therapy yesterday went well but i also mostly didn't feel anything at all. it's always. weird. when i give her more detailed accounts of my childhood abuse/trauma/all the shit that went on and can actually look at her face (i often can't if i'm being all emotional tm) and she looks very sad.
not in a "i pity you" way but in a "i genuinely care and i'm sorry you had to go through so much shit" way. i know it was bad and horrible, i am just not used to people actually giving a fuck about me and seeing my abuse as something bad that was done to me instead of "well you are a horrible person so it is your fault people did that to you".
Ranni has every reason to hate Marika. She is the figurehead of an order that has caused her and her family so much misery… and yet, in the Age of the Stars ending cutscene, Ranni holds Marika’s head with such gentleness. It feels less like Ranni is putting down a tyrant, and more like she’s laying her to rest, after many long years of torment.
Ranni could have been Marika’s successor, but she rejected the guidance of the Two Fingers, slaying her own flesh in order to be rid of their influence:
“But I would not acquiesce to the Two Fingers. I stole the Rune of Death, slew mine own Empyrean flesh, casting it away. I would not be controlled by that thing.”
Ranni goes to such drastic lengths because the most intolerable thing possible to her is to be a pawn; her will not being her own, but being at the mercy of a higher power. Ranni’s quest is above all about free will – it culminates with Ranni using the Fingerslayer Blade to tear her Two Fingers into bloody ribbons, at long last giving her full control over her own destiny.
Marika in the present day is a prisoner held in perpetual torment. According to Enia and the Two Fingers,
"Queen Marika is the vessel of the Elden Ring, carrier of its vision. A god, in truth. But after the Elden Ring's shattering, she was imprisoned in the Erdtree. A grim punishment for shattering the Order, despite her godhood. The Fingers speak... "Marika's trespass demanded a heavy sentence. But even in shackles, she remains a god, and the vision's vessel.”
Marika shattered the Order, going against the will of the Two Fingers, and was punished for it gravely. In many ways, Marika’s fate is Ranni’s absolute worst nightmare. This is exactly the fate she took such drastic lengths to escape… serving a higher power with her entire being, her will not her own, but the will of the Fingers, with any attempt at change met with violent suppression, her body essentially being used as a puppet to defend the last vestiges of the Order.
“I would not be controlled by that thing.”
I think that Ranni, seeing Marika’s broken body at the end of it all, felt nothing but pity for her in that moment, despite everything she’d done. To me, the act of Ranni holding Marika’s head in her hands feels like she’s saying, “you were my enemy. But there is no worse fate in this world than what you suffered. Now, you can be truly free."
I'm constantly thinking about when gideon helped ianthe off the table in htn. you literally can't stop gideon from helping girls get from one place to another no matter who it is. if mercy had looked a little helpless right after she stabbed that sword through harrow gideon would have paused after removing the sword to help her fight off some resurrection beasts too. it's her Achilles heel
“Medium height, stocky build, ashy blonde hair that falls in waves over his forehead.”
“For the first time, I look at him and realize that ablaze with the fake flames, he is dazzling.”
“He looks so clean and healthy and beautiful.”
“Then Peeta’s there looking handsome in red and white, pulling me off to the side.”
“I like to watch his hands as he works, making a blank page bloom with strokes of ink…”
“I also become a little fixated on his eyelashes, which ordinarily you don’t notice because they’re so blonde. But up close, in the sunlight slanting in from the window, they’re a light golden color and so long I don’t see how they keep from getting all tangled up when he blinks.” (girl you’re obsessed)
“My eyes travel up to where the flames licked across his forehead, singeing away his brows but just missing his eyes. Those same blue eyes that used to meet mine and then flit away at school. Just as they do now.”
Katniss describing Gale:
“Gale does look striking in the uniform, I guess.”
i cannot stop thinking about when cameron told foreman she and chase had sex and foreman was like “ house would do wilson before you would do chase . “ and cameron was like “ no , you would do house and wilson before i would do chase “ girl what did you mean . what did you mean .
I know "I'm not bad anymore" is an instant classic, but I'll tell you, "meow" has got to be the highlight of the whole episode for me. I love it when Brennan uses "and you see" to set up a single word of dialogue.