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aeipcthys · 4 years ago

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╰ ❛ 💉 — › brenda song. cis-female. she/her. ╯ have you met margot moore yet ? this twenty nine year old virgo has been living in the seattle area for one month. she makes a living as executive assistant to the chief of surgery, which is best suited for their observant, loyal, picky, and judgmental personality. hold on by wilson phillips is one of their favorite songs.

trigger warnings: mental health, mental illness, bipolar disorder, racism, microaggressions, gambling addiction mention, addiction mention

full character page here

BASIC INFORMATION

Full Name: margot moore

Nickname(s): moore

Age: 29

Date of Birth: august 23, 1992

Hometown: lake placid, florida

Current Location: seattle, washington

Ethnicity: hmong, thai

Nationality: american

Gender: cisgender female

Pronouns: she/her/hers

Orientation: she has only ever slept with men. that being said.......how y’all doing

Status: technically in a relationship

Religion: christian

Political Affiliation: democratic socialist

Occupation: executive assistant to the chief of surgery

Living Arrangements: she wants a roommate so if someone breaks into her apartment she won’t be the only target

Language(s) Spoken: english, hmong

Accent: american

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE

Face Claim: brenda song

Hair Color: brunette

Eye Color: dark brown

Height: 5'2

Weight: 113 lbs

Build: slim

Tattoos: anchor, writing on her finger, cross on her knuckle, writing on her wrist, bee on her wrist, cross on her side, symbol on her wrist

Piercings: ears, cartilage

Clothing Style: cute, fashionable kind of thing

Usual Expression: resting bitch face probably

Distinguishing Characteristics: laugh

HEALTH

Physical Ailments: none.

Neurological Conditions: has a form of bipolar affective disorder, doesn’t talk about it much, and is strict about her medications

Allergies: none.

Sleeping Habits: sprawls out across her bed when she eventually passes out with the tv on

Eating Habits: vegetarian except when she��s not

Exercise Habits: she actually attends those soul cycle kind of classes, and is really into it, but she would definitely make fun of them to everyone else

Emotional Stability: 9.14

Sociability: chatty, definitely can be nice, often judgmental but with good intentions, will gossip with you

Body Temperature: runs cold yet often wears outfits she’ll definitely be cold in

Addictions: stupid dumb men

Drug Use: we’re not necessarily opposed, but not a regular thing

Alcohol Use: bottle of wine everyday when she gets home kinda thing

PERSONALITY

Label: tbd

Positive Traits: observant, loyal, analytical, hard-working,

Negative Traits: picky, judgmental (with love), cynical, bossy

Fears: people in mascot costumes

Hobbies: being tupperware for other people’s messes (i stole this from an astrology site but legit her okay), girl can internet stalk the HELL out of someone for you if need be

Habits: eavesdropping on conversations, accidentally cutting people off when she has a better idea, zoning out when a whole lot of boring is coming at her

FAVOURITES

Weather: if it’s not humidity, she’s cool

Colour: shades of peach

Music: anything she can dance to in her apartment or every once and a while something at her desk that would make lachlan uncomfortable

Movies: no movies, movies are long

Sport: uh

Beverage: wine

Food: too many things have been described as her favorite to keep track

Animal: no thanks

FAMILY

Father: cye moore

Mother: mai moore

Sibling(s): elias moore

Children: none.

Pet(s): n/a

Family’s Financial Status: middle class

EXTRA

Zodiac Sign: virgo

MBTI: estj

Anything Else:

BIO

Margot Moore grew up in Lake Placid, Florida...a very tiny place in the sunshine state. Lake Placid had a population of just about 2,000 people, and Margot felt the smallness of it all ever since she was young.

Her parents, Cye and Mai, were good and loving parents to Margot and her brother, Elias. Both her parents were immigrants to the United States, so they were among the many who worked tirelessly to provide a good and stable life for their children. Her father worked his way up to being a branch manager at a manufacturing company, and her mother worked at a bank. All in all, her life could be described as pretty normal.

