whatever that means.”

     “You’re gonna wanna see this,” Sam said reluctantly, sliding a magazine across the table for Steve to see. 

     It was one of those ridiculous celebrity gossip magazines, and multiple pictures of Steve and you were highlighted on the front page. Steve prepared for the worst as he read the headlines: “Captain America with Mystery Girl?” and “Who is Captain America’s New Boo?” He opened the magazine to more unsavory headlines, and to his extreme dismay, pictures of you from your personal Instagram highlighted. 

     He raised his eyebrows as he read: “More on Captain America’s New Girl.” They had found your name, your age, and worst of all, your profession. Steve was seeing red as he forced himself to keep reading the salacious article which made you out to be a deviant with ulterior motives, abusing inaccurate phrases like, “an unemployed college girl turned porn star” and, “the face of Captain America’s midlife crisis!” 

Steve’s face burned white hot as he scanned the article, barely even registering the content and instead finding himself growing more and more angered by the inflammatory statements that were being made. 

     “That’s enough,” Nat finally spoke up, watching the expressions on Steve’s face grow more and more catastrophic.

She snatched the magazine away from Steve and shoved it across the table, folding her arms and glaring down the table at Tony. 

     “You okay?” Bucky asked, reaching a hand out to Steve’s shoulder. He could feel Tony’s angry glare focused on him, while everyone else gazed at him pitifully. 

Steve sighed, jerking his shoulder away from Bucky’s touch. He couldn’t even pinpoint his emotions, all he was feeling right now was rage. He was angry at himself, feeling like he somehow let this happen, even though deep down he could hear your voice telling him that he was doing everything right and that it wasn’t his fault. He was angry that now, your privacy and safety were on the line, and people who didn’t know a thing about you were making absurd assumptions about you. 

     He felt like yelling, punching something, doing anything to let out this anger so he could at least have some sort of vessel for this fury he was feeling. But he stood painstakingly still, trying to hear your voice over all the noise, your voice telling him everything was okay even though right now all signs were saying that everything was not okay. 

     “You have to deny everything,” Tony sighed after moments of awkward silence. “She’s your assistant and you were undercover acting as boyfriend and girlfriend, something convincing but not as exposing as that. And you’re getting your legal team to sue all these publications for false claims and defamation.”

Steve furrowed his brows, staring at Tony,

     “They aren’t false claims.”

Tony shrugged flippantly,

      “If you want everyone to think Captain America is sleeping with a porn star, then so be it. But it’s going to cost you if you think for a second I’m gonna let that slide on our team-”

Steve cut him off, losing the calming hum of your voice in his mind in a new wave of anger, 

     “She’s not a porn star, she’s a college graduate and the owner of an online brand and a sex worker, and that’s more than a lot of people her age can say, so don’t get brave because of these god damn articles, Stark.”

     “Listen, Cap,” Tony spat sarcastically. “I don’t give a shit who she is. The point is that in this case, your opinion on her doesn’t matter because everyone else is going to say whatever the fuck they want to say. And that’s bad for you, it’s bad for us, and it’s bad for her, if you care as much as you claim to.”

     “Don’t act like I didn’t think about this,” Steve lurched forward, slamming his hands on the table. “She’s more than just some girl to me. Don’t act like every waking second I didn’t worry that something like this would happen. Like, like I didn’t take every precaution I could, look over my shoulder every five seconds. I’m not as stupid as you want me to be, Stark.”

Of course Steve cared about his team and how this would affect the Avengers, but the last straw was the media coming for you, putting your privacy and your safety at stake. Your job and the details of your job were extremely sensitive, and you were just beginning to make a name for yourself in the real world. Steve honestly felt like this was worse for you than it was for him. He knew he had to take care of this first, for logistical reasons, but when he was done, he’d get right to you as soon as possible.

     Tony sighed, softening just a bit.

     “Listen. You know what you have to do. After the Accords, this… this isn’t the kind of attention that we need. Regardless of that, we can’t have this. You’re making a statement today, and you know what you have to say. PR’s already contacting the publishers of these bullshit articles. As for your little girlfriend, if we’re not careful, she could be in huge danger. You know the kind of people we deal with, and how fast they would swing at a chance to grab her when they think she’s unprotected. That’s exactly why you need to deny everything, and we’ll do all the damage control possible. Not that there’s even much we can fix at this point.”

      Steve glared all around the table, only to see faces of the rest of the members of the team looking up at him expectantly. He needed to explain himself. How’d he even get into this mess, what was he thinking, the usual. And Steve knew that that was his responsibility— as Captain America. As the leader. As a part of the team. Right now, he was just himself. Steve Rogers. And all that Steve Rogers was worried about was you. Regardless of what you said, the fact that you could be in danger scared the shit out of him, and also put him into this almost primitive, dominant mode. He needed to protect you. He didn’t care about reactions and rumors, he needed to make sure you were safe.

     “Talk later,” was all Steve said, turning out of the room and ignoring Tony calling his name. When he got into the car he slammed the door shut and began the drive home. 

      His mind was swarming with thoughts, about what this meant for his team, for his job, all the things he’d left unaddressed in the meeting room. He knew this wasn’t his fault, he knew that’s what you would say, but Steve wasn’t going to let himself off this easily. He was livid about the fact that the magazines and web articles had found you out so quickly and had posted pictures of you, giving away personal information about you and jeopardizing you as if you deserved it at all. So he drove home in a silent, fuming rage.

      By the time Steve came home, you, too were beside yourself with anger. You’d seen the posts your friends and family were sending you, and your social media was getting flooded with spam and comments from people who didn’t know the first thing about you. Some were downright cruel, others were oddly interested in this situation that was meant to be private all along. You hadn’t even called your parents yet or explained yourself to anyone, all you did was text them and tell them you’d get back to them later when you figured this all out. The only person you wanted to talk to at this point was Steve, and he wasn’t even there, nor was he answering his phone and you knew he had it on him. 

     The fact that he had seen the news and just left immediately, not giving you any sort of comfort or advice, not even beginning to work through this together, had you fuming. You knew that just like you, Steve had people to explain himself to and others to reach out to. But as far as you were concerned, you should’ve been the first person he talked to about this— he should’ve worked with you to at least talk about how to fix this before he just marched out the way he did. 

      You thought you had both worked past his eternal faithfulness to his job and the pressure to be dominant that he felt all the time, felt you had reached the core of the superhuman. But him leaving as promptly as he did only proved you wrong. You didn’t want to go through this alone, you wanted to go through this with him, as it was about the both of you in the first place.

     He came in and you looked up from your phone, where you were scrolling worriedly through the trending Twitter hashtag about you and Steve. Everyone was giving their unwarranted opinions, and you honestly worried how this would impact you— tons of information about you had been revealed without your consent, and it did not at all make you look good to the typical eye. 

     “Where did you go?” you asked him quietly, glaring up at him. 

He seemed to sense your anger and sighed, shrugging his shoulders in a resigned manner,

     “Headquarters. Had to sort some things out.”

     “Do you know how long I’ve been sitting here scrolling through pictures of me that are from my fucking cam site? Strangers exchanging information about me on the internet, seeing all this shit about us? And you just— just left? You didn’t even try to talk to me, Steve, honestly, what the fuck?” you snapped, your upper lip curling up angrily.

     Steve glided over to you, sitting beside you on the side of the bed and trying to get close to you. He truly felt sorrowful for leaving you alone, he wished you had known how much he wanted to talk to you while he was being berated by Tony. He only wished you had known how little he cared about the logistics because you were on his mind the whole time. 

     But he knew you were right, he had left without even trying to sort things out with you, left you to handle things on your own without even giving you an inch of support or telling you where he was going and what he planned for when he got back. 

     “You’re right, I’m sorry,” Steve apologized, his tone genuine, trying to catch your eye. He finally did, and even though you still glared angrily at him, he grinned at the fact that you were at least looking at him. “I should’ve been here for you, and dealt with all the other logistics later. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you, honestly, angel. I didn’t… I didn’t know-”

He didn’t know that your image was being plastered around everywhere, that you were being unpacked by attention-seeking publications. Your safety and your privacy came before the reputation of his team, before all the logistics. That was all he had wanted to protect this entire time. You. Looking into Steve’s eyes, you could see that they were almost glassy, and you shifted from anger to concern quickly. 

     “Baby,” you cradled your arms around his head, frowning. “No, no, I’m… I’m being stupid, of course you have to handle shit with your job first, I should know that. I just wish we could’ve processed this emotionally first. Instead of separating from each other first thing.”

     “No,” Steve said firmly, pulling away from your touch and placing strong, grounding hands on your shoulders. “No, you are completely valid, and you’re right to be angry with me, doll. I should’ve taken a moment. That’s- that’s what we’ve been working on this entire time and you’ve been trying to teach me to step outside of my anxieties and all my duties. And I should’ve been here for you. I didn’t even take the time to comfort you. I’m sorry.”

      “Thank you,” you smiled softly, and he pulled you in for a hug, nuzzling his face in your neck. 

     This was the warmest you’d ever felt with him, just sitting there with him calmly in the midst of all the chaos, finding peace and stillness in each other’s arms. Anywhere else but in each other’s arms felt dangerous and uncertain, and now that you were here together, you were starting to look up. Everything was still shitty, but maybe together, things would feel less shitty. 

     “Listen, you’ll be okay. I’m sorry for all of this, I know what you’re going to say, but I know that I’m partially responsible. I just wanted to keep you safe, and, fuck.”

You chuckled quietly to yourself, your faces only inches apart when you brought your hands up to cup and graze Steve’s cheeks lovingly,

      “You still blame yourself for everything. You can’t control what these fucking publications do. You know that. And selfishly, the risk of getting caught is worth taking, if it means I get to be with you.”

Steve melted into your touch, but still there was that stiff part of him that wanted to blame himself for this mess,

     “We’re gonna have to agree to disagree on this one, doll,” he laughed wistfully. “But, you didn’t teach me for naught. Instead of pitying ourselves, we’re gonna work on this, right?”

You nodded with a smile, 

     “Yes, yes, exactly.”

Steve sighed before continuing, frowning as he remembered the hostile air in the office.

     “They told me to deny everything and get my legal team involved, but I…” Steve paused, feeling his anger and defiance resurge. 

     If they were going to expose you two, then so be it, it was true. If he didn’t tell the truth, if he denied all the “allegations,” he was just letting them win. He was letting them silence him, letting him think he was doing something wrong because he had found you, his happiness. And sure, your relationship was easy to publicize and critique because it was controversial for many obvious reasons— the age difference, the sensitive nature of your jobs. 

     But Steve didn’t care what they had to say. All he cared was that this didn’t push you apart. And if it meant telling the truth, he’d do that. The bombardment of rumors and questions would pass eventually. Nothing could soil the Avengers for long. If he handled this the way the public expected him to handle it— with some spineless apology or some weak minded statement, it wouldn’t be fair to you. Not when you and Steve were together. 

He continued,

     “I’m not going to. I’m not denying a thing. I’ll release a statement on my own… I’ll… I’ll tell the truth. I’ll get them to leave you alone and take down whatever they’ve posted about you. I don’t care what they have to say about us. Just… they can’t mess with you.”

     Steve’s fists balled up inadvertently in frustration and anger, but he was also feeling a surge of pride, courage. He didn’t have to deal with this the way everyone wanted him to. This was a personal matter, and even though it affected his job and his team, Steve had been through too much in the past few weeks to let the public play him the way they wanted to. There would be drama, and talk, but it would all subside as it always did. He’d always be Captain, and as long as he had a good heart and good intentions, and did his job right, he didn’t give a shit about what strangers had to say about who he was in love with. 

You blinked, shocked and puzzled by Steve’s words. This was like a full 180, you weren’t used to Steve rebelling like this. You figured maybe he was just worked up, and you didn’t want to be the reason he got in trouble. You knew he had his responsibilities, regardless of how you felt. You didn’t expect him to put you above everything, you knew he had to deal with matters like this in a specific way. You tried to calm him down,

     “Steve, you’re sweet. But you should go through with what your team wants. I mean, it’s what’s best, isn’t it?”

Steve cocked his head at you,

     “And keep doing this in secret? I mean, we can’t keep this up for long, doll, you know that. If I deny it now and the truth somehow comes out, that’d be even worse. I know my team is saying the opposite, but I think this is what’s best. The rumors, the gossip… it’ll come to a stop. What we have is stronger than that.”

You grinned, your eyes glossy,

     “I know, but I don’t wanna be the reason you get in trouble.”

Steve inched closer to you and cupped your face firmly with his hands, looking into your eyes,

     “You’re not. And you won’t be. Don’t blame yourself for a second. I’m taking care of this, alright? You’ve done so much for me and you don’t even know it. It would be a disservice to the both of us if I didn’t stand up for us. Don’t worry about me, don’t worry about my job. I was wrong to ever make you feel like that was your responsibility more than it was my own. We’ll be alright.”

     Steve was true to his word. As the day progressed and word spread even more, soon enough there was a statement to match the rumors. It wasn’t what the publicists or his fellow Avengers wanted to hear, but it was what he thought was right. And there was no reversing it. Later that day you sat on your laptop, scrolling through the recently updated articles on your situation. 

     Superhero Captain America, known to those in his personal life as Steve Rogers, admits that he has been in a private relationship for the past few months. Rogers and his team ask that their privacy be maintained and respected despite the shocking, unexpected news. At the time, Rogers and his fellow Avengers will not be taking any further inquiries about the matter, and they are taking this violation of privacy and security very seriously. 

     You breathed out a sigh of relief as you read the statement, mulling it over a few times in your head. All Steve wanted was to keep you safe and get as much information that had been revealed about you taken down. You weren’t quite sure what you were going to do from here on out— your sensitive profession had been exposed and this was something that would quite likely impact you for the rest of your life. 

     How could you be expected to be taken seriously to get a career when you had been trashed and defamed on the internet for your job? It seemed that still, no one quite understood sex work and that it was just as legitimate a profession as anything else, and you knew from the start that sex workers were looked down upon. You had done everything right— you used an alias, you didn’t give away personal information. And now, your face was plastered on gossip websites, with links to the very cam site you used. 

     Needless to say, you were stressed. But, you weren’t panicking. You were processing everything and it was all so overwhelming. In the grand scheme of things, you weren’t being nitpicky about the specifics. You had faith that you would figure this all out, that everything would be back to normal soon. Whatever that meant for your future, you weren’t sure. But you refused to lose hope. Not yet. You’d pick yourself back up from the ground and dust yourself off, just like you’d done so many times before. The difference was that Steve would be there for you every step of the way.

     Steve was out again handling important business. He’d talked to you before leaving and you understood that he’d have to be gone for a few hours trying to juggle this insane situation. In the meantime, you decided that since you had time, you’d call back everyone who had been bombarding you with messages and calls. Firstly, you’d call your parents. You dialed your dad’s number and he picked up almost immediately. 

You could hear him calling your mother’s name so she could talk to you too, and you heard her scramble up to the phone to talk. 

      “YN, what the hell is going on?” your mother asked, but she sounded more concerned than upset. 

     “We’ve been calling all day, we’ve been worried sick. Everyone’s been asking about you and we had no clue what was going on,” your father continued. 

You were surprised at their tone. Perhaps ever since your awkward dinner with them where you’d revealed what was likely your biggest secret, there had been a shift. You were surprised when they were so quick to accept you despite being so distant from you your whole life, being the root of your emotional issues. You sighed, rubbing your forehead,

     “Look, I know it’s a lot.”

     “Are you okay, sweetie? Be honest,” your mother pleaded, and you made a face,

     “I’m fine, it’s been a stressful day, but-”

      “No, I mean in general. We… we know we haven’t been talking much, but this… this whole thing, it’s-- we’re worried about you. You just go off to New York without saying a thing to anyone? You’re in some secret relationship with a man twice your age?” 

You understood their concern, but at the same time, you knew you weren’t being irrational by doing these things. Instead, you were doing what made you happy. This wasn’t a spontaneous, crazy decision. You and Steve were both extremely logical people, and you weren’t unstable just because you did this without anyone knowing. You had your reasons. 

     “Look, I… this is something I did on my own. I’m an adult and I’m doing what's best for me. And, obviously, there was a reason I didn’t tell anyone. I mean, he’s- he’s not just some random guy. And what we have is… you might not understand it, but that doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with me.”

     “I just wish you felt like you could talk to us.”

     “Yeah. Me too. Listen, I just wanted to call you to let you know that I’m fine. I don’t really know what’s next, but I’ll try to keep you updated, alright? Don’t worry about me, everything will be okay.”

      “What about all those posts about you? The things people are saying, it’s- and your safety! This is serious.”

     “Dad, I know. We are working it out, believe me. I’m just as worried as you are. I’m probably more worried. But you know what, I knew the risk in coming here, and I knew what I was doing. And I’m still glad I did it. Steve means so much to me, and I’m not gonna let this change that. But all that matters is that I’m okay. I just wanted to call you and tell you that.”

      “Well, we’re glad to hear that you’re okay. There’s just so much about you that we’re just now finding out, we have every reason to be worried.”

     “Yes, you do, and you’re right. If things were different… well. Anyways. I love you both, I’ll call you later,” you said, hanging up without waiting for them to reply.

At least that was off your plate. 

| | |

     The next morning, you woke up with Steve by your side, holding you in his arms. Needless to say, yesterday had been incredibly eventful, and by the time Steve got back home, there was nothing left to do except sleep the day off. It seemed as if your troubles were far in the past, considering how quickly everything had been handled. You had to hand it to Steve, he was the one who had to talk to so many people yesterday- legal teams, PR, his team members, just to clear the air. And of course, people were still talking about everything. But the initial shock and widespread reaction from yesterday was already beginning to calm down. It was still a bit dark in the bedroom, and Steve was still asleep, his arms wrapped around you.

     You stretched to reach your phone on the side table and started scrolling. There were still articles up and pictures of you up, but Steve was working to wipe those out to protect your privacy. You chewed on your bottom lip worriedly. Even after this was all over, you’d have to figure out what the hell you were going to do. Would you have to stop camming? Would you have to throw away all hopes of any other career as well? This was all on your mind.

     Suddenly, Steve’s hand was wrapped around your phone, pulling it out of your grasp. He sighed sleepily, his voice still groggy and deep, 

     “What’d I tell you about that?”

     “I know…” you pouted, turning to face him. His eyes were closed, but you knew he was listening. “Shouldn’t keep looking for updates.”

     “Mm,” Steve hummed. “You’ll be alright, YN. I’ll make sure of that.”

     “Promise?” you asked.

     “I promise.”

That was all the reassurance you needed for now.

     Eventually, you both woke up and got ready for the day. You weren’t doing much of anything, since you’d have to stay low for a few days. But it meant you got to be in each other’s company all day, so you weren’t exactly complaining. You were laying in between Steve’s legs on the couch, your head resting on his chest. 

     Today was supposed to be your last day, but due to recent events, there had been a change in plans. You would probably stay here until this all settled, then go back to Cali and deal with business back home. Luckily for you, your friends were supportive all the way. They were astonished and shocked of course, but incredibly happy for you. They’d be there for you just as much as Steve would. 

     “You okay, doll?” Steve asked, and you glanced up at him.

     “Good as I can be. Are you okay?” you asked.

     “Better than yesterday,” Steve chuckled, his blue eyes glimmering. “My team is still working on taking down any private information about you, by the end of this week, we should be all good-”

     “Steve,” you flopped over, straddling his legs now. Instinctively, he reached up to caress your arm and your thigh. 

     “Hmm?” he hummed, looking up at you. 

     “What happens after this? I mean, as far as I’m concerned, any hopes of getting a serious job are kind of fucked now.”

     “That’s not true,” Steve furrowed his brows, frowning. He didn’t want you to feel like this incident would mess up your whole future.

     “Steve, I majored in environmental policy. That’s like, government job type shit. I have to be someone who’s reputable. And I don’t know many people who are looking to hire a porn star sugar baby. I mean, that’s what everyone’s been calling me.”

     “But you’re not that. And once we clear up all this, I promise you, no one will think that about you. you’ Besides, Stark Industries is always looking for people like that, you could work for-”

You put your finger to his lips, shaking your head with a small smile,

     “Ah ah ah. You know I like to do things myself.”

You didn’t want to just beat around the bush and take the easy way out of all this. You liked knowing that you were accomplishing what you were accomplishing all on your own. If you worked for Steve or his team, it would just feel like giving up.

     “I know, and I love that about you. But why make things so hard on yourself?”

You shrugged,

     “I don’t see it like that. I see it like… like making my own way. You know? I’d probably be set for life if I worked for Tony Stark. But… I don’t know, it’s just a thing I have. I like to get it myself.”

Steve sighed slowly, shaking his head with a sly smile. His girl, such a go-getter. That aspect of you was honestly a turn-on for him. You didn’t want anyone to be able to say they did something major for you, and even though there were flaws within that ideology, he had to give you credit where credit was due. You were a hard worker. You liked to do things on your own and know that you were where you were because of your own discipline and hard work. Not because your boyfriend had recommended you.

     “You are something else,” Steve shook his head.

     “Mm hmm,” you grinned knowingly, stretching your hands along his chest. 

     “Listen, I can’t predict the future. But I will be there for you. And I know how much you like to hustle and do things on your own, but it’s good to accept help sometimes, doll. And I want to help you through this. Don’t think the worst of everything. You’ve always managed, even in the worst of times. This is no different. No job you apply for is going to try to judge you, I can guarantee you that. I’ll make sure of that, no matter how much you try to stop me.”

You scoffed, smirking,

      “You’re such a guy.”

      “I do it for you.”

Accepting help. Maybe Steve was right. Just because you accepted someone’s help didn’t mean you hadn’t done something on your own. And when it came to something like this, you needed all the help you could get, even if you didn’t want to admit that. It didn’t make you any less of an independent woman. 

| | |

      You woke up to thousands more follower requests the next day as you ate breakfast sitting at the kitchen counter. Steve was at the stove, finishing up his own plate, and you were chewing your eggs pensively as you scrolled through your Instagram. Ever since the day everything went down, you’d been getting a lot of attention. Most of it was honestly unwanted. Magazines you actually read were DMing you, asking to interview you, wanting the inside scoop on “the life of Captain America’s girlfriend.” You didn’t pay them any mind, because that was attention you didn’t want. You cringed to think of yourself being interviewed by a reporter about personal matters for fifteen minutes of fame. 

     But the attention wasn’t all bad, and now that you thought about it, maybe your future wouldn’t be so scary. Whether you liked it or not, you were almost like a celebrity now, and celebrities always had their scandals and their speculations, and they still got booked. Maybe this was meant to be, to steer your life in a different direction. 

     It didn’t seem ideal, and you didn’t even want fame. You certainly didn’t want to be known as “Steve Rogers’ girlfriend.” If you knew one thing, it was that you were going to make a name out of yourself before people tried to make one for you. Now that you were thinking about it, you could honestly seize this opportunity. 

     Even the sales for your clothing brand had hiked up since that day. People actually took an interest in what you had to offer, and you’d rather they take an interest in that than your personal life. You had no real interest in becoming some mystical figure or some it girl who was on Steve’s arm. You were just a regular, hardworking girl from California, and you wouldn’t lose sight of that. But if this was going to happen, you were going to take advantage of it. 

     “Steve,” you said his name, and he turned to face you, putting his plate together.

     “Yeah?”

     “Look at my Instagram,” you pointed your phone screen towards him and he squinted. “All these follower requests. And I keep getting orders, this is insane.”

Steve grinned, beaming. He was glad that something good was coming out of all this for you. He knew you didn’t want or like attention, but this went to show that all eyes on you wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. He knew you knew how to flip it and turn it into something beneficial for you. You weren’t the kind of girl to bask in attention just because. You would make something out of this. 

     “I’m proud, YN, honestly. You know that’s all you, right?”

You chuckled, shaking your head,

      “Kinda crazy to wrap my head around. I don’t wanna be this sensationalized person or this public figure, but, fuck. This isn’t at all how I imagined my life going. I could make something out of this. It’s such a turn around, but maybe it was supposed to happen.”

     “I’m sorry about all this unwanted attention. But if I know you, you’ll make it work.”

It was interesting, this unwanted celebrity. You had to accept that people would start to know you. You could capitalize off this and highlight your brand, make people pay attention to that instead of your private life. You could even put your studies to work and create an environmental company. You wouldn’t just work for Stark Industries, you’d create an industry of your own. Of course, this was all in theory, and you had to gather yourself before you did those things. But the fact that this was possible just because of some unwanted attention reminded you that you could always flip a bad situation into something ten times better.

| | |

     “Fuck, Steve, I can’t,” you were panting heavily, sweat dripping down your forehead as you grasped onto his biceps. 

      Safe to say, since you were laying low and there wasn’t much to do, this was a very reliable option, every time. Now that the stress of the past few days was winding down, you were finally able to focus on what you had both been neglecting, which was each other’s bodies. Every time Steve was inside you, it was as good as the first time, if not better. You’d been going at it for hours now, partially because Steve didn’t have anything else to do and his endurance was ridiculous. You almost wanted to slap his pretty face for being able to go so long like this, drawing out your pain and your pleasure so effortlessly, only to kiss his cheek afterwards. 

     “Yes you can, doll, I know you can,” Steve said, not nearly as breathless as you were— it was safe to say sex with Steve was a workout. “Come for me just one more time.”

     “Mm,” you whined, lifting yourself up with the help of Steve’s hands clasped beneath your shaking thighs, feeling him shift inside you. You cursed, biting down on your lip and glancing down at where you two met with your brows wrung together. 

You were a mess. Both you and Steve had already came multiple times, but Steve wasn’t in a rush. He was honestly handcrafted by the devil. And since you were together, Steve had grown so much more confident. You switched in bed, sometimes you took the lead and sometimes Steve did, and sometimes it wasn’t about who was in the lead. But right now, Steve had you about to beg for mercy. 

     “Fuck, that looks so good, just watching me stretch you out like that,” Steve groaned, his eyes lowering to watch you slowly drop up and down on his cock, which was coated in your slick arousal. “You like this? Riding me for hours, coming over and over again on my cock?”

You shuddered with an almost humiliating moan, nodding your head because you weren’t able to speak. But Steve wasn’t letting you off that easy. He gripped your jaw with his hand, prying your mouth open.

      “Use your words,” he said, nodding slowly and mouthing ‘yes.’

      “Yes,” you stuttered out, feeling as Steve pulsed inside of you. You sounded ridiculous, pathetic, and you knew you looked absolutely filthy in the best way possible. You began to ramble. “Yes, yes, I love when you take me like this and— fuck— force me to come for you.”

     “Mmm,” Steve hummed like he was taking your words into consideration, mulling it over in his mind. “Yeah. You love this. You look so pretty like this.”

Pretty wasn’t the word you’d use to describe it. It was messy. You were practically drooling, and your body felt as exposed as it had ever been. Steve’s own cum from the previous times he came was pouring out of you each time you slid down onto him, and you were incredibly wet still. The sound your bodies made meeting was almost criminal. You were hot and sticky and sweaty and still somehow ridiculously gorgeous to Steve, and you looked even better when he was torturing you with pleasure. 

     You gasped raggedly when Steve had the audacity to bring his fingers down to your clit, those thick, unforgettable fingers that he used to stretch you out every time before you took his cock, rubbing harsh circles against your sensitive clit. Your whole body seemed to shudder, and Steve chuckled lowly, not even trying to hide the smirk that appeared on his face. Oh, you would so be getting him back for this. 

     “That feel good, doll?”

     “Fuck,” you whined, your hand flinging to his wrist to keep his fingers there doing the same motion. 

      Your body seemed to tighten and coil up, your eyes squeezing shut before you let go, and before you knew it, you were cumming on his cock. Or more like squirting, the way it seemed never ending and made your whole body convulse. Steve groaned as you soaked his torso and his legs, stilling yourself on his length and riding your orgasm out. He must have come inside you a few times while you were squirting. Wet tears, the good, hot kind, were forming down your cheeks as you come for what feels like the hundredth time in the span of a few slow, tantalizing hours. 

      “There you go, darling, I knew you could do it,” Steve finally pulled out of you, still hard against his stomach. He reached up and wiped the tears off your face. “Now do that again on my face.”

Fuck. You’d get him back another day.

| | |

      “Oh fuck, right there,” you sighed in ecstasy. 

     Steve’s hands were kneading into your back with expertise. He seemed to know just what he was doing, relieving all the tension from your spine and shoulders, and god knows you needed it. It had been about a week since the news came out, and everything seemed much less urgent now. 

     Reports about you two were dwindling, especially because you had stayed lowkey and didn’t flaunt your relationship about town. But it was almost freeing that you had the liberty to do so now, even if your relationship had been unfairly exposed. At least now, you could go out together without wondering if you’d get caught. 

     Steve chuckled and finished up, rolling off of you and facing you on the bed, his eyes glittering as he smiled at you. 

      “You know,” you started, reaching your hand out to stroke his cheek. “I’m kinda glad this all happened. Is that selfish?” 

      “No,” Steve grinned, shaking his head and reveling in the touch of your hand on his cheek. He grasped your wrist, gazing into your eyes. 

      These past few months had been such a whirlwind for the both of you. The both of you were doing things that surprised you, that made you endlessly happy. Steve had never felt more grateful for anything or anyone in his life. You helped him grow, and he did the same for you. He couldn’t see his future without you, and he didn’t even want to imagine it. He knew you were irreplaceable, he knew this was meant to be. Your odd circumstances and the unconventional way you met seemed to emphasize that truth. There was a reason why he had been so blue without you, and there was a reason why he had come back. Deep down, he knew all along that it was worth it, that you were worth it. Nothing else had ever been so clear to him, especially in that moment, gazing into your deep, warm eyes. 

His heart blossomed with that irrevocable feeling, and before he could stop himself, the words were bubbling out of his mouth, 

      “I love you.”

You didn’t have to think, didn’t have to second guess yourself before you replied. You knew it all along, it was just a matter of time before one of you actually said it. And now, after you’d been through so much together, after you’d taught each other so much, and healed from so much as a collective, there was no reluctance. You weren’t scared to admit that it was true.

      “I love you,” you said, with a soft grin and a dreamy look in your eyes.

You didn’t know how long you stayed there together, looking at each other and kissing and holding each other, but it was enough time to make you forget the world. 

ayeeee!!! as a bonus, i’m including this lil thing i made, it’s supposed to be what i imagine moonrose’s IG to look like! the pictures are not her faceclaims, they’re just black women that i imagine moonrose to look like LMAO but she’s free to look like whatever u want her to ♡ this is her aesthetic!!

ENJOY! new chapter soon hopefully!!!!

tags added later ♡ 

[vanderlindemangofarm]

The Van der Linde Gang - Jobs in a Modern AU

I’ve been really inspired to write about this lately and I’d love to hear your takes! These are the occupations that I think each gang member would have in a modern AU. Some were more challenging than others, but hopefully you guys can see where I’m coming from with each! 

Arthur: Film location scout. His natural eye for photography and framing makes Arthur the perfect member of a pre-production team. His no-bullshit approach to everything means he keeps to deadlines, although he’s known to go wandering off into the wilderness for unknown amounts of time. He enjoys the lone working side of his job and finding exactly the right spots that would make the film come to life. He doesn’t always like the films once they’re finished (in fact he’s often bought cinema tickets and walked out half way through, grumbling that it wasn’t worth the popcorn) but he can’t deny the excited buzz he gets every time he gets hired. In his early years as an assistant he met Bertie Mason, a nervous but talented photography intern. Despite an ill-advised hookup after a week joined at the hip they have remained close friends and still go out on shoots together. 

John: landscape gardener. John? Flowers? Yes, alright, I found it hard to believe too. But look, it’s not about the flowers, even if he does get misty-eyed at the sight of a sunflower in the early morning light. It’s about the challenge, the outdoors, and solving problems. After all the renovations he did to his house and garden (some more successful than others) John found how much satisfaction he got from digging and reshaping and planting. Don’t get me wrong, he’s often without a shirt, even in the colder months, much to the delight of some and the horror of others. He always makes friends with the household pets and is wonderful with the kids, always dropping his task to throw a frisbee around for a bit or cheekily accept an ice cold glass of lemonade from their mothers. Whenever he drives past one of his projects he feels himself glowing with pride - “I did that!”. 

Dutch: philosophy lecturer. As always, late with Starbucks. Will he actually grade your essay? Will it mysteriously disappear? Keeps you on your toes, doesn’t it? Sitting precariously on the very edge of his desk, leather jacket hanging off his shoulders and losing his balance every 15 minutes, Dr Van der Linde is nothing short of a wonder. For the love of all that is holy, do not get him started on Kant. Kant has no place here. You want to talk about your precious Kant? Get your butt down to Dr O’Driscoll’s class, he has plenty to say about Kant. Perhaps a little too fond of Socrates. Plato who? Completely illegible handwriting and definitely sleeping with several members of the faculty. But somehow his students always walk away with excellent grades. At the end of each term Dutch takes everyone out to a local bar for drinks, insists on buying tequila which no one really fancies at 11am. Claims to ride a motorcycle called The Count which no one has actually seen. Impossible to hate, and he writes everyone great references for their summer internships. 

Hosea: social worker. In a crisis, there’s no one better to knock on your door. Hosea has seen it all and he’ll see it all again, but that doesn’t stop him from treating every single case he gets with the upmost respect and care. His no-nonsense approach to his work means he gets things done, but he never sacrifices his compassion. He mostly works with teenagers and has a way of being able to connect to each individual without coming across as patronising. He’s been in the field for over two decades and is an invaluable mentor for any newcomers, always willing to share a word or two of advice or be a shoulder to cry on. 

Javier: guitar teacher and music therapist. During his worst years, Javier’s guitar was his lifeline. And he wants to help others find their lifeline, too. He works on a freelance basis, mainly going into mental health hospitals, schools and prisons. He runs workshops focusing on guitar playing, but brings other instruments (mainly percussion) to try too. He’s a gentle teacher, always with a joke in his back pocket for when you need it most. He has nicknames for everyone and remembers everything they’ve ever told him. He’s patient and never lets anyone feel bad for making a mistake. Javier also runs an after-school guitar club at the local middle school alongside playing his own music at gigs whenever he can. No, he doesn’t reply to DMs no matter how thirsty they are. 

Sadie: self-defense instructor. After surviving an attack several years ago, Sadie used her ferocity to get her qualification in self-defense to teach other women how to fight back should they need to. Her husband Jake helps out in her classes, happily allowing himself to be thrown around and slammed onto the mat as many times as required. Her students are terrified of her in the best and nicest way. Sadie also volunteers at a women’s refuge, providing emergency care and taking phone calls. 

Charles: environmental campaign manager. Charles has always been drawn to charities and started doing voluntary work for Greenpeace when he was at university, securing an internship with them in Canada which led to a full time job. Whilst Charles mainly hosts meetings and organises events, he also works closely with elementary schools and runs workshops with outdoor activities, crafts and music. Last week they made bird feeders! It was awesome. He’s also a keen activist and regularly meets up with Javier to go to protests and community events, most recently for BLM. 

Micah: motorcycle mechanic. Micah is massively invested in motorcycle culture and treats his beloved bike better than his own mother, if he still spoke to her. Although he pretends not to care, fixing bikes is his greatest passion and almost looks...happy when he’s doing it? Maybe? He likes knowing more than the people who stop by his shop and makes sure they know it. Occasionally he leaves his number on a scrap of paper inside women’s handbags when they’re not looking but for some reason none of them call. Like it or not, he’s incredibly skilled and will have your motorcycle singing a tune if that’s what you want. Euphemism? Of course not. 

Abigail: nurse. She was so shy when she realised she wanted to pursue nursing - would people laugh at her? Was she too impatient, too nagging, too shrill? Her dyslexia always put her off going into further education and she was always discouraged by her parents. But with lots of encouragement from Hosea (who helped her to fill out her applications and other forms) and her friends, Abigail went to university in her 30′s to get her degree. She graduated top of her class and now works full time in her local hospital, based mostly in the emergency room. From drunken brawlers to tearful children and grumpy old men with lumbago, Abigail has learnt to keep her cool and to have faith in her own ability. 

Molly: holistic therapist and masseuse. It took years to get that bastard of a philosopher out of her head (and out of her bed - damn those happy hour drinks “for old times’ sake”), but she’s finally free. Molly radiates a kindness that few took to the time to see, and she wanted to take strength from her past struggles to help others who may need someone to listen, just as she did. Molly took a bunch of online courses in various holistic therapies, including aromatherapy and massage, as this was something she had always been interested in. She runs a tiny clinic on a quiet street, the rooms filled with sunshine and the scent of geraniums. She also has a quite popular ASMR YouTube channel, Emerald Eyes ASMR, which she shyly admits just reached 500k subscribers. Her most popular video, ‘Irish Girl Helps You Fall Asleep (soft spoken, tapping, mouth sounds)’ just reached over a million hits. 

Kieran: veterinarian specialising in equine care. Much like Abigail, Kieran didn’t like the idea of going back into education. He’d had a rough time of it as a teenager, dropping out of high school early and working a string of menial jobs for the next decade. They paid his rent, but he still felt poor. His favourite job, however, was working at a stable. The horses made him feel calm and he found that he could read them better than most people. He went to the library and read as much as he could about them. From there, he got himself an apprenticeship which paved the way for him to earn his degree in veterinary science. He smiled so hard in his graduation photo his eyes disappeared into his cheeks. He travels all over the local countryside, visiting farms and ranches to care for the horses. His confidence picked up after the first few blunders, and little by little he’s saving up to buy his own ranch one day. 

Lenny: political science student. You know that kid who always looks amazing, even in 9am lectures? Yeah, that’s not Lenny, but he’s sat just behind. See him? Yep, the one rubbing sleep from his eyes as he pushes through the effects of another all-nighter. It’s not due to procrastination, but from perfectionism. He spends hour agonising over references, appendixes and even titles. One time he was so tired he signed his work “Ynnel”. He’s completely in love with his course and relishes every class he takes. Oh, he’s taking Dutch’s ‘History of Western Philosophy’ module by the way. Sitting in the front row, middle seat, directly in front of Dutch, his eyes glinting wickedly. Poor Dutch. Lenny has a counterpoint for absolutely everything and can barely stifle his laughter as Dutch gets more and more flustered. He’s been dating Jenny Kirk, an English Lit student, for the past few months and it’s going well. So well in fact, that he might stop hiding his Doctor Who merchandise every time she comes to his dorm room. 

Tilly: business student. Tilly started university at the same time as Lenny and they still always go to the library together, rolling their eyes at each other over their morning peppermint lattes. Tilly is at the forefront of any and all on-campus activism. Think of Sam from Dear White People - that’s our Tilly. She wears her Ravenclaw scarf all autumn and winter long and posts scathing Instagram stories about the cafeteria food. But she’s powerfully kind and very ambitious, taking on a part time job tutoring kids with dyslexia in their reading and writing. 

Susan: midwife. Think having a baby is scary? Try crossing Nurse Grimshaw. She’s here now, and that baby is coming out of you one way or another. She’ll hold your hand through thick and thin but if you dare say “I can’t do it” one more time she’ll unleash hell. Susan will make sure everyone has a job to do. Partner just standing there like a lemon? Not on her watch. She’s harsh but kind to her trainees and will always offer a cup of coffee and a shoulder to cry on, but there’s a time and place for slacking and it’s not on her labour ward. 

Trelawny: talent agent. Our Josiah is cunning, infuriatingly charismatic and with an eye for the best of the best - what else could he do so effortlessly? He’ll wrangle you a 10 second role as a latrine cleaner in a non-profit film and he’ll still make you feel like the next DiCaprio. You’re a diamond, don’t you know? Of course you could nab Elphaba, we’ll worry about the singing later. How do you feel about cat food commercials? No no, it’s not pornography, it really is cat food this time - he double checked. On top of this, he knows everyone in the business. No, really. He can’t move 3 feet down Broadway without someone booming his name. The tone of said boom depends, of course, but who hasn’t been caught with his bottom out in that director’s wife’s en-suite? 

Sean: outdoor activity centre instructor. You mean you can actually get paid to swim in lakes, ride ziplines through the forest and eat roasted marshmallows?! Sean couldn’t believe his ears. But it was true, and he’s living his best life. He may be on his penultimate warning for unruly behaviour, but he knows he could never really get fired. How could they? Everyone loves him. And to his credit, he’s a fantastic instructor, especially with kids. Everything from canoeing to caving, wild swimming to climbing, Sean has mastered it all and he always makes it fun. No one is allowed to feel left out or silly for not being able to do something. Sean has a way of making everyone feel included, even if you can only make it up the first few rungs of the ladder. Hey, that’s still off the ground! He once knew this feller Bill who cried because a moth flew into his face. You’re doing fine. 

Mary-Beth: librarian and YA author. Sweet Mary-Beth, how could she be anywhere else but surrounded by books? She adores her job at her small, local library and is always looking for ways to make it even better. She often gets tangled up in the stories she reads whilst organising shelves, but it’s quiet enough most days that she’s rarely caught. She loves helping people find their books or recommending her favourites. She also runs the toddler storytime groups and a writing club for older kids. Of course, she’s also writing her own books. The first of her ‘Valentine Mysteries’ books made a modest profit and she’s excited to write more about the adventures of Leslie Dupont. 

Karen: actress. Realising that she had a knack for accents and even after an especially successful high school lead role as Roxy Hart, Karen didn’t really acknowledge her would-be passion for acting for a long time. But she used her talents to get herself and her friends into X-rated films, dive bars and successfully pull off dozens of prank calls. It wasn’t until one of her friends was going to an open-call audition for a short film and wanted someone to go with her that Karen had her epithany. She was cast on the spot, much to the dismay of her friend. Since then, she’s been in a handful of arthouse films, a commercial here and there, and recently enjoyed a short run as Hermia in A Midsummer Night’s Dream at a small theatre downtown. Does she want fame and fortune? Honestly, she hasn’t really thought about it. Right now, she’s just enjoying the ride. And the phone numbers left for her at front of house from many admirers. 