However, growing up in Lake Placid wasn’t always a walk in the park. Lake Placid was a largely white town, and because it was small, everybody knew everybody. Which meant people talked. You never wanted to be on the wrong side of that talk. As she got older, Margot started to see that she looked different from a lot of her classmates. Her classmates noticed it too.

TW racism, microaggressions She began to experience racism and microaggressions at the hands of people who were her friends. A lot of it was unconscious, but there was a definite bias. Margot’s parents knew it too, but they didn’t want to rock the boat. They encouraged Margot to ignore it. To try and blend in as much as possible. So, that’s what Margot learned to do. She tried her best to just blend in with it all. She didn’t talk much about her family’s culture or traditions. She tried to make herself look more like her friends, even dying her hair blonde for a period of time to try and make herself into the ideal standard of beauty.

TW mental illness, mental health, bipolar disorder During this time, Margot also began to struggle with other things. Her mood swings were unpredictable. She experienced racing thoughts and an inability to focus. She started sleeping less and making some risky decisions. At first, Margot didn’t want to get help. She didn’t see a need. But when she started to fall back into a depressive episode during her junior year of high school, her parents said enough was enough. Margot started going to regular therapy appointments and met with a number of psychologists. She was diagnosed with a milder form of bipolar affective disorder, and she has been on medications ever since.

Margot has done extremely well keeping up with therapy and her medications. Therapy is the one thing she’ll never reschedule. Not even for work. Old habits die hard for Margot, though. It’s hard for her to talk about her mental illness because in her mind, this is just another thing that separates her from everyone else. And remember what her parents always said: assimilate.

Margot went on to college, and she had a strong desire to get herself out of Lake Placid. She decided to study business at the advise of her dad at the University of Central Florida, but it wasn’t something she was exactly passionate about. It was a thing to do while she enjoyed her college years. She wasn’t bad at it, she just didn’t give as much effort as she probably should have.

Out of college, Margot had little money of her own, but she was determined not to go back to Lake Placid to live with her parents. She started temping at an agency, and she would get moved around from business to business, mostly doing administrative work or bookkeeping. It wasn’t overly exciting, but it gave her some money to live off. Plus, Margot lived off of learning about each place she worked at...all of the office gossip and drama.

Somewhere in her post-grad life, Margot met Holden. Holden was, in fact, an idiot who probably had a (TW gambling addiction, addiction) gambling problem that Margot funds. Margot and Holden just kind of ended up together. It wasn’t that they were madly in love. They just kind of...stuck. Margot was the one who pretty much kept them alive. She for some reason has a soft spot for the dumb ones...it was the only thing that kept her from kicking him to the curb through the years. Their relationship isn’t solid, or even necessarily exclusive...it just kind of exists. And no one understands it.

When she was about 24 years old, Margot started temping at a private practice in Florida. This is where she soon met Lachlan Covington and Andrea Martinez. Both the doctors worked at the private practice, and Margot started actually liking her job. Of course, it was a temp job, so she had to work her magic. Sure enough, she was eventually able to persuade Lachlan into taking her on as an assistant.

Margot has been working for Lachlan ever since, and she’s built up a good friendship with Andrea. She was shocked when Andrea left for Seattle, and high key disappointed to see the couple split up. She always hoped they would be endgame. Margot stuck by Lachlan, but she often told him that he needed to get Andrea back. Because he did. Eventually, Margot watched Lachlan leave too. She initially had no intention of going with him, considering her life was all in Florida. However, after a few weeks him being gone, she realized how boring most of her other co-workers were. When he reached out to see if she’d come to Seattle, she said yes almost immediately. (She tried to be casual about it though). She assigned herself the title of executive assistant, just because she thought it sounded more important with the word executive in it.

Margot didn’t exactly break up with Holden before she left, and by the sounds of his texts, he may still think they’re still together. She’s just kind of letting that be for the time being. After all, they’ve been together for so long.

Margot is liking Seattle, but she hates living alone and is still trying to get her own lay of the land. She likes to have resources...people she can go to when she needs something, people she can squeeze information out of, the good restaurants she can order from and charge to the hospital credit card when Lachlan’s inevitably working late and she stays in solidarity...that kind of thing.

PLOTS

y’all know me open to anything

probably looking for: roommate!!! folks she always goes to for info, people to gossip with, a friend she often grabs lunch with, that one doctor she hates and always tells them that lachlan is in a meeting when really he’s completely free

#traumaintro #she was not meant to stand still ( margot moore. )#sup #( character intro. )

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wrecked-universe · 6 years ago

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A feeling of dread

I rarely have really bad emotions. Usually I’m a very mellow and focused person. I am almost impervious to dread. yes, I do feel sadness or nostalgia from time to time but dread isn’t really in my normal emotion wheel.

I can already feel my eyes blink rapidly trying to hold the rogue tear or two. It had been 6 years roughly since I felt this deep down the well, and I remember vividly that day.

A little background. I am in 10th grade, all puffed cause I’m gonna take over the world and nobody can stop me, typical teenager. Well, it’s a little different for me because I had (have) the intelligence to do so. I was very selective of friends, ones you could have a good time with but didn’t actually need to invest my emotions on them.

I just moved back home and saw my best friend, I could say, for the first time in ~6 months. Now, obviously- since I didn’t actually pick people I had to invest emotionally in, we were close but we could move on pretty easily. We’d known each other for ~3 years and it was a good reunion for us, just different reasons. He had his old pal back and was basically reminiscing on the good times. I really didn’t care for the past that much, I was very happy I didn’t have to invest time in finding another dupe like him. Yeah, sounds terrible but when you have almost a god complex it’s very rare you’d actually want to be friend with someone just for the heck of it. He wasn’t as smart as me, nor very social. Just enough so he’d be my friend mostly but not clingy.

As we kept talking a very pretty girl walks to us and says “hi”. It was obvious she wasn’t the most popular one in school because why would he be friends with him? Turns out they were in the same class and became very good friends in my absence. “oh, nice. you’re the one I’d heard of these past months” I responded. It was kinda obvious he liked her.

Fast forward a few months and I was still feeling an outsider. Yeah, I had my friend back, and was home again, but something felt different. It was obvious that since I didn’t go to school from the beginning, all the students had made their circles of friends early in the year and I didn’t really get to pick mine. Besides, mine was in a different classroom. I would talk to my peers in class but really it wasn’t friendship I was looking for. I was changing my mental state and didn’t even realize that I was looking for more than just someone you could vent through small talk.

Finishing 10th grade I was starting to talk to some of my peers a little more, wasn’t really interested in making friendships with them. Kinda dumb most of them, to be honest, despite being in the advanced class. As usual, I would meet my best friend for lunch in the cafeteria. He’d be at the head of the table and I’d sit opposite to his new friend. Lets call them Joseph and Nichole. I noticed they were very chatty about particular stuff in their class, wasn’t really interesting. Nichole had her best friend sit next to the other side, Alexandra. She and I studied with Joseph in 9th grade advanced class. Very annoying person. She was the most popular person in class but damn she had the worst laugh of them all, very high pitched and loud.

By the end of the school year I had started to like Nichole, thought she’d be a good friend and asked Joseph if we could invite her more when we’re together so I could know her better. I think he got very jealous cause he almost immediately said no. He’d always been open to group activities. So it was weird for him to deny my request. After school, when everyone was gone, he started screaming stuff like “See, she’s my best friend. Can’t have her bla bla bla.” just to embarras me. Probably told her and, she was laughing nervously. “Lord knows I like a good challenge.” I yelled across the hallway. He widened his eyes and knew I wasn’t backing off.