Strauss: financial loan adviser. Oh boy, perhaps you saw this one coming. Then again, maybe not. Old Leopold isn’t quite the two-pronged-tongued eldritch horror people often mistake him for. In fact, he actually advises people against loan sharks. He had his fair share of debts y’see and he genuinely doesn’t want anyone else to go through the same thing. He’s not exactly sweet and cuddly, but he might let you have a free pen if you call by his office. I mean, technically they’re not free but...never mind, just take it. 

Bill: plumber. It was purely accidental that Bill bashed his way into his career. No, really. His sink was blocked and after an hour of poking and prodding the pipes he started hitting the poor thing with a spanner out of pure frustration, cursing all the way. To his shock, it worked, and he suddenly had running water again. What shocked him more is that he realised he wanted to know how. So, he bought a book. And he read the book. And one thing led to another, and now he’s the proud owner of Williamson Plumbing Inc. The money is very good, but for Bill that’s not it. You have to understand that for him, it’s the act itself of fixing something that brings Bill immense satisfaction. And Bill isn’t used to knowing more about something - anything - than those around him. For the first time perhaps in his life, he can sit down, solve a problem, and know that he’s done a good job. 

Swanson: AA group leader. After getting completely sober almost a decade ago and staying that way, Orville wanted to give something back to the people who had helped him out so greatly. Becoming a volunteer to help those who were trapped where he was seemed like the only path, and it felt so right. Orville is there in meetings, making coffee, handing out donuts and training new volunteers. If anyone wants to talk about their faith he’s all ears, but he never pushes it as a cure-all in any situation. Orville’s sobriety has also meant that he’s learnt to make the most phenomenal mocktails. 

Pearson: grocery shop manager and cooking teacher. Simon has his small grocery shop on the edge of town which has a wide range of regular customers. But he wanted to do more, so he set up a small class to teach fellow veterans how to cook. His wife helps out, and they grow the ingredients together in their garden and down at the allotment. It’s just an therapeutic for him as it is for his students, as he’s only just realising how much he wants to talk about his time in the navy. 

Uncle: unknown. For the longest time, everyone thought Uncle worked at one of the worst dive bars in town, as whenever they stumbled in for a nightcap he was there, behind the bar, happy as a pig in shit. Turns out that he just started going there one night and no one could get him to leave. And so every evening he’ll appear like a phantom, sit himself in the half-broken chair behind the bar (clearly labelled “not for customer use”), order the cheapest beer on the menu and sit there until midnight. No one can understand how he gets the means to live as he ragingly denies receiving any government handouts despite his lumbago. Claims to be a veteran but hasn’t fought in any wars anyone has heard of. 

[daddysfangirls-marvel]

Goth Boss (4)

Warning: language, angst, tiny fluff

summary: Tony stark x daughter goth reader. The avengers find out that Tony has a secret teenage daughter and make tony ask her to visit. But when they meet her the avengers find out why she was kept secret.( could Bucky and Steve he terrified of how y/n looks since they are from a different time and seeing a goth girl for the first time scares them) (tony has a strained relationship with y/n as she grew up without him and he kept her secret) 

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 |

“Hello, I’m- “

“Pepper Potts, I’m well aware of who you are. What can I do for you?” pleasantries were immediately thrown out the window.

“What did you do to Tony?” Pepper was on defense. Lilly just rolled her eyes somehow she knew someone would come to her door after she sent Tony home crying. Honestly, the amount of people kissing his ass was too much. 

“He asked for the truth so I told him the truth. Not my fault your man couldn’t handle it.” Lilly goes to close the door but Pepper sticks her foot in-between stopping it from closing and pushing her way in.

“He is a good man.” 

“He’s a shitty father. Get out of my house.”

“Can’t you see he’s trying to do better. He’s trying to mend his relationship with her. Why won’t you let him?”

“excuse me, You must got some nerve coming here and damning answers form me and I know for a fact you don’t know the entire fucking story. Hell, you probably don’t know a quarter of the story because if you did you wouldn’t be banging on my door defending that prick.” Lilly was really using all her energy not to punch this bitch.

“I’m not keeping him away from her for my sake. (Y/n) said she wanted nothing do due with him, she told him to fuck off a few nights ago she say she done with him. He came crawling here thinking I could give him insight on how he could win her back or where he went wrong. I told him he couldn’t win her and exactly where he went wrong . The very beginning.”

“I know in the beginning Tony was a bit of a mess trust me I was his personal assistance. But he truly has changed he is doing much better that what he was before. I think he’s ready to be a father now.” Pepper said trying to pleaded his case kindly. 

“Well it’s unfortunate that the old him fucked up so bad that not even the new him is welcomed.”

“You can’t say he can’t see her.”

“What will you do? Take it to court? And the world will find out not only did he have a daughter but that he neglected her and emotional and mentally scared her from the very beginning. I guarantee you not only will the courts grant me full custody but they’ll charge him for some of the bullshit he pulled while she was younger statue of limitation isn’t up yet... MY daughter is 16 if she says she doesn’t want to see him she doesn’t have to.” Lilly gently pushes Pepper until she is standing outside of the door. She was too speechless to actually do or say anything. 

“Oh and Ms. Potts, next time before you come banging on my door ask Tony for the full story. Better yet ask Jarvis because I can guarantee you he was either to drunk or drugged to remember.” And with that she gently closed the door on Pepper’s face. Maybe she didn’t think that through. She really needed to have a talk to Tony.

-

(Y/n) sighed as she looked at the window. She and Peter missed another day of school of course but Ned and MJ took notes for them and got their assignments so that was all good they had a few assignment that they said they would work on together. (Y/n) was sitting lazily on Peter bed waiting for him to finish his afternoon patrol and come join her It was 6 o’ clock and she was starting to think he forgot about her and continued for his night patrol. She didn’t mind she’d finish her homework and just spend the night so she could scolded him early in the morning. 

She was starting to doze off when her phone started going off she checked the Caller ID once she saw it was Tony she threw it across the bed. Her phone went off for Five minutes straight before he sent her a text ‘ It’s Peter’ she immediately picked up on the next ring. 

“Peter!?”

“um... hey, sweetheart-”

“What happened to Peter? where’s Peter?” she didn’t even care that it was Tony who called or who she was talking to her mind was on Peter.

“There was an accident on his patrol he … he’s in surgery right now. And-” 

“I’m on my way right now” she hung up as she ran for the front door she saw Aunt May coming in front her late shift. She immediately told her what she knew and then the both of them were off rushing to the tower. 

Steve was in the lobby waiting from them and brought them up to the infirmary. Where Tony was waiting for them.

“What happened?”  May demanded Tony tried to make her have a seat but she wasn’t having it “ Tell me now, what happened to my nephew.”

“Honestly we’re not entirely sure. He swung in on the landing pad all beaten up barely conscious.”

“His injuries”

“He’s going to be okay-”

“His injuries” (Y/n) demanded along side her.

“Left leg broken, three fingers on his right hand broken, two broken ribs, a concussion, a gun shot to his left side... it may have pierced his lung. we’re not sure yet.” That all they needed to hear the both of them finally sat down and broken down into tears. “listen we’ve got the best doctors in the world hear. Peter is going to be fine. He’s going to be okay.”

-

A couple of hours later May and (Y/n)’s tears had finally run dry and they were stuck in silence simply hugging each other. 

“Ms. Parker?”

“Yes, yes, How is he?” May asked standing up and pulling (Y/n) along with her still not letting go. Tony stayed seated but listened.

“Your Nephew is going to be fine his healing abilities are kicking in.” everyone let out a sigh of relief  “ We’ve given him some pain medication to help him relax and get comfortable. I’d ask you to help him to take it easy for the next few days. He’s not awake yet but you can check on him.”

(Y/n) let May go first letting her have her moment with her nephew. She took a seat on the bench outside and hugged herself. Tony, he moved a bit closer and she slid further away.

“Stop. Nothing has changed. Don’t try to change it. Focus on Peter, he’s who we both care about and the reason we’re here.” 

“I care about you too” Tony says moving closer she jumps up off the bench.

“Don’t. Not now.” She walks away to Peter’s room. She finds May sitting at his bedside holding his hand she comes in and takes a seat on the other side of him taking hold of his hand.

“So reckless, You could have really got died Peter or worse-”

“Expelled” he mumbled as he rolled his head and opened his eyes. She gasped immediately pouncing on and kissing him. They both laughed and hugged each other still kissing. May giggled as she left them alone. 

“I.. I was waiting for you and you didn’t come home then He called and said you were hurt and going into surgery.” 

“and now I’m out and on the way to getting better” Peter said as he pulled back his covers and motioned for her to get in bed with him which she gladly did. 

“I... I was so sc-scared I thought..” 

“Hey, Hey, I’m right here” he said as she began to sob in his chest he held her tight. 

“You are so good.” she said as she laced her fingers with his and held his hand tight “ I’ve never had anything good in my life until you. Please, please don’t leave me”

“I’d never” he kissed her forehead and stroked her hair. They both slowly fell asleep to the sound of each others heart. 

-

Tony leaned against the wall next to the door he was of course ease dropping like usual and had heard their conversation. For some reason the comment about never having any good in her life stung but the comment of Peter being something good in her life made him feel proud. It was weird. 

“I called (Y/n)’s mother and let her know what happened she says she can stay the night with Peter and skip school again...What’s wrong? Are they alright?” May became worried and was about to rushed back into the room but Tony stopped her and pulled her away.

“No, no, no, they’re fine. I’m just … stuck in bad thoughts.” Tony said slouching down on the bench.

“Alright, what’s wrong?” she asked joining him on the bench.

“I’m a terrible father. I’m just horrible, I know I’m horrible, everyone tells me I’m horrible, they tell me the stories they remind me of the horrible things I’ve done. I’m in the top five worse fathers of the year... I’m trying now, I’m better now but it’s to late my daughter wants nothing to do with me. I was so bad back then I've ruined the now. She doesn’t want me as her father.”

“But you want to be in her life now?”

“Yes, very much so.” he said wiping a few stray tears.

“Then how about you talk to her.”

“She doesn’t want to talk to me”

“She’s come around. Whether it’s to yell at you one last time or to get answers from you, she’ll come around eventually. Until then be kind to her and don’t force you’re on her. Be patience and Have kindness.” She pat him on the back.

May didn’t know the full extant of (Y/n) and Tony’s relationship but she knew that they were both struggling with it. (Y/n) struggling to stay away from Tony and Tony struggling to get to (Y/n). May wasn’t choosing sides and she really didn’t want to get involved but she truly wished for the best on both side and hoped for a compromised that would pleased everyone. 

She had grown to like (Y/n).

-

“How’s Peter?” Pepper asked as Tony came into the room looking completely exhausted he flopped face first on to their shared bed then rolled over.

“He’s okay.” 

“Oh thank goodness.” she said sighing out in relief and laying down next to Tony.

Doing well he should be back on his feet tomorrow but he needs to take it easy for the next few days. No patrolling. No training. Just school and rest.” Tony just laid there for a moment hand covering his eyes in thought. Pepper debated whether or not to tell him about her visit to Lilly today he already had a rough day and she didn’t want to make it worse with this news.

“Therapy.”

“What?”

“I’m going back into therapy. With everything with (Y/n) and her mom recently. I’ve been a mess and I honestly don’t know what I’m doing but I know I’m making it all worse. I’m going to go back into therapy and fix my head. Maybe if she’s up to it at some point we can do a therapy session together... I don’t know I thinking to far ahead. Therapy first.” Tony sat up and nodded his head as if he made up his mind then looked down at Pepper. She looked to be deep in thought. “ What’s up?”

“um.. nothing. I’m proud of you trying to fix your relationship with your daughter” Pepper said as she sat up and gave him a kiss he didn’t need to know about todays visit at least not now. She’d tell him...eventually.

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[lowlife4lifesposts]

Old Saint Peter is going to “bitch slap” you you right across the face at the Pearly Gates for what you’ve done.

How does one understand when your closest and most trusted person “plays you” for profit?

20 Brothers say you are a liar and never talked to them about you taking care of his things. Most everything you put in the divorce documents is manifestly untrue. Your tales of the abuses that you suffered aren’t even logistically possible but his witness is your own mother! You contributed nothing and demanded everything in court then after both lawyers quit you wrote to the judge that you getting 100% of everything was a fair 50/50 split after ensuring that your husband was so fucked in the head that he couldn’t make it to court 800 miles away with no money because you took it all! Now as you do everyone online in dating apps you wonder why you aren’t seen as this great person who was victimized by a “monster”? This monster however has not ever had any similar complaints to your even though he was married for 2 years before he met you. He has 3 adult children and 9 grandchildren and was the “Neighborhood Dad” as well as mentoring and assisting dozens of people both men and women in his profession and was never a cheater or unfair in any relationships. Yet he is your monster? You were abused per your words in all your relationships. You were offered 60% of everything in the divorce not just the marital assists and you demanded 100%. Every accusation that you’ve thrown out has no proof and the plausible deniability is overwhelming. The documentation of your online antics in harassing your husband with your boyfriend is documented by both Google, Verizon and AT&T as well as your ex husband. Now all your Ex husband is thinking is; “How does one care so deeply for someone that would not only discard them so easily but also go to extraordinary effort to cause them significant damages? “

In more specific terms the scenario is based on how my world came to be as it is today. There were explanations given to others about “what went down” but the stories always left out some important details like how he was losing his mind due to stress, how she had been secretly communicating with Exes, how he told repeatedly when he was upset that it was nothing to do with her how he just needed to vent. It also was lacking in context when conveyed as both people had recently lost their Fathers tragically and outside of each other these were the most important people in the world to them.

To learn that the one you love is just like anyone else is a harsh awakening but to learn that they comfortably function in the lower segment of the population can be a devastating thing! You can wait and see if they become the “stand up” that they portrayed themselves to be but so far in my experience everyone that fucks you over either did it intentionally or couldn’t care less about anyone other than themselves. This leads us right back to the first paragraph. 

To close this all up, he didn’t do most of what she says he did and after the “ghosting “ it was all guess work on his part, so what we can take from this is that it’s all bullshit and the truth is never to be known by the only two people that it really mattered to. The communication supposedly given to others to be passed along never made the loop. The courts weren’t given the true or valid information and both lawyers quit the case before fruition. They both did more for each other than they have said and they both damaged each other more than they’ll ever know. The one thing that is clear is that communication was severely lacking. There was too many secrets on the one side and too much anger and frustration on the other side. Assumptions, Third Party Fuckery and Bad Judgements are what prevailed in the end. The end of the story shows more than anyone knows but basically she ended up with everything, immediately was in another relationship and tormented him. He years later he’s still single and not interested, he has a small business and everyday is more challenging than the one before. There are accusations of one being driven by greed, lust and selfishness as well as narcissistic and malicious. The other is accused of being a narcissist, rapist, murderer, BI Polar, Psycho, Pathetic, unworthy of any of there lifetime accomplishments and notoriety, being abusive, cruel, unfaithful, untruthful, selfish, emotionally unavailable, uncaring, unkind, gang affiliation, stalking, threatening and malicious! One party lost a lucrative 25 year career in Executive Management while the other went from multiple years of being unemployed and supported without being required anything in return to a new career as an author and self proclaimed victim/survivor.

I’m glad she’s happy but sad that she had to do it at my expense and to all those 3rd party types out there “keep your head low, your eyes forward and don’t ever, under any circumstances get in my way ever as it won’t be over telephone or computer when we cross paths again! I’ll also say that if you are covertly planning an exit from a relationship you aren’t trying to fix it!

[big-bad-ulf]

The Prodigal Wolf Returns || Ulfric & Winn

Timing: Midday, Thursday 4th of June  Parties: @packsbeforesnacks, @big-bad-ulf Summary: Ulfric meets with Winn to discuss what drove him out of town, and consider their next moves.  Warnings: Mentions of assisted suicide, depression, and grief.

The clearing in the woods was quiet, remote, and neutral. Somewhere they could both feel at home, but that neither could claim ownership of. Hearing footsteps approaching, Ulfric dropped the cigarette stub between his fingers, stamping it out into the leaf litter below to conceal most of the evidence of the bad habit he’d picked up again after Celeste’s passing, though the smoke still lingered accusingly. “I suppose thanks are in order, for coming all the way out here,” he greeted Winn stoically, before finally turning to face the returned wolf. “As you’re aware, I’m not the one who you need to explain your actions to.” He hoped it was apparent he meant Layla and Ariana, but the young man didn’t have the best track record thinking things through to their logical conclusion. “But I’d like one, because as it stands I can’t imagine a scenario in which ‘sparring’ with a tiny human girl while in wolf form was necessary? Nor was fleeing town when you knew others of your kind were in danger.” The older werewolf’s tone was tired, weighed down by the collective suffering of White Crest’s pack over the last few weeks, but an anger borne of disappointment simmered beneath the weariness. 

Winn had been dreadin’ this conversation since he’d figured out everyone thought he’d skipped town. Ulfric was… intimidating, to say the absolute least. Winn could handle teenagers. He could handle folks in his own (relative) age group. And Simon was, well, kind, in a way that he wasn’t sure Ulfric was. But part of the problem was that he didn’t know Ulfric. Didn’t know most of the wolves, really, all friendliness aside. So, worst-case scenario, Ulfirc hated him. Best case scenario, Ulfric thought he was an idiot. As he entered the clearing, smoke tickled his nose. The Full Moon was on them and Winn was pretty sure he’d have smelled it even if Ulfric hadn’t just been smoking, but he stowed the frown. It wasn’t his place to judge someone’s habits; he’d had bad habits of his own. Still had some. “I appreciate it,” Winn said, “but it’s unnecessary. I should thank you, for bein’ willing to hear me out.” He leaned against a tree, scrubbing at his eyes. Reconciling with his father and (part of) his former pack hadn’t helped his sleep, much as he wanted it to and, with Natalia out of town, he was running low on aram. “Talked to both of them. Only one left that knew, I think, is you.”

He weighed what he knew about Blanche in his mind, what he knew about Ulfric, and his newfound fondness for the truth. “Blanche is… like a sister, to me. She’s a trouble magnet. If there’s supernatural nonsense goin’ on in White Crest, I head her way. ‘Cause chances are, if she isn’t already involved, she will be in, like, an hour. I know it was stupid, thought I had better control than I did. After I got a hold of myself, I dipped, for just a few minutes. Came back, told Blanche that I was leavin’ to take care of some things, left a note somewhere I thought she’d find it. Phone had been dead before that, and I figured if she told folks I was gone, they’d know that I’d be back soon and couldn’t really make a twelve-hour drive shorter.” Winn sighed. “That’s usually the part of the story where folks have questions, so hit me. Oh, right. Social media. A shirtless photo of mine got flagged and, since I didn’t have my phone, I couldn’t contest the deactivation. That one was just coincidence. Lady Luck wasn’t in my favor.”

“It was stupid,” Ulfric confirmed when Winn was through with his explanation. He crossed his arms and paced in a tight, restless pattern as he weighed the other wolf’s actions, to decide what needed asking. It wasn’t like he could pass any judgment in an official sense, it would be up to Layla and Ariana and any of the other wolves who felt slighted to decide for themselves how they felt and how they wanted to interact with him on a personal level. But as a more experienced wolf, he felt obligated to address the aspects of Winn’s behavior that had the potential to harm the entire pack, or even their entire species. “I understand this girl means something to you, but we don’t need to be teaching more humans how to fight us.” Not that it was likely a human of average strength would stand much of a chance, even with whatever ‘mind powers’ Blanche supposedly possessed, but that was beside the point, their weaknesses were meant to stay between them. “Learning that would only help her against our kind, and if you’re worried any one of us is a threat to her that’s something that can be dealt with internally… It’s the fact you don’t seem to know your limits that troubles me most, though.”

Ulfric stopped and stood his ground as he came to that conclusion, looking over Winn appraisingly as he remembered the young wolf bragging about having killed a hunter. He’d chalked it up to mostly harmless arrogance at the time, but when he later explained he hadn’t done it on purpose that should’ve raised more red flags than it had. “You don’t seem like you’re that new to this. You should have a better grasp of how much control you do or don’t have. So, I suppose my questions are, do you know what pushed you over the edge? What do you plan to do to ensure this doesn’t happen again?”

Winn tried not to bristle at the half-accusation, pushing himself off the tree and walking towards Ulfric as, hopefully, non-threateningly as possible. “With all due respect, I never said that I was trainin’ her to take out wolves,” he said. And he hadn’t been! Werewolves were just big and so were, what, half of the things B would run into? “She only knows the bare minimum, assumin’ she hasn’t talked to Kaden ‘bout his other job. Ain’t hard for a human to try silver, given only every story about us tends to revolve ‘round that fact.” He took a deep breath, exhaling through his nose. “But we can argue ‘bout Blanche later, it’s not like I’ll be sparrin’ with her in wolf form again.”

“It worries me, too. ‘Cause I’ve…” he paused, looking up into the canopy to choose his words carefully. “Let me backtrack. You don’t know much about me, and it might be… helpful. Since you’re the wolf ‘round here with the most experience…” Now, Winn was pacing. “I was turned almost eight years ago. The only turned wolf in a pack of, uh, werewolf fraternity brothers, down south. They guided me through my first dozen shifts, taught me how to be calm. So, believe me when I say: I have plenty of control, ‘specially for not havin’ been a wolf all my life. And don’t get your britches in a bunch, I know that sounds like bullshit, right now.” Winn ran a hand through his hair, uncomfortable with the conclusions he was beginning to draw about his time ‘changed.’ “I said I accidentally killed a Hunter… well, that was half-true. The accident was my own — I was sleepin’ with a Hunter, didn’t know he was a Hunter. The killing was on purpose. Self-defense, when he abused my trust, tried to go after my pack.