Back to school, 11th grade. New beginnings. I saw my chance to have a new Joseph in class. Ironically, the name of the new person was close, lets call him John. He and I had similar tastes in stuff, games, youtube, culture, etc. We became very good friends fast. But this time I picked an atheist and a cunning person. So it was basically a fool proof friendship for me. Again, no emotional investment, just good times and fun. We took over class very fast. I was the intelligent one and he was the class clown. Mind you he was a clown but very intelligent since this time the class was actually picked on grades and not merely random things. Still, the ocasional moron got through. Probably a boot-licker that got good grades.

So, anyways, I met Joseph again. Obviously this time everything was different. I had different interests all together and wasn’t gonna pretend liking his personality anymore. Real shock to his system. My only goal was being Nichole’s friend, but it was gonna be difficult since he was already there. I had to come up with a plan to do so. Luckily, I had a cousin in her same class. She was dumb as fuck. Like a total moron. But she was the key to everything. See, Naomi was friends with Alexandra, who was Best friends with Nichole. Everybody knows a girl is more close to a friend if it’s a girl, right? So I started spending time with Naoi just to have an excuse to inject myself into that circle of friends and bypass Joseph altogether. This really got under his skin. lol

By the end of the first month I was already friends with Nichole through Alexandra, and Joseph was starting to get into second plane. Obviously cause I was more social and didn’t talk about religion every 3 days or so. It was a pain because to this day I still don’t like Alexandra as a friend. She was just a puppet in my scheme. I think I just wanted to get rid of Joseph just cause I felt outside. You know, typical white girl teen motivation for destruction.

Nichole almost completely pushed Joseph away and we became great friends, but it backfired so hard. She called for me one morning in the middle of class. It was weird, she sat in the end of a hall way and said she had something to tell me. “I tell you this because you’re the only person I trust right now to tell.”, she said. She had something terrible happen to her 2 years prior. I felt like the weight of the world was put on me. We weren’t that close, or so I thought, for her to tell me something so terrible. But I knew it wasn’t a lie. She wasn’t sad at all, she was just venting her most inner thoughts to me. And, in the midst of that horrid story I think was when I fell for her. Cause why would you open up to someone like that for no reason? (this is where it starts to get the cheesiest, you’ve been warned. lol) That’s when her green eyes weren’t just green eyes, they were starting to sparkle when I saw them. Her blonde hair went into slow motion when the wind went through it. “Oh fuck.” I thought to myself that night. “I fucked up hard.” But I wasn’t gonna break a friendship, specially now that it morphed. It was like I thought of it as carbon and suddenly I was holding a diamond. Little did I know that I morphed too. I had my first palpitation, just like the Grinch when the Whos are starting to sing. https://youtu.be/p8J-YmVs1j0?t=94

Whatever compelled her to tell me I don’t know and I don’t want to know. I low key wish she hadn’t.

Fast forward to the end of first semester, I had already told her I liked her more than a friend. She was kinda talking to another guy whom I teased her was her bf but she wouldn’t admit for a good while. The guy was a creep, already in university, and looking for gullible girls. We had a conversation and we agreed we’d stay friends since I didn’t want it to be weird between us in our circle of friends. I was so wrong.

By the beginning of the next semester not only did she say she loved me more than a friend, she was going through her own thing with her bf at the time. Obviously she loved him too but it was “tearing her apart”. I honestly think she had a problem with letting go of him cause she’d tell me in great detail about her sexual experiences. Now, I didn’t necessarily like hearing these. They raised a major red flag for me, I think mainly cause I was jealous. But mostly cause I’m not into this cuckold lifestyle. I can put a word to the feeling now, but back then I didn’t even know what a cuckold was. And I don’t necessarily think it applied to me since we weren’t an item, everyone in high school thought we were. Guess she liked the attention. Long story short, I ignored the red flags. Soon enough she was sending me pictures and videos that were not exactly friendly. I’ll admit I enjoyed them, she knows.