“After that, I was in… a dark place. That would’a been late 2015. Next thing I remember, I was in Europe, staggering in my human form out of the woods in early 2018. Thought, until recently, I’d spent a year or two in and out of my wolf form… but, I’m startin’ to question that. Couple theories’ve been tossed around, maybe it isn’t true. But when I… attacked B, it felt different. On a Moon, when I let the wolf come to the forefront… even when I was tryin’ to keep us separate, I still knew what was goin’ on. But with B, I don’t remember anything between getting thrown into a tree and pullin’ myself back from the brink. It was, well, dissociative is maybe the closest way to say it. I was there, and then I wasn’t. I’ve never lost control like that. Not even, y’know, when I was still new at this. It’s… it’s like hittin’ that tree pulled something out of me, something from under my conscious. I— Have you ever heard of anything like that? Where a wolf just… wasn’t himself, or even his wolf self? Even if it had been, say, Ariana, I don’t think it would’ve changed it. I still think that… part of me would want to attack everything.”

“There’s no need for that if you’re not going to do it again.” Ulfric agreed with Winn’s statement about Blanche. Truthfully, he did not want to be having this argument in the first place. A good old-fashioned brawl could be cathartic but having to play the role of stern lecturer just made feel weary, worn-out, and old. Running wild together, celebrating a successful hunt, sharing tales of old legends and recent exploits, those were the things he’d looked forward to about being a part of a pack again. Having to step up and confront things that put them in jeopardy was a responsibility that came with that privilege, but not one he enjoyed or hoped to have to take up often.

The older werewolf couldn’t contain a small grimace of disgust upon hearing Winn’s story. The chance that they might be a hunter was one of the many reasons it was a bad idea to get involved that way with humans, but he didn’t bother to voice his opinion on that. The man was an adult capable of making his own choices and he’d also spent a lot of his life as a human, so it was easy to see where that mistake had come from. Besides, it seemed he’d more than learned his lesson on that front.

“I’m sorry that you had to go through that. I can’t imagine how hard it must have been to come back from a betrayal like that.” Ulfric replied at last, because the tale was tragic, if difficult for him to relate to on a personal level. “I haven’t heard of wolves entering an abnormal state like that,” Of course, his own ‘wolf self’ was similar in some ways to what Winn had described, an entirely animalistic being, but even then it retained the animal instinct not to attack its own kind without severe provocation and the risk of that side of himself emerging outside of a full moon was very low. “It seems the answers may lie in what happened in those lost years. What are the theories?” Staying transformed for the better part of years… Was such a thing truly possible? Ulfric could’ve almost been jealous of Winn for having that freedom from morals and responsibilities of the human world for so long, if the suffering it was causing him now wasn’t so apparent.

“Have you tried… it could be possible, or so I’ve heard, to bring some memories back through mystical means.” He suggested hesitantly. “I don’t like getting involved with such things, but you can’t just… go on the way you are, not without having to isolate yourself.” And that was the last thing he wanted for any of his kind, regardless of whether he held them in high regard or not. “If something were to bring on this feral state in front of a crowd that would mean disaster for all of us. And I’m sure you know that,” He leveled the younger wolf with a hard-nosed look. “Even if some of your actions suggest a distinct lack of judgment of the more mundane variety.”   

“I— Thanks.” Winn frowned, stopping his pacing as Ulfric spoke. “I have a… friend, who looked into some, uh, wolf causes. Didn’t find much, some reports of wolves stayin’ transformed who went… feral, who couldn’t change back into their human form.” What Rio had told him had scared him, but it hadn’t felt, well… correct. It seemed like even those wolves had the sense to not attack other wolves, that they retained some of their humanity, even if they became more animal than human. ‘Course, many of them didn’t live to tell their tale, and the records that Rio had found could only tell them so much. Some had been written by Hunters, others written by a wolf who had to put one of his own down. But Winn had come back, which seemed to be the wrinkle. No Hunter had ever tried to bring a wolf back to themselves, but not even a packmate could. So, if Winn had been transformed, how could he have come back?

“Given I’m back, though, my friend and I ruled that out. ‘Specially for a bitten wolf to come back from bein’ feral? Seemed unlikely. Not when there was another explanation. Which is, um…” Alright, okay. He could admit this aloud. “My dad is a huxian. He thinks it might be mystical, yeah. Somethin’ taken from me, or somethin’ I gave up.”

He swallowed, mouth dry. “I’m still tryin’ other avenues. R— My friend is lookin’ into… side-effects of wolfsbane. What shit street wolfsbane might get spiked with. I—” Winn scratched at his arms, almost wishin’ that he was wearin’ a shirt. “I took wolfsbane for months, after I killed that Hunter. Blamed myself for what happened to the pack. And I guess I… stopped.” He looked up into the canopy. “But you’re right. I need to figure out my shit, so I don’t put us all at risk. And, short of goin’ back on the wolfsbane — which I’m not gonna do — we really don’t have any leads. If there’s… a part of me, that’s missin’, then I don’t want to go on like this. I can’t. Even if…” Well, there was always this part. Winn looked back down at Ulfric, mouth set in a hard line. “Don’t… I don’t want your pity. This isn’t y’all’s problem, but there’s… well, if I’m missin’ two years, there’s a chance that…” He coughed. 

“There’s this Hunter I know. Luke mentioned him at the meeting. He… If I did somethin’ bad, hurt an innocent life, he’s the one I trust to… put an end to me. But I don’t want him knowin’ about what happened with B, and— I don’t know what could happen, if I get those memories back. No one I’ve talked to so far does. But if he’s… if I’m different, if I try to hurt someone, I need y’all to be willin’ to stop me. If that happens… As the person I am now, I want you… to take me down. If you can’t kill me, let me rot. If I can’t control myself, I am… I am not more important than all of you.” His voice was hoarse, tears pricked at the corners of his eyes. He couldn’t remember crying this much in a very long time, but he needed to be firm. “Promise me. Please. I’m sorry, so sorry, to put that burden on you.” He held out his hand, for the other wolf to take, to seal the pact. “But it has to be done.”

As Winn’s explanation continued, it became more and more clear to Ulfric that his actions couldn’t be explained away by stupidity or cowardice. That was a shame really, both of those causes would’ve been much easier to deal with than this mystery of missing memory. Everything Winn said seemed to introduce a new piece to the puzzle (Huxians, wolfsbane, and of course, the seemingly inescapable interference of hunters), but it was unclear how they whole fit together or how much of a threat would be revealed when the big picture came together. When the young wolf came to the end of his speech and what he was asking him to do sunk in, Ulfric’s blood ran cold. Protecting the pack was paramount, but the thought of killing another wolf was profane, it would be the ultimate sacrilege towards the gift his ancestors had bestowed upon him. 

“I’m not going to sit idly by and let you harm other members of the pack, of that you can be certain,” he answered carefully, considering his options. If Winn were to slip into a permanent state of mindless, unbridled aggression, the usual ‘last resort’ of exile would do little to keep him from returning and causing havoc in their territory. Caging was another possibility, but he knew if their circumstances were reversed, he’d prefer a quick death over a life spent in chains, and it seemed the young man would as well. And finally, allowing hunters to deal with him in that state would only further inflame their hatred towards his kind, along with being plain undignified. “If your continued existence poses a threat to their survival, I promise you, I’ll do what needs to be done.” Ulfric accepted after a long moment’s deliberation, giving Winn’s hand a firm, resolute shake, though the clamminess of his palm betrayed his instinctual, visceral reaction against the plan. “Let’s not let it come to that though,” He added, more of an instruction than a hope. “I’ve had my fill of death for the time being.” 

““Thank you,” Winn said, quietly. “But… Agreed. Don’t want it to come to that.” It wasn’t that Winn hadn’t considered his death before. Hell, after what had happened with his old pack, there had been times where he’d… well, where he’d really considered dying. Winn liked to think he was better, now. If not totally well-adjusted, at least pretty solid on the ‘me dying wouldn’t fix the issue’ mantra. Counseling helped that, and learning about counseling only reinforced it. Which is part of why he knew: “I need those memories back, though. Even if it hurts, or if there’s… a reason I buried them. Now that I know they might not be there, it’s like… it’s like I can feel the space where they used to be. They’re a blindspot, sure, but more than that they’re… part of me. I can’t…” He sighed, sitting down on the forest floor and breathing in the woods for a moment before continuing. “As I am now, I can’t imagine what reason I could have had to bury them or… take them? I don’t know anybody who’d have the answers. Plus, there’s all the shit with Luke, and what happened with Ari, and… Fuck, man, I haven’t even asked you how you’re doing. I… I mean, I didn’t know Celeste, but I talked to Ari some, and… I know it’s a cheap question, but are you okay, Ulfric?”

“I think I can understand that. Why you’d want them back.” Ulfric assured him. He was familiar with having gaps in his memory, though he’d never had much choice in the matter. Berserkers had lost the ability to remember most of their actions while transformed centuries ago, and their intentions behind that, if there were any, were shrouded in mystery and myth. He did have a choice, though, between taking the easy way out and walking away from the carnage he’d caused while in wolf form and reconstructing what happened during that time as best he could. Ever since his ill-thought-out vengeance against the hunters who took his younger siblings, he’d chosen to do the latter. Chosen to look at the carnage and accept why it had happened, and that it was a part of him.

 “What we do is what we are,” he pondered aloud, before directing his attention back on Winn more fully. “I respect your choice and wish you luck. You can count on me for… whatever it is you think I can provide.” Which wasn’t much, given his lack of expertise in the realm of the magical. He couldn’t even truthfully say he’d provide friendly support, because he was still too wary of the young wolf and the potential danger he posed to the pack as a whole to consider him a friend. An alliance was clearly in both their best interests though, so Ulfric refrained from repeating his earlier comments about not wanting any help from him when he asked how he was. “I’ll survive, so will you,” he stated simply and firmly instead, almost ordering the fates to make it so. “Any other option doesn’t bear thinking about.” The older wolf turned briskly and took off into the trees. Action was required of both of them, if the White Crest pack was ever going to be able to consider itself safe. They could spare no more time for conjecture and contemplation.

[satonthelotuspier]

I'm seeing prompts on your site and does that mean you are accepting them right now? I've never requested a prompt before and I don't know what to do? But if I'm doing it right I'd really like to see 13 for XueXiao from the bodyguard au prompt list? Fluffy or angsty, as you please. Am I doing this right?

OK so Im being obvious, but this contains XueXiao.

Modern Bodyguard AU so none of the complications of canon apply.

Now the disclaimers are out of the way, I have to apologise to the very patient @amaskinamirror bc this took so much longer to write than I expected. The reason being most of my prompt fics end up around the 1k-1.4k word mark and this kept going and kept going because there was a story there. It came in around the 4.5k work mark. Think of it as added value, unless you hate it in which case it’s not ;)

Pompts from this post here

Part 2 now available here

Xue Yang is the enfant terrible of the music world and his manager has pretty much had enough of his shitty behaviour. Features a thorny Xue Yang shaped by the worlds opinions of him, and a hardass yet caring Xiao Xingchen who maybe might just start to see beyond the lies.

Possible triggers/warnings: Also features swearing, man-handling, use of a date rape drug, minor injury and blood. Luckily XXC is there to save the day in all situations.

Xue Yang was woken up from a deep, no doubt alcohol-induced, sleep to the feeling of cold water being splashed in his face.

He shot upright coughing and spluttering and wiping water out of his eyes, trying to process what the hell had happened. The unconscious bodies around him all started to stir and groan back to lucidity.

Xue Yang followed the long line of the leg in front of him up to eventually meet a pair of dark eyes staring down at him without expression.

“What the fuck?” he demanded and tried to get up but someone he didn’t even remember the name of was laid across his legs.

It had been another party. One where they’d drunk hard and passed out before dawn some time; he didn’t know half the people here. That had never stopped him. Being the enfant terrible of the music industry took both time, effort and commitment.

The tall man bent down to extricate him, then yanked him to his feet.

“You have rehearsals in ninety minutes. Get showered, you smell like a brewery” a garment bag was pushed into his hands then he was waved in the direction of the hotel suite’s bathroom.

“Excuse me, but just who the fuck are you?” honestly his head felt a little woolly still from the after-effect of the alcohol he’d been drinking, but he was sure he didn’t know who this man was or what he was doing in his hotel suite.

“Your Fairy Godmother, Cinderella, now go get a shower, you’re wasting time”

Xue Yang grabbed hold of the collar of his jacket, “Don’t bullshit me”

The hand that clamped around his wrist was steel-like, “Your new security. Your manager sends his regards. I won’t tell you to go and shower again”

“Firstly, if you are security you are not my boss, so you can stop with the ordering me around like I’m your little bitch, secondly, you are my security? I’m sure if a duckling gets too close you’ll do a great job, otherwise…” he was going to push the other away, sure because of his willowy frame it would be easy. Quite how he ended up in an armlock and being dragged to the bathroom he didn’t know. He bit his tongue to stifle the cry of pain; no way would he utter the noise aloud. “Who the fuck do you think you are?” he snarled as the other kept going into the bathroom.

“I’ve already explained. I’m not going to repeat myself” the man opened the shower door, pushed Xue Yang into the cubicle and pushed the on button.

Of course Xue Yang never learned his lesson; he launched himself at the other only to bounce off the cubicle door as the other shut it behind him, holding it closed.

“New world order, xiao-Xue, get used to being my little bitch” the other grinned as Xue Yang punched the glass then yelled at the pain in his hand, “Clean up, I don’t want to be forced to come in there and clean you up myself”

***

Xue Yang curled himself up as small as possible on the back seat of the car; he was in high sulk. After calling his manager to demand an explanation of what was going on Jin Guangyao had told him in no uncertain terms he’d better get used to the idea of Xiao Xingchen being around. His new security was not only there to provide for his personal safety after a spate of disturbing mail (more disturbing than the usual run of the mill threats at least), but to whip him into some kind of shape as Jin Guangyao was convinced his terrible behaviour, bad reputation and general personality was about to lose them some very large contracts.

Everyone loved a bad boy in theory, but when it began to affect his ability to make his management company money then they were definitely going to act to protect their asset.

And that had come in the form of Xiao Xingchen, who looked as gentle and fragile as an orchid but who had already handed Xue Yang his ass once today already.

“A-Qing, I need breakfast” Xue Yang whined at his assistant as his stomach rumbled for the fourth time.

“You shouldn’t have upset the new bodyguard then” she mocked him quietly, and he retreated even more, pulling the hood of his jacket up and wrapping his arms around his knees as A-Qing took pity on him and leaned forward to ask the driver to stop at a nearby coffee shop.

They did, and A-Qing and the driver returned with coffees for all and a bag full of muffins.

Lao-Xia, the driver, and A-Qing had been with Xue Yang long enough to not meet his gaze as they started on their own food; Xiao Xingchen had no such warning; he was too busy goggling at Xue Yang who had made his own muffin disappear like a magician with a rabbit.

“Are you going to eat that?” Xue Yang asked, pointing at the baked bun in Xiao Xingchen’s hand.

He simply offered it over; perhaps surprised at the demonstration of the speed at which a muffin could be demolished without trace.

The second one followed the first in quick order and Xue Yang froze as the other reached  over to brush the crumbs that had stuck to the corner of his mouth away with a thumb.

“You don’t want the Paparazzi to catch that” he said simply before turning in his seat to look out of the windscreen and sip at his coffee.

Xue Yang curled back in on himself and held his ridiculously sweet iced coffee to his chest.

“You eat too much sugar” Xiao Xingchen told him as Lao-Xia started the car and set off driving to the studio, “You need something to give you energy for the first meal of the day”

“Good luck with that, he functions on pure sugar and supplements” A-Qing mocked and Xue Yang shot her an annoyed look.

***

Xue Yang didn’t know why he was surprised the next morning when he was awoken by a solid shake to the shoulder.

He hadn’t been able to avoid the other to sneak off to party last night so he wasn’t hung over but that didn’t mean he was any more amenable to the idea of waking up.

“Come on Sleeping Beauty, you have to be at your first interview in an hour”

Interviews. His mortal enemy. The thing he hated most in the world. And he was still no better at dealing with them than he had been as a fresh face on the music scene, where the press had crucified him, thrown every painful fact of his past in his face and then painted him as a troubled bad boy with a temper; a role he’d eventually just given up fighting against and embraced.

He threw the blankets over his head; maybe if he just went back to sleep the interview would disappear.

The blankets were thrown back.

“Dude, what the fuck?” he demanded, was he allowed no privacy at all anymore?

“Get up” Xiao Xingchen jerked his head towards the bathroom.

“Fuck off. I’m not going” he reached out to push the other away.

It went about as well as yesterday had for him; he ended up face down on the bed with his arm locked up between his shoulder blades.

“Are you going to learn any time soon? I mean, kudos for persistence but lose points for stupidity. Now, last chance to get up on your own, otherwise I’ll throw you over my shoulder and you can go dressed like that”

Xue Yang wasn’t sure he believed the other was strong enough to actually carry him out of the hotel room, but he daren’t take the chance he might be dragged out kicking and screaming and dressed in his ratty old t-shirt and shorts.

“Fine, yes, I’m getting up. Let me go, please” as a street child he’d learned to beg prettily and it wasn’t a skill he was averse to using if he needed to, to survive. It didn’t need to be sincere, it just needed to sound it, to be calculated to pull on the other’s heart strings.

It didn’t seem to affect Xiao Xingchen, but he was released nonetheless.

***

Xue Yang of course arrived on time for his first interview, (there were three in total scheduled for today), as far as they went it wasn’t particularly gruelling for him, but he was fully aware he was a mess by the end of it; he’d probably come across like he was on drugs, but it wasn’t like that would be the first, second or third time the rumour would circulate in relation to him.

He knew Xiao Xingchen eyed him in consideration, but he ignored it; he didn’t have the presence of mind to survive the next two interviews and worry about what his new security agent was judging him for today.

He was much worse by the end of the second; he had been left alone a sitting room of the hotel the interview’s had been arranged at and he lowered his head into his hands, trying to even out his breathing and calm himself. His professionalism would be questioned even further if he failed to complete the last interview, or screwed up during it.

He felt the couch dip next to him, “Here” he looked up, poison on his tongue ready to be spit at Xiao Xingchen when he realised the other held out one of those large chocolate chip cookies in a napkin. There was also iced coffee sat on the table in front of him.

“Just relax, empty your head, and focus on the cookie” Xiao Xingchen informed him; raising an eyebrow as Xue Yang didn’t immediately accept the confectionery from him.

He took it with tentative thanks; and it vanished almost immediately once he’d decided to accept the gesture. Once he’d gotten the sugary coffee inside him too he felt much better.

***

Despite his trash reputation he wasn’t late for a single appointment over the next weeks; Jin Guangyao assured him it was perfectly alright to project the rebel for the masses but when you played the brat with the people in the business you’d soon be blacklisted; a risk he wasn’t willing to take with Xue Yang.

Xue Yang hadn’t managed to get near alcohol or a party in that time due to Xiao Xingchen’s hawk eyes and iron control.

Since the second morning though instead of being woken up with a bucket of water to the face or bickering the other had started showing up with a sweet pastry and a staggeringly sugary iced coffee which he traded off for Xue Yang eating better at other mealtimes.

Overall it didn’t seem Xue Yang had a moment of time where the other wasn’t somewhere close, controlling everything, keeping a watchful eye out.

And it bothered Xue Yang; he didn’t get used to the feeling of Xiao Xingchen being there like he’d been assured he would. He was still hyper aware of him, and he didn’t necessarily think it was because he was intimidated, despite the fact they’d had a few more altercations, none of which ended well for Xue Yang.

***

He tried to ditch his new security for his monthly visit to the orphanage his charity had built and ran; the less people who knew about it the better. Of course he couldn’t shake the other off so he had to attend followed by Xiao Xingchen, and explain to the children who the tall ge was. He was a great hit with them, and although Xue Yang pretended to be annoyed at Xiao Xingchen getting all the attention that the youngsters usually showered on him secretly he was entertained as he watched the other romp with the rough kids, or play softly with the quieter ones.

“This is the first time you’ve brought a bodyguard” he turned slightly at the sound of Tian Ying, the matron of the orphanage and the woman who’d helped bring him up in a similar institution when he had been a boy had come up beside him. “Are you in danger, xiao-Xue?”

“Of course not” he didn’t consider the crazy mail Jin Guangyao was filtering from him any more of a threat than any of the other mail he’d received in the last few years, and he definitely didn’t want her to worry about him, “They just decided I needed someone to carry my bags for me”

He didn’t have time to say much more as he was dragged into an impromptu game of football in the yard, where he and Xiao Xingchen were on opposite teams.

They played around half-heartedly until a Xiao Xingchen who was grace incarnate except apparently on a football pitch, stuck his foot out and took Xue Yang’s feet from under him and he tumbled. The fall itself wasn’t bad but he was a little grazed as they played on the yard and not grass.

Xiao Xingchen was unusually all apologies and personally saw to tending the grazes Xue Yang’s tumble had caused, despite his assurances he was absolutely fine. The touch of the other still made his pulse flutter in some odd emotion and the way Xiao Xingchen kept glancing up at him, like he’d discovered a rare and new species, was disconcerting. And pissed him off, because he could guess what it was about.

“Just don’t” he said through his teeth so no one around them could hear.

“Don’t what? Congratulate you on what you’ve built here? On what you’re doing for these kids?”

“Yes, don’t. I don’t want to hear it” he sucked a breath in at the sting of the antiseptic where Xiao Xingchen applied it to his grazes.

“Alright, whatever you want” Xiao Xingchen let it drop but he still looked at Xue Yang with something approaching admiration in his eyes.

And it was addictive, to have someone look at him like that, and not like he was trash. But then it had never bothered him before. Was it purely because it was Xiao Xingchen and he wanted to be more than trash in that man’s eyes?

“I guess you read too many gossip rags” Xue Yang sniped, “I’m not on drugs, in any weird cults, or a complete slut either”

Instead of bullshitting him and denying he’d thought anything of the kind Xiao Xingchen agreed instead, “I’m beginning to see that. Of course that doesn’t mean you don’t have a vile temper, that you don’t ever learn your lessons, or that you don’t sulk like a baby when I tell you no”

He was about to make one of his usual responses when the game of football moved closer and he clamped his lips closed on the curse.

There was a knowing, teasing look in the other’s eyes and as Xue Yang looked down into that finely-boned face he realised why the other’s good opinion had meant so much to him; why he was on tenterhooks whenever Xiao Xingchen was near, which was all the time at the moment, and why his pulse fluttered like his veins were full of butterflies whenever the other touched him. He was in love with Xiao Xingchen.

Well fuck.

***

Xue Yang paced around his hotel bedroom, feeling like a caged tiger. He wanted to destroy something. No, he really wanted a stiff drink.

Was he a masochist? What had made him fall in love with a man who knocked him around for fun? No of course that was unfair, Xiao Xingchen only ever restrained him and only when Xue Yang attacked first. Still, it must definitely be masochism.

Or Stockholm Syndrome; he had been at the mercy of the other, a virtual prisoner, for weeks now.

“I need a drink” he exclaimed aloud; and so he formulated a plan.

He took a quick shower and changed into something black and sexy and flashy, then he he called reception and asked for a taxi cab, and that they ring up to let him know when it had arrived.

He waited by his bedroom door, peeping through the tiniest opening for the phone to ring back; and as Xiao Xingchen got up from the couch to answer it he dashed out and past as silently as possible to give himself as much of a head-start as he could manage.

The doors of the elevator were closing just as he saw Xiao Xingchen enter the hallway and yell at him in rage.

He was in the taxi and away; his freedom all the sweeter for being carefully wrought.

***

Xue Yang was beginning to feel pleasantly buzzed and he was chatting quite happily with the guy who stood next to him at the bar of the VIP lounge. He’d been greeted by the usual crowd who hadn’t seen him around for the weeks he’d been kept prisoner, (OK maybe that was a little dramatic), but he’d never seen this guy before and new people were interesting.

Although he was beginning to get uncomfortable at how the other stared at him intently after he’d finished his drink.

He excused himself to “visit the bathroom” when life finally caught up with him. Life of course being Xiao Xingchen.

He pushed Xue Yang up against the wall of the corridor to the bathrooms, which was surprisingly currently empty.

“Hey” Xue Yang protested, although with alcohol relaxing his muscles it hadn’t really hurt as he hadn’t tensed for impact. Actually being pinned against the wall by the man you’d fallen in love with was quite nice. He had zero experience, bar some awkward kisses with a girl who’d known as little as him when he was younger, but apparently being manhandled was beginning to be something he enjoyed. Maybe because it was Xiao Xingchen though.

“I’d advise you to keep really quiet, I’m this close to spanking the living hell out of you” and really he’d never seen Xiao Xingchen’s deceptively delicate face so twisted in anger.

But of course alcohol impaired one’s judgement; to dangerous levels sometimes.

“Is that what you like?” he asked.

“What?” Xiao Xingchen was confused, his hand tightened on Xue Yang’s collar as if he suspected the other was planning something.

“Spanking, do you get off on it?”

“You really have no fucking self-preservation instincts do you?” Xiao Xingchen demanded and if Xue Yang hadn’t been so muddled due to the reaction of his body to the other, and the alcohol humming through his bloodstream he might have realised how much trouble he was in; he had never heard the other curse before in all their weeks together.

Instead he gave in to the urge pounding at the base of his brain, unable to control it anymore. He threw his arms around Xiao Xingchen’s neck and kissed him.

Well, it was clumsy and unskilled, but it probably still counted as a kiss.

He was pushed back against the wall unceremoniously, “What do you think you’re doing? You are my client. You are drunk. You are so out of line right now”

Of course he hadn’t really expected a different response. He somehow managed to pull himself free and stumbled back out into the VIP lounge.

Actually he seemed to be more drunk than he’d realised. He was suddenly barely able to control his body and he felt like his head was full of cotton wool. A hand touched his back, “Oh, you look terrible. Do you need to lie down? Should we get you out of here?” he was vaguely aware the voice wasn’t Xiao Xingchen’s, it belonged to the guy he’d been talking to at the bar, as he was guided towards the door but he really did need to lie down right now. He was about to nod his agreement when the supporting hand was violently removed.

“What the fuck did you give him?” that was Xiao Xingchen, although he couldn’t work out what the question meant. He felt the iron-grip of his security’s hand and he was pulled close to the other; he recognised the familiar scent of his aftershave and it set his mind at rest.

***

It had been days since the nightclub incident; and he’d managed to act completely clueless about the entire evening. In honesty there were huge swathes of Xue Yang’s memory that were completely blank, but he was cursed with vague recollection of him kissing Xiao Xingchen.

He wanted to die from embarrassment. He wanted to mope around at the rejection. He had to pretend like he was completely clueless about everything that happened though and let the other just write it off as a side effect of the Flunitrazepam the random guy at the nightclub had put in his drink.

He had been in touch with Jin Guangyao and begged the other to find him new security. He couldn’t carry on being around Xiao Xingchen all the time, feeling like he did, and scared to death he’d do something stupid to reveal his feelings in a way that couldn’t be pretended away like that stupid kiss.

He had faithfully promised he’d keep up the good behaviour Xiao Xingchen had bullied into him so long as Jin Guangyao replaced him with someone who wouldn’t cause Xue Yang such pain to have close.

His manager had promised to at least look into it.

Xue Yang didn’t realise he’d been wool-gathering in his head and managed to separate slightly from Xiao Xingchen and A-Qing until he saw a face in the crowd that made him uncomfortable.

He didn’t recognise the man but the fear that skittered down his spine was very real; he turned to try and get closer to Xiao Xingchen who called his name and dashed over; the flash he caught from the corner of his eye had him raising his arm in self-protection. He was dragged out of the way and thrown to the floor, catching nothing but a glancing blow as Xiao Xingchen took out the threat.

It was all very chaotic after that as the crowd helped keep the attacker captive until the police could arrive, and ambulance was also called as both he and Xiao Xingchen had taken knife wounds.

His was a cut to the arm that didn’t particularly bother him, it was the wound on Xiao Xingchen’s side that scared the life out of him. He used his folded jacket to keep pressure on the injury.

A-Qing fluttered around trying to get him to let someone else take over so they could do the same for his arm but he just waved her off; it was nothing.

“You really have no fucking self-preservation instincts” Xiao Xingchen told him in annoyance; luckily he seemed fully conscious at the moment.

“I know. I‘m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’ll be better from now on” he felt close to tears but fought them back brutally.

Xiao Xingchen nodded at what he said and looked into his eyes, “At least you’ll get your new bodyguard now, silver linings right?” he reached out with his left hand to thumb away one of the tears that Xue Yang hadn’t realised had escaped.

Fucking Jin Guangyao and his stupid big mouth.

“It’s for the best, xiao-Xue, in light of everything”

Which meant Xiao Xingchen was aware of his feelings and agreed the best way to deal with it was to move on. Well there went his dignity.

“You’re too precious for this cruel world in the limelight, anyway” Xue Yang tried to mock, his voice a little strangled.

“Which of us do you mean?” Xiao Xingchen asked and it was both an arrow to his heart and salve to his ego to hear such an opinion from the other.

He was glad when the paramedics had arrived and he was shuffled away to have his own wound dealt with so he could save some face. If the paramedic thought the tears were a reaction to the pain or shock of being attacked then good.

They were taken to a nearby hospital to be treated. Xue Yang’s cut needed a few stitches so he was ready to be sent away reasonably quickly, but he stayed in the waiting room until A-Qing came back to report Xiao Xingchen was fine, he’d be kept in for a few days as his would was deeper and nastier but he was stable and in no danger.

“Aren’t you going to visit before we go?” she asked, but he shook his head. And honestly she was smart enough that she probably knew what was going on and why he didn’t want to impose on the other. “Alright, lets get you back to the hotel. I think Jin Guangyao will be waiting, unfortunately, I can’t do anything to put him off this time”

Xue Yang sighed and accepted his fate.

One Month Later

The stage lights faded for the last time and he was finally able to slip offstage. He was lathered with sweat and completely exhausted. Xue Yang’s knife wound hadn’t been particularly deep or damaging but it was surprising how much it had knocked him down. He still tired out so much more easily than he was used to, but he hadn’t wanted to put this concert off, preferring to get it out of the way so he could take a holiday for a couple of weeks and use it to think about the next steps in his career, and indeed life, with nothing hanging over his head.

The man who had attacked them had been the same who had drugged his drink in the nightclub, although due to the effects Xue Yang couldn’t identify him; it had been lucky his subconscious had reacted to the man though, or it could have been so much worse.

He accepted the towel A-Qing held out for him as he met his entourage in the back stage passages and dried off, pulling on the coat she had also brought him.

There was an oddly smug look on her face and he questioned her.

“Nothing, just something funny is all” she refused to be drawn on what caused her to smile so.

They made it back to the dressing rooms and he was bundled inside.

He wondered, uncharitably, if she was on drugs.

“No rush, your car won’t be here for quite some time yet” A-Qing told him as she shut the door behind him and he turned to find his street clothes. Except he wasn’t alone.

Oh.

Suddenly he daren’t move from the doorway, not sure whether to tear it open and flee or move into the room and act like he wasn’t bothered in the slightest.

In the end he compromised, did nothing and stayed exactly where he was.

“Why are you here?” he tried to keep his voice steady, and luckily it didn’t shake too much.

“Why do you think?” Xiao Xingchen asked him.

[purrincess-chat]

In your opinion, what are all the things that ML writers could do to fix the show and make it better?

Oh, Lord, how much time do you have?

I don’t even know how to begin gathering my thoughts for this, so if this ends up being a big incoherent brain dump then, uh, I’m sorry. XD

So, first and foremost I guess, they need to balance their main characters better. Why is all of the plot tied to Adrien? Why does Adrien have a more fleshed out backstory than Marinette? This is supposed to be a girl power show, and yet it revolves more around the boy’s life from the girl’s perspective basically. Marinette really doesn’t have a dog in that fight outside of the fact that she was asked. 

Marinette needs some kind of tie into the plot that doesn’t revolve around her love interest which is basically all they are willing to give her in this show. Everything about her has to relate back to the boy somehow, and if girl power is their message, then they are kind of defeating the purpose. Sure, they have episodes that are supposed to depict that the girl doesn’t need the boy, but then when you pile on top of that dozens of other instances where she gets pushed aside in favor of the boy, including words coming out of the creator’s own mouth (or off of his two thumbs onto a screen) then it doesn’t exactly hold the same weight. 

If your protagonist doesn’t have a tie into the plot, then why are they the protagonist? Take other shows, for instance: Avatar: the Last Airbender, Aang is the avatar and it’s his destiny to keep the balance in the world, She-ra, Adora was destined to become She-ra, it’s in her blood. But you have Marinette who is Ladybug because….the greater good? Some fairy sprite bug thing asked her to be? 

The villain isn’t personal for her, there is no mark of destiny that deems that she must be a hero, she’s just kind of there. Even her family barely gets fleshed out in comparison to Adrien’s. I mean, her parents are just blindly supportive of her meanwhile Adrien’s mom is in a magical coma, his father is cold, distant, and neglectful, which for some reason turns his assistant on and makes her want to sacrifice her fucking health even though Gabriel looks like a dried up soft pretzel. They canceled the special where we were supposed to learn about Marinette’s family, and I think that about sums up my point.

Secondly, I think they need to abandon the idea that Adrien is perfect because it’s not doing his character any favors. Thomas is so far up his ass about Adrien being a perfect example to boys that he has actually looped back around and made Adrien a poor example to boys. He gets away with all of his bad behavior because Thomas just covers his eyes if you call it bad behavior, he refuses to take no for an answer from the girl he likes, he thinks standing up for yourself is being unkind to the other person regardless of how unkind they are being to you, he conveniently turns a blind eye to the abuse of his friends, but god help you if you try to assert yourself against your aggressor because “you should just be nice to them and eventually they’ll change” like um, and maybe they won’t, in the mean time, I don’t want to put up with their bullshit! 

By insisting on this perfect image, they prevent Adrien from growing because you can’t improve perfect. I have said it before numerous times, but Adrien reeks of amateur fanfiction author’s self-insert OC. He’s described as being perfect, he’s good at a lot of activities just because, he’s wildly attractive, charming, smooth, can generally do no wrong, everything revolves around him, the narrative is constructed in a way that usually puts him above the everyone else. The fact that more people don’t realize that, especially the creator himself, is laughable. 

“But Cat, Chat Noir gets mind-controlled and thrown around and is goofy and-” Okay, but when Chat throws a tantrum about Ladybug not returning his feelings, who apologizes sincerely? Who is painted as being wrong in that situation? When Chloe puts a train full of people in danger just to play hero for a day, who does he scold? And of the two, who does the fandom adore more? Bonus: who do the Chibi specials revolve around and pity? 

Thirdly, they need to actually delve into shit more. It’s season 3, they’ve only been greenlit for 2 more seasons, and what plot do we have? Gabriel wants to bring his wife back from her magical coma, Master Fu messed up something in the past that led to two Miraculouses being lost as well as their temple to be destroyed where presumably everyone else but him died making him the last member of that magical society. That’s it. We don’t know how Emilie got to be the way she is. We have suspicions, but nothing explicit in canon yet. Same with Fu. We don’t know what his mistake was, only that he made one. We barely know any lore about the Miraculouses, the origins, how they were made, when they started working with humans, why they were created. 

If you want my honest opinion, with how slowly they’re dragging out this Agreste plot, they could have accomplished it in two seasons if they actually made every episode count and mean something. We get like maybe 1-2 minutes of actual plot relevant information once every few episodes, if that, and sometimes that “plot relevant information” is just the villain learning that there’s a guardian. Hang onto your asses, guys, they’re really laying it on thick for us. 

Seriously, they give us breadcrumbs of plot, and they don’t even go into any of the cool shit (like fucking Master Fu and his ancient magical fight club perhaps??) because obviously the villain’s assistant being in love with him despite the fact that he’s married, has a kid, and is doing all of this to resurrect his comatose wife whom he loves and devotes everything to is WAY more interesting and important than all that froufrou magical ass Chinese bullshit, right? Like, this show has all of this Chinese lore and a biracial lead, and they still somehow manage to make it all about white people. but ya know, the French are proud of themselves I guess

Fourth, chunk the status quoyo out the fucking window. I get that this decision may not have been the writing team’s, but in fact a higher up decision, but it’s still a stupid ass decision. For a show that is trying to introduce deeper plot, you cannot progress anything if you constantly have to set everything back to the way it was at the end of the episode, and that much is evident. The relationships are getting stale, characters aren’t developing, plot is moving at a snail’s pace, all because they are so bound by this idea that everything needs to be right in the end to maintain an episodic format. If they wanted to keep the series episodic, they shouldn’t have gone in for all of this lore and backstory that they say exists, but never tell us what it is because that just leaves a lot of people unsatisfied. 

Fifth, for the love of god learn how to write dynamic characters. Not everyone needs to be dynamic, but your main cast should probably be. Adrien, I love him to bits, but he is static as all fuck. Which, again, see point number 2. One of the biggest complaints floating around about Stormy Weather 2 is that the characters haven’t changed. With the exception of Marinette, none of the other characters have really learned anything. Adrien hasn’t, Nathalie doesn’t have enough focus to learn shit, Nino and Alya really haven’t, Chloe sure as hell hasn’t, and Gabriel can’t decide if he’s an abusive piece of shit or a sympathetic, heart broken sad man, so I barely count him. 

In fact, 3 of those characters’ “development” just revolves around being in love. Nathalie’s “change” is that she for some reason wants to fuck Gabriel (I guess the whole gray-ass pompadour, candy cane aesthetic really does it for her), and then Alya and Nino’s “change” is that they fuck love each other now which them being a couple has basically just become their entire character. They’re barely separate anymore, particularly in Nino’s case more than Alya’s. I’m sure that Chloe’s bit about having changed juxtaposed with flashbacks of her not being nice coupled with how she wasn’t nice in this episode was just for humor because they like to make the point that mean people will never change, but for some reason they still feel the need to teach the protagonist a lesson about being nice to mean people so that they can change, but they don’t do that, they just think that you should keep hoping. :) :) :)

I honestly think that the writers don’t know what “character development” means, and Stormy Weather 2 was just proof of that. All they did was show that the characters have been in a number of different situations, but none of them have really learned anything or grown from those situations, so it’s kind of a weak argument to say that they’ve changed when they’re all intrinsically the same. Except for Marinette because she is constantly the writing teams’ punching bag in all of these morals of the day cause can’t teach shit to perfect boy cause he’s perfect, but of course they don’t reflect on all of the lessons they forced her to learn, what are we, stupid? No, her only importance to the plot is the fact that she loves the boy that the plot really focuses on, so of course her only significant development of character is that she can talk to him sometimes without foaming at the mouth. Not a peep on how she has learned to overcome her jealousy and hotheaded nature, gained confidence in herself, and learned to maturely accept when someone doesn’t return her feelings, a lesson that a lot of us wish good old perfect boy would fucking learn, but he can’t because he’s perfect. :) :) :)

Another part of the problem with characterization in this show, is that often times characters behave in such a way to push the moral of the day rather than giving them established characters. It’s why Alya only questions Marinette’s sources in Chameleon while she just lets Lila claim a bunch of wild shit without batting an eye because she only cares about journalistic integrity when she can use it to beat down her friend so she can learn a lesson about turning the other cheek. :) :) :)

Sixth, pick up a fucking romance novel every once in a while cause hot damn is their relationship progression a heaping pile of hot garbage. Their love drama is so forced and there’s no real development because of the #status quoyo because they must drag this shit on until we’ve all basically lost interest. I’ve seen more people dropping off the love square in the last half season than I’ve ever seen in any other show. Part of that has to do with Adrien becoming a real “nice guy™” but a good chunk of it also has to do with the fact that they don’t really know how to write love drama or romantic tension in a way that makes you care. We all pretty much know that Adrien is never going to figure it out, even if someone grabs him by the shoulders and screams it in his face that Marinette is in love with him, so why should we care? We know that Chat Noir is never going to stop loving Ladybug, but Ladybug is never going to stop loving Adrien so why should we care? We know the show is never going to break the square because they’re endgame so why should we care about the love rivals? 

Seriously, Captain Hardrock didn’t give me a reason to care about Luka or ship him with Marinette. I still stand by my opinion that their chemistry was incredibly forced and inorganic, and it still is, and as much as I love Kagami, I wasn’t convinced that she was interested in Adrien at the end of Riposte either. The only reason we know Luka likes Marinette is because Winny said he “fell in love with her at first sight” on Twitter (which the whole love at first sight trope is bullshit, but that’s a post for another day). Somehow in Frozer Kagami was randomly into Adrien all of a sudden, and no one likes to bat an eye about the fact that she told him to change targets because the girl he likes doesn’t like him back and then at the end of the episode when Adrien admits that he still likes the other girl over Kagami, Kagami is all “well, it’s fine. I’ll wait.” like bitch, again on characterization. A strong and confident character like her would know her worth and would show that boy the door. But of course she would contradict herself because they need her for #love drama later even though we all know it doesn’t matter. 

I love the love square, and I live for soft moments between them, but I’m ready for them to turn up the heat and give me some actual drama and tension that doesn’t revolve around Chat being a pouty pissbaby or Marinette fucking up another love confession. Cause when you do that too many times, it stops being interesting. You have to throw us a bone somewhere or else we’re gonna stop caring, and lots of people already have.