The boyfriend soon caught wind of the school gossip and sent me a few messages. “Friendship isn’t love.”, “get on your lane.”, “you better stop talking to her.”. Things like that he said, much worse ones too. But I could only laugh. How much do you lower yourself to a high school kid who undermines your “manly hood” to get him out of your girlfriend’s life? “Pathetic.” I thought to myself. She probably promised him she stopped talking to me, you know, the usual. But nothing could be farther from the truth. Honestly, I don’t know if it was love, I think it more as infatuation. But I even took clases twice (passed both times with A+) just to be with her, help her with her school work,etc. One day she was nervous and asked me to accompany her to her ASVAB exam to make her feel confident. “But I didn’t study.” I replied. Whatever, she insisted and I went. I passed with a low 50 and she barely got a 9. (second time she did the same thing and I passed with a 58 and she got a 7. reclutes were begging me to enlist. lol)

Anyways, things got very complicated. I didn’t know what I was getting into. The guy wasn’t giving up. She wasn’t letting go of either of us. I certainly was up for the challenge.

12th grade. Senior year. When I’m supposed to shine. I had taken all the advanced exams, passed. I didn’t want advanced Spanish so I declined the offer to be in it. Specially since I hated the teacher so much. John was in my class, etc.

At this point I made two friends in my class, Yolanda and Gloria. Yolanda was very outward. She had no care in the world and was very truthful towards everything. Nothing would get past her. Gloria was of pure heart. They became my best friends slowly. (they were already friends between themselves) I can’t exactly remember who messaged who first but they were my pillars through rough times. Specially Gloria cause she got the goodness in my heart out. I was more emotionally intelligent because of her. Yolanda was inspiring because she would call me out on my bullshit whenever I fucked up. I’m glad I was friends with them at the time.

Being Nichole’s friend had an emotional toll on me. A lot had happened. Joseph got so jealous and annoyed by me that he told my mom I was a wrecker. lol That I was ruining a young woman’s life and breaking her relationship with another man. See, he knew I wasn’t that close to my mom and that’d she’d drop the hammer immediately. It was emotionally disheartening but not to the point where he was successful in separating us. Its that feeling you get when you’re one against the world basically. Many would crumble, but I only got stronger with the challenges (thanks to Yolanda and Gloria mostly). By then I had sent Nichole (and this is the sappy part) purple roses. For no reason really. It wasn’t her birthday, or valentines day, nothing. I just felt like it. To give it a twist I sneaked in a plastic one and wrote on the card “until the last one dies. -Initials”. Obviously that won me major points cause I was smooth af. Then I gave her a ring, with a heart, “yours forever.” or some cheesy shit I told her, etc etc. I was her person throughout, and despite my feelings I was wise enough not to actively leave. I just knew I could easily compete cause the bf was a knuckle head. Yolanda and Gloria showed me I had to make a choice cause I was gonna either wreck both of us. I made a pro’s and con’s list for the very first time.

something big happened. It was my shot at breaking them. But I couldn’t pull the trigger. While my heart said I should stay a bit longer, I had realized that I could win, but it wasn’t the right way of doing so. Would make our relationship based on emptiness and why would I be with a person that’d fall so easily to roses and rings. Just wasn’t what I wanted.

“I’m second to none.” became my mantra. I told Nichole I couldn’t be with her anymore. It was a total shock. Nobody expected it. I hated the grin on Joseph’s face cause he thought it was his doing. But I just let him think it was so I didn’t have to deal with him later on. I stopped talking with the whole circle altogether. Everyone asked what had happened between her and I, obviously I’d take it to the grave. She tried to approach me a few times in highschool but I just brushed her off. Nobody knows exactly what we did or said and to be honest it’s all childish. Highschool is a time where you think you’re so untouchable but you’re dealing with minor stuff.

Years later Nichole messages me again (she had me blocked because of the boyfriend), she went through stuff that was unimaginable. Her boyfriend cheated on her, she broke up with him like a year before we talked. Her mom was crazy but got really wack when she knew Nichole had broken with her bf. Nichole had to take a bike to university cause her mom wouldn’t give her the car. At that point she hit Nichole and was getting pretty bad. To the point Alexandra had to intervine and take her home. Nichole’s mom even talked with the boyfriend to get him to propose despite him being a piece of shit. (which I don’t want to say “I told you so.” but, I told her so.) I say this cause it’s basically public knowledge, I don’t use their names, and obviously I didn’t promise not to tell.

As an adult now I write this to get it out of my system, and I’ll tell you why.

(the real reason I write this) Recently I’ve made a good friend. We met through another person and we became friends slowly, mostly because I was intrigued. You probably know what I’m saying, that history is repeating itself and I’ve just recently realized.

I was talking with Felix and suddenly his friend comes into chat. I didn’t even know she was a female until later on. But we clicked in humor instantly. Bunch of Austin Power memes. I really liked talking with her. I approached and slowly we became friends. Now, I stopped talking with Felix cause he turns out to be a very sensitive person about humor and blocked me. Which is fine, I don’t care for sensitivity at all. Probably a misunderstanding, but I didn’t care enough for him to try.

Sandra is a very closed person, I think she’s gone through a tough life and that’d made her close off to a lot of people in an emotional way. She reminds me of, well, me before this whole situation. Now, this is post all the shit I went through and I’m very open about emotional talk and helping each other out. But she’s resilient to opening herself to people.

A year later she starts to bloom and finally starts to let me into her mind. She’s all tough outside but she’s just all gooey like most people. I like that she’s selective and I was honored she’d let me be her friend.

Now, it’s no secret I like her. I don’t actively tell her but the sly comment here and there makes it obvious. Unless she’s secretly blind. lol

Honestly, she’s a 13/10 and went through a lot of body image issues like most people. But I told her to look at herself through someone else’s eyes. You guessed it, her bf. And I didn’t care for it. I told her communication is a key factor in a relationship and that she needed to talk with him more often about deep stuff to get reassurance. At this point I’m still blind at what’s happening. I mean, I only see her as a friend and am giving her advice to get her through some tough times.

Fast forward to recent times and she’s now broken up with him. Obviously things happened behind curtains that I know little of or am not allowed to say. But I think she’s happier now. She’s finally a full on Sunflower and doesn’t take no for an answer. (though I think she likes lilacs more)

My problem lies in what I’m about to say. We’re at that point where she’s very liberal now in our conversations. Nothing where she clearly goes through boundaries but she’s definitely blurring the lines. My male brain, being as basic as it is, will definitely take it as a mixed signal. God knows I love her selfies and she brightens my day. But I don’t want what happened with Nichole to happen again, specially when she lives so far away and I can’t actually act if I catch feelings. Yes, I admit I like her, but it’s nothing sexual nor romantic at the moment. Specially cause I keep clear boundaries for us. I don’t mind when she’s liberal in our talks (wow. I sound so old when I say that.) but I don’t want to catch feelings for someone I know doesn’t reciprocate them nor I want to be the “Lord knows I like a good challenge.” guy again. If I catch feelings and get cocky I’m bound to have a clear shot. I’m just so afraid I’d go through the same thing and have to sacrifice myself for her well being.

Like, for example, she sent me a picture recently and said “since you don’t have Instagram.”. I was suspicious, I’m sure she posted it somewhere, I just didn’t see it. I don’t believe she’s trying to do me harm, but my best intentions are clearly not in mind since I don’t need to see her that way. Specially when I told her she was blurring the lines.

I think I might have to cut ties with her for the time being. Just so I can get my point across and get my stress in control. It’s the second time I’ve had a panic attack because of this and I don’t want to stop talking to her. Just wish she’d understand the harm I went through. Problem is she doesn’t really open to my venting, so I guess I’m starting to realize this is a one way friendship.

I don’t know. I’m struggling to grasp her point of view whilst trying not to hit the big red button and just destroy the bridges before the enemy crosses.

I’m weird. lol

Any advice?

#advice #love #friendship #story #boundaries #ptsd

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