Seventh, can we please stop pitting all of the girls against each other while the boys just get to be cool with each other? For a show that promotes itself as being a “girl power” show, there are a metric fuckton of misogynistic undertones to this show. See: why does the plot revolve around the boy even though the girl is the slated protagonist. See: why does the girl learn all the lessons while the boy gets to be right all the time. See: why two teenage girls are “the worst things I can think of” while an actual neglectful father gets to be sympathetic and “do anything for his family” uwu

Seriously, I think making Kagami and Marinette rivals while Luka and Adrien are just chill dudebros is so tired. Girls fighting over boys is tired, especially because we have it not once, not twice, but three fucking times in this show. Chloe and Marinette don’t often fight over Adrien, but in Despair Bear Chloe sure as hell didn’t want them dancing together. Marinette initially follows Lila because she’s hanging off of Adrien, and even at the end of Chameleon, Lila makes it known that she is still gonna try to steal Adrien. Kagami basically tells Marinette that she better stop hesitating or she is gonna steal Adrien away, and we have Backwarder where Marinette is basically plotting to cockblock them even though we had Frozer where she decided she wasn’t going to be jealous of them because Adrien liked her. Again, see: characters behaving in a way that is convenient for the plot of the episode. All of the drama is between girls. All of the women in this show are described as being terrible, the worst things they could think of, never going to stop being mean. Seriously. Chloe and Lila? Worst things Thomas can think of. Audrey is constantly shown intimidating her husband who is extremely corrupt himself, not that anyone bats an eye at that. Nathalie/Mayura was described by Jeremy as “making Hawkmoth look like a baby.” Any time they show a man being problematic, they have to bring in a female to be ten times worse, and the worst part is: they don’t even know they’re doing it. #girl power, am I right?

Eighth, speaking of making people bad, can we stop half-assing redemptions? Honestly, they’re so back and forth on whether or not they’re going to redeem Chloe. First it’s “mean people will never get a miraculous” then dingdong, who’s that? Queen Bee, motherfuckers. Then it’s talk about how they’re not going to redeem Chloe then bam bitch, “why don’t you love me?” But even after that they reset the status quoyo and have her go back to being mean. Even after they give her a second chance to be a hero and do good, she still goes right back to being her nasty self. I think they really highlighted in Stormy Weather 2 how much they haven’t changed her at all, and yet somehow she still gets to play the hero. 

Additionally, now we have them trying to make Gabriel sympathetic? Boo fucking hoo my wife is in a coma so I terrorize the fucking city on a daily basis, pity me! Also I neglect my son, verbally abuse him from time to time, and I don’t even let him see his friends or feel any happiness, and even though my superpower revolves around feeling people’s negative emotions, I never seem to care about my own son’s unhappiness, but hey, I’m doing it for his mommy, so that makes me better than the 14 year old girl. :D

Shit or get off the pot, Zag. Either you’re going to redeem these characters, or you’re going to leave them the way they are. Make up your damn mind.

Ninth, be diverse in more than name only. For a show that prides itself on its biracial female lead and its ties to Chinese culture, uhh, they spend a lot of time focusing on not those things. I said it before, but they focus all of their plot attention on rich ass white people drama more than the vastly more interesting Chinese lore they have going on. Their black characters were paired together just cause, and their only real important quality now is that they love each other. Their ship is basically their character now, and we barely have a reason to root for them outside of the fact that they’re canon. They have such shallow relationship development that my feet wouldn’t get wet if I stood in a puddle of it. Can we have more on them, please? 

This show is diverse only on the surface. They use diversity as decoration then fill everything else with less interesting shit, and even then they get a lot of shit wrong. It drives one of my Asian friends nuts that Sabine’s neckline is facing the wrong direction. (for those unaware of what I mean, it should look like a y. hers is backwards) They use diversity to pat themselves on the back and say they are diverse, but they have no intention of doing anything meaningful with it. It’s just a gold sticker they wanted to give themselves to draw in an eastern market. It’s cheap, and several of us see through that shit. 

And last, but certainly not least: Shut the absolute fuck up on Twitter. Just shut the fuck up. Every time Thomas opens his mouth, he just pisses off more people or makes everything more convoluted. Shut the fuck up. Please. 

Now, I know a host of you are going to be like “buhhh, it’s a kid’s show, go outside, hur dur, I’m so smart and mature,” but like, honestly that’s a weak argument. Yes, Thomas’s audience is young now and they may not be able to see all of this shit, but when they get older and decide to go back and watch one of their favorite childhood cartoons, all of that shit is gonna come out. They’re not gonna be so naive forever, especially if our generation is raising them, and just because they can’t see all of this shit now, doesn’t mean that it’s not still there just because they don’t notice? That doesn’t make it any less problematic. One thing I love about several shows I used to watch as a kid is that they aged well. When I go back and watch them now as an adult, I find things that I missed as a kid that I appreciate now as an adult. I can’t say that the same is going to happen with Miraculous, especially in this day and age. 

Additionally, kids learn a lot through media. I never believed that I was any less than the boys growing up because I consumed a lot of media that taught me that, and going back and watching it over now, I still get that from those shows. Clearly, if you apply two ounces of logic to this show, it falls apart, and that’s not because it’s a kid’s show, it’s because it’s bad writing. I can always see what they are going for, but they always miss just a little bit. sometimes a lot

A lot of us complain because we are concerned with the message being spread to the next generation because those kids are going to grow up one day and be influenced by what they are consuming now. If we teach our girls that the perfect boy is going to chase after us no matter what we say to them and if we teach our boys that in order to be the perfect boy we have to continually chase after the girl until she says yes, how are those kids going to approach relationships? That mentality is actually something that we are trying to combat in the world. That mentality is why rape is so prevalent because we teach boys that they are entitled to a woman’s affection if they’re “nice” to them, and if she doesn’t give it to them, then she is wrong. 

Media has an impact on kids, whether we like to admit it or not. Yes, parents can still teach them, but sometimes things get into your subconscious and it can determine how you see yourself and the world. Lots of kids engage in make-believe play where they put themselves in that character’s shoes and play pretend. I just think it’s important to give them the right things to look up to. 

[prorevenge]

How I stopped my co-workers and I being bullied, by outing that awful woman as a serial sexual assaulter. TW mentions of sexual assault.

I think this is a pro-revenge, if not tell me and I will post it elsewhere!

Also, this will be a long one... I am very verbose, and it spills over into text too!

A long time ago I worked for a fast food place that has a very noticeable “golden” (bright yellow usually) symbol.

The People Involved:

Me: a 17-19 year old male living in a medium sized town in the UK. (I am now old, relatively, damn, how does that happen? :) ) Also a giant toker at the time, had dreadlocks and smoked almost everyday.

Bitchqueen: a hostile, but shockingly beautiful, and thoroughly nasty human woman, approx 19-23 ish during all this nonsense.

TheBigMan: a 2nd assistant manager who I got on really well with from day one. He took no shit from bullshitters, had zero tolerance for Bitchqueen (his usual greeting was something like “Hey Bitchqueen, who are you going to pick on today?”) and if he saw her bullying someone he would just walk in between her and the victim and bend down to stare in her face. She would walk off and pretend nothing had happened. More than once he stated if BQ were a man she would have been beaten senseless by him by now. He hated violence, but she was really awful! Also he was a bit of a unit. As in 250lbs of muscle and a gym obsession long before it was cool! Also a fairly big smoker, we used to get high after work a lot with some of the other employees.

AwesomeManager: my stores 1st assistant manager, who was a wonderful women who helped me as a human a lot in a huge number of ways. Protecting me from Bitchqueen was only part of it.

Senior Area Manager: who I will call SAM, since all the actual Sam's I have know have all been good dudes too! Also a great protector from the BS of BQ.

MonsterBitch: the new store manager and the proximate cause of her own, and BQ's downfall. Also a troll faced harridan who oozed hate and bitterness.

So time to tell the tale of how it panned out.

I had been there a year or so before Bitchqueen was promoted to manager. Until then she was obnoxious but powerless, but somehow, after marrying the store manager she got a promotion (jumping the next two steps up at that) to second assistant manager. Surprising eh?

I had been warned by TheBigMan when I was first hired to never be alone with her as she had a number of young men fired for “groping” her by her Store Manager-BF/Fiancé/Husband (even when the video showed that there was no close contact let alone groping in some of those cases . I was super careful in this regard.

Bitchqueen started playing games with the rota against me and a few others she hated. I think she hated me because I got along with most people, and she always hated sociable and non-bitchy people. Her favourites got the best shifts and the people she hated had our hours cut and shifted about without warning. She would pencil in changes a few minutes before a shift started (I caught her doing it but her store manager husband didn't want to deal with it) and then send home the one who turned up for their (now given away) shift with a warning. She would then call up and scream at the one who was off, but now suddenly on shift, for not arriving when they had no idea the shift was changed. It's sort of genius really, getting two workers Bitchqueen hated in one blow! She did try this crap on me but I just called Awesome Manager and she checked the computer records and sorted it out, she also let Bitchqueen know she was going to be checking the rota daily and approving all changes, so Bitchqueen had to find a new tactic.

I was a pretty hard worker (it made the time pass quicker for me) and was friends with the AwesomeManager (and TheBigMan), who protected me from Bitchqueens bullshit almost all of the time, and would fix things when shit happened while AwesomeManager was off work. I also cultivated a good relationship with with our SAM, and he ended up setting up a special store rescue team to sort out failing (franchise usually) stores in the area, placing me in charge of it as the top trainer of the group (Bitchqueen was maybe 7 months into being a manager at this point). This made me more or less untouchable (as long as I kept my nose clean) and so Bitchqueen went mental. She started on my friends, bullying and abusing them in work, and trying to get them all written up. They told me and I told AwesomeManager, she slapped Bitchqueen down again, metaphorically of course. TheBigMan made some complaints about her treatment of the other staff and she calmed down a little. Until her husband got “promoted” to a different store some distance away. Later SAM admitted this was an attempt to calm the drama at our store... But how wrong it all went!

Our new store manager was a MonsterBitch, but good at hiding it to begin with. After a few weeks AwesomeManager noticed that only young women were getting accepted after interviews, and pointed this out to Me and TheBigMan, and asked us to keep out eyes and ears out for anything dodgy going on. It wasn't long until it became clear what was happening.

I had made pretty good friend with one of the new hires (I admit it, I was interested and she was hot ), I will call her ShyNSweet, she was a lovely but very sheltered young lady from a nearby village, living in a house share in the town we worked in. She went out with “the girls” a group centred on MonsterBitch, Bitchqueen and a couple of MonsterBitch's “friends” on a Friday, and the next day in work was really distracted. We finished at the same time so I offered ShyNSweet a lift (that is I gave her a ride home in my car for our American friends) and she said yes since we lived pretty close together. In the car I asked if she had a fun night (just asking to fill the time, I wasn't digging at this point) and she replied in a very non-committal way. I remembered her saying she had a great time to Bitchqueen earlier during our shift so I asked her if she was OK. She burst into tears and told me that she had been the back of a Taxi with MonsterBitch and one of the “friends” (Bitchqueen was upfront) and MB and the friend had been groping ShyNSweet really hard (she showed me some bruises on her sides and thighs later, she said she had more on her boobs) and telling her she had to go back to their house and “experience real sex”. I was livid! But I tried to be outwardly calm. I told her that they should be punished, and I would support her, and I knew that SAM, AwesomeManager and TheBigMan would all have her back. I recommended we go to the police, but she was afraid she would lose her job. I knew she wouldn't, but couldn't convince her quickly and I didn't want to traumatise her further, so I just said what ever she chose I would support, and to call me if she is ever in a similar situation and I will come get her. She hugged me for ages crying and we went and had a cup of tea in her house. Her flatmate knew something was up and I encouraged ShyNSweet to tell her too. She did and I left after making them more tea.

I had to do something, but I couldn't directly involve ShyNSweet, and although I knew SAM, AwesomeManger and TheBigMan would believe me I had no direct evidence of an assault. So what to do? Well the first thing was to check where I stood legally, and it turns out the UK is a one party consent recording jurisdiction. As long as I am in place with no reasonable expectation of privacy I don't have to inform anyone I am recording audio or video, at least according to the lawyer I asked who is a friend of my step-father. Work counted as no expectation of privacy, so I was good to record everything. Of course back then the smallest video cameras were the size of a small shoe box and really expensive, and I was a burger-chucker, so cash was tight (smoking a lot of weed didn't help there either). But you could get some reasonably cheap audio recording stuff, that with an ok microphone could be hidden in my shirt. So I started a log of Bitchqueen and MonsterBitch's antics in the store, it was nearly 8 months of recordings in total before the fan was struck by faeces. While they didn't direct much at me anymore I was able to capture multi-minute rants from both of those awful harpies on almost every shift for about six months, in one recording I got Bitchqueen ranting at a co-worker for about 20 mins and then me for another 30 mins or so after I redirected her towards me. They would call workers (almost always men, but any woman who had turned them down got some shit thrown their way too), stupid, useless and worthless etc, with lots of fun adult words mixed in. They also got into the habit of threatening everyone they dislike with firing.

I also got a lot of audio from young women about how creepy and sexually inappropriate MonsterBitch, Bitchqueen and their little gang of “lesbian” managers (most of them were or had dated men, so Bi I guess, but horrible humans regardless of their orientations) were to the women who worked for us. I got several direct statements about female co-workers being abused and told to keep quiet by the abuse gang members on various girls nights out, and a few of them referred to bad things happening at MonsterBitch's house when they were too drunk to remember everything. Basically we had a blackmail and rape gang operating in our midst!

The final attack on me came when I was called into work by AwesomeManager and told I was being investigated for smoking weed on shift. While I did smoke a lot of weed at the time I never went to work high (food you get fired for eating without permission and the munchies don't mix), and anyway that day in particular the accusation was dated was one where I hadn't had any for a couple of days or been able to sort any out for a smoke after work either. So I was totally truthful when I was asked about it by AwesomeManager, and she said that because of the bullying she was escalating this to SAM, so she “suspended” me on full pay pending an investigation. The next day SAM called me and asked me to come for a formal interview, as the first part of the information finding process. He also said TheBigMan was on shift and would be happy to be my witness. So I went down and sat in the crew room waiting for SAM with TheBigMan. SAM stuck his head around the door and said “Deny everything to do with weed!” and winked. He stepped out again and then opened the door with a serious face and asked myself and TheBigMan to come through to the back office. We went through a few questions and I answered everything truthfully (pretty sure SAM thought I was smoking that day but gave no fucks about weed) and the interview ended with SAM reinstating me, paying me for the previous day and the interview day and giving me another store to fix for two weeks to get me away from Bitchqueen and the pack of harpies.

When I was back from the failing store, but not working that Monday, I got a call from ShyNSweet. MB and BQ had told her she had to come to their “Girls only” house party that Friday (it was going to be a BBQ and probably a lot of raping drunk girls by hostile lesbians). The rape gang had been telling all the attractive girls to go to the party or “think about finding a new job if you can't be a team player”. (MB, BQ and another horror worked at our store, the other 3 worked at a nearby store)

And that was the straw that broke the proverbial camels back! I had those awful bitches!

I had organised the audio files into groups by person and topic, I had over 10 hours of insults and abuse recorded and I had nearly another 10 hours of staff telling me how they had been abused by BQ, MB and their pack of rapists.

I called SAM and told him I had to speak to him that day, he agreed and we met at a competitors store (I think they have a kingdom of burger chuckers ;) ) at lunchtime where I sat him down in front of my awful (at the time super cutting edge lol) laptop and had him listen to bits of the rape allegations first.

He started shaking with rage after about 30 seconds, stopped it and told me to go to the police.

I then started on the abusing rants messages and he listened to bits of a bunch of them and asked for copies of those files. I had already burned them to CD so I handed them over and went to the police station.

I asked for a woman police officer and had her listen to the abuse allegations. She took a CD copy of those and told me to be quiet while the investigated. I said fine, but that this Friday the rape gang would have a number of under 18's at an alcohol fuelled rape party. She asked for and got the address and details. I passed on the names of all the women who I knew for sure had been attacked in the past too, since the police wanted to contact them to confirm things, the police here never give out witness information so I was safe from retaliation.

The next Thursday I was on a late shift, so I arrived around 15:15 and when I got there the store was shut but the staff were inside. I got let in and told what had happened.

MonsterBitch and Bitchqueen had been on day shifts and were apparently non-stop talking about how great their girls only party would be, how any girl who had a boyfriend would dump him after spending the night with them, and how any women who didn't attend were basically traitors to womankind. After about 6 hours of this, and at around 14:00 6 police officers come into the store and arrest MonsterBitch and BitchQueen on suspicion of sexual assault, blackmail, extortion and assault. They were both removed in handcuffs and SAM was there just after the police to shut them out of the computers and officially suspend them. When I arrived they were just getting set to re-open so we got back to work.

Later I got more info on the case, my best friends older brother was in the police force locally and he kept us updated. MB's rape house was raided, the police found lots of videos of what was clearly assaults on drunk and non-consenting women. They got lots of text message evidence for planning sexual assaults and talking about how to control young female employees to get them to have sex with the rapists. They also had lots of threatening messages to victims to be quiet or face revenge/loss of job etc. All their victims were under 20, with most being 16-18. But the deepest fuck up for them came from this evidence, and I had no idea when I got this all in motion.

MonsterBitch had picked up a young woman from a club a few months earlier. This young lady was up for lesbian sex with MB, BQ and another friend, while a fourth on filmed it. But the young lady was 15 and just looked over 18 with makeup etc. So the rape gang had produced child porn inadvertently.

MB, BQ and all the other managers who were involved were fired after the arrests/charges.

They were all charged with a number of things, but the courts back then were even more lenient to female sexual offenders than they are now, so none of them saw prison. But they were all banned from working with children, or in an environment where children will be present, and the ones who were married/in a relationship were all divorced/broken up inside a year. Because of the UK laws at the time they were also not named publicly.

I know Bitchqueen never really recovered or grew past this, I see her now and again if I visit my mother, and she is still beautiful, but so clearly broken its almost sad.

ShyNSweet was my girlfriend for a year or so a few years later, we parted on good terms as she was off to study overseas.

AwesomeManager went on to be a store manager, and then a Pro Dominatrix, which wasn't a real surprise to me ;) She was/is a fun lady

TheBigMan, went on to run an IT dept in a large company, still a top bloke!

And I ended up in a field I love, being paid actual money to more or less mess about all day, and that is doing my job! :)

(source) (story by burgerchucker)

[lipstickchatexu]

under the cut are my historical muses!! please like this post if you’re interested in plotting with any of them ! please DO NOT like this post if you are only interested in ban as i will only be accepting plots with him on a selective bases as last time i introduced my historical muses he was the only one people where interested in and that was very saddening for me:/ 

king ban. younger half brother of sang and the current ruler. older brother of luda. married to queen sun. murdered his father and pinned it on his brother so he could take the thrown for himself. has three wives but outside of his wives MOST of his lovers are male. stabbed is brother a bunch of times and left him for dead in the woods. e v i l. he’s prince zuko without the redemption arc. no redemption arc for him! he’s an asshole. age thirty. fc: hong jong hyun

prince sang, also called king sang by his followers. the older half brother of ban and the rightful king. older half brother of luda. was engaged to sun before YA KNOW his brother tried to kill him and married her instead. was left for dead in the woods where geon found him and spent years nursing him back to help. started a rebellion to get his throne back and return the kingdom back to peaceful times. his main driving force is getting his brother off the throne because he’s e v i l (did i mention ban is evil yet??). age thirty. fc: im siwan

queen sun. wife of ban, former fiance of sang. older sister of rin. is basically pulling a sansa stark and playing everyone. has convinced her husband that she’s totally loyal to him. spoiler alert she’s not. she’s not sure if the rumors that sang is alive and leading the rebellion are true but she never lost faith in him or their love and so to help she’s basically trained a secret army of palace women into being warriors and assassins. and before you ask the reason she hasn’t killed ban yet is because there’s no heir to take his place yet OKAY she’s working on it! sassy. a feminist. queen. i love her. age: twenty-eight. fc: kang hanna

rin. younger brother of sun and a member of the palace guard. like his sister, rin is still fiercely loyal to king sang. honestly if it wasn’t for his desire to protect sun he would have run away and joined the rebellion by now. is the definition of looks like he can kill you but is actually a cinnamon roll. although don’t be fooled boy is deadly with a sword. constantly his to stop himself from just lopping ban’s head off every time he opens his mouth. a protective boy who loves his mom and his sister and believes the word can be a better place if only everyone would calm down for like two seconds. age twenty-five. 

princess luda. younger sister of ban and younger half sister of sang. was just a child when the rebellion happened and ban has kind of warped her memory of all it. while she outwardly believes ban’s story that sang killed the former king she’s started to have doubts about it. was very sickly as a child and still has major health issues so she has not been out of the palace more than a handful of times in her life. might be a bit bratty and spoiled but she’s getting there. is secretly learning things from queen sun that she is definitely not supposed to be learning. age twenty. fc: gong seung yeon

daehwi. the son of one of king ban’s royal advisors and also ban’s former lover. emphasis on F O R M E R lover. after rumors spread throughout the palace that the royal advisors and lords and other angry old men where trying to find evidence of ban’s affair with men he turned on daehwi and publicly punished and humiliated him before banishing him from the palace, leaving daehwi deeply broken. he wandered aimlessly for a time before he ended up joining sang’s rebellion. while sang welcomes daewhi, other members of the rebellion are still hostile towards him. age twenty-five. fc: cho yoon woo

jeonghee. a former lady of queen sun’s who was also one of king ban’s concubines (long story). she fled the palace after she found out she was pregnant with the king’s child and sought asylum with sang and the rebels where she gave birth to her son eun who’s six years old now. much like won, she does not partake in a lot of the fighting but often assists won in surgeries and healing. age twenty-five. fc: shin se kyung

ara. a member of the rebellion. the daughter of a blacksmith who always wanted to change the world. though her father was too old and weak to join the rebellion, ara went after he encouraged her to make a difference. she is fiercely loyal to king sang to the point where most people think she’s in love with him despite being the worlds biggest lesbian. badass archer warrior woman whom i love. age twenty-six. fc: seo ye ji

jinwon, usually just called sook. the older brother of sook and the rebellion’s medic. suffers from a serious case of nightmares thanks to the traumatic childhood he shares with his sister. is actually a pacifist and stays out of the fighting is probably the only member of the rebellion who’s never killed anyone. has literally brought everyone back from the broink of death at least twice. let him rest please. age twenty-four. fc: yoo seung ho

jinsook, usually just called sook. the younger sister of won. has a deeply DEEPLY traumitizing past that i will only tell you about if you ask but basically she’s got a bone to pick with king ban and his soldiers. her father was executed on the same night that ban killed the king and took the throne. is the youngest warrior in the rebellion. actual human version of the  (ง •̀_•́)ง face. age nineteen. fc: z.hera

hyoseop. a former scholar who fled from ban’s rule after his betrayal of sang. his wife was murdered by royal soldiers after refusing to house them and he hid himself in the woods for many years, becoming the source of many stories about a mean wizard who lived in the deep, deep woods. was pulled into sang’s rebellion after realizing he had a chance to avenge his wife’s death. age thirty-two. fc: yoon shi yoon

saebyeol. one of queen sun’s lady and the commander of her secret group of warriors and assassins. she’s also called the spider and is responsible for the deaths of several high ranking officials although of course no one knows that saebyeol is the spider because she wears a mask. is rolling her eyes anytime a man is speaking. generally does no speak which has led most people to believe she is simple minded. age twenty-nine. fc: han yeri

geon. older brother of hae, jung and yoo. the son a high ranking official. after his father was killed, geon left home at seventeen to join the rebellion only for his whole family to be taken captive as revenge. a very skilled archer and is sort of considered the rebellion’s secret weapon. sad angsty boy who just wants to save his family. and also maybe shoot a few royal soldiers. age twenty-two. fc: kwak dong yeon

hae. younger sister of geon and the older sister of jung and yoo. being held captive because of her brother’s allegiance to the rebellion. queen sun’s protege. she uses her beauty and innocent naivity to trick people into thinking she’s helpless when she’s not. is really tired of ban and his bullshit and really wants someone to just stab him. age nineteen. fc: kim yoo jung.

jung. the younger brother of geon and hae and the twin brother of yoo. being held captive by the king because of his brother’s allegiance to the rebellion. angsty and angry and general wants to fight everyone but at his core is just scared of losing everyone and everything someone give him a hug. age sixteen. fc: nam dae reum. 

yoo. the younger sister of geon and hae and the twin sister of jung. being held captive by the king because of her brother’s allegiance to the rebellion. works as an atendant to princess luda but is a sneaky little thing and likes to hide in closets and eavesdrop on people. age sixteen. fc: kim saeron. 

[jlstreck]

American Punchline Ch 66

A TJ Hammond/Steve Rogers Crossover

You can find the previous chapters here (or on AO3).

Chapter 66

As their small caravan maneuvered toward the back entrance to the convention center everyone caught sight of the crowd amassed out front. It was a full hour before the doors were scheduled to open, but there were hundreds if not thousands huddled in the brisk DC morning.

“Are those protest signs I see?” Steve groaned. They’d been expecting this.

“They are, but notice they are being held at bay.” Tony commented. “It’s a little outside their normal duties, but when they caught wind of what we were putting together a couple of the Patriot Guard groups reached out to see if they could assist. Apparently, they were expecting the Westboro idiots just like we were.”

“Remind me to find a way to thank them.” Steve noted to the group with him.

“I’m sure they’d appreciate the thought,” Tony started. “But don’t stress too much about it. After their call they received a rather sizeable donation to help support their efforts.”

“Thanks, Tony.” TJ replied as he squeezed Steve’s hand.

“JARVIS is having coffee and donuts delivered momentarily for the crowd.” Pepper shifted the focus to something more positive than Westboro’s inevitable protest. “We can’t do much at this point, but that makes the wait a bit more pleasant.”

“That’s perfect.” Steve hopped out of the SUV as they stopped beside the door, reaching back to give TJ and Natasha each a hand as they slipped out behind him. “If everything is in order and any of the volunteers are free maybe I could take a small team out to start pre-registering people.”

“Emily confirmed everything is exactly as it should be and the majority of volunteers are already checked in.” Pepper grinned. “Let’s stash our stuff, grab what we need, and head out front.”

“I didn’t mean you needed to freeze …”

Pepper glared at him before he could finish.

“Right. In that case, let’s go.” Steve followed without further argument.

Ten minutes later they were emerging from the front of the building, staring into a crowd that seemed to double in size since they’d driven by.

“Thank you for the coffee.” A young woman spoke as soon as she recognized them.

“You’re welcome.” TJ smiled. Judging by the fading bruises on her cheek and almost dangerously thin build, he suspected he wasn’t a service member. “Why don’t we go ahead and start getting you registered.”

As TJ started entering her information into the Stark Pad, he heard Tony prompting Steve to speak up so at least part of the crowd could hear him.

“Thank you all for waiting patiently for the doors to open. The team and I hope you are each able to gain access to resources that can help make like a bit easier today. Even though things won’t get under way for another 45 minutes, we wanted to go ahead and start getting people registered.” He turned as he heard a door open behind him and noticed about 30 more volunteers spilling out of the building.

“Don’t mind us, Captain.” A young man in the front spoke up. “Just thought we’d lend a hand.”

Nodding at the volunteer, Steve turned back to the crowd. “If you can try to form up into fairly orderly lines, we’ll work our way as far as we can before the doors open. Once you’re registered you’ll either receive one of these to be notified when you’re getting close to your time with any specialist or you can receive updates via your phone.” He held up his hand waving a small device.

By the time the doors opened they had registered over 350 people that all needed one or more of the services they were offering for the day. It seemed the majority needed multiple forms of assistance.

Knowing they needed to trust the system they’d set up Steve, TJ, and the others headed toward the main convention floor meander and talk to people while the army of volunteers continued registration and kept things organized. They all split up, staying close enough to see at least one other person from the family while also ensuring they were available to assist as many different people as possible.

“Thank you, Captain.” Steve shook the hand of yet another young veteran.

While Steve wanted to downplay his part in it, he remembered what Sam had told him. This was no small thing for the people here and to brush off their thanks could to some serve to make them feel like they should have been able to cope without assistance.

“You’re welcome.” He smiled taking a few seconds to look at the man that appeared to be no more than in his mid-twenties. “Are you finding everything you need?”

“I think so.”

Cap couldn’t help but think he looked rather overwhelmed. “Anything I can help you with?”

“No. You’ve done so much already. You don’t need to bother with me. I’m sure I’ll figure it all out.”

Steve shifted, resting his hand on the younger man’s shoulder as he navigated them toward one of the many sets of chairs set around the room to allow for conversations.

“Nonsense. The whole purpose of today is to make sure guys like you and me get the help they need including figuring out what some of that help might actually be. Believe me, I have some idea how overwhelming stuff like this can be. Let’s start with something easy. What’s your name?”

“Trevor, sir.”

“Nice to meet you Trevor. Please just call me Steve. Now why don’t you tell me what brought you out here today.”

“I just … I don’t know what I’m doing. My parents …” The young man fell silent and Steve could see he was struggling to keep his composure.

“Whatever it is, I’m not here to judge you and as several friends have been persistently reminding me lately - no matter how tough we are we’re still only human and are allowed to struggle with things and need help. Now, I’m not saying I’m going to have all the great advice that the battalion of professionals we brought here today have for you, but I’d really like to help where I can and make sure you’re able to take advantage of everything you need here today.”

“Thanks, Capt … Steve. I joined up when I was 18. The day after I graduated high school. My parents weren’t thrilled, but at the same time they knew we couldn’t afford college and they were barely scraping by. Things plugged along pretty well until my third tour in the Middle East. The convoy I was in … there were IEDs … so many IEDS. They keep telling me I was lucky. I was the only one from three vehicles that made it out alive. I was thrown when the humvee exploded, lost a couple parts and pieces in the process.”

Trevor gestured to his legs and Steve noticed how the material lay rather odd at each knee.

“I’m able to walk on these, but they hurt like a son of a bitch. Turns out as far as my dad is concerned it would have been better if I’d died. Then he’d have gotten the insurance payout to cover a chunk of his gambling debts. Instead he ended up strapped with a crippled son. Suffice it to say, I get the care the government will pay for and not a bit over what insurance covers. As if that weren’t enough, the docs think I have PTSD. Of course, Dad just thinks that is a bunch of psychobabble bullshit. I’ve gotta get out of there, but nobody wants to hire a military trained mechanic with two bum legs that can barely walk.”

“I wouldn’t say nobody.” Steve gave him an encouraging smile, grinning even wider when he saw Tony out of the corner of his eye. “I think we’ll be able to help you with just about everything you need, but first I want you to meet someone.” He waved at Tony, leaning back when Stark spotted him and picked up his pace to join them.

“What can I do for you?” Tony pulled up a third chair, looking rather excited about being summoned as he gave the young soldier a second to regroup from his appearance.

“I can’t believe I’m sitting next to Tony Stark. I mean, meeting Captain Rogers was easily the highlight of my life, but this … I’ve got to be hallucinating.”

“Nope. I’m here. Now I’m guessing Capsicle wanted me here for a reason, so what I can do for you and what can I call you?”

“Trevor, sir.” The young man choked out.

“None of that sir stuff.” Tony shook his head before turning to see if Steve would clue him in on what was needed.

“Got any experience with prosthesis?”

“A bit.” Tony grinned. “What are we dealing with?”

Trevor stared wide-eyed at the two men. “Um, legs.”

“Mind showing me or would you prefer to take advantage of one of those snifty little makeshift rooms we’ve got set up?”

Glancing around and seeing that no one was paying them any attention, Trevor reached down and tugged both his pants legs up.

“Please tell me that’s not what’s being passed off as viable options for guys returning from war?” Tony grimaced.

“Depends on how much money you’re able to shell out on top of the insurance. Let’s just say these are the base models.”

Tony glared harder at the prosthesis looking for all the world like they’d been made to personally offend him.

“Well that’s gonna have to change.” Stark looked at Steve before turning his attention back to Trevor. “As for you, what’s your background?”

“I was a mechanic for the Army.”

“Still want to be a mechanic or are you pursuing something else these days?” Tony inquired.

“I’m pursuing anything that’ll let me get a place to leave and afford to eat. Not overly picky these days and crippled mechanics are in pretty short demand.” He frowned. “Always did like tinkering with the machines though.”

“I’ve got an idea.” Tony grinned. “I’m gonna need to get a few things in order, but that shouldn’t take long. Are you in line for career counseling today?”

“Yes. Was hoping they might be able to help me find a solution.”

“What’s your last name, Trevor?” Tony was already tapping away at his Stark Pad.

“McElroy.”

“Perfect. Just made sure you’re going to meet my the Stark recruiter and gave her the intel she needs. Any preference on location?”

Trevor looked to Steve, trying to figure out just what was happening.

Cap gave him the only answer he could think of, “Just be honest.”

“Not really. Given the way things are with my parents I think maybe away from Virginia and DC would be a good thing, but I’ll find a way to get wherever I need to be if it’s a chance at stable work and paying my own way.”

“Fair enough. I’m thinking one of the upstate New York facilities is gonna be the best bet for this, but don’t hold me to that just yet.”

“What exactly is this, Mr. Stark?” Trevor was completely lost.

“Stark Industries Prosthesis. Full scale development and production of a range of prosthetics for all budgets. Ones that will actually give amputees a real chance at having the lives they want.”

Steve tried not to laugh at Trevor's awestruck expression as they sat in silence for several seconds.

“But what does that have to do with where I want to live?”

“Facilities like that require people to work at them. People that can help take care of the equipment. People that want to tinker and try creating and building. People that have a vested interest in producing something that is going to make a difference.” Tony grinned. “People like you. Assuming you’re interested. I assure you, Stark Industries pays more than a livable wage, includes full benefits, and most my facilities offer both short and long term housing options for relocation.”

“I’m interested. I’m definitely interested. I can’t imagine there are many people in my shoes that wouldn’t be.”

Tony was almost vibrating with excitement over this latest plan. “I need to find Pepper .. run something by her before I speak to the recruiters. You may be onto something.”

“Thanks, Tony.” Steve laughed as the shorter man rose, already looking for Pepper.

“Anytime.” With that he darted off across the room.

“Well, I think that just solved several of your challenges. Hopefully you’ll be all set by the time you leave here.”

“What do you think he was in such a rush to do?”

“Knowing Tony … he’s going to find a way to create the entire Stark Industries Prosthesis team using as many amputees as possible.”

*~*~ American Punchline ~*~*

Realized I posted this on AO3 yesterday and hadn’t updated it here. Oops. Sorry. 

@steverogersnotebook @marvel-at-stucky@colorfulcandypainter@buckythetinman@dwindlingdichotomy@captainbuckybarness@readergirl1013@purplechewbacca@eyeluvmusic21  @penny-yolo@sarahsassafras13 @lilbitmo0re@justfollowtheroad @sebstan-theman@dickpuncher365 @captaincutebutt@unabashedlyfoggybanana  @hopefulfangirlblr@katherinekittentaylor@brb-theres-cookies @sciencebeam

[salt-is-a-terrible-currency]

I’ve been staring at the screen since I got home from work, wondering what the hell happened during the day. It seems as if anon hate has started nestling its way inside the Heathen army. Now I’m going to get this out and then I’m going to lie down in bed and actually do some of the reading I’ve been meaning to do for more than a week now. For real this time. Below the cut there’s a summary of what I experienced at the hands of bullies, school staff and other adults between the ages 6-16. As always, you’re welcome to inbox me if you want to talk about this kind of stuff.

10 years of my life where people threw things at me, spat at me, told me i should kill myself, threatened me with various things if I didn’t do their homework. It would be nice to say that everything’s good now and that I have thick skin. Don’t get me wrong; most days are good days but for me it would be a lie to say that I’m not still deeply scarred. Between ages 13-16, I didn’t really sleep that much. Had a rather complicated relationship with food. At the same time, I was part of a group called Kamratstödjare. Basically, we were a about a dozen or so students that were elected to help with preventing bullying. It turned out a lot of those elected were bullies themselves. I really didn’t like going to the weekly meetings and I wanted to quit. At the same time I could tell that I was making a difference. Especially for two girls from one of the other classes. I followed them to meetings with the staff, sat with them in the caféteria, lost my temper at anyone that said something mean about them. It seemed like I was much better at standing up for others than for myself.

When I was 14, our biology teacher told my class that the school board had sent a few people over to conduct some interviews and such to see how the school handled any potential cases of bullying. Guess how I excited I was? I had a lot of names and “incidents” to bring up now that someone would actually listen. Then we find out how the interviews will be conducted. 2 kids from each class, randomly selected from the name lists, will all be simultaneously called into a classroom and then asked questions about whether they’ve seen anyone get bullied. Because nothing makes a bullied kid open up more than being questioned by a bunch of strangers in front of 30 other kids, right?

When I was 15, my only real friend and I got locked into a room that we’d been using to do our math assignments. We couldn’t do them in the classroom because our classmates were throwing things at us and the teacher did nothing to stop them. They barricaded the door with chairs and stood outside laughing. My friend and I were also in the same eligible health & PE class. I liked sports, I still do, and I know I’m pretty good at it. I was quick and people tended to underestimate me because I’m small. My friend was good too, better than me acutally. She had all of my quickness plus strength and made a great team captain. That didn’t matter though. We were not allowed to do stretching exercises with the others, we had to go off into some corner. Any pass to us when playing soccer, floorball etc was just a mistake. After 1,5 year of this I switched to arts and crafts. At first I felt guilty for leaving her behind with those people. Then she told me that they stopped bullying her as soon as I left. Conlusion: I drag people down with me.

When I had just turned 16, and graduation day came closer, my only real friend asked me if I’d be going to the party. What party? I asked. Turned out that our class had been planning a graduation party and literally everyone but me had been invited. I never went to a party until a few weeks before my 18th birthday and I must have asked the girl who invited if she was sure I was actually welcome about 10 times.

When I was 18 one of my teachers at my new and awesome school gave the class an assignment which, for a variety of reasons, meant that I had to go to a meeting with my biology teacher from when I was 14. This biology teacher was also sort of the head teacher / mentor whatever for my class between ages 13-16. I wasn’t thrilled to be alone in a room with her but I had good grades and I wanted to keep it that way. So I did the assigment. Afterwards, she wanted to have a little catch up chat with me. And she told me what a good class we were. How kind we were to each other, how no one was left out, how she had talked to a teacher from another school and bragged to him about how nice and well-behaved my class had been. And I’m sitting there trying not to cry as I’m thrown right back into what was undoubtedly the worst 3 years of my life.

When I was 19, everyone in my class was required to give an oral presentation as part of our final examination. The topic: anything we want. Anything. I chose bullying, thinking about what a relief it will be to finally talk about it openly. And the teacher tells me that it’s too personal. I didn’t have to change topic but I did have to reframe it so that it was about statistics and about how a specific organization conducts their preventive work.

When I was 20, I got promoted to a sort of “assistant manager” at my seasonal work which meant that I had a certain amount of power over a handful of the people that bullied me. Don’t worry, I didn’t abuse it or anything like that. But the combination of that and having other people tell me that they liked working with me, that I was good at my job, felt pretty damn good. Though not as good as watching the bullies get reamed out by the manager because they sucked at their jobs. 

Anyway, my point with all of this is that I am beyond tired of all this bullshit, all this hate. I won’t accept this sort of behaviour and neither should anyone else. I love this fandom so frikkin much and I want it to stay a safe, warm and welcoming place.

Oh, and to anyone who might read this and go “Well why are you posting this if it’s difficult to talk about? Just keep it to yourself!”...Here’s the thing; I’ve had more people than I can count tell me that I should just move on and not think about it. But it’s been 7 years and I am still not “over it”.Just pretending that it never happened is not a very good copig strategy for me. And even if I was over it, there’s countless of people who are experiencing bullying and sweeping it under the rug is not an ok thing to do.

Rant over. Time for bed. Be nice to each other.

[rolandfontana]

A (Not So Fond) Farewell to Prison Life

Science teaches that evolution is a slow process.

Evolution instructs that a species that cannot adapt to its environment will go the way of the Neanderthal.

The Washington Department of Corrections (WDOC) is slowly evolving, too. It remains to be seen how many prisoners and staff go extinct in the process of bringing more humanity to WDOC facilities.

When I entered prison in 1993, convicts began teaching me how to survive in the midst of inhumanity. WDOC also shaped me by means of compulsion and solitary confinement. When I was physically resistant or noncompliant, brute force was employed by staff.

Eventually, special deterrence kept me in line—most of the time.

Once I became outwardly pacified, my counselors described me to their superiors at my annual reviews as an “easy keeper,” which is a complement that means I rarely if ever bothered them for anything.

Correctional officers also began nodding at me politely when I passed them by, because they saw that I minded my own business, was obedient, and was not rude or obnoxious.

In time, I received a custody “promotion” and was transferred to a hybrid Medium/Minimum Custody facility where I saw a new species of prisoner evolve that is far different than me.

For instance, when these new breed prisoners are given direct orders by correctional officers they whine and ask “why?” as if they’re owed an explanation. When I see them ask questions in the face of direct orders, I want to tell them, “Obey or disobey, just get to it.”

These prisoners run to their counselors to ask questions rather than to just try to figure the answers out for themselves. When I hear them jabbering to their counselors about programs and good-time credit, I often think, “Leave these damn people alone. You’re just going to annoy them, or they’re going to talk down to you and make you regret coming to them for assistance.”

These prisoners readily interact with officers, as if they are “homies” or former classmates. When I see them having frequent, lengthy conversations with officers I suspect the prisoner is either working an angle or has a propensity to snitch.

This is how my mind works: Although I no longer identify myself as a convict I share many of the same sentiments because experience has demonstrated the logic behind the convict perspective.

Frankly, I feel more comfortable living in an environment where everybody knows their place—like on a Mississippi plantation before the Emancipation Proclamation.

Is this a sign that I am institutionalized?

Probably.

Yet I have plenty of company who wear uniforms and badges rather than prison khakis.

There are scores of correctional officers who share similar views due to their decades of working inside prisons, especially if they spent years employed in Closed Custody facilities—which are one level above solitary confinement and, as a rule, are rife with disciplinary misconduct and acts of violence fueled by drug addiction, greed, and plain old ignorance.

“Prisoneyland”

Their disdain for progressive policies and practices—and the new species of prisoners and staff—is captured when these officers use the term “Prisoneyland” to describe a place like Washington State Reformatory (WSR), where counselors exist who actually want to give “counsel” to the prisoners on their caseloads rather than simply be case managers who avoid direct contact.

These old school officers seem just as bemused as me when they witness their new school colleagues taking the time to explain the reasons behind the orders that they give to prisoners.

These new breeds also perceive me quite differently than staff members from the old school. My reticence and stoicism is often disconcerting, even though I politely nod my head in passing, mind my own business, and am not rude or obnoxious.

At best, I seem distant or standoffish.

At worst, they think I have an attitude problem or am potentially dangerous.

Leaving my counselor alone to manage his or her caseload—as I make official public record requests to obtain and verify information told to me because past counselors have made me question their goodwill and integrity—does not make me an “easy keeper.”

Instead, I seem arrogant and potentially malicious.

This is WDOC in the midst of evolution.

In the end, I doubt that I will ever have a less jaundiced view of the new species of prisoners. As for my views on the ever-evolving staff members, things appear to be more promising.

A recent incident at WSR provides a perfect illustration.

Recently, I stood in the gymnasium for 15 minutes, waiting to get some water, watching the following scene unfold in front of the drinking fountain.

A female officer was calmly talking to a prisoner who was obviously upset. A male officer stood off at a distance, close enough to assist his colleague if necessary, but far enough away to not escalate the situation by seeming to be a hostile presence to the prisoner.

I have no idea what was said. But finally, the prisoner was sent back to his unit and I got my water, and as I returned to the gym, I heard the female officer tell someone on the phone that the prisoner had been “agitated” for several days, so unit staff should be cautious around him.

Note that segregation is where prisoners usually go when staff must be “cautious” around them, because any such prisoner arguably threatens the orderly operation of WDOC facilities and solitary confinement provides a remedy that can guarantee everyone’s safety.

Treated as a “Human Being”

Yet this officer talked to the prisoner as if he were a human being rather than just a convicted felon, who is here to obey and be punished. Then she just sent him back to his unit, and her suffered no repercussions.

It was astonishing.

As I had become frustrated at my inability to gain access to the water fountain, I thought, “Why don’t they just handcuff his ass and get this bullshit over with.”

I couldn’t help it.

It is hard to let go of the trauma that was induced by years of imprisonment in facilities where I was treated like an object. There are too many reminders. The ugly truth is that this treatment can occur on any given day inside any correctional facility, even Prisoneyland, and it reinforces the negative sentiments I developed from dealing with staff who act arbitrarily, capriciously, and with unnecessary hostility.

It is two steps forward and one step backwards in WDOC’s mission to become more progressive.

For instance, not long after I witnessed the above incident and felt I had gained enlightenment, a different female officer became aggressive toward me because I stopped to ask the recreation officer a question in the middle of her conversation with him.

I was polite and said, “excuse me,” but no matter; she glared, then made a veiled threat to have me thrown in segregation for purportedly being Out of Bounds, which is a disciplinary violation for being in a restricted area.

I truly regretted my lapse in judgment. In the end, I brought it on myself by thinking I could approach them and be treated with civility.

Her antics reinforced my antiquated views as to why it is best to have as little to do with these people as possible. It is the safest course of action when people like this have the power to destroy you.

It is therefore no surprise why being confined from the age of 14 to 42 has made normal, humane interactions with staff often feel unnatural to me. This is how I have survived amongst predators with badges: I adapted to this dangerous habitat by adopting the ways of a convict.

Fortunately, I’ve been granted parole so I can finally go extinct.

This is the last column for TCR that Jeremiah Bourgeois will write from confinement. On October 28, 2019, he is scheduled to be released after serving 27-1/2 years of a life sentence imposed when he was 14 in Washington State. He welcomes comments from readers.

A (Not So Fond) Farewell to Prison Life syndicated from https://immigrationattorneyto.wordpress.com/

[purpleflamingosarelife]

Black is the New Sin (Pt. 2)

**Just a few warnings: **This part is quite heavy and emotional. There are mentions of sexual abuse, violence and abuse to minors. I don’t think anyone will ever read this, but in case someone does, just know that there probably will be more parts like this and that I literally know nothing about the law or police work at all so bear with me on that. Thank you for reading and enjoy!

Shane

I opened my eyes. The first thing that I saw was a Rosie the Riveter poster that said, ‘we can do it!’ in thick, white letters. It kept me inspired and optimistic because, quite frankly, being a cop could be depressing sometimes. At least for me. I always had to wonder what was going on in some peoples’ lives that they would stoop to this level.

Sitting up, I checked my phone. There were no notifications, really. Nothing but IFunny and this one other game that I had. Sadly, there were no notifications from Zing.com.

That meant that there had been zero women that had liked my profile. 

Jesus, what was it? Was it because I was a cop and they thought I was hard and rude, maybe too serious? Was it... Was it because my hair was red? 

I decided to push that aside. It didn’t matter right now. 

After a quick shower and shave, I polished my boots and cleaned my gun. I took joy in maintaining my uniform because that meant that I could take pride in the aura of professionalism that leaked from the outskirts of the blast radius of my good looks. 

My second alarm went off, triggering me to holster my gun and hop up. I put my uniform on, then gelled up my hair and combed it into the perfect pompadour, or my everyday look. 

“Frankie!” I shouted playfully. Almost immediately, tiny paws began pattering throughout the apartment, eventually finding their way to  my bathroom door. I looked down to see the little black and white Boston terrier looking up at me expectantly. I gasped excitedly and knelt down.

“Oh, Mr. Sinatra, how are you this morning?” He started panting happily. 

Another alarm went off on my phone. Time to leave. 

On my way out the door, I dropped a cup of food in Frankie’s bowl. He immediately began chomping away at his bowl. 

“Good boy,” I whispered as I shut the door. I speed walked down to the parking garage and unlocked my 2010 SS Camaro from across the garage, checking the time as I did so. 

It was only 7:00. I had time to drop by the coffee shop and grab some bagels and coffees. I even knew what Finn would want. 

--

The coffee shop was nearly dead, so I strolled in and ordered two glazed donuts and two simple espressos. 

“We’ll have that right out to you, sir,” the barista behind the counter politely stated. I nodded with a small smile as I walked over to a table to have a seat. 

My phone dinged. I pulled it out of my pocket and looked at the screen, where a little gray bubble with text inside it floated just below the stated time. 

Message from: Finn Dahlgren

Finn: Mornin’, sunshine. Where you at?

I smiled to the screen as I scanned my thumb on the home button.

Shane: Getting some food at the coffee shop, I replied. A few seconds later, the little bubble to signal that he was typing popped up.

Finn: Oh. See anyone cute?

Shane: No. There ain’t anyone here.

Finn: So there’s no barista making your coffee?

Shane: Yes, there’s a barista.

Finn: Which one is it?

Shane: The cute one with coppery-blonde hair.

Finn: So there are some cute girls there.

Shane: No, I don’t want to bother her. Who she is is none of my business.

Finn: Just go for it. See you at work. 

I put my phone back in my pocket as the barista walked out with two cups and a small paper bag. I stood to meet her at the counter with my wallet at the ready. 

“Alright, Sir,” she shyly said. I leaned on the counter just a bit, trying to make it apparent that I wasn’t going to be a jerk or be too weird. Her shyness was understandable. I was a decently tall and muscular guy, and on top of that, I was wearing a police uniform. I looked a bit scary to some people. This barista, this girl, was on the shorter side and had a thin structure. In comparison to her, I was pretty much a gorilla. 

“That’ll be twenty-one, ninety-five,” she continued, looking up at me with crystal blue eyes. “Is that all you’ll need today?” I shook my head gently.

“No, miss, that’ll be all. I’d just like you to know that you’re very polite and professional. So, thank you for being such an awesome human being.”  She blushed a little and counted my cash before picking me out a nickel for change. 

“Well thank you, Officer, for protecting the city.” She handed me the small coin and, for the smallest second, our hands touched and our eyes lingered on each other. 

She smiled, pulling her hand away. Her cheeks were rather red. 

“Enjoy, Sir.”

“Have a lovely day.” 

With that, I turned on my heel and walked out the door. 

-- 

I dramatically burst through the doors of the Officers’ Lounge, striding over to a chair and jumping up onto it.

“Well look at that, Cowboy Harris,” Finn the Wisecrack shouted from the corner of the room, sauntering over to meet me. I handed him his coffee and held the bag out in my left hand, doing a weird surfer pose on my toes. I’d thrown my sunglasses on before I entered the room for dramatic effect. 

“The one and only,” I playfully answered before hopping off the chair and removing my glasses. 

“Yeah, you’re a real rock star,” Officer Jansen called from across the room. Rodriguez laughed and high-fived him. 

I made a dramatic, snobby face. “You’re just jealous that you’re not as fabulous as I am.” Everyone laughed. My watch beeped, signalling that it was time for work to start. I continued. “That makes eight, everyone! Get to work!” 

Finn and I, already knowing our assignment, headed out to the parking lot to where our squad car was. It was one of the relatively newer, nicer ones that the police department had purchased-- a Dodge Charger. 

“Well look at you, Dahlgren,” I teased. “Growing some facial hair.” I reached over to run my fingers on his rough stubble. He pulled away, irritated.

“Hey, I’m fuckin’ driving here, dumb ass,” he whined. I was about to reply something smart when the familiar ding of a notification sounded from my phone. I pulled it out to look at the screen.

“Who’s that? Your imaginary girlfriend?” He stabbed jokingly. I smirked as I momentarily diverted my eyes from the screen.

“No, it’s your little sister. She wants to know when I’m gonna lay down the pipe again,” I joked back as I read the notification. As soon as my eyes met the text, A rush of excitement shot through my body. 

It was from Zing.Com. 

Eden Halifax clicked ‘like’ on your profile!

Despite my excitement, I put my phone away, as we were almost to our call. I had to begin mentally preparing myself for this one. 

A man-- the victim’s uncle, to be exact-- had been sneaking into said victim’s house while the parents were away and doing... God, I was sick thinking about it. 

It brought back bad memories.

It was the reason that I even became a cop in the first place. 

Anyways, long story short, he’d been caught red handed via a hidden nanny cam within the house. Her dad was on his way home from work, but sadly enough for this creep, we’d arrived first.

“Shane, we’re here. We need to hurry.” I violently opened the door and did a hood slide, sprinting toward the house and bursting through the door long before Finn had even made it across the street. 

“Police!” I screamed as I ran past the living room. With every step I took, I became even more sickened and angry. 

They were in the main floor’s office, as I’d learned from the operator. I put my ear to the door to listen to the commotion for a second.

“I’m not letting you hurt me and make me feel worthless anymore!” A female voice screamed. This was followed by a thud and a grunt of pain.

“Ah! You little bitch! C’mere!” There were more screams.

I didn’t even check if the door was locked, and I didn’t even care where Dahlgren was. I was pissed. 

“Get on the ground!” I shouted after I kicked the door down. He was advancing on her angrily. She was seemingly alright, as she had apparently fighting him off. He was only more angry, aggressive, and determined to bring harm to that girl. He didn’t even seem to notice me.

I watched him raise his hand before I sprung on him and pinned him against the wall.

“You’re under arrest,” I growled into his ear as I attempted to handcuff him. He headbutted me and attempted to wrestle away from me. This resulted in me slamming him onto the floor roughly and digging my knee into his lower back. 

At this moment, Finn decided to run in and assist me in the arrest. Once he was cuffed, I told him to take care of the girl. As they exited the room, I rolled the suspect onto his back.

“Hey, I didn’t do a fuckin’ thing, man,” he spat.

“Bullshit,” I shouted. “That’s your fuckin’ niece! Your niece! And you’re in here doing bad stuff to her, hurting her?! You wanna know how she feels when you do that shit to her? You wanna know how she feels when her peers bully her about being a slut because you can’t fucking control yourself?!” I continued shouting as I stepped off of him, going to get another officer to come in here. Just before I exited the room, I turned around and shot my finger at him accusingly.

“You’re fucking sick, and you’re going to jail.” I said in a quieter manner. My voice quivered angrily. I stormed out of the room, out of the house. I stormed right up to Officer Dan Cruz and ran my fingers through my hair. 

“You need to go deal with that son of a bitch before I get mad and do something bad,” I commanded before walking back into the house and up to Finn and the girl. She was in tears and Finn was just standing there, not really knowing what to do. He was never good with emotions, or kids. 

I nodded at him to step away and knelt down to meet her shaking frame’s position in the corner. She looked up at me. I was pretty sure I was crying, too, because cases like these were always the closest to home. 

She jumped into my arms, and I held her, comforted her, while we both wept. 

“Everything’s gonna be alright,” I managed to say through my tears. “He ain’t gonna hurt you anymore.” 

I almost forgot about the special someone who’d liked my profile. 

[lowlife4lifesposts]

understanding the moment that it all went to shit!

Old Saint Peter is going to “bitch slap” you you right across the face at the Pearly Gates for what you’ve done.

How does one understand when your closest and most trusted person “plays you” for profit?

20 Brothers say you are a liar and never talked to them about you taking care of his things. Most everything you put in the divorce documents is manifestly untrue. Your tales of the abuses that you suffered aren’t even logistically possible but his witness is your own mother! You contributed nothing and demanded everything in court then after both lawyers quit you wrote to the judge that you getting 100% of everything was a fair 50/50 split after ensuring that your husband was so fucked in the head that he couldn’t make it to court 800 miles away with no money because you took it all! Now as you do everyone online in dating apps you wonder why you aren’t seen as this great person who was victimized by a “monster”? This monster however has not ever had any similar complaints to your even though he was married for 2 years before he met you. He has 3 adult children and 9 grandchildren and was the “Neighborhood Dad” as well as mentoring and assisting dozens of people both men and women in his profession and was never a cheater or unfair in any relationships. Yet he is your monster? You were abused per your words in all your relationships. You were offered 60% of everything in the divorce not just the marital assists and you demanded 100%. Every accusation that you’ve thrown out has no proof and the plausible deniability is overwhelming. The documentation of your online antics in harassing your husband with your boyfriend is documented by both Google, Verizon and AT&T as well as your ex husband. Now all your Ex husband is thinking is; “How does one care so deeply for someone that would not only discard them so easily but also go to extraordinary effort to cause them significant damages? “

In more specific terms the scenario is based on how my world came to be as it is today. There were explanations given to others about “what went down” but the stories always left out some important details like how he was losing his mind due to stress, how she had been secretly communicating with Exes, how he told repeatedly when he was upset that it was nothing to do with her how he just needed to vent. It also was lacking in context when conveyed as both people had recently lost their Fathers tragically and outside of each other these were the most important people in the world to them.

To learn that the one you love is just like anyone else is a harsh awakening but to learn that they comfortably function in the lower segment of the population can be a devastating thing! You can wait and see if they become the “stand up” that they portrayed themselves to be but so far in my experience everyone that fucks you over either did it intentionally or couldn’t care less about anyone other than themselves. This leads us right back to the first paragraph. 

To close this all up, he didn’t do most of what she says he did and after the “ghosting “ it was all guess work on his part, so what we can take from this is that it’s all bullshit and the truth is never to be known by the only two people that it really mattered to. The communication supposedly given to others to be passed along never made the loop. The courts weren’t given the true or valid information and both lawyers quit the case before fruition. They both did more for each other than they have said and they both damaged each other more than they’ll ever know. The one thing that is clear is that communication was severely lacking. There was too many secrets on the one side and too much anger and frustration on the other side. Assumptions, Third Party Fuckery and Bad Judgements are what prevailed in the end. The end of the story shows more than anyone knows but basically she ended up with everything, immediately was in another relationship and tormented him. He years later he’s still single and not interested, he has a small business and everyday is more challenging than the one before. There are accusations of one being driven by greed, lust and selfishness as well as narcissistic and malicious. The other is accused of being a narcissist, rapist, murderer, BI Polar, Psycho, Pathetic, unworthy of any of there lifetime accomplishments and notoriety, being abusive, cruel, unfaithful, untruthful, selfish, emotionally unavailable, uncaring, unkind, gang affiliation, stalking, threatening and malicious! One party lost a lucrative 25 year career in Executive Management while the other went from multiple years of being unemployed and supported without being required anything in return to a new career as an author and self proclaimed victim/survivor.

I’m glad she’s happy but sad that she had to do it at my expense and to all those 3rd party types out there “keep your head low, your eyes forward and don’t ever, under any circumstances get in my way ever as it won’t be over telephone or computer when we cross paths again! I’ll also say that if you are covertly planning an exit from a relationship you aren’t trying to fix it!

[malcolmteller-blog]

[HORROR] The Farm

Donny had never really known a home. First it was his parents dying when he was three - before he could ever even develop real, lasting memories of them - and then him being thrown into the system. A bunch of foster homes, foster parents - including ones that liked to kick the shit out of him - and police encounters, with some convictions, later, he was eighteen years old and hitchhiking across the country with not a damned thing to his name. At that point, he was just pissed - at everything and everybody. He’d had it with everyone’s bullshit, and was liable to knock you the fuck out if you even looked at him the wrong way.

Then he found the Farm.

The Farm was a commune set up by a guy named Jonas. Just Jonas. Love and acceptance was the name of the game - putting your past behind you, starting over fresh. For a guy like Donny, well, that was a good message, so he decided to give them a shot. He settled down, got to work pulling his weight in the community, and before you knew it, he’d found the first home he’d ever known. The grass was green and the wind smelled like flowers in the morning, and the people were the most loving, kind and open people he’d ever known in his life. It gave him hope.

Then things started to change.

First, there descended on the community this cold, foreboding feeling. Like they were being watched. Like something bad was gonna happen. Donny, and others, would get this icy, chilled feeling running down their spines at various points, but especially at night, with their hearts racing and their blood pulsing. Jonas said it was just the negative energies from the outside world. That was enough for the others. For Donny, he just did what he’d always done - he manned up and ignored it. Later on, he chalked it all up to what started happening to the Farm with Jonas, which we’ll get into now.

Later, it gradually became an informal rule that no one could dispute anything Jonas said. One guy, named Phil, tried to argue with one of the leaders that what Jonas was saying didn’t make sense, and that he thought Jonas should have to answer for that. A day or two later, Phil ends up with a broken arm and two broken ribs. Everyone around him - Phil included - swears that he just tripped and fell down a hill. Sure.

Jonas started to become more and more important in the eyes of everyone. The way people started talking about Jonas - with Jonas letting, and low-key encouraging them to - you’d imagine he was Jesus Christ himself. Pregnant women asked him to bless their unborn children, men asked his permission to marry women in the community, that sort of thing. Donny even noticed, one night, a woman he’d talked to every now and then - her name was Paige - go into Jonas’ tent late at night. When he got up for an early morning smoke a few hours later, he saw her stumble out, bleeding, bruised and with tears in her eyes. He never said anything. At this point he was too damned scared to.

This all was happening, and Donny took it in stride. Did he want to leave? Sure. He didn’t know how, though, plus the fear. Finally, though - and you could say inevitably - Jonas started giving the sermons. The sermons about the real state of the world, and the God that loved them. Oh how he talked up God. How they were the chosen few. How they’d have to leave someday. Really leave, if you catch my drift.

Now, this was what convinced Donny that was enough was enough, and that he had to get the fuck out while the getting was good. So, he worked up his courage and started to make plans. He delayed, though. He wanted to get some of the other folks out, too. Particularly this woman Sarah whom he’d been seeing. It was the oldest story in the book - he liked her, she liked him, he thought they could have a life together. Maybe if he’d chosen to just get out by himself things would have ended differently. We’ll never know.

Around this time some folks started having nightmares. One couple cut their throats open and bled out right in front of their kid. Kid was so traumatized he went straight catatonic. Never said a word after that. The authorities were never informed. Of course not. Jonas said it was a sign of the corruption of the world - all the more reason to leave.

It was around this point Donny, purely by accident, overheard Jonas talking to an assistant of his. Kool-Aid. Cyanide. You can guess the rest. Well, Donny went into overdrive and convinced - so he thought - Sarah to leave with him. You can probably guess what happened next. One thing led to another, and the night Donny thought he and Sarah would be leaving, he was instead met by Sarah and Jonas.

In the end, as everyone else is drinking the Kool-Aid, Jonas has Donny on the ground with a handgun to his head. Jonas is about to pull the trigger, yammering on with some bullshit about how “negative influences must be removed,”, and then…

It happens.

It appears. God appears.

God in the flesh, true as I’m standing here telling you this. With his multiple limbs that looked like a cross between tentacles and legs, and the multiple rows of teeth and the multitude of eyes that just peered right into your fucking soul. Right there, boom.

Jonas just about shit his pants, because he never imagined that all the shit he was spouting was real. Donny? Donny didn’t know what to think, but he was fucking terrified. He could feel his blood run cold, but that was all he managed to do, because neither he, nor Jonas, nor Sarah or anyone else had time to scream.

The authorities cut through to the Farm weeks later, spurred on by complaints by concerned family members of those in the commune. They didn’t find a single person. Not one damned soul. No sign of a struggle, either. As far as anyone was concerned, everyone just up and disappeared. No leads, case closed - kinda story that happens everyday all over.

This much, though, is true: when the Farm got forcibly shut down the way it did, someone wasn’t hungry anymore